RADIO COMEDY: snx ORIGINAL ILLUSTRATIVE ~

SCRIPTS

Thesis. for the Degree of M. A. _ ‘
MICHIGAN STATE UNIVERSITY
GREGORY DONALD ST EMEN
1972

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ILLUSTRATIBE SCEIITS

By
Gregory Dane Stow”

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OI nuorIc .n huxcr r; abriof 131 ut‘cory of 003213 programs in the

Golden Age of E3310; V30 cri3inal radio 603333 drama scripts
with aocsmpanying h30k3round and an 31"ses; two original
radio cowowj v: Iriety scripts w 331 aooon;33nying backgroufld
and analyse3; and two original modern raLio comedy scripus
with accompanying analyses.

The major finding of this thos is is in the f01~m of

the six 33110 comedy 80? pts. Thc 03o so13.pt3 are written

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from analyses of actual
an undors t’mn 33 of comedy 833 Ituxor t-rn 12198 used by
American radio 60333‘

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loss Oi radio byunflarfi to to iticiLn 133 b0 the cc Aicil

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.cthces OI study included LlSt Mn D: to .roadcast

reccr'Ine‘ and readings on hu:.:w and early radio history.

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The accuracy of the ass yses of the radio ccmady pregrams
was enhanced by listenin3 to actual pro3rcn recordings that
were broeic‘st recently on radio or heard f1.m re cords or
»815.i0 tccrs cI curl” radio broadcasts. T3333 of comedy,

humor teehnimgics, hrmcr cc mLt, and az“co~e scpesl t-.’ere

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notm of p:”: 3rcms and ccrysrcd to the othor progrsLs in the
sfiuo or lifitiint cs13e3ci ios, th> categozics of re dio coma dy

“33313 CCLorcl V3ri*:y, .caccy Varictr, 3L3 cmcdy Drama.
Those bro. 3 lcsst soalysos were supplemented by critiqu es and
discussions of radio comedy, radio histor", ard liumor by
the co "°*13 them wlvcs, breadcasti n3 historidas, pr03 -ram
critics, and scholars in the art of humor. The data and
analyses were then used as a background for writing the six
rad io coznedy scripts. The rationale of ccmcdy writing
techniques used was recorded to accent: ry tfie scripts.

The end of the Golden Age of Radio Cfiomcdy marked the
end of a great period of American.humor. T1113 thesis

analyzes the “3dio conedj huLw rand proposes a rebirth of

EADIO 03133:: Six chezugr

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Department 0f Televiovon and Radio

1972

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Thanks to .10: :22? Artaur szld fer his W ti:nca
mi assistance; 10 the IM rt.;nt of Tel 61151 2n and Radio
for use of ths Auaio T8?n 12.01-0 Archive of Broadcasting

History; 21d to I 10m and D2d for nrkL gall of his possible.

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statement of fa ot frczn a cornstnte exeozztive about his work?
From a Texan oil millionaire? From on ECVV“"S hg agen y
presiccnt? F263 2 colleee JPOfOSSOP? Possibly. Believe it
or not, these S€VL’ n words portray a pest e:i.io comeaian's
attituic t"a,d his work: 0212 of the greatest mirth “asters
who etc r fired \Jr L132ys of volatile vocs wit an? humor at

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not be goner ralisei as egplying to all in his field. "ein-
1y no business will deter Jack Benny if t‘risre is a gold mine
involved. Re dio ceineoy in the Golden Age of hadio did not
simply hoppe n to be at the end of a rainbow fOr millions of
Americans to enj y. Radio comedy grew Witll its medium,

sometimes peinfully and 223 stardly, but it 2*ew to its full-

3

grown glory in an ago now dotdo~the Golden Age of Radio.

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The meaning of “The Golaei Age of Radio" is perhaps
vague. For this writing the Golden Age of; indie is the age
of growth and success in early American ra &:.o history
between 1922 and 19G9. In reference to tlie Goloo n Age of

Radio Ccsedy, the specific dates the author hat 3 chosen are

 

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1“The Woxld‘ s N orst Jv' 3101," T12;, April 7, 19G7,

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“The I ri: st icol, to June 26, 19H9, the last trip down
radio's “Allen's Alley“ on “”he Fred Illv: n Show.“2 Radiofls
use, of course, dutes cxcre 1920 in us: in point-tempo
coe'znicscion anvil on on o"“cr’ncr 31 or n319trur bssis; it
date 5 beyond 19“9, but only is s declinln medium of live
enter sin mnt CC‘n'“'d to television. The Golden Age of
Radio ise motelgic reference to memories of a period of
An crican hi tory t?; at producze d 8 me of the are next st mas o; cs

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of the air waves in emi oztss ‘nrcnt end infer.-tlon the
Americans have hssz‘d or seen in the tJentieth centui ry.

This s primarily e creative analysis hesis, rsthc
th: in a historical or scientific study of radio comedy in
the Golden Age cf Radio. The l;sic ri‘woss of this ,ryetiVi
thesis is to denonstn ste an un -r‘.t01cin" of the techniques,
the style, and the content of American humor in conedy
prcvrems of the Golden Age of Radio by practical applies tion
of that understanding in the form of six original radio
comedy scripts. Four script' are written as examples of the
Golden Age of Radio Comedy: no comedy dress scripts,
"Amos 'n' Andy“I and "Lum and Abner,” and two comedy variety
scripts, “The Edger Bergen and Charlie thaLrthy Show" and
“The Jack Iienny Show." The first three scripts a: e written

as if for use so:tetime in the Golden Age of Radio,

 

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Charlie thcrthy Show“ is e shortened h2.f~henr Version of

the actual hour-long version of the “021': and Senbcrn Hour“

to porni a more cond:nood study of thor in that show.

Al hough the first three scripts are written as they n2ight
have been then, "The Jack Benny Show" is revised somewhat as
a script intended to be se-d icuod on radio, if that were
possible. The helfwhcnr script is, in this case, really to
shows in one, r"ciuoe it is a Jack Benny Radio Special
tribute to Fred Allen. In the how Jeck visits "Ille M‘
Alley,” as the 12

Two fifteeewminuto original modern scripts are to
demonstrate an understanding of hing? as a practice
applicetion of that understeiding to pilot radio comedy
scripts for possible current use. ’heir style and content
were determined by what the author decided would possibly be
successful as re ad lo entertainnont today.

The four old radio comedy precrcns se elected for this
work (including their stars), are, in tie author's Opinion,
the best representatives of Golden Age of Ra Mi comedy
programs. Of comedy in the three main kinds of radio pro
grams (general veriety--"The Big Show“ or “Kraft Music Hall,"
comedy vericty--"The Fred Allen Show" or “The Chase and
Sanbcrn HOLW ," and comedy drone-“Wenos 'n‘ Andy" or "Easy

Aces"-—these referring to radio programs with comedy), ~omedy

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we ‘est e"**“'as of oc**‘v in each of EKCI.’C t o (lttficrl s
of I: one to 35y projroms are unto in thls ornlyois. Underm
stand that the ceroral vcr ety outscory was, in feet, a
source of Ecol comedy end humor; however, in the outh 1sora
judgement the :rogroms were not irtended by their producers
Specifically for regular, con istcnt, vvwhlv com m1y sketches
and rcu P185. Coreov wee not t‘ocir pz1znory entertainment
theme--veriety was.

The eclectic n of these best comedy programs in the

Golden Age of E3 dio has based on stiff selection criteria

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in the cmec

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r drama and comedy variety cats . First,
program po apulerity. Second, length of time the program was
on re C.io. ,tulrr, the tel:nt of the Jrogroms= star s) or
host(s), as recognized by historical critics or by fallen
comedians. Feta th, the comic talent of guest stars or the
cast of the program.' Fifth, tile conedy material used in the
program: originality, delivery, style, technique, and
degree of difficulty to produce fresh, funny material each
day or week. Sixth, the general reactions of people who
heard the actual broadcasts of programs in each category.
Seventh, as a member of the audience of prozrems studied in
each categoz y via listening to tape recordirgs of actual
broadcasts, my own judgement.

Perhaps a vzricd pe.relle1 to the Os: r or Emmy Awards

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may help here. The audios? s for he d stihction of being

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of hSQLO div: “L35 ’3‘ “may, “guy whochs, uTehuie and

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"Joe Penner,” "Easy A035," and “Fibb3r Hche and Holl'."
May I have the envelc :, plcoco And the winners 3re:
'Ukmrs 'n' Ahiy" end “Lem era Asher. The nominees for :est
cemedy variety program in the Golfien Age of Radio are:

"The Al Jolson Show,“ "The Phil Harris Story“ "T118 Abbott

and Cos tel.Lo Shiv," “33 Hymn, Texas Fire Chief Show,"

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Allen Shot.“ II ey I h3ye the envelope, please? And the
winners are: "The Eager Bergen and Charlie McCe r hy Show'
”The 30k Benny Show," and "The Fred Allc n Show."

All full length re dio cc medy scripts_1n this work
are om‘i inel appli ca etions of comolcttd stufiy of radio comedy
and humor in the G013 n Age of Radio do 110 for this thesis.
Although 9 me hits to Iicel information is included, the practi-
cal analysis of the humor in radio comedy is the core of
this work. Sin;e a ph"ese by p1 mr easelysis of each comedy
script eeuld detract from the 3 rt 01 r.dio comedy, this

work's analyses aiseuss relevant 33H hr" 0: humor elements

and tee? niques.

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hijtar Um: will $153233 histszy, *himgcteristics,
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the Goldtn Age of HaLiO Cfime

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matter, can possibly have a sense of h1m20r after we've
elmos t all gone through WU oh a ru: 9 introli otien to the world
as babml 3. Really, the nerve of those doe :ns giving us a
slap on the poste=ri01 to make us or". The least éocters
could do, is to te 11 all newborn rnoies the one about why
the chicken "“h‘S&J the real. Perhaps a healthy guffaw with
a newborn baby’s first 'eath YfOIfl 1 gite the tsor little
ch31) at least a decent out look on life. The baby may cry

anyway or give the doctor a nasty
with such a ChC esp joke right off

fellow knows a better one. Surel

The old men will certainly need 5

first words are why the chic} con 0

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. q. ‘ ‘ "‘, .V4‘”- \ J. u ‘ J \ . .y - .1. . r- . 3:- 7‘. .f . ,‘ .- :< - ' .1
alzeou;1 Lune possibility newt 231Ll1nly exiais. Any
I l a . vI ~-, . r a‘ q }- ~. : A. I r - , ‘--‘ - ‘4", P- . -I.,-. 'V , ' t. ’_ [73“ ' . ”....- IV‘ . .
humoreab eeueuurles can plans tne LCiltEdl Campuny for this

notion. Kit is defined as ”the abilit" to relate SGBL ingly
dLEpal rate hifgs 80 as to illumine“e or amu”e. “5 "And the
iriter Artlur Leestler reminas us that 'wit' is traceable
to the Old Englieh giijg or ‘u‘311staueiuw ““6 Com; fly is

"a theatrical, film, reflio, or televieien C'wna of ligklt and

.‘

. ’ -n , ‘ 5-. r. - r- ,” J—g, Q J. . r‘.“\'.’\"' ““K ... -: M
)lne caeveeter ane “talc llw' ith a heyyj ehiifléu or

L.) ' “

a m U.

f

"a 1L die1‘ 018 or farcical event or series of events.“7 To
laugh is ”to show mirth, 303, or SC em with a smile and
chuckle 012.1,losive sound“ 03:" “to find. 2;.1s'er',1011t or plea-e ure
0 hese Gefinitions may be helpful in subse-
ougnt éis cussinn.

Jesse Bier, Professor of Amerm en Literature at the

University of Hentana, briefly disovsses some interesting

ps3chol.ogice '1 theories of laughter. Frezz ch phiIOSOpher

 

! . \
Aaessc Bier. ”H“ P*“1 1“” Fi“ ciliwérigsfieflymex

VA! 3‘”.

(New YorL: Holt, Kine“; t a.n1~ 1etua), p. 11.

 

5Htht0?'S, p. 1025'

éBier, gmmgg, p. 11.

.—-—.-.

7‘0“” ”wt“: P0 165

m1"-‘ .—- -..-I

81b311., p. M77.

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laughi:r i? "be a tili1-r‘ccv f'ea 1 eicneiiuy iiLtlf: e

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IL‘ ‘. p ' o '. I - O l‘ J.‘- .0. 'fi ’3

catculng mg belatedly Wiufl use c tenlih .9

Lou~“tei can be a result 01 hi]: er; for ~2emple, when

that humor is east of comedy. Presideit Wilson offered

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hey Irwin, one 21 the tc; caught:

he

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tiolio of Secretary of Laughter." May's theory of humor

:3

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was ‘hus:

It is been with one or it,

Emma: is Spgntoh 0U . y,
n r( id and it C3 MOB 03 iorcm AJ

8
not. It 0: nn'b be at ui
One meya ‘ppcaise this tidbit in recellirg the famous Benny-
Alleni 1’atzd, Edna? Pergen's always fired wit, the comic genius
of s. C. Fields, or Bob Hope's fleshy volleys of gags. Their
humor may safely be “ll ds mt zec13 The successful
spontaneous humor of gree ts nezlcew seedians did not, how—

ever, grow Spontaneously ove Their cwra Cher: cteristic

U

*5
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brand of humor grew like the wetar of a mighty river going to

 

9Bizr,}{ w'o", 3,. 15-16.

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foo by td* Luti-Lts (tritx:.LW ), crossir; rs; as on; great

. ‘ . ‘ . -. . f 1 w . Mi - ,r :_. ..
Spills (losing a sponsor or iosing e netnorh), ilcoiing or

' ‘ '. - j.‘ ‘ 1'1 3“” ' I‘ ~ 1‘. .'- 1- 1,40 a“: -‘ :w \ r I \r .Y (
going any tits tne sensors (Uonlly CL ouiPtJ-hjfln seeks)

.

and Hi olly mzajs: :ticslly flowing as a great river in all its
grandeur (consistently i311 hcouerrti gs) down to its final
destination, the sea (a fond memory of many M orice us and

a berth in the annals of history). The nrest radio comedians

\J

:0

nurtured their inherent Sionmanship id hL;mor in various ways

{1)

s tlm y grow in sopul Lirity: H. C. side and Fred Allen es
jugglers in veufieyille, Basic Cantor as a singing waiter,

n in'Uorli War I (one of the best

5 “€-

Ja mg B=n'.iy r"‘in‘ his Viol

continental Cofens~s over so Vic ed), Edgar Errata as a higli

H.

school ventr ilo u st, will Rogers as a vaudeviilion com: soy,

Freeman 608 do nd Charles Correll ezoto tsining en Elks
meeting, or Bob Hope as a boxer.
"The general impulse of our humor is to enjoy life's

onquest over all particula systems of values.”1 Humor

can cross almost any human barrier that men erects to protect
himself. Humor innocently slithers behind the humen fortress
of emotions with high in regneble wells of hate, anger,
prejudice, injustice, poverty, and tension; moreover, instead
of lighting the fuse of a dangerous, highly explosive nega-

tive attitude of the mind protected by these human barriers,

 

11Bier, Eugen, p. 1.

‘lllfl' t’JIII

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lofty, arrogant, Americ an: In li.tical pLs ts percho and

{:24
pm;

liigfi

7":

mighty in their gla ss-lott cm to «moron5rd in their
almighty and virtuous fishponds of marsh gas. As they pla‘u
idlyd ft stout with ths tide of publicc p111 licn, a comedian
mosquito fleet mercilessly noraués the flailing demagogues
wit 11 rezor- h rs, leths barbed Spcsrs sipped in a Lotent
potion of ponct“rtirs humcr Senator Clsuncrn would un1oubt—
edly he in the flag.LiL, which natunelly would fly the Stairs
and Bars. Consider the corps Me twcoons, network executives,
the military, salesmen, tramps, dissi5e nts, eccentrics,
mothers~in- law, or wives. No hurnan verity or ins‘ titution can
long escsbe the wrs .th of a comedien's humor. This humor puts
a mirror to America 11d wryly M ks, "well, what do you see?"
The ensuing chortles register the conedian's accomplished
miss ion. Humor, then, is not only a check and balance on

Mt titui ions of human vanity, but also the intrinsic psycho-
logical check and balance of the human mind. Humor has been,
is, and should be regarded as a healthy, healing Spirit

in mankind.

 

”iii-:52. ’ p. 2 .

121.,

 

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{...}

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Q

sick as a spy. 1' ve 113d a c019 in Ly nose," or he refers to

(\

J— . :‘ .... -- 'C ‘ a» , .«A ‘1- fl. r‘ A C‘
bonus C Jan‘s helkcxs es “buocrdiLaLe t aUSGb. second,

reverscl~C’"o.i -tion, whish makes something simple,c ewnlc

SD

clown mJ\l%@ a pis“o to its piano bench. Or, reversal who:

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then hear a s1=1ct from outside and quickly respond, “We're

.. . Q r'v ~.‘ :1 1;. , , - .. , 1. .1\,. v" .",-- ‘ 3‘
coming!' lfllflu, no «ngocs: Libbey MCUJG Oybfllflg the he ll

0
'4

closet, or ViSL Lully seei M an overflowing Lashing machine

(as long as it isn't 3Wour a). Fourth, xeggeration or sheer
nonsense: a combination of fruswtr tion and complication.
For example, “He suffered fr02'n a tOOtlk“ she in his big toe
after he bumped his olbo .4 ageilist tb e h.c tskillet.” Fifth,
antic, abs m°d comic free dom: a lack of regard to natural
consequences or rational judgeant. For example, the impos~
sible antics in children's cartoons of falli n3 off a cliff
and walking away or we king on air (radio's ”Su138r man").
Sixth, momentum: keeping the jokes or humor cons ently

n

~.‘=..di~.311.co. bee-11th,

U1
’1)

,.

moving forrsvt at a pace to hsld one'

the statencut of truth: siwply holding a mirror to one's

 

 

Ill.“- ’I‘jllll

13

The anther adls two more ingred1ents; verbei Gentle,
such as in the f3me1s Jsc:k “canynfred fillsn feud, and
chsrseaer huxer, as in ”fines cn' Aniy” eni “sum and noner,
that cemes from audience understanding 0: a character's
inherent huaor end v~v en1lity 1r of hes a characte? may act
in a certain sitzation. For example, people l"ifi}:d at
Andy “eying, ”Buzz he, Miss Blue," bc°uuse they recsgnized
Andy as the ersreet r who h1c d en int1rcem 1 1e to his secre-
tary that only worked frorn }1is secretary to undy.

" 9 q

Bier cites a list of leading medes e11 devices of

-

humor in Americsn comedy: nonsense, cenfusionism, reversal,

1

entiCi‘ i1: ex, entiproverhialism, and undercutting. Bier re—
marks tliat t1se indirete the P130 minsntlv negative, pene-
4’}

. fl *3-‘ . . ‘ _~ . i. 1
tretike teneencies throng mxut its hi t1 rm Lonsense,

{'3
(‘3:-
...-lo
I

5:'
(T)
Q

proverbialism, and ccnfusionism are selfucxpl eatery as
in Americc' 1n comed‘. Reversal is one of the ingredients of
humor already described. Anticlimax is periodic cox ic dis-
qualification Operating in final words. Undercut ting, less
frequent in our comedy, is simply initial disqualification.
A result of combined anticlimax and undercutting is thus:
"If I had some eggs, we d eat ham and eggs, if I had some
ham."15

Considering tm1se ingredients, techni ues, and

 

 

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1

Our p1% es nt perio in American hi‘t ery, then, is
not fertile ground for humor. The racial tension, war
worries, using convroversy, and economic crisis hardly
foster an essm ed or highly objective mooa. "Comedy seizes
its grand opport~3it3 bu t does not create it, although there
may be the berest reciprocal releLion.“18 Granted, we do
have humor, but this current period of time will not equal

or perhaps even come close to one of the three great periods

of American humor

 

RADIO CORIDC

of a comedisn's ability to provoke their ceeFinnations. Saws

comedian Harclld Lloyfl:

» - o- -. - n. I." A» — “4“ . - ‘ ‘ a - .
Lut no CGLQCLQH Ls e ~r 333i 0313333 moat w3kes 31
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by Conelifii.o 333433 ast>h.'hi d by 3333133 UH~ mouth
and writxlir” the face.
'5). o - on. ‘.‘ -) ..b‘ o -

No nacttr vh3-t 333 '10? 3 comic uses, he must censider the

H.
U)
.0

audience. Sucees m‘ul comedienne be nny Brice knew th

<3 ri3* Au

If "”3115” Q C'v'lac 3’07} lififlfia its 3 I3.
1*;31rn a (10

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audience has to like you. You knee
about you, because if you -0 “
there is anntAJhe offers ye 3
set up your uui3n3° ior the

{.‘J

.sw "ou must 0
15h you are m'hing ior. “

l-’ .
(L) r3” (3-
r‘ ' 1 j

Strangely enough, comedian will Rogers got his big break in
a straight sta ge cowboy act in vaudeville bwfl not 1.'or1vi gfor
a laugh. During a lull in one of his acts, while he was
twirling a rope on stage, he carelessly remarked, "Swingin'
a rcpe's all right-~if your 180k ain't in it.“ This innoc-
uous remark brought roars of laughter from his audience.

But Hill was embarrassed and vowed never to speak again

 

O
1/Cfll'l’l’l, ”1;;fiiifirf:h I'H‘-?r\3 ’ p. Q.

20
Ty"- a, p. 670

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81%) u1'.1..c £11 111' 1e?" I 11.63 1% 1111121wfi; {1u11s1cn33,
h» r r I —. ".- » V. . uro‘ ‘-£! w Jr”. ,-_ . 1‘ ,n w -.n J. J" ’ ‘ ,-.-.
I 311‘: .‘Jgd'g,’ 3 i ..L U? “ (3., [3,11 11 'x'Ji Lx-l .733 o 531:3- 3.51.! 9 W319- ."f 39-313
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Pnfi~gfl 1T3ycu.mn.raxmyp LS 1am, 1.3“fi1g aha mLJlI
w w ' r'.~'-vv.‘ - .2. ~. . "1 -‘ I J- - , ..1 f g‘ o ' . a, y . o
r1h1yu h1n Luau no 111*“. huuscar, edrfly 1n my matouxic
_ ~r_».1!c l :3. ("I mgunfs ~r1“\ i ."';-I (o‘ .1. ‘ 11r1 9 “:"\ '3 ‘f‘ch -b b3 twna fir rt
C(- L \.' k‘r , G-Ja ‘JCU \ \Iu. \JC. 31.94 b (’rfil («v \JLl ('3‘ K! 1‘ L"; "I .5 Lt$nv O
ltluy1.

A .
315-11 3 UCLA. 1,3102)

-1 to laug}

Xou

can t 051x than, caufit tell thsa Lh1t you‘re
lun:J L11 ss ysu m:is bu :m lechm it. Th1? just hate
to lau~1 nuxz you rent team to. 9?; when d u want tnnm to
CENT, ix} Sf’ l’C‘: fl}. [it 113 11219“ 53113111“'* C11 cr.'t; saw
Cu~h1x211 and FZUVGW as an aufiicnaé. Heat of the.m
eUe unis. ht, FEL albi°zfifi WT t:s1 hes not b3::1 to
LC1L‘S‘;.L 'i’..‘;3,‘ail,g ’ 139,135: :33: 1131:1133 1‘. Til-"4‘ I 312101.131 like
to 11ks than remlizv hen hnnmy blzey 1'414 Le,hgf they

.-. .
Inauld 01.133 just try to gugh, jam? ev3n once.”“

fileir trole cs ana to

O '1

azneuy a.ud1cnce,

did not eppr eciate the wci snsive and sometimes

early history of the medium of ra die. In 18flh,

Horse used his handy telegraph to ask his co-wor

Vail, "”ha t1 math God xxovfiq ?" ’Ebis, of COUrse,

one landmark in communications history.

«312.2 '
LulO Ops

S

tions advancn. meni late , amateur re

 

2113354, p. 12 o

laugh.

perhaps,

“ortuitous

381171181 F. B.

er Alfred

was jLst
cars of communica-

rators and

‘ V" l ”l: ‘1' ”At-9%“ ‘3 n“ ~ 7 V‘" 6 T (1 (*W. " 1’: x ‘ "' fl 1“" '3 '3" “-' "1' J (1‘ "5 .r‘V ' 7-“? 2 f' j T‘ I. ’0 \Y "‘ t J. " 'Y
(.1‘ u;’-.|"~I;T 1'6 ,.J '.¢":»’.' M3 $J.\.; n.3- ’ J-Jx. C’L l-v(.fi L‘.-§-‘cL-n J .11. .T '~'.>-L '-“- 'k’ ‘-' " ..'. c.’..‘. -a.v\l A‘.l ‘- .T ‘1 14:1
‘37? z 12.. '1 f‘ (1"‘W‘W id. '1 h ’3 (T: J' (.3 4.“- : -".". '.' 7-71.?» ‘7." . : ‘1r-‘~ f‘ m ’3 I‘ ’1 f“! 1‘ 1'? "vj~
k3 LLO W Cl'v LVLT-J ‘ ’L --.f:. “h’ >U T‘."\1;L;J.C".l‘-? t‘u‘l U gnu-Ta (..a ~1aL-'«J‘-- EL (filth .1" {KIN-(1

broadcastirg c~pcrations, red: 0 econ basins a :opdlor enter-
Hl Even the rihCzs of Ucrld Var I did not
dsfeat the broadcasting growth. Radio and 1o“-ny clntinuhd
'h the twenties with the public becoming increasu
in.ly fond 01‘ names like the "Hapginess Goya," the “Cliquot
Club Pk Mi os ,“ "A & P Gypsies," H. V. Kaltenborn, Gra1azn
Fondue», and "A303 'n' Andy." But the D1“; ssion 13,1. ed

radio.

A '. - 1”,“ *r’. ro- .
fie di~ ktzc 113.n In1?tl W1N.3 C11 u 1‘ ‘1u 131 p-

3 Vi
x l-
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E

{13(3“
""‘c_}
1.- - 0‘... '-¢ r,’.' ., ,r J' . , '. L.‘ -) .4
i1mh1s1A r 1111., all 1110 13311 fr-‘lo11 1111'1 111121111 , LEM s1J3n1:
' . , m I" 3‘ V‘. o'\ f.- '. 1"" an L. .4 .z; ~I . . f- ‘3 .IV
all-o- CV£112 J .L C .1 r...) I. T“: {9' U .34 .:4 ‘5; '\..II . 111 1‘1}le in k... ‘ ‘(J p:‘# 31* ‘g’. lulu :1. .V; -L 51:),
EW‘Q‘VKV "i '1’" 3-:
a tolllno 1o113.“J

Indeed, it did, because as Bier noted t;m at the thirties
were one of the three grogtost periods in L3em tan humor,
radio cos1edy pla3cd an ineortart port in bringing joy to the
public in a time of adversity and despair.

T “The dominance of comedy and variety on the air at

the lowest ebb of Depression seemed to some observers ex—

actly what was needed.“24 Radio in the thirties provided a
vital link of communication to the public for news, as well
as a voice of faith, hope, and joy. Some peo3le listened
only to speo1.al programs: side -nt Roosevelt‘s fireside

'I

chats or Ted husing broadcasting a he wywei; ”it championship.

 

23.1:1111' 1;)”.II‘V1CJ3A‘1’HM FV Inn“ "1“} P: jar-1'11" : 2": Eli: Qj‘fif::f (‘11:-
C ,3 1g 4-1 v.33, ,, . .. 31,,
EQYXllfligl-*XllL'33JLTWE.LCN,L3;g.ng‘1 ~. 1 l”"l*' L’Z \hEfiJTYCPKK
fl . _. _-.1 “a-..” V

 

\ ~ , ..‘,; ‘1 ‘ (3 '3‘ 'V ‘ 1“ " .v
:LL 3)5. ‘--L Ule. 4 uli 1.1.1. VJ .L‘ .1... a4?) ’ ijLJQ} , iii. giJ'Y‘

)' ’..' Fro
2T_LL§;1., po ‘51)}-

O‘hérs tunei in eseeeisily fer silly or weekly 1i.e-itw£:

“Amos 'n‘ they,“ or “Tern Hell Tani ht.“ Still others rvr~lv
.rched the dial for exciting new or differznt pregrsms

from (Mi tent cl “ear (u.int1 stations. Tr .e P‘fiice of listener

intszest veiizd. Some misses not a word of a favorite

pregrsm, while others simély L”IQ d on the TQQLQ. regardless

of the program, for bee”~rouhl noise for wo~k or play.

Picture a weekder late summe: evening on a Nidwestern
farm. The family firnis Eves supeer after a hard day's work
indoors or outeoors in the hey field in the sweltering summer
heat. The girls cle ear.the table as do the dishes. The b,ys,
if lucky and not too tire d, may play a little game of base-
ball on side in the fe ding sunlight. Pea, hoxever, retires
to the living room with the evening paper, and sits in his
favorites easy chair by the w rd g next to the Crosley rseio
or the BOA Radiole. As a cool breeze from a distant th u.der-
storm begins to rustle the leaves of the large maples outside,
he tunes in WLH Radio, Cincinnati, perhaps to "Lum and Abner."
Those not owning a radio may get on the party line to hear
"Lum and Abner" vie telezflione from someone's home where a
radio is tuned to "Lum and Abner." The static fades in as the
large tubes become warm. The "Nation's Station" comes in loud
and clear. Or, in small or large towns during a casual
summer early evening stroll down any; eeighoeri cod street,
one may hear the entire "Amos 'n' Andy" program from the

sidewalk.

$4. .—

)I‘: * \w‘ .1. / ‘u’t .‘ ‘ é -. 32., u,’ . ,9, ._ ,,,,..3’ "t x Is .
2 1.3-sz136 ' f 1 i’ '41-; ”7"!- 13"...)qu ‘ ‘

free “nezon’f319“ from an ani P ner's
. ‘ ‘ ,

"'I" v-
?“3 3909000 r’flzebt .

qu.."‘ i r‘ '
r;(}' UL!» -{v u .. I x: .. , - ( :J Q ’ ‘ \
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O LX333 .L f; L: .. k» 2.50 53- 7713 1.1 'u E: Le?) ~. 3,, 3.1.1" L 3.: -331. 43‘;- 3.3 1. J. 031'! L 11” i)pL-135L.e-r
- 45-": ‘. 3‘“ " -, 1‘ - u'\ ‘1 ‘ 1"7.‘1 ‘ ‘, .- vv [1" ~'~.- J \ D-I ~ C‘ v: 10““:
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1' 'L- H , ' " f“ 0" r 7 .-- "~. - i; ... ,1. a .1. . L- ~~,- 9-1- Trr‘!
portnawt 33.333 33«3r 33333 33*3 malle::i in. 13331333,
.. -’ u .L . i, L' , n. 3 /. 1‘u. , D» _ a p" 4- '*
810:.ij {v dét‘z f“; '_‘2“:"; (. 3‘91“? 1:}in ‘1‘:\.3:.._3 "try/:11. “A“ 'bj.nLl: mill-1Cyl S.
\)*1()-('},. .4...“ , ‘ -\ .... ,‘. !.. ?'-'t."‘n1;.,‘"_‘. 11 ‘t ‘i? 5').- ’T 3 ff 3. 3 y ',T{‘ I...
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w

t / ‘\"\ MN} t '5 a
of enrzaut 3 fig. L3iln-3 SJLA'MHLOUB 3.:3rc d iwou'se OI
his 3331-3r3.42 '

The fa"fli v r3110 in the thirties sometimes was the most
nor33nt m.i 33 of furniture in the living room or even in

the house.

The Ax3r 333 public was 3p3ndin$ $505, 000, 000 in a
single ycux to “33 =3; e s ’ ‘
= - c

33, mclo 1:123:13, to keep chem
1

I - n l‘ f u; at ,- Q 1 f ‘ I“ L- V. ‘ .
in r3333; 333 to 33_ . ”it;1 33133.3331 current.
r1 “ an -. _. v u . .fl «- ' 9., ‘ "K '. a 4’ "“1 "1 1 _ ' w
ihib 33. 3‘33 Hlih 333,,LCO,333 sxéot ior n‘g3uineg ano
l" ‘— /.l ‘l 2" , ,I ‘ ,F\ . I " " ' '1 r \ N‘ 1" C I‘A ‘
$523,003,330 Sysnt {or DGVCfiJLJES.“V

The family 33mb3rs lietenine 3ni the umber of household

:3

receivers demended on program intlrcst Mid family budget.

‘3 ._ n, ,:.~ .9‘
Lanury notes r33lo's

3

3331 ble imjp ortaloe in the heme: "Of
all American families eighty—four percent owned radios but
only thirty—zine percent had telephones and only thirty~nine
percent had bathtubs."27 This, of course, did not mean a
good radio was better than a good bath in the thirties,
although many little boys may have thought so. On the other
hand, Mama W 3y have thought that "John's Other Wife“ was more

interesting hen the party line gossip.

 

gandry, T731333 Pncpira+1wn~ Pfifii‘j Rnr‘iphg

L’

J~ 0

(Indiana* p31 Booo -hc rrill Cc npany, 1940), p. 139.
6

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1h1o max“ 13 3311103 do 1.12Q Iuban313 1d, 1,.N, 3 , t

\ 1A ‘, ¢ .- l‘ C r .! T H “T -- C'_..--, ”a, p ~' T “3.“ -1 s m .' a /
staga Snow “cm od’u on Lab in hbmo L, 331 JorSey, to June 60,
"‘“ " " ‘ "‘ D" .1 . ‘ . ,-"~ I " ' i‘ H "l. 'n . '1”, .“‘~'.,' 7' | ‘ y A. ' f‘ - ~
19,49 9 L119 l-4".t14 l'ngilO bl\;f.<.‘-.U;.‘.b b O). h I; ‘3 I 1.1211. 12.111311 fluff“! o: ‘1'? 1151'].

’f I. ‘ 1 n r r o: - 1" L- . Ow l 1"" ‘5 .r\‘ 3.". is” "'- ‘H' ‘ - ' n . . ~' ‘ .
3d hyni too; part 13 thau ”fixau' atuga 33o“ oroaocast 1n

.5
:II‘
<l

“J

erfeot Pool" in 1922, he was protably the first genuine

- ..- ~ . -~‘ ~ hott.‘ :lm»: (-1.3 ‘-
comodian to 13 heawa 01 tho alfnwVGS. ’ ‘ n Etro 0313 gave

Ul-cw ..Jv--u:‘l --n~-p.

 

c1-
:3
F“
U)
90
O
:6
t3
(1'

Ed.UEJA aP?TCBCh?i the microohrmfi gingerly. He ‘
lookad at it an 31oiou3ly. Que him“ 0 3 for him to
perform. As with all ryojcssionulw, L3 :as a trifle
nervous. Qho uvr'01$“,cs, hoaavrr, 1033 OJE, b3t w’ypv
V83 up“3313i by the 111'”;3. H3 L21 toifi some of .13
best stasios 331 Mai mat otcn hosrd 3 sn1ckor. Ho asked
the annouanér to halo him Chi the 33302333? quickly
assemblsfi 21 333 $35313 from 333331 tn: stufiio inolufling
the 613333131133 13 shirt slfievoss soruimwomon, with
their shirt tw.%:d up: tol: 1KW“ 033333333 and artis*s
wJo were b1 led later on t1: r11““'m. Quay move a l

. , .
.. -2. ~ , .-- - 3,1,... .1.
v'r $1 l\,-.~ :H‘w‘. ,. ‘
1.1.1».- L; -’i . " ‘ Jaw-xi. LIL).
n
1

‘1

3 -. -..-u
..p... _ f} I‘m" Tc! 0:) A 7 (\j‘u
l: ’ gm” , L 'v (I

can-l}

1“ 4‘

‘J‘.

- -h—L .. »- ..._. .2 u- 3%.;

with 131935...
cwoour“*o hf

zts o1
"‘ 511.3 “WWfiPfiL-érl 11.117111 113 (into
Ho T’“”’L cnly Lao re Sponsive 3 1t of his
doubled €133 wit1111.11L“‘ Had 3 ‘301n a mo1e f1n aquent
radio parlofimer, ho M0113 hzve boon able to imagine the
fans in thei: homes tuned in on his program and convuls Cd
wiLh mirth.“°

.‘
1 i
~ .... .5», 1 -' ‘ , w a: *- ‘Vv I: ,d v~ ‘. a». w 7
iPVItF 1313 two LLu¢1o to view 133 33mm
5 1 Z“ -
C "‘
1
J.

'I"! 54“
‘ 913515

....

..

'\

'1

‘

After Ed Wynn, came a long 118 t of radio comedians.
Thea a comeéians found their me dium of radio and an audience
that Spannod the United States via the National Broadcasting
Company, fou_ded on November 15, 192 a1d $31G Columbia
Broadcasting 835 tom, founded on September 18, 1929. The
wmody pro~rcmming bega. to bubble for the networks' nightly

entertainmox1t brew.

 

In... thing;w—

Q
2°be“tel, Pf"*o“‘“1 Hflng"", pp. ’2—33.

'3::* c? *'”"’*'CC'1 r f it: -xiv ~ i.= 3" i s:“’: :71nl C"1‘?:3r Ta
tie Cut ‘ C ” ‘1' '1': 1’3. L" 32‘.) fi’ '53:, ting“, t f 221‘: z“:
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‘ O
fr':"C : :5 --w. frb f?CfiLC, C”! a : C; C, c,“ in {fine Liflfki).
CC ”:2 “s IC‘““‘J £1 f1'““e“‘ I“?E -. a :fC.‘ o‘ Cinznicnia ExeC 3
ad a e3331C11'-l*e i ‘1 1n ( 1" “t a: 1 11:1r~‘-cn u“;
diC‘.,‘ELFE'r'.’r.‘<",‘-:.L. 1 C) (Can C {RC .' 2x .3“! 3‘ r: .‘~_'C 3. C 11
..,. “.3 ”7'3: 4, '4' n. a $.13 we...” WW}. ... ., , , 3' .fi 5 , .57 .3 :21: (4.. ... 1‘ 1,7 , ‘,.“1_,,,gp,n
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s tr (.1157? . 1’1 “C form's 01:. "‘93 51%} C r.;<€‘.t:,',.:3 of SC sin].
in CCIC,:rse were LevCr For: vitnfisrativw'v {rd freely
. ’ .- .,'
violatcg. The satisfactieng were cnorngus.”/

Am r 0:;1nsfallewe31their favorite radio comeliens 131th sineer

PI

loyalty. The radio cowcfli 18 engsgiLg luring the Depre83101
joined Ame loan f"”il‘ in their homes nigitly or weekly
saying in tnClr own we ya, “Don't give up: We can kae it!
you bet we Cn!“
Radio comofiC 3, shows in the u1irt CiCs came usually in
three diff rant ErOj?'] lengths. orlfir fifteen- nj.nute
I!

broeficvsts, five ni int 3 a week, were “Amos 'nfi Andy,

kJ

.fl 4 In " .fif '\ , 1 ,(n -'w .a .0111.“
“hyr‘ 31a L::.1ge," 1d "Lnsy hCGS." H eij haflJf hsur rlm.1am
§

comedians on Sundays r Tuesdays, were Jack Benny, Fibee

Kc gee 811d holly, Burns and Allen, Bob Hope, Red Skelton,

Ed Gardner, Eddie Cantor, Joe Penner, Jack Pearl, and Al

Pierce. Two weekly hour-long p1 cogrem s were the "Cl ese an

Sanborn Hour" and "Town Hall Tonight." Many of these programs

followea a thirty-nine week seacon for up to eight or nine

continuous Seasons on some shows.30
Themes or characteristics of 1V C-pular radio rerformers

or their pro: -ams usually changed very little. Jack Benny

 

29}Bi Cr, 11:7. '13:, 1:1). 2?;3-2730

...-3

<A‘,..r..

I ‘ . ," ”- fl '_ - o u v ‘, I - - as - I_- _ .
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w ‘1 .., I -. -...-. , ..w-fl
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-. d 5
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liflufu, «93 n 3,3 to e Sh uretItIoas I~Lrogayus to
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amen; or IIIII, on; yet In -;3 Cflm Int; {If *Innxe on
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aegpte. Iney lute tne IIgtuie as t 1533 3It thCJ roluse
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l
a A v 4 ‘ - i ' a w. I‘ O A . . ' n: . 31
‘Q .. A A,‘ of (‘I say-‘- - ., . «_ I .I . ,1
Lutely ll ltIrn.s MdbL Cdugbc. .o gone 13 lhllnlte.
T} ” “ ‘ t ' f=“ ‘ ’ s t‘
13 cnIt pIog Is were v421 d as oncepsions, ne

qr {—
o-‘h- J

most consistently deni 3.n

Basie, but they he& 11 horen
denLI- for coxedgans, sowed
and comedy alreetors. Nav
exiswii ng ones. On the big
Sundays, the same 3:3k3 or 30

three or fog r programs
fairly consistent comedy f0
difficult and costly to pro
or fair or mild if the big

socko, colossal, luigk n-power

There is and was no formula or a

of r(zdio comedy. Good come

eight or nine years on the

 

31Lanfiry. EffilfiLllxéu

32.13am.
33212151. .

p. 29h.
p. 296.

I pWIgIaI.;s in the Golden Ame o
t probltws.3‘ ”here was a LiIh
Y WPi“C?Sg 001v cal’lstrvctir onists,

T'. 3m;

3(f'2'i(\ m (‘
(.‘Al ~-;,

onied

- __ , ' , . n. a ,. ,1 r '
couedx nights, Iugsueys and
hes might have teen repeatem In
. 1 w l
cquenet. hhile pro g ems ad

rmats, much-neeaea fresh idea 5 were

I."

duce. Grains

“Comedy cannot be y

ratings are in View. It must be
ed, boff , full of ys‘ ks!“33

:6? to the success
5y prOgIa.1s sometimes required

air to develOp their own style and

A‘\ I, (" (.1
1 713‘: I.“ t.) ,

p. 184.

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I‘clulo Ci)“ .3 32'“, 3' ..... 3. CL} C .. k; 3.3 (if: i) , {3-..QC. 6.11 Lulu pulmiw. Z1. My GA bub

4 J 'V‘\'.‘. "I o " f; ‘ F‘ t I‘. ‘W . 3 A _ 1'6 4" ‘1'" ) d" ." ~
pio'r :3 tbs: I; :o. it. ihe edgcess also Q mood on that

m‘ « y a; ' - ~’ .... ,x ( .-\ : -'-t tn“ .1— ...... 4. a. .4 J u .3.-.-. g ‘ " o , .0

Proxiem 0993321 it Qt 1C8 L33-0Q st tiLG c3 other networks.
‘3 .—-~- u-‘uu- -- 9 .4.~".' .1 I f . - u- A r§

BBCLLO C(JJICIUJ 133.“..‘fjg'difin relied. CI: 1.3;} 3373.1 01;?“ A113 {Hid Vi f“: ‘,

possibly a ‘squirercnt of ccmer inherited from vaudeville.
Landry rem: I13 thst mos "beloved" comedy shows
were good-natursdly (never viciously) costs rnoQ with deflation
of human bresrru.01c, as in " Fibccr McGee and Holly,“ (F1 bboi)
Edgar Bergoh°s Cher ie thzzflthy, oni Jack Benny.3u
It is I’lfl‘fi’ {MI 33.3? t: 1:611 for {gr-3.31mi that the
one;3Qh ah~3QlQ 13 syn::thct.3. no till ziot 3 tru1y
pvyHALJ uiul Cue 313:1,Qn {QVW'U if he is .uQinQ, if
he crvzh»' other y;“plo, :1 his rotorts are clover
rathol uhcn hqun.’“
Listeners were note ees ily fooled bJ what clev r writs rs
1“ought was gooQ; the people knew whe‘ they wrntcd.. The
subject matter of successful comedy programs, to give the
people what they like, often used themes of claims and
counterole ms, the bre-r er rt with a gift of gob, or the Wild
'Ist anQ American folklore.
Howevoi, radio comedy prog rams could not please

everyone. ioQic h3Q its critics, suc‘ as Gil“ Mr SelQes.

With minor enceptious, roQio has not yet created
ansuhin" for i“seli. Its sketcnes are 03110 strips
or Qirstr3l show humo 5; its music is '11 torrowef; its
great starts are 311 irereMIE ht cronts. Agein, L th a
few Ixcsptious, radio hasn’t (“-n l”“"ta a new, purely

 

3:31:33 :3 ,

..:....'-

35Ir37.

I’CJlerr} ('3' C..." }L'\.‘T" {.31 1 '2 IV ' 1.1:, L. .1 1' 1’ 1- '15." "‘° 11:)”

193.}? 1’15: M fists 2's; L" Cf!“ 2 to 1:}.2: it. {.3 (791-11.
fixiti.‘o 1;: L ii2egr 2?;*o L211* 'ta 2 {:2 :1L tsszwx 3:11 c:::l;’
th221 :2121C" 1t (2? Lin? .xtie :2: 133 23w$e1”1:c:2;t Cart

saJLL L30 ,1-w3c‘2. Lug . 110 :43 not two tro2 ht

foith 214,2‘ 121:; ’ 0‘ L21L1 r22<.v a (LCL :inizi. Its
lLLNl o: (Vt. 1? if 11: 71, '., 1313*“ 13wq31L 3,}xxgse 121

the Count 5 :31 h: ;L .1~“;3 mwlou {1&3 he go“ Stuck.—-
1 I 7 "\"I my ‘-2 ' x it '3

*O, J AVCAIL .L w {)L) 5.) v.4 gg1Lno J

'Although Hr. Selfies' 011n132 was yossibly m. :ue in 193“, it
was still a 11 ”LUV 3233~x21t 01 radio cone); in the Golden
Age of 13310. hony cc .nuy pro"““m were only one or two
yo:1rs old at the time, and they hoi not had sufficient time
to matu1e 8223 other a loyal following of die lisL rs who

appreciated 3 ytovrez'” L2.o aria l. Rodi 0 sons; y was a young

art, and it took time to 3evelop to its full p0 ential.

1 " ‘ ' 3 .. ._ u. ‘1 J T l' 7
Put tn.: is the "olieot feoL: 33320 trings the
Amorieon prop3e t":9LLer in a 2."*3 shori.ng o1 exteri-
J .-

\.
e12oe and Lino1f$ 102, laughter eL1 drama ncvor previously
possible in :1 eo2nzov that is 5 130 a cont~.nent with a
xou“~ no“? tire ui11;293u131 {rev coast 30 eo:st, with
winter trevcilino in soze se;tiors while it is sun'on
elsewl here sne wit12 xiéely v0 13 racial stre 113. it

is a m 111]. ”1:3 ity 01 the 21212233 11nio21'-2e"s that tens
of mil? ions oi A2wnio’ns gU1'-lw s: LUlLunvOUOly at the

L )
‘

(13,.

(o
8..)

sanze jokes and come to unde1323 the szime idiosynorss i
of American nervonolity oi uhflph this element of hi og is
not the least seli-ret eelin.g .J/

Radio comedy was 112 cod a powerful force in uniting
listening Americans to common joys in times of doubt, sorrow,
and went. Imitation is h1e highes t form of flattery. It is
on this premise that the author has attempted to write four

original scripm , as they might have be en us ed in the Golden

 

ilbert Selies, "Male and Female and Radio,"

I"?
' '1 .A. v 9 (a _ n
3’Lundry, Pod'o 7w“1n«€., p. 90o.

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CEL’LE’I‘EB I .T. I

C011}? IDB. 1111:1215. — "L'IZ (.1310 113111.11“

Program L: mm: 5L1: Fifteen miAutes

VA}.

SCH“ q. OI?) r'h'TT‘“:1/‘w:;j1‘ 01‘ ...-....{7 1Q In -;n3.

 

“vb—no III.‘ Mum-wad“. um

LUfl: Grommies, Abnes, I Jolievs ths t's our ring....
A NER:11 dc ad it, Lum...Ah believe you're right.
LUM: I'll see. Hello, Jot 'em Doan Sto s...t111s is Lam

and Abner!

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1‘:11.‘-I- II 1/ .1.‘ .91.. . 1 -‘. . ...! T11‘} ‘1'1‘CJJ LT‘.) rfin E IT. .I~_1'.. ll.11 1 .‘l 11.11;?)1) _: ,u'\ 3
ms. 49- Am— --—'-«.1— too... a. -' £m~n¢~mJ Mum- - ~— —-~ _ II'A“ .m’. '.' -M "41'-W‘-“~0—-

 

 

9....U L... 1" PT}. (1111CIL_LCP__‘""‘2.

ANNOUNCE1: ...and now, let's see what's going on down on
Pir 18 Riage. Well, as we look in on the little
00Wtunity tods y, we find Lum and A;:w at work in the
Jot 'em Down Store and Library. Lum is doing some
page? :orc, and Abner is about to talk on the tele-
phoae...listen....

LUM: (Figuring out loud).

ABEER: Lum, is Ceérlc's ring three shorts and a long?

LUfi: . Aye Grawmies...l believe so, Abner.

ABHH.: All right.

our-7'): '.L“*'7‘7“-? "of” 37:7.) tom 03;: r" o n m wvm

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-1:<¢‘9- h“..- -- 1. ‘v‘m fl‘ar.‘ mas“- “QM- I LmL-‘. ton—.- w...)-

 

 

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A EN 13; :

ABNER:

LUI‘I :

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1 - v A. . u’.‘ ‘- Lo. 4‘ g‘! a‘ 21‘ A .- _ j» -;r -? I _' 1 .1
Gun cl to11 tn Lit't o Acall 1:ettg SOQL, so hill

you go over and get Old Blue ehi bring him deun to
the store here? I een't vent te have him there by
himself with this stor m3 Leat‘3r we‘ve been havin'
letely...0 .K., Cedli o...so longg'. What? Xes, Cefiric,
Wenée rful erld.

Abner, yeu treat that 'Lg of "euzs like he's he mun.
He's no different from any other dc3.

Why, Lum, Old Blue is a flog, all $1
.11? 0: ant. He's just as smart and lively as any
dog ever was.

Well then, why flees he just lie '02'1d all day and
night and eat er sleep? I've never seen or heard
of him being set ive like most dogs.

Why, that's why he's so smart. He's just restin'
himsell for any excitin' events that might come
around home. Why, he‘s just weitinfi end figurin'
out what he‘ll do if somethin' he p:~ns, Lum. Poor
Old Blue, I just worry sometimes that he thinks
too much.

(Laughs) Abner, all your dog over tiinks about is

eating or sleeping.

‘90

so

AB

A. In: 331? .

a».-.:‘.

[KID :

11hr?
\ |J—’?. :

(3 ’)

(It.
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éoosn‘t these "nicksns like aunts £23325“ dog,
th, Be22223323 got 122:
ehceh1n stop last week snu ju:t 233223 an awful fuss.
Didn't hu2t any -hioksns thszjh ..he just no sea ta
Well, “L 'g::.2' <3 idr 3;; 333:3.33. (301 «think Old
Blue 022 h 22333 see out of those sad eyes of his to
do anything.

Non, Lug. Old Blue Les the hs22isst...

(Intem .3t3) \IaiLt a mM Lute, Abne2. Here comes

G222 23222 429328. Get busy end 2ut away some of
those cons, and I911 look 1 he I‘m serk :ng her .
Grannies, let's nit get into an a2g; 2.2n nt inth him,

:2
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‘— I-'-. .- mu.

 

BELL 23253, to” FTo"““.

‘..,

Howdy, Lum...Ho3de, Abner.

(unexoitedly) Hello, G2u.dpsp. Ie‘re busy.

(also unexc iterdly) Hello, Glunoe 0. Ya, you can see
we haven‘t got time ta g;ossip toley.

Well, you fellors go right ahead. I'll just go over
here and sit down and...

(Into““““ts) lot there ””233 .p: Tizst rookin'

che 2‘s for Old Blue today. Cedric's bringin' him
over cause 'Lisoteth fiLd Little Pearl are goin' out

town for a spell.

.C;

q

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S“I$Q&: I know, you're busy. O.K., Armor.
LUK: Armor, oho:.h how many c :As of tAanz are on the be t mo2
shelf there. he should .:¥~...

SPEARS: (Intorrupta) Say, you fellers minA if I read your
paper?

ABHVi: No, Grandpop, go ahead. Now let‘s see, Lum...How
many cans should we 2A"o?

S PEJ‘LR S

...:
m
(E)
(D
:1“.

.heIe hexbx.AL Biédle hid her tooth pulled
yesterday. Says sno‘s recoverin' O.K., h ugh.

ABNER: Graniyap...

SPEARS: Says 812% Aidn‘t knew it WAS a had tooth. Says She
felt a pain in her big toe every night after supper,
so didn‘t know that...

ABKER: (Interrupts) Gr AnApAp...can't you read the important
things first like most people?

SPEARS: 0. K., I'll see what 813 o is on the front page.

Snake Hogan's dog '3 been restricted to his dog
house by Squire Skimp. (Laughs) That poor dog

gets into more trouble. Chasin' CPLi ckens t1.is time.
Why A esn't Old Blue chase chiolc one, Abner?

AEN‘-: Grandpap...

SPEARS: Why, Abner, come to think of it, that lazy dog of
years never does anything except sloop and eat. Why

doesn't he ever do any heroic doe or chase rabbits

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ezcnsi. As 1:c1>cx2t CL Arousal. .,‘s Just 2wA.«ni'

- r‘.‘ - .. ~‘ ‘
from Aenger or these a Arcxtor.
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to kgep hirn self sharp, Abner?

AEKLA: New, G1 An1.An. Old Blue can us just about anything.
He's just conservin' his strength.

(’

SPEARS: Ather, if that dog's been conseIVin' his strength all

of the se years he should be as streng as an 0".

Sr ABS: why, I bvs2A t) at El.sie Bricr2r‘s CI.t shes ed a W e

herd of CI ttle all ovezr Blake Barton‘s farm one day.

Blake sci? tELAE est c;nzlA have t cklcl a mo 2 tain

Q)

lion that day. It use so mean...

ABKEA: (Interrupts) Grandpa p...

SPEARS: ”lsie claims that all that set ever did was eat and
sleep for five yes~s until that day. _Ssid she fed
it some of her s13e cial cauliflow - rpie by mistake.

LUK: Cauliflower pie?

SPEARS: Yes sir. Kade it with he er own recipe. Mixed up
cauliflower, hers eredis sh, onions, : ild peppers,
garlic, and wheat germ, then boiled it all in tonic
aster and some of Al Potter’s cider. Said she put
it all in a pie for her 03A man's sepper that night,

but fed fart of it to the cot ‘sy riAtIVo.

Well Tc“ 1-; l ui=s site. (LFLr: )

Yes sir. She said that est TF“’T moved so fast in
11 its ife after it ate port of thxt pie. Said
that cat looks. as mean as a hull when it tore out

Yes sir, that cat went out lookin' for trouble sure

enough. He chested Bloke BsI toI' 's herd of cows up

and d :n that field like a eras sheee3og for an

hour...

SessifIzss!

Bloke Berton was afraid to go hear that old cat for

fear of xwhit its . jet do next. So, he tried to get

his dogs to shes eit aIIey, bu t they wouldn't go

r52hrre r.:sr it.

S-a—n-sifress.

Finally, the cat got tired and went home. Elsie

says the cat slept for two days straight after that.

Didn‘t seem to bother it otherwj. se. She threw out

the pie though after that. Thought it might not be
good idea to give it to her old no. that night.

Grannies, (lau ghs) it's a goo d th n3 she didn't.

Grandpsp, wheie did you hear such a thing? That's

just a little fer-fetched, if you ask me.

Come to think of it, an01, I he ard it from you.

Yes sir. I know I heard it from you.

w
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AL. .. In, ., ‘.-‘J. ‘j‘ASp CL l'i'. Law}. I 1"... ‘J' -30. 3’01). Oh“; So... 3],

Gren13: p. I told you the no aLoLt I1sie Bricker's
b: 0“"rm—ilml.3.z=:.
SIJAZS: NO Six", [nil-.1631”. I REESE”? it WC) ‘3 3'1“. 0
ALLLI' 1km: look 1“:3,Ch~“ro p...
p.p.3. -h.¢§ 3 T“: r“ ... o m ...

I. A o ‘ c \_,.| ’ .
”W'-‘._‘-*‘:“1-.§5Am-—:1-“-G‘i.u-w.l':m.b-‘—Um\-f‘.«~

SIEARS: Yes sir, it was you, Abfier.

ABEER: 10w, Gran Loo...lou soul 1 I have told you a wild
story like that in the first place? Why, I...

LUM: Abner, I holiove that we s O)? ring

AAEER: ink? Oh, ya. I'll get it

S ZSRD: You told it to no the 3k Lo; o:~ lost over at...

ABNER: (Interrupts) Granfipap...be quiet, now. Hello?
Jot 'om Donn Store on& LILF‘“" Acne? Peabody doin‘
the talkin'...Huh?...ya...he's here. What?...all
right, I'll tell him. Good-bye. Grendpap, Dick
Huldleston wants you back at the post office right
away.

SPEARS: O.K., but I still 3 ey you were the one, Abner.

ABIIEF: Grandpap...

spams: (Off mike) So long.

LUN: So long, Grendpap.

SOUND: m3} OPENS: PIT-L RTZZGSL P0071 NOSE;

ABNER: Do5gios, Lum. Khy is it we alwags 5et in an argument

when he comes over? It never fails.

LU 1‘ I 3

Iv. :" 'jj‘b Q
Isa/IMMJLL o

AL‘REB:

NOUSEY:
ADL:E

MOU Y

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L;
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L .‘1 :

NOUSEY

LUI'I :
ABHER:

(Lcrzau

Grannies, I would have liken to .330 seen the eXPres-
sion on old EM Be rtou’s face when he scw that
cat 0L3 :35n‘ his cows. (Laughs)

(Lzughs) I L‘3315eve you°r3 r5."ht, Lum. The
would‘ve been a sight. (Laughs That old cs

was so i"?0‘““ envwe y. (’sughs) Yes sir, just
goes te show how mgscolevsu thos .3 animals can be
with Lea owners. Yes sir. (vagu )

Hell, it I—:as a c;ooi story for you, Abner. (Leugns)
(Lenses) Yos...(luun-o)...1u11'P My story? Now,
wait a mixute, Luu, I never...

magnum Ar‘ ‘r ..:(3 771T 3 ‘.r r‘ W Txnfvr) YI‘\C‘T,‘
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*f i I”.

 

:0-.- AL":

'Well, hello, Housey. What brings you here?

Hello Lam, Abner.

Ya, Nousey. I thou got you were helpin' your wife
clean your house toda y.

Yes sir, I was up to now.

Well, why'd you quit so soon in the afternoon?

Hell sir, I got word at home about the contest, so I
came right in to town to find out more about it.
Contest? What contest?

Ia, Iio‘sey, what kind of e cortest is it? It must

be awful inso: tent if your My 5fe lot you out of the

"house.

YT’f-
UOL.

HOUSE

”“73

{131: J.) 1‘

ll:

ABE

A rm '
oil-“l.

DWOU EX:

AENER:

LUI'I :

'1t

fl
I .‘
J T

‘v, ,v ,0 ° -_ 1 : .. -. . .3. ..L. 1“, ,. a -

well 8.“. it 23 e big contest fees “.1“ I IN; e.

m - 1 . . , ' .3. 5 .. o "- 1
Lhovgio surgesel b0 be en e1 tiole an c it in too

There is? Hell get {3;o duper over there on the

reelin' it a while eeo
L)

U}

. '3 ,. _ \, ._.-,:5 a,” V.
box, Louocy. tgeoigso we

but dic1't mention it.

It should have all the details.

'cr.‘ (*3 4
Us.) L‘J—l 6

Dorries, this sounds like sozuething big. I wonder

of a contest it is?
res d it out loud, Housey.

Yes sir. It says Pet Contest to Be Held

“Pine Ridge
next Prim y of comet: .

Pe t contest? D***.eo, that sounds

don't it,
Lum?

Hell, I rock on so, if you've got a pet.

Why, sure! Where's it gonna be, Housey? Does

say?

Yes sir. I'll read on.

Ye~Ye...good idea, Housey. Go ahead and read the

article, maybe it'll say.

"The Pine Ridge Pet Contest will held next

Friday afternoon in Pine Ridge."

Well, now, that's what I call a gooi idea. Yes sir.

Have it right here in Pine Bi ge. That's where most

of‘us live anyway. Wouldn't make much sense ta lieve

t a/‘wrv.

M.,.here else.

Abner...

A _mw-

LnL—L. 544...!»0

.UIV‘ 54"?
\‘I ’

ABNEI:
LUN:

HOUSEY:

RENEE:
LUN :
HOUSEY:
A Iv ER .

m
m
H”.

NOU

ABIIHR:

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blrm‘.‘ in £53-)”: (:1 ch11 LJ’ . {JLQILSb at ‘38 on this
4. H

C151 LIE.

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bounds like Diem Uhhhi”uCCfl'S in charge 01 tais.

nd will judge the pet

guess?

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. "The contest

I-lOtee 0‘31”,

})llle Rid‘”"3 I’v~i~i~-.. .330

11y one pet per resident may be entered in tie
contest."
Well now,
But Dick Huddleston's the only judge?
sir.

Yes

Mousey, what does it say about how these pets are

goin' ta be judged? Are they gonna have a beauty

contest for pets?

(Chuckles) No sir, I bel eve not. It says: "Pets

will be judged on obedience by their reputation in
Pine Rides.

g Judging that day will be on appearance,
health,

nd any trials t‘n ey c n do."
sure shot ta win

Doggies, Lum, Old Blue is jista

that con es t!

;()33§Ll.

n. ...-..X

LUM:

HOUSEI:

LUM :

A 13413 1

LUH:
ABIJSB :

LUM 3
ABNER:

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h33333 3A 333 3;,. éJl 3 3 tuner Hill IQQCLVO 3:

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33333 33 ten Liualo 3; i333 331 1333 333333 31
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:3 3333 ;:Ch13313333n‘c 33333. C: 3333,3nL3

need shlv be present on 33y of juiging to participa

Doggies, L33, Old B13333 gonna win that Pet Contest,

I just know he is. (Laughs) Dr 09133, will I be
Jroud, too. (Laughs)
s all right, Abner, but I can't

figure out may Dick HudleSton's th3 '3333.

Well sir, I celiove it's all right. 68 we: "911

he doesn‘t h3vo 3 pet, and Les ides he‘s giving awo.y

the 3333? and flou as 3 pr :3.

*5

Well, I reck3 i all right, then.

t
Why 8333, Lum! Old Blue‘s g'nna win that contest

and be P in3 1m153 Rasoot of the Month! (Laughs)

‘Hhat makes you so sure Old Blue's gonna win, Abnor?

Why, Old Blue mee ts all those judgerents. Why, he‘s
the most beautiful pet in Mi fie Ridg3...

An old bloodhound?

Why, sure he is, Lum. And healthy as a puppy! And
tricks, why, he can roll over and play dead so well,
he sleeps for days after he rolls over. (Laughs )
And, 033 {gies, Lum, obedience...xzhy, everybody knows
that Old Blue's bee:o tfize nost ob: :aiont pet in Pine

Ridge. Why, he's hover 33*333 any trouble.

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.3223: hog and, you KRUd tuCo dog is lore obsolent an

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trofio3ea 200 Eden an" moi in this huOlG, entire
‘sn - :1 II
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CBDBIC: (Out of breath and excited) Hr. Abner! Mr. Abner!

ABUSE: Well, Cedric...Uhat's the matter? You look like
you’ve run ten miles!

CEDRIC: Eo3 mum, almost.

ABLE}: Wot do you mean, Cedric? I thounht bou were
bringifi' Old Blue do wn hu re to the store?

CEDEIC: ‘es, mun. I startefi to, but 012 B1 ue saw Elsie

ddle's cat inside Dick Huddlest.or e's store window

Ind he lit 01 It efter t into the store like.a bolt
of "igutnin~ ena chased it all tlw" Ig‘q the store
and brol:e all kinds of things and then last I saw
'em he was chasin‘ that cat down to the hollow and...

ABNER: (Interrupts) Oh my goodness! (Off mike as he leaves)
Lum, 1311 be back in a....

MUSIC: PALE UP TO FULI ODGAN HBUH MUSIC, THEN I-EUSICT , DE

AND OUT FOR 0,). IIG CSITT CI2L IIuCV"CIrmes.

 

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these script 5. However, any resemblance of incse
in plot and c:3nt:nt O O8Dy radio Ce"3dy pro; rams of the past
18 strictlyc coirm ificntal.

“Lum and Abner“ started on N.B.C., in 1931, and was
aired for tnetm’ -fcrr years on vhe N.B.C., C.B.S., A.B.C.,
and W1 1 networks. Lum Lewcrqc and Abner 1C3? 3L3dy were the
two main characters in the program's fecal peint o; the
Jot 'cm Donn Stare in Pine Bid
fictio:fLel tozn, but in 1936, the resinents of the rea l town
of Haters, Arkansas, changed the town‘s name to Pine Ridge--
a gracious 53sture to two beloved r3 lie 3333C? Len s .38

"Lum and.Ahner” has become probably the lone surviving
radio comedy dialect hLL.or prog em, since it may even today
be heard in syndicated form on many radio stations in the
United States. "Lum and Abner,“ of course, was popular in

the thirties, too.

5

The thirti.es were a time of innocc.ce and 1rnore nce

p,

and 09 rtc_nlv 10 p ir we S better suited t:3 it than Lem
Baum res ant new3r featooy. with the single exception

m
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p.-|
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of “Amos 'n‘ “nay," "Lrn and.hbner” wa-

_, 3 most pepular
dialect Show on 'ad10.87

 

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3 Fr-rnk :uxton z no 352.11 0m 31;:"ac3_:~.._c.:1::.:;.5_.~:
(New York: n.ct;n valley Press, 19ob),12. (Lb.

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IVCW YOPK. LGUDICQLLy If: boluJ-AJWJJ, ,1,,,,_3,, 1‘, (9,995.) 3;). 300

Th: 3:3133t h» 3? on ”L31 331 At 33” V33 3 T33231, ntt othi~
cal. erhags for this resign, thg 3135333 has tgcn nnscatkei
by protest 333393 to this day. The {3311353 of the eoplo

of +h3 r“gion 13n““”flqt in the ”13"“"3 n3re b33t illustz 333d

‘ ' +f ~I“ M 1r - 'V". 1 r. r» I '1 . ' '
unon ha ere, Apnanpos, cz3rrefl its ntn3 *3 11ne Ridge.

‘.1 -~~ 1.: ‘ A ' - ' .' [It “ t“-
As broeuan Cc $363n 333 Charles Currell reamcd up

Lauek 321d Goff had been 33.33335ful busjz119 ossnen in
" ;\ n
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.

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Laucx 333 an aura 11r31~ car” 3; is? .1nd 301': was

3:

secrvtczv of a groggwy Qgfifi3fiy outbg by his ‘3*her. In
1931, tksy t31k Tfi?t in 3 13333 I 63Q333t designed to
reisze fun-3 To? ylccd r3113? “a? K53; V‘S1( 1ts. The
tfio LOVH’om fricn13 theumnt of @3133 a blackfaee act--
they YU”B 313331” 3333 at Q1313333n4fi”t corroue else
b33t 1h3n to tho 3 nah. In 3 13% nifutc3' 1133, the"

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e- 133 L, ,aey

(
wor ed f3? F33” cu omtbilzs, Horllcgir halted Milk,

General Foocs, Alk3~531tzer, Goueral Metzrs, and many

10331 33 33333, (py3331ng at valious tines on all four #0
national networks and syndiCSLtod to ind2-13ndent steticns.’

1M0 r13 Goff's grocery e: :perie n.ce mus t have been a
determining factor for .he decision of the program's setting
However, the two did not decide thez1eme of their store them-
selves. Lum and.Abner aslced lis ten ner s to send in suggestions
for a name for their store, and, of course, they chose the
name of the Jot 'em Down Store. They late-r CXpanc 6.3d its name
to the Jot"em Down Store and Library, as he store became

a bit more scplistioated. Lum devised a greoti1g ca.rd

 

r071

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1.

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for a cute little beiy tlat someone just happened to leave
Ev acciflcnt in the strre. Lum ch.At;er ct3n.tricd.to build
a rocketeth in on3 series. “ncre seeuci t3 be 110 3.:Llnit
their wel7-n23‘1~; plane or profit obs.

The Jot 'cm Down Store was a focal point of activ-
ity in Pine Rid q;3. Visits to the st3re by the program's
ot1 er ch:n 301333, who always seemed to cad to Lum and Abner's
Own in.r U?mnunt”5 c probimeas, ad d£3d an interesting and plea.ai ng
variety to 03 ch pr'g2em series Deev-v01030hcster Lauck
p18 ."cd Lum Lo“31on, Gr"nc33' 3* Spears, finakc Hogan, and
hanei men CeCric Uehunt. Norris Goff pk m3 o.d the hi gher-
pitched voices of Abner Pc;chy, Dial: Huiilecten, Doc Miller,
Squire Skimp, and Mousey Gray. Gre ape py Spears, Cedric
Wehunt, end Housev Grey seemed to be the most regular
one recters of the cast: Grandpap wee nosey, full of goo sip,
energetic, and a little hard of he aring;.Ce d:ric was polite,
friendly, 3 Hortimer Sncrd character; and Mo usey Gray was a
soft-voiced, hcnpecked helper around the store or just a
frequent visitor.

Lum and Ab-er were gentle, innocent, patriotic,
devoted, polite, and sincere, ut they proved to react as
ordinary pc op ole also when confronted by the ir many problems
brought about by vorious combinet 1cm of personal vality,
stvpidity, and mis 33‘ ers t3 nd n3. Pernay cs 03<V*use Lum and
Abrer were such IMan and fig ?.o charrctcrs, their audiences
have for over forty-two yczars responfie& to them as favorebl

as they have.

q

the enlivuoe he to Lr~c*“toni the biographical backgccune
of 011“;reotc s and why characters die whet they did, when
hey cid it. Granted env listener could exjoy "Lum and
Abner“ at first hearing it, but the program was ideally
:ritten for a loyal audience. The cone“ teoiniquos in
this script are tie obvious, ejvggeretion, mocnntum, and
verbal combat.

Almost any line of this script is a forL of character
humor. HuL1or that comes from he: a co sin character sects
in a given situationu-he he 3 his own pattern of stimulus—
reSponse conversation- then Aener asks Lon at th :ginjin"
of tie script if Cedric‘s ring is three shorts and a long
Lum does not simply say, "Yep, " but uses the phrase,

a

"Aye Grannies, I believe 30;" a small bit 0: humor from
Lum just being Lum. Abner, ins teed of ideitifying himself,
"This is Abner," he says, ”This is Abner Peabody doin' the
telkin'." In his mlezhone conversation wit11 Cedric Hehunt,
two more examples of character humor ere evident: Abner's
great love for his dog and Cedric's pecu Mi rgreetings or
closings, “Wonderful World.“ Since the script is almost
entirely character humor, discussion will now focus on

n

other contributing ingredients o1 hu:nor.

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(Xiil MrscLirn.1:;)ix3 sLerL Ql 1111111 cansL. IHUQ‘C&ilb9hy’

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AI- 'fi «r! ”"h P - . r1. .1 A A I ~. ~~ A~ ' {-._-l .t a
ti. 1412th .2!OL 1.93.1.3” I'C l‘L' 11.3 ,Sff.~..1’.l‘3 l‘eflul’l £303.81“ CL 11 tin-do his (1.0
4‘ “’.‘Ya. ’ 0" ‘ .P- G r ’I ~\~.r ,‘I ‘d . ‘.4 § ‘5’ C .. ,
The comcst SILL"uS to abnei vers 113 L13 c~0 spy spears on

Grandpsp's l“l“ l. Lum hcccmes en interLs ed, nonucombetent
third party. The combat cools after —razdpep leaves, as

‘

Lum and Atner laugh about Grsidpso's story. However, a thrust

hi ddcn by a laugh, “Well, it was a good 5 :y for you, Abrier,‘

to
by Lum (after it sinks in for Abner) starts the verbal combat

between the m s sin. H1use~ “Gr y's timely entrance in the
store prevents e11y further battle. Altm ugh houseys ems

to prevent any Inn—Abner conflict, Iun must at times remind
an enthusiastic Abner to calm down. Again, tte Lem-ether
verbal coxnbet iesuncs after Nouscy finishes reading about
the contest, as Lum questions Old Blue's chances of winning
the contest. Abner just gets a good defense going, when

the door 0:3- 3 and Cedric rushes into the store. Lum wins
this t;L11e in verbal combat, since Cedric's story reveals
that Old Blue may not win the contest after all. The verbal
combat between Lum and Abner provided an early hint to the
episode's climax. The combet reveals a human weakness
common to many radio program plots, human breggadocio, that
inevitably is deflated. The reader perhe,s guessed the
climax in the script and, therefore, 1elped miint sin his

interest in the plot to see if the {4688 was correct.

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CCutPibdoC Lo Licir :.:rie.c».» r1\or. .Ithgn Camtkv,bon
a ' ' ’.- t H In J —) n dz 13,1
Old Elmo‘s intelligcn-, and Francis JC- eu~ ».c, it.

dogs can think too much, turnesely conserve strength, or

be as perfect as Old Blue. Abner also mentions b::sni egerd

as being "sociable" with Squire Skin '8 chickens. Grendtefpy
Steers provides the xegseretod stery about Elsie :ricker's
old est. Cruuonoo' silly story 31 s on.Abner's dis-

be lieving ee:rs, and only fosters verbal corn wit bem.z 3n the

About Mb only obvious humor in this script is the
front door of the Jot 'en Do n310re. The creaking sound

of the Chin ing wooden screen door, the ti nlcle of the s 2311
boll at1m c.11ed to it, and the door closing pro ovide visual
1e entrance or exit of a shear soter-~in

this script Grandosnpy Steers, Nou.ey Grey, end Cedric

d or Opening or closing is a trademark

(1‘
C:

Wehunt. The fron
of uLum and.Abner.”

The screen door is important for the ingredient of
momentum. In the me tioned episodes of vertsl combat in
the script, the opening screen door provides a useful method
of plot trans i Mic -. Rather than an argument building up,
reaching a peak, and leveling off, the screen door Openirv
transition effectively breaks 31 assent at its pe ak as
it marks the entrance of Grundrin, Ilous sy, or Cedric. The
very dialogue of all characters provides momentum. For

e ri.1crn in the

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list:xgr lHLCLCD nLguu naua Lwcyogaca. luB HTHGJOHQ rpuwkno

injecued in tha dialrrue aid Lfinénbyn.

Charmaior humar, Icymx r, is the kc” to "Lum m‘d
Ahab” A descripticn or =nalysis o- Vais in a complete
pHchfl—meUVT‘SO maxncr Md reqM re a back in its Mf.
Character humor recuired years to uevelop as a piece of
fine art. This Luv”? rm at be here acce:p dfor \.'h.at it
is and adpw cciaued f r that raefion.

Che aster humsr is also the key to "Amos 'nfi Andy.“

CKLIEL’ IV

.T.”.’T‘ "f $15?"- r‘ T An *7
C‘J‘JDl 'lLsleb‘. - ” 1X1; '0 81“. [h hi! I,

I

Program L33 s‘t 11: Fifteen minutes

HUS I C :

 

 

 

AMOS :

ANDY:

AfiOS

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FOR CIC‘?7TT"7I”‘T'T (CO "ohms/3"); {CE-“77.3 I? J’SIC UP ‘1‘»? I‘Uf. In

-- ‘ s-élnoub; -..-aw:-

 

 

Andy, is you inkin' any progress on those financial
Amos, the only prog110ss Its mahin' is turnin' these
pages filled with red number:. We is in big trouble

Amos. The financial reo01 d of the Fresh Air Taxi Gas

"Company is so full of minus signs in these here

columns that it looks like every page has a ladder
on it.
Ya...I think I see's what you mean there Andy.

Maybe we oug hca start us in' green ink in that book.

(3
0

That may flObOQV'll know the differene
Ya, Pm 3. But that won't help our oreo dit none. We've
done 80°C,: a bottom and be en diggin' a hole there

for some time now. You'd think wefis drillin' for oil.

Hmmmm. “'lLin‘ for Oil. 33....

45

AHOS

ANDY:
AI-IOS :

AIEDX:

AI-‘EOS :

AfiDY:

ARCS:

ANDY:

HUSIC:

AHOS:
[linDYo .

Amos, what's cookin' in that head 09 yours?
ndy, I think I‘ve got a glen that sen get us out of
debt for good and put some green stuff in our pockets.
Hmnmm. Sounds O.K. to me, but this'd better not be
one of yo our wild g ose chss ses, Amos. We've done
een in tloublo enough already.
Andy, you can TQSto “ s-ured that thiso pl m1 will make
the F? osh Air'“:xi Cab (errovy a sideline. We is
goin‘ ta pay a call on our lawyer friend, Algonouin
J. Celheun.
What's he got to do with this?
Andy; we is about to form the Jones and Brown.wei ght
Reduction Company, where we makes dollars out
of pounds!

Amos, check and double che kl

TZIaes UP To FUEL To 7v*m SCFUP The: U7n Ai'.D OUT.

Down this hallway hea, Andy.
Amos, I sure hepe 5 you lcnows what you is doin'. I'm

beginin' to have doubts about this Mr: le thim

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0"

AKDY: Ya, but is you sure he knows about all these legal
matter is, Amos?

‘AMOS: Well, why shouldnat he, And ? He'got you out of
trouble in tile ILTadame Queen oes , didn't he?

ANDY: Ya,-I guess so. But sometimes I wonder what would
0' nwot‘nod i.f...

AMOS: Never mind thee, Andy, we's hes now.

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AMOS: He's on the phone now, Andy. We'll just sit down
hea and wait.

ANDY: O.K.; but you do the tslkin' when he's finished.

CALHOUN:(O£§ mike, on phone) Well, what else can.happen?
’hst? You say they three nod to file suit against
you for fraudulent advertising for two million
dollars? And a suit for false practices for thr;e
million dollars? And a ooutt fine of one million
dollars? And you want to know what to do?

ANDY: (Quietly) Amos, I'm beginin' to like this plan 0’

I yours less and less all the time.

AMOS: Hold on, thes.Andy. This is probably some big

corporation deal Colheun's talkin' about new.

ANDY: Well, if it ain’t, this tolls setter he a out with
nine ives, 'csuse he'll need that many to pay all
that money off.

CALIOUZE: ‘ 1.1] on phone) Hell, are you single? I see.
And does this nzzm have em sireiluble is 12111 ‘1: er? Oh,
that‘s too bad. Well, can you swim? Noll, you'd
be ttc r start learnini right away, 'couse you're
gonnsr need to s i_m to some deserted Pacific Island
'til this hing's over...and 1von't call me, I'll
ca 1 you. Good-bye!

ANDY: Amos, I'm leavin'!

AMOS: Now wait a minute, Andy. He’s in this toge her,
you know.

ANDY: Ya, that's what‘s worryin' no. I just hOpes we

can eII ord a re wtost, at least.
CAIHOUH:(A pm hing Amos-Andy micrcphone) ifle 1, well, well.

Now what can I do for Mr. Jones ’nd Hr. Brown?
I hope you're not in trouble again.

AMOS: Uh, no Calhoun. Andy and me came to see you 'bout
a new corporation we' 8 fixin' to commence with hes,
an' we mnte know 'bout all tm se legal nuattas we'
supposed to be prepared with.

ANDY: Ya...we wants to know all them limit ego tions and
things like that.

CALHOUN:I See. Hell, Lo ys, you have cos 13 to the right place,
because Algonquin J. Calhoun is at your service,

int to

M.m%.

k9

ANDY: Hell, I don‘t know who this Oriental helper of
yours is, but we n3ess your holy, Calhoui.
ARCS: Yo, CaluouI where is it we st3rt, non?

CAIHOUU:W311, first 0‘ all, I‘ll have to have you incor-

*3:

poreted.

ANDY: Uh, oh! I know this 1.‘3s gonIie he n33n Amos! I
just kIIew it! I'm leavin'! They is no way I'm
gonna get my hood chOpped off for no new company
that's gonna get us cute debt. It ju. Ist ain't
worth it, 'hat's 311.

ANOS: Now hold on there, and don't go jumpin‘ to confusions.
what is this incor rpo r3tion all about, Calhoun?

ANDY: Y3, Calhoun. This better not hurt 'ceuse I hates
the sight of blood, 'sIecially when it's mine.

ChLJCLu.DOA‘t sorry about a thing, says. There's no pain
involved at all. It's only a lepel process of
corpora te indoctrination

ANDY: I‘s regusted, Amos. Tlis is gettini worse all 0'
the time. First, we gets our heads ut off, then
we goes to see a doctor! Now that don't make much
sense at all!

CALHOUH:P3tience 3nd fortitude, my boys! You are in the
hands of Algonquin.J. Calhoun!

ANDY: Amen!

music: .7IDCE 30 1323 333:3, UP 30 FUII Tj‘” U”‘”? RED CUT.

 

50

ARCS: Hold the grow fo’ no then hhiy, while I pull this
hoe Jo,ts arid oa~"1 *engnt 1co,cL~’ machine in the
house hse.

ANDY: Well, one good thing-«it fits thr *jfil tl‘le door O.k.

ARCS: Xe, Aniy. That's because it's meée to help peeple
lose weir 1t who can't rJt ti“~"~h doors like this.
Hoe, Andy, help me lift this mechanical wonda ova
hoe by the dining room table. It seems like a
good place.

NDY: Well, it'll make ya think twice 3fore you eats
too much 1.'ith this thing a sterin' at ya.

AMOS: Ya. That's the whole idea he hir id our new n=.achine,
Anfl . Preventative "eie’t reduoti on. That's why
the Kingfish said it is so old and ugly lookin'.

ANDY: Ye. 1:110 say its ugly. I'd hate to be left slo no
in a dark room with this thing. Elit h that glass
dome and that big metal cabinet with the arms
stickin ' out, it looks like one 0' those science
fiction robots hey has in the mo ies . Is you
sure the Kingfish didn't pull somethin' over on
us, Amos? Somehow, I gets the idea him eni
Calhoun knew too much about corporal stations,
patient fees, and weight reducin' frenchfrieses.

AMOS: Oh no, Andy. I'm sure they know'd.wnet they‘s
talkin' 'bout 'cause I checked on 'em myself in
a book tlic hLi‘ sold to me

AIEDY: i'ha t 1:30}: is that Amos?
9

“I?“ :

ANDY:
AMOS:
ANDY:
ARCS

ANDY:

AMOS:.

ANDY :

AMOS:

ANDY:

Eh? I can‘t think 08 the ,itle, Andy. It's ova
than on the chair. See for yourself. I' I set

this weight 1"cd1.‘=.cin' machine u; so‘s we can try

it, hes. Ia, this shou_i really start us a new
life, Andy. I cor see our names in the lights now--

"Jones em d Ero:n h’eight Reduction Conzpany,

Incorporated. fiecognized Every*szie: e for..."

Is this the book the Kingfish sold to you?

Ya, that's it, And". what's the title

It says “Quantunl {lechanics for the PL de rn Times.“

Ya, see the a, An 1y? All ya have ta do is read the
title thee an' wo‘s 0.x. Old Quaotun must've known
what he was talkin' 'bout 'cause lock hos thick th at

book is. Thea must be enoug h room in thea for

-him an' all his grandchillin', too. Besides, it's

for the modern times, ain't it?

Ya, I guess so. I just hepe this whole thing's

all right though, 'cazzse I don't ant no more trouble
like we always seems to have after we see the
Kingfish.

No weary, Andy. Now, let's see how this thing

works. The directions hea say ”First, plug in
machine .” O.K., thee. "Now, set dial to amount of
weight ta be lost." HLm'. You see that dial, Andy?

Nope. Not on the outside anyone; e.

‘.‘L. L‘LJr):

ANDY:

ANDY:

Amos:

ANDY:

1105:

ANDY:

AMOS:

ANDY:
SOUKD:

52
this

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Boy, it sure

i.s cru11s1 in here, one stuify, too.

That‘s the whole idea in it, Andy. New, stoma up

once. Is. You put your arms in t11ose accordion-

like sleeves with the 51 "es on 'em. Ye. Let me

stand back hoa and look at you, Andy...(LaughS)...

Andy, you almost look ike one o' t1t1ose ro oots when

you moves your arms around like that.

Ya...well, t1at's fine, Amos, but I can't see any
up like this.
Well, go ahead and stoop down and look thee, Andy.

thee somewhere.

Hey, Amos:

What's that, Andy?

I can't get myself down: I'm stuck standin' up

in here: Get me out 0' here, Amos!

Hold on, now, Andy: Don't get excited or nothin'!
I'll get you out in no time.
That's what I'm afraid of...now go easy Amos, and...

IRWAL Does Ciauplre sane.

 

AMOS

ANDY:

Uh-oh...what was that?

Uh, just my knee hit this ent nee door shut hea,

Aniy. I'll just open it up.
Well...got it op on yet? It's gettin' warm in here,

Amos.

ANDY :

RUBY:
MRS.
AMOS
JOKES

MAMA:

RUBY:
MAMA:

' Uh"0h o

(Gruntw)

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can‘t get it open. Cos you hear me,

Is, can you hear no?
Ya, Andy.

(Yells nervously) Then get me outa here, Amos:

0.K.! O.K.: Andy...heep cool and calm. I'll run

downstairs and see if I can fini some tools ta get

that door open in no time at all. (Off mike)

Don't go away, Andy.

Oh, me. Here I's caught in my own

weight refluoin' machine. Boy, is 1 hot: Hhew:

I's just glad this machine ain't on: Boy, I'm

hungry. It's about supper time, too. I wish Aaos
would hurry up.

onsflzos roe? OPE IYG AFD souno or Two UCE?N'S

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Somebody's comin'. .I think I can just duck
my head a little (grunts) so whoever it is won't see
me inside here. This is embarrassin'.
Well, Mama, we certainly got in a good day of

snooping.

Yes, honey, we sure did...and without that bone-
heaued husband of yours. Why he...
Mama...

What‘s the matter, honey?...you look like you've

seen a ghost, or is it that no good husband of yours?

BULY:

q. - 7n n
I‘lfii'lli:

MAMA:

RUBY:

MAMA:

RUBY:

MAMA:

RUBY:

MAMA:
S CU]! D t

5 '2‘»
No, Esme...vhut is, or the is thot?
Hell, I oocl’re 1 don‘t know, or :3€.ss yo :1 husoand
took my advice eua turneo hiiself in? :o a broo
closet.

I don‘t see Amos .iio e...but he must have left

it I

I»)
(9

re nd gone out.

'V

rt"
3

U.

is n, honey, I wouldn't be surprised at any of

t4

the junk that m an of yours night buy.

It looks rather frightening, Mama. Almost like one
of those robots from outer Space.

Well, if it is, maybe it swallowed up that man of
yours and died from indigestion. I pity the poor
thing if it did. Hnmm. Look at this, honey, a

f some kind.

toh

O

*u.

sw
Well, it‘s plugged in and it ass a glass done on top.

I know! It‘s a surprise gift from An-s! It's

.probably one of those modern lamps! How darli g!

I'll turn on this switch and see.

Hmmm. Nothing happened.

Maybe it‘s one of those lights that take a while to
warm up. Anyway, I'll go in the kitchen and start

supper.

~.

O.K., honey. I' ll put these paclm es away.

A S.IJQEE KISSING SOUED.

 

PIA I”; :

Home. T1; ‘8 funny. Never kne w a lamp to give off

steam like tlat.

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ANDY:

gown:

AMOS:

MUSIC:

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(On mike) Here I am and...H0neyl...NamaI...Andyl...

Ow Nah! Ow Nah! 0w Nah!

‘...-.

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As Chester Leueh 3ndI :1is CDIf ure.msd up “L1:
and Aener, " Freeren Cesdc:e and Ch111: CC=113 ll contrived
."Amos 'n' Andy.“ They 33‘ on Au:¢ st 12, 1919, in Durham,
North Carolina, where Charles Correll was staging a musical
for the Fraternal Order of Tegles. F~3emen Gosden, who
worked for a talent as enc y at t11e time, was called in to
help Correll. Both having Southern backgrounds, they then
worked to gether up the ladder of sue 335 to "Amos 'n' Andy.”
They woi‘k3d at WEB.{, Chicago, doing a program of songs. In
November, 1925, th3y terted at HON, Chiee go, announcing,
singing, playing the piano, tellins Jokes, and writing and
delivering sketeire . In Jenzery, 19’6, t’1ey went on the air
as two Neg we cor1edy characters they developed, "Sam 'n‘ Henry."
With the program's success Chicago's NMAQ Radio gave Gosden
and Corrella better offer t11en,\JGN. However, WGN owned all
rights to the names, ”Sam 'n' Henry." They changed the
character names and made their move.
The first bros W13 't of "Amos 'n' Andy" came on

March 19, 1928. Gee de:1 and Correll did everything.

The y played not only Lagos and Ans-.13; but e1ery other

character, male or female. They wrote th.ei r own scripts,

supplied their own sovnd em“ects, tired their osnufhows,

and probably even emptied their own wastehaskets.
Their success on WMAQ led to their eventually being hired by

the National Broadcasting Company for their first network

broadcast on August 19, 1929.

 

“'1 Hermon , QC‘C'IEJSXL: : P ' 8 1 °

. ... . J.t‘ .._.- ,_ ~ 1‘04,” ..,_, ,~ -. .I. , . .3 _ . ‘.. ‘,-,.
Is no! out was moi.“ ill. L. €.;-:..‘Zv-.'”.‘r.1.l.:.u;...<: series sponsor
1.. «r rm 5... , , . 3.... ...... 4. 1...... -- l _ , .L.’
until 193?. Lees, a Sponsor oman~e to Le :Lel souxs with
Q . —. ».--- " . SF“ '.1- --.~ - . -'l "L c
a theme song change ire? “inc lerfoct Son3' to “Angel's

Sercn s50,“ -eried the series to 19%}.

The series was :n 35% nights a week for a time,
then £13.33, Yil‘f’t at 11 8.11., 6.113. finally at an curlior
hour, ' P.H. {testers Tire) so that the whole family
coul} hear it. And uhol: fo-ilies list-32d, meny
families. The Show Led torty-two million listeners
when there ucrfmjvst over one hundred rillion people
in the nettcn.“

In 1943 they eXpsnded to a weekly half-hour show for
Binso Soap Flakes, then Box ell Drug Stor . Finally, Amos,

“...-('3‘

Andy, and the Kinetish made their lest rLdio program change
to playing populLr records and discussing events of the day
on "The .nos “n! Andy Eusic Hall." Thanksgiving, 1960, on
0.3.8., marked the end of Amos a lid Pndy on radio, due to a
policy chsn3e against Wimotised radio programs.43
Long-developed chq rector hLzL:r is the main inm Mai
ent of humor in."Amos ‘n' Andy." Loyal fa ns could almost
predict what each character might do or say in any circum-
stance in the plot. At least some fans $333333 they could,
but part of the fun in listening was to see if one's pre-
dictions were correct. For example, listeners probably
anxiously predicted whet Andy would do or say, or what would
happen to him in the Madame Queen series. However, the

clever comedy writers always held the key to a program's

or a series' outcome.

 

“21b5a,, p, 82.

“at...

i
”321* o 83.

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0

Statement 0 truth, momentum, exe‘
Character humor, as in “Lum and Abner," is strictly inherent
and was written in the script only from a basic understanding
of Amos and Andy. Other elements of humor may be in this
script but are not significant enough to warrant discussion.

Complicution, a trademark of "Amos 'n' Andy," is
second in impoztence to character humor in this script. The
two men almost always make their lives more difficult the-
they should be, but this fact makes them human and humorous.
We latgh at them because we all sometises nuke our lives

more complicated than necesser*. The entire script is a

:7)
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complication: Ahoy need money, but rather then
earn it in honest hard work in their Fresh Air Taxi Cab
Company, they follow Amos's idea of.a chance to get an easy
buck by starting an entirely new company. Anyone knows that_
starting a new company not only without capital but also
with a large existing debt is economic suicide. But the
easy way out blinds both Amos and.Andy. They get deeper in
trouble when Calhoun and the Kingfish team up to make some
money themselves on the two suckers. Things get more com-
plicated when Amos and Andy fell for the Calhoun-Kingfish
scheme. The final complication comes when Andy gets stuck
in the weight r ducing machine, and Amos finds out he has

three unconscious people in his house and a weight

.1 ., .,- v.5,-
uc-ng Lochine lalluyo.

Cb

re
ConiuciLninn is another characteristic of Amos and
Andy, especial ily inf”. First, Andy gets confused in the

visit to Calhoun’s office. He does not understand the legal

talk, and his coi,corent mis tidcrstcriinc lions to fear of
taking part in the new compa :ny. His misund zL1 qding of

incorporated, for example, is innocent but funny. Amos is
just as confused about everything invol'cd in the new com-
pany but won’t sd.it it, since it was all his idea in he
first place. Andy is confused because Amos denies he is

confused, wh on he rc ally is Andy kn ws it but can never

seem to prove it. Unfortunately, Andy's confusion leads

'2‘)

him to ,e the goat of the script, mi, he gets stuck in
the weight reducing machine.

The innocent statements of truth, which are some-
times understLa z'ents of tru n, are also sources of humor.
For example, Andy remarks that the pages of his financial
records appear to have ladders on them. Or, Andy deduces
that it does not make sense to see a doctor after one
literally loses his head. In this script, in fact, Andy's
deductions are usually right, and Amos‘s decisions are
usually wrong. True to character humor, however, Andy in
the end suffers for it.

The log icel dialogue momentum carries audience
interest in this so cript. The conversations, as in “Lum and
Abner,“ reveal essential plot ir formation. For example, in

the first conversation of Arnos and Andy one learns that

o . . J' ..—'~ 1‘; A".\" ~ ’-—.‘ '1.‘ ,- - 0‘. ,- q‘ q-, r - ‘ ‘N 31 ‘ ~31“ ... _ n .' I’ ‘
there is a pioolcu and there is a proposed solution. ibis
o 1 - ‘.. w - r‘ ~ -,~ ' -. - ~1' “r; - ‘ 1
necessarily cores very early in the Sflilpb, so tie udir ace

F13"

knows where the show is and .shc1e it is going. 111e re-

dining convbiJJClUMN 110:! the piobler: 1’s dcvelonnent and
eventual solvr101. Music: 1 brzLdg as or movements from
place to place by ,hai acters between bridges, provide
traisiticns that also aid momentum. -

"eggeratiou is also a set rce of humor in the script.

For example, Calhoun's telephone escri ption of a clientas
economic despair is a bit far~fctched. Or, when Kama sees
the ugly machine in t‘e living room, s11 mlcpcs that it
swallowed Amos and died from indigestion.

u th a we ight reducin machine attraction, the
obvious is certainly a source of humor. Andy‘s description
of the reciive 81:1 his work done to start it, repare the
audience for the inevitable climax when Ruby turns on the
machine. The hissing sound of steam esca Mng, 1W1 oh ac com-
panying comments and screams by Mama, Ruby, Andy, and Amos,
all provide a visual image of obvious humor. .The audio in
radio often paint- ed pictures for the listeners to overcome
radio's lack of video. For example, Andy's lines ascribe
and help tr e listener visualize the strange weight reducing
machine. Similarly, as in the machine's his sing, spund
gife ts a so help overcome radio's blindness.

I In the first line of the following script, Edgar

Bergen's comment about Charlie b-e ing dres edi up aprovides a

visual image cue for the humor that follows in the script.

CIL'XPTER V

CONEDX VARIETY - "THE EDGAR “ERGEN AND
CHARLIE MCCARTHY SHOW"

Pro gram Lang m1: Thirty minutes
MUSIC: OF? T‘? T”E T UP TO Pb LL THEN TKDER FOR ANNOUNCE? WHQ_
1"”"1077N‘" 11*! MD GUitl‘JTS, THE-7715?. UP THEE: UIIDER FOR

COINETCIflL (60 SS -.Ond S) THEN:

EDGAR: Well, Charlie, I see you're dressed very well,
tony gilt. ’Is there some Specie reeson?

CHARLIE: Ana why not, Bergy old boy? Don't you knew who's
00min “his evening?

EDGAR: well, w. G. Fields will be he'e...

CHARLIE: Uhy, I m-Houldn t consji1er him 8. gues ,Berge....
336A}: Ye: wouldn't, Charlie?

CHARLIE: Ne...quite frankly, he's a pert in quest of a
bartender' S 13628 t!
BUG 3 K0” Charli0.ooyeu Shoulfin‘t say things like that

about Hr. Fields. He‘s one of our gvests tonight

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CHARLIE:
EDGAR:

CHARLIE:

EDGAR:
CHARLIE:

E GAR:
CHARLIE:
EDGAR :

CHARLIE :

62
no, but if Mae West eeuld be my nurse,
were.
Why, Cherlie...you den't mean to say that you‘ve
fallen for Miss Nest, do you?
Yes, Bergen, I'm just a helpless victim of love.
Well, Charlie, Miss West will be here shortly.
Bergen, I think I'm a little nervous. Do you think
Mae West will like me? I mean, really?
How could she get like you, Charlie?
You're right, Bergen. I know she‘ll like me.
Why, Bergen, I'll just remember my old motto,
"When in love, go Nest, young man!"
Yes... ‘
Why, Bergen, I feel better already.
Everything will Ce

Of course, Charlie. just fine.

Yes, Bergen, I'm beginning to see the sunshine...

BAY NOBLE:Did someone call?

CHARLIE:
EDGAR:

NOBLE:

CHARLIE:

Well, it sure get cloudy in a hurry. Drafty, too.

Oh, Bay...Cherlie and I were discussing Miss Mae
West, who will be here soon. I'm afraid Charlie
is a bit nervous.

Oh, really? Well, I don't See what you're so
nervous about, Charlie my boy. Mae West is just
a human being.

K3, but all that human being in Nee West is what

I'm so crazy about!

Ax) ‘T‘
{11:41. L131:

CHI.BLIE:

MUSIC:

MUSIC:

EDGAR:

NORT IIm mR

I‘r’IOR’Y‘C KER :

to me!
What? Why, I couldn't insult hgigz
New, Charlie Bay is only tryii ng to help you

relax when you talk with flee West.

It‘s

West is around.

01 course, Charlie. all in the mind.

Not when Hue
Charlie, you see, just be a gentlemen and every-
thing will be all right.

Yes, Charlie. Would you like me to stand by your
side when Miss West arrives?

Vou'd be- tter not! Why, I'll clip ye! So help me,
I'll mow ya down!

3 '3 IE". CT; QT? BY I? ...Y I I O .I T If”.

 

 

.IT '3' " 1“» ”WHOM. °
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‘I

connERCIIL (60 secondS).

NQBTIKWH 0 use Turn

'uvrj'ovt

.hJ—A' J.

up TO FUIL urngg.

Well, Mortimer Snerd! And how does this day find

you feeling?

:Well, I'll tell ye...uh...up ta now it hasn't

asked me.

No, no, Mortimer. I'm asking how you are. I just

Said it in a different way.

Ch...ye...well you could o' fooled me: But that‘s

true no as ye say it.

T‘T‘ :5 f‘ 3:)
1111) \i'» on) :

whats.
“Livia; .

MOETIMER:

EDS-fill :

MORTIEER:

EDGlflil :

EDGAB. :
MORTIMER:

EDGAR:

MORTIMER:

EDGAR:

MORTIMER:

hertiner, youull just sueh

uh...uh...

f .
“a. o .W‘Bll ’

What‘s the matter?
Well, I've had t3 get used te flies and bed bugs
but never any 0' those things:

Oh, but Mortimer! 'Colloquislisms er simply ways
people who live in certain areas say things.
Ya...well, where I o me from, a fly's a fly and a
bed bug's a bed bug.

Well, of course. We all have
idiosyncrasies.

Oh...we do, huh?

Of course.

Even me?

Even you, Mortimer.
Well...uh...I guess I'll just have ts buy a new
k nd of bug Spray for those things. I never heard
of 'em before, let alone see 'em.
Oh, Mortimer! You see, idiosyncrasies are

characteristic peculiarities.

And everybody's got ‘em?
Certainly.

.' 1.. .-«I J ...-'Crt-LJ o c o

I-iORTI lul'li :

EDGffii :

EDGAR :

MORE? I I‘IEER :

EDGAR:
IIORTII LIZ-h:

MORTIMER:

EDGAR:
MORTIRER:

EDGAR:

MORTIMER:

EDGAR:
MORTIMER:
EDGAR:
MOP iTIhfZR:
EDGAR:

villy , Era.

C\
\n

uh: is it, hortiner? You leek rather sad.
Mell...uh...l thOU{;ht I hud cn,. 5h trouble with
flies and be d Inig . Didn't realize they had
friends everywhere.

Oh, Mortimer, never mind. Tell me, how have you

been this past week?
Oh...I‘VO been, uh”.ulit....I".'€:...Lfl’l...hmma coo

let's see now...uh...what was it you asked?

How have you been this past week?

Oh, ya! I've be en just fine, just fi-e, thank you.

Well good. You heren't been sic ck at home?

Nope, no.., nope. Just me at home, nobody else.

Yep...elmost always me.

Then you haven't missed any so heel?

None, nepe, nepe. I don't miss it at all,...

(leuchs) especially in the summer.
I mean have you been

No, Mortimer.

 

school?

Uell...uh...let's see now. Come ta think of it,
I was last week.

You were?

Don't ya trust me?

No, no, Mortimer...why were you absent?
Why was I absent?

"_‘.C'
vu’

why? You weren't playing hooky,

KortimCr,

were you?

cf
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EDGm’

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I-IORTII IE I:
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1W0 TIRER:

MOiTlth:
EDGAR:
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EDGAR:
M HTIMER:
EDGAR:

II R‘III"”I:

‘ell,

66

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ho, Io»ti*or I mean you were absent without 13 are!
Leif who?
You!
No...(1aughs)...1'm s ortimer: I don't know this

Leif fella anyway, so I guess we left without him

all right.

Then what did you end Elincr d.o the day you were

absent from school?

Ya won't to ll nobody, will ya?

Of course not.

Cross 3our e3 es 'ulcl Lope ta squint?
If you say so, Mortimer.

Well, me and Elmer went fishin'.

I see. And did you catch anythin ?

Boy, I'll say we caught it when we showed up for
school the next day!
Well, then, Mortimer,

I guess you leer ned yew

lest son then

none, nope. He and Elmer both missed our

“on that ds y 'caus e we were absent.
Nortimer, I just can't believe how stupid you are!
everybody else can, so I can't see why you

should be any different:

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EDSLfl: hell, -htr; e Are you still 1e:*ous about

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Chaflllfi:/’OH, L:x;j. I fltflfit know if I 0&1 s 321d the DU”.-J G.

EDGAR: Well, Charlie, just try to be calm. Hr. Fields
should to here very sh r'3ly, too,: on in=ou.

Cdsdlllz Well, that certainly pufls a de:noer on th e whole

W

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EDGAR: Listen, ”Wurlle...l taink I hear someone coming not.
CHARLIE:' Oh, Lerfen! GEL it t3...oun it be...? Well, I

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CHARLIE:( I‘ll teke the fire engine any day. At least when

1 the fire‘s out, it’s not lit u3.
I
l
FIEIDS: Quiet, young men, or I'll have you atteo ed by a

herd of howline bells.

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CHARLIE://Why...l‘ll bet you saw e wit:

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FIELDS:

EDG.§R:
CHAR LIE: /’
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Cfi‘rLR 1.31 .153:

~Not as long as yours,

(a
Why this}. m, 1 :5; De: rmi :23" I do.
ion diCi‘t ask me.
he“, Ch.zlie, n> n19“
‘.hv th" little chip r: nt no helm, Iz-er zen,
I‘m Sire.
Why, of ccurse not, Kr. Fields. Xou see, Che mli
really sv‘lree you.

lie. ‘2 not there

Yes, of course, Berge . I can see that very well.

Why, I'm rather fond of the little nipper myself.

Reminds me of a fence post I orice bed. Broke my
heart though when a mastodon of gigm iti.o propor-
tions crushee it into ting Splinters. I used them
for toothpicvs.

elephant, you
overgrown olive.
No, my little wooden friend. He was fuchsia, as

a matter of fact. with gleamiig red eyes and a
long snout.

I'll bet.
Why you little termite snack, I‘ll make chopsticks

out of you!

Now, now. Charlie, you are, logize to Mr. Fields.
Oh, e.ll ri3h . Mr. Fielfls, I aidn't meen that you
have a lon3 nose...

That‘s better.

But it‘s as red as a big ripe tomato!

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is a C2e t on our show. iou s‘.1ould be ashamed
of yourself.
CUAJIIM:\\\oll, he askea for it.

BERGEN: Charlie, you'll be sorry some day.

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CHART”E: 0h, Bergy, all this s Sperm e waiting for Lee West
is melci in3 me dro . Eergy? where are you?
’ergy?! Don't le:3ve me here alone at a time like
this! Wait a minute. What am I saying? This is
great! He alone and Mae West will be here! Sign!
on, no. I'm getting so very tired from all this
wpe tee and waiting. I...think...l'll...just...

take...a little...nep...while...I'm...(yawn)...

‘Taitingooosighoooo

 

I-‘IU‘SIC: P4332133 NU .._.lT7fl7‘, F9U.C‘.-JI‘JD BY 53717:“.‘3 C7“ T315133:
CHARLIE: Ohhh...whore am I? Oh.d1....

I-IUSIC: 1.73:??? I-‘EIJ‘..3..§ AND '2.=.'ES'P.‘:?T:€TI 0‘"?ij 8011 IT‘S.

—————

 

CHARLIE: Who? liners am I? Ch...
TWINC: Hello, there, I say hello!

CHAR IE: NiaW'K Who are you?

CAI ”1.11: 11.1 .

T137 I KG :

CHARLIE :

CHAR LI L:

TxllIJWG
CHfiRLIE:

Ifilllfl

CHARLIE:

THING:

CHAR LI E :
H INC 3

CHAR LI E :

TN II‘IG:

70

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s

a - I‘m '3 T) (7‘..._,° A , Q
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at your service.
"' J T V". 10 .- "h
nigh Loos City:

That‘s rieht. I don.°t IHIIIWP l h:ou your here or

q.‘

where you came from, but you‘ve been asleep on
your horse here for over an hour now.

So I em...or have been.

\

Who you are anu Him

Huh? Oh, ya.

Hey I as}: tycur business is

here?

Well, gee, I don't know. Last thing I remember,
I was waiting for...wowee£

I beg your pardon, mister?

Who is t1 gorgeous gel just get ing off that

stage coach over there?

Why, that‘s the Rosebud of

What a 3&1!
I woulan't get too interested, my friend, if
you value your life.

Why‘s that, sheriff?

Well, you see, Miss Mae is the girlfriend of

Twelve Shot Bill, the meanest outla w in th e West.

Twelve Shot Bill, eh? Sounds like he's not too

good :ith his six shooters with that name.

No, sir. It takes him twelve shots in the saloon

to que nch his thirst. That's all it takes before

his Showdowns at hi3h noon, too.

(‘ "- r.-. '1 1.?! I
o-SmfluufluOnflb?

i
t?
‘IH
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at
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(311118131 7‘ :

TH I NC: :

CHARLIE:

h
“1.1.

CIU‘BLI

Twins:
CHARLIE:

COWBOY:
CHARLIE:
CONBOY:

CfLrlptLl-E. Q

.L‘lli. .1“; u'.)
ten

nor
8

him in

Is, but who's gonna msko
street and fight him?

Nobody has

I.‘ '3 r ' "
_. figs-
‘ .pLI‘... U.

8.

(Tl-.‘(z T‘fi‘u-1.Ir"':‘5 r ti.‘ {4}.
Coal; Z. 2....“ units; IXLJJLO

.:n in

Lilf'i

at high noon.

('0

'VGI'

a 0
else g

I 1 ,
E115?)

lived to tell about it.

Sounds

Chet.

like

High Noon City

Get F:
by h3fi

Say, sheriff.

in jail?

xed.up with h

J1 noon today.

P.
So

By the way why do th

Why don't

What? And lose my job?

Ya...what?

place this is.

horse?
periner,

What's

Hmmm.

n :ront OL
10 out in +

NO thal’lks 0

you put this

ey call this town

outlaw

a real friendly outlaw I, this Twelve

Mae and you'll find out

So long.

Lose his...So long, sheriff.

Strange

Wonder how I got on this

Why am I here, too?

Oh well.

how about helpin' me off this

that, sonny?

I say how about a hand?!

Sorry, I don't need any help today.

Higflil
about
long,

like I‘m

oon City.

this one.

I got a little

all set to

f" n .
.v. \«J c

Ugh...whew!

$3653

hiss

t3 SOI‘EB o

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t.
133C3.-(3 0

Being

I'll have to warn the
up
Well, looks

Hat

Hey,

horse

?

Triple A

there

3

SO

bgots’

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WSo‘ T: Hello, swell, cute, and cuddly!
CHARLIE: W-wnwhat? Who, is?
WEST: Ya, big :ey. Inuufi53yoursame?

EARLIE: I—I—I'm ..I mean hosiee ma‘am! I'm Charlie
’ 9 9
McCarthy, Miss Mae!

WEST: Well, a big he llo...Chuck.

A

CHARLIE: Chuck? h, ya...Ghuok...(SighS)...

WEST: I saw you got rid of the sh- riff so we can talk.
CHARLIE: I did? .Oh, ya, ya: thy, you bet I did, hiss Nee!
hEST: Say, Chuck...

WEST: Come a little closer...
CHARLIE: Y—y-yes, Miss has?
WEST: You can call me...nosie.
CHARLIE: hhhh...O.K.,...Rosie1
NEST: Ya. It's got a little more...personal tone to
it, don't you think?
CHARLIE: Ya...
WEST: LiS'en, Chucl. Why don't we go in the Saloon and...
talk a little
CHARLIE: Anything you say...Rosie...(Sigh)...
I'lUiiIC: S’IQI‘H'III ZILWIIC I' D C'IO" '~ .i".._'.I"‘IIQ>’.}PEIFI’-333‘. UP.

-~--

: Jay I buy you a drink, Rosie?

L“ .4

CHAFIJI
WEST: Don't mind if I do, 13 boy.l I'll just stroll on
over to that back table tuCPv...c‘1 wait for you...

Chuck.

AIRS CHE:

CHARLIE:

CHARIJIW

[XI-3E CHE :

CHARLIE :

.‘I . .
J. 02.23.39 I'll 3.31:3
‘ 31-14331" 1

11. ,‘3. I.,,. ..5
hdébflmilafllb.ockluj

Hell, I ain’t talkin' to your shone», em I?

Uh, no sir, no sir. Uh, 1'11 hsave a chocola*e

melted with two straws,

Sorry, kid. we onl y got

Whisks y, eh? O.K., gimme a whiskey with two

straws. Say bartender, does Twelve Shot Bill

come around he re very often?
Ya. He's due in any time now. And he's been

in a bad mood lately

Oh, I see. How much do I owe you?
Twelve bucks.
robbery! I demand a

Twelve bucks! Why, that's

bill.
Here it is:

O.K., kid. Two bucks for the drink,

eight bucks for the straws, and two bucks for the

information.
Is. I think I‘ll go easy on the straws and

questi011s no; t time Here's your money. Hmmm.

Now where Rosie? Ah, there she is back there.
Oh, my darling,

Oh, my darling,

Oh, my darling Ros ie dear.

I have brought you a little whiskey,

And two strut-:8 to hr ing us Che r!

F
U?
m
*‘J
. C

CHARLIE:
WEST:

CHABIJEA

wEsT:

CHARLIE:

CHARLIE:
WEST:

CHARLIE:

WEST:

ta
‘J
o o

CPMA 1

EU
t“

Here we are, my door.

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PU.J.1 up Ci Cvfiuil“ (ind. I195) G t... 3 b bJ.g
r-xjysa C} 1 a"

305'... 0) ’ a-IKIXQJJX .

Ia...here we are, Rosie...ju .st the two of us.

T‘at's the way I like it, Chuck.

thi 3

Just the two of us like
No. I mean the 11161 or...Jus t the right kind.
Strong and poxerful.

Oh, ya.
Say, Chuck...

Yes, Rosie?

You look like .he breve, hold, and daring type.
‘why, sure I am. ..Lfl’l...]’10W'd you Imow?

Why, I can see it in those big bold beautiful
eyes of yours, you handsome wrangler
Sigh!

tle job for

Now, listen, Chuck. I've got a lit

ya, if you think you can handle a reel he-man's
job.

Rosie, I'm the toughest, meanest, bravest cowboy
that ever rode into High Noon City!

Good, Chuck. I thoug t you were Ky kind of man.

Now, then...Here's what you have to do. I want
you to be my personal guard while I‘m here in
High Noon City today.

You moan...your bodyguard?

~:J:l' 9:.)_L .

~vq-. ~w-r\
Cunnilulu:

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“32»)

2* *3 1r

rpc
‘AJLJ

CHARLIE:

CHARLIE

Cdzfil ‘
WEST :
CHAR LIE :

WEST:
CILKRIJEP

WEST:

WEST:

CHARLIE:

75

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-....-.~-,‘ . .9 h - :.

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‘3"‘3’3 .5» T" !
bk; L'I\/C'l’l 3 \JL‘.

is it, Rosie? Xou can trust old
foith.iul Charlie, 3r Chuck.

Chuck, I'm carryin' valuables.

Boy, I‘ll say...I mean...oh, you are?

Ya...and I want you to guard 'em with your life,

Chuck.
And Biz g Cm sby thinks he's got it good.

Now, then. Here's my plan. You and I'll sneak

out of here the back wa;. If we make it out of

town safe and sou1hd I'll give you a big reward.
R3ward! Hh11t's the reward, H03 13?
Tell ya later, big boy.

I see. Say, Rosie, this all sounds too easy.
Why so much worry, anyway?

You see, Chuck...
Yes, Rosie...
Somebody's after me.
Ya, I can see why, too.
No, I mean they're after my money.

Ihy, if anybody threatens you, Rosie,1511 teal
'em apart, I'll...I'll...I'll...
It's Tw3lve Shot Bill.

I'll orv that's what I'll do.
3,

‘, :wcwn
Haul:

'] 5 f‘ l‘ I.
CIM‘QILIAJ o

v ' .‘C‘ ['3‘
“Dal 3

CHAR LI £1}:

WEST:

CHARLIE

.0

—

SOUND:

What's iln: , Chuck}
Br...l mean I'll try, I'll try, Rosie.

That's what I like, Chuck...e good fightin'
Spirit.

that's all that's gonna

Ia...the way it looks new,

be left of ae pretty soon.

Hell, Chuck, you haven't changed your mind,
have you?

Why, no, Rosie. Why, for you, I'd do almost
anything.

L

IIIIG SHOT OUTSIUE S.<'LI.OCI‘E.

8 IX GTE??? FE:

 

CHARLIE

WEST: .

CHARLIE

COWBOY:
CHARLIE

COWBOY:
CHARLIE

O.

CC)?!I BOY:

CfIPXR IJI E o

FIVLDS:

WES
CHARLIE:

-WL5T:

Uhmoh. What's that?

Sounds like Twelve Shot Bill's arrived.

Or else somebody's celebrating the fourth of
July a little early.
It's Twelve Shot Bill!

Well, it certainly isn't Santa Cl

{0
:3
U)

He just shot somebody!

What did the poor man do to Twelve Shot?
He didn't say "Howdy.”

Uh—oh .

I never liked an unfriendly cowboy. Never will,

either. Bartender! Give me twelve shots! One

at a time! I'm in no hurry.

That's him, Chuck.

r.-.
1C)..

I gathered that.

Chuck...l'm getting out of here the back way.

77

I think he‘s seen me already. keep him busy,
while I make a getaway. See you later...
if...well, good luck.

CHARLIE: Ya...what? Uh-oh. I think he's seen me here
with Rosie.

FIELDS: Hey, kid!

CHARLIE: Who, mwm-me?

FIELDS: Ya, you. Come 'ere.

CHARLIE: how?

FIELDS: how!

CHARLIE: Ohhhh...

FIELDS: Did I see you over there with hiss Mae, the
Rosebud of the West?

CHARLIE: Well...l...I...

FIB DB: Oh, so you won't talk, eh?

CHARLIE: But...

FIELDS:- What were you doing with my girl, stranger?

CHARLIE: Er...I was just passing the time of day,
Ir. Twelve Shot.

FIELDS: Oh, just passing the time of day, eh? Why, I'll
have you know that I've had a showdown with

. cowboys for less than that!

CHARLIE: I was afraid of that.

FIELDS: Now, what were you up to?

CHARLIE: I»I~I won't talk.

FIELDS: Won't talk, eh?

soursez Igor: or 17:, ALL moons «gun‘s.

 

 

11 1147-4411:.) :

(1 'TT.,
00bwwt

CHARLIE):

FIELDS:

hell, for

Iou know what that means?

OLF'J.‘ CT“

- -“7-T‘ '1“ ‘..-('...P'rvilh‘ ‘lv'I‘ T.(‘
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- m...‘.—..-.~- ...-

.
.. —o--~- - -—.-—'-‘¢..

 

53‘1P‘.‘

-...c‘-

one thing, you just lost this saloon

some business, Twelve Shot.

Don't get smart with me, t““n or. I'll see you

out in the street at high noon, or else I'll

 

come in a shootin'!

SOUND: SLOH, V” VI FOOTSTHPS HAIgILQ OUT.

CHARLIE: Ohhh, me. Oh, my. Boy, I'm really in trouble
now. Oh, b:er :o.der can you help me? Please?

AHECHE: I'll sell you our High Loon Last Chance Special
for half-price.

ChARLIL. Ohhh, no! I'm too young to die!

ANECHE :
CHARLIE:
AMECHE:
CHAR LI E :

ANECHE:

CH MI “1&3 3

{T

r'dce it or leave it, kid.

O.K., O.K., I'll take it.
Want some straws?

No!

Half—price?

Why, you'd rob a dying man, wouldn't you?

Doesn't make much difference after you go out

there, does it kid?

No, I guess not. What time is it, or do you
che rge extra for that, too?
No. It's on the house this time. It's one minute

before noon, kid. Better have your drink. It

may be your last.

i1téJl-LJ. J.

IWU IC
CHARLIE:
EDGAR:
Cl-IARLIE :
EDGAR :
CHARLIE:

EDGAR:

CHARLIE:
EDGAR 3

CHARLJER

EDGAR:
CHAR
EDGAR:
CHARLIE:
WEST:
CHARLIE:

N931C

9.

'29

r ’ ‘ ‘ “ ‘ "3 ’ t - 1“ ' '.fl_: “I. Y-V‘ " - .1
la. I guess you're right. L03, what a bzfis drink.

Can’t you do any lot. or than tv’ for my last no?

on m€--o0h. my. Why did- :‘t I listen to Lergen?

Oh, ulwg? Boy...this drink...it...kind of makes

me...feel drowsy...and...oh no...I can't feel that
way now...oh, no...I...I...Ohl...Eergen...Helpl...

Bergen: Bergen!

| ng

...

DEEiEV NUGTC Fllrm

Bergen! Bergen: Help!
Charlie! Charlie, wake up!

Ohhh...Eergy...is that you?

Yes Charlie I'm right here
9 9 L

Oh, Bergy...l'm so glad to see you. Where am I?

It's all right, Charlie You've been dreaming.

Xou must have fallen asleep

while you were waiting
here for Mae West.
You me an...it was all a dream? No showdown?
Yes, a dream, Charlie. What showdown?
Oh, it was terrible. I think I'll be nice to
Mr. Fields from now on, Bergen.

Well, Ive always told you to, Charlie.

I know, Bergen, but I've learned my lesson, now.
I certainly hepe so, Charlie.
But what about Mae West? In 3y dream...

what about me, small, cute, and cuddly?

Oh, Iergen, catch me. I think I'm going to faint.
any uggggflggg_u:s .ficnrseni veins: TO co erQLgL,

 

 

. .. ,- '3 “r!" n' ‘:“*'z‘}:;ng: m 71""? at r'm
{CG Swoonns). ALuOangsusio. ihwro UP hnD Odi.
. -fl‘.u—~§ ' ‘

Many radio comedy programs in the Golden Age of Radio
featured a straight man and a comic or dummy. Usually the
comic held the strings of a joke's outcome and got the laughs.
But straight man Edge Bergen literally held the strings of
his jokes, because Charlie McCarthy was a dummy dummy, or
more carefully worded, a ccmic's dummy. Charlie may have
pulled the laughs, but Bergen pulled the corls. Charlie
McCarthy is probably one of the richest dummies in the world.

Edgar Bergen was born in Chicago on February 16, 1903.
For date of birth of Charlie McCarthy the reader should check
the records of his family tree. Actually, Bergen got the
idea of his dummy as a senior in high school, when he
sketched the face of Charlie McCarthy on the flyleaf of
his history book. His model was a street urchin newsboy.
that Bergen once knew. As a boy, Bergen had been proficient
in throwing his voice and tricking friends into thinking
that someone was outside the door. Working as a paid
performer with Charlie, Edgar Bergen went to Northwestern
University to become a physician, but succ sees in local
theaters faded his ambition. Transferring to a Speech
course, he earned his degree by going to school in the
summer sessions and working winter months in.vaudeville.

On visits to Europe, Russia, and South America, during
his ten years in the vaudeville circuit with Charlie,

I
Bergen polished his act and soon found himself on radio.u*

 

I
'“4Landry, Radio Business, pp. 7-8.

,. ...- . 1 1.“- 1.. .:. '., 1 J- -.'- ... 1,]
Bunnies he.11e certainly 101.vt as. Q;n mush

happiness and success, not to version money.

r. 4.", - o r I'Jlr 'P‘ ‘.- l ‘ ' . -‘
1s v; 0111103 will cu1 bddfllfi ICc<N ificy, is
0033133313 fyes :1, 11“”123B and ”neumituall, constantly
\ .'- 4:», -\ '. r -‘- I r V“ I" -r ‘y 1’ V\ 3'. :5 J ‘ ’
inhujln5. hi.s slit-r 620 k«th 1rvyL¢~~CJ’) “rs an

'2. A
unending strut”l to tare he (army‘s stupendous self-
esteem. uhc radio; hdfiar Eer'czn, is one of the n;rea
comed:‘>r'at1'lf>z1ts 03’ this ESCJILIJlT/iml but it is sir alumni:
that the IiCi vein weich he clevrrly 1..'e-r“s is the vein
of 1r“04.uos10. Tens of.millic s of Ar11ic as list
T’ 1. 1 45
to the MC 3 fire bet1ucenh1n and he dummy every ween.
Bergen introduced Mortimer Snerd in 1938.‘ Slow, repetitious
Mortimer originally may have been out of place in Bergcn's
fast-paced comedy, but the dumb rural boy idea was successful.
Eot everyone Berg en had on his show was a dumm1. As
in this scrip , w. G. Fields and has West were guests.
Bergen reSpected Hr. Fields:
Fields was the most talented men I ever worked with
anywhere. He could read a joke soru 104v wrote for him.
He could 1J.ite his own joke srd (ell 1r it :13 fully.
And he was a mastc:er of rartorirtmuthlch had no pa.r t in
radio, 01 course, weept for the occasional benefit of
our studio audience. ”0
In 1937 Fields appeared on “The Chase and Sanborn Hour" with
Bergen and Charlie as a chance guest, but stayed on as a
regular until the summer of 1939. has West, a frequent guest
on the show, wrote much of her own material. She aroused
much cor troversy then she performed her own Adam and Eve skit
with Don Ameche.
Bergen also had a regular cast for his weekly shows.

Don Ameche was Master of Ceremonies and appea1ed in

 

 

.1”)

"The Bichcrsens" skits with Frances Langford. lhe progran
characters were Pasquale (Don hmeche), arscl Thing (rat
Patrick), Charlie's principal (Norman Field), Vera Vague
(Barbara Jo Allen), and Professor Lemuel Carp (Richard
haydn). Also, there were vocalisss, an announcer, and an
orchestra and conducter (Ray noble).

The basic character humor is inherent in Bergen,
Charlie, Mortimer, Nae West, and W. C. Fields: each responds
in a complex, prescribed manner that fits the character.
Feeding into this character humor in this script are mainly
the humor techniques of literalism, exaggeration, momentum,
statement of truth, confusionism, and verbal combat.

Edgar Bergen and U. C. Fields are known for their
literalism or puns. For example, when CLarlie remarks that
he's beginning to see the sunshine, hay Eoble makes his
timely entrance. Ray Noble relates to Charlie that his
apprehension is all in the mind; Charlie retorts, "hot when
Mae West is around." W. C. Fields makes frequent use of
literalism in his remarks to Charlie (a wooden dummy),
referring to bleed poison, bowling balls, or chOpsticks.
Charlie counterattacks with literalisms about Fields' large
red alcohol nose~—a red flasher or a big ripe tomato.

Some exaggeration is used in the script. W. C. Fields,

'4-

noted for this technique, refers to the gian; mastcdon

{2)

crushing his fence pest into chopsticks. Th High Noon City
episode is a bit of exaggeration of the old West. This
episode also erploys a little comic freedom for it to occur

as Charlie's dream.

83
m \ . ,. '3 ..-. . .2...“ .- . , ‘.‘ .3 .... . ‘.‘3 ~ ..-.
lhe,iast~p:Cea momentum is an Luger u I’q n tlaii‘a ark.

. '1
Cu.

CT

Throughout the script, lines are n.11lv short and Join‘

F

nth

C.»

P“

ouips oi‘ roLmL3l conversation. But the rolew um is .ict
by the character hiimor element . The romanttm must follow the
ChE racter's natural talking hab:1ts, which are fast and ilnpu-
dent for Charlie and slow and dumb for Mortimer. But when-
ever Charlie or Mortimer are involved, Bergen ultimately
controls th momrc ntum.

The statement—of—truth element of humor helps make
Charlie and Mortimer lovable characters; they are at times
very hones and human in their Meaaris. For example, Charlie
admits he loves Mae West and is nervous about her arrival.

Or Charlie remarks, ”Touche, touché,“ 1rhen Pergen reminds
him th1t he cannot Spe a1< for himself. Charlie's honest
eXpressions of fear contrasting with his usual bra *sauocio
provide bits of humor. Mortimer Snerd's remark that a fly
is a fly and a bed bug is a bed bug, is certainly truthful,
but in context it is funny.

Mortimer Snerd is a good example of confusionism. He
responds to Bergen‘s first question that the day had not
found him yet. He then is confused about colloquialisms,
thinking that they are insects. The Word "3eculiarities"
gives him the same trouble. Mortimer by an unintentional
play on words misuna erstands what R rgon means by missing
school. Hhen.R erg; en asks if he was truant, Mortimer replies

that he we 3 Mortimer, not Hr. Truant. Confusionism about

.1 ‘- _ L‘ / ‘i’N i ‘ ‘.- -3.\ 7’ '3 '.o'; ~- ‘7 ‘1‘ h ' (I -,,\ rum». :3
VUC 1111 LA f3], L1L\‘ll s, f) L.~ L}. LuLA/kzr'bW-i‘l'u 0.1. ‘I- {’1}? \1:A1'\>l‘r h3iicL (....

Veibal C~M'“t could be Chailie .rCcrchJ' middle

}-J

name. The little impatient urchin a ways scerzs to be asking
for trouble in his COL”&TCQtiCHS, espom “a ly with H. C.
Fields r Bay hoble. Although he does exchange a few verbs
shots with Bergen, almost nothingc an equal the ra fing fury
of verbal combat in the famous Chorli e IIcCarthy-H. C. Fields
feuds. 'As in this script, the fight is no holds barred.

q a
)

Badj.o auci onces must have surely looked forward to the im—

minent battle When H. C. Fields appeared with Charlie.

CHflPTHH VI

LODuullJuD COREDI VARIETY
"THE JACK ‘Lil’ SHOE"

Pro mr m LEJlf 3th: Thirty minutes

 

 

 

MUSIC: sagas some UP TO FULL, TREK URUEP Foe:

WILSOE: It‘s the Jack Benny Radio Special: Starring Jack
Benny with hary Livin ostone, Dcn1iis Day, Eddie
Anderson, Mel Blane, Frank Nelson, Phil Harris and
his Orchestra with Special guests Sheldon Leonard,
Andy Devine, (enny Delmar, Einerva Pious, Parker
Fennelly, and Peter Donald. This is Don Wilson
speakin

BEENY: Jelluo again!

wIIs ”: JRIlMO 60 SBCC”D COV‘LHCIAL, LJVE.

IviUSlC: THEE-ET? SONG BRIDGE-'3 UP TO FUN J, fPIIAUor THEN UlTD‘uIR:

BENNY: Thar: you. Thank you veryn much and vxelcome to

our show tonight." You know, it's been so many
years new since we' ve been to gether on radio. It's
been over fifty years since rs dio began this

wond rful medium of entertainment and information.

So tonight, tile Jell~ 0 people have made possible

85

WILSON:
BERN I 3
WILSON'
BENNY:
WILSON:
BERN Y :

WILSON :

BERN If:

u I IS ON :

Br“ Wr-
u ‘1.- O

4" . 5‘ ‘ '-‘-.—-\ a '1‘ .- .fi ~Ix» I: QA r 7‘ .7 , ' - - A. —‘-' -.
this prohrem to perh gs bsing Leer sore pleasant

As you all know, some of the greatest stars of
early radio we remember aid loved so much are gone
now. Fred Allen was one of them. Through the
courtesy of the Jellmo people, we are dedicating
this Special radio broadcast in memory of Fred
Allen. Later in the show we'll pay a Specie

visit to his own "Allen's Alley," as he might

do it today.

And you'll be happy to know that I'm going to play
my violin tonieht. So, to get tie show off to a
great start, I'll play it now. Oh, Don...Don...
Don Wilson...

Yes, Ja h? '
Oh, Don...I'd like my violin now.
Your violin?

Yes. You brought it, didn't you?

Well, Jack...

what's the matter? You either have it or you
don't! Now where is it?
Jack, I don't know how to tell you this, but...
What is it, Don? You haven‘t lost my Stradivarius,
have you?
Well...I!m afraid someone set on it, Jack.
Oh...well, maybe it was Dennis Day. He wouldn't

hurt it.

w I 1.9 11-: :
B131 .3 12‘ y :
w I 15013 :
BEA-:1: Y :

iABY:

BENEY:
MARY:

BENNY:

WILSON:
MARY:

BENNY:

MARY:

BEN N Y :
MARY:

8?
It waadttlknuus, Jack.

Let's see...who...wait a minute! You didn't sit

on it, did you?

I'm afraid so, Jack. You see, I was in the...
Never mind how it happened! How is it, now?
In a thousand pieces.

How terrible! My very own Stradivarius And it
was only as old as I am, too.

Well, if thatis the case, you're about due for a
replacement anyway, kiddo.

Now cut that out...oh...Mary Livingstone!

Yes, Jack...and I'm really sorry to hear about
your violin.

Yes...I'll bet you are. Sav, Don, go out and see
if you can find another violin. I just can't see
starting the show without a violin selection

by me.

O.K., Jack, I'll see what I can find. Excuse me,
Mary.

Yes, Don. Look for one with strings on it...you
know Jack can't sing a note.

I can't get over it, Mary.

Why Jack, you shouldn't have to worry...you can
always buy another one.

That's what bothers me.

Why, Jack, certainly you can afford at least

one more.

I'iAIIY:

LEEEY:

MARY:

BBENY:

ELRY:

.EJEI‘E Y:

MARY:
BENNY:

MARY:

BEE N Y :

BEEEY:

’3
\)

C?

F1:
"5
O

The point is, I got that one m my

(31, I see. 530 LPVITT 1 val.u1.

is thought that Str radivarius

5...:

to, Nary. You see,

was almos worthless beca so his uncle gave it
to him.
So...

So, my uncle sold it to me for two dollars, and
that included the b w. I just can't get over it.
I'll never find another bsrgain lir:e that in a
million years.

Did your uncles play the yielin, Jack
but most of the

Oh, they both tried, time they

hung them over their fireplaces for decorations.
They never realized the true alue of a Stradiva r1118.
Well, how did you buy the violin, Jack?

You see, I was the only member of our family who
showed any musical promise.

Hmmm. What a shame.
One day, my uncle wanted to get rid of it. So,
as he was about to throw it in the fireplace, I
offered to buy it.

So he offered it to you for two dollars?
No...he offered to sell it for a hundred.

One hundred dollars?

Yes...outragcous, wasn't it?

,3 rrj'

'1'.“ ‘ I '
LLA .

BEE I; Y:

I‘MBY :

BEEEY:

NAB Y :

BENNY:
MARY:
Elam-n1:

W I ISON :
BEE 1‘! Y:

WILSON:

wnsmu

BENEY:

DAY:

89
But Jack. Didn't your uncle live in an old cabin
in the wilderness
Yes.
And didn't you tell me you had a small fortune in
savings when you were young?
Yes.
But, Jack, 10w could this poor man have sold you
a Stradivarius for two dollars when you could have
given him enoug‘ for a hundred times its worth?
But hary, you don't understand!
Jack, really. How could you have done such a
thing?
Hell...I was almost pcnniless at the time.
Only two dollars, I suppose.
That's right, Mary. I never carried more than
two dollars in my pocket at any time. It made me
sick to think about the possibility of losing any
more than that...let alone spend it.
Oh, Jack...Jack...
Oh, Don. Did you find a violin?
Yes, Jack. I found this one back in the dressing
room.
Oh, good. Now we'll get this show off to a good
start. I really hate to disappoint our audience.
Careful, Jack. I don’t know who owns this.
Oh, I see...

Mr. Benny! Mr. Benny!

DAY:
BE”LY:
DAY :

“J "t“.l Y o
)3141\ .

DAY:

”1‘12; 7 u‘r
13.2410: 1.» Y:

MAI-11' :

BENNY:

MARY:

DAY:

BENNY:

Oh, Derlll> Day.

Hello, hr. Benny, fiery, Don. I‘m sorry to iri 2rrupt

you, but my violin is missing.
gpu brought a violin?
Yes, Mr. Benny. I brought a violin V'i on me and
haven't been able to find it.
log brought a xiolin?

...-...-

Tliat‘s right, Mr. Benny.

But Dennis...why you? Of all people...you' re
sup opo sed to be a singer!

And you're supposed to be a comedian.

Now, cut that out! I'm the boss here and don't
For~et it! I

This old boss is

Yes, Dennis, and be careful.

becomilg a J.ittle can ankorous in his old age.
But I'm not oantanlwerou ! I'm not_old!
And my name isn't Mary Livingstone, I suppose.

Say, Mr. Benny, is that a Stradivarius you have

there?

’.‘0

Huh?...it looks like one. Hey! This s my

Stradivarius! I can tell by the dark spot on the
bottom. It got that way frOm hanging over the
fireplace.
Well, Jack. It looks like you didn't lose your
bargain after all.

No! This is just great! But Don, what about that
violin you sot on. I wonder who it belorgs to?

Do you have it, Don?

DAY:
BESSIE- :
DAY:

MARY:

* 131'} N Y :
DAY:
BENNY:

R ‘
131140.13. :

DAY:

13131-11in
DAY :

BENNY:

91

r“!

Yes, Jae}, it's r‘ght here in its ease, or what's
left of it.

T Lat looks like my violin!

Your violin?

hr. Benny. I'm sure it is.
Oh...that's too bad, Dennis. It looks like it
was a very good violin.

Yes, it was. It was a Stradivarius that was given
to me by my grandfather.

Your grandfather gaze it to you?

Yes, hr. Benny. It was a gift. He was a very
generous man.
to charge?

No, Mr. Benny.
Well...

Why did you bring the violin with you, Dennis?
Were you going to play it on the program tonight?
Oh, no. I know Mr. Benny always plays his violin.
Well, that was thoughtful of you, Dennis.

So, I knew that things were bad enough already.
You kn w, you can be replaced!

Hell, Dennis, if you weren't going to play it, why
did you bring it?

Well, I have a rich uncle that lives nearby who
offered to buy my Stradivarius for five hundred

thousand dollars.

Five hundred thousand dollars?!

Fini’Y:

wmndn
BjrnY
'wILsou:

DAY:

W I L801! :

')
‘..

kny, Dennis, you must feel terrible!

Yes, Dennis. I'm terribly, terrioly sorry I
ruined your Sim rad iv.' r118.

Five hundred thousand dollars.

Denxis, if tht-re's anything I an do...

Don't worry about it, Mr. Wilson. My uncle will

prob.bl -y find another one to buy.

Well, Jaclz, are you going to play that selection now

that you have your own Stradivarius?

Hmmm. I wonder...Oh, Dennis.

 

 

 

DAY: Yes, Mr. Benny?

BENNY: Dennis...do you have your uncle‘s address with
you new? I

DAY: Why, yes, hr. Benny. I just happen to have it
here. But why?

BENNY: Oh...well, I thought I would just step by for a
minute now, and tell him to be sure to tune in
our program this evening. It shouldn't take me
too long. Meanwhile, Dennis, :hy don't you go
ahead and sing a song. I'll be ack. Five
hundred thousand dollars. Hmmmm.

MUSIC: 13:31:31“ SI: G84 ACCOT'TPJ’LLJIED BY PHIL EULHRIS AND HIS
0204“ TBA, Than (3 minutqgi:

wII£ O“: IIVR JBIL~O coNKERCIAL (60 seconds).

BELNY: (H1,‘doczm “to 1 Rochester!

BO CEIE.EJJ'.I'..'ICI

1'”-
-:

4 K-Y‘n11‘ .
all bLt I o

ROOM:

" ‘.11

93

) g l-.- n. 1- - 17(- -p r“
L C l :1“ ‘41. Q -»-'\.3nl.1‘3’ :

Get the Jar started and hurry; I've got to pay a

’3

quick visit to Dennis Day‘s uncle.

...)

But boss, what stout your show
Never mind about that. Don, fiery, and Dennis will
think of something. Now let's get going.
0.x.

Hi" ,. “.‘!"‘ " A ,"j i V! C' * ?,"-I‘-'\,F’-':“ My
1".I1IL PI. .I,V.l\.7 I); ‘;YIL.G t].‘l1AC-'-‘I ‘ L-) CIT.) 1.I'.J/;I"V .IIJI-J (Niel-3.
-Lfi- “..-”? —

 

 

BOCH:

110C321:
BENNY:

ROCH:

BENNY:

KOCH:

Benz 1' :

KOCH:

RSI-IN Y 2

STARTING UP.

 

Say boss, aren't you ever gen 9 trade this car in?
It's gettin' kind of old, if you ask me.

what? Why, this is a classic car, Rochester.
Besides, a new one would be so expensive. Now,
iere‘s the address.

Oh, ya. That's not too far from here.
Well, just hurry, Rochester. I've got to get
there before somebody else does. I can't
believe I've got this break. Say Rochester,
you don't have a Stradivarius, do you?

No, I don't think so, boss. My grandfather gave
me a banjo when I was twelve.
He gage it to you?

Ya. He was a good m sician. Spent a lot of time
teaching me how to play, too.

I can't understand it...

‘(V
80

0‘3

What's that, b.

0

Oh, nothing, Rochester. How much farther is it?

we‘re gonna have to

You just filled it three

But I just couldn't

d last week.

such a good buy.

a quick stop and can't
Let's see, they all look the

Maybe

 

 

BOON: Not much farther, but toss
stop for some gasolirw .

BENNY: But that’s impossible.
weeks ago.

BOON: I know, but all these trips you sent me on for
grocery stor specials since then has used it
all up.

BL NN Oh, I forgot about that.
resist them all.

ROCh: Ya, but I still can't figure out why you had me
buy ten pounds of trepical fish fee
We don't haye any trepical fish!

BENNY: I know, Rochester. But it was
You never know...somebedy might giye me some

repical fish someday, so we'll be all set.

ROCH: Say, boss, where should I stop for gasoline?

BENNY: Hmmm...we've got to make
Spare much time.
same. ‘ait...here's a small clean one.
they won't charge so much.

ROCN: O.K.

SOUND: CAR SLO‘IIILG AND PULLING TO A HALT.

ROCi: I don't see anybody around, boss.

BENNY: Well, honk the horn once, Rochester.

SOUND: CAR HORN NONE.

BENNY: Oh, good...here comes someone.

.MIDY

DNVIN‘: Hiya, Buck!

NOON:

13:.“ ny-
Jlnl‘ O

DEVINE

BENNY}

"pit“. H1! 0
414..“ o

DEVINE:
BENNY:

DEVINE

,T'fi‘ Y‘.‘
i“ 1‘ Y:

BENNY:
S} USLDON
LEONARD:
ISISIJFIEC:
IEOI‘IAHD:

I3EZEIIITK':

\Q
\J‘

U] '1 ‘~“ 0 11 0

Ya, hello and give us a dollar’s wortt. We're
in a hurry.
Ne've

O.K....Nhat kind would you like? got super

Special super, super Speed super, premium super,
super regular, super, super premium regular,

super premium... .

Wait a minute! Nait a minute! 'I haven't got time
for all that! I'm in a hurry!

Well, then, whadya want?

54
(D
.03

'd
(D
U!
C’-

Just give us a dollar's worth of the 0
stuff you've got!

0.}:.

Who does he think he is, anyway? Super Special

I never heard of such a thing.

\

super!
Nell, nice day isn't it?
Yes, yes, yes...did you put in a dollar‘s worth
yet?
No, not yet. My pump has been running a little
slow lately. Excuse me, I'll be back in a
minute.
That's all I need! Do what you can to get it to
hurry up! I get a chance to sell a Stradivarius...
Pssst...hey buddy.

? Who said that?
Over here.

Who me?

1:11:30" “"1173:
LHE'Y:

LEONARD:

BEl‘iNY:
LEONARD:
BEEN :
L3 ‘40; JAIN):

BEI‘JI‘E Y :

LEONARD:
, ,..-

IBLSIJIJ :

LEONARD:

DEVINE:
BEEN Y:
DEVINE:

."l? .7
8121.1. ‘

DEV 11113:

96

‘re sauna ell a Stradivt ius.

3
U

Ya...I heard ya sax you
Nell...1...

Ney, buddy...I've 3 ot a Streliiarius here, if
your interested.

You do?! I mean...oh.

Ya...and hon'd ya like ta buy it from me?
Hmmm...I'm really in a hurry, but...how much?
Fifty bucks. \
Hmmm...1'll take it. Now, I'll pay you later,
you see I...

Pay me now...eash.

Cash?

Ya, cash. which will it be, buddy? l‘ake it or
leave it.

O.k., O.K., I hate to, but,..here
Tnanls, buddy. I thoug ht you looked like a ran
who couldn't turn down a bargain like this...
So long.

Gee...v:h at a nice

Ya, thanks. Thanks a lot.

guy, selling me

dollars.

a Stradivarius for only fifty

O.K., Buck! You've got a dollar's worth.

O.K., here.
Thanks, and be careful what you buy around here.
Nhat do you mean?

out that theI e's a band of crooks

”€11, VOI (it .3

Operating in this area trying to sell stolen

merchandise.

"Jaw,“ v

l‘x', ’
1.1:-- » ..L .‘vJ-J o

w ‘0, 11 r1:'
‘ .1 A“ \ .
bLLsil .L. I

DISYVr .[Izp l—J :

DEIII-IY:

D13. VINE:
SOUND:
KOCH:

PEI. I Y

ROCH:

BENNY:

ROCH:

,\
l i.
..

‘ '.. -. ' - '.t ' I ' ‘ ' r a
o 1 1r ulSe. Nell, I‘ll be careiul.
f" ’A- M. . .V' .1 -‘ I ‘3 \ .'.. . '1 , 1. .' - m‘ , , - ,- p v"- "'.r' I
‘..‘U ‘1 d x H .J. 1 Lu]. {J (a !. .J.{..(.~'.:1 {JOK lb. 0 I138. an !! Ala,

LL’ ‘ * eh. The

S ..." 11,1341 :(LC..1‘~_,".-LI('3.’ e, Lit) bit 01’). 1,116,

to tr: >01: down the

v- ; — I .
4 r. w. ;. so ..., r. 1 ~ ‘ —. .~.‘ ‘. ‘7‘. ". 0‘\ “.');,'\ tr»: r -n (a
1).." 01' .L(’\‘ Lz-i. ‘.., .44. "..— Ilrffi. \/ ‘..... V ,L J lj‘o

La. And if they catch or yooiy 131th this stolen
merchandise, there’s a five hundred thousand

dollar fine, just like tIm t. Aid.they'll run
ya in, too.
O.K., we've got to

thanks for t1e warning. Now,

get going. Let's go, Rochester.
So long, Buck!

CAR SF‘M’ M .f} DIJD PUI‘JJM} OUT.
Mighty unusua station.
Yes, and we lost valuable time. I've got to get

that five hundred thousand dollars fro om Dennis

Day's uncle for my...Hait a minute!

What's up, boss?
But I've got two Stradivarius violins, now! That's,

that's...NONNN!!! Rochester, step on it! We've

got to get there fast! If I get there and his

uncle buys both of these...ZONEN! Let's see now,
I wonder how much all that money would weigh?

Hey boss, you think I'm goin' too fast?

\-"'09 .9."V
‘ t, ,.'I .
Ll-JLIJI A. O

NOON:

BENNY:

ROCII:

BENNY:
ROCN:

98

Ne, Rochester, go ahead ane go faster. I‘m not
worried aboit a ticket now. besides, there's not

much traffic on the freeway.

A million dollars...a million dollars...a million
dollars. It has such a nice ring to it!
Don't look now, boss, but there's a siren ringin'
away behind us now—-and a flasher, too!
Oh, no! Why us? And at a time like this!

I'd setter pull over here.

 

 

SOUND: 033 srou;uo TO smpr,,rotiouso 21 SIain AND
gNFNHNNl CfiiiESLONlixl ANE)5NNSPNILX}.
BENNY: Let me do the talking, Rochester.

ROCH:

DISNEY:

FRANK
NELSON:

KOCH:
BENI‘IY:
NELSON:

O.K., boss.

What is that officer 'oing? He's just walking
around looking at the car. What's he looking
for? Oh, officer! Officer!
Yeeeeees?

I see trouble on the horizon.
What's going on?

Nell, that‘s what I'd like to know. Are you on
your way to a fire? Or are you about to have

a baby?

Now don't get funny!

Neeeeeell, I've heard them all, Mister. Now,
what's ymprs? Or can I guess?

New look officer, I'm a tarpayer!

1.3151130} J

V‘xi'nys“ .
(‘L'l‘\l. Y 9

15111113015

"1‘1 r.
Bibi v1:

NELSON:

BE N“

NELSON:

BERRY:

NELSON:

BENNY :

b.8100}. o

BENKX:

NELSON:

BEUMY:
I'JELSOZI:

99
l'e<::oeec—>s, arc-31' t we all.
ihzt I drmmuui aix<axPlcxurtionl
Oh you do, do you? Very well. I'm civing you a
ticket for Speeding. How‘s that? Or would you
als like a lecture? I do that for some
lawbreakers.
But you can't do that! I'm Jack Benny!
weeeeeell, now, isnlt this a privilege, Hr. Benny.
I've heard a lot about you.
Well, you should. I'm famous, you know.
The officers at the station th git about taking up
a collection for you, you know.
You did? For me?
Yes. We took all twenty—five cents of the
collection' and bou .mlt setne peanuts for the elephants
at the zoo. We knew you would appreciate such
a kind gesture of generosity.
Yes...Now, give me the ticket so we can get going
I'm late already.
Not so fast, hr. Benny. You know there have been
some stolen goods sold in this area.

New officer, do I look like the type that would

You don't really want to know, do you?_
Icw look, officer...
12ers quiet or I'll give you another ticket for

disturbing the peace.

100

LL‘”Y. Nell:
NELSON: Now, then. Is this your car?
BENIIY: Of course it is.
NELSON: I war n't positive you could gflfogd one. Now,

what are in those b xes?
BENNY: They're Stradivarius violins. New look officer...

v
I

NELSON: May I see them, please?
BENNY: Here...but be careful, they're very value ble.
NELSON: Oh they are, are they?

RENEE: Hell...kind of...

NELSON: Hmmm. I see. Hell...this one's O.K.

BENN : Officer, what's the idea? fhese are my violins!

I got hem fair and square!

FVISON: Hmmm...
RENEE: What's the latter?

NcLSON: hr. Benny, are your initials by any chance,
"XYZ"?

BENNY: Now, look officer, you know very well my initials
are...what?

NELSON: This Stradivarius has "XYZ" stamped on it. Would
you care to explain?

BINNY: I...I...

NTLSON: I don't believe any explanation is necessary,
Mr. Benny. I'm running you in for dealing with
Stolen property.

BENNY: But officer!

BENNY:

NELSON:

BENNY:

NUS IC:

WILSON:

BEI‘INY:
WILSON:
NELSON:'
WILSON:
NELSON:

WILSON:

BENNY:

lOl

Io~, now, Mr. Benny. no don't want to mc:e a

scene here do we? N w come with me.
Nait! You can't do this to me! I'm Jack Benny!

I‘ve got a show on right now!

I'll say you have.

No! Wait! Please! It's all a mistake! Nait!

BRIDGE TO CONNERCIAL (60 seconds), THEN (2 minutes)

”USIC s: PHIL

H-‘szIS AI’D 111‘3 Oi? ITJC‘T’I‘ .

 

Nell ladies and gentlemen, we don't know where
Jack is. Apparently he just went out for a minute,

but there's no Sign of him anywhere. I really
dm 't know what to say...

well I do!

Jack! What happened?

To put it bluntly, he's under arrest.
Arrest?

Yes. Your friend Rochester got a ticket for
Speeding, but I'm afraid Mr. Benny is under arrest
for buying stolen goods.

Oh, Jack, how terrible.

Yes, I know. And in front of all these people,

too.
All ri “ht hr. Benny, you can go ahead and finish
your show. But I'll be waiting for you, right

after you finish here Understand?

‘MMX:

13:31.31 u .l !

If E

SON

WILSON

.‘T‘YW
.335.“

E 341(1‘:

BEIHI

DAY:

I:

Y:

bENNY:

DAY :

MUSIC:

.0

5.4
0
1‘0

Yes, yes, of course, officer. You don't 1: ave to
worry about me.

Yes. That‘s what worries me. I'll be waiting.
Oh, Jack. You really didn't...

No, of course not! You know me better than that!
Well tlen, how did it happen?

Oh, Don, it's a lo11g story. I'd rather not talk
about it now. And. be.i es, we've got a Show to
do.

O.K., Jack. I just hOpe everything turns out all
rigdit.

Yes. 80 do I...Gee, I'm still so nervous. I
need to rest a minute Oh Dennis, Dennis Day.
Come out and sing another song, will you?

Oh, hi, hr. Benny. Where have you been? Did you
miss my first song?

Never mind, Dennis. Just Sillg.

O.K., Hr. Benny.

71TI‘3 DAY SINGS WITH PHIL HARRIS 111:1) HIE) CHCEIHST: A,

.9...

 

Ii-El‘ J

NY:

Now, ladies and gentlemen, I mentioned earlier in
the show that this Special program tonight is
dedicated in memory of Fred Allen. Some of you
may well remember the feuds we had when radio was

king of the airwa.es.

SOUND:

10

‘...C

" , \-~ . v (i -‘ q IV ‘5' ... 1 (‘ ~=g \ ~- 9 ‘ '\y ',I' f‘
how, our programs and Our lends alb only memoXies.

But Fred and l were really the best of friends.

J

And I respected Fred as a fzienf end as a very
talented comedian 83L entertainer. We all miss
him, his humor, and his wit very much.

So, on this program tonight, in honor of
"The Fred Allen Show,“ me have Fred Allen's old
"Allen's Alley.“ It will never be the same
without Fred, but for memory's sake, will you
join me in a visit down "Allen's Alley?"...
as Fred might have done it.

Ah, it looks like Senator Cleghorn still lives
here. I see the old mule is still out back and

there's a board loose on the front porch here.

I'll knock and see if he's in.

 

Did somebody, ah say, did somebody rap their

Who are you, ah say, what are you all doin' a

hemmerin' ya fist on mah door, Yankee stranger?

THREE KHOCKS, DOOR OPENILG.
CLAGHOHN :

knuckles on mah door?
BENNY: Ah, Senator Claghorn!
CLAGHORN :
BENNY: Why, Senator, I'm Jack Benny!
CLAGHORN:

Penny, eh? Jack Penny. Keveh heard of ya befoah
son. What's ya trade, ah say, whetdye do fer a
livin', son? You ain't one 0' these coppeheeds
ah ya? Speak up son, Speak up! I ain't got all

day, ya know.

OILS

EIQDEiIJ:

1 04
Why, £<:**or I‘m Jack i1r...§ggjy. I'm a
famous hellywood star on radio and television.
Benny, eh. Ah, see. Hell, Benjamin, mah boy,
ah still don't recall, ah say, ah don‘t recall your
name at all, son. ho, sah, not at all. Ya say
you're a Hollywood stah, ch? Ah'll tell ya son,
the only stahs I know ah the stahs on that flag
ya see a hangin' thea on nah porch, son. The
Stahs and Bahs, that is. Stahs, son.
They represent the highest honeh of the

South. Why, the only stahs in this country
today are hose flamboyant sons ol the South in
the Senate and the House, House that is. Why,
son, if it weren't for us Southernahs up thee in

”shin" on a keepin' an eye on you Yankees, this
country would be in an awful fix.

Why these Southern Senators ah bright...

Fulbright, that is. Yes, son, we can raise a
lot 0' tzunder in Congress, thunder Strom Thurmond,
that is. That's a, ah say, that's a joke! Ha-ha!
Come on boy, quit holdin' it back: Don‘t hold it
in, ah say, let it all out! What‘s the mattah,
son? H33 a cat got ya tongue? Speak up, boy!
If it's a polecat, wash ya mouth out fast, ah say,
clean it out good! Ha-hanha:

how you take the wind, 8 n, wind that is.

BENNY:

SOUS-3 2

105
Most people up North say it‘s a prevalin‘ wind
from the west ta east. We know tetta dosh heah,
son, because it's the prevailin' South! Why, he
sun nevah rises in the east, son, it rises in the
gggtheast, and when it reaches high roon, it's a
shinin' its full glory south 0' the MasonuDixon
Line! Line, that is. Now you take Southern Fried
Chicken...the South nrovides the Southern Fried
and the horth supplies the fowl, odor that is. You
Yankees don't know how ta cook! Couldn't fry a
snowball in a fryin' pan! That's a joke, son!
Ah keep a flingin"em out and you keep on
drOppin' 'em, son. Laugh, ah say, laugh, son!
It'll do ya some good. Use your, ah say, use your
mouth ard stretch t out, long-wise, that is.
Otherwise, ya may get a bloody nose! Ha-ha—ha!
Son, you need an uplift, lift, that is. Now,
you take, ah say, take some yeast, any kind of
yeast ya use fo' bakin'. Son, it's no good at all
unless it's from the South! Because, son, the
South will rise again! So long!
Well...(pause)...haybe I should go to the next
door here, maybe there won‘t be so much hot air
on the porch.

THERE KKOCKS, DOOR OPEFS.

 

' ”1733?”

.Uboanunt

nus.
1.

hello?

NUSSBElii-i :
BISI-JI-ll’:

BE}! I“! Y :

IBISIJIIBC:

tr r3 '
Pink) . N 3

BENNY:
MRS . N :

BE “JN Y:

MRS. N:

BENNY:

v.1 ,‘ y_ . a“. ‘ _
hrs. LusSbaum!

You were exceoting maybe flail Armstrong?
Well, how have you been all of these years?

Oh, hr. Benny, if you only knew all the troubles
I‘ve had!

Oh, really. What are they?

My husband Pierre.'

Your htsband Pierre?

Oh, yes. It's always Pierre. Pierre, what's
wrong, what is the problem, and all these things
all of the times.

You've been taking good care of Pierre?

Oh, Hr. Benny, you don't kn w what I've been
grown older, you know, and

through. Pierre, he's

he has the growing old problems. Do you know
what I mean, Mr. Benny?
Hell...not really.

You see, Pierre has got the gray hair blues.
The gray hair blues?

Oh, I'm afraid so, Mr. Benny. Pierre is going
around all of the time trying to dye his hair blue.
Doesn't that look rather silly?

Yes, and I tell Pierre, I say "Pierre, you crazy
old man. Your hair is growing old like you are."
So I say, "Pierre, you have got to face the facts
of life and leave your hair gray. Don't make it

blue," I tell him.

Bern-I y :

MRS .N :

10?

And Pierre he says, ”And why not? I've got
hair on my head, so why should the color make
any difference at all?"

And I tell Pierre, “Pierre, you're a grown
man, so act your age, already.“ I tell him,
gray hair is a sign of wisdom, I say.

And Pierre, he says, "Well, if it's a Sign
of wisdom, how come it is that so many old folks
are running around with the gray hair?"

Then I tell Pierre, I say, "O.K., go ahead
and dye your hair blue. See what I care." And I
tell Pierre, "Don’t come running to me when the
young qentlemen in the white coats come after you.“

Then Pierre, he says that he doesn't care
because he doesn't like the ice .ream anymore,
anyway.

Well, anyway, hrs. Nussbaum, you're looking very
spry and healthy.

Oh, Mr. Benny, you're so kind. But I'm not just
as young as I used to be. And I ask myself,
“why am I putting myself through all this? Why
am I breaking my back these days?" And then I
think to myself and I say, "And why not? Look
at Mr. Benny and then be thankful you are still

young!“ Good~bye!

[313“ {‘.IT ‘- ‘7' O
$~‘A"*‘ .. .

SOU'I‘D:

108
how wait a minute! bait a minute! This is
ridiculous! I'm not even forty, and people are
almost calling me Grandpa Benny! I can't under-
stand it. And 1 33;; so young. maybe I should
have fly hair dyed blue.
Well, let's try this next door.

m"*""h‘ '.1'1‘ "Tic.“ r\ *7 NT)".‘?* ~~
.L;J.'J.IL-JJ_IJ 1\J_IOC‘I\,I)L DLJOIL (dn'-J‘."~.‘.$ .

 

MOODY:
BENNY:
MOODY:

BEfNY:
hOODY:

IBESIJIJBC:

MOODY:
BENNY :

MOODY:
BENNY:

EOODY:

BENNY:

MOODY:

iowdy , bub!

Ah, Titus Moody! How are you?

Oh, just fine, I guess. And how about yourself,
Grandpap?

New cut that out! .

Well, bub, just tryin' to tell you the truth.
Well, don't be so truthful! This is a case where
a little white lie never hurts!

O.K., Bub. You look not a day over 58.

Now let's just forget the whole thing! Now,

Mr. Moody, how have you been over the years?
I've been just fine. Wife's been doin' O.K.,

too. She's a little stronger now, though.

A little stronger? How's that?

You see, she's been helpin' me with the grain
sacks at harvest time.. She's been feelin'
her oats.‘

I see. Any other changes, Titus?

Nell, Bessie, that's my cow, had twin calves

last year.

BEI‘IIIY:

MOODY:

BERN Y :
MOODY:
IBISIIIIEC:
MOODY:
B13131 1'! Y :

MOODY:

BB}! If! Y :
MOODY:

109
Oh, really?
Yep: Identical twins. Called one T"otter and
the other one horse.
Better an" No se.
Yep. The thing is, they always seem to cause
trouble together, never just one or the other.
But I think Horse starts it all the time, but
sometimes it's Better.
Is that right?
Yep. Trouble is, I can't tell which one is Worse.
I see, Mr. Moody.
Yes sir. Had some trouble with my barn door, too.
Yep. bought one of those automatic garage
door Openers, and I had it installed myself on
my big barn door, you see.
Well, that sounds like a good idea, Titus.

Yep. I thought so, too. Well, I hooked it up

myself, you see, because I thouglt it was nothing
Special. 50, I fixed up this electric motor to
the barn door like the directions said. And I
put in all the rods and pulleys myself, too.
Then I took the little gadget you use to open
the door, and put it on my tractor, you see,

because I was fixin' to Open the door when I

pulled up on my tractor.

110

 

EEHNY Well, what happened, Titus?

MOODY: Well, I'll tell you. I must have done somethi'
wrong when I hooked Up all of those gs gets.

BENLY: Soqcthing went wrong?

MOODY' I’m Orraii so. When I pulled up in the tractor
and pushed the button to Ops n the be rn door,
my tractor stalled.

BENNY: Hell, Titus. Did you fix it then?

MOODY: Nope. 'Cau se vzhen I pushed the button again, the
tractor started its el.f , drove itself in the barn,
turned itself off, and the door shut. So I left
it alone, and it's worked that way ever since!

BENhY: That sounds like a strange tractor you have, Titus.
Have you given it a name?

MOODY: Yep. I named it after my cow.

BENNY: You call it Bessie?

MOODY: No. I call it Dear. So long, bub!

EENhY: Well, O.K., Titus...Now, I wonder who's down here
at this last door?

SOUND: THREE KNOCKS, DOOR OPYZE.

ROCHEST ‘ Moxdy, boss.

BEEN Rochester! What are you doing here? Ajax
Cassidy is supposed to be here. Besides, I
thougr t I told you to t.'ait with th 1e officer.

BOCH: Ya, boss, I know. But after you ca me back here

on the show, I overheard this hr. Cassidy say

he lost a StraCiv arius while he was here.

KOCH:
EEHN :

BOCEI:

BENNY:
AJAX:

BEN NY :

BENNY:
AJAX:

BENNY:

Ajax Cassidy lost Stradivarius? here?

SI;

Ya, but he thinks someone stole it.

Stole it?

Ya...But he had a bronze copy made when he got
it, in case something like this happened. 80,
he left to find his bronzed copy so the police
can identify the thief. A

Well, it was a good thing he did.

wait, here he comes now.

Ajax, what's the matter?

Oh, hr. Benny, I'm not long for this world!
Well, I know you must feel terrible about the
whole thing. I'm terribly sorry this happened
to you on my show. I don‘t know what to say.
Oh, Hr. Benny, it's not your fault at all. I
loved my Stradivarius so well, I brought it here
with me. I thought maybe, maybe we could have
played a duet together. A little Irish tune,
if you please.

Hell, I...wait a minute. May I see your bronze
cepy of your Stradivarius? -

Sure, sure, sure. What is it, Mr. Benny?
Ajax...why this has the letters "X Z" on it!

Why sure as I'm Irish, it does Mr. Benny. Those
are my initials.

But, Ajax Cassidy?

AJAX:

A J AX :

BHL\.IY

A AX:

EEKHI:
NE’ 0,:

In? .71"!
b—JAQJV

LEON:
BENNY:
NELSON:

BENNY:

112
No. Is see, I take the M at letter of my nayues,
ax," NY," and "Z.“
Oh. Well, I see the ”X" from Ajax, and the "I"

from C ss:Ldy, but what vent the "Z”?
But "2” always comes after "I," doe 't it,

Mr. Benny?

Then, that fellow at the gas station sold me
your violin! It‘s the same one! I know it!

I can tell by the crack in the bridge.

I'm afraid I'm a bit confused, hr. Benny.
Neve r mind, now. I think I know where your
violin is, Ajax. Oh, Officer...officer!
Ieeeeees?

Officer, I just...wait! That's him! That's the

ru* who s ld me that violin vou've ,ot with the
b u

“XYZ” on it. That's him! Arrest him, officer!

Calm down, Mr. Benny. I already have.

You have?

Yes...Nhile I was waiting backstase for you to
finish this show, I caught him trying to steal
someone's violin.

he's the one who...

sed everything Here's your

I know. He confes

violin, hr. Cassidy. And here‘s yours, Mr. Benny.
I hepe you're happy now.
No charges?

You mean...I'm...not under arrest?

BENNY:

BENNY:

KOCH:

BOCH:

BENNY:

DAY:
PEN NY:
DAY:

')*"‘-,‘TI r.
LL;;I“ Q

113

a, o A. ",II 1 . “ ‘ 4 n '
You're a free man, hr. Horny. no Charges

, So he a good boy and beiave

against you.
yourself. Good—bye.

Ajax...you've got your violin. Isn't that
wonderful?
Aye, Hr. Benny, but I'm still not long for this
world...I feel I need a bit of rest after all
this excitement. SO long.

I'm free! I'm a free

Good—bye, Ajax. ha-ha

man! HhOOpee! Rochester, 50 find hary. I

think we'll all go out and celebrate after the
show.

O.i., But let's not be in such a hurry th s
time. still got my ticket, you know.
Oh, that's right. Well, don't worry about it.
Go ahead. I'll see you later.
O.K., boss.
Gee, what a great feeling!
Hi, Mr. Benny!

Oh, hello, Dennis. You look rather cheerful

1

after you've had your Stradivarius broken-~and

your uncle was going to give you five hundred

thousand dollars for it.
Oh, I just called my uncle.

Is he offering more money for a Stradivarius?

No, Mr. Benny. I was wrong before.

Oh...less money?

LUU IC:

1 1 1.3.
aunt of money...but-for a rare
cello, you see...
Out! Out! Get Out!
But Mr. Benny...
Out! Out, I say! You and your rich uncle!

I never heard of such a thing!

FAD?) III REILLY THEY-IE, UP TO FULL, THE-IVE III—I‘IDILER P011:

 

MUSIC:

ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank you all for

listening to our show toni ht. Pd like to
the.nk the Jell- 0 people for ma king it possible.
Hay we all remembe r and may we always cherish the
moments that me ny of us spent in the early da's
of re die with perhaos the gres mt st comedian and
wit in radio's history-~Fred Allen. Good night
everybody!

THEHE UP TO FULL, THEN UKDEH FOR DON HIISON AND

EDI '33? , TIILI COI II“ IAL.

115
E1? it’d 3'", “1;?" l "
”red Allen might not have liked to ever have had

“Allen's Alley“ on "The Jack Benny Show,“ but the reapect
the two men had for each other and their firm bond of
friendship ' wild we rran such a special show. nevertheless

Jack once remarked about Fred Allen, "You look as if Santa

‘

Clau' id co wn your nose and left a bag under each eye."

0 v
D"
‘..J

Many loyal fans of "Allen's Alley" miss Fred Allen's
own brand of humor, but peeple still must put up with Jack
Benny's stinginess and violin.

Bob Hope of course is the beau ideal of a conceit ed
young man who fancies himself devastating to th Opposite
sex. The coma): v formula of Jack Benny is perha s more
'ubtl’c };lenny is a bit of a poseur, pl% tending to
knowl~deo or social standing that is not his. Invariably
he is expose as a fake. Benny is a feel but a loveable
fool, the cons ant victim of his own huran idiosyncracies,
a man who sepires to a deference his COll'uoUGu and the
world withhold from him. When he thinks he is being
utterly charming his wife will instruct him “Fix your
toupee, Jack--it slipped."

Whatever Jack Benny is or was, it was his own fault.

Jacl: Benny created himself of a lad born as Benny
Kubelshy in waukegan, Illinois, on February 14, 189&.
Ate youthfula ge, the boy was given two presents by
his father a violin and a monkcywrench. The violin
was for if he had talent; the monkeywrench for if he
had not. U

As a young entertainer, he progressed with his violin from
the vaudev “1 -e circuit to the "Great Lakes Naval Revue” in

World.war I. To eliminate confusion with Ben Bernie's

 

471;?) and "1", 131974-sz Til/IS 3113:}?! S ' p o 301 o

 

Hai.on, flpr‘risr", p. 155.

...- .4-..

Olin joki 11g, hen h. Eenny Lenny hubelshy) changed his
name to Jack Benny.

Jack Benny must rank xiih Fred Allen as one of the
great radio comedians. where P‘red Allen was a good cox1ed3r

tog. He has a keen

E54.

yiyitcr, Jack was and is a good comedy o

w.- ..—

sense of what is good for him in selection of content and
delivery.

As the editor of my own material, I have always had
an advantage. hy writer rs have always given me the best
of material. It's easy when you only have to deal with
good ma terial, piclziin; the bes t f'rom the best. 1 think
I put toseth‘r a very good show, with the right tiszing
and preper pacing. It's as an editor I have this sense
of vaiat xiii. :crk and Wh8t10“'_. I make my decision
based on which line or sketch or piece of miterial I
will enjoy doing t1e mos t. If I’don't enjoy doing it,
how can anyone enjoy he a.1ing it?*9

This is a good sound philosophy for any comedian. Jack
Benny proves it can work.

Jack Benny' 3 comedy revolved around reg; peeple in
everyday situations; his audience could identify with the
Benny brand of comedy. Jack, however was careful about
his humor.

Benny was one of the gentlest gentlemen in radio

comedy, and one of the most successful ”Wrestrction
can be funny, not pain. If it hurts, it isn't funny. 50
Is this why Jack is always thirty-nine?

If someone pulls a gag on me about my having false
teeth, ninety—eight per cent of the audience who have
false teeth will laugh. The other -wo per cent would,
too, but their guns are still sore.

‘

 

u9£ob Talbert, "He Nay Look 39 and Stingy, But he's
hot——Jus tAsk Any Cabbie," Qetreit tree Frags, April 16, 1972,
see. A, p. 15.

 

Z . .
JOHarmon, goggdlddfi, Do 155.

51.1.1111.

Perhaps we find Jack funny because there is a little
Jack Benny in all of us. if not, why do we chuckle when
Jack asks, "For how much?“ when asked to help a little old
lady across the street, or when he one day borrows a cup
from a Leighbor and the next day retur s it to have it filled
with sugar. host peeple would be too polite to do such
things, but they can vicariously laugh at themselves doing
such things.

The theme song of "The Fred Allen Show" was "Smile,
Darn Ya, Smile!" This is probably the sum of the purpose
of his efforts on "The Fred Allen Show" and "Town Hall
Tonight."

...Fred Allen's “Town Hall Tonight," the closest
radio ever came to Sponsoring a sing.e genius of comic
enterprise, since Allen wrote, acted in, and presided
over a week-in, week—out program,year after year with
unflagging invention and wit....J“

5

Fred Allen is probably best known for “Allen's Alley."

-"Allen's Alley" was a democratic cross section of
boobs as well as wiseacres. And Allen had a penchant for
comic documentary ”interviews“ with nonentities:
somebody who held the coat of a somebody who held the
coat of a great men‘s retainer's secretary, or someone
who stations himself overnight at Yankee Stadium to
count the overnight crowd for this year's Opening game
of the World Series, pitiful exceptionalisms that
disastrouslv cut the ground from beleath sentimental
democracy.5

Fred Allen had been doing jokes and sketches in his comedy-

variety shows since 1932, but he introduced "Allen's Alley"

 

:' w o v ’

"rs-mm.- -

5339.191. , p. 261 .

118
in 19%3, and gave himself probably his iggest success as
a comedian. His major characters of Senator Claghern,
hrs. Nussbaum, Titus Needy, and Ajax Cassidy followed him
through his radio success.

Allen's forte was wit a d wer s: a potent power of
pleasing performance in the mouth of a skilled comedian
craftsman. His jokes were relevant; he attacked the issues
of the day from politics to poetry and New York subways to
California oranges ("California is a nice place to live--
if you're an orange"). He was a true wit, often seemingly
creating jokes as his show progressed: "Benny couldn't
.ad.l;b a belch at a Hungarian banquet...." When a few jokes
fell flat in one show, Allen relied on a little boy in the
first row of the radio studio audience, following a theory
of some entertainers that if you get the first few rows of
an audience, you've got the entire audience on your side.
Allen apparently noticed the little boy laughing at an
Openind joke, but noted to the entire audience that the
boy missed a later joke. Immediately after another
subsequent line failure, sharp Fred Allen spotted the boy
giggling and before firing a quick salvaging joke, Fred
blurted out, "Wait a minute, the little boy got that one!"
or something to that effect. Also, the audience might have
howled after another fizzled joke when Allen may have
quipped, "As that one lone laugh gees ricocheting around
the studio, we move to a selection by Al Goodman and his
orchestra...." In this case we go to a script analysis

of "The Jack Denny Show.”

119

Obviously, this script relies mainly on characte'
humor. To fully apprec ciate this script, the reader should be
fam' iliar with all characters involved, becat so the lines
themselves simplyr do not fully convey the character lquF.
For exc nple, one n.ust1 vs at some time heard the funny,
“Yeseeees?” of Fraik helsen; funny due to the way he says
it~~his personality provides the humor, not necessarily th
line. Or one should have an idea who Den Wilson is; from
previous broadcasts listeners would know Don is rather
corpulent (references to his size by words in scripts-~he

wig fat, too), which explains why he demolished the violin
when he sat on it. Jack Benny, of course, is the main source
of character humor: stinginess, greed, jealousy, and always
thirty~nine. The entire "Allen's Alley“ segment is written
.as ciaracter humor. However, as in past scripts, other
elements of humor contribute to the character humor.

'The entire plot of the script uses the humor element
of complication. Early in the script, the subject of concern
is introduced--tr e Stradivarius violin. As his traditional
character and show format predict, Jack desires to play a
tune on his violin for the audience. The introduction of
this subject and ensuing conversation about it leads to the
humor of complication. Certainly, when he found out Don
supposedly broke his violin, 1e simply could have eXpressed
regret and gone on with his planned show. But Jack Benny
would not drop the subject. He made a big thing out of

something simple. Each discussion and character entrance

120
complicates the smashed violin accident more and more.
Eventually, the problem is resolved, and Jack has his violin.

Q

Nevertheless, the show ends in a peeul ieu twist of anti-

i4

climax humor, when Dennis Day re vea to de ck that his uncle
was not looking for a Stradivarius, but a rare cello.

The main example of the element of exaggeration is
Jack's story aliout how he got his Stra ivarius. Unless told
by Jack bonny, however, this element of exagg«ration might
not have been as effective as it was intended to be

Momentum is another element of humor used in this
script. The pace is usually the Speed of a normal everyday
conversation, but the timing of the entrance of characters
is a key to the mom enth. r‘er eitn,lc, Mary Livingstone
enters and makes a sly quip about Jack's age, when he
remarks that his Stradivarius was only as old as he_was. When
Den Wi].son informs Jack that he does not know who owns the
violin he found, Dennis Day makes his timely entrance.

Dennis sings a song, providing a bridge to a change of scenes
with Jack and Rochester searching for Dennis's uncle; the
timing itself is not humorous, but it contributes to

momen sum carrying ther elements of humor, such as the
character humor.

Statement-ef-truth humor can also be found in this
script. hary Livingstone contributes a few tidbits of this
humor: that Jack is really old and hp needs to be replaced,
not h.is btiadivcr‘us° that Jack can't sing a no e; that it was

a shame Jack's uncles did not show any musical premise; and

121

that if Jack was not old and cantankerous, she was not hary
Livingstone. Dennis Day's clincher statement that his uncle
wanted a rare cello, of course, is statement of truth as
part of the humor of complication.

Verbal combat humor is usually not as strong in a
Jack Benny program, as in verbal combat between Jack
Denny and Fred Allen. Mild verbal combat erupts between
Jack and the police officer. Also, mild exchanges occur
when Denny visits "Allen's Alley.“ Had Fred Allen appeared
behind a door, another battle in a long feud of verbal combat

would have been renewed.

CHAPTER VII

MODERN COLEDY LRLUR

”CHISBWUS comm 13C sec-1113"

Program Length: Fifteen minutes

EUSIC:

ANNOUHCER:Chiseler's Country Store...Starring Poul Lynda and

SOIE‘FD:

. ‘.--‘1

Don Knotts. Brought to you tonisht by.....

_COITZ'E?'?T?CI..:".L (m manners), 171.510. Tier-<73: UP TO FULL,

 

ffiTTIZVKY T} 7 '11:) n, ‘1 Y'Ffi
$41”le [J;\I:___‘,! 1354:) ‘II‘J+..

3'1."_

 

cmsim .A'PFf'OEIPFIFT??? scams 0" PTT‘DS (Interim mm

 

 

goes AND when AIS-O Itfllif'T-‘LTfl‘ICv.

AIENOUNCER: This is Chisc ler's Country Store in Hocking Hollow,

SNIDELY:

Ohio. Snidely G. Chiseler, the store owner, and
his old bloodhound, Ulysses, have just moved into
this quiet, friendly little community to start a
new life. We find Snidely putting up his Sign
on the front of the store....

H :1 MP??? II‘IG STOPS .

Whew: I hate this kind of work, Ulysses. It
takes so much out of me. Besides, I hate this
sunshine in the summer like this. Everything is

so blasted cheerful. The bi1ds are singing, the

122

ISLE-EBB. :
SNIDELX:

ELHER:

SNIDELY:

ELHER:

SIIIDELY:

ELHER:

123

Icy is alter, the air is 1.1,.1...I hate it. I

5‘}

[49

wish I was be ch in Ks u Kerk. It was so di m: 1 an

miserable and polluted .nd foggy e.nd, mercy, it

was...my {ind of town Hoh-hehl

we shouldave stayed there, Ulysses. You know,

we had a decent life tizore...The night clubs, the

parties 0, the dancing, the rests wur and best

of all, I was unerwal N'ed. It was just too bad

that Uncle George found me a job out here. You'd

think he did it on purpose. He must love to see
how terrible!

I'll just

me suffer like this. W rk,

Well, Ul ys ses, the sign's up new.

sweep off the front porch here a bit and....
Chiseler's Country Store...
You haven't

Ya, sure is, and...1s is said thct?

learned to talk have you, UlyssesTI

Oh, excuse me. I’m back here admiring your

Sign.

Admiring, eh? whatfis so good about it? Haven't

you ever seen a sign before?

Well, ya. Of course I have. I we just readin'

out loud. Are you Mr. Chiseler?

N?

ies, they call me that. What about it?

Well, my name's Elmer Jumper. I live here in
Hocking Hollow!
(Aside) Hha t a pity.

Pardon me?

SNIDELH:
ELfiEB:

SIJIDEJI:

SNIDELY:

sums :

SNIDFJ.v ' I.

SNIDET My

1 2:1;

I 38:1;1' ‘31::L Lo {.5 3 1:16: Ci ty LPG-Ll 31‘3”; '2) 1’36? 150 o

h \hnrfi.u” you,'Lnircvsu...(Ll‘18)...He're

reel priudc of it. a reel CLO xu-to-cer‘

(Laughs)

I «t .
la. a o JD.SB

Mr. Chiselor, how long have ya been here?

Too long.
Pardon me?
Er...3ust drove in last night. Been working to

get ready to o,en since last night. This is my

first ti he outsi do here in dsylig at.

Last night? Why, it's no wonder I haven't seen

you before. I uSuelly walk 1p and down this
street st least to ice a day.
(Asid e!) low sad.

Yep...st least twice a day up and down old Main
Street here (lsughs)...yep...good old Main Street.
Not a nicer street anywhere. No sir. Wouldn't
you say so, Mr. Chiseler?
0h, absolutely. There's nothing like it...anywhere.
Absolutely...nothing like it.
(Laughs)

Nestled in the valley of the Hooking Hills.

Ya...Yessiree! Old Hocking Hollow.
Real
flat here. Nice small farm town. Reel nice small
town we've got.

(ASiiG)

Reel friendly.

How terrible.

SNIDELY:
ELssB:
SNIDELI:

ELMER :

SNIDELY:

ELEER:

SNIDELY:

Isp...rea1 frienilv. Eon, hr. Chisele“, take

just a minute from your sweeping there and just
step out here in the street aha take a look up

loin Street. Now, vou‘re bein9 on the far end of
the row of stores here on this siae of the street...
Just look up the street and tell me what you see...
Hell?

Nothing.

What?

A‘solutely nothing. Now leave me alone. I‘ve got
work to do here.

Oh, now Mr. Chiseler! Mr. hiseler! Now come

back here and take a 33:; 53;; look up this street.
Stand farther out here and look.

Oh, all right, but I'll scream if I don't see the
Washington Monument, iontioello, end the

Taj Mahal.

Iep...that's it...stand right here now and look.
Whadya see? -

Oh, I'm gonna cry, I'm gonna cry! Why did I

leave New York, oh why? This is my punishment for
being an honest to goodness full-blooded American
unemployed! (Sobs) I want my welfare back! Please!
Oh, what a cruel fate, owner of 3 country store in
Nowhere, U.S.A.l (Sobs)

Oh, now, Mr. Chiseler: Mr. Chiseler! Don't cry...
I know you must be homesick, but you'll like it here.

This 13 Hockifls H0110”. a iaignil: place to live.

Sh IDSIJ:

ELIZR

so IDE LY :
smite :

SNIDELY:
ELEEB:
SNIDELX:
ELI iEB:

SNIDELY:

ELHEB:

SNIDELY:

Ian-use:

(Cries lGUrlnr)

New wy your roars, Ir. Dr" your
tears new, and look at this to“n. Ion just
goin‘ up your side of the strcet, r: ght neg i

your store is an old he st-up vac: nt bxil.ding...
where the old g~ange hell used to be.

Used to be?

Yep. They moved into a new building across the
street.

Which one is that?

Oh, well do you see that little perk-like plaee
with he broken bench and the rooster sittin' on
the ca nnon next to the big pieeo of granite rock?
How could I miss it?

Well, now, the building just 231$ of that, is the
new grunge hell!

You mean the one with the "NBA? and I'Keep Cool
with Cal“ banners in the window?
That half of the building is the Hocking

The half just west of it

Nope.
Valley Gazette office.

 

is the Grange Hall.
on, I would never have known if you hadn't told

me, Elmer. Really, I wouldn't.

Well, now, I can see how it would be difficult
for a stranger. See the “R" and the "N" and the
“E" are miss in' from the sign. You see, Charlie

Nutter is the Building QUQLVin endont, but he just

SNIDELY:

ELBIER:

SNIDELY:

ELHEB:

SNIDELY:

ELMEB:

SNIDELY:

SNIDE LY:
ELfiEB:

12?
never got around to roplecin' those letters.
(Laughs) I suppose the 813:1 looks kind of

peculiar to you, hr. Chiseler.

No, Elmer. It doesn’t surp r15 6 me in the least...
really, it doesn't.
Well see? You'll gs t accustomed to this town
sooner or later!

Oh mercy, I hope not! Oh, Mother Chiseler, a

Gag Hall. I feel like it, I really do.
Now, look back over on your side of the street,

Mr. Chiseler. You're on the gggg side of the
street.

How lucky can I get? I'm on the corner of Main
Street on the

I'll

good Side.

Ye boy! You see all the perlcing places

City

say!
in town are on your side OI the street.
Council only allows it on one side of the street
be o’euse of the trs ffic on.Seturdiys, you kno ow.
Oh, I see. One side of the street because of
heavy traffic on Saturdays.

Oh ya. Saturdays are big d: my; for all the stores

Street here.

1'19 f. . A .. n W.’
lee {arms s lo aA up all

cars one pick-up

trucks and arise into town. Ye. It“s a big day

for the * hole family. The kifls love it. (Llcsas)

‘6 Ll¢al 0
EL? 71'” 0

SN I DELY:

p3

LMLR
SNIDELX:

tr!»

LMER:
snIDELI:
ELfiER:

SNIDELX:

ELfiEB:

SNIDEIX'

EUEEB 3

1(4'. C)

Ye. Children.
How terrible!

on, fir. Ohio elor. These

I'll bet they are.

Why, these or

.‘U-r-I’

Poor kias. Never bed a chenoe.'

Why, look at m3! I'm a product of Hooking Valley!
I would never have gueeeea, Elmer.

Well, now like I was sebwi g, you've got a greet
place for your store here, Mr. Chieeler, with the
the street.

parking Spaces on your siae of

Oh, I aidn' t realize it would make tliat much
difference.

Well, maybe not a whole lot, but still, if they
pull their cars in to park, they're bound to
see your store.

Why, you're reel observant there, Elmer. But
tell me...why aren't the people shopping along
Hein Street now? The town looks deserted all
up and devrn the street. Or does everyone wait
until after dark to swing around here?

The Little

Swing? Swing what? A but eball be t?

League plays every Monday and Weoneodoy nights

in the...

SI‘JIDEL‘I:
ELMEH:

SNIDBL':

SNIDELY:

”I? o
ELIHL o

SNIDELY:
ELHER:

SNIDELY:

ELHEE:

SNIDELY:

129
so, no, Elmer. I mean why aren't there any cars
parked along the street new?
Oh...well...this is Sunflay morning, you know...
and well...you know.
You don‘t mean the stores are closed on Sunday?
Why, of course. It's Sunday. I
They stay closed...all day?
Well, why sure, why not?
Oh, I get it. All tuckered out after a big
night on the town on.Saturday nights. How many
night clubs ya got here, Elmer?
What's a night club?
Elmer, you don't have any night clubs here?
well...flary Jenkins has a Social Club meeting

on Tuesday nights in her house. Sometimes she

alternates with Mrs. Baker when Mary has relatives
in for supper or something. You know how it is.
Yes, yes. I believe I do. Well, hen what about
your bare and taverns? How many?
Why, none, hr. Chiseler. This is a dry town.
And a peaceful one, too, I'll have you know.

But is it alive,

Yes. It's peaceful all right.

is what I'm worried about. No night clubs, no
taverns, no bars...Elmer, what do pe0ple around here
do for entertainment? walk down hain.Street for

a few laughs?

Oh, shuoks no, Mr. Chiselor. Why, Hooking Hollow

is the entertainment center of this areat

anon:
' 311191.335:
sums:
NIDELY:
EUR-JR:

SNIDELY:

ELEER:

SNIDELY:

ELMEB:

SNIDELY:

EIMER:

SNID? SLY:

ELHER:

130
O.K., Elmer. Let‘s hear it. I as n hm d.1y wait.

What have you get... In noylamd, the Ast.cdone,

Narinclanfl of the hidsest and what else?
Nope. Be ter than that.

Oh mercy! The Frenol Riviera .1
Now you take Honday nights...

Terrific! Every night's a winner I'll bet...
Now on Monday n ghts, they have all of the Scout
meetings over at the church on Cherry Bottom
Road out east of town...

O.K., let me write all of this down here, Elmer.
Scout meetings...honday nights...boys or girls,
Elmer? .

Both.

0 .K.,...no sex dwsoiitination...and.vaat's the
address?

Well, let‘s see now. You go out east on Main
Street until you reach the railroad tracks...
East to railroad tracks...

Then turn right down the gravel road out past the
grain elevator and go...oh...about a mile less a
stone's throw...

...right on gravel road at grainy escalator and
watch out for kids throwing stones_for miles

along the road...

Then take a hard left across the tracks, but watch
out for the tracks 'oause thc re's no grade

00 real slow unless you walk.

crossing.

SNIEELY

ISILIiIin:

SN I DE LY

SN IDELY

EIMEB:

SNIDELI:

EL

:11:;:

Hard left host to the jaw of kid who hits you

w
{:1

with a stone; een' eve tleeLs unless you well:,
otherwise go rc331 slow.

Then follow this airt road out test Blake Sunmer 3'
big barn with the tobeeeo s’gn on it and turn
right down that road on the other siae of it...
and watch out for his cattle 'cause his fence

is down along there.

Follow tobacco leaves on road to big barn with
dirty Sign on it, turn right and watch out for
wild buffalo hexd on stampede.

Then.ell you have to do is go another three miles
past the city dump and pest Herbie Slatter's

place to the coverea bridge, cross it and turn
left, 811*, presto! You‘re.there in.no time at all!
Then, another three miles, but watch out for
Herbie's place-«it's a durnp...cross the bridge
when you con*.e to it, turn left, an& Splash! You
turned too soon...and you're wet in_no time at all...
O.K., Elmer.‘ Got it.

Now, on Tuesday nights, its the International
Order of Odd.Fellows Meeting in the Grange Hall.
Extraordineries on Tuesday nights in the Gag
Hall...O.K....

Ya...and on.wedr nesdey nig llte its the Fraternal
Order of the Eagles in the o? ok of Carl Bewaras'

Hardware...

SNIDELI:

ELAER:

SNIDELY:

ELMEB:

SNIDELY:

ELEEB:

SNIDELY:
ELHEB;

SNIDELY:
Ewen:

SNIDELL:
EINER:

suxost‘:
ELMER:
SNIDELX:

132
The Be glee ily in the.

..i. k1re on Wootczo y
nights...O.K.

And Thursday nights are Legion nights in the
Legion Hall.

French Foreign Legion recruits on Thursday nights
at local post...0.K.

And on Friday nights and Saturday nights,
anything goes!

Went to be a little bit more Specific there,
Elmer?
Well...

Oh, come on, Elmer, e5.mit it.
Well, 0.K....Ioe Green Socials, Spaghetti
Suppers, Pot Luck Suppers, Firemen's Ball,

Barn Dances, Corn Festivals, and lemily Reunions.
You're kidding.

You mean you didn't have any of these back in
New York, Mr. Chiseler?

No, not that I recall, Elmer.

Oh, you poor soul! why, you just haven't liyed
until you go to one. Absolutely haven't enjoyed
life at all.
Oh, Elmer, is it too late? Am I too old already?

(Laughs)

Not one bit. No sir.
Why no, of course not.
How lucky can I get? On the good side of Main

Street and yet there's more.

ELHEE:

SNIDELY:
ELHEE:

SNIDELY:

ELNER:

SNIDELY:

ELHEB:

SNIDELY:
ELMER:

SNIDELY:
ELMER:
SNIDELY:

ELHEB:
SNIDELI:

smun:

133
Why, NP. Chiseler, my *uess is that you°ve Eat

a good many of these that on can attend from

‘4

now on.
(Aside) I hope not.

What's that?

Oh~..(leughs)...l hepe I have many to look
forward to. '

Oh, ya. Indeed you will.

Yes...well, if you'll excuse me, Elmer, I've

got to get back to work here. And besides, we're

standing in the middle of Main Street. We might
get run over by a horse or something.

No. Not likely today. Usually any other day,
though.

What, run over? .

Well, not likely, but Jake Thurston rides his
surrey in about any other day.

What is this surrey bit, a campy new electric
car or something?

Oh, no. It's an old-fashioned surrey--a
carriage. Lulubelle brings him. I

on, he can't drive?

No, Lulubelle's a horse.

Why, Elmer. I didn‘t think you were the type to
Call people names like that. Really, she can't
be all that bod, even if she gags drive.
No!

You don‘t understand. She really is a horse.

...-I."

SNIDELX:
ELHER :

SNIDELY:

Elfi?B:

SNIDELY:
ELHER:

SNIDELY:
ELHEB:
SNIDELY:
ELMER:
SNIDELY:

ELNER:

NIDELI:

'Oh, Jake is just a swell fellow, for sure.

13%
I get the message, but don't rub it in, Elmer.

She conit be all that bad.

No. It's a.hrreg-druun surrey. Lulubelle's
the torso.

   

Why, whet e novel idea. A horse-drawn carriage.
Very ecologically minded, this Jake must be.
However, I shudder at the thought of peeple in
New York going that direction. ‘ESpecially at
rush hour. And the parking...Meroyl

Just
like all of the rest of the townfolk.

I'm beginning to see a pottern here.

Yep, hr. hiseler, you are just going to really
like it here. I 2393 you will!

Well, as Fiorello said, patience and fortitude.
That's the spirit!

(Laughs) You'll do just fine!

Thanks, Elmer. Now, excuse me, I've got a lot
of work to do here. So long.
Wait a minute, Mr. Chiseler.
What is it, Elmer. Did I miss something on
Main Street? You know I really don't have time
for the deluxe tour right now, I really don't.
Oh, no. I can show you the rest of the town
later. But what I was wondering...
Yes, Elmer? If it's that Scout meeting, not

tomorrow, anyway, please...

13.5

ELBER: No, no, no. Not that. I wes...uh...just
wondering if, you know, you could use some help
in your store here. I can do a fair amount of
work and...

SNIDELY: You went a job, Elmer? In my store? _

ELNER: Well...I really like to work and I'm reliable...

SNIDELY: You mean this town has unemployment? Hocking
Hollow has unemployment? fiercy! What's the
world coming to?

ELMEB: Oh no, no, no hr. Chiselerl Hocking Hollow
doesn't have unemployment.

SNIDELY: Well then, Elmer, what's your job?

EINER: Well, I'm the deputy sheriff here in Hooking Hollow.

SNIDELY: Deputy sheriff? Where's your badge, Elmer?

ELhEH: Oh, well, I carry it in my shirt pocket. You
see, when I wear it, I keep catching my shirt
sleeve on it when I blow my nose. Hay fever,
you know. But otherwise, as you can see, I wear
this ten uniform.

SNIDELY: Well, I understand, Elmer. You picked a great
place for hey fever. But if I hire you, what will
your boss say? The sheriff here 13 your boss,
isn't he?

ELMER:- Oh ya, sure he is. Yep. Sheriff Riley. Preston
Riley. Yep. Just a reel greet guy.

SNIDELY: But don't you have to stay on the job in your

office, Elmer?

\I.‘ W‘? o

£13-32... 4i. .

'1.

:4

E

SNID

Ethos:

SNIDEL .

136
Noll, sometimes. We dorfi t he"e all that much
trouble here, you see. Reel peaceful. We're
here just in case, you know. Besldes, my job is
to L.Lgle with the po ople here 8 llfl let 'em know
the low is here!
Well, from the looks of you, Elmer, that last
statemeixt 1Mou d be debe.eble.
Now just watch yourself there, Mr. Chiseler.
I can be real mean and tough when I have to!
Don‘t you underestimate me! Why, if I'm called
upon to enforce the law, I'm the roughest,
toughest...
Cool it, lBlm3r . I get tile picture in patriotic

colors. Your face is turning red, white, and

blue.

ELMEB: well, do I get the job?!

SNIDELY: O.K., Elmer. You get the job._

ELHER: I do?! Hey, that's great! When do I start?

SNIDELY: Well, you come in tomorrow, Elmer. That's
soon enough for you.

ELHER: Gee, thanks, hr. Chiselerl (Off nlke) 'I'm goin'
home and Spread the good news!

SNIDELY: Well, Ulysses, whadya think? Ye...thet's what I'm
thinking, too. Well, here we are enyuey. Yep.
Hooking Hollow...meroy!

fiQSIC: FADE IN CHIFRI£R°S TPEEE_UP T0 FUELL TVFN U'“rR

 

Fen All. 1} gyrvprn TC“ T 'f‘ n,»)?iffi'a;\p{1T/!L'il (5‘0 5." Isa-37')" “(1.1

..~ -_"xr”' “up ..‘Il: .1...- \_ <‘\> o
' .— nunu".

137

S( at": 7‘3“ ,5 'f:f":1'f”f‘§fl
......i- as; “ ”—21-4;Qafsfifi'4‘fi $3..

“Chiselor's Country Store“ is purposely written to
derive its humor from character humor alone. The decision
to use only oh:.1o;oter htu- or in this script stems from a
nun er of reasons. irs , chzr actor humor has a strong
record of success, as evident in the popularity of comedians
like Jack Benny, Edgar Bergen, and Lum and Abner. Second,
character humor lids mass appeal and usually will not offend
any one segment of the audience (as it is used here), as
opposed to risks of a program of telling Jokes. Third,
character humor is slower to develOp audience acceptance
than so-ce lle d gsg hue or (tolling jcd zes), but has greater
potential and endurance when accepted by a loyal audience.

"Chiseler's Country Store" is a new radio comedy
program. The character humor of Snidoly Chiseler purposely
violates almost all standard rules of humor etiquette.
Chiseler's humor is mean, brash, cynical, ugly, and
hypocritical. In short, Chiseler is a negative character.
His negative humor would shock Fanny Brice, Al Jolson, Jack
Benny, or Eddie Cantor, who would not support humor that hurt
anyone. Chiseler's humor, however, only seems to hurt E1323,
not the audience. But Elmer Jumper is good—natured and can
take the bitter replies of Chiseler. Today, a new radio
comedy program must be different to succeed, although not

necessarily in this negative h umor style.

1323

T

o‘

he program has potential. There is‘ccntrcst
between the rather sinister Chiseler and the innocent,
polite, friendly Elmer Jumper. This script establishes

the situation of potential conflict between Chiseler and
Elmer and his whole beloved town. The script dictates that
Chiseler is stuck in the town; he hates it already, and he
appears to be doomed to suffer friendly, sincere people
like Elmer. Also, with the setting of a store, Chiseler is
bound to meet more residents of Hocking Hollow, which pro-
vides opportunities for the introduction of many new char-
acters and problems-~pctential plots involving more char-
acter humor. This script may not be accepted by a radio
station, perhaps because it just is not funny enough. How-
ever, good character humor requires time and exposure to an
audiezce to build a loyal group of listeners. The program

series would improve like a fine wine with age.

CHAPPER VIII

MOD3BN COW 3DY DRAEA
”T}IE NEW TEXPS RAIJCERS

Proeram Leneth: Fifteen minutes
b (3

MUS IO:
ANNOUNCER

SOUND:
VOICE:
MORGAN:
VOICE:
MOP G.MI:

SOUND}

FADE IN THERE UP TO FULL._THFN UNDER FOR:
:From out of the pa set, from the days of yesterday
when the west was wild and Texas was young come

the New Texas R'ngers of the twentieth century!

THFhE UP TO FULLL_w3§1_rxrtaz

 

Join us now for the thrilling new adventures of
the New West withB ngc r Frank Merge n and his
wise old companion, Ranger Amos Brown, as they
cross the blazing hig r.ze'ays and freeways of Tom
as...The New Texas Rangers!

THEME UP TO FULLLpTHEN U"EPP FOR C’WM RCIAL

L69 messes ) 3, mm:

INSIDE OF CAB CRUISING ON HIGHWAY.

Calling 8X 21W,38X ZEN. Come in, please.

...BX 2TH here, come in.

Report to headquarters immediately for assignment.
Roger dodger, HQ. I'm on my way.

C53 QUICKLY PICVIKG UP SPEED.

139

1': C’lLU‘L 1:

11:0
Wonder what it is this time? I ;:yUJ I'll

Lest ni:- ht it

hmmm.

run an errand for the boss again.

was groceries, the night b~fore it: v.'es taking
his do 3 to the vet. This is really becoming a

drag. Nobody needs he New Texee Bangers anymore.

We're obsolete. No more cowboys and Indians.

Just the usual city crime. Ah, for those glorious
days of yesteryear when a Texas Ranger would go
for miles on his horse to catch he bad guys.

Sigh...not any more.

 

 

 

SOIND CAR FUELING IN TO A STOP. C R_ PC“? OP"‘S. CLOSES.
EOOTSTEPS. A"Om'““ EC‘“ CTP"S CT QSES.

MORGAN: Well, Frank, what is it t1fi.s time°

FRANK: I don't know. The boss wants to see you in his
office. He says it's important.

MORGAN: I'll bet. Well, I'll see

SOUND: THO KNOCKS. OFF NIL@. ”CORE IH. " EQOR OPENS.

BOSS: 0h, hello, nor gen. Come in, please. I want to
have you meet your new partner, hr. Amos Brown.

BROWI: Hiya, bud! How's it goin'?

MORGAN: Huh? Oh, ya, how do you do?

BROWN: Oh, I'm fine. my dog here, Andrew Roosevelt

Johnson, is fine, too._ Shake hands with Mr. Morgan,

Real

Andy...thet's it. He's a reel smart dog.

Terrible mean.

friendly. But he can be mean, too.

Why, on my last...

1311(3141I':

SOUND:

MORGAN:
BOSS:
MORGAN:

BOSS:

MORGAN:

1M1
Uh, maybe some other time, Hr. Brown. Since you
two will be on your first assignment right away,
why don‘t you go out in the petrol car and wait
for Frank. He'll be out shortly. I just went to
have a few words with him in private.
Oh sure, sure. Go right ahead. Andy and I'll go
out and wait in the patrol car. Ye, won't we, Andy?
Ya...see. He shook his head. He's a reel smart
dog, he is. Come on; let's go.
DQOR CLOSES.
I don‘t get it. That guy's old enough to be my
grandfather...what gives? We canlt be that
deeperete, can we? }
Nell, Frank. It's a new ruling passed down from
higher up. t goes along with the new Banger
policy of no discrimination because of old age.
What? .
That's right. It's in the wind across the nation.
It's bound to become a law sooner or later, so
the New Texas Rangers will incorporate it into
Ranger policy now-«kind of a public relations
prestige point, you know. '
I can't believe it. Why, how will this guy keep
up? These old people are so sickly and weak.
Why, he'll break down, get tired easily, or even

worse become seriously ill on the job.

BOSS:

EOBGAN:
BOSS:

K O R G‘AAIQ :
BOSS:

MORGAN:
BOSS:

11:2
You're wrong, Frank. Icu underestimate the older
generation. ‘hey're e teugh lot, even though the~
don't appear to be so on the surface. Reel strong
cherecter,=lihe solid steel. They've been through
a lot in their lives, hese senior citizens. But
it's made them strong end wise-«reel tough. If
we can use their wisdom, like we went to with
Amos, shy, think what it will do for people his
age across the nation. A new spirit of hOpeI
And Frank, this country needs that now.
Ya, but...
Don't worry about Amos. He's been a policeman
all of his life. He knows this business better
than any of us.
But the New Texas Rangers aren't...
Don't worry. As of today, we're taking a new
course. A more active role in this area. We'll
go from town to town by teams of two like you and
Amos; going wherever the New Texas Rangers are
needed. Our job is to help the local authorities
in a new war on crime. The New Texas Rangers
will do their Job.
lut Amos is so old, why...
He's young at heart, Frank, and acts it. That's
what counts. Oh sure, he takes his medicine and
has peculiarities, but he's a wise man, Morgen.
You'll be surprised how nuch_you'll learn just

working with him.

1&3
And tne deg?
They've been working as a team, Fisnk. The
't carry a gun.

dog is his enforcer. Amos doesn

 

 

He just has Andy, his dog. Den't worry, Frank.
You'll like them bot}.

MORGAN: Well; I hope you know what you're doing.

8058: Just do your job, Frank. We're doing ours.

Now, here's your first tee m assignment. You are
to go to Galveston to look for a small but power-
ful smuggling ring. It's a big job and may take
you a long time working on it, but it will lessen
the burden on the local police. Good luck,

Fr ank. We'll be checking with you from time to
time.

IHOlG1d0.K., boss. 50 long. I hope this works out.

Bess: It will, Frank. It will. ,

MUSI.- BRIDGE assures sonata.

SOUND: onesxro seven on can AT CRUISIFG sagas.

BROWN: Yes sir, I'm really glad to be back on the job
again. Really makes me feel good. Do you know
what I mean,=Frank?

MORGAN: Oh ya, sure. Always nice to have a job.

BROWN: Ya. That's what I say, too. Work and be happy.

Q

Of course, that doesn't mean you have to work to

Le happi. Now, you take yourself, for example.

Do you think driving this car to Galveston is work?

“7 “Y3"? _‘t." o
I} ilbf.“ o

BEECH N :

MORGAN :

BRONX

42—.
O.

MORGAN:
BR 014 N :

MOBGON:
EROHN:

MORGAN:
BROWN:

MOBG$

1 1::

Well,'why wouldn't it be? I'm sure not doing it
for fun, and I'm being paid for it.

That's what I mean and...flndy Rooseveltl...quit
licking Frank's neck:

Oh that's O.K., Amos. It keeps me awake. Just so
he stays in the back seat is all I care.
Well, he's a good police dog. He just gets
playful and friendly at times, that's all. I guess
all dogs are like that.

Ya...I guess so.

Now, where was I? Oh ya. Now, what about race
drivers? Now they drive for a living, but I
don't know too many that think that driving in
an auto race is not fun...they like it, or they
wouldn't do it.

Really.
Ya; sure. But like I say, you don't need to
work to be happy. Now take Andy Roosevelt there.
Now he is doing a variety of things as a dog
riding in the back seat of a police car, and he
is happy.

Well, I wouldn't know.

Well, now just look at 01' Andy sitting there
looking out the window.

No, I can't. ‘Got to watch the road.

£10331! :

HOE GAN S

MORGAN :
seem: :

HORGAN :
BROWN 2
MORGAN 3

BECK-1N :

MOBGAH3'

shown:
MORGAN :
BROflN:
MOB GAN :
BROWN :
MORGAN:
BROWN:
MORGAN :

1&5

No, no. I seen :13. watch him. Hour,- it being

dork outside, you would think he wouldn’t be
t

0 interested in what's going on. Not Andy.

0

He's reel smart, because hoes watching out the
window of the ear in the back seat there.
Check again. I think he‘s licking my neck.

Oh, ya. So he is now. iell,-you see, he's got

to take a break new and thens Doesn't want to
strain.his mind thinking too much.

Oh, I take it he‘s thinking, then?

Well, that would be my estimation. You see, he's
a smart dog.

Why is that?

Well, I think I know what he's thinking about.

You do?

Ya. I think he's thinking about what I'm thinking.
You think he's thinking about what you’re thinking?
Ia. That's what I think.

Know what I think?

No, what do you think?

I think you're both wrong.

About what?

I think you're both thinking wrong.

How’s that?

I think that you: re thinking about what he's

thinking about your thinking about his thinking.

B1201“: N :

MORGAN:
ROWE-3 :
MORGAN:

BROWN:
MORGAN:
BBOHN:
MORGAN:
BROWN:
MORGAN:
BEIGE-IN :

MORGAN :
BROWN:
MORGAN:

BROWN:

MORGAN:

BECK“: N 3
MORGAN:

1%
Wait a minute. You mean ycuire thinking that I‘m
thinking about what he?s thinking about my
thinking about his thinking?
Right.
You know what I think?
I'm afraid to ask.
Go ahead. It won't hurt.
O.K., what do you think?
I think we’re all thinking too much.
You think so?
Watch it now, I feel the boat shaking.
O.K., let's drop the whole thing.
I like it that way. No sense in getting

Not at all.

Good.
all buffed up about nothing. No sir.
Why, just look at Andy back there...I mean
imagine him back there, Frank. He's watching out
the back window. Watching all of the traffic on
the freeway here.

Well, I always say four eyes are better than two.
Ya. And.Andy's back there doing something.

I just had this car cleaned

Oh no! I hepe not!

inside and out:

No, no. I mean he's doing something with his

Just so it isn’t anything else, is all I care.
Yes sir. Andy is thinking.

Uh~ h. Here we go again.

BROWN :
MORGAN :

BROWN:

'MORGAN:
BROWN:
MORGAN:
BROWN:

MORGAN :

snow N :
MORGAN:
BROWN:

MORGAN:
BROWN :
MORGAN :
BROW N :

EORGAN:

147
lessiree. Thinking about smuggled goods.
VI here ?

Oh, I would imagine in sons of these trucks

we've been passing.

Are you sure?

Well, I think so.

Watch it.

Oh, now look. 01d Andy takes a good look at
these trucks we pass. He knows smuggled goods
would more than likely be hauled in trucks.

Possibly. But the trucks we pass going our-way

would be going to Galveston, not £323 it. Any
trucks with contraband would probably be lggyggg
Galveston, not going to it.

Well, now, don't you underestimate old.Andy.

How could I, he's a thinking dog's dog.

Now Andy knows all the facts, see. He realizes
that trucks leaving Galveston would be more likely
to have contraband than ones going into
Galveston.

Check. Smart dog.

However,...

I knew this was coming.

However, Andrew Roosevelt Johnson goes one step
further.

If he does, he'll be on my lap, now get off,

you mutt!

MORGAN:

BROWN:

MORGAN:

BROWN:

MORGAN:

BROWN:

MORGAN:

BROWN:

MORGAN:

BROWN:

MORGAN:

BROWN:

MORGAN:

BROWN:

11:18
Well, he's just being friendly. New, like I was
saying...Andy realises that some of the trucks
we pass on this side of the road may be going
to Galveston.
Good reasoning there, Andy.
And he knows that one of them may be going to
Galveston to pick up a load of contraband.
But how can he tell which one would be likely to
be going to Galveston to pick up contraband?
He looks the drivers in the eye as we pass. Haven't
you been watching him?
No, I've been keeping my eyes on the road. This
car doesn't steer itself, you know.
Well, he does it. I've been watching him.
Well, just how does he know so well?
Oh, he's been around for a good number of years
now. And he's seen many a truck driver and what
they're like.
Well, he's licked enough of my neck so far...
you'd think he were going to taste me next.
Oh, Andy's a good dog.
O.K., now just how does he know a truck driver is
about to pick up a shipment of contraband?
Well, as you know, it doesn't take a whole lot of
time to pass a truck.
Check.

But it does take some time to approach it and

go beyond it.

MORGAN:

BROW N :

MORGAN:
BROWN:

MORGAN:
BROWN:

MORGAN:

BROWN:

MORGAN:

BROWN:

MORGAN:
BROWN:

11:9
Two checks.
Now, Andy, he watches how that truck is going
along the road. He can tell by the way the
driver steers it as we approach it, what kind
of a driver he is.
You mean echrience in driving?
Right. He knows a real steady fellow will be
more than likely be an O.K. driver. But if he's
a little nervous, Andy picks up a clue and gets
suSpicious. ‘
I see.
Ya...And then when we pass the truck so he can
look in the window at the driver, he makes his
second obser'ation.
O.K., and what's that?
Well, if the guy smiles at Andy and looks confident
and steady, he's probably O.K.
What if he doesn't smile or doesn't look steady?
He still may be 0.K.
That's where Andy's instinct comes in. He can
tell. Just by looking at the eyes. It's his
review check.
0.K., then is that all?
Nope. He gets his third check as we go on pagt
the truck. He watches the driver's reaction after
we pass him. If he wipes his forehead or gives a

sigh of relief, Andy really gets suSpicious.

l‘iORGfiN :

BROh‘ N :

MORGAN:

BROWN:
MORGAN:

BROWN:

MORGAN:
BROWN:
MORGAN:
BROWN:

MORGAN:

BRON

150
But there are always except one to all of those.
How does...
Instinct. Pure instinct.
Well, what good will all his suspicions do us,
Amos? Here we are driv1ng along and.Andy sees a
suSpect, but he can't tell us anything. What
will he do, bark or something?
Nope. Andy, he's quiet about the whole thing.
He doesn't jump to conclusions.
He'd better not do any jumping in this car, that's
for sure.
(Laughs)

No, he won't. Andy'll just wait until

the right time. He remembers all of the suspicious
drivers that we pass. Remembers their faces and
their trucks. Then, if we ever see one of these
fellows in person, Andy will practice his last

but surest test of a suSpect.

What' 8 that? '

He'll sniff him.

O.K., but doesn't his system break down sometimes?
Ya. Whenever we pass a meat truck, everything
breaks down! (Laughs)
Say, Amos. How is it that you know so much about
dogs?

why...I'm a New Texas Ranger:

FADE? IN .CIITZIIR, UP TO FLI'T..T.., THEN UNDRR FOR:

A NN OUR Chili :

MUSIC:

151
Tune in again next week for ”The New Texas
Raigcrs,“ as they drive across the West in a

never ending struggle against crime:

0

FILE??? UP TWINE T FUEJ... THEE;ZL_I,REDRR [JED OUT _FOR_

FINAL cot‘331i31rzCIJinJ6-0 trends;

15-

022121.339...~ £1.41:

U)

I

“The New Texas Rangers," intended as a radio comedy
script for current use, depends on character humor. Frank
. Morgan and Amos Brown provide a more subtle, quiet humor
than that in "Chiseler's Country Store;" however, it also
is to appeal to a general audience. Frank Morgan, the
first character introduced in the script, plays the straight
man: he Operates on a low energy level, is an efficient
officer, and has a subtle sense of humor. In contrast
Amos Brown plays the comic: he is old but Spry, energetic,
vocal, and honestly funny. These two characters are the
core of this script and of any future series from this
program. The main elements of humor, besides character
humor in this script are literalism, complication, exagger-
ation, statement of truth, the obvious, and momentum.
The conversation of Frank Morgan and.Amos Brown

in the patrol car uses literalism humor.‘ For example,
Amos says to look at Andy looking out the window. Amos did
not mean for Frank to turn around and look; Amos was actually
talking out loud to himself. When.Amos remarks, FAnd.Andy's
back there doing something, ”Frank cries out in dismay,
thinking the dog is making a mess in the back seat. Amos
meant the dog was just thinking in the back seat.

‘ The element of humor of complication comes in one
portion of the patrol car conversation between Frank and
Amos. Amos makes an apparently harmless statement: “Hell,

I think I know what he's thinking about." Then, Frank

153
gives him a standard, subtle cue by saying, “You do.” What
follows, due to Frank's thinking he can out do Amos talking
about nothing, is a simple statement being made unnecessarily
complex. As the conversation progresses, Frank concludes
that he is no match for Amos in nonsense chatter.
tatement of truth, a little exaggeration, and the

obvious combine to, again, provide subtle humor. For
example, when Andy shakes Frank's hand.. It did happen and
it was rather obvious (in the audience's mind), but it was
a little exaggerated. In the car Andy is described in the
conversation as licking Frank's neck and almost jumping
into the front seat. Andy actually doing these things and
the visualization of a large dog trying to jump into the
front seat of a car are funny. In contrast, Ulysses, in
"Chiseler's Country Store," did not significantly contribute
to obvious humor. Amos describing Andy's technique of watching
for trucks involved in contraband is a bit of exaggerated humor.

Momentum contrast is the key humor element in this
script. Frank Morgan's lines are rather slow and lethargic,
contrasted to Amos Brown's energetic, wordy lines. The
quickened tempo of the lines when Frank gets a little
annoyed at Andy licking his neck, or in the segment on
thinking what Andy thinks, are examples of humor of momentum.

As in the “Chiseler Country Store" script, "The
New Texas Rangers" relies on a general audience appeal. The
subject of different, modern police is currently popular on

television. with a theme of helping local police,

15!}.
"T‘s New Texas Rangers" has the potential of being a kind
of modern comedy drama with a plot similar to that of
“The lone Ranger." A variety of settings, characters, and
situations are possible. Amos would be the hero of senior
citizens~-his age is hinted but never revealed. The comic-
straight man teams like radio and television's "Dragnet“
have been successful. Also, how can a comedy show lose with
a dog hero like Andrew Roosevelt Johnson?

Nevertheless, one may see this script has more
drama than comedy. True, but it is different, it is
relevant, and it has potential. Once the characters are
somewhat better established after three or more episodes,
the comedy and drama may balance. Recall that character

humor requires time to develop.

CHAPTER IX
CONCLUSION

Fred Allen once forecast an ominous future for radio

comedians.

There was a certain type of imaginative comedy that.
could be written for and performed only on radio. But

DI'fi-im ...v .‘n

' £“_-IL at

I;

we are living in a machine age, and for the first time
the comedian is being compelled...to compete with a
machine...khether he knows it or not, the successful
comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.3‘

He knew from eXperience the limitations of radio comedy.
Allen was very fearful that the radio released
such a huge number of machine-made jokes per night
that it dulled the average person's responses.
“Before radic,“he said, “when Will Rogers or a Peter
Finley Dunne made a wisecrack, it would be quoted
from one end of the country to the other and everyone
repeated it for a month. Today, nobody remembers what
I said on the radio last week, except some gag writers
who are figuring ways to steal the jokes.”5
The rise of television ultimately brought the
decline of radio comedy and the end of the Golden.Age of
Radio. Advertisers left radio for the increasingly popular
medium of television. It was just a common sense business
move, but it marked the end of an age of radio comedians.
Ed.Wynn warned: “Being a comedian is an art and not a

business. It should.not be judged exclusively by

 

}
5*Harmon, Comedians, p. 183.

r
52Cahn, [113511 Piniu‘fi, p0 1650

155

business standards.3
With the decline of radio comedy 1?; mi.nent, comedy
moved to television, Fred.Allen predicted:

Television is 110thing like vauo eville. In
vaudeville you had one act and a constantly changing
audienceu-TV, like radio, is Just the opposite.

You have the sagze aud_ience all the tin a, so the act
must be chann.jed after eao h performance Naturally,
the quality of the material gets low.77
Nor was comedian.Steve Allen entirely optimistic about
comedy's future on television.

TV has helped and injured the deve10pment of comedy.
It has helped it by stimulating it to a prodigious
growth, but the vcrys need of that growth in the long
run seems to have worked to the dis drantagc of the art
of convoy. The ind.ustry seems to wear many of the comics
out and to cut 011 the progress-01 newcomers before they
have a fair chance to develop.9 5°

Today, television has almost entirely replaced radio as the
broadcast medium of comedy. Television's effectiveness in
this role depends on the viewer. The younger generation
may have no basis of comparison. The older generation,
the often ignored category on advertiser's audience surveys,
has only memories of the past, realities of the present,
and prayers for the future.

llIn the decade of the thirties, obstinately perhaps,
candor, freedom, and comic potency found their fullest
representation. “59 The upsurge cannot be attributed to the

technological advances of radio or talking movies alone.

 

561hid., p. 176.
5711mm .

5 Sins .

59Bier, firmer, p. 283.

15?
a feeling of-confidcnce in national undertaking in the
thirtiesu-the New Deal era followed by World War II. One
would think that the postwar sense of victory, national
pride and confidence, and free~world leadership would have
. injected a Spirit of.new hepe, enthusiasm, and success in
radio comedy and.American humor. Unfortunately, this was
not the case.

"An uncertainty, a deepening mood of frustration,
other thralldcms and insecurities, however, in combination
with internal comic exhaustions, have reduced comic gaiety
and enterprise."60 The postwar mood marked the beginning
decline of American humor. However, this decline, together
with the waning popularity and importance of the entertain-
ment medium of radio and the advancement of this new
ethereal electronic receiver called television, abetted the
untimely, immerited demise of the Golden Agent Radio.

And gone forever are those knightly witwrights of mirth
into the eternal necr0polis--wiSps of memories of ever-

attentive celestials.

 

60Bier, humor, p. 283.

SELECTE BI BLIOGBAPHY

SELECTED BIBLIOGRAPHY

BOOKS

Bernouw, L?.Lk. A_ Tf "Q” 1“?”FQT’ A H} "+“”V G; Brnodosstins
'.an 1:113, [,3313;fl£"rw"“, VF'E: '-‘ ffw lésnLQ 1F. 33.11034 1033K:

Oxzoid Unixers icy frees, 966.

Bier, Jesse. $33 Bi;a_;ndrFell_cf 93933333 Humor. New York:
Holt, hinehart and nineten, 1968. ‘

12“":77 ‘.tP—‘i—B

Buxton, Frank, and Owen, Bill. Effiifl's Golden Ame: T”.

@_
Pror’j_ P3} t?q_ P “”F“”§it£fs. new low Ea"ton

nod—W7

Valley irvso, 1966.

081111, \s‘illip 1n. Trn“ 1017.71 Ylnh-«nco [1 "P1 {n+arojq1 lflfiJ-r‘rj (:11
Av winnn (‘3‘;j333, d1tu8,n int induction t3 harold
Lloyd. hew 102:: G. P. Putnam‘s Sons, 1957.

Cuthbert, Margaret, ed. fidvcnttre in Padig. n.p.: Howell,

M-wg,

boskin, Publishers, Inc., 1945.

Harmon, Jim. The Great R7dio Ccrcii.ns. Garden City,
New York: Doubleday & to:p£ay, Inc., 1970.

Landry, Robert J. This “esoir j: tn3 _Rcdig Putin as
Indianapolis: LObDS-uclrlll Company,1wbo

Settel, Irving. A Pi t~r511_fliceorv of Rodin New York:
Grosset & Dunlap, 196;.

WM 8 . Max . ed . Esisiifincsngeats....o1.1.55.3:32 . N ew York:

Whittlesey house of the thrawnhill Book Company,
Inc., 1939.

PERIODICALS

Seldes, Gilbert. “Male and Female and Radio.“ Eggnige,
January, 193“, pp. 35, 1£?Oo

“The World‘s Worst Juggler.” @133, April 7, 1947, pp. 71-76.

158

159

N [I L I 3 PA 1?}; H

 

Talbert, Bob. "He May 3 k 3911d8tin~v,Dvae°sNot--
Just Ask Insr Cabbi .” 3"; 1?,5 no Pgoss.s
April 16,1972, :60. A, p. l5.

RECORDINGS
National Voice Libra ary, M1chigs.n S tate University.

Depar oment of Television and Radio Audio Tape Archive of
Broadcasting History.

Stemen Collection of Broadcasting History Recordings.

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