!! FA(T)SHION RHETORICS: BUILDING A BODY POSITIVE METHODOLOGY By Katie Manthey A DISSERTATION Submitted to Michigan State University in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree o f Rhetoric and Writing ÑDoctor of Phi losophy 2015 !!ABSTRACT FA(T)SHION RHETORICS: BUILDING A BODY POSITIVE METHODOLOGY By Katie Manthey This dissertation combines feminist and queer issues of embodiment, fat, and clothing by investigating how fat fashion bloggers make meaning through thei r dress practices in ways that are rhetorical, material, and embodied. In this project I argue for a methodology of Òethical readingÓ where a viewer must acknowledge their own positionality, and engage with bodies both materially and rhetorically. I enact this methodology by interviewing three self -identified fat fashion bloggers in three different countries. My research participants demonstrate how meaning can be made through clothing and the fat body itsel f in order to embody ÒfatÓ in diverse ways, includ ing radical, queer, traditional, and heteronormative. This work contributes to notions of material and visual rhetoric by drawing from theories of dress that include body fat and clothing and extends work from fat studies, dress studies, and gender studies by engaging them in rhetorical analysis. !! Copyright by KATIE MANTHEY 2015 "#!! To the Jeff and Katie from 2009Ñand all the other Jeffs and Katies out there. #!!!ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Thank yo u to my collaborators for the "Embodiment" key concept Peitho piece: Maureen, Daisy, and Maria. Working on this article with you enabled me to finally articulate what I meant by "ethical reading." Thank you to Brendan, for teaching me how to love: myself, you, and life. I never understood what it meant to be happy until you showed me. This story is your story, too. Thank you to my committee: Danielle, for her eternal optimism, Dr. T. For her patience and willingness to work with me in liminality, Malea, for pushing me and making me realize how strong I really am, and Trixie, for everything --I consider myself lucky to have you as my mentor and friend; thank you for being you. Thank you to my parents: to me, you will always be the original "Dr. Manthey sÓ.#"!!TABLE OF CONTENTS LIST OF FIGURES ....................................................................................................................viii CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION .................................................................................................1 CHAPTER 2: SITUATING BODY POSITIVITY ...................................................................12 Introduction............................................................................. ...........................................12 Ethical Reading.......................... ........................................................................................12 Fat Rhetorics: Building a Body Positive Methodology .....................................................21 Part I: E xternal Forces & Orientating Lines........ ..............................................................24 Part II: Internal Forces & Dis/Orientations..................... ...................................................26 Part III: Reaction & Embodime nt................................ ......................................................29 CHAPTER 3: INTRODUCTION TO THE BLOGGERS .......................................................33 Introduc tion........................................................ ................................................................33 Part I: Situating Fat Fashion B loggers.. .............................................................................34 Introd uction............................................. ...............................................................34 Fashion Blogging........................... ........................................................................34 Fat Fashion Blogging................. ............................................................................35 Part II: How I Found Three Interviewees ..........................................................................36 Part III: Blogger Profiles ....................................................................................................41 Lolly: Lolly Likes Fatshion ...................................................................................41 Mary: Mary's Big Closet ........................................................................................42 Ashley: All Smiles and Curves ..............................................................................43 Conclusion .........................................................................................................................44 CHAPTER 4: FAT AS EMBODIED DIS/ORIENTATION. ..................................................45 Introduction ........................................................................................................................45 Part I: Fat ............................................................................................................................48 Lolly .......................................................................................................................48 Turn 1: Learning the Orientating Lines and Institutions ..................................48 Turn 2: Seeing the Self as "Other" ....................................................................49 Turn 3: Reactio n...............................................................................................50 Mary .......................................................................................................................53 Turn 1: Learning the Orientating Lines and Institutions ..................................53 Turn 2: Seeing the Self as "Other" ....................................................................54 Turn 3: Reaction ...............................................................................................55 Ashley ....................................................................................................................56 Turn 1: Learnin g the Orientating Lines and Institutions ..................................56 Turn 2: Seeing the Self as "Other" ....................................................................56 #"" !! Turn 3: Reaction ...............................................................................................56 Part II: Blogging as Community ........................................................................................58 Finding Community ...............................................................................................58 Building Community .............................................................................................61 Sustaining Community ..........................................................................................65 Conclusion .........................................................................................................................66 CHAPTER 5: FA(T)SHION .......................................................................................................67 Introduc tion.......................................................................................... ..............................67 Part I: Signature Style................ ........................................................................................67 Lolly......................................................................................... ..............................68 Ashley........................... .........................................................................................70 Mary................. ......................................................................................................72 Part II: Composing a Wardrobe .........................................................................................74 Ashley ....................................................................................................................75 Mary .......................................................................................................................76 Lolly .......................................................................................................................80 Conclusion .........................................................................................................................83 CHAPTER 6: IMPLICATIONS AND AFTERWARD ...........................................................84 Limitations........................................................................................... ..............................86 Future Work................ .......................................................................................................87 Afterward: Katie's Story ÑUpdates ...................................................................................89 Ultimate Conclusion ..........................................................................................................92 APPENDICES ..............................................................................................................................94 Appendix I: Informed Consent Agreement .É..................................................................95 Appendix II: Interview Protocol and Questions ................................................................97 BIBLI OGRAPHY........................................................................................................................99 #""" !!LIST OF FIGURES Figure 1: Rachele's picture in a Facebook advertisement........ .....................................................17 Figure 2: Lolly Likes Fatshion Website Image .............................................................................41 Figure 3: Screenshot from Mary's Big Closet ...............................................................................42 Figure 4: Screenshot from All Smiles and Curves ........................................................................43 $!!CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION !The purpose of this dissertation is to create and employ a body positive rhetorical methodology, with a focus on self identified fat fashion bloggers and their dress practice s1. In order to talk about what that means, though, I first want to begin this dissertation with a poem. ItÕs best seen and heard ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7lKPdh_y -8), but you can read the transcript if you donÕt have access to the internet 2. IÕve included the transcript in full here, as opposed to an appendix, because I want to emphasize the poemÕs importanceÑand its ability to take up space. The body is not an apology. Let it not be forget -me-not fixed to mattress when night threatens to leave the room empty as the belly of a crow. The body is not an apology. Present it not as disassembled rifle when he has yet to prove himself more than common intruder. The body is not an apology. Let it not be common as oil, ash, or toilet. Let it not be small as gravel, stain, or teeth. Let it not be mountain when it is sand. Let it not be ocean when it is grass. Let it not be shaken, flattened, or razed in contrition. The body is not an apology. Do not give it as confession, communion. Do not ask for it to be pardoned as criminal. The body is not a crime; is not a gun. The body is not a spill to be contained. It is not a lost set of keys, a wrong number dialed. It is not the orange burst of blood to shame white dresses. The body is not an apology. It is not the unintended granules of bone beneath wheel. The body is not kill. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!$!%!&"'() ''!*+"'!",!&-.*+!",!/+0.*-1!23! !2!4+"'!&"''-1*0*"5,!-,606-'!7"*+!(58.9-:!"'')-'!5;!+ 57!8-0,",6!"'!80&-!;158!*+0*!?5)!70*(+!*+-!#"&-5!9",>'!7+-,-#-1!.5''"=9-3 !2!!It is not unkempt car. It is not a forgotten appointm ent. Do not speak it vulgar. The body is not soiled. Is not filth to be forgiven. The body is not an apology. It is not fatherÕs back hand; is not motherÕs dinner late again wrecked jaw howl. It is not the drunken sorcery of contorting steel round tree. It is not calamity. The body is not a math test. The body is not a wrong answer. The body is not a failed class. You are not failing. The body is not a cavity; is not hole to be filled, to be yanked out. It is not a broken thing to be mended, be tossed. The body is not prison; is not sentence to be served. It is not pavement; is not prayer. The body is not an apology. Do not give the body as gift. Only receive it as such. The body is not to be prayed for; is to be prayed to. So, for the evermore tortile tenth grade nose, Hallelujah. For the shower song throat that crackles like a grandfather's Victrola, Hallelujah. For the spine that never healed; for the lambent heart that didn't either, Hallelujah. For the sloping pulp of back, hip, belly, Hosanna. For the errant hairs that rove the face like a pack displaced of wolvdes. Hosanna, for the parts we have endeavored to excise. Blessed be the cancer, the palsy, the womb that opens like a trap door. Praise the @!!body in its black jack magic, even in this. For the r azor wire mouth. For the sweet god ribbon within it. Praise. For the mistake that never was. Praise. For the bend, twist, fall, and rise again, fall and rise again. For the raising like an obstinate Christ. For the salvation of a body that bends like a bap tismal bowl. For those who will worship at the lip of this sanctuary. Praise the body for the body is not an apology. The body is deity. The body is God. The body is God; the only righteous love th at will never need to say sorry. For the razor wire mouth. For the sweet god ribbon within it. Praise. For the mistake that never was. Praise. For the bend, twist, fall, and rise again, fall and rise again. For the raising like an obstinate Christ. For the salvation of a body that bends like a baptismal bowl. For those who will worship at the lip of this sanctuary. Praise the body for the body is not an apology. The body is deity. The body is God. The body is God; the only righteous love that will never need to say sorry. I start with a performance from Sonya Taylor because this is also one of my beginnings: finding The Body is Not an Apology was part of my personal journey to being a body positive activist. This poem frames my own experiences, and I want it to frame your experience of this dissertation. My hope is that this dissertation will be a way that I can give back to the communities that have brought me to this point. As I sit here in April of 2015 to write this introduction, there is a conversation going on in my community about whether or not the word Òpl usÓ should be kept in relation to womenÕs clothing. At the forefront of this conversation are plus size models, clothing companies, and A!!marketers. Lane Bryant recently started their #ImNoAngel campaign, and once again we are talking with each other (and sometimes the company) about the lack of representation of diverse bodies in advertising, the aggressive language of the campaign that reinforces the idea that there can only be one kind of ÒacceptableÓ female body, and the fact that the most heated conversa tions happen in relation to consumer practices. The idea that we should stop calling our clothing (and ourselves, by extension) ÒplusÓ is troubling to me. On the one hand, the idea that we donÕt need divisive language in terms of bodies seems like a glorio us thing. On the other hand, IÕm part of a community that has worked to reclaim the word ÒfatÓ Ñand by extension, take the sting out of words used to describe large bodies like ÒplusÓ ÒcurvyÓ Òfull figuredÓ etc. Taking away the ÒplusÓ is taking away the cha nce for some of us to proudly claim part of our identities. I tell you this to give you insight into the cultural moment that this dissertation comes from Ñbut also to point out right away in the start of this project, that words matter. The power of langua ge has been discussed extensively in rhetoric and composition. For example, scholars have worked to advocate for studentsÕ right to their own language (Smitherman, Elbow, Gilyard), discussed grammar and style instruction (Anson, Bishop, Glenn), and taken up what it means to work with culture in the writing classroom (Cushman, Flower, Heath, Lu). While rhetoric and composition has a history of discussing language, one place where the discipline has been lacking is in relation to talking about bodies. I say this, and things immediately come to my mind that, at first, seem contradictory to this statementÑmedical rhetorics (Jordan, the editors of Body Talk ), visual rhetorics (Pajaczkowska, Hill and Helmers, Kress and Van Leeuwen). Both of these examples take up areas of rhetorical study that often B!!engage bodies. But, it often becomes the case that bodies are talked about (for example, the body as an image to be seen, or the body as medical subject) instead of being talked to. But I want to make the distinction between how rhetoric and composition talks about bodies, and how it talks about bodies as people. The first, the discipline does fairly well; the second needs work. I believe that rhetoric and composition has a lot of the tools it needs to be able to talk about bodies as peopleÑand my hope is that this dissertation expands on those tools. As I mentioned earlier, this dissertation builds and employs a body positive approach to rhetorically analyzing bodies. Let me break that down. I want to start with the end of that sentence: what does it mean to rhetorically analyze bodies? IÕve already shown you a glimpse into the current conversation in rhetoric and composition. I would like to add to this conversations from decolonial, feminist, and queer theories to creat e a body positive methodology. This Òbringing togetherÓ is part of what Halberstam calls a Òscavenger methodology.Ó Halberstam explains that this approach Òuses different methods to collect and produce information on subjects who have been deliberately or accidentally excluded from traditional studies of human behaviorÓ which Òattempts to combine methods that are often cast as being at odds with each other, and it refuses the academic compulsion toward disciplinary coherenceÓ (Female Masculinities, 13). Part of the risk in using a scavenger methodology is that none of the parts get represented ÒenoughÓ ÑI will do my best to indicate places where I have only skimmed the surface of an argument or area of study, and try to bring them all together in my final cha pter. I would now like to address the first part of my statement: ÒThe goal of this dissertation is to build and employ a body positive approach to rhetorically analyzing bodiesÓ. What does it C!!mean to be Òbody positiveÓ? In her 2014 article titled ÒToward a Radical Body Positive,Ó Alexandra Sastre paints a bleak academic picture, Òthere is no current scholarship specifically investigating the body positive movementÓ (931). Indeed, in my own search I found only her article, and a masterÕs thesis about body positivity on Tumblr. However, Òbody acceptanceÓ is talked in academic circles, mostly in reference to eating disorders and recovery (Svaldi and Naumann, Stewart, Schoenefeld and Webb, McKing). I think part of this lack of scholarship is because Òbody posit ivityÓ isnÕt a set thing ÑitÕs defined differently by different groups at different times. In order to establish my own working definition of body positivity, I offer what I see as articulations of this idea in three of the community spaces that I work in: 1. ÒThe Body is Not an Apology Ó This website, started by Sonya Taylor, uses the term Òradical self-loveÓ in its mission to be (what I think is ultimately) body positive. The website states that We believe that self-love is the root or origin of our relations hip to ourselvesÉwe believe that we need an extreme form of self-love to counter the constant barrage of shame, discrimination, and body terrorism that are enacted against us every single day. We believe that our society needs a drastic political, economic , and social reformation in the way in which we deal with bodies and body difference. We believe that radical self-love is the foundation for radical human love. TBINAA values intersectionality and has sections of its site dedicated to dis/ability, D!!age, race, and sexuality. 2. ÒVirgie TovarÓ Virgie Tovar is an activist and lecturer on fat discrimination and body image. Her blog features links to resources and interviews. One interview speaks to a rather explicit discussion of what it means to practice body positivit y3. In this interview with TaMeicka Clear, a self identified Òbig bodied Black dyke from Texas,Ó Clear explains what it means to be a body positive advocate: [It] is kind of like a mix of spiritual and life coaching with an emphasis on your relation ship to your body. It involves getting honest and ok with your current relationship to your body and improving upon that in ways that feel good, loving, empowering, and liberating. Love of self is similar to love of anyone else. It is very important to hav e acceptance, communication, trust, and honesty at the foundationÉThis kind of work allows you to stand in your power, for deep, sincere self acceptance and love are powerful beyond measureÉSocial issues are not just issues to be discussed and theorized about. They are everyday life and not separate from the life of those affected by social inequality, systemic oppression, and inaccessibility. This discussion emphasizes being present and in the moment with self acceptance and love and with understanding how everyday life is connected to social systems of power. 3. ÒFuck Yeah Body Positivity Ó !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@!4+-!&"'()''"5,!"'!",!*+-!(5,*-:*!5;!E=5&?!.5'"*"#-!(50(+",6-!*5!,5*-!*+0*!*+"'!&"''-1*0*"5,!7"99!("1(9-!=0(>!0,&!;5()'!5,!'"J-!0'! *+-!80",!"&-,*"*?!(0*-651?!5;!*+-!.01*"(".0,*'!"'!751>",6!7"*+!8)9*".9-!"&-,*"*?!(0*-651"-'!0*!5,(-3!",!*+"'!&"''-1*0*"5,!%!+0#-!*1"-&!8?! =-'*!*5!9-*!*+-!.01*"(".0,*'!'.-0>!",!*+-"1!57,!70?!0=5)*!+57!*+-"1!"&-,*"*"-'!01-!(58.9-:!0,&! 0970?'!",!;9): 3!!$$!!dissertation, a methodological approach to reading bodies rhetori cally through what I call Òethical reading 6.Ó!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!C!%!7"99!&"'()''!*+"'!0*!9-,6*+!",!/+0.*-1!23! !$2!!CHAPTER 2: SITUATING BODY POSITIVITY Introduction Chapter 1 introduced the purpose of this dissertation: Òto create and employ a body positive rhetorical methodology with a focus on self identified fat fashi on bloggers and their dress practices.Ó If body positivity is Òpremised on a critical and conscientious engagement with the ways we are expected to understand, perform, and be our bodiesÓ (Sastre 941), then I want to take time in this chapter to explain my own orientation and positionality in regards to this work. I see this move as part of a body positive methodology; me telling you my story is a way that I help you to participate in what I call Òethical reading.Ó In this chapter I will first explain what I mean by Òethical reading.Ó Next, I will further situate this projectÕs focus on size as an embodied orientation in the context of body positivity and end with theorizing the experiences that led me to become a body positive activist through story. Ethic al Reading Contemporary western popular culture is saturated with practices of reading bodies. By ÒreadingÓ I mean visually looking at a person and drawing conclusions about them based on their appearance. Making snap judgments about people based on their appearance is something that all humans with sight do naturally Ñand it is usually done without being aware that it is happening. It is how we process the world (Mitchell, Elkins, Hall). Consumer popular culture $@!!thrives on this practice, though, usually in order to discipline bodies. For example, television shows like The Fashion Police are focused around critiquing the appearance of celebrities. The show is self- aware of the fact that they are critiquingÑby calling themselves the ÒpoliceÓ of fashionable dress, the hosts act as the arbiters of ÒrightÓ and ÒwrongÓ dress practices. On a more ÒeverydayÓ level, shows like the (now canceled) What Not to Wear also positions itself as a judge of what ÒeverydayÓ people should wearÑboth personally and professionally . Lifestyle shows like these are, admittedly, a little mean, but viewers seem to enjoy them and they are immensely popular. Martin Roberts, the author of ÒThe Fashion Police: Governing the Self in What Not to Wear,Ó explains that, Lifestyle television tran sforms consumption into a form of citizenship, a duty that we are all, as responsible citizens, required to perform for the general good. CorrespondinglyÉa sizable proportion of lifestyle television is devoted to the stigmatization of those who are laggard ly or recalcitrant in their fulfillment of this duty and, through a combination of public shaming and financial incentives, to inducing them to become fully participant, consuming subjects in the neoliberal economy. (228) Clearly, there are differences bet ween the two examples of shows that I have discussed: in one case, celebrities, who are often the product of a team of stylists, are scrutinized while the other show focuses on non-celebrities who are nominated in secret by close friends and family for the ir ÒinappropriateÓ appearance. The underlying act of the viewer, though, is the same: the television viewer is invited to look at the subject of the show (a celebrity or frumpy looking "normal person) and find fault. We are invited to critique and to expre ss pleasure in the transformations of the people (in the case of What Not to Wear ) or the un/acceptably dressed $A!!bodies (in The Fashion Police), thus creating Òfully participant, consuming subjects in the neoliberal economyÓ (Roberts). While this act of judging, or Òpeople watchingÓ has had (and continues to have) success on cable TV, the majority of these types of shows deal with people who are either very wealthy (in the case of The Fashion Police) or middle class (What Not to Wear ). To be clear: this act of judging bodies cuts across socioeconomic status; all bodies are potential sites of public rhetoric. Popular sites like PeopleofWalmart.com focus on people who shop at the discount chain store, often associated with a low socio-economic status. People of Walmart (PoW) is based on the idea that people who shop at Walmart stores, known for their discounted prices, are often odd looking. While the website requires that all pictures are submitted with the consent of the people being photographed, often the images are taken from discreet angles or leave the personÕs face out of the pictureÑthe intended use of the image is to display someone or something that isnÕt ÒnormalÓ. In the FAQ, the website explains that, ÒIf you think the person would be classified as Ôa Walmart shopperÕ then chances are good it works. Funny looking people, crazy outfits, the creepiest of the creepy, and the ugliest of the ugly will do.Ó While the website asks for consent, I think it is unlikely that the majority of people featured on the site know that they have been photographed. The fact that there is a ÒtypeÓ and that that type is Òfunny looking ,Ó ÒcreepyÓ and ÒuglyÓ shows that it promotes images of bodies to be ridiculed, similar to what Roberts describes as Òthe stigmatization of those who are laggardly or recalcitrant in their fulfillment of [their] dutyÓ to look a certain way (228). Clearly, critiquing bodies cuts across class. The practice of reacting/judging based on appearance is something that I call Òunethical readingÓ. To fur ther explain the theory behind the notion of reading bodies un/ethically, I will draw on the work of dress studies scholarship, which $B!!reveals how body modifications are tied to culture, and rhetorical theory around material rhetorics and queer phenomenolog y. The idea that a body can be read is rooted in dress studies scholarship. According to Joanne Eicher, dress 7 is a uniquely human practice that includes Òactions undertaken to modify and supplement the body in order to address physical needs in order to meet social and cultural expectations about how individuals should lookÓ (4). This definition of dress extends the practices it encompasses to include any body modification or supplement, including actions that effect all five senses and range from clothing choices, to washing hair, to putting on or taking off body fat. EicherÕs definition of dress ties dress practices to culture and assumes that culture carries expectations for its participants and that people will care about these expectations and (because they will feel the pressure) will try to adhere to them. In the examples noted above of popular cultureÕs reading of bodies, it can be argued that what is really being looked at/critiqued/judged are dress practicesÑthe hair, clothes, body fat, make up, piercings, etc.Ñnot the actual person (or the personÕs individual reasons for making the dress choices that they did). This difference is usually glossed over, though, in a moment of judgment. If dress practices carry meaning in a society made up of other people who participate in culture, then dress becomes something that can be examined as rhetorical action. Examining dress as rhetorical action provides an opportunity to see how bodies are constituted through ideology and potential moments of tactics and manipulations of this discourse. In order to examine dress practices as rhetorical action, I will introduce the work of Barbra Dickson and her definition of material rhetoric, and put this into conversation with Sara AhmedÕs notion of embodiment in the conte xt !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!D!%!70,*!*5!80>-!*+-!&"'*",(*"5,!=-*7--,!E&1-''E!0,&!E&1-''!.10(*"(-'3E!4+-!"&-0!5;!E&1-''! .10(*"(-'E!"'!",+-1-,*9?!1+-*51"(09!*5! *+-!1+-*51"(09!0(*!5;!.-1;518",6!&1-''!M7+"(+!%!&"'()''!;)1*+-1!",!/+0.*-1!BN3 !$C!!of queer phenomenology. Dickson and Ahmed both talk about how objects have meaning, but in different ways. For Dickson, material rhetoric is Òa mode of interpretation that takes as its object of study the significations of material things and corporal entitiesÑobjects that signify not through language but through their spatial organization, mobility, mass, utility, orality, and tactilityÓ (298). She goes on to say that ÒÉof primary interest to material rhetoric are material objects that represent the human body, because of the way these representations are then taken up by and inscribed on corporal bodiesÓ (298). Dickson is interested in the ways that objects that Òrepresent the human bodyÓ as well as the human body itself makes meaning. In the case of dress practices, the objects that are used for body modifications such as make up, deodorant, clothing, etc. Òrepresent the human bodyÓ and the whole body itself is also an object that can be seen rhetorically. Dickson goes on to state that, Material rhetori c, as a mode of interpretation, reads for the ways persons inscribe on their corporal bodies the culture that produces them and that they mutually produce. It seeks invention in the improvisations of the bodily writings; agency, in the ways these improvisa tions resist hegemonic structurings of the body and so change the relationships between these corporal bodies and the structures they inhabit. (298) Ahmed also talks about objects and orientation. She states that, Òthe object is not just material, although it is material: the object is matter given some form or another where the form ÔintendsÕ toward somethingÉyet objects do not only do what we intend them to doÓ (46-47). In the case of dress practices, this could mean that there are multiple ways to read. To further $D!!explain what I mean, I will use an example of a weight loss advertisement in order to show how the body fat of the model pictured in the advertisement can be read in multiple ways. In March of 2014, the advertisement in Figure 1 was circulating arou nd Facebook. Figure 1: Rachele's picture in a Facebook advertisement $F!!Advertisements like this are very popular and very successful in contemporary consumer popular culture; adults in the United States spend more than $30 billion each year on weight loss related products and services (Cleland et al. ). At first glance, this ad might not seem like anything out of the ordinary: it shows a young, fat, white woman wearing a two-piece swimsuit that displays her stomach and upper body. She is smirking in the pictureÑwhich, taken with the text which states "CUT down your body FAT!Ó can make it seem like she knows her body needs to change. The message is that the woman in the photo is undesirable, and that if the reader wants to not look like her, they should buy the diet product. In a society where making assumptions about bodies based on appearance is a common practice, there are multiple conclusions that we could draw from this advertisement: that the woman in the photo is unhappy with her body, that she thinks she looks ridiculous, and that she knows that she is being used as a ÒbeforeÓ photo. This would be an example of unethical reading: reading the picture of a body without knowing anything about the person in it. This advertise ment is especially important because the girl in the photo isnÕt a ÒbeforeÓ picture: sheÕs a person. Her name is Rachele, and her picture was used without her consent. Rachele explains that she found out about the photo when ÒA coworker I barely know, came up to me in my cubicle and said that she saw me on FacebookÉIt was a terrible, crawl in a hole feeling and I realized that this ad is everywhere and being seen by lots and lots of peopleÓ (165). An image of this womanÕs body was used to convey a message about acceptable body size. RacheleÕs picture wasnÕt just used without her consent, thoughÑit was taken out of its original context, which was a post about body positivity on her blog, ÒThe Nearsighted OwlÓ. In a blog post Rachele explains that, ÒI took my body and put it on a beach and voila! Beach body! Wearing a bikini as a fat woman is an act of rebellion. I felt glorious and glamorous all at the $G!!same time. I wore my stretch marks as ribbons of honor and let the sun kiss my lumpy thighs and arms without a care in the worldÓ (156). Rachele is a fat activist, and her message of body acceptance is completely at odds with the message of the advertisement. Again, on her blog she reflects on her reaction to the advertisement: This disgusting, terrible fucking diet company is making money off my bodyÉFacebook is making money off my body. The body I photographed in a bikini that I feel good about and posted on the internet to encourage other women. They used it to show women what they shouldn't look like and avoid at all financial and health costs. They used my over the sunglasses expression to say, "Hey, don't be a fat fuck like me!" which was really supposed to say, "I am a fat confident lady that feels awesome in this bikini.Ó (165) As this example shows, Rachel eÕs dress practicesÑbeing fat, wearing a bikini, wearing glasses, and wearing a smirkÑare all material objects that can be ÒreadÓ in multiple ways. These competing ways, in this case as a message that her body is unacceptable or as an act of resistance to a body shaming culture, are all part of a larger colonial matrix of power (Mignolo). The goal of ethical reading isnÕt to stop reading, but to provide a moment of catchingÑa moment of what Mignolo calls ÒdelinkingÓ. Ethical reading is keeping present in oneÕs mind that the people that we come into contact with each day are more than their appearanceÑthey are people with experiences and embodied orientations to the world that we simply canÕt ÒreadÓ just by looking at them. While there are many identity categories that can be ÒreadÓ (including age, gender, race, etc.), this dissertation is especially interested in size as an embodied orientation in service of a 2H!!body positive methodology. It is important to note that all of these identity categories always alre ady intersect; while other approaches (queer rhetorics, cultural rhetorics, decolonial rhetorics, disability rhetorics) do similar work, a Òfat rhetorics 8Ó is different because it brings attention to body size as a specific identity category, and raises issues that are size specific (certain types of discrimination, medical care, fashion, perceived intelligence, etc.). Fat people are commonly seen as unattractive, or worse: as fundamentally ÒbadÓ people. Citing Puhl and Brownell, Lonie McMichael explains th at, Ònegative stereotypes include perceptions that obese people are mean, stupid, ugly, unhappy, less competent, sloppy, lazy, socially isolated, and lacking in self-discipline, motivations, and personal controlÓ (340). Marilyn Wann offers some frightening statistics about fat -related discrimination, including discrimination in the workplace, doctorÕs office, socially, and while looking for housing. She states that, Ôeven doctors and researchers who specialize in ÒobesityÓ harbor stereotypes of fat people as lazy, stupid, and worthlessÕ (2009, 464-5). At the same time, size is typically seen as something that is an individualÕs fault Ñreinforcing the idea that fat people are lazy, too poor to afford ÒhealthyÓ food, and/or not educated enough to know how to take care of their bodies. In the context of ethical reading, fat bodies are often read unethically, both in the instance of institutions and people on the street. This dissertation interrupts this way of thinkingÑthis way of unethically reading bodies based on appearance, especially with a focus on sizeÑby exploring different ways that self- identified fat women embody their orientations to fat. Approaching bodies and appearance this way means asking people who might otherwise be treated like Rachele to expl ain who they are and why they choose to look like they do; clearly, this isnÕt something that you can do with just anyone. If you donÕt have the chance to ask someone about their dress practices (in a kind way) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!F!O970?'!",!'-1#"(-!5;!0!=5&?!.5'"*"#-!8-*+5&5956? !2$!!then you should reserve judgment about that personÕs intelligence, personality, income, etc. Fat rhetorics takes up the idea that size can be an embodied orientation; there is no one way to Òbe fatÓ, as I will show in this dissertation. Instead, fat rhetorics is purposefully plural. Fat Rhetorics: Building a Body Positive Meth odology I would like to take a moment to explain what I mean whe n I say that fat is an embodied orientation. In Queer Phenomenology, Ahmed describes orientation as the way an ideology gets perpetuated until it seems ÒnormalÓ or Òthe way things have always beenÓ by discussing the phrase Òa path well troddenÓ. She explains that, A path is made by the repetition of the event of the ground Ôbeing troddenÕ upon. We can see the path as a trace of past journeys. The path is made out of footprints Ñtraces of feet that ÔtreadÕ and that in ÔtreadingÕ create a line on the ground. When people stop treading the path may disappear. And when we see the line of the path before us, we tend to walk upon it, as a path ÔclearsÕ the way. So we walk on the path as it is before us, but it is only before us as an effect of being walked uponÉLines are both created by being followed and are followed by being created. (16, emphasis added) This means that ÒorientationsÓ are simply a positionÑand the lines are the result of practice (similar to how power is dispersed according to Foucault) and there is no inherent moral value to Òthe way things areÓ. In fact, according to Michael Warner, Òculture requires common references and normsÓ (7), and Gloria Anzaldua explains that, Òculture is made by those in powerÓ (38). Ahmed explains that orientation is dependent on Òthe bodily inhabitance of that spaceÓ (6), similar to the idea of perspective, but which is also concerned with the materiality of 22!!the lived existence of the body. In the case of body size, there is a dominant orientation toward ÒthinÓ as acceptableÑwhich often gets conflated with discourses about health. This orientation toward health is a powerful one in contemporary western consumer culture. Who, thou gh, is really the ÒexpertÓ of acceptable body size? As fat activist Marilyn Wann points out, there are many ÒexpertsÓ: In the United States, any number of self-appointed authorities are eager to designate who is fat and who is not. The federal government, health insurers, medical doctors, school nurses, popular media, advertising, the fashion industry, strangers, acquaintances, friends, family members, romantic partners, and, of course, the bathroom scaleÑeach alleged authority draws its own line between fat and thin, does so at different weights, and may redraw the line at any time. (301) There are many orientating ÒlinesÓ hereÑand they all form the same path toward acceptable bodies being thin and unacceptable bodies being large. Ultimately, the fat body is both produced and abnegated through capitalism (Lebesco 6). These external forces are not all exactly the same in the orientating lines that they create, but the overall repetition of the idea that thin is good and fat is bad creates a dominant ideology. Ahmed would call these external forces ÒinstitutionsÓ, which Òbecome given as an effect of the repetition of decisions made over timeÓ (133). Ahmed further explains that, Òthe body provides us with a perspective: the body is ÔhereÕ as a point from which we begin, and from which the world unfolds, as being both more and less over there. The ÔhereÕ of the body does not simply refer to the body, but to ÔwhereÕ the body dwellsÓ (8). This idea of the ÒwhereÓ is a critical part of embodiment: similar to standpoi nt theory 2@!!(Hill Collins, Smith) and feminist notions of positionality (Alcoff, Gunn Allen), it means that everyone sees the world from their own set of complicated perspectives. This is also why it is important to acknowledge oneÕs biases/position when rea ding bodies in order to do it ethically. So, fat as an embodied orientation means that one can Òbe fatÓ as a conscious, ontological choice. This requires Òcoming outÓ or self-identifying as fat. Sedgwick refers to this as the Òcloset of sizeÓ and fat studi es scholars have investigated the intersections of fat and queer identity in relation to the notion of Òcoming outÓ (Saguy and Ward, Gurrieri and Cherrier). The term ÒfatÓ has been something that fat activists who are ÒoutÓ have worked to Òtake back.Ó As Marilyn Wann explains, In fat studies, there is respect for the political project of reclaiming the word fat Éas the preferred term of political identity. There is nothing negative or rude about the word fat unless someone makes the effort to put it there; using the word fat as a descriptor (not a discriminator) can help dispel prejudice. (Kindle location 255) As I mentioned earlier, there isnÕt just one way to be orientated toward fat as an embodied subjectivity; many people find themselves somewhere between resisting/rejecting Òbeing fatÓ and fully embracing body acceptanceÑsometimes at the same time. In what follows, I will explain how ethical reading and fat rhetorics work by focusing on the story of how I came to this project. This story encompasses parts of all three turns that lead to embodying fat as an orientation: 1. recognizing external forces that make meaning, 2. internalizing these forces, and 3. reacting to dis/orientation. 2A!! Part I: External Forces & Orientating Lines In this section I first want to explain how, in my own life, I came to see fat as a bad thing. It is important to note that fat, as a substance, is neutralÑitÕs neither good nor bad. Different cultures at different times assign it different meanings/values, though, especially in relation to where it exists on a body. In this section I will talk first about how Òexternal forcesÓ or orientation create meaning by drawing on the work of Sara AhmedÕs Queer Phenomenology and then discuss what this means for embodiment. I will end this section by giving examples of how orientations are created and maintained by telling part of my story about how I came to embody fat as an orientation. My story starts in 2001, when I started dating my now ex-husband. From the beginning, having a Òhot wifeÓ who ÒwasnÕt fatÓ was critically important to him. I remember him telling me that if I ever gained enough weight to be more than 200 pounds, he wouldnÕt love me anymore. I remember laughing at him Ñcould anyone really be that shallow? We were young, and we were building our own ideasÑour own orientating lines together about acceptable bodies, gender, and beauty. According to Ahmed, we were creating ÒlinesÓ and our resulting orientations were simply a positionÑthere was no inherent moral value, although we associated it with ÒrightnessÓ; for my ex and I, thin equaled beautiful for women. Even though this was what he preferred (his orientation toward beauty), I remember thinking that, for me, the worst thing a woman could be was uglyÑnot necessarily fat. For example, he had cousins who were large. He was mortified by them, and didnÕt like to be seen in public with themÑbut I remember thinking that they were beautiful because they always looked really Òput togetherÓÑthey had really nice hair, flattering makeup, and trend y clothes. Even at 2B!!this early stage in our relationship, we had two different orientating lines; this was a place where our ideology fissured and eventually became something that drove us apart. One of our hobbies as a young couple was people watchingÑpeople judging, really. We liked websites like peopleofwalmart.com and while out in public together would point out people that we thought were particularly ugly: people who were fat, people who were wearing outdated clothes, people who didnÕt conform to the beauty norms that we subscribed to. ÒCheck out that ug-o,9" we would say to each other. Then, together, we would cringe. It was how we bonded. These judgments were based on quick glances at strangersÕ bodies: we didnÕt know who they were, what their stories were, and how their bodies had changed over time. We didnÕt know how much they weighed. We didnÕt know how they felt about their appearance. But we would judge anyway. We were experiencing our orientation toward acceptable bodies from our own bodies. Ahme d explains that orientation is dependent on Òthe bodily inhabitance of that spaceÓ (6), similar to the idea of perspective, but which is also concerned with the materiality of the lived existence of the body. For example, my ex and I were ÒthinÓ, and had always been relatively thin. We were people who (tried to) monitor what we ate and were physically activeÑfor the purpose of looking ÒattractiveÓ. This was how our bodies Òinhabited spaceÓ (Ahmed). In the specific context of size, this means that when you see a fat body, you realize that you donÕt know how healthy they are, or how happy, or how intelligent. The only thing you can know by looking at a fat body is how prejudiced you are towards people of size. We, or at least I, experienced embodiment as a !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!G!4+"'!70'!5)1!*-18!;51!0,!-:(-.*"5,099 ?!)69?!.-1'5,3!L15,5),(-&!E)6+ P53E!2C!!wom an with a body that was unstableÑthat was always on the verge of getting too big or too hairy or too smelly. Looking at bodies of people who had Òlet themselves goÓ was a way for us to remind ourselves of what we didnÕt want to becomeÑbecause on some level , we were always afraid that we would end up being the bodies we were disgusted by. Imagine the horror I brought to our relationship when I did just that: I got fat. Part II: Internal Forces & Dis/Orientations The second part to embodying fat happens by internalizing the dominant orientation. A person has to believe that they are fat to really be/embody ÒfatÓ which requires self-identification. Other people might see them a certain way, but if they themselves donÕt acknowledge it, then they donÕt embody it. In chapter 4, I will show multiple ways of embodying fat through interviews of fat fashion bloggers. In this section, however, I will discuss how I came to acknowledge that I was fat, and move on to talk about how I reacted to thatÑthrough both reluctant embodiment and ultimately acceptance. There were many reasons why I didnÕt stay thin. There is probably a strong genetic component (most of my extended family are short and round), hormones as my body went from being 17 to 27 and my metabolism changed, and an emotionally abusive relationship, from which I found solace in food. Over the course of our relationship I gained almost 100 pounds. I was always aware of my sizeÑeven when my ex and I met in high school. At the time I was 135 pounds, and I remember my ex telling me that if lost 10 pounds I could be a porn star. The first time he saw me naked he almost cried. My body was a prizeÑit was something that he, a chubby military brat with a mustache and poor social skillsÑdidnÕt think he would ever be able to have. 2D!!This sense of possession permeated our relationship. I never lost the ten pounds. I didnÕt think Òlooking like a porn starÓ was a compliment. I remember that he took me to the store SpenserÕs at the mall in the town where we lived and made me look at all the dirty cards and sex toysÑI hated it and never wanted to go. I had been raised very conservat ively, and while part of me liked that he was the opposite of everything my parents wanted for me in a partner, another part of me was never really comfor table with him. I never lost the ten pounds. Instead, when we got married three years later, I was 150Ñtoo big, according to him, but still Òsort of prettyÓ. The warning about Òwanting a thin wifeÓ and the idea that Òno woman over 200 pounds could be prett yÓ stayed in my head, but it didnÕt stop me from slowly gaining a substantial amount of weight. A few years later I was 215 and we almost got divorcedÑthe first time. During this timeÑthe time from 150 pounds to 215Ñwe still judged the bodies of strangers. We actually did it more than we had when I was 135. The difference is that when we looked at other peopleÕs bodies there was always a sharp moment of internalization for meÑsometimes subtle and sometimes overt. For example, sometimes he would look at me with a sidelong glance, a subtle message of ÒdonÕt you dare get like thatÓ. Other times, if a girl who was attractive (meaning: short, brunette, and thin with big boobs) walked by, my ex would often turn to me and say ÒI would totally have sex with her;Ó this was almost always followed by him trying to ameliorate the situation by saying to me: Òwell, you could look like that if you tried.Ó What had started as a lack of concern for the person inhabiting the body we were critiquing opened space for us to turn this against each other. Realizing that I wasnÕt Òthe hot girlÓ anymore was a moment of what Ahmed would call ÒdisorientationÓ. Ahmed describes disorientation as Òbodily experiences that throw the world up, or throw the body from its ground. 2F!!Disorientation as a bodily feeling can be unsettling, and it can shatter oneÕs sense of confidence in the ground or oneÕs belief that the ground on which we reside can support the actions that take a life feel livableÓ (157). The disorientation was especially sharp, bec ause I thought that I was still prettyÑI always tried to look Òput togetherÓ. I started reading ÒWhat I Wore TodayÓ (WIWT) blogs Ñspaces online where women posted their daily outfits, discussed their everyday lives, and often included information about wher e to purchase the clothing that they were wearing. All of the people that I followed were thin, white, and young. I was basically looking for people who would help reinforce the beauty ideal that my ex and I clung to. I was looking for fitspiratio n10. I was looking for ways to dress thin. Ultimately, shame was the way that I came to reluctantly embody being fat. My ex told me that he was embarrassed by how big I was and that he didnÕt want to bring me along when we hung out with his friends Ñall of whom, according to him, had Òhot wivesÓ. At one point, toward the end of our relationship, I asked him: what if IÕm never able to be Òhigh school sizeÓ again?Ó and he said: ¥ J: then thats you not loving me and theres nothing i can do about it. if u trully loved me you would put everything you had into it. if you still dont get there at least i know you tried and thats good enough for me. up until now you've never tried so dont know what your capable of. idk if it can be "fixed" but i know how to better handle it ¥ K: which is for me to get skinny? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!$H!Q"*'."10*"5,",6!=5&"-'",6!5)*-!*+-83!R58-*"8-'!;0*!=5&"-'!01-!)'-&!*5!-,(5)106-! E;"*."'10*"5,E!=?!'+57",6!E=-;51-E!.+5*5'!" ,!*+-!(5,*-:*!5;!7-"6+*!95''!E=-;51-!0,&!0;*-1E! "806-'3 !2G!! ¥ J: yeah ¥ K: and if i never do? ¥ J: i dont know. i guess you cant ever expect me to be completely happy then ¥ K: would you ever leave me? ¥ J: youd have to get pretty fat, and by that point there be something a lot worse wrong with us Part III: Reaction & Embodiment The reaction to the internalization of external forces, for me, happened in two parts. In the first stage I was resistant to Òbeing fatÓ and, for years, pretended to do everything I could to change it. I had a series of personal trainers and counted every calorie that I put into my body. I joined Weight Watchers, and then Jenny Craig. I read WomenÕs Health. I hated myself. I also kept eating in secret. I remember one time when he was supposed to be gone for a weekend. I ordered my favorite kind of pizza ÑPapa MurphyÕs Chicago style with the delicious two layers of dough. I have always loved carbs. I remember that I had left it on the stove after I took it out of the oven. It was a Saturday. I had planned to eat it over the weekend, and relish the experience. My ex came home unexpectedly, though, and when he saw the pizza he got really upset. ÒI thought you loved me,Ó he told me. We both knew how he wanted my body to be, and he found it disrespectful that I would do somet hing like that when I knew how important my weight loss was to him. I threw away the pizza and he left. I kept binge eating, though, often in secret. I felt intense shame, especially when my ex would ask my why I wasnÕt willing to lose weight for him. He would say, ÒcanÕt you just do this one thing for me?Ó @H!!The way that I approached Òbeing fatÓ changed when we finally divorced. As a last chance effort to save our marriage, I successfully lost 40 pounds in 6 months; our relationship still ended, though. I stopped dieting and counting calories. I also stopped exercisingÑmovement wasnÕt joyful for me. Around this time, I took a course in queer rhetorics and started acquiring a critical vocabulary for understanding ÒfatÓ as an (often marginalized) orientation. I read Halberstam, Rhodes, Jagose, and found Sonya Taylor; I started to wonder what would happen if I stopped resisting my bodyÑmy body that is naturally short, soft, and very round in places. With the start of this reorientation I began looking for other p eople like me; I stopped following the WIWT bloggers who were thin, and started looking for blogs from people who looked like me: fat fashion bloggers. And thatÕs one of those moments when everything changed. Suddenly, I had found women who werenÕt thin, but that I thought were beautiful: they were the mythical creatures, the Òunicorns,Ó that I had told my ex existed. I found a community of people who helped me learn how to fully embody my size. Their daily posts functioned as instruction manuals that helpe d me see how my fat body might continue to be styled in a way that (I found) attractive. The community that I found gave me more than clothing tips, though: it also gave me body positive inspiration and tips for dealing with trolls (both online and in the physical world). There was an undercurrent of activism in this community, and I found a place where I felt like I could let out my breathÑand embrace my anger. I started posting my own pictures to Facebook and eventually Instagram and Tumblr. Clothing beca me a way that I could take ownership of my body and feel pride in both my body and myself. I made sure that I wore clothes that I likedÑ not things that my ex partner had said were okay, or even that society said @$!!my fat body should wear. I lived in legging s. I wore shorts. I even (occasionally) showe d my bare arms. I felt like I was embodying resistance in a way that came naturally. I started to wonder if the other bloggers felt this way too -- did other fat girls go through shitty relationships first? Were they born this confident? What else could they teach me? How could I help support them? I want to take a moment here and say something: I am incredibly fortunate to have a (paying) outlet for answering the questions that I feel personally driven to answerÑthis is the work that I canÕt not do. Part of the joy in finding the unicorns was realizing that I wasnÕt the only person who has decided to make the most out of being fully in the body that I have at this momentÑi.e., fully embodying Òbeing fatÓ. This sense of community was something that I was thirsty for, and as a result, felt compelled to get to know the people who were critical in my reorientation: sharing pictures of your fat body online is intimate, but at times it also feels isolating. There is no person-to-person contactÑsometimes there is no direct dialogue. This research project is driven by the desire to talk with other people who have had similar experiences. My central research question, then, is11 to know: ¥ How did the bloggers come to be (self identified) fat fashion bloggers? Since I am a trained cultural rhetorician studying dress practices, I also wonder ¥ How do fat fashion bloggers make meaning through their dress practices in ways that are rhetorical, material, and embodied? ¥ How does looking at size as an embodied orientation work towards building a body positive methodology? These questions are important to me for personal reasons (as IÕve mentioned above) and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!$$!4+-!#-1=!*-,'-!",!*+-'-!*+1--!=)99-*'!"'!",*-,*"5,099?!.1-'-,*!*-,'- S%!'*"99!75,&-1!*+-'-! *+",6'3!4+"'!&"''-1*0*"5,!"'!,5*!0! !"#$% !0,'7-1--.",6!7"*+!5109!+"'*51?!8-*+5&' 3!@G!!(for example, one of the bloggers, Mary, listed Òpersonal stylistÓ as her profession, so I asked her about that in the interview) . During the interviews I asked questions from the list15 I sent ahead of time, but let the conversation just naturally happenÑwe jumped around. The interviews were conducted using Skype plus Call Recorder, which captures both audio and video. I took notes on a piece of paper while we were talking and marked times in the conversation that there is something really interestingÑsomething I thought might be a good quote or topic to write more about. After the interviews, most of which were about an hour long, I would sit down and free write about what had happened. I summarized the main/interesting/surprising points of the interview and started to put this into conversation with previous interviews. I then sat down with my handwritten notes from the interview and typed them up, using the times as references, and started to put them into categories based on the similar answers. During this coding 16, I realized that each blogger would have different categories (at least initially) and kept myself open to seeing what arose fro m all the participantsÕ interviews. Because conducting interviews where the participants can express themselves through sound and image (meaning, they can use their bodies as a way to convey their answers) is so central to my methodology, I am including ac cess to the audio and video from the interviews in this dissertation whenever possible. For all of the participant text I have included the start times of the video clips. When you see a quote with a time stamp, I encourage you to go to the video and watch the blogger tell her stor y17. Right now, this is a rather cumbersome way to watch the !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!$B!O#0"90=9-!",!O..-,&":!%%3 !$C!4+"'!*?.-!5;!&0 *0!0,09?'"'!"'!615),&-&!*+-51?3 !$D!4+-!;)99!5,!"*U!*+-!&5()8-,* !8)'*!=-!0!3&5(!51!3&5(:!;"9-3! !2H!4+-1-!"'!09'5!*+-!"'')-!5;!+57!*+"'!7"99!=-!0!1-0&0=9-!&5()8-,*!;5 1!*+-!),"#-1'"*?3 !A$!! PART III: BLOGGER PROFILES Lolly: Lolly Likes Fatshion !Figure 2: Lolly Likes Fatshion Websi te Image Lolly is a blogger from the UK. She is stay at home mom in her 30s. On her blog she lists her occupation as Òplus sized modelÓ and self identifies as a Òrad fattyÓ and is a member of a vibrant rad fat community in the UK. Lolly has been blogging since March 2012 and uses hashtags to track her posts including ÒradfatÓ and Òplus sizeÓ (two of the most popular). On her blog, she goes beyond Òwhat I wore todayÓ posts and has nude photos, and the results of a 3D body scan. On the sidebar of her blog is the hashtag #effyourhealthstandards. Lolly discussed her signature style, saying that, ÒI tend to like more retro, girlie thingsÓ which you can see in her favorite outfit, a poppy dress. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vh8_gAPkNG4 ) ÒI think itÕs from Simply BeÉwhich I blogged twice, I think. I wore it at Christmas and I wore it a few months before thatÉI wouldnÕt say itÕs too fancy to wear every day. I just think that itÕs so nice that I donÕt want to wreck it by wearing it all the time (laughter)Ó. While LollyÕs self-described style is ÒgirlieÓ, she makes a point to not wear things because they are flattering. I had been following LollyÕs blog for a few months prior to our interview. A2!!Mary: MaryÕs Big Closet !Figure 3: Screenshot from Mary's Big Closet Mary is a manager for the Special Olympics in Portugal. She currently lives in Lisbon, and writes her blog in both Portuguese and English to reach a large audience 21. She has been blogging since December of 2012. Mary described herself as Òa kind of casual chic personÓ who gets her inspiration from Òfashion blogs and magazinesÉalso, I like to just sit down on the street, in the cafe and look to people, you know, just see them walking by and I got my ideas from themÓ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FujuT53nE4 , 11:35). Mary loves accessories and her favorite outfit is always the most recent thing sheÕs posted on her blog. She explained, ÒI love all my outfitsÉI love my dressesÉmy skirts, my pants. I only post outfits that I loveÓ (9). She carefully curates her online identity. ÒI always post the looks that I likeÉbecause you can see IÕm always smiling in the pictur es. And so I have to be !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!2$!V,69"'+!"'!W01?X'!'-(5,&!90,6)06-!0=5)*!0*!9 -,6*+!",!/+0.*-1'!2! 0,&!@3! !AG!!explained (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGPop7hROf8 ) You can go to the doctorÕs with a sore foot, and theyÕll say itÕs because youÕre fatÉbut if youÕre not fat and you go to the doctorÕs with a sore foot, and you smoke, theyÕll say itÕs because you smoke. And itÕs just like, it has no bea ring on anything. And you canÕt tell somebodyÕs health from looking at them. I mean, you could be a size 24 or a size 12, and then that size 24 person can run a marathon. The size 12 canÕt, because they smoke or whatever, thenÉyou canÕt tell health from looking at someone. (53:06-53:38) LollyÕs discussion of the medical communityÕs approach to treating and (mis)diagnosing fat is something that many fat activists and scholars are talking abou t.23 As discussed in Chapter 1, the institution of the medical indus trial complex works within the colonial matrix of power to reinforce and reproduce labels for ÒgoodÓ and ÒbadÓ bodies. Turn 2: Seeing the Self as ÒOtherÓ The second turn in embodying fat as an orientation happens when a person realizes they donÕt have an ÒacceptableÓ body. For Lolly, this happened when she saw a picture of herself from behind. She explains that, (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAFXb_ms748 ) My dad had this little video camera thing in the kitchen that was on the table. And it was like for CCTV type of thing. And I walked past it, and I saw my bum in jeans on the screen and I was like, ÔIs that my bum?Õ Like, I had no context that thatÕs what my bum looked like. Because you neve r see it from that !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!2@!O'!&"'()''-&!0*!9-,6*+!",!/+0.*-1!$U!'.-(";"(099?!*+-!751>!5;!V1,'=-16-1!0=5)*!+57!(588),"*"-'!01-!.-1;518-&!0,&!(5,'*1)(*-&3!Q51! -:08.9-3! !C$!!And how do I get these clothes? And that was probably the start of that. And then finding that there were people, not just in America, but in the U.K., that were doing that, and why canÕt I do that?Ó (3). Mary was also motivated by a need to connect with other people. She explains that her nightly ritual is usually: Òafter my favorite soap opera I grab my iPad and just read their posts and see what they had been doing latelyÉI like to follow up on what they are doing on Instagram and FacebookÉbecause you know sometimes I feel kind of lonely. You knowÓ (18). The second criterion for a community of practice, according to Lave and Wenger, is that members Òbuild relationships that enable them to learn from each other.Ó This need for community Ñfor people with something in common, for closeness and personal relationships through digital spacesÑis part of how fat fashion bloggers create and participate in a community of practice. In Part I, I talked about how the bloggers internalized the dominant ideas of size and acceptable bodies and discussed the different ways that they each experienced disorientation. Part of becoming reoriented to size and their bodies was through finding others who looked like them, or looked like how they wanted to look. By finding community they were able to use the other bloggers as an anchor to help them reorient themselves to their size and bodies. Building Community After finding community, all three of the bloggers were inspired to create their own blogs, thus working to build up the community that they had found. This meets the third and final criterion for Lave and WengerÕs definition of a community of practice: the members of the community must be ÒpractitionersÓ who develop a shared repertoire of resources: experiences, stories, tools, ways of addressing recurring problemsÑin short, a shared practice.Ó C2!!For example, in December of 2012 Mary started posting on her own blog. She explained that ÒI wanted to be a part of this world too so I created MaryÕs Big ClosetÓ (3). She goes on to state that, Òhere in Portugal itÕs just me and two other girls that are plus size bloggersÉI donÕt know, we, we have lots of fat girls [in Portugal] who are awesome, but I think they are too ashamed to show themselvesÓ (4). Mary also discussed how she is continuing to build community. She explained that (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AjJ VxASz5E) Those two [other bloggers in Portugal], they donÕt post quite oftenÉ but I, I take it a little bit serious because I try to post daily and all that stuff but they donÕt do it on a regular basis. They areÉthey are not so interested in fashion as I am and so sometimes I kind of feel a bit lonely. And because I like to speak with persons and exchange ideas and you know, so thatÕs why I turn to the U.K. (18:38-19:17) Part of the impetus of making her own blog came from UK bloggers that she found when she first started following fat fashion bloggers. AshleyÕs motivations for finding community are rooted in her desire to become a plus size model. Because of this, she uses her online presence to network and build her brand. Ashley started sharing her own fashion posts first through Instagram, and then added a blog after she had a large following on Instagram. She said (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41fS02sQ_wg ) I felt that if I got a followi ng on Instagram, that that would help me with getting a following for the blogsÉAnd once I did start blogging, I had went fromÉcause right now I have about 440 followers and before I started to blog I C@!!only had like 200. So it went from 200 to yeahÉsoÉsocia l media really helps. (6:56 -7:37) Ashley is also on Facebook and Twitter, but told me that, ÒI havenÕt been using it (laughs). I need to start doing that too, and that would probably help me more alsoÓ (8). Lolly created her own blog, but her method of building community went beyond the virtual world by getting involved in groups outside of the digital world. For example, through blogging Lolly became a member of a local activist group, the Yorkshire Rad Fat Collective. She explained that the groupÕs purpose was to bring fat people together and create a space of shared community. The Collective does things including, Òplus -sized clothes swapsÓ and an event called ÒBig Boogie Prom,Ó for fat people who might not have felt comfortable attending formal functions when they were younger. This community, for Lolly, opened up an intersectional space. She explains that the group (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8njc1H8gUw ) Started out just for fat people, but then we realized that not just fat people might have had negative experiences with proms. I meanÉnot that we have proms in this country, itÕs more like an American thing, but just being excluded from something. So it basically became a thing for every body. But with the attention being on if you were queer or trans or anything like that and just didnÕt feel comfortable going to something like that [prom]ÉI think thatÕs whatÕs good about the group of people IÕve met through blogging, is that there is a lot of bi people, lesbian people, gay people, and then theyÕre open toÉother things. TheyÕre not closed off, andÉitÕs not just about fat. ItÕs about equality for everybody. And fat is just one of the things that gets picked on, but really, there CA!!are a lot of minorities. And just need to stop all of it [hate]. (26:50-28:10) LollyÕs practice of ethical reading of her own body helped her come to embody her own orientation to fat, and enabled her to practice suspending judgment of other bodies as well. Her statement that ÒitÕs about equality for everybodyÓ and her reflection that people with other embodied orientations might have had similar experiences dealing with pain and rejection opens a space for collaboration and intersectionality. Lolly practices ethical reading in her explanation that the feeling of not being comfortable or included cuts across identity categories, and as a result she and her group are open to including anyone who wants to join. Lolly went on to say that (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1TMWi0sCAo ) IÕm quite happy that I got into blogging, just for the fact that IÕve met so many amazing people that are open mindedÉbecause when you donÕt have that outside interaction with peopl e from all over, if youÕre just stuck with the people that you know and are in your group, then youÕre not getting to experience all that stuffÉYou are just closed off to the ideas of this group of people, who have maybe all experienced the same thingsÉand never been outside of that bubble. So when you go outside of your comfort zones to other areas, and meet new people who have experienced other things, I think thatÕs when you learn more, and grow. (28:13-29:01) The three bloggers all had different reasons for joining the community of practice of fat fashion bloggersÑbut all three ultimately participated. In what follows I will further discuss the multiple ways that the bloggers act as ÒpractitionersÓ in their communities by doing work to sustain their comm unities of practice. CB!!Sustaining Community As members of the community of fat fashion bloggers, all three women mentioned feeling a desire to help other women become more confident in their bodiesÑbecause fat fashion blogs had been helpful for them in thei r processes of reorientation, they wanted to help create an institution that could potentially help others. For example, in addition to networking to become a professional model, Ashley says that, (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LOH -9nXzis) One of my reasons for wanting to do [the blog] is because, you know, the growing up feeling that I wasnÕt good enough [compared to] a girl that was normal size. From doing this blog, I want women my size or larger, whatever, to know that they are just as beautiful and how beautiful they can be. To give them that confidence. Because, definitely, doing this blog has given me more confidence. (21:03-21:38) Mary discussed the success of her blog, stating that, ÒIÕm beginning to have some readers and itÕs working pretty good becauseÉsome Portuguese ladies leave me comments and send me email and said that IÕm a kind of inspiration for themÓ (5). She went on to explain that, Òthey donÕt show themselves and donÕt lov e themselves and I, I try to help them in the way I canÓ (5). One way that she tries to do this is through what she calls Òimage consultingÓ which she likens to being a stylist. Being an image consultant means that she is able to give other women advice on their appearance and on their livesÑÒI managed to help some of my readers, not just some special occasion but sometimes in their lives they were not that well and I think I managed to give them some strength to move forwardÓ (6). Later she explained that, Òmen and women shouldnÕt be ashamed of what size they areÉgreat style has no sizeÉand I think thatÕs the message I want to go with my blogÓ (41). CC!!Lolly also talked about a desire to help inspire others. As a blogger she became connected to many different people doing body positive work, including professional photographers. After seeing the work of Yossi she said, (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fjmu4GfcZbI ) I was interested, and found him on Facebook and messaged him to say, ÒWow, loved your pictures. Great thing youÕre doing. Keep it up,Ó basically. And then he messaged me saying he was going to be in England in a few weekÕs time, and would I pose for him. And IÉ and I was like, ÒWould I do that?ÓÉ And I had to think about it. I was like, ÒWell, I love all the pictures heÕs done.Ó I mean, if they inspired me É Why wouldnÕt I want to do that for someone else? And I mean, one of the things that made me like learn to love my body and um, was taki ng pictures of myself, naked, and looking at them. Because nobody likes to see themselves naked (laughs). (18:23-19:18) Conclusion There are many ways to embody an orientation toward size, but all three bloggers reorientated themselves through actively par ticipating in the communities that helped them with their own initial reorientations. While in line with Lave and WengerÕs idea of Òcommunities of practice,Ó the ways that the bloggers reorientated themselves to their size was very differentÑand in the next chapter I will discuss how they continued to do this specifically through their dress practices. CD!!CHAPTER 5: FA(T)SHION Introduction In this chapter I discuss how the bloggers embody fat through the materiality of their dress practices, specifically foc using on clothing and its relation to the fat body in order to answer my second research question : 2. How do fat fashion bloggers make meaning through their dress practices in ways that are rhetorical, material, and embodied? In Part 1, I use the intervie ws with the bloggers to show how material objects can be used to embody fat and how dress practices are always already rhetorical action. My theoretical frame here builds off of DicksonÕs notion of material rhetoric and EicherÕs definition of dress. Next, in Part 2, I discuss how the bloggers cultivated their wardrobe (their Òletters of the alphabetÓ according to Deb Malkin) in order to further show how dress practices are rhetorical action in a more nuanced way; I make the argument that shopping is a form of rhetorical literacy and part of dressing the body, building on the notion of the Òliterate selfÓ from Min-Zahn Lu. This chapter ends by reflecting on the multiple ways that fat rhetorics can be performed and further develops the notion of ethical readin g. Part I: Signature Style In this section I argue that signature style 25 is a material manifestation of identity Ñthe clothing that the bloggers use in their favorite outfit posts are examples of what Dickson discusses in her definition of material rhetori c. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!2B!%,!*+"'!.15K-(*-*!'*51-'-*!' *51-'!101-9?!(011?! '"J-'!0=5#-!0!$2!(5)9&!955>!0*!+57!0,?!5*+-1!"&-,*"*?!(0*-651?!M10(--!&57,!0,?*+",6!*+-?!0'>!8-!*5!0*!0,?!.5",*!",!*"8-3! !!G$!!that I didnÕt know started submitting pictures and sharing the site. Dress Profesh got reblogged32 by This Is Thin Privilege and Fat Girl Dangerous World and suddenly the site went from 50 followers to over 1000. Today, there are over 13,000 followers and I have written about Dress Profesh in multiple outlets, including Conditionally Accepted, The Body is Not An Apology, and Jezebel. I see Dress Profesh as a way to engage a public audience in the concepts of my work. Because the site states on the main page: Òchallenging notions of what it means to look ÔprofessionalÕ; body positive; no hate allowedÓ it has beco me a space that asks people to think critically about how their dress practices make meaning in ways that are potentially resistant to both their employerÕs dress code, and their own internalized dress code. For example, I have IRB approval for Dress Profe sh submissions and have been doing interviews with people who are interested in talking with me. One interview that stands out as an example of how Dress Profesh is tied to the work of this dissertation (and representative of future work that I plan to do) was with Laura, a self identified young, black, cis woman who works for a major tech company. This company 33 claims to have no dress code, and they use this as a selling point when recruiting new employees. LauraÕs original post on Dress Profesh highlighte d the intersectionality of her dress practices, and she talks about this at length in her interview. In our interview, she told me how she felt pressure to dress down at work Ñeven though this was something that she wasnÕt comfortable doing. She quoted Papa Pope from the TV show !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@2!4+"'!"'!+57!85'*!*+",6'!5,!4 )8=91!6-*!.5'*-& S.-5.9-!1-=9563 !@@!I+"9-![0)10!70'!(58;51*0=9-!)'",6!*+-!,08-!5;! *+"'!(58.0,?!",!+-1!",*-1#"-7!;-809-!9-0&!(+010(*-13 !@B!O,&!')=8"*!0! .5'*!*5!a1-''!L15;-'+