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Lesbian Identity Formation
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LESBIAN IDENTITY FORMATION AND THE SOFTBALL ENVIRONMENT
By

Brenda Ann Riemer

A DISSERTATION
Submitted to
Michigan State University

in partial fulfillment for the requirements
for the degree of

DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY

Department of Physical Education and Exercise Science

1995

ABSTRACT
LESBIAN IDENTITY FORMATION AND THE SOFTBALL ENVIRONMENT
By

Brenda Ann Riemer

Softball is America’s most popular team sport, with approximately five million women
participating every year. Some of the women who participate in the softball environment
are lesbians. Zipter (1988) wrote a book which declared that softball was not only
present in lesbian culture, but that it was the national pastime for lesbians. The softball
environment was created as an outlet for working class lesbians in the 19505 because the
gay bars were not safe from police raids. Since the 1950s, participation in softball has
grown, both in American society and lesbian communities. Besides creating a place for
lesbians to meet, the softball environment can be a location where lesbians can come out
to others. The purpose of this study was to examine the softball environment as a part
of the lesbian subculture, and to examine whether or not the softball environment was
a location which facilitated the formation of a lesbian identity. Qualitative interviews
were conducted with 29 women (23 lesbians, 6 nonlesbians). The women were recruited
from recreational softball leagues and were either players or spectators. The interviews
were taped, and the transcriptions were examined for themes. The results of this study
indicated that although the women had different initial reasons for beginning to
participate in softball, a main reason for their participation as adults was the social aspect
of the game. Both the lesbian and nonlesbian participants mentioned that the softball

environment was a location to see their friends. The lesbian participants also believed

that softball was a positive way to meet lesbians. None of the lesbian participants could
explain how they came to know that softball was a place to meet other lesbians.
However, the softball environment was viewed positively by the lesbians as a place
where they could safely interact with other lesbians. The lesbian participants were also
asked questions about their identity and how they came to realize they were lesbians.
From this data, an ego-identity model of lesbian identity was proposed. Additionally,
the coming out process for the lesbians was examined and a relationship between the age

of a personal realization of being different and a personal coming out was discussed.

Copyright by
BRENDA ANN RIEMER
1995

Softball

The ball slowly floats
A soundless arc
Suddenly it is struck
By a magical wand

The ball swiftly flies
A soaring eagle
Then it lands
In the curved leather nest

This dissertation is dedicated to all of the softball players, lesbian and nonlesbian, who
look upon springtime as a chance to relive the sights and smells of softball. Without
these women, this dissertation could not have been written.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

A dissertation cannot begin without a spark. It is the spark which leads an
individual to pursue a topic and to formulate a research question. The spark which lead
to this dissertation topic was set by Dr. Lillian Faderman, who took the time to meet
with me and discuss issues related to research on and about lesbians. Dr. Faderman
encouraged me at a time when I was unsure of the direction of my work. Most
importantly, She taught me, through her teaching, discussions, and her work, that
research should come from the heart.

Support is essential to the completion of a dissertation. Scholastic and emotional
support help encourage the dissertation writer to stay on task, especially during the
periods of writer’s block. I would like to take this time to thank the people who have
supported and helped with my dissertation and the dissertation process.

First, I would like to thank my committee. My advisor, Dr. Deborah L. Feltz,
who allowed me the freedom to choose a topic and methodology which were not her
specialty areas, and who supported me through-out the dissertation process. Dr. Elaine
Donelson encouraged me to read the ego psychology literature and to expand the
dissertation to include a proposed model of lesbian identity. Her suggestions helped to
shape the direction of the dissertation, and to make it a complete piece of scholarly work.

Dr. Doug Campbell generously gave his time to ensure that the methodology was sound.

vi

My other committee members, Dr. Sam Reushlain, and Dr. Anita Skecn helped by
giving me valuable suggestions about the dissertation. Additionally, they were always
available to give their support. Although not a committee member, Dr. Jayne
Schuieteman gave her time to help shape the ideas and methodology in the early Stages
the dissertation.

My parents, Martin and Lois, have been supportive of me through-out my years
of schooling. They encouraged me to return to school for my Ph.D. after I had been out
of school for almost 6 years. Linda, my sister, has also been supportive, especially with
lengthly telephone calls to make certain that I was happy and doing well.

Friends are important and needed if a student is to complete a dissertation. Three
of these friends I met at Michigan State University. Fiona Connor-Kuntz, Jackie
Goodway-Schiebler and I would Spend hours discussing different research ideas and
which courses to take. In-between, we would take much needed breaks from school
work by having afternoon tea. Linda Lyman and Michelle Hamilton are two other
friends from M.S.U. who were always there to lend support and ideas.

Most importantly, I would like to thank Jacke Randall for her support and
patience during my schooling. I have been able to discuss my research projects with her,
and she has helped me to focus and work on days when I have not wanted to sit in front
of the computer and type. Most importantly, Jacke has always reminded me that no

matter how busy I may be, there is always time to laugh and see the stars.

vii

TABLE OF CONTENTS

CHAPTER 1: Introduction ................................. 1
CHAPTER 2: Review of Literature ............................ 9
Research on Identity .................................. 9
Erikson’s Theory .............................. 9

Research on Identity as Proposed by Erikson ............. 12

Social and Ethnic Identity ......................... 14

Causes of Homosexuality and Homosexual Identity ............... 19
Lesbian Identity ..................................... 23

Ego Psychology ..................................... 25
Lesbian Identity and Softball ............................. 27
CHAPTER 3: Methodology ................................. 31
Rationale for the Research Method ......................... 31
Participants ....................................... 33
Recruitment .................................. 36

Confidentiality ................................ 38

The Interview ................................ 39

Site ................................... 39

Rapport ................................. 39

Design and Instrumentation ........................ 41
Questions for Lesbian Participants ................. 42

Questions for Nonlesbian Participants .............. 43

Analysis .................................... 43
CHAPTER 4: Results and Discussion: The Softball Environment ......... 44
The Softball Environment ............................... 44
Reasons for Participation .......................... 44

The Softball Environment as a lesbian Environment ......... 54
Friendships and Softball ....................... 63

The Softball Environment as an Out Environment .......... 66
Summary of Results and Concluding Remarks .................. 70

CHAPTER 5: Results and Discussion: Lesbian Identity and Lesbian Identity Formation

.......................................... 73

Lesbian Identity ..................................... 73
Personal Realization and Coming Out .................. 77

Conformity and Activity within a Lesbian Community ........ 87

Lesbian Identity Formation: A Proposed Model ................. 97

The Softball Environment and lesbian Identity ................. 100
Summary of Results and Concluding Remarks ................. 105
CHAPTER 6: Conclusions and Implications ...................... 110
The Softball Environment .............................. 110

ix

lesbian Identity .................................... 114

Reflections of the Investigator ........................... 120
APPENDIX A: UCRIHS Approval ......................... 123
APPENDD( B: Written Advertisements ...................... 124
APPENDIX C: Consent Form ............................ 125
APPENDIX D: Questionnaires ............................ 126
REFERENCES ........................................ 133

LIST OF TABLES

Table 1: Age Range and Participation Type ........................ 35

xi

Chapter I
Introduction

Cultures and subcultures have institutional artifacts which can be observed. Bars,
athletic leagues, religious organizations, and lesbian/gay owned media are examples of
the institutionalization of a lesbian subculture and a gay subculture (Faderman, I991;
Pronger, 1990; Zipter, 1988). The purpose of this study is to examine one facet of
lesbian subculture, the softball experience, and to examine if participating within the
softball environment facilitates the formation of a lesbian identity.

It would be naive to propose that an athletic arena, such as softball, is the only
place where women formed a lesbian identity. However, it may be possible that the
softball experience can contribute to the lesbian identity formation of some women. AS
Rhonda, quoted in Faderman, said, ”Softball is the only consistent thing in this
community. Political groups and social groups come and go, but softball will always be
around” (1991, p. 338).

Softball is America’s most popular team sport (Sidentop, 1990). Approximately
5 million women participate in softball every year, with some of these women being
lesbians (Zipter, 1988). Softball began its popularity among women and men in the
industrial leagues during the 1920s (Guttmann, 1991). The majority of the women who
participated in the industrial leagues were probably single heterosexuals or lesbians, as
the 1920s were a time when married women did not have the opportunity after work to

stay and play ball, especially if they were mothers (Zipter, 1988).

2

In the 19505 and 1960s, young, working-class lesbians began to create outlets for
lesbians to meet (Faderman, 1991). Softball was one of those outlets. It provided a safe
environment for lesbians, without the fear of police raids which were becoming common
in the gay bars. Softball became a pipeline of information for lesbians in the Marines
during the 19503, as teams would travel and warn other women of witch-hunts (military
purging of suspected lesbians) (Faderman, 1991).

The softball diamond has continued to be a meeting place in the 19903. Within
the softball environment are the sponsors (many times bars), managers/coaches, players
and the fans. The fans of the softball teams are composed of the non-playing partners,
lovers, and friends of the players, and other individuals who enjoy watching women play
softball. As one fan of softball stated, ”...of course I wasn’t the least interested in
sports, but it gave me a chance to meet other gay girls” (Lisa, quoted in Cahn, 1994, p.
189). lesbian teams can be found in many softball leagues, with some cites having
exclusively lesbian leagues (San Francisco and Toronto, for example). The presence of
the lesbians on the team, plus the chatter and vocal interplay, help to give lesbians a
feeling of belonging to a community when they either join a lesbian softball team or
watch one. The chatter and vocal interplay may be different between lesbians who play
softball and heterosexual women who play. Many of the verbal interactions have double
meanings, with sexual undertones. For example, a catcher may yell to a pitcher to pitch
the ball deeper, just the way she likes it. Although the verbal interplay is for fun, it
may serve as a bond between the players and the fans who understand the different layers

of meaning in each interaction.

3

This is not to say that most softball players are lesbians or that women who play
softball choose to become lesbians. Most softball leagues are made up of teams which
are heterosexual, a mixture of heterosexual and lesbian, or lesbian only (with some
bisexuals and transgendered women also playing on the teams). Depending on the
geographical location, there may be only a few teams which have lesbians on them.
However, because the softball diamond is known to lesbians as a place where other
lesbians may be found, it can serve as a subenvironment for the formation of a lesbian
identity. The reason for this may be because societal norms do not encourage the
formation of a lesbian identity; in fact, those norms actively discourages lesbianism. The
softball environment may be a place where some societal norms (such as traditional
definitions of masculinity and femininity) are not adhered to, thus enabling lesbians to
interact with others in a more tolerant environment.

There are many definitions of identity in the psychological literature. One of the
most cited and researched frameworks of identity has been Erikson’s (1968)
conceptualization, which posited identity as one stage within a psycho-social model of
development. Erikson theorized identity as having two parts: ego and social. Ego
identity referred to how an individual maintained her or his own identity, while social
identity was defined as the perception that others recognized in a person. An inherent
assumption in Erikson’s model is heterosexuality. Within the identity stage, if an
individual is not successful in forming an ego identity, that individual may be ego
diffused sexually. One possible outcome of ego diffusion is sexual confusion (i.e.: not

heterosexual). Likewise, intimacy is defined by Erikson as loving the opposite sex. An

4
individual who is a homosexual would then be labeled ego diffused and self-absorbed.

Erikson clearly did not perceive a homosexual as being a healthy person, unlike Freud
who, in his letter to an American mother, told her not to worry about her homosexual
son because homosexuality was not an illness, but only "a variation of the sexual
function” (Freud, 1960).

Erikson’s concept of identity has spawned research on his framework (Archer,
1985; Marcia, 1966). Other researchers have conceptualized identity as having different
aspects, such as personal and social (Taylor & Dubé, 1986), homosexual (Cass, 1984),
and lesbian (Chapman & Brannock, 1987). Much of the research on a homosexual
identity has been in defining stage models with differing levels of linearity (e.g. Kahn,
1991; Sophie, 1986; Cass, 1984; Minion & McDonald, 1983/1984). These are models
which assume, to various degrees, that "Stage A" must be achieved before ”Stage B.”
A weakness of these homosexual identity models is twofold. First, the creation of an
aged-based stage framework has been criticized by Faderman (1984). Faderman has
written about the "new lesbians" who decide to become lesbians for political reasons.
These women, many in their late 30s and early 40s, are not accounted for if a researcher
uses a model which has individuals passing through specific age-based stages in order to
become lesbian identified. Many political lesbians choose to remain celibate, and do not
pass through frameworks which presuppose sexual experiences at an early stage of
development. Additionally, the stage models are based on chronological age and not
emotional age. Secondly, the models assume the same process for gay men and lesbians,

without taking the status or gender roles of males and females in society into

5

consideration, and without analyzing differences within the lesbian and gay male
communities.

Other researchers, such as Chapman and Brannock (1987) and Lewis (1984) have
proposed stage models of lesbian identity. Lewis proposed a stage model in which stage
one was when a child began to feel dissonance about him/herself. Chapman and
Brannock proposed a stage model similar to the model proposed by Lewis, but it was
developmentally based. These two models differ from the models of Cass (1984) and
Minton and McDonald (1983/1984) because they do not propose that their models are
based on chronological age. Additionally, these models were proposed as a way to
define lesbian identity and not homosexual identity. Lastly, two perspectives have been
proposed for a lesbian identity which were not associated with a stage model (Cooper,
1990; Krieger, 1982). Cooper proposed that sexual and political identity were
interlinked, while Krieger theorized that sexual and personal identity were linked. That
is, in an overview of a general identity which is formed by specific identities, lesbian
identity might consist of a sexual identity and either a political or personal identity.
Krieger also recognized the importance of a community to reinforce identities and that
an individual did not need a sexual experience to realize that she was a lesbian. At this
time, there have not been follow-up studies to supoort these proposals.

An additional framework for investigating identity is through ego development.
In an ego development framework, the ego is not an active mechanism in the Freudian
sense. The ego can best be perceived as a developmental stage (Loevinger, 1983).

Costas (1990) proposed Stages of ego development for the formation of gender role

6

identity. Costas hypothesized three stages: preconformist, conformist, and
postconformist. Within the gender role identity framework, a female in a preconformist
stage would associate female with roles such as wife and mother. At the conforrnist
stage, the female seeks the approval of others. The postconformist stage is when a
female would explore and begin to realize that there are many views regarding sex roles.
The highest level of gender-role identity formation is when sex roles have been
transcended. This framework may apply to the formation of a lesbian identity, with
women who identify themselves as lesbians falling into the postconformist Stage of ego
development.

Currently, scientists are researching the causes of homosexuality. The research
has focused on the nature verses nurture aspects of homosexuality (biologieal essentialism
verses social construction), and at this time there is competing evidence between a
biological basis for sexual orientation and/or a single psychosocial explanation (Byne &
Parsons, 1993; DeCecco & Elia, 1993). AS a matter of fact, Byne and Parsons review
of the literature suggests an interactive model which includes the biological and social
construction. The question of whether homosexuality is determined biologically or
socially is not an issue in this investigation. At this point in time, our society still values
and promotes a heterosexually-oriented development, which leads to a lesbian having to
develop her identity in a different manner than a heterosexual female.

If participating on a softball team facilitates the formation of a lesbian identity,
then women who identify as lesbians may be in the postconformist stage of ego

development. A woman who is at the postconformist stage of ego development has

7

transcended society’s gender-role norms and is ready to explore alternate meanings of
who she is. The nature of the research question has led me to approach this investigation
with a qualitative methodology. At this time, the context of softball is assumed to be a
lesbian meeting place, but except for Zipter (1988) and a few personal accounts (see
Faderman, 1991), there have yet to be studies which support this assumption. By using
the qualitative method of interviewing, I will be able to explore the context of softball
in better detail than if I were to create a written questionnaire.

A second advantage in using a qualitative methodology in this Study is the lack
of agreement among researchers on a model of lesbian identity. Instead of basing my
questionnaire on a specific model of lesbian or homosexual identity formation, 1 will be
able to discuss the participant’s identity formation with her in depth by asking general
questions and being able to follow-up with specific questions. This will enable me to
determine if a proposed model of lesbian identity (for example, Chapman and Brannock,
1987) can be utilized, if an ego development model is applicable, or if a new model
nwds to be created and investigated.

In conclusion, the sport of softball has been institutionalized as a part of the
lesbian subculture. It may be possible that for some of the women who identify
themselves as lesbians, the softball experience has helped shape their lesbian identity.
The purpose of my Study is to examine the possible connection between the softball
environment and lesbian identity. Specifically, my hunches guiding the formation of the

interview questions are as follows:

8

Softball is an environment where lesbians interact with each other.

Lesbians who interact in the softball environment, when asked to describe their
identity, will include lesbian in that description

The softball environment is one location within the lesbian community where

women feel comfortable coming out to others.

Chapter II
Review of Literature

One of the most prominent researchers to influence the concept of identity was
Erikson (1963, 1980). Since Erikson’s formulation of “identity,” or "ego identity," as
it was also called, researchers have either added to Erikson’s definition or have redefined
identity for use in such diverse areas as ethnic and racial identity (Brown, 1990; Carter,
1990; Delworth, 1989), and homosexual identity (including gay and lesbian identities)
(Cass, 1979; Chapman & Brannock, 1987; Kahn, 1991).

The review of the literature is organized so that the early theory of identity by
Erikson is presented first. Different types of identity, such as social, ethnic, homosexual
and lesbian are discussed in the review. Within each of the topics, identity formation is
reviewed. After the identity research is presented, the topic of ego psychology is
introduced, and its relevance to the formation of a lesbian identity is explored. Lastly,
lesbian subculture and the significance of softball to that subculture are examined.
W

The first five of Erikson’s (1968, 1980) proposed stages were associated with
erogenous zones. However, unlike Freud, Erikson went beyond adolescence and
proposed three additional stages which developed throughout one’s life. The stages, in
order, were trust versus mistrust, autonomy versus shame and doubt, initiative versus
guilt, industry versus inferiority, identity versus role confusion, intimacy versus isolation,
generativity versus stagnation, and ego integrity versus despair (Erikson, 1968). Each

stage was represented by a crisis that the individual had to negotiate in order to become

10

fully developed. All of the stages were thought to develop more in the unconscious than
in the conscious portion of the mind, yet could be assessed by experience, behavior, or
the unconscious inner States. For the purpose of this disseration, only the stages of
identity and intimacy are discussed, as these are the stages that directly relate to the
research question. ,

WW. Identity is composed of ego identity and social
identity (Erikson, 1968). Ego identity is not just the sum of all identities from
childhood; it is the "accrued confidence that one’s ability to maintain inner sameness and
continuity is matched by the sameness and continuity of one’s meaning for others"
(Erikson, 1980, p. 94). Social identity (or personal identity) is the perception of one’s
sameness and continuity and ”the perception that others recognize one’s sameness and
continuity" (Erikson, 1968, p. 50). Therefore, ego identity is the individual’s own
identity and reference, while social identity includes how others perceive the individual.
Adolescents who are not successful in forming an ego identity undergo identity diffusion.
Diffusion can be based on occupational, ethnic, or sexual identities (to name just three).
An individual who has not achieved ego identity may become racist because of identity
diffusion in terms of her or his ethnicity. An ego identity ”is the only safeguard against
the anarchy of drives as well as the autocracy of conscience” (Erikson, 1980, p. 99).
In Freudian terms, the achievement of ego identity will balance the id and the superego,
and will not allow an individual to be driven by either one.

A procedure to determine an individual’s identity status was proposed by Marcia

(1966). On the basis of the procedure, individuals are categorized as being in a crisis,

11

foreclosure, moratorium, or commitment. Crisis was defined as when the individual was
in the process of choosing among meaningful alternatives. Individuals in crisis were in
the moratorium. Commitment was highlighted by the degree of personal investment.
Individuals were identity-achieved when they had experienced a crisis and were
committed to an occupation and ideology. Foreclosed individuals were characterized by
expressing a commitment without experiencing a crisis. These individuals tended to
become what others had expected them to become. Identity-diffused individuals were
characterized by a lack of commitment.

WW. Intimacy is the ability to fully love with the
opposite sex. Freud termed this stage genitality, and defined it as the ”potential capacity
to develop orgastic potency in relation to a loved partner of the opposite sex" (Erikson,
1968, p. 102). If intimacy is not developed, an individual may have stereotyped
relations, or will become promiscuous so the individual does not have to enter a full
emotional relationship with his/her partner.

Although Erikson identified his stages of development with patients and with
biographies of famous individuals (e. g. mm, a biography of Martin
Luther), he never systematically studied his stages to determine if there were actual
personality and psychosocial differences in individuals at the proposed stages of
development. One of the first researchers to investigate the validity of Erikson’s work

(1958, 1963) was Marcia (1966).

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12
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Marcia (1966) used Erikson’s (1963) definition of the identity crisis as a
psychosocial task. Marcia interviewed subjects to determine identity status in the areas
of occupation and ideology. Results were analyzed using Erikson’s hypothesized scale
of crisis, moratorium, and commitment. After completing the interview, subjects
performed different tasks, such as a stressful concept achievement test. and
authoritarianism. Results of this study determined that foreclosed individuals sought to
identify and submit to authority. Subjects who were identity- achieved scored best on
the stressful concept achievement test. The results of this study supported the identity
stage, as defined by Erikson (1968, 1980). One difference Marcia found was that there
may be two types of identity-diffused subjects; those who exhibited psychopathology and
those who showed a lack of commitment (”playboy type") being psychologieally
unhealthy. Marcia found that the identity-diffused subjects who were ”playboy type”
were psychologically healthier than the subjects who had foreclosed.

A woman would not be identity-achieved until she either had a mate or was
married and had children (Erikson, 1968). To determine if females had a different
identity status than males, Archer (1985) interviewed females and males in Grades 6, 8,
10, & 12 to see how the subjects projected their plans for the future. Archer found no
differences in overall identity statuses between males and females, but did find
differences in the domain of family-career, with males more diffused and females more
likely to be in the moratorium or achieved phase. These findings suggest that males may

not have as great a psychological investment in the family-career identity as females do.

13
Identity can also be conceptualized as an exploratory task which ean be facilitated

within the context of relationships. Grotevant and Cooper (1985) designed a study to
determine individual differences among adolescents in identity exploration and interaction
patterns of their families. It was assumed that communication patterns among
adolescents and their families would be related to identity exploration allowed in the
home. Therefore, as adolescents begin to explore their identity, they will change how
they interact with their parents by exhibiting self-assertive behaviors. This will in turn
lead to a renegotiation between the parent and adolescent in terms of roles and
communication.

Subjects in the Grotevant and Cooper (1985) study were 84 white middle class
two-parent families. Identity was classified across six domains with the Ego Identity
Interview given to the adolescents. The family unit was given the Family Interaction
Task, which was taped to determine communication patterns within each family. Results
supported Erikson’s belief that "identity formation involves the definition of a sense of
self as distinctive from others" (p. 425). Families were supportive of exploration by
adolescents, and indicated a difference in interaction styles for females versus males.
Females tended to receive less agreement from their fathers than did males (in terms of
family discussions), but it cannot be inferred from the study if this difference in
communication patterns was related to a difference in identity-status attainment.

The results of these Studies lend support to Erikson’s (1968, 1980) theoretical
concept of identity. The question of whether or not females undergo a different process

to attain identity achievement has been proposed (eg. Archer, 1985), but not fully

14
substantiated. When Marcia’s (1966) work was expanded to include sexual values and

standards, females who Showed commitment to foreclosure or achievement were
psychologically healthy, in contrast to males who needed to go through a crisis
(Delworth, 1989). Research has also been conducted to determine different aspects of
identity, such as personal and social identity (Taylor & Dubé, 1986), ethnicity (Waddell
& Cairns, 1986), and homosexuality (Cass, 1984).

Identity has been proposed to have two components (Erikson, 1968; Taylor &
Dubé). Erikson (1968, 1980) proposed ego and social identities. Taylor and Dubé
(1986) defined the components as personal and social. Personal identity was the
component unique to the individual, while social identity was comprised of those aspects
of the self which were shared with all who occupy the same social category, such as
gender or ethnicity. Taylor and Dubé hypothesize three strategies for attaining a strong
personal identity when having multiple social identities. Individuals in the first strategy
would limit the number of social groups with which they identify. The second strategy
was characterized by interacting with a number of social groups whose members were
the same, thus limiting the differences in contact individuals. For example, an individual
may have different interests, but each ”interest group" would be comprised of similar
members, thus limiting the diversity of the groups. The third category was to interact
with different social groups whose members had Similar values to the individual.
Individuals in this category would interact with a number of social groups, but the

members between groups would be heterogeneous. After comparing Francophone and

15
Anglophone Canadians, Taylor and Dube found that both groups used the second strategy

the most, with the Francophones having a stronger central social identity than the
Anglophones.

Personal and social identity (as defined by Taylor and Dubé, 1985) are
components of an individual’s overall identity, but also are factors in how individuals
respond to either criticism or compliments. Personal-identity feedback was defined as
being directed at the individual, while social-identity feedback was directed at some
social aspect of the individual, such as race or gender. To examine if subjects would
respond differently, Taylor and Dubé constructed questionnaires with scenarios of an
individual receiving either personal or social feedback. Overall results of this study
showed that individuals respond more negatively if feedback is unjustified. Surprising
to the authors, subjects reacted more negatively to social- identity feedback, both positive
and negative, than to negative personal-identity feedback. The authors also found that
subjects were more apt to interpret Stereotypic behavior or discriminatory behavior to a
social identification, but less so with personal identification. In non-laboratory settings,
this difference in behavior can be observed, for example, in women who say that women
are discriminated against even though they themselves have never experienced gender
discrimination.

Social identity has also been defined by Tajfel (1981) as a relationship between
the individual and her or his social groups. The social groups to which an individual
belongs give emotional meaning and value to the individual, while the individual is

cognizant of belonging to that particular social group. For individuals who belong to

16

certain ethnic minorities (which are viewed as being of lesser importance or worth by the
dominant ethnic majority), being part of a negative minority will lead to the group
members trying different strategies to enhance self image (Rosenthal & Hrynevich,
1985), such as being compared favorably to another ethnic minority. Rosenthal and
Hrynevich interviewed subjects from two ethnic minorities in Australia (Greeks and
Italians). Their results indicated that for adolescents, ethnic identity may be an important
factor in the creation of individual self-definitions and identity. The results also
supported Taj fel in that one’s ethnicity was perceived as being a valued social group for
the subjects. An additional explanation for the creation of an identity for an ethnic
minority may be cognitive dissonance (for a review of cognitive dissonance, please see
Eagly & Chaiken, 1993). For example, an ethnic minority may look at the fecal element
(minority), perceive the dissonant element (minorities have less status in this culture),
and create a consonant element (1 am a valued social group in this society).

An aspect of Tajfel’s (1981) work has also been used to determine how social
identity affects an individual if that particular social group is viewed negatively (e. g.
Ethier & Deaux, 1990; Gaskell & Smith, 1986). Tajfel contends that individuals will
strive to maintain a positive social identity, and when a social identity is negative they
will look to change the identity by either moving out of the group (individual mobility),
changing the image of the group (social creativity), and/or changing how the group is
perceived in relation to other groups (social competition). In a test of Tajfel’s social
identity theory, Gaskell and Smith interviewed Black and white males to determine how

social identity was defined. Subjects listed several identities, with ethnicity not being the

17
major social group. Both social creativity and social competition were described by the

Black subjects, with individual mobility not mentioned by subjects as a way to improve
the negative identity ascribed to Black males. Gaskell and Smith questioned the
usefulness of Taj fel’s theory because the ability to predict an individual’s behavior would
depend upon the group identity to which the individual related.

Situational aspects of social identity and the question of whether individuals
process multiple social identities were investigated by interviewing Protestants and
Catholics in Northern Ireland (Waddell & Cairns, 1986). Traditionally, Protestants
tended to identify with Britain, while Catholics identified with Ireland. For the sample
tested, social identity did not change by social situation. Protestants felt more British
when the I.R.A. committed a violent act, but Catholics did not feel any less Irish even
with negative publicity towards the I.R.A., and did not demonstrate a change in identity
due to negativeness.

The lack of significant results in the Waddell and Cairns (1986) study might be
attributed to the formation of ethnic identity. Ethier and Deaux (1990) have hypothesized
that ethnic identity is formed at an early age, which would make it more likely to stay
static even during times of negative reactions to the social identity. In their Study which
examined Hispanics at a predominately white college, Ethier and Deaux found that the
strength of ethnic identity in collegiate students was related to how the students had been
socialized, and if they were from a predominately Hispanic neighborhood. Gender
differences were also found, with males perceiving more of a threat to their social

identity of “Hispanic" than did females. If females are able to reshape their social

18
identity so as to decrease perceived threat, then it may be argued that they are using

social mobility to change the negative label of ”Hispanic" to a positive one.

Ethnic identity has also been studied as a generational phenomenon, with the third
generation becoming more ethnic than the second generation (Hanson, 1952). Second
and third generation Japanese—Americans were investigated to determine if Hanson’s
hypothesis was valid (Newton, Buck, Kunimura, Colfer, & Scholsberg, 1988). . The
results of this study did not support Hanson. The third generation (Sansei) were not
more ethnically identified than the second generation (Nisei). The Sansei in this study
were more individualistic, and had increased acculturation more, than the Nisei.

Both Tajfel’s (1981) theory and Hanson’s (1952) theory have been studied without
conclusive results. Social identity also has been generally theorized as being shaped by
the dominant culture in which the individual lives (Brown, 1990; Mays, 1986). For
example, Blacks in America have been defined by a white culture which reduced them
to slavery. Because of this, Blacks are searching for an identity that they can define
rather than having the identity defined for them by whites (Mays, 1986). Similarly,
biracial children in America may be more aware of their ethnicity than others beeause
outsiders cannot neatly categorize them, for example, into a “white" category or a
"Black" category (Brown, 1990). These children, although they may identify themselves
with the minority group to which they belong, will perceive that they are in a marginal
position in society.

It is interesting to note that most of the research on social identity has been

conducted with members of minority groups (Brown, 1990; Ethier & Deaux, 1990;

19
Newton, Buck, Kunimura, Colfer, & Scholsberg, 1988), with the assumption being that

the group in the majority would not have to process a social identity. More recently,
some researchers have investigated white racial (ethnic) identity to determine how the
perception of being white interacts with racism. Both studies hypothesized a stage
model, with the result of a more secure identity leading to decreased racism (Carter,
1990; Sabnani, Ponterotto, & Borodovsky, 1991). These results are consistent with
studies which have identified adolescent males as being the most likely to ”queer bash,“
as they are searching for power and a positive identity (Comstock, 1991).

A weakness of the social-identity literature is that it fails to examine how a social
identity interacts with personal identity. When does an individual identify in terms of
social groups versus as a unique person? And what are the behaviors associated with
different social—group identity? Additionally, social-identity research tends to be focused
on ethnicity, which may be a trait which is visually present to others. As Delworth
(1989) noted, the literature does not adequately explore how individuals who possess
more than one identity, such as Asian-lesbian, develop both identities, and if those
individuals choose to identify with both roles. It may be that individuals with a
nonvisible identity (such as lesbian) may choose to include lesbian in their personal
identity but not in their social identity.
W

The scientific debate over the cause of homosexuality will be briefly mentioned
before the topic of homosexual identity. The reason I am mentioning this body of

research is because the debate over biological determinism and social construction (nature

20

versus nurture) is extremely tOpical at this time. To date, research has not been
conclusive on either Side of the debate (Byne & Parsons, 1993; DeCecco & Elia, 1993).
Even though the current debate over biological determinism and social construction is
receiving national attention (cf., LeVay, 1991), it is not an issue in my investigation.
Our society still values and promotes a heterosexually-oriented development. Therefore,
a girl/woman would still need to develop her lesbian identity in a different manner than
a heterosexual female.

The process of forming a homosexual identity (sometimes termed ”coming out to
oneself“ in the literature) has been researched by a number of social scientists (Cass,
1979, 1983/1984, 1984; Chapman & Brannock, 1987;1(ahn, 1991; Minton & Mcdonald,
1983/1984; Sophie, 1986; Troiden, 1984). Models of homosexual identity have common
themes such as stages of confusion and acceptance of being a homosexual (Cass,
198311984; Minton & McDonald, 1983/1984; Troiden, 1984). Model differences occur
in their linearity and number of stages. For example, Cass proposed a linear, six-stage
model of homosexual identity formation, while Minton and McDonald proposed a four-
stage model which allowed room for regression. Troiden also proposed a four stage
model, but likened it to a spiral, with movement in and out of the four stages.

Models of homosexual identity also differed in the proposed stage of life in which
homosexual identity begins to be formed. Minton and McDonald’s (1983/1984) model
began at the first year of life and continued until an acceptance of a positive gay identity

was formed. Cass (1979, 1983/1984) began her model at the point where an individual

21
began to experience confusion about her/his sexual identity, while Troiden’s (1989)

model began where an individual began to feel different from others.

Differences between models could also be examined through the definitions of
self-concept and identity offered by the theorists. Cass (1983/1984) defined homosexual
identity as “a clustering of self-images which are linked together by the individual’s
idiosyncratic understanding of what characterizes someone as a ’homosexual" (p. 110).
This differed from self-concept, which was the sum of an individual’s droughts and
feelings. This definition clearly marked the beginning of identity formation at a time
when an individual was aware that such an identity was possible. Minton and McDonald
(1983/1984) defined identity (from a symbolic interactionist perspective) as ”the way in
which the individual perceives, knows, and feels about the self” (p. 92). Interestingly,
the first stage of this theory occurred during the first year of life, a time when an
individual does not have a sense of self apart from the environment (Haberrnas, quoted
in Minton and McDonald, 1983/1984). Troiden (1989) also developed his model from
a symbolic interactionist base. Self, in this model was ”an individual’s consciousness of
his or her own being” (p. 100). Self-concept, in this model, was defined as a component
of the self and was the perception one has of oneself. Identity (self-identity) "refers to
organized sets of characteristics an individual perceives as definitively representing the
self in relation to a social situation” (p. 102). Specifically, then, homosexual identity
would be perceiving oneself as a homosexual in a particular social setting. This model
emphasized both the acceptance of being perceived as a homosexual and presenting

oneself as a homosexual.

22
Homosexual identity has also been theorized in the context of defining what is a

homosexual. Berger (1983) defined a homosexual model, which was presumed to be
applieable to both males and females. The underlying assumptions of the model were
that all homosexuals go through identity confusion (due to a heterosexist society), and
that sex and militancy (buttons which display gay and lesbian slogans, for example) were
precursors to self-acceptance. Other researchers who combined lesbian and gay identity
with common themes were Herdt (1989), and Tremble, Schneider and Appathurai (1989).
These authors theorized that homosexuals would feel different and alienated (Herdt,
1989), and that gay identity would be, in part, shaped by culture and ethnicity (Herdt,
1989; Tremble et al., 1989).

A weakness of the models of homosexuality is that it is assumed that gay males
and lesbians go through the same identity formation process, without taking the status of
males and females in society into consideration, and without analyzing differences within
the lesbian and gay communities (cf: Brady & Busse, 1994). Therefore, before
reviewing models of lesbian identity, it may be useful to discuss the role of women in
a heterosexist society and the lesbian community.

In a heterosexist society, heterosexuality is presumed to be an individual’s sexual
preference (Rich, 1980). A feature of a heterosexist society is patriarchy, which creates
an imbalance of power between males and females. All individuals in a patriarchal
society are raised to believe that males have certain attributes which a female should
respect and be submissive to, such as the male’s ability to deny or force sexuality (Rich,

1980). As long as females use males as a reference point and are male identified, it is

23
not possible to realize autonomy as human beings (Radiealesbians, 1970). A by-product

of being a part of a heterosexist society is that females have been defined in terms of
males instead of separately. The previous models of homosexuality were an example of
this. The models can be viewed as models of gay identity with lesbians included because
researchers in a heterosexist society assume women can be defined in terms of males.
I l . I l .

The topic of lesbian identity formation has been approached from different
perspectives. Researchers have examined models of homosexual identity to determine
if the models were applicable to lesbians (Kahn, 1991; Sophie, 1986), and have proposed
models/frameworks for lesbian identity formation (Chapman & Brannock, 1987; Cooper,
1990; Krieger, 1982; lewis, 1984).

A developmental model of lesbian identity formation was proposed by Lewis
(1984). This model was similar to models of homosexual identity formation in that it
was a linear stage model. Lesbian identity formation was proposed to begin in childhood
(4 or 5 years old) when the child experiences a sense of dissonance. A weakness of this
model, which was acknowledged by lewis, was that some lesbians do not undergo
dissonance as children and change their identity sometime during their life. For these
women, this model would not describe or predict their lesbian identity during their lives.

An additional stage model of lesbian identity has been proposed by Chapman and
Brannock (1987). This model was similar to lewis’ (1984) model, except that it was not
developmentally based. Two perspectives which were not associated with stage models

were proposed by Cooper (1990) and Krieger (1982). Independently, both Cooper and

24

Krieger identified components of lesbian identity that would separate its formation from
a male model of homosexual identity formation. For example, Cooper determined,
through interviews with lesbians, that the lesbian identity was more than a sexual
identity; it also had political undertones. The women in Cooper’s study rejected
traditional feminine roles because they were felt to be restrictive. Krieger hypothesized
that the lesbian lifestyle was linked with personal identity which was made up of more
than sexual components. Krieger also stated the importance of a community in
reinforcing an individual’s sense of identity, and that a woman could form a lesbian
identity without having a sexual experience with another woman.

The stage models of identity development have been criticized because of their
developmental basis (Faderman, 1984) and the lack of support for developing identity in
specific stages (Kahn, 1991). Faderman has centered her criticism of the developmental
models on the lack of applicability to women who have become lesbians through radical
feminism. Faderman critiqued the stages proposed by Minton and McDonald
(1983/1984) and concluded that for many lesbians, identity was believed to be a matter
of choice, not developmental, sexual destiny. For these lesbians, a developmental stage
model would not describe the process of their identity formation. Then again, some
lesbians may be in denial about their lesbianism being a sexual, developmental destiny
which self-reports would not ferrot out.

The literature raises many questions about the applicability of both age-based

stage models, and models derived from Erikson’s work with regard to the formation of

25
a lesbian identity. In light of these concerns, a model from an ego psychology

perspective may help to explain the formation of a lesbian identity.
W

The ego in ego psychology is different from the ego in Freud’s dreary, which
strove for balance between the id and the superego. The ego cannot be easily defined
in this model and represents a stage of development within an individual (Loevinger,
1983). Although Erikson was an ego psychologist, Loevinger’s model differs from his
because the stages are not age-related. Loevinger (1976) proposed seven stages of ego
development: impulsive, self-protection, conformist, self-aware, conscientious,
individual, and autonomous. In comparison to Erikson (1983), an individual at the
conformist stage (girls and boys in adolescence) is looking for approval and social
acceptance. At this stage, individuals define what is right by social norms. The last two
stages, individual and autonomous, are where individuals deal with independence and
issues of identity (Cohn, 1991). The difference between this model and the models
previously discussed is that this model is not chronologically based.

An ego developmental perspective has been applied to the creation of a model of
gender role identity. Costos (1990) created a model which has roots in Loevinger’s
theory of ego development. A three-level stage system was proposed, with
preconformist, conformist, and postconformist being the levels, with stages within each
one. At Level 1, or preconformist, (predominately children), an individual secs things
concretely from an egocentric point of view. With regard to gender identity, at Stage

1 of level 1, external features are the sex-role markers. At Stage 2 of level 1, global

26

roles are understood with regard to the sexes, such as policemen being associated with
boys/men. At level 2, the conformist level (at Stage 3), norms are embraced by
individuals and social conventions are used to explain differences between nrales and
females. An individual at Stage 4 of level 2 begins to place masculine and feminine
characteristics on individuals. The end of Stage 4 marks the time when an individual
begins to have dissonance about people and the stereotypes in which he/she believes.
Individuals begin to develop their own set of beliefs about sex roles/differences at Stage
5 (level 3, postconformist). Lastly, Stage 6 occurs when traditional beliefs about sex
roles have been replaced and individuals are not defined or stereotyped on the basis of
being male or female.

Applying Costos’ (1990) model to lesbian identity, a female at the preconformist
stage would not see herself as a lesbian. Differences between ”masculine" and
”feminine" females would be noticed, but the female would not label females as being
different. At the conformist stage, an individual may begin to believe she might be a
lesbian, but would not socially announce herself as one because of the social norms
against homosexuality. The postconformist stage would be where a female would
announce to others that she isa lesbian. I propose that a lesbian goes through additional
stages, similar to the first three, once she comes out to someone. Within the
postconformist Stage, the lesbian would enter a Stage similar to the conformist stage at
Level 2. At this time, the social norms she embraces are those of the lesbian community
she has either read about or gained access to. The next step would be when the lesbian

acknowledges the norms of the lesbian community, but begins to question her need for

27

approval from others in the community. Lastly, the lesbian understands the complexities
of the different norms and roles of the lesbian community and does not view them as
immutable.

I l . Ii . l 5 El 1]

The concept of a lesbian identity, as defined by Miller (1992), is a social
construction of the Western world (Miller, 1992). Miller described four preconditions
necessary in a society for a gay and/or lesbian identity to occur: personal freedom &
social tolerance, economic development which allows for independence and social
mobility, social and political status for women, and a decreased power of the family and
religious institutions in defining all aspects of an individual’s life. Miller did not address
the question of how some individuals manage to form a lesbian identity without the
preconditions being met.

The difficulty in understanding the formation of lesbian identity lies in the fact
that the maturation process of children in American society socializes individuals to be
heterosexual. It then becomes a guess as to when to predict that an individual will
question her/his socialization and break off from the creation of heterosexual identity.
It is also important to take into consideration the differences between women in terms
of when they first identify as lesbians. For example, a female child in junior high school
may feel emotions towards other females and may or may not recognize these emotions
as lesbian feelings. If the emotions were recognized as lesbian feelings, the child may
then attempt to meet other lesbians and to find sources of support. Another female might

be a 40 year old who has had children. This woman may discover, through reading or

28

meetings with other women, that she has feelings for women and decides to pursue a
lesbian identity for the rest of her life. The questions of identity then become the
following: What sources in an individual’s life contribute to the formation of an identity?
How do these sources interact? In relation to the ego psychology model, this woman
would be at the postconformist stage (she recogizes herself as a lesbian) and would be
entering the conformist stage of lesbianism.

”Identity is that essential core of who we are as individuals, the conscious
experience of the self inside” (Kaufman, 1985). Identity may change as individuals grow
and have new experiences, and individuals may differentiate between their personal and
social identity. One experience which may influence personal or social identity for a
lesbian is being a participant or spectator at a softball game.

Softball is America’s most popular recreational team sport (Sidentop, 1990).
Since 1934, the participation rate has grown from more than 200,000 to 27 million, with
women comprising at least 5 million of the participants (Zipter, 1988). A percentage of
the 5 million women who participate are lesbians, who refer to softball as the Lesbian
Pastime. Zipter refers to softball as being one of ”the most universal and yet least
examined aspects of our lesbian culture” (p. 14). A lesbian community is composed of
lesbians who have a social network, a Shared group identity, and institutions such as
places and organizations for community members (Lockard, 1986). A community is
viewed as available for those lesbians who wish to participate in it. The shared values
of the subculture may mirror feminist values, and the institutional bases may include

organizations, women’s centers, bookstores, and softball leagues. A community is thus

29
defined and referenced through a female model. The process of self-definition and a

rejection of societal ideology was theorized by Ettorre (1980) in her book on lesbianism.
In a heterosexist society, lesbianism poses a threat to the social order. In the process of
self-discovery, the lesbian discovers power, and with that power, discovers her sexuality.
The lesbian then seeks economic independence from men and refutes the common sexual
ideology (p. 250). A community is important, for as Warren (1974) states, ”Gay
identity, then, involves affiliation with a gay community ..." (p. 152). Softball serves
as a community institution for some lesbian communities. For the lesbians who do not
play, it is a form of entertainment and a place to socialize. It is also a place where
women can freely root for other women and enjoy watching women’s bodies in motion.

Historically, softball was one of the most popular sports for women in the
industrial leagues, which were established in the 1920’s (Guttmann, 1991; Zipter, 1988).
Zipter has hypothesized that many of the women who played softball in the industrial
league could have been lesbians because married women generally stayed at home and
raised their children, and, therefore, the majority of the participants were single women
during the 19305 to 19505.

A reason for softball’s attraction for lesbians has been the relative safety of
attending a game in a park verses going to a lesbian bar (Faderman, 1991), especially
in the 1950’s and 1960’s when raids on bars by the police were frequent. Although there
has been an increase in the number of community institutions for lesbians, such as
bookstores and coffee houses, the softball diamond remains one of the most popular,

especially in cities and towns where other institutions cannot safely exist.

30
An alternative view for the popularity of softball in the lesbian community has

been proposed by Palzkill (1990), who states that sport is a medium in which women can
overcome a contradiction between femininity and sport only by becoming lesbians.
Palzkill interviewed highly skilled women athletes from what was then known as the
Federal Republic of Germany (West Germany). In this study, Palzkill defined being a
woman as fulfillment of the "feminine sexual role and stands in contradiction to the
existence as a sportsperson” (p. 225). Palzkill concluded, from her interviews, that
because sport is a masculine domain, women athletes do not identify as women. To
overcome the contradiction between being a feminine woman and an athlete, women
choose a lesbian existence. However, it may be that some women who believe
themselves to be lesbians choose to participate in a sport, such as softball, so that they
may meet other lesbians. This may, in turn, enable a woman to feel more comfortable
about coming out to herself and in the creation of a lesbian identity and in coming out
to someone else. The purpose of my study will be to investigate the meaning of the
softball environment to lesbians, and to determine if the softball environment plays a
role in the formation of the lesbian identity. Specifically, my hunches guiding the
formation of the interview questions are as follows:

1. Softball is an environment where lesbians interact with each other.

2. lesbians who interact in the softball environment, when asked to describe their

identity, will include lesbian in that description
3. The softball environment is one location within the lesbian community where

women feel comfortable coming out to each other.

3 1
Chapter III

Methodology

The purpose of this study is to examine the possible connections between the
softball environment and lesbian identity. I have chosen to approach this study with one
qualitative methodological approach: the qualitative interview. The premise for
choosing this methodology is that the softball environment is assumed to be an important
component of some lesbians’ lives, with few studies dedicated to the investigation of this
assumption (Zipter, 1988, for example), and the possible connection between softball and
lesbian identity has yet to be examined. Therefore, by using a qualitative interview
methodology, 1 will have the opportunity to explore, in detail, how lesbians who
participate in softball perceive these tOpics. This chapter is divided into two sections.
First, the qualitative interview methodology is discussed, and then the methodology of
this Study is explained, beginning with the description of the participants.

Qualitative interviews are different from quantitative interviews. The interviews
are open-ended and either unstructured or semi-structured. The relationship with the
participant is closer in qualitative interviewing than the distant relationship in qualitative
interviewing. The instruments used also differ between the two types of interviews. A
quantitative interview might take the form of a questionnaire or inventory, while the
qualitative interview is verbal (for a complete description, please see Bogdan and Biklen,
1992). Qualitative interviews are different from questionnaires. Garden (1980)

described the questionnaire as being an extension of the interview. The advantages of

32

the interview over the written questionnaire are (a) the interviewer can motivate the
participant to share information, (b) the interviewer can ask additional questions to gain
an interpretation of the participant’s responses, (c) there is greater flexibility in
questioning, (d) there is greater control over the situation (question order, for example),
and (e) the interviewer can evaluate, through both tone and nonverbal cues, the validity
of a participant’s responses (Gorden).

Qualitative interviews have the "potential to offer a more human, less mechanieal
relationship between the researcher and the researched” (Jayaratne & Stewart, 1991, p.
90). The reason for this may be because the qualitative interview is a conversation,
which allows for the interviewee to give her or his opinions and feedback. The
atmosphere for the interview is best when it is nonhierarchical (Jayaratne & Stewart;
Oakley, 1981) because the individual being interviewed feels more comfortable and can
perceive that the researcher is interested and involved in the interview. This is not to say
that the interviewer gives up all control and allows the interviewee to discuss nonrelevant
topics. Rather, the interviewer creates a non-threatening and caring environment which
creates the sense of empathy and cooperation.

Similar to other methodologies in both the quantitative and qualitative traditions,
there are weaknesses in the interview methodology. Interview data are both concurrent
and retrospective, and the memory of the participants is crucial. A participant may not
remember her/ his experience, or may remember an altered version of an event which is
favorable to her/him. On the other hand, the distance between events and the interview

may help the participant understand and explain an event (Meyer, 1991). Becker (1969)

33
discussed how data in a qualitative interview are dependant on the credibility of each

informant, and how questions asked may elicit different responses. Becker also stated
that each researcher had to take into account her/his role in the study in order to
accurately interpret the data.

The interviewer must establish rapport with the interviewee. Rapport must first
be established by visual cues to the participant, which includes how the interviewer is
dressed and how the interviewer sits in relation to the participant. Nonverbal cues are
also important, and the interviewer must be careful not to give judgmental looks and
other disapproving body signs while the interview is taking place. The interviewer must
then spend time conversing with the interviewee until the individual feels comfortable and
is conversing.

Bias in the interview may also take place, either on the part of the interviewer or
interviewee. The interviewee may respond in a socially desirable way, or may try to
give the answer that she believes the interviewer desires. Meyer (1991) recommends
asking the same question in several ways to ferret out the socially desirable answers.
The interviewer must be aware of possible bias imbedded in the questions. The questions
must be organized and worded so that the interviewee is not led to or prompted for
answers. The interviewer must also be aware of non-verbal behavior during the
interview which may signal to the interviewee that one response is better than another.
E . .

The participants in this study were 24 women who played on a summer slow pitch

softball team and 5 who were present at women’s slow pitch softball games as spectators.

34

Nineteen out of 24 women softball players identified themselves as lesbians, while 4 out
of 5 spectators interviewed identified themselves as lesbians. There were four Women
of Color participants: three of whom identified themselves as lesbian players, and one
was a lesbian spectator. lesbian spectators were interviewed in order to gain a
perspective of lesbians who may perceive the softball environment as a lesbian meeting
place, but who choose not to play. Nonlesbians (players and spectator) were interviewed
in order to gain a perspective from women outside a lesbian community. Years of
softball experience (for the players) was not a factor in choosing participants because I
.was not investigating a cause and effect relationship between number of years playing
softball and the formation of lesbian identity. However, this type of demographic
information was still gathered from participants.

The participants in this study ranged in age from 26 to 49 years old (Table 1).
This range was chosen because individuals who are currently undergraduates in college
or younger (24 and below) may be forming a lesbian identity in different ways than
lesbians who are older, and the younger cohort may be beyond the scope of the present
study. Since the Stonewall riots of 1969 and the beginning of the gay liberation
movement, there have been numerous political and community supports or disapprovals
for gays and lesbians. The nature of coming out, visibility, and identity formation has,
and continues to, undergo change. For example, in some cities there are support groups
for high school gays and lesbians, and in the past year there has been greater visibility
in the media for lesbians. Therefore, for this study, the younger lesbians (24 and

younger) were not included.

35

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MILL
E B l E . . . I
Age Range
Iesizianflnrers
26-29 Molly, Jo, Shawn, Ellie, Jessie, Elizabeth, Sandra
30-34 Kris, Judy, Bob, Bambi, Lynn, Skinny Puppy
35-39 Gloria, Maxine
40—45 Betsy, Sylvia, Chip
46-50 Marianne
lesbiarLSmtators
30-34 Lois
35-39 Isis, Sue, Kay
W
26-29 Julie, Lauren, Janel
30-34 Marie
35-39 Coach
46-50 Ginger

 

‘Jane is a nonlesbian spectator

36
E . [E ..

lesbian softball players and lesbian spectators were recruited through
advertisements in two lesbian newsletters which are published in city A (which will be
called Umpira to protect confidentiality). These publications were sent to lesbians who
subscribe to the publication and who live in the midwest. Respondents to the
advertisement were chosen, in part, by their proximity to Umpira. The rationale for this
recruitment strategy was that the lesbians who receive the newsletters may be more
clearly identified as lesbians than lesbians who choose not to receive the publications,
because they are allowing their names to be on a lesbian mailing list. The term further
refers to a lesbian who has come out to herself and others, and is comfortable having her
name on a mailing list. However, advertising for subjects was seen as potentially
reaching a broader audience of lesbians than merely contacting lesbian teams of which
I had personal knowledge. Advertising can potentially reach a larger number of women,
creating a more diversified response. Nonlesbians (and lesbian softball
players/ spectators) were recruited through an advertisement in a free magazine/newspaper
published in the city of Umpira.

Only one lesbian softball player who saw the advertisement called me. My next
step was two-fold. First, I advertised in two of Umpira’s lesbian bars. The
owners/managers of each bar gave me permission to hang a flyer on the wall. When I
returned to the bars, I noticed that my name and phone number had been taken from the
flyer, but I still had not received any calls. At this point, I decided that I needed to

attend softball games in order to recruit participants.

37
I contacted individuals who I knew played in women’s slow pitch leagues and

received their schedule of games. I went to three leagues in three different cities
(U mpira, Outerfeldja and Battonia), and observed the different teams. I decided to wear
clothes and jewelry which would easily identify me as a lesbian to the lesbian
participants, but would not be so obvious that I would not be able to recruit nonlesbians.
I wore a t-shirt with a popular character from a lesbian comic strip and a watch with a
pink triangle on it. As I approached one group of five players (from a team which I had
heard was mostly lesbian), one of the players recognized and commented on my shirt.
That gave me the access I needed to discuss my study with the group. All five group
members signed up as participants. The most common response that I received was "so
you’re the woman that placed the ad. Sure I’ll Sign up." Apparently, the women were
willing to be participants, but needed face-to-face contact before signing up.

One interesting finding in the recruiting process was that a nonlesbian participant
(whom I recruited at a game) informed me that the lesbians on her team thought that my
advertisement was fake. The lesbian players had discussed the advertisement after one
of the games when they were at a bar, and decided that I was looking for phone
numbers, not research participants. Other comments I received were, ”you were the one
with the ad? Our coach gave us the sheet, but after a few beers we didn’t know if it was
just a joke. Who would want to talk to softball players - they have I.Q.’s of 90. You’re
the one. ”

I also was able to gain access to one team because I happened to know one player

on the team and she encouraged a few of her friends to sign up and help me out. When

38

I did not know anyone on a team, one factor that would lead to individuals signing up
was if a person on that particular team mentioned that she knew how difficult it was to
get participants. This seemed to motivate others to sign up. In total, participants were
recruited from a total of seven teams (2 from Battonia, 2 from Umpira and 3 from
Outerfelja).

I called each possible participant the day after I received the name and phone
number at the ballfield. I explained my study in further detail, described the interview
process, and explained confidentiality to her over the phone. I also informed each
participant that I would be taping the interviews. The last step of the phone call was to
set a day, time, and place for the interview. All participants were given a confirmatory
telephone call the day before their interview. Of all the women contacted, one
rescheduled, and only two were no-shows.

Confideau'alitx

I verbally explained my study to each participant when she arrived for the
interview. Following the verbal explanation, a written consent form was shown to each
woman (Appendix C), who was asked to read and sign it. Each participant was then
asked if she had any questions or concerns about the study, and was reminded that the
interview was going to be taped. Only one participant declined to have the interview
taped, and detailed handwritten notes were taken instead. Each participant was identified
by a pseudonym of her choosing, and her real name did not appear verbally on the tape

or in any of the written notes. The participants were informed that the name they chose

39
would be the one used in the study. Each participant was also assured that I would be

the only one to listen to the tapes.

mummies

The nature of the study dictated that the site for the interviews be a place where
the women could feel comfortable and, especially for the lesbians, safe. At the
conclusion of the introductory phone call, an interview site was selected. Interviews took
place in the cities of Umpira, Outerfeldja, and Glovetown (none of the interviews took
place in Battonia). Interview sites were selected on the basis of location for the
participants, confidentiality, and ease of conversation. Some of the sites selected were
bars (two lesbian/ gay bars), parks (in different cities), offices, and coffee houses. At
each site, except for one interview, interviews were conducted without being interrupted.
The one interview which was interrupted was at a bar. The ”waitress" came to the table
about 3/4 of the way through the interview and yelled, ”what did she say, what did she
say?” I shut the tape off, laughed, and told her that it was confidential. After the
”waitress" left, the interview continued without a problem.

Rama

A critical component of interviewing is having good rapport. The fact that I play
softball helped me to develop a rapport with the softball players. For example, many of
the participants asked me during the introductory telephone call if I played softball.
When I informed them that I was playing in a league in Battonia, they would ask me

about the league, what it was like to play in that city, and how the team was doing.

40
After the interviews with the nonlesbian players, they would sit and talk to me about

softball leagues and what the differences were between city leagues. There was only one
nonlesbian participant with whom I did not feel I had positive rapport with during the
interview. Lauren was answering the questions in an earnest fashion until I asked her
about stereotypes of softball players. At that point, her expression changed, her body
position became closed, and she stated that she didn’t want to answer. After that portion
of the interview, I felt that she did not Open up and wanted to finish the interview as
quickly as possible. Yet after Lauren’s interview was completed, she spoke with me for
over ten minutes about the softball league in Battonia.

My rapport with the lesbian participants was positive. There was eye contact
throughout the interviews, and many were willing to share details about their lives
without any probing on my part. In fact, they seemed to be excited that someone would
be interested in talking to them. Much of the rapport was brought about because of my
being an insider. When I interviewed the lesbians, I wore jewelry such as a larnda
earring and/or a watch with a pink triangle on it, both symbols of the lesbian community.
For some interviews I also wore t-shirts which referred to a state’s lesbian/Gay pride
festival. During the interview, many of the participants would answer questions with the
words ”you know" or ”you’ve been there," which told me that they knew I was also a
lesbian and understood what they were describing. One of the lesbians, whom I knew
slightly, asked me some questions about myself after the interview was over, and we sat
and talked for an additional 30 minutes. Other interviews ended and we discussed future

events in Umpira and other cities.

41
length

It was anticipated that the interviews for the lesbian players would take the
longest, then the lesbian spectators and then the nonlesbian participants. On the average,
the interviews for the lesbian players took 50 minutes, lesbian spectators, 45 minutes,
and nonlesbian participant interviews lasted 35 nrinutes. The differences in times was
due to the different number of questions and the types of questions. Many of the
participants were surprised that the interviews did not last longer, and offered to stay and
discuss more questions with me. Some even offered to participate in a second interview
if I ”required" more information.

newlinmmematicn

The interview was set up to be semi-structured, as I wanted to make sure that
certain topics were covered but did not want to inhibit the women from taking thoughts
and ideas in different directions than I planned. To help break the ice at every interview,
I asked each woman what name she would like to be called during our time together.
This question was the one pondered most of all. Participants took anywhere from 10
seconds to 2 minutes thinking up a name. Two participants said I could use their real
names, but after I insisted on an alias, they came up with one. One person picked a
name she always wanted to be called (Bambi), while another chose the name she hated
the most (Bob). After the participant decided on a name, I began the interview.

A pilot interview was conducted to determine if the questionnaire covered the
topics necessary to explore the hunches. The pilot interview was conducted with a

lesbian spectator. The questionnaire was modified after the interview was analyzed.

42

Three questions were added: did you ever feel pressure to conform as a lesbian; did you
know lesbians played softball; and have you ever read the book, "Diamonds are a Dykes
Best Friend?” The last question was added because Zipter’s book is available in Umpira,
and familiarity with the book could bias some answers.

Listed below are the broad topic areas and a few questions from each topic area.
The first group of tepic areas, or proposed themes, was for the lesbian participants. The
nonlesbian. participant questions follow. I left the questions open-ended and with room
for discussion and follow-up questions, depending upon the answers given by the
participants. Full questionnaires are located in Appendix D.
15 the softball environment known as a place where lesbians can meet?

When did you begin to play softball?

Why did you choose softball over other activities?

What do you enjoy about softball?

Do women use the softball environment to meet other women?

Have you ever used the softball environment as a place to meet other lesbians?
How does a lesbian define her identity?

How would you define the terms homosexual, gay and lesbian? Do you consider

yourself to be a lesbian?

When did you have an idea or feeling that you could be (use participant’s term

of choice) homosexual/gay/lesbian?

43

Is there a connection between the softball envirdnment and a lesbian identity?

Do you think that the softball environment can be a place for a woman to come

out as a lesbian?
Q . E -l l . . .
Is the softball environment known as a place where lesbians can meet?

When did you begin to play softball?

What do you enjoy about softball?

Do you think women play softball to meet other women?

Are you aware of lesbians on your team? On other teams in your league?
What is a lesbian?

How would you define a homosexual/gay/lesbian?

How do you identify yourself?

Arum

Qualitative analysis is cyclical. Before I began the interview process, I had
hunches about what I might find. These hunches led to my broad topic themes and
questions. I transcribed all of the interviews. I had originally wanted to transcribe each
interview directly after the interview concluded, but was unable to keep up with tapes.
All tapes were transcribed within 2 weeks of the last interview. After each interview was
transcribed, a printout of the transcription, plus the interview questions, and all
comments I had written during the interview or directly after were stapled together. All

packets were then read to uncover common themes and assertions.

Chapter IV
Results and Discussion: The Softball Environment

Three hunches guided the interview process. These were (a) softball is an
environment where lesbians interact with each other; (b) the softball environment is one
location, within the lesbian community, where women feel comfortable conring out to
others; and (c) lesbians who interact in the softball environment, when asked to describe
their identity, will include lesbian in that description. The analysis of the interviews is
divided into two chapters, with subthemes in each. In the first chapter, I discuss the
softball environment. The second chapter addresses the concept of identity and identity
formation. Where appropriate, responses from each of the three groups (lesbian softball
players, lesbian spectators, and nonlesbian softball players) were included.

W
i i i n

The participants were asked when they began to play softball and the reasons they
chose softball, as opposed to other sports. Many of the answers reflected the age of the
participants. The age range of the participants was 26 to 49 years old, with a mean of
34.4 years. Therefore, many of the women interviewed in this study were in high school
before Title IX (for a summary of Title IX, see Boutilier & SanGiovanni, 1983) came
into existence, which effected the opportunities available for girls in sport.

For some of the participants, baseball was the initial sport played, only to realize
that with age came the lack of opportunity to continue participating. As one lesbian

participant explained:

45

I started with t-ball right around 7 or 8, then I went to little league and

played baseball a couple of years, and when I got into junior high is when

I started playing softball. . . .More opportunity to play. (Jessie)
Jessie played baseball until she reached junior high, when softball became the accessible
sport for her. Other softball players were discouraged from playing baseball in grade
school. As these lesbian participants stated when asked about why they switched from
baseball to softball:

Because they [grade school] wouldn’t let me play baseball. [Was softball

offered to girls?] Not at first, after a while they decided there were too

many girls who wanted to play baseball so they made softball a choice.

(Skinny PUPpy)

Cause they didn’t let us play baseball in high school, they didn’t let girls
play baseball in high school. (Lynn)

I’ve always been athletic, I’ve always been a tomboy, I was a year
younger than my brother and always played baseball with his friends and
him, uh, so when I got into high school back then there were limited
sports available and softball and basketball, I don’t even know if there was
anything else, at any rate, that’s what I did. (Betsy)
Another lesbian respondent used the baseball environment to compete with the guys in
the neighborhood. As Chip explained:

I use to play hardball with the guys you know, uh, I guess I have a one
upmanship with the guys, you know, and that type of thing.

These responses are similar to the ones Zipter (1988) found in her interviews.
The girls participated in baseball because softball was not available, but were then
discouraged from participating in baseball once they entered school, at which time,
softball became the next viable option for girls wanting to continue playing a sport
similar to baseball. The women Zipter interviewed also discussed how siblings and

parents influenced their playing softball at a young age. One lesbian respondent in my

46
study recalled how she took up the game so her dad would be proud of her. Bob

recalled:

My dad use to take me down to the ballpark that was not too far from my
house because he’d like to go watch, so I’d go along with him just to have
some time with him I’d watch the women softball teams and I was, he
was so interested in it I always wanted to, um, do somettring that he
would be proud of , so, then I heard of, at the summer recreation schedule
in the mail there were organized teams in there for my age group [10],
I had two older brothers so I was always physically able to do stuff better
than a lot of the girls in my school so, I always knew I’d be good at
it so that’s what started me.

Others recalled playing with their brothers or friends in the neighborhood, and
participating on 4-H teams while growing up. Both a lesbian respondent and a
nonlesbian respondent explained how softball was a common sport played by children in
neighborhoods. As they stated:

Over 30 kids in the neighborhood, sports which used as many people , can
use more than 10 players. Basically between kickball and softball. Think
now we would have played soccer, but back then soccer wasn’t known.

(Judy)

Well, we have a big family, and we have actually enough to make a team .
almost, it’s just another activity you play when you have a lot of kids and
uh, you need something to do. And we moved every 2 years, and ball
was a common denominator in every neighborhood, so that’s what we did.
(Coach)

Lastly, the influence of the junior high school gym teacher was explained by Bambi:

There wasn’t a lot of sports for girls. It was like, softball, track and
field, and volleyball. Softball was the fall sport and I wanted to play.
Mostly basketball and softball. I liked team sports....It was through
school. ...I suppose I liked the gym teacher who taught it. Her name was
[x], it’s like the same reason in high school softball, the coach was like
a dyke, they called her a dyke or something, some great lesbian
terminology and I wasn’t aware of any connection, I mean, I didn’t know
that women were with women, but I liked the idea. I liked the strong

47

women on the teams, I thought they were an incentive, I probably had a
crush on them, you know.

The participants were asked when they began to play softball and the reasons they chose
softball as opposed to other sports. The proceeding quotes are examples of the influence
of the family and adult role models in the participation of young girls and softball.
Additionally, many of the participants had played baseball before softball, only to
discover that there were not any school or recreational opportunitites for girls to continue
with baseball. At that point in time, the participants switched to softball.

Most of the lesbian and nonlesbian participants played softball continuously from
school (fastpitch) to community recreational leagues (SIN/pitch). One lesbian recalled
having to quit playing as she entered puberty:

Well, um, for me I think it’s probably a similar story for a lot of young

women. I was discouraged by the time I got to the end of my elementary

school career, middle school, junior high school um, girls just didn’t play

sports. It’s not what we were suppose to do. So, I urn, bought into that

whole thing and didn’t play until I got to where I could make my own

decisions and said yes I do want to play softball. (Elizabeth)

Elizabeth would have liked to have continued playing softball, but because of parental
pressure (and pressure from some of her teachers), she Stopped. The pressure to quit
playing softball was brought on because softball was not considered a feminine activity
by Elizabeth’s parents. When Elizabeth was in college she decided to begin playing
softball again.

Not all of the women played softball as children. For these women, softball
became an activity after high school. Two of the women had feelings they might be

lesbians when they decided to take up the game. Their responses were:

48

There was a defense committee who court watched and there were a lot
of lesbians on the committee but they weren’t all lesbians, but this
detective came up to me one day at a break during the court trial and, big
man, and he says, don’t you play softball? And I said no, I don’t. But,
you know, that’s interesting, it must be somebody who looked like me.
I didn’t get it, I didn’t know what he was trying to get at the time. And
uh, he says I’m sure you play softball, and it was real sarcastic. He says
I coach a women’s team. And I said, no, I don’t play softball. And he
just kept up, you know. So later on I got with a bunch of women who
were both straight and lesbian and bisexual. And I said, so what’s the
deal with detective so and so, I said, he just kept asking me about it and
it was really weird, it wasn’t like he really wanted to know the answer,
you know, because it was already asked and answered. And they said
because there’s some dyke teams. You know, and he was just trying to
intimidate you probably by continue like thinking that the only reasonl
was on this defense committee because I was a radical feminist, lesbian
feminist and it wasn’t a valid uh, thing to be defending her, basically. So
ever since that time I was interested because I had started to explore it
myself anyway, which nobody knew about except me. Then I got to
know some lesbians in the community who played softball and then I
started to play. So that’s how I got, actually, the initial impetus to play.
(Sylvia)

Well, they asked me to because they needed some players and everything,
and I liked the sport period of softball and baseball and I don’t know
why...but I guess I knew there was something different inside of me and
I just wanted to be around people at that time. (Chip)

Both Sylvia and Chip began participating in softball as adults. Common to both women
was a feeling of being different and wanting to explore themselves and to be with other
women. The desire to meet lesbians or interact with lesbians was a common theme for
either the lesbians who had taken some time off from the game or for lesbians who began
playing as adults. As two women remembered:

I love the sport, I like to be around women [lesbians], it was a good

chance to go out and meet people and do something I really like to do.

And, itwas hard for meto findateam tobeon afterlhadbeenoutofit

for so long and I didn’t know very many women. I wanted to play ball

sol sorta asked around until I found someone who was on a team and had
places for players. (Bambi)

49

I don’t find softball to be that much of a strategic sport, but most of all,
I like, that even when you’re playing it’s social. You know, when I’m
out in the field I can yell stupid comments to our pitcher or to the other
team. I guess I like that it’s the kind of sport where you can joke around
while you’re out there and still play a decent game. In that way, that’s
something about softball that I think for me is unique. When I play
women’s ball there’s just something different about it. Especially when
it’s an all women’s team and we don’t have a man coaching us or
anything like that. I like being out there and having space with other
women even if it’s just one hour per night per week. That’s just really
nice. You just don’t get that. (Sandra)

The lesbian participants desired to meet or interact with other lesbians in the softball
environment. This was an important reason for them when the lesbians who decided to
begin playing softball as adults. The lesbian participants were not the only ones who
discussed the social aspect of the softball environment. As one nonlesbian participant
stated:

I find it enjoyable, I find it relaxing, get outside and enjoy a sport that I
like to do very much. We’re together, we enjoy each other’s company,
we go out afterwards and have dinner, 50, we really have a nice time. I
can say we bought a card for our sponsor. One of the girls wrote thanks
for allowing me to have a social life this summer. It’s really a time for
people to get together and enjoy each other’s talk, the talking that goes
on, seeing what people are doing, conversations, you know, the social part
of it. We just get out there and like to have fun. (Lauren)

The reasons for continued participation as an adult (for all lesbian and nonlesbian
players) ranged from the social aspect of seeing everyone to perceiving the game as a
physical challenge. Elizabeth explained:

Softball has always been a challenge for me. It’s like I, even though I’ve
been playing for a long time I still, I don’t consider myself to be a natural
athlete and so every year it’s always a challenge to push myself back out
on the field and you know push my limits and continue to improve. I’m
almost 30 years old and I still feel like there’s room for improvement and
that I actually can achieve and that’s exciting to me.

50
One lesbian respondent covered many of the reasons given by all the respondents when

she stated why she currently plays softball:

Well I think the camaraderie. I mean the team I play for doesn’t
necessarily play for. . .we like to play to win but we don’t get upset when
we don’t necessarily. I mean, it’s, there’s a certain amount of healthy
competition but the important thing is to have fun and do your best and
uh, I think number 1 it keeps your body moving, it’s keeping you out
there doing some exercise, which I think is healthy for anybody, uh,
probably not as much as one should, but at least it’s something if you’re
not doing anything else. Number 2, it’s fun, it’s fun to be around people
who are supportive of you and your lifestyle and you of them. There’s
a certain camaraderie that tends to that. And I like to do things that are
physical and I just like to, I like the competition I guess, a little bit. I
mean it’s kinda fun. It’s nice to associate, I think it’s important also that
we’re pretty much regarded as a lesbian team and we interact with straight
women. And I think that there is a positive, uh, ’cause we’re pretty good
sports out there generally speaking and it breaks down some stereotypes.
(Sylvia)

In this quote, Sylvia touches upon the themes of softball as a social environment, softball
as a fun activity, softball as supportive of lesbians, and softball as a location where
stereotypes about lesbians may be broken down because of the interaction with
nonlesbians. The last reason mentioned by Sylvia is interesting because of the
assumptions embedded in the reason. Sylvia assumes that the nonlesbian teams know
that her team is a lesbian team. She also assumes that there are stereotypes which, when
broken down could foster better understanding between the lesbians and the nonlesbians.

The reasons for participating as an adult were more diverse than the reasons the
respondents gave for playing as children. The early years of childhood playing were
highlighted by softball being one of the few sports available to girls. For some of the
respondents, softball was played only because they were not allowed to play baseball.

Parents and siblings also influenced the learning and playing of softball. For those

51
lesbians who took up the game as adults, the desire to meet or interact with lesbians was
the reason for joining teams and learning how to play. Although there were many
reasons for continued participation, the social aspect of the game was the most often cited
by the respondents, with enjoying the competition and the challenge to perform well also
mentioned often for both the lesbian and nonlesbian participants.

Women who play softball usually have a choice of what team they want to be a
part of. Some join teams to be with friends, while others may join to be competitive or
to meet new peOple. The participants were asked if they played on or watched a lesbian
team, and if it mattered to them if they did or not; while the nonlesbian participants were
asked if they were aware of lesbians on their team or in the league(s) they played on.

All of the nonlesbian respondents, except for one, stated that they knew of
lesbians on their team or in the league. Interestingly, women on the same team gave
different answers. One nonlesbian player stated an emphatic ”yes" (Julie), while her
teammate responded, “No, not that I’m aware of” (Lauren). A nonlesbian spectator
knew there were some lesbians on the teams she watched because she asked a player on
the team that she knew. When asked why she would ask another player if there were
lesbians on the team, she responded:

I don’t know. I think I didn’t want to say something to them that would

make them think of me as being weird or just like why did you ask that.

I didn’t wanna, didn’t wanna intimidate anybody or say the wrong thing,

I guess. I just wanted to feel comfortable with who was who. Hey, that’s

cool, not a problem. I myself just wanted to know....And I said hey,

that’s neat. So then that way I didn’t, I thought I would feel really

different between these and them and it’s just like, they’re all the same

type and they’re all the same people. I don’t have a problem with them,

so, but, I don’t know. For some reason I did want to know who was who
and no big deal to me. (Jane)

52

Jane’s quote is an example of how a nonlesbian player may interact with her lesbian
team-mates. She was not sure what to expect from the lesbians, which may mean that
she had never interacted with a group of lesbians before. Jane asked a lesbian who she
was friends with for the names of the women who were lesbians before she interacted
with the team to ensure that she would not say something which was not appropriate,
such as asking about a boyfriend or husband. Once Jane interacted with the lesbian
players, she realized that the differences she thought would exist .were quite small and
didn’t inhibit friendships. Except for Lauren (who did not know if any of her team-
mates were lesbians), all of the nonlesbian respondents were comfortable playing on the
same team with their lesbian team-mates.

All of the lesbian respondents except one played on or watched a lesbian, or
predominately lesbian team. The one lesbian player who did not, explained:

I have found that when I’m on lesbian teams, I’ve found it to be more

difficult for the players to focus, because there are usually relationships

going on and it has seemed that inevitably somebody’s relationship has

gone bad and that it affects, it ends up affecting the whole team. 80
actually, it kind of works out better for me not to play on lesbian teams.

(Betsy)
Betsy desired to play on a team without lesbians because of the possible repercussions
of a bad relationship on a team. Betsy’s quote was fascinating because she had been
married. While she was married, her husband coached her recreational softball team,
and when they separated it caused a division within the team, with Betsy having to find
another team on which to play. She did not give any examples of lesbian teams being

divided because of relationships gone bad. None of the other lesbian players mentioned

the possibility of a team not playing well (or getting along) because of internal dating and

53
relationships. Within the players who play on a lesbian team, some explained that they

would only play on a lesbian team, while others stated that it wouldn’t matter. For those
lesbians for whom an all lesbian team was not a priority, a common theme was stated
by Gloria:

Doesn’t matter to me that all of them be lesbians, it’s not like I have to,
I’ve played on nrixed teams before. It’s real important to me that I be
able to be out and that I not have to change my behavior at all. And in .
fact, we do have, you know, a few straight people here and there play,
but, I, I think it’s important to me that a big percent be lesbian. That’s
part of what I’m looking for.

The lesbian players did not want to have to change their behavior on the field. As long
as the straight (heterosexual) ballplayers let them be out, they were willing to play on
nonlesbian teams. The lesbians who preferred to play on lesbian teams wanted to be able
to joke about women partners and to be able to converse about their lives. They also felt
the softball team was an extension of their lesbian community. Bambi elaborated on the

community theme when she said:

Because I like to be part of my community. Because it makes me feel
more connected, more in touch with my, people who have the same
interest. It’s like my culture, I think of it like there use to be tribes of
people and they were all alike and they had all their common interests and
they did things and they believed things or they worked together and I
think society now is that way only they don’t realize it. Every group has
its own definition and characteristics and I like to be on a lesbian team
because it supports those things. I mean I fit, I feel comfortable, I can be
myself, I can be out, I don’t have to do anything but be myself. (Bambi)

A lesbian spectator, Kay, stated that she preferred to watch a lesbian team, and that she

tried to identify the lesbian teams when she went to a park. Kay defined a lesbian team

as:

54

They have women coaches, they seem more focused on the game and

there’s not a whole bunch of kids hanging around. When you play

straight teams, husbands and boyfriends on the fences, kids in the dirt

bothering you, boyfriends and husbands saying obnoxious things.
Kay’s reference to husbands and boyfriends saying obnoxious things was drrected' at
comments made by the men to their own team as well as to the lesbian teams. The
lesbians who desired to play on, or watch, a lesbian team wanted to specifically interact
with lesbians and to be a part of the lesbian community. This was in contrast to the
lesbian players who stated they would not mind participating on a nonlesbian team if the
nonlesbians were open to them.
IlSfilllEn' Il'E°

A possible indicator of whether the softball environment is perceived as a lesbian
environment is how individuals characterize women who play softball. Participants were
asked to describe a female softball player and a stereotypical female softball player.
Within the responses to these two questions, the terms butch, fem, and dyke were
mentioned. Respondents who used those terms were asked to define what they meant by
using the terms butch and fem. The term butch was mentioned by both lesbian players
and lesbian spectators. Butch was defined by one respondent as:

I would say strong, athletic women that walk with a purpose and care

about what they’re doing, are invested in it, obviously separate from men

at least for those few moments in time. (Kay)
An additional description of butch was:

Just a physical picture would be stocky build, stocky to slim build,

generally short hair or practical hair, generally a bit of a swagger to the

way they move. I mean they have a real sense of self and they don’t, the

women I know who play softball don’t tend to slink around when they
walk. They walk with a real presence. (Lois)

55
The term fem was mentioned once by a lesbian player, who was explaining that she

considers herself to be more fem than some other players. She attempted to define fem
as opposed to a hard core softball player:

I don’t know. I struggle with this all the time. Oh, not anything that I
particularly buy into. But stereotypical fem which would be maybe not
such a severe short hair-cut, not such a harsh demeanor, or intensity on
the field. (Sandra)

One lesbian struggled to come up with a definition of the word dyke. Skinny Puppy
explained that dyke embodies a look and an attitude that other lesbians can recognize in
a woman. Dykes looked other people in the eye when talking to them and did not look
afraid. Dykes also brought an aggressive attitude on the field. This description is
similar to the definitions of butch, in that both terms refer to strong women with a sense
of self.

The majority of the respondents stated that there was not one particular type or
look of a softball player. The respondents had a hard time trying to form a single
description, and most of the descriptions were broad in nature. For example:

Describe a female softball player. Okay. A female softball player, I
mean there is such a wide variety, some people are very athletic, others
are not. Especially on our team. We’ve got some young, some old, some
thin, some heavy, some, we’ve got a variety of people. I guess one thing
everybody has in common is that they like to get together and play a
game. (Maxine)

That’s a tough one. Softball players come in all different shapes and
sizes. I mean that’s, like on the team 1 play on we’ve got people from 27-
28 years old to over 50 playing on the team and we probably have the
highest average age of any of the teams that we play against and it’s really
fun, not everybody is like some slim trim go get ’em kind of athlete.
We’ve got people at all different skill levels, all different weights, ages,
sizes, you know and so I guess a softball player is just anyone who enjoys
picking up a softball and a mitt and getting out on the field. (Elizabeth)

56

Describe a softball player? That’s a tough one. I guess, look at me, I’m
a softball player. But there’s such a variance of who softball players are,
what they look like, how they act. You can go from the housewife leagues
with the kids on the sideline to the lesbian teams where you have all the
dogs on the sidelines instead of the kids. Big and small, they’ve got it all.

(Bambi)

As seen from the vignettes above, the descriptions of a softball player were
vague. Common to the descriptions was that there was a wide range of players in terms
of age, looks and size. In contrast, the descriptions of a stereotypical softball player
ranged in response from no stereotype (from both lesbians and nonlesbians) to Skinny
Puppy’s tongue in cheek response of, ”about my height, short dark hair, looks like a
dyke. " Respondents who answered that there was not a stereotype were in the minority.
Most of the participants stated there was a stereotype. The following three responses
were stated by nonlesbian players:

That most women softball players are lesbians. I think that’s a stereotype
that’s fairly common. I honestly don’t know [if there is a look that goes
with it]. I’ve never separated people off that way so I don’t, to me, a
person’s a person. Sometimes they play ball, sometimes they don’t. So
I don’t really think of them as looking differently. I think it’s a nristake
for people to categorize people based on what they look like. It’s always
been a mistake and always will be a mistake and I don’t think you can tell
what’s inside by what’s outside. I don’t know if it matters a whole lot.
(Ginger)

When people ask me how my games are going and they’re not softball
players, or they are guys, I get the impression they think it’s kinda a
rough neck sport. I’ve heard comments about women being scary or
dykey, or something like that because they take their ball seriously.

(Marie)

My own personal belief is that was first stated by some man who was
jealous that a woman was better than him. I tend to see that in a lot of
different areas, not just sport, there’s something wrong with the person if
they are good at something that’s not stereotypically a male or female
thing. (Julie)

57
The quotes by Ginger, Marie and Julie are examples of how they perceived a stereotype

about female softball players. These women articulated a stereotype, but were not able
to describe what the stereotype would look like. Jane elaborated on the topic of
stereotypes when she said:

I think there’s a stereotype about female athletes. Definitely. The whole
lesbian thing comes into play. At the recreational leagues, I don’t think
it’s as big, but once you start going into Division I and Division II, they
tend to think the more better you are the more lesbian you are. I hear
that a lot actually. (Interviewer: by who?) From just a lot of people.
They just think if she’s good, she’s a lesbian. Well, that’s not true.

Some of the lesbian respondents who believed there is currently a stereotype of softball
players were more specific in their answers as to why there might be a stereotype

associated with the game. For example:

Being gay is associated with the game, and whether that’s good or bad,
I think that you’re automatically, if you don’t have long hair and you’re
not on a co-ed team and you know, you don’t paint your fingernails and
you don’t wear make-up and that and that, that being gay is associated
with the game. And I think it’s definitely a men’s stereotype [on women].
(Shawn)

There are stereotypes that people create in the sense the jock image.
Whether they’re straight or lesbian or whatever. It kinda flies in the face
of all those things little girls weren’t taught to be when they grew up,
when I grew up, anyway, and I was born in ’54, so I grew up with the
image that one at the age of probably 15 and older should not be out being
a tomboy, doing those sorts of things, that one should be mild and meek
and reserved. To a certain extent it’s more acceptable to do the softball
thing now, but there’s still....I was called a dyke and didn’t even get it,
so I think that there are straight women out there who play softball that
are probably accused of being a dyke, you know, so there’s a certain
amount of image thing with regard to any women who do sports that they
are susceptible to being stereotyped as jocks and unfeminine when quite
frankly a lot of the women I play with are very feminine. (Sylvia)

58
Sylvia and Shawn indicated that the stereotype could be attributed to women who do not

conform to society’s feminine ideal. Short hair and the lack of make-up, for example,
may lead to assumptions that the woman is a lesbian when she is in the context of the
softball environment. Gloria elaborated on why there may be more lesbians who
continue to play when they are in their 305:

I think some people have an attitude that a lot of dykes play softball. But

that’s not necessarily true. I know a lot of straight women who play as

well. It’s true, where there is softball, I think especially as women get

older, into their 305, it’s more likely there will be more lesbians that

continue playing. Of course, a lot of us are not involved in raising

children and that type of thing. I mean, some are, but a greater

percentage are not, so I think we tend to look more to our chosen family

rather than our blood family as far as people we interact with. (Gloria)
A nonlesbian player indirectly lent support to the belief that more lesbians will play into
their 305 when she said:

I probably will never give it up until the time that my daughter gets into

sports and that won’t be for 7 years so maybe I’ll be able to play into my

early 305 until she becomes active in school and then it’s time to hang up

the cleats, you know. (Maxine)
Gloria and Maxine touched upon how age might be a factor in who plays softball and the
stereotypes about softball. They believed that the older women became, the less likely
a nonlesbian player would continue playing because of other comnritrnents, such as a
farrrily. These women assumed that most nonlesbian women would not play after they
were 30 years old, and that the older women playing softball would more likely be
lesbians. Two lesbian players had an insightful perspective on the stereotype of softball
players. When asked if the people on their team or on the league fit the stereotype of

the aggressive, butch, softball player (that they described), they responded:

59

The ones that you tend to notice first tend to fit that description because

they’re the more outgoing, the more aggressive....l’m starting to see it

more, where, there’s some of the really talented people on other teams

don’t fit like the physical stereotype of short hair, you know, jock look.

(Gloria)

It’s like, on my Thursday night league there’s a lot of women who I

would say appear to be more feminine, but play like; but maybe it’s

because that’s what I’m attracted to is more butch women so that’s what

I notice more on the field than the women I would consider to be more

feminine. (Bambi)
One lesbian spectator discussed her preference for butch women when she stated:

There is a stereotype and that’s also my favorite type. I like the athletic

butch type, and that’s probably the stereotype, and it’s also part of the fun

of watching the game is to go out and watch the women play. (Kay)
The attraction to the butch softball players by the lesbian participants may be looked at
from the opposite view in that the butch players are the first players noticed by the
nonlesbians and the male spectators which may be why the stereotype about softball
players focuses on the butch, or masculine aspects of the participants. The responses
indicate that the women who participate in the softball environment are aware of the
stereotype of female softball players. There appears to be some credence to the
stereotypes for the players who are aware of it, especially the lesbian players and
spectators who stated that the women who fit their stereotype are the players they enjoy
watching on the field.

In addition to stereotypes, softball could be considered a lesbian environment if
participants in the environment had ever wondered if they were lesbians because they

played; or if they had been cautioned by others against participating. The nonlesbian

participants had never been cautioned about playing softball, although one was asked if

60

there were lesbians on her team. The lesbian participants, as a whole, had not
internalized the belief that playing softball was a sign of lesbianism. Two individuals
who did internalize the belief remembered:

I don’t think those were my thoughts originally. I mean, it was just
crammed down my throat. I think I had the feelings before any of that.
And then I heard that so much from my mom when I had the feelings it
was fiightening to me so I just withdrew from that. [Was there anyone
else who felt that way?] Oh yeah, I think, cause I played different sports
all through high school, I think a lot of people thought, you brow, if you
mean assertive woman and like to do those kinds of things, you won’t put
up with a lot of shit from men, must be because you’re a dyke and that’s
pretty standard I think. (Gloria) -

Because I played softball? I never thought about I could be lesbian. But
I always knew there was something different about me as compared to
other girls who quit playing softball earlier. And I wasn’t sure what I
thought about that, but I knew that there were times I had to be very
careful to prove that I was a woman and that I was a girl. There were
times it wasn’t appropriate to beat the boys, there were times it wasn’t
appropriate for me to be so intense and want to play well and be a good
ballplayer. Sol knew all those things, but I knew they didn’t translate to
my sexual identity at all, but there was some dissonance, but I didn’t
connect the two as connected to my sexuality, but I did connect it to
something that was different about me, as a person. The term that I
always heard was tomboy and I didn’t like it. (Sandra)

Gloria had been cautioned against playing softball by her mother, while Sandra knew she
was different than other girls who quit playing softball. This is different from the
nonlesbian softball players who had not been cautioned about playing softball by their
friends or families. The feeling of being different while growing up was also discussed
by Marianne. Marianne, newly coming out in her late 405, alluded to feeling
“different," but did not believe that playing softball and being a lesbian were related.

She stated:

61

Not at all. When I was a teen-age, l7, l8, l9 and not sure of what was
going on inside of me and knowing that it was a little secret tucked away,
I still enjoyed sofiball intensely, and none of my friends at the time brew
that they were, if they were. So that’s kinda silly to assume.

Other participants, although not having a personal encounter with the assumptions
of others, thought that some outsiders might think softball and lesbianism would go hand-
in-hand. For example:

From what I understand, yeah, I would imagine so. I think that softball
has traditionally been connected with lesbians, although I think that if you
take a wider look,...make that assumption about any women’s sport
because I think traditionally society would say well if you want to play on
a women’s team something must be wrong with you, you don’t want to
play with the guys, you must be a lesbian. It’s that old trap of, you
brow, you don’t need us so you know, there must be something wrong
with you. (Jo)

Yeah, I could see where they would, could see where they would [assume
softball and lesbianism]. That whole notion of, you brow, recruitment
and you brow, converting someone somehow and I think a lot of that
comes from people not understanding what the coming out process is like.
All they see is that person that they brew perhaps who started playing
softball then all of the sudden they’re lesbian you brow. It’s like I can
see where that would throw someone, it’s a matter of education, people
just don’t brow. (Elizabeth)

One participant remembered how the softball players at Other School College (OSC)
reacted to the perception of softball player as lesbian:

I remember when I came to college that I had a lot of friends on the
softball team who were very paranoid that they played softball because
that was the image....I remember that people were coming that I met as
freshmen were really paranoid about it and it seemed to me that the way
the coach was recruiting she was trying to get away from that stereotype
as well. From recruiting people who weren’t dykey, in terms of short
hair cut over the ears to people with long, poofy hair and were, you
brow, dress up really nicely and they didn’t look like dykes. (Ellie)

62

The women at Other School College seemed to be aware of a connection between softball
player and lesbian. They were also aware of the butch stereotype, in that they did not
wear their hair short or wear clothing which could be associated being butch.

There appeared to be, then, among the lesbian participants, browledge of a
perceived softball player as lesbian label. One participant stated earlier in her interview
that after a high school softball game she was called a dyke by a student, but did not
believe that her participation in softball was a factor in that episode. Yet others recalled
brothers, parents, or others mentioning the supposed connection between softball and
lesbianism.

If, as Zipter (1988) wrote, diamonds are indeed a dyke’s best friend, how does
a lesbian know about the softball-lesbian connection? Most of the respondents were
unable to specify how they knew; they just did. For example:

You brow, I don’t brow. I don’t brow why. I don’t know why a lot of
lesbians play softball. I guess a lot of athletic women are softball players.
I don’t know why they’re gay, I don’t brow why, but they are. And it’s
known. It’s pretty common knowledge that the majority of them are gay.

(Molly)

I guess before I played I didn’t really pay that close attention to it. You
brow, I went to a Catholic school and we just started to have girls sports.
Like when I was a junior, senior in high school. And I did try out for
softball but I wasn’t very good and I don’t think there were very many
lesbians from my school who played on a team, so I don’t tlrinkl paid any
attention to it. [Was she surprised when she started meeting lesbians
through softball?] I guess maybe I was kinda surprised. The friend who
asked me to play was a lesbian and she introduced me to other people, the
more I played the more I realized that on all these teams were lesbian
teams and it was like, oh, this is great. (Maxine)

Molly and Maxine were not able to articulate how they brew about the softball

environment as a lesbian environment. Once they began to participate, they realized

63
there were other lesbians on the teams in their league. One respondent discussed how
softball was a code word in the military. The use of softball as a way for lesbians to
connect to each other in the military was discussed by Faderman (1991), when lesbians
in the 19605 used it to warn each other of lesbian witch-hunts. This respondent recalled:

I don’t brow. I guess in the back of my head I always thought that’s

where the lesbians went, was softball. Maybe someone told me, maybe

another gay woman in college told me, but my lover in the (military). the

key word to ask a new woman in the shop was do you play ball. And one

of the women in her shop answered, no, I don’t but my room-mate does.

So it’s a dead give-away. And in the (military). at least that branch of the

military it does seem to be a code word for are you gay, do you play

softball. (Lois)

The knowledge of softball as a lesbian friendly environment appears, then, not
to have a common source. Most of the recollections were pyramid in nature; a friend
brew about softball who told others, who told others. Some of the respondents
accidently discovered that other lesbians were participating. They joined a team and then
realized they were not the only lesbians playing. Other lesbians were told by friends,
or were asked by lesbians they knew to sign up to play. For women in the military,
participating in softball was a way to meet and communicate with other lesbians, even
though the acknowledgement of their lesbianism could result in being discharged.

E . l l . l S El 1]

If an environment is considered friendly to a minority group, it may be a location
where friendships can develop. When participants were asked if women could meet
other women at the softball location, both nonlesbian and lesbian respondents interpreted

the question as "women" meaning "lesbians." For example, a lesbian and a nonlesbian

respondent respectively stated:

64

Oh, yeah. I’ve heard people say that. I never thought about it because
when I first started playing, I mean, I haven’t identified myself as a
lesbian until the last 6 years, so I played through that, I played softball for
all those years without that, well, it depends on what you mean by
meeting women. If you mean meeting in a social way, I think I did. I
guess that’s not true because when I played in my hometown I played with
people I knew. But I think when I moved to (New State) that was part of
my purpose. Partly I wanted to play and partly I wanted to meet people
and that seemed like a good way to do it. (Gloria)

I think some do. It’s just like any other thing. You choose things for

your own personal interest. I have never felt threatened by that. I brow

some people who play on a women’s league that I don’t play on that feel

threatened by that because women they know are lesbians they think that

they (the lesbians) are there to meet them, well, they’re not. (Maxine)

The confusion within the question was clarified for both sets of respondents. lesbian
respondents were asked a second question: did they believe lesbians could meet other
lesbians at the softball location. Both sets of respondents differentiated between meeting
new friends and playing with friends. Most responded that the softball environment was
a place to be with friends, as teams were made up of friends from outside softball. For
example:

That’s a good possibility. I think a lot of people tend to join teams if they

already brow somebody or a few people. They’re invited, I don’t think

it’s real, people build teams and they have friends and contacts when they

build teams. But it’s not unusual for someone to want to get out and

socialize and join a team. (Marie)

The majority of lesbian respondents stated that the softball environment was a
place to meet lesbians. This response differed from the first question about friendship
in that the lesbians now stated that lesbians did play (or watch) softball to meet lesbians.
One respondent said:

Absolutely. I’ve moved to towns and had other women call me when they
move to towns, one of the first questions they ask is where are the softball

65

games, and they’re not talking about coed games. They want to brow
where the women play, where the lesbian teams are. I just had somebody
call me a week ago and that was the first question out of her mouth.

(Lois)

Another lesbian respondent tried to explain why lesbians meet at softball games. She
stated:

Gay women or. . .atlrletic women or softball players aren’t always gay, but

are a lot of the time. The circle is so small and society doesn’t allow us _

to openly express things but society does allow softball. And that’s

acceptable. And then to go to a softball game to meet women is okay

with society. I think there’s nothing bad about that, but to go to a bar to

meet women, being a women, there is a problem with that. (Molly)

Some of the lesbians discussed the softball environment as a place to meet
possible romantic partners. When asked if lesbians use the softball environment to meet
other lesbians, Mikey stated:

I met my current lover at a softball game. As a matter of fact, she was

playing on two different teams and I happened to be friends with people

on both teams. Met her and we started talking and I ended up going out.

From the responses of the participants, the softball environment seems to be a
place where women can meet other women. For the participants, the friendships were
in place before playing softball and softball became a place to interact with each other.
The lesbian players and spectators saw softball as a place not only to gather with friends,
but as a place to meet other lesbians, a way of finding the lesbian community, and as a
place to possibly meet a future partner. One lesbian player summed this up when she
responded:

Oh yeah, I think they cruise other women. I think you’re there and
you’re checking it out and you’re seeing who’s there and it’s a big social
gathering. We go out afterwards, we have a couple of beers or we. . .some
of the teams have bonfires and it’s a bonding time, it’s a socializing time

66

after the game whether you win or lose. I think it promotes friendships,
relationships and it’s not the bar so I think people are more comfortable
with themselves. (Bambi)

The softball environment as a lesbian environment has been discussed in terms
of descriptions of softball players and softball as a place to meet lesbians. This portion
of the results will discuss whether lesbians are more out when they are in the softball
environment. By out, I am referring to displaying, either physically or verbally, oneself
as a lesbian.

II S El 1] E v' Q E .

Only one respondent believed that the affection shown on the diamond by lesbian
teams was asexual and less predominant than on nonlesbian teams. The majority of the
respondents were either out in every area of their lives (so could not be ”more” out), or
were more out on the softball diamond. For example, these respondents explained:

Absolutely. Sure. There’s a time and place for comments and actions.
And I think actions, or gay actions or homosexual actions the place for
that might be on the softball field or in a bar or at home. It certainly
wouldn’t be at a shopping mall or at my employers or at my place of
work. (Molly)

Because I know, with the team that I’m on, where it’s mostly, if not all,
lesbian oriented, I don’t have any fear of rejection as far as who I am as
a lesbian because these people are the same way. Whereas in another
situation, if I were to say something or do something that would mark me
as being lesbian, with people present who might reject me or that part of
me than I would feel more apt not to do that. (Lynn)

I would have to say yeah. We tend to be, at least on the team that I’m
on, we tend to be really affectionate with one another and I think it’s
more so than I’ve noticed with other teams who may have some lesbians
but who are mostly straight teams. We hug on each other, kiss on each
other, are very supportive of one another, and not that any of that would
be considered out, but, it’s that whole thing they think a lot of straight
women, because they’re playing sports, buy into this idea that because

67

they’re playing sports they may be perceived as lesbians and so don’t feel
quite as open to express their emotions and that sort of things. I guess
some people see us hugging and kissing on each other and they go, oh,
dyke team over there. (Elizabeth)

The softball environment, for Molly, Lynn, and Elizabeth, was a lesbian
environment where they could find acceptance, be out or each other, and show affection.
Elizabeth’s comment is revealing in that she is aware that the team behavior can be
interpreted by others as lesbian behavior. However, that does not reduce the amount of
affection shown on the softball diamond, and indirectly supports the notion that the
softball environment is a lesbian friendly environment which gets tacit approval from
nonlesbian teams. None of the lesbian participants recalled an instance when a
nonlesbian team shouted at them for being lesbians or commented on their behavior.
Yet, in a different situation (such as a grocery store or in a library), the reaction to the
affection would probably be negative. Another respondent discussed that she is out, but
uses caution because of her fear of being assaulted. Isis explained:

I’m out pretty much in my whole life. I’m out in my work, I’m out to

everyone I work with, I’m out to most of my family, I’m pretty out most

of the time. But I would say out in like general public walking around,

(x) and I do not hold hands. We don’t hold hands, don’t hug each other

at the grocery store. We don’t do that sort of stuff. I’m paranoid about

doing that sort of thing. I’m afraid of being attacked, hurt, physically

assaulted. So, I do conform in those situations and on the softball field

I’m more relaxed about that situation. I feel like there’s enough of us that

if someone said something insulting to me or tried to follow me to my car

or something there would be enough people there to defend or whatever,

in that sense that would be true. Although we don’t hold hands at the
softball field, I do feel more okay about speaking loudly.

68

In contrast, some women felt they could talk, flirt, and show affection on the
diamond & in the stands without cause of concern. One respondent smiled when she
gave this example of why she wasn’t paying attention on the field:

I was out in right field the other day, and I wasn’t paying attention.
There was this cute girl walking across, behind the fence, and I was
watching her and (x) ’5 standing next to me and yells, 'I got it” and I’m
like, thank god, cause I wasn’t paying attention. I was comfortable to say
to her sorry, hon, I was girl watching just for a nrinute, lost track of
where I was. (Bambi) .

The above quote is an example of being verbally out at a softball game. An example of
being physically and verbally out was recalled by Sandra:

The woman I’m seeing right now was coaching 3rd base in a game and
I was rounding 3rd base and I thought she said slow up so I slowed up
and then she said go, so I ran home. And I ran back and everyone was
laughing at me because I’m known for not listening to my coaches very
well and I just said really loud to everybody, I thought she said hold up,
she must have meant hold me, and I went over and gave her a great big
hug and was very affectionate with her. I probably even kissed her and
that was right there on the field. I had no problem with it and the rest of
our team had no problem with it. So, there are things like that, that I’ll
do that I probably wouldn’t do in other spaces and have never done in
basketball and other sports that I’ve played because they haven’t been so
predominately lesbian.

The respondent from above (Sandra) touched on the fact that she would show
affection on the softball field but not in other sport settings. Somehow, the softball
environment may be different from other sports. lesbian participants were asked if there
were other sports or activities that could be considered lesbian. lesbian respondents
answered that there were other sports, such as rugby, basketball, volleyball, soccer, golf
(the followers of the LPGA), shooting pool, and ”any sport that requires strength, except

the ones you wear little dresses in or skirts" (Skinny Puppy). Nonsport activities

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included womyn’s [feminist spelling of women] festivals, anything associated with being
masculine, such as using power tools, gay pride marches, motorcycles, bars, and outdoor
activities. The respondents then explained why, to them, softball was different:

I think because more women can participate. I mean rugby is really super
jock kind of person. Somebody who really is physically fit, where that’s
not true in softball. I remember in the earlier days some of those women
couldn’t even hit balls, I was one of them, or play well, but you were still
able to be on the team and have fun. (Sue)

More people can play it....So lots of the spectators are often people’s
lovers or partners or intimate friends or friends, close friends. And so
softball, you know, you’ve got ten players on each team instead of one
and so you just bring more people. It’s a more communal activity than

tennis. (Kay)

There are more players on the team. It’s an outside sport where you can
just go and watch and really not, you can mingle, you can lay back, you
can stay unobtrusive if you want. The weather’s usually warm, the people
are outside, not only are there the players on the field, but there’s the
spectators who come to the field. So you have quite a bit of people to
observe, you brow, if you are coming to a game just to observe. And if
you know somebody on the team that’s a lesbian, you brow, there’s a
network there. And once you get into the network you are getting into the
people who don’t necessarily play softball. Once you get into those
people, than there’s other interests that kinda people group around be it
music, dance, any other interest, that people have in common and that
gets you possibly into other networks of people because people brow
people and so forth. You can meet a lot of people that way if you’re
really interested in meeting somebody. (Lynn)

Softball was different from the other activities because of its inherent social
nature. Softball has a minimum of 10 players on a team, so at any given game there is
the potential to interact with at least 19 players. For softball players who live in
locations in which the weather is not conducive to playing all year, softball is a chance
to be outside in nice weather (as compared to a northern winter, for example). The

softball environment is conducive to spectators, who can not only interact with each

70
other, but also with the players. Historically, the softball environment has a history with

the working class, not only with the lesbians of the 505 but with the workers of the
industrial leagues in the 205. Softball is still considered by some to be a working class
sport, as an individual who wants to play does not require a lot of expensive equipment.
to play.
MW

The initial reasons for participating in softball differed for the women
interviewed. Most of the participants played either softball or baseball as children, while
a few played for the first time as adults. A few of the participants had experienced being
told that they were lesbians because they played softball. However, this assumption of
a softball/lesbianism cause and effect was acbrowledged by the majority of the
respondents. Therefore, it would be hasty to dismiss the possibility of a wider range of
girls and women being told they are lesbians because they play softball. Vic (a woman
who came out in the 19405) recalled that her parents attributed her being gay to her
joining a women’s baseball team (quoted in Kennedy & Davis, 1994). It is possible that
this belief of cause and effect was more likely to be stated in an age cohort or geographic
cohort not sampled in my study. The lesbians interviewed, however, did not support
Palzkill’s (1990) assertion that sport is a medium in which women could overcome a
contradiction between femininity and sport by becoming lesbians.

Women who participate in the softball environment meet friends at the games.
These friends can be women they’ve brown and have formed a team with, or women

they have recently met at the softball field. The lesbians interviewed believed that

71

softball was a positive way to meet other lesbians, and that was one reason stated as to
why they played or watched softball. This belief is supported by the women Zipter
interviewed in 1988, and by Marla, a woman interviewed in Kennedy and Davis (1994),
who used both softball and basketball as a way to meet friends [lesbians] in the nrilitary
during the 19405. For the lesbians and nonlesbian participants, the social nature of the
game was a reason for continued participation. As Alix Dobkin said, "softball is the
singly greatest organizing force in lesbian society (quoted in Zipter, 1988, p. 76).

The lesbians who participated in my study were a select group in that the majority
of them were out in every aspect of their lives. The softball environment was another
place for them to be themselves. It was common for these out lesbians to change their
behaviors only when the behavior could jeopardize their safety. Many of the lesbians
Zipter (1988) interviewed were also out (for example, many of the respondents in her
book are identified by their real names), and recollected how they could be demonstrative
on the softball field. For example, one women in Zipter’s book discussed hugging the
players on other teams when they arrived at 3rd base (her position), while one team
played the song ”leaping lesbians” before each game. It is not known at this time what
percentage of lesbian softball participants are closeted (lesbians who do not allow others
to know they are lesbians) or out, and how the qualitative interview format might be
more likely to attract lesbians who are out as participants.

The question of how lesbians know the softball environment is a location where
they can meet other lesbians cannot be definitively answered. Most of the lesbians brew

because they realized some of the women they were playing with were lesbians, or

72
because a friend told them. One possible explanation is that lesbians have heard the

stereotypes about women who play softball, and therefore are drawn to that environment.
Another possibility may be in the image of heros. In centuries past, the image of the
goddess (or the goddess trilogy) may have been a heroic image for women. Later, the
amazon might have served as a heroic model for women. For modern day lesbians, the
softball player may embody the heoric image of the strong woman. Although this topic
is outside the limits of this current study, it may be one avenue for discussion to help
answer the question of how lesbians brow about the softball environment.

In conclusion, in this chapter I have provided evidence in support of the assertion
that softball is an environment where lesbians interact with each other. The lesbians in
this study stated that they participate for social reasons, and that the softball environment
is a place to meet lesbians. This was also supported by the work of Faderman (1991),
Kennedy and Davis (1994) and Zipter (1988). The next chapter will discuss lesbian
identity, an ego identity model of lesbian identity, and the interaction between lesbian

identity formation and the softball environment.

Chapter V

Results and Discussion: lesbian Identity and Lesbian Identity Formation

The purpose of this chapter is to discuss the formation of lesbian identity and how
it may interact with the softball environment. In the first portion of the chapter, how the
participants described their identity is examined. In the second section of the chapter,
how the lesbians came to a personal realization that they were lesbians, and how they
came out, both to themselves (personal coming out) and to others is discussed. Within
this section, the issue of conforming to fit in with a lesbian community is discussed. In
the third portion of this chapter, how well the data fit with the proposed model of lesbian
identity is examined.

lesbianldemity

All participants in the study were asked to describe their identity. Some of the
participants answered right away, while others needed an explanation of the question.
I rephrased the question in the same manner to all participants who asked for clarification
and/or an example. The rephrased question asked participants how they would create a
mosaic of who they are. Two participants asked for an example. The example given
was, "I’m Jewish, I’m a scholar, I’m a softball player.” After the example, all but one
participant were able to answer the question. The single person who could not answer,
began to answer once, then stated that she did not like the question, at which point I
suggested that we continue with the interview and return to the question at a later time.
She agreed, and at the conclusion of the interview when I asked her to describe her

identity, she once again stated that she could not.

73

74

The lesbian participants were very deliberate and thoughtful in their answers.
Unexpectedly, some of the participants gave a sophisticated response which gave the
impression that they had thought about their identity at an earlier time in their lives.
All of the lesbian participants, except one, included ”lesbian” or " gay woman” in their
descriptions of themselves. The one individual who did not use the term “lesbian" or
'gay" preferred the term ”soulful" instead. Betsy used the term because:

Well, no. That’s why I put soulful in there. Um. It, I was going to

touch on it earlier. I don’t know that I could say 100% lesbian. I lean

more that way, but, if I click, if it clicks with a man, then I have interests

there as well.

Betsy preferred the word soulful instead of what she called a sexual label, such as
lesbian. She became familiar with the term soulful when:

Yeah, yeah. I was just kinda reading that in the Admte [a gay/lesbian

magazine] in the Melissa [Etheridge] interview about their relationship and

I thought, I could agree with that. Um. It’s on the record now, my last

sex partner was a man, so I mean, it’s whatever I would, whatever sex I
would feel comfortable with.

Interestingly, when Betsy was asked earlier in the interview which term she preferred,
she stated lesbian and did not mention the term bisexual. The choice of terms preferred
by Betsy may be due to the acceptance of certain terms within the lesbian community,
which historically does not support women who describe themselves as bisexual.

Kay, a lesbian spectator, described her identity, and how her view of lesbian fit
in with her identity.

I’m a third generation immigrant woman. In that realm that fits into who

I am as a person. I am first a person, I am second a lesbian, and um,

third comes in my heritage. I make distinct differences between women

and lesbians as I think that women are heterosexual people and lesbians
is a yet to be written about category. It’s not the same thing as woman.

75

Woman and lesbian are not the same thing. Female and lesbian are inter-
related biologically but woman is a constructed term and lesbian doesn’t
fit into that construction in my mind, so lesbian is being constructed. But
homosexual womanhood is not being constructed. You brow, women
who have sex with women, or women who make love to women are not
being constructed, that’s just an activity. But lesbian as a political entity
is being constructed and I don’t think it’s finished.

Kay’s description reflects her view of herself as a political lesbian. In her life,
she had been married and has two sons. Kay had her first sexual experience with a
woman at the age of eleven, and referred to herself as bisexual (and continued to have
women sexual partners) until her mid205. Her coming out was political, after reading
feminist writings, and her feminist beliefs are reflected in her description. Similarly,
three of the Women of Color lesbians included ethnicity in their description of identity
(the fourth, Kay, described herself as a third generation immigrant woman), and Sandra,
a Latina, was equally as insightful as she explained:

Woman would be big. Latina. I want to say athlete or something like

that, because physical activity will always be a big part of who I am

because I need to be around people who want to be outside and be active.

But I don’t like the term athlete because it’s so culturally constructed. But

maybe, I don’t brow, active or something like that. But then I think my,

but lesbian doesn’t to me cut it for now, and it’s been that way for the

past year. For the ease of communication, I will identify as lesbian but

I think right now, I would say lesbiana before I would say lesbian. I

don’t have another term right now that words for me without getting

wordy and saying something like sexually open minded woman who loves

women, you brow. I don’t brow what else to call myself.
Both of the Black lesbian players included lesbian as a part of their identities, along with
African-American (Elizabeth) and Black (Marianne). Marianne made this comment about

being Black and lesbian:

76

I think that makes it a stronger me because it’s not just being a lesbian,
it’s living in this society in America, being Black and lesbian. It just,
yeah, I think it makes a stronger person, I think the lesbian makes me
stronger. That’s why I decided to open up and let the world see who I
really was before it may possibly be too late.

The Women of Color saw their ethnic heritage as an integral part of themselves
which combined with their lesbianism to create their essence. Sinrilarly, the lesbian
respondents (caucasion) could not separate themselves from being lesbian. Unlike a
hobby or business persona, they considered their lesbianism to be their self. For
example:

Oh, yeah. I mean it’s a really important part of my identity. I mean, it
has an impact on my life all the way around. It impacts my relationship,
it impacts my benefits, it impacts the homophobia, everything. You have
to overcome, I mean, I had to overcome a lot to be really comfortable as
a lesbian and to be out and to be who I am. I mean without regard to
where I am but to always be who I am (Bambi).

Yep. I think it really does define me. There was a huge change from
when I, from who I was before I realized who I was until after I came
out. I was more confident, I was more at ease, I had a lot more self
confidence. It, it’s amazing, you brow when I was in high school I just
never felt attractive or anything like that to anyone and then I came out
and I realized there were a lot of people who were attracted to me, it was
like, wow, this is cool and I, it made me feel really good, so I think from
coming out and realizing what I was feeling before and what I’m feeling
now, uh, that there’s substance to it and it means something and it made
me feel a lot better, it made me be the person who I am. It’s definitely
part of me, definitely (Ellie).

In contrast to the lesbian participants (two of whom had children), two of the
nonlesbian players included their families in their identity definitions. Julie and Ginger
described themselves as:

There would be, of course, my self, my family would be in there, my

family, the different things I’m involved in, the music that I do, the
softball, the job that I do, the friends that I choose to have, different

77

things that have been influences in my life, literature, that sort of thing.
(Julie)

Part little kid, still loves to play. I love the outdoors, always have. I

love animals. I have a dog, that’s a pretty special dog. I love my family.

80 part wife, part mom, part professional, I love teaching. I love what

I’m in, love the field which is cardiac rehab and teaching... (Ginger)

The remaining nonlesbian respondents described themselves either along one trait, such
as competitiveness or working class (at heart). One woman (Lauren) replied that she was
Methodist, but that response may have been given because of my example to her, which
included being Jewish. None of these remaining respondents mentioned themselves as
being a mother or spouse either (which 3 out of 4 were).

The responses of the nonlesbians and the Women of Color shed insight on
people’s identity definitions. The experience of living as ”other,” or as a minority, may
keep that part of an individual’s identity at the forefront; possibly because an individual
is reminded by the dominant culture that she is “other.” The nonlesbian participants did.
not describe themselves as heterosexual, while none of the respondents who were of
European ancestry described themselves by their heritage or as white or caucasian.

The use of the terms ”lesbian,” ”gay,” and "soulful” by the lesbian respondents
may be an indication that they have formed a lesbian identity. The formation of their
identify will be analyzed next.

The lesbians I interviewed had their personal realizations at different points in

their lives. There seemed to be three separate time periods for having a personal

78
realization. The first was in grade school, where some of the respondents first felt

different. For example:

Not understanding it, about 10. Not understanding it as the word lesbian
comes down to a word. But within the feelings about myself, around 10,
for sure. But I have memories as far back as my first year in school, in
kindergarten, falling in love with, I even remember her name. It’s been
a part of my life, I think, entirely (Marianne).

Oh, when I was real little. Oh. Grade school. I used to watch Here
Comes the Brides and I wanted to be Bobby Sherman because I really
liked his friend Candy (Skinny Puppy).

Probably around 4th or 5th grade. I remember the word lesbian came up
somewhere amongst my school friends and I remember looking it up in
the dictionary because I didn’t brow what it meant, and I remember
feeling very uncomfortable and uneasy about that, that these people were
laughing and ridiculing, and I didn’t feel very comfortable with that. I
mean I might not have really how back then. I guess I’ve always
brown I was kinda different, I was a tomboy and I wasn’t into most things

that my mother would have liked me to be into. I didn’t like the clothes
she bought for me (Maxine).

I think I had it when I was in grade school. I don’t think I brew what
it was, but I think I had the feeling way back then (Gloria).

A commonality among these respondents was the feeling of being different. These
lesbians brew they were not like their friends, but they couldn’t explain or understand
why at that young age.

The next age grouping where respondents first felt different were the teen-age
years. These respondents were similar to the first group in that they brew they were
different but didn’t understand why. These respondents had to work through their

feelings of being different while going through puberty. Some examples from this group

are:

79

Let’s see. Probably the first inkling was I don’t brow, when l was about
12 or 13. The infamous crush on gym teacher story. It seems to be very
common. But I didn’t actually come [out] until I was 19 (Elizabeth).

I think back now, early on, probably when I was, probably 13 or 14. Just
a feeling that, I would always look at the guys walking around I would
look at the girl friends and I thought for a long time that I was really
weird, very strange. It wasn’t until college that I started realizing what
it was because it wasn’t, where I come from is very small, very small
town, people just didn’t talk about stuff like that, it was never mentioned.
I don’t think I ever heard the word gay until I left for college. So to feel
what I was feeling was really strange for me, because I didn’t understand
it at all (Ellie).

Junior high school was when it first occurred to me that girls became
really focused on boys and although I shared that and I went through you
brow, I had boyfriends all the time and stuff, I really liked being with my
girlfriends. I really liked hanging out with them and had lots of them.
And I think it was sometime around junior high that Ijust kinda thought,
I’m not quite feeling what everybody seems to be feeling, or it just didn’t
seem quite the same for me as it did for them, you brow. If they were
real involved with some boy or something. And, I had boyfriends all the
way through junior high and high school, lots of them, the series that
everybody goes through, but it just didn’t touch me emotionally, it just
wasn’t there for me. I guess it was when I was about 22, 21 or 22, when
I finally realized that women were an option. I just really think it hadn’t
occurred to me (Isis).

When 1 was pretty young. Boy. I really kinda knew. I would say
probably I was around 15 or 16, it scared me, terrified me too much. I
remember reading about it in the (name of city) Womyn’s [feminist
spelling of woman] health collective and took it out of the library and was
terrified and then I identified myself then but I couldn’t come to terms
with it. I probably, actually didn’t really come out until I was 22. About
the time I started playing softball (Sue).

Well, I don’t brow. I had a few boyfriends in high school, but you
brow, wasn’t ever really there. I had a lot more fun with my female
friends and my best friend in particular. And, I don’t brow. Actually
there was one point where I kind of broke up with my boyfriend over my
best friend. He was jealous of the time we were spending together and
I wasn’t gonna give her up for any guy, so I ended up breaking up with
him (Jessie).

80
The women who first realized in the middle school - high school age range either dated

boys during this time or dated no one. None of these women had a personal conring out
until they were out of high school. A personal coming out is when an individual accepts
that she is a lesbian and begins to explore her lesbianism.

Having a personal realization post-high school was the commonality among the
participants in the final group. For example:

Well, I was married at the time and had started playing basketball,
recreational basketball when I was living in (city). I was playing
recreational basketball and started just going to a bar, a straight bar,
shooting pool, after basketball games. We were kinda mixed, as straights
and lesbians on the team and we had a male coach. At any rate, we were
shooting pool and I enjoyed this one woman giving me special attention
while I was playing pool (Betsy).

I would have to say when I was 27, although that was not the point in my
life when I started having sex with women. I started having sex with
women when I was 11, so I don’t count when I was a heterosexual woman
having sex with women. I count from the time I realized there was a
lesbian community and decided I was a part of that community and needed
to get off my ass and do what I was suppose to do (Kay).

A really cute woman [made me think I was gay]. The men I dated were
all gay, 5 out of 5 in college. And I went to therapy and through therapy
I realized that I wasn’t attracted to the men I was going out with. I was
going out with them because they were fun and because they were gay.
And that made me realize that I had been like, denying a part of myself

(Lois).

Well I first heard the word right around when I was 18 or 19, actually
when I was 18 was the first time I ever heard the word. Before that I
always hung around with women, 1 never dated any guys simply because
I wasn’t interested, never dated any guys, never went to bed with any
guys cause I just simply wasn’t interested, it wasn’t something that I
wanted to do, although at that point in time I had never been actually with
a woman and the thought hadn’t really occurred to me although I brew I
liked the closeness of the female friends I had and then the first time I
heard the word lesbian, I was like, hmm, and it just kinda rolled around

81

for awhile and then, like shortly after that was my first relationship with
a woman. And I’ve been there ever since (Bob).

The women in the post-high school group were diverse in conring to a personal
realization. They represented married women, women who had boyfriends until their
realization, and women who never dated men, but until their 205 never realized they
were lesbians. The lesbians in this group were able to put a name to their feelings,
which helped them to come out to themselves after their personal realization. Kay
differed from Besty, Lois and Bob because she had experienced sexual relations with
women at the age of 11. Kay’s comments emphasized the difference between having sex
with a woman and forming a lesbian identity. Interestingly, Kay was the only participant
who had sexual relations with a woman before realizing she was a lesbian.

As stated earlier, a personal realization is different than a personal conring out.
An individual may realize she is a lesbian, but may not accept it. For example, Gloria
had a feeling in grade school that she was a lesbian, but did not come out to herself until
she was 29. She stated:

Oh man, it took forever. I went through a series of crushes on women for
years and years and years not really labeling it as that and it took me until
I was, I think 29, and I was married, but I think one of the big things that
happened was when I lived in (state), there was a woman that I was really
attracted to and then it was easy because I could just be around her. And
then I moved back here and as much as I missed her, I started kinda
thinking, hmm, I wonder what that’s about and I got into counseling and
started talking about how much I loved being around women and how
unhappy I was just in general in my marriage. Just started ttrinking about
it and talking about it. Actually, it was about the first time I’d ever let
myself say any of that out loud. I came from an environment that my
mom was just so crazy. She thought I played sports and that meant I was
a dyke and she just pushed and pushed and pushed and in reaction I said
no no no no no, I’m not a dyke. Oh, that would be terrible. So it took
me a long time I think to get to the point where I could think that

82

wouldn’t be terrible and I could actually say it out loud. And then after
I talked about it for awhile and realized I could even act on it ifI wanted
to.

Gloria may have come out to herself at a younger age if her mother hadn’t pushed her
so hard not to be a "dyke." Gloria’s experience is an example of how family pressures
may defer lesbian identity exploration and formation until such time as when the woman
can safely explore her identity.

Elizabeth, Jessie, and Sue had their personal realization in their early teens, but
did not come out to themselves until their 205. A commonality for these lesbians was
how they describe a process of moving from a personal realization to a personal coming
out. They recalled:

Mostly I just kind of sat on it and I let it, I let it percolate, you brow, it
was like, I would get these flashes through the years between the time I
first went oh, could 1, yeah or no no no, to the time I actually said well,
yeah, I guess I am. Mostly I just sat on it and I let it percolate until on
some level I knew I was ready to deal with it. I mean, in the intervening
years I had many more crushes, fell in love with my best friend in high
school and all that kind of good stuff, you brow never put that label on
it and there were just a few things that helped me kind of ease into it. I
was able to spend the summer before I actually came to that realization,
I was actually able to live by myself for the first time and have the time
and space to think about myself and reflect on my life and that was a big
help, that was a big help (Elizabeth).

It was a long time. I was back in high school when that happened. Then
in college I was with a woman but it was still like denial and in college
[there were] other lesbians and I guess I became more comfortable with
it. And stopped fighting it, I suppose. So it was probably my senior year
in college (Jessie).

It was a process. It was a long process. I think, I brow I had a real
close friend and she was actually probably identified as bisexual at the
time, and I remember falling in love with her and her sending me flowers
and everything and at that point I finally said to myself you know, you’ve

83

got to come to terms with this. And that’s when I did to myself. I came
out to myself. But before that it was a struggle, I mean I tried to fit in,
and dated men, I was sexual with them, you brow, I tried to be straight,

and I was very unhappy (Sue).
Perhaps not surprisingly, the lesbians who had their personal realization as adults had the

shortest time frame between the realization and their personal coming out. As they
recalled:

It was through therapy. It didn’t really take me that long. The therapy
wasn’t because I was dealing with issues of being gay but it was through
therapy that I realized I was a lesbian and I didn’t have a real hard time
with it and once I realized it I was at college, and a very high percentage
of that college was gay, a small religious college, and there were quite a
few lesbians and gay men on the campus. So it was pretty easy for me
to come out. There was a good bar system and a good softball system

(Lois).

It was through a friend, oh, boy, this could be a long story. I’ll keep it
short. My friend [male friend] who I met when I lived in (state), anyhow,
he came, he was gay, he came out to me several years prior, and he had
come over to visit for Christmas holiday and I was talking to him a little
bit about this woman and he said well, not necessarily this time, but some
time you might want to follow your heart instead of your head. The
marriage was going bad and it just, I just decided to, when, I said I
wanted to separate from my husband, I decided to call this woman up.
And just found that I enjoyed her company, it wasn’t any big revelation,
it was just something that seemed very comfortable (Betsy).

I think kinda in a way, I always was, I didn’t have a, I wasn’t thinking in
one direction, in a heterosexual direction and then all of the sudden realize
that, what the word lesbian was and that I might be that and then head in
that direction. I was always in the lesbian direction although I didn’t put
that term to myself, you brow. But I can never remember not being in
that direction, so, I didn’t have a big realization one day that all of the
sudden I was this because I always was that and it wasn’t any, it was
more like a homecoming for me once I started finding other women who
felt the same way as I did once I started seeing that there was a whole
culture out there of lesbians, that there was a whole society, there was a
whole support network, there was a whole city of lesbians that are out
there, that I didn’t realize were out there before, so it was kinda like a
homecoming to me, the realization I had (Bob).

84

That [personal realization and personal coming out] probably happened at

the same time. I brow most people say well they came out at the time

they became sexual with same sex partners, but I don’t count the sex part

as being relevant. I came out when I opened my eyes and realized that

heterosexuality was wrong, and institutionalized and a bad idea, so when

I came to that realization that was when I came out. So it was totally

political for me (Kay).

A commonality of these recollections is that as adults, the realization and personal
coming out was a comfortable process. It makes sense that a child or young teen-ager
would have the most difficult time because the lesbian subculture is not valued in
American society, and there are limited resources and opportunities (depending where
the youth lives) for young lesbians. Lois and Betsy had assistance (therapist and fiiend)
in reaching their personal coming out. Once they felt support, they were ready to come
out. Bob did not have a guide to help her move towards a personal coming out. Rather,
she came out when she realized there were other women like her with a culture. Finally,
Kay could be described as a ”political lesbian," a term which Faderman (1991) used to
describe why chronological theories of lesbian identity formation could not be applied
to all lesbians.

Coming out to others is the process of informing people that an individual is a
lesbian. The process may be painful for some people, as the news is not always
welcome in families, among friends, and at the workplace. Coming out to others takes
place after an individual comes out to herself. Coming out to others can take different

forms, such as verbally telling people, or wearing identifying clothes (a t-shirt about

lesbian safe sex, for example), and may occur in stages, such as telling a few people at

85
a time over a period of many years. One respondent, Bob, discussed how she has never

initiated conversation about conring out to others:

I’ve never, I’ve never walked up to a person, whether it was a family
member or friend or anybody and said, there’s something that I have to
tell you, so, I, in a sense, haven’t come out to anybody. Anybody who
ever asked me the question I’ve never ever denied it, including family
members, including close friends, including a lot of people that were close
to me that I lost over the issue once they came to the realization of what
I was, and, I don’t ever try to hide it. I would never ever ever deny it,
but I don’t go around broadcasting it either.

Bob was a minOrity among the respondents. One common theme was coming out to a
few friends and waiting before coming out to family. Ellie stated:

In terms of my family, recently. In terms of people that I hung around
with, basically all my friends were gay, so they were just waiting for me.
”God, it took you long enough" and that truly was the response when I
really started coming out, so, it was very easy environment for me to
come out in because most of my friends were gay anyway.

Similar to Ellie, Jessie’s family also brew about her lesbianism. Jessie also waited
before telling her family. She responded:

As far as friends, around that time. Maybe in a couple years. My
family, it took me awhile. 21-22 at that time, they all figured it out
before I told any of them. I was probably around 26-27. [I decided to
tell them...] I wanted to share my life. I was going off to see my friend
all the time and I wanted them to brow why. I told my sister at that
point, and she was dogsitting my dog all the time and she might as well
have a reason. So I told her and then I told my other sister. Then I told
my father last summer because he was coming out to stay with me. And
I said if you’re going to come out and stay with me there’s probably
something I should tell you and that’s when I came out to him. I have
two brothers and I’ve never really verbalized it but they brow, I don’t
brow, I guess I haven’t fully come out to my entire family yet.

86
Sandra felt forced to tell her mother about her lesbianism. Sandra told her mom before

she had an understanding about herself, which inhibited her from conring out to others
for an additional two years. Sandra recalled:

I was forced to come out to my mom and my sister, so my family brew
immediately before I was even sure that’s what was going on for me. So I was
coerced into conring out to all of them because my mom felt I needed to, I really
think that made me shelter myself even more, for my own coming out and doing
it on my own volition. So I guess, gosh, I didn’t really start coming out really
until 2 years later. There were certain people in my life that I told, other people
that I brew were lesbian that I knew were safe to tell, but as telling, as far as just
not hiding it any longer and not being careful and those kinds of things, it took
about 2 years.

Marianne, the 49 year old lesbian who is using 1994 as her coming out year, told a few
close friends when she first came out. Marianne is now coming out to more people. As
she said:

I’m not referring to myself anymore as straight. I will not allow my
family or friends to refer to me as anything but a lesbian. Because I
finally have accepted myself and I have 5 children and they have all
accepted me. I have a lovely mother and she has accepted me. Daily as
I run into old friends and stuff and explain to them, they’re accepting me.

An additional pattern in the coming out process was coming out to others (friends
and family) right away. As these lesbians recalled:

Oh god, I was ready to ride on the white horse. And blurt it, you brow.
I was around softball people and just sort of like, is she, isn’t she, how
do you tell. So it just, I don’t brow, just integrated itself you brow....I’ve
told my niece and my sister and my brother and my brother-in-law. My
mother I think knows but she doesn’t, you brow what I mean. Like she
doesn’t want anyone to put it in front of her but she’ll say things,
statements, and I think she’s pretty cool about it. She really likes my
lover. [When did you come out to your family?] I finally realized it and
I finally admitted it to myself and I think I called within that week’s time
and just said this is it, whether you love me or hate me, it’s your problem
if you hate me. They said if that’s where you want it and you’re happy
with it, we still love you (Chip).

87

Not too long after I had my personal coming out. I happened to be in a
classroom, I finally decided that yes I was a lesbian, dyke, and
fortunately for me I kinda had a ready made community because in this
class there just so happened that there was about 10-12 other lesbians
in the class and when the issue came up in class and discussion
homosexuality, all of us just came out that day, it was really wonderful,
it was a freeing experience and so I met a lot of people through that class
(Elizabeth).

I had been out as a quote unquote bisexual for a long time, although I
didn’t use that term. I was a heterosexual married woman who preferred
sex with women, and I said that vocally ever since I can remember. But,
as soon as I realized that there were lesbians in the world and that there
were women living together making family units, then right away I got
my life in order right away. It only took about two weeks to
everybody who listens (Kay).

One woman (Bambi) not only discussed when she came out, but also the reasons why she
thought it was important to be out:

From the beginning, I mean I didn’t brow, like a lot of things in my life,

I was a naive person, I grew up in the country, I was really naive, so I

didn’t understand the taboos as much. So I came out to my mom and

peeple at work. I’ve never been very closeted. I mean, I’m more out

now than I’ve ever been because I tell people....I won’t let them assume

I’m straight... .That gays, lesbians, we’re just like everyone else, it’s only

your stereotypes that perceive us a something we’re not. In order to

break those stereotypes down I feel I have to come out because I brow
some people can’t, and people are pretty receptive to me.

CE'l!"W'l°Il'C°

Costos (1990) placed conformity in Stage 3 of level 2 of his model of gender role
identity. In Costos’ model, conformity is the embracing of socially constructed norms
to explain gender behavior. It may be possible that lesbians embrace the norms of the
community when they come out. The majority of the lesbians in this study were aware
of conformity standards in their lesbian community. Many of the respondents smiled and

nodded their heads ”yes” as I asked them if they had ever felt a need to conform to what

88
they thought a lesbian was, or if they felt a need to conform to what others thought.

Sylvia quickly said, "the uniform" when I asked her the question. She explained further:

I think there was a little bit of that back then. Sure in the 805 it was an
androgynous uniform. Plaid shirts and Birkenstocks and jeans and short
hair, but there was a need for that at that time. I mean it seems like
every culture that we’ve been in there’s a great tape out right now,
something about lesbian fashion, you ought to see it, it identifies the
butch-fem phenomenon in the 505 and 605 and how it went on to the
androgyny and now it’s you can be what the hell whatever you want to be
because you are more free to do that. But at the time when I came out,
we were doing the androgyny things because it wasn’t just a lesbian thing,
it was also the women’s movement was very much involved in breaking
stereotypes of what males can and cannot do and what women can and
can’t do and so women started dressing more like the traditional male
dress which women dress that way, not necessarily because men dressed
that way but because it was the most comfortable clothes and why should
they get to wear them, you know. And then it became a uniform after
that, I think and when that happened it had it’s purpose in identifying
people to you, so that you could relate on the street, you could feel
comfortable, you could say hey, you know, you might not ever see that
person again but you felt good, you felt part of something when you
walked by them and you didn’t feel totally alienated. And it was a
political statement, so you were doing two things at once....Well, we’re
getting to that point, where people feel more comfortable and they’re
demanding to be able to be just who they want to dress like, what they
want to dress like without having to wear a badge.

Sylvia’s explanation touched on the connection between what some lesbians were and the
women’s movement of the 805. Specifically, the look was androgynous. The
androgyous look of the women’s movement then became the uniform of the lesbian
community Sylvia interacted with, which is one Sign of conformity within a lesbian
community. Sylvia wasn’t the only person who described a "uniform. " Interestingly, Isis
and Sue described what a lesbian was suppose to look like, but also said that it took

awhile for them to move beyond conforming. As each of them stated:

89

I felt a lot of pressure from the lesbian community. Not from the straight
community. Lesbian community at that time you were suppose to wear
suede hiking boots with the red laces, flannel shirts and jeans, bib
overalls, kerchiefs in your hair, and short hair. You must have short hair.
And my hair when I came out was down to my waist, so that was a big
deal, cause of course I went and got it cut off immediately and bought this
very dykey looking hat to wear. [How long did you stay in that
conformity circle?] I still feel that pressure from the lesbian community
to look a particular way but I have thrown it off for about 8-10
years...I’ve been rebelling (Isis).

I think that was a part of coming out and I, it probably still is to new
dykes. I know back then we wore like, jeans and the, some kind of boots
and you know, flannel shirts and short hair. You brow, I have long hair
now, well, kinda medium, but you know, that was unheard of. There
wasn’t any lipstick dykes back then and I drink it was partly too so we
could all fit in and we felt a part of the group. That was real important.
[How long did you stay in that conformity circle?] Maybe 4-5 years,
maybe not quite that long. I was feeling comfortable to where it was okay
to wear a dress or something. Or, like shave your legs, drose kind of
things where you were p.i. [politically incorrect] or p.c. [politically
correct] you brow, all drose issues. That took awhile, but I drink that
whole community was moving that way too. I went through a period
being very separatist and I thought drat was very healthy but I see some
women stuck there or choosing to be drere maybe, where I’ve moved past
that... (Sue).

Sylvia, Isis and Sue discussed conformity as a function of personal appearance. Another
view on conformity within a lesbian community was offered by Kay. Kay felt pressure
when she came out. She discussed the rules of lesbianism when she said:

That was the shocking part for me. I didn’t realize there were rules about
how you had to be a lesbian. ...In the early days back then I had been
taken to task quite a few times about what a lesbian really was and how
I couldn’t possibly be a lesbian because I had been married and because
I had boy children. And it took the lesbian community probably 10 years
to come around to the fact that we were really out there and we were
really dykes and we made some bad decisions when we were younger.
['15 the conformity pressure still there for people first conring out?]
Absolutely. I don’t drink that has changed. I drink as long as white
middle class academic feminists rule what lesbianism is, than I think
there’s always going to be that problem. They just have realized recently

9O

drat there’s difference. Sexual differences and that people are different.
And that people are different and that there’s different classes of people
and different religions and different races and socially constructed races
and that all of that can fall widrin the realm of lesbianism. And I drink
drat white, academic feminists are just realizing drat while they were
building their little world, there had been previously and continued to be,
and will be in the future, a whole lesbian community that exists without
drem and without their analyzing it.

Kay’s analysis of conformity was from a political viewpoint. She challenged the lesbian
community to accept women who had been widr men, women who had children, and that
all women are different.

A few of the lesbians recognized the conforming nature of their lesbian
community but did not feel the need to conform. Molly described her reaction to coming
out:

When I first came out it was almost a relief. It was "Thank God!" Now

I know what’s the matter with me. I didn’t fit in in high school, I didn’t

fit in with the boys, or I didn’t fit in with that group. And I was real lost.

I was real confused where I did fit in. Finally I said this is the spot and

I can be me and I can fit in and maple can like me for being me and not

because I’m anybody else.

Similar to Molly, Lois discussed how she dealt with conformity:

No, I’ve never been a good conformist ever, and I tend to have a bree

jerk reaction to if I go in to a community where, say, shaving your legs

and arms is the norm, then I don’t shave, and ifI go somewhere where

shaving your legs and arms is not the norm, dren I do shave. and it’s

simply a reaction to what other people tell me to do - what is normal

widrin our lesbian community.

Lesbians may acknowledge a lesbian community and the conforming pressure
which may be a part of the particular community. However, not all lesbians are active

in a lesbian community. Active was broadly defined (for participants who asked) as

receiving newsletters, being involved in politics, or attending lesbian events sponsored

91

by a community. The majority of the lesbians described themselves as somewhat active
in their community. One woman, Molly, described her reasons for not being active:

I’m new to this community, 1 drink is one of the reasons. Two, I’m not
politically involved in any type of politics, it’s not something I have a real
big interest in, be it a government issue or a gay/lesbian issue, I’m not
really involved in it. And three, I have a real big fear of losing my job.
That’s my biggest fear in the world is that I’m going to lose 10 years of
work and my career because of my sexual orientation....l support the
issues. I almost feel like a hypocrite sometimes because I’m not more
active. I honestly, sometimes I think I’m not playing my part and if more
people weren’t like me we wouldn’t be having the struggles we have
today. I tell myself, or I act the way I think I can act and I try not to
hide from the people I think it’s important to. I’m not a pretender to the
people that I care about or care about me. Other areas I am, I don’t play
games, I don’t make up a story, I don’t have a husband, or a boyfriend
or somebody that I take to business meetings, but I don’t also, not openly
honest with the people I work for. The only person I am not open with
is my employer.

Molly believed that being out (except at work) helped her make up for the lack of
community involvement. Similar to the finding by Rosendral and Hrynevich (1985) with
regard to ethnic identity, another explanation for Molly’s behavior could be cognitive
dissonance. This type of response was not common among the lesbians who were not
active. The responses were diverse, such as Marianne’s reason:

Raising children, wanting to make sure that their values were dreir own.

Making sure they were not driven by who I am but driven by themselves.

And now that they’re all grown and can make their own decisions, I

decided it was time I became myself.
Marianne was in the process of exploring the ways in which she could become active in
the lesbian community. She explained:

I’m leanring. This is not only the first year that I’ve been out to the

community, it’s the first summer, so I’m just learning the ways. I met
my first group of the community this summer, so mostly I’m watching

92

and learning how to be active. I’ve not done very much for and widrin
the community, and I don’t brow how. Like I said, I’m learning.

A drird example of why a lesbian might not be active in a lesbian community was
offered by Betsy, who differentiated between being politically (polically correct) and non-
politically (politically incorrect) involved. Betsy said:

Not politically. I mean I work for (company) that was, that got me active
in some degree in the women’s community and selling music at the music
festival and at different concerts. And then playing on some lesbian
softball teams. To some degree in the non p.c. sector maybe I’ve been
more active.

It is interesting that Betsy mentioned playing on some lesbian softball teams, as she was
the one participant who expressed interest in playing on a nonlesbian team because of the
distractions on a lesbian team. When asked if she would ever want to be more active,
Betsy replied:

It’s hard to say. I, perhaps. Boy I brow I push this to the linrit and we
get our rights taken away and I just sit here and say oh, yeah, I will go
out and fight for that cause and I have yet to do drat but I am pro-choice
and I’m still not sure what it’s going to take for me before I step out the
door and start screaming about that. There are certain political issues I
think inside I want to get more involved but when it comes to time and
they’re calling on my phone to do drat, well, I don’t have time right now,
so I don’t, I think I will, but I don’t brow what it’s going to take yet.

In contrast to the nonpolitical involvement of Betsy, Sylvia is active because she finds
it’s necessary for change. While Betsy does not believe she has the time to be active,
when Sylvia was asked about her specific involvements, she replied:

Well I am on the board of directors of the (city) association for human
rights which is a gay and lesbian organization drat does a lot of work.
First of all they have the gay hotline, gay and lesbian hotline and they
have, we have the fundraisers to fund certain things. Right now I’m also
on the mayor’s advisory board, for gay and lesbian issues and I’m also on
the equal rights task force which is a task force drat grew out of the

93

mayor’s advisory board to deal with passing a ordinance after we had a
community meeting and the mayor issued an executive order to not
discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation within the city and now
we’re asking for an ordinance so that nobody outside of the city can
discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation, so I’m very much
involved. We meet almost every week, with one group or another or
maybe both, just to maintain that, so I’m very much involved on that
level.

Sylvia’s involvements were on the local government level, and she hoped to create

change through governmental channels.

i

A common theme as to why the lesbians were active was the sense of being a part
of the lesbian community. Sandra, Kay, and Isis explained:

It gives me a sense of belonging to a community, it gives me a sense of
pride in who I am. Gives me a sense of, almost a sense of safety and
comfort with myself and my various identities because for the most part,
although the lesbian community has it’s problems just like any other
community, but I think it’s a very open minded and diverse community.
Respectful of all kinds of diversity. I enjoy being in a community like
that, I enjoy interacting with other people who are different than I am and
yet who I might have something in common with (Sandra).

Community is family, so you brow, you can’t not be active in your
family. It doesn’t make sense to do that, so. I think we have a
responsibility to be active in our community, to be openly vocally,
visually active. So I do what I think is my responsibility (Kay).

I want to be a part of creating our community, creating different aspects
of our community. We did a lot of political work back in the 70s, but
that was a reflection of the 703 in general. All the different movements
we were involved in. The women’s movement, the lesbian movement
evolved out of that for me, you brow, I brow it existed before but for
me, that was my connection is that I had a real political connection to
women before I had a physical or sexual connection and I brow
everybody doesn’t come from that place but that’s the place where I came
from. So I just feel I like to be a part of, I like to be part of the
community in some way. Nowadays I try to do it in fun ways and to be
part of the social, creating fun for us because we’ve been very serious for
very long and we also nwd to know there are other parts of us. We need
to create our fun, good times together. The whole thing we had to go

94

through about accepting each other’s differences and you brow, different
places that we come from and still be okay, we’re all still legitimate
lesbians and everything, you know, that’s been hard to grow through that,
it’s made me withdraw in some ways from parts of the community, I just
don’t want to hear that trip anymore, and so I really, I stand back more
than I use to, but I still feel a part (Isis).

The lesbian community was a place where lesbians could feel a part of a community with
common interests. It was also a place where lesbians felt a feeling of family and family
responsibility to each other.

All of the lesbians who were interviewed acbrowledged a lesbian community.
A common interest among the participants, whether or not they perceived themselves to
be active, was attending Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual Pride Day festivities, which take place
every summer, in many cities across the United States. The reasons for attending Pride
ranged from "a day to be outside" to ”political reasons.“ For example:

Because it’s fun being around lots of queer people. It’s neat to be out in
public like at (city) and walking around down there at the (place) with
your girlfriend and holding you hand around her and stuff like that and
everyone else around there is doing the same thing. Plus you get to see,
the fashions are outrageous (Skinny Puppy).

Oh, it’s kinda of a celebration, you know, being able to get together with
hundreds of other gays and lesbians and let people brow that we’re here.
And it’s also a political statement for me to support those kinds of events
and march and do all that kind of good stuff, cause again it’s a way of
letting people know that we’re not going to hide who we are and why the
hell should we (Elizabeth).

Like the march, I guess I want people to brow that we are everywhere
and we are everyway. I mean I brow, like, when I went to Washington
[D.C.], what I kept saying to the friend who was with me was we’re not
just here for us, we’re here for the people back home too. You brow,
we’re representing them as well. I guess I just want the rest of the world
to brow that yeah, there are a lot of us and you brow, we don’t fit into
just any certain stereotype (Maxine).

95

I think that part of it is that sometimes you get the feeling that lesbians
have been kicked around so much by general society that it’s that one little
instant of a moment that you get to say, that’s not okay, so and it gives
you, when you walk away from it you feel kinda refreshed and you have
a really good feeling as you’re walking away from it (Bob).

I went last year, I went the year before, and I eame this year and I went

to the march in Washington D.C. I wanted to go to Stonewall [New

York] so bad, but I had an out of town conference in Chicago, Monday

and Tuesday, and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t get to New York and

Chicago and back and be rested for a two-day conference, but I didn’t

want to miss it. It’s phenomenal, the energy. Except it’s really

frustrating. I know that at the March on Washington, there were at least

a million people there, 1-1.5 million and they reported in the 100,000s

and it’s like, give me a fucking break, we count, stop, stop putting us

somewhere where we’re not. Accept, you brow. And it’s the same as

the percent question, well what percentage of the population is gay or

lesbian. What difference does it make (Bambi).

Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual Pride Day festivities hold different meanings for lesbians who
choose to attend. The opportunity to spend a day surrounded by other
lesbians/gays/bisexuals, to celebrate one’s sexuality, to show nonlesbians that it’s
acceptable to be lesbian, and to show nonlesbians (male and female) the shear numbers
of lesbians/gays/bisexuals were all reasons to attend and to feel positive about being a
lesbian.

In summary, not all of the lesbian participants conformed to the norms of the
lesbian community of their city or town. However, the lesbian participants were aware
of the standards set by their community, and some chose not to conform. Sylvia
discussed conformity within the lesbian community from a historical perspective which
helps to shed light on why lesbians would leave one culture (the heterosexual culture)

with its’ norms and values and begin conforming within the lesbian subculture: to self-

identify with others. Other participants alluded to conforming so that they could fit in

96

and feel like a part of the group. The lesbians who were the most active were the most
familiar with the conformity issue, which is not surprising. These were the women who
had integrated themselves into the community and were active, both politically and
socially. Therefore, they spent the most time within their loeal community so would feel
the most pressure (either stated or not) to conform.

In this chapter, I have discussed how the participants described their identity and
how the lesbian participants came from a personal realization to the step of coming out
to others. The data presented will now be discussed with regard to how it fits with the
proposed model of lesbian identity. The proposed model of lesbian identity was based

on Costos’ (1990) model of gender role identity, based within an ego identity framework.

97
I l' I! . E . . ! E III I 1
Hazel Stage Name Descdntion
l 1 PreConformist Individual understands female as

defined by societal norms.

2 Female may believe she is different
from others
2 l . Conformist Female lives as a heterosexual

Female understands society’s
stereotypes about lesbians
Female may think she is a lesbian, but
does not act on her awareness
3 l PostConformist Female realizes stereotypes about

lesbians may be false
Female forms her own set of beliefs
about lesbians

2 Female comes to a personal realization
that she is a lesbian

3 Female comes out to herself

4 Female comes out to others

98
museum Description

4 1 Lesbian Conformist Female conforms to the lesbian
community’s definition of lesbianism
Female acbrowledges norms and
values of the lesbian community
5 1 Lesbian PostConformist Female begins to question norms
and her need for approval from the
lesbian community
2 Female acbrowledges community and
may be active, but no longer feels the
need to conform
Female has established her identity
The levels and stages of the model are not based on chronological age. Females
could go through the process of forming a lesbian identity at any age, and there are not
time limitations for leaving a particular level or stage. The model is seen as being fluid.
An individual may come to a personal realization that she is a lesbian, but because of
religious beliefs, for example, may choose to continue living as a heterosexual. For this
individual, the process of forming a lesbian identity would stop until she chose to explore
her lesbianism at a later time. This model is also contexual. The lesbians interviewed
were involved in the softball environment and were out to others within this environment.
It is possible that a lesbian may come out to others within the softball environment, but

in a different setting may be out only to one person (such as employment) or not out at

99
all. Lastly, this pr0posed model is for lesbian identity formation and does not attempt

to describe the identity formation process of gay males or bisexuals.

The lesbian participants in this study were not asked about societal norms about
being female, or about stereotypes about lesbians. Therefore, Level 1, Stage 1 and Level
3, Stage 1 cannot be discussed in terms of the data. The lesbian participants in this study
believed they were different from others. The feeling of being different took place at
diverse ages. At the point of feeling different, the lesbians entered Level 1, Stage 2 of
lesbian identity development.

Until the lesbians in this study had their personal realization, they lived their
lives as heterosexuals, Level 2, Stage 1. Many of the lesbians dated males in junior high
and high school, and some were married. While living as a heterosexual, these women
may have had thoughts about being lesbians, but did not act on their awareness.

All of the lesbians interviewed could remember when they first had a personal
realization that they were lesbians. This is an important stage in the model, as the
individual at this point can stay living as she is, without coming out to herself, continue
through the model until she creates a lesbian identity, or she may move to a previous
point in the model if she chooses to repress her realization. All of the lesbians in this
model had moved past the personal realization stage, so comparisons of individuals who
make different decisions at this point cannot be made at this time.

Level 3, Stages 3 and 4 are when the individual comes out to herself and then
to others. At this point in time, the woman is ready to begin to explore living as a

lesbian in society, and wishes to meet other lesbians. The lesbians in this study had all

 

100

come out to themselves and to others This is not to say that lesbians must be at this level
to participate in softball (or on a lesbian softball team), but that the women who
volunteered for this study were at this level..

A lesbian community was acbrowledged by all of the lesbian participants. Some
of the lesbians were more active within a community than others, but all were aware of
norms within their community. Conforming to the norms and values of a community
describes Level 4, Stage 1. At this stage, an individual may wear clothes or jewelry
which designate her as a lesbian to other lesbians. For example, some of the lesbian
respondents discussed "the uniform” of the lesbian community. The women who had
conformed to the community standards, then discussed questioning the norms of the
community (Level 5, Stage 1), and moving away from the norms to create their own
identity (Level 5, Stage 2). However, moving away from the norms did not mean that
the individual was not participating within the lesbian community.

In conclusion, the model of lesbian identity formation presented is in its infancy.
Some of the stages of the model have support from the data presented earlier in this
chapter. In the last portion of this chapter, an examination of whether there is a
relationship between the softball environment and lesbian identity formation is provided.

The softball environment was examined to determine if it was a place where
lesbians could experience one of the stages of identity formation, namely coming out to

others. The lesbian participants were asked if the softball environment influenced their

 

101
conring out, and if the participants thought that the softball environment could be a place

for other women to come out, after they had their personal coming out.

Approximately half of the lesbian participants stated that the softball environment
had an influence on their coming out to others. Some of the lesbians discussed softball
without being prompted by the question, while the majority of the lesbians began to
discuss the influence of the softball environment after I asked about it. The women who
responded that the softball environment had an influence on their coming out emphasized
the support they received from the other players. Lois, a lesbian spectator, responded:

Yeah, it made me feel attractive, which is something I didn’t feel when

I was in the heterosexual phase of my life, and softball made me feel

wanted. [How did it make you feel attractive?] Women flirted, and I

think the jocks are one of the biggest flirts going, so, and it just made

me feel very pretty and that’s, 1 think that may be what helped me really

love softball, is that because I don’t fit the athletic look and women

knew I was gay, well, it was fun to flirt with me.
Lois began to attend softball games to meet and interact with lesbians. Once she began
to watch the games, Lois began to feel attractive and wanted because the lesbian players
flirted and spoke with her. For Lois, the softball environment became a place to come
out to others (Level 3, Stage 4) and an influence on how she would eventually define
herself as a lesbian (Level 5, Stage 2).

Support from lesbians who were in the softball environment was a common
reason for playing softball. Three of the lesbian players stated:

Support. People who were in the same environment as I was and

leading normal lives. Because most of the women that I started playing

with had careers and everything, and it was a legitimization of, and even

coming out as late as I did, there was a lot of myths and things that I

didn’t know and that meant a lot to dispel a lot of myths and to see they
they’re normal people just like anyone else (Ellie).

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I played on this other team that was 1/2 lesbian and straight, and maybe
some somewhere in between. There were opportunities to get involved
with women on that team that I had never had those opportunities before
or they weren’t so visible....because it was okay to be lesbian or not to
be, to just be yourself, and to express, feeling and intimacy towards
another woman, straight or gay, lesbian, . . . it helped me come out
within a lesbian community and within a gay affirming community
too.... (Sandra).

. . .we were working in the garden together, we had just met that day and
the lesbian said, listen I’ve got to go to a game. I said what kind of a
game do you got. She said I play softball and this is our first practice.
I said oh, man, and she said, do you want to join, we need members.
I jumped on it because I retired from softball some 14 years ago, not
thinking I had the strength to continue and I wanted to at least try it.
And quite by accident, just happened to be in the right place at the right
time. [How has this interacted with your decision to come out to others
this year?] It’s been progressive. And this team, the women on this
team gave me the strength. They let me see that it was not a scary thing
(Marianne).

The support these women received from the softball players helped them to come out to
others and to enter the lesbian community (Level 3, Stage 4; Level 4, Stage 1). A
commonality among the lesbians who did not perceive softball as interacting with their
coming out was that they already had come out to others before joining a team. Yet,
along with the other lesbian participants, they spoke positively of the softball
environment as a place where a lesbian could come out to others (Level 3, Stage 4).
Bambi, who joined a lesbian softball team after coming out, stated:

I think it’s probably a phenomenal place for that. I mean, I think, when

I think about a lot of the women that I’ve been with, I mean who have

always been aware of being different, of their, I’ll say their lesbian

sexuality without browing that’s what it was, and so that’s sort of where

they met, that’s sort of like the place to go to meet other lesbians, to

come out, and I think it’s been that way for a long time. I mean I’ve

heard older dykes talk about, you know, we’d go down to the softball

field and we’d cruise and we’d look for women to pick up, that’s where
we brew they’d be, and they all hung out there. So they sort of formed

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their identity at those places. And then. . .they went on with their lives
in the direction they needed to go, but that was like a foundation. Had
I brown, I mean, had I brown that was a place to meet lesbians, I
probably would have been there. But it wasn’t like I was a big time
player in high school, it wasn’t like I was, I’ve always only been okay,
I’ve never been exceptional, I’m not with the state champions, or those
things and that’s the way it is. Had I been more aware of it I think I
probably, would have been a good opportunity, I think it’s probably a
great opportunity for young lesbians to go.

Bambi disucssed how she had heard older lesbians discuss the softball environment as a
place to come out and meet other women. Bob also agreed that the softball environment
would be a positive place for a woman to come out to others. Bob responded:

I think mostly because the women, the lesbians that play on softball
teams tend to be strong lesbians, um, because they are so readily
identified by the public. Um, so I think that would actually be a good
place for a younger woman to come out to because it’s, there’s quite a
bit of support there. On top of, you already have one thing in common,
everybody loves to play softball, that’s why you’re there, so um, you
get two forms of support.

Molly agreed that softball could be an environment to come out to others, but also
emphasized that a woman has to come out to herself first:
Women that play softball together raze each other, sometimes you can
raze each other a little more openly about, not so much sexual things but
girlfriends or looking at women or or that blonde that’s playing second
base and it kinda loosens things up, it makes it less serious. And at the
same time I don’t think you can come out some place and say I’m going
to join a team so I can come out ’cause you have to come out to
yourself before you come out with everyone else.
In contrast, Lois discussed women who played softball who were not out. In her
discussion, Lois separates the terms gay and lesbian, with gay women meaning women

who lived with women, but were not open about their relationship or their identity. Lois

explained:

104

But from what I understand on the teams, there can be some internalized

homophobia. I’ve heard of teams that won’t go to gay bars beeause

they don’t want to be brown. I brew a coach of one of my lovers

teams. She and her room-mate, big quotations around the word room-

mate had been together for 25 years, and they still drove separate ears

to the games, they maintained as much separateness as they could, and

yet they went camping on the week-ends together, their dogs were their

dogs. It was a real strange thing to watch, it was real interesting to see

how somebody could have built up such a homophobic lifestyle when

they were indeed, they were gay, they weren’t lesbian. And they were

gay women. It baffled me.
The women Lois described were not lesbian identified, although they seemed to have
elements of a lesbian lifestyle, such as having a lover and having certain shared items
(house, camping equipment and dogs, for example). Although the softball environment
may be freeing for some women to come out, for others, it may give them the
opportunity to interact with women they know to be lesbians, but they do not choose to
identity as lesbians themselves. Zipter (1988) mentions that for women who are closeted,
"lesbian political and cultural activism can be too public and, therefore, too risky” (p.
83). For these women, softball was a way to be around other lesbians without having
to come out themselves. The ”gay women” would be at Level 3, Stage 3. They would
acbrowledge to themselves that they are gay, but would not make any attempts to let
others brow about them. These women would not form a lesbian identity until they
could reach a personal acbrowledgement that they could come out to others as lesbians.

In conclusion, for some of the lesbian participants, the softball environment was
a location where they could come out to others. For these women, the opportunity to

be involved with softball was available at the time of their coming out to others. All of

the lesbians believed that the softball environment could be a place to come out to others,

105
except for Lois, a spectator. Lois believed that the softball environment was friendlier

to the spectators than to some of the players. However, none of the lesbian players
discussed any teams or players who appeared homophobic. From the data presented, the
softball environment may be one of many locations for lesbians to come out to others
after they have a personal realization and come out to themselves.
W

In this chapter, I have discussed personal definitions of identity, the coming out
process, identity formation, and the interaction between the softball environment and
lesbian identity formation. The results are summarized in this section.

All of the participants were asked to discuss their personal identity. Some of the
participants had a difficult time with this question, and were given further explanations.
All of the lesbians except one (who used the term soulful) included sexual orientation in
their definitions. None of the nonlesbians used the term heterosexual or any terms with
similar meaning in their descriptions about themselves. Kay, a lesbian spectator used the
term heterosexual to describe herself before she became a lesbian. Likewise, all the
Women of Color mentioned their ethnicity, while none of the participants from European
descent chose to mention their ethnicity. One nonlesbian mentioned that she was
Methodist, but that answer was most likely prompted by my example of being Jewish.
The results support the assertion that lesbians who play softball perceive their lesbianism
as part of their overall identity. An additional explanation may be that lesbians who had
formulated their lesbian identity self-selected to participate in this study. An additional

finding within this portion of the study was that minorities tended to include their

106

minority status in their description about themselves, while individuals in the cultural
majority did not. Analyzing this result along with the supported assertion, it may be
that individuals will state their minority status when asked to describe themselves.

A consistent pattern of conring to a personal realization for lesbianism was not
found, as the lesbian participants came to personal realizations at different points in their
lives. This finding supports the critiques which have been stated against age-based
models of lesbian identity formation. It may be possible that in a culture where lesbian
identity formation was as valued as heterosexual identity, that all lesbians would have
their personal realization at the same age. However, because American culture does not
value (or teach) lesbian culture, girls and women who may be lesbians have to discover
their lesbianism within themselves at different times. The time periods stated by the
respondents in this study were grade school age (5-11 years old), junior high and high
school age (12-18 years old), and post high school (19 years old and above). Most of
the lesbians did not label their feelings as ”lesbian" when they first had their personal
realization, but they remembered feeling different from their peers, and many of the
lesbians had boyfriends or husbands before they had their personal realization and
personal coming out.

There was a pattern to how the lesbians had their personal coming out after their
realization. The earlier the personal realization was, in terms of age, the longer it took
the individual to have a personal coming out. This result is what might be expected, as
children and youths may have more to lose by coming out at an early age (loss of family

support and ridicule in school, for example) than an adult. Also, if adults have a

107
personal realization, it is more likely that they can place a label on what they are feeling,

and that they would have increased access to explore a lesbian community.

Coming out to others may take different forms. Some women may choose to
only come out to others when they are asked if they are lesbians (Bob, for example),
while others may tell friends and family. Two distinct patterns of coming out to others
were reflected in the data. The first pattern was coming out to friends, and then waiting
to come out to family. Ellie and Jessie were examples of this pattern. Both told friends
almost as soon as when they had their personal coming out, but waited approximately 5
years before telling their families. In contrast, some of the participants told both their
families and friends right away, such as Chip and Kay. These women saw their coming
out as a celebration, and wanted everyone to brow. The lesbians in this study did not
represent lesbians who choose not to come out, what Lois termed "gay women.”

lesbians who come out and enter a lesbian community may be active or
peripheral to the community. Almost all of the respondents were aware of Pride
activities and participated in them; however, few were involved with the actual planning
or any of the organizing aspects of the community. The activity level of a lesbian within
a community did not seem to reflect the conformity level of that individual. Most of the
lesbians were aware of the standards and values of their lesbian community, and could
describe the fashion styles of it. Some of the lesbians chose to conform to the
community standards for a period of time, while others recognized the conformity and

chose not to be a part of it.

108
A proposed model of lesbian identity formation was explained earlier in this

chapter. This model is based on Costos’ (1990) gender role identity model, based within
an ego identity framework. The three levels Costos described in his model,
preconformist, conformist, and postconformist, were adopted for the lesbian identity
model, with two levels added: lesbian conformist and lesbian postconformist. The data
from the lesbian respondents appeared to fit the model; however, additional research
needs to be conducted to determine if the model is reliable, valid, and if it should be
expanded or reduced. The data did not support the models of homosexual identity, many
which proposed that sexual behavior came before a lesbian identity could be formed.
The majority of the participants in this study did not discuss having sexual relations with
a woman during their time of having a personal realization, coming out, or being active
in the community. The absence of sex in my model may point to a difference between
the identity formation of gay males and lesbians, as many of the studies on homosexual
identity used men as subjects (see Brady & Busse, 1994 for a current example).
Lastly, all of the lesbians in this study believed that the softball environment
could be a place for women to come out to others. The softball environment was seen
not only as a place where lesbians could find other lesbians, but where they could find
lesbians who were strong and supportive of each other, whether as players or spectators.
Some of the lesbians in this study had positive experiences coming out to others in the
softball environment, and many alluded to softball as being a healthier environment than

bars. Therefore, the assertion that the softball environment may be a location for

109

lesbians to come out to others was supported. However, it is not the only environment
where coming out can take place.

In conclusion, in this chapter I have discussed the assertions that lesbians would
include their sexual orientation in a description about themselves, and that the sofiball
environment is a location where lesbians feel comfortable coming out to each other. A
proposed model of lesbian identity was also discussed. I will provide a discussion of the

implications of this study in the next chapter.

 

Chapter VI .
Conclusions and Implications

The purpose of this dissertation was to examine one facet of lesbian subculture,
the softball environment, and to discover if participation within the softball environment
facilitated the formation of a lesbian identity. An additional purpose of this study was
to examine the interview data to determine if a model of lesbian identity formation could
be proposed. In this chapter, I will summarize the findings of this study, and discuss
implications and possible future research directions.
IhafiszftlzalLEnxitonmem

The women in this study were asked when they began to participate in the
softball environment. There was not one pattern of history, as the interviewees began
participating in softball at different ages. Some began in childhood, either with baseball
or softball, while others began to play the game as adults. One reason they gave for
their continued participation, both as players and spectators, was so they could interact
and socialize with their friends. The nonlesbian and lesbian participants tended to be on
teams with friends whom they first met outside the softball environment. However, the
lesbian participants were more likely to join a team so that they could meet new friends.
Most of the lesbian participants who joined a team with the intent of meeting new friends
specified that they were looking to meet other lesbians.

Most of the lesbian participants were unable to describe how they first brew that
there were lesbians in the softball environment. Many recalled having been told about

softball by a friend who was involved in the game. Interestingly, most of the participants

110

l l 1
(both lesbian and nonlesbian) could not give a precise description of a softball player, but

they could give a description of a stereotypical softball player. The stereotype most often
given was that of a lesbian, which, if it is a widely brown stereotype within general
society, might explain how some lesbians first learn that lesbians play the game, there
may be some truth to the stereotype. Even with the browledge of the female softball
player stereotype, the question of why softball rather than other sports or activities was
pondered by the lesbian participants. Although they were able to name a few other
sports and other types of activities, in which lesbians participated, softball stood out from
the rest because of the number of women who can participate at one time, most people
ean play it, and the pace of the game allows both players and spectators to interact.
Without a doubt, many lesbian softball participants interact with each other. It
was not uncommon for the lesbians in this study to discuss the fact that they joined a
team because their partner was on it, or that they met their current partner at a game.
Some of the lesbian participants discussed how they enjoyed cruising other lesbians at the
softball games. None of the nonlesbians discussed ever having been approached by a
lesbian participant at the softball environment, which implies that although some lesbians
may ”cruise” the games they participate in, either as players or spectators, they do not
approach a woman unless they are certain she is a lesbian. As a matter of fact, some of
the lesbian participants spoke of being able to tell a lesbian team from a straight team and
browing who was a lesbian participant. Some signs of a nonlesbian team that were given

included men coaches and men in the stands (assumed to be husbands or boyfriends).

112

These results support the assertion that lesbians use the softball environment as
a place to interact with other lesbians. The interactions which occur are multi—layered,
and outsiders to the lesbian culture might not perceive a joke told among the players as
being overtly sexual. An interaction may be as innocent as a catcher talking to a batter,
while another interaction may be an overt flirtation between a spectator and a player.

Lesbians participate in all types of leagues, from as all-lesbian leagues to co-ed
leagues, with reasons for participation ranging from social to serious competition. The
lesbian participants perceived softball to be different from other lesbian activities and
from other sports. As stated above, the question of why softball is different compared
to other activities has no definitive answer, but the reality of softball as an environment
where lesbians can interact is a phenomenon in American (and, perhaps, Canadian)
culture, which has some implications for both the participants and the game of softball.

To begin with, the stereotype of a female softball player is that of a lesbian.
Additionally, the game of softball is perceived to be more masculine than feminine
(Kane, 1988; Metheny, 1965). If the stereotype is brown to individuals who have never
participated in softball (for example, the parents of a junior high school girl), girls might
be discouraged from participating in softball. This could lead to girls who consider
themselves feminine (in the cultural sense of the word) deciding not to participate in the
sport, while teens who realize they are lesbians may participate in the hopes of meeting
others like themselves. The net effect of this would be lesbians participating in the sport,

thus confirming the stereotype which exists. This is not to say that lesbians should not

ll3
participate, but that the game of softball itself should be enjoyed and played by all

individuals, and stereotypes about the game should not discourage participation.

Secondly, the softball environment appears to be one loeation where open
lesbians and nonlesbians work together, either as a team in the hopes of winning, or as
opponents, in terms of coming together to play. The softball environment may serve to
lessen heterosexism and homophobia among nonlesbians, as they are given an opportunity
to interact with lesbians, especially as teammates. Not all nonlesbians who participate
in the softball environment will change any preexisting beliefs they have about lesbians,
but softball may help to facilitate communication between teammates and new friends
about lesbians.

Additionally, softball is a recreational sport in which anyone can participate. All
of the spectators in this study had played softball, and the players played on different
teams with different ability levels. Because of softball’s popularity in the United States,
parks usually offer softball leagues for both serious (Class A and B) and nonserious
and/or lower ability (Class C and D) players. The effect of offering leagues where .
women who have never played before can participate is twofold. First, lesbians who
wish to meet other lesbians in the softball environment ean participate even if they are
not tournament level players. This enables more lesbians to interact as players within
the environment. Secondly, softball may be an outlet for women (both lesbians and
nonlesbians) who have never participated in sports. Women may see softball as a way
to increase their activity level while interacting with other women (in contrast to

exercising at home with a video, for example). After joining a softball team for the first

114

time as an adult, some women may experience throwing a ball correctly, something not
taught to them as young girls growing up. The effect of this may be the exploration of
a woman’s physicality.

The results offered support for Zipter’s (1988) book, which glimpsed into lesbian
culture and the softball environment. One facet of the environment which I did not
question was practice. Although not all teams practice, recreational softball teams may
practice once or twice a week, and players may be more overt in their interactions at
practice than at the games. Additionally, participant observation would be one method
of investigating differences in interactions between games and practice, and interactions
between teams.

I l . I I .

All participants were asked to describe their identity. All of the lesbian
participants, except one, included the term lesbian or gay in their description. The one
individual who did not, used the word "soulful“ as a way to describe herself. This
individual was also the only lesbian participant who stated she was not 100% lesbian.
In contrast, none of the nonlesbian participants included their sexual orientation in their
identity description. A similar response pattern was detected with ethnicity, as all of the
Women of Color mentioned their heritage, while none of the women with Western
European ancestry mentioned their ethnicity. It may be that individuals state descriptors
of themselves which are different from the cultural mainstream, perhaps because they are

reminded of their otherness in American society.

l 15
The lesbians in this study came to a personal realization about their lesbianism

at different times in their lives. This may be because they are fornring an identity which
is not considered within the cultural mainstream, so it is an identity which is formed
when an individual is prepared to go against the cultural norm. Many times this personal
realization was a feeling of being different from others, but this difference did not yet
have a name. Personal coming outs occurred at three different age ranges for the lesbian
participants; childhood and preteen, teens, and as adults. The age of the personal coming
out appeared to be inversely related to when a lesbian came out to others. Lesbians who
came out as preteens, for example, waited until adulthood to tell others, while lesbians
who came out as adults often told others right away. It makes intuitive sense that a
lesbian who is not autonomous in her life would wait until she was on her own before
telling others, including her family. This also means that the lesbians who came out as
preteens (junior high age) went through puberty trying to hide a part of themselves from
their peers (and peer pressures) and their families.

Coming out to others as a lesbian brings a different type of peer pressure to a
newly out lesbian. A lesbian community may have its own set of norms and values that
it expects others to conform to. Most of the lesbians in this study agreed that there was
pressure to conform to the standards set by the community, and some could describe in
detail what the standards were. The lesbians in this study who had conformed to a
lesbian community stated that it took them from 3 to 7 years to stop conforming.

Whether or not a lesbian conformed to a community’s standards did not prevent

her from being active in the community, at least on a peripheral level. Although most

116

of the lesbians in this study were not active in a political sense, they were still
participants in activities such as the annual Pride March/Parade. The lesbians in this
study referred to their lesbian community as a part of their family, and the lesbians who
were the most actively involved stated that they believed in helping out their family.

The lesbians who participated in my study were self-identified; that is, when they
were asked at the beginning of the interview if they were lesbian or nonlesbian, they
stated lesbian. The stating of their lesbianism to me was one indication that they were
lesbian identified, and their responses were analyzed to determine if a model of lesbian
identity could, at this time, be proposed. A five-level stage model of lesbian identity,
based on Costos (1990) model of gender-role identity was proposed. In contrast to
earlier models of identity (e. g. Cass, 1983/1984; Minton & McDonald, 1983/1984), this
model is fluid; individuals can go back and forth within it. One reason why individuals
may move between levels is that the model is contextual. In different contexts,
individuals may act differently. lastly, the model is not age dependent. That is,
individuals do not reach a set stage at a certain age. As seen in the results, the lesbians
in this study all came to their personal realization, personal coming out, and coming out
to others at different ages.

An additional difference in the proposed model from some of the earlier models
of identity is that this model was proposed for lesbians and not for all persons falling
under the umbrella term of ”homosexuality. " Although some researchers have proposed
lesbian models based on solely lesbians (Chapman & Brannock, 1987; Cooper, 1990;

Krieger, 1982; Lewis, 1984), there is current research which assumes the same process

1 17
for both men and women. For example, Brady and Busse (1994) created a Gay Identity

Questionnaire which measured homosexual identity formation. This questionnaire was
piloted with gay males (18 subjects) and then given to 225 male subjects, and Brady and
Busse state that it is a reliable measure that ean be used by clinicians to identify
homosexuality in both males and females. Secondly, some earlier models, including the
questionnaire by Brady and Busse, incorporate sexual activity in an early stage of identity
formation, which means that sex act is a precurser to identity formation. None of the
participants in my study discussed sex as being a precurser for their personal coming out,
and some of the participants were fully identified before having their first sexual
experience with a woman.

Specifically, within the proposed model of lesbian identity, a female would be
at the preconformist level when she believed in society’s normative female description
(heterosexual). At Level 1, Stage 2, the female may believe she is different from others,
but does not pursue why she believes this. Level 2, Stage 1, is the conformist stage.
The female lives as a heterosexual, and understands society’s stereotypes about lesbians.
She may think she is a lesbian at this time, but chooses not to act on her belief. At
Level 3, Stage 1 (postconforrrrist), the female realizes stereotypes about lesbians may be
false and she forms her own set of beliefs about lesbians. At Level 3, Stage 2, she
comes to a personal realization that she is a lesbian. The female comes out to herself at
Level 3, Stage 3, and to others at Level 3, Stage 4. When first coming out to others,
the female conforms to the lesbian community’s definition of lesbianism (Level 4, Stage

1, lesbian conformist), and begins to acbrowledge the norms and values of the lesbian

118
community. The final level (Level 5) is Lesbian PostConformist, when the female

questions the norms of the lesbian community and her need for approval from the lesbian
community. At Stage 2 of Level 5, the female acbrowledges the lesbian community and
may be active, but no longer feels the need to conform. At this point, she has
established her lesbian identity.

The results supported the assertion that lesbians who play softball perceive their
lesbianism as part of their overall identity. The lesbians in this study self-identified as
lesbians, and the majority used ”lesbian” as a descriptor when asked to describe
themselves. Lesbians who play softball may be at different levels of identity formation,
but those who have achieved a personal coming out will most likely use the term lesbian
to identify themselves.

The assertion that the softball location may be a location for lesbians was
supported in that all of the lesbians interviewed believed softball to be one of many
locations where a woman could come out to others. However, most of the lesbians in
this study came out to others prior to participating within the softball environment.

The proposed model of lesbian identity formation is in its infant stage.
However, some implieations of this model should be discussed. First, the proposed
model lends support to the existence of a lesbian subculture within American society and
to the lesbian as more than a sexual being. Sex was not discussed by the participants as
a precurser to the formation of their lesbian identity; a sexual relationship did not create
a nonlesbian or a lesbian by itself. Although many lesbians do have active sex lives, sex

with another woman is a physical exchange which may or may not be of interest to a

119

lesbian. In contrast, a nonlesbian woman does not have to have sex with a male to brow
that she is a nonlesbian.

All of the participants were aware of a lesbian community, whether or not they
were active in one. This finding lends support to the belief that there is a community
structure available which lesbians can discover and where she can interact (Zipter, 1988).
There was evidence of community pressure to conform to what a lesbian ”should be. "

This pressure was recognized and dealt with differently by the participants. Some
conformed and then separated, while others recognized the pressure and did not allow
it to affect them. Interestingly, many of the participants were able to discuss the reasons
why conformity took place, and understood how it affected them. Even so, the lesbian
communities discussed by the participants seemed to have standards for their members,
which might be as constricting to some as the mainstream society.

Future research on lesbian identity should examine identity formation among
different geographical areas of the United States, and should attempt to interview lesbians
of diverse ethnic backgrounds. Although this study attempted to interview women from
age 26 and above, there were no women interviewed who were over 50 years old.
Lesbians in their 40s and 503 would be important cohort groups to interview because of
the history of softball and its history with the lesbian community, as it was in the 1950s
when lesbians first used softball as a way to meet safely outside of the bars.

Additionally, studies nwd to be conducted which help to triangulate the data.
Ethnography is one qualitative methodology which could be used along with interviews

to examine the formation of lesbian identity. Although time consuming, a longitudinal

120

study might lend insight to lesbian identity formation. Additionally, interviewing lesbians
who have never participated within the softball environment would add insight to the
proposed model of lesbian identity formation with regards to the context of coming out
and forming identity.

E El . f. l I .

Each interview that I conducted brought back personal memories for me. Igrew
up participating in softball. Unlike some of the participants, I never played baseball.
Where I grew up, girls were not allowed to participate in Little League baseball. I
played softball in junior high, and was on the varsity interscholastic softball team in high
school. I did not play softball in college, and put my glove away for 6 years.

As I transcribed each interview, I could picture the woman speaking in front of
me. I realized that her story was part of my own story, which I had never taken the time
to analyze. I came back to softball after having a personal realization and a personal
coming out as a lesbian. Even now I probe myself just as I probed the women in this
study. Why softball? I brew it was a place where I could meet other lesbians, but I
can’t answer why. Looking back I can say it was a comfortable place to meet others,
especially if a woman didn’t enjoy going to bars. Softball is also a location where
women can create space for themselves with other women and where women ean
demonstrate grace, agility, and strength.

I stated at the beginning of the dissertation that there was not a cause and effect
relationship between softball and lesbianism. The interview data supports that statement.

What the softball environment brings to lesbian identity formation is a comfortable

121

environment which does not inhibit a woman from coming out to other lesbians. Half
of the lesbians in this study experienced coming out to others in the softball environment.
Looking back on my own life, I earne out to my team-mates long before I eame out to
my family. Bob stated that softball brings two types of support: support as a softball
player and support as a lesbian.

The model of lesbian identity formation has been based in the context of softball.
Although softball does not appear in the model, the women I interviewed all had softball
in common. Contextually, it would be interesting to explore if women who are no longer
active in the softball environment ever participated in it, and if their identity formation
differs. The question of the interaction between softball and lesbian identity formation
is valid. In answer, the softball environment may facilitate a female at any level or any
stage of lesbian identity formation. It is one of the few environments where a lesbian
ean find other lesbians and see the diversity in the lesbian population, in terms of size
and personality. Ellie commented on how seeing the softball players helped to shed
stereotypes and enable her to meet positive role models. This is an important by-product
of the softball environment.

The interviews with the lesbian players and spectators had an effect on me as a
researcher. I believe that one reason why the lesbians were so open to me was because
I was an insider. Most important, I believe that the lesbians in this study were open
because they had a chance to share their personal stories with me. Discussing stories and

writing them down has an effect of validating stories and experiences. I hope that I have

122
told their stories as they would have liked them told, and that this is not the last time

their stories are heard.

APPENDICES

APPENDIX A

UCRIHS Approval

 

OFFICE OF
RESEARCH
AND
GRADUATE
STUDIES

 

University Committee 0
Runuunmmwmo
mmunmmnfls
«EBMB)

Michigan State Unwersrry
2'25 Admmrstranon Burldmg
East LBRSIRQ Mrcmgan
48824-1046

517/355-2180

FAX 517 336-1171

HSU :5 an arrrrmame-acnon.

 

MICHIGAN STATE

 

123
UNIVERSITY
May 12, 1994
TO: Brenda A. Riemer
39 Im Circle
RE: IRBf: 94-199
TITLE: THE INFLUENCE OF THE SOFTBALL ENVIRONMENT ON THE
FORMATION OF LESBIAN IDENTITY
REVISION REQUESTED: N A
CATEGORY: l-C
APPROVAL DATE: 05/09/94

The University Committee on Research Involving Human Subjects'(UCRIHS)

review of this project is complete. I am pleased to advxse that the

rights and welfare of the human subjects appear to be adequately

protected and methods to obtain informed consent are appropriate.

lherecfiorg, the UCRIHS approved this project including any revision
iste a ove.

RENEWAL: UCRIHS approval is valid for one calendar year, beginning with
the approval date shown above. Investigators planning to
continue a project be and one year must use the green renewal
form (enclosed with t e original approval letter or when a
project is renewed) to seek u ated certification. There is a
maximum of four such expedite renewals ssible. Investigators
wishing to continue a project beyond the time need to submit it
again or complete review.

REVISIONS: UCRIHS must review any changes in procedures involving human
subjects, rior to initiation of t e change. If this is done at
the time o renewal, please use the green renewal form. To
revise an approved protocol at any other time during the year,
send your written request to the CRIHS Chair, requesting revised
approval and referencin the project's IRB # and title. Include
in your request a description of the change and any revised
instruments, consent forms or advertisements that are applicable.

PROBLEMS/

CHANGES: Should either of the followin arise during the course of the
work, investigators must noti UCRIHS promptly: (1) roblems
(unexpected srde effects, comp aints, etc.) involving uman
subjects or (2) changes in the research environment or new
information indicating greater risk to the human sub'ects than
existed when the protocol was previously reviewed an approved.

If we can be of any future help, please do not hesitate to contact us
at (517)355-2180 or FAX (517)3 6- 171.

O

Sincerel

  
 
    
 

   
 

avid E. Wright,
UCRIHS Chair

DEW:pjm
cc: Deborah L. Feltz

APPENDIX B

Written Advertisements

124
Written Advertisements

(Appeared in a lesbian newsletter)

Wanted: I would like to interview women (25 years or older) who play/attend slow pitch
softball games. The purpose of my research is to examine the possible influence of the
softball environment on identity. Participants will receive a summary of the results. All
interviews will take place at a mutually acceptable loeation to ensure privacy and
confidentiality. Please contact Brenda (Bernie) Riemer at __ for further

information.

(Appeared in a free monthly newspaper in the city of Umpira)

I am interviewing women (25 yrs and older) who play slow pitch softball. The purpose
is to examine the connection between the softball environment & identity. Interviews
will take place at a mutually acceptable location. Please contact Brenda Riemer at

before June 8 or after June 18 for further information.

 

APPENDIX C

Consent Form

 

125

Consent Form

The purpose of this study is to understand the formation of identity and the
possible connection of identity with the softball environment. The interview will take
approximately 1 - 1.5 hours of your time.

You may decide, at any time, to discontinue with the interview. Also, at any
time you may decide that you do not wish the interview to be taped and I will turn off
the tape player.

Before the interview begins, you will decide on a name which will be used in the
interview. Your real name will not be used on the tape, and your name will not be
written down next to the assumed name at any time. Upon completion of the study, I
will be mailing a summary of results to you. After that mailing, the list with your name
and address on it will be destroyed. I will be the only one transcribing the tape of our
interview, which will ensure your anonymity to others.

If you have any questions after the interview is over, please feel free to contact
me.

Thank you for agreeing to participate.

I agree to participate in this interview. I am aware that at any time I can request
that the tape player he turned off. I am also aware that I can terminate the

interview at any time.

 

 

Name Date

APPENDIX D

Questionnaires

126
Questionnaires

Questions for lesbian participants
Is the softball environment brown as a place where lesbians can meet?
When did you begin to play softball?
Probe: why softball? Why not other sports?
Do you remember why you decided to begin playing softball?
What is it about the game that makes you want to keep playing?
What do you enjoy about softball?
Please give a description of a softball player.
Do you fit that description?
Do the women you play with fit that description?
Do women use the softball environment to meet other women?
Have you ever used the softball environment as a place to meet other lesbians?
When you play softball, are you on lesbian team?
Does it matter to you if your team-mates are lesbians or not? Why?
If yes, do you act differently on that team than you would a non-lesbian team?
If yes, Could you give some examples?
How does a lesbian define her identity?
How would you define the terms homosexual, gay and lesbian? Do you consider
yourself to be a lesbian?
When did you have an idea or feeling that you could be (use participant’s term

of choice) homosexual/gay/lesbian?

127

Could you tell me how you came from realization to a personal coming out?

When did you come out to others? And what was the environment?

How do you identify yourself?

Do you consider being a lesbian part of your identity?

Have you ever been active in a lesbian community?
Why/why not?

Are you still active/Would you want to be active in a lesbian community?
Why/ why not?

Have you ever conformed to what you thought a lesbian should look like?

Is there a connection between the softball environment and a lesbian identity?

Did the softball environment influence your coming out?

: Or did you start playing after you eame out? When in the process?

Do you think that the softball environment can be a place for a woman to come
out as a lesbian?

Could your behavior be considered more ”out” while on the softball diamond
than at other times?

Did you ever think that because you liked to play softball you were a lesbian?

Do you think other people might have felt that way?

Are there other sports that you would identify as lesbian?

Are there other activities that you would identify as lesbian?

How do these compare, in your opinion, to softball?

Have you ever read ”Diamonds are a Dykes Best Friend?”

 

128
2. Questions for lesbian spectators

Is the softball environment brown as a place where lesbians ean meet?
Have you ever played softball?
If yes, when? Why did you stop playing?
What is it about the game that makes you want to come and watch?
What do you enjoy about softball?
Please give a description of a softball player.
Do you fit that description?
Do the women you watch fit that description?
Do women use the softball environment to meet other women?
Have you ever used the softball environment as a place to meet other lesbians?
When you come to a game, do you watch a lesbian team?
If yes, do you act differently while watching that team than you would a non-
lesbian team?
If yes, Could you give some examples?
How does a lesbian define her identity?
How would you define a lesbian?
Do you consider yourself to be a lesbian?
When did you have an idea or feeling that you could be (use participant’s term
of choice) homosexual/gay/lesbian?
Could you tell me how you came from realization to a personal coming out?

When did you come out to others? And what was the environment?

129

How do you identify yourself?

Do you consider being a lesbian part of your identity?

Have you ever been active in a lesbian community?

Why/ why not?

Are you still active/Would you want to be active in a lesbian community?

Why/why not?

Have you ever conformed to what you thought a lesbian should look like?
Is there a connection between the softball environment and a lesbian identity?

Did the softball environment influence your conring out?

Do you think that the softball environment can be a place for a woman to come

out as a lesbian?

Could your behavior be considered more ”out" at softball games?

If yes, please give an example

Have you ever read "Diamonds are a Dykes Best Friend?”

130
3. Questions for non-lesbian players

Is the softball environment brown as a place where lesbians can meet?
When did you begin to play softball?
(If the participant began playing post high school) Why did you decide to begin
playing softball?
What is it about the game that makes you want to keep playing?
What do you enjoy about softball? A
Please give a description of a softball player.
Do you fit that description?
Do the women you on your team fit that description?
Do any women in the league fit that description?
Do you think women play softball to meet other women?
What is your opinion about the assertion that some people make that lesbians
play softball?
Are you aware of lesbians on your team?
On other teams in your league?
Have you ever been cautioned about playing softball because of lesbians?
If yes, Could you give some examples?
Do you bring anyone with you to watch you play?
Do they ever make comments to you about other women in the league?
Have you ever noticed spectators who might be lesbians? How does that make

you feel?

131
What is a lesbian?

How would you define a homosexual/gay/lesbian?
How do you identify yourself?
Non-Lesbian Spectators
Have you ever played softball?
If yes, when? Why did you stop playing?
What is it about the game that makes you want to come and watch?
What do you enjoy about softball?
Please give a description of a softball player.
Do you fit that description?
Do the women you watch fit that description?
Do women use the softball environment to meet other women?
When you come to a game, do you watch a nonlesbian or lesbian team?
What is your opinion about the assertion that some people make that lesbians
play softball?
Are you aware of lesbians on your team?
On other teams in your league?
Have you ever been cautioned about softball players because of lesbians?
If yes, Could you give some examples?
Do you bring anyone with you to watch the games?

Do they ever make comments to you about other women in the league?

132
Have you ever noticed spectators who might be lesbians? How does that make

you feel?
How would you define a homosexual/gay/lesbian?

How do you identify yourself?

 

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