74
	Headquarters 1st Brigade Enrolled Militia,
		District of Memphis.
		    Memphis, Tenn., July 24.th 1864.
Dear Friend Emma.
		     Your Communica-
-tion of 13.th June came to hand a
day or two ago. and it is indeed
needless for me tosay _ Caused me
tofeel Extremely bad _   So bad
Emma that I Can never forgive
myself for my Conduct towards you.
     I did not intend to neglect you
as I have seemed to _ But the facts
are Emma my health is _ and has been
miserable all the Spring. So bad
that all ofmy friends _ have been
almost Entirely neglected.    Since I Came
into the Army I have Contracted that
fatal disease Consumption _ which
bids fare to Cut my life short unless
Something Can Speedily be done _ The 
Constant Exposeure _ fatigue _ &. danger
has been Entirely too much. for my
Physical organization _ and were it

not for the fact that I now have
the best medical Attendent in the
United States _ I would resign and
go home _
     Dear Emma _ I dont never Expect to
be married _ It were folly in the 
Extreme to think to think ofsuch a
thing for me _ while in my present Con-
-dition _ 	
ForGod sake Emma _ do not
thinK that I [illegible in original] your affections
to trample upon them, and make you
miserable _ for I swear by my hope
ofHeaven I had no such intentions _
I did thinK I loved you deeply de-
-votedly &.sincerely when in your society _
But achange Came over my Spirits
last summer when reports told me
that you were so intimate with
JamesGowdy _ OfCourse I could not
nor would not Censure or advise
you at that time _ for I greatly preferred
that the woman whom I married
Should pass through Every ordeal

Calculated to test her affections _
     ‘Tis true I told you I had
no objections toyour Keeping Com-
-pany with him _ for I preferred
that You Should be thrown among
as many Young men as possible
that I might the better test &. try
your love for me _ Emma I receivd
letters from people in Chickaming
who told me that if you were my
betrothed You were decidedly too in-
-timate with “Jim”. Do not think that
I Censure you _ for today I think
I am more deserving of that than
you _    But those letters did Cause
me todoubt you _ and as a Con-
-sequence _ my love abated in the same
ratio.  Until your last was received
I had thought that you did not
love me as dearly as when we
parted _ and I should have answered
your letters in a different strain
but I hoped _ that if you were true
to me _ you would find some one

whom you would love better than
me &. by these means I might spare
your feelings _
		Emma It pains me
towrite toyou thus _ but it were much
better that we understand Each other before
further damage is done _ Censure me
Emma _ Condemn me in the strongest
terms _ for I now feel that I have wronged
you _ I am very sorry _ God Knows I
am _ and I am willing to make any
reperation in my power _ will you forgive
me Emma? Will you forget me forever?
I am not good Enough for one as good
as you _ But for God sake do not
think that I did not once love you
or think that I loved you for I can
record a solemn oath that my intentions
toward you were honorable – You
shall Know more some time
     Believe me still
	  Your true friend
		“Mark”