WOMEN OF ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE AND MISCARRIAGE: AN EXAMINATION
OF THE ESSENCE OF THE EXPERIENCE
By
Rebecca Jean Wright

A DISSERTATION
Submitted to
Michigan State University
in partial fulfillment of the requirements
for the degree of
Human Development and Family Studies – Doctor of Philosophy
2013

ABSTRACT
WOMEN OF ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE AND MISCARRIAGE: AN EXAMINATION
OF THE ESSENCE OF THE EXPERIENCE
By
Rebecca Jean Wright
It is estimated that one in four of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in miscarriage
(Lerner, 2003; Rai & Regan, 2006). The medical community considers miscarriage to be the
most common complication of pregnancy (Rai & Regan, 2006). Today, more women are
choosing to delay childbearing (Mathews & Hamilton, 2009) and the risk of miscarriage
increases with maternal age (Balasch & Gratacos, 2011; Garmel, 2002). Although it has been
well documented that miscarriage is a relatively common pregnancy outcome and more likely to
happen among women aged 35 years and older, very little research has been conducted on the
quality of such a lived experience. Given that, this qualitative study explores the essence of the
experience of miscarriage among women aged 35 years and older. Concepts from Ambiguous
Loss Theory and Feminist Theory guide this study, with the Human Ecological Model situating
the experience within various levels of context. A Transcendental Phenomenological approach,
as specified by Moustakas (1994) is utilized to analyze the content of 10 in-depth participant
interviews. The salient themes identified suggest that women experience miscarriage from a
physical, emotional, temporal and social context. From these themes of experience, the essence
of miscarriage for the participants in this study were found to be 1) physically experiencing
intense loss and grief, 2) having a sense of otherness, 3) a continuous search for meaning and 4)
feelings of regret and self-blame. Clinical implications are provided, as well as future research
directions as pertaining to the phenomena and limitations to this study.

Copyright by
REBECCA JEAN WRIGHT
2013

DEDICATION
This dissertation is dedicated to my two sons,
Elliott and Phillip,
and to my husband, Jason.

iv

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Leaving a successful career in the biotech industry to pursue a career in family science
and family therapy, while at that same time starting my own family, has been the biggest
challenge of my life. Coming from the east coast, Michigan State University seemed the most
unlikely of options, yet proved to be the best choice. The Human Development and Family
Studies department provided me an exemplary academic environment and a strong system of
support, for which I am very grateful. I would like to acknowledge and to thank all of those who
have influenced me and my challenging academic journey.
I especially want to thank my dissertation advisor, Dr. Marsha Carolan. Without her
support, encouragement and guidance, this research would not have been possible. Her influence,
both personally and academically, has played a significant role in my development as a scholar, a
therapist, and as a mother. Special thanks go to my other committee members, Dr. Barbara
Ames, Dr. Deborah Johnson and Dr. Elaine Yakura. Each has contributed positively to my
overall experience. Dr. Ames, thank you for extensively editing my work. Your attention to
detail and editing expertise is something to admire. You have made me a much better writer. Dr.
Johnson, thank you for always bringing the humor, while simultaneously demanding research
rigor. You have made me a better researcher. Dr. Yakura, thank you for bringing an outsider and
global perspective to my work. Your endless encouragement of me and my work has made me a
stronger student and has allowed me to believe in the value of my future contributions to the
field.
I must thank my sister, Michelle Auffarth, for her sustained influence for all my life. She
served as my grief therapist during my own miscarriage experience. I can sometimes get mired

v

down in the grim realities of my research and clinical interests, but my sister and her family of
six wonderful children is the face of hope. My sister has modeled for me family resilience and
cohesion, the meaning of “good mothering,” and together we have set the highest standard of
sibling love and friendship. Her encouragement of my academic pursuits has meant the world to
me. I also want to thank my mother-in-law, Ruth Anderson for her endless encouragement and
tireless efforts to support me by providing the best quality childcare available! Without her
provision of care for my children when I had to be away, none of this would have been possible.
To Amy Maffeo and Dr. Kayla Katterman, thanks for the years of friendship and for all the spirit
lifting.
Few words can describe the love and appreciation that I feel for my husband, Jason. He
has provided so much love, support, and encouragement throughout our time together. He is an
amazing husband and a loving father to our two sons, and for that, I am so very thankful. To my
sons, Elliott and Phillip, you both are my inspiration. You each have served as little reminders to
me that I could not give up. You boys are the essence of my life story. Being your mother has
been my greatest honor and achievement. And to the baby in between, the one who was, and then
suddenly was not, you broke my heart and opened it up to be filled with the love of my rainbow
baby Phillip, who would not be if you had not been.
Finally, I would like to thank the 10 women who participated in this study and shared
their story of miscarriage with me. Your unique contributions to this work make it as much yours
as it is mine. I hope that I have done well in attempting to capture your voice and to tell your
story. Each of you has an important narrative to share with the social and academic world.

vi

TABLE OF CONTENTS

LIST OF TABLES ................................................................................................................................ xi
LIST OF FIGURES ............................................................................................................................. xii
Chapter One: Introduction .............................................................................................................. 1
Significance .................................................................................................................................. 1
Miscarriage and Women 35+ .................................................................................................. 1
Purpose of Study ......................................................................................................................... 3
Background of Theoretical Constructs Regarding Motherhood and Miscarriage ...................... 3
Clarifying Motherhood ............................................................................................................ 3
Motherhood as a Developmental Stage and Social Role ........................................................ 4
Delayed Motherhood .................................................................................................................. 5
Pregnancy and Miscarriage ......................................................................................................... 7
Pregnancy Rates ...................................................................................................................... 8
Miscarriage Types.................................................................................................................... 9
Miscarriage Rates and Risks .................................................................................................. 11
Theoretical Frameworks............................................................................................................ 14
Ambiguous Loss Theory ......................................................................................................... 14
Feminist Theory ..................................................................................................................... 15
Human Ecological Theory ...................................................................................................... 16
Combined Conceptual and Theoretical Map ............................................................................ 18
Research Questions ................................................................................................................... 20
Chapter Two: Literature Review ................................................................................................... 23
Ambiguous Losses with Miscarriage ......................................................................................... 23
Cultural Context ........................................................................................................................ 24
Unresolved Social Role ........................................................................................................... 24
Social Context ............................................................................................................................ 25
Loss of Social and Personal Status of Mother-to-Be.............................................................. 25
Relational Context ..................................................................................................................... 26
Ambivalence Towards Pregnant Others ................................................................................ 26
Individual Context ..................................................................................................................... 27
Unclear Cause of Miscarriage ................................................................................................ 27
Unresolved Meaning Making ................................................................................................ 27
Loss of Attachment to Wished-for-Child................................................................................ 28
Temporal Contexts .................................................................................................................... 29
Loss of Biologically Optimal Reproductive Years ................................................................... 29
Ambivalence toward Future Pregnancies (Hope – No Hope) ................................................ 30
Feminist Perspectives and Miscarriage ..................................................................................... 31
Cultural Contexts ....................................................................................................................... 31
vii

Motherhood Myths ................................................................................................................ 31
Motherhood Mandates ......................................................................................................... 32
Motherhood Tax .................................................................................................................... 33
Medicalization of Women’s Bodies and of Miscarriage ........................................................ 33
Social Contexts .......................................................................................................................... 34
Societal Silencing and Disenfranchisement of Grief with Miscarriage .................................. 34
Politicization of Miscarriage .................................................................................................. 37
Relational Contexts ................................................................................................................... 38
Lacking Acknowledgement of the Loss from Family, Friends and Co-workers...................... 38
Individual Contexts .................................................................................................................... 39
Self-blaming ........................................................................................................................... 39
Temporal Contexts .................................................................................................................... 40
Miscarrying at an Advanced Maternal Age versus at a Younger Maternal Age ................... 40
Summary ................................................................................................................................... 41
Chapter Three: Research Methods ............................................................................................... 42
Rationale for Qualitative Methodology .................................................................................... 42
Phenomenology ........................................................................................................................ 43
Sampling Procedures ................................................................................................................. 44
Participant Recruitment and Selection Criteria ..................................................................... 44
Sample Description ................................................................................................................... 47
Method of Inquiry ..................................................................................................................... 49
Phenomenological Researcher as Instrument and the Use of Epoche .................................. 49
Feminist Fieldworker ................................................................................................................. 49
In-depth Interviews ................................................................................................................ 50
Interview Process ................................................................................................................... 50
Ecomap .................................................................................................................................. 52
Demographic Questionnaire.................................................................................................. 53
Data Analysis ............................................................................................................................. 53
Trustworthiness......................................................................................................................... 57
Initial Researcher Reflexivity ................................................................................................. 60
Chapter Four: Analysis and Findings ............................................................................................. 62
Primary Themes from the Findings ........................................................................................... 64
The Four Primary Themes and the Clustered Meaning Units ................................................... 65
Theme One – Physical Context of Experience........................................................................... 65
Unexpected Nature of Experience ......................................................................................... 65
Corporeal Experience ............................................................................................................. 68
Issues Related to Infertility .................................................................................................... 69
Theme Two – Emotional Context of Experience ....................................................................... 70
Feelings of Grief and Loss ...................................................................................................... 71
Meaning of Pregnancy .......................................................................................................... 72
Meaning of Motherhood ....................................................................................................... 73
Meaning of Miscarriage ........................................................................................................ 74

viii

Attachment to the Would-Be-Child ....................................................................................... 76
Oscillation Between Having Hope and No Hope ................................................................... 76
Religious – Spiritual Aspect of Coping ................................................................................... 78
Woman’s Intuition ................................................................................................................. 79
Memories and Triggers .......................................................................................................... 81
Regrets and Self-Blame ......................................................................................................... 82
Theme Three – Temporal Context of Experience ..................................................................... 87
Age Specific Influence ............................................................................................................ 87
Influence of Previous Losses .................................................................................................. 89
Timing of Pregnancy Announcement .................................................................................... 89
Loss of Mother-To-Be Status ................................................................................................. 91
Influence of Time Pass on Experience .................................................................................... 91
Theme Four – Social Context of Experience.............................................................................. 92
Significance of Family and Friends ........................................................................................ 93
Experience Having an Influence on Relationships with Others ............................................. 93
Influence of Medical Community ........................................................................................... 94
Emotional Support Seeking Behavior .................................................................................... 95
Gendered Differences with Grief and Loss Experience .......................................................... 96
Textural Descriptions................................................................................................................. 97
Participant 1 – “Stacey”......................................................................................................... 97
Participant 2 – “Joni” ............................................................................................................. 98
Participant 3 – “Penny” ......................................................................................................... 99
Participant 4 – “Rachele” ...................................................................................................... 99
Participant 5 – “Sharon” ...................................................................................................... 100
Participant 6 – “Geri” .......................................................................................................... 101
Participant 7 – “Carmen”..................................................................................................... 102
Participant 8 – “Teri” ........................................................................................................... 102
Participant 9 – “Lacey” ........................................................................................................ 103
Participant 10 – “Pamela” ................................................................................................... 104
Structural Descriptions ............................................................................................................ 104
Participant 1 – “Stacey”....................................................................................................... 105
Participant 2 – “Joni” ........................................................................................................... 106
Participant 3 – “Penny” ....................................................................................................... 106
Participant 4 – “Rachele” .................................................................................................... 107
Participant 5 – “Sharon” ...................................................................................................... 108
Participant 6 – “Geri” .......................................................................................................... 109
Participant 7 – “Carmen”..................................................................................................... 109
Participant 8 – “Teri” ........................................................................................................... 110
Participant 9 – “Lacey” ........................................................................................................ 111
Participant 10 – “Pamela” ................................................................................................... 111
Synthesized Composite Textural and Structural Descriptions ................................................ 112
Essence ................................................................................................................................ 112

ix

Chapter Five: Discussion ............................................................................................................. 115
Research Study Summary ........................................................................................................ 115
Conceptual Model of the Findings .......................................................................................... 118
Relating Study Findings to Extant Literature ........................................................................... 123
Essential Element One: Physical Grief and Loss .................................................................. 124
Essential Element Two: Sense of Otherness ........................................................................ 125
Essential Element Three: Continuous Search for Meaning after the Loss ........................... 126
Essential Element Four: Feelings of Regret and Self-Blame ............................................... 129
Study Limitations ..................................................................................................................... 130
Clinical Implications of the Study ............................................................................................ 133
Future Research ...................................................................................................................... 137
Final Researcher Reflexivity .................................................................................................... 139
Conclusions.............................................................................................................................. 140
APPENDICES ................................................................................................................................ 142
Appendix A – Recruitment Flyer ............................................................................................. 143
Appendix B – Informed Consent Form .................................................................................... 144
Appendix C – Demographic questionnaire.............................................................................. 148
Appendix D – Interview Guide ................................................................................................ 150
Appendix E – Ecomap Activity ................................................................................................. 151
Appendix F – Audit Log ............................................................................................................ 153
BIBLIOGRAPHY ............................................................................................................................ 157

x

LIST OF TABLES

Table 1.1 Distribution of Births by Maternal Age and Race/Ethnicity ............................................ 6
Table 1.2 Risk of Miscarriage by Age ............................................................................................ 12
Table 1.3 Research Question, Goals and Concepts ....................................................................... 22
Table 3.1 Participant Demographic Overview .............................................................................. 48
Table 3.2 Interview Areas of Inquiry ............................................................................................. 52
Table 4.1 Participant Pregnancy History Overview ...................................................................... 63
Table 4.2 Meaning Units Clustered by Themes ............................................................................. 64
Table 5.1 Relating Theory, Essence, Theme and Meaning Unit .................................................. 120
Table F.1 Audit Log...................................................................................................................... 153

xi

LIST OF FIGURES

Figure 1.1 Combined Conceptual and Theoretical Map................................................................ 20
Figure 3.1 Data Analysis Flow Chart ............................................................................................. 56
Figure 5.1 Conceptual Model of the Study Findings ................................................................... 123
Figure E.1 Ecomap....................................................................................................................... 152

xii

Chapter One: Introduction
It is estimated that one in four of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in
miscarriage (Lerner, 2003; Rai & Regan, 2006). With women having a 25% risk of experiencing
a miscarriage, the medical community considers miscarriage to be the most common
complication of pregnancy (Rai & Regan, 2006). The overall rate of miscarriage is influenced by
biological factors but also by the changing reproductive behaviors in our society. Increasingly,
women are choosing to delay childbearing (Dobrzykowski & Stern, 2003), and the risk of
miscarriage increases with maternal age (Garmel, 2002). With the risk of miscarriage increasing
with age and the increasing trend of delayed childbearing, there is a growing segment of the
population who will likely experience a miscarriage. The many contextual issues characteristic
of miscarriage make it a distinctive loss experience. Furthermore, women of advanced maternal
age (AMA) who miscarry confront challenges unique to their maternal age. Thus, the population
of women over 35 years of age who have suffered a miscarriage is ripe for the qualitative
exploration of their experience. The experience of miscarriage in the later maternal years has
important family life and clinical implications.
Significance
Miscarriage and Women 35+
Although the trend of delayed childbearing and the general risks and rates of miscarriage
have been studied extensively, the lived experience of women who miscarry at an AMA has yet
to be well studied. There is research from the medical community from the perspective of a
miscarriage being a bodily, biological issue. Yet the context of the loss(es) intrinsic to
miscarriage at an AMA is missing from the literature. With more and more women choosing

1

later motherhood, this phenomenon is on the rise. Thus, a more complete and qualitative
consideration of woman’s experience of miscarriage at an AMA is appropriate.
Among many other studies highlighting the increased risks of miscarriage with increasing
age, Liu and Case (2011) sought to improve awareness of the natural age-related decline in
fertility and increased risk of miscarriage. Liu and Case quantitatively documented the reality of
ovarian reserve decline and reduced fertility over the reproductive years. The Liu and Case study
documents the risks of miscarriage and lowered fertility from a biological standpoint but does
not explore the qualitative and personal experience of running out of biologically optimal
reproductive years with the increasing risk of miscarriage. Beyond making women aware of
these stark clinical findings regarding fertility and miscarriage, there is a necessity to explore the
nature of women’s experience of becoming keenly aware of the natural age-related experience of
lowered fertility and increased risk of miscarriage.
Shreffler, Greil and McQuillan (2011) published a quantitative study in Family Relations
reporting on women’s general distress level following pregnancy loss. The Shreffler et al. study
gives voice to the distress women experience following a miscarriage, but the study takes a very
broad look at distress following miscarriage, using only quantitative grief scales to measure level
of distress. Further, with a wide participant age range (25-45 years), the study lacks distress
differentiation based on the participants’ fertility context, including age. This study reinforces the
necessity for age-specific, qualitative exploration of the experience of miscarriage.
One recent qualitative inquiry into perinatal loss, parental grief, ambiguity and
disenfranchisement of such grief gave visibility to parental grief after a perinatal loss (Lang,
Fleiszer, Duhamel, Sword, Gilbert & Corsini-Munt, 2011). This study is not particularly
differentiated by the form of loss (i.e. includes perinatal death and stillbirth, along with

2

miscarriage), nor gender or age of participants. A qualitative study of miscarriage with an
emphasis on participant age and other contextual factors could inform a more comprehensive
approach for medical and mental health clinicians who treat women of advance maternal age
who experience a miscarriage.
Purpose of Study
The purpose of this qualitative study is to contribute to the body of literature on
miscarriage. Particularly, this study addresses some of the missing aspects of the current body of
literature on miscarriage, including AMA, the ambiguity in loss, and the contextual experience of
women, with a feminist informed critical lens of that experience. This study seeks to capture the
lived experience of miscarriage at an AMA.
Background of Theoretical Constructs Regarding Motherhood and Miscarriage
Clarifying Motherhood
Significant attention has been paid to mothers by social researchers in an attempt to gain
some insight into the complexities of motherhood and mothering (Arendell, 2000). Mothers, of
varying demographic backgrounds, have been studied in a multitude of settings, circumstances
and contexts (Arendell, 2000). A great deal of the scholarship devoted to the study of mothering
presents motherhood as a normative, female role. However, to classify motherhood as a role
sparks some controversy from feminist scholars who feel that defining motherhood as a role
minimizes and narrows motherhood (Chrisler, 2004; Osmond & Thorne, 2009). Some scholars
prefer the notion of motherhood as an experience or an activity (Osmond & Thorne, 2009). For
the purposes of this study, motherhood will be considered as a social role, a social and personal
status and a component of women’s development.

3

Motherhood as a Developmental Stage and Social Role
From a developmental standpoint, entering into motherhood and being successful at
mothering can represent competency in meeting the core tasks associated with what Erik Erikson
(1994) termed the generativity phase of adult development. Motherhood also can represent a
separation and individuation from one’s own mother and ultimately marks entrance into
adulthood (Erikson, 1994). For many women, passage through and into each new developmental
stage is a driving force for becoming a mother, at various chronological (Erikson, 1994; Leon,
1990). For those women desiring biological children, pregnancy is vital to entering into the
developmental stage of motherhood (Low, Hazel, Parker, and Welch, 2008; McGoldrick, 1999).
Becoming a mother and caring for others is a major life transition that causes a shift and an
enhancement in the set of beliefs and knowledge we have about ourselves. (Lemme, 2006).
Bandura (1997) suggested that success in the role of nurturing others and various other problemsolving roles promotes self-esteem and self-efficiency, creating an enrichment of the self.
A social role is defined as a set of activities and relationships expected of an individual
who holds a particular social position, and expectations of others in relation to the individual
(Lemme, 2006). Social roles change over the course of life, and are especially influenced by age
(Neugarten & Neugarten, 1996). There is a time to be a child, a time to be a student, a time to be
a wife. Motherhood is also a social role. With it, the role of motherhood brings expectations
regarding women’s behavior, attitude and feelings towards themselves as mother and towards
their child(ren) (Chodorow, 1978; Lemme, 2006). Motherhood as a social role creates a sense of
belonging and engaging in similar behaviors and sharing similar attitudes and feelings with those
within the group (Arendell, 2000). Inclusion into the normative social role of motherhood
engenders a sense of belonging to a socially accepted and glorified positionality (Chrisler, 2004,

4

Lemme, 2006). The experience of what it means to be female is shaped by gendered and social
roles, such as motherhood (Osmond & Thorne, 2009; McGoldrick, Anderson, and Walsh, 1991).
Delayed Motherhood
Women’s choosing to delay motherhood is a family trend which has been on the rise
since the late 1970’s (Hamilton, Martin, and Ventura, 2011; Hewlett, 2002). Two decades ago,
there were more mothers of newborns in their teens than mothers of newborns who were aged 35
years and older. Today, the trend is reversed (Hamilton, Mathews, and Ventura, 2013). The birth
rate for women aged 35-39 years was 45.9 births per 1,000 women in 2010, an increase of 15.6%
since 2000. In 2010, the birth rate for women aged 40-44 years was 10.2 births per 1,000 women,
an increase of 27.5% since 2000. The rate for women aged 45-49 years (which includes births to
women aged 50 years and over) was 0.7 births per 1,000 women in 2010, an increase of 40%
since 2000. To give these birth rates by age group perspective, consider that the general birth rate
(GBR) for 2010 was 64.1 births per 1,000 women age 15-44 years (Hamilton et al., 2011). The
average age of first-time mothers increased 3.6 years from 1970 to 2006, from 21.4 to 25.0 years
(Mathews & Hamilton, 2009). Although more women are choosing to delay motherhood until 35
years of age and older, most Americans today consider a normative and ideal time to start a
family as occurring sometime within a women’s twenties (Dobrzykowski & Stern, 2003; Tough,
Benzies, Fraser-Lee, and Newburn-Cook, 2007).
The increase in births to older mothers has been linked to the rising level of women’s
education attainment and the confounding effect of those women subsequently postponing
marriage. Therefore, it is often suggested that postponement of motherhood is correlated to
socioeconomic status (Wu & Macneill, 2002). Although the broad trend of later motherhood is
characteristic of all major U.S. racial and ethnic groups, Caucasian women and women of Asian

5

and/or Pacific Islander descent represent the largest proportion of women delaying entrance into
motherhood (Livingston & Cohn, 2010). The data that indicate the increased proportion of
Caucasian and Asian and/or Pacific Islander representing those women choosing to delay
motherhood are shown in tabular form below:
Table 1.1 Distribution of Births by Maternal Age and Race/Ethnicity
Race/Ethnicity

Distribution of Births by Maternal Age and Race/Ethnicity, 2009
Percent
Percent
Percent
Percent
Percent
Percent
of
of
of
of
of
of
Births:
Births:
Births:
Births:
Births:
Births:
Under 18 18-19
20-24
25-29
30-34
35-39
Years
Years
Years
Years
Years
Years

Total
Non-Hispanic
White

3.1
1.9

6.9
5.4

24.4
22.2

28.2
29.7

23.1
25.5

11.5
12.3

Percent
of
Births:
40 Years
and
Older
2.8
3

Non-Hispanic
Black

5.5

11

31.8

25.1

16.2

8.2

2.2

Hispanic
American
Indian/Alaska
Native**

5
5.7

8.8
11.6

27.5
33.4

27.1
26

19.6
15.2

9.7
6.6

2.3
1.6

Asian or
Pacific
Islander**†

0.8

2

11.7

28.1

34

19.2

4.2

**May include Hispanics. †Separate estimates were not available for Asians and Native
Hawaiians and Other Pacific Islanders.
Martin, J., Hamilton, B., Ventura, S., Osterman, M., Kirmeyer, S., Mathews, T., & Wilson, E.
(2011). Births: Final data for 2009. National Vital Statistics Reports, 60(1), 1-42.
During Bernice Neugarten’s many years of studying adult development and the timing of
life events, she developed several terms and concepts which can be applied to the phenomenon
of delayed motherhood. Terms such as: the fluid life cycle – a blurring of the traditional age
divisions in the life cycle, the social age clock – an internalized social calendar which informs us

6

of when in our lives we should being doing things, and the concept of an on-time or off-time life
event – events happening at the expected time or events happening earlier or later than normally
expected, are phrases used to describe adult development (Neugarten & Neugarten, 1996).
Currently, age 25 is the average age of first birth, such that those women choosing to delay
motherhood until age 35 years of age and older are mothering at an off-time age (Martinez,
Daniels, & Chandra, 2012)
The timing of the transition into motherhood is influenced by a variety of ontogenetic
factors (Bergston & Allen, 2009). Bergston and Allen define ontogenetic factors as those
influences affecting individuals over the course of their lifetime. Those most widely noted
ontogenetic factors influencing women’s delay of motherhood are career and economic
development, along with a delay in timing of first marriage (Gangl & Ziefle, 2009; Garrison,
Blalock, Zarski, and Marritt, 1997). Considering the concept of the social clock and the
importance of timing transitional life events with the fluidity of the life cycle along with an ageirrelevant attitude, various contextual factors influence women’s choices regarding entrance into
motherhood (Arendell, 2000; Gregory, 2007; Hewlett, 2002).
Pregnancy and Miscarriage
Before further discussion regarding AMA and the experience of miscarriage, it is helpful
to review the statistics for the overall rates of pregnancy, estimated rates of miscarriage, and
definitional information regarding miscarriage typology and general risk factors associated with
miscarriage. Also necessary is a cautionary word about the difference between rates and risks, as
the terms are often used interchangeably. A rate is the measured occurrence of some
phenomenon or event over a defined time period. Rates are sometimes more challenging to
establish since a rate measurement requires data regarding some larger “total” population. For

7

example, a true rate of miscarriage would require data gathering of the total number of women
who experience a miscarriage as compared to the total population of pregnant women, at various
time intervals, e.g. woman’s age or weeks of gestation. In contrast, the term “risk” is a statement
of probability; the chance a woman has of experiencing a miscarriage during all of her
reproductive years. Risks can be stated more generally, while rates often inform factors of risk.
Pregnancy Rates
The National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG) is a databank that is part of the National
Center for Health Statistics (NCHS) which provides statistical information regarding the health
of the general U.S. population. The NCHS operates within the Centers for Disease Control
(CDC), which is an organization within the larger governmental agency, the U.S. Department of
Health and Human Services (DHHS). The NSFG gathers information on family life, marriage
and divorce, pregnancy, infertility, use of contraception, and men's and women's health. The
NSFG survey results are used by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (and
others) to plan health services and health education programs and to do statistical studies of
families, fertility, and health. The NSFG obtains information specific to factors affecting birth
and pregnancy rates, adoptions, and maternal and infant health, and supplements the information
obtained on birth certificates collected through the National Vital Statistics System. Using the
NSFG data, some general statements about the estimated rates at which women become pregnant
and the rate at which women subsequently miscarry can be made.
Based on the NSFG report of fertility, the pregnancy rate for women aged 35-39 was 78.5
per 1,000 women in the U.S. in 2008. The pregnancy rate for the oldest women in the report,
those aged 40-44, was 18.8 per 1,000 women in 2008, and the rate for this age group has steadily
increased since 1991 (Martinez et al., 2012; Ventura, Curtin, and Abma, 2012). All estimates in

8

the NSFG report were weighted to reflect the approximate 62 million men and women aged 1544 in the household population of the U.S. These estimates represent fertility rates and differ
from birth rates.
Overall, 65% of reported pregnancies ended in a live birth in 2008, 18 % in elective (or
induced) abortion, and 17% in fetal loss (Martinez et al., 2012). These patterns in pregnancy
outcomes have changed only slightly since 1990. The proportion of pregnancies ending in fetal
loss was 17% in 2008 compared with 15% in 1990 (Martinez et al., 2012; Ventura et al., 2012).
Pregnancies among women in their late 20’s and early 30’s are more likely to end in live birth
(about 70%) than for younger and older women (Martinez et al., 2012). These statistical
estimates of U.S. women’s fertility lend support to the generally accepted notion that
reproductive behavior has changed over the past several decades. Motherhood, as a choice, is
still very popular, and the trend of delaying motherhood into the later reproductive years (i.e. mid
30’s and beyond) continues to be on the rise (Garrison et al., 1997).
Miscarriage Types
A presentation of some basic information regarding definitions, rates and risks of
miscarriage is requisite for understanding miscarriage as a common complication of pregnancy.
As previously mentioned, miscarriage is the most common complication of pregnancy (Garmel,
2002; Rai & Regan, 2006). Miscarriage, generally, is defined as any pregnancy loss that ends of
its own doing, within the first 20 weeks of gestation (Lerner, 2003). The vast majority of
miscarriages are thought to be due to chromosomal abnormalities with the fertilized egg
(Garmel, 2002; Lerner, 2003).
Miscarriages are termed early (within the first 13 weeks of gestation) or late (occurring
between the 13th and 20th week of gestation) (Garmel, 2002). When considering biological

9

causes of miscarriage, the terms chemical pregnancy, molar pregnancy, ectopic pregnancy and a
blighted ovum are grouped as some of the typical forms of miscarriage (Garmel, 2002; Lerner,
2003).
A chemical pregnancy is a pregnancy lost shortly after implantation when there is barely
enough pregnancy hormone (hCG human chorionic gonadotropin) generated by the fertilized egg
to register a positive result on a pregnancy test. In this case the pregnancy quickly ends and is
followed by heavy bleeding near or around the time of the expected menstrual cycle (Garmel,
2002; Lerner, 2003). Chemical pregnancies sometimes account for the inflated estimates of
miscarriage, those projected estimates which include the non-clinically recognized pregnancies
(Lerner, 2003).
A molar pregnancy is categorized as either a complete or a partial molar pregnancy
(Garmel, 2002; Lerner, 2003). A complete molar pregnancy is the result of a genetic error during
fertilization of the egg and results in abnormal tissue development (Garmel, 2002; Lerner, 2003).
With a complete molar pregnancy only the placental parts (no embryo) develop from a fertilized
but empty egg. The placenta grows and produces hCG but ultimately the pregnancy will end on
its own and the uterus will spontaneously expel the tissue. A partial molar pregnancy occurs
when the fertilized egg contains abnormal cells as well as a defective embryo (Garmel, 2002;
Lerner, 2003). With a partial molar pregnancy the defective embryo will eventually be engulfed
by the abnormal mass of cells and the pregnancy will terminate (Garmel, 2002; Lerner, 2003).
An ectopic pregnancy occurs when a fertilized egg attaches in any place other than inside
the uterus, most commonly inside the fallopian tube. As the pregnancy develops, the fallopian
tube is not able to support the developing embryo and usually ruptures if the tubal pregnancy is
not first detected by a physician and terminated with drug therapy (Lerner, 2003).

10

Finally, a blighted ovum is a form of miscarriage characterized by a fertilized egg
attaching to the uterine wall without an embryo developing (Garmel, 2002; Lerner, 2003). Only
an empty fetal sac develops. A blighted ovum typically presents much like a chemical
pregnancy, it is short lived and the woman’s body naturally miscarries and expels the materials
in the form of a heavy, and sometimes slightly delayed menstrual cycle (Garmel, 2002).
Miscarriage Rates and Risks
Miscarriages are spontaneous, frequent and normative reproductive events – though
extremely disappointing and sad events (Lerner, 2003). The rate of miscarriage is sometimes
categorized as an overall rate for all clinically recognized pregnancies or delineated by age
cohort and various other pregnancy contexts (e.g. rate of recurrent miscarriage, rate of
miscarriage with the use of artificial reproductive technologies). When taken by age group,
women 20 years of age have a 10% risk of miscarrying, whereas women 35 years of age have an
approximate 25% risk of miscarrying, and the rate increases dramatically after age 40, whereby
women 45 years of age and older have a 75% risk of miscarrying (Anderson, Wohlfahrt,
Christens, Olsen, and Melbye, 2000; Heffner, 2004). These data depicted in the table below
(Table 1.2) show the enormous jump and disparity in the risk for miscarriage among women
aged 40 years and over.

11

Table 1.2 Risk of Miscarriage by Age
For interpretation of the references to color in this and all other figures, the reader is referred to
the electronic version of this dissertation.
80
70
60
50
40
30
20
10

0
20 Years of 30 Years of 35 Years of 40 Years of
Age
Age
Age
Age

45 Years of
Age and
Over

The risk factors associated with miscarriage are varied (Garmel, 2002). There is general
consensus within the medical community that the majority of miscarriages are due to a
chromosomal abnormality, i.e. a chromosomal mis-combination (Lerner, 2003). Just as
motherhood is complex, reproductive biology is extraordinarily complex. If any of the thousands
of steps in genetic recombination do not occur correctly, the developing embryo cannot continue
to develop, and a miscarriage will ensue (Lerner, 2003). There are various other biological risks
for miscarrying such as pregnancy interval (the time between previous pregnancy and subsequent
pregnancy), uterus and other anatomical malformations, hormonal imbalances during early
pregnancy, infectious diseases, overall maternal health problems such as diabetes, thyroid
disease, epilepsy, and obesity, as well as many other chronic illnesses which can and do increase
the risks for miscarriage (Lerner, 2003).

12

There are several physiological reasons why women of AMA are more likely to
experience a miscarriage (Benzies, 2008; de La Rochebrochard & Thonneau, 2002). As women
grow older they simply run out of eggs, and it is thought that the “healthiest” eggs are ovulated
early in a woman’s reproductive years (Lerner, 2003). The longer a woman’s eggs remain in her
body, the more her eggs are exposed to the possibility of damage (Lerner, 2003). Similarly, the
uterus incurs an increased possibility of damage with the passage of time, making it less optimal
to support pregnancy (Lerner, 2003). As women age, they become less adept at providing
adequate hormonal support for a pregnancy. Finally, with age women are at an increased risk of
developing various medical problems (thyroid disease, lupus, diabetes) which can decrease
fertility and increase the risk of miscarriage (de La Rochebrochard & Thonneau, 2002; Lerner,
2003).
With AMA comes lowered fertility, a higher rate of fetal chromosomal abnormalities,
most notably Trisomy 21 (or Downs Syndrome), and an increased risk of miscarriage (Anderson
et al., 2000). The lowered fertility of women at an AMA can necessitate the use of artificial
reproductive technologies to aid in conception (Grainger, Frazier, and Rowland, 2006; Heffner,
2004). The use of artificial reproductive technologies adds an additional factor of risk for
miscarriage among women of all ages (Gerodetti & Mottier, 2009). This compounding of risk
factors produces a double burden of miscarriage risk for women over 35 years of age who utilize
artificial reproductive technologies (Lerner, 2003). Although researchers have explored the value
of new reproductive technologies during the last decade, the analysis has not been extended to
include the influence that these technologies are having on the experience of those whose
pregnancies end with a miscarriage (Brin, 2004; Layne, 2003b; Keane, 2009).

13

Theoretical Frameworks
Ambiguous Loss Theory
Ambiguous loss theory is a framework based on a family stress model and is particularly
useful for conceptualizing the losses inherent with miscarriage at an AMA. One of the primary
assertions that inform ambiguous loss theory is the principle that it is more difficult to cope with
losses that involve a degree of ambiguity (Boss, 2003). In the case of women who miscarry,
there is a recognized and real loss of the wished-for and wanted child, but at the same time, there
are many ambiguous, ambivalent and unclear losses which may lead to unresolved losses (Lang
et al., 2011). Ambiguity worsens the normal response to loss, stress, and grief (Boss, 2006;
2007). Recovery from a loss which is ambiguous is difficult and often leads to complicated grief,
post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and despair (Abrams, 2001; Boss, 2006; 2007).
Ambiguous loss theory has been applied to several loss scenarios. As the theory’s
developer, Pauline Boss has applied ambiguous loss theory to the experience of families affected
by missing in action soldiers, family members who have gone missing during catastrophic
natural disasters, those affected by Alzheimer’s disease, addictions and other chronic illnesses.
Understanding the ambiguous loss experience for women who had their child abducted by the
child’s father was explored in the early nineties (Holiday-McGrady, 1992). Katherine Allen
(2007) explored the ambiguity of mothers’ losses while going through a same-sex break-up in
which non-biological children are no longer present in the non-biological mother’s life.
Additionally, ambiguous loss theory has been applied to a variety of family forms which include
children who are mentally disabled or physically ill, exploring mothers’ losses in the realm of
their child’s physical presence and psychological absence (Berge & Holm, 2007; O’Brien, 2007;
Roper & Jackson, 2007). The aforementioned studies lay the ground work for a more liberal

14

extension of ambiguous loss theory to women of AMA and miscarriage. Experiencing a
miscarriage can create ambiguity in a woman’s identity, social role and social status. Thus, a
study of miscarriage among women 35 years of age and older through the lens of ambiguous loss
theory adds to the literature regarding women’s experience of miscarriage.
Women who miscarry may experience ambiguous loss due to the uncontrollable nature of
the loss itself and the reality that meaning making in light of their loss is especially challenging
(Lang et al., 2011). As previously mentioned, one of the primary tenets of ambiguous loss
theory is that a loss which is unclear in nature is more stressful to tolerate and more difficult
from which to recover than a more definitive, normative form of loss (Boss, 1999). Ambiguity is
a significant aspect of the loss experience and can affect how some women conceptualize the
loss of their wished-for and wanted baby. With an ambiguous loss experience, the grief process
gets frozen (Boss, 2007). The ambiguous, unclear nature of miscarriage makes it especially
traumatizing. Thus, ambiguous loss theory is a fitting framework for conceptualizing the
experience of miscarriage at an AMA.
Feminist Theory
Gender, which is a social category assigned to each of us at birth, affects nearly every
aspect of our lives and results in different expectations, roles, behaviors, and statuses for men
and women (Knudson-Martin, 1997). Gender is different than our biological sex which is the
physiological characteristics that define us as males or females. Gender is a basic organizing
concept regarding individual experience (Osmond & Thorne, 2009), and we experience life very
differently based on our gender alone. The concept of gender is a useful tool for analyzing
experience as a means of gaining insight into how we act, feel, and think about experiences
(Chodorow, 1978; McGoldrick, 1999). Feminist theory originated from a social movement with

15

the purpose of exposing women’s gendered experience of subordination and oppression and with
the goal of ending such unfair subjugation (Osmond & Thorne, 2009). Feminist theory is
empirical, evaluative and ideological in nature. Feminist scholarship begins by observing,
assessing and conceptualizing women and their varied, lived experiences (White & Klein, 2002).
The politics of gendered roles and statuses are at the core of most feminist literature. A
general theme in feminist literature on the topic of miscarriage or pregnancy loss is the would-be
mother’s role in grieving the loss of her baby as well as her loss of the role and status of motherto-be. The title or status of motherhood brings with it many expectations, assumptions, and
values (Gerodetti & Mottier, 2009). Mothers and mothers-to-be are expected to adhere to the
socially constructed notions of behaving in a certain way and desiring certain things for
themselves and their child(ren) (Gerodetti & Mottier, 2009; Layne, 1997). Miscarriage has a
way of dislocating women from their socially constructed role of would-be-motherhood. A
feminist perspective is a useful lens for viewing the oppressive experience of miscarriage at an
AMA.
Human Ecological Theory
Human ecology is the study of humans interacting with their natural, human-built and
social environments (Griffore & Phenice, 2001). Natural environments in the context of human
ecological theory relate to the organic or earthly environments (e.g. vegetation, animals, hills,
oceans, all living and nonliving things). Griffore and Phenice (2001) use the example of the
prenatal environment within the womb as the earliest natural environment for humans. Humanbuilt environments include all of the architectural, man-made. Some examples of human
constructed environments could include buildings, ceiling fans, a kitchen table, lighting, and
office equipment. The social environment as applied to human ecological theory relates to the

16

cultural aspect of experience (White & Klein, 2002). The social environment includes the
interactions with others, family members, teachers, civic leaders, store clerks (Griffore &
Phenice, 2001).
Human ecological theory is not one defining, uniform theoretical proposition (White &
Klein, 2002). Though there are various ecological theories and propositions, core to all is the
concept of the ecosystem (White & Klein, 2002). Bubolz, Eicher and Sontag (1979) define the
ecosystem as the basic unit of organism-environment interaction. Bronfenbrenner (1979)
described individual development within the ecosystem as an individual’s process of growth and
adaptation through interchanges with the immediate ecosystem (the family) and the more distant
environments (such as school or work).
Bronfenbrenner (1979), expounding on Lewin’s (1935) earlier work regarding the
dynamics of psychological development, suggested conceptualizing the human ecosystem as
nested levels within which an individual develops and interacts. Bronfenbrenner (1979) proposed
four nested levels of analysis within the scope of the human ecosystem: the microsystem, the
mesosystem, the exosystem and the macrosystem. Later he added a fifth dimension of analysis
called the chronosystem (1989). The microsystem consists of the face-to-face and concrete
interactions of the individual and others. The mesosystem comprises the interrelations of two or
more microsystems (systems directly involved with the individual self), such as work and home.
The exosystem is defined as systems that are ancillary with relation to the individual, though
have an indirect effect on the individual’s microsystem or mesosystem, such as a social network
or a spouses’ place of employment, as it affects the other spouse. The micro-, meso- and
exosystems are embedded within the individual’s macrosystem, which creates the overarching
and ever changing cultural context of individual development. Finally, the chronosystem gives

17

consideration to time and how the temporal passage of time influences development and
environments (Bronfenbrenner, 1979).
Human ecological theory is qualitative in essence, and seeks to describe and explain
(Bubolz & Sontag, 2009). Thus, it is well fitting to apply human ecological theory to a
qualitative inquiry of women of AMA and their experience of miscarriage.
Combined Conceptual and Theoretical Map
Ambiguous loss theory is the guiding theoretical model informing this appraisal of
women and their experience of miscarriage at an AMA. In a recently published (2013) literary
account of pregnancy loss, How to Expect What You’re Not Expecting, essayists describe the
unforeseen nature of pregnancy losses and their own personal account of unhappy endings. The
books title is a play on words as compared to the very popular book, What to Expect When
You’re Expecting, (2008) which devotes very little attention and content to the possibility and
experience of miscarriage. The unexpected, unresolved losses associated with being pregnant
and then suddenly not pregnant, creates a scenario of paradox and unrest (Anderson et al., 2000).
These conflicting aspects of miscarriage at an AMA make ambiguous loss theory an appropriate
tool to conceptualize the often unexpected and unclear losses women experience when suffering
a miscarriage.
Feminist theory acknowledges that individual experiences are embedded in context
(Osmond and Thorne, 2009; White & Klein, 2002). Additionally, feminist theory attends to the
notion of separate spheres, traditionally conceptualized as the public sphere for men and the
private sphere for women, as contexts of experience (Osmond and Thorne, 2009). Feminist
scholars argue that the idea of separate spheres of public and private experiences for men and
women are related to one another, rather than separate from one another (McGoldrick et al.,

18

1991; Osmond and Thorne, 2009). Power imbalances exist and are experienced in women’s
public life as well as in their private life or institution (that being family life) (Osmond and
Thorne, 2009). Therefore, when considering a woman of AMA experiencing a miscarriage, it is
imperative to identify the various environmental factors associated with that loss experience.
Feminist theory and human ecological theory complement each other well. Feminist theory
draws upon major tenets of human ecological theory regarding the importance of context,
making their blended application a very fitting theoretical framework for addressing
environmental contexts related to women and their experience of miscarriage at an AMA.
Concepts from ambiguous loss and of feminist theory applied to the experience of
miscarriage at an AMA will be delineated along with the human ecological model contexts of
environmental influences as applied to the individual. Concepts related to ambiguous loss theory
and feminism tell the story of what and contexts related to human ecological theory tell the story
of how, with respect to women of AMA and their experience of miscarriage.
The five ecosystems of Bronfenbrenner’s ecological theory serve as organizing levels or
brackets for categorizing specific concepts regarding women of AMA and their experience of
miscarriage. Women of AMA and their experience of miscarriage were conceptualized as having
experienced an ambiguous form of loss and were viewed through a feminist lens. The conceptual
map created and utilized to guide this study reflects the context of the woman and miscarriage at
the microsystem level (individual), the mesosystem level (relational), the exosystem level
(social), the macrosystem (cultural) and the chronosystem level (temporal).

19

Figure 1.1 Combined Conceptual and Theoretical Map
Human
Ecological
Theory

Concepts Related to
Ambiguous Loss Theory:

Cultural Context
(Macrosystem)

Concepts Related to
Feminist Theory:
- Motherhood myths
- Motherhood mandates
- Motherhood tax

- Unresolved social role

Social Context
(Exosystem)

- Loss of social and
personal status of
mother-to-be

Relational
Context
(Mesosystem)

- Ambivalence towards
pregnant others

Individual
Context
(Microsystem)

Temporal Context
(Chronosystem)

- Societal silencing and
disenfranchisement of
grief with miscarriage
- Politicization of
miscarriage

Human
Ecological
Theory
Cultural Context
(Macrosystem)
Social Context
(Exosystem)

- Medicalization of women’s
Relational
bodies and of miscarriage
Context
- Lacking
(Mesosystem)
acknowledgement of the
loss from family, friends &
co-workers
Individual
- Self-blame
Context
(Microsystem)

- Unclear cause of
miscarriage
- Unresolved meaning
making
- Loss of attachment to
the wished-for-child

- Loss of biologically optimal
reproductive years
- Ambivalence towards
future pregnancies

- Miscarrying at an advanced
maternal age versus at
a younger maternal age

Research Questions
The primary research question that guides this study is: 1) How do women of advanced
maternal age perceive and describe their experience of miscarriage? The word “how” denotes a
stance of not knowing and an openness to whatever may emerge from each participant’s telling of
her experience of miscarriage. The word “perceive” relates to the relativity, difference, and
uniqueness of each participant’s experience, and the word “describe” relates to what a miscarriage

20

is and means to each participant. The use of the word “experience” in the research question simply
speaks to the fact that each participant has had, at some point in time, a miscarriage in her
everyday lived experience. Table 1.3 (shown below), depicts the general conceptualization of this
study. The contents of Table 1.3 illustrate how the conceptualization of this study began broad, in
terms of the scope from a theoretical perspective. The research question and research goals lead
toward a more defined research paradigm which established the basis of the relationship between
the more specific elements and assumptions regarding miscarriage at an AMA, those elements and
assumptions being expressed in contextual factors of experience.

21

Table 1.3 Research Question, Goals and Concepts
Theory

Research
Question

Ambiguous How do
Loss
women of
AMA
perceive and
describe their
experience of
miscarriage?

Research Goals

Aim is to determine what
experiencing a
miscarriage at an AMA
means for those who
have had the experience
and are able to give a
comprehensive
description of it.

Human
Ecological
Contextual
Factors
Cultural
Context
Social
Context
Relational
Context
Individual
Context

From individual
descriptions general
meanings can be derived,
i.e. the essence of the
Temporal
experience of miscarriage Context
at an AMA.

Feminist
Theory

How do
women of
AMA
perceive and
describe their
experience of
miscarriage?

Uncover qualitative
factors of behavior
regarding the experience
of miscarriage.

Cultural
Context

Gain insight (knowledge)
into the nature, quality,
Social
meaning and essence of
Context
experience of miscarriage
at an AMA.
Relational
Context

Individual
Context
Temporal
Context

22

Concepts of
Experience

Unresolved Social role
Loss of social and
personal status
Ambivalence towards
pregnant others
Unclear cause of
miscarriage
Unresolved meaning
making
Loss of attachment to
wished-for-child
Loss of biologically
optimal reproductive
years
Ambivalence towards
future pregnancies
Motherhood myths
Motherhood mandates
Motherhood tax
Medicalization of
women’s bodies and of
miscarriage
Societal silencing and
disenfranchisement of
grief
Politicalization of
miscarriage
Lacking
acknowledgement of
the loss from family,
friends & co-workers
Self-blame
Miscarrying at an
AMA versus at a
younger maternal age

Chapter Two: Literature Review
As previously stated, miscarriage is a common complication of pregnancy, with nearly
25% of all clinically recognized pregnancies ending in miscarriage (Lerner, 2003; Rai & Regan,
2006). Additionally, women over 40 years of age have an increased risk of miscarriage (de La
Rochebrochard & Thonneau, 2002). Despite their heightened risk for miscarriage, women of
AMA who have suffered a loss have not been highly represented in the current body of literature
regarding miscarriage. This may be due in part to the often ambiguous, unclear biological causes
of miscarriage, whereby the medical literature tends to lump miscarriages all together, typically
differentiated only by type of miscarriage or length of gestation. There is a sense of having to
play catch up, since women of AMA were historically not representative of those women
actually getting pregnant and then subsequently miscarrying. Only in the last several decades
have we seen the dramatic shift in reproductive behavior, which includes delayed motherhood
(Hamilton et al., 2011). With that, this qualitative study of the ambiguous nature of the losses
inherent to miscarriage at an AMA is well-timed research.
Ambiguous Losses with Miscarriage
One of the primary tenants of ambiguous loss theory is that a loss which is unclear in
nature is more stressful to tolerate and more difficult from which to recover than a more
definitive, normative form of loss (Boss, 1999). Ambiguous loss theory is a fitting framework for
conceptualizing the experience of miscarriage at an AMA. Using Bronfenbrenner’s Human
Ecological Theory, concepts related to ambiguous loss theory will be delineated along contextual
subsystems (cultural, social, relational, individual and temporal) associated with miscarriage at
an AMA.

23

Cultural Context
Unresolved Social Role
As previously noted, motherhood is a complex social role. When a woman experiences a
miscarriage, the loss experience is defined not only by the loss of her baby, but also by the
ambiguous losses endured. After a miscarriage, the loss of the social role “mother-to-be” is real
and significant, though ambiguous in nature (Shreffler et al., 2011). A sense of role ambiguity
comes from the abrupt ending of the “mother-to-be” identity (Boss, 2006). In the case of
miscarriage, the loss of what was anticipated or expected with the role of mother-to-be is not
entirely certain, it can be unclear, but it is still considered and wanted.
As a society, we have moved away from the “children are to be seen and not heard”
culture toward a more child-centered culture (McGoldrick, 1999). Badinter (1981) wrote
extensively about the changing landscape of family, and the role of mother, in particular. When
traced over the past several centuries, it has been noticed that mothers tend to adhere to what the
prevailing culture dictates (Badinter, 1981). When the culture espoused wet nurses and boarding
schools, mothers relegated the care of their newborns to nursemaids and sent their children away
to be raised by others. As the pendulum has now shifted, the culture of today places an emphasis
on embracing full responsibility for children in the role of mothering (Arendell, 2000; Meyers,
2001). With such emphasis being placed on children and the quality of mothering, society can
impose a sense of “otherness” upon those struggling to gain acceptance into the role of
motherhood (Blades & Rowe-Finkbeiner, 2006).
The social role of motherhood, as a position, encompasses particular social activities of
mothering, which begin with experiencing a healthy, full-term pregnancy, delivering a live child,
and caring for a newborn. Pregnancy and entrance into motherhood is a rite of passage.

24

Pregnancy loss disrupts the rite of passage into motherhood and interrupts the expected
unfolding of the activities of mothering, creating an ambiguity and a loss in fulfillment of the
socially constructed role of carrying and birthing a child. With such value placed on fulfilling the
role of motherhood, the extent of loss when that role is disrupted due to miscarriage is difficult to
measure (Cosgrove, 2004).
Social Context
Loss of Social and Personal Status of Mother-to-Be
Motherhood as a social role has to do with the actual position and activities of mothering;
motherhood as a status has to do with the honor and prestige assigned to that role (Osmond &
Thorne, 2009). The social ranking or status of mother-to-be leads to a sense of either inclusion or
exclusion of being among the ranks of one’s peers (Arendell, 2000; Osmond & Thorne, 2009).
The miscarriage experience is marked by the loss of title, “mother-to-be,” and with the loss of
that title so too is the status that comes with it.
In addition to the developmentally appropriate desire to become a mother in social role,
most women desire the social status of motherhood (Lemme, 2006). The concept of role versus
status may initially seem nuanced, but there is a true distinction in the act of doing and the status
of having. The status of mother-to-be is a way of meeting the social world, so to speak, as an
expectant mother. Mother-to-be status tells the social world that one is well on her way to
becoming a mother and meeting that developmental task (Mathews & Hamilton, 2009). The
status of “expectant mother” has a profoundly personal meaning to pregnant women (HareMuston & Broderick, 1979; Mercer, 2004). The social and personal status of mother-to-be can
command a degree of prestige and a sense of being insider to a group (Boucai & Karniol, 2008).
Gaining access to a normative and appropriate social status provides women with a desired social

25

integration with peers; hence, soon-to-be motherhood status locates women (Neugarten &
Neugarten, 1996; Mercer, 2004). With all there is to gain in becoming a mother, there is a
significant loss associated with identifying as would-be-mother only to miscarry and lose the
identity that comes with that role and status. Women who miscarry are excluded from their social
role and status abruptly and are left to feel excluded from their cohort of reproductively active
peers (Layne, 2003b).
Relational Context
Ambivalence Towards Pregnant Others
Ambivalence towards pregnant others is a kinder, more thoughtful way of describing
pregnancy envy among women who have miscarried. Although there is some scholarship
devoted to the psychological sequelae of miscarriage such as depression and anxiety, little
attention is paid to other problematic emotions of grief following a miscarriage, such as jealousy
and resentment (Layne, 2003a; Swanson, 1999). Although the notion of being resentful of
another woman’s pregnancy is rarely mentioned in the scholarly literature, pregnancy envy and
resentment towards other women who are pregnant are common reactions following a pregnancy
loss and are frequently mentioned feelings on miscarriage blogs and grief support message
boards. There is a cohort effect for women who have miscarried and have peers enter into the
motherhood role at the time that they had expected to do so. News of family members,’ friends’
and co-workers’ pregnancies bombard women of a certain age. Layne (2006) described the
silencing and minimization of women’s miscarriage via the shutting down of those undesirable
emotions of jealousy, which can occur following a miscarriage.

26

Individual Context
Unclear Cause of Miscarriage
Of the many ambiguous burdens of miscarriage, not knowing the cause of the loss may
be the most difficult. It is standard procedure for medical insurance companies and thus
obstetrician/gynecologists (OB/GYN’s) to preclude any form of causation testing following a
miscarriage unless the woman has had two or three consecutive miscarriages (Garmel, 2002).
Thus, the vast majority of women never have a definitive answer as to why their pregnancy
ended (Lee, Slade, and Lygo, 1996; Lerner, 2003). The findings from a study by Nikcevic,
Kuczmierczyk, Tunkel and Nicolaides (2000) regarding distress following a miscarriage and
knowledge of the cause suggest that decreased distress level following a miscarriage was
associated more with the provision of follow-up care than with whether the cause of the
miscarriage was identified or not. However, it may be that the unclear cause of the miscarriage is
not increasing post miscarriage distress but rather, a woman’s own internal beliefs about the
cause which moderates distress following a miscarriage (Nikcevic et al., 2000).
Unresolved Meaning Making
Some theorists argue that the unclear nature of losing some entity never held, and
possibly never seen, makes miscarriage more tormenting than other forms of loss (Robinson,
Baker & Nackerud, 1999). Although the use of sonogram and ultrasound technologies can
project an image of an early fetus inside the womb, naturally occurring miscarriages typically
present like a very heavy menstrual bleeding. Without the presence of an actual, viewable by the
naked eye fetus, miscarriages are often unacknowledged losses (Paton, Wood, Bor, and Nitsun,
1999; McCreight, 2008). When what was lost in miscarriage is unacknowledged and thus not
validated, meaning making becomes difficult. Meaning making is an essential piece of grief and

27

loss resolution work (Leon, 1990; Wordon, 2002). Adding to the unresolved meaning making of
miscarriage is the few memories, if any, women who miscarry have of what was lost (Layne,
2003a).
There is a lack of generally accepted death rituals following a miscarriage. When there
are no accepted loss rituals following a miscarriage, there is a sense that a miscarriage should not
be perceived as a death to be mourned (Layne, 2003a; Keefe-Cooperman, 2005). With most
forms of grief, the healing process often begins with rituals or rites around the death experience,
such as a funeral, a wake, or a memorial service (Keefe-Cooperman, 2005). If there is no place
for mourning, then there is no place for giving consideration to the meaning associated with a
woman’s experience of miscarriage. Women who miscarry often can experience a
disenfranchised form of grief due to minimization of their loss and unresolved meaning making
of their loss (Doka, 2002; Lang et al., 2011).
Loss of Attachment to Wished-for-Child
Mother-child attachment can begin as early as the time when a woman decides to try to
conceive and continues throughout pregnancy (Armstrong, 2002; Van Bussel, Spitz, and
Demyttenaere, 2010). Miscarriage brings about the loss of that early mother-child attachment.
The use of sonogram technologies increases the sense of attachment to the wished-for-child by
creating an early image of the child (Layne, 2003a; O’Leary, 2004). There are losses related to
what could have been, expectancies and hopes for the wished-for-child’s future as well as a loss
of hopes for the mother’s own future (Keane, 2009; Lang et al., 2011). Peppers and Knapp
(1980) stated in their study of prenatal attachment that maternal love reaches deeply into the
earliest stages of pregnancy and attaches itself firmly to the growing fetus. As described by
Peppers and Knapp (1980) the majority of events that influence maternal attachment occur

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prenatally, not after giving birth. Gaffney (1988) reviewed the literature on perinatal attachment
in an attempt to make recommendations for facilitating mother-child attachment and validated
the claim that attachment begins prenatally. In a concept paper related to clinical practice with
perinatal loss as viewed through the lens of attachment theory, Robinson et al. (1999) discuss the
various and individualized levels of maternal attachment and the importance of accurate
assessment of the degree of attachment and loss for women who have miscarried. The broken
attachment bond in miscarriage speaks to the paradox of grief, having to bear the unbearable,
having to let go of what was never held.
Temporal Contexts
Loss of Biologically Optimal Reproductive Years
Especially among women of AMA, the feeling that the time for becoming a mother is
running out can provoke a heightened sense of urgency and longing for entrance into
motherhood (Lemme, 2006; McGoldrick, 1999). Layne (2003a) found that ambiguity of what
could have been lingers in the mind of many older women who begin to feel that they may have
waited too long to begin a family. Boss (1999) describes ambiguity in loss as an absurdity of not
knowing, the indefinitely unclear. That same absurdity can be applied to a women’s pondering
the what if’s of the years gone by…would child bearing have been more biologically suitable
with better pregnancy outcomes ten years earlier? From a historical perspective, Herz (1984)
reported that the loss of biologically optimal reproductive years, infertility and miscarriage is
especially difficult for the woman who has postponed pregnancy until the establishment of a
career because it contradicts the goal setting nature of most career oriented women. More
contemporary examination of women’s experience of delayed childbearing for career pursuits

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reflects similar findings of emotional distress and anxiety regarding the loss of fertility with
AMA (Edwards, 2002; Wu & Macneill, 2002).
Ambivalence toward Future Pregnancies (Hope – No Hope)
Another loss which has been noted in qualitative interviews with women who have
miscarried is the loss of bliss and optimism in subsequent pregnancy (Armstrong, 2002; Shreffler
et al., 2011). Some reproductive scholars talk about the “hope – no hope” roller coaster many
women experience during subsequent pregnancies after suffering a miscarriage (Wojnar,
Swanson & Adolfsson, 2011). Distress and detachment from subsequent pregnancies have been
reported by both women and men who had previously experienced an early pregnancy loss
(Leon, 1990). In Layne’s (2006) interviews with women who had experienced a miscarriage she
found participants describe a “luxury” or blissfulness many other women get to experience when
they have never had a miscarriage, the aloof and somewhat lacking awareness of the real
possibility of miscarriage. After one or more pregnancy losses, some women “dehumanize,
minimize, and medicalize” their experience of a subsequent pregnancy as a kind of anticipatory
grief (Swanson, 1999; Zucker, 1999).
In a study of the internal and external attributions following miscarriage, Madden (1988)
found that every participant had some degree of anxiety and fear towards the idea of a future
pregnancy. Herz (1984) notes the dichotomy in response to miscarriage whereby some women
felt that the thought of another pregnancy is anxiety-provoking and therefore rejected it, while
others would obsessively try to conceive again immediately following a miscarriage, to replace
the lost child. Herz noted that both the “never again” approach and the “right away” approach are
equally undesirable. O’Leary’s (2004) paper regarding grief from a previous perinatal loss and
the influence on prenatal attachment in subsequent pregnancies noted the necessity for parents to

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acknowledge their fears of future losses while also finding ways to slowly regain trust in the
world and in their future with their children born after a loss.
Feminist Perspectives and Miscarriage
Using a feminist critical lens to view women’s experience of miscarriage at an AMA
raises several points related to gender and power. Feminist ideology applied to the experience of
miscarriage provides a strong base for considering how best to understand women who
experience the loss of a wanted child. The feminist perspective brought to miscarriage suggests
giving equal consideration to both the child who was lost and the woman’s experience of that
loss (Layne, 1997). Further, feminist thought explores the realms of the positionality of women
who are labeled “failed mothers” in our socially constructed view of those who cannot reproduce
successfully (Afek, 1990; Forrest & Gilbert, 1992). Using Bronfenbrenner’s Human Ecological
Theory, concepts related to feminist theory will be delineated along contextual subsystems
(cultural, social, relational, individual and temporal) associated with miscarriage at an AMA.
Cultural Contexts
Motherhood Myths
Feminist scholars have long written about the myths of motherhood (Hare-Mustin &
Broderick, 1979; Hare-Mustin, Bennett, and Broderick, 1983). Myths of motherhood include
notions that motherhood provides the quintessential and ideal form of self-fulfillment, rewards
and personal happiness for women. The caveat of this myth is that motherhood, though
mythically rewarding, is held in lower esteem than male occupations (Crittenden, 2010).
Although feminist scholars challenge these notions of motherhood as central to women’s
personhood, society still places women’s worth squarely on their ability to bear children (Layne,

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2003b; Zucker, 1999). An awareness of the myth and rallying against the myth does not remove
the myth from societal consciousness (Crittenden, 2010). Completing or fulfilling the ideals of
the motherhood myth and the satisfaction which comes from doing so are part of what keeps the
myth perpetuated (McGoldrick et al., 1991; Douglas & Michaels, 2005).
Motherhood Mandates
Feminist scholars have noted the centrality of motherhood to women’s identities, as noted
by Russo’s (1976) work regarding the motherhood mandate. The motherhood mandate exists as
an internalized force within women to bear children, at least two children, and to raise them well.
This force comes from a pervasive societal pressure regarding women’s primary role and
function being that of mother (Arendell, 2000). The motherhood mandate involves a socially
sanctioned belief that all women should become “good” mothers in order to be successful in their
female role (Mottarella, Fritzsche, Whitten & Bedsole, 2009).
According to the aforementioned NSFG report, the most commonly reported number of
children expected among young women in 2006-2010 in the U.S. was two children. Roughly two
out of five women surveyed expect to have a total of two children. About one in four women
expects to have a total three children (Martinez et al., 2012). This is an example of the
internalized force many women feel regarding having children as well as the expectation to have
a certain number of children. Some scholars suggest that the role of motherhood is salient to
woman’s development (Douglas & Michaels, 2005). From a feminist perspective, the notion that
women’s worth and sense of self-concept is or should be based on one’s ability to produce a live,
biological child is steeped in oppressive subordination (Osmond & Thorne, 2009). However, the
mandate and expectation to become a mother, as Russo (1976) describes, is socially prescribed
and socially reinforced. Liss, Schiffrin and Rizzo (2012) examined self-reported levels of

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maternal guilt and shame and confirmed Rotkirch’s earlier findings (2009) which reported that
internalized notions of ideal mothering and the mandate to become a mother were implicated as
major sources of guilt and shame for mothers.
Motherhood Tax
These motherhood myths and mandates factor into the context of women of AMA and
miscarriage on many levels and resonate with the idea of the “motherhood tax,” or the total
economic and career advancement losses endured for leaving the workforce, even briefly, to
raise children (Blades & Rowe-Finkbeiner, 2006). Some social scientists have pointed out that
the gendered wage penalty has declined over recent decades and have suggested that wage gaps
exist primarily between those people who have children versus those who remain childfree
(Polachek, 2006). Though there may be plenty of research to support the notion of the “family
wage gap” it is necessary to note that women, by in large, are still tasked with the majority of
childcare, even those women employed outside of the home (Gangl & Ziefle, 2009). Gangl and
Ziefle (2009) reported in their study of motherhood and the wage penalty in Britain, Germany
and the U.S., that mothers who are employed in the public sector experience a 9% to 18% per
child wage loss when compared to their childfree male and female counterparts. Women are still
being taxed for completing their traditional caregiving role as mothers (Crittenden, 2010). The
American economic culture needs to shift away from a “mother taxing” employment structure
and must stop penalizing women for having babies during their younger, more optimal
childbearing years, when the risk of miscarriage is lower (Hewlett, 2002).
Medicalization of Women’s Bodies and of Miscarriage
When a woman experiences a miscarriage, traditional medicalization of the experience
may minimize the miscarriage or in some cases create a climate of blame, in which the woman

33

may feel responsible for the fetal outcome (Reagan, 2003). In many ways the terms used by the
medical field when describing conception and subsequent loss categorize miscarriage as a less
than form of loss. A culture of silence, dismissal and minimization within the medical field is
evident by the way in which “what is” and “what is no longer” is conceptualized (Layne, 2003b).
Some commonly used terms within the medical field relating to conception and subsequent
miscarriage are: spontaneous abortion, missed abortion, habitual aborters, late abortion or
premature fetus, evacuation of the remaining products of conception (ERPC), dilation and
curettage (D&C), threatened miscarriage, recurrent miscarriage, and chemical pregnancy.
Nowhere in the medical jargon is there ever mention of the baby which was expected. Even the
term miscarriage, which is presumably less stigmatizing than the term spontaneous abortion,
propagates a sense of mother blaming. To mis-carry implies a mother’s failing to carry a baby to
term and live birth (Cosgrove, 2004). Feminist scholars have long seen the medicalization of
miscarriage as a means of disparaging women (Gerodetti & Mottier, 2009; Layne, 2006;
McCreight, 2008; Paton et al., 1999; Zucker, 1999). Miscarriage is desensitized and minimized,
as it is often viewed as medically boring since it cannot be fixed and is rarely life threatening for
the woman (Layne, 1997).
Social Contexts
Societal Silencing and Disenfranchisement of Grief with Miscarriage
October is annually observed as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month in the
United States since October 25, 1988 when then-President Ronald Reagan signed proclamation
5890, acknowledging the losses so many experience during pregnancy and shortly after birth.
October 15th is recognized as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day (PAILRD),
since congress passed H. CON. RES. 222 on September 28, 2006. To date, all 50 states have

34

yearly proclamations of the October 15th PAILRD, symbolized by the 7:00 PM candle lighting
by those who honor and recognize the babies who have died during pregnancy or shortly after
birth.
Despite these recognition efforts, there is still a noticeable silence around the issue of
miscarriage, as people simply do not want to discuss it (Lang et al., 2011). There is a dubious
cultural exclusivity among those who have suffered a miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death.
There exists a notable distinction among women; those who are within the group of women who
have experienced a pregnancy loss and those who are not within that group. Capitulo (2004)
conducted a qualitative study of the culture of an online perinatal loss group. She described the
participants as having a shared metamorphosis, with their loss having forever changed them and
their grief connecting them to others who have had a perinatal loss, although they otherwise
would likely have never met. In her book Motherhood Lost, Layne (2003a) references Marty
Heilberg’s (2001) experience of an ectopic pregnancy and her sense of being out of place, with
the pregnancy literally being out of place (e.g. not within the uterus) and the feeling of being out
of place within a culture which loves pregnant women, though only when the pregnancy works.
Until recently, there were no sympathy cards regarding miscarriage or stillbirth in the
greeting card aisle in retail stores. Few, if any employers would recognize days off from work
after a miscarriage as bereavement days, but rather as sick days (Geller, Psaros & Kornfield,
2010; Layne, 2003a). Essentially, the silencing of miscarriage at the public or societal level
comes down to a nonexistent social script for how to discuss and behave in such situations
(Layne, 2003a). Society has not been told adequately how to adjust to and meet women where
they are in their experience of miscarriage. As a result of the absent social script for

35

acknowledging loss and grief with miscarriage, it goes largely unattended, as though it never
happened (Walsh & McGoldrick, 2004).
The social denial of miscarriage and the psychological sequelae of grief, depression and
despair many women feel after a miscarriage have a profound effect on those who experience
such a loss (Lang et al., 2011). There is general consensus in the scientific, empirical literature
about the frequency of depressive symptoms following miscarriage (Barr & Cacciatore, 2008;
Neugebauer et al,, 1992; Shreffler et al., 2011; Woods-Giscombé, Lobel & Crandell, 2010). In an
analysis of the quantitative data regarding psychological distress following miscarriage, Slade
(1994) reported that between 20-50% of women experience “significant depressive symptoms
within the first month after a miscarriage.” In a more recent study, Klier, Geller and Ritsher
(2002) found that in the first six months after a miscarriage, women are at increased risk for
depressive symptoms.
Depressive symptoms as they relate to grief and bereavement were among the highly
contested topics in the sometimes controversial Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders (DSM) V debate. The current DSM is in its fifth edition, and there was considerable
debate regarding the elimination of the “bereavement exclusion” for the diagnosis of a major
depressive episode in the DSM IV. In the previous edition of the DSM, depressive symptoms
persisting beyond two months after a loss event was deemed consistent with a major depressive
episode, rather than as a normal grief response. Some work groups associated with the revision
of the DSM IV had proposed extending the duration of depressed mood following a loss to six
months rather than removing the “bereavement exclusion” all together (Zisook et al., 2012).
Others suggested the addition of complicated grief as a diagnosis (Rando et al., 2012). The DSM
debate regarding grief and depression following a loss serves as a social indicator of society’s

36

shift in thinking and talking about grief (Zisook et al., 2012). Although there is a slow shift
toward a more socially acceptable dialogue around grief and loss, some forms of loss still remain
relatively silenced, including miscarriage. When a miscarriage is silenced, so is the grief that
follows. When the grieving individual is made to feel there is nothing to grieve, since it is
socially unrecognized, the griever is then left feeling disenfranchised, stigmatized or alienated
with her grief (Doka, 2002; Dubose, 1997; Lang et al., 2011).
Slade’s (1994) research on the psychological effect of miscarriage found that over twothirds of the women interviewed would have liked some form of follow-up care after being
discharged from their doctor’s care following a miscarriage. Despite this need, most hospitals
and doctors’ offices report no such follow-up care provisions following a miscarriage
(Prettyman, Cordle & Cook, 2011). This is an unmet need for many women who experience a
miscarriage and could address the link between miscarriage and disenfranchised grief.
Politicization of Miscarriage
Miscarriage is political (Layne, 2003b). Women’s reproductive behaviors and the
experience of miscarriage follows that old feminist adage of the “personal is political.” That is,
issues personal to women, topics regarding our reproduction, experiences of miscarriage and our
bodies, all fall into categories of the political realm, the public realm. Issues personal to women
must be negotiated within the oppressive structure of power relationships which women face in
their everyday lives (Firestone & Koedt, 1970; Hanisch, 1970, 2009).
Feminist scholars face the dilemma of granting personhood to an embryo in the case of
miscarriage and denying personhood in the case of elective abortion (Kevin, 2011; Rapp &
Ritchie, 1997; Zucker, 1999). Perhaps the acknowledgement that there was something of value
lost, and something worth grieving in a miscarriage, would thereby automatically grant

37

personhood to all embryos and fetuses (Parsons, 2010; Rapp & Ritchie, 1997). This is not the
case, however, unless one accepts the anti-abortion view of personhood beginning at the moment
of conception. If, on the other hand, one accepts the view that personhood is culturally
constructed, and personally constructed, than one can see that the process of constructing
personhood may be undertaken with some embryos and not with others (Layne, 1997; Parsons,
2010). The cultural construction of personhood is an iterative process, one which continues
through the course of a lifetime. During the course of a pregnancy (and even before conception
occurs) one may begin to establish a relationship with a wished-for child. For many women the
child begins when the decision is made to bear it. When a woman decides to become pregnant,
her wanted child begins to exist. Of course, this is not always the case even for desired
pregnancies (Layne, 2003b; Peel & Cain, 2012; Zucker, 1999). This heated, societal
politicization of miscarriage in no way attends to the needs of women who suffer a miscarriage.
Relational Contexts
Lacking Acknowledgement of the Loss from Family, Friends and Co-workers
There is a public or societal silencing and minimization of women’s experience of
miscarriage (Hazen, 2006). The existing literature, from various disciplines, indicates that there
is a general lack of formal procedures for medical care providers when tending to women who
have experienced a miscarriage (Layne, 2006; Paton et al, 1999). That does not however explain
the silencing and minimization of a women’s miscarriage from family, friends and co-workers.
Researchers who have examined the emotional response of women following a
miscarriage found that participants consistently reported the need to have someone to talk to
about their loss (Callister, 2006; Côté-Arsenault, 2003; Engelhard, van den Hout & Vlaeyen,
2003; Geller et al., 2010). Additionally, Layne (2003b) reported in her research of miscarriage

38

support groups that one of the primary complaints voiced by women who had experienced a
miscarriage was their family, friend and co-workers’ dismissive behavior toward their loss.
Layne (2003b) reported that miscarriage support group participants often described family,
friends and co-workers who pretended that nothing had ever happened following their
miscarriage. Most women who suffer a miscarriage report feeling minimized in their miscarriage
experience, while simultaneously being inundated with news of others’ pregnancies (Hazen,
2003). The idea of having just miscarried one’s own baby only to hear endlessly about someone
else’s pregnancy can create a degree of pregnancy envy and resentment towards pregnant others
(Layne, 2003a).
Individual Contexts
Self-blaming
Inherent to the experience of miscarriage is the reminder of the lack in control over one’s
body and ability to carry a pregnancy to live birth. As previously noted, in the majority of cases,
the cause of miscarriage can only be speculated at best, and is typically not definitive. Without a
clear answer as to why the miscarriage occurred, many women fill in the unclear causation with
self-blame (Barr & Cacciatore, 2008). As previously mentioned, it is generally understood within
the medical community that the majority of miscarriages are the result of random chromosomal
abnormalities, a non-inherited, non-disjunctional event (Rai & Regan, 2006). Most miscarriages
are due to a genetic abnormality from within the fertilized egg itself; due to a failure of
chromosome pairs to separate during meiosis, and not that of an inherited sort, contributed by
either parent (Garmel, 2002). Yet many women when interviewed admit to feeling some degree
of self-blame for their miscarriage and believe the loss could be related to something ingested
such as caffeine, tobacco, early pregnancy alcohol consumption, over-the-counter pain

39

medications, or over-exertion from exercise or sexual activity (Stirtzinger, Robinson, Stewart &
Ralevski, 1999). A pregnancy that ends in miscarriage can be perceived as a woman’s failing in
her primary role, to produce a child. This sense of failure and self-blame following a miscarriage
results in a lowered self-image (Cosgrove, 2004; Janssen, Cuisinier, Hoogduin & de Graauw,
1996; Layne, 2006).
Temporal Contexts
Miscarrying at an Advanced Maternal Age versus at a Younger Maternal Age
As previously noted, there is a trend among U.S. women aged 35 and older to choose to
delay motherhood (Arendell, 2000). Medical literature generally considers women 35 years of
age and older to be of advanced maternal age. Though much has been written in the medical
community regarding delayed motherhood and the rates and risk factors for miscarriage at
various maternal ages, very little research has been conducted on the specific age-related
experience for women who miscarriage at an AMA (Anderson et al., 2000; Lerner, 2003). Many
feminist scholars have examined women’s experience of miscarriage, though little attention has
been paid exclusively to women of AMA and their unique circumstance (Heffner, 2004).
Although motherhood at an AMA is on the rise (Anderson et al., 2000; Byrom, 2004) age
cohort centrism should not be assumed. Overall, there are still far fewer women engaging in
reproductive activities at an AMA than those at younger reproductive ages, which means there
are fewer age specific cohort supports for women who miscarry at an AMA. Therefore, those
women of AMA who do miscarry are likely to suffer their loss in isolation due to the relatively
small percentage of procreating women in their age group (Garrison et al., 1997; Kazaryants,
2009; Layne, 2003b; Schardt, 2005).

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Though it has been noted that the socially constructed notion of the idealized status of
motherhood as a role full of endless rewards is in essence a myth, one cannot dismiss the
developmental appropriateness of desiring motherhood. Among women of AMA, the feeling that
the time for becoming a parent is running out can engender a heightened sense of urgency and
longing for entrance into motherhood (Kazaryants, 2009; Lemme, 2006; McGoldrick, 1999;
Schardt, 2005). There is something of a biological self-esteem associated with meeting the
developmental task of entering into adulthood via motherhood (Bergston & Allen, 2009).
Summary
Gaps persist within the current literature on the experience of miscarriage among women
of AMA. It is important to conduct research that is relevant. It is equally important to conduct
research that is qualitative in nature in order to gain understanding of the experience and essence
of miscarriage at an AMA. Gaining a better understanding of the ambiguous losses that women
experience with miscarriage at an AMA, the oppressive and silenced nature of women’s
experience, and the contextual factors that situate the miscarriage experience can aid
professionals in better addressing the needs of women.

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Chapter Three: Research Methods
Rationale for Qualitative Methodology
Quantitative research is based, in part, on testing hypotheses through the use of statistical
data analysis, and evaluating variable change as measured by assessments. The quantitative
research paradigm falls within the realm of the positivist tradition, assuming that knowledge
derived from a sensory experience produces one valid truth, often substantiated by scientific and
mathematical evidence (Kazdin, 2003). Among many scholars and scientists, quantitative
research is the dominant research paradigm and is largely associated with the rise of evidencebased practices (EBP). The burgeoning literature on evidence-based practice and the reliance on
randomized clinical trials is the gold standard of EBP inquiry (Haverkamp & Young, 2007;
Sandelowski, 2004). However, excluding qualitative evidence completely ignores certain forms
and sources of evidence, failing to present a complete picture of the experience (Sandelowski,
2004).
It is important to note that qualitative research is an empirical approach in its own right;
and though it is not a new paradigm, it is gaining more support and attention by various scientific
disciplines (Kazdin, 2003). The qualitative researcher pursues a constructivist approach or
research paradigm wherein multiple meanings and multiple truths exist, and interpretations and
subjective experiences exist within a shared phenomenon (Denzin & Lincoln, 1998, 2005;
Greenstein, 2006). Following from the notion of a constructivist approach, qualitative studies
value context and meaning (Marshall & Rossman, 2010). Understanding the meanings that
women assign to their experience is the primary rationale for using a qualitative means of inquiry
to address the research questions of this study. Because deep, thick, and rich descriptions of
thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values, meanings, and assumptions are involved with women’s

42

experience of miscarriage, the researcher must understand the deeper perspectives that can be
captured through in-depth, one-on-one qualitative interviews.
Phenomenology
The theoretical background or rooting of phenomenology is based in the discipline of
philosophy. Edmund Husserl, the late 19th century philosopher, wrote about the issues of how
objects, actions and events appear in the consciousness of the observer (Moustakas, 1994).
Consciousness is a core concept of phenomenology and relates to how experiences are
consciously perceived (Daly, 2007; Moustakas, 1994). Phenomenology is a science of science,
rooted in an epistemology of how individuals subjectively assign meaning to objects of their
consciousness (Moustakas, 1994). Phenomenology is concerned with the conscious, though often
taken-for granted, ways of knowing and experiencing everyday life (Creswell, 2007).
Given the philosophical focus and interest in understanding the mind, awareness and
consciousness, phenomenology as a specific qualitative method of inquiry is well suited for
psychological research (Giorgi & Giorgi, 2003; Starks & Trinidad, 2007). Phenomenology is
also well suited for family therapy research (Daly, 2007). Phenomenology privileges individuals’
lived experience. Increased understanding of the experience of women of AMA who suffer a
miscarriage is essential to establishing higher standards of care as helping professionals, in both
medical and mental health care. As already noted, the medical community has brought forth a
great deal of research regarding the biological aspects, risks and rates related to miscarriage.
However, our culture of silencing women’s voices, particularly regarding the loss experience
with miscarriage, has contributed to the dearth of literature on the true essence of the experience.
To address the lack of understanding of women’s experience of miscarriage at an AMA, a
transcendental phenomenological approach is appropriate to narrate the structure and essence of

43

the shared experience of participants who have suffered a miscarriage. An advantage of
transcendental phenomenology, as a qualitative method, is that it takes into consideration the
researcher’s own personal experience combined with the experience of the participants (Marshall
& Rossman, 2010; Moustakas, 1994; Starks & Trinidad, 2007).
Sampling Procedures
In phenomenological research it is essential that all participants have experience of the
phenomenon being studied (Creswell, 2007). With “criterion sampling,” the essential participant
criteria include: the participant has experienced the phenomenon, is intensely interested in
understanding its nature and meaning, is willing to participate in a lengthy interview and grants
the researcher the right to audio or video record the interview and to publish the data in a
dissertation or other publication (Moustakas, 1994).
Participant Recruitment and Selection Criteria
A site-based, purposeful, criterion sampling method of recruitment was utilized; sites of
recruitment and participants were selected based on the idea that they could purposefully inform
an understanding of the research question and the phenomenon in this study. I made use of the
snowball sampling method, whereby existing participants acted as key informants and assisted in
recruiting additional participants. This “word of mouth” form of recruitment accounted for the
majority of participants enrolled in this study. In addition, recruitment flyers (see Appendix B)
were placed in local obstetrical and gynecological medical offices and reproductive/fertility
specialists offices in the Northeast Ohio region. An additional method of recruitment included
provision of my recruitment flyer to a local grief counseling center, to a local hospital based
pregnancy loss support group facilitator, and to a local infertility support group facilitator. One
final method of recruitment entailed uploading my electronic recruitment flyer onto an on-line,

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closed (private, members only) group or message board page on the Facebook social networking
site for women who have experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal loss. Being a member
of the closed Facebook group for women who have experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth or
neonatal loss afforded me a degree of site entry and researcher trustworthiness while at the same
time blurred the social media networking boundaries. I was always cognizant of the benefits as
well as the complications of being an insider to a group to which the potential participants
belonged. The ethical obligation for me was to make clear my role as a researcher within the
context of soliciting participants from a group to which I am an insider. Additionally, it was of
paramount concern for me to make sure that each participant recruited from the closed Facebook
group be assured of the confidentiality which would be maintained during and after their
participation in this study.
Potential participants made contact with me through my contact information made
available on the recruitment flyer. Once potential participants expressed an interest in
participating in the study, I responded to the interested party through the same means by which
they had contacted me. Potential participants were provided information regarding the purpose of
the study, information regarding the confidential nature of the study, and information regarding
the types of probing questions that may be asked by me in order to meet the goals for this study.
Potential participants were informed of the possibility of an emotional response following the
telling of their story of miscarriage. Potential participants were informed that should they request
it, I would provide a list of local therapeutic support resources. Potential participants also were
informed of the necessity for audio recording the interview and were provided with general
information regarding the informed consent requirement for participation in the study. Potential
participants were made aware of the rights and protections afforded to them under the laws

45

governing the Michigan State University Institutional Review Board (IRB). Potential participants
were informed of the voluntary nature of the study and their right to withdraw from the study at
any time without penalty. Finally, potential participants were made aware of the measures that
would be taken to ensure their privacy and confidentiality. These measures were maintained at
all times and will continue to be maintained through the use of a locked filing cabinet in my
home, the use of participant code numbers and fictive participant names in place of real names,
and the use of password protected electronic files of the transcribed interviews.
After the full disclosure of the nature and purpose of this study to each potential
participant, I screened each potential participant for goodness of fit for participation in the study.
The general considerations for selecting the research participants included: research participant
was English speaking, had experienced a miscarriage within the past two years, the loss occurred
at age 35 years of age or older, the participant was interested in understanding the nature and
meaning of her miscarriage experience, was willing to participate in a lengthy interview, and
granted me the right to audio record the interview and publish the data in a dissertation and other
publications. Once the participant was selected for inclusion in the study, the interview was
scheduled and took place at a mutually agreed upon location.
The goal for this study was to obtain 10 participants to engage in an in-depth interview,
an ecomap activity and to complete a brief demographic questionnaire. Prior to the start of the
interview, I explained in greater detail the logistics of the interview process. Participants were
provided with the informed consent form (see Appendix C). The informed consent form was
explained and each participant was reminded of the voluntary nature of their participation. Upon
signing consent to participate the interview began. Following the interview, ecomap activity and

46

demographic questionnaire completion, the participant was given a $25 gift card as a token of
appreciation.
Sample Description
The participants included 10 women who fit the aforementioned criteria. General
demographic information was gathered from each participant through the use of a basic
demographic questionnaire (see Appendix D). The participant demographic overview shown
below (Table 3.1) provides an overall description of the study participants as a group. The
average age of the women in this study was 40.8 years old, with the participants ranging in age
from 35 – 47 years. All of the participants were married, with an average length of marriage for
these women being 10.1 years. The participants years married ranged from 1.75 – 20 years.
In terms of participant educational attainment, the participants were all well educated
women. Each participant had completed a college degree, while four of the participants in this
study also held graduate degrees.
In terms of participant income level, over half of the participants reported that their
annual family income was over $100,000. Three of the participants reported that their annual
family income was from $70,000 to $100,000, and one participant reported her annual family
income ranged from $60,000 to $69,000.
As for work status, five of the participants in this study reported not currently working
outside of the home. One participant indicated working part-time. Four of the participants
reported working full-time.
Nine of the participants in this study were Caucasian with one participant being Mexican
American.

47

Table 3.1 Participant Demographic Overview
Participant

Age

Years
Married
3

Highest Level of
Education Completed
Graduate school

Total Annual
Family Income
Over $100,000

Work Status

Race/Ethnicity

40

Marital
Status
Married

001

Full-time

Caucasian

002

40

Married

16

College degree
completion

Over $100,000

Caucasian

003

38

Married

13

Graduate school

Over $100,000

004

43

Married

13

Graduate school

Over $100,000

005

43

Married

16

$70,000-$100,000

006

35

Married

5

$70,000-$100,000

Part-time

Caucasian

007

39

Married

8

College degree
completion
College degree
completion
Graduate school

Not employed
outside of the
home
Not employed
outside of the
home
Not employed
outside of the
home
Full-time

Over $100,000

Caucasian

008

45

Married

20

$70,000-$100,000

009

47

Married

1.75

Over $100,000

Full-time

Caucasian

010

38

Married

6

College degree
completion
College degree
completion
Graduate school

Not employed
outside of the
home
Full-time

$60,000-$69,000

Not employed
outside of the
home

Mexican
American

48

Caucasian

Caucasian

Caucasian

Caucasian

Method of Inquiry
Phenomenological Researcher as Instrument and the Use of Epoche
In qualitative research, specifically with phenomenological research, evidence is derived
from first-person reports of lived experiences (Moustakas, 1994). According to transcendental
phenomenological principles, a scientific investigation is considered valid when the knowledge
pursued is reached through descriptions that make possible an understanding of the absolute
meaning and essences of an experience. In order to derive new knowledge, it is imperative that
the researcher, as the research instrument, embrace the process of bracketing, or what Husserl
(1931, 1970) calls epoche. Epoche refers to the researcher’s very disciplined and systematic
process of setting aside prejudices regarding the phenomenon being investigated, and meeting
the participant and the research interview with an unbiased, fresh, receptive presence
(Moustakas, 1994). Prior to engaging in the participant interview, I engaged in epoche by
attempting to balance the notions of myself as the research instrument and myself as having a
personal connection to and passion for exploring miscarriage. Many of the personal attributes to
which the phenomenological researcher is seeking to bracket are the same attributes that pique
the researcher’s interest and passion for the phenomenon of interest. The negotiation of the self
of the researcher and epoche efforts are balanced by what Moustakas (1994) describes as the
researcher’s “brief creative close,” setting down the personal connection to the phenomenon in
order to receive the participant’s description of the phenomenon.
Feminist Fieldworker
Feminist analysis, generally, seeks to give voice to the experience of individuals and/or
groups who have been historically silenced and oppressed (Kleinman, 2007). As a feminist field
49

worker, an overarching objective for this study was to strike a balance between reporting the
participant’s voices without exploiting the participant or her experience. It was imperative then
to avoid attempting to derive a coherent or unified voice – as women and their experiences are
all different (Lather, 1991; Olesen, 2005). Rather, it was my goal to find commonalities and
address issues of epistemology and women’s ways of knowing about their experience of
miscarriage (Marshall & Rossman, 2010). A feminist informed phenomenological approach
acknowledges that grief and loss with miscarriage are universally experienced, though how the
grief, loss and miscarriage are experienced is deeply personal and unique to each woman.
In-depth Interviews
The nature of this study was to address the research question; “How do women of
advanced maternal age perceive and describe their experience of miscarriage?” Thus in-depth,
one-on-one interviews were conducted as a means of collecting data on that topic. The
phenomenological interview involved an informal, interactive process, utilizing open-ended
comments and questions. An interview guide (see Appendix E) was constructed and aimed to
evoke a comprehensive account of each participant’s experience of the phenomenon of
miscarriage in the event that the participant was lacking thick description and/or depth when
sharing her full story.
Interview Process
The phenomenological interview process begins with epoche; my own bracketing, or
suspending (setting aside) any and all prejudgments about reality and consciousness in order to
prepare for seeing and experiencing reality as the participant described it to me. My epoche or
bracketing efforts began by engaging in pre-interview memo writing as a means of revealing my
thoughts and feelings going into each interview. I spent 10-20 minutes before each participant

50

interview writing down my thoughts, feelings, and assumptions about the impending interview as
a method of releasing these thoughts, feelings and assumptions. As previously mentioned,
specific to phenomenology, this preparatory step of blocking all researcher biases and
assumptions in order to describe and explain a phenomenon in terms of the participant is known
as epoche (Creswell, 2007; Matthews, 2005). In this way, I attempted to set aside my own
personal experiences (which cannot be done entirely) so that the focus could be drawn to the
participants in the study.
Six of the 10 participant interviews were conducted at a mutually agreed upon, casual
dining establishment. The other four participant interviews were conducted in the participant’s
home. The phenomenological interview began with an engaging social conversation aimed at
creating a relaxed and trusting atmosphere (Creswell, 2007; Groenewald, 2004). Following this
relaxed opening, I explained the rationale and direction for completing the ecomap activity as it
pertained to her experience of miscarriage. I asked each participant to think about her
miscarriage experience and to complete the ecomap activity. The ecomap provided an opening
for a conversation about each participant’s experience. Following the completion of the ecomap
activity I asked each participant to take a few moments to focus on her experience of
miscarriage, moments of particular awareness, and then to describe the experience of miscarriage
fully. The researcher is responsible for creating the climate for which the participant will feel
comfortable to respond honestly and comprehensively (Moustakas, 1994). Each interview
continued until the participant felt she had shared all that she wanted. Table 3.2 (shown below)
illustrates the theory informed areas of inquiry that were sought for the interview process. Once
the interview had ended and the participant and I had parted ways, I again engaged in a 10-20
minute memo writing session to release my thoughts, feelings, and any assumptions I held about

51

the interview, and the participant. The participant interviews averaged a length of 63 minutes,
with the interviews ranging from 39 – 108 minutes in length. Each audio-taped interview file was
sent to a professional transcription service company to be transcribed into an electronic, verbatim
MS WORD document.
Table 3.2 Interview Areas of Inquiry
Topical Context

Conceptual Areas of Inquiry

o Dimensions, incidents and people intimately
connected with the experience which stand out for
the participant
Social Context (Exosystem)
o How the experience affected significant others in
the participant’s life
Relational Context (Mesosystem)
o How did significant others affect the participant
relative to the experience
Individual Context (Microsystem)
o Feelings generated by the experience
o Cognitions (thoughts) generated by the
experience
Temporal Context (Chronosystem)
o Changes in bodily state of participant during
experience
o Anything else the participant feels is significant related to the experience
Cultural Context (Macrosystem)

Ecomap
As previously mentioned, I asked each participant to complete an ecomap activity, as an
additional source of data gathering (see Appendix F). Following the overarching Human
Ecological Theory framework for this study, an ecomap is a graphic representation of all of the
systems affecting an individual’s life and experience (Hartman, 1995). Developed by Hartman in
1978, the concept of an ecomap was introduced as a therapeutic tool for diagraming different
systems operating on and within an individual’s life and for evaluating systemic relationship
qualities. The aim of the ecomap activity was to open up the discourse regarding the unique
qualities of each participant’s miscarriage experience, and to reveal sources of support and

52

sources of stress to the participant surrounding the time of her miscarriage experience. All of the
information gathered from each participant ecomap was used to further develop the themes of the
study and to inform the individual textural and structural descriptions of each participant. In this
study, the ecomap activity had limited usefulness, serving primarily as a researcher – participant
joining activity and as a tool for opening up the dialogue at the start of the participant interview.
Demographic Questionnaire
A basic demographic questionnaire (see Appendix D) was given after the in-depth, oneon-one interview in order to gather data pertaining to age, marital status, educational attainment,
income, work status, and race/ethnicity. The qualitative demographic information was gathered
in an attempt to gain greater understanding of the context of the individuals and follows the basic
assumptions of the human ecological theoretical underpinnings, which help to guide this study.
Taken as a whole, the sample demographic data helps to provide an overall description of the
study participants as a group, those who have had a shared experience of miscarriage at an AMA.
In a qualitative study, demographic data places an emphasis on social representativeness rather
than statistical representativeness (Gobo, 2004). Participant demographic data lends itself to the
transferability of the results of the study to other similar situations or settings (Lincoln & Guba,
1985).
Data Analysis
In phenomenology, there is a specific, structured method of analysis advanced by
Moustakas (1994) which is a modification of the Stevick-Colaizzi-Keen method of
phenomenological data analysis (Creswell, 2007). Just as I had done before and after each
interview, prior to engaging in any data analysis activities, I engaged in a brief reflective
moment, attempting to reach a place of unbiased, receptive presence.

53

The combined participant interviews resulted in 630 minutes of audio-recorded
researcher and participant dialogue. The 10 audio-recorded interviews were transcribed verbatim
and resulted in 227 single-spaced MS WORD document pages. Those interview transcripts were
uploaded into the NVivo qualitative research computer software platform (version 8.0; QSR
International Propriety Limited, 2010). NVivo was used to handle and reduce the data extracted
from the 10 interview transcripts. As each participant interview transcript was read and re-read
along with data gleaned from each participant ecomap, significant statements were considered
for relevance with respect to description of the experience of miscarriage and were grouped in a
list and were identified as invariant horizons. Included in the list were those statements that were
thick with descriptive verbiage about how the participant experienced her miscarriage. Next, a
recursive process of screening each horizon for containment of a descriptor of experience was
conducted as well as a check for the ability to name or label the descriptor of experience. Any
repetitive, over-lapping horizon was removed from the list. Each of the non-repetitive, nonoverlapping significant statements were treated as having equal worth and value; these
statements were categorized as the final list of invariant horizons of the experience of
miscarriage. A total of 376 invariant horizons of experience were identified from the 10
interview transcripts. While reducing the data into invariant horizons, similar participant
attributes of experience were noted across all 10 participant interviews, thus data saturation was
achieved.
To engage in further phenomenological reduction, the invariant horizons across all 10
participant transcripts were related and categorized into 24 meaning units. The meaning units
represent the highlights of the experience of miscarriage among women of AMA. Four primary
themes were derived from the 24 meaning units. A synthesis of meaning units and themes was

54

used to create a textural description of the experience of miscarriage for each participant.
Verbatim participant quotes and examples describing the texture of the experience illustrated the
“what” of the experience, i.e. the physical aspect of what happened.
Based on my personal experience with miscarriage, using imaginative variation along
with the textured description of each participant’s experience, a structural description of the
experience of miscarriage was developed for each participant. Imaginative variation is generally
regarded as a process of abstraction; attempting to make the invisible visible. The process of
imaginative variation involves contemplating and considering every possible, imagined aspect
(time, space, bodily concern, materiality, causality, and relationship to self and to others) of
experience and of the feelings associated with the experience. For example, through the process
of imaginative variation, I imagined the possible positive aspects of miscarrying, having the
pregnancy end sooner, rather than later. Does having to cope with the loss of one’s pregnancy
early on change the grief experience? Systematically, all varying possibilities of the meaning
associated with each participant’s experience were considered for additional structural and
descriptive verbiage of the experience of miscarriage. The structural description of experience
tells the “how” of the experience, i.e. the feelings and beliefs about what happened. A combining
of each participant’s textural and structural descriptions together develops a group or composite
description of the experience and represents the essence of the experience of miscarriage at an
AMA. The flow chart below (Figure 3.1) gives a pictorial representation of the data analysis
procedures.

55

Figure 3.1 Data Analysis Flow Chart
Epoche

Bracketing the question of the miscarriage experience

Conduct participant interviews and have interviews transcribed

Engage in member checking for transcription accuracy

Read each interview transcript repeatedly to get a sense of general wholeness
Horizonalization: separate out each significant statement of description made by each
participant from each interview transcript
Remove any irrelevant, overlapping or redundant meaningful statements, the remaining
meaningful statements are the invariant horizons of the experience
Relate the invariant horizons among meaning units

Cluster the meaning units into primary themes of experience

Engage in peer debriefing to determine appropriateness of preliminary analytical findings

Construct individual textured descriptions of experience

Construct individual structured descriptions of experience
Generate a composite textural and structural description of miscarriage to illuminate the
essence of the experience

56

Trustworthiness
The soundness or validity of any qualitative study is of paramount concern given that
some scientific disciplines privilege positivist, quantitative research paradigms. There are various
ways of establishing the validity, or trustworthiness, of a qualitative study. Some terms regarding
credibility have been borrowed from the world of quantitative research such as validity,
reliability, and generalizability and have been replaced in qualitative research by terms such as
credibility, dependability, and transferability. Lincoln and Guba (1985) established ways to
ensure that standards of trustworthiness are met within the realm of qualitative research. To
ensure the trustworthiness of this study I enlisted the following procedures of qualitative research
rigor: triangulation, development of an audit trail, searching for alternative explanations, peer
debriefing, member checking, and researcher reflexivity.
Data collected for this study were triangulated by the use of multiple theoretical
perspectives rather than just one theoretical model. For this study, the phenomenon of
miscarriage at an AMA is conceptualized through the lens of human ecological theory,
ambiguous loss theory, and feminist theory. Additionally, having 10 participants or informants
report on the same phenomenon (i.e. miscarriage at an advance maternal age) is another form of
triangulation. Finally, an added measure of triangulation was accomplished through the use of
multiple data sources. Data were collected through the use of in-depth, one-on-one interviews as
well as through the use of demographic questionnaires and participant ecomaps. Triangulation
enhances the research finding’s generalizability or transferability (Creswell, 2007; Marshall &
Rossman, 2010).
An audit trail was maintained and kept up-to-date at all times throughout this study. An
audit trail consists of a transparent way to show how the data were collected and managed. The

57

purpose of this method of tracking data collecting through the use of an audit trail is to account
for all of the data collected and for all study design decisions made in the field, as a means of
tracing the logic of the study (Lincoln & Guba, 1985; Marshall & Rossman, 2010). The audit
trail outlines the research process as well as the evolution of transcript data codes, invariant
horizons, meaning units, themes, and essences (Creswell, 2007; Matthews, 2005). The audit trail
for this study consists of chronological entries of research activities regarding my participant
recruitment activities, my entry into the field, the interviewing process, data reduction activities,
and the final description of essence.
Peer review or debriefing in qualitative research is used as a means of external review
and challenging of the research process. Peer debriefing forces the researcher to justify her study
methods, and the meanings and interpretations assigned to the collected data (Creswell, 2007).
For this study, Dr. Marsha Carolan acted as a peer reviewer with debriefing sessions at the point
in time when I was engaged in data analysis activities. The goal of the late stage analysis
debriefing sessions is to assess researcher and peer agreement or congruence of interpretation
when viewing the analytic methods and findings (Lincoln & Guba, 1985). Dr. Carolan and I
engaged in extended communications regarding my organization and reduction of the data. She
read through raw transcript data and initial and revised significant statement grouping charts. Dr.
Carolan’s peer debriefing efforts helped me to better develop connections between the themes
and essences derived from the data. She questioned some aspects of my approach to data
reduction and offered her own reflections regarding my analysis and final reporting.
I also employed member (or participant) checking. This also operates on the notion of
confirming credibility of the study findings and interpretations by soliciting participants’ views
of the accuracy of the researcher’s account of the data (Creswell, 2007; Lincoln & Guba, 1985). I

58

provided each of the 10 participants with a 2-3 page transcript excerpt as a means of soliciting
participant feedback regarding transcription accuracy and any additional participant insights.
Five of the 10 participants responded to the request for transcript accuracy. Of those five who
responded to the request for transcription checking, all five responded positively to the accuracy
of the transcription of our interview.
Finally, throughout this study I engaged in ongoing efforts to monitor my own biases,
assumptions, preferences, prejudices, and values by taking part in a conscious reflexive effort.
Researcher reflexivity is critical and is at the center of qualitative research (Daly, 2007). Since
qualitative research relies on the self of the researcher as the instrument of the research, reflexive
efforts are of great importance in attending to the ethics of doing good qualitative research
(Lincoln & Guba, 1985). It is through researcher reflexive actions that the qualitative researcher
acknowledges and attempts to manage her own voice, own position of power and all of the self
of the researcher attributes (researcher’s own biases, assumptions, personal opinions and values,
etc.) which can influence the overall study design and planned execution along with the
participants and their experience of being interviewed (i.e. interview setting, interview questions
asked) (Moustakas, 1990). Additionally, researcher reflexivity attends to the study’s overall
degree of trustworthiness, as reflexive practices create the space for the researcher to actively
consider how her own age, race, gender, life experiences, biases, and ways of knowing influence
how she hears, experiences, analyzes, understands and explains the participant interview data
and study findings (Daly, 2007). Given the importance placed on researcher reflexivity activities,
I actively paid attention to my own inner voice throughout all of the study activities. As
previously noted, I created handwritten reflexive notes before and immediately after each

59

participant interview. Reflexive activities such as note taking complemented the bracketing or
epoche activities which are requisite of this sort of phenomenological research.
Initial Researcher Reflexivity
As previously stated, researcher reflexivity requires the researcher to acknowledge and
manage her personal biases, assumptions and values garnered through life experience.
Researcher biases are likely to influence the aims, direction and conclusions of a qualitative
study (Matthews, 2005). In an attempt to manage biases, researchers must attempt to demonstrate
that their life experiences do not bias the study by clearly stating their own personal biases as
pertaining to the study constructs (Starks & Trinidad, 2007). Given the importance of researcher
reflexivity, I will provide my personal reflexivity and biases.
My personal journey into motherhood has been shaped by my having had a miscarriage at
age 35. Ironically, just six months before experiencing a miscarriage, I had become interested in
the topic and had explored miscarriage and Ambiguous Loss Theory for my master’s degree
thesis. Between the births of my two sons, I became pregnant and had 8 weeks to fully attach to
the idea of being pregnant again before learning through the use of a routine sonogram at my 10
week OB/GYN appointment that my baby had stopped growing at about 9 weeks gestation. I had
had a “missed miscarriage” and endured a D&C procedure to remove the “products of
conception,” as it was termed on the hospital forms. As it happens, I became insider to the
mother’s group to which nobody wants to belong.
The emotionally painful experience of having gone through my own loss has fueled my
passion and desire to explore other women’s experience of miscarriage. After my miscarriage, all
I wanted to do was to talk about it, but I found few people who wanted to discuss it with me. The
silencing of women’s loss experience and grief with miscarriage comes from society’s general

60

discomfort with discussing death and dying in a meaningful way. The death of a baby is
especially distressing because it goes against the natural course of life. As it is often referred, the
death of an older person represents the loss of one’s history with that person, but the loss of a
baby represents the loss of one’s future with that child. I would like to sit down and talk to any
woman who has ever had a miscarriage. However, in keeping with the scope of this research
project, I was satisfied with finding10 women of AMA who had experienced a miscarriage and
had a desire to talk about what they had lost.

61

Chapter Four: Analysis and Findings
The purpose of this study was to examine the lived experience of women who suffer a
miscarriage at an AMA. It is hoped that the findings from this study will facilitate a better
understanding of this population of women. A descriptive representation of each participant’s
pregnancy history is displayed in Table 4.1 (shown below). The purpose of this chapter is to
present the salient findings that were garnered through analysis of 10 in-depth participant
interviews. Table 4.2 (shown below) displays the final clustering of 24 meaning units into four
primary themes derived from the participant interviews and ecomaps. First, I offer a sampling of
quotations for the themes and sub-themes. Then I follow this with individualized textural and
structural descriptions of each participant’s experience. Finally, the four primary themes and the
conceptualization of each participant’s textural and structural descriptions were integrated into
an overall “essence” of miscarriage at an AMA.

62

Table 4.1 Participant Pregnancy History Overview
Type of Miscarriage
Participant
Total
Early, Chemical
Ectopic
Late,
Pseudo
Number of Within Pregnancy Pregnancy between
Name & Miscarriages First
13 and
Number
13
20 weeks
weeks
3
1
2
Stacey
(001)
1
1
Joni
(002)
1
1
Penny
(003)
6
6
Rachele
(004)
2
2
Sharon
(005)
1
1
Geri
(006)
5
4
1
Carmen
(007)
1
1
Teri
(008)
3
2
1
Lacey
(009)
3
3
Pamela
(010)

63

Number
of
Neonatal
Deaths

Number Time since Number Reported
of
most recent of Living Fertility
Stillbirths miscarriage Children
Issues

1

10 months
1.5 months

1

3

18 months

2

24 months

1

5

24 months

1

0

0

3 weeks

2

19 months

2

24 months

2

9 months

0

1.5 months

1

X

X

X

X

Primary Themes from the Findings
The 24 meaning units clustered into four themes shown in Table 4.2 reveals the findings
from this study. The four primary themes are:
1. The Physical Context of the Experience
2. The Emotional Context of the Experience
3. The Temporal Context of the Experience
4. The Social Context of the Experience
These themes and meaning units (or sub-themes) are listed below in Table 4.2 and then follow as
a narrative with examples from the voices of the participants.
Table 4.2 Meaning Units Clustered by Themes
Physical
Context of
Experience
Unexpected
Nature of
Experience
Corporeal
Experience

Themes
Emotional Context of
Experience
Feelings of Grief and Loss
Meaning of Pregnancy
Meaning of Motherhood
Meaning of Miscarriage

Issues Related
Meaning to Infertility
Units

Temporal
Context of
Experience
Age Specific
Influence

Attachment to the WouldBe-Child
Oscillation Between
Having Hope and No Hope
Religious – Spiritual
Aspect of Coping
Woman’s Intuition
Memories and Triggers
Regrets and Self-Blame
Acts of Memorialization

64

Influence of
Previous Losses
Timing of
Pregnancy
Announcement
Loss of motherto-be status
Influence of
Time Pass on
Experience

Social Context of
Experience
Significance of
Family and
Friends
Experience Having
an Influence on
Relationships with
Others
Influence of
Medical
Community
Emotional Support
Seeking Behavior
Gendered
Differences with
Grief and Loss
Experience

The Four Primary Themes and the Clustered Meaning Units
The primary themes from the interview and ecomap data were related to the physical,
emotional, temporal and social aspects or contexts of the experience of miscarriage. The
following discussion will provide the details that will explicate each theme and will authenticate
the supporting meaning units that are clustered into each of the four themes. Quotes from the
interview transcripts will illustrate the identified themes of the experience and will provide an
understanding of the phenomenon of miscarriage experienced at an AMA. This chapter will
privilege the participant’s voices, using verbatim quotes whenever possible.
Theme One – Physical Context of Experience
Participants in this study described, in varying detail, the physical context of their
miscarriage. Participants described the unexpected manner in which they became aware of their
loss, with some participants miscarrying naturally though unaware of the imminence of the loss
while others found out about their loss through blood analysis or by sonogram imagery. Upon
discovering the loss, participants described various bodily aspects of their miscarriage
experience, whereby some participants began to miscarry naturally on their own, while others
required or elected to take medication to help the natural, biological processes along, and others
were required or elected to have a D & C procedure. Participant experiences ranged from the
chemical pregnancy, which typically manifests as a heavier than normal menstrual period, to the
experience of labor pain and delivery.
Unexpected Nature of Experience
At some point, the miscarriage experience was unexpected for each of the participants.
Although early blood analysis and sonogram imagery can indicate unfavorable viability odds, it
is generally an unanticipated event when a pregnancy that had started suddenly stops.

65

Participants described a range in the degree of unexpectedness of their loss. Some participants
only realized they were experiencing a miscarriage when bleeding and cramping began. For
these participants the miscarriage was a complete shock. Others experienced the same level of
unexpectedness when during a routine prenatal appointment it was revealed through sonogram
imagery that their baby had died. Other participants had earlier indications of the probability of a
loss through early blood analysis, though even for those participants their initial positive
pregnancy test had already provided the basis for their belief that they were expecting a baby.
Each of the participants described that moment, that instant when she was made aware that she
was experiencing or would soon be experiencing a miscarriage. As one participant described, she
was preparing herself for the inevitability of her miscarriage:
“And so those numbers, the Beta testing for pregnancy viability, they weren’t right and
they [OB/GYN] told me it could pick up and be ok, but that it might not be ok. So, they
were monitoring me and then yea, here at home, I have the doctor calling and telling me
that’s what was probably happening, that I was probably having a miscarriage, with my
numbers not where they should have been for the weeks’ gestation and all and then the
terrible cramping starts and all the blood starts coming. It was terrible; my husband took
the kids out for me so I could just be here at home… ” – Penny
Similarly, another participant seemed to have a little forewarning that a miscarriage was probable
as she stated:
“So I talked to my OB/GYN on that Friday and asked, ‘So what am I to do? Just wait?
Are you saying I'm going to have a miscarriage?’ I asked her, ‘What do I do in the
meantime? Am I pregnant?’ I just kept asking, ‘Am I pregnant?’ ‘Am I really pregnant?
I don't get this. How can you be half-assed pregnant? I don't get it.’ But what could she
say? And then I was thinking, what if this apparent chemical pregnancy does carry on
into a pregnancy? But she really couldn't answer those questions but she did say, ‘Don't
take any more tests. I want you to stop. You're wasting your money.’ I think that was
her way of saying – ‘You had a chemical pregnancy and it’s not viable.’” – Geri
One participant described the unexpected physicality of her miscarriage experience; she had only
known that she was pregnant for just a few days before miscarrying. Not having had a chance to

66

share the news of the pregnancy with her husband, the miscarriage came as a complete shock to
her husband:
“My husband was initially confused when I started to miscarry, he didn't even know I
was pregnant. We were on a trip when it all started and it was hard for me to wrap my
brain around what was happening once it started happening. I’ve never given birth
vaginally and I didn’t understand what the pain was and how the pain was really like, so
much worse than I could have imagined. I was in the bathroom in the hotel, it was about
two in the morning, the kids are there in the room and I didn’t know what to do. So fast
forward to about five in the morning and my husband woke up, he was coming to go to
the bathroom and when he came in he could see that there was kind of a mess and so I
told him and he hugged me and he was confused. He said, ‘I don’t understand, I don’t
understand’ and so then I had to tell him and he was really hurt that I hadn’t told him that
I was pregnant.” – Teri
Conversely, one participant’s miscarriage experience played out entirely within a hospital
setting, where she had several agonizing hours of having to digest what was starting to happen:
“Everything started to seem fine then in the hospital. And then, I woke up Sunday and
I’d got up to go to the restroom, and my water broke, and from that point on, it was just
hell. Everything went downhill from there. They came in, and they checked me, and said
I was dilating, and that there was a prolapsed cord. So, they did an ultrasound where we
literally saw our daughter’s heartbeat stop on the screen. She was the one that had the
prolapsed cord. Our little boy was still alive and kicking, but they said, ‘There’s nothing
to do at this point. You’re only 19.5 weeks pregnant and not at viability. She needs to be
delivered and he will more than likely come right afterwards.’ So, it’s all kinda a blur to
me now, but I started contracting pretty heavily and she came. Her name was S. She was
born, she was not alive when she was born, and she was 10 ounces and about nine inches
long. My labor continued to progress after that, they had doped me up really well. I had
all kinda pain medicine and part of me, now, is like, I think I had so much that it’s a fog; I
don’t remember a lot. I was praying that our little boy would stay intact, but it just wasn’t
meant to be and he just kept moving down in the birth canal. His bag of water was
bulging and the doctor said, ‘There’s just not anything we can do.’ So, he broke the
water, and then, he was born shortly after and he lived about two hours, we named him B.
I think he was 9.5 ounces, and something like ten inches long.” – Lacey
In one case, the participant’s retelling of her series of miscarriages underscored the often
unpredictable nature of miscarriage as she stated:

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“The first miscarriage I took a pill, and I just kinda went with it, ‘Okay, this is
happening.’ And then the second miscarriage, it just happened naturally. And I mean,
that was like labor, it was so awful and so was this last one. This last miscarriage we
were at a wedding and I was in, well not really a Port-a-Potty but close to it, and I’m in
there thinking like, ‘Oh my gosh, what do I do?’” – Pamela
Another participant described her fear of the unknown nature of miscarriage following her
previous losses:
“The thought of pregnancy is just sheer terror. And, for us, each subsequent pregnancy
just became another reason to be afraid. So, by the time the second ectopic pregnancy
rolled around, it was weeks of going in for ultrasounds and having them [OB/GYN] say,
‘We can’t see anything, we’re not sure, but here are the symptoms you should watch out
for.’ And it was just terrifying all the time. And I’m like, ‘Well great, this is it, this is
how I’m gonna die. I’m gonna have an ectopic pregnancy that ruptures, and I'm gonna
bleed out.’ This has affected every part of my life.” - Stacey
One participant described the blow she and her husband experienced when becoming aware of
the loss of one of her twins during a routine sonogram:
“The twin loss was very tough. We had had it in our heads we were going to have twins,
and we were planning on buying a minivan. We were so far along that I thought for sure
it was a done deal, we were having twins. So that was a shock because that one never
showed signs of not doing well. And then I was like 11 weeks and 7 days or something
when we found out that there was no longer a heartbeat, that twin was no longer alive.
So that was tough, ugh it was horrible. It was sad. My husband was so upset. He was
crying, I was crying. You know, I just felt horrible, it was awful and it was such a
surprise, a horrible surprise.” – Carmen
Corporeal Experience
Closely connected to the manner in which one finds out that a pregnancy is no longer
viable is the actual physical, bodily experience of miscarrying. There was a distinguishing factor
related to miscarrying on one’s own, naturally versus electing to have medical intervention to
expedite the impending bodily process. One participant described her options once she was made
away that she had experienced a missed miscarriage:

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“My OB/GYN said, ‘We can wait and let your body get rid of the baby naturally or you
can take a pill and we can speed it up or we can do a D&C.’ I really wanted to go on this
trip with T [husband] and I was very afraid of miscarrying on the trip. I opted to do the
D&C and that was on Friday. I had talked to one of the women in my Bible study group,
her niece is a nurse practitioner, she was saying how with the baby having died at seven
weeks, it was in me for three weeks already passed away. She said, ‘You need the baby
taken out, it’s been in there for a while.’ – Joni
Several of the participants mentioned the mind-body connection as it pertains to miscarriage,
whereby once the mind is made aware of the loss the body can then begin to let go. One
participant put it this way:
“Almost every single time, before anything was scheduled for a D & C or whatever, I
would just miscarry on my own, naturally. It was almost as though I had to find out there
was no heartbeat to let go. It’s so in our minds, we have such power over our bodies.” –
Rachele
Issues Related to Infertility
Four of the 10 participants noted their experience with issues related to infertility. In each
instance of infertility those women described the infertility as a compounding loss experience
relative to their miscarriage losses. As one participant explained:
“We went into it saying, ‘Okay, well, we’ll try to have a child, but we won’t do fertility
treatments.’ And then when it didn’t work on our own, we’re like, ‘Okay, well, we’ll do
IUI, but we would never do IVF.’ And then we’re doing IVF and we started doing all
these things that we said we would never do, which I know is very common for people to
do. But still…” – Stacey
Similarly, another participant described her experience with infertility and the use of artificial
reproductive technologies:
“We had to go the IVF route, and that is just so stressful, so hormonal, all of the shots,
and all of the scans, and poking, and prodding. Nothing about it is natural.” – Pamela
While two of the four participants who reported issues related to infertility had diagnosed
infertility causes, the other two participants both described unexplained and undiagnosed

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infertility. One participant described her frustration with the unknown cause of the fertility
issues:
“When we first started to go to an RE [reproductive endocrinologist], that was in 2010 at
the beginning of that year they did all the blood work on both of us, did his analysis,
everything. The RE said ‘on paper you guys should be having kids.’ I’m like, ‘Well shit
then, burn that piece of paper because something is not working.’ So we went on
Clomid, did that for a couple months and then I had to take a break because I was I was
getting cysts. So my doctor said, ‘Just keep doing what you’re doing, because you never
know you might get pregnant on your break.’ Sure enough, got pregnant on our break and
that was the second one [miscarriage]. And it has been nothing since then. ” – Sharon
Likewise, the other participant with undetermined infertility described her experience in this
way:
“We had undiagnosed infertility for about two, three years. We had gotten pregnant right
away after I had gone off the pill. And then we had lost that child. And then we did not
get pregnant with the second one for two years after that. So here we were, devastated
that we lost the first baby, and then we didn’t realize we had a problem because we had
got pregnant so quickly, so we went that two years with nothing, so that was extremely
frustrating because we didn’t know what was going on. We had all the tests and
everything, and it was just undiagnosed, unexplained, they call it. They didn’t know why
we were not getting pregnant.” – Carmen
Theme Two – Emotional Context of Experience
Primary within this study were themes of the emotional context of the miscarriage
experience. Every participant discussed experiences with feelings of grief and loss and the
ongoing efforts to define the meaning of pregnancy, motherhood and miscarriage. Participants
described their sense of attachment to the would-be-child which was later lost. Participants
described feelings of hopefulness combined with not so hopeful feelings, with respect to their
miscarried pregnancy outcomes, as well as the outcome of possible future pregnancies. A theme
regarding women’s intuition, women’s ways of knowing, regarding the pregnancy outcome was
also described. Additionally, the emotional aspects of pregnancy and miscarriage memories
along with grief triggers were commonly discussed themes for participants. A pervasive

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emotional theme shared by each participant was related to feelings of regret and self-blame as
pertaining to the miscarriage itself. Further, each participant described acts to memorialize the
baby lost during their miscarriage experience.
Feelings of Grief and Loss
Throughout this study, participants provided strong themes of the grief and loss feelings
associated with the experience of miscarriage. Although it was difficult for some participants to
truly conceptualize the baby who was lost, every participant knew she had in fact lost something
that she had very much wanted. For instance, one participant stated the following:
“Looking back when I was actually going through that first miscarriage, it was just so all
of a sudden, you just got used to that idea of, ‘Oh this is great, we’re going to have a
child.’ And then it’s gone in a split second. And it’s funny how you don’t realize that
you really wanted something until you don’t have it or can't have it.” – Sharon
One participant described her heightened sense of loss with the miscarriages she experienced
subsequent to giving birth to her son:
“I won’t say that it wasn’t hard-hard losing that first pregnancy because it was, but then
we had J [son] and then I really think the September and May miscarriages after him
were harder because we had J and we had seen the ultrasound and saw J’s heartbeat and
everything, and then in September, with that pregnancy when we went for the ultrasound,
we just saw nothing. And, well we knew after having J what we had really lost with that
miscarriage.” – Pamela
This same participant went on to describe her bout with depression following a recent
miscarriage:
“I do know that after this last miscarriage, I kinda went into a depression. And there for a
while, I felt like I was just going through the motions of life, and then D [husband] would
come home and I’d say, “I don’t feel good,” and I would just go to bed. I’d be in bed by
like 6:00 every night. And then just one day I thought, “I can’t do this. I have a child that
needs me, and needs me more than a typical child." I guess J [son] is my whole reason for
getting over that hard time after this last miscarriage. I can’t just sit here and wallow
because I’ve got a family and a house to clean and I’m a stay at home mom right now, so
you know, I have responsibilities. With my first miscarriage, I was in grad school, and I
just kinda shut down with that one because I really didn’t have anything to do except go
to school.” – Pamela
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Another participant described her experience with depression as well:
“It’s hard, even with all the spirituality that I have gained in the process of all these
miscarriages and the support system I have, I will still occasionally have depressive days.
I’m dysthymic that was my diagnosis; I’ve been since forever, probably since I was a
child. And so, some days, I still don’t feel that I’m fit to be a mom, spiritually or
whatever. Because I do struggle with depression somewhat, it will kinda rear its head
from time to time, and before my kids were born there were things that I would do
regularly to kinda manage myself better, but now with a newborn, you can’t do as much
of that stuff. ” – Rachele
One participant described what she has been grieving, and what she felt she had lost:
“My husband and I always talk about the first miscarriage, that one was so special, not
that they weren’t all special, but that one we got all on our own, no treatments or
anything. We always talk about how that baby would be seven years old now, or how that
baby would've been born in July. It's weird because J’s [daughter] going to be 4, but I
think that baby was supposed to be my first baby and it would be seven years old, and
going to school and all that. ” – Carmen
Meaning of Pregnancy
For many of the participants, part of the grieving process required an attempt to make
sense of what once was. Many of the participants spoke of the meaning they assigned to
pregnancy. As one participant described, pregnancy and the ability to become pregnant and
sustain a pregnancy are core aspects of her sense of femaleness:
“I’ve gone through a lot of guilt about it because it’s [to produce a baby] what your body
was built to do. So your body was designed to carry a child. It’s kind of the whole makeup of how we are designed, and, when you can’t do that, you feel flawed in this very
fundamental, biological, evolutionary-based way, and it makes you feel less of a woman
because you can’t do what your body was designed to do. ” – Stacey
Similarly, one participant described pregnancy this way:
“And when it's your first pregnancy you don’t have that confidence of, ‘Well, my body
does know how to do this, it was just a fluke.’ I think being a first pregnancy and losing it
makes it worse, harder.” – Carmen
This participant also suffered with issues related to infertility and went on to describe the
meaning of pregnancy, fertility and femaleness:
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“I certainly think too that having miscarriages and fertility issues rattles your confidence,
as a woman. You know it’s nothing you did, but it totally rattles your confidence and
your self-esteem that you can't have this baby like everyone else. As a woman, you feel
that producing a child is what’s expected of you, and it’s what you want too.” – Carmen
Meaning of Motherhood
Many of the participants’ understood miscarriage as an event that precluded them from
realizing their dream of first-time or renewed motherhood. For many of the participants, their
miscarriage disrupted their sense of what motherhood would have been or could have been:
“I think about things like, ‘Gosh, that baby would have come in October, it was perfect
timing, everyone would be in school, I would've had just the baby and M [youngest child]
home with me all day.’ The baby would have been three months old by Christmas time.”
– Joni
Another participant shared her desired view of motherhood and how it has been reshaped by
losses:
“It's so cool to see my daughter like me and my son like M [husband]. And that made it
very difficult, too. Who would N [stillborn son] have been like? And that baby just now
that could have been [recent chemical pregnancy loss], too, who would that baby have
been like. I really wanted a girl. So that's my other thing. Was that baby a girl? I don't
know. I just hope I get pregnant again. That's all I hope. I would love to have two more
live births. I would love that. I really would. That would be my ideal picture.” – Geri
Several participants spoke about how miscarriage muddled their response to the basic and
frequently asked question, “How many children do you have?” As one participant mentioned:
“It's hard, you know, when you get that dreaded question of how many kids do you
have…’Uh, five, three here with me and two in heaven,’ well that’s the short answer, you
know for those who can handle that much…some can’t even handle hearing that. But it’s
important to us to celebrate and honor all of our children. ” – Penny
Similarly, another participant stated:
“And then some people ask me, “So how many kids do you have?” And sometimes I just
say one, and sometimes I say four, if I know how they’re gonna react, it just depends on
who I’m talking to, whether I’m a mother of one or a mother of four.” – Pamela

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Meaning of Miscarriage
Requisite for any grief journey is the task of assigning meaning to one’s loss. Making
meaning of one’s loss does not then suddenly render the loss tolerable, acceptable or reasonable.
No reason could ever be good enough or acceptable to satisfy the griever. Rather, the search for
meaning relates to trying to make sense of one’s life after loss. By creating meaning, one is
better able to gain some control over and find order in the chaos of grieving. Assigning meaning
to a miscarriage is challenging, due in part to the ambiguous nature of miscarriage, and it is more
than likely an iterative process that evolves over time. As one participant stated:
“Well after the first one [miscarriage], it was three months later that C [husband] lost his
job and I thought well maybe that was the reason I had the miscarriage. But you start to
grab at straws at that point because you just don’t understand. Why did this happen? So
that’s kind of how I looked at that one miscarriage. But the second one [miscarriage] I
don’t even know, I was just dumbfounded by that, I don’t know what the meaning was
behind that one. It was just not meant to be I guess. It is very ambiguous because...well,
there are just no answers. It leaves you wondering, why? And yeah, they [OB/GYN] can
do testing on everything, some of the time. So the first one, I just heard it was a normal
miscarriage. How do you call it normal? It’s not normal, ever…is it?” – Sharon
To further establish the difficulty in making sense of one’s loss and life after a miscarriage, one
participant described the unique challenge of suffering a miscarriage knowing it was her last
pregnancy:
“When you have a loss and the loss is your last pregnancy, you cannot have another baby,
that's just an altogether different situation. On the Facebook support group boards, I’m
almost finding a need for a separate group for those who suffer a loss and have no chance
for a next pregnancy, for a rainbow baby, because even among the miscarriage group, so
many of them are trying to conceive again and have a chance for that, but some of us do
not.” – Teri
This same participant described the alternative miscarriage scenario in which one has no living
children and the added burden of coping with loss under those circumstances:

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“And I think a miscarriage is a whole different loss situation when you don't have any
living children. I have two at home, I can go hug my two kids. I really feel for those
women who don’t have any living children, I think that’s a whole different world. Even
from what I have had to experience with having my miscarriage. I am very grateful that
God gave me the two I do have and my miscarriage experience has made me realize that I
better take doggone good care of them while I still have them in my care.” – Teri
Further meaning was made by several participants who had described their losses as informing a
new appreciation for the children that they do have:
“I was a teacher and N [oldest child] spent his those early years in day care and I
remember coming home after M [deceased son] had died, I remember one of my teacher
friends saying ‘Why don’t you take your six weeks and come back and you’ll be fine.’
And I thought ‘Oh you don’t understand, I wasted so much time in that building on 28
other kids and not my kid, I’m not gonna waste that time again.’ I think that after losing a
child you realize what a blessing they are and that they’re not a burden." – Penny
One participant described the importance of trying to make meaning of her loss, although it was
a challenge, at best:
“We try to do things that give our children’s lives some purpose somehow. For me, I feel
like I live for them now so to give back and do something purposeful in memory of them
then that’s some form of meaning and purpose to them having been in our lives, for
however long or however short it was. And so that’s why we do the Walk to Remember.
That’s why we took it on to keep it going. That’s why we do the March of Dimes events.
Because, then, there’s some purpose in it, to help other people. Although, I don’t know
that I’ve come up with anything that really gives me any comfort or ways of finding any
meaning in it. I can come up with reasons [for her losses], but none of them are
acceptable reasons or reasons that somehow balance out the losses that we’ve had. So
that’s [meaning making] a struggle.” – Stacey
Finally, another participant added the following:
“But my husband and I always felt like all the losses and infertility issues make us better
parents, for what we went through. That’s how we've come to try and make sense out of
all the losses. I feel like we have a different appreciation, not, that everyone doesn’t love
their children, but I feel like because we worked harder for it, just to get there, I feel like
we have a different appreciation for the children we do have. A 2:00 a.m. feeding sucks
for everybody, but sometimes I would sit there and think, "Okay, I am tired but this is
what I wanted, and I cried for," so it's just made us to be better parents. And another thing
that I feel has come out of all of this is the choice I made to stay at home. I was careeroriented, especially because we didn’t have children until we were in our 30s. I already
had had a huge career, and I never saw myself staying at home. I always saw myself as a

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working mom, not giving that all up. But I think I have a different appreciation now, I
know life is so fragile; I’d rather be home with my kids.” – Carmen
Attachment to the Would-Be-Child
Grief, in general, is the response of longing that typically follows the loss of an
attachment figure. Attachment is often conceptualized in terms of the young child’s attachment
to her/his primary caregiver. However, attachment runs both ways, and for most mothers
attachment begins in utero. Several participants described the early feelings of attachment that
were felt for their would-be-child, before the miscarriage had occurred. As one participant stated:
“Well I knew I was still this [miscarried] child’s mother and I think that’s where I’m so
thankful for our faith. I mean I knew that this child still existed and I had that huge
smack on the head from God reminding me, this child was a child that I created.
Although that miscarried baby was mine for only a moment, she was mine. And I think it
just reminds us that our kids are our kids for the time that they’re given to us and first
they’re God’s children and so I think coming back to that, I think that’s comforting in
that way, I chose to see it that way. For me, I know I’m going to see this child again and
for the short time that I carried her, she was mine.” I have found that in the end, with this
sort of child-like perspective, it simplifies and makes things look a little brighter and a lot
less bleak.” – Penny
One participant described the ambiguity in forming an attachment to her would-be-child:
“It's easier for me to go through and recount how my pregnancies have all went until this
one [chemical pregnancy loss]. This is harder because I don't know if it was a boy. I
don't know if it was a girl. I don't know – is there really a baby? Was there actually a
heartbeat? Or was it just my body creating a placenta and a sac? I don't know. I haven't
really went in and talked to the doctor. I just want to know. Was there actually a baby?
Is it a baby at six or eight weeks? I don't know. So I have questions. And it's hard
because we do our blessings every night with my kids. With my daughter we always say,
‘Please watch over me and my brothers.’ And what do I say to my daughter now? I don't
want to forget about this baby. But what do I say? ‘Please bless me and my brothers and
the baby that could've been?’” – Geri
Oscillation Between Having Hope and No Hope
With the grieving process there is a need for respite from the emotional work of feeling
sorrow and sadness. This is where hope comes in. All of the participants spoke of the vacillation

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in their feelings of hopelessness along with a renewed sense of hope at other times. As one
participant recalled upon learning that her pregnancy hormone levels were low, she did try to
remain optimistic, even excited:
“So the nurse tells me the blood work showed I was positive for pregnancy and of course
there's excitement. ‘I'm pregnant!’ I remember asking her in the middle of the
conversation, ‘Can I tell people? Am I really pregnant? Really?’ So that's when she said
that my levels were looking low. She said it was a 5.8 hCG level and she would need the
doctor to give me a call because she wasn't sure. She was saying it was basically faintly
pregnant or slightly pregnant or something like that. And I was like, ‘What does that
mean? Am I pregnant or not pregnant?’ She said she wasn't sure of the hCG cutoff for
pregnancy. So that night I got online and started looking up everything. And that's
where I found a lot of stuff about chemical pregnancies and ectopic pregnancies which
started to scare me. And because my levels with N [son] were so high I thought, ‘5.8.
How is that even possible?’ But everything I read indicated that zero to five – not
pregnant, at 5.8 you are pregnant.” – Geri
One participant who had suffered several miscarriages described her continued feelings of
hopefulness that carried her through her last pregnancy, which resulted in the birth of her infant
son:
“You would think after all those miscarriages that I would have had so much fear while I
was pregnant with him [infant son], but I didn’t. I felt sure it was going to be ok, and of
course it was and I just knew, somehow. ” – Rachele
Another participant described her oscillating feelings of hope and hopelessness and how her
doctor has been a source of continued hope for her:
“Everything that we’ve tried [Artificial Reproductive Technologies], nothing has worked.
And we’ve done Follistim with IUI’s, Clomid with and without; we’ve done it both ways,
all the way up to IVF. I always had hope going into all of these things and after the first
failed IVF cycle and then whenever it failed I felt like I was losing hope. But then it
seemed like after I talked with my doctor and I went and spoke with another doctor at a
different facility, it seemed like the hope is coming back. They dangle that hope out there
for you. You feel like you're dangling on a line and you’re never catching the prize. But
I felt better for a while. And I had given myself, I thought okay we’ll just go to the end
of the year. We’re not going to worry about anything. And so in December I thought
‘okay we’ll try it [IVF] again. We’ll give it a go, what the heck right.’ So we went
through the second one [IVF] end of February – March, and that one failed too.” –
Sharon

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Another participant described the way in which her doctor contributed to her sense of
hopelessness:
“Well, for me, with the losses that I’ve had over the age of 35, which there have been
two, I feel like my time is now running out. Before, when I was 21 with that first
miscarriage, I was upset about that loss, but I still had my whole life ahead of me, all
those reproductive years still ahead. And I remember with that first loss when I was real
young, I remember the doctor and my friends, everyone just saying, ‘Oh don't worry, you
know you’ll have more children.’ But now, as an older person, nobody is saying those
cliché' words to me, no one, not my doctor or anyone has said that after I lost the twins,
‘You’ll have more children’ because even they know that my biological clock is running
short, and who knows if I will have a child.” – Lacey
Religious – Spiritual Aspect of Coping
Relying on religious and spiritual beliefs and values was a strategy frequently used by
several of the participants in this study. Religiosity and faith were ubiquitous concepts that were
woven throughout various participant contexts of experience. Notably, religious beliefs and
spirituality were referenced by several participants in this study as pertaining to their efforts to
cope following their miscarriage. Some participants mentioned a strained sense of faith and
anger towards God during their loss experience. However, those participants who mentioned a
loss in their religious faith and the subsequent distress that their loss is faith produced did note
that those feelings were only temporary. With time, their sense of religiosity and faith returned.
In many cases, their faith was strengthened by their miscarriage experience. As one participant
noted:
“When we lost the twins, I was pretty pissed off at God. I felt like, ‘Seriously? After all
this time, I’ve wanted this forever, and then, we go through IVF which doesn’t even work
for some people. They do it a million times, and it never works, and the first attempt
worked for us and then boom, at 19.5 weeks you take the twins away from us? Why?’ So,
I was very angry and G [husband] was, too, for a while. But then, somehow, we got
lifted up by God through all this, I believe, and we started to attend a church. And we
began to feel that we really weren’t alone in this journey. That there was some bigger
force than us kinda pushing us through. So, the losses have brought us closer together,
full circle and definitely stronger in our faith. Which, if something good had to come out
of losing the babies that certainly is a good thing.” – Lacey
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Several participants spoke of having a renewed sense of faith and chose to put their trust
in the Lord God. Additionally, many of the participants spoke of their belief in God’s will for
their lives, and believed that God and prayer would conquer all, even their grief over the loss of
their wanted child. Some participants remarked about their spiritual sense of themselves, their
inner selves, as an aspect of coping with their loss. Nearly every participant mentioned their
reliance on their sense of religiosity or spirituality to help them through their grief. One
participant spoke of her heightened sense of spirituality following her first miscarriage:
“Reiki a form of energy medicine; it’s like a hands-on healing technique where you’re
basically channeling energy and what I believe is that it’s divine energy. It’s from God,
basically, and you are just a channel, as a Reiki practitioner. So, I heard about this Reiki
clinic and I started going there for treatments for the miscarriages and everything and it
made me feel really peaceful, and I became trained as a Reiki practitioner because of my
really positive experience with that. So, I feel like because I had that first miscarriage, I
was led to this healing modality, which is also a spiritual thing for me, it opened up a
certain level of spirituality for me.” – Rachele
One participant spoke about her faith as a means of coping during her time of loss:
“We’re religious people [participant and husband] and we believe that God has our plan
and everything. So He influenced me a lot by holding me up during the miscarriages, I
guess. We have faith that it’s [another live birth] going to happen, and when it happens,
it’s gonna happen the way it should be.” – Pamela
Woman’s Intuition
One factor that may inform a sense of hopefulness or hopelessness is a woman’s innate
sense of things, her perception and intuition. An overwhelming number of the women in this
study relied on and described their sense of knowing or intuition as it related to their pregnancy
and their miscarriage. Although, as it was previously stated that there is an unexpected aspect to
the miscarriage experience, many of the participants had at some point in time suspected that
something was not right with their pregnancy. As one participant noted, even her husband picked
up on her woman’s intuition:
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“I don’t know what it was but even the day we went in for our OB/GYN appointment,
before we had left the house my husband sat me down on our bed and he said, ‘You’re
not right with this one, you’re not right, what’s going on with you?’ And I wasn’t right
and he noticed it. I was struggling with being pregnant. I still to this day don’t know
why I was not right about it...well I guess I knew something, I guess there was a reason I
wasn’t feeling right about it - [sighs]” – Joni
One participant described her intuition of impending doom and pregnancy difficulties and the
discomfort she felt in ignoring her hunch:
“Our first IVF attempt, we put in two embryos and got pregnant with twins. And the
pregnancy was fine, it took off fine. I had had an underlying fear though for forever that
I would have issues in pregnancy because, way back when, way before I ever knew my
husband, I had had a cervical conization – cervical – something done on the cervix. And
I had always, heard that that could cause some issues in pregnancies, and here I was, well
over the advanced maternal age. I was 45, carrying twins. So, those two right there are
big flags for being a high risk pregnancy. And then I had had this prior surgery, and so,
those three things combined put me at a higher risk for having an incompetent cervix. I
had this fear and even had mentioned it to the doctor, and he was very casual about it and
said, ‘We’ll just do a wait-and-see approach. And I was uncomfortable with that, but I
didn’t open up my mouth and really say much about it, and so that’s just what we did.” –
Lacey
Another participant described her intuitive sense becoming honed with each miscarriage
experience:
“This last time, the last miscarriage I could tell something was up, with the little pains I
had been experiencing. I thought, ‘Oh, that’s not normal, why do I have a pain there?’
And with pregnancy symptoms, I had had heartburn and my breasts were sore and all that
and then it just stopped all of a sudden. And so with this last miscarriage in May, that
was the same thing. I remember thinking, ‘Oh, I don’t feel pregnant anymore.’ I think
now I’m just more in tune with my body. ” – Pamela
One participant explained her conceptualization of intuition as:
“I think your intuition is God telling you, ‘Listen up. This is what’s going on.’ I think I
felt that with the 20-week one [stillborn son] too, because I remember driving to see the
midwife and just having these sort of thoughts, weird thoughts that there was just
something wrong.” – Rachele

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Memories and Triggers
Many of the participants in this study described the interaction of memories of the
miscarriage and other grief triggers as facets of the emotional context of their experience. One
participant described the grief trigger she experienced when returning to the OB/GYN office for
a follow-up exam after her miscarriage:
“Then I went to do the follow up and my OB/GYN asked me, ‘How are you feeling, are
you struggling with anything, how was it coming back here?’ I said ‘I don’t like coming
here anymore.’ I said ‘When I was walking into the hospital I saw the waiting area
before I went into the D&C and I just have bad feelings about it.’ She said ‘I hear that a
lot with women who miscarrying, they don’t like to come back to where it happened.’
And I can believe that. But other than that, my OB/GYN was just all doctor about it. I
think they have a tough job and some OB's I think so many of them just over the years
they kind of desensitize themselves.” – Joni
Another participant described the memory she had of having a D & C performed on her birthday
after suffering a missed miscarriage:
“But the one miscarriage and D & C that I had was on my birthday. My husband and I
actually, we had the week off for vacation, we were just doing things around Ohio. And
one of the things we were doing that day, we were going to the doctor’s office for the
ultrasound and then we were heading to Columbus because we were going to stay the
night down there and watch a volleyball game at Ohio State. Well that all changed
because we couldn’t do it. They [OB/GYN] scheduled surgery [D & C] for the next day
and that was my birthday. They actually felt bad about that but it was really the only time
that my doctor could do it [D & C] that week.” – Sharon
Many of the participants reported feelings of anxiety, ambivalence or even anger when having
had their grief triggered when confronted with other pregnant women:
“I don’t go to birthday parties. I don’t go to baby showers. I don’t do any of that stuff
because I can’t. And, for people who have had baby showers since my losses, I usually
tell them it’s for both of us. It would be painful for me, and then I’m sitting in the corner
crying and taking away from your happy occasion, and you don’t want that either. So it’s
best for both of us that I just don’t go. And you can then enjoy and celebrate and not
have to worry about what’s going on with me sobbing in the corner. And I don’t have to
do it.” – Stacey

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Another participant shared her feelings regarding a close friend becoming pregnant when she had
already suffered multiple losses:
“When I had the first two miscarriages, a very close friend and coworker got pregnant
and she had already had a baby. I remember thinking, ‘Why does she get another baby
and I don’t even have one?’ And she's such a good friend, I love her so the jealousy
thing rearing its head back then, it was just ugly and made me think, ‘Gosh, what is that?’
I hated feeling that way, but that was just my authentic feeling at the time. And then, I
actually got pregnant with V [daughter] just a couple months after that. So, we ended up
having kids really close together in age, which is nice, but you know, there was definitely
that jealousy in the beginning, especially before V. That feeling of, ‘Why is it just so
much easier for some people?’” – Rachele
Another participant who had reported issues related to infertility also shared her feelings when
encountering pregnant women or mothers of small children:
“People around you, just having healthy pregnancies, I think is the hardest. It was hard
just to go to a store and seeing a mom in there with a baby. It was hard sometimes for my
husband and I to go to a restaurant, if we’d be sitting next to somebody that had a family,
it would just be sad. And it would just totally ruin our dinner. And once on an airplane,
we were stuck next to a mom and a baby the whole flight, just looking at this baby the
whole way, it was an ‘in your face’ type of thing. And it was really bothersome, seeing
pregnant women everywhere. So, sometimes you just avoid people in general. You just
don’t want to deal with it.” – Carmen
One participant shared her feelings of being forced to confront a new mother and her infant
following the participants’ own recent miscarriage experience:
“So then fast forward, it's after I've had my miscarriage, I've helped SA [pregnant
acquaintance] against my real desire to and then there's this situation where SA was
gonna need somebody to be there at the hospital for the birth and there wasn't anybody
else, so I went. And she kept trying to get me to hold the baby and I wouldn’t look at the
baby, I never looked at that baby, I never looked at his face, it’s a little boy and I hear
he’s beautiful but I’ve never looked at his face, I just can’t, I couldn’t.” – Teri
Regrets and Self-Blame
With all of the participants there was some degree of regret and self-blame regarding
their miscarriage experience. The regrets largely had to do with optimal reproductive years
having gone by and the self-blame tied to the miscarriage itself. As participant Lacey had stated,

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“I remember feeling so disappointed in my body after the loss, like, ‘You failed me.’” And
another participant had said:
“After we lost V [deceased daughter], then there was a miscarriage, and then the next two
losses were ectopics. It kinda leaves me feeling like my body is a death trap. I have regret
about that [the time that has gone by] all the time. I have no regret in marrying my
husband, and we’ve talked about, if I met him any earlier, he wouldn’t have been ready to
get married anyway. So it wouldn’t have worked. But, yeah, there is an element of "I did
all the right things. I waited for the right person, and I waited until I was financially
stable and stable in my career. I did all these things right and now, it’s [having a bay]
impossible?" – Stacey
Assigning blame is mostly an attempt to gain some control over something which we have no
answers or control. Most of the participants tended to blame themselves for their miscarriage(s).
One participant wondered whether she would have miscarried if she had taken her prenatal
vitamin sooner. She stated:
“Yeah, and I think about why I didn’t start taking a prenatal vitamin. I wanted a good
one; I wasn’t able to get to that store to take that good one. I finally broke down at Giant
Eagle and bought their whole food one. But I didn’t take one for a while. I didn’t get on
it until I was five weeks pregnant. You question that, what did I do wrong? I was making
myself drink those smoothies that were kale, celery, they were awful. I said "these are so
good for the baby." Yet, the baby was already gone by that time. I was trying to eat well
and be good. So many things you can get angry about and blame yourself for. ” – Joni
Another participant reflected:
“With miscarriage, you just don’t know. And with the research you do on the Internet,
you know it’s nothing you can control. But then again at the same time, it's there in the
back of your mind. My specialist prescribed low-dose aspirin because that sometimes can
help if you have a clotting issue that's causing miscarriages, so I used aspirin and then it
makes you just wonder, ‘Is it the use of the aspirin, was that wrong to do, did that cause
this one miscarriage?’ You ask yourself, ‘Is there anything I could have done?’” –
Carmen
Most commonly, the participants in this study described regrets over the loss of the reproductive
years which had gone by; as one participant stated:

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“I have definitely had thoughts of, ‘Well, gosh. If I had only started thinking about
wanting to have children sooner, if we had not wait until I was 35 or whatever; maybe
this wouldn’t have happened, all those miscarriages, maybe it would have worked sooner
and with no losses.’ But I do know that if we hadn't waited to start having kids, if we'd
have started and had kids earlier than we did I would have been a different person and
maybe not as fit to be a mother. I definitely wouldn't have been in the same spiritual
place that I am now.” – Rachele
Another participant echoed similar feelings of regret:
“Sometimes I think ‘Well who’s to say that had we started 10 years ago we still wouldn't
be going through this [losses and infertility]?’ But, ya don’t know. I try not to dwell on
that but yeah; I regret not saying something, not having the guts to tell him my husband
about my desire to have a baby sooner, that’s what it boils down to. [Weeping] It’s funny
because you’d think after all these years that I’d be used to talking about all of this.” –
Sharon
While others described specific physical activities that could have been to blame for their
miscarriages, one participant stated:
“What's still so hard is that I kept saying, ‘No, I can’t be pregnant right now, I can’t be
pregnant right now’ and I didn’t want a baby then. I just denied it and said, ‘No, its
menopause, it can’t be, it can’t be,’ and after the miscarriage it felt like God was
punishing me because I put myself first. And the medical community couldn’t confirm or
deny that it was my fault or not, but I did not take care of myself during that time.” – Teri
And another participant questioned the role of her fitness program:
“My first miscarriage, I was taking a Zumba class. I love Zumba. I would do it every
day if I could. I got pregnant and the doctor said, you know, ‘It’s fine, you know, just
don’t go crazy. Keep it light.’ So I took my Zumba class, we lost the baby. So I didn’t
do any Zumba whatsoever, and then we had J [son]. And then these last two times when
I've miscarried, I was taking Zumba each time. And after my last loss just in May, I gave
it up. I told my instructor, ‘I don’t think I can do this until I have another baby.’ And she
kinda looked at me like I was crazy. And I, I know that Zumba class is not totally, totally
why I have miscarriages, but that’s such a connection that it gets into my head now that
‘Okay, if I don’t do Zumba, then I’ll have a baby. But if I do it, then I’m gonna lose it.’
So the Zumba class is another part of my guilt, I guess.” – Pamela
Acts of Memorialization
In addition to reconciling attachments and finding hope, another aspect to healthy healing
from grief and loss is finding ways to memorialize what was lost. Several of the participants in

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this study mentioned the importance of and manner in which they memorialized their would-bechild. For instance, one participant stated the following:
“There was no time to even pause after the miscarriage and so it really wasn’t until after
the first ectopic pregnancy, and I had been talking with a friend of mine from one of my
support groups. And I said, ‘I just feel like these are babies that need to be recognized
too but I don’t really know how to.’ And she had had a miscarriage, and she gave the
baby a name. And she'd said, ‘My husband really struggled with the naming it, but I
needed to do something. This was a baby that we wanted and we looked forward to.’
And so I went home, and I talked to G [husband] and I said ‘How about giving them
[pregnancy losses] names?’ He was like, ‘No. No.’ And I was like, ‘Okay. So what
about a symbol for them? Is it okay that we give them each a symbol so we have
something that kind of was theirs?’ And he was okay with that. I picked them all and
passed them by him. And he was like, ‘If that’s what you wanna do, that’s fine.’ But he
just really didn’t feel the same sense of loss. To him it was, I think, more the loss of time
than it was necessarily the loss of another child. ” – Stacey
In 2008, Ohio passed legislative bill 517-071, the Grieving Parents Act, making Ohio one of a
few states with options specific to the disposition of fetal tissue or remains under 20 weeks
gestation. Despite this state sanctioned legislation, one participant had to demand her baby’s
remains following her D & C procedure in order to have a funeral ritual for her miscarried baby.
As she explained:
“So, I drop the bomb about wanting the baby and I hear them [hospital staff] out in the
hallway whispering. T [husband] came in and I said, ‘I’m making everyone very
uncomfortable.’ Then Dr. B comes in before the D & C and says, ‘I hear you want the
baby?’ I said, ‘I do’ and she said, ‘You know it’s just pink fluff.’ I said ‘I don’t care if
it’s pink fluff,’ which I can’t stand that they would even go that route with me. I teach the
Choose Life program in the school part-time…Anyway, I know having a funeral made it
probably more real for everyone else. T, at first was very worried about the kids and I
talked to the counselors at Cornerstone [grief center] and asked, ‘Should I not let some of
the kids be involved?’ and they suggested that I do let them be involved, giving them that
closure and we did. It was beautiful, we had the priest come do a little service, we put
flowers there for the baby and they [grief counselor] had said, ‘Go do something fun
afterwards, release energy, go bowling.’ So we did, we went to lunch and went bowling. I
think that day I made my kids more prolife during that than anything. I told them, ‘This
was a baby, this was your sister or brother and it’s a part of our family.’ ” – Joni
One participant spoke of her wish to have been able to have a funeral ritual after her recent
chemical pregnancy loss:

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“This sounds disgusting, but I kind of wish I had kind of taken some of the blood or
something and taken it to the cemetery and buried it with N [stillborn son]. I thought
about it afterwards, but I don't know. ” – Geri
One of the most difficult aspects to healing after a miscarriage is that the memories are so few
and the physical mementos of the would-be-child are limited. As one participant stated:
“Anyway, yea we do have that one sonogram picture of her [miscarried baby] and we
keep it out, on the mantel, along with M’s [deceased son] picture and our other three kids.
That picture of M [deceased son] there, it’s not a great picture of him, poor little monkey,
he started looking bad there, his color started to change as he was getting sicker. He had
contracted sepsis e.coli the day after he was born and the antibiotics they were using to
treat him weren’t working…he started getting sicker, his belly started to bloat because he
wasn’t pee-ing or poop-ing anymore. We have other pictures of him…He was born a
pink, healthy, breathing baby; he looked like any other baby, just small. Anyway, it’s just
important for us to have those pictures out, of all of them. It’s just so hard ya know, to
know I have five kids but they’re not all here. ” – Penny
Several participants mentioned jewelry, mother’s jewelry specifically, as a means of
memorialization:
“And so I have a necklace and originally I had like a pea pod with three pearls in it
representing my two living children and M [miscarried baby], and I don’t wear it now
because I had bad dreams about losing one of the pearls. So then I got these birthstones
for each of my children, so of course one is for M [miscarried baby], and this shell is the
same size as a 12-week-gestation baby hand. So I got this shell charm and I hold it and
think about her and think about what it would be to hold her hand, it’s silly, but it’s
meaningful to me. I wear this necklace every day and that’s how it gives me an in for
talking about my baby because if people will see it they’ll say, ‘That’s really pretty, what
do all the charms mean?’ And I say ‘Those are my kids.’ And if they know me and they
know I have two living children and if I choose to, I can say, ‘I have a baby in heaven.
We lost one of our children.’ Or I could just walk away and let them think.” – Teri
One participant had considered a piece of memorial jewelry but felt conflicted about it as she
stated:
“Within the first year or two after that first miscarriage every time December 1st came
along, that was the first one’s due date, it would hit me, ‘Yeah, that’s the date, let’s move
on.’ But yet I can remember the dates and things, so yeah, I'm really not moving on, you
know? And I’m actually having a ring made and I wanted to have specific colored stones
on the ring to represent different things. I had mentioned all the colors of the stones I
wanted to my husband and he’s like, ‘Do you want all those?’ And then when I sit back
and I think about it, I guess I think, ‘Yeah, that is a lot of negative stuff, isn't it?’

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Because I had one stone for December, one for June because that’s when the second one
was supposed to come along. And I thought no that is kind of negative. Do I really want
to look at that and be reminded of it [miscarriages]? So sometimes it takes him [husband]
to say something and then it will put things into perspective for me. And then I'm like
‘You’re right, I know I need to step back out of it.’ But, you still think about it, you still
grieve about it. But I’m trying not to let it consume my life because I wouldn’t have
found the strength to move on if I allow that. ” – Sharon
Theme Three – Temporal Context of Experience
A pivotal aspect of the miscarriage experience for women of an AMA was the concept of
time, specifically, chronological and biological age. Those women who delay motherhood or
extend childbearing into their advanced maternal years face unique challenges as they race
against time. For those participants who had endured previous maternal losses, there was an
added layer of grief that complicated their miscarriage experience. The timing of the pregnancy
disclosure to friends and family was an influential aspect of the miscarriage experience for many
of the participants in this study. As such, the subsequent loss of the mother-to-be status among
one’s family and friends, as well as with oneself, was an especially painful process of adjustment
following the miscarriage experience. Lastly, participants discussed the evolution of their loss
experience with the passage of time.
Age Specific Influence
Every participant in this study shared her sense of anxiety regarding the number of
reproductive years remaining. Age seems to be the great equalizer. Regardless of fertility
treatment advancements and independent of financial resource availability…at some point, every
woman’s reproductive capability halts. As one participant disclosed, she was not terribly
concerned about her age initially, but as she proceeded in her trying to conceive efforts, time
soon became a concern:

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“When I first saw my RE [Reproductive Endocrinologist] I was 39, actually I may have
just turned 40. And he said to me, ‘Well how fast do you want to do some of these
procedures?’ I said, ‘Well we’re just going to start at the beginning and we’ll work our
way up.’ I said, ‘If I was concerned about time, we would have just jumped to the end-all
be-all.’ And I said, ‘Not only that but if I were that concerned about time I would’ve
tried having kids a lot sooner than this. So obviously I’m not concerned about it.’ But fast
forward three years and now I’m concerned about it. So I don’t know. It’s funny because
all of a sudden the age has become a factor. Where four years ago it was not. And I
wasn’t even concerned with it.” – Sharon
Another participant described the influence age played in her efforts to conceive again after her
first loss:
“I don’t think I would have pursued pregnancy again, so soon after a loss in my 20's like I
have now at my current age. I would have given myself and my body time to heal. I’ve
been pregnant three times just since 2011. That’s a lot on a body, the hormones and
emotions, and all. I certainly would have given myself much more time to heal as a
young person, but being older, my time is limited.” – Lacey
Some participants were made to feel a heightened sense of their maternal age through
interactions with their OB/GYN, as one participant shared:
“My OB/GYN put me out to pasture before I was even 35. I remember being pregnant at
30 and them saying, ‘At 35 we do amnios. At 35 there's a heightened risk.’ I'm just like,
‘What the hell happens at 35? Does something go off in your body like a light bulb?’ So
that really put heightened fear in for me. Did I do this to N [stillborn son who had
Trisomy 18]? And then everybody just kept telling me with him it was just a fluke a
terrible genetic lottery, a lottery which of course nobody wants to win. And then to have
another loss now with this chemical pregnancy and now I'm very scared. Where do I go
from here? Does this mean I'm done? Did something truly happen in my body because
I’m freakin' 35? Why is it eggs are less good after 35? I don't get it.” – Geri
Similarly, another participant described her increased awareness of her maternal age through
experiences with her OB/GYN:
“We moved here and I got pregnant, and so then I switched and saw a new OB/GYN up
here and the past two times that I've miscarried she basically told me that I’m too old.
And I’m 38 years old, ya know, I’m not like 60 trying to have a baby. She implied that
I'm too old, that I probably don’t have enough hormones left in my body to support a
pregnancy and she's just really a Debbie Downer about the whole thing.” – Pamela

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Influence of Previous Losses
The majority of the participants in this study had endured multiple losses. The
compounding grief effects of multiple losses influenced those participants’ ability to cope with
each additional loss and to remain optimistic for their future pregnancies. As one participant had
noted:
“After you’ve had a loss, instead of saying ‘Oh, we’re having a baby,’ you tell people,
‘We’re pregnant.’ It’s different. ‘We’re having a baby’ is a whole different thing than,
‘Well, we’re pregnant,’ because being pregnant doesn’t really mean that you’re actually
gonna have that baby.” – Lacey
Many of the participants who had experienced previous losses described conceptualizations of
their future pregnancies in a very different way than the typical pregnant woman. Most pregnant
women do not have to consider the things that one participant had noted:
“Another thing that scares me is that after we lost N [stillborn son] I had thought maybe
N will come back, in spirit, in my next baby. Well, now I get scared thinking was he in
the baby I just lost [recent chemical pregnancy]?" – Geri
And another participant tried to make sense of her previous losses in this way:
“Just like M [deceased son], M never knew the misery of this world. You can put this in
the perspective of a stillborn child, their first breath is heaven. Their first sight, whatever
they see is of heaven and that’s so amazing. So yeah, we have at least two children who
never have to make that choice to be faithful or not but then we have these three and we
do the best we can as parents to help them understand and help make them faithful
Christians. ” – Penny
Timing of Pregnancy Announcement
Of great consideration with every pregnancy is the time when expectant parents feel
comfortable to disclose their pregnancy news with others. It is a highly personal choice as to
when to share such news. Some pregnant women and couples will disclose their pregnancy right
away, while others feel the requisite waiting period is somewhere near or after the twelfth week
of pregnancy. For many women and couples, the fear and the meaning associated with the mere

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possibility of having to share the bad news of a miscarriage precludes them from disclosing their
pregnancy before a certain time frame. The desire to spare themselves of the experience of
having to share their loss later on (as well as sparing their family and friends of this experience)
outweighs the potential benefit and excitement of sharing the news of their pregnancy sooner.
Alternatively, in theory, if news of the pregnancy is shared with family or friends early on, it
should stand to reason that those already aware of the pregnancy will then serve as readymade
supports when a miscarriage is discovered. While if the pregnancy news is not shared before a
miscarriage is discovered, then there are potentially fewer supports already in place. Participants
in this study shared their experience of telling, or not telling, others about their pregnancy and
the effect the announcement, or withholding of the announcement, had on their subsequent
miscarriage experience. One example of the effect of not sharing one’s pregnancy news with
others was noted as follows:
“I feel like the miscarriage was hard for people to understand. We hadn’t told anyone
that we were pregnant. It was very early. And so people only knew that I was pregnant
after I had already miscarried. And so, it's like there’s nothing real to attach to in that
way for other people. We don’t have ultrasound photos. We don’t have really anything
beyond a positive pregnancy test. So there’s not as much for people to kind of latch on
to, to try and understand. ” – Stacey
Conversely, one participant described her experience with having the news of her pregnancy
shared early:
“Unfortunately the pregnancy news got out very early. I think I was only, my gosh, four
weeks pregnant at the time when the news got out, maybe not even four weeks. We were
almost upset in some ways how it got out so early, I wish so much it wouldn’t have
gotten out that early. So many people knew. I was okay with the close people around me
knowing, especially when we miscarried, but it was really difficult when I still had
people I didn’t know that well coming up to me congratulating me days after I miscarried
and I was a wreck. One person I didn’t even say anything, I said ‘Oh thank you.’ I
didn’t even tell her about miscarrying. That part of everybody knowing early on was
tough. ” – Joni

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Loss of Mother-To-Be Status
Several participants described their experience of belonging to the status of mother-to-be
and then suddenly having to shift and no longer belonging to that status upon miscarrying. One
participant spoke of her brief inclusion in the role of mother-to-be in this way:
“It’s funny how you’re just starting to get used to the idea, ‘Oh, yeah I’m pregnant.’ You
go and get the book so that you know what to expect and all that stuff. And then all of a
sudden, it’s taken away from you [pregnancy] in a second and you’re at a loss.” – Sharon
Another participant spoke of the transition from expecting twins and being a mother-to-be of
twins to unexpectedly being the mother-to-be of a singleton:
“And there’s like a sisterhood, for sure, were you can join in on the conversations about
pregnancy issues, morning sickness and all. At least five to twelve weeks you can and
you have that status. It’s a status of would-be mom to twins. And then suddenly you’re
not that. Because you know, I had even joined a message board on the Internet of
mommies-to-be with twins. And then it's like, well I’m not that anymore.” – Carmen
Another participant shared her experience of having others around her perceive her sense of
being insider or outsider to the role of mother:
“Every year before my miscarriages, my mother would send me a Mother’s Day card for
my dogs. And this year, the year after all of these losses; I never got anything, and I
remember I talked to her on the phone and she said, ‘Well, I was going to send you a
Mother’s Day card, but I just couldn’t do it this year.’ I told her, ‘Well, this would have
been the year to do it of all the damn years.’” – Lacey
Influence of Time Pass on Experience
The passage of time often changes one’s grief experience. To some extent time heals, and
grief evolves. With time, the emotional space necessary to create meaning for one’s loss is
created. As one participant described the changes and reshaped meanings that time brings:
“It [losses] just changes everything, how you see things, what’s important and so we are
just doing our best as parents to demonstrate this new normal, as they call it, the lessons
we've learned, to our kids, and we just have to trust in the sovereignty of the Lord, this is
not in our control, despite our best efforts and our hopes and desires. Only God knows
and only God is truly in control of this life. ” – Penny

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One participant spoke of how her perspective of her miscarriage experiences has now shifted to a
more positive reframing of those difficulties she endured to the positive spiritual gains she
received in the process of multiple losses:
“Now looking back, when you talk about meaning and all, I feel like with all these losses
I had to go through I did gain a richer life in some respects afterword, like each
experience, though awful, did lead me to something good, like divine, a closeness to
God…learning to do Reiki, going to the meditation group and then the Bible Study
group, finding really spiritual people along the way like C G, the prayer bowl artist, and
finding out about The Servants of Mary Shine there in Windsor and all…it was like each
loss brought me closer to all of the spiritual aspects of who I am now.” – Rachele
Lastly, one participant described the progression of her grief over time and how she managed the
grief triggers that women who miscarry often encounter:
“But as time has passed and as I’ve had time to grieve, I find and this is what I tell on the
miscarriage support site that I help administrate on Facebook, what I tell the newly
grieving moms is that the pain is not gonna get less, when you have a trigger the pain is
not gonna be less but with time you’ll recover from the grief triggers faster. I'm able to
pull myself together and stand up and walk a whole lot faster than I used to when I would
get triggered. I can see time has done that and I can sometimes see it coming and avoid
it.” – Teri
Theme Four – Social Context of Experience
The very personal experience of miscarriage influences the public and social aspects of
one’s life. Participants in this study described the significant role that their family and friends
played in their miscarriage experience. In addition, participants related that their experience
influenced relationships with others. Since miscarriage is often seen as a medical issue,
participants discussed the role of the medical community within their experience. Several
participants discussed their emotional support seeking following their miscarriage. Lastly, each
participant in this study was in a heterosexual marital relationship, and several participants
discussed the gendered differences with grief and loss experiences.

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Significance of Family and Friends
The participants in this study spoke about the significant and varied roles that their family
and friends played in their experience of miscarriage. Many participants mentioned the benefit of
a supportive spouse, while others spoke of the value in speaking to someone else who had been
through a similar loss experience. One participant noted her mother-in-law as particularly helpful
to her during the days and weeks after her miscarriage, as she added:
“My mother-in-law was a huge influence. She really helped me because she experienced
a miscarriage; she suffered a loss farther along than I was, like at four months along. I
remember her talking about it on occasion, even before my loss last month. So when it
happened I was more comfortable talking to her.” – Joni
Another participant shared a similarly meaningful experience she had with her mother, who was
sensitive to the participant’s loss experience since she too had had a miscarriage herself:
“I told my mom about this recent chemical pregnancy and she was wonderful. We've
grown so much closer and things have become so much better between us since N
[stillborn son's death], it's changed night and day with her. I don't know if it was a fear
that came up in her after my son died or what...my mom lost her only sister and she lost a
set of twins through a miscarriage.” – Geri
Experience Having an Influence on Relationships with Others
While all of the participants described those key individuals who were significant during
their miscarriage experience, the participants also portrayed a message regarding the influence
their miscarriage has had on relationships with others. A similar theme from each participant was
that the miscarriage experience created a sense of their own otherness or dissimilarity, as
compared to their friends and peers. As one participant stated:
“Well for me, because I don’t have any living children, and having children is kind of a
life stage change, I feel like, in some respects, I don’t fit in with the group anymore.
They [social peers] have their children, and they do play dates, and they do family stuff,
and there’s no role for you to play in that. So that part is hard. And because I’m older,
most of my friends who have children had children earlier. So their children are older
and so their ability to relate to somebody who’s still trying to have a child, when their
kids are 13 or 14 years old, is very difficult for them. And their childbearing years for
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them are so far gone or behind them, and I’m still trying to get mine started. And then
because my husband is younger, his friends are mostly just having their children. And
we had a friend who was due a couple months after V [deceased daughter] was due but
ending up having her about six months after V was born, and I’ve still never seen their
child because I can’t. And so you start to associate dates and times and how old would
they be and where would they be. And it becomes difficult to see. ” – Stacey
Another participant described her sense that it was difficult for her family or friends to relate to
her and her perceptions of life and pregnancy since her loss experiences:
“And it’s hard for the people around you because, like when we would get a positive
pregnancy test, I’d call my mom and be like, “Well, don’t get too excited.” She’s like,
"Stop thinking like that!” And I'd say, “That’s just the way it goes, Mom. I count on
nothing going the way it’s supposed to go for everybody else.” As a loss parent, you
know how fragile it all is in a way that other people can’t even fathom. ” – Stacey
One participant felt that her grief response relegated her to an outsider status relative to
normative “mom culture,” and she felt she could only grieve her losses in isolation:
“And that’s the thing ya know, when you’re a mom, there’s just no time to grieve. You
have to just get on with life an all, there’s floors to scrub and laundry to do and the other
kids you still have to take care of. So I would cry when I could, with M [deceased son], I
would always cry in the shower, because I just could there. And then with the
miscarriage, I would feel like I couldn’t cry in front of people all the time. So I would be
crying [after miscarriage loss] on the way to drop my boys off at school and then I would
have to hurry up and [pats face as if drying eyes and cheeks, then smiles big] straighten
myself up, like I don’t need people thinking I am this crazy, crying, incompetent
mother.” – Penny
Influence of Medical Community
In relating to the medical community, specifically their OB/GYN, many participants
stated that their experience with their doctor was mixed, at best. Some participants described an
overall favorable experience when interacting with their physician during and after their
miscarriage. For instance, as one participant framed it this way:
“My OB/GYN, I gotta give him a lot of credit because he never discouraged me and
people were shocked and would even say to me, ‘What does your doctor say after you
have had all these miscarriages?’ He was just great, he would say to me, ‘I’m not God. I
don’t understand this stuff; we can’t find anything physically wrong with you.’ He did
have me taking baby aspirin because he said that can somehow prevent small microclots
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in the placenta. He didn’t know if that was doing anything, but he said, ‘Let’s just do
this.’ I did it for four pregnancies though and it didn’t help. But yea, my OB was always
supportive and he never told me stop trying. It was just amazing and especially with my
age. I’m 43. I’m not young as far as having babies. I mean, there are people that have
them even older than me now, but most of them are doing it with eggs that they had from
before or donor eggs. ” – Rachele
Several others described less than satisfactory experiences with their doctor during and after their
miscarriage. One participant felt her miscarriage was minimized by her OB/GYN:
“I didn’t get a hold of my regular OB/GYN until the next morning or so after miscarrying
on the road in that hotel room. Now, she was more sympathetic than the staff in the ER.
However, I was kind of surprised because I’ve been with her for years when I was
pregnant with K [daughter] and when I was having problems I could call her at home but
with this she seemed very different. She’s not had a loss and maybe that’s what it is, she
seemed to kind of just brush it off, she was all concerned with the cancer scare
discovered right after the miscarriage. She switched right into that just like everybody
else did, forgetting all about the miscarriage I had just had.” – Teri
Emotional Support Seeking Behavior
Several of the participants mentioned that they had begun attending either a hospital
based, monthly pregnancy loss support group or had begun seeing an individual therapist who
specialized in grief following a pregnancy loss. Some participants joined local chapters of
various miscarriage and neonatal loss support groups, and some joined infertility support group,
while a few others joined online message boards or forums for grief and loss. One participant
spoke about her reaching out to an area artist who specialized in designing prayer bowls made
from gourds as a means of seeking guidance following the stillbirth of her son:
“After I went back to see C G, who was the lady that made the prayer bowl, and I said,
‘Are you still seeing that I’m gonna have this baby? I’ve had two more miscarriages.’
She said, ‘I still see this spirit that wants to be with you.’ And she said, ‘But it’s always
your choice, this is just a possibility, this spirit wants to come and manifest to live with
you.’ And she had also said to me that I had to stop being a lady-in-waiting about it, she
said that she was getting something from my guides or my guardian angel that I needed to
live my life, and not just be waiting for this baby and that that was part of what needed to
happen. Then, she said she was getting message or reading for me about the number 7,
but she didn’t know what it meant. She said, ‘Somehow, seven is a significant number
for you; I don’t know why, but it is.’ And, well I had seven miscarriages as it turned out,
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in the very end, and she never said that’s what it was about, but clearly it seems like that
is what it was about, seven losses before finally getting my two children.” – Rachele
Gendered Differences with Grief and Loss Experience
Much can be said about the gendered differences in the grief response among spouses,
even when the loss is ostensibly of equal bearing or is a shared loss, i.e. the loss of a child versus
a spouse experiencing the loss of their parent or a friend. Nearly every participant mentioned the
difference in grieving in their spouse’s response to the loss. One participant explained:
“My husband has admitted, he says ‘It’s different for me. I hate to say it, I don’t feel it
like you feel it.’ I don’t blame him for that, he was being very honest. He said ‘The
cemetery made it very real.’ He said ‘When I had to carry that little baby casket,’ - it hit
him more. But ultimately, it’s different for a guy. ” – Joni
Another participant noted her difficulty in even discussing her grief with her spouse as she
stated:
“Before I made the name for the [miscarried] baby official or whatever, I thought, ‘No,
he [husband] has to agree to this, I need him to participate with me in naming our child’,
and so I couldn’t find my voice, every time I tried I stopped, so I was on Facebook and he
was on Facebook just around the corner in another room in the house and I sent him a
chat message and we had probably an hour-and-half long Facebook conversation which
was the most we had ever talked about it [miscarriage] ever. I told him what I felt and he
had said, ‘I thought you were getting past this.’ And he didn’t know I was not moving on
from the miscarriage, I couldn’t figure out how he didn’t know that I wasn’t past it, so I
told him that I needed to give the baby a name and asked him if he liked the name, all of
this is over Facebook, not face to face. So after I told him everything then he could hear
me crying in the other room and he came into the room and held me and said, ‘I love M
just as much as I love you,’ and I really needed that.” – Teri
And finally, one participant described the difference in how she and her spouse proceeded in
their journey through grief:
“So, my husband and I started attending the hospital based grief group and I went
consistently; monthly, G [husband] and I went for quite some time. And then, he didn’t
feel like he needed it as often. So, there were a few times after that I went by myself and
that was okay. I did learn, you know, through the counselor and the grief support group
that we’re not always on the same page with grief, men and women, spouses.” – Lacey

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Overall, the participants in this study recognized that men and women grieve differently and they
seemed to accept their spouses’ differentiated style of grieving as normal.
Textural Descriptions
The textural descriptions of each participant’s experience of miscarriage at an AMA were
gleaned from the participants own telling of “what” had happened. As defined by Moustakas, it
is the “what” that must be explicated texturally in order to arrive at the noematic phase, i.e. the
phase of describing the perceptual meaning of some experience. Thus, the texture of each
participant’s experience is the basic, overarching details of what had happened to them. Using
the relevant horizons, meaning units, and overall themes from the transcript, and ecomap data
individual textural descriptions of experience have been constructed for each participant. A
verbatim example selected from each participant’s transcribed interview will be included to draw
out further texture of personal description of “what” occurred.
Participant 1 – “Stacey”
Stacey’s experience with miscarriage was informed largely by her first maternal loss
which happened in August 2011 with the loss of her daughter V. Stacey’s first pregnancy
resulted in her daughter V being born prematurely at 22 weeks and 1 day gestation, she was born
alive and lived for 8 minutes. After the traumatic loss of her daughter, Stacey went on to get
pregnant again, and that pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage in January 2012. This was
followed by an ectopic pregnancy for which she took medication and lost at the very end of
February 2012, and then another ectopic pregnancy occurred for which she had surgery in July of
2012. During our interview Stacey recounted her first miscarriage experience:
“With my miscarriage, I didn’t have to have a D&C. I just miscarried naturally, but I was
at work when it happened. And I was sitting in a meeting when I knew it was starting to
happen. And I’m sitting there, and I remember sitting there feeling like, ‘Am I actually

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losing a child right now, and we’re all just sitting around here talking about work as if
nothing’s going on?’ It was like this out of body experience that was so surreal and
bizarre. It’s like ‘I’m having a very traumatic experience here, but I have to sit here and
look at you all and pay attention to what you’re saying’, and it was a really strange
experience. I will remember always where I was sitting at the table, in what conference
room. I vaguely remember the people that were there, but I remember everything about
where I was sitting, having this outer body experience of having a miscarriage right now.
And I remember thinking, ‘I can’t tell any of you because none of you even knew that I
was pregnant.’”
Participant 2 – “Joni”
Joni’s experience with miscarriage took her by storm on many levels. First, being a
mother of five children, Joni and her husband T had not decidedly proclaimed to be finished
having children, but at the same time, she and T were not trying to conceive when she discovered
she was unexpectedly pregnant with their sixth child. Secondly, anyone who has had five
pregnancies resulting in five live births would surely get some sense of confidence in her ability
to carry a pregnancy to term. Although Joni did have some degree of uncertainty, a sense that
something may be off with the pregnancy, she was completely shocked when she was handed the
news that there was no heartbeat upon sonogram inspection. Joni remembered that fateful
doctor’s appointment when she found out that she was not carrying a viable pregnancy:
“Because the OB/GYN doesn’t take you now until you're pretty far along I didn’t go in
until ten weeks. I had T [husband] there with three of the kids and I get to the exam
room, they measured me and said ‘You’re not ten and a half weeks, you’re less.’ I said
‘No, I know I'm that far’ she said, ‘Well, you’re measuring smaller.’ She tried to find the
heartbeat and she couldn’t find it. She said, ‘Let’s call upstairs and get an ultrasound’.
Nothing was registering. And it was so weird, you know, everything has always worked
out for me. I am one of those people who always kinda feels like it’s going to be fine,
because that’s how my life has been; I’ve been very blessed in so many ways. So we’re
waiting and I watched a couple who was very pregnant and must have gotten bad news
because she was a mess and I was watching this couple and their body language and
actions. I looked over at T and said ‘You and the kids have got to go.’ But he said ‘I’m
not leaving you’ and I said ‘It will be fine, just go.’ So he left with them, I made him; he
did not want to go. So, I finally get back there in the ultrasound room and the sonogram
technician first does the outside ultrasound and said ‘We’re going to have to do an
internal’ and she must have known already because she said, ‘I will be right back’, and
she went and got a doctor to do the internal sonogram. I could see the baby and I just
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kept asking ‘Where’s the heartbeat?’ It was one of those surreal moments. She just
handed me the box of Kleenex and told me ‘We will give you a few minutes, the baby is
gone.’”
Participant 3 – “Penny”
Penny describes herself as the mother of five children, three children living with her here
on earth and two of her children living with the Lord in Heaven. Penny’s second pregnancy
resulted in the premature birth of her second son, M, who was born at 26 weeks gestation. M was
born alive and lived for three days. After losing her son M, Penny went on to have another son
followed by a pregnancy that resulted in a miscarriage at 8 weeks gestation. Following her
miscarriage Penny almost immediately became pregnant again and gave birth to a daughter in
2011. Penny described what was happening for her during her miscarriage experience in this
passage:
“Knowing that my body was in a miscarriage as it started then, I was so sad. I really was.
I didn’t want this to be happening and I didn’t want the doctor at the other end of the
phone to be telling me ‘Yeah, this is probably what’s happening or maybe this is what’s
gonna happen.’ I just didn’t want to be in the situation, you know, so you’re fighting it
even though you know it’s what’s happening and you know what the end is going to be.
So, I had to find something to hold onto at that point and it was, I guess I’d say I can’t
really remember, it was 41 or 40 of Isaiah, ‘Do not fear for I am with you. Do not be
afraid for I am your God. I will strengthen you and teach you. I will uphold you in my
righteous right hand.’ And that passage is what kept going through my head while it was
all happening, and again, my husband had taken the kids out, knowing I needed this time
and what all was happening to me and my body. But yea, that’s what framed that loss for
me; that I wasn’t alone even though my husband and the kids were out. I was so afraid of
what was going to happen, was it going to be as bad as labor and I'd had such a tough
labor with my first child. So, it was scary, and you hear all these miscarriage stories and
how awful it can be and I just had to trust again in the Lord that this was right even
though everything about it felt so very wrong.”
Participant 4 – “Rachele”
At the time of our interview, Rachele had fairly recently given birth to her second living
child, a son named E. Rachele also has a six year old daughter, V. Before and in between the

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births of her two living children, Rachele had experienced six miscarriages and one stillbirth.
Rachele’s motherhood journey has been filled with many ups and downs. During our interview
Rachele described the first two miscarriages she experienced, which were her first two
pregnancies, followed by the birth of her daughter V. After her daughter’s birth, Rachele
continue to suffer more losses including the stillbirth of her son born at 20 weeks gestation and
four more miscarriages. One of the miscarriage experiences that stood out to Rachele she
described as follows:
“So then after my daughter was born we started trying to conceive again. I then had
another miscarriage, it was at nine weeks gestation and that was a bad one. I remember I
had the flu during that pregnancy, and I’ll always wonder if that didn’t somehow
contribute to it because the gestational size of the baby was about when I got the flu, at
nine weeks. And I was just whipped, wiped out, physically and mentally from that one.”
Participant 5 – “Sharon”
Sharon had gone many years of her marriage voluntarily child-free. Sharon described
how she and her husband C had made a happy life together focusing on their careers. Only in her
late thirties did Sharon decide she did in fact want to have a child. After deciding to try to
conceive, Sharon and her husband were happily expecting their first child until she unexpectedly
miscarried. At the time of our interview, Sharon had been pregnant twice, with each pregnancy
resulting in miscarriage. Both of Sharon’s pregnancies occurred early on after deciding to try to
conceive. Since her two losses, Sharon and her husband have been experiencing infertility issues.
Sharon vividly remembered her first miscarriage experience:
“I was having extreme cramping the day after I found out there was no heartbeat. So then
I had, because I found out on a Monday and I had it [D & C] scheduled for a Wednesday.
So I was miscarrying on my own on Tuesday.”

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Participant 6 – “Geri”
Geri’s first two pregnancies resulted in her daughter I, who is 4 years old and her son L,
who is 2 years old. Geri’s third pregnancy was a little unexpected, though not at all unwanted.
Geri had some underlying concerns all along with her third pregnancy, and she felt something
was amiss. At her 20 week ultrasound Geri found out that her third baby was a boy and he was
diagnosed with Trisomy 18. Geri named her third child N, and was told that N had a condition
that is typically incompatible with life outside of the womb. Geri had hoped that N would be able
to receive lifesaving heart surgery upon his birth, however, during an in-depth sonogram to
determine the plausibility of such a surgical procedure it was determined that in the weeks
following her 20 week sonogram N had passed away in utero at 24 weeks gestation. Geri was
induced for labor and delivered N. Subsequent to the tragic loss and stillbirth of her son N, Geri
had unknowingly become pregnant again, yet suffered another devastating loss in the form of a
chemical pregnancy earlier this summer. At the time of our interview it had only been three
weeks since Geri’s early loss experience, as she recalls those events in the following way:
“June 2nd I took a pregnancy test and that was negative. So on June 3rd I called my
OB/GYN and asked if I could get testing done and get on Clomid [fertility drug]. So my
doctor told me in order to go down that path they needed to make sure I was not pregnant
and told me to go get a blood draw. I told her, ‘I'm not pregnant. I've already taken
several tests. There's no way I could be pregnant.’ But, so on Wednesday I went and had
my blood work done, I took a pregnancy test the morning of the blood work, again,
negative. And then on Thursday, I got the results and that was when she said it was a
positive test. And I was like, ‘How could I be positive, positive for what?’ I was
thinking, ‘Do I have AIDS or something?’ I never in my wildest dreams thought she was
going to say pregnancy. But so, she said it was positive for pregnancy, the nurse said,
‘Positive for pregnancy’. And there was that excitement, you know, I was pregnant again!
But only for like a second, then I guess I was suddenly, like a couple days later, not
pregnant. Which I still just don’t understand.”

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Participant 7 – “Carmen”
In the span of seven years of trying to conceive, Carmen experienced five miscarriages
and two live births. Once she had decided to go off of birth control pills and started trying to
conceive a child, Carmen almost immediately became pregnant but ended up having a
miscarriage at 8 weeks gestation. That loss was followed by two years of infertility. Once
pregnant for a second time, Carmen again suffered another miscarriage at 8-9 weeks gestation.
Carmen’s third pregnancy resulted in the birth of her daughter J in 2009. Subsequent to J’s birth,
Carmen went on to have another miscarriage at 8-9 weeks gestation and then a chemical
pregnancy. After those two losses following the birth of her daughter, Carmen once again
became pregnant, this time with twins. Everything seemed to be going along fine until a routine
sonogram showed that one of Carmen’s twins no longer had a heartbeat and had stopped
growing at approximately 11-12 weeks gestation. Carmen’s son, the other twin, survived that
pregnancy and was born in 2012. In the following passage, Carmen describes that sequence of
events with the miscarriages being staggered throughout the births of her two living children:
“I didn’t know if we were going to be one of those couples that, once you finally had that
first baby, you know, then it just gets all worked out, all of a sudden you’re good, your
body knows what to do. I was worried if my endometriosis was going to come back. I
was worried if I was going to have any more losses. And then when we had that first loss
after I had J [daughter], I was like, ‘oh no, we're back to this again’. It was real upsetting
because I kind of felt renewed after having J, like ‘Okay, we’re good, we got this’. And
then when that happened, another miscarriage, it was so defeating. And then when the
second one happened after she was born, it was even more so of thinking, come one, I
really thought we were done with this. And it put things in perspective that for sure, made
us think ‘Wow, J [daughter] really was a miracle.’”
Participant 8 – “Teri”
Teri had unknowingly become pregnant many years after the births of her two older
children, now aged 16 and 14. There was a time a few years ago when Teri and her husband J
had considered having a third child, but seemingly, that time had passed. At age 43 Teri had
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figured she was possibly perimenopausal and brushed off her missed menstrual cycle as a
symptom of early onset menopause. As the weeks went by, Teri decided to take a pregnancy test
and it was positive. She knew she must have been pretty far along and was waiting for the right
time to tell her husband about the unexpected pregnancy. Before Teri could tell her husband
about the pregnancy she had a miscarriage at approximately 12 weeks gestation, while away on a
family trip. Adding another layer of complication to Teri’s miscarriage experience, it was
discovered at that time that Teri had a uterine mass. Teri’s uterine mass was removed surgically
through a hysterectomy procedure. The timing of the miscarriage and discovery of the uterine
mass were inextricably linked and shaped the overall miscarriage experience for her as she
shared in this passage:
“And so then everybody just was concerned about that uterine mass and then they wanted
me to have a hysterectomy because the doctors said they couldn’t just cut it out. I wanted
them to just take the tumor out and they said they couldn’t, they were really pushing me
into getting it removed right away and I didn’t. And everybody, except for my kids,
everybody was pushing me to get the hysterectomy and take care of the tumor issue and
so I think now looking back, I delayed it because of the finality of that and because I
hadn’t grieved yet.”
Participant 9 – “Lacey”
Lacey had met and married her husband G later in life and only began trying to conceive
a child at the age of 45. Lacey’s husband already had two children, now young adults, and he had
had a vasectomy many years ago. After meeting Lacey and learning of her desire to become a
mother, G had a surgical vasectomy reversal procedure done, however it was unsuccessful.
Lacey and G had to use artificial reproductive technologies in order to get pregnant and upon
their first attempt, Lacey was expecting twins. The twin pregnancy however resulted in what the
medical community would still consider a miscarriage, when Lacey went into preterm labor at
19.5 weeks gestation. Lacey’s one twin, a daughter named S passed away in utero due to a

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prolapsed umbilical cord, she was delivered first. Shortly after her daughter’s delivery, Lacey’s
other twin, a son named B was delivered and lived for just under 2 hours. After the traumatic loss
of her twins Lacey went on to get pregnant again through the use of in vitro fertilization,
however that pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage at approximately 9 weeks gestation. Lacey
described what happened with that subsequent loss in the following passage:
“The nine-week loss was tough, we got pregnant through IVF. So, with that cycle, we
knew when we went in within five weeks or something, that there was just a sac, so we
kinda knew it wasn't going good. There wasn’t a heartbeat. Went back a couple weeks
later, and still, the same thing. So, it’s not that it wasn’t difficult; it was, but I kinda was
expecting it and bracing for it, part of me kinda wasn’t surprised when he told us that it
wasn’t gonna be a viable pregnancy, and I ended up having the D & C, I didn’t have to
have a D & C, but I chose to have one.”
Participant 10 – “Pamela”
At the time of our interview, Pamela had experienced three miscarriages. Pamela’s first
pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage at 11 weeks gestation. Following that loss, Pamela went on
to have a son, J, who endured a traumatic birth. After the birth of her son J, Pamela went on to
get pregnant two more times, both of those pregnancies ending in miscarriages at approximately
9-10 weeks gestation. Pamela described her experiences of miscarriage in the following way:
“I don’t know if you know anything about my son J, but he’s got cerebral palsy. We had
a very traumatic birth, I had a placental abruption. So he was in the NICU for almost a
month, and by the grace of God, he is doing wonderfully. But I always have that in the
back of my head, ‘Well, maybe I’m not supposed to have another baby because of him.’ I
kind of feel like I’m being selfish. But I mean, he’s doing so well, so it’s hard to know. I
guess I just try to justify it, why I have had all these miscarriages…because we just do
not knowing why I have had so many, why it keeps happening because all my genetic
tests came back there’s nothing wrong, they can’t find anything wrong.”
Structural Descriptions
The structural description of each participant’s experience provides an account of the
main dynamics that underlie the way in which the experience was endured. The structure of the

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participant’s miscarriage experience tells the story of the “how” of the incident. Using the
participant textural descriptions and the researchers own personal experience with miscarriage at
an AMA, the process of imaginative variation allows the researcher to become aware of and to
reveal the feelings associated with how a miscarriage is experienced.
Participant 1 – “Stacey”
The structures that pervade Stacey’s miscarriage experiences and produce penetrating
thoughts and feelings regarding her losses were clearly expressed when she described her
ambiguous role as a mother to children who she cannot parent. Stacey has struggled to find ways
to meaningfully honor her children and to mother them when she knows that they need nothing
from her, in the practical, conventional mothering sense. Stacey feels that her chances to become
and sustain pregnancy have passed. Not only is she coping with the feelings of loss and grief for
the four losses she already has sustained, there is the added loss and grief associated with
infertility and the compounding loss effect felt by the decline of her reproductive years. Not
having a living child excludes her from many social functions from which she now insulates
herself. So on some level, Stacey feels that there is no place for her to fit in socially, with her
peers. Stacey struggles with the notion that some people would define her exclusively as a loss
mother. Although with each loss she has become more and more deeply affected by her losses,
being a loss mother does not represent the entirety of her own sense of self identity. Stacey blogs
about loss and infertility, and she had mentioned her concern that although those are topics about
which she writes, she hopes that her readers, many of whom she does not know personally, are
not making the false assumption that she lives a life filled only with sadness and grief. Stacey is
exhausted, physically and emotionally and it has become difficult for her to strike an emotional
balance as she stated:

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“Some days I feel like I could do anything after what I’ve been through, and some days I
feel very broken by it. One of the jokes that my friend S, who’s been such a great support
to me, we joke about is how when someone posted on my Facebook profile in response to
my blog, ‘You’re so strong!’ And S wrote it to me as this big joke, ‘Oh yes, you’re so
strong! How do you do it?’ And I wrote back to S, ‘If by strong you mean laying in the
fetal position and crying uncontrollably, that was how strong I was last night.’ And so she
made up this ongoing joke about it, about people always coming off with that, yet I'm so
strong that I'm crying on the floor, uncontrollably, yeah that’s how strong I am! But then,
when you have those breakdowns, you feel that much weaker in those moments.”
Participant 2 – “Joni”
Joni is in a unique motherhood sphere, she has children in all stages of childhood. Joni
struggles with the notion that her sixth pregnancy, which ended in miscarriage, is her last
experience with pregnancy. Joni was unsettled with the idea of her reproductive years ending
with a loss. She felt very torn about having to make the decision to try to conceive again or to
proclaim her family as complete. As many of the women felt the near immediate urge to be
pregnant again soon after her miscarriage, Joni was no different in that respect. Although, Joni
felt overwhelmed with the prospect of having to make that choice and preferred rather that the
story of her family be written by God’s will for her. Joni found much peace during the days
following her miscarriage and D & C procedure in the comfort of her large family and through
her strong Faith. As Joni stated:
“I think God knew, if this baby is not going to make it, thank God it left my body at ten
and a half weeks because I don’t know how it would have been if it had been later. It was
so extremely hard for me because I know when life begins and I know how much I love
them before they’re even here and I already loved that baby so much.”
Participant 3 – “Penny”
Penny’s miscarriage experience was greatly influenced by the earlier loss of her son M,
who had died three days after his preterm birth. Following the death of her infant son, Penny
spent considerable time and energy establishing a non-profit organization which focuses on

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disseminating grief support information to families touched by miscarriage, stillbirth and
neonatal loss. Penny found solace in her strong religious convictions, whereby Penny described
feeling completely at the mercy of the Lord and believed in the power of the Lord with respect to
hers and her family’s life and emotional wellbeing. Experiencing a miscarriage following the
loss of her son M was a tough loss for Penny, and like many others had described, her previous
loss colored and compounded her miscarriage loss experience as she described here:
“The miscarriage it was difficult, it wasn’t like M [deceased son], I got to hold him, see
him, but still losing that baby was really, really hard.”
Participant 4 – “Rachele”
Rachele had many experiences of loss. She mentioned experiencing bouts of depression
throughout her life and she mostly attributed her depressive symptoms to a preexisting condition,
dating back as far as her early childhood. Although many women struggle to make sense of their
miscarriage, Rachele firmly believed that she had a lesson to learn from each of her losses.
Rachele felt certain that her spirituality was strengthened during her times of loss. She believed
that new and helpful forces were at work in her life, bringing her new experiences and insight
with each miscarriage. With her last pregnancy resulting in the live birth of her infant son,
Rachele believed that finding and routinely visiting the Servant of the Blessed Mother Mary
Shrine in Windsor, Ohio was pivotal in her spiritual journey as well as contributing to the live
birth of her son. Rachele felt that certain influential people, places and practices were made
available to her as part of a larger plan to bring her closer to God and to experience motherhood
as she had planned. Rachel was passionate about the purposeful aspect of her loss experiences
and her spiritual journey. She has authored an article related to her spiritual work and her
maternal experiences. Rachele had gone through many losses along the way, but through it all
she remained strikingly optimistic and hopeful. As she described:
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“My mom gave me this prayer card that had belonged to my grandfather that had a
picture of Jesus on it. I remember I just would kinda look at it sometimes and it would
just make me feel comforted. I remember feeling discouraged after the losses, obviously,
but I still had this hope.”
Participant 5 – “Sharon”
Having experienced two miscarriages Sharon seemed to oscillate between feeling
encouraged that she was twice able to get pregnant and feeling completely powerless in her
pursuits towards motherhood. Sharon had described feeling unsure if she had ever felt like she
qualified as a mother either time when she had been pregnant, due to the brevity of both
pregnancies. Sharon struggled with her decision to withhold from her husband her feelings of
desiring motherhood when she first experienced such a longing. Sharon feared that her changed
perspective on their long standing family arrangement of choosing to be child-free would put
unfair pressure on her husband, C. After two years of pondering motherhood Sharon shared her
desire for a baby with C. Sharon’s delight that C was happy to comply with her desire to have a
baby was quickly replaced with sadness following her first miscarriage. Although Sharon and
C’s purported infertility issues triggered their utilization of artificial reproductive technologies,
Sharon had remarked that both times when she had become pregnant, she and C had not used any
fertility interventions. While on the one hand, this gave Sharon a boost in confidence that her
body is capable of pregnancy, it also seemed to add a layer of ambiguity to her unexplained
infertility issues. She recounted:
“There’s nothing, no reasons - I mean, sure they [OB/GYN] can do a test and by the test
results everything looked fine but it didn’t answer the question - why isn’t this
[conceiving] working or why is this [miscarrying] happening? And that’s just it, it’s the
unknown and that’s the part that I struggled with, the having zero control. I have a hard
time not having control or relinquishing it. But it’s like with this I have zero control. I
got nothing. There’s nothing I can do.”

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Participant 6 – “Geri”
Given the enormity of Geri’s two losses within a short period of time, she found it
unsettling to comprehend the legacy of her most recent pregnancy history. Geri expressed on
many occasions her fears of continued losses moving forward. Geri wants to expand her family
to include two more children, and she alternates between the excitement of possibly becoming
pregnant again and the complete fear and anxiety of being pregnant again. Geri felt inspired by
the recent revitalization of her marriage to M having gone through such an emotionally turbulent
time with their two losses. She mentioned in our interview that she and M are stronger than ever
before, having weathered the storm of their son’s stillbirth and her recent chemical pregnancy.
While Geri spoke of her enthusiasm to try to conceive again, she also spoke of her concerns
regarding her age and her recent pregnancy complications as she reflected on her last pregnancy
in this way:
“It’s just tough cuz, it was a joy, for that brief time I knew I was pregnant, for that short,
short time. It was an excitement. And then it turned to pure sadness, again for us.”
Participant 7 – “Carmen”
Throughout our interview Carmen routinely mentioned the agony of the unknown, why
the miscarriages continued to happen for her and her husband, why miscarriages happen at all.
Carmen described the great sorrow she and her husband felt with their last miscarriage, which
had begun as a twin pregnancy and ended with the live birth of her son. Carmen mentioned how
she and her husband had requested placental testing following the birth of her son with the hopes
of gaining some insight, some answer as to why she lost one more baby. By the time Carmen’s
son was delivered the miscarried twins’ placental material was too far disintegrated to allow for
any causation testing. Carmen articulated her disappointment and genuine sadness that fetal
remains testing could not be performed on her miscarried twin as she and her husband had hoped
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to find out the gender of that baby. Carmen declared that not knowing the gender of her
miscarried twin made it increasingly difficult to grieve. Carmen was not alone in contending that
being unaware of the miscarried baby’s gender added a layer of ambiguity to an already unclear
loss. Not knowing why she miscarried was especially difficult for Carmen to tolerate, as she
stated:
“And so we [participant and her husband] both, we just wonder why it happens. We
never knew why we had so many miscarriages. So you just think, ‘Is it me? Is it him?
What's happening here?’ So you just worry if it’s something in your body that’s not right,
or do you have bad eggs, bad sperm? So you just, you wonder, ‘Is it something that I’m
doing to contribute?’ Indirectly, obviously, but you do wonder just what you could be
doing wrong, why is this happening to me, to us? You just wonder, what causes it to
happen.”
Participant 8 – “Teri”
Teri’s unexpected pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage followed by her hysterectomy
surgery all conspired to create a great deal of grief and sadness for her. Teri described a delayed
grief response following her miscarriage in light of the impending hysterectomy surgery she had
to undergo. After her hysterectomy surgery, Teri experienced PTSD symptoms from unmet pain
management needs she had to endure immediately following her recovery room stay. The horror
of her hysterectomy surgery recovery along with the inherent meaning associated with a
hysterectomy represented the finality of the chapter of her motherhood experience being shut
permanently. This all conspired to further worsen her grief response following her loss. With her
husband unaware of the pregnancy before she miscarried and the sense of minimization of the
loss, Teri’s grief is complicated and causes her to feel somewhat disenfranchised. As Teri stated:
“When you lose your best friend or your dad or your mom, people continue to talk about
them. Maybe they don’t ask you how you are doing with the grief long after the loss,
thinking you've moved on but they’ll say from time to time, ‘Oh, remember when your
dad did that’, or my friends will say, ‘Oh, do you remember when you and C [deceased
friend] sang that song and you did that’ and I’ll say, ‘Oh, yeah, I really miss her,’ and I
have a chance to say that, ‘Yeah, I really miss her’ and I get to think about her and have
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her acknowledged. But with a miscarriage, nobody talks about the baby. Nobody says
anything, mostly probably because there’s nothing, there’s no memories, they didn’t see
the baby, there’s no story to tell, there’s no ‘I remember when...’ nothing. Nobody talks
about them.”
Participant 9 – “Lacey”
Lacey was 23 weeks pregnant at the time of our interview, and has since gone on to give
birth to a healthy rainbow baby girl named, A. Lacey made mention of the extreme stress and
anxiety she was living with every day being pregnant the 4th time in her life, hoping to welcome
her first living child into the world. Having experienced two previous miscarriages, as well as the
premature birth and loss of her twins, B & S, Lacey feels that she not only lost all of those
babies, but she had also lost the ability to revel in a blissful mother-to-be experience. She shared
with me that “pregnancy after a loss is no fun,” her loss experiences took away any possibility
for her to relax and enjoy the process of expecting a baby. While Lacey was very much aware of
the risks associated with pregnancy, specifically at her age, she was also struck with disbelief
that she had actually gone through all that she had endured. As she stated:
“So after the twins were born and died we went home and the whole nightmare
continued, as a grieving parent. We left the hospital and they were wheeling me out and I
was sitting in this wheelchair with two teddy bears instead of two babies. And all these
pregnant women were coming in with their spouses, must have been child birthing
classes or something. And the nurse that wheeled me out, she was sweet. I remember
her patting my arm and saying, ‘It’s just not fair. It’s just not fair.’ I kept thinking, ‘This
is a dream right?’ Like, I’m gonna wake up from this. This has – this has got to not be
happening. But it did and that was how my pregnancy ended with the twins at 19.5
weeks.”
Participant 10 – “Pamela”
Pamela mentioned in our interview that she has relied heavily on her faith to help her
through three miscarriages. Unfortunately, since the time of our interview, Pamela has endured a
forth miscarriage. When describing her motherhood journey, Pamela indicated that her husband

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and son have been her primary sources of support. Pamela has one good friend who had also
experienced miscarriages, and she found this friend to be a good source of guidance during her
loses. Pamela mentioned the silence surrounding the miscarriage experience as she noted those
family members and friends who chose not to speak openly about Pamela’s or their own
miscarriage experiences. This noticeable silence made Pamela feel like an outsider to those who
seemingly do not struggle to have a baby. As she provided the following remarks:
“I think you start out, everyone starts out thinking it's gonna be so easy, you want a baby
so you have a baby. As if you just say, ‘Hey, let’s have a baby,’ and then nine months
later you get to have a baby. It’s definitely not that easy. It’s not that simple. That’s just
not how it works every time for every person.”
Synthesized Composite Textural and Structural Descriptions
I integrated each participant’s textural and structural descriptions of their miscarriage
experience into a composite portrayal that represents the essence of the experience. The essence
of the experience depicts those essential features inherent to the experience of miscarriage at an
advanced maternal age. The essence of any experience represents those features without which
an experience would not be.
Essence
As mentioned at the opening of this chapter, four salient features surfaced from the
findings of this study. Those four features represent the essential essences of the experience of
miscarriage at an AMA for the participants in this study. Although each participant experienced
her miscarriage(s) in a unique and personal way and with some variation among the actual
processes of miscarrying, the participants tended to respond to the experience in very similar
ways. They experienced the physical feelings of intense loss and grief. They experienced a sense
of otherness as compared to their peers. They continue to search for the meaning in their loss.

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They each shared a sense of regret and self-blame as related to the unknown cause of their
miscarriage(s).
Although miscarriage represents an ambiguity of what once was, what was lost and why
it is no more, the associated grief is real. Each of the participants in this study revealed their
feelings of deep sorrow over the loss of the hopes and expectations for their would-be and
wished-for child. Their loss, as well as their associated grief over the loss, created for each
participant a sense of otherness relative to those around them. For some participants the sense of
otherness was rooted in their notion and society’s notion of appropriate social and developmental
progress, as it pertains to achieving the goals of reaching conventional motherhood. For other,
the sense of otherness was rooted in their response to and handling of their miscarriage and the
ensuing grief. The sense of otherness as it related to the participants’ grief following their
miscarriage is linked to the ambiguity in the loss which shrouds miscarriage.
Many of the participants expressed how theirs was a loss not entirely recognized by some
of their friends and family. Every participant noted their sense of a societal silencing and lack of
acknowledgement of miscarriage as a real form of loss. Each participant worked toward gaining
understanding, clarity, wisdom and meaning relative to their loss experiences. All of the
participants expressed a longing for the unanswered questions regarding their miscarriage to
someday be resolved, though each was aware that they might never fully understand. Finally, an
inveterate feature of the miscarriage experience, as noted by each participant in this study, was
the sense of self-blame and regret over what one could have done or should not have done in
order to have a different pregnancy outcome. Independent of the medical establishment’s
unequivocal stance that the vast majority of miscarriages are the result of bad luck and biology,

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women who suffer a miscarriage still tend to turn this back on themselves. As one participant
maintained:
“The reproductive years, that fully falls on the woman in this scenario because my
husband could go out and meet somebody else at 60 and still have a child, and it’s not an
option for me. And so a lot of that responsibility or blame and guilt then falls on me, that
I’m the one who has the problem in this scenario because of my age, because of all of
these other issues. And it just adds to the guilt. And we’re the ones [women] who have
the limitations on what producing a baby can be.” – Stacey

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Chapter Five: Discussion
The purpose of this chapter is to report a summary of the study, to relate and distinguish
the study findings from prior research literature, to present a conceptual-theoretical model of the
study findings, to denote the limitations and clinical implications of this study and to provide
suggestions for future research.
Research Study Summary
In Chapter One I introduced the purpose of this study and the theoretical underpinnings
of the study. I discussed the relevance of applying concepts from ambiguous loss theory and the
human ecological model to the study while viewing this research through a feminist lens. I
discussed the significance of this study as it relates to the societal shift in the timing of entrance
into motherhood. I discussed the various types and risks of miscarriage and presented the rates of
miscarriage by reproductive age group. I also introduced the primary research question; How do
women of advanced maternal age perceive and describe their experience of miscarriage? Finally,
I presented a combined theoretical and conceptual map and tabular depiction of the research
question tied to the research goals and the pertinent theoretical concepts from ambiguous loss
theory, feminist theory and the human ecological model for a more comprehensive explanation
of this study’s design and approach.
In Chapter Two I presented the current body of literature as it relates to miscarriage and
advance maternal age. Specifically, I organized the existing literature along the human ecological
models’ levels of context, among various concepts from ambiguous loss and feminist theory. The
existing literature relating to ambiguous losses and miscarriage touched on the following issues:
unresolved social role, loss of social and personal status of mother-to-be, ambivalence towards
pregnant others, unclear cause of miscarriage, unresolved meaning making, loss of attachment to

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the wished-for-child, loss of biologically optimal reproductive years, and ambivalence toward
future pregnancies due to the oscillation of having hope and having no hope at all. The existing
literature relating to feminist thought and miscarriage touched on the following issues:
motherhood myths, the motherhood mandate, the motherhood tax, societal silencing and
disenfranchisement of grief with miscarriage, the politicization of miscarriage, the
medicalization of women’s bodies and of miscarriage, lacking acknowledgement of the loss from
family, friends and co-workers, self-blaming, and issues related to miscarrying at an AMA
versus at a younger maternal age. I described the gaps in knowledge that exist regarding
women’s lived experience of miscarriage at an AMA.
In Chapter Three I presented the rationale for utilizing a qualitative research mode,
specifically Moustakas’ (1994) transcendental phenomenology approach. I presented the
framework for addressing my research question; How do women of advanced maternal age
perceive and describe their experience of miscarriage? I detailed the sample recruitment and
selection criteria utilized to arrive at the 10 participants who engaged in this study. I
substantiated my use of epoche in preparing to engage in study related activities and recognized
my role as a feminist field worker. I described the stages of data analysis utilized for this study
per Moustakas’ (1994) modification of the Stevick-Colaizzi-Keen method of analysis of
phenomenological data. Finally, I concluded the third chapter with a discussion of the measures
of trustworthiness I utilized in conducting this study and I describe my own personal experience
with miscarriage at an AMA in my initial reflexive passage.
In Chapter Four I presented the results of my analysis, including the 24 meaning units
identified, the four primary themes of the experience, the textural and structural descriptions of
each participant and what I found to be the essence of the experience of miscarriage at an AMA,

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all of which were derived from the participant interviews. The 24 meaning units, derived from
the participant interviews, were as follows:
1.

Unexpected Nature of Experience

2.

Corporeal Experience

3.

Issues Related to Infertility

4.

Feelings of Grief and Loss

5.

Meaning of Pregnancy

6.

Meaning of Motherhood

7.

Meaning of Miscarriage

8.

Attachment to the Would-Be-Child

9.

Oscillation Between Having Hope and No Hope

10.

Religious – Spiritual Aspect of Coping

11.

Woman’s Intuition

12.

Memories and Triggers

13.

Regrets and Self-Blame

14.

Acts of Memorialization

15.

Age Specific Influence

16.

Influence of Previous Losses

17.

Timing of Pregnancy Announcement

18.

Loss of Mother-To-Be Status

19.

Influence of Time Pass on Experience

20.

Significance of Family and Friends

21.

Experience Having an Influence on Relationships with Others

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22.

Influence of Medical Community

23.

Emotional Support Seeking Behavior

24.

Gendered Differences with Grief and Loss Experience

The four primary themes of the experience of miscarriage at an advance maternal age for the
study participants were as follows:
1.

The Physical Context of the Experience

2.

The Emotional Context of the Experience

3.

The Temporal Context of the Experience

4.

The Social Context of the Experience

The textural and structural descriptions of each participant’s experience underscored the
individual, unique aspect of the experience of miscarriage. These descriptions were developed
from a synthesis of my personal experience with miscarriage, incorporation of the 24 meaning
units and four primary themes, which were derived from the interview data, and the use of
imaginative variation. A synthesis of the composite (combination of all 10 participants) textural
and structural descriptions of the participants and their experience led to an understanding of the
essence of the miscarriage experience at an AMA. The essence of the experience was delineated
into four primary features: 1) there are physical feelings of intense loss and grief, 2) there is a
sense of otherness among women who miscarry as compared to those around them, 3) there is a
continuous search for the meaning after the loss, and 4) there is a sense of regret and self-blame
related to the unknown cause of miscarriage.
Conceptual Model of the Findings
The phenomenological approach is based on the notion that things become clear as they
are considered again and again. The challenge then is to gain the clarity necessary to explicate

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the phenomenon in terms of its constituents and possible meanings, whereby discerning the
features of the essence of the experience. Ambiguous Loss Theory in combination with Feminist
Theory proved to be an ideal platform for viewing women’s experience of miscarriage at AMA.
Applying concepts from Bronfenbrenner’s Human Ecological model provided an ideal frame for
situating the physical, emotional, temporal and social contexts of the miscarriage experience, as
shown in Table 5.1 below.

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Table 5.1 Relating Theory, Essence, Theme and Meaning Unit
Theory

Phenomenological
Essence

Ambiguous Grief and Loss
Loss

Search for Meaning

Theme
Rooted within the
Human Ecological
Model
Physical Context of
Experience

Emotional Context of
Experience

Temporal Context of
Experience

Social Context of
Experience

Feminist
Theory

Sense of Otherness
Regrets and
Self-Blame

Emotional Context of
Experience
Temporal Context of
Experience
Social Context of
Experience

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Meaning Unit

 Unexpected Nature of
Experience
 Corporeal Experience
 Issues Related to Infertility
 Attachment to the Would-BeChild
 Meaning of Pregnancy,
Motherhood and Miscarriage
 Oscillation Between Having
Hope and No Hope
 Religious – Spiritual Aspect of
Coping
 Memories and Triggers
 Acts of Memorialization
 Influence of Previous Losses
 Timing of Pregnancy
Announcement
 Loss of Mother-to-Be Status
 Influence of Time Pass on
Experience
 Significance of Family and
Friends
 Emotional Support Seeking
Behavior
 Woman’s Intuition
 Age Specific Influence
 Experience Having an
Influencing on Relationships
with Others
 Influence of Medical
Community
 Gendered Differences with
Grief and Loss Experience

The meaning units uncovered by the data analysis procedures were fairly characteristic of
those concepts shown in the initial conceptual and theoretical map (See Figure 1.1) as well as in
the table of the research question, goals and concepts, (See Table 1.3) depicted in chapter one.
However, of those initial concepts, some were expanded upon, further developed, added to and
some proved to be irrelevant. It is important to note that the concepts which were presented in
chapter one and then appear non-applicable during the analysis stage of this study represents a
hallmark of phenomenological research. My preconceived research design and conceptual
understanding of the experience of miscarriage at AMA served only as a basis for exploration of
the phenomenon. It was not a goal of this study to make the participants’ descriptions fit the
theory, but rather the aim of this study was to determine what the experience of miscarriage at
AMA means to the participants in this study.
The “motherhood tax,” is among those initial concepts noted in the conceptual and
theoretical map (See Figure 1.1) which proved to be non-applicable to the participants’ lived
experiences. The participants in this study experienced a reversed or altered motherhood tax.
Instead of motherhood creating lowered wages or reduced career advancement, it seemed that
career development created a tax on their fertile years. Interestingly, while half of the
participants reported being employed, most of the women in this study did not seem highly
identified by her occupation, but rather seemed more focused on motherhood or on entering
motherhood for the first time. In Sheryl Sandberg’s recent book, Lean In: Women, Work and the
Will to Lead, (2013) she discusses the tendency of younger women to “leave work before
leaving,” whereby many women unnecessarily tend to limit their careers before they need to, in
preparation for the possibility of future motherhood, resulting in less satisfying jobs. By the time
actualized motherhood necessitates a career pullback, these women are more likely to opt out of

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the workforce and their unfulfilling career, altogether. From a different view, in the book, Ready:
Why Women are Embracing the New Later Motherhood, Elizabeth Gregory (2007) describes the
“clout effect,” which speaks to the fact that more and more women are delaying motherhood in
an attempt to achieve their career goals first, giving them greater power and freedom to influence
and shape their focus on family, rather than having to juggle priorities. For many women, work
life and a professional identity offers a buffer for the stresses of our personal lives. However,
among the employed participants in this study, work and occupation was not mentioned as a
stress relieving resource or a welcome distraction from the miscarriage experience.
It should not be assumed that the themes and meaning units identified in this study are
mutually exclusive categories. For instance, the “Memories and Triggers” meaning unit
primarily represented an emotional context of experience, however, it could also represent a
social context of experience. Among the memories and triggers that participant’s mentioned,
feeling ambivalent and even resentful of pregnant women tended to present as an emotional
experience, yet there are also social ramifications embedded within this attribute. Given societies
adoration for pregnant women, feeling ambivalent or resentful towards a pregnant woman is
another aspect of the participants’ sense of their own otherness or dissimilarity relative to society
and those around them.
The meaning units and themes that emerged from the collective description of the
participant’s experiences informed the essence of the miscarriage experience for this study. As
such, a conceptual model of the study findings shown below in Figure 5.1 more accurately
depicts the relevant contexts and essences of experience as defined by the study participants.
Thus, the conceptual model of the study findings regards each of the components as an
individual and collective aspect of the miscarriage experience at an advance maternal age.

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Figure 5.1 Conceptual Model of the Study Findings
Themes
Representative
of Human
Ecological
Theory

Physical Context
of Experience

Emotional Context
of Experience

Themes
Representative
of Human
Ecological
Theory

Essences
Representative
of Ambiguous
Loss Theory:

Essences
Representative
of Feminist
Theory:
Sense of
Otherness

Search for
Meaning

Temporal Context
of Experience

Physically
Grieving What
Was Once
There

Feelings of
Regret and
Self-blame

Emotional Context
of Experience

Temporal Context
of Experience

Social Context of
Experience

Social Context of
Experience

Relating Study Findings to Extant Literature
Through data analysis, the unified essence of the experience of miscarriage at AMA was
gathered and is represented by four elements of description. I will briefly describe each of the
four essential elements of miscarriage at AMA, and I will return to the existing literature to relate
those essential findings from this study to prior research.

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Essential Element One: Physical Grief and Loss
The participants in this study each described the physical experience of grief and loss
during and after their miscarriage. For the purposes of this study, grief was defined as an
emotional response to loss (Stroebe, 2008). For each of the participants, the experience of loss
was real, and the grief which followed was intense. Although the baby that was lost was never
held in the participant’s arms, the baby was held in their hearts and minds. Participants in this
study experienced their miscarriage anywhere from 3 weeks to 2 years prior to the interview, and
each participant expressed the intense, physical and emotional response to their loss. The
ambiguity of loss with miscarriage adds a layer of complication and disenfranchisement to the
grief experience. Boss (1999, 2006) notes that a loss which is ambiguous in nature often leads to
frozen grief, whereby the griever is unable to process her/his feelings due to the lack of clarity
imbedded in the loss. A typical loss experience, such as the death of a family member with
socially sanctioned death rituals, is deemed an unambiguous loss (Boss, 2006). The participants
in this study reported that the unclear nature of what was lost and why the loss occurred was a
challenge to their coping with the loss. This is congruent with a study conducted by Beutel,
Deckardt, von Rad, and Weiner (1995) that sought to discern grief and depression following
miscarriage. They found that a normative grief response following miscarriage was found to
occur in the majority of study participants, while a depressive reaction was predictive of a history
of depression, lack of social support and ambivalent or mixed, unclear feelings regarding the
miscarriage. Similar findings were shown in a study conducted by Lok & Neugebauer (2007)
measuring psychological morbidity following miscarriage.
The disenfranchisement of the grief that typically follows miscarriage was noted by each
participant in this study. The concept of disenfranchised grief was first introduced by Doka

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(1989) and usually occurs with a death or loss of any kind that is socially unrecognized or
minimized (e.g., a miscarriage or the loss of a job). Because miscarriage does not fall under
society’s typical “grieving rules,” family, friends, co-workers and acquaintances generally expect
less grief with disenfranchised losses and may provide less social support for the disenfranchised
griever. Every participant experienced, on some level, a failure to recognize their loss by various
others in their lives.
Essential Element Two: Sense of Otherness
As previously mentioned, the participants in the study experienced disenfranchised grief,
indicating dissimilarity in the typical form of grief. In addition to the disenfranchisement of their
grief, the mere fact of having miscarried generated, to varying degrees, a sense of otherness for
the participants in this study. As noted in chapter one, motherhood is a central theme in society’s
construction of womanhood and femaleness and motherhood is perceived mandatory for adult
women to reach their purpose in life (Parry, 2005; Russo, 1976). Failing to enter or re-enter
motherhood after becoming pregnant intercepts this developmental milestone and creates a sense
of failure and divergence from one’s peers. The participants in this study all felt that
motherhood, whether it was their first experience of motherhood or a subsequent experience of
motherhood, was their biological destiny once they became pregnant, and miscarrying disrupted
this expected trajectory. Such perceptions are consistent with a qualitative study conducted by
Loftus (2009) with infertile women, some of whom had experienced a miscarriage, and all of
whom reported a profound sense of loss and did not feel like “real women.”
As summarized in the literature review, we are raised in a society that values motherhood
as women’s most prized and primary role, whereby, miscarriage cuts short this realization and
engenders a sense of not living up to those basic cultural standards (Arendell, 2000). Participants

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remarked about their sense of feeling as an outsider from their peers and friends who had
children as well towards those friends who had not experienced a miscarriage. Participants in this
study had remarked about those fortunate women who have never miscarried lacking the
understanding of what it is all about, how it is to lose a baby through miscarriage. This aligns
with the results of a study by MacGeorge & Wilkum (2012) seeking to predict comforting
quality in the context of miscarriage. In this study, 182 college students who had never been
pregnant themselves provided feedback regarding their relative sensitivity and empathy for the
experience of miscarriage. The results showed that those students who had never been pregnant
had a low level of empathy for the experience of miscarriage when compared to women who had
experienced a miscarriage. In another study of college students’ rating loss situations, Thornton,
Robertson, and Mlecko (1991) reported that grief following a miscarriage was evaluated as
needing less social support from the survey participants and those who suffered with grief
following a miscarriage were perceived as having poorer personal and social role functioning
than traditional grievers. Lowered levels of empathy from society towards women who suffer a
miscarriage leads to disenfranchised grief and a sense of otherness.
Essential Element Three: Continuous Search for Meaning after the Loss
As noted in the literature review, meaning making significantly influences one’s ability to
tolerate and to adapt to loss. Beliefs about death and the meanings assigned to particular forms
of loss are rooted in ethnic, cultural and religious beliefs, family legacies, and in the dominant
societal values and practices surrounding death and loss rituals (Walsh & McGoldrick, 2004). In
an attempt to make sense of a loss, questions of why and how regarding the loss event surface
along with questions of possible preventions for such a loss (Neimeyer, 2012). Addressing these
questions with any loss can be difficult and in the case of an ambiguous loss such as miscarriage,

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gaining meaning is made even more difficult because the loss remains, to some extent,
unresolved. The participants in this study all spoke to the difficulty in making sense out of their
miscarriage and their grief. The struggle ensued when participants described pressure, put forth
by themselves or others, to “move on” from their loss when that process had been made more
challenging by the paradox of having to find some way to change, while the ambiguity remains.
The search for meaning, which was an element of miscarrying at AMA, was illuminated
by the various unresolved meanings associated with each participant’s experience. Based on the
interview data, meaning units were created to represent the participants’ search for the meaning
of their pregnancy, the meaning each held of motherhood and the meaning of their miscarriage.
As previously mentioned in the findings, some participants found comfort by defining the
meaning of their loss within the context of their spiritual and religious beliefs. Others were
bothered by the notion of the common response of well-meaning friends and family, that the loss
was “God’s will.” To some participants, the “God’s will” explanation of their miscarriage
brought on even more ambiguity as to why God would want to punish them or hurt their baby.
This same sentiment was also shown among participants in a study by Cowchock, Lasker,
Toedter, Skumanich, and Koenig (2010) of religious beliefs’ effect on grieving after pregnancy
loss. Cowchock et al., found that the statement regarding miscarriage resulting from God’s will
produced higher grief scores on the Perinatal Grief Scale among participants in their study.
Boss (1999) states that, in unclear loss situations, metaphors and symbols aid in finding
meaning and transcendence from the immediate situation more so than scientifically precise
answers. This notion of symbols and metaphors resonates with what the participants of this study
noted regarding their own acts of symbolism related to their miscarried baby. Participants of this
study made attempts to make meaning of their loss through various memorialization acts

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including: naming their miscarried baby, creating symbols representative of the time of year of
the conception, the due date or the loss date, wearing symbolic jewelry, engaging in traditional
burial rites, engaging in prayer bowl ceremonial efforts, framing and keeping on display any
artifacts which were obtained relating to their pregnancy and miscarriage, among other acts. Yet,
as Layne (2003b) states, memory of what was lost is a matter of individual, deliberate choice.
This choice often comes in the face of social pressure to forget, to “move on,” and to have a
replacement child…balanced with notions of what good parenting entails and the contemporary
American view of memorializing as a moral act. Is it any wonder that such complexities and
divergent messages further confuse an already ambiguous loss experience?
A final aspect of the search for meaning specific to miscarriage at AMA is the sense of
time running out and what that means to women’s larger context of desiring motherhood. Each
participant struggled with the notion that her time for producing a live child was quickly running
out. Some participants understood this to mean that they may have to explore other options for
achieving motherhood (e.g. donor embryos, gestational surrogacy, adoption) while others felt it
could mean that their journey to motherhood may be ending. In the autobiographical book
entitled, Sweet Grapes, Jean and Michael Carter (1989) give a compelling perspective on their
own experiences of miscarriage, infertility and ultimately their choice to embrace and accept a
childfree lifestyle. The Carter’s emphasize the challenge and tasks of meaning making
throughout their experience, underscoring the shift in meaning from childless to childfree.
Several previous works have spoken to the mixed meaning and anxiety provoking nature of
AMA and the dwindling biological clock (Friese, Becker, and Nachtigall, 2006; Wu & Macneill,
2002). A study by Lewis, Legato, and Fisch (2006) reported on the medical implications of the
male biological clock and the necessity for the medical community to shift in its

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conceptualization of age-related fertility issues as a woman’s problem. Thus, it becomes a
couples’ task of making sense of the ambiguous nature of miscarriage and of trying to conceive
at an advanced age when a male partner (if a male partner is present) is included.
Essential Element Four: Feelings of Regret and Self-Blame
Closely related to the aforementioned element of feeling a sense of otherness is the
elemental sense of regret and self-blame. Participants in this study felt a strong sense of regret
and self-blame over the possibility, however unlikely, that they had contributed in some way to
their miscarriage. The participants reported regrets and self-blame ranged from not taking a
prenatal vitamin soon enough, a lack of healthy foods and adequate sleep, to not being worthy or
deserving of the baby and not having wanted the baby enough. Madden’s (1988) study spoke
directly to women’s beliefs that they could avoid a miscarriage in the future by simply behaving
differently and taking better care of themselves. Alternatively, participants in this study also
subscribed to the belief that they had very little, if any, control over their reproduction and birth
outcomes. This corresponds with studies that note that in their attempts to understand the reason
for their miscarriages, many women experience a vacillation between fatalism and self-blame
(Barr & Cacciatore, 2008; Kevin, 2011; Stirtzinger et al., 1999). Further, women who miscarry at
an AMA, who have pushed their attempts at childbearing to the furthest limits, often report harsh
judgments of themselves, including self-blame for having miscarried but also for having waited
too long (Tough et al., 2007). Several participants in this study made note of their feelings of
regret, though each made it clear that their regret was not tied to their delayed marriage. Those
participants in this study who had delayed marriage felt that there was a serendipitous nature to
how they met and married their spouse, and none would have changed those circumstances.

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An additional attribution of self-blame was related to the experiences of previous
maternal losses. Of the 10 participants, all but two had had more than one maternal loss, those
previous losses ranging from miscarriage, stillbirth to neonatal death. Those participants who had
suffered previous losses felt an intense sense of blame for their miscarriage(s) due to the fact that
there were previous losses that may or may not have been explained. Even among the previous
losses that were identified as resulting from chromosomal abnormalities, such as Trisomy 18,
some of those participants accepted the full burden of blame for those losses as well, believing
that their eggs were no longer viable due to their AMA. Several studies have reported on the
increased levels of distress, anxiety and self-blaming ideologies of women who have suffered
multiple maternal losses (Blackmore et al., 2010). In fact, a Finnish study conducted by Toffol,
Koponen, and Partonen (2013) found that a diagnosis of major depressive disorder and the
presence of depressive symptoms were more prevalent among women with a history of
miscarriage. The higher the number of miscarriages, the worse the participant’s reported current
state of mood and the higher the frequency of psychiatric diagnosis.
Study Limitations
A discernible limitation of this study is that, as a phenomenological study, it only aims to
reveal the lived experience of the participants interviewed. With that, the findings from this study
cannot be generalized to the larger population. The goal for this study, therefore, was to gain a
rich understanding of what the miscarriage experience at an AMA was like for the 10 women I
interviewed. The findings from this study do serve to provide those who may suffer a
miscarriage at an AMA one representation of that experience. The findings from this study can
provide a basis for future research regarding women’s experience of miscarriage; however, it

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should not be presumed that the findings from this study apply to all women who suffer a
miscarriage, at any age.
Additionally, the small sample size presents another limitation of this study. While data
saturation was met, a sample size of 10 does not allow for tremendous depth and difference
determinations among the participants. Another disparaging aspect of a small sample is the
limited diversity among participants. Although there was one participant of Mexican-American
decent, this study lacked ethnic and cultural diversity; all of the participants were living in the
United States and in the state of Ohio. As noted in Chapter One, later life child-bearing is
typically seen among women of a higher socioeconomic strata, and this study reflects that
generalization. However, delayed child-bearing is not entirely exclusive to women of a higher
social class, as some women of various cultural backgrounds and religious sects actively
procreate through the later reproductive years. For example, a more culturally representative
sample could have included women of an Amish background, as Amish women are known to
have large families and traditionally reject all forms of birth control (Hildebrand, Phenice, Gray,
and Hines, 2007). With a broader social diversity among the participants perhaps additional
insights could have been gleaned.
All of the participants were recruited through word of mouth and internet advertisements.
Recruitment through internet advertisement accounted for 5 of the 10 participants interviewed.
Internet advertising may have swayed the sample to only include those who have internet access
and who belong to online miscarriage support groups. This creates the possibility that those
participants who participate in an online miscarriage support group may be experiencing a more
intense grief response following their miscarriage and would be more likely to volunteer to

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participate in this study than someone else who does not belong to an online miscarriage support
group.
Finally, I experienced a miscarriage at an AMA. As the researcher, having experienced
the phenomena of interest can serve as a strength and a weakness of this study. As someone who
miscarried at age 35, I approached this study with a cursory understanding of what the
participants in this study may have experienced. I was able to utilize my miscarriage experience
to construct an informed interview guide of questions and to elicit relevant aspects of the
experience from the participants. This personally informed stance however, could have biased
my analysis of the participant data. Furthermore, my own thoughts and feelings about
miscarriage could color the findings. In order to address this limitation, I attempted to embark on
the phenomenological epoche process of bracketing out my own assumptions about the
experience of miscarriage before and after each participant interview and before engaging in
each data analysis activity. I spent 10-15 before and after each participant interview writing a
pre- and post-interview note regarding my in-the-moment feelings about the impending
interview and preconceived notions I had about the participant. After the interview, I again
followed up with a note regarding my feelings concerning the participant and the interview
process. Although pre- and post- interview note taking is a very directed and intentional attempt
at epoche, it is recognized that complete and pure epoche is rarely, if ever achieved. As
Moustakas (1994) notes, some life experiences are not “bracketable.” Thus, epoche is a resource
for increasing one’s ability to freely receive whatever the participant is offering. To further
minimize the possibility of researcher bias I engaged in other tasks which included the
maintenance of a study audit trail, pre- and post-analysis reflexive writing, and participant and
peer data review at various points in the data analysis phase.

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Clinical Implications of the Study
Normalizing emotions and creating the safe space for the expression of the various grief
reactions following a miscarriage (e.g. “Are these feelings normal?”, “Am I going crazy?”,
“Why do I feel resentful toward other women who are pregnant?”) play an important role in
Worden’s (2009) tasks of grieving model. Kubler-Ross and Kessler’s (2005) staged model of
grieving originates from Kubler-Ross’s (1969) classic work on the stages of death and dying.
Essentially, Kubler-Ross and Kessler’s more recent work is the result of applying her earlier
model of the stages of death and dying upon the griever. It should be noted that many grief
scholars espouse the notion of resolving grief rather than recovering from grief, as grief may
continue throughout the life span as an evolving process, versus viewing grief as an acute
occurrence or event. As a society, we must shift away from viewing grieving as a linear, staged
process, which implies that there is always an end stage, whereby the grief process is often
conceptualized in terms of “moving on.” Grievers typically respond better to the notion of
“going on” in their grief. Going on does not insinuate a movement away from the deceased, but
rather going on and taking with them the newly defined context of their loved one.
Several research studies have documented the need for the recognition of women’s
miscarriage as a real loss that produces a real grief response (Cosgrove, 2004; Layne, 1997;
Rowlands & Lee, 2010; Wright, 2011). Moreover, several studies have spoken to the necessity
for a higher standard of care for women who miscarry (Geller et al., 2010; Layne, 2006; Paton et
al., 1999; Séjourné, Callahan, and Chabrol, 2010). Yet a therapeutic approach targeted for
women who miscarry, much less an approach specific to women of AMA who miscarry, has not
been identified. With that, the therapeutic landscape is in great need of distinguishing a clinical
model of treatment, or guidelines for best practices for working with women who miscarry.

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Clinicians working therapeutically with women who suffer a miscarriage should acknowledge
and normalize their clients’ grief symptoms. Normalizing the client’s grief response can be an
effective measure for attending to the client’s sense of otherness.
In addition, therapy (or counseling) with women who miscarry at AMA should focus on
meaning making. The results of this study indicate that miscarriage creates a crisis of meaning.
Ambiguous in nature, grief following a miscarriage is more difficult to resolve due to the
challenge of make sense of it. As previously mentioned in the findings of this study, women
attempting to make meaning of their ambiguous loss are often influenced by their spirituality and
religious beliefs. Boss (1999) notes the importance of viewing the lack of understanding with an
ambiguous loss as the result of an external force and not one’s own shortcomings, which makes
it both tragic and freeing. The loss is not resolved in viewing it in this context, but some people
are able to find meaning in this way. Additionally, remembering and honoring the baby lost
through miscarriage often helps with creating meaning, and can facilitate the grieving process.
Participants in this study mentioned several ways in which they had memorialized their babies.
There are various means by which to memorialize and honor a lost baby, e.g. speaking openly
and often about the miscarried baby and by name when applicable, having a special candle to
light in honor of the baby, creating a special memory or prayer place in the home or in nature
designated for thinking of the baby (having a tree or annually blooming plant in this space can
serve as a symbol for the baby), crafting a memorial blanket, baby hat or holiday ornament for
the baby, donating to a charity in the baby’s memory, participating in a “Walk to Remember” in
honor of the baby, writing letters to the baby, wear symbolic jewelry, compiling meaningful
music dedicated to the baby’s memory, engaging in butterfly and balloon releases. These and

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many other activities facilitate remembering and incorporation of the lost baby into the family
system and into consciousness.
Several participants in this study made mention of their less than satisfactory experience
with their medical doctor and some of the support staff at their OB/GYN office during and after
their miscarriage experience. Although some literature in the field of maternal and perinatal
nursing care has explored the appropriate protocol for caring for women following a miscarriage,
much more emphasis must be paid to this aspect of the miscarriage experience (Johnson &
Langford, 2010). Medical and mental health professionals have a significant role in the grief
experience of women who have a miscarriage. It is important for medical professionals to
operate from a place of empathy when a woman experiences a miscarriage. Medicalizing the loss
is a form of minimization of loss. Since a woman’s medical healthcare team is often the first
social interaction she has upon finding out that she has miscarried or soon will, the medical
community’s role is critical to the course of that woman’s grief reaction.
The results of this study indicate that women who have miscarried experience feelings of
otherness, regrets and self-blame. The needs of women who miscarry at an AMA vary depending
on the multiple contexts and individual nature of her experience. As such, clinicians working
with women who miscarry should seek to privilege their clients voiced needs, rather than to
apply a generic form of grief counseling. The focus of the grief work should center on
emancipating women from their stance of self-blaming. Self-blame has no value in the healing
process, as it prevents us from going on with our lives (Boss, 1999). Regret is only helpful when
it illuminates the error in our ways. In the case of miscarriage, the cause of the loss is rarely
identified. As noted in chapter one, when a cause is determined, it is most often a chromosomal
abnormality and not necessarily of either parents’ contribution of genetic material, but rather of

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the embryo’s own doing unto itself (Lerner, 2003). Medical healthcare professionals, including
genetics counselors, should make this information of the complete randomness of chromosomal
abnormalities better known to women who miscarry. When there is no clear cause for the
miscarriage, rather than to try to accept a no-fault and no-answer solution, women tend to
assume the full blame for their loss (Brier, 2008). The focus of clinical work with women who
miscarry should focus on finding tools to manage and become more flexible in accepting the
unclear nature of their loss. Additionally, therapeutic goals should align with freeing women
from their self-blaming account of the loss. Utilizing a narrative therapy approach can be
especially effective in externalizing or shifting a self-blaming perspective away from the client
by re-storying the client’s account of their loss experience devoid of blame.
Therapists and medical healthcare professionals would do well to make their client aware
of any local grief support group offerings specific to miscarriage, along with any other pertinent
miscarriage support resources. In terms of the aforementioned need for meaning making, support
group participation can play an important role in allowing women to draw upon the ideas and
beliefs put forth by other women in the perinatal support group setting as a means of making
sense of their own loss. A miscarriage grief support group may be helpful, not only for women
but also for couples. As previously noted in the findings of this study, men and women grieve
miscarriage differently. Sometimes, couples are unable to support one another because of
gendered differences in grieving. Couples sharing their feelings within a group support format,
while in each other’s presence, can create the safe space necessary to reveal their needs and can
bolster couple communication (Doka, 2002; Fairchild & Arrington, 2012; Gold, Boggs,
Mugisha, and Palladino, 2012; Séjourné et al., 2010).

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Future Research
It has been well documented in previous work, as in this study, that grief is a fairly
normative psychological reaction following miscarriage. Scant research, however, focuses on the
typical course of grief following a miscarriage or the most effective skills for coping with grief
following a miscarriage. Since miscarriage is considered an ambiguous form of loss (Lang et al.,
2011) and its psychological sequelae often creating a disenfranchised form of grief (Doka, 2002)
it should not be assumed that the coping skills most effective for enfranchised grief, or typical
forms of grief, would be as beneficial or applicable to the grief following a miscarriage. Thus,
additional qualitative research is needed to further clarify the nature of grief and loss following
miscarriage. Although several studies have focused on men’s experience of miscarriage
(McCreight, 2004; Puddifoot & Johnson, 1999; Rinehart & Kiselica, 2010) scant research todate, focuses on the couples’ experience of miscarriage. A study focusing on the conjoint
experience of miscarriage should be explored.
Several participants in this study reported issues with fertility. As noted by many
participants, miscarriage for the nulliparous woman (a woman who has never given birth) is
experienced differently. The context of the loss and the meaning assigned to the loss is varied
among those women who have previously given birth and have a living child versus those who
have not. Research further exploring the distinction between these two populations should be
conducted. Another closely related direction in research could focus on recurrent miscarriage,
specifically, and its link to issues of infertility. Bick and Hoppensteadt (2005) conducted a
quantitative study of recurrent miscarriage syndrome and infertility, however, the speed at which
fertility treatments advance and change justifies further exploration and updating. Freda, Devine
and Semelsberger (2003) conducted a qualitative study with eight women regarding their lived

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experience of miscarriage after infertility, still further exploration of the intersectionality of
miscarriage, infertility and maternal age is warranted. In additional, women who have
experienced previous or multiple losses in the form of miscarriage, stillbirth, and neonatal death
and then experience a miscarriage also merit further exploration.
Lastly, the relative degree of sensing otherness, searching for meaning and feeling regret
and self-blame should be further explored as moderators of grief following miscarriage. Once a
better understanding of the nature and course of grief following miscarriage is facilitated,
research examining mechanisms for coping would provide for critical clinical insight.
Ockhuijsen, Boivin, van den Hoogen, and Macklon, (2013) conducted a qualitative study of
women’s coping after recurrent miscarriage. This was a study that sought to understand how
women with single or recurrent miscarriages cope during the waiting period after a miscarriage
while anticipating a pregnancy confirmation in their attempts to conceive again. However, the
Ockhuijsen et al. study only focused on participants who were trying to conceive following a
miscarriage and their cognitive coping strategies for dealing with the anxiety experienced in the
two week pre-testing time period following their fertile phase, not on coping strategies with
respect to their previous miscarriage experience(s). Ratliff (2009) a feminist author, wrote about
infertility blogging and the use of humor in many infertility blogs as a benefit to the blogger’s
healing process. Ratliff further detailed the power and value of infertility blogging as evident
from the 2005 case of infertility bloggers who engaged in feminist activism to defeat a bill put
forth in the Virginia state legislature by Delegate Cosgrove in late 2004, House Bill 1677, which
would have required women to report a “fetal death” to police within twelve hours of the death.
If this legislation had passed, it would have effectively required women to report miscarriages to
police or be charged with a misdemeanor.

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Many self-help books have been written for laypersons regarding miscarriage, many of
which include a chapter on various means of coping. However more research must be conducted
to determine the evidence-based, best practices for coping with the psychological sequelae of
miscarriage.
Final Researcher Reflexivity
I must begin by expressing my feelings of sincere gratitude and appreciation for the 10
participants in this study. Without each of their stories, my knowledge of miscarriage at AMA
would be far less informed and less meaningful. They each provided their own unique
contribution to this work and for that I am grateful. In meeting each participant from this study,
my own sense of the meaning of loss and of hope for what lies ahead have been forever
influenced. These women broadened my understanding of grief’s journey and of nonconventional motherhood. I continue to feel intimately connected to each of their stories of
miscarriage. Although I feel fortunate for having met them and learned of their stories of
miscarriage, I also feel tremendously sad given the circumstances of our becoming acquainted.
This is the struggle I routinely experience as a therapist; I am happy to help, I am sad that help
continues to be needed. My life’s passion, for as long as I can remember, has been grief and loss.
Many people find it difficult to explore the depths of sorrow. I believe grievers are stigmatized
by much of society because of their pain and suffering. Often, the social world would like to
dismiss or ignore that which is unpleasant. I feel it is my feminist perspective, desiring to uphold
those who are oppressed in society, which engenders in me a desire to work with the bereaved,
especially those whose grief is complicated by a lack of acknowledgment by others. My own
miscarriage was a very painful experience for me, one that I would have preferred to not have

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endured. However, this study has become an element of my own miscarriage meaning making
efforts.
Conclusions
There is a noticeable overlapping of the meaning units, themes and essences of this study,
which speaks to the interconnectedness of the participant’s descriptions of their experience.
It is hoped that woven together, these elements of experience have highlighted a richer, deeper
understanding of the phenomenon of miscarriage and an AMA. This study contributes to the
overall body of theoretical work as it applies to the examination of the experience of miscarriage.
This study demonstrates the usefulness of viewing miscarriage as an ambiguous loss event,
which can be theoretically conceptualized along various contexts of experience and through a
feminist lens.
This study was largely comprised of upper-class, majority race women whose experience
of miscarriage may differ from that of women among other social groups. Time is the great
leveler, and independent of social status and financial resources, time cannot be bought.
Although artificial reproductive technologies have assisted in extending and improving fertility,
there are limits which stretch beyond financial constraints. Economic wealth does not guarantee
the procurement of fertility. Given that, it is important to note that women of less privileged
social classes would probably experience miscarriage and infertility in a different context
regarding the medical care and fertility treatment options available to them. Those women of
lower social status would likely have no choice other than to accept their reality of loss and
possible childlessness. For this and many other reasons, it is important to continue to explore the
various contexts of the miscarriage experience.

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For those 10 courageous women who participated in this study, it is hoped that their
engagement in this work was beneficial for each of them. It is my hope that each participant
found it somewhat therapeutic to speak openly about having experienced a miscarriage at an
AMA. Further, it is my sincere hope that the participants in this study were able to create some
meaning in and of their loss through helping others by speaking out about their experience.
Hearing the voices of other women in a similar context underscores the importance of breaking
the silence which surrounds miscarriage, and hopefully diminishes some sense of otherness
regarding pregnancy loss and non-conventional forms of motherhood. The silenced or invisible
voice should never be confused as an absent voice.
As previously noted, scholarly investigation of miscarriage has largely been left to the
medical community. The findings from this study lay the ground work for establishing and
executing future research in this content area. Additionally, this study offers clinicians specific
practices and a sensitive approach to working with women and their families who have suffered
a miscarriage. It is hoped that the clinical implications and the suggested areas of need regarding
future research are undertaken as continued efforts to raise the social consciousness of this form
of loss. Women who suffer a miscarriage at an advanced maternal age are an important
population for future research. This form of loss is real and demands acknowledgement and
attention.

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APPENDICES

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Appendix A – Recruitment Flyer
Miscarriage (Pregnancy Loss) Research Study

Have you experienced a miscarriage in the last two years?
Were you 35 years of age or older at the time of the loss?
Willing to share your story?
Take part in a research study seeking to understand the nature of women’s experience of
miscarriage at age 35 years and older

Who can participate?
 Any woman who has experienced a miscarriage within the last two years, at age 35 years
or older
 The loss must Have been a spontaneous miscarriage, under 20 weeks gestation
How long will the interview take?
 1~2 hours
Where will the interview take place?
 You decide…the researcher will come to you!
(In or around the Greater Cleveland, Ohio area)
You will receive a $25 gift card for your participation!

Contact: Rebecca Wright, MA, MFT
Marriage and Family Therapy Doctoral Candidate, Michigan State University
Phone: (330)961-1015

or

Email: pregnancylosshelp@gmail.com

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Appendix B – Informed Consent Form
This consent form was approved by a Michigan State University Institutional Review Board.
Approved 04/11/13 –valid through 04/10/14. This version supersedes all previous versions. IRB
# 13-341.
Informed Consent Form
An Examination of Women of Advanced Maternal Age and their Experience of Miscarriage: A
Dissertation
Introduction and Background:
The purpose of this research study is to explore and understand women’s experience of
miscarriage at an advanced maternal age (35 years of age and older). It is hoped that through this
study, an increased understanding will evolve of women’s emotional process of loss as it pertains
to the experience of miscarriage, at an advanced maternal age.
My name is Rebecca Wright, MA, MFT, and I am a doctoral candidate in Marriage and Family
Therapy, at Michigan State University. This study is being conducted in order to fulfill
requirements towards my doctorate degree.
Today, I will explain this research study and informed consent form with you and then you will
be asked to participate in the study.
Procedure:
By signing this consent form, you are consenting to participate in a one-on-one interview, to
complete a demographic questionnaire and eco-map activity with me, the researcher. It is a
requirement of this study that the one-on-one interview be audio-taped. During the one-on-one
interview, topics which will be covered will pertain to, but are not limited to the following: your
experience of having had a miscarriage (pregnancy loss under 20 weeks of gestation), issues that
are unique to miscarriage as a particular form of maternal loss, issues specific to miscarriage at
an advanced maternal, sources of support and sources of stress to you during your miscarriage
experience.
Your active participation will entail:
1) The researcher’s complete explanation of the study and this consent form.
2) A one-time meeting with the researcher to complete a demographic questionnaire, ecomap and an audio-taped one-on-one interview regarding your experience of miscarriage
at age 35 years or older. This one-time meeting with the researcher should take
approximately two hours or less to complete.
3) With you permission, the researcher will contact you at the end of the study to share the
study findings. You do not have to agree to follow-up contact to participate in this study
today.
4) At the end of this process you will receive a $25.00 gift card as a show of my
appreciation for your participation in this study.

144

The purpose of this project is to gain understanding of women’s experience of miscarriage at an
advanced maternal age. Your participation in this research project is completely voluntary. You
can refuse to answer any questions that you do not wish to answer. The one-on-one interview
will be audio-taped, however you may request at any time that the taping be stopped and
withdraw your participation in this study.
Potential Risks, Discomforts, and Benefits:
There is the potential for minimal risk involved with participating in this project. Some
psychological discomfort may be experienced from revealing personal information or thinking
about the loss(es) you have endured when talking about your own experience of miscarriage.
You are able to take a break at any point during the interview process; you are also able to refuse
to answer any questions that make you uncomfortable. After the interview, should you feel
overwhelmed or stressed please contact the researcher for a referral for a local mental health
professional.
You will not directly benefit from your participation in this study. However, you may experience
indirect benefits from your participation by talking about your experience. In addition, your
participation in this study may contribute to the understanding of the needs of other women who
have a similar loss experience with a miscarriage at an advanced maternal age.
Confidentiality and Interview Recording:
All information that refers to you, or that can be identified with you will remain confidential to
the maximum extent permitted by law. The researcher must audiotape the one-on-one interview
in order to ensure accuracy. Additionally, the researcher will utilize a professional transcription
services company to transcribe (type written word for word) the interview. All information will
remain confidential per the non-disclosure agreement or confidentiality agreement between the
researcher and the professional transcription services company. You may request at any time
during the interview to have the audiotaping stopped and withdraw your participating in this
study. Once the audiotapes are transcribed by the professional transcription services company,
any identifying information will be deleted (i.e., names of people or places) so that you cannot be
identified. Typed transcripts of your interview, your demographic questionnaire and your ecomap will be kept as password protected files, and access to the information will be limited to the
researcher, the researcher’s graduate advisor and the Michigan State University Institutional
Review Board (IRB). Michigan State University may review your research records.
Transcripts of your interview as well as your ecomap may be reproduced in whole or in part for
use in presentations or written products related to the study. Neither your name nor any other
identifying information (such as your voice) will be used in presentations or in written products
resulting from this study. Immediately following the one-on-one interview, you will be given the
opportunity to have the recording deleted if you wish to withdraw your consent to participate in
this study.
Other than this consent form, all other study documents and data will be identified with a code
number only. A list linking your name to the code will be kept in a locked file for the duration of
the dissertation study. Once all the data are collected and analyzed, the list linking the names to
the code numbers will be destroyed. Upon completion of this dissertation study, all research data

145

gathered for this study will be kept with Dr. Marsha Carolan, my graduate advisor and the
principal investigator for this study (see her contact information below in the “Questions,
Concerns and Contacts” section) in a password protected file and/or locked file cabinet for 5
years.
Confidentiality and Interviews Conducted in Participant’s Home:
In accordance with my professional licensing organization (the American Association for
Marriage and Family Therapists -AAMFT) ethical requirements and the Michigan State
University Institutional Review Board recommendation, I must note that the only foreseeable
breach of confidentiality on my part would be my mandated obligation to report to the proper
authorities any suspected incidences of child abuse I may discover while in your home.
Voluntary Participation:
Your participation in this study is strictly voluntary. You may decline to answer any question in
the study. You may decline participation at any point during the study by simply telling the
researcher/interviewer that you no longer wish to participate. Refusing to participate will not
result in any form of penalty or loss of benefits to which the participant/subject is otherwise
entitled.
Questions, Concerns and Contacts:
If you have any questions or concerns about this research study, such as scientific issues, how to
do any part of it, if you believe you have been harmed because of this study or to report an injury
(i.e. physical, psychological, social, financial, or otherwise), please contact the researcher
(Rebecca Wright, 201 Hidden Glen Trail, Chardon, Ohio 44024, email wrigh353@msu.edu,
phone 410-868-5055). You may also contact my graduate advisor, Dr. Marsha Carolan,
(Michigan State University, 552 W. Circle Drive, 13B Human Ecology, East Lansing, MI 48824,
email carolan@msu.edu, office phone number 517-432-3327).
If you have questions or concerns about your role and rights as a research participant, would like
to obtain information or offer input, or would like to register a complaint about this study, you
may contact, anonymously if you wish, the Michigan State University's Human Research
Protection Program at 517-355-2180, Fax 517-432-4503, or e-mail irb@msu.edu or postal mail
at Michigan State University, 408 W. Circle Drive Room 207 Olds Hall, East Lansing, MI
48824.
*Please read and sign on the next page.
You will be given a copy of this consent form to keep.

146

Consent:
YOUR SIGNATURE ON THIS FORM MEANS THAT YOU CONSENT TO PARTICIPATE
IN THIS STUDY. YOU HAVE READ THE CONSENT FORM. YOUR QUESTIONS HAVE
BEEN ANSWERED. YOU ALSO CERTIFY THAT YOU ARE 18 YEARS OF AGE OR
OLDER.
-on-one interview. ________Initials
a demographic questionnaire and an eco-map activity,
_______Initials
-taped and transcribed by a
professional transcription services company and to the use of the written transcript of
my interview and to my eco-map in presentations and written products as explained
to me. ________Initials
the research findings. _________Initials
Your signature below indicates that you voluntarily agree to participate in this study.

____________________________
Signature of Participant

____________________________
Signature of Researcher

______________________________
Typed/Printed Name of Participant

____________________________
Typed/Printed Name of Researcher

_______________
Code#

This consent form was approved by a Michigan State University Institutional Review Board.
Approved 04/11/13 – valid through 04/10/14. This version supersedes all previous versions. IRB
# 13-341.

147

Appendix C – Demographic questionnaire
Demographic Questionnaire

Code#_______

What is your age? _______________
What is your marital status?





Married: If so, how long? _______________
Single
Living with my partner: If so, for how long? __________________
Divorced

Highest level of schooling completed?







Not yet graduated from high school
High school diploma/GED
Some college
College degree completion
Graduate school
Other ____________________________

What is you total annual family income?










Less than $5,000
$5,000-$19,999
$20,000-$29,999
$30,000-$39,999
$40,000-$49,999
$50,000-$59,999
$60,000-$69,999
$70,000-$100,000
Over $100,000

What is your work status?





Full time, outside of the home
Part-time
Not employed outside of the home
Retired

148

What is your race/ethnicity? (Check all that apply)















American Indian or Alaska Native
Arab
Asian
African American or Black
Caucasian or White
Hawaiian or other Pacific Islander
Hispanic
Indigenous or Aboriginal
Latina
Mexican American
Multiracial
Puerto Rican
Prefer not to say
Other _________________________

149

Appendix D – Interview Guide
Interview Guide




Code#________

Re-introduction of researcher
Review interview process
Review informed consent

One-On-One Interview Guiding Questions:
1)
2)
3)
4)

How many times have you been pregnant?
How many living children do you have?
How many pregnancies have you had that resulted in a stillbirth and/or a neonatal death?
How many miscarriages have you experienced and what was the gestation associated
with each?
5) Tell about your experience as a woman of advanced maternal age (35 years of age and
older) and having had a miscarriage.
6) Were there issues that seemed particularly unique to the miscarriage experience versus
other losses you have experienced?
7) Were there any issues that seemed particularly unique to experiencing a miscarriage at
your age?
8) Did you feel that your experience of miscarriage was acknowledged as a true form of loss
by those around you (i.e. friends, family, partner/spouse, co-workers, doctors, nurses,
etc.)? Who or what made this situation better for you? Worse for you?
9) Has having experienced a miscarriage changed how you view yourself, your future?
10) What meaning, if any, did you or do you assign to your having experienced a
miscarriage? How do you make sense of what was lost with the miscarriage? Was a cause
of the miscarriage ever determined? Has knowing the cause or not knowing the cause of
the loss influence your experience?
11) Did you have a good support system in place following the miscarriage? Were there any
people around you who were not supportive after the miscarriage?
12) What are some of the preconceptions you held for yourself regarding pregnancy and
subsequent motherhood?
13) How do you conceptualize or think about your status and role as a mother, would-bemother, etc.?
14) How did having a miscarriage influence, if at all, your experience of those around you
who were or soon became pregnant?
Is there anything else you would like to mention, add, that we have not discussed?

150

Appendix E – Ecomap Activity
Ecomap Activity
Ecomap Activity:
As an additional source of data gathering I am asking each participant to complete an ecomap.
An ecomap is a graphical representation of all of the systems that affect your life and experience.
These systems represent the people and elements in your life which play a role in your
experiences. The ecomap will depict the “who and what” of your miscarriage experience and the
relationship qualities which you describe regarding those individuals. I will draw your ecomap
and in order to do so I will have to ask you some questions about your miscarriage experience
and your interactions with others who are significant to you. Topics to be covered during this
ecomap activity will pertain to, but are not limited to the following: your experience of having
had a miscarriage (pregnancy loss under 20 weeks of gestation), issues that are unique to
miscarriage as a particular form of maternal loss, issues specific to miscarriage at an advanced
maternal, sources of support and sources of stress to you during your miscarriage experience.
Ecomap Instructions:
1) The central circle on the ecomap represents the participant. Identify in all of the
surrounding circles connected to the central circle those people/systems/resources that the
participant identifies as influential forces regarding their miscarriage experience.
2) For each person/system/resource indicated, on the circle connection lines indicate the
directional flow arrows, i.e. the person/system/resource as influencing the participant, the
participant influencing the person/system/resource, or both/bidirectionality.
3) Using colored pencils color the surrounding circles of persons/systems/resources
influencing the participant as either a strong/helpful/positive relationship (blue) or as a
weak/unhelpful/negative relationship (red)
Ecomap Guiding Questions:
1)
2)
3)
4)

Who are the significant people/systems/resources in your life?
What type of relationship do you have with each significant person in your life?
What are some elements, factors or areas of your life which provide strength for you?
What are some elements, factors or areas of your life which cause stress for you?

151

Ecomap

Code#______

Figure E.1 Ecomap

Notes:________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________

152

Appendix F – Audit Log
Table F.1 Audit Log
WOMEN OF ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE AND MISCARRIAGE: AN
EXAMINATION OF THE ESSENCE OF THE EXPERIENCE – Audit Trail
An audit trail assists the researcher in reflecting on how his/her thinking evolved throughout all
phases of the study. A physical audit trail documents stages of a research study, from
identification of the research problem to development of new theory; and it reflects the key
research methodology decisions.
Entry Categorical Type:
- Preliminary Study
Development Information
- Meeting
- Materials related to
Intentions and Dispositions
Date
Entry Details
- Process Notes
- Raw Data
- Data Reduction and
Analysis Notes
- Data Reconstruction and
Synthesis Products
Dissertation Proposal (first three chapters)
Preliminary Study
3/3/2013
emailed to committee members for review prior
Development Information
to dissertation proposal defense meeting
Dissertation Proposal Defense meeting with
3/18/2013
Meeting
committee members
Creation of document summarizing committee
Preliminary Study
edits/suggestions for study & the proposal
3/26/2013
Development Information
document…saved as doc titled "Proposal Defense
Meeting Edits.docx"
Created document of edits/suggestions for IRB
Preliminary Study
3/26/2013
application document…saved as "Dr. C recent
Development Information
IRB app comments.docx"
Preliminary Study
IRB application for study submitted (IRB
3/26/2013
Development Information
application # i043144)
Created a list of area OB/GYN and Fertility Spec.
Materials related to
3/27/2013
Offices…saved as "Area Fertility and OBGYN
Intentions and Dispositions
sites.docx"
Extensive editing per committee suggestions
complete on all five study supportive documents
Preliminary Study
(Informed Consent form, Demographic
3/27/2013
Development Information
Questionnaire, Ecomap Activity, Interview
Guide, Recruitment Flyer) and edits complete on
the first three chapters (dissertation proposal)

153

Table F.1 (cont’d)
WOMEN OF ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE AND MISCARRIAGE: AN
EXAMINATION OF THE ESSENCE OF THE EXPERIENCE – Audit Trail
Materials related to
4/18/2013
IRB Application for study APPROVED
Intentions and Dispositions
Emailed Recruitment flyer to Cornerstone of
Hope - Grief Center, my internship placement,
Materials related to
4/25/2013
which conducts an 8 weeks intensive neonatal
Intentions and Dispositions
and infant loss support group several times
throughout the year
Recruitment Flyer's given out…recruitment
Materials related to
flyer's taken around to 8 area OB/GYN
5/1/2013
Intentions and Dispositions offices…met with some general annoyance and
resistance from nearly every receptionist.
5/2/2013
Raw data
Study Interview 001 completed
5/11/2013
Raw data
Study interview 002 completed
Recruitment flyer's given to local hospital
Materials related to
bereavement group member, meets once a month,
5/18/2013
Intentions and Dispositions 3rd Thursday of the month (Love Lives On @
Hillcrest Hospital)
Emailed recruitment flyer to the National SHARE
(Organization of Pregnancy and Infant Loss
Materials related to
5/28/2013
Support, local chapters nationwide) and requested
Intentions and Dispositions
information about creating a Cleveland area
SHARE group
Spoke via telephone and followed up with an
Materials related to
email with recruitment flyer attached to Dr. Linda
5/28/2013
Intentions and Dispositions Henderson of the Cleveland Pregnancy Center
who leads the "Tears of Hope" program
Spoke via telephone and followed up with an
email with recruitment flyer attached to Mr. D.
Rossback of the MetroHealth System "HOPE"
Materials related to
5/28/2013
program (Healing Other Parents Emotionally a
Intentions and Dispositions
loss group for bereaved parents) - MetroHealth
Bereavement Program via Pastoral Care
Department
Emailed Fairview Hospital FEEL (Families
Materials related to
5/30/2013
Experiencing Early Loss) group leader…group
Intentions and Dispositions
meets once a month, 1st Thursday of each month.
Emailed recruitment flyer to RESOLVE
Materials related to
5/30/2013
(National Infertility Support Organization) local
Intentions and Dispositions
Cleveland chapter point of contact, Becca

154

Table F.1 (cont’d)
WOMEN OF ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE AND MISCARRIAGE: AN
EXAMINATION OF THE ESSENCE OF THE EXPERIENCE – Audit Trail
Emailed recruitment flyer to RESOLVE
Materials related to
5/30/2013
(National Infertility Support Organization) Akron
Intentions and Dispositions
chapter point of contact, Pandora
Emailed recruitment flyer to two points of contact
Materials related to
at the Hospice of Western Reserve "On Eagles
5/31/2013
Intentions and Dispositions Wings" perinatal bereavement support group, Ms.
Lakin & Ms. Tyler
Emailed recruitment flyer to content
Materials related to
6/4/2013
administrator at www.ohiomarriageresources.org
Intentions and Dispositions
- Mr. Cronk
Emailed recruitment flyer to content
Materials related to
6/4/2013
administrator at www.mymiscarriagematters.com
Intentions and Dispositions
- Esther
Materials related to
Emailed recruitment flyer to content
6/4/2013
Intentions and Dispositions administrator at www.reconceivingloss.com
6/13/2013
Raw data
Study Interview 003 completed
6/17/2013
Raw data
Study Interview 004 completed
6/19/2013
Raw data
Study Interview 005 completed
6/29/2013
Raw data
Study Interview 006 completed
7/8/2013
Raw data
Study Interview 007 completed
7/11/2013
Raw data
Study Interview 008 completed
7/11/2013
Raw data
Study Interview 009 completed
7/16/2013
Raw data
Study Interview 010 completed
All ten interview transcripts complete, from GMR
7/22/2013
Raw Data
transcription company.
Between 30th & 31st emailed all 10 participants a
7/30/2013
2-3 page excerpt document of their interview
Materials related to
&
transcript for their perusal. Ultimately, 5 of 10
Intentions and Dispositions
7/31/2013
participants responded in favor of transcript
appropriately reflecting gist of our interview.
Opened up new project in NVIVO, uploaded all
Data Reduction and Analysis
10 participant transcripts to project titled "My
Notes
8/13/2013
Dissertation - Miscarriage"
Data Reduction and
Reviewing before and after interview hand8/17/2013
Analysis Notes
written notes
NVIVO-First pass at highlighting and node
Data Reduction and Analysis coding meaningful statements, for each
8/17/2013
Notes
participant
NVIVO -Going through each source node of each
participants meaningful statements and clustered
8/27/2013
into tree nodes by meaning unit, 16 tree nodes
155

Table F.1 (cont’d)
WOMEN OF ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE AND MISCARRIAGE: AN
EXAMINATION OF THE ESSENCE OF THE EXPERIENCE – Audit Trail
8/30/2013
8/31/2013
9/7/2013

9/11/2013
9/13/2013

9/15/2013
9/16/2013
9/18/2013

9/20/2013

10/5/2013

10/6/2013

Data Reconstruction and
Synthesis Products
Data Reconstruction and
Synthesis Products
Data Reconstruction and
Synthesis Products

NVIVO - Continued meaningful statement
thematic clustering, increased to 26 meaning units
Identified four themes representative of the 24
meaning units
NVIVO - Further clustering, merged several tree
nodes to result with 24 meaning units
NVIVO - Began pulling statements from each
meaning unit node to be used in chapter four
Data Reconstruction and
write-up. Identified 141 quotes for use across all
Synthesis Products
24 meaning unit sub-themes
Data Reduction and Analysis Reduced 141 quotes across all 24 meaning units
Notes
to 91 quotes
Further reduced quotes to distribute 9-10 quotes
Data Reconstruction and
from each participant across the 24 meaning unit
Synthesis Products
sub-themes in chapter 4.
Data Reconstruction and
Compiled participant data sources to create
Synthesis Products
textured and structured descriptions for each.
Raw data
Completed chapter four write-up
Materials related to
Intentions
Returned to miscarriage literature for chapter five
and Dispositions
write-up
Materials related to
Intentions
and Dispositions
Chapter 5 write-up complete
Materials related to
Intentions
and Dispositions
Full five chapter dissertation editing complete

156

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