4 ww v... a my}. L ‘1. u] u 5... .. iyzi -. A e . . . i N! 553.?» “In! 1: ‘u: s . $.30. . .. . m4“ 530‘ 73“ “'043‘, - ,...l..uflv\..3. ’- {.15331." (‘7 ..l - in.” 1. . 1%... .4“? find”. 1.1.. 3 1 E. . , 3393.3! .0 y 0:. I?! (z! 3‘? s\n-..‘|..~i .. :zztflt . . 3-,... ‘5 Fig.7; s). .i p I ‘ L L13.- {SA «4 9.4V rut-)0“ 3!... 3:13....M J .Fyi: .733 .3... kWh.“ t. . . 1%.. V {.5} li‘ I. ”by. . a k 175! .1. “(5.3.1 231.9 , .ma.‘ . , . 5% THESIS LIBRARY 3 Michigan State 9—0 0‘1 University This is to certify that the dissertation entitled INFLUENCE OF EARLY ATTACHMENT ON COUPLE RELATIONSHIP FOR CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE SURVIVORS AND THEIR PARTNERS presented by Chingju Grace Chen has been accepted towards fulfillment of the requirements for the PhD. degree in Family and Child Ecology Major Professor’s Signatdre /a ‘ // " 0 X Date MSU is an Affirmative Action/Equal Opportunity Employer PLACE IN RETURN BOX to remove this checkout from your record. TO AVOID FINES return on or before date due. MAY BE RECALLED with earlier due date if requested. DATE DUE DATE DUE DATE DUE 5/08 K:/Prolecc&Pres/ClRC/DateDue indd INFLUENCE OF EARLY ATTACHMENT ON THE COUPLE RELATIONSHIP FOR CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE SURVIVORS AND THEIR PARTNERS By Chingju Grace Chen A DISSERTATION Submitted to Michigan State University in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY Family and Child Ecology 2008 Copyright by Chingju Grace Chen 2008 ABSTRACT INFLUENCE OF EARLY ATTACHMENT ON THE COUPLE RELATIONSHIP OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE SURVIVORS AND THEIR PARTNERS By Chingju Grace Chen This research investigated the interaction of childhood attachment with parents and adulthood attachment with current relationship partners of adult female child sexual abuse survivors (CSA) using the lens of Attachment Theory (Bowlby, 1982), Human Ecology Theory (Bronfenbrenner, I979), and Psychosocial Development Theory (Erickson, 1964). The study design and analysis followed phenomenological qualitative research methods (Moustakas. I994; Polkinghome, 1989; Wertz, 2005). Data were collected from six couples using multiple sources: individual interviews, individual diaries, and couple interviews. Data were analyzed through within-couple comparisons and between-couple comparisons. The within-couple comparisons analyzed individual partner’s developmental experiences and attachment evolution from childhood to the current developmental stage with his/her parents and current partner. The between-couple comparisons analyzed the patterns observed among the couples. The research findings showed that the participants had similar developmental experiences to their current partners. The participants’ childhood relationships with their parents did have an influence on their current attachment, specifically, the model of self and other. The participants developed their current model of self and other through interaction with their parents, and their parents‘ responses to their childhood developmental needs and/or significant events. Through this interaction, the participants coped or copied the interaction with the individual parents or the parental relationships in the developmental process, which, then, influenced their current model of self and other. In the current relationship, when encountering conflicts that could not have been resolved in their relationships, they reacted with the behaviors copied from their parents or the behaviors developed in childhood that were used to cope with the interactions in the family systems. One of the partners” responses corresponded to his/her model of self, while the other’s response corresponded to his/ her model of other. These findings demonstrated that both female adult survivors and their partners contributed to the challenges in their current relationships. An integrated approach, combining individual and couple therapy with female adult survivors of child sexual abuse and their partners, is needed to provide optimum services for this population. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS To my beloved grandmother who is my secure base and safe haven, and taught me the meaning of attachment and to let me pursue my dreams. She told me that it was okay to fly away to pursue my dreams and she also wanted me to see how big the world was. I will not be where I am today without the love, support, and encouragement from my grandmother. This project started from my work with my clients who were female survivors of childhood sexual abuse in Taiwan from nine years ago. They allowed me to enter their lives and to witness their growth and change. They showed me their struggles and yet their ability to cope. This project was a collaborative effort with all the participants in this study. Each one of them wanted to share their stories so that others would not have to suffer as they did. Their stories, joys, and struggles continuously highlighted the resiliency of human beings. The idea for this research project partially came from my interaction with my long-time supervisor in Taiwan, Ms. Lu-Sheng Shu. She refused to confirm my model of self and other in our supervision, and in my interactions with her. She helped me to see that it was possible to have better relationships with others adults even though there were wounds from childhood that were unforgettable. This research project would never have come true without my committee chair, Dr. Marsha Carolan. She did not give up on me when the program went through rough times and when I went through struggles in the program. She told me that she would support me with anything I wanted to do in the proposal stage. She provided me not only with a sense of confidence when l doubted the value and purpose of this study, but with the necessary space and guidance when needed. Dr. Barbara Ames, the Graduate Director, oriented me to adult developmental research from ecological perspectives. When I took an independent study with her, she told me, “More responsibility does not mean more stress. Positive relationships can buffer the stress.” This provided me with a key for looking at how positive adult relationships can support adult female C SA survivors’ recovery process. I learned from her not only how to be a better researcher, but also how to become a better human being. Dr. Robert Griffore oriented me to research methodology. 1 could never forget, in the first year in the program, how he patiently listened to me describing my research ideas and suggested different possible quantitative research strategies. Through those discussions, my abstract ideas gradually became more concrete. My family and friends in Taiwan provided me with tremendous support and freedom. vi \m J" 5 93m; "tun hm ‘wgt i u ‘ S iii-‘- I Normally, at this stage of one’s life, the expectation from my culture is to take care of aging parents. My father passed away three months before I began my study, but my mother, twin sister Irina, and brother Alex allowed me to fly to the US. to start this journey and never once blamed me for not being there to support them during these difficult years. My extended family, grandparents, aunts, and uncles have supported my mother, sister, and brother so that I could concentrate on my study. My friends Athena, Pei-Wen, Yu-Shin, and Cherish have supported me through frequent MSN and Skype. even though they were on the other side of the Pacific Ocean. They always believed in me when I did not believe in myself, and gave me the confidence to push through to the end and complete this project. I would like to thank the Bodnar family. They are like my family in this new country. They have taken me in as a part of their family; their support and caring got me through difficult and frustrated times during the dissertation process. A special thank you to Brent who did the initial proof-reading and corrections for me. Ms. Shari Murgittroyd, the MSU Sexual Assault Program coordinator, contributed significantly to this project. She made recruitment process possible through her connection with the agencies in the community and on campus. The project would not have been able to be finished without her help. vii TABLE OF CONTENT LIST OF TABLES ............................................................................................................ xii LIST OF FIGURES ......................................................................................................... xiii Chapter I INTRODUCTION .............................................................................................................. 1 Statement of the Problem ................................................................................................ 1 Adult Development .................................................................................................. I Adult Mental Health ................................................................................................ 2 The Influence of Child Sexual Abuse on Adulthood ............................................... 4 Statement of the Problem ......................................................................................... 5 Purpose of the Research ........................................................................................... 6 Background of the Problem ............................................................................................ 7 Theoretical Framework for this Research ...................................................................... ll Ecological Theory ................................................................................................... ll Attachment Theory ................................................................................................ 12 Psychosocial Development .................................................................................... l6 Theoretical Map and Conceptual Model ...................................................................... 19 Theoretical Map ..................................................................................................... l9 Conceptual Model .................................................................................................. 21 Research Questions ................................................................................................ 23 Chapter 2 LITERATURE REVIEW .................................................................................................. 27 Introduction ................................................................................................................... 27 Overview of Attachment Theory .................................................................................. 29 Attachment Theory in Childhood: Bowlby and Ainsworth ................................... 29 Adult Attachment Theory ...................................................................................... 31 Attachment and Development ...................................................................................... 34 Attachment Development and Psychosocial Development Theory ...................... 34 Early Childhood ..................................................................................................... 35 Middle Childhood .................................................................................................. 38 Adolescence ........................................................................................................... 4O viii Childhood Attachment Continuity vs. Discontinuity ............................................. 42 Adulthood Attachment Continuity vs. Discontinuity ............................................ 45 Adult Attachment and the Couple Relationship .................................................... 46 Influences of Child Sexual Abuse ................................................................................. 56 Influences of CSA on Individual Development ..................................................... 56 Influences of CSA on Adult Attachment ................................................................ 65 Influences of CSA on Couple Relationships .......................................................... 66 From Literature Review to Conceptual Map ................................................................ 68 Summary of the Literature Review ........................................................................ 68 Gaps in Literature Review ..................................................................................... 72 Current Research .................................................................................................... 75 Chapter 3 METHODOLOGY ........................................................................................................... 77 Research Objectives and Research Questions ............................................. 1 ................ 77 Phenomenological Research ......................................................................................... 78 Brief Introduction of Phenomenological Research ................................................ 78 From Phenomenology to Current Research ........................................................... 82 Research Design ........................................................................................................... 82 Participants ............................................................................................................. 83 Recruitment ............................................................................................................ 84 Data Collection Procedure ..................................................................................... 84 Incentives ............................................................................................................... 87 Data Analysis ................................................................................................................ 87 Data Analysis Steps ................................................................................................ 87 Trustworthiness ...................................................................................................... 89 Human Subjects Research ..................................................................................... 92 Reflexivity/Bracketing ........................................................................................... 92 Chapter 4 FINDINGS ........................................................................................................................ 98 Introduction ................................................................................................................... 98 Demographic Data ........................................................................................................ 99 Developmental Experiences: Within Couple Comparison ......................................... 100 Couple 1: Brad and Angie .................................................................................... IOO Couple 2: Don and Rosie ...................................................................................... I l2 ix l't',» i. 1" ‘h «Wt S. ‘c Couple 3: Ned and Elsa - ..... . ........................................ I I7 Couple 4: Charlie and Tracy ................................................................................ 122 Couple 5: Larry and Mary ................................................................................... 127 Couple 6: Bill and Adele ...................................................................................... I32 Developmental Experiences: Between Couple Comparison ...................................... I37 Interaction of Childhood and Adulthood Attachment: Within Couple Comparison... I49 Couple I: Brad and Angie .................................................................................... I49 Couple 2: Don and Rosie ..................................................................................... 159 Couple 3: Ned and Elsa ............................................................ I62 Couple 4 Charlie and Tracy ................................................................................. I65 Couple 5: Larry and Mary ................................................................................... I68 Couple 6: Bill and Adele ...................................................... l7l Interaction of Childhood and Adulthood Attachment: Between Couple Comparison 175 Conclusion ....................................................................................... 183 Research Question I ............................................................................................ I83 Research Question 2 ............................................................................................ l85 Research Question 3 .................................................................. 186 Research Question 4 ............................................................................................ I86 Chapter 5 DISCUSSION ................................................................................................................. I97 Summary of the Research Findings ............................................................................ I97 Connections to the Literature ...................................................................................... I99 Adult CSA Female Survivors .............................................................................. I99 Male Partner of Adult CSA Female Survivors ..................................................... 20] Attachment with Parents: Childhood vs. Adulthood ........................................... 202 Attachment Development: Influence outside Family .......................................... 204 Adult Relationships and their Influence on Attachment ...................................... 206 Adult Attachment vs. Childhood Attachment ...................................................... 207 Implications .................................................................................... 208 Implications for Clinical Practice ........................................................................ 208 Implications for Future Research ......................................................................... 215 Implications for Public Policy ............................................................................. 2l7 Limitations ....................................................................................... 220 Validity of Retrospect Research ........................................................................... 220 Bracketing out My Judgment ............................................................................... 22l X Two-Year Relationship Cutoff Criteria ................................................................ 222 Influence of Social Desirability ........................................................................... 222 The Definition of “Stress” ................................................................................... 223 Concluding Statement ................................................................................................. 224 APPENDICES ................................................................................................................ 228 Appendix I: Telephone Screen Questions ............................................................... 229 Appendix 2: Individual Semi-Structure Interview Guide ........................................ 232 Appendix 3: Reflection Diary Instruction ............................................................... 235 Appendix 4: Couple Semi-Structure Interview Questions ....................................... 236 Appendix 5: Research Participant Information and Consent Form ......................... 238 Appendix 6: Developmental Experiences within Couple Comparison ................... 24] REFERENCES ............................................................................................................... 250 xi LIST OF TABLES Table 2-l . Childhood sexual abuse influence on development ......................................... 6| Table 4-1. Demographic Information ............................................................................. I88 Table 4-2. Abuse History ................................................................................................ I90 Table 4—3. Between-Couple Comparison of Developmental Experiences ...................... I92 Table 4-4. Comparing Childhood and Adulthood Relationship with Parents ................. I93 Table 4-5. Influence from Relationship with Parents to Current Model of Self and Model of Other ............................................................................................. I94 Table 4-6. Responses in Never-Resolved-Conflict Interaction ....................................... I96 Table 4-7: Developmental Experiences within Couple Comparison ............................ 241 I xii LIST OF FIGURES Figure I-I. Theoretical Map ............................................................................................. 25 Figure 1-2. Conceptual Model .......................................................................................... 26 Figure 3-I. Data Analysis Process. Evolution of Attachment and Individual Developmental Experience Analysis ............................................................. 95 Figure 3-2. Data Analysis Process. Conflict Resolution: Comparing Past Attachment with Parents and Current Resolution with Partne .......................................... 96 Figure 5-]. Research Findings ...................................................................................... 2277 xiii Chapter 1 Introduction Statement of the Problem This research investigated adult attachment within couple relationships. Specifically, it addressed couples that had female partners with a history of child sexual abuse (CSA). In the statement that follows, adult development, mental health, and the influence of CSA on development and mental health are discussed. Adult Development The Surgeon General (Department of Health and Human Services, I999) defines adulthood as beginning at age I8 and as a time when careers and relationships develop and achieve stability. Developmental goals at this stage should "focus on productivity and intimacy including pursuit of education, work, leisure, creativity, and personal relationships” (p.18). Similarly, Erickson (I964) proposed that the important tasks in adulthood are to establish intimate relationships, a family, and a career and to pass on personal experiences to the next generation. Thus, adulthood is seen as a time when individuals are involved and responsible for many different relationships. Bronfenbrenner (I979) described development as a bi-directional interaction process between the individual and his/her direct and indirect system. An individual in adulthood is not only influenced by macro and micro systems surrounding him/her, but also influences these systems. Since adults are responsible for maintaining a different range of relationships, such as those with children and co-workers, they must function well to fulfill developmental task and relational expectations. Adult Mental Health Mental health is crucial to adequate adult functioning. Yet, it is estimated that 5.4% to 7.2% of the adult population (aged 18 and older) suffer from serious mental disorders, with the most prevalence among adults age 30 to 44 years (Kessler, Berglund, Glantz, et al., 2002). Anxiety disorder and mood disorder are the two most common mental disorders in adulthood. In the US, one-year prevalence statistics for all anxiety disorders and mood disorders combined together is 23.9% among adults aged 18 to 54 (Kessler et al., 2002). Research has shown that adult women face more stressful life events than men (Machejewski, Prigerson, & Mazure, 2001). Adult women also face higher possibilities of mood and anxiety disorders than men (Kessler et al., 2002). Additionally, anxiety disorder and major depression often co-exist (Dickey, Blumberg, Division of Health Interview Statistics, National Center for Health Statistics, & Center for Disease Control and Prevention, 2002). Approximately 40% of adults who met the criteria for major depression or anxiety disorder expressed that their life activities were influenced by their mental disorders (Dickey et al., 2002). It is estimated that Medicare payments for mental health approaches 40 billion dollars a year (Finkelstein et al., 2002). Psychological and social causes interact to produce mental disorders in adult lives. Stressful life events, such as the breakup ofintimate romantic relationships or the death ofa family member or friend, and past traumatic events, such as child sexual abuse and parental death in childhood are considered the most difficult (Department of Health and Human Services, 1999). When an individual has a past traumatic history, he or she is more vulnerable to mental disorders. Child sexual abuse is one of the most common traumatic experiences that contribute to vulnerability in adulthood (Department of Health and Human Services, 1999). It is estimated that a minimum of3.6% ofthe population between the ages of 18 and 54 have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) (US Department of Health and Human Services, 1999). Adult women are more likely than men to be diagnosed with PTSD (Breslau et al., 1998). CSA has been a main risk factor for depression in adulthood (Weiss, Longhurst, & Mazure, 1999). Following CSA, the risk of developing PTSD symptoms increases 143%, and the risk of developing depression and suicide increases ioD :m / mcocfiooqzm _S:uE=o.__>:m was .8216 EvahmOom E250 mots?— muooz “Ex 33% Iv ‘I EcocoEm .mfiuanEZQ €2.25 :55 1 E296 DEE“— mmcbw n5 tommzm EEuEEEEN h _ mcomwfiuunzm _N~EUECO.__>=M USN Khan—DW— \\l.l)/ moocotoaxm muooZ uca mxmfl. .anEQoEEQ K «Ens; 2:35 EEC <8 ace—mam 3E3“— — 325 can tomazm _ScoE:o.__>:m .um=n< .nzzom EEO < D _ mcotatonxm 3585.35 v5 FEE—Ful— RSE 28:38: .7. 2sz Eosxmoom 7am 25 maoom cocmomom “cacao—«>09 Etomosozmm beef. EuEzomz< hoof. awe—com E3335 Subaru : EopmhmOum umfim EC.— _ 3530.082 _ _l “.8338: EuEsoa < 33h Ea €82 .mEuanEcEO r I /. «E3; _>=.m =Eam 2: E 2sz 22:555.. .23 5:22.85 38: 3:38:09 .NA 23w?— Chapter 2 Literature Review Introduction This research investigation applied the theory of human ecology (Bronfenbrenner, 1979) to adult development to understand how an adult’s current relationship is influenced by the attachment with his/her parents. Erickson’s Psychosocial Development Theory (Erickson, I964) was applied in this study to understand individual development from childhood, and how the developmental process is influenced by the individual’s ecology from childhood. The family system in childhood and adulthood provides the foundation for an individuals’ growth. Bowlby’s Attachment Theory (Bowlby, I982) was applied in this study to understand the individual’s relationship with a primary attachment figure in both childhood and adulthood. Women with CSA history are seen as more prone to mental health disorders (Department of Health and Human Services, I999). When women with CSA history are under stress, they are more vulnerable to mental disorders, which, in turn, cause difi‘iculties for their system, unless they have other supports in their ecology to buffer the stress (Stull et al., I994; Ward & Spitze, 1998). Treatment for CSA female survivors is generally on an individual or systems-oriented basis. (Maddock & Larson, 2004). On the 27 one hand, treating CSA female survivors with individual therapy provides survivors time and space to heal on their own terms. It also protects their partners from secondary trauma. On the other hand, it might fail to include the influences from survivors’ other systems in the treatment process. A systemic therapy approach focuses on the interaction between survivors and their partners. It provides the survivors an opportunity to work on their interpersonal issues and focus on present problems. However, the survivors might not have time or space to deal with past traumatic experiences. This research investigation bridged the differences between individual and system-oriented approaches. According to Maddock and Larson (2004), doing therapy on an ecological basis means being “morally responsible for the survival and well-being of all parts of an ecosystem” (p.369). By understanding past and current attachment styles between survivors and their partners, this research investigation intended to pay close attention to the well-being of both partners in the relationship. Research studies using Attachment Theory as a foundation to understand human development and its implication are numerous, and the literature review is not all inclusive. Due to the nature of this particular study, the literature review here focuses on attachment and CSA from developmental perspectives, reviewing attachment development from childhood to adulthood, and the influences of CSA on individual and 28 attachment development, on adult attachment, and on adult couple relationships. Overview of Attachment Theory Attachment Theory in Childhood: Bowlby and Ainsworth Attachment Theory was developed by British Psychiatrist John Bowlby, who later collaborated with Mary Ainsworth. Ainsworth’s “Strange Situation” experiment contributed to the development of this theory (Ainsworth, et al, 1978). Both Bowlby and Ainsworth focused on the relationship between an infant and his/her primary caregiver, or attachment figure. According to Bowlby (1982), attachment between infant and his/her attachment figure is a “biological imprint” due to the need for survival. Infants are fragile, and only when adults can provide protection and care can they survive. The three core concepts in Attachment Theory are: proximity maintenance, secure base, and safe haven (Feeney, I999). Proximity maintenance means that an infant prefers to be close to his/her attachment figure. When his/her attachment figure leaves, the infant will protest and display behaviors like crying, which is called separation protest. The attachment figure serves the function of secure base.” The infant will use the attachment figure as a base for exploring the environment and engaging in nonattachment behaviors. When infants encounter distress, they will look for the attachment figure for comfort, which is called 29 “safe haven.” The attachment bond and behaviors are shown when an infant is under stressful situations. If the attachment figure is able to be sensitive to the infant’s needs, and maintain proximity with the infant to provide a secure base and comfort to which the infant can return, he/she will develop a secure attachment with the attachment figure. The infant will believe that the attachment figure will be available when he/she is needed, and he/she is a lovable person for the attachment figure. The infant develops his/her “internal working model” based on the interaction with the attachment figure, and will use this internal working model in other relationships. That is, the attachment relationship that an infant develops with his/her attachment figure will influence his/her later interpersonal relationships (Bowlby, I982). Mary Ainworth’s “Strange Situation” experiment in the laboratory and home observations regarding the mother-child interaction further clarified the infants’ behavior and attachment bond with their mothers. The “Strange Situation” observed the infants and their mothers in eight different episodes (Ainsworth et al., I978). First, the mother and the child were introduced to the experiment room and left alone there (Episode 1). The mother did not participate in any of the infant’s exploration at this time (Episode 2). Then, the first separation episode occurred when a stranger entered the roOm, conversed with 30 the mother, approached the infant, and the mother left (Episode 3). The infant and the stranger were left in the room and the stranger accommodated his/her behaviors to the infant’s (Episode 4). The mother came in to reunite with the infant, comforted the infant, and left again (Episode 5). The infant was left alone in the room for a period oftime (Episode 6). The stranger came into the room again. He/she approached and accommodated his/her behaviors to the infant’s (Episode 7). The mother came back to reunite with the infant and the stranger left. Three different attachment styles were found in the infant: the secure, anxious-avoidance, and anxious-ambivalence, based on the infants’ responses in the eight episodes in the Strange Situation experiment (Ainsworth et al., 1978). Adult Attachment Theory Based on Ainsworth’s three attachment types, researchers have continued to explore the attachment style beyond infancy. There are two research programs evaluating adult attachment. Main and her colleagues (1985) investigated adults’ “states of mind,” the representation of their childhood attachment with attachment figures. The mothers were interviewed by using the Adult Attachment Style Interview (George, Kaplan, & Main, 1985; Main & Goldwyn, 1994) to determine the attachment styles they had formed in childhood. The researchers also observed these mothers’ babies and found that those 3| children demonstrated similar attachment styles as their mothers. They categorized the adult attachment styles into three different types which were similar to Ainsworth’s three attachment types: secure, preoccupied (corresponding to childhood ambivalent group), and dismissing (corresponding to childhood avoidant group) (Hessen, 1999). Hazen and Shaver (l 987) investigated the adult attachment style in romantic relationships. They found that in romantic relationships, adults demonstrated similar patterns to those of an infant, i.e. seeking to be close to the romantic partners (proximity maintenance) or to be comforted by romantic partners when under stress (secure base). Their self-report questionnaire was developed based on Ainsworth’s description of three infant’s attachment styles, which are: secure, avoidant (corresponding to childhood avoidant group), and anxious-ambivalent (corresponding to childhood ambivalent group). They found a similar percentage distribution in adult population (Hazan & Shaver, I987) as the child population. Bartholomew (I990) proposed a four category attachment style for understanding adult attachment. According to Bartholomew (1990), Main and her colleagues’ three attachment styles and Hazen and Shaver’s three attachment styles were different from each other due to their measurement methods and target population. The former group of researchers used interview and observation measurements to understand adult attachment 32 formed from family of origin. The latter group of researchers used self-report measurements for understanding adult romantic attachment style. Even though the two groups of researchers divided adult attachment into three different categories based on Ainsworth’s infant attachment style, there were differences among these two different programs in their definition on avoidant attachment. While those participants categorized as avoidant attachment in Main’s group, denied subjective distress and the needs for attachment, the participants in Hazen and Shaver’s group reported high levels of stress and the fear of attachment. According to Bartholomew (1990), Attachment Theory is based on the interaction of individuals’ views about self and the attachment figure. The individual viewed whether he/she was a lovable person (model of self) based on the responses from the attachment figure (model of other). The individual’s attachment style was based on the interaction between this individual’s positive/negative views about him/herself to his/her attachment figure’s positive/negative responses to him/her when this individual was under stress. Based on this two-dimensional model, Bartholomew (I990) proposed that attachment can be categorized into four different types: 1) individuals with secure attachment styles have positive views about themselves and believe that their attachment figures will provide a secure base and safe haven when they are under stress; 2) 33 individuals with a preoccupied attachment style have a positive model of others but a negative model of self. Because of the negative view about self, individuals with preoccupied attachment styles will seek validation and acceptance from other people; 3) individuals with a dismissing attachment style have a negative model of other but a positive model of self. They will rely on themselves to provide a sense of security and, thus, maintain a sense of self-worth. They also have a negative view about others and do not trust other people’s ability to fulfill their expectations in order to maintain their own sense of self-worth; 4) individuals with fearful attachment styles have a negative view about both self and others. They seek validation and acceptance from other people but also avoid close relationships because their fear of rejection validates their sense of worthlessness. Further studies (Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991; Griffin & Bartholomew, 1994) confirmed validity and reliability of this two-dimensional four-category attachment style model (see review from Bartholomew & Shaver, 1998). Attachment and Development Attachment Development and Psychosocial Development Theory Attachment Theory emphasizes the importance of maternal sensitivity in infancy as it is the foundation of the internal working model in children’s later development. Development is the outcome of early attachment interacting with later 34 environment (Sroufe et al., 1999). Erickson’s Theory of Psychosocial Development divided human development into eight stages. Each stage had its own developmental tasks. Successful achievement of a developmental task in one stage became the foundation for the next stage. Failure to accomplish the developmental tasks in the previous stage might result in unhealthy development or difficulties in development in the following stages. Attachment Theory and Psychosocial Development Theory both emphasize the importance of early relationship with the primary caregiver, the influences of early relationship with the primary caregiver on development, and the interaction of development and environment on the developmental outcome. Early Childhood Psychosocial development in early childhood. In early childhood, from birth to six, children go through three different stages: trust vs. mistrust, autonomy vs. shame and doubt, and initiative vs. guilt (Erickson, 1964). The development of trust with the primary caregiver provides infants a foundation for autonomy development and initiation to explore the world from various stages. Based on Psychosocial Developmental Theory, failure to develop trust in infancy results in mistrust of the self and world, and might further influence children’s ability to develop autonomy from the primary caregiver and 35 the family. Failure to develop autonomy might influence children’s ability to initiate exploration in a new environment, such as school. Erickson’s Psychosocial Development Theory corresponds with Attachment Theory in early childhood in its emphasis on building trust/attachment between infants and primary caregivers. Trust/secure attachment between infants and primary caregivers provides infants with a sense of worthiness about self in relation to other people and the environment. With the assistance of physical development, the infant with enough trust in self and/or secure attachment can assert independency and autonomy by exploring the environment. Even though children’s primary social setting is still the family, they start to extend their relationship into school with peers and other adults. Attachment development in early childhood. In early childhood, the family environment is children’s primary social setting. Secure attachment formed with a primary caregiver serves as a foundation to later development. Interaction between the child and his/her mother in infancy and early childhood has been the focus of previous attachment research to understand the influence of maternal caregiving on attachment development (Greensberg, I999). Empirical evidence suggests that secure attachment with the mother in infancy and early childhood is related to better interpersonal function with other adults and children, better self emotional regulation, and more behavioral 36 compliance with parents. On the other hand, insecure attachment in infancy and early childhood is related to lower interpersonal function, poor self-control behaviors, and symptoms of anger (see reviews from Greenberg, I999). Insecure attachment with mothers is associated with behavior problems in early childhood (Anan & Barnett, l999; Marchand & Hock, I998; McCartney et al., 2004). However, previous studies on which insecure attachment style predicts which developmental outcome yield inconsistent results (Burgess et al., 2003; Lyons-Ruth et al., I997). The inconclusive results of attachment style and extemalizing/intemalizing problems might be the result of the researchers’ target population (clinical vs. nonclinical or high risk vs. low-risk), data collection methods (self-report vs. observational), and/or research method (cross-sectional vs. longitudinal). However, there is a consensus that early insecure attachment style predicting later developmental outcome is only found in high risk populations (please see review from McCartney et al. 2004,. and Belsky and F earon, 2002b). The internal working model is a foundation for later social and emotional development, but is also subject to change based on the interaction of the children, caregiver, and social context (Sroufe et al., 1999). The caregiver sensitivity to the needs of infants/toddlers is also influenced by the context, such as maternal depression or social 37 support (Belsky & F earon, 2002b). Attachment with a primary caregiver and attachment style might change due to the changes of the context. However, as Belsky and Fearon (2002b) pointed out, secure attachments function as a protective factor when children go through stressful life events. Avoidant attached children are at most risk related to contextual changes, which results in adverse developmental outcome in later life such as poor social-emotional and language development. As children go into later stages of development, childhood attachment, interaction with parents, and interaction with other people outside the family setting continue to influence attachment development and children’s socio-emotional development. Middle Childhood Psychosocial development in middle childhood. Erickson believed that the developmental task for elementary school aged children was industry vs. inferiority. At this stage, as children start school, their ecology generally expands. The interpersonal relationships in middle childhood also are more complicated. The school environment gradually becomes as important as the family environment as children spend more time in school. Children learn to relate to peers, teachers, and other adults in the school and to function outside family settings. As children gradually spend more time in the settings outside the family, they have to utilize developmental tasks they learned in previous 38 stages to achieve the developmental tasks of the stage they are on. For example, children have to explore new environments and new interpersonal relationships by themselves without parents around. Or, they have to initiate homework or how to master new knowledge. Children, who are trusting and autonomous, and possess initiative, can master the new tasks in order to move on to the stage of industrious. Attachment development in middle childhood. Attachment research on the internal working model is expanded after children’s physical, cognitive, and emotional development is more mature, and after children enter more complex social contexts. Attachment relationships and the internal working model developed in infancy are under examination in peer relationships, in school settings, and in mental health in middle and late childhood and adolescence. In middle and late childhood, parents’ availability and willingness to communicate with children, encouragement of children’s development of autonomy, and warm attitude in their involvement in their children’s life are keys for secure attachment development (Allen & Land, I999; Karavasilis, Doyle, & Markiewicz, 2003; Kems et al., 2001). The quality of children’s peer relationships is directly related to their relationship with their parents. Children with secure attachments have better quality peer relationships and select their peers according to their attachment styles (Hodges, Finnegan, & Perry, l999; Lieberman et al., I999). They also have better interpersonal 39 relationships with adults and peers, and fewer internalized or extemalized difficulties in schools (Bohlin et al., 2000; Hodges et al., l999; Lieberman et al., l999; Rubin et al., 2004). Better adjustment in school settings will help them to achieve an industry development task at this stage. Moss and colleagues (I998, 2004) found that parent-child interaction at age six predicted children’s development at age eight. Maternal self-rated low competence, as related to depression and health problems was found related to children with ambivalence attachment style (Moss et al., I998). Difficult family climates, such as marital discord, death in the family, parental hospitalization, were related to disorganized attachment style in children (Moss, Cyr, & Dubois-Comtois, 2004). These research findings showed the interaction of different ecologies in children’s development in middle childhood. Even though children gradually have more contacts outside the family, the secure attachment with parents still provides a protective factor for children under stressful life events (Graham & Easterbrooks, 2000). Insecure attachment with mothers was related to stressful life events in the family (Moss et al., 2004; Moss et al., I998). Similar to early childhood, attachment and developmental outcome is the interaction ofdifferent ecologies in children’s lives. Adolescence 40 Psychosocial development in adolescence. According to Erickson, the important task in adolescence is identity development. Adolescents explore the question of “Who Am I?” Compared to middle childhood, adolescents move out of family settings and spend more time outside families with peers and other adults. Through more interaction with people outside the family, they explore their place in the world before entering the adulthood. Adolescence attachment development. Research studies done in middle and late childhood have focused more on comparing children’s peer relationships and behavioral presentation in school settings with their relationships with an attachment figure at home. In the adolescent stage, peer and school aspects were still the focus, but mental health issues and the relationship between attachment and mental health issues were also explored. Gender, ethnic/minority background, and family social economic status have significant influences on the development of mental disorders (Adam, Sheldon-Keller, & West, I996; Allen, Hauser, & Borman-Spurrell, I996; Allen, Moore, Kuperminc, & Bell, I998; Rosenstein & Horowitz, I996; Sund & Wichstrom, 2002). Children’s and adolescents’ psychosocial functions are related to attachment security, family function, children’s individual characteristics, and parenting. As Greensberg (I999) suggested, attachment itself cannot predict children’s maladaptation. Insecure attachment, ineffective 4I parenting, high family adversity, and atypical child characteristics are all important factors contributing to the results of children or adolescents’ maladaptation. Childhood Attachment Continuity vs. Discontinuity According to Attachment Theory, the internal working model is the basis for individuals’ interpersonal relationships with other people throughout the life course. Based on Ainworth’s Strange Situation design, researchers explored whether and for how long the attachment style would last. Results showed that the attachment style seems to be very stable up to the age of six (F raley 2002; Scharefe, 2003). Fraley’s meta-analysis regarding attachment stability from infancy to early adulthood showed moderate correlation between infant and early adulthood attachment styles. Other research studies that examined attachment style from infant to adolescence (Hamilton, 2000) or adulthood (Waters, Merrick, Treboux, Crowell, & Albersheim, 2000), found similar results. If the attachment style in infancy and early adulthood is moderately correlated (mean correlation of .35 from Fraley’s meta-analysis in 2002), there are other variables influencing attachment style change. Parental sensitivity, especially maternal sensitivity and responses, is considered the most important variable for deveIOping secure attachment between the mother and the infant (Atkinson et al., 2000; Belsky & F earon, 2002b). Stressful life events is also identified as the main reason for attachment style 42 change from secure to insecure attachment (Belsky & Fearon, 2002b). Stressful life events could be normal family life transitions such as new born siblings, or experiences such as child sexual abuse. Stressful life events that have been identified as influencing infant attachment security change are loss of parents in childhood (Klohnen & Bera, I998; Waters et al., 2000), marital discord (including parental divorce) (F raley 2002; Lewis, Feiring, & Rosenthal, 2000; Moss et al., 2004), child abuse (including physical, sexual, and emotional abuse) (Fraley 2002; Waters et al., 2000; Weinfield, Sroufe, & Egeland, 2000), parental psychiatric disorder (including maternal depression or parental substance abuse) (Hamilton, 2000; McCartney et al., 2004; Waters et al., 2000), and prolonged separation of the parent and child (Hamilton, 2000). Family and environmental factors are also important factors in influencing attachment style (Belsky, I996; Graham & Easterbrooks, 2000; Lewis et al., 2000; Moss et al., 2004). These factors may include financial resources (Belsky & Fearon, 2002b; Graham & Easterbrooks, 2000; Moss et al., 2004) and family climates ((Moss et al., 2004). Belsky (Belsky, I996, I999) suggested that parental personality traits, maternal care/sensitivity (Allen et al., 2004; Belsky & Fearon, 2002b), infant temperament (Bohlin et al., 2005; Burgess et al., 2003), parental marital relationship (Moss et al., 2004), and family support (Belsky & Fearon, 2002b) are all important factors contributing to secure 43 attachment development. The more resources a family has, the more likely children develop secure attachments. These research studies suggest that the change of secure attachment style in infancy to insecure attachment style in adolescence or early adulthood resulted from stressful events in childhood and adolescence. However, they also found that children with insecure attachment styles in infancy were unlikely to change their attachment style to secure type in adulthood (Hamilton, 2000; Waters et al., 2000). Two important factors in understanding the changes of attachment style are the consistency in attachment figure’s behaviors and how the infant experienced the attachment figure’s behaviors (Hamilton, 2000; Waters et al., 2000). Infants who experienced negative interaction with the attachment figures formed an insecure attachment style. The more negative life events they experienced, the more unlikely they changed their attachment style as their family environments reinforced their attachment styles over time. In the meantime, babies with secure attachment style also were more likely to change into insecure attachment style if they experienced more negative stressful life events in childhood and adolescence. However, secure attachment formed in earlier stages secured protective factors for children in later development (Graham & Easterbrooks, 2000; Gullone et al., 2006; Volling et al., 2002) 44 Adulthood Attachment Continuity vs. Discontinuity Attachment style in adulthood is more stable than attachment patterns in childhood and adolescence. Several studies and meta-analysis show that the estimated stability coefficient of adult attachment patterns ranged from .54 to .58 (Cozzarelli, Karafa, Collins, & Tagler, 2003; F raley & Brumbaugh, 2004; Klohnen & Bera, I998), higher than the stability coefficient in childhood. Klohen & Bera’s (I998) 31-year longitudinal study followed the changes of attachment style in 100 women and compared the differences between women with secure and avoidant attachment style, starting from age 21. Compared to the women with secure attachment style at the age of 2 l , women with avoidant attachment style showed less commitment to getting married and starting a family. At 27, they were less likely to be married (68% were married compared to 86% of secured women were married). At 43, less than 75% were married, and 50% were divorced. Data collected at age 2] showed that, compared to women with secure attachment style, women with avoidant attachment style were more likely to experience loss of parents and scored higher in the parent-child conflict index in childhood. In childhood, stressful life events influence attachment style changes, especially for children who are in the secure attachment group originally. In adulthood, empirical evidence suggests that attachment styles do change throughout life. However, individuals 45 with secure attachment styles usually stay secure even when they undergo stressful life transition or events (Davila, Burge, & Hammen, I997). Individuals who stay insecure or change attachment styles between secure and insecure were more likely to have personal or family history of mental illness, parental discord, or history of abuse (Cozzarelli et al., 2003; Davila et al., I997; Davila & Cobb, 2003; Davila, Kamey, & Bradbury, I999). Even though current stressful life events might cause attachment style change, the previous histories were better predictors of adult attachment style changes (Davila et al., 1997). Attachment style may change based on current life situation, but there is a “baseline” attachment behavior (Cozzarelli et al., 2003). Individuals who are more easily to change their attachment styles may have personal or family history making them return to previous attachment baseline (Cozzarelli et al., 2003; Davila et al., I997; Davila & Cobb, 2003; Davila, Kamey, & Bradbury, I999; Treboux et al., 2004). Davila and Cobb (2003) suggested that previous individual and family histories might hinder individuals in developing clear model of self and other, causing their attachment style to fluctuate when they were under current stressful life events, especially when they interpreted these events associated with interpersonal loss (Davila & Sargent, 2003). Adult Attachment and the Couple Relationship Psychosocial development in adulthood. Intimacy and generativity (defined as a 46 concern for establishing and guiding the next generation) are important developmental tasks of adulthood. As discussed previously, securely attached adolescents can balance autonomy and a sense of relatedness (Allen et al., 2007) with parents (Allen et al., 2004; Allen et al., 2007; Seiffge-Krenke, 2006), peers (Allen et al., 2004; Allen et al., 2007; Seiffge-Krenke, 2006), and romantic partners (Seiffge-Krenke, 2006). According to Erickson, young adults learn to form true intimate relationships with nonfamily members such as friends and romantic partners. As young adults leave their families of origin, they can apply this newly gained autonomy and a sense of relatedness outside the family setting and change the relationship with their parents to the adult-to-adult level. Successfully achieving intimacy leads to possible marriage and enduring friendship, but failure to achieve this task leads to isolation. In middle adulthood, adults who have achieved intimacy will shift focus on nurturing the next generation to that of being a productive member in society. Successful achievement of generativity will lead to a sense of accomplishment. In early adulthood, successfully establishing an intimate relationship with a romantic partner becomes an important task for achieving developmental tasks and leads to generativity. Attachment Development in Adulthood. The difference between adult attachment and childhood attachment is that adults who are in a couple relationship are equals, and they 47 supposedly provide a secure base and safe haven for each other mutually (F eeney, l999; Schachner, Shaver, & Mikulincer, 2003). As mentioned before, there are two main programs assessing adult attachment style: Main and her colleagues (I985) and Hazen and Shaffer (I987). Most of the literature review used Hazen and Shaffer’s attachment category, as it focuses on adult romantic attachment. Adult attachment styles and reactions to stress. According to Schachner et al. (2003), adult attachment involves three important behaviors: attachment, caregiving, and sex (see review from F eeney, I999, and (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007). In couple relationships, the attachment system will be activated when individuals face stressful social or physical conditions, threats that possibly endanger future attachment, and individual conditions such as illness (Feeney, I999). Individuals with secure attachment styles have a positive model of self and other, and they will be able to regulate their emotions and request support or help from others if needed. Individuals with avoidant attachment styles have a positive model of self but a negative model of others. They keep themselves safe by avoiding the experience of negative emotions and by avoiding support/help seeking. Individuals with ambivalent attachment styles have a negative model of self but a positive model of others. They have a strong awareness and reaction to negative emotions. However, they seek support from attachment figures that might not be reliable to them 48 (see review from Feeney, I999 and Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007). Attachment style and couple interaction. Mikulincer & Shaver (2007) provided a comprehensive review of the relationship between attachment and adult interpersonal relationship, and romantic relationships from dating to break up, caregiving, and sex. The highlights from their review, as well as other research studies, are presented here. According to Feeney (I 999), openness, closeness, dependence, commitment, and affection are five salient factors in the attachment relationship in intimate relationships. Individuals with secure attachment styles prefer mutual support and balanced dependency between partners. Individuals with avoidant attachment styles prefer the limits in dependency, closeness, and affection display. Individuals with ambivalent attachment styles prefer more closeness, commitment, and affection display (Collins & Read, I990; Pietromonaco & Camelley, I994; Simpsons, I990). Kirkpatrick and Hazen (I994) found that individuals with secure attachment styles in the beginning of the research were more likely to be married four years later. They also were least likely to be separated or divorced. People with avoidant attachment styles in the beginning were mostly alone with no partner and no action in seeking a partner four years later. People with ambivalent attachment styles in the beginning of the research were likely to report dissatisfaction in interpersonal closeness, and to haVe stayed in the same difficult relationships or were 49 searching for partners (Kirkpatrick & Hazan, I994; also see review from Schachner et al., 2003) Empirical evidence suggested that individuals usually selected environment or people to confirm their attachment styles, approached environment or people with their attachment style, or processed the information with their attachment style lenses on (Collins & Read, 1990; Kirkpatrick & Davis, I994; Treboux et al., 2004). Individuals ' with secure attachment styles tend to pair with other people with secure attachment styles (Collins & Read, I990; Feeney, I994). Individuals with ambivalent attachment styles would pair with individuals with avoidant attachment styles (Collins & Read, I994; Kirkpatrick & Davis, I994). Individuals with ambivalent attachment styles need closeness and dependency because of their negative model about self and positive model about others. They tended to be clingy and idolized their partners to confirm their attachment style. People with avoidant attachment styles limited closeness and dependency. When paired with people with avoidant attachment styles who had difficulties with closeness and dependency, their partners’ behaviors confirmed the fear in people who had ambivalent attachment style regarding not getting enough closeness and dependency. People with ambivalent attachment style also provided confirmation to people with avoidant attachment regarding their fear about closeness and dependency. 50 Therefore, it is rare for people with the same insecure attachment styles to pair together, e.g., avoidant pair with avoidant (Collins & Read, I994; Kirkpatrick & Davis, 1994). Treboux et al. (2004) compared childhood attachment and current relationship styles in adult romantic relationships. They assessed participants’ attachment styles with their parents and with current partners. Participants who had secure attachment styles in both childhood and present attachment relationships had high satisfaction and low conflicts in their relationships, high confidence about self, and low impact from negative events on their relationship and themselves. Participants who had insecure attachment style in both childhood and present relationships had the most conflicts and the greatest avoidance of closeness in their relationships among all the groups. Participants with insecure childhood attachment but secure current attachment had positive feelings about self and relationships when under no stress. However, their positive feelings dropped when under stress. Participants with secure childhood attachment style and insecure adult attachment style had the most relationship distress and were most likely to be separated or divorced, but their feelings about self were not affected by negative events. Their research findings suggested that people with both insecure attachment styles in childhood and present relationship seemed to stay in the same relationship to confirm their childhood attachment style. People with insecure attachment styles in childhood were 5l easily affected by negative events and would influence their views about self and relationships. People with secure childhood attachment style were able to maintain positive views about self, but current insecure attachment style disconfinned their childhood attachment style. This was the reason they were most likely to be divorced or separated. Attachment style and relationship satisfaction. Whether gender is an important factor influencing attachment style and couple relationships is in debate. Some researchers found that gender was a mediating variable with cultural meaning (Collins & Read, I994; Kirkpatrick & Davis, I994) in attachment style and couple relationships, but others did not (see review from Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007). However, in exploring relationship satisfaction in couple relationships, different male and female behaviors and their attachment styles were found to be associated (Schachner et al., 2003; Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007). Most research results showed that individuals with secure attachment reported high satisfaction in their relationships, better communication, more commitment, less difliculty in displaying affection, more comfort in closeness and dependency, and less fear of abandonment. Attachment security and marital satisfaction are associated with each other (Davila et al., l999; Feeney, I999). When considering influences from 52 childhood attachment relationships, Davila et al. (1999) found that one spouse’s level of marital satisfaction will influence both partner’s attachment security and further influence both of their attachment security. In addition, one of the partners’ secure attachment styles predicted husband’s marital satisfaction, especially in couples when husbands whose childhood attachment relationship had individual and/or family mental health history. For wives with individual and/or family mental health history, when husbands are more secure, the wives became less satisfied with their martial relationships (Davila et al., I999) When attachment styles are used as predictors, few research studies found that attachment styles and marital quality is mediated by the level of comfort in closeness and anxiety (F eeney, I999; Schachner et al., 2003). Difficulties with problem negotiation and conflict resolution were found in people with high level of attachment anxiety or high level of attachment avoidance (Feeney, I994; Lussier, Sabourin, & Turgeon, I997; Marchand, 2004). Individuals with high level of attachment anxiety (usually associated with ambivalent attachment style) also had negative views about self and partners’ behaviors (Gallo & Smith, 2001; Sumer & Cozzarelli, 2004), and displayed more negative affection, which further influenced marital satisfaction (Davila et al., I999). Individuals with high level of avoidance behaviors (feeling uncomfortable being close to 53 their partner, usually associated with avoidant attachment style) also had difficulties in sensing their partners’ needs (Feeney, I996), difficulties in expressing emotions (Feeney, I999), and negative perceptions about their partners’ supports (Berant, Mikulincer, & Florian, 2003; Cobb, Davila, & Bradbury, 2001; Meyers & Landsberger, 2002). Husbands with avoidant attachment and wives with ambivalent attachment have lower marital satisfaction than other attachment styles (see review from Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007). When avoidant husbands and anxious wives coupled, wives’ level of anxiety predicted the marital satisfaction of both partners (Feeney, 1994). Communication is also a mediating factor between attachment style and marital satisfaction, especially when wives have secure attachment style. Secure wives’ effective communication, low level of anxiety, and comfort with closeness were associated with relationship quality and marital satisfaction (Feeney, I994: F eeney, Noller, & Callan, 1994). Summary. In adulthood, attachment style is more stable than childhood but does fluctuate with contextual issues such as divorce. However, adult attachment research suggests that childhood individual and family factors such as previOus individual/family mental health history or abuse history are important in influencing attachment relationship change in adulthood (Cozzarelli et al., 2003; Davila et al., I997; Davila & Cobb, 2003; Davila et al., I999). In addition, individuals found partners and 54 environments to confirm their attachment styles and might choose to stay in distressful relationships for the attachment needs (Collins & Read, 1994; F eeney, I994; Kirkpatrick & Davis, I994; Treboux et al., 2004) Secure attachment style formed in childhood becomes a protective factor for better adjustment in intimate relationships, positive behaviors to facilitate secure intimate relationships, and positive view about self when experiencing negative life events (Cozzarelli et al., 2003; Davila et al., I997; Davila & Cobb, 2003; Davila et al., I999). Attachment style influences adult romantic relationships. Individuals with secure attachment styles were more committed to their relationships, more open in their emotional expression, and more comfortable in closeness and dependency (see review from Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007). Their abilities to provide and receive the support to their partners and effectiveness in problem negotiation and conflict resolution facilitate marital satisfaction. Females with secure attachment style predicted marital satisfaction with communication skills as a mediating factor (Feeney, I994). Individuals with insecure attachment style might not leave the relationship, especially for individuals with insecure attachment style in both childhood and adulthood or in the couples with avoidant husbands and ambivalent wives. They would rather stay in a distressful relationship because it confirmed their attachment styles (Collins & Read, I994; Cozzarelli et al., 55 2003; Kirkpatrick & Davis, I994). Influences of Child Sexual Abuse Influences of CSA on Individual Development Theoretical Reviews on Child Sexual Abuse Sequelae Based on empirical evidence, several researchers proposed different theoretical models to explain the effect of CSA on adult survivors. Developmental model. According to Psychosocial Development Theory, development provides individuals tasks to Ieam and to grow (Erickson, 1964). Success to accomplish these tasks provides a foundation for the next stage. These tasks are related to the physical, cognitive, emotional, and social growth in different stages. A Developmental Model conceptualizes the influences of childhood trauma from this perspective. According to F inkelhor and Kendall-Tackeett (I997), “developmental differences can affect our relatively distinct dimensions that have bearing on how victimization (impacts children” (Finkelhor & Kendall-Tackeett, I997). They proposed four dimensions to consider: appraisal of the victimization and its implications, task application, coping strategies, and environmental buffer. Traumatized children will interpret their trauma experiences differently based on their cognitive development at different developmental stages. They also face different developmental tasks in life at a different age. Their 56 success in finishing the task from the previous stage and the onset of the trauma influence their abilities to cope with trauma experiences, and also influence their later development. Environmental support in coping with trauma experiences also influences their success in achieving developmental tasks at this stage. In adulthood, the developmental tasks and stressful life events might bring up the unfinished tasks or the ineffective CSA coping strategies (Gagnon & Hersen, 2000). Cole and Putnam (I992) proposed a model to understand C SA influences from a developmental psychopathology perspective. The onset of CSA is an important factor to understood self and social relationship development. In the infant and toddler stage, developing a sense of self and the relationship with the external world, and coordinating physical, emotional, and cognitive development are important tasks. When incest happens at this stage, victims might not comprehend the experience, but their sense of control over their body is violated. In the preschool years (age 2-5), the important task is for‘children to integrate themselves, to place themselves in social context, and to accept the limit/expectations from their environments. At this stage, children are limited in language and cognitive abilities, and they are dependent upon caregivers. If CSA happened at this stage, victims might use denial and dissociation to cope with traumatic experiences. As children mature, their cognitive and emotional development increases, allowing them to 57 learn to reflect on their experiences. Establishing peer relationships also is an important task. CSA might bring overwhelming emotions and cause irrational cognitive rationales about self, and might hinder children to build equal relationships with their peers. In adolescence, puberty and sexuality are two significant developmental changes. Adolescents need to balance/adj ust their physical changes and the changes in interpersonal relationships due to physical changes, mainly, relationships with different-sex peers. The other important task at this stage is identity formation (Banyard, 2007). Adolescents find out who they are through the interaction with peers, parents, and other adults. CSA happening at this stage would influence the victims’ relationship with opposite-sex peers as well as their own identity formation (Banyard, 2007; Cole & Putnam, I992). Attachment model. Attachment Theory is often used to explain CSA sequelae and developmental outcomes. Alexander and her colleagues proposed using attachment style to understand the relationship of CSA and its long-term sequelae on individual, couple, and parenting relationships (Alexander, I992, I993, 2003; Alexander & Anderson, I997; Alexander et al., I998; Anderson & Alexander, 2005; Aspelmeier, Elliott, & Smith, 2007; Liang, Williams, & Siegel, 2006). She suggested that CSA or failure to prevent CSA from happening by parents led to attachment insecurities in child victims. She found that CSA 58 characteristics, especially the onset of CSA, predicted PTSD symptoms, and adult attachment style predicted personality structure. Fearful attachment style (Alexander et al., I998; Muller, Sicoli, & Lemieux, 2000), and negative view about self (Muller & Lemieux, 2000; Muller, Lemieux, & Sicoli, 200I; Muller et al., 2000) found in most of CSA adult survivors, and associated with PTSD (Muller et al., 2000) and overall psychopathology (Muller & Lemieux, 2000; Muller et al., 2001), avoidant and self-defeating personality disorders (Alexander, 1993; Alexander et al., I998), borderline tendencies (Alexander, I993; Alexander et al., I998), and dissociation (Anderson & Alexander, I996). Preoccupied attachment style was associated with highly dependent behaviors (Alexander, I993; Alexander & Anderson, I997; Alexander et al., I998). In addition, model of self had stronger association than model of other in predicting psychological adjustment of adult survivor ofchild abuse (Muller & Lemieux, 2000; Muller et al., 200l; Roche et al., I999). Coping process model. Spaccarelli (I994) proposed expanding the view of CSA influence from CSA to the environment. He proposed that CSA victims faced many stressors in their environments. including environments in which CSA is allowed to happen or children are not allowed to disclose. The more stressors the children face, the more severe the CSA influences. In addition, victim s’ cognitive development, their 59 interpretation of traumatic experiences, and their c0ping strategies such as avoidant coping (Bal, Van Oost, De Bourdeaudhuij, & Crombez, 2003), also were important factors influencing long-term CSA sequelae (Spaccarelli, I994). Child Sexual Abuse Sequelae Past research on long-term psychological effects of CSA suggest that CSA adult survivors have higher rates of psychological distress and dysfunction compared to the non-sexualIy-abused group. Table 2-I on page 61 displays the summary of past researches on CSA influence. Emotionally, compared to the non-abused group, CSA survivors are more anxious, depressed, and angry. Cognitively, they have lower self-esteem, lower self-efficacy(Diehl & Prout, 2002), and self-defeating tendencies. Behaviorally, they present higher rates of behavioral problems in alcohol and substance abuse, eating-disorders, inappropriate sexual behaviors, re-victimization, self-mutilation, suicidal behaviors, and sexual dysfunction. Physically, they present issues with dissociation (Neumann et al., I996) and somatization. 60 Table 2-l. Childhood sexual abuse influence on development Dimension Symptoms Studies Emotional Anxiety Browne & F inkelhor, I986; Neumann, Houskamp, Pollock, & Briere, I996; Polusny & Follette, I995 Depression Alexander et al., I998; Beitchman et al., I992; Browne & Finkelhor, I986; Jumpar, I995; Meyerson, Long, Miranda, & Marx, 2002; Neumann, Houskamp, Pollock, & Briere, I996; Paolucci, Genuis, & Violato, 2001; Polusny & Follette, I995; Schilling, Aseltine .lr., & Gore, 2007; Weiss, Longhurst, & Mazure, I999 Anger DiLillo, Tremblay. & Peterson, 2000 Cognitive Lower self-esteem Jumpar, I995; Neumann et al., I996 Lower self efficacy Diehl & Prout, 2002 Self-defeating Alexander et al., 1998 tendencies Behavioral Alcohol and substance Neumann et al., 1996; Polusny & Follette, I995 Eating-disorder Inappropriate sexual behaviors Re-victimization Self-mutilation Suicidal behaviors Sexual dysfunction Polusny & Follette, I995 Paolucci et al., 200]; Polusny & Follette, I995 Banyard, Arnold, & Smith, 2000; Banyard, Williams, & Siegel, 200l , 2002; Neumann et al., I996; Peleikis, Mykletun, & Dahl, 2004 (Peleikis et al., 2004) Beitchman et al., I992; Dube et al., 200I; Neumann et al., I996; Paolucci et al., 2001; Polusny & Follette, I995 DiLillo, 200]; Neumann et al., I996; Polusny & Follette, I995; Rellini, 2008 Physical Dissociation Somatization Neumann et al., I996 Neumann et al., I996; Polusny & Follette, 1995 Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a common diagnosis seen in the adult 6] survivors of CSA (Briggs & Joyce, 1997; Hetzel & McCanne, 2005; Huang, Zhang, Momartin, Huang, & Zhao, 2008; Neumann et al., 1996; Paolucci, Genuis, & Violato, 2001; Peleikis et al., 2004; Polusny & Follette, 1995). Survivors may experience flashbacks/ intrusive memories about trauma, numbing or avoidant responses to cope with the trauma related stimuli, and anxiety (American Psychiatric Association, 2000). These symptoms combine physical, emotional, and behavioral responses in adult survivors of CSA coping with psychological distress from CSA influences. Childhood sexual abuse experiences did have an effect on adulthood in terms of psychological distress (Paolucci et al., 2001), interpersonal relationships (DiLillo, 2001), intimate relationships (Liang et al., 2006), and parenting skills (DiLillo & Damashek, 2003). The causal relationships between CSA and adult psychological adjustment were inconclusive. Several researchers have used Bronfenbrenner’s ecological model (1979) to explain the influence the childhood trauma on adult psychological adjustment (Banyard & Williams, 2007; Harvey, 1996; Zielinski & Bradshaw, 2006). Based on the empirical evidence and theoretical outline discussed in the previous section, CSA effects can be outlined as follows. At the individual level, the age of the child at the onset of CSA (Alexander, 1993; Finkelhor & Kendall-Tackeett, I997), individual coping strategies (Bal et al., 2003; 62 Spaccarelli, 1994), the duration and the type of abuse (Banyard & Williams, 1996), and attachment with the parents (Alexander et al., 1998; Liang et al., 2006; Muller & Lemieux, 2000; Muller et al., 2001: Schreiber & Lyddon, 1998) were found or suggested to be important factors influencing adult survivors’ psychological distress. At the family level, research finds that the characteristics of CSA survivors’ families of origin shows less cohesion (Meyerson, Long, Miranda, & Marx, 2002), less adaptability, more traditional values in parent-child and male-female relationships, more controlling behaviors, lower family autonomy and intimacy, and more parental conflicts (Draucker, I996; Meyerson et al., 2002; Whiffen & Maclntosh, 2005). Some researchers argue that the long-term effects of CSA are mediated by the victim’s family of origin. That is, the victim‘s relationship with her parents and her family structure cause the long-term psychological effects, not the CSA incidents (Alexander et al., 1998; Draucker, 1996; Meyerson et al., 2002; Nash, Neimeyer, Husley, & Lamber, I998; Rind, Tromovitch, & Bausennan, 1998). If the perpetrator is a family member, the relationship with the perpetrator also is found to be a significant predictor of survivors’ psychological outcome (Banyard & Williams, 1996). At the same time, the reaction from the non-offending parents or other adults in the family before and after disclosure (Bal, De Bourdeaudhuij, Crombez, & Van 63 Oost, 2005) also were important factors influencing survivors’ coping and their decision regarding whether to disclose, which would influence their psychological adjustment (Banyard & Williams, 2007). Whether CSA incidents have direct influences on adult mental health is still in debate. Some researchers argue that the long-term effect of CSA is mediated by the victim’s family of origin. That is, the victim’s relationship with her parents and her family structure influence the long-term psychological efl‘ects, not the CSA incidents (Alexander et al., 1998; Draucker, 1996; Nash et al., 1998; Peleikis et al., 2004; Rind et al., 1998). Some researchers argue that the CSA itself has a strong influence on child development without other mediating variables (Briere & Runtz, 1988; Draucker, 1996; Jumpar, I995). Depending on different sampling processes, the results can be different (Jumpar, I995; Neumann et al., 1996). However, it does show that a female CSA survivor’s adjustment involves many different factors. Lack of safety and protection in the family of origin environment is associated with CSA happening (Banyard, I997; Zuravin & Fontanella, I999). The characteristics of the victim’s family of origin, the responses from the members in the family of origin, the victim’s relationship with the family of origin, the type and the duration of the CSA, and the relationship between the child victim and the perpetrator all play important roles in determining the adult survivor’s psychological 64 adjustment. At the community level, schools and neighborhood characteristics are important factors (please see review from Banyard, 2007 and Zielinski & Bradshaw, 2006). Banyard and Williams suggested that community can influence the CSA survivors’ development of psychological distress, but can also be a protective factor. In terms of school settings, supportive and caring teachers, positive peer relationships, and afterschool curricula are important factors for resiliency in children with CSA history. In the community, low cohesive and unsupportive neighborhood, and low medical, mental health and social service resources were found to be significantly related to characteristics of child maltreatment families (please see review from Zielinski & Bradshaw, 2006). Influences of CSA on Adult Attachment Adult attachment style may be a mediating variable between CSA/other childhood abuse and long-term CSA sequelae. Attachment mediated CSA influences and avoidant coping strategies (Shapiro & Levendosky, 1999). Attachment also mediated CSA and its influence on the CSA adult survivors’ ability to form securely attached relationships in adulthood (Styron & Janoff-Bulman, I997; Twaite & Rodriguez-Srednicki, 2004) in peer relationships (Aspelmeier et al., 2007), intimate relationships, and parent-child 65 relationships (Aspelmeier et al., 2007). Attachment also mediates CSA and the severity of adult survivors’ mental health symptoms, such as post-traumatic stress symptoms (Roche etal., 1999; Twaite & Rodriguez-Srednicki, 2004), and depression (Liem & Boudewyn, l999; Roche et al., 1999; Styron & .lanoff-Bulman, 1997). Attachment also mediated CSA and adult survivors’ coping strategies in interpersonal relationships, such as destructive behaviors in conflict situation with partners (Styron & Janoff-Bulman, I997), destructive behaviors toward self (Liem & Boudewyn, 1999), and self-esteem (Liem & Boudewyn, I 999). Influences of C SA on Couple Relationships Female survivors of CSA and their partners showed greater difficulties in intimate relationships, including lower satisfaction in the intimate relationship (DiLillo & Long, 1999; Godbout, Sabourin, & Lussier, 2008; Liang et al., 2006; Nelson & Wampler, 2000), poorer communication (DiLillo, 2001), lower levels of trust in their partners (DiLillo & Long, 1999; Nelson & Wampler, 2000), higher individual stress symptoms (DiLillo, 2001)and lower family cohesion (DiLiIlo & Long, 1999; Nelson & Wampler, 2000). Some research suggests that a good partner relationship can serve as a buffer to decrease the female CSA survivors’ depression (Feinauer et al., 1996; Schilling, Aseltine Jr., & Gore, 2007; Whiffen et al., 1999). The research on partners’ reaction to the CSA 66 survivors’ therapy also revealed that partners and the couple relationships benefit from the survivors’ recovery process (Firth, 1997: Miller & Sutherland, 1999; Reid, Taylor, & Wampler, 1995; Reid, Wampler, & Taylor, 1996). The clinical example provided by Maltas (1996) demonstrated that therapy with the male partner and female survivor individually might not provide the full picture ofthe couple’s interaction with each of their therapists. Johnson and Williams-Keeler (1998) used adult attachment theory to explain the interaction difficulty of the couple. She suggested that the survivor’s childhood traumatic experiences make her seek protection. In the meantime, the broken trust and attachment make it hard for her to get close to her partner. Because of these influences, neither the survivors nor the partners can get comfort from each other. Neither can they soothe themselves. Therefore, the couple is stuck in the pursue/withdraw, and attack/defend cycle. The couple interaction and their attachment maintained the CSA survivors’ psychological symptoms and interpersonal difficulties. By changing insecure attachment to secure attachment, the C SA survivors would be able to improve their interpersonal functions (Johnson, 2002). In sum, the previous research results suggest several interaction patterns between a CSA female adult survivor and her partner. Due to lack of safety and protection in the 67 family of origin environment (Barcus, I997; Zuravin & Fontanella, 1999), the survivor reacts to the relationship with distrust and in secure attachment, but they also seeks protection from partners. On the other hand, the male partner also brings influences from his family of origin and the responses to the survivor’s therapy process—this aspect is unexplored in the literature. In their interaction, they react to each other with pursue/withdrawal or defend/attack behaviors, which causes lower satisfaction in the relationship, poorer communication, lower levels of trust in each other, and lower family cohesion. Secure attachment and social support from the survivors’ current partners (Schilling et al., 2007) were found to buffer the psychological distress and provided better adjustment for the survivors. From Literature Review to Conceptual Map Summary of the Literature Review The literature review section provided an overview of attachment development from infancy to adulthood, and C SA influences on development, adult attachment, and couple relationships. Several important characteristics in attachment and CSA research appeared in this review. Attachment development. Secure attachment has been consistently associated with better adjustment from infancy to adulthood. However, insecure attachment and its 68 influences are relevant to this research. First, in terms of the continuity of attachment, adulthood is more stable than childhood (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007). Individuals with secure infant attachment but insecure attachment in adolescence or early adulthood were often more likely to experience instable family environment, poverty, and stressful life events, especially parental marital discord and abuse (F raley 2002; Hamilton, 2000; Klohnen & Bera, 1998; Lewis et al., 2000; Waters et al., 2000; Weinfield et al., 2000). Findings from these studies provide evidence that infants with insecure attachment style often had insecure attachment style in adolescence and early adulthood (see review from Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007). History of unresolved trauma such as losing parents in childhood, or abuse was often associated with insecure attachment in adolescence (Adam et al., 1996; Allen et al., 1996). In adulthood, individuals who experienced attachment style change (from insecure to secure or secure to insecure) or stayed insecure from early adulthood to middle adulthood Were more likely to have individual or family mental health issues or abuse history (Davila et al., 1997; Treboux et al., 2004). Adults with insecure attachment history but secure attachment in the couple relationship were still more likely to regress to the insecure attachment when under stress (Cozzarelli et al., 2003). Second, individuals seek environments, friends, and partners to reinforce their own 69 attachment styles. In childhood, children’s attachment styles with parents were associated with their attachment styles with their close friends, especially in avoidant attachment style (Hodges et al., 1999). In adulthood, individuals also seek partners to reinforce their attachment styles (Kirkpatrick & Hazan, I994). Children/adults with secure attachment style often find mates with secure attachment style(Greensberg, I999). Avoidant male and ambivalent female often pair together and have the most stable relationship, even though they reported low marital satisfaction (Kirkpatrick & Hazan, 1994). To sum up, these attachment research studies suggest that insecure attachment in childhood has an effect on attachment style in adulthood. Stressful life events, such as instable family environment, lost parents in early age, abuse, and parental marital discord (Cozzarelli et al., 2003) are often related to children staying in insecure attachment style from infant to adulthood or changing their attachment style from secure to insecure. When these individuals enter adulthood, their attachment style often fluctuated more when they are under stressful life events. Attachment research. Discontinuity was apparent from infancy to adulthood. Most research on childhood used Ainsworth’s Strange Situation attachment categories, which are secure, anxious-avoidant, and anxious-ambivalent. Adolescent research used Main’s Adult Attachment Interview attachment categories, which are secure, pre-occupied, and 70 dismissing. Main’s, Hazen and Shaver’s, or Bartholomew’s attachment categories all appeared in different adulthood research studies depending on research goals. Also, there were many studies across the life span using the dichotomous category, secure vs. insecure. As mentioned before. even though Main’s and Hazen and Shaver’s attachment style both corresponded to Ainsworth’s Strange Situation, there are differences between them. In addition, when used only dichotomous categories, those studies are different than the studies using 3-category or 4-category systems in terms of their precision. When exploring the continuity of attachment, the longitudinal studies usually explored attachment style from infant to adolescence/early adulthood (for example, Waters et al., 2000) or early adulthood (for example, Fraley 2002), or early adulthood to middle adulthood (for example, Klohnen & Bera, 1998). There are no meta-analyses or longitudinal studies that explore the continuity of attachment from infant to middle adulthood. When exploring attachment with a life span perspective, it is hard to compare the differences or similarities in different studies even though there are patterns from infancy to adulthood. CSA research using attachment perspectives. Attachment is consistently found as a mediator between child abuse and adult adjustment. As mentioned before, abuse is one of the important stressful life events influencing attachment security in childhood. However, 71 most of the research studies combined different types of child abuse into one category to compare with a non-abuse group (Muller & Lemieux, 2000; Styron & Janoff-Bulman, I997; Twaite & Rodriguez-Srednicki, 2004). Or, they combined different types of sexual abused (Liem & Boudewyn, I999: Roche et al., 1999). The disadvantage of combining different abuse types or sexual abuse types is the difficulty in understanding the within-group differences. In addition, when the researchers used different category systems with all the abuse types combined, it is even harder to understand the relationship between attachment and abuse outcomes on different populations. Attachment also is an important variable mediating adult couple relationships, and few research results found good couple relationships mediate CSA female survivors’ adjustment (Feinauer et al., 1996; Schilling et al., 2007; Whiffen et al., 1999). Couple relationship and interaction in couples with insecure attachment and in couples with female partner as a survivor of CSA are similar. Therefore, it is important to understand within-group differences in C SA survivors and their partners’ attachment interaction. Gaps in Literature Review When children live at high levels of stress and instability with low positive social environment families, their adult attachment styles are predominantly insecure, and are particularly high in dismissing attachment styles (Alexander et al., 1998; Weinfield, 72 Sroufe, & Egeland, 2000). Individuals with insecure infant attachment and insecure adulthood attachment are more likely to experience maltreatment in childhood (Cozzarelli et al., 2003; Davila & Sargent, 2003). Individuals with secure infant attachment but insecure adult attachment are more likely to have mothers with clinically depressive symptoms. Individuals with insecure infant attachment but secure adult attachment are more likely to have better family function at age thirteen. Family functions, relationship with parents, and abuse are important factors influencing secure attachment development in high risk population (Weinfield et al., 2000). These findings are consistent with other findings summarized before, making understanding sexual abuse and stressful life events important variables to explore. Attachment research is often debated as to whether the internal working model is stable or not. A Revision Perspective (Lewis, 1997) suggests that the internal working model formed in infancy with attachment figures changes based on their interaction with the environment. A Prototype perspective (Sroufe, Egeland, & Kreutzer, 1990) suggests that the internal working model formed with attachment figures in infancy becomes a core model and is not subject to change, but individuals later develop other attachment relationships (see the review from F raley, 2002). F raley (2002) found that the prototype model was a better model than the revisionist model in predicting attachment stability. 73 That is, the attachment style does change but fluctuates around certain baseline that formed with attachment figure in infancy (Cozzarelli et al., 2003; F raley 2002). Individuals might form different attachment relationships throughout the years with different relationships. However, the core/baseline attachment still has influence on other attachment relationships formed later. The fluctuation or attachment style change in adulthood is related to the insecure attachment and stressful life experiences in childhood (Cozzarelli et al., 2003; Davila et al., 1999). In addition, research studies also found that individuals choose partner/environment to reinforce their attachment styles from childhood peer relationships to adulthood couple relationships. This core/baseline attachment is even more stabilized in adulthood than in childhood, and influences adult adjustment and couple relationships when under stress (Cozzarelli et al., 2003: Davila et al., 1999). Therefore, there is a need to understand the interaction of the core/baseline attachment formed with the attachment figure and adult attachment relationships, mainly, the romantic partners. There is only one research study exploring the interaction of past and current attachment styles (Treboux et al., 2004), but this study did not focus on a sexual abuse population. Nor did this study explore the influences of past stressful life events on attachment change with their parents in childhood development and on adult attachment 74 relationships. Instead, the study focused on the influences of current stress on couple relationships. If the individuals find their partners to reinforce their attachment styles, the survivors’ partners also find survivors to reinforce their attachment styles. Currently, research studies only focused on the difficulties that partners’ experienced when the survivors went through therapy. There are many research studies exploring adult survivors’ families of origin contexts and childhood experiences (Peleikis et al., 2004), but not for their partners. Current Research Therefore, the focus of this qualitative research is to explore the interaction of previous attachment style and current attachment style in couples with a female partner who is a CSA adult survivor. The goal is to understand how past attachment styles are maintained or changed in current relationships. A qualitative research method was chosen to understand the participants’ in-depth experiences. The CSA population is chosen because this is one of the stressful life events in childhood resulting in vulnerability to mental disorder in adulthood (Department of Health and Human Services, 1999). Female partners as survivors were chosen due to the higher prevalence of women as victims of abuse (Polusny & Follette, 1995). They also 75 are under more stress in adulthood (Department of Health and Human Services, 1999). In order to avoid the confusion in attachment research with different category systems, this research goes back to the origins of Attachment Theory by focusing on the interaction of model of self and model of other in childhood and adulthood (Bartholomew, 1990). By understanding each partner’s childhood attachment style, stressful life events in childhood, and current attachment style, this research intends to bridge the gaps of current attachment and development research in sexual abuse population. 76 Chapter 3 Methodology Research Objectives and Research Questions The overall purpose of this phenomenological qualitative study was to investigate how past childhood attachment style is maintained by a current intimate relationship, in particular, the adult attachment relationship, in couples with a female partner as the survivor of child sexual abuse. Specifically, this research study explored CSA female adult survivors’ and their partners’ attachment experiences looking at the interface of attachment figures in families of origin and in current relationships. The following research objectives guided this research: I) To identify whether and how C SA female survivor’s and partner’s childhood attachment experiences are associated with their current individual attachment style. 2) To identify the potential strengths and weaknesses in each individual partner and in past and current attachment relationships. 3) To identify how each partner’s childhood attachment experiences were maintained or changed in the interaction of current relationship. 77 4) To identify possible strategies in which couple therapy may be helpful to intimate couple relationships when the female partner is a CSA adult survivor. The research questions evolved through reviewed literature along with the research objectives stated above to reflect the conceptual map described in the Introduction section. Specific research questions are as follows: I) What are the important developmental events and milestones for each partner? 2) How do childhood attachment styles influence the individual partner’s views about themselves (model of self) and each other (model of other)? 3) How do adult attachment styles influence the female CSA survivor and her partner’s view about themselves (model of self) and each other (model of other)? 4) How do childhood attachment styles influence the interaction between female adult CSA survivor and her partner, especially during unresolved conflicts? Phenomenological Research Brief Introduction of Phenomenological Research Phenomenological qualitative research will guide the design of this study. Rooted and evolved from Husserl’s phenomenology, phenomenological qualitative research focuses on human beings’ experiences and how they make sense of these experiences in 78 certain phenomenon (Creswell, 2007; Giorgi & Giorgi, 2003b; Patton, 2002; Polkinghome, I989). The participant’s experiences of certain phenomena and the meaning of those experiences to them were the primary research focus. Therefore, it was important to purposefully sample a homogenous group to fulfill the criteria of the phenomenon explored. A sample of5 to 25 individual interviews are suggested as a good research foundation (Polkinghome, 1989), but the number of participants should be decided based on the nature of the research (Wertz, 2005). A semi-structured, open-ended, and in-depth interview was the primary data collection method (Creswell, 2007; Giorgi & Giorgi, 2003b; Polkinghome, I989; Wertz, 2005). Creswell (2007) also suggests that researchers can use other methods in order to gather rich data from the participants. For example, the researcher’s reflection from field notes or participants’ diaries may be used. This research will follow the phenomenological method provided by Moustakas (I 994) and Giorgi and Giorgi (2003b). According to Moustakas (1994), epoché (or bracketing), phenomenological reduction, imaginative variation, and synthesis are important strategies for conducting phenomenological research. Epoché is the essence of phenomenological research, meaning that researchers “set aside our prejudgments, biases, and preconceived ideas about things” (Moutstakas, 1994, p. 85; Creswell, 2007; Giorgi & Giorgi, 2003a; Patton, 2002: Polkinghome, I989; Wertz, 2005). Phenomenological 79 reduction, according to Moutstakas (1994) means “describing in textural language just what one sees, not only in terms of the external object but also the internal act of consciousness, the experience as such, the rhythm and relationship between phenomenon and self” (p.90). Using this basis, researchers consider all different aspects of the phenomenon and use the participants’ own language to describe the essence of different meaningful units (Giorgi & Giorgi, 2003b). Imaginative variation is to “seek possible meanings through the utilization of imagination, varying the frames of reference, employing polarities and reversals, and approaching the phenomenon from divergent perspectives, different positions, roles, or functions” (p. 97-98). Through this process, the researchers “arrive at a structural description of an experience” (p. 98). Synthesis stage is when the researcher integrates “the fundamental structure” (from phenomenological reduction) and “structural descriptions” (from imaginative variation) into “a unified statement of the essences of the experience of the phenomenon as a whole” (p. 101). Therefore, the process of phenomenological research is as follows: 1) start from the researcher’s determination of phenomenon to explore; 2) review the literature in the areas of the phenomenon; 3) search for participants who experience this phenomenon; 4) interview the participants to get rich data: and 5) analyze the data. The data analysis includes the following four steps: 1) reading for a sense of the 80 whole; 2) establishing meaning units; 3) transforming the units into psychologically sensitive expressions; and 4) determining the structure. In the first step, the researcher reads the transcripts from the interviews several times. In the second step, the researcher highlights significant parts ofthe transcript to “establish meaning units” (Giorgi & Giorgi, 2003a; Smith, Jarrnan, & Osborn, 1999; Smith & Osborn, 2003). This step corresponds to phenomenological reduction. In the third step, the researcher reflects on the meaning units from the previous step in order to understand what those units reveal about the phenomenon (Wertz, 2005), and “transform meaning units into psychologically sensitive expressions” (Giorgi & Giorgi, 2003a). This step corresponds to imaginative variation. In the last step, the researcher analyzes and synthesizes the findings from the previous two steps. The researcher, as an instrument, is an important factor in qualitative research. Phenomenological research emphasizes the researcher’s insight and reflection in order to set aside their own biases or prejudgment to the phenomenon, which is the bracketing process. In the meantime, the researcher also builds a trust relationship with the participants in order to get deep meaning and experiences from the participants (called prolonged engagement and persistent observation by Creswell, 2007). The bracketing process starts with the forming of research questions and proceeds through the research 81 process. The researcher continuously checks his/hers own biases from their own previous experiences, literature reviews, and different participants (Creswell, 2007; Giorgi & Giorgi, 2003a; Patton, 2002; Polkinghome, I989; Wertz, 2005). Field notes become an important data collection method for helping the researcher reflect on his/her biases and to triangulate with data collected from the participants for validation (Polkinghome, 1989). From Phenomenology to Current Research This research study focused on adult CSA female survivors and their partners’ attachment experiences with their own parents and each other, and how they perceived their own values in these experiences. Specifically, as outlined in the research questions, the phenomenon under examination is adult CSA female survivors and their partners’ model of self and model of other in the past and present, as well as their interaction. Research Design This study followed a phenomenological qualitative research design to understand the interaction of past and current attachment relationships in couples with the female partner as CSA adult survivor. lnforrnation was gathered through semi-structured interviews with each partner individually and with the couple together, and participants’ individual diaries about their personal reflection regarding their own developmental 82 process, trauma influences, and couple interaction. Specific research design is presented as follows. Participants The original proposal was to recruit six to ten couples, with each member over 21 years of age, and with a female partner as a survivor of CSA. Six couples were recruited to participate in the study. The couple relationship is defined as married, cohabitating, or dating heterosexual couples with at least a two-year relationship. According to Bowlby (1982), it takes two to three years for attachment formation in infancy. Adult attachment research indicates that two years is a cutoff point separating attachment quality in adult romantic relationships (Hazen & Zeifman, 1999). Therefore. “two years in the relationship” is chosen as the criteria. As mentioned in the literature review section, the definition of child sexual abuse (CSA) is different from study to study. In this study, CSA is defined as follows: I) A sexual act between the victim and the perpetrator defined as direct sexual contact such as fondling, masturbation, oral-genital contact, or intercourse. 2) Sexual abuse happened before the victim was 12 years old and the perpetrator was at least five years older, or when the victim was between 13 and 16 years old and the perpetrator was at least 10 years older (Finkelhor, I979). 83 3) The victim felt that the perpetrator held power and authority and she was forced, either physically or psychologically, to participate in sexual activities (Knight, 1997). Past research studies have adopted a broader CSA definition to include indirect sexual contact such as forcing children to take nude pictures. Guided by the phenomenological research orientation, this study limited the sexual act definition to direct sexual contact in order to maintain a homogeneous sample. However, the definition of the perpetrator-victim relationship is defined in a broader perspective. Child sexual abuse victims have usually known the perpetrator, with 34.2% of the perpetrators of juvenile sexual assault as family members and 58.7% as acquaintances (Snyder, 2000). As the American family structure has become more diverse in the past forty years due to divorce and single mothering, (Bianchi, 1995; Ooms & Wilson, 2004), the relationship between victim and the perpetrator also has become complicated. Therefore, the perpetrator is defined as a person known to the child and is older and has power. Recruitment The participants were recruited from private and public mental health clinics in the community, as well as flyers on campus and agencies in the community. Data Collection Procedure 84 Stage 1: Telephone screening. The participants were screened by phone in order to be sure they fulfilled the criteria (Appendix I). The age of the participants, the length of the couple relationship, and the sexual abuse history are important criteria. The callers also were informed that both of the partners needed to participate in this process. Their partner’s inclusion criteria were also screened by phone via the callers. There were I I phone calls received at this stage. Among them, three callers identified themselves as female survivors of child sexual abuse and did fulfill the inclusion criteria mentioned above. However, their partners were unwilling to participate. Two of the couples fulfilled the criteria, and both of the partners were willing to participate. However, because one of the partners in both couples did not speak English, and I do not speak their native language, I was not able to conduct interviews with them. One of the couples did not fulfill the criteria, because it was the male partner who was the survivor of child sexual abuse, not the female partner. Six couples participated in the study. Stage 2: Individual interviews. Individual interviews were held in the same week with each individual partner but at different times. A video-taped, face-to-face, and semi-structured interview lasted 60 — 90 minutes. The individual interview aimed to understand the individual partner’s childhood relationship with his/her attachment figure, 85 and current relationship, and to gain information from detailed experiences about common conflicts in the couple relationships (Appendix 2). Stage 3: Reflection diary. The couple interview was held two weeks after the second partner’s individual interview. In between, the couple keptjournals regarding their reflections about the individual interview session and their detailed experiences, if the conflict they mentioned in the individual interview appeared between the two week intervals. They kept thisjoumal and their reflections private and were asked to wait to discuss their thoughts in the couple interview session (Appendix 3). All but one participant finished the individual diary. This participant did not write any entries, but provided an oral statement after the couple interview was completed. His oral explanation was taken into analysis as well. Stage 4." Couple interview. The video-taped couple interview lasted 30 - 60 minutes. In the couple interview, the topic of their conflict was summarized and the couple was asked to discuss this topic in the session for 15-20 minutes. After the planned time, the researcher and the couple were de-briefed about their experiences in the discussion and de-briefed about their experiences participating in this research study (Appendix 4). The researcher kept the field notes regarding her impressions of the interviews, experiences of interacting with the participants, thoughts regarding the participants’ 86 stories after the individual and couple interview sessions, and the reactions during and/or after coding. The field notes recording continued throughout data analysis as an instrument to “bracket” the researcher’s biases. Incentives Incentives were offered to show appreciation. The participants were offered a $10 gift card at the end of each stage. That is, the gift card was offered to each individual after participating in the individual and couple interview, and for completing their individual journal. Data Analysis Data Analysis Steps Data were analyzed based on phenomenological qualitative research standards as described previously on pages 80-81. Interview data were transcribed in detail. The data analysis focused on each individual’s experiences in his/her relationship with childhood attachment figures and with each other. Specifically, the analysis focused on their experiences about themselves in the relationship (model of self) and their interpretation about their own worthiness through their interaction with attachment figures and each other (model of other). After transcribing the interviews from the audio recorder and diary data from 87 participants’journals, each transcript was compared to the interview taped on the video recorder for accuracy before analysis. Following the analysis steps described above, the first step of the analysis was to read the transcript several times to get a holistic sense of the participant’s experiences (Giorgi & Giorgi, 2003a; Smith et al., 1999; Smith & Osborn, 2003). In the next step, the transcript was coded for each individual participant (Giorgi & Giorgi, 2003a; Smith et al., 1999; Smith & Osborn, 2003) by using NVIVO 8.0 (QSR International, 2008). Page 95 and 96 outline the process of coding and analyzing. First, each participant’s individual interview was coded and grouped based on its developmental stage. Second, if mentioned in the interview, any significant events which occurred at each developmental stage and any experiences which happened in the couple relationship were coded. Third, if mentioned in the interview, the responses from the participants and their parents, teachers, friends, siblings were coded as self (participants) and other (people involved in the significant events). Sometimes, the participants described memories about their parents or significant people but not a specific incident. The participants’ reactions/responses were coded as self and things/behaviors from that person were coded as significant events. In the third step, transcripts from the individual diary and/or couple interview were 88 coded into individual participant’s individual interview codes. Therefore, a total of 30 transcripts from individual interviews (12 total), individual diaries (12 total), and couple interviews (6 total) were coded into 12 main codes which were 12 individual participants’ experiences. In the fourth step, six transcripts from the couple interviews were coded for their interaction process, which become six main codes for each couple. In the fifth step, each individual partner was compared with his/her own partner on his/her developmental experiences and the changes with his/her parents throughout the developmental process. In the sixth step, the six couples were compared from each other to seek for the patterns (Figure 3-1 on page 95). The seventh step compared the individual participants’ developmental experiences with the couple interaction on the never-resolved conflict during the couple interview. Then, each individual partner was compared with his/her own partner. In the last step, each individual couple was compared with other couples on their communication patterns on resolving never-resolved conflicts (Figure 3-2 on page 96). Trustworthiness According to Patton (2001), triangulation to ensure the trustworthiness of the data and analysis can be done through triangulation of different data sources and with multiple 89 analysts, a review by inquiry participants, an audience review (specifically for program evaluation), an expert audit review, a theory triangulation, and a thoughtful and systemic triangulation. Creswell (2007) suggests that building trust with the participants, learning the participants’ culture, and checking misinformation coming from the researcher’s bias are important strategies for validity assurance strategies. In terms of reliability, he suggested that the researchers take detailed field notes and use good quality recording devices to enhance reliability. For validity checking, the researcher used prolonging engagement and persistent observation, multiple and different sources, and methods for triangulation. The researcher strove to continuously clarify objective bias from the onset of the study by recording detailed reflection in order to provide rich and thick descriptions in the final report, and to use external auditing with the advisor. For reliability checking, the researcher recorded detailed field notes and used both video and audio devises for recording. The interviewed transcripts were transcribed in detail through watching videotapes, and confirmed again through audiotapes. Computer programs, such as NVivo (QSR International, 2008), were applied to ensure the reliability in the data analysis process. The primary data collection method in phenomenological research is the semi-structured, in-depth interview. To ensure that the interview transcript was correct 90 and transcribed in detail was the most important criteria for trustworthiness (Creswell, 2007; Polkinghome, 1989). According to Polkinghome (1989), the most important criteria for validity is whether an idea is grounded and supported well by the examples that the researcher provides from participants’ description. Both individual and couple interviews were recorded on audio and video recorder. Interview data were transcribed first using data recorded by audio recorder and then compared to data recorded by video recorder for accuracy. As mentioned before, the nature of CSA lies in power and authority (Knight, 1997). Data and methods of data collection took this into consideration to ensure the trustworthiness of the data. Participants’ experiences were collected through interviews and their own journals. These information sources provided an opportunity for the participants to express/share their experiences both in the presence and in the absence of the researcher. If the participants hesitated to express their experience directly in front of the researcher or their partners, they still had an opportunity to express it through their diary. Data were triangulated from different sources, including the interview, background information, participant’s diary, and researcher’s field notes. Data triangulation also provided the researcher channels for exploring the phenomenon in depth and to validate 91 the data. Human Subjects Research The participants were recruited from community agencies and public and private clinics providing mental health services. To protect the participants from further psychological stress due to the interview, the researcher provided contact information from clinics that provide mental health services. If the participant was in therapy at the time of the interview, the researcher provided the contact information for the participant’s therapist if the participants required the researcher to do so. At the end of each couple interview, which was the last step of the research process, a short debriefing was provided. This step was included to provide the researcher an opportunity to debrief the participants about the research process and to check in with the participants regarding any follow-up services needed due to psychological stress from the research. Reflexivity/Bracketing The researcher as an instrument is an important aspect in qualitative research. In phenomenological research, the researcher needs to continuously bracket her own biases, judgment, and preconceived ideas about the phenomenon (Moutstakas, 1994). Mainly, the researcher needs to keep a fresh eye and be aware of his/her own process in every step, from forming the research question to the final report. 92 This research project began 12 years ago when I was a student in a master’s program. I chose to work with CSA survivors as my career goal at that time. Throughout the years, I became a trained individual therapist and worked with the survivors individually. During that process, I struggled to balance the survivor’s needs with her family’s needs. Many times, I wondered how the survivors’ husbands and children coped with their wives’/mothers’ depression and flashbacks that were possibly stimulated from the individual sessions. Many times, the survivors told me that their husbands did not know how to react to their situation and their children were scared when they went through emotional roller coasters. I struggled and worried as to whether my work helped a survivor or destroyed a family. This was the most important reason I came back to a marriage and family therapy program. Throughout my training to become a systems therapist, I gradually realized two things: I) the environment influences the individual, but the individual chooses how to respond to the environment; and 2) the past has an influence on a present relationship, but the individual can decide how to be influenced by the past. Bridging the individual and the environment is the expected outcome from this research project, as well as bridging the past to influence a current relationship. Attachment is chosen as the central variable to bridge past and present with the individual and the context in which he/she lives. This 93 was one of my own biases. Coming from my own culture (Eastern) into the Western culture, I see that human beings have different behaviors and different thinking, but we all have the same emotions. Even though attachment researchers operationalize attachment to the internal working model, and the internal working model is tied with cognition, the origins of attachment are the emotional connection between mother and child. This attachment tie is important for survival. By building the attachment between adult female survivors and their partners, the third expected outcome is to find an effective treatment model for this particular population by engaging them with their current environment so that they can live their lives to the fullest. I truly believe that these victims did not have a chance in childhood to heal because of their environments and because of their inability to seek help. 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The first section is the presentation of the demographic data of each individual partner. Research questions I and 2 explored individual participants’ significant developmental events and the influence on attachment development. The second and third sections are related to these two questions, and present the within-couple (section 2) and between-couple (section 3) comparison results. Research questions 3 and 4 explored the couple’s experiences in the current relationship 98 and how past attachment development maintained/changed in current relationship. The fourth and fifth sections are related to these two questions, and present the within-couple (section 4) and between-couple (section 5) comparison results. Demographic Data The six couples that participated in this study included three African American participants, two Hispanic participants, and seven Caucasian participants. The mean age of the participants was 36. ranging from 25 to 55 years old. The length ofcouples’ relationship ranged from 2 to 32 years, with a mean of 10.42 years. Four couples were married, and two couples were cohabitating. One of the participants was pursuing a GED at the time of the interview, four of the participants had a high school diploma or GED, seven of the participants had more than a high school education. Most of the participants had experienced some form of therapy in their lifetime, primarily individual therapy. More detailed demographic information is presented in Table 4-1 on page 188-189. Eight of the participants had CSA experiences, including two couples in which both partners were CSA adult survivors. Five of the participants were sexually abused by family members, and three of them were abused by perpetrators who were not family members. Five of the participants experienced some form of physical or emotional abuse in their childhood, and five had substance abuse history. Four of the participants had 99 witnessed domestic violence (DV) in their family of origin. Two ofthe female survivors stated that their mothers were also CSA female survivors, and three participants shared infomation that their perpetrators had also molested other family members. Only two participants reported no forms of abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, substance, witnessing DV). A detailed history of different forms of abuse is presented in Table 4-2 on page 190-191. Developmental Experiences: Within Couple Comparison A comparison of individual development within couples found that the partners had similar developmental experiences. To demonstrate this finding, one couple was chosen to show how this looked in NVivo. The quotes from the rest of the couples are incorporated into the between-couple comparisons in the next section. Appendix 6 (Table 4-7) presents within-couple comparisons of the developmental experiences of the six couples stage by stage. These strategies were employed to reduce the amount of pages in this chapter, and still precisely demonstrate the findings. Couple 1 .' Brad and Angie Brad and Angie were in their mid-205. Brad worked full-time and attended school part-time. Angie was a full-time student. At the time of the interview, they had been together for 4 years, had married for a year, and had a son in toddlerhood stage. 100 Similarities of Developmental Experiences The first similarity in their developmental experiences was the primary early childhood memory of their parents’ fighting. Angie: ..... when I think about my childhood, I think about, hm, my parents’ relationship, hm, because it was like a constant fight, basically (laugh), Brad ..... the one memory I specifically have is, hm, like, they were fighting quite a bit, and, I made like this little, like cards, like, just saying basically that I loved them. I think I was maybe, maybe, in kindergarten or something like that, so, I mean it is probably mostly scribbles but, that was like the one time that I got them both to kind of stop Second, they both had closer relationships with their fathers than with their mothers. The close relationship with their fathers lasted up to mid-teenage years. Angie recalled that her father was more attentive to her needs than her mother was. ..... my brothers would torment me with that, like they would tell me like, oh, the spooky man is going to get you or whatever, so 1 would have like nightmares a lot, him coming in my bedroom, and it would always my dad that would come in, and you know, hold me, and told me, it ’3 OK, you know, there is nobody is going to get you, and things like that, so, anyway, yeah, it always my dad that would come in, She felt her mother was not sensitive to her needs and pain. She remembered her mother used her when her parents were fighting, being the youngest and the only girl, ...... my mom sort of used me as a weapon, I guess, against my dad, hm, like they would fight and she would take me out of the house, like if you are going to leave me, [am going to take her, lOl (when she had nightmares) my mom would come in when her and my dad were fighting, and she, almost she needed the consoling but she would hold me, everything. Brad described his father as being the “steady force” of his life after his parents’ divorce. His mother went through different relationships, and some of them were violent. Brad’s dad re-married when he was in second grade. His biggest fear as a child was that his parents would ask him to choose who he wanted to live with. you could always tell that my interests was more with my dad, so that we (Brad and his mom)didn t have a strong relationship, and my mom had a tendency to just like blown up, to just like pretty much melt down, hm, and it actually kind of force me to like shut down, ..I was like scared that they always would want me to actually pick one parent, that was my biggest fear. I couldn ’t do it. I knew I couldn ’t. I mean like, there was point where I would really, I couldn’t do it, there is no way. I mean, there was always kind of like talks about me maybe living with my grandparents, but I definitely remember that pressure was there that if they. get toward to the point to where they didn’t get along, that subjects would come up again. and that was probably my biggest fears, .. Third, both of their child sexual abuse incidents happened during their elementary school years. Angie was sexually abused by her two older brothers when she was in elementary school. At the time of the interview, she was in counseling and working on confronting her perpetrators. Brad was sexually abused by a female cousin of his own age and also was abused in his elementary school years. Brad has l02 very mixed feelings about this. He had difficulty processing the meaning and the influence of CSA on his life. Angie .like, the way I remembered is more like, hm, he, XXX (older brother’s name), the older brother: hm, was the first one, and then, I don’t know if there is like a time lapse, but that sort of died out and started with the second one, I don ’t know if there is any sort of the connection between that, Brad ..... it was a girl, (he identified it was one of his cousins in previous conversation) pretty close to the same age as me, hm, like, she was like my buddy girls like, probably 5 until about my teen years, hm, I mean, I think I was maybe 6, and, she said to me, she’s like, “I was watching a movie, I don ’t remember she said who she was watching with, and there was this stufl that came out from guy 's penis, and it was hot and I am like, “I don’t know, is it pee? ” (laugh), ...... (describing CSA) .it, hm, it happened for a long time, I don’t know if that is me, being abused, I don ’t, I don’t know, .1 didn’t know any of this, so, honestly, I, (sigh) I said up until probably approaching adolescence, and then, its stopped, but, I mean, like, (sigh). I don ’t know, I mean. like, its like. I just like, stores away, I mean, I just, I don ’t, I don’t know what to do with it myself, Fourth, their relationship with their fathers started to change in the middle school and deteriorated in high school. For Brad, his father was unsupportive of his decision to play football and refused to communicate with him. He started to manipulate both parents to get what he wanted, and started to use drugs in high school. .my dad didn ’t want me playing football at the time, ., and I wanted to do it. So, I did it anyway, hm, and he wouldn i come to any of my games ever, so, hm. and he actually made me also get paper route, I guess, trying to 103 like sabotage so I wouldn’t be able to pull of both, so, that’s one thing I can definitely remember, .his way with dealing with me at that time was, essentially, if I did something that wasn’t what he wanted or disappointed him, it was pretty much like locked down, I mean, like I would lose everything, that's really what it was the breakdown of the communication between us happened, it 3' like, I did, I felt like kind of abandoned, I mean, it wasn ’t even the punishment so much, it is the fact like, this is, this guy is my hero, you know, .I am like, this is something more than what is going on here so I am just going to leave. so that’s actually the point where I started to at points 1 would like go and stayed with one parents for a long time because I get tired of one ways tries to deal with me, so. Then, it started to become more an issue because I kind of pick the strength and weakness of each one against the other and I became manipulative of them because I was ultimately trying to get what I wanted rather than dealing with them or the issues. Brad described how the point when his relationship with his father broke down was when he tried to communicate with him. His father took away all his privileges and took out his anger on Brad‘s sister by telling Brad‘s sister that he was not her biological father. It was a family secret at the time. ..... I was 1 6 or 17, 1 think I was 16, and I actually went through, and I told him all the things that Is going on with me, you know, like, I smoked marijuana, dadadadadah, you know, just coming through with stufif because I wanted to reach out and maybe cut this stuflofif you know, like, I was really looking for, hm, some sort of understanding, I couldn’t believe how upfront and honest I really was about everything, like I told him everything about me, like, and, that was the time, that ’s definitely the point where he completely cut ofif that was when like, he took everything away from me, like, he took my guitars, like, you couldn ’t do anything, you go to school, you go to work, you come home, and that was pretty much the end of my relationship for the rest l04 of my teen years... at that moment, when I told him all the stufl about myself, that same night, hm, he got me, my sister; my youngest, my brother; my next youngest sister I don’t think she was born yet, my stepmom, and I all at the table, hm, and instead of dealing with going on with me, he decided that it was appropriate at that time, to, in front of everybody, tell my sister that he wasn ’1 her dada. And 1 lost it, (laugh),like, I throw the chairs, Islam the doors, I actually tried to rip the doors ofl the hinges, he didn ’t, he never even like told my mom that he was going to tell my sister this, and he just, I don’t know if it was some really fucked up way of punish me? For Angie, she felt that she was not as worthy as her brothers because her parents always paid more attention to her brothers. ...... like, growing up, hm, I always felt I was being shunned for being a girl, ham, because she (meant her mom) would always like praise my brothers for anything, and she still does this, hm, you know, like sports and academics or whatever, and for me, it s more like, your brothers did this kind of thing, hm, so, yeah ...... no, my dad my dad didn ’t either, ..I don 7 think they ever came to any of my games, and in high school, 1 was in track, they came to one track game, sort of I felt like 1 was on the outside because 1 was the only girl, and sort of made me feel like insignificant, I guess, like for my brother who is a year older than me, my dad took him to every single soccer event and things like that, and then, you know, if I wanted to do this or whatever, it was sort of like “0K, whatever, " you know what I mean (laugh), so, yeah. The most significant event for Angie in high school years was her parents’ divorce starting at the end of her middle school years. Her mother left, but would often call and yell at her and her brother. Her father started a new relationship and was usually out of town during weekends. ..... my mom actually moved when more like when l was like 13 or so, l05 separated when 1 was 14, at that point, the divorce thing was going on, and the contact would be, hm, you know, screaming at XXXXX (her brother’s name) and I, because we were the only two left at that point, “you are brats ”, hm, swearing at us, whatever, to the point we were just unplug the phone because it is like what ’s the point with this you cannot even rationalize with this women, you know. Midway through high school, probably sophomore year for me, junior year for 2000(X (her brother’s name), my oldest two brothers are moved out, my dad has started this relationship with who he didn’t want anybody to know about her; like he would just say, I am going out of the town, here is 100 dollars each, you know, have a good weekend, basically to 15-year-olds, so, what I was doing was buying drugs, ......... my dad was, his way of parenting was. you ’1! figure out sort of things, like there was never really like real guidance from him, you know, I mean, I understand at that point, his life was changing as well, but to me, a 15-, 16-year needs a little more than your 4 0-year old girlfriend or whatever (laugh), She described her high school years as “crappy”. She started to use drugs, got pregnant, and had an abortion. ..... hm, high school was, hm, pretty crappy for me (laugh), hm, I started drinking and drug use and things like that about 14, hm, I was actually kicked out my high school and had to finish through hm, like a home schooling sort of thing, hm, because I was not going to school, ..... hm, in high school, I hm, got pregnant with my crappy boyfriend, and actually had an abortion, and hm, I didn’t tell my parents, hm, I didn ’t really tell anybody, The fifth similarity between Angie and Brad, as described above, was the history of substance abuse, including alcohol and illegal drugs, in high school. The sixth similarity between Angie and Brad’s developmental experiences was the fact that they got suspended or dropped out from high school. l06 Angie: I was actually kicked out my high school and had to finish through hm, like a home schooling sort of thing, Brad Along with the fall out of at various point with my parents, I also decided I was lot cool for school and dropped out. At this time, I thought I was one of the greatest musicians in the world and I need no one or any institution to stand in my way. The last similarity between them was getting help from someone in early adulthood and moving away from town. They were able to re-construct their lives from that point. Angie described how she lived randomly with different people after high school. Finally, she was helped by her brother who molested her. Because of this experience, Angie had very mixed feelings about confronting her brother. I was living randomly with people, hm, I lived with my mom, maybe for, I don’t know, maybe 6 months, but we got kicked out the apartment because she wasn ’t paying the rent on time, .. when we got kicked out, I was sort of like, hm, where do I go, hm, and, it was just. I don t know, that was hard, so, then I lived with my aunt and uncle for a while but they were selling their house, so they bought the new house and they moved out and I was left in their house by myself which I could move in with my dad but I was really resistant to that, hm, ...... I felt like, yeah, I couldn’t like depend on him because he was doing this new thing with his new wife (laugh), and sort of feel like he was leaving us behind, I guess (crying), so, that’s really crappy situation, hanging out with crappy people, (laugh), you know, so, hm, that is when m (her brother) got me to here. I mean, I am like forever like grateful that he did that for me, because I don ’t know if he hadn t, nobody was stepping in and helping, hm, if he hadn? done it, I dont know where 1 would be, you know (crying), and now my life is really good, I am really happy at where I am at, so, hm, you know l07 Brad left his hometown to get away from drugs. He was helped by one of his friends and his friend’s family. ..it was getting pretty intense, so I left, came with a group of friends, that wanted to get away with these things. so, it is actually one of the fiiend that I really kind of screwed over I guess that actually have me come up with, this XXX flris friend), the one man who is my best man, he just, even though I really kind of betrayed him, I guess, he has always been like that, positive figure, as far as friends, you know, so, he still is willing to help me, yeah, take on the risk of having me around, just kind of give me a shot, hm, and he was actually my best man, and that would probably be I think of a my big part for me, not necessary like a mature factor, but just the fact like I had a family... .. Influence of Family of Origin on the Development of Self and Other Angie felt that, because of her parents’ lack of support in her afterschool activities and academic progress, and her parents viewing her brothers as more important than she, made her feel insignificant and like an outsider in her family of origin. She felt that the conflicts between her parents caused them to overlook the signs of CSA, and allowed CSA to go on for years. Now, as an adult, she felt that all those factors influenced her view about herself. ..... my self confidence and self-esteem I guess, are, hm, lower than I think they should be, hm, I don’t know, I sort of felt almost like, hm invisible in front of people who should see me the most, hm, like, and at certain point, I always would, I would think about, you know, if I could be a boy instead of girl kind of thing, because the boys are being treated well and getting the attention, and I am over here not being as much as attention of being abused (laugh), so, you know, so, yeah, l08 It seemed that Angie’s way of seeking help or expressing her feelings to other people was to be angry or to push people away. She also noted that her reaction when she was uncomfortable about something was to push people away. She expressed that her behaviors were similar to her mother when her mother was angry in her diary. .... her [mother] telling me that she was abused clarified a lot of things though. I understand her craziness now because that is exactly how I act when I get mad. I am getting better now, but, for a long time, probably afler our son is born, up until last year I guess, hm, he would come home, and I would be, before he would be get home, I would be happy that he was coming home because it is almost time, and then, he would get home, and I would be angry with him, hm, (when asked her explanation about this) I think more that fact that, I am afraid to let him know how I felt about him and let him know that I am happy for him to be home, so, instead, I just yell at him flaugh). If I am like uncomfortable about anything, that is usually what I do is get mad, you know, try to push people away. Brad’s current view about himself and his relationship with significant people in his life was influenced by his fears that he had to choose between his parents, feeling a sense of abandonment by his father, and, later, his father’s angry outburst at his sister, and his mother’s anger. He mentioned “failed” several times in his interview. ..... there was a lot of hostility on my part towards my dad, especially. I mean, it wasn’t until actually, until my son was born, I kind of went back and just like, a lot of it was undeserved. I don 't, the only thing that 1 can actually come up with was that somehow I felt they fail me or something. 109 (when talking about the beginning of their dating) 1 actually kind little bit of a jerk the last time I saw Angie because I felt like I failed, [ wasn ’t going to let her happy and apprehend things whatever. (when talking about their current relationship) I just, I mean a lot of stufl that I wasn 't prepare for that I am trying to get better. like. I just, I want to do what I can do to help, I mean, I just at points [feel like [ am failing her, like, ln childhood, when his father was angry, Brad would leave and go to his mom. When his mother was angry, Brad would shut down and wait for things to be over. I just, [ remembered the point that [just like, sitting there like in the kitchen table, she was like screaming, and I wouldn ’t talk, I wouldn ’t do anything and wait for it to be over. So, I mean, that is a lot of what I remember about my mom honestly, just like, I was always nervous that there was going to be some sort of like, anger, so. I don t know. The feeling of abandonment by his father and his father’s rejection after he opened up to his father and coping with shutting down from his mother’s anger seemed to influence how he sought help in his current relationship. I mean, that 's a big part for me, it 3' like, I don 7 want to like, throw mine on somebody else, if I haven’t been able to deal with it, I mean, I don’t know I think, it, honestly, it takes me a while to work up to even getting a little pieces out, it is not like [ don’t want to, I don’t think, its necessarily always feeling safe, but, I just, it does take me a while to get myself together; to, to do, like I just, even if just like telling you finally my dad telling my sister, like something that 3' been so overwhelming to me, like, it is taking me, I don ’t know, years to tell anybody, like, I just, it is just always been easier to forget it flaugh), put it outside of my mind, I guess, I mean, it is not gone, the stufir is there, but, it is just always been easier just to pretend like, it rolls of my back, or something like, it can 7 hurt me. ”0 I don ’t, [ don ’t even think like it is a safe factor, as much as like [ don’t want to appear like weak to you(meant Angie), [guess Brad’s sister moved in with them a few years ago. Brad and Angie wanted to provide his sister a chance to get out of her environment, just as they were helped by someone else. However, it did not go as well as they hoped. The couple’s relationship with Brad’s sister was one of the “never-resolved conflicts” in their relationship. Similar to his fear in childhood that he had to choose between his mom and dad, he felt that he had to choose between his wife and sister. Brad described how he felt in his diary: I kind of feel like Germany. [ have one side of course loyal to my wife and understanding her thought so I also share sort of the sour feelings. But then, another side is of course in a dtflerent situation as my sister is my sister and I don’t want to continue to carry anger on resentment forever. Meanwhile, it is directly impacting my family in indirect means. The way Brad’s parents handled their couple relationship and their relationship with Brad continued to have an effect on his view about himself and his behaviors in his current relationship. He worried that he failed people (mainly his sister and Angie). He was easily triangulated in the relationship (between Angie and his sister). He was afraid of seeking help, and it was easy for him to shut down as a coping mechanism for his emotions. The way Angie’s parents handled their own personal issues and their parenting attitude also influenced Angie. She felt insignificant, especially in front of people who were important to her. She showed her needs with anger, which was similar to her mother’s behavior. Couple 2: Don and Rosie Don and Rosie were in their late 205 and early 303. They had been together since adolescence. They went through breakups and decided to get married when Rosie decided to leave her home country to study abroad. At the time of the interview, they had known each other for 14 years, dated for 9 years, and had been married for two years. Rosie was a full-time student attending graduate school, and Don self-studied to pursue a professional license. as well as to maintain his company in their home country. Rosie was sexually abused by her neighbor’s male nanny when she was in preschool. She was abused at the same time as her neighbor’s son who was of similar age as Rosie. Similaritiesof Developmental Experiences Don and Rosie both described how they were opposite from each other in many areas. Don described himself as a rebellious child from a poor family who attended bad schools, while Rosie was a good girl from a rich family and attended good schools. Rosie also described the difference between her and Don by saying she was a “little nice girl” and he was a “long hair guy who listened to heavy metal music.” Even though there were many differences in their backgrounds, Don and Rosie both came from a family where ll2 their mothers were primary caregivers/decision makers with active roles towards the children. Don described his mother as a strong figure in the family who made decisions about parenting, discipline, and school-related issues. In his memory, his father was always in the background smoking, and had no voice. Rosie remembered being very close to her mother, and her mother was always there to provide what she needed. She also remembered telling her parents that she was bullied in school and her mother went to the school to solve the problem for her. Also, they both had one parent who had the stronger power in the family. Don said that his mother was a stronger figure in the household, and his father was usually in the background. In contrast, Rosie said that her father was stronger in the household, and her mother was supportive of her father’s decision. They both found their career path in adolescence. One of the most significant memories Don had about his childhood was wood-working classes. It seemed that he was a person who discovered himself by doing. He discovered his passion in working with computer programming through work and built his company by learning it through work, not academic training. Rosie also set her career goals through hands-on volunteer work in the adolescent stage and later in her college internship. Because their relationship dated back to their teenage years, their developmental l|3 processes were connected. The major development of identity was experienced together. When Don went through what he called “the age to discover self” in the teenage stage, Rosie also went through a stage where she felt “very insecure and desperate for aflection.” As teenagers, sex became an issue in their relationship. and Rosie revealed CSA to Don. He encouraged her to talk to her parents. She felt that that became a significant event in her recovery process. It seemed that respect and acceptance in that process played an important part and influenced their current relationship and communication. Rosie also emphasized how revealing CSA to her parents was the most difficult thing she had done in her life. She could not have done it without Don’s support and encouragement. At the same time, Don, who went through his “di5covery of life”, was also accepted and encouraged by Rosie and his parents at that stage. He found his career path through a nontraditional manner. Don explained that he would “try to make her feel like she could tell me everything, because I want to feel the same way, trust her, so I can tell her anything.” Influence of Family of Origin on the Development of Self and Other Rosie noted that she always had a very close relationship with her parents, especially her mother. As her father was the authority figure in the family, Rosie said that she was close to her father but was also afraid of him in her childhood. Her close relationship with ”4 her mother had influence on the development of intimate relationships with others. In her diary, she described one incident regarding how she was triangulated into her parents’ relationship. Her father was mad at her mother for being late and left home in the only car. Her mother had to walk miles to catch the bus in order to get to an event. After Rosie found out, she was very mad at her father. She was also mad at her mother for triangulating her into her parents’ relationship. In early adulthood, she broke up with Don, and part of the reason was that she was under her mother’s influence. In those few years without Don, she was triangulated into another relationship with her ex-boyfriend at that time and suffered from emotional abuse and psychosomatic symptoms. After re-connecting with Don, Rosie found the strength to break up that violent relationship. Overall, the positive relationship with her parents from childhood seemed to have a positive influence on her view about herself and interpersonal relationships. On two occasions during Rosie’s interview (when she talked about being bullied in school and when she revealed C SA to her parents), she expressed the feeling that she always had confidence that her parents would support and help her when needed. It seemed that she felt accepted and supported by her parents, and, in turn, was able to provide the same support to other people. Rosie described how she was very good in interpersonal llS relationships since childhood as “people used to come and talk to me about their things, so somehow people would, hm, perceive me as this person they can trust. ” In her relationship with Don. especially during their teenage years, she had also received that from Don as described above. In return, she was able to ask for help and provide support in her relationship. Don said that his current relationship with his parents was “like friends.” Don described himself as “having a problem with authority” since he was little. He wondered why he had to do certain things. He would challenge his parents by not doing what he was told to do. He also challenged teachers in school and got expelled from school. The turning point in his relationship with his parents was when he was expelled from school. When asked why this incident caused the change, he replied that his parents did not punish him, which made him realize that “they actually were more worried than mad. ” This realization made him understand that his parents telling him to do certain things were their way of guiding him and of showing love. After that, he went through a few years of trying to find his identity by experimenting with alcohol, smoking, and other rebellious behaviors. At the same time, his parents respected his choices and let him experiment. Finally, he found his passion in his current career and started his company in early adulthood. ll6 Don described his relationship with Rosie by saying that she “could have changed me in some way. but she didn’t actually try to force me into doing stuff ” This was exactly what Don needed, as he did not like people telling him what to do. It seemed that Don was able to be who he was and provided support and respect to Rosie at the same time. The major difference between this couple and the rest of the other couples was that Don said that he did not think CSA had any influence on their relationship. Don said: ..... hm, (sigh), how could I explain this, we all have different kind of abuse, we all have things we don 't want to do, things we don’t want to do, as long as you respect other person, other partner, you shouldn ’t have any problem with this. So, if Rosie didn t feel comfortable with something, she told me, she told me, and, I, if I didn ’t feel comfortable about something, I told her; Ron’s statement summarized how this couple had taken took elements from their families of origin and worked them into their relationship ever since adolescence. That is, they respected and accepted the differences in each other, and, at the same time, they provided a secure base for each other when needed. Couple 3: Ned and Elsa Ned and Elsa are in their 505, and is an inter-racial couple. At the time of the interview, they had been married for 32 years. Their children were grown and had moved away from home. Ned had a full-timejob and Elsa had been a stay-at-home mother since ll7 the beginning of their marriage. After their children grew up, Elsa went back to school, but was not able to finish it because of severe anxiety and depression. Elsa and Ned both were survivors of abuse. Elsa was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused by her father since around 4 or 5 years old, and the sexual abuse only stopped when she was around 11. Ned was the adult survivor of physical and alcohol abuse. His father abused alcohol and physically and emotionally abused his family, including his mother and siblings. Ned’s father passed away in his early teens. Similarities of Developmental Experiences From an early age, both Ned and Elsa suffered physical and emotional abuse from their fathers. Elsa’s father was also the perpetrator of her CSA. Both of their abuse experiences were severe and included threats. Both Ned and Elsa’s mothers seemed to be powerless to protect them from the abuse. Ned had a positive relationship with his mother, remembering her as nurturing and loving. Witnessing his dad abusing his mom was really hard for Ned, and he begged her to take them and run away. However, his mother explained to him that his father provided for their family, and she chose to stay. When asked how he felt about his mother’s response, he responded that he felt let down by his mom. Even so, he said that when his father was not around, his mother was able to provide happy times for the children. “8 Contrary to Ned’s experiences with his mother, Elsa described her mother as very cold. Her mother was also powerless regarding her father’s anger. Elsa also suspected that her mother knew about C SA but did not do anything about it. She described an incident when she was sick and was lying in bed between her parents. Her father started to touch her, and her mother did not have any response. Elsa felt that her mother was always afraid of other people’s opinion about her, and Elsa thought that might be the reason her mother did not do anything about CSA. Elsa felt her mother valued her own reputation more than Elsa’s safety. Elsa also felt that her mother sacrificed her to the wolf (Elsa’s father). Both partners started to develop mental health symptoms, especially psychosomatic symptoms, when they were very young, and those symptoms resurfaced in their middle adulthood. Ned described how he started to have somatic symptoms when Friday approached because his father usually abused alcohol and family members on weekends. He also started experiencing panic symptoms as early as 6 years old when he witnessed his father abusing his mother. Elsa also experienced psychosomatic symptoms in her early adolescence. Contrary to Ned, her explanation about her somatic symptoms was to get attention from her mother. By middle school, she started to have suicidal ideation, and it continued through her high school years. Ned did not express that he had suicidal ideation, but in his diary, he wrote ll9 that he did not think he would live very long because his “life was sad and difficult” in his middle school years. In his middle school years, Ned joined a singing group, which brought him some joy in life. Elsa also mentioned that she had a chance to develop a different sense of identity through Girl Scouts. Religion was a very important part of their life together. This dated back to their early adulthood. For Ned, his mother raised her family in the church. Afler his first marriage dissolved, he re-connected with religion to help him raise his son. For Elsa, she found religion through her friend’s family in high school. After high school, she joined a religious group where she met Ned. She called this group a “cult” and described the atmosphere there as similar to her family of origin. The reason they went to the religious group where they met was related to their family of origin. For Ned, it was connected to how his mother raised him. For Elsa, it was the similarities between that group and her family of origin that kept her attending. Influence of Family of Origin on the Development of Self and Other Elsa described the influence of her family of origin on how she viewed herself and other. She did not trust people easily, had very few friends, and had a lot of self-doubt. Elsa described how she was very alone in elementary school, became a perfectionist, and l20 tried to be a “class clown” in middle school, but was filled with fear at the same time. She tried to be perfect so that her father would not abuse her. She tried to be funny and to have good grades so that people thought she was fine. She had very few friends since she was little, and thought something was wrong with her and that was why no one wanted to be her friend. At the same time, she also worried that people might hurt her. In her relationship, she described how she did not know how to make friends. When she met new people, she would try to do something to ruin the relationship. Ned’s father passed away when Ned was l3 or l4 years of age. His older brother and sisters helped his mother to raise him. Even though his father had brought a lot of pain into his childhood, he also had experienced lots of nurturing from his mother and siblings. Ned expressed that he also had self-doubts about himself and often felt anger, sadness, and depression in childhood and continued to feel that way in adulthood. As an adult, he often belittled himself and felt angryjust like his father. However, he felt very fortunate to have his family’s support, and he had therapy in adulthood to help stop dysfunctional family patterns. He said that he tried to use “gratitude” to live his life and believed that his religion would carry him through difficult times. Ned said his father showed him what he did not want to be, and his mother showed him what he wanted to be. Since he was young, Ned wanted to find someone who would l2l be like his mother to be his wife, and he would not want to be like his father. In their relationship, Ned was able to provide Elsa with lots of nurturing and was always more positive about their lives together. On the other hand, Elsa was more negative and more rigid about the situation. During the interview and her personal diary, Elsa voiced many times that she wondered why she was so lucky to have Ned as her husband. The couple had many similarities in their developmental process. However, because Ned had positive relationships with his mother and siblings, and Elsa did not have any positive relationships with any of her family members, it shaped their current views about self and other differently. Elsa’s rigid and negative view and desire to control things was the influence from childhood CSA. Ned’s self-doubt and anger was also an influence from his father’s abuse. However, he also adopted positive attitudes, and approached his life with more freedom and a faith attitude, which was the influence from his mother. Couple 4: Charlie and Tracy Charlie and Tracy were in their late 205 and early 405. At the time of the interview, they had dated for two and half years. They moved in together after they dated a while,. Tracy found out that she was pregnant. At the time of the interview, their son was almost a year old. Charlie had two sons from a previous marriage, who lived with the couple part-time. Tracy also was divorced, but did not have children from the previous l22 relationship. Charlie worked part-time and was planning to go back to school at the time of the interview. Tracy was a full-time student pursuing her graduate degree. Tracy was the survivor of child sexual abuse. She identified her mother and one of her brother’s older friends as sexual abusers from preschool age until late elementary school years. Similarities of Developmental Experiences Charlie and Tracy both mentioned that they grew up in a rural and natural environment. Being outdoors was still very important to them. It also influenced Tracy’s career choice, as she was pursuing education in a related field. Experiencing an angry parent was another similarity between the partners. For Tracy, that parent was her mother, and for Charlie, it was his father. When talking about his childhood, he explicitly talked about his father’s anger several times in the interview and his diary. He did not think he was as an abusive person, but he expressed that he was afraid of his father’s anger. For Tracy, her mother was emotionally and physically abusive to her. She also described how her mother’s anger was unpredictable, which added fear in her life. Charlie and Tracy both talked about how they were afraid of making mistakes in their childhood. Throughout his developmental process, Charlie only got into trouble once in school, and he explained that he did not want to “deal with the hassle,” which 123 was his father’s anger, that came with the mistakes. He also liked the feeling of being praised when he did something right. Tracy was also afraid of making mistakes. She was afraid of making her mother angry but felt that she was never able to please her mother. At the same time, they both had good memories about the other non-angry parent. Charlie had many good memories about his mother, especially reading stories together. During the interview, he often described his mother’s characteristics and things she did, and added, “I definitely got that from my mom.” He described how he was into reading, music and play, which was from his mother’s influences. He also was a shy person, which was similar to his mother. For Tracy, even though her feelings were mixed now, as a child, she really loved her father. She described her father as gentle and not yelling, unlike her mother. As an adult, after going through therapy, Tracy’s feelings about her father were mixed. She still had good memories about her father from childhood, but felt negatively about her father making excuses for her mother and not believing her when she asked for help from him. Influenced by his mother, Charlie liked to read, to play music, and engaged in other artistic activities. He described how he always liked to read. He felt that his father was disappointed because his father was more into physical activity and would tease him a lot for not being physical enough. Under her parents’ encouragement, reading was also an l24 important part of Tracy’s life when she was young. It provided some refuge for Tracy to get away from things happening at home. Through reading, she learned other people’s experiences when going through abuse. Music was very important for Charlie. As a matter of fact, after he stated playing music in the band in high school, it took away his shyness and helped him to engage with people. Both his parents accepted and encouraged him to engage in music. Music also was important in Tracy’s life in high school. She started to play flute in the band, and, more importantly, she met a group of friends who provided support for her outside the home. Tracy described the importance of her friends in her life, some of whom were from similar environments, and provided strength for her to get through rough times at home. Some of them were from different environments than hers and provided for her an opportunity to observe different family dynamics from hers. The other similarity between Charlie and Tracy was their desire to “want to see the world.” For Charlie, he felt that he was constrained in the small town in which he grew up, and he “always wanted to see what was out there.” In high school, he would date girls from out of town and eventually lefi his home town for a college education. For Tracy, also in the high school stage, influenced by her uncle and aunt, she desired to travel and to see the world. In college, Tracy studied abroad, and after college, she settled in 125 England and lived there for many years. Charlie went to California. They both talked about how each did not plan to come back when they went away. However, for different reasons, they both came back to Michigan. Influence of Family of Origin on the Development of Self and Other Explicitly and implicitly, both partners talked about how they loved the outdoors, music, reading, travel, and how they both had vivid imaginations. These were the influences from the environments in which they grew up and the opportunities their parents had provided for them. However, when asked about the biggest influence from their families, they responded that they hoped they would not be like their angry parents. Charlie was afraid of being angry like his dad. However, he also identified that he saw his depression and low self-esteem pattern as similar to his father’s. For Tracy, she was afraid of becoming angry and domineering like her mother. She expressed that she found her “behaviors sometimes wrap around not wanting to be her.” Tracy had a long history in therapy dealing with her eating disorder (anorexia in adolescence and bulimia in early adulthood) and sexual abuse. Through therapy, she learned to manage and express her anger. After several years of therapy, Tracy described her current view about herself as divided. One part of her did value her ability to survive in her family of origin (current model of self). However, the other part of her continued to 126 feel that “I just inheritently provoke other people 3‘ anger, and no matter how good I tried to be, there is always going to be somebody close to me who is angry at me ” (childhood model of self). Similar to Tracy, Charlie also described two aspects of himself. On one hand, he was shy like his mother; on the other hand, influenced by his mother and accepted by his father, through music and performance, he broke through his shyness. It seemed that Charlie did want to be seen and accepted, but was afraid to show it. As he said in his diary, music was the only thing his father encouraged him in, because his father teased him a lot for not being physical enough. It seemed that he had to watch out what he wanted to show in order to be accepted by his father. In his diary, he also expressed that he adopted his father’s low self-esteem and depression pattern. For example, he did not think himself capable of doing office typejobs. Couple 5: Larry and Mary Larry and Mary are in their early 30s and late 205. At the time of the interview, they had been in the relationship for eight years, and had been married for six years. Larry had a full-timejob, and Mary was a stay-at-home mom. They had three children living in the household. One was from Mary’s previous relationship, and two were their biological children. Both Larry and Mary were CSA survivors. Mary was sexually abused by her 127 mother and mother’s boyfriend since her preschool years until she was a teenager. She described it as “a hit and miss situation.” Larry was abused by an older male friend several times. Similarities of Developmental Experiences Both Larry and Mary were from divorced families. Their parents were divorced when they were toddlers. Larry said he was probably 3 years old when his parents were divorced. Mary said her parents were divorced when she was around 2 years old. Both described their relationship with their father as distant. When they were asked about memories of their fathers in childhood, Mary replied that she did not know her father at all, and Larry replied that his memory about his father was sketchy and distant throughout his childhood. After their parents’ divorces, Larry still saw his dad irregularly through visitation. However, according to him, it was a distant relationship, and this still bothered him. As an adult, he was able to understand that his father loved him by working hard. However, as a child, he wondered all the time whether his father loved him. Mary did not have any contact with her father until she was in high school. Larry and Mary had very different experiences in their relationships with their mothers. Larry described his relationship with his mother as good, and she was very 128 attentive to his needs and caring. On the other hand, Mary did not have good relationship with her mother. She said her mother abused illegal drugs and was unstable emotionally. The other significant similarity between Larry and Mary was that both of them spent most of their childhood moving around with their mothers. Larry reported that he was in seven different school districts between kindergarten and 5th grade. Mary also moved around with her mother three times before middle school. The most significant influence from moving around with their mothers was the difficulty in their interpersonal relationships. Larry described how by the 3rd grade, he did not want to make friends anymore because it was too hard to make friends and lose them. Also, he experienced bullying by other children in the schools. He learned to keep everything to himself. Mary also experienced losing friends in each school and it was harder and harder to make new friends as she moved around with her mother. Both Larry and Mary started to have a more stable life by the end of their elementary school years. Larry moved in with his father in the 5 ’h grade and was stabilized until his father sold the business and moved away in his 10th grade year. Mary’s mother got a permanentjob when Mary was in the 6th grade and moved them to another city permanently. After Larry’s father sold his business, Larry moved in with his mother again for a year. 129 However, he did not like that school district and decided to become emancipated from his parents and move back to the school district where his father formerly lived. Mary started to act out sexually in high school. During high school, she moved in and out of her mother’s place to live with a boyfriend who was more than 10 years older than her. She wanted to emancipate from her mother, but failed to do so and moved back in with her mother again. Larry moved out of the state and went to college. After getting her high school diploma, Mary also moved out of the state with her first child’s father for a while. It turned out to be an abusive relationship, and she moved back with her mother. Larry moved back to Michigan after finishing his college education. Influence of Family of Origin on the Development of Self and Other Moving around from childhood and adulthood had significant influences on both partners’ development. When asked about the influence of families of origin, their mothers’ moving around was one of the important events they both brought up. They also mentioned that they hoped to provide more stability for their children. Moving frequently in childhood not only negatively influenced Larry’s interpersonal relationships, but also his view about himself. Specifically, he was afraid of being hurt and rejected. He tended to wait for people to reach out to him instead of reaching out to them. 130 However, he also believed that everyone had a good heart, and he learned from his mother to appreciate people and to give them a chance. Interestingly, his description about himself was similar to his childhood memory of his father. He described his father as a private person who was not very social and always kept to himself. His memory about his mother was also very similar to his view about other people. He described his mother as being very caring to children and always looking for the best in people even when she was taken advantage of by the world. It seemed that Larry was willing to give peOple a chance to prove they were trustworthy. At the same time, he feared that he would not be accepted by other people. The influence of her father’s absence was unknown to Mary. Her mother influenced how she viewed herself and other people. She tried to see the best in people (to be unlike her mother she said), except when that person was irrational (which was how she described her mother). She said that she often heard her own internal voices criticizing herself, and she put herself down just like her mother did when she was little. In her diary, she described how she felt “useless”just like her mother had told her. After receiving therapy, she had some awareness about her internal voice and learned to shut it down. In Mary’s interview, she mentioned several times that she would confront her mother’s inconsistent behaviors to her or other adults in her childhood. For example, her 131 mother sent her to the church’s youth group, and she came back home and confronted her mother’s relationship with her boyfriend as adultery. (Mary’s mother’s boyfriend was married while dating Mary’s mother throughout Mary’s childhood.) Mary’s mother would reply to Mary that the Bible also taught her to respect parents. Mary’s response in a situation like that was to, in her mind, talk back and criticize her mother or the adults she encountered. She might have developed the pattern that she alternated between devaluing her mother and idealizing herself through confronting her mother/other adults verbally, shutting down verbally, and then confronting her mother/ other adults mentally. Also, this alternating between two extreme patterns might have helped her to cope with her mother’s inconsistent behaviors. Mary presented similar behaviors in her interview. According to her, she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Traits by her therapist. Her Borderline Personality traits appeared in the interview. For example, she was scattered and not able to focus on the topics. She often showed the pattern of alternating between devaluing other people and idealizing herself. Her pattern was that she would describe her reactions in the situation, and then, comment on other people’s (usually her mother) behaviors as inappropriate, and/or found a way to blame it on her mother or someone else. Couple 6: Bill and Adele 132 Bill and Adele are in their mid-30$ and early 205. At the time of the interview, they were engaged and had been together for 2 years. Bill was going through training to get his GED and his license for truck driving. Adele was a stay-at-home mom. They had three children living in their household. Two of them were from Adele’s previous relationships and one was their biological child. Adele and Bill were both survivors. Adele was sexually abused by her step-grandfather when she was around the age of five until the end of her elementary school years. Bill was abused by his father physically and emotionally until he was going into middle school. He also witnessed his father physically abuse his step-mother when he was young. Similarities of Developmental Experiences Bill and Adele both grew up in families with a controlling father. Bill described his father as a womanizer who needed to have control over women to make him feel good about himself. Adele described her father as “the king of the house, ” and her mother, as usually going along with her father’s decision. In their homes, both of their fathers were in charge of discipline and their mothers were more lenient. Adele remembered that her father was very involved in her school and was also the “reinforcer” at home. For Bill, his father’s discipline often was physically and verbally abusive. He remembered being called “dummy” and being physically I33 punished frequently. He realized his limitation in academic work and tried to gain approval from his father in other areas. After he moved back with his mother at around age 13, he worked hard at his work as if he was still trying to gain approval from his father. Adele had a very close relationship with her family and extended family since early childhood. Her childhood memories were all about her family gatherings and parental participation in her school activities. In high school, she revealed CSA to her parents because her younger sister was raped, and she wanted to encourage her younger sister to talk by sharing her own stories. After she revealed CSA to her parents, her father asked her to leave home as requested by her step-grandfather and grandmother. They accused her of lying to the family and extended family. Adele emancipated from her family at age 16 and lived in different independent living programs until she turned 18. Bill also emancipated from his family in his high school years. His father and stepmother divorced when Bill was in middle school. Bill moved in with his mother again. His mother did not force him to go to school. By the first year in high school, he went to school less and less, and ended up dropping out. Bill started to work when he was 13 years old. After he dropped out of the school, he emancipated from his family, too. Both Adele and Bill became parents at age 19. Adele did finish high school. She got 134 pregnant with her first child at age 18 and moved in with her son’s father’s family. Bill’s ex-wife was pregnant when Bill was 18, and they married. Influence of Family of Origin on the Development of Self and Other For Adele, CSA and her parents’ reaction to her revelation were the two most important incidents in her developmental process. According to Adele, CSA made her fear older males. She did not trust males older than she, and chose males younger than her to date. Her step-grandfather threatened her not to tell about the abuse and told her that no one would believe her anyway. When she finally told her parents and they did not believe her, she felt that her perpetrator was right that no one would believe her. Because of CSA and the betrayal from her father after revealing CSA, Adele said that she had difficulties trusting people and speaking her mind. She had fears that speaking would ruin her relationship with other people and people would treat her as her father had. In intimate relationships, she was afraid of being controlled by men. She felt that by “not letting my guard down,” her partner would have the chance to control her. However, she was proud of herself for never using drugs or participating in any illegal activities. Her explanation was that she wanted to provide her son with a positive relationship, which was the motivation for her to do things “right.” For Bill, his family of origin also influenced his trust of people and himself. Bill 135 described his mother as being the oldest and only girl in her family of origin. She took care of her younger siblings because their mother died when all the siblings were young. In Bill’s childhood, even though his mother tried to provide him with as much as she could, he often felt that he had to compete with his uncles for his mother’s attention. When Bill was around 18, he found out his girlfriend was pregnant and decided to marry her. However, while preparing for the wedding, he found out that his girlfriend also cheated on him with his uncle, his mother’s brother. The cheating continued throughout their marriage. The frustration in his marriage influenced him. He said that he “became bitter, ”just like his father. Bill said that he idolized his father, and tried to please him. However, in elementary school, his father’s harsh discipline made him feel betrayed. In order to gain his father’s approval, he worked very hard in other areas of his life, mainly his work. He gained recognition from people outside his family, and expressed that he was happy about himself as an adult. When asked how his family of origin influenced him, he responded that he got bitter, mean, and angry at times when Adele did not put him as her priority. He recognized his accomplishment in his work, but felt insecure and was afraid of losing Adele in his intimate relationship. I36 Developmental Experiences: Between Couple Comparison A few patterns emerged when comparing the six couples in their developmental process. First, comparing background information within couples found that the partners had similar background experiences. (Please refer to Table 4-1 on page 188-189.) Parental marital status exhibited in the bottom of Table 4-1 (page 189) showed that other than couple 5 and couple 6, the rest ofthe couples’ biological parents had the same marital status. Even when their biological parents had different marital status, such as couple 5 and 6, it was still similar. Both partners in couple 5 were from families where their parents were divorced, except that Larry’s biological parents were remarried and Mary’s were not. Both partners in couple 6 were from families where their fathers had had previous relationships and cohabitated with their mothers until the children were born. The similarity of the partners’ biological parents’ marital status seemed to have direct and significant influences on the participants’ developmental experiences. For example, the partners in couple I experienced their parents’ conflicts since early childhood. Their parents’ conflicts resulted in divorce later on. The parental conflict and divorce both had influences on their development. Their similar developmental experiences were related to their own biological parents’ marital status. The partners in couple 5 both experienced frequent moving in childhood. Their mothers moving around was forjob opportunities, I37 which was the result of their divorces. Second, five out of the six couples (except couple 6) had similar experiences in their early childhoods. Four couples went through similar experiences in the elementary school stage (couple I, 3, 5, and 6). Five couples had similar developmental experiences in the high school stage (couple 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5). Partners in couples 1 and 3 went through similar experiences throughout their developmental stages from early childhood until early adulthood before they met. (Please see Table 4-3 on page 192) Third, at least one partner in each couple had a good relationship with his/her parents in childhood. (Please see Table 4-4 on page 193.) In couple 1, Angie and Bred both had a steady positive relationship with their fathers until the middle school years. In couple 2, Rosie still has a positive and close relationship with both her parents. All male partners in couples 3, 4, and 5 continue to have positive relationships with their mothers. In couple 6, Adele had a positive relationship with both her parents until high school and continued to have a positive relationship with her mother until her mother passed away. In addition, other than couple I, the participants who had positive relationships with their parents, including Rosie (couple 2), Ned (couple 3), Charlie (couple 4), Larry (couple 5), and Adele (couple 6), identified their mothers as the one they were close to in childhood. The close relationships with their mothers continued to adulthood. Participants who identified 138 their father as the close parent in childhood, including Angie (couple 1), Brad (couple I), and Adele (couple 6), had positive relationships with their fathers until adolescence. (Please see Angie’s and Brad’s quotes in the previous section on page 101-103.) Rosie .my mother, she was always like, flaugh), taking care of me, taking care of that is nothing would, hm, you know, I don ’t need anything, she was always there, too. Hm, she gives it to me, she would also, sometimes, punish me, but not that often as my father, hm, I used to go with her; everywhere, we used to have that close relationship since I was a little girl (laugh), a baby, because I was the only woman, hm, you know, we connected very much, and the connection is still there today, yeah, she was a very, a wonderful mother. Ned ..... my, my mom was a nurturer, she brought hugs, and kisses, she kisses my face, and she let me kisses her faces, and she is that kind of person she would let me touch her face, her face was soft, and, and, I felt nurturing and care for by her, Charlie ..... when I was little, hm, I think, I, would usually just go to my mom, if I needed something, or wanted something, because I felt more comfortable asking, and I think I still even, I ’ve always felt more comfortable asking my mom on things, Larry I always love my mom, cause she was, cause it seems she is always there when I needed her, hm, you know, something happened, I got hurt or anything, mom was the person (I went to, and mom was the one that make sure I was taking care of Adele ..... my mom, she was really a loving person, and she loved children, ..she had, hm, the everybody always looked up to her, everybody, you know, all my cousin, she was always the favorite aunt, you know, and, hm, she is a really, really caring I39 person, I learned a lot from my mom, Table 4-4 on page 193 compares each individual participant’s relationship with his/her father and mother in childhood and adulthood. All the participants’ relationships with their mothers stayed the same except Don, whose relationship with his father and mother went through the same positive change during the adolescent stage. Seven of the participants went through a relationship change with their fathers. Within these seven participants, four changed because of significant events in adolescence. Brad, Angie, and Adele all had positive relationships with their fathers until adolescence. The significant events in their adolescent stage changed their relationship with their fathers. At the time of the interview, their relationships with their fathers were not close. Adele ‘ ..... it ’s hard for me to just dislike people, you know even though my dad put me through a lot of hurt and my feeling bad, [ still love my dad and I want to feel close to him, but, it is just so hard for him (her fiancee) to know that this is the person ( her father) that as a child I was always with, and I love my daddy so much that he would allow something like that to go on, even though he didn ’t know personally, but when I told him, I felt that he would trust me than anybody in the world that he would believe me, Don had positive change with his father (and mother) in adolescence. Actually they didn ’t punish me, they actually more worried than mad. that ’s when I started to realize it ’s not the problem between someone that is, hm, bigger than you, or knows more than you, or has the hierarchy than you, but, they just wanted to do something good for the children. that ’s when I started to realize that, hm. when they didn I actually punish me, you know, it 140 would be better if they just punish me, because I knew “oh, I don’t want to do that. ” but when you started, when I started to realize that, they guided me in their ways, it wasn’t because of that, it was because they were trying to help me out, because they really love me, that ’s when I started to realize, it’s not about, you shouldn 7 just hm, go up against them, just try to talk to them, that is when I started realize that, that, hm, at the moment, I was still trying to find my place, hm, know myself to be able to do whatever I want, so, afler that happened to me, they just really, really sad, yeah... .. really, really well, it ’s like, now I see them as my parents, concerned parents, not the authority figures, so, that 3' opens up a lot of doors of course, when they gave up, (laugh), when they gave up on trying to steer me into doing what is good for me. that’s the real turning point. And, the other turning point was when I realized that no one can actually make me do what they want to do, hm, so, I realized that I did... then, I do what I do. Tracy and Ned both went through therapy and changed their views about their fathers in middle adulthood. Tracy ..... my feelings are mixed now, as a child, I really loved him because he wasn ’t the one that was violent, although, looking back, being in counseling and talking to other people, he didn ’t, he didn’t stop what is going on, and he knew, so, in some ways, he is a, hm, collaborator Ned ..... if it weren 't for therapy, I, I, I would hate myself because I look like him, but because of therapy, I, understand him better; and, hm, now I love him, and because of therapy, I understand my own pain better; and hm, and it is help me, hm, practice on myself Bill had a relationship change with his father in adulthood after confronting his father. ..... and, hm, I remembered him talking to me one, one day, on the phone, and, I4] hm, he asked me, he said. “do you think I was a good father; ” I said, “yeah, you know, you made your mistakes, other than that, yeah, ” ..... I said. “Dad, you know what, ” I said to him, “ it hurt us the way you talked to us and do things, back at then, " but I said, “I understand, I learned to understand that the reason why you react that way was because you were never taught how to be a parent, you know. I learn to forgive, " and I said, “I loved you, I wouldn ’t change how much I love you, you know I wouldn ’t change that, " and now, he talks. like, he would say, “hey, you stick with the school thing, ” you know, he didn 't come at me crazy, because I, I got to the point to where I wouldn’t talk to him, you know, Last, comparing the six couples’ current model of self and other (Table 4-5 on pages .1 94-195), there are two patterns that emerge. The first pattern is the copy-cope pattern between the partners. That is, one partner’s current model of self/other was developed from his/her c0ping from childhood experiences while the other partner’s current model of self/other was the same as his/her parents in childhood. The second pattern is the cope-cope pattern. That is, both partners adopted their c0ping strategies from childhood and continued to use them in current model of self/other. In terms of current model of self, couples 1 and 6 displayed cope-cope patterns, and the rest of the couples displayed copy-cope patterns. For couple I, Brad’s fear of failing other people was the influence from coping with his parents’ divorce, and Angie’s low self-esteem was the influence from her parents’ disregard of her performance academically and non-academically as well as not protecting her from sexual abuse. For couple 6, Bill’s contentment about himself in his career was the influence of pleasing his 142 father. Adele felt abandoned by her family. Her coping was to protect herself and her son from being hurt by her own family again. Couple 6 Cope - Bill I ’ve been working since I was I 3 years old, when, I was buying my own stufiC my clothes in the summer, for the school years, and, you know, I mean, I’ve always, worked, worked, worked, I’ve always tried to do something, and I’ve always there to do better, no matter what I did, you know, so, now, as a grown man, I am, I am happy with who I am, Cope - Adele ..... one thing that I can honestly say, I was never resolved it to use drugs, I never resulted it to, hm, you know, doing really bad things to really hurt myself, .. I love my son and I need to be therefor my son because I don ’t want them to wound up with my family, because I don it want nothing to ever happen to him, ..... Couples 2, 3, 4, and 5 presented copy-cope pattern. For couple 2, Don had confidence about his ability in his career. However, he experienced loss of his identity in this new country and the need to re-search his identity was similar to his search for his identity in adolescence stage (copying). Rosie’s nurturing behaviors were similar to her mother’s (copying). In Couple 3, Ned adopted his angry fathers’ behaviors to view themselves (copying), and Elsa also continued to use the same coping strategies in her view about herself (coping). For couple 4, Charlie adopted his father’s behaviors in his view about himself (copying) while Tracy learned that her ability to survive her mother’s abuse was great (coping). For couple 5, Larry viewed himself not capable of expressing I43 himself and to reach out to people (coping) while Mary continued to play her mother’s criticism in her head and feel powerless and useless as her childhood feelings (coping). Couple 2 Copy - Rosie At this point, I’m thinking and remembering my mother and how she had the very same conflict with my father. She was always late and he was always so punctual in his own time. It is sometimes frustrating for me to feel that I am replicating that pattern. At the same time, I’m thinking about couple dynamics and how, while Don was away for a month in January this year, and I was alone, I did not have any problem organizing my time and being punctual. Copy - Don ..smokingfor me began when I was really young, and, hm, it was kind of for rebellious, hm, later on, I began to, how do you call this... .(in Spanish) like, the social support thing, and I came to depend on when I was really stress, this became like an identity thing when I came here to the United State, because, hm, back in XX)0(X (his home country), I can do whatever I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do, I had a job, I had some money, I had a car, had my friends, but once I got here, the problem was such, that, I didn ’t have an identity, I couldn’t even open a bank account, I didn’t have any money, I couldn ’t smoke, then, I was trying to work, and I couldn ’t smoke any more, and. then it became to be, not much of trying to quit smoking, but trying to maintain a part of myself as it was, and that is why I think, I couldn’t, hm, or I haven I been able to completely leave it, because that is one of the things keeps me being me, here, so, I have identified with it, so, that ’s the problem, that is the main reason that keeps me smoking, actually, hm, I didn I feel that much the need for smoking as I used to, Couple 3 Copy - Ned I learned not to be, and I am still learning, not to be so tough, so critical of myself because, of his self belittle himself and, couldn ’t love himself you know, you ’re kind inherit that, and so, try to practice being loving 144 myself and then, try to understand, to try to knock out of that Copy - Elsa It is (C SA) changed the way I view myself with less worth and more shame. I figured it would not have happened if 1 was a better girl, a better daughter. more truthful, more pleasing to my parents. I trust very few people. I trusted very. very few people, and I don? have many close friends, cause I don ’t trust people, hm, so that is one major thing, another is I doubt myself a lot, Couple 4 Copy — Charlie ..... he just, he always thought himself as just not very smart, and not capable academically at all. which I don ’t think it is true, I think he is very smart, he runs his own business, but just don ’t give himself credits for it all, so I think he has kind of self-esteem issues, similar which I ’ve been kind of dealing with it. too, It’s strange that has feeling not good enough leads him to make me feel not-good-enough, too. I can see how I have adopted some of the self depressing attitude + habits of my dad. But, he adopted them fiom an abusive childhood, they are really totally inappropriate for me. Copy - Tracy I described it as living in the war zone, because you never knew when she was going to blow up, and sometimes you tried to do something good, and she blew up, because she misunderstood you (laugh), or you did something bad, and she wouldn I notice because she was preoccupied with something else, so there is no predicting when things would happen there are two parts of me still I think, and hm, one part of me believes that, it was just luck of the draw, I was born to a mom who had terrible experiences, and to a dad who just hasn’t had the tools to handle the situation, and I did the best I could to survive, and, hm, in fact, I survived emotionally, and relatively well (laugh) till now is a huge deal, there were still a lot of good things from the reading, and being outdoors, and that little girl must be strong enough to survive ..... , I45 Couple 5 Copy - Mary (after describing short of money to get her son to the dentist,) things like this make me feel like my mother was right whenever she called me useless, when she say that I shouldn’t have kids because I 'm too much of a fuck up... .I think listening to her, like put me down and like that, it is something that ’5' really hard for me to work out in my head, Copy - Larry ..... hm, I think my experiences growing up, kind of being a little bit sheltered to myself hm, I am not as outgoing to, hm, just walk to the group of people and trying to make fliends with them, cause I just, I personally as the child growing up, my moving so much, losing so many fiiends, that, made new friends became such a challenge, I am afraid of losing them, being hurt like, I rather just stick with the small group of friends I do know have, waited that person kind of waiting for that person to come In terms of current model of other, most couples presented cope-cope patterns, which was opposite from current model of self. Couple 1 presented both cope-cope and copy-cope patterns. Couple 2 and couple 3 presented copy-cope patterns. Couples 4, 5, and 6 presented cope-cope patterns. For couple I, Brad’s fear of being weak and asking for help was the influence from his father’s rejection and his mother’s anger. Angie’s feeling of being invisible was the influence of her parents’ disregard of her performance, but her anger was the same behavior as her mother to cover up her true feelings. Couples 2 and 3 showed a copy-cope pattern. Don learned from his parents’ and Rosie’s acceptance when he was acting out in adolescence that he could get support from them. Rosie displayed the same nurturing behaviors as her parents and knew that she was 146 accepted by them and Don in her developmental process. Ned learned from his mother to trust God and knew that he was loved and supported by his mother and his siblings. On the other hand, Elsa’s wondering of why people liked her was the influence from CSA. Copy - Ned ..... it hurt your life, the abuse, it hurt your life, I can 't, yeah, I would have to say that, but I think, in a way, we ’ve been fortunate, because we do have connections with her family and my family, and hm, without that, that love and support, even with the conflicts and challenges of the personalities, I don’t think we would have done as well in our marriages, in our jobs, Cope - Elsa , I thought, that I was really hateful, and (crying) there was something very bad about me. so. [just thought that why people didn 't want to befriends with me, and hm, it scared me to have fiiends also because you never knew when they might hurt you, and still a problem now, I don’t have many friends, [ ’II, I ’11 make a friend and I ’11 do something to ruin it, and so, I’ll get a friend for maybe 3 to 9 months, and I’ll ruin it somehow, Couples 4, 5, and 6 presented cope-cope patterns. For couple 4, Tracy felt that there was something wrong about her to trigger other people’s anger and that was from the influence of her mother’s anger. Charlie’s fear of being hurt and/or disapproved of by other people was his coping with his father’s disapproval of his interests. For couple 5, Larry’s fear of being hurt by other people was the influence from childhood moving around. Mary also learned from her experiences that people usually did not believe her story. Bill’s insecurity was the trauma from his father’s physical abuse and his ex-wife’s betrayal. Adele’s fear of being hurt was the influence from her family’s betrayal and 147 CSA. Couple 4 Tracy ..... but the other part is the part that’s, that I am having hard time shaking, which, believed that, hm, [provoke people is anger, and there is something about me that just inherittently provoke other people is anger, and no matter how good I tried to be, there is always going to be somebody close to me who is angry at me, Charlie He has always been supportive of my music, but after then that [ can’t think of many nice or encourage things at all. He teased me a lot for not being strong --- sissy, kind of teasing --- mama ’5' boy--- stufi like that. Couple 5 Lan'y (same quotes as on page 146) Mary I told people, they didn ’t care. or they didn ’t believe me, I told my youth pastor in church, his response was to forgive through counseling, that is not the right answer, he didn’t go to the police, he didn’t question my mother, nothing happened, beside, who counsel you? Couple 6 Bill ..... it is like you could think of something as wrong way. or you can perceive something as wrong way but not that way, you know, like, I feel, I fear, like, I have fear of losing her, you know, and that could cause you to be somewhat jealous, you know what I mean, Adele ...... hm, between my dad and stepdad, my trust for men, I feel like, men, they would try to take advantage of me and control it, I can’t let a man take control of my life, ..... it effects me so much even with people around me, it is like. I would be scared to speak up my mind for sometimes, because I feel like it would just shorten everything, like, you know, people would treated me the same way like my dad treated me if I told them how I feel, like if I feel people taken I48 advantage of me, if I said something, everybody would turn on me, saying like, she is just acting like crazy, you know ..... Interaction of Childhood and Adulthood Attachment: Within Couple Comparison Research questions 3 and 4 explored the couples’ experiences in their current relationship, and whether there were similarities or differences in the couples’ interaction and their relationship with their parents. In this study, couples were asked to identify the issues that they were not able to resolve in their communication and to demonstrate them during the couple interviews. The couples’ interactions were then compared with their perception about self and their relationship with their parents. In this section, only the quotes from couple 1 are presented to demonstrate the comparison process. The quotes from the rest of the couples will be presented in the between-couple comparisons in the next section. Couple 1 : Brad and Angie Experiences in their Current Relationship Angie described her relationship with Brad as “supportive, fun, and helpful,” and Brad described their relationship as “a little bit funny, tough, and hope.” Brad stated that Angie was like his “reality check” and he gradually felt safe enough to show his vulnerability in front of Angie. Angie stated that they knew how to support each other but they still needed to work on the communication. I49 Brad ..... she is definitely my reality check. At this point of my life, like, (sigh) maybe I don’t take things serious enough anymore, like, I mean, [ do, I do the work [ needed to do, I didn ’t do the stupid stuff and to make our life better, but, she definitely helps to kind of correct my ego a little bit, hm, it is kind of be the foundation for me, I guess, I mean, like, it ’s the only relationship I have ever had, it is been like there, it ’s something tangible to me, I mean, I want someone who is going to be therefor me, understands a little bit where [ am coming fiom, and maybe has issues like I do, I think that is the biggest part of like, I didn 't have to hide those type of things from her, [ don ’t have to like, necessary hide weakness unless I want to, I mean, the only reason I can ’t express something to her is because I am not expressing them, I mean, that is something [ had other people did that with me, like in the past, like, where they felt like they could open up with stufif and I wouldn I do it in return. With her, it 3' slow with some of the stuff but I am coming out with some of the stufl the things that make me feel insecure and vulnerable. Angie Brad is one of the only people, probably aside from my brother, who I see really sees me and hm, supports me, like, I think like the two of us together; were really good at being a couple, I guess, we know how to support with each other when you know when things were dtflicult, like, I am having, I was really stressed out about school, and I was like “ I can ’t do this, blah, blah, blah, “ you know, and he is there saying "remember where you came from, " you know (laugh). “ this is where you are now, you can do this, " you know, hm, so, [ guess one of our strength would be, we are really good at being the supporting system, (laugh), hm, we are working on the communication, (laugh), so, I don ’t know, (laugh). Interaction in Never-Resolved Conflicts Angie and Brad identified parenting, methods to support each other during CSA recovery process, and the relationship with Brad’s sister as the most significant topics 150 causing conflicts in their relationship. They rande them by priority, but couldn’t reach consensus and which was more important. They both ranked the relationship with Brad’s sister as the second choice and decided to discuss this topic in the couple interview. In their personal diary, they had an argument because of this topic, which provided information on their personal feelings/reactions in private other than face-to-face interaction in the couple interview. In their individual diary, Brad described how he opened up to Angie about the significant incident that had happened when he was in high school and that when he opened up to his father, his father took out his anger on his sister. They ended up having a fight. Brad ended up having a meltdown and expressed that he was not able to communicate this to Angie. So today, I told Angie about how I ’m opening up to my dad and how he then put me under lockdown and then proceeded to tell my sister that he wasn’t her father. Because Angie has such a strained relationship with my sister, this whole moment really just turned into me getting upset because I was really crying to describe a horrible moment in my life and instead of supporting me, Angie went on the... accusing my sister. I basically went into a melt down with Alex accusing at me about how my sister is a piece of shit and she deserves whatever happens to her even when she was at about ten. This really .[ was no longer rational. I end up crying and then Angie wonders why I don’t ever want to talk to her. Angie also had three entries about this incident in her diary. She first expressed the 151 fact that Brad was not with her. I can’t help that I don’t want my son around that! [ don ’t care if she is family. I feel like he is joining her side now, too, just like the rest of his family. Being left out and not being chosen was very similar to her feeling insignificant during her childhood with her family. ..... like, growing up, hm, I always felt I was being shunned for being a girl, ..Ifelt like I was on the outside because I was the only girl, and sort of made me feel like insignificant ..... ..... my dad has started this relationships with who he didn’t want anybody know about her; like he would just say, I am going out of the town, here is 100 dollars each, you know, have a good weekend, basically to IS-year—olds, .. he was never there, hm, you know, if I want to hang out with him, he was ”like we lived together, we don ’t need to hang out so I lived there like 3 months, .. hm, I felt like yeah, I couldn’t like depend on him because he was doing this new thing with his new wife flaugh), and sort of feel like he was leaving us behind, I guess (crying) ..... In another entry, as a result of this conflict, she expressed the difficulties she had communicating with Brad and how the frustration made her want to leave the relationship because they were at different levels of the healing process. Brad and I got in an argument last night. He was talking to me about some crappy thing his dad did to him and then somehow )OIXXX (Brad’s sister’s name) was incorporated into it and he was saying basically how we all should feel sorry for her for some bullshit his dad did to her: I responded with she deserves everything she gets because she does. She is the worst person I known of [n the end, he was all upset and crying, which today I said, I was sorry for (making him cry), but that I meant everything I said and I am not sorry for any of it. So, I guess we are still fighting. I tried to get him to talk about it and it 3' like pulling freaking teeth. So, I am done. If he doesn't 152 want to talk, fine, go cry in the corner. I am not asking anyone. God, so annoying, I seriously want to punch his face when he does that immature bullshit. Here is another instance where [ wish it was just XXXXX (her son’s name) and I. It would be so much simpler: I also think he needs to go to counseling for himself I feel like he is trying to heal through my healing that just doesn’t work. He acts like a freaking child while I am trying to talk through crap. We are in two completely diflerent levels and [feel like if he doesn i do something for himself then, maybe I should just move on. It was obvious that the relationship with Brad’s sister was a serious stressor in their relationship. In their interaction, the two turning points in that conversation appeared to relate to their family of origin. First, Brad talked about how he felt he did not want to choose between Angie and his sister, which was similar to his fear in childhood of having to choose between his parents. I mean, like. it’s like I said in the last interview, like, my worst fear with my parents, was when they would start to you know have their relationship fall apart, and they would start making threats of "well you have to pick one parent over the other. ” and, it really, it messed with me bad, I mean, it still does, so like, [ kind of feels like that types of situation, where like, I had to like pick her or you, and that’s really not the situation is to me, because I can ’t do that, I cannot just cut her of completely, even though, like at points, I absolutely cannot stand her, I mean, like, it 's not like [ am happy with her at all, but at the same time, I cannot eliminate her... .. Then, Angie softened up and responded: ..... well, I mean, it is not like I don ’t care her either, I want the best for her, too, obviously she didn’t come through like you and I went through, (A & B both laugh), but, I mean, there is so much of me and her that, like, I think I ’ve said this many times, like, I just want to, take her and take care of her (laugh), you know, but how. how long am I supposed to, take her just being nasty to me 153 when all [ am trying to do is just help, Her response seemed to show that she wanted to provide her sister-in-law a chancejust like her brother provided for him. I mean, [ am like forever like grateful that he did that for me, because I don’t know if he hadn 7, nobody was stepping in and helping, hm, if he hadn? done it, I don ’t know where I would be. you know (crying), and now my life is really good, I am really happy at where [ am at, so, hm, you know ..... The second turning point was when Brad offered to “pretend” his sister was not there, which was his usual coping strategy when under stress as described before, and Angie disagreed. She did not think “pretending” could solve the problem because the problem existed even when his sister was physically not there. Brad started talking about how disappointed he was that his family seemed to make the situation worse by forgiving his sister, which made him look like a bad guy. The long conversation went on and they both realized how they were enmeshed in Brad’s dysfunctional family. Brad felt that he failed his sister by being sucked into his dysfunctional parents’ behavior. B: ..so, that is makes it even more, I guess, harder for me, because it goes both ways, I mean, like, I feel like, she failed me, but I really feel like I got sucked into them trying to suck her back in, I guess ...... A: ..well, and I completely agree with you, and I, I am mad at myself too for allowing that to happen, that is stupid on our part, we should just allow her to, move in, and see what happened 154 In the debriefing time about their interaction, Angie expressed that she felt their interaction was different than they usually did and the main reason was because they actually discussed it without anger. ..... usually it is finished in an argument, and we just never talked about it until it comes up again, and it is an argument, and this is much calm.... For Brad, he described how he usually had a meltdown and let the problem become bigger than it was, which made it hard on their communication process. I mean, I don’t think it is any bigger of the issue than we are talking right now, but I think like, I tend to get so overwhelmed by it, like, I just kind of shut down, I guess. Brad’s answer was similar to his responses when asked about his relationship with his mother in childhood during his individual interview. ..... my mom had a tendency to just like blow up, to just like pretty much melt down, hm, and it actually kind of force me to like shut down, I just, I remembered the point that I just like, sitting there like in the kitchen table, she was like screaming, and I wouldn i talk, I wouldn i do anything and wait for it to be over. In one of Angie’s diary entry, she talked about how she was like her mother when she was mad. We did talk about how her telling me that she was abused clarified a lot of things though. [ understand her craziness now because that is exactly how I act when I get mad. It seemed that, because of their similar developmental experiences, they were prone 155 to the dysfunctional behaviors in their family of origin. As they tried to work through their past and to build a better relationship in their family of creation, Brad’s coping mechanisms--shutting down when facing anger and fearing of showing his vulnerability-- seemed to stop him from seeking help from Angie even though Angie was willing to offer the help. On the other hand, Angie’s anger, similar to her mother’s behavior, also impeded their interaction. Their responses about what they want to improve their communication further clarify their interaction. Angie expressed her frustration in the couple interview and her diary entry showed above. She wondered whether Brad did not feel safe around her and that was the reason he was not able to open up to her. She worried that in the long run, their communication was not going to work because “if it ’s completely one sided when I am unloading things on him, if he is not doing that with me, how can it work? ” Brad felt that Angie’s anger was one of the reasons that he did not open up. However, his inability to trust people was another reason. ..... hm, I would like to be able to talk more, hm, sometimes I still like worry about like, your; your anger because it is when I experience that, it was like, always, a sign to me that I just need to be quiet, and I am not going to talk, like, [feel like, its, it is gone from being something that can communicate with rational now, and it is pointless to be, like, I feel, like, I am not going to (silence for 4 seconds) (sigh), being able to express things because like (silence for 4 seconds) (sigh), I never could, so, I mean, like, (silence for 8 seconds), I don t know, maybe I still feel like if I, hm, (sigh) I don t know, I really don t, I mean, it is just, I still feel, some sort of hesitancy to like, just let things go, because, I usually can ’t trust anybody to do that, and not like. I 156 don’t know ..... They went into a long conversation between themselves. In this conversation, Brad expressed that first, his biggest fear was that if he opened up to Angie, she wouldn’t care, which would be similar to his father’s response when Brad revealed his difficulties to him in high school. Second, he did not think fear or safety was the factor. An important reason that he could not open himself to Angie was because he did not know if anyone could help him if he could not help himself, similar to his father’s response when Brad asked him for help during high school. Third, he did not want to throw himself at other people if he could not deal with it himself. Fourth, it was hard for him to open up to people, especially under a situation when it was his past history, which was overwhelming to him, and it was easier to pretend those things did not hurt him, which seemed to be the fear from opening up to his father and to cope with his mother’s anger. ..... (sigh)she wouldn’t care, I guess, I don ’t know, (laugh) I mean, like, it is not even like, I don ’t know, I don it even know if there is really a fear there, like, I just, I don ’t feel like I can, like, [ just, I think there is, there is enough stufl that like, Ijust, maybe it ’s hard for me to deal with it myself so I don t know how I could make somebody else deal with it? I mean, that ’s a big part for me, it ’s like, I don’t want to like, throw mine on somebody else, if I haven ’1 been able to deal with it, I mean, I don ’t know I think, it, honestly, it takes me a while to work up to even getting a little pieces out, it is not like I don i want to, I don ’t think, its necessarily always feeling safe, but, I just, it does take me a while to get myself together, to, to do, like I just, even if just like telling you finally my dad telling my sister; like something that ’s been so overwhelming to me, like, it is taking me, I don t 157 know, years to tell anybody, like, I just, it is just always been easier to forget it (laugh), put it outside of my mind, I guess, I mean, it is not gone, the stufl is there, but, it ’s just always been easier just to pretend like, it rolls of my back, or something like, it can’t hurt me. While Brad was living in fear from the past, Angie was trying to solve the problem in the present. Angie felt that they should help each other and she appreciated Brad’s help throughout his healing process. She felt confusion and frustration when she could not do that in return for Brad. ..... if you continue to do that, I don ’t know how we move forward, because I think as partners, that is, one of our main jobs is to sort of help each other work through things, and if you are not telling me what is going on, or what is your thinking, I can ’1 help you ..... ..... you know, I mean, I, I think that he does a good job of helping me, hm, work through things, but I can ’t do that if I don’t know what ’5' bothering you, or; whatever is going on, you know, I mean, even if it is like hm, he had a bad day at work, it takes forever for me to get that out of him, you know, it could be something really small, and its takes forever, and it is just, I dont know, I don’t know how to, hm, how to deal with that, I guess, because I am so open to you, so, .well, I think, like, in you thinking that way, and acting that way, it does make it harder for me because I feel like, you know, I am laying it all out therefor you and I have to pry to get anything out of you, so it makes, I guess, it is kind of like a confusion for me because it makes it harder for me to understand like why it is so easy for me to do this, and give all this information to him when he can’t do that in return, I guess, that is why like, I kind of feel like you think, that you are, you can ’t like trust me, or be safe with me or something like that. In the end, Brad admitted that he did not want to appear weak in front of Angie and Angie replied to him that they had passed that point. 158 B: I don’t, I don’t even think like it ’s a safe factor; as much as like I don 7 want to appear like weak to you, I guess A: (smile at B), I think we pass that (pat on his lap) B: yeah? A: (laugh) (nodding her head) Their long conversation presented a few similarities as well as some differences from their relationship with their parents. First of all, as Angie said, she had tendency to use anger to show her emotions when she was uncomfortable. Second, this seemed to trigger Brad’s c0ping strategy, developed when he was a child to his mother’s angry outbursts. Then, it caused Angie to get angrier and made Brad feel that no one could help him and that he’d better not show his vulnerability again. Third, even when Angie tried to deal with here-and-now relationship issues and Brad did not respond, she became frustrated, which possibly showed as anger as described in Brad’s diary, which further made Brad shut down. Couple 2: Don and Rosie Experiences in their Current Relationship Rosie described their relationship as “caring, very connected, trust and loving,” and Don described their relationship as “equilibrium.” Rosie, in her individual diary, felt the strength in their relationship was that they trusted each other, they were able to balance each other, and they were able to transform negative experiences in their relationship into 159 something positive. Rosie recalled how she was able to take control of her life back and finished her thesis with the support of Don. Don expressed how they tried to keep things balanced in their relationship and respected their differences. For example, Rosie was a social person and Don liked to work on things by himself. They tried to give each other individual time as well as couple time together. Don also expressed how there was a deep trust and good communication in their relationship for them to give each other space and respect to enjoy their differences. Don recalled that he always had problems with religion but Rosie was very religious. Throughout the years together, she never tried to change him. When he was facing difficulties in this new country, she was supportive. In his diary, Don said, “Since I came to the US, Rosie has been a great support for me. She does not pressure me, but still, sometimes, I feel useless for not working. " Interaction in Never-Resolved Conflicts In their individual interview, Don and Rosie chose two different issues for their never-resolved conflict topics in their own individual interviews. Don chose Rosie’s being late on most occasions, and Rosie chose Don’s smoking. In the couple interview, they decided to talk about Don’s smoking. They said that they had discussed Rosie’s issue already. Through their individual diary, they recorded that they did have fights about 160 Rosie not being able to be punctual. In Rosie’s diary, she described how she managed to be on time when Don was not around, and her own behavior, being late, reminded her of her parents’ relationship. Her mother was always late while her father was always on time. Rosie did not like the way her father treated her mother but also did not like how her mother triangulated her by telling her mean things her father did to her mother. She felt that she was put in the middle and, because she had always been close to her mother, she always felt her mother’s pain and was angry at her father. In the couple interview, they chose to discuss Don’s smoking behavior. In the beginning of their interaction, Rosie stated her position about Don’s smoking. She worried about health-related problems. Don understood Rosie’s concern. The turning point in their conversation came when Don related his current smoking habit to his difficulties in finding his own identity in the United States. (Please see Don’s statement on page 140). Rosie talked about how she was good with listening and helping her friends with their problems since their elementary school years. In the couple interview, after listening to Don’s explanation about not being able to quit smoking, similar to her reaction to her mother’s pain, Rosie said, “I felt connected to what he was saying, and, I felt his sadness, and I felt sad as well, because it 3' hard, and I know it ’s hard for him, 161 yeah. ” As stated before, Don and Rosie’s relationship had lasted since their adolescent years. They had a trusting relationship. At the time of the interview, Don struggled with the issue of losing and finding his own identity in this new country, and he used his old behaviors to cope with his stress and to help him find his new identity. For Rosie, because of her family dynamics, she developed the tendency to be sensitive and supportive to other people’s needs, while duplicating some of her mother’s behaviors at the same time. When Don showed his vulnerability in front of Rosie, Rosie also used her tendency, which was to be sensitive and supportive to other people’s needs, to respond to Don. Couple 3: Ned and Elsa Experiences in their Current Relationship Ned described Elsa as a very caring and loving person,just like his mother. He described their relationship as a “very committed’ relationship. He felt that Elsa and he both comforted each other well, were committed to the relationship, were willing to get help when the marriage was in trouble, and to try to break the cycle from their families of origins. Elsa described their relationship as a very “loving, caring, and together” relationship. Elsa described how Ned was a very kind and loving person. As Elsa was facing her mental health issues such as panic attacks, anxiety and depression, Ned was 162 very supportive and took care of everything in the household. Interaction in never-resolved conflict Ned and Elsa mentioned different issues in their individual interview. Elsa identified that their biggest difference was their ways of approaching things. Elsa was rigid, planned, and organized, and Ned was relaxed and went with the flow. Ned identified that they usually fought about how to spend their money. In Elsa’s individual diary, she identified that their finance situation worried her. During the couple interview, they identified finance as their never-resolved issue. During their interaction, Elsa provided different suggestions for resolving their money problems such as planning a budget and/or going to see a financial counselor. Ned also suggested that they could make a buying list and put Elsa’s needs as a priority on the list. Throughout their conversation, it seemed that Elsa was the one who talked about her frustration and worries while Ned provided his understanding and replied that he was open to her suggestions. However, Elsa would always check with Ned if he did not agree with a suggestion. Finally, Ned admitted that, in the past, when Elsa controlled the budget, he sometimes felt choked by her rigidity. Elsa and Ned agreed that they approached finance very differently. Ned commented that Elsa seemed to have a lot of fear about it but he took everything day by day and went I63 with the flow. Elsa admitted that she worried all the time and commented that Ned did not have a plan. Ned agreed that he did not have a plan and he would trust God to provide, and would not worry himself except working hard and enjoying what he had day by day. Ned had a long history and life with church starting when he was a child. He said that his mother raised him in church. After his divorce in early adulthood, he also relied on hi church for raising his son. In addition, Ned had made a decision in childhood not to become restricted like his father, but instead wanted to have fun in life. .On the other hand, Elsa’s fear was her learning from childhood. She seemed to continue using her coping strategies from childhood in her current relationship. In her individual interview, she said, in her childhood, she thought if she could have done everything right, she might have been able to prevent the abuse that happened to her. Even though she had the same religious belief as Ned. in her individual diary, she confessed that she had doubts. Elsa’s rigid and negative view about the world and wanting to have control over her life were her coping strategies with C SA. Ned’s mother influenced his nurturing behaviors, religion, and choices of wife’s characteristics. Ned was very religious and free-spirited. He trusted that God would provide what they needed. They both appreciated their differences and support from each other. However, the different worldviews also provided them challenges in communication when they needed problem solving. I64 Couple 4 Charlie and Tracy Experiences in their Current Relationship Charlie described his relationship with Tracy as a good relationship and they got along really well. He described Tracy as a very caring and organized person. He felt that they complimented each other well and that his opinions were heard and respected by Tracy. Tracy felt that their relationship had ups and downs but that it was a very stable relationship compared to her previous relationships. Tracy also felt that Charlie and she complimented each other well. Both Charlie and Tracy felt that they had similar goals about their lives and they communicated well in their relationship. Tracy felt that the depth she could communicate with Charlie was the same as she could with her therapist. Interaction in Never-Resolved Conflicts Tracy and Charlie both felt that they complimented each other well and had good communication. However, their relationship went through serious changes prior to the interview. Right after they moved in together, Tracy found out that she was pregnant. They had to adjust to living together, to co-parent two boys from Charlie’s previous marriage, to go through the different changes of pregnancy, and to take care of their newborn baby. At the same time, Tracy also had to attend school and her work. Those changes had an impact on their relationship. Tracy and Charlie both described 165 how they went through the same pattern, which was “we would get upset with each other; harsh words would be said, and we stayed away fi'om each other; and we apologized, and it would happen again.” They tried to break this pattern. In their individual interviews, they both believed that the problem was because they did not have enough time to check in with each other and they ended up fighting. Charlie believed that their vivid imaginations caused them to over-interpret each other’s behavior, which caused problems in their communication. Therefore, they decided to choose “scheduling” as the topic for their never-resolved conflict discussion. During their couple interview, the couple spent the whole time discussing what day of the week was the best day for them to get together and to touch base with each other. They also decided to choose a backup date in case something came up on their first choice. Their discussion seemed to be peaceful and right on target. Their discussion was also the shortest among all the couples as they reached their goal right away. Then, they fell into a long period of silence. At the end of the discussion, Tracy asked Charlie whether he was mad because he was playing with his hair during the discussion. Charlie responded that he was not angry and Tracy explained her concern as being something similar to her dad; that he would play with his hair when he was angry and then wouldn’t say anything. I66 In their interviews, they both identified that their upbringings, including reading, music, performance, outdoor activities, and their relationships with their own parents, influenced their interaction when under stress. Charlie and Tracy both agreed that the difficulty in their interaction was not conflict resolution but avoidance in conflict resolution. In their de-briefing session, Charlie used the hair incident as an example to express how imagination hindered their communication. They both agreed that if Tracy did not clarify with him (and they believed that most of the time was because they did not have time), she would end up believing he was mad and they ended up fighting. Tracy also felt that they both were also afraid of causing arguments in their relationship. Not wanting to become their angry parents and behaviors learned in their childhood seemed to continue to influence how they approached their relationship. Tracy mentioned that Charlie’s fear of becoming like his father had influenced Charlie in how he managed his anger; she described Charlie as being somewhat passive-aggressive. Charlie, in his own personal diary, also mentioned that he found himself adopting his father’s depressive attitude patterns in his interactions with Tracy. Tracy, in her own personal diary, mentioned how she filled up with anger because she did not have time for herself and when she asked help from Charlie, he fell into his self-pity pattern and dragged all his past relationship history into the discussion, causing fights in their relationship. Tracy’s I67 therapist told her that Charlie did not want to solve the problem by playing “yes, but” game with her. In her personal diary, she came up with different solutions for coping with her current relationship with Charlie in order not to have her son grow up in an environment full of anger. However, she also realized that her coping strategies were the same as how she coped with her mother’s anger. Their interaction patterns and the internal processes were recorded in their own personal diary. Their interaction seemed to be efficient but they also avoided expressing their true feelings. Charlie’s fear of becoming his father seemed to make him fall into the same behavior as his father. The passive-aggressive and sometimes non-spoken anger seemed to make Tracy’s experiences growing up in her family when she didn’t know when her mother was going to have an angry outburst. She coped with Charlie’s situation similar to her childhood coping strategy to her mother’s anger. By doing so, she wanted to avoid the anger in her family of creation and to avoid becoming like her mother. Couple 5: Larry and Mary Experiences in their Current Relationship Larry described how he “loved Mary to death,” and their relationship was full of surprises. He felt that Mary sometimes tried to push his buttons but also could be the sweetest thing in the world. However, they got along pretty well for the most part. In the 168 past few years, Mary had gone through several suicide episodes while going through her therapy for CSA. Larry described how that had been really hard on him as he wanted to provide his children a stable life while taking care of Mary as well. However, he believed that he needed to be Mary’s “tree in the storm” to support her through her recovery process. Mary felt that Larry was really supportive and for the most part in their relationship, they communicated very well. Also, Mary felt that Larry believed in her CSA story and how bad her mother treated her, which was very important to her. She described how Larry cared about her very much and would do things to make her feel better. In her diary, Mary described how she felt depressed when her birthday approached because they did not have money to get her something special. She also believed that she did not need the same material things as her mother had. Larry made a cake himself for her birthday to make her feel better. Interaction in Never-Resolved Conflicts In their individual interviews, Larry and Mary both mentioned “money” was usually the reason that caused the most arguments in their relationship. Larry described how Mary always went on a shopping spree whenever Larry specifically told her not to use the money in the bank because they needed to pay for the bills. Larry acknowledged that 169 Mary did not buy things that were not necessary or for herself. However, he felt that Mary could have waited and he wondered why Mary always did that when he specifically told her not to do so. Mary described how they had different priorities for what to buy. Larry would buy tools and she would buy things for the kids. In their never-resolved conflict interaction, Larry expressed how frustrated he felt when Mary seemed to purposefully spend money when he asked her not to do so. Mary argued it was not for herself, which Larry acknowledged. Mary started to ask Larry whether he knew their children’s sizes and different things. Larry kept repeating his frustration by telling Mary how her behavior upset him. The turning point was when Mary finally replied to Larry that she would do it anyway without telling Larry because she knew Larry would not want her to spend the money. Larry finally was able to have Mary hear his frustration and told Mary that that was what made him mad. While they were discussing how to approach their finances differently, Mary started to tell Larry how bad her mother was in terms of managing her finances and Larry was able to recognize that Mary was more responsible. In their de-briefing. Larry described similar experiences as the researcher had experienced in Mary’s individual interview. Larry described how Mary wouldjump around different topics that were not related, and not remain focused on the conversation, I70 which was very frustrating and difficult for him. Larry reflected that, if his mother knew it was a serious conversation, his mother always paid full attention to him through the whole conversation. However, the interaction during the interview was better as he finally got Mary’s attention and told her how frustrated he felt when Mary ignored his warnings about their money and his frustration. Mary defended herself saying that her Borderline Personality traits made her do so and her traits were because of her PTSD from her abuse by her mother. They both agreed that they needed to improve their communication by listening better to each other in an environment with less distraction. There was no clear evidence from Mary’s interviews and diary entries to know whether she felt criticized when Larry expressed his frustration. However, similar to the pattern she presented in her individual interview, in her interaction with Larry, she defended herself, jumped between topics, and then compared her own behaviors with her mother’s to prove that she was better than her mother. Larry’s difficulty in interpersonal relationship was that he was afraid of being rejected and therefore it was difficult to reach out to other people. When Mary had difficulty focusing on the conversation, it seemed to make it even more difficult for Larry to express his opinions. Couple 6: Bill and Adele Experiences in their Current Relationship I71 Bill described his relationship with Adele as a “blessing.” He described Adele as very responsible and loved him unconditionally. Adele described Bill as a very supportive person and very involved with everything to do with her and her children’s lives. They both described how the other person supported them well, and that they were able to commit in the relationship. However, they also acknowledged that their past seemed to get in the way in their interaction and they wanted to move forward with their dreams in their life together. Interaction in Never-Resolved Conflicts Adele and Bill both expressed that they knew the other person loved him/her but they usually let their past experiences influence their communication and relationship. They both agreed that “trust” was the biggest issue in their relationship. In their never—resolved-conflict interaction, Adele expressed that she did not like Bill to tell other females about their relationship, to leave the communication/fight without finishing it, and to change his stories every time. Bill expressed that he did not like Adele to feel she was the only victim in their relationship, to question him on all the details of the day when he came home, and to convict him before listening to his side ofthe story. Bill felt that there was no reason to communicate if Adele always felt she was right and Adele felt that she wanted Bill to prove she was wrong to her. 172 Their interaction had no turning point as they went on stating their perspectives and pointed out the other people’s viewpoints were wrong. In the de-briefing session, they were not able to focus on the de-briefing either. They criticized each other’s behaviors and would want the researcher to decide who was right and who was wrong. In the de-briefing session, Bill and Adele both expressed that their interaction was better than other times because Bill did not walk out on the conversation and Adele did not use disrespectful words. Bill felt that they both were afraid of losing each other because of their past history with their families of origin. For Bill, who was belittled by his father and got incomplete attention from his mother, felt that he could be betrayed by his ex-wife and it was this that influenced his current relationship with Adele. He got “bitter” and “overreacted,” when he felt Adele did not give him full attention/put him as the first priority in her life, and when Adele doubted his commitment in the relationship. Adele’s questioning about all the details when he was out seemed to trigger his experiences that his father did not believe him. At the same time, Adele’s desire to want to know everything in his life was a sign to Bill as he was the center ofAdele’s life, which was what he did not have in past relationships with his parents and his ex-wife. The two primary injuries in Adele’s developmental process were CSA and her 173 parents’ rejection after she revealed C SA. Adele described how she did not trust men, especially old men, and refused to have men control her life. Adele explained that, among all the men she dated, Bill was the first man who was older than she was, and with him, she had tried to break this fear. Her biggest wish was to have her father accept the “truth” of her CSA and to believe her. Her biggest fear was to speak her mind and have her loved ones not believe her and accept her. In her relationship with Bill, she displayed all these behaviors such as going after Bill to explain himself non-stop even when Bill ran away. She would also pick up on all the little details that Bill said in order to decide whether Bill was trustworthy. She still related trust with “letting her guard down,” which potentially put her in a vulnerable situation for immediate family members to have a chance to hurt her. In their interaction, she kept telling Bill to “prove her wrong” that he was trustworthy, unlike other men in her life. Bill and Adele’s behaviors seemed to trigger each other. Either Bill or Adele could start their interaction pattern. For example, Bill asked a female friend in the church how to make Adele trust him, which made Adele feel that Bill trusted other people’s opinion more than hers. That was a similar experience to the one Adele had when she revealed CSA to her parents. Her parents talked to her grandparents and decided Adele was wrong. Adele pursued the explanation with Bill, which made Bill feel Adele doubted him. That 174 was a similar experience Bill had when his father doubted his ability. Bill walked away, which made Adele pursue more as it was similar experience to what Adele had had with her parents. When Adele tried to support her son’s relationship with his biological father, Bill felt that Adele chose other people over him, which was similar to his experience with his mother. When he reacted to the situation, Adele felt that Bill wanted to control him, which was similar to her experiences with her father and grandfather. Interaction of Childhood and Adulthood Attachment: Between Couple Comparison All the couples appreciated and had positive experiences in their current relationships and with their current partners. They also described and/or provided examples for how they had better communication, received better support, and felt connected with their current partners than with their parents. However, when they faced a never-resolved conflict, they reacted with the coping strategies developed in childhood or with their own parents’ behaviors. If the behaviors adopted were caring and nurturing, such as seen in couple 2, it would help the relationship and individual partner to grow. Table 4-6 on page 196 presented the participants’ responses during the never-resolved conflict interaction in the couple’s relationship. Among 12 participants, three of them (Don, Rosie and Ned) adopted their nurturing parents’ behaviors when under stress. The rest of the participants adopted their angry parents’ behaviors (Angie, 175 Charlie, Bill), or continued behaviors learned in childhood for coping with significant events that happened in childhood.(Brad, Don, Ned, Larry and Adele), or continued their childhood behaviors used to cope with their angry parents (Brad, Elsa, Charlie, Tracy, and Mary). Comparing the interaction of the six couples, three different patterns emerged. First, the couples with at least one partner copied their nurturing parent’s behaviors when under stress/conflict. At the same time, the other partner reacted to stress with the strategies developed in childhood. Couple 2 (Don and Rosie) and couple 3 (Ned and Elsa) belonged to this group. These two couples also had the longest and the second longest relationships among the six couples (1 9 years for couple 2 and 32 years for couple 3). Don and Rosie adopted their nurturing parents’ behaviors and their relationship seemed to maintain some balance. During their never—resolved conflicts discussion, Ned explained that his smoking was his way of coping with his lost identity in the US; Rosie listened and accepted his sadness, just like she used to react to her mother or how her mother provided for her. Don --- Please see the quotes on page 140. Rosie I felt connected to what he was saying, and, I felt his sadness, and I felt sad as well, because it is hard, and I know it ’3 hard for him, yeah (when asked her parents’ reaction when she revealed CSA to her parents) it 176 was very diflicult, it was the most difficult thing, the most dtflicult conversation in my life, hm, my parents just listen to me, and they were shocked, my father said, ..... he said, “ (sigh), by this time, probably he is dead, ” he said. but, I, I felt his comments was more like his desire of wishing him dead, and my mother just hugged me and started crying, like, I was crying like, like, hm, like little child, if I was, [ don’t know, I felt, in that moment, I returned at that stage when that happened, like consoling me, and giving me the protection that I didn ’t receive at that time. Ned also adopted his nurturing mother’s behaviors as well as positive experiences from his life. His wife, Elsa, continued to cope with significant events with strategies learned from childhood, which was self-blaming. In their never-resolved conflict interaction, Elsa checked with Ned several times for the reason he disagreed with her suggestion even though he did not indicate his disagreement verbally. Elsa also expressed how she felt about their financial difficulty, which, she felt, was all her fault. Ned assured her that it was not her fault and believed that his religion would carry him through the difficult times. E: .. (crying) apart of it has been my health, and my depression, because I was going to school to get my degree, [ would graduate by now, and earning 40, 000 a year; then, my depression just got too big, and my anxiety got too big for me to stay in school, and so, now, I can ’t even work now, so, I messed things up, too. N: .no, no she is not, there is, there is things in life that you can I control, these are things that we can ’t control, with that the same time, there is not saying that we can ’t get through this, and there wouldn’t be a better results than we had anticipated, and it could be worse. but I am going to expect the best, ..there is a lot of people in debts and that is aflects life most of Americans, but we can ’t, I am not going to let it give me an ulcer; you know, 177 I’ve got a life to live, and to be enjoy, and, but there are few things I think we can twig, I am open to that, but what we are talking about, maybe you will get start with the budgeting thing, and get with someone from down the financial service, maybe, we can do the basic, you got to trust God to provide, ..... Couple 5, Larry and Mary, represented the second pattern. When under stress/conflict in their relationship, they continue to interact with the coping strategies they had developed during certain childhood experiences. Larry tried to get his points conveyed (as he was able to do so with his mother), but was not able to be successful when Mary did not respond to him on the topics. L: when I would start talk to mom about something, if it is serious issue we were having, I have her attention, she was there to talk to me, we completed the conversation, as to it was, and Mary, it ’3, you know, I started the conversation, and... M: I am scattered L: ..she scattered isn’t nearly the description sometimes M: (laugh) L: ..we would get two or three sentences into our conversation, and, she would start talking about the color of the marker; .shejust started watching the television, her attention is not to the conversation, her attention is whatever what she is doing M: I explained to you recently that I know why I was doing this (She referred to the Borderline Personality Traits developed due to PTSD). L.... it is very challenging because I am trying to get my point through, and sometimes, I am not the most articulate the choice of words, and, she is not always understanding the way I get things through, and when she misses the pieces the middle of I am trying to explain, it is just explode the whole thing ofif and she doesn’t understand what I am trying to explain, and I am getting frustrated because of that, and, then, she is getting frustrated because I don ’t drop the subjects, because she is not understanding what I 178 am saying, and it makes it very challenging in that matter ...... Charlie and Tracy also belonged to the second pattern; they interacted with each other by the coping strategies they developed in childhood. In order to cope with their angry parents, they tried not to cause other people’s anger. In their never-resolved conflict interaction, they both were very civil as if they were afraid of causing any negative interactions. They focused on finishing the task, which was to find time to be with each other throughout the week. In her diary, Tracy talked about her plan to cope with the conflict in their relationship and realized it was the same strategy she had used to cope with her angry mother. I) don’t ask for help 2) be kind & respectful 3) keep physically protected 4) remember basic needs for me & XXX/DY (her son’s name) & get support from other friends. Ironically, this seems to be the same strategy I use with my mom (do anything it takes to keep peace & keep psychic distance) Charlie also talked about how he adopted his father’s behavior in his relationship with Tracy: I can see how I have adapted some of the self depressing attitude + habits of my dad. In Tracy’s individual interview and diary, she revealed that Charlie had a tendency to feel sorry for himself. and he was passive-aggressive at times with his anger. Tracy’s I79 coping was to take on all the responsibilities but feel angry inside. However, from Charlie’s individual interview and diary, he indicated that he felt Tracy was very supportive and understanding, especially when he was depressed. They presented two different patterns individually and in their interaction. It seemed that they tried to avoid conflict by interacting with their childhood strategies but those strategies only carried them to a certain degree. Then. Charlie adopted his father’s behaviors to deal with their conflicts while Tracy continued to use strategies learned in childhood to cope with Charlie’s behavior. Tracy’s coping behaviors were explained by Charlie as supportive, but Tracy actually felt angry and “fed up” in their relationship. The last pattern was that one of the partners continued to use the strategies developed in childhood and the other one adopted the angry parent’s behaviors. Couples 1, 4 and 6 belonged to this pattern. As described in the previous section, Charlie and Tracy fell into this pattern when their coping mechanisms reached a certain level. Angie and Brad (couple I) and Bill and Adele (couple 6) also displayed this pattern. Angie and Brad’s pattern was presented in detail in the previous section (on page 149-159). When Angie got mad, which seemed to trigger Brad’s memory about his mother, he responded with his coping strategies developed when he was a child coping with his mother’s anger outbursts, which was to shut down. When Brad shut down, he made Angie even more 180 angry, which made Brad continue to shut down to react to the anger. Bill described how he would get bitter and Adele described how Bill ofien ran out from the conversation when they had conflicts. Bill’s behaviors seemed to be similar to Adele’s fear that her family did not listen to her and walked out on her when she needed. She pursued by going after Bill to explain her position in order to avoid the same betrayal happened to her. Her pursuing behaviors made Bill feel that he was belittled by her, which were the similar experiences with his father, and he walked away. A: but [feel like I shouldn ’t be that type of woman that to always hold in, if you say something that bothers me, instead of me that hold it in, I should address it, if I don ’t address, , I am going into my mind and wonder why did you say this or why he did that? ..... I can ’t have a man that I love in my heart betray me, make me feel like I can’t trust him, trying to convince me to believe in something that is not true, and I tell you this all the time, maybe not in those words, I just feel like [ don’t want to be that way, and I got to be able to control this, if I feel something, I have to be able to share with you, whether that is right or wrong, if something bothers me, I should be able to share with you, if I want an answer about something, I should be able to talk to you about it, and not, giving myself an answer ..... B: .it is hard, you can ’tforce it, you know, it is just not going to work, because instead of you convincing them in a loving way to change, to do certain thing, and it is the negativity that what you are trying to make change, it is never going to make any difference. never, it will push somebody away before you can pull it in ...... The second column in Table 4-6 (on page 196) compared the participants’ behaviors during never-resolved conflict interaction with their current model of self and other on 181 Table 4-5 (page 194). Interestingly, other than couple 6, all the couples presented a self-other pattern. That is, one of the partners’ behavior was the response to his/her own model of self (Brad, Don, Elsa, Charlie), and the other partners’ behavior was the responses to his/her own model of other (Angie, Rosie, Ned, Tracy, Larry). For example, Brad’s model of self was his fear of failing other pe0p1e, which he had developed during childhood as a means of coping with his parents’ divorce and his father’s disapproval of his interests choices. His response when he had a conflict was to run away, shut down, or melt down, which was the same behavior that he used to cope with his mother’s anger, and his father’s disproval. For Angie, when experiencing conflict or things that made her uncomfortable, she got angry and pushed people away. She copied this behavior from her mother, which also corresponded to her model of other, when anger seemed to make her not be invisible any more. Couple 6 presented their own pattern differently from the rest of the couples. The behaviors of both partners in couple 6 were the responses to their own model of other. Bill and Adele both had a positive model of self, but a negative model of other. When they had conflict, their behaviors also corresponded with their model of other. Bill’s model of other was insecure and worry about losing his partner. He copied his father’s 182 behaviors to handle the conflicts by being angry and walking away. Adele’s model of other was to be afraid people would not believe her and would control her. Her coping mechanism was to explain herself as much as she could and try to control the situation/people. Conclusion The four research questions explored individual partners’ developmental milestones (research question 1): their attachment with their parents and its influences on adult view about self and other (research question 2); their current attachment with their partners and its influences on their view about self and other (research question 3); and the interaction between partners especially under never-resolved conflict (research question 4). Research Question I: What are the important developmental events and milestones for each partner? The participants chose partners who had similar childhood experiences as they had. Five of the six couples had similar developmental experiences in early childhood (couples 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5). Two of the six couples had both partners who were survivors of CSA (couples 1 and 5). Two of the six couples had both partners experience angry parents in childhood (couples 3 and 4). The important events which influenced the participants’ development included 183 parents’ conflicts, such as constant fighting, parents’ divorce, triangulation into parental relationships, parents’ discipline style, the witnessing of domestic violence, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, substance and alcohol abuse, parent’s angry behaviors, non-angry parent’s non-protecting behaviors, childhood moving experiences, parents’ emotional/physical absent, and parental reactions when revealing CSA. Even though some of the participants recognized that their parents did their best, or they understood the reasons behind their parents’ behaviors, they also recognized the influences. For example, Larry understood that his mother had to move around forjobs in order to put food on the table, his interpersonal relationships and abilities in handling interpersonal relationships was influenced by his mother’s choices. The factors that influenced the participants’ parents’ choices included their own significant events, couple relationships, and other macrosystem factors such as gender expectations. For example, Ned’s mother did not leave his father even when she suffered from severe physical violence because, according to Ned, his mother wanted to do the right thing based on what the Bible said. She told Ned that his father brought home the money and kept the roof over their head. They needed to look at it as a positive thing. In addition, at that time, divorce was not acceptable and it would be hard for his mother to raise children by herself. I84 Research Question 2: How do childhood attachment styles influence the individual partners ’views about themselves (model of self) and each other (model of other)? Childhood attachment did have an influence on the participants’ current model of self and other. However, the significant events and/or the fulfillment of developmental needs that the participants experienced also had an influence on the participants. There were several participants whose coping strategies and/or model of self and other were developed due to their parents’ reactions to significant events. For example, Brad’s model of self and responses in his couple relationship was developed to cope with his parents’ divorce and his parents’ behaviors. Larry’s mother moved around because of divorce, which influenced Lany’s interpersonal relationships and his model of self and other. Adele had very close relationships with her parents. However, her current difficulty in the relationship was the result of her CSA and her parents’ handling on her revealing of the C SA. Ned had a very abusive father. However, his mother’s love and nurturing also provided him different coping strategies and a positive attitude in his current relationship with Elsa. Therefore, the relationship with his parents was not the single factor that contributed to the participants’ model of self and other in adulthood. It was the interaction between the relationship with the parents and the parents’ handling of the significant events/ developmental needs that contributed to 185 the participants’ current view about self and their current relationship with their parents. Between-couple comparison revealed that at least one partner in the relationship had a nurturing parent in their childhood. In terms of adult model of self, most of the couples (four of six) presented copy-cope type as one of the partners had the same view about self as his/her parents while the other partner’s model of self was developed in childhood to cope with significant events or angry parents. In terms of adult model of other, most of the couples (four of six) presented cope-cope type as both partners’ view of other were developed in childhood to cope with angry parents’ behaviors or significant events. Research Question 3 : How do adult attachment styles influence the female CSA survivor and her partner is view about themselves (model of self) and each other (model of other)? The couples all expressed receiving support and love in their current relationship. However, the participants’ current model of self and other was different in good times than during conflicts. Research question 4: How do childhood attachment styles influence the interaction between female adult C SA survivor and her partner, especially during unresolved conflicts? When under stress, the couples’ model of self and other, and coping strategies developed in childhood seemed to surface. 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Summary of the Research Findings This research aimed to explore the interaction of childhood attachment (with parents) and adulthood attachment with current relationship partner using the lens of Attachment Theory (Bowlby, I982), Human Ecology Theory (Bronfenbrenner, I979), and Psychosocial Development Theory (Erickson, 1964) for a sample of adult female survivors and their partners. The research findings showed that the participants had similar developmental experiences with their current partners. One of the partners in each couple had a poSitive and nurturing relationship in childhood with at least one of his/her parents. The participants’ childhood relationships with their parents did have an influence on their current model of self and other. The participants developed their current model of self and other through the interaction with their parents, and their parents’ responses to their childhood developmental needs and/or significant events. Through the interaction, the participants might adopt their parents” view/behaviors in their current model of self 197 and/or other. Or, they might continue to use the coping strategies developed in childhood that were used to cope with their parents’ behaviors/significant events in their current model of self/other. The participants’ parents’ behaviors/responses were influenced by their own significant events or couple relationships such as divorce or domestic violence. The parents’ decisions about how to cope with the situation were influenced by their socioeconomic status, education, social expectations, and other macrosystem factors such as gender expectations. In the current relationship, all the participants experienced support and positive experiences different from their relationship with their own parents. However, when encountering conflicts that could not be resolved in their relationships, their reactions were either similar to their parents’ behaviors or became the coping strategies that were developed in childhood to cope with the parents’ behaviors or significant events. Those behaviors in a conflict situation corresponded to their model of self or model of other. One partner’s behaviors corresponded to a model of self, while the other partner’s behavior corresponded to a model of other. Figure 5-l on page 227 shows the influences of childhood relationships with parents on the interaction between the partners. The two family systems on the left represent the male partner and the female survivor’s childhood family systems. Each of the family 198 systems was influenced by exosystem and macrosystem factors, which further influenced the parents’ decisions when encountering their own significant events. The participants were influenced by their interactions with the individual parents and the parental relationships. The participants coped with or copied the interaction with the individual parents or the parental relationships in the developmental process, which, then, influenced their current model of self and other. In their never-resolved conflict interaction, they reacted with the behaviors copied from their parents or the behaviors developed in childhood that were used to cope with the interactions in the family systems. One of the partners’ responses corresponded to his/her model of self, while the other’s corresponded to his/ her model of other. Connections to the Literature Adult C SA Female Survivors Previous research studies have explored different aspects of CSA on the development of female adult CSA survivors in different areas such as PTSD (Huang, Zhang, Momartin, Huang, & Zhao, 2008). As discussed in Chapter 2 (pages 62-65), the influence of CSA on female adult survivors’ development can be explained from Human Ecology Theory (Bronfenbrenner, 1979) perspective. The nature of CSA (F inkelhor & Kendall-Tackeett, I997) such as the duration and the type of the abuse (Balcom, 1996), I99 individual coping strategy (Bal, Van Oost, De Bourdeaudhuij, & Crombez, 2003), individual attachment with the parents (Alexander et al., 1998), the family structure (Meyerson, Long, Miranda, & Marx, 2002), and parental reaction (Bal, De Bourdeaudhuij, Crombez, & Van Oost, 2005) all have been shown to have an impact on adult female survivors’ psychological well-being in adulthood. The female participants in this study were all female survivors of child sexual abuse, with some differences in the type of abuse. Similar to previous research studies,these participants showed varying difficulties in their current developmental stages such as low self-esteem (J umpar, I995), perfectionism, eating disorders (Polusny & Follette, I995), depression (Schilling, Aseltine Jr., & Core, 2007), anxiety (Neumann, Houskamp, Pollock, & Briere, 1996), and personality disorder traits (Alexander et al., I998). At the individual level, due to differences in the nature of their CSA experiences, the female participants of this study displayed different levels of symptom severity. At the family level, most of the female participants’ families of origin structures contained one angry parent and one powerless/absent parent (Trepper & Barrett, I986). Most of the female participants also experienced one of the parents as angry and the other one as failing to provide protection (Banyard & Williams, 2007). Their current model of self and other were the same as their parents or were the coping strategies developed in childhood to 200 cope with their parents’ behaviors or significant events such as C SA. Male Partner of Adult CSA Female Survivors Missing from the literature is attention to the development of male partners of female CSA survivors. Previous studies focused on the male partners’ experiences when their female partners went through therapy (Nelson & Wampler, 2000; Reid, Taylor, & Wampler, I995; Reid, Wampler, & Taylor, 1996), and had not yet explored the male partners’ developmental process and its influence on their current adult intimate relationships. Most of the male participants in this study had similar developmental experiences as their partners. On the individual level, they also experienced low self-esteem, perfectionism, difficulty in interpersonal relationship and trust, depression, and anxiety. The structure of their families of origin was also similar to their own partners. Half of the male participants witnessed their mothers’ male spouses/partners physically abusing their mother and/or stepmother. Some of them also experienced their non-offending or non-angry parents’ powerlessness to protect them from the offending/angry parents’ abuse. Their current model of self and other, similar to their female partners, were the same as their parents’ behavior or were the same as their coping strategies developed in childhood to cope with their parents behaviors or significant events. 201 Attachment with Parents: Childhood vs. Adulthood Not all of the participants’ relationships with their parents went through changes. Interestingly, most ofthe participants’ relationships with their mothers did not change much, but with their fathers, it often did change (Please see table 4-4 on page 193). This phenomenon might relate to what Attachment Theory suggests, that is, mothers who were usually the primary attachment figures, remained so (Belsky & Fearon, 2002a). However, why the relationship with mothers tended to stay the same but not with fathers remained unclear. Some participants (i.e. Angie and Tracy) suspected or had confirmed that their mothers were also the survivors of abuse. Some of them also suspected or had confirmed that their mothers had mental health issues such as depression and eating disorders (i.e. Angie, Tracy, and Mary). Similar to previous studies, these participants’ mothers’ experiences and/or mental health and well-being seemed to restrict their abilities to attune to the participants’ needs in childhood (Carter, Garrity-Rokous, Chazan-Cohen, Little, & Briggs-Gowan, 2001). It also influenced the participants’ current model of self and other. For example, Angie was aware of her angry behaviors as similar to her mother and Tracy tried as much as she could to avoid becoming like her mother. If the participants’ relationships with their parents did change, it was usually related 202 to certain significant events they experienced in childhood and how their parents approached those significant events. These significant events might relate to certain developmental needs at certain stages, such as adolescents exploring their identities (Erickson, I964). For example, Brad’s dad approached Brad’s needs to explore his interests in adolescence with suppression (Allen, McElhaney, Kuperminc, & Jodl, 2004), while Don’s parents approached it with concern and respect. Their parents’ different approaches made the differences in the parent-child relationships and their current model of self and other (Karavasilis, Doyle, & Markiewicz, 2003). In some cases, the significant events that the participants experienced were related to their parents’ own couple relationships or life experiences at the time (Belsky & Fearon, 2002b). For example, Angie described how her mother took out her anger on Angie and her brother after the divorce. At that time, Angie and her brother were the only two children living with their father. At the same time, her father went on to develop a new relationship after the divorce. Her parents’ coping and decisions because of the divorce had significant influence not only on themselves but also on Angie’s development. Another example was Mary and Larry. After the divorce, their mothers had to move them around to wherever the mothers could get thejobs in order to support Mary and Lan'y. “Moving around” was a significant event in both Mary and Larry’s developmental 203 process and had significant influence on their current model of other. However, it was also their mothers’ coping with the divorce. Ned’s mother decided to stay with his father even though she suffered from severe domestic violence. According to Ned, his mother did what their religion expected her to do. It seemed that family environment, parental life experiences, developmental needs, and/or significant events all had the potential to contribute to the participants’ relationship with their parents (Belsky & F earon, 2002b). However, it was how the parents responded to these events that made the difference (Atkinson et al., 2000) in influencing the participants’ adult model of self and other. Similar to previous studies, the participants showed that maternal responses were significant to infant attachment development (Atkinson et al., 2000), and the relationship with the mother showed less change from childhood to adulthood. In addition, paternal responses were also significant in attachment development especially when the participants had secure attachment with their fathers in childhood (i.e. Brad, Angie, Bill, and Adele). These fathers’ responses to the participants’ needs contributed significantly to their current model of self and other. Attachment” Development: Influence outside Family Peer, significant adults, and school also had influences on the participants’ development. The participants in this study showed that their significant adults or peers 204 did have influences on their life decisions (e.g., Tracy), or did provide support at different times in their lives (e.g., Brad). However, the causal relationship was not clear. Previous research studies found that secure attachment did have an influence on performance in school (Granot & Mayseless, 200l: Moss & St-Laurent, 200l), and improved peer relationships (Coleman, 2003). However, the study participants indicated that there was an interaction between attachment and peer relationship, not a causal relationship. For example, Tracy identified that she was able to find a lot of good friends who helped her throughout the years. When she was young, she did not understand why those friends, who were from very supportive families, would like her. This was different from the previous study findings where children found peers with similar attachment styles (Hodges, Finnegan, & Perry. 1999; Lieberman, Doyle, & Markiewicz, I999). Tracy’s friends also helped her to pay attention to her coping strategies, such as eating disorders. In addition, the interaction of peer influence was related to the family ecology and parental responses. For example, Larry’s difficulty in peer relationships was the result of his parents’ divorce (Fraley 2002) and constant moving with his mother. He described how his peers would tease him because his parents were divorced. His coping with moving around was to keep everything to himself so that he would not be hurt again. Even though his mother responded with a positive and accepting manner, it still had an 205 influence on Larry’s current model of self. Moreover, even though the peers, significant adults, and school did have influence on the study participants’ development, most of the study participants’ current model of self and other was significantly influenced by their relationship with their parents (Richaud de Minzi, 2006; Kems, Tomich, Aspelimeier, & Contreras, 2000; Kems, Tomich, & Kim, 2006). Adult Relationships and their Influence on Attachment The partners in each couple reported that their current relationship was more supportive and loving than their relationship with their parents. According to Adult Attachment Theory (Hazan & Shaver, 1987), the support and love that participants receive from each other should be a secure base for them (F eeney, l999; Schachner, Shaver, & Mikulincer, 2003). However, most of the participants seemed to have difficulty seeking help from their partners (i.e. Brad and Tracy), or feeling undeserving when receiving it from their partners (i.e. Elsa). In their current never-resolved conflict, their reactions in the interaction were similar to their parents’ behaviors or their childhood coping strategies. Moreover, the negative interaction in the never-resolved conflict interaction seemed to confirm their model of self or other. This phenomenon was similar to the previous findings that individuals with attachment styles that change when they undergo stress were more likely to have personal or family history with mental illness, 206 parental discord, or history of abuse (Cozzarelli, Karafa, Collins, & Tagler, 2003; Davila, Burge, & Hammen, I997; Davila & Cobb, 2003; Davila, Karney, & Bradbury, 1999). Adult Attachment vs. Childhood Attachment The partners’ reactions in the never-resolved conflict displayed similarities with the behaviors they learned from childhood. Their reactions also corresponded with their model of self or other. This was similar to the previous adult attachment that individuals usually selected environment or people to confirm their attachment style (Collins & Read, I990; Kirkpatrick & Davis, I994; Treboux, Crowell, & Waters, 2004). Previous studies found that individuals with ambivalent attachment styles would pair with individuals with avoidant attachment styles in order to correspond with their behaviors and confirm their own attachment style (Collins & Read, I994; Kirkpatrick & Davis, 1994). This study did not categorize the participants’ attachment using any of the category system such as Ainsworth (Ainsworth, Blehar, Waters, & Wall, I978), Main et al.(Main, Kaplan, & Cassidy. 1985), or Hanzen and Shaver (Hazan & Shaver, 1987). However, based on the model of self and model of other, the study found that one of the partners’ reaction in never-resolved conflict corresponded with his/her model of self and the other one’s corresponded with his/her model of other, which was similar to the previous scholarship in this area. 207 Implications Implications for Clinical Practice Individual and couple therapy. Previous research showed that male partners of female CSA survivors experienced distress and confusion when the female CSA survivors went through therapy (Miller & Sutherland, I999; Nelson & Wampler, 2000). Couple therapy is suggested to be used to deal with the couple’s interaction difficulties (Johnson, 2002). However, ifthe’female CSA adult survivors’ male partner had similar developmental experiences as they did, providing individual therapy to the female CSA adult survivor alone might not be the best choice. For example, in one of Angie’s diary entries, she specifically mentioned that she and Brad were on different levels in their healing process as a result of her individual therapy. She considered leaving Brad if he did not catch up with her. In addition, if the partners confirmed each other’s model of self and other, focusing on the female survivors’ individual process only, might not help the couple break/change their interaction pattern in daily life. In Ned’s individual interview and diary. he mentioned the importance of couple therapy in his relationship with Elsa. He believed that couple therapy helped him and Elsa to break through the destructive patterns his parents had and helped them going through different low points in their marriage. Tracy also mentioned that through couple 208 therapy, she was able to see her own patterns played out in the relationship, which was not the focus in her individual therapy. Interestingly, at the de-briefing time that followed the close of the study, a few of the couples in the study mentioned that their relationship was better after the first individual interview (i.e. Angie and Brad and Don and Rosie). Mainly, the female partners felt their male partners were more attentive to their emotions after the first individual interview. The male partners admitted that reviewing their developmental history and relationship history brought them different perspectives about themselves and their relationships. Brad expressed that he understood what it meant to be "emotionally supportive and not providing suggestions.” Don felt that he appreciated his relationship with Rosie even more than before. Charlie and Bill felt that they understood how their past contributed to the difficulties in their current relationships. Larry felt that the individual interview provided a chance for him to talk about his story and his stress in supporting Mary. He felt he now had more energy to continue supporting Mary in her healing process. Talking about their own stories in the individual interviews brought male participants different perspectives and understanding in their interactions with their partners. From these findings, along with participants’ feedback, it seems that therapists should carefully consider who should be part of the ongoing process of therapy for CSA 209 survivors. Given that the current positive interaction did not change their model of self and other, and that couples’ interactions in conflict were based on learned behaviors in childhood that reinforced their model of self and other, then therapists need to understand that their clients are notjust female survivors, but male survivors as well. The clients in the room include the female CSA survivors, the male partners, and their interaction patterns that were learned from the partners’ relationship with their parents. From the male participants’ feedback, providing the male partners a chance to talk about their stories gave them a chance to understand their contribution in the couple relationship and to understand their female partners’ experiences. From female participants’ feedback, the individual interview with the male participants changed their couple interactions. Combining individual and couple therapy in the work with the CSA survivors can provide the couples a chance to understand their histories and their contributions to current relationships. By doing so, the therapists can also understand the dynamics played out in the couple relationship. Through individual therapy, therapists can understand the individual partners’ developmental history and attachment evolution. Through couple therapy, therapists can understand how the individual partners’ attachment evolution played out in current couple relationships, and how the individual partners seek the confirmation of their model of self and other in current partners. Then, 2I0 therapists can help the couple to break their interaction cycle. The power of the therapist. There were several participants who mentioned that they had changed their perspectives about different issues “after my therapist said so.” For example, Tracy talked about how she no longer trusted her father because her therapist said that her father did not rescue her when she needed him. Although I did agree with most of their therapists’ perspectives, l was struck by the power that the therapist played in the female CSA survivors’ recovery process. For example, in her individual diary, Tracy also mentioned that her therapist commented on Charlie’s behaviors as playing the “yes-but game” but not wanting to change. I cannot help but wonder if Charlie was there to defend his perspective, how would that influence Tracy’s position and approaches to their relationship? As mentioned before, Angie mentioned that she and Brad were no longer in the same level in their healing process because of therapy. These female participants’ experiences suggested that the therapists providing individual therapy had a lot of power in deciding the female participants’ couple relationships. Ironically, power was the main issue causing CSA to happen. Even though the power of the therapists is inevitable, the therapists should be aware of the influence of their powers on the clients’ treatment inside and outside the therapy room. 211 The research participants revealed many individual reactions that were surprising to me during their individual diary and de-briefing times. I can also recall so many surprising moments when I realized that the participants’ experiences were so different from the observations. My own biases and life experiences did contribute to those surprising moments. However, through their individual diaries, I realized that the participants tried very hard to maintain their relationships and their model of self and other by using what they learned in childhood. It was only in their individual moments that they were able to reveal their true reactions. For example, in Tracy and Charlie’s “never-resolved conflict” interaction, they did not show any conflict and focused on the task. It was until I read their individual diary that I realized their “civilized” behaviors were their c0ping strategies learned from childhood to cope with their angry parents’ behaviors. By being “civil,” they tried to avoid conflict and tried not to make the other person angry. Journaling and other methods for balancing the power of the therapist and the clients. Using diaries or other methods can provide therapists with access to the individual partners’ private moments and is helpful in working with the survivors of CSA. Therapists can evaluate overuse of power and influence on their clients and can also evaluate whether their assessments and intervention were useful to the clients. 2I2 Diaries seemed to work well with most of the participants in this study. However, a few of the male participants did have difficulty keeping diaries. Larry especially mentioned that keeping a diary was for girls and not for the men. So if therapists were to assign this task, perhaps presenting it in a more gendered way to appeal to male clients may be necessary. Marriage and Family Therapy theories application. Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) theories provide useful tools to help CSA survivors and their partners from a system’s perspectives. Based on these research outcomes, MFT therapists should be well prepared in individual development and the interconnections with Ecological Theory. Understanding individual Psychosocial Development (Erickson, I964), attachment needs (Bowlby, I982), and Ecological Theory (Bronfenbrenner, 1979), the MFT therapists can apply a systems lens to work with adult CSA survivors and their partners both individually and systematically. For example, Bowen Family Systems Theory (Kerr & Bowen, I988) can be used as a tool to explore the individual partners’ relationship with their families of origin. A detailed genogram with the individual partners can help them to talk about their development and their relationship histories with their families of origin, their parents’ relationship, and the influences from their families of origin. Doing the genogram with 213 each partner provides him/her a chance to share his/her story with the therapist’s full attention. On the other hand, doing the genogram with both partners present also provides them a chance to understand each other’s from different perspectives. The concepts of destructive and constructive entitlement from Contextual Family Therapy (Boszormenyi-Nagy & Spark, 9 I 84) can also be applied to understand individual partners’ model of self and other in the relationship with their parents. That is, destructive and constructive entitlement learned in childhood with parents, siblings, and other significant others could be understood in relation to model of self and other. For example, if an individual were parentified in childhood, the destructive entitlement earned with the parents might contribute to his/her model of self and other. Emotionally-focused therapy (EFT) uses Adult Attachment Theory to help couples working through attachment injuries in their relationships. EFT has been applied to working with CSA survivors and their partners (Johnson, 2002). Johnson (2002) suggested that the ongoing couple interaction maintains the CSA survivor’s symptoms. By helping couples change their attachment styles from insecure to secure, the CSA survivors would improve their interpersonal functions. However, based on the current research findings, the couple interaction also reinforced the male partners’ attachment style. As such, therapists should also pay attention to the male partners’ contribution in 214 the difficulties in the couples’ interaction. EFT focuses on breaking the pursue/withdraw and attack/defend cycle in the couple’s interactions. The findings from this research study showed that attachment injuries in the couple relationship might be the result of individual partners trying to maintain their model of self and other learned from childhood. Understanding how individual partners copy/cope their childhood strategies can help the therapists to understand how pursue/withdraw and attack/defend confirmed the individual partner’s model of self and other. It can also help the therapist to be more efficient in constructing new interaction between the partners. Implications for Future Research Individual vs. Couple. Three of the 11 original recruitment responses were callers that identified themselves as female CSA survivors and fulfilled the recruitment criteria. However, they were excluded from the study because their partners were not willing to participate. In future research, these individuals whose partners do not wish to participate could be placed into another group for comparison. Heterosexual couples, homosexual couples, and male CSA adult survivors with their partners. There were two couples in this study with both partners as sarvivors of CSA. Most Iikel y, as these partners displayed similar developmental experiences in childhood, 215 there are more couples in which both partners are survivors of abuse. Therefore, another direction for future research is to focus on male survivors of CSA with their partners, gay and lesbian couples with one partner as CSA survivors, and couples with both partners as CSA survivors. It is important to understand how the couple interaction in those different groups similar or different than the female survivors of CSA with their partners in order to draw up proper treatment plan as well as research plan. Treatment eflectiveness. Integrating different treatment strategies and exploring the effectiveness of difl'erent treatment strategies are needed for future research to help the recovery process for C SA adult survivors more efficiently. The research participants had experiences in different kinds of therapy, including individual, couple, and support groups. Some of them were in therapy for a long time and some of them experienced different kinds of therapy to deal with different issues they were facing at different stages of their lives. The question is not which form of the therapy is better or suitable for the C SA survivors and their partners. The research findings showed that both individual and couple therapy are needed for the treatment of the survivors of childhood sexual abuse and their partners because they reinforced each other’s model of self and interacted with each other’s model of self and other in the interaction. Without addressing both parties, 216 the therapist may not be able to get the full picture of the difficulties that the CSA survivors were facing outside therapy. In addition, the therapist might reinforce the CSA survivors to use current model of self and other in current relationships without being aware of it. Previous research on treatment effectiveness with survivors of CSA was limited and only focused on individual therapy (Price, Hilsenroth, Petretic-Jackson, & Bonge, 2001). Clinicians and researchers need to address the issue of integrating both forms of therapy together with the right timing in order to improve the effectiveness of the treatment. Implications for Public Policy The process of finding the participants was the most challenging part of this study. When I contacted different community and non-profit agencies for help with recruitment, they usually were not able to help because CSA survivors were not part of their service population. It was easier to find this through agencies who were serving female victims of domestic violence, rape, or substance abuse. The research findings showed that some of the female survivors or their male partners had history of substance abuse or witnessing domestic violence. However, these experiences happened in the study participants’ past and they did not receive help from any public services until they were old enough to seek help by themselves. For example, Tracy mentioned that her brother 217 and mother were ordered by social services to receive counseling because of physical abuse. She reported that she felt so alone in that process because the social worker who went to their house never noticed her existence and her needs even though she lived in the same household. It is understandable that most of the funding goes to rape victims, domestic violence victims, substance abusers, and/or children suffering from different forms of abuse. Those abuse/traumas are visible and happened in the present needing immediate attention. It is also understandable that most of the funding goes to prevention services. It is most important to prevent the trauma from happening at all. Therefore, public policy and funding orient toward the victims whose trauma happened in the present or toward prevention. However, abuse continues to happen. The research participants in this study were in their 203 to their 505. If the prevention work had been effective, how did the participants in their 205 still experience similar trauma as the participants in their 505? More importantly, does the trauma go away itself if the child victims were never discovered by any adults? The participants in this study were in different developmental stages and different family life stages. Other than couple 2 who did not yet have children, the rest of the participants all mentioned the difficulty of being parents because of the influence from 218 their families of origin. Many of them also mentioned that they hoped to be different from their own parents, and to give their children different environments from the system they grew up in. Few of the participants also mentioned their own mothers were survivors of CSA. The study findings showed the importance of transgenerational and ecological influences in individual development. Broadening the definition of “Prevention. ” Public policy and funding sources need to reconsider the definition of prevention. Prevention works should not be limited to educating parents or children about abuse and related resources. It should include funding for treatment with adult survivors for CSA and make it more visible and more accessible. As Ned and Elsa mentioned, even though they tried their best to change their parenting when their daughters had problems, they understood how their parenting had some negative impact on their daughters’ lives currently. Treatment with CSA adult survivors should be considered as part of the prevention work because it will help the future generation to function better. Research findings showed that the participants reverted into their childhood learned behaviors when under stress. These learned behaviors appeared when they were under stress and might be the reason causing their stress. That is, it might be their coping strategies causing their difficulties in the relationship. The peers, significant adults, and 219 other systems were important to the participants’ development, but the c0ping strategies under stress were influenced by the parents. Thus public policies and funding sources need to take an ecological perspective into consideration. It is important to protect children. However, it is also important to improve the children’s system so that the children can Ieam different coping strategies to turn into positive model of self and other in adulthood. When helping children with abuse histories, the children’s parents should also be considered as clients. The therapists who work with these parents should have training and understanding about abuse, trauma, and systems perspectives. The treatment goal for these parents should not be constricted but also include their own recovery process. Limitations Validity of Retrospect Research Phenomenological research relies on the report of participants’ experiences. This research study relied heavily on the participants’ memories of their childhood experiences. The attachment relationship evolved and memories also evolved. In a few instances, the participants would report having positive experiences with their attachment figures but later changed their statement after they recalled other incidents that happened in the relationships. The accuracy of the participants’ memories of their childhood experiences 220 was unknown and unable to be externally verified. This limitation is inevitable in retrospective studies but does effect the validity of the findings (Hassan, 2006). Bracketing out My Judgment Phenomenological research also emphasizes the importance of providing participants freedom to express their experiences. The reliability of the research lives within the participants’ statement, not the researcher’s interpretation. In addition, attachment with their parents did evolve throughout the developmental process. Therefore, the participants’ model of self and other were also evolving throughout the process. In order to respect the participants’ experiences and expression, 1 had to bracket out my judgment when coding the participants’ experiences in “model of self” and “model of other.” For example, the participants might describe their attachment figures’ responses to the participants’ significant events, and their own experiences under the circumstances. However, these experiences might be the participants’ evaluation of their parents’ behaviors from their adult perspective. For example, many female survivors’ parents were unaware of CSA even when there were red flags. The participants commented that they could not believe that their parents, mostly mothers, did not pay attention to those red flags. These were their comments or critiques of their parents’ behaviors from their adult perspectives. Thus, for some participants, it was hard for them to answer their 221 experiences from childhood perspectives or memories. As a researcher, I needed to bracket my judgment and not label the participants’ experiences as worthy or unworthy. Two- Year Relationship Cutoff Criteria In terms of the selection criteria for this sample, couples with both partners willing to participate might have better attachment than the couples whose partners were not willing to participate. In addition, the two-year relationship cutoff point was set based on previous research studies (Bowlby, 1982; Hazen & Zeifman, 1999). It was suggested that it took at least two-years for attachment to form (Bowlby, 1982; Hazen’& Zeifman, 1999). However, previous studies have also demonstrated that some couples stayed in the relationship even though they were unhappy but because it was familiar as their childhood attachment relationships. Therefore, even though all the couples in this study reported their current relationship was better than their parents, to say that current attachment with the partner can potentially change the childhood attachment style might not be correctly inferential from this study. Influence of Social Desirability Prior research suggested that the participants’ behaviors did not show dramatic change in the home observations, even when under the situation where the intrusion during observation was minimum (Gardner, 2000; Jacob, Tennenbaum, Seilhamer, 222 Bargiel, & Sharon, I994; Pett, 1992). However, the observation settings in this study varied depending on the participants’ choices. Most of the couples decided to have the couple interview at their family homes, and few of them chose to be in the campus clinic. The observation may have some influences on the participants’ behaviors, as the researcher and camera were present. However, only a few couples reported that their interaction was different than their usual interaction. With the help of the diaries, individual interviews, and de-briefing times, the couple’s interaction and its relationship with childhood attachment with parents were captured as best as possible within the limits of research. The Definition of “Stress ” Based on Attachment Theory, if the attachment figure provided a secure base for the individual to return to when under stress, the individual was more likely to have a secure attachment with the attachment figure. Prior research had found that insecure childhood attachment is like a baseline (Treboux et al., 2004). Adults were likely to fall back to this baseline when under stress (Treboux et al., 2004). The research design asked the participants to discuss a topic that was not resolvable in the couple relationship to demonstrate the similarities or differences of current couple attachment and previous childhood attachment with their parents. However, the limitation may be as to whether 223 “never-resolved conflict” in the couple relationship can be defined as “stress” (Davila & Sargent, 2003). From the research outcomes, the participants did display similar reactions in the “never-resolved conflict” interaction. However, the cause-effect was unknown. That is, it was unclear whether the participants’ reaction learned from childhood caused “never-resolved conflict,” or it was the never-resolved conflict that caused the participants to react to the situation with their childhood coping strategies or the same behaviors as their parents did. Concluding Statement This study has provoked some questions, such as, “how important is sexual abuse as a variable in the developmental process?” And, “how important is childhood attachment as a variable in the developmental process?” And “how long does childhood attachment continue in life?” Researchers in childhood sexual abuse and attachment have asked these questions for decades. These are highly studied topics, with different researchers who hold different perspectives and varying research approaches for data collection and analysis. As with most researchers, I brought my biases with me into this study. As a person who has trained first as an individual therapist and then, as a systems therapist, this research study explored my two beliefs about human beings. The first belief is that an 224 individual is influenced by the environment, but also decides how much he/she wants to continue to be influenced by the environment. The second belief is that an individual is influenced by his/her past experiences, but also can change the future by his/her current actions. A therapist needs to attend to both individual and system needs. A therapist also needs to understand the clients’ past but work with the clients’ in the present. All the couples in this study tried to be different than their parents in their current relationships. They also experienced better quality relationship than they had with their parents. However, their past attachment history did seem to contribute to their interaction difficulties in stressful situations. It might be that their past history contributed to the interaction and resulted in a set of issues that become a never-resolved conflict. It might be the issues they were facing triggered their past and activated their coping strategies developed in childhood. From a systems perspective, the cause and effect is not important. Breaking the negative interaction cycle is the focus. Understanding the individual partner’s developmental history might assist this process. Helping the partners to react to each other differently provides them a chance to create a different system from the systems they grew up in. The participants in this study all stated that by participating in this study, they hoped to advance the knowledge of couple interactions when the female partners were CSA 225 adult survivors. As a therapist and a researcher, I cannot change what happened in those survivors’ past and what happened in their systems. However, I truly believe that they deserve to have healthier relationships and deserve to live in healthier systems. I hope this research study will contribute to the research and practice that goes into enhancing the effectiveness of treatment with adult survivors of child sexual abuse and their partners. 226 Figure 5-1. Research Findings I Male Partner’s Childhood Family Divorce; Violence; Exosystem and Macrosystem Conflict; Power; Adult Male ‘ V v I Adult Model ofSelf Cope or Copy 1‘. Adult Model of Other /‘ Reaction in never-resolved- Male conflict Ecology Theory Copy or Cope Attachment Theory Psychosocial Development J Research Focus Never-Resolved-Confli Exosystem and Macrosystem Influences I Copy or Cope Reaction in never-resolved Female Survivor . conflict .4 C°Pe 0’ C°Py Adult Model ofSelf Adult Model of Other J . Father Divorce; Violence; Mother Conflict; Power; Adult Female Female Survivor’s Childhood Family I 227 APPENDICES 228 Appendix 1: Telephone Screen Questions Thank you for your response to my advertisement. I’d like to tell you a little bit about my research project and also ask you a few questions to make sure that you are a good match for my study. This study is to explore the couple relationship when the female partner had sexual abuse experiences in childhood. I am interested in how your relationship with your family and your partner’s relationship with his family influence your relationship as a couple. The first step of my study is to get some information about you background information and your history in order to decide whether you are a good match for my study. It will take around 10 minutes to complete this process. Child sexual abuse is not an easy subject to talk about. Going through this first step can help you decide whether you would feel comfortable talking about this issue in the research process. Also, if you do not fulfill my selection criteria, you do not need to go through the whole process or meet with me. If you are not willing to continue this process at any time during our conversation, you are free to stop at any time. All the information that you tell me will be kept confidential to the maximum by law. I will not take any of your personal information and contact information unless you are the match of this research and are willing to continue on the next stage of my study. Therefore, there will be no identifiable data if you are not willing to continue or you are not the match of this study. If you are willing to continue, I will take your contact information in the end of this phone conversation. All the data, no matter with or without caller’s personal information, will be locked in the cabinet in my advisor’s office. You can also contact my advisor Dr. Marsha Carolan at 517-432-3327. Would you be willing to participate in this telephone screening process? Yes No Background information 0 Could you tell me how old you are? 0 Could you tell me if you are in a committed relationship of at least two years? 0 Are you engaged, married or living together? 0 Have you discussed participation in this study with you partner? Has he agreed to also participate in this study? 0 Have you disclosed your child sexual abuse history with your partner? (Stop here if the caller is under 21 and has not been in the relationship with her partner 229 for two years, or the partner is not willing to participate or not aware of the female partner’s child sexual abuse history. I will repeat the recruitment criteria to her, thank her, and end the screening process at this time.) Sexual Abuse History 0 As you know, this study is interested in finding out how child sexual abuse experiences may or may not affect the adult couple relationship. Therefore, I need to ask you some questions about your sexual abuse history. Since you identified as a survivor of child sexual abuse, can you tell me: How you always had the memories of childhood sexual abuse? Yes __ No Was there a time when you did not remember? How did you come to remember if there was time that you did not remember? (Stop here if the caller seems to indicate having problems remembering child sexual abuse in the past. I will politely let the caller know that I am looking for the participants who have always had memories about child sexual abuse.) Now I need to ask you some sensitive questions about your sexual abuse to determine if you meet the criteria for this study. If you are uncomfortable with these questions, please let me know and we do not need to proceed any further. 0 How old were you when the first sexual abuse experience happened? How long did the sexual abuse go on? 0 Was the person who perpetrated abuse a family member, family friend or someone in your community? 0 Do you know how much older that person was than you, or, How old that person was at that time? (Stop here if the caller did not meet the sexual abuse criteria, which is, the perpetrator was at least 5 years older than the victim if sexual abuse happened when the victim was before age of 12, or the perpetrator was at least 10 years older than the victim if sexual abuse happened when the victim was between age 13 and 16.) Contact Information Thank you for providing me so much information on the phone. I understand it is not easy to talk about with a stranger about these experiences. The research process will ask you more information about your family, your current relationship, and child sexual abuse experiences in depth. If you are willing to participate, I would like to get your 230 contact information and set up a time to meet with you and your partner to provide you more information about this research in-depth. In the face-to-face contact, I will explain to you and your partner about the stages of this research process and the time required from you to participate in this process. (If the caller agrees to meet face-to-face with her partner, I will take her contact information and set an appointment with her.) 231 Appendix 2: Individual Semi-Structure Interview Guide I. Introduction: Thank you for participating in this interview. The whole interview is about 60 to 90 minutes. I am going to ask you about your childhood experiences and what you think how those experiences might have aflected you and your life right now. We will start from your memories about your childhood, to your relationship with your parents, to your adult dating relationships, and to your current relationship. Before we start, do you have any question? 2. Background information, Developmental Milestone, and Trauma History 2.1 Can you tell me a little bit about yourself? your age, job, marital status, education, etc family background: timeline regarding place of birth, family home and neighborhood, extended family, relationship with extended family, and family moving, etc. 2.2 Can you tell me your memories about your childhood? Can you tell me one important things happened to you before you started elementary school, in elementary school, middle school, high school, and after high school that was important to you and stood up in your memory right away? Did you remember how did you feel and what went through your mind when that happened? 2.3 Can you tell me a about the child sexual abuse? (For female survivor only) Who was that person hurting you? How old were you when this first happened? How long did it fast? How often did it happen? How did you feel about the experiences? How did it stop in the end? 2.4 Were there any stressful life events that happened often in your daily life when you grow up? If you did, can you tell me more about those experiences? Who is that person? How old were you when this first happened? How long did this last? How often did it happen? How did you feel about these experiences? How did it stop in the end? 232 3. Attachment with parents Now, I am moving into the questions about your relationship with your parents. 3.1 Can you tell me a little bit about your mom and dad? What kind of persons are they? How would you describe them? 4.2 How would you describe your relationship with each of your parents? 4.3 When you were sick, hurt, or upset, or in any other negative situation, how did your parents react to those situations? 4.4 Were there any other adults with whom you were close like parents as a child? Can you tell me more about that person and what did that person do that make you feel you were close to him/her? 4.5 Did you remember any significant relationship transition with your parents from your childhood until now? When was that? How did that happen? How did you feel about that transition? 4.6 How about your relationship with your parent now? Do you talk to them about your personal concerns or worries? Are there things that are hard for you to talk to them about? 5. Current relationship Now, we are moving into your current relationship. You and your (boyfiiend, girlfriend husband, wife) have been (dating, living together, married) for (duration). 5.1 Were there any previous serious romantic relationships before your current partner? Draw a timeline of the relationship history. Probe about the duration, seriousness, positive and negatives of the relationship, cause of breakup, and the participant’s reaction to the breakup. 5.2 Current Relationship 0 How would you describe you’re your relationship? 0 How would you describe your partner? 0 When you were sick, hurt, or upset, or in any other negative situation, how did your parents react to those situations? I Why did you think that your partner did that? I How did your partner’s reaction make you feel? I Do you think that your partner knew how you feel? 0 How comfortable are you discussing your personal matters with your partner? 0 How affectionate are the two of you within the relationship? I Is one of you more so than the other? 233 I Is there ever an issue because of the expression of affection in private or pubhc? > Probe for sexual relationship, specifically, whether he/she is satisfied with the sexual relationship and if not, what are his/her feelings/thinking about the situation?) 5.3 Conflict Resolution 0 How often do you have disagreements or arguments? Do you usually resolve those disagreements? C What is the most common conflict that you have but never get resolved? I ls there any conflict in your relationship happening a lot but never get resolved? I How do you feel about that conflict? I How do you feel about this issue never got resolved? I is there any physical violence involved in the conflict? 5.4 Breakup/Regrets 0 How much faith do you have that your relationship will last in the long term? I Have you thought about breaking up with your partner? I If you do, have you had any fears and worries about the breaking up? 6. Conclusion Thank you for sharing with me so much information about you, your family, and your relationship. 0 Is there anything you would like to say or share with me about today’s interview before we end? 0 From today until the we see each other next time (two weeks later), I would like you to write down anything that come up to you regarding what we talked about today, for example, your relationship with your parents and your current partner. The instruction about keeping your diary is also in the first page of the journal. I would like you to keep this diary to yourself without sharing with your partner. I will not share your diary with your partner, either. 0 When we come back next time, we are going to do three things. First, I would like check in with you about your and what are your feelings/thoughts that come up in the following two weeks. Second, I would like to have you and your partner to discuss the never-resolved-issue that youjust told me. Third, we will reflect about your discussion and wrap up the interview. Are there any questions and concerns before we end the interview? 234 Appendix 3: Reflection Diary Instruction Instructions for Keeping Your Diary: The purpose of this diary is for you to keep any thoughts that related to your individual interview. Therefore, the three main topics that I would like you to keep in here are your thoughts about your childhood, your relationship with your parents, and your relationship with your current partner. When you write down your thoughts, I would like you to keep it as detail as possible. You don’t need to worry about the logic, the writing, the grammar, but your own thoughts. When you describe an incident, keep in mind the 5 W (who, what, when, where, how) in the incident. In addition, I am interested in your thoughts about the meaning of that incident to you. Please remember to write down your thoughts about why that person did that to you or why that incident happened to you. Remember that we talked about the “never-resolved-argument” between you and your partner? If that happened in the next two weeks, I would like you to write down the detail about the incidents and your thoughts and feelings before, in the process, and after the incident. Please remember to bring your diary to me when you come to the next interview with your partner. Your diary will not be shared with your partner. You are free to make a copy for yourself but the original copy will have to return to me. 235 Appendix 4: Couple Semi-Structure Interview Questions 1. Summarize the purpose of the couple. Thank you for coming back to the interview again. Today, I am going to observe your interaction and talk to you about your interaction. Mainly, I want to know how couples solve their conflicts and how it relates to their experiences from childhood. 2. Summarize the “never-resolved conflict” from individual partner and assign the task. 0 If the couple mentioned the same issue in the individual interview: So, two weeks ago, when I interviewed (husband 3' name), you mentioned that in your relationship, (summarize the issue) is the issue you often disagree with your wife (or girlfriend). When I interviewed (wife is name), she also mentioned the same thing. I would like the two of you to spend 15-20 minutes to discuss this issue here and try to solve it. I am going to just observe your interaction. 0 If the couple mentioned different issue in the individual interview: So, two weeks ago, when I interviewed (husband is name), you mentioned that in your relationship, (summarize the issue) is the issue you often disagree with your wife (or girlfriend). When I interviewed (wife is name), she mentioned different issue. Even though they are dtflerent, there is an underlying theme in your argument, which is (summarize the issue). I would like the two of you to spend 15-20 minutes to discuss this issue here and try to solve it. I am going to just observe your interaction. 3. Reflection on the couple interaction 0 How do you feel about this discussion? 0 Are they different or similar to the discussion you attempted to do at home? What are the differences and similarities? 0 Why do you think they are the same or different? > Why did you think you/ your partner did that? > How did that make you feel when he/she said/did that? 0 Are there any similarities or differences in your interaction comparing to your interaction with your parents? What are the similarities and what are the differences? 0 What changes would you like to see in your communication/relationship? 4. Reflection on the research process: 0 Looking back in your life, is there anything you would have done differently? How about in your relationship? 236 0 How do you feel about this whole interview process? 0 Any comment that you would like me to know? 5. When the research analysis is done, would you be willing to checking on the analysis and to provide me feedbacks? 237 Appendix 5: Research Participant Information and Consent Form You are being asked to participate in a research project. Researchers are required to provide a consent form to inform you about the study, to convey that participation is voluntary, to explain risks and benefits of participation, and to empower you to make an informed decision. You should feel free to ask the researchers any questions you may have. Study Title: Influence of Early Attachment on the Couple Relationship for Child Sexual Abuse Survivors and Their Partners Researcher and Title: Dr. Marsha Carolan, Ph. D; Ching-Ju Chen, M.S. Department and Institution: Department of Family and Child Ecology, Michigan State University Address: I3B Human Ecology Building, East Lansing, MI 48824 Telephone: 5 I 7-432-3327 A research project on “Influence of Early Attachment on the Couple Relationship for Child Sexual Abuse Survivors and Their Partners” is being conducted by Grace Chen, a Ph. D student in the Department of Family and Child Ecology at Michigan State University. This research aims to understand your relationship with your parents and your partner, and to explore the similarities or differences in these two relationships. From this study, the researcher hopes to learn how an early relationship such as the one between the parent and child may affect a current relationship such as the couple’s relationship. There will be 6-IO couples participate in this study. This study will have 3 stages that last over the course of 3 weeks. In the first stage, you are being asked to take part in a 60-90 minute interview process. The interview process will include questions about your relationship with your parents and important events in your development, and how those experiences make you feel about yourself. In the second stage, you will keep a diary for two weeks to journal the thoughts related to the individual interview questions. In the third stage, you and your partner will participate in a 60 to 90 minutes interview together. The interview process will include questions about your relationship with your partner, and how those experiences make you feel about yourself. The individual and couple interview will be video recorded and audio recorded for transcribing the interview. In the end of the study, 238 I will provide you with an overview of my findings and get your insights about the findings if you wish to share your thoughts with me. Potential benefits include the opportunity to gain understanding about yourself, your experiences with your parents, your experiences with your partner, and how your relationship with your parents might have influenced your current relationship with your partner. These understandings about you and your experiences in the relationships may provide you a chance to improve your relationship. Although, the nature of the interview is non-threatening, a perceived risk might be that you feel uncomfortable sharing your experiences in front of your partner and the researcher. You might also feel uncomfortable or stressful to hear your partner’s experiences about your relationship. The investigator will be sensitive and will not probe questions further if you are uncomfortable with them. Any personal information from this study will remain confidential. The researchers will protect your privacy to the greatest extent allowable by law. You will be assigned an identification code based on the pseudo-name that you would like to use, and your personal information will not be labeled on these tapes/transcripts. The identification code is the initial of the pseudo-name. During the interview process, this pseudo-name will be used throughout the interview process as well as be used in the transcripts. The video and audiotapes are used only for transcribing the interview and not for other purposes. After transcribing the interview, the audiotape, video tape, diary, and transcripts from each interview will be stored in individual box and locked in the cabinet in a university office. The transcripts will be saved in the computer with security code. Only my advisor and the researcher will have the security code to open the files. When the analysis is finished, all the files in the computer will be deleted permanently. Only my advisor, the researcher, and the University Institutional Review Board can request to access these tapes and the hard copies of the transcripts. The results of this study may be published or presented at professional meetings, but the identities of all research participants will remain anonymous. The study is strictly voluntary. Please be aware that you are not required to participate in any part of this research. You may choose not to respond to questions during the interview. You may discontinue your participation at any time without penalty except not getting incentives. You will receive a $l0 gift card for the participation in each research step with total of 239 $30 dollars. That is, you will receive a $10 gift card for participating in the individual interview, a $10 gift card for the diary, and a $l0 gift card for participating in the couple interview. Therefore, each individual partner will receive a total of $30 dollars for participating in the study if he/she decides to participate in all steps. That is, if you participated in the individual interview, but choosing not to participate in keeping the diary or couple interview, you would receive a 5 IO dollar gift card. If you participated in the individual interview and keeping your diary, but choosing not to participate in the couple interview, you would receive two 8 l0 dollar gift cards. If you have any questions about this study or concerns regarding the manner in which the study is conducted, please contact the faculty supervisor of this research project, Marsha Carolan at 517-432-3327 or Ching-Ju Chen at 5 I 7-444-I I32. If you have any questions about your role and rights as a research participant, or would like to register a complaint about this study, you may contact, anonymously if you wish, the Director of MSU‘s Human Research Protection Programs, Dr. Peter Vasilenko, at 5 I 7-355-2 I 80, FAX 5 I 7-432-4503, or e-mail irb@msu.edu. or regular mail at: 202 Olds Hall, MSU, East Lansing, MI 48824. You are deciding whether to participate. If you agree voluntarily, to participate in this research, please sign below. You may keep a copy of this consent form for your reference. The researchers will offer the finished study for you to read. Your signature below indicates your voluntary agreement to participate in this study. Participant Signature Date Investigator Signature Date 240 Appendix 6: Developmental Experiences within Couple Comparison Table 4-7. Developmental Experiences within Couple Comparison Couple I Developmental Stage Significant Events Brad Angie Early Childhood Parents jig/Hing I ’arents ' divorce Living anangement Pure/it .‘s'jightiug curriculum (playing football) by requesting him to work to sabotage his choices. Mother remarried but annulled the marriage Elementary Sexual abuse Sexual xlhuse School Birth ofyounger sister Recurring nightmares Father remarried Acting out sexual abuse in school Witnessing mother‘s domestic violence Middle School Father nut supportive to his a/Ierschool Puberty Parents not supportive to her alter school curriculum Parents ' divorce High School Substance abuse Dropping out ofschool Change aflerschool to curriculum to music and father did not support his decision Reveal his struggle to his father and father took out all his privilege and took out his anger on the younger sister by telling her that he was not her father. Substance abuse Sits/tentlet/from school Pregnant and Abortion Mother took out her anger due to divorce on her and her brother Father oflen lefl her and her brother unattended at home during weekend. Early Adulthood Leaving home town and moved to a new city with the help from afriend in order to change his life. linro/l into community college Living around with different people randomly with no purpose in life Arrested for DUI Leaving home town and moved to a new city with the help/rum older brother in order to change her we Ifnro/l into a communiti' college and transferred to a four—year University Current Life (jot accepted to transfer to a four-year Balancing school and parenting 241 L'nixersity Confronting perpetrator Couple 2 Developmental Significant Events Stage Don Rosie Early Childhood Expected to study hard but more interested Sexual abuse in working with hands. Mother did the Very close to her mother and discipline and made decisions regarding remembered her mother was always children attentive to her needs Father was more distant and in the Father was the disciplinary and a background stronger figure in the household. Elementary Having problems with authority; not Being bullied in school and mother School wanting to be told what to do went to school to talk to teacher about that Being very perfectionist in academic performance Anger outburst to sister’s children Had very good interpersonal relationship "Adolescence Expelled from middle school Substance abuse Listened to heavy metal music Grew long hairs Smoking and Drinking Dropped out of high school Started dating current partner Resolving problems with “authority” issues with his parents Started nor/ting and found his areas of interests Started his own business Disclose CSA to her parents Established her career goals Feeling triangulated by her parents Started dating current partner Early Adulthood Stab/ed his business and careers Broke up and got back with his current partner Got married Broke up and got back with her current partner Emotionally abused by ex-boyfriend More clear goals and choices and decided to study abroad 242 Got married Current Life Moving from home country to US due to wife’s decision to study abroad Losing his business Re-building selfidentity Balancing school and marriage Being able to make own decision without the influence from parents * Due to different school systems/names, the coding in couple 2 was coded adolescence stage, equivalent to the combination of middle school and high school years in the US system. Couple 3 Developmental Significant Events Stage Ned Elsa Early Childhood Angry and workaholic father Father verbally and physically abused Nurturing mother children Mother worked in the family owned store Cold/passive mother Older siblings, especially older sister took Onset of CSA care of him Mother pregnant with younger brother Had close relationship with younger sister and it was a hard pregnancy Witnessing father physical abuse to Being left alone at home in the night mother and the whole family went out for ice cream Elementary Father alcohol abuse Sister started to get very sick due to School rather physical abuse mother and juvenile diabetic, and mother stayed children in the hospital frequently I~ather threaten to kill the rest ofthe Mother started to work family Joining girl scout brperiencing somatic symptoms such as CSA continued throughout elementary headaches every Friday asjather alwavs school years abuse alcohol and physically abused (.‘SA experiences was brutal including mother during weekends threats, objects penetration, sexual Onset of panic attack experiments. tied up in the garage Older siblings ran away from home Sick a lot such as stomachaches, Beg mother to run away from father but headaches. mother making excuses for father Middle School Join choir and found somejoy in life Continued to be in girl scout and Thought that he wouldn't live very long because life was miserable hanged out with girls from girl scout Class clown 243 Tried to be perfect Suicide ideation Fear of dying with no one knew Self-hatred High School Father passed away (got mung/mm Suicide ideation father 's presence) Moving out of home to take care of Substance abuse brother’s wife from Thailand (got Oldest brother helped to raise him away fromfather '5 presence) Getting counseling from community mental health due to suicide ideation Became ("hristian under the influence o/‘her. friend Early Adulthood Going away for college Joint a religious group and met got married and divorced current spouse became a father Got married with current spouse and Re-connected with the church group. “the became a stepmother life his mother raised him in,” and met Older sister passed away current spouse there Became a mother Got married with current spouse Middle Struggled with depression and anxiety Experienced flashbacks, nightmares, Adulthood Starting therapy postpartum depression, anxiety. Both daughters got pregnant at teenage phobia, years Confronting father about C SA Father passed away Returning to school but cannot finish due to anxiety and depression Current Life Appreciation for his career Continuously facing depression and Learn to practice the attitude of gratitude anxiety philosophy Facing family financial difficulties Religion is important part in life Couple 4 Developmental Stage Significant Events Charlie Tracy Early Childhood Father s anger Mother '9 anger 244 Nurturing mothers Spending time to sing, read, and play with mothers (ircn' up in a rural environment and influenced his love for otttdoor world. Physical and emotional abuse by mother Father making excuses for mother Not allowed to have her own thing Reading and hide to escape into another world Irving to be perfect. good. not to make mistakes that would make her mother mad Elementary Shy in social Situation (jrcw up in a natural environment and School l'car ofmaking mistakes because did not influence her career decision want to make his parents yell and angrv Schools as refugee Called to the principal’s office for the first Brother sent to counseling due to and the only time in school from K to I2. mother’s physical abuse Got strength from friends in school Middle School Difficulty adjusting to the new school Reading books about slavery to learn because of new interpersonal relationship Uncomfortable feelings about interacting with opposite sex Participated in different afterschool curriculum such as play. band, and piano lessons how to cope with abusive environment Continued to get strength from friends and learned that there were different family dynamics High School Dating girls far away from hometown Quitting boy scout Continued to participated in band and play ”outing to leave hometown to see the world Started dating Join the band and playing Flute in the band Onset of eating disorder Continued to get strength from friends Influenced by significant adults and wanting to leave homeIm-vn to see the H' or/d Early Adulthood Left hometown/Or college Chose the university that his girlfriend went Left college to California to learn to play music Lejt hometown for college Left US to study abroad. Started counseling Left (ES to Scotland and got married there ( 'ame home and broke up with girlfriend Girlfriend got pregnant and got married Divorced when the second child was young Had the third child with current partner DV in the first marriage Went back to school and made career decision into field related to Nature Come back to US Continue having eating disorder Middle N/A Received therapy Adulthood Divorced the first husband Pursing education in Environment/Nature Met current partner and became a mother Current Life Planning on going back to school Trying to balance relationship, school, Difficulties in co-parenting relationship and being a mother & step-mother with ex-wife Continue to receive therapy Receiving therapy Couple 5 Developmental Stage Significant Events Larry Mary Early Childhood Parents 'divorce Father .‘s distance .‘l-Iother Is moving around Took speech class in kindergarten Parents ' Divorce at 2 ll loving around with ntother Onset of C SA Didn 't have memories aboutjati'ter Mother went back to school. Mother had mood swings Mother used Marijuana Elementary School C SA Mother continued to move around Mother had different boyfriends came and go Went to elementary school a year late due to system change and being held back for another year due to poor academic performance Difficulties in learning and in interpersonal relationships in school Mother‘s boyfriend got married but continued to be in their life illother continued to move around Mother ignored her when her boyfriend came to visit. Sexually acting out on other children 246 Being bullied by other kids in school due to parents’ divorce Anger outburst in school and referred to anger management class Distant relationship with father Stepmother physically abused him and sister; and mother reported to protective services .lloved tn withfitther in thefifth grade and stopped to move around with his mother Middle School Lived with father Mother moved away from Joined boy scout mid-Michigan area to be closer to her Grades improved boyfriend .lfother stopped to move around at 6’” grade Adjusting into new school Mother’s boyfriend tried to rape her High School Moved back with mother in 10“1 grade due Sexually acting out to father moved away {l loved in and out it ill; one «it the Hot ed in ll ith a friend \ tanult‘ in order to adult hot trtciul lt ho was more than ltt go hack to the old \t‘ilinil district and it ttl',\ older than luv to tijl to leave .mam tit-uni" tron: part his her mother One credit short to finish high school and took adult education class to get her diploma Early Adulthood Moved out o/‘tlttetzigan to go to school Met the first son’s father, moved in and moved back to Michigan after finished school Met current partner and moved in with her and her mother Moved out from current spouse‘s mother and got married with him, move out of Michigan and moved back domestic violence, moved back with mother Met current partner, partner moved in with them, got pregnant with the second child, and moved out from her mother’s place Found her mother molested her two older children and got a restraining 247 order Current Life Struggle financially Receiving therapy for CSA and was Struggle with partner’s CSA recovery diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder Struggle financially Couple 6 Developmental Significant Events Stage Bill Adele Early Childhood Adored father Father controlled mother Mother tried to take children and ran away from father Father was controlling and decision maker in the family Lots of family events Elementary Father and mother broke up Father was the rein/twee discipliner School Father went back to his wife .\ [other was more linear Moved in with father Onset of CSA [rather was the discipliner to a point One of the cousin was molested with where he was verbally and physically her abusive, especially when he did not Broke arms perform well in school Playing clarinet in school Stepmother was the primal)" caregiver and was more linear Mother moved around and would be with mother only during summer times; mother was also linear in the discipline ll itnessedfather phvsicallt altused ste/unother Difficulty in school and being held back for several times Middle School Father and stepmother got divorce Afraid of male teacher and older Moved in with mother males Started working ll itnt-zssing father emotionallv Onset of substance abuse controlled mother High School Dropped out from high school due to bad Younger sister raped by coach performance and absence Started working & emancipated from his Revealed CSA to sister in order to help sister talk 248 _ famil v Reveal CSA to parents Accused lying about CSA from extended family members Asked to leave the family because of accusing her step-grandfather Went through different independent living program & emancipated from herfamily Early Adulthood Lt—wife got pregnant when he was 19. and Go! pregnant. moved in with son s decided to get married father at age 19 Ex-wife cheated with his uncle Son‘s father was incarcerated Continued to abuse illegal drugs Moved out of hometown with son and Divorced ex-wife moved current place for a change Lefi hometown for substance treatment, Suicide attempts and hospitalized went back. and relapse Started counseling Left hometown for substance abuse Mother passed away treatment again and decided not to move Had second child back again. ‘ Met current partner, got engaged, and Met current partner, moved in together, had third child and had a child together Current Life In training to get his GED and license for Re-built relationship with father and truck driving siblings Struggling with CSA impact Red = some significant events happened in the same stage ls’ltte — some significant events happened in the different stage (tt't't'll 249 similar significant events happened in the some stage REFERENCES 250 REFERENCES Adam, K. 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