THE ACTIVATION 0F POSTHYPNOTIC CONFLICT VIA FREE IMAGERY: A STUDY OF REPRESSION AND PSYCHOPATHOLOGY Thesis for the Degree of Ph. D. MICHIGAN STATE UNIVERSITY BRUCE PALMER BURNS 1972 This is to certify that the thesis entitled In T I“. x - -‘ _ ,1 .‘r‘f‘1_" lIrr-z- y, m T. rvI- ~ ‘ {1‘7 1. ilIL. ECIII/I'III . I} ;II,III‘_ .’..=I,‘.I_T’.‘ .IITI‘I VJ .I‘LI. I- 17. 0.493. I We '. ' I ' -i :.~"‘"" In A {II In Liz III N, . ..~..)IL.I I .2} " ”:‘iI i’} IIIIIiJI‘ presented by TIRUC‘I‘; 1" . n." W fTS has been accepted towards fulfillment of the requirements for II‘OCtOI‘? ClilliCP]. I’g: cholcrfy 1 degree in ngIX/IZWZ/ / ‘ajor professo‘ . Date 4/1//7L 0-7639 s—v Y. BINDING BY . unIs & sous II IIIIII IIIIIIIIIII III: 'I‘ . BPAD‘ {1‘1 IDIIICFflflY IICIIZII III III/III / III/I III/III III/II III/I 293 10040 6630 ABSTRACT THE ACTIVATION OF POSTHYPNOTIC CONFLICT VIA FREE IMAGERY: A STUDY OF REPRESSION AND PSYCHOPATHOLOGY BY Bruce Palmer Burns An attempt was made to study the process of re- pression and its behavioral correlates by using free imagery to progressively lift a spontaneous repression produced by the posthypnotic activation of a hypnotically implanted oedipal-sexual paramnesia. Twelve hypnotic subjects and 10 simulating subjects were used, in a modified real-simulator design. Although it was not possible to "lift" the spon- taneous repression in the course of free imagery, gs differed with respect to the degree of repression and a wide variety of symptoms was produced. A curvilinear relationship between frequency of symptoms and degree of repression was found, and the relationship between degree of repression and type of symptom reported in previous investigations was verified. There was a significant increase in the blatancy of drive representation accom- panied by a significant increase in GSR coincidental with Bruce Palmer Burns the manifestation of a symptom, immediately followed by a decrease in drive representation, reduction of GSR, and the termination of the symptom. The effectiveness of the hypnosis and the param- nesia was evident in the significantly greater number of symptoms for the hypnotic gs, as in previous investi— gations. It was concluded that the sudden activation of a repressed drive complex causes a momentary disequi- librium between anxiety-producing impulses and the inhibition against them (repression). The resulting shifting interplay between facilitative and inhibitory processes proceeds with a variety of transitory outcomes, including symptoms, until g either acts out the repressed impulses, with or without awareness, or he regains equilibrium through greater inhibitory controls. THE ACTIVATION OF POSTHYPNOTIC CONFLICT VIA FREE IMAGERY: A STUDY OF REPRESSION AND PSYCHOPATHOLOGY BY Bruce Palmer Burns A THESIS Submitted to Michigan State University in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY Department of Psychology 1972 CC) Copyright by BRUCE PALMER BURNS 1972 TO Ginny my wife for all those years of sacrifice and devotion, her support, and unfalter- ing faith in me. ii ACKNOWLEDGMENTS I have been most fortunate to have Dr. Joseph Reyher as my major professor and chairman of my disser— tation committee. His scientific acumen and clinical expertise make psychology an exciting and meaningful profession. Professor Reyher spent untold hours labor— ing with me, sharing his knowledge with me, giving me an invaluable foundation for both research and therapy. The other members of my committee: Dr. Norman Abeles, Dr. Bill Kell, and Dr. Robert Zucker have been a source of much constructive criticism and helpful gui- dance. Each has contributed in his own way to my pro- gress; they constituted an outstanding group of advisers. My thanks also to: Gray Larison who acted as a co-experimenter for part of my research and also as one of the judges of the tapes; to Pat Ladato who retyped all of the protocols; to Kenneth Brown for his typing of the final drafts. I especially wish to acknowledge my gratitude to Ginny, my wife, for her insightful thinking and count- less hours of work on the scales and rating the protocols. iii TABLE OF CONTENTS Page INTRODUCTION . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 METHOD 0 I O O O O O O O O O O O 0 14 Subjects. . . . . . . . . . . . 14 Materials and Experimental Setting . . . 14 Procedure . . . . . . . . . . 15 Implantation of Paramnesia. . . . . . 1? Suggestions for Activation of Post- hypnotic Conflict . . . . . 18 Activation of Posthypnotic Conflict. . . 19 Guidelines for Standardized E Instructions 21 Measures and Scoring. . . . . . . . 22 Scorer Reliability . . . . . . . . 31 RESULTS 0 O O O I O O O O O O I I O 3 2 Inter-rater Reliability. . . . . . . 32 Stability of Data. . . . . . . . . 32 Experimenter Bias. . . . . . . . . 33 Psychopathology . . . . . . . . . 33 Relationship Among Measures . . . . . 41 Hypnotic 55 versus Simulating SS. . . . 47 Other Findings. . . . . . . . . . 47 DISCUSSION. . . . . . . . . . . . . 49 REFERENCES 0 o o o o g o o o o o o o 59 APPENDICES Appendix A. O O O O O O O I O I O O O 64 B. O O O I O O O I O O C O I 346 iv LIST OF TABLES Table Page 1. Inter-rater Correlations Showing Relia— bility on Rating Various Measures . . . 32 2. Comparison of Stability of Methods of Measuring GSR Over Conditions, Using Frequency Method (Sommerschield, Burns, Perkins & Reyher) and Frequency X Amplitude X Seconds (PAS). . . . . . 34 3. Wilcoxon Matched-pairs, Signed-ranks Test on All Variables Between Phase I and Phase II Experimental Conditions . . . 40 4. Spearman Rho Correlations Between All Variables for Phases I and II, and for I and II Combined . . . . . . . . 42 5. Symptom Chart of Symptoms Actually Occur- ring in the Context of Imagery During the Experiment, Ranked in Order from the Lowest D-score to the Highest (the D- score rank was obtained by averaging the three D-scores of the visual episodes before, during, and after a symptom) . . 45 6. Original (0) Sequence of Symptom Cate— gories, Reyher (1958); Anger-Aggression (A), Oedipal-Sex (S), A and S Combined (A&S), Reyher (1967), and A, S, and 0 Combined, Sommerschield (1969) and Current Research Oedipal—Sex (O—S). . . 46 7. Mann—Whitney U Test Comparing Hypnotic gs versus Simulating gs on All Measures . . 47 LIST OF FIGURES Figure Page 1. Curvilinear Relationship Between Symptom Frequency and D-score for Each S . . . 43 vi INTRODUCTION For many years Freud's concept of repression generated a great deal of interest and many investigations into its nature were inspired, but during the last decade the number of such investigations has diminished almost to the vanishing point. This diminution of interest is most probably due to the persistent failure of this line of research to establish repression as a verifiable con— cept. One obvious reaction of behavioral scientists to this persistent failure is to reject Freud's concept of repression as being scientifically meaningful and to shift the focus of research to concepts that are capable of being tested and to phenomena that can be manipulated. However, there are several shortcomings of the investi— gations in this large body of research which render the majority of them as being irrelevant to Freud's con- ceptualization of the phenomenon. The following excerpts from Freud's basic treatise (1915) on the concept bring forward little understood characteristics of repression that are essential in planning research: Ideational content versus charge of affect We recall the fact that the motive and purpose of repression was simply the avoidance of "pain." It follows that the fate of the charge of affect be- longing to the presentation is far more important than that of the ideational content of it and is decisive for the opinion we form of the process of repression. If a repression does not succeed in preventing feelings of "pain" or anxiety from arising, we may say that it has failed, even though it may have achieved its aim as far as the ideational element is concerned. Repression is specific We can lay down no general rule concerning the degree of distortion and remoteness necessary before resis- tance of consciousness is abrogated. In this matter a delicate balancing takes place, the play of which is hidden from us; its mode of operation, however, leads us to infer that it is a question of a definite degree of intensity in the cathexis of the uncon- sciousness--beyond which it would break through for satisfaction. Repression acts, therefore, in a highly specific manner in each instance, every single derivative of the repressed may have its peculiar fate--a little more or a little less distortion alters the whole issue. Freud used the phenomenon of a fetish as an illustration, part of the fetish is abhorred and repressed and part is idealized and sought. Any change in the fetish makes it too remote or too blatant to remain a fetish. Repression is variable Special devices have been evolved, with the object of bringing about such changes in the play of mental forces that what usually give rise to "pain" may on this occasion result in pleasure, and whenever such a device comes into operation, the repression of an instinct-presentation that is ordinarily repudiated is abrogated. . . . Generally the lifting of the repression is only transitory; the repression is immediately re-established. An example of this is joking; an instinct presen- tation that ordinarily produces anxiety gives rise to pleasure. Repression is mobile The process of repression is not to be regarded as something which takes place once and for all, the results of which are permanent, as when some living thing has been killed and from that time onward is dead; on the contrary repression demands a constant expenditure of energy and if this were discontinued, the success of the repression would be jeopardized, so that a fresh repression would be necessary. We may imagine that what is repressed exercises a con- tinuous straining in the direction of consciousness, so that the balance has to be kept by means of a steady counter-pressure. Unless an investigator takes these foregoing characteristics of repression into account, he is not testing Freud's concept of repression. Two concurrent lines of research have produced data documenting these characteristics of repression. The first is the posthypnotic activation of hypnotically induced conflict based upon a paramnesia (made up story) that arouses anger-aggression (Perkins & Reyher, 1971; Reyher, 1967) or oedipal—sex (Sommerschield, 1969). The anger-aggression paramnesia involves §_in a reproachable act about which he experiences guilt and inhibited rage. g is then given a posthypnotic suggestion that a certain class of words (c-words) connected with the paramnesia would, should they come to mind, produce overwhelming rage toward his adversary in the paramnesia coincidentally with an overwhelming impulse to tear up important papers belonging to him. There is a posthypnotic amnesia for the paramnesia, but 29E_for the rage and the destructive impulse associated with it. The oedipal-sex paramnesia involves an attempted seduction of a young male S by an older woman who generates feelings of sex, guilt, anxiety, inadequacy, and impulse inhibition (Sommerschield, 1969). As in the anger-aggression paramnesia above, S is given a posthypnotic amnesia for the paramnesia and he is given the posthypnotic suggestion that sexual feelings will well up and be directed toward this women, who will drop by the laboratory later, and that he will want to tell S how he would like to express these feelings. In order to compare the relative pathogenic properties of anger- aggression and oedipal—sex, Sommerschield substituted a female for a male as the adversary in the anger-aggression paramnesia described above and gave S the same post- hypnotic suggestions as he did for oedipal-sex with anger being substituted for sexual feelings. The main findings resulting from this line of research are: (a) production of a spontaneous inhibition (repression); (b) the degree of repression is an inverse function of frequency of symptoms; (c) the type of psycho- pathology is a function of the degree of repression. An index of repression was derived from Ss spon~ taneous verbalizations by arranging the repression scores of Ss in a progressive series ranging from complete repression to full awareness of the induced impulses. The type of psychopathology changes as repression weakens (S verbalizes more of the induced impulses). This pro- gression of psychopathology is called the Symptomatic Reaction Scale (SRS; Reyher, 1967) and the obtained symptoms are categorized under the following headings: somatic and muscular symptoms (M-S), autonomic nervous system symptomatology (ANS), unspecified distress (UD), emotional agitation (EA), disturbance of affect (DA), dissociative reactions (DR), states of confusion (SC), derivatives of conflict (DC). In an attempt to identify the influential factors for producing psychopathology in the laboratory, fifteen possible variables were conceptually identified and Reyher (1969b) has summarized them as follows: 1) hypnosis; 2) age regression; 3) paramnesia; 4) intensification of drive; 5) repression; 6) anger— aggression associated with critical words; 7) anger- aggression directed toward authority figure in the experimental situations; 8) loss of control; 9) posthypnotic arousal of affect; 10) act upon drive or impulse; 11) amnesia; 12) sudden activation of drive; 13) verbalization of conflict words; 14) experimenter's attitude; 15) experimenter trains subject in hypnosis. Research (Karmlow, 1971; Wolfe, 1971; Veenstra, 1969) has continued in this area in an attempt to estab- lish the minimum number of critical variables that would be necessary and sufficient for the production of psycho- pathology in the laboratory. Perkins (1965) worked with the hypnosis variable and found that a control group of simulators were relatively free of symptoms and had sig— nificantly less GSR (galvanic skin response) activation upon the recognition of c—words. Moore (1964) determined that the activation of the anger variable was still patho— genic if reduced from an overwhelming surge of rage to an almost overwhelming anger. Furthermore, an interpersonal relationship with the experimenter (an interview) was substituted as the posthypnotic cue for anger instead of c-word recognition. Sommerschield (1969) verified the earlier findings of Reyher and Perkins concerning the relationship between repression and psychopathology. It was also discovered that a sexual paramnesia was more pathogenic than the anger paramnesia in that it produced greater spontaneous repression of the posthypnotic im- pulses as demonstrated by fewer verbalizations of impulse awareness and it produced more symptoms. Reyher (1969b) hypothesized a theoretical framework for these results: There is little doubt that the obtained psychopathology is genuine with many of the symptoms (such as skin disturbance, tics, tremors, sweating and changes in skin color) being objective and autonomically con— trolled and, therefore, outside the realm of simu— lation for most subjects . . . (these) manifestations of psychopathology are just one facet of the responses produced by the . . . activation of anxiety-producing affect and impulses. Like most posthypnotic sug— gestions, these are unknown to the subject; they Operate outside of awareness and function in the same way as any other anxiety-producing intra—psychic drive. As the threshold of consciousness is "approached," these impulses take on anxiety- producing properties, and if the anxiety is of sufficient intensity, a negative feedback mechanism (repression) is activated. Repression is cOnceptu— alized as a neurophysiological process that dampens the physiological substrate for the impulses. The inhibition of the physiological substrate is reflected by a reduction in amplitude of the GSR. Repression as a negative feedback mechanism plays a vital role in the survival of a man because it pre- vents cue functions, the veridical perception of sensory input and adaptive behavior from being im- paired by the disorganizing effect of intense anxiety. The anxiety associated with the ppsthypnotic impulses, the pattern of neurophysiological inhibitIon repre— sented EX repression, and the innate tendency for a drive to be consciously represented and gratif1ed via appropriate behaviors are all components in the sub- ject s behavior in the same way as these are observed in clinical situations. The forces or processes represented by these three components are activated . . . in symptoms and symptomatic behavior until equilibrium is achieved by repression and/or by a spontaneous reduction in the anxiety-producing im— pulses. [Italics author's.] Thus activation of posthypnotic conflict has been utilized in the study of repression, its various stages, and its behavioral correlates within a person. However, two properties of the repressive process made it very difficult to try to study and demonstrate the process of repression in any longitudinal way. (1) As the in- tensity of the conflict was varied, the intensification of repression of the drive sometimes resulted. (2) More important was the fact that repression occurred almost at once in an unconscious and automatic way. Because of this most of the research has dealt with repression across subjects (Reyher, 1967, 1969b; Perkins, 1965, Sommer- schield, 1969). Although the foregoing line of research has been productive, the further acquisition of knowledge about the mechanism of repression is precluded by its instantaneous and unconscious occurrence. This present investigation has addressed itself to the problem of stretching out the process of repression to observe more clearly the interplay between drive, anxiety inhibition, and symptom formation. A parallel line of research with emergent uncovering (Reyher, 1963, 1969a; Reyher & Smeltzer, 1968; Burns, 1967; Reyher & Morishige, 1969; Morishige, 1971) indicates that visual imagery is an effective vehicle for accomplishing this. Emergent uncovering utilizes spontaneous visual imagery (free imagery) as a way of activating and express- ing repressed drives and conflicts. The necessary con- ditions . . . for producing the phenomena of emergent uncovering are: (1) the client is situated in a vis-a—vis relationship with the psychotherapist who asks him to close his eyes; (2) the client is asked to describe only visual images, feelings, and bodily sensations; (3) the psychotherapist attempts to desensitize himself as a source of anxiety by utilizing nondirective techniques. The client's images are often accompanied by experienced resistance and symptoms, both of which vary in degree of objectivity. We refer to these as "hot" images. The resistance may vary from a felt reluctance to describe images to a spasm or involuntary Opening of the eyes, and the symptoms may vary from a subjective headache to an objective skin rash. Resistance, anxiety, and/or symptoms increase in intensity and objectivity as hot visual images become progressively more depictive of underlying repressed drives which, if obdurate resistances are overcome, ulti- mately results in an emotional experience or a frank abreaction. Shortly afterwards, these images begin to lose their response-producing properties. The instructions for free imagery force the client to abandon a symbolic level of representation for a protosymbolic level of presentation which brings him into more tangible, concrete, and, therefore, more inti— mate relationship with repressed drives (primary referents). . . . Since the inclusion of elements of the drive in the visual imagery of a client is not an actual gratification outlet, but merely an expression of the drive through a proto-symbol, the drive is intensified along with a corresponding increase in the regulation of the visual imagery by the drive. . . . The reintroduction of "hot" images . . . has a strong intensifying effect on drives in contrast to imposed imagery because they are spon- taneous, ideosyncratic, and have particularly intimate connections with a salient drive or drive-complex. With the technique of emergent uncovering, utilizing visual imagery, it may be possible to "lift" gradually the repression caused by posthypnotic conflict, to study the process of repression in reverse. 10 It is hOped that the combining of these two previously separate lines of research will produce more information on the sequence of symptoms generated by the lifting of repression which is denoted by the increasingly blatant primary process derivatives and/or protosymbols. The term protosymbol is being used as it was presented by Werner and Kaplan (1963). It is not a true symbol, that is, it resembles or is similar to its referent. Proto- symbols are not representative like words which are true symbols and which have no physical or functional similar— ity to their referents as do protosymbols. A protosymbol presents the expression of something as in a dream, but the dreamer does not understand it. Words are true symbols which represent meaning, and, of course, the person understands what he is saying (or thinking). There is an inverse relationship between repres- sion and primary process thinking (e.g., protosymbols). That is, the greater the degree of repression the fewer the primary process derivatives and the more remote they are from manifesting or identifying the drive as to its source, object, or aim. This serves the classical pur- pose of repression as Freud defined it, that is, repres- sion keeps anxiety at a minimum (Freud, 1900, 1915; Klein, 1967; Reyher, 1969a, 1970). A brief review of primary process may help clarify this relationship. 11 In the early developmental history of an indi- vidual the possibility of the direct and immediate grati— fication of a drive may arouse anxiety and consequently the abrogation pg consciousness. As a result primary process thinking or the dream work arise as a compromise between direct gratification and inhibition. Primary process represents not only condensation and displace- ment but symbolization, hallucination, and concretization as well. It is not primary process itself that one sees but rather the products of its mechanisms in such mani— festations as: dreams, jokes, symptom formation, and other compromise formations that result from the interplay of the inhibited and inhibiting forces. Primary process is carried out only with thoughts that are under repres- sion (Freud, 1900; Gill, 1967; Holt, 1967; Madison, 1961; Ricoeur, 1970). . . . the instinctual representative develops with less interference and more profusely if it is with- drawn by repression from conscious influence. It proliferates in the dark, as it were, and takes on extreme forms of expression . . . (Freud, 1915). Thus repression does not block the instinctual representa- tives from being active in the unconscious and putting out derivatives. In fact, it is " . . . only as structured affective-cognitive-motor events that drives are knowable as motivations and definable at all . . . " (Holt, 1967), that is, events which are instinctual representatives or derivatives. Primary process derivatives are directly 12 representative of the strength of drive expression and therefore are quantifiable correlates of repression (Burns, 1967). Visual imagery as used in emergent uncovering (Reyher, 1963) vividly reveals the influence of the drive via protosymbols of the primary process. As primary process via protosymbols become more blatant and de- pictive with the lifting of repression, there is an in— crease in anxiety. Reyher and his associates (Reyher, 1969a, 1969b; Reyher & Basch, 1970; Perkins, 1965; Sommerschield, 1969) have found that frequency of symp— toms and the GSR increase as repression weakens until some point of desensitization of the drive occurs because of growing awareness. The purpose of this investigation is to utilize free imagery to weaken repression produced by the post- hypontic activation of hypnotically induced conflict. It is expected to show that as the repression lifts or weakens that the response-producing properties of the drive increase due to the increase in anxiety associated with the surfacing drive, at least until some point of awareness of the drive that would result in its desensiti— zation. This should be revealed by a change both in the frequency and type of symptom, resistance, protosymbols, psychosomatic manifestations, and GSR. 13 The following hypotheses were tested: Hypothesis 1: There is an inverse relationship between the degree of repression and: (l) the proportion of psycho- somatic symptoms; (2) GSR—activation; and (3) resistance. Hypothesis II: The affective (emotional) elements of the drive are the last to be released from inhibition by repression to the point of awareness, whereas, images and ideational elements of the drive are verbalized first. METHOD Subjects One hundred and twenty college males volunteered to take part in research involving hypnosis. The cri- terion for selection of the 12 experimental subjects (gs) was the ability to experience a complete posthypnotic amnesia. Ten simulating gs were selected from the same list of 120 volunteers. No attempt was made to determine their hypnotic susceptibility until the completion of the research. Any volunteers showing obvious signs of psycho- pathology were not retained. Materials and Experimental Setting A model #5 Grass polygraph was used with electrodes manufactured by the Yellow Springs Equipment Company. The S and the experimenter (E) were seated in a small sound- proofed, windowless room. The electrodes were attached to the palmar surface of the first and third fingers of the right hand, and an anesthesia was produced in the right hand as follows: "Your right hand is going to be- come so numb and insensitive to pain that you will forget about it and will not need to move the hand or fingers at all, in fact it will be so lacking in both feeling and 14 15 movement that it will seem as if it were paralyzed, until at the end of the session when I again rub the right hand three times and then all normal feeling and movement will return at once and the hand and fingers will feel normal again." The S's eyes were closed and he was seated in a reclining chair beside the polygraph. §_was in a position where he could observe facial expressions and body move- ments of §_as well as adjust the polygraph controls and make notations on the polygraph write—out. Procedure During the first session all volunteers were given the Harvard Group Scale of Hypnotic Susceptibility (Shor & Orne, 1962). The only experimental §s retained for further sessions were those who scored 8 or higher on this scale. The second session was a two—hour individual meeting in which the trance was deepened and effort made to increase rapport. To assess the posthypnotic amnesia B said: "In a moment I will count backwards from 10 to l and when I reach 1 your eyes will have Opened and you will be wide awake, feeling relaxed and refreshed. How- ever, you will not be able to remember anything that has gone on during the session. It will be like a dream from which you awaken and although you know that you have had a dream you can't quite recall anything except bits and pieces, in fact, the harder you try to remember the less you will be able to recall and the more it will disappear completely from your aware- ness. It will be much like trying to remember a name 16 that is just on the tip of your tongue but the harder you try to remember it the less you can until finally you just give up. Later on when I say, 'OK, now you can remember,’ you will be able to remember as much or as little as you wish." The S was then awakened and E chatted for a while on a conversational level, avoiding anything connected with the session. This was done while S's level of susceptibility returned to normal. After about 10 minutes, g began to make general inquiries into S's recall of what had transpired. The success of the amnesia was based upon S's inability to recall any of the specific "tasks" he had performed. A modified real—simulator design (O'Connell, Shor, & Orne, 1970; Sheehan, 1971) was employed because of serious confounding due to its use of insusceptible SS and task-motivating instructions (Bowers, 1968; Coe, 1966; Reyher, 1967, 1971; Reyher & Smyth, 1971). No task- motivating instructions were given. Simulating gs were given the following instructions by a co-experimenter. "Mr. Burns believes that I am going to hypnotize you and give you a posthypnotic command to immediately go into a hypnotic trance when he coults from 1 to 10. I want you to resist hypnosis, but to act as if you were hypnotized, whatever that may mean to you." The instructions were changed after the fifth control and the word "psycholinguistics" was used in place of the ten count as three of the simulating §$ had become hypnotized by the count of ten. A discrete cue for simu— lated hypnotic induction affords g less Opportunity to 1? become hypnotized. However, two of this second group of simulating gs also became hypnotized. Thus, although a total of 10 control §$ went through the experimental de- sign, 5 were eliminated as they became hypnotized during the experiment. The occurrence of hypnosis was identi- fied by gs own report and/or the induction of the trance simply by repeating the posthypnotic cue during a later follow-up session. In the third session, a paramnesia (made up story) was implanted. Implantation of Paramnesia The paramnesia was introduced according to Erik—iv son's (1944) instructions: Now as you continue to relax I am going to recall to your mind this event, which occurred in the past. As I recount this event to you, you will recall fully and completely everything that happened. You will remember each and every detail fully. Now, bear in mind that while I repeat what I know of this event you will recall fully and completely everything just as it happened, and more than that, you will re- experience the various emotions which you had at that time and you will feel exactly as you did while this event was taking place. The sexual paramnesia was adapted from Eisenbud's (1937) original, as modified by Sommerschield (1969). {The paramnesia follows: These events occurred one evening while you were out walking. As you were leisurely walking, your attention was drawn to an attractive, older women who seemed quite upset. You offered to be of assis- tance as the woman was about to pass you. Franti- cally, the woman revealed that she had lost her purse and did not have enough money for her bus fare. Wishing to help the woman, you reached into your 18 pockets and your wallet. You only had a ten dollar bill. You then offered to accompany her to the bus and pay her fare. She, however, felt very indebted to you and insisted that you accompany her to her apartment in order that she might repay you. Somewhat reluctantly you agreed. Once within her apartment she suggested that you might like to look at her record collection while she left to find some money for the bus fare. When she returned, she semed very friendly and reluctant to have you leave. After talking about the collection, she offered you a drink and a snack. She then turned on the record player and you danced a while with the woman. Gradually you became aware of some stimu- lating, but disquieting thoughts and feelings. She was very good looking and it seemed like such a pity to have all her beautiful softness and curves go to waste. She seemed to be silently inviting you; her closeness, glances, words, and breathing suggested to you that she was becoming extremely sexually aroused. You were just starting to make love to her when suddenly more thoughts ran through your mind. She was older, respectable, perhaps married, and un- doubtedly very experienced. You wondered if you would be able to satisfy her. How traumatic it would be if she laughed at your advances. In spite of these thoughts you found yourself becoming increasingly excited and aroused./ You wanted to make love to her right there, but the telephone rang. While you waited, you became so aroused and excited that you could hardly speak. You made a hurried excuse for leaving, promised to call her back, and left the apartment. The only way you could attain peace of mind was to completely push the whole experience into the back of your mind. guggestions fgr Activation of Posthypnotic Conflict These following posthypnotic suggestions for incuding conflict were adapted from Sommerschield (1969): Now listen carefully. The woman I have told you about actually works in this laboratory and she is the wife of my best friend and mother of fine children, boys and girls. As a matter of fact I ex— pect her to drop by anytime now and you may meet her. After I awaken you, you will find that if anything connected with her comes into your mind you will feel the same feelings that you experienced earlier./ And after I ask you to close your eyes these feelings will l9 surge up from within you. They will become over— whelming; they will be irresistible. ‘gurthermore, whenever I say to you, "How are you Bing?" you will find that these feelings will surge up within you with renewed, overwhelming force. Nod your head if you understand. I am now going to awaken you by counting backwards from 10 to l, and when I reach 1, your eyes will be open and you'll be wide awake. 10-9-8-7-6-5—4-3-2-1. (The same family constellation as §'s was determined indirectly during a previous session.) It is important to note that the §5 were only given an amnesia for the paramnesia. Activation of Posthypnotic Conflict There were four phases to the experimental design: I. After the conflict-inducing instructions were given, §_awakened S and activated the implanted complex by giving the standard instructions for emergent uncover- ing: "Now, for this part of the session, would you please lean back in your chair and close your eyes. I would like you to describe any pictures and images that come into your mind's eye; also, please report any sensations or feelings and emotions that come to your attention. I want you to describe all that you see and feel, without omitting a thing." S was allowed to image for one-half hour without requesting him to visualize anything. II. If free imagery had not produced any blatent visual images, anxiety, symptoms, or resistance derived from the paramnesia, then relevant imagery was introduced 20 as follows: "Now I would like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment." § described his imagery for another 15 minutes, starting with his report of the requested image. If he was unable to form this image after 15 minutes, he was asked; "Would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman?" If no symptoms, resistance, or relevant imagery was pro- duced after 5 minutes, E said, "Can you get a mental pic— ture of yourself dancing with the woman?" After five more minutes if §_was not in relevant imagery he was again requested, "Please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing." III. At the end of 60 minutes, g was told to open his eyes. He was hypnotized again and the paramnesia was removed as follows: "The events that I recounted to you earlier really did not happen at all.) The experience was not true; the feelings were not your own. What I told you was a made- up story. Furthermore, all other suggestions that I have given you are hereby cancelled. And whenever I ask you to close your eyeéxand whenever I say, 'How are you doing?‘ they no longer will have significance to you beyond what they normally would. I am now going to awaken you by counting backwards from 10 to l, and when I reach 1, ‘your eyes will be open and you'll be wide awake. 10-9—8- 7-6-5-4-3-2-1." 21 IV. §_was then given 10 minutes of free imagery after which he was asked by E, "Now I would like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment." Five minutes later E asked, "Would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman?" Five minutes later E asked, "Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman?" Five minutes later §_asked, "Please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing." In another five minutes, after 30 minutes had elapsed, §_was asked to open his eyes. The finger electrodes were detached and the S's right hand anesthesia was removed as follows: "Your right hand and fingers no longer seem paralyzed (after §_rubbed them three times), regular movement and feeling have re- turned and they now feel normal again." S was then dis- missed after a short discussion of his reactions. Guidelines for Standardized E Instructions During the periods of free imagery, the verbali- zations of §_were restricted to the following expressions: 1. "What's happening?" During silent periods of 1/2 to 2 minutes, an.ine£ease~ianSRs, blushing, sweating, yawning, signing, coughing, stretching, move- ment of body or limbs, jerks, twitches, grimaces, smiling, laughing, eye opening, and alterations in tonal quality of voice. 22 2. “How are you doing?" If blatant visual imagery was absent and no anxiety or symptoms were appear- ing. 3. "What are you seeing?" When S was uncertain whether S had slid off imagery. 4. "Are you describing what is in your mind's eye?" Whenever it was not clear whether S was free imaging or was free associating. If S said no or if it seemed necessary S said: 5. "Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them for me?" 6. "Well, can you describe that in greater detail?" Whenever strange or ambiguous images and/or feeling states needed to be clarified. 7. "In what way?" Whenever vague words such as "bothered" and "upset" needed to be clarified. 8. "What was that?" If S spoke too low or indistinctly. If neither symptoms nor blatant imagery were pro— duced, even in response to, "How are you doing?" then hot images were re-introduced if there had been any; other— wise, during Phases II and IV the scenes were reintro— duced, as described previously. Measures and Scoring A "Drive" scale was constructed that estimated the degree of drive representation (quantifiable correlate 23 of repression) in st imagery that presumptively was activated by the oedipal complex which was stimulated by means of the paramnesia. The resultant D-scores were con- sidered an inverse measure of repression. The degree of importance of the component drive of the oedipal complex decreases from top to bottom on the scale (page 20). In terms of their relative im- portance these drives are: Sex (S); Anger (A); Inade- quacy (I): Guilt (G); Anxiety (Ax); and Non Scorable Drives (NSD). Non Scorable Drives (NSD) was a catch-all category to include any representation in imagery that did not indicate the presence of any of the oedipal com- plex drives, that is, sex, anger, inadequacy, guilt, or anxiety. This variation in the importance of the patho- genicity of the various drives is preserved by the weights attached to them in the table. The modality of expression also varies in importance, increasing from left to right. These are: depicted (dp); directed (di); recognized (r); and experienced (e). Depiction (dp) was recorded when imagery was described; directed (di) was recorded when S saw himself, in his imagery, act out the drive; recog- nized (r) was recorded when the action or drive being depicted was apprOpriately labeled; experienced (e) was recorded when S stated that he actually felt the drive being described. Here again weighting factors preserve their relative importance. 24 The type of drive (vertical axis) with its weight- ing is multiplied by the mode of drive expression (hori- zontal axis). The resultant geometric progression of multipliers on the various drive factors insured that a drive higher in the hierarchy of importance in the oedipal complex would have a higher loading than the sum of all the drives below it. The same rational also applies to the mode of expression, i.e., to experience an affect (drive) was loaded greater than the sum of depicting, directing, and recognizing the affect. This loading was then multiplied by the blatancy of the imagogic representation of S himself (P) the target female of the parmanesia (M), father (F), and the indeter- minant (In) representations, shown also along the hori- zontal axis on the right—hand side. The more distant the derivative the lower its value and consequent influence on the final "Drive" score (D-score). The value for the ‘various derivatives entered in the matrix on the right— hand side was obtained from the derivative scale. In addition to the remoteness of the derivative, its impor— tance in the male oedipal complex was taken into account by dividing: the F (father) derivative by 2for the sexual component; and the M (mother) derivative by 2 for the anger component; all In derivatives were divided by 2 since it was not known whether they represented M or F derivatives. 25 If P is not in the imagery, then any male in the imagery is scored P. Each visual episode received a D- score which was the result of multiplying the weighting factor obtained from the Drive Scale matrix with the sum of the derivatives from the Derivative Scale matrix. A visual episode was defined as a sequence of imagery de- marcated by: (l) a period of no imagery; (2) a change in physical setting of the imagery; (3) a change in the participants of the imagery. An example of arriving at a D-score: "I see myself slamming the door and hurriedly leaving." D-score would equal: A[(dp)(di)] P = (8)(2) (4)(53) = 3392. DRIVE SCALE Drive Mode of Expression Derivative dp(2) di(4) r(8) e(16) P(l—53) M(1-S3) P(l-S3) P ’ ‘1 1-53 1-9 8(16) .1 1-53 + 1—53 + ‘_7f—' + —§—- - 1-9 A(8) 1-53 + -l3?1 + 1—53 + -3—- ‘ 1-9 1-9 6(2) 1-53 + T 1—9 AX(1) _. __ 1-53 + 1-53 + 1-53 + -—3— 1-9 NSD(1) 1—53 + 1-53 + 1-53 + —§—- 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17- 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33. 34. 35. 36. 37. 38. 39. 40. 41. 42. 43. 44. 45. 46. 47. 48. 49. 50. 51. 52. 53. 26 GENERALIZED DERIVATIVE SCALE Geometric forms Words (seen, not just heard) Inanimate objects Plants Non-human, animate objects Unidentifiable person's carricature fl 0' Oliconfl* " " body part " " person Unrecognized " carricature N 90 ”icon" " " body part " ” person Known person's name " " carricature II OI "icon" ” " body part " " person Friend's name " carricature II " icon" " body part " person Spouse's, Cousin's name I. Sibling's Grandparent's financee's, or steady girlfriend's carricature OI icon II body part person Aunt or Uncle's name carricature I. icon OI body part person carricature. "icon" body part person name carricature "icon" body part person name carricature "icon" body part person Parent's, Target's (female lead in paramnesia), or Self's name " ” carricature H II 0| icon" " " body part " " person *Icon refers to any accurate pictoral depiction (painting, photograph, movie, etc.) of the person. 27 A "Symptom" scale was ordered according to the degree to which evidence of the repressed drive(s) is visible in the symptom. The logic of the ranking was in part provided by psychoanalytic theory. Thus, a skin rash provides less representation of the underlying drives than does a phobia. In other words it was the type of infor— mation communicated through a symptom that enabled us to order the symptoms. The same criteria was not used on every symptom. For example, the drive itself was not visible in the symptoms constituting the early part of the scale. The main criteria used on this part of the scale were: (1) the nature of the bodily system activated (vegetative or autonomic systems); and (2) how much of the person's physiology was activated. This conceptuali- zation was the outcome of previous research which related the degree of repression to the type of psychopathology and the frequency of symptoms. As repression breaks down the first symptoms are highly circumscribed and innervated by the autonomic nervous system. Proceeding from here, more and more systems of the body become activated until activation is widespread and awareness is achieved (Reyher, 1967). Thus in the latter part of the scale the drive becomes more visible in the symptoms, for example, phobic reactions and paranoid delusions. A progression is shown from the somatic to the cognitive and finally to the affective spheres. 28 The first two categories (ANS, M-S) constituted the "psychosomatic" symptoms. Key to abbreviations: ANS, autonomic nervous system; M—S, muscular skeletal; UD, unspecified distress; P, psychopathology (excluding psychosomatic ailments, neurasthenic and hypochondriacal complaints, and dissociative reactions); DR, dissociative reactions; EA, emotional agitation; DA, disturbance of affect. The Symptom Scale appears on page 29. A "Resistance" Scale was drawn up on the basis of clinical experience with emergent uncovering: RESISTANCE SCALE Symgol Score VR & OE Verbalized resistance ("I don't want to see that") and open eyes 7 VR Verbalized resistance (S says he won't or can't follow rules) 6 OE Opens eyes (can't keep them closed) 5 S Silence (doesn't answer the questions, e.g., “What's happening?") 4 NI No imagery (free association, or only "sees" blankness or darkness) 3 SI Substitute imagery (can't get or keep specifically suggested image) 2 SV Substitute verbalization (recalling actual past, evaluation, analyses) 1 .19. '48. 49. 50. 51. 52. 53. ‘54. '55. S6. 57. 29 SYMPTOM SCALE Apathy (indifference to surroundings, detached from all relationships (P) Feeling empty, drained, depleted (ANS) Organ dysfunction (ANS) Temperature alterations-cold (ANS) Heaviness (ANS) Tiredness (ANS) sleepiness (ANS) Depression (crying, low voice, slow speech and movements, verbalized) (P) Feelings of being crushed, squeezed, under physical pressure (ANS) Feelings of numbness, loss of sensation or feeling (ANS) Skin disturbance (ANS) Tingling (ANS) Gastric disturbance (stomach noise (ANS) Temperature alterations-warm (ANS) Sweating (damp, sticky) (ANS) Flushing (ANS) Dry, parched or caked mouth, tongue or lips (ANS) Tachycardia (ANS) Dizzy (ANS) Pressure in the head (ANS) Headache (ANS) Head throbs (ANS) Eyes hurting (ANS) Nausea (ANS) Muscular aches and pains (M-S) Tics (muscular Spasms, twitches) (M-S) Tremors (M—S) Stiffness (M-S) Tightness (H-S) Tension (M—S) shaky (M-S) Upset (UD) Jittery, startled, jumps, jerks (UD) Fidgety (if verbalized) (UD) Nervous (UD) 0n edge (UD) Restless, excited (if verbalized) (UD) Bothered, embarrassed (UD) Uncomfortable (UD) Ego alien affect (queezy, antsy, feelings that seem weird, strange, odd, unreal, un- natural, foreign) (DA) Hysteric manifestations such as: paralysis, blindness, deafness, hunger (P) Manic or hyperkinetic behavior (uncontrolled laughing, chatter, etc.) (P) Obsessional verbalization, rumination "nonsensical" trains of thought (P) Compulsive activity, wringing hands, repeated "superstitious" movements (P) Phobic reactions (anxiety directed at some object or situation) (P) States of confusion, doubt and disorientation that include statements that one's thoughts are being pushed or pulled and that the content of the thought cannot be specified (DR) Strong urges not carried out in behavior, such as wanting to move hands around, to feel or rub something (DR) Somatic delusions such as limbs feeling detached, depersonalization, feeling separated from the entire body, {rulings such as fatness, thickness, or enlargement of body or parts, physical disorientation such as a feeling of being turned around, facing a different direction, or being in a different position than the actual directional or postural bodily orientation (DR) Sexual or aggressive urges acted out in behavior without awareness of the relevant sexual or aggressive impulses or stimuli reaponsible (DR) Change in size or shape of physical surroundings or setting (DR) Amnesic or fugue-like episodes (forgetfulness) (P) Schizoid-paranoid characteristics and material (delusions, "crazy" thoughts) (P) Hallucinatory material such as hearing voices, seeing "something" (P) Apprehension (EA) Anxiety (EA) Panic (EA) Terror (EA) 'Those symptoms that actually occurred during experimental sessions. 30 The measure of autonomic arousal used was the galvanic skin response (GSR) and this was quantified in the following manner: A frequency tabulation was made for each of the following seven categories, shown in the 3 x 4 table. Each cell of the table then was the source of a product obtained by multiplying the cell frequency by its appropriate duration and intensity, as shown on the vertical and horizontal axis, respectively. The products of all cells were then added to get an overall total which represented the GSR score for that particular S. The records were kept so that a GSR score could be obtained for each particular phase (I, II, and IV), sub- phase (unstructured periods of free imagery, and the four periods of suggested imagery in II and IV), as well as the overall total for entire imagery. To illustrate how a cell product was obtained: suppose one cell of an S's 3 x 4 table had 8 GSR's of 6- second duration with intensity of 2K ohms, and another cell had 4 GSR's of lS-second duration with intensity of SR ohms. His GSR score would then equal 8 x 6 x 2 = 96 + 4 x 15 x 5 = 300, for a total GSR score of 96 + 300 = 396. No GSR was eligible for more than one entry. Thus if a GSR was 6K ohms and 30 seconds it would only be entered in the 5K ohm 30-second cell. The 3 x 4 GSR table is shown on the next page. 31 GSR TABLE Duration Intensity 2K ohms 5K ohms 10K ohms or more or more or more 6 seconds or more 15 seconds or more 30 seconds or more 60 seconds or more Scorer Reliability Two* independent raters were used to score all the protocols and the reliability of their "Drive," "Symptom," and "Resistance" scale scores was determined by computing Spearman rho correlations. The two judges listened to only the first ten utterances of S to determine if they could correctly identify the group membership of S. Edited protocols were randomly presented to the judges. Examples of scoring are presented in Appendix B in the form of pages of actual protocol, these illustrate D-scoring, Symptom Scale, and Resistance. The GSR was scored on the write-out so a sample of this is also presented in Appendix B. *Judge #1 was S, judge #2 was his wife. RESULTS Inter-rater Reliability The verbatim protocols of the S5 were independently rated by two judges, and inter-rater correlations (Spear— man rho) for D-scores, Symptoms, and Resistance are shown in Table 1. TABLE 1 Inter-rater Correlations Showing Reliability on Rating Various Measures Measure Spearman rho Correlation D-score .922 Total symptoms .976 Resistance score .908 Total symptoms was comparable with previous re- search (Perkins, 1965; Sommerschield, 1969), the other two correlations were sufficiently high for research purposes. Stability of Data A Spearman rho correlation between conditions I and II was obtained for each variable to determine its 32 33 stability over conditions. The resulting correlations were: .54 for D-score; .85 for GSR; .65 for Total symp- toms; .90 for Resistance score. It was noted that the new method employed in the current research of measuring GSR was very stable and surpassed the previous method which utilized the frequency of GSRs above a criteria used in previous research (Perkins & Reyher, 1971; Sommerschield, 1969; Burns, 1967) since the stability of the GSR was surprisingly high, a corre- lation matrix over the four conditions is presented in Table 2 to further assess the stability of this new method of scoring. Both the logic of the research and paucity of data prevented the same evaluation of the other measures. Experimenter Bias Neither judge was able to surpass chance expec— tations in identifying the group membership of the Ss on the basis of the first ten utterances of S in each of the four conditions. Psychopathology There were 226 symptomatic reactions produced by the hypontic S3 with a mean of 18.83 whereas the simu- lating Ss only produced 7 symptomatic reactions for a mean of 1.4. This is significant at the .02 level of signifi— cance (Mann-Whitney U Test, two-tailed). The low inci- dence of symptoms in the simulator group is consistent 34 TABLE 2 Comparison of Stability of Methods of Measuring GSR Over Conditions, Using Frequency Method (Sommerschield, Burns, Perkins & Reyher) and Frequency X Amplitude x Seconds (FAS) Conditions I II III IV I Frequency .691* .499 .577* FAS .845** .670* .810** II Frequency ~553* .868** FAS .775** .796** III Frequency .574* FAS .663* IV Frequency FAS *significant at .05 level **significant at .01 level 35 with previous research (Reyher, 1958, 1961, 1962, 1967; Perkins & Reyher, 1971; Sommerschield, 1969). The following three excerpts from the verbatim protocols (Appendix A) document the efficacy of the procedure. S 5 (beginning): S: [In It?) IU) IDS IUD IN I03 ”9 lm IU) It'll " . . . Just close your eyes . . . describe all you see and feel not omitting anything." (Clears throat)'Ah, —huh, ah, I don't know, I kinda got that sausage feeling again." "That sausage feeling again?" "That, what I told you before about that sausage feeling you know, a feeling of fatness, you know-" "Can you describe that?" "ESpecially in my arms, my arms and forearms and my --- I guess my tongue and my mouth are. And I have a feeling I'm facing the Administration building, for some reason." (ending): "What are you seeing?" "(Laughs) The guys will never believe it." "What was that?" "The guys will never believe it back in the dorm. I'm running like I'm, boy, I don't know where I am, but I know I'm walking back to the dorm. I thought I don't know if I should tell the guys or not, and it's kind of unbelievable, I don't know if they'd believe me. Besides I think I would be a little bit embarrassed to tell them." "Embarrassed in what way?" "Ah, I mean you know. I just, I just don't know what they would say, you know, about the fact that, It?! IUD It!) IUD It!) IO) It!) ICD It!) It!) I0) H In: 36 here is . . . going into an older woman's apart- ment, you know, you know, it's just the bus fare you know. Just because he gave some broad, you know, bus fare, you know, she invites him up to the apartment, her apartment. A little bit un- believable. Ah, I can see all the ribbing I would take." What are you seeing?" "Some of the nuts on the first floor, and all the questions they'd be asking me, I don't know it's just kind of embarrassing, you know, you just don't do it that often, as a matter of fact, I've never done it, so, I don't know, maybe I wouldn't be embarrassed." "How are you doing?" "Fine, it's just a little bit embarrassing, (laughs)." "Can you describe that in greater detail?" "(Sighs) I don't know, I just ah, I'm back at the apartment, it just seems like she was just ah, going out of her way, almost suspiciously, going out of her way to, you know, to thank me. I don't know if she wants more or, you know, it was leading to something of I hate to, you know, think she was lead, you know, I'd hate to do something, you know, with the thought that she had something more in mind, like I'd hate to make a pass at her and find out she is just a nice little old lady that's given me something to eat and drink. Still if we're going to be dancing, I don't know." "How are you doing?" "Fine (laughs) when are you going to get tired of asking that question?" "OK, you can open your eyes." "What are you seeing?" "Ahm, - nothing, actually. I don't know, whenever I talk I don't usually get mental pictures at the same time." 37 S: "Can you just relax and wait for things to come into your mind's eye, and then describe them to me?" S: "Oh, I just got a small vision of what this room looks like again. And I just saw that thumb tack on the end of the pencil again." S: "How are you doing?" S: "Oh, fine." S: "What's happening?" S: "Oh, I can feel my heart going strong again. Is that woman really going to come in here?" S 12: S: "Well, can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them for me?" S: "You mean different things?" S: "Whatever comes into your mind's eye, and describe them." S: "(Silence)" S: "What's happening?" S: "Um, it just looks like, a room, (laugh) with a bed in it. With that (laugh) girl on it, woman on it, again." S: "Well, can you describe that in greater detail?" S: "This time she's just lying there asleep, it's a gigantic four-poster bed, very stately looking sorta room, where an untouchable person would sleep. (silence." S: "What are you seeing?" S: "I'm (laugh) um, sort of a Spinning sensation is what I'm getting right now." Periodically, suggested imagery relating to the paramnesia was introduced in accordance with the procedure 38 of the experimental design. This tactic was also often effective in producing symptomatology as is illustrated by the following example (Appendix A). [In S: Im IN Im [[11 IU) It‘ll lU) ltd ltI'J In: It!) It!) [In 3: "Now I would like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apart~ ment." "Any woman?" "Eh huh." (Delay . . . silence)." "Can you describe things that come into your mind's eye now?" "Alright. She has long brown hair, it's almost perfectly straight, she has brown, real deep brown eyes and ah, she's a tall girl. Ah, some- what big boned and very very pretty. Her face is very soft and gentle and tender, and——oh, every- thing about her seems to be made up of either circles or semi—circles, or curves, her eyes, her mouth, even her feet, her head, everything is curve, circles and semi—circles." "Can you describe?" "And she's smiling, ah and sitting down and she's laughing." "How are you doing?" "Laughing too. We're both laughing (he begins to laugh) laughing out loud." "What's happening?" "Just laughing (laughs. . . laughing) I don' t know why, I just can't stop laughing (laughs . . sighs). "What are you seeing?" "Ah, (silence)." 39 S: "What's happening?" S: "I'm asleep." S 10: S: "Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman?" It!) . "(Sigh) I don't want to think about it. I want to forget it, I don't wanta (delay--si1ence)." S: "What's happening?" S: "(Sighs) I feel very uncomfortable, I don't want (sigh) to discuss it anymore. (signs--silence) Do we have to talk about it anymore?" S: "What are you seeing?" S: "(Sighs) I just don't want to talk about it. (Silence) Can I leave soon?" IUD .e. ltd "Would you please visualize the apartment scene, with the woman?" "(silence)." III) S: "What are you seeing?" S: "Same apartment, just standing there and --" S: "Can you describe that in greater detail?" S: "Um, got a shelf along one side, its got a stereo on it. I'm looking at it." S: "How are you doing?" S: "I feel uncomfortable." S: "Uncomfortable in what way?" S: Oh, nervous, don't like to be there." 40 The hypotheses could not be tested as originally planned, since repression did not weaken during Condition II. The Wilcoxon matched-pairs, signed-ranks test did not reveal any significant differences between any of the variables from phase I to phase II. TABLE 3 Wilcoxon Matched-pairs, Signed-ranks Test on All Variables Between Phase I and Phase II Experimental Conditions Measure Ta (+) Tb (—) Wilcoxon T D-score 32.5 33.5 32.5 ns GSR 20.5 24.5 20.5 ns Total symptoms 24 21 21 ns Resistance 17.5 18.5 17.5 ns Wilcoxon T required for .05 level of significance = criti— cal value of T = 14 This is not surprising, in retrospect, when the difficulty of uncovering oedipal-sexual material in psychotherapy is considered. It is evident from examin— ing the protocols that defenses were able to prevent oedipal related impulses and conflicts from breaking through even at the beginning of Condition I where the conflict appeared to be most acute. The nature of symptoms often documented that the most severe psycho— pathology was at the beginning of Condition I. S 5 41 cogently illustrates this when the beginning of Condition I is contrasted with the end. Fortunately other methods can be used to test the experimental hypotheses. Relationship Among Measures Table 4 presents the intercorrelations between D-scores, GSR, Total symptoms, Psychosomatic proportions, and Resistance. Recalling that D—score is the inverse of repression the plus or minus signs in parenthesis indicate the predicted direction of the relationship. There is reason to believe that the relationships of the several variables with D-score are curvilinear. As repression begins to break down symptoms make their first appearance and increase in frequency until some indetermi— nate inflexion point when the frequency decreases and returns to zero at full awareness. Sommerschield (1969) presented evidence in support of this possibility. See also Bobbitt (1958). This investigation as well as Reyher's showed that the degree of repression is critically related to the frequency of symptoms and the number of symptoms categories used. Significant negative relationships were obtained in this study and also reported by Reyher. Separate correlations, however, between GRs (Good Repressors) and PRs (Poor Repressors) and the frequency of symptoms suggest that the relation- ship between repression and frequency of symptomatic reactions is curvilinear. Perkins also noted a similar curvilinear relationship. A curvilinear rather than a negative relationship between these two variables is more consistent with the prior conclusion that with conflict resolution there is a reduction of symptomatic reactions. (Sommerschield, 1969) 42 TABLE 4 Spearman Rho Correlations Between All Variables for Phases I and II, and for I and II Combined Symptom Psychosomatic D—score GSR . Resistance Frequency Proportion Phase I D-score -.38(+) —.l7(+) -.20(-) -.36(+) GSR .28(+) .32(-) .0 (+) Symptom Frequency .59(+)* .56(+)* Psychosomatic Proportion .31(-) Resistance Phase II D-score .02(+) —.O7(+) -.32(—) -.24(+) GSR .1 (+) .32(-) .12(+) Symptom Frequency .57(+)* .l6(+) Psychosomatic Proportion .l (-) Resistance Combined Phases I and II D-score -.22(-) -.15(+) -.24(-) -.30(+) GSR .26(+) .37(-) .0 (+) Symptom Frequency .674(+)** .36(+) Psychosomatic Proportion .22(-) Resistance *significant at .05 level **significant at .01 level 43 See Figure l, which reveals a curvilinear relationship between symptom frequency and D-score for each S. BOj 29 28« 274 26+ 25- 24- 23‘ 22« 21. 201 19- 18‘ ‘ -—-- Condition I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I 17. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I Condition II 16‘ 15‘ 14‘ 13- 12‘ 11‘ 10' 9. 8‘ A A 7ja~ ’\ " 6. I 5“ \ I \ I I 4- \ l \ I V 3‘ \\ 2‘ \ I, \ I, L I. 1‘ \\I " \V’ o- No. Symptoms _ q d ‘1 j I l I I I l l 2 3 4 greatest R least by rank U! m \1 m1 \O I--‘ O l'-' I—‘ H- N Figure 1 In either case the coefficient of correlation is a value generated by the mean scores of S_and, as such, may mask the "true" relationships among variables. Accordingly different ways of looking at the data are presented. 44 A new Symptom Scale was derived as shown in Table 5, consisting only of those symptoms from the Symptom Scale that actually occurred during the experi— ment. All of these symptoms occurred in the context of visual imagery and the Symptom Scale ranks them on the basis of this in order to display visually the relation- ship between degree of drive representation and category or type of symptom. The original Symptom Scale was ordered according to the rationale that the nature of the symptom itself con- tains information as to the degree of repression to the observer. A Spearman rho correlation was computed (.51) between the rank of the original Symptom Scale and the rank of the D—scores for all symptoms that actually occurred, as displayed in Table 5. This correlation was significant at the .01 level. A visual inspection of column SRS shows the putative relationship in a cogent manner. The same procedure was used to determine the sequence of symptoms that was used by Perkins and Reyher (1971); Reyher (1967); and Sommerschield (1969). Each symptom was given a score of 1 when it occurred in phase I and a score of 2 when it occurred in phase II for S5 whose D-score mean showed an increase from phase I to phase II (representing a lifting of repression). A mean intensity score was computed for each category in which Symptom Chart of Symptoms Actually Occurring in the Context of Imagery During the Experiment, Ranked in Order from the Lowest D-score to the Highest (the D—score 45 TABLE 5 rank was obtained by averaging the three D- scores of the visual episodes before, during, and after a symptom) Symptom # Symptom Number D-score and Rank Description of Ss D-Score Rank SRS* 17 eyes hurt 1 2.0 l ANS 8 gastric 1 6.5 2 ANS 4 sleepy 1 19.5 3 ANS 10 sweating 2 20.1 4 ANS 14 dizzy 1 27.1 5 ANS 28 on edge 1 27.2 6 UD 1 drained 1 38.0 7 ANS 7 tingling 1 56.0 8 ANS 33 manicy 1 59.5 9 DA 18 aches 2 64.5 10 M-S 11 hungry 1 76.0 11 ANS 2 cold 5 80.3 12 ANS 9 warm 5 751.9 13 ANS 15 headache 1 844.8 14 ANS 3 tired 4 1226.3 15 ANS 20 stiffness 1 1768.5 16 M—S l9 tics 2 1803.5 17 M—S 35 delusions (soma) 6 2291.4 18 DR 21 tightness 3 2330.7 19 M-S 5 depression 1 3180.0 20 DA 6 numbness 5 3248.5 21 ANS 36 disorientation 1 3605.5 22 DR 29 restless 2 6784.7 23 DD 12 dry mouth 4 10096.2 24 ANS 27 nervous 5 13310.0 25 DD 22 tension 5 16184.2 26 M-S 13 tachycardia 2 16897.1 27 ANS 25 jittery 3 19517.1 28 DD 34 confusion 2 38157.5 29 DR 32 ego alien afct 2 38950.7 30 DA 26 fidgety 3 81449.0 31 DD 30 bothered 4 92768.5 32 DD 16 head throbs 1 115328.0 33 ANS 31 uncomfortable 6 118145.l 34 UD 24 upset 3 l94825.4 35 UD 23 shakey 2 597004.0 36 M-S *SRS: Symptomatic Reaction Scale per Reyher (1967) 46 S had symptoms. A grand mean thus was computed for each category. By this method a mean intensity score was ob— tained within each category of symptoms. A rank order correlation (Spearman rho) of .98 was obtained between the sequence of symptoms produced by the oedipal-sexual paramnesia of the present research (0—8) and the sequence generated by the Experimental combined order (A, S, O) of research by Reyher (1967); and Sommerschield (1969) as shown in Table 6. This correlation was significant at the .05 level. TABLE 6 Original (0) Sequence of Symptom Categories, Reyher (1958); Anger-Aggression (A), Oedipal—Sex (S), A and S Combined (A&S), Reyher (1967), and A, S, and 0 Combined, Sommerschield (1969) and Current Research Oedipal-Sex (O-S) Category 0 A S A&S AS&O O-S Autonomic Nervous System 1 l 2 l l l ANS»4 Somatic and Muscular 2 2 1 4 2 2 M—S“2 Disturbance of Affect 3 5 5 2 4‘ 4.5 DA H Unspecified Distress 4 3 3 3 3 3 UD 3/ Anxiety 5 6 4 6 5~ v States of Confusion 6 8 6.5 8 8‘ Dissociative Reactions 7 4 6.5 5 6“”4.5 DR Derivatives of Conflict 8 7 8 7 7 States of Confusion was not used in the current research as a separate category, but was included in Dissociative Reaction (DR), it is interesting to note that in Sommerschield's ranking States of Confusion and 47 Dissociative Reactions were tied (S). The category of Anxiety was not used since this was included on the Symptom scale, and Derivatives of Conflict were not scored as symptoms because they were included in the D-score. Hypnotic 85 versus Simulating 85 The Mann-Whitney U Test was used to determine whether the two groups of Ss came from the same population for all measures. The results are shown in Table 7. TABLE 7 Mann-Whitney U Test Comparing Hypnotic Ss versus Simulating Ss on All Measures Direction of Measure Mann-Whitney Relationship Resistance 5** (H > 5) Symptom Frequency 6** (H > 8) D-score 10* (H < S) GSR 21 (H < S) Psychosomatic Proportion 30 (H > S) H = hypnotic Ss; S = simulating Ss *significant at the .05 level **significant at the .01 level Other Findings The average length of duration of GSRs before, during, and after each symptom for all Ss was found to be 43 seconds. An analysis of GSR scores based on this 48 43-second interval was performed for each symptom having enough frequency to secure representative means. These were then grouped according to symptom category and grand means were established for each category for the three intervals. The obtained means of SZLS, 100.98, and SSLZ for the before, during, and after intervals were signifi— cantly different (.05 level, Friedman two-way analysis of variance). The mean GSR for M-S, UD, DR, and ANS cate- gories were 54.07, 69.13, 70.03, and 100.8 respectively. These were not significantly different (Kruskal—Wallis, one-way analysis of variance). In a similar manner D-score was also recorded, the major difference in procedure was that no time limit was imposed, the restrictions being that no D-score could be counted that occurred outside of the particular phase of the experiment (I, II, III, or IV) in which the symp— tom occurred. The grand means were calculated for each category of symptoms for the three intervals: before, during, and after symptoms. These were 129.44, 281.49, and §§;12 respectively, and were significantly different (.001 level, Friedman two-way analysis of variance). The mean D—score for ANS, M-S, UD, and DR categories were 559.4, 8,111.3, 22,616.7, and 30,247.2 respectively. These were not significantly different (Kruskal-Wallis, one-way analysis of variance). DISCUSSION The present research confirmed the relationship between the degree of repression, the type of psycho— pathology, and the frequency of symptoms that has been shown in previous research. Furthermore, this was veri- fied by a different method than was used in the earlier investigations. Even a cursory inspection of the protocols (Appendix A) reveals the fluctuating interplay of repres- sion and drives: a sudden increase in blatancy of drive representation is accompanied by the sudden generation of symptoms, quickly followed by a decrease in blatancy of drive representation and disappearance of the symptoms. This was observed most frequently at the beginning of "emergent uncovering" and also as a result of the use of the posthypnotic intensification of the anxiety—producing drives by the phrase, "How are you doing?", and on occasion as a result of the reintroduction of "hot" images as well as by asking S to image himself in the apartment or dancing. The laboratory protocols are con— gruent with emergent uncovering in clinical practice where momentary easing of repression occurs frequently 49 50 throughout a session. At these times the repressed or its derivatives break through in more blatant form, producing a hot image, only to be followed by a reestablishment of repression (reduction in blatancy of drive representation). In terms of our frame of reference there is a rapid sequence of events. There is a sudden increase_in the blatancy of drive representation which produces a pattern of anxiety denoted_by the occurrence of a_symptom and an increase in GSRs. This is followed by the intensi- fication of repression (low D-score), which is a negative feedback mechanism (Reyher, 1964; Reyher & Basch, 1970), and thetermination of the symptom. The psychosomatic symptomis just one facet of a widespread pattern of fécilitation and inhibition representing the intensifi— cation of a drive, anxiety, and the resurgence of re- pression. The symptom disappears when the degree of drive level decreases (resurgence of repression). The full significance of these data can only be appreciated through reading the protocols as the experi- mental design and the dependent variables used therein are incapable of tracking continuously the psycho— dynamic processes involved. However, the existence of this interplay between repression and anxiety-producing drives is cogently confirmed by two statistical analyses in the present investigation: (1) the curvilinear relationship between the degree of repression and the 51 frequency of symptoms, and (2) the significant increase in the blatancy of drive representation accompanied by a significant increase in GSR coincidental with a symptom, immediately followed by a decrease in drive represen- tation, reduction of GSR, and the termination of the symptom. It is in this last analysis that we see most clearly the relationship between drive and repression that runs through all the other analyses; that is, the relationship between the degree of drive representation (repression) and S's state of arousal and type of symptomatic behavior. The results of this investigation are consistent with the earlier observations of Reyher (1967), Perkins and Reyher (1971), and Sommerschield (1969). Reyher (1967) concluded that the sudden activation of a re- pressed complex causes a momentary disequilibrium between anxiety-producing impulses and the inhibition against them (repression). The resulting shifting interplay between facilitative and inhibitory processes proceeds with a variety of transitory outcomes, including symptoms, until S either acts out the repressed impulses, with or without awareness, or he regains equilibrium through greater inhibitory controls. Some symptoms are not merely psychosomatic but are a distorted expression of the drive itself as S 6 (Appendix A, page 21) who felt his arms getting elongated, 52 and S|4 (Appendix A, page 89) who felt hot in front and cold in back, and many other such examples contained in the protocols (Appendix A). These symptoms in particular further document Sommerschield and Reyher (1971) findings-- in contrast to prevailing expert opinion—-that symbolic or hysterical symptoms are not restricted to the cortical discharge or inhibition of the voluntary musculature but also can be associated with the vegetative systems. As these investigators noted, the oedipal—sexual paramnesia provides support for earlier psychoanalytic formulations (Deutsch, 1922; Fenichel, 1945; Ferenczi, 1952; Jelliffe, 1922; Jelliffe & Evans, 1916) in which autonomic dis— turbances can be symbolic representations of repressed drives. Again, as these investigators noted, as had Freud, there may be unique connections between oedipal strivings and hysterical symptoms. These observations are buttressed by Imm (1965) who reported that dreams are influenced more by oedipal-sexual paramnesias than by aggressive paramnesias, and by Bettleheim and Hartmann (1959) who reported that only crudely sexual material underwent a symbolic disguising process in the recall of stories by Korsakow patients. As a result of this investigation the relation— ship between the degree of repression and various types of psychopathology was supported by the significant correlation achieved between the ranking of symptoms on 53 the basis of their D-scores and their original ranking on the Symptomatic Reaction Scale. Each symptom, however, must be examined more closely in an effort to determine more precisely its relationship to the remoteness or nearness of expression, since some symptoms appeared to be misplaced such as symptoms 28, 33, 18, 6, 12, 13, 16, and 23. Only further research will resolve this issue. There were more documented occurrences of the variable and specific aspects of repression than were ob— tained with the tachistoscopic presentation of critical stimuli (Reyher, 1967). The mobile character of repres— sion-fthe constant striving of an instinct for gratifi- cation--could not be commented upon because this was built into the design; however, its variable and specific charac- ter occurred as spontaneous natural phenomena. Its vari— able character was documented by several Ss. Subject #12 described blatant sexual imagery that he appeared to enjoy, yet after the paramnesia was removed and the experiment terminated, he could not recall this imagery and requested to listen back to the tape. After listening for several minutes to this portion of the tape, he be- came very embarrassed and asked S’to stop, and disclaimed any memory of having said what he had just heard. The specific character of repression was docu- hmented many times throughout the protocols. Since the details of the induced drive-complex were, of course, known, it was possible to observe the interplay between a 54 particular drive and repression with a specific derivative or protosymbol of the lady in the paramnesia being formed in S's visual imagery. For example, although an older woman was the sexual object of‘S in the paramnesia, an older woman was seldom presented in st imagery as it resembled mother too closely; consequently, an image of a peer-aged female or a girlfriend was typically formed. Some Ss changed the scene from dancing in her apartment to being alone with her in a crowded nightclub or to some other scene, which was not part of the paramnesia. An image of the woman could be formed only in another less sexual context. There were many displacements and dis- tortions of the induced paramnesia which reflected the shifting interplay between the striving for sexual gratification and the inhibition of this with highly specific and overdetermined derivatives being formed. The D-score does appear to have the property of at least a good ordinal scale in that it was a reliable ranking method with different judges, a large score being meaningfully different in amount than a small score. In other words, it appears valid across different individuals in that individuals can be compared in terms of their D-scores. Furthermore, two different D-scores do not mean the same thing for an individual. We therefore, have an instrument that appears to be a meaningful measure of the degree of repression which can be utilized with 55 some modification for the assessment of repression in connection with oedipal strivings on any kind of protocol involving visual imagery. The effectiveness of the hypnosis and the param— nesia is evident when compared with the results of simu— lating S3. The induced paramnesia apparently did not tap the simulating Ss oedipal complex as much as it did for the hypnotic Ss as symptom frequency and resistance were both significantly less while the D-score was signifi- cantly higher. The low D-score (reciprocal measure of repression) and higher rate of symptoms for the hypnotic Ss, revealed that associations had been made between the paramnesia and S's oedipal complex, however, a follow-up interview at the end of the experiment did not detect any traces of the paramnesia in any of the hypnotic Ss. Furthermore, after three to six months, nine of the hypnotic Ss were contacted and all but one expressed a willingness to cooperate further with hypnotic experi— ments if needed. Many reported, quite voluntarily, that they felt that they had derived benefits from partici- pation in the experiment-~for example, ability to concen- trate better, being able to relax more, and get to sleep easier. Once the order of occurrence of symptoms and its relationship to repression is more clearly delineated, it could provide helpful guidelines in therapy for the 56 clinician as a check on progress in lifting repression and on the imminence of the emergence of repressed material. The curvilinear relationship between repression and éggfiwgf Symptom supports the contention of many psychotherapists that in order to get better the patient must first get "worse." Inwpsychotherapy of an uncover— ing nature, the production of disturbing symptomatology is a sign that repression is lifting. The client's dis- turbance is but the prelude to a significant decrease in psychopathology. As a matter of fact, if symptoms are not produced, uncovering (and thus therapy) is not progress- ing. However, the resolution of intrapsychic conflict does not take into consideration how the patient is going to fit into society: an intrapsychic conflict may be exchanged for an extrapsychic conflict; that is, the un- covered impulses may be antisocial in nature. This makes it imperative that the psychotherapist help the patient evaluate the consequences of acting upon his impulses so that they are managed in a socially acceptable manner. He must be aided in determining which responses will elicit aversive counter—responses and in finding other methods of handling his impulses which will elicit non— aversive or supportive responses. Even if psychotherapy results only in an exchange of unconscious emotions and impulses for conscious con- flict, this kind of distress is preferable to psychosomatic 57 symptoms and unconsciously motivated and impulsive be— havior since it allows him to be in control of his behavior and in touch with his emotions. The failure of the procedure to progressively weaken the repression of the induced paramnesia is con— sistent with clinical practice; consequently, it was overly optimistic to expect the lifting of repression within the space of a one-hour session with each S when clinical experience testifies to the difficulty of lift- ing repression surrounding oedipal conflicts. Even if successful, this usually takes months or years with two or more sessions scheduled a week. The focus on resistance, which is an integral aspect of emergent uncovering, was not utilized in the present investigation. For the client undergoing emergent uncovering, resistance becomes the focus of inquiry when— ever it is experienced. The experience of resistance can be either conscious withholding due to such affects as embarrassment, guilt and hostility, or unconscious. In the former case, the client comes to terms with character traits operating as defense such as obsequiesness, dependency, and arrogance whereas in the latter case he comes to terms with repression as he wants to open his eyes and/or disperse with free imagery without know- ing why. He is encouraged to continue with free imagery using his last images as a starting point. In the short 58 period of time allotted to emergent uncovering in the present research, it is unlikely that the resistance would have made any difference of uncovering achieved. Furthermore, our not clients which would have rendered the resistance as inappropriate. focus on in the amount subjects were focus on REFERENCES REFERENCES Betlheim, S., & Hartman, H. On parapraxes in the Korsakow psychoses. In D. Rapaport (Ed.), Organi— zation andgpathology of thought. New York: COIumBia UniVersity Press, 1959. Bobbitt, Ruth A. The repression hypothesis studied in a situation of hypnotically induced conflict. 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New York: Wiley, 1963. 63 Wolfe, Alice Madeline. Critical factors in the artificial induction of conflicts: A hypnotic paradigm for repression. Unpublished master's thesis, Michigan State University, 1971. APPENDICES APPENDIX A Condition I S What's happening? S I, ah, see a road, you know, a typical road highway type. There's no trees, no trees around, ah,-—it's sorta deso— late. S Desolate in what way? S It, you know, like when you've been driving for a long time and there's a straight stretch of road and I guess, ah, kinda of a gray day, there's no sun, no shadows. S What are you seeing? S Same road. There's train tracks on the left side. On the right side there is ah stream with a few small bushes, you know, but not a lot. There's a small gas station on the, on the left side “71th just one pump, and it's a dirt, you know, there's no pavement or no black top. S How are you doing? S 0h okay-—kind of, ah, nothing, you know, just happy I guess, or, or not happy, not sad, you know, just con- tent type thing. S What's happening? S It looks like the place is closed and, ah (laugh)-—-I, I'm in some kind of a vehicle. I don't know What it is, I can't figure it out--—and I, I go up to the door and it's Open and I went in. S What's happening? S Ah, nothing-~oh, I bought Some candy and went outside and az'soda, coke. There's two other peOple in the car—-it's a car, convertible. S Well can you describe that more f‘*1:l—Il.y? S The people? S Uh huh. S Well, a male and a female. And the car is red. Oh wait, there's two other people in the car. Two peeple I don't know. And I'm sitting behind the driver, who has the seat all the way back. There's not much room for my legs. S How are you doing? §~ 01'), okay, right now. I'd rather be sitting in the front seat. — On that road again. - S What's happening? S Ah, we're driving down that road. S I notice you're scratching your neck. S Yeah. S “That's happening? S Nothing, just thinking. S What was that? 1 S Just sitting there in the back--cramped (laughs). Now there's, ah, lake on the right side and, ah, I guess trees and stuff on the left. (delay) It's windy out, and, ah, it seems like we're going in the Oppo- site direction than we were before. (silence) S What's happening? _S_ Trying to go to sleep, but I can't cause it's too uncomfortable. E I noticed you are moving your legs. S Uh huh. S How are you doing? _§_ “Yell, still in the same cramped position, I guess. The wind, you know, as it makes a lot of noise on the convertible roof, its, like, making me fall asleep, cause its constant pitch. And the girl in the front Seat: is reading a book or something. (delay) I, I'm really quiet, Which I'm not usually. I haven't been saying anything, for a long time. E What's happening? S Just driving now. S What was that" S There's more scenery, the driving, it's, ah, bland and it seems like the sun is out but it's not strong. S What's happening? S There are waves, it's really windy and there are lots of waves on the lake on the right. And I 'm thinking about the ocean. S Thinking about it in what way? S Well, of my home. On the east coast. (silence) Now I'm thi-, -I ""481: have fallen asleep or something cause I was thinking about home a lot and about the parties and on the beach mostly. S What are you seeing? _S_ 0h, ah, bonfire at night and, ah, looking out at the ocean You can't see anything except the reflection from the fire on the white water as it washes in. (delay) It's cold out--it's probably fall, there's no snow on the ground. S What's happening? S These two De<3’I>le I know are acting like nuts, you know, like they usually do. E well, can you describe that in greater detail? S He's picking her up and throwing her around, you know, stupid things, she's prob-, she's drunk. With the girl I took to this party brought a teddy hear, I don't know why, but she brought one. S How are you doing? S Hm, I'm okay -—sorta neutral. Cold. S Cold in what way. S Well, you know, like you you've been out in the fall. You know, not quite, it was, it was a little warmer than today. But it was, you know, after you've been out for about an hour or so, it's kinda cold. 80 part of me is warm because of the fire, but my back is cold. Ah, now we're back in the car and coming to a bridge (delay) It's really confusing because there are a lot of roads, at the other end of the bridge, and, well, we go straight. And there's a lot 0f gas stations. And there's a Holiday Inn on the right. There's a big farmhouse, with two trailers, not really close to it but I'd say they're about fifty yards away from it. S What's happening? S Nothing, ah, I , — just driving again. S What are you seeing? S Nothing really, B’Ou know, that would stick out, it's just a lot of farm, you know, hilly farm land. S I notice you're rubbing your nose. S Uh huh. S What's happening? S Still driving (laughs). It's really crowded in the back Seat now, and it's getting worse. S What was that? S It's, the back Seat, seems like, you know, it's really getting crowded, course there's three peeple back there. (voice low) My legs are kinda numb by now. But they don't both me. S Can you describe that in greater detail? §_ You mean my legs? S Yeah. S Well They've been sitting in like one position for so long that if I try to move them I know they're going to hurt so I jsut let them sit there. My backside hurts. S Hurts in what Way? _S_ Well, from sitting on a seat, you know, it's a hard seat; it's not very comfortable. (dealy) That girl is still reading that book. (Silence) I'm getting hungry. (delay) S What are you seeing? S \ Just, ah, you know, typical road things with road side stop and you keno“, passing a lot of trailers and things on pick-ups and stuff like that. The road, it's not crowded. It's just, you know, there's maybe two cars in front of us. S How are you doing? S Ah, still sitting there. Somebody asked me why I was so quiet. S Uh huh. S And then I sorta jokingly say, "I can't move and everytime I move it hurts." Now we're at, ah, a , ah,--I guess it's a gas station with a lot of candy machines and, ah, coke machines and stuff like that-~but I didn't have much money so I had to decide whether to get a coke or something to eat. So I got a coke. And now we're driving and I'm sitting in the front seat and the girl is Sitting in the back seat. It's a, ah, the car is, ah, you know a manual transmission thing and it's on the floor and it keeps on wiggling while We ' re driving so we have to, we have to put our coats on top of it to keep the noise down. (silence) S Now what's happening? S What? It Seetns like it's turning into spring, it, like when we left it was winter and tt‘le more we travel the season seems to change. Things are green, there's more color. (silence) Now we're in a city now, and those two peo- ple in the back seat are gone--and I feel more comfortable. S More com- f0‘1’."1:ab1e in what way? S Well, there's more room now and I can put my legs, you know, put my legs on the right side of the car and my back on t1"e left so my legs can stretch out. (silence) Now I'm in the back SQat. And the girl is in the front seat and it's warm, we have the windows open but it's at night. (silence) Man, it feels good to see build- ings again. And the lights, you know, from the stores and stuff. (Silence) 13. What's happening? S I'm not in the car anymore, I'm in - New York City - and I think it's Times Square, and there's this, me and my friend are watching this — old lady with a flag and some guy with a BIble lecturing on the street corner. Condition II _E_ Now I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. (silence) S What's happening? S Ahm (sighs) -- we're not alone, there, there's one other person in the . . . (delay) S Can. you describe that in greater detail? S You mean the room and everything? S Uh huh. S Well, I's sitting on the couch, and this , this girl is sitting next to me, woman. And this other person is sitting in a chair across from us, watching TV, and I guess we were Watching TV too. - Somebody else came in and left; I don't know who, you know, they just walked in and left.. There's fish tanks around. E Plow are you doing? S I don't know, it's (delay) S What was that? _S_ I don't know, ah, (silence) I'm not really thinking about myself. 3'; “That's happening? S Just sitting there watching TV and talking. The phone rang and somebody came out of a bedroom and answered it. Seems like there is a lot of people in there, a lot of peOple running around all the time. (silence) S What are you seeing? S A fish tank. (sighs) S What's happening? S That other person is gone, now, “Fe ' re alone. (silence) S How are you doing? _S_ I'm getting tired, it ' 8 really late, it's, ah, 2 or 3 in the morning and (yawns) that girl has fallen asleep on my lap. (delay) (silence) It seems like the next morning and this girl and me are hitch—hiking someplace. Ah, I tllink it's to, to my place. (delay) S Can you describe that in gIteater detail? S Yeah, he, it was an older car, and he was like, he was just stupid (laugh) you know, and he was talking ridiculous things. E‘- Ridiculous in wh- S He, he annoyed me because he said something about h e Was going to Viet Nam (delay) and (pause) felt like he wanted sym— pathy because he was going. And the girl looks at me, sorta a side glance like she was waiting for me to say something but I didn't (pause) and she didn't say anything and then we, we come to a step sign and we get out of the car. - And she asked my why I didn't say anything, and (sighs) alun, I just didn't want to hassle with her. S Hassle in what way? i Well she expected me to say oh, oh well, I was in Viet Nam, you know. But I just didn't, I don't like people to know I was there. So that, we forgOt about that. S What was that? S We forgot, you know, we just dropped the subject there, when I told her I didn't want to say anything, ah, cause I guess she knew how I felt about it. S What's happening? S We're, we're in my house 'now. (delay) I mean, it's dark in there because it's a log cabin and there's a lot of trees around, SO the sun light doesn't get to the house. S How are you doing? i I '11: happy I guess. We're in, ah, living room, sorta of a living room with a lot of stereo equipment, listening to music. S What's happening? §. (delay) I keep on thinking I want to make love to her and I don't know, I ’ I'm just sitting there (delay) S What are you seeing? S Ah, her. playing with‘two cats. They're kittens, they're not full grown. (delay) She is the same girl who was in the car, and the other person was her boyfriend or, yeah, I guess boyfriend or male or you know whatever you Want to call him. And i'm friends with him and I'm debating whether not to or because I'm really good friends with him and - that would create a hassle. S how are you doing? (shaking his head) S Ah, - I'm kinda nervous and I, I don't want, I don't know, ah (delay) well, I'm 1<1~t1<51a undecided, jittery I guess. S Nervous and jittery in what way? § You know, like, I don't know what to do, like I'm, I'm really undecided and (moving feet) - he won't, he won't be back until September so, it's probably early summer. S I notice you moving your feet. S Yeah, probably because I'm . . . S What was that? (laughs) Probably because I'm jittery. (silence) S What's happening? S I'm still sitting there trying to figure out what to do (loud sigh). It's really confusing because I feel like‘I decided what I was going to do and then, I just can 't re- it's a big mess of things that I can't pick anything out of it - S Can you describe that in greater detail? S Well, it's like that story of those two ways, you know, I do and I don't and I can see both ways - it's real strange. S What was that? S It was strange. 3 Strange in what way? S Well I mean that I can see two stories develop, you know, completely both ways. S What are you seeing? S Well, one I go to bed with her. and the other one, - I, ah, I cbn't I guess (laughs). S What's happening? S (silence - sighs) S How are you doing? S Ah, I'm, I'm still kinda - questionable, ah, I can see like two of me, you know like in both situations doing two different things. (delay) In one, I'm, ah, in bed with her and in the other one I'm still talking to her. (silence) S How are you doing? §. (laughs) It's really hard to say cause I keep on seeing, you know, the . . . jittery me and the, the satisfied me, you know, the content me. It ' a hard to pick out which is real and which is fantasy I guess. E what's happening? S (Laughs) Really confusing. (sighs) S I t‘c’tice you are scratching your ear. Rubbing your face. S (loud sighs) E What's happening? S (laughs) I'm nervous, but I'm content too, you know, it's, ah, S Can you describe that in greater detail? S It's like being cold and hot at the same time, but knowing that there's a co 1d and knowing that there's a hot, - but being unable to distinguish which is which, you know . . . you know which is which but you can't pick them out, ah, material (?) Like type thing. Like being happy and sad at the same time, or you know, something like that. S What are you seeing? S Two things (laughs). They're like stuck there, they won't go any, I mean they won't deveIOp any further. 0h now we're eating. I think it is hamburger. E I-Iould you, ah, please visualize the apartment scene with the woman. _S_ (delay) In, in my apartment or the first one. S Whatever you see. E Okay. (silence) S What's happening. S Back to the beginning. Ah, were we're sitting there watching TV and the fish. The fish are more interesting than the TV. S Than what? S The fish are more interesting than the TV. S What's happening? S (sighs) Just sitting there, there's nobody there now there's just us two. (silence) S How are you doing? S (delay) I, ah, kinda, hard, ah- S What was that? S I don' t know, ah- I guess I'm (delay) thinking about her, you know. E Thinking about her in what way? S Just you know, thoughts . . . ahm, t1"lere's no Specific thing. Personality and stuff like that. S What are you seeing? S (sighs and shakes head) S What's happening? S I don' t know, it's, it's, ah, it's really confusing. S Can you describe that in greater detail? S There, the room is really small and, ab, it ' s got a lot of stuff in it, you know, it's really, a lot of books and albums and a lot of paintings on the wall and (sighs). S How are You doing? S I'm thinking about what to do, ah, trying to make up my mind on whether to stay there or go to my apartment. It's not her apart- ment, it's somebody else's; she's been staying there for a couple of days. S What's happening? S She's not in the room now and I'm looking around sorta (sighs). S What are you seeing? _S_ (delay) (shakes h e3“?!) (delay) It's not, a person comes back but it's not the same person, it's a different, she's older, you know, not old, but older, than the, ah, the other girl. Now I'm really confused. S Confused in what way? ‘S_(laughs) I don't know. I mean I'm just confused, like what you do, you know, if somebody walked past and somebody else came back? Well she's got some, you know, really she's got expensive clothes on, like you know, ah, a long I don't know what you call it, something like Loretta Young would wear. (sighs) S How are you doing? S_I'm sitting and trying to figure what's going on. I've never seen this person before, I don't know if she, she has never been in that apartment or anything. I mean not like being in the same apartment (?) It's, ah, bigger, it's not, ah, and it's got more expensive furniture and- and I really feel uncomfortable. S Uncomfortable in what way? ‘S Well like I shouldn't be there, you know, that type of- S You shouldn't be there? ‘S Well like I don't fit with the furniture and that type of thing. You know. It's almost like, ah, I'm observing, it, you know, with me in there. And I don't look the p— , you know I don't get, ah, the, the room doesn't fit me or I don't fit the room or something. S Well can you describe that in greater detail? S_Well it's like, going to a restaurant you know, a super expensive restaurant with, ah, shorts on- that's the way I felt, you know, you know cut-off shorts and an old T-shirt and (or) something. (silence) I feel like I want to leave, you know, I just want to get up and - I'm there for some - ah, I don't know how I got there. (delay) She's really wealthy and I don't know anybody that wealthy. S What was that? S She's like really wealthy, YOu.know. LE Can you get a mental picture of your self dancing with the woman? 10 S Yeah (laughs). It looks kinda stupid. It really does. .S Stupid in what way? S Well, you know, she's got thoselong super expensive clothes on and I've got my usual stuff levis and T-shirt, you know. (laughs) S_What's happening? S_We're dancing (laughs). S_Can you describe that in greater detail? .§ Well (sighs) (delay) she's not taller than me, I think she's (delay) it's really slow music, you know, it's nothing — fast or anything, and (pause) (sighs) (delay) she seems like, like she knows what she's doing, you know, and, like I'm being hussled (laughs) you know. She's not fat or anything, she's very well built - she's not a repulsive type person either. _S How are you doing? S-I guess I'm respondino to her hussling. 'S Responding in what way? S Well, getting sexually aroused. Well, it's like she likes it--like it's, ah, it's really funny because I don't fit you know and it's, it's, I feel really uncomfortable but still- (silence) S Uncomfortable in what way? S_You know uncomfortable that I shouldn't be there, that I don't belong there. (Clears throat) But still I feel, you know, the emotions of being there. S_What's happening? _S I get the feeling that she, she's ah luring me to the bedroom, type thing. Ah, (silence) S How are you doing? _S I'm getting kind of, ah, - wondering what I'm doing there, you know. I still feel like I don't fit in, you know. _S Can you describe that in greater detail? Hm, like she seems like she's been around and, — (delay) I'm kinda wondering, you know (delay) S What was that? S_Wondering if I should or If I shouldn't, you know, go into bed with her, ahm,- it'd be a bummer if she, you know, goofed on me, you know, or (delay) (sigh) you know something like that. .S Bummer in what way? S Well you know I just wouldn't - it would make me feel like incompetent you know, that would really be abd. So I'm kinda, you know, ah, now you're getting ll ridiculous now because I still don't fit in and, and— to, you know, like have sex would make it real, course it's the real thing then, then it would force me into this you know, spot and I, you know, I know I don't belong there. You know it's like taking a jig saw puzzle and if the piece doesn't fit cut it and make it fit. _S Can you describe that in greater detail? S About the- which part? S_If you do it, ah, I didn't quite follow that. S_Oh, like you know, it would, right now it seems like a fantasy type thing where, I can see myself, you know, but if I did go to bed with her I would be seeing myself for myself in the scene instead of being the observer. And— that wouldn't be too good. (laughs) ‘S_Wouldn't be too good in what way? S_Well, it would, I guess it would mess up my mind, you know. S_Mess up your mind in wh- .S I just keep on feeling that I do not fit there and like, there's other forces, you know- (silence) _S What's happening? S Ah, we're still going through a hassle about whether to go into the bedroom or not, and - (delay) S_I notice you're itching your face. S Yeah (laughs) S What's happening" S I'm getting kinda shaky and I want to leave, you know, like, I'm . . . there for some reason and I can't remember why but - it's like I have to collect something or — a bill or something like that. .2 What are you seeing? .S I see a bus now - (laughs). S What's happening? S (laughs) I don't know why I see a bus (laughs). It's pulling away, it's pulling away and somebody is running after it or something like that, and I'm standing there looking - observing it you know. And it's (laugh) it's an exact fare bus in New York City (laugh) - and it, it's this woman who doesn't have change, she only has a big bill, she doesn't have change to get on and the driver can't get, can't let her on, and so I give her the money and she insists - that's how we 12 got to the apartment (light of discovery on his face and in his vocal tone). She insisted that I, like I gave — it was only like 35 cents, and she insisted that she give me the money back and I figured like, well, you know she was dressed-up, I don't know why she was taking a bus. She, yah, she wasn't dressed, you know, she was dressed~1ike.she Should be in a taxi. But I figure it'd be interesting, you know, to see where she lived. S How are you doing? ‘S_I'm, like I don't believe, you know, it was a hundred dollar bill she had you know, and like, I'd never seen one, oh, I've seen one but (laugh) it was a really strange situation. Now we're back up in the apartment again. Now I'm really getting nervous, I don't want to stay there and - _S You don't want to stay there in what way? S Well she's really making me pretty nervous cause I don't know what to do and I can't make up my mind and when I get like that I just get nervous. .S Can you describe that in greater detail? _S (sighs) Well if I leave, and go running out of the apartment I'll appear to be a little kid, and if I stay there and I do make love to her and she doesn't think it's too cool then I'll still feel like a little kid and I don't know what to do. S to do. S I notice you're rubbing your eyes. S What's happening? S She's, she's gone right now, I don't know, she's going I don't know what she's going to do, she's not there anymore and I'm looking at the door and wondering whether to leave or ' (delay) ‘S_How are you doing? .S_I'm out of the apartment now. 'S_Out of the apartment? §LYeah, and I'm walking out - out of the building, - and there is a door- man there who's looking at me really strange and I don't know it's just a look like you know--What are you doing here? type of thing. 'S_Can you describe that in greater detail? .S (sighs) A look like, Delivery boys should use the back entrance, type thing. IS_How are you doing? § I'm, 13 I'm sorta relieved but this, some, some man I see who I know from some- where - walking into the apartment — and he, I don't know who he is - he say hi to me and calls me by my name, but I can't figure out who he is. (silence) .E What's happening? S It's kinda stuck there like, like the projector stopped and the picture is still there. _S Can you describe it in greater detail? S_I'm standing outside with, it's not in New York or anything you know, it's like around here somewhere. You know a typical apartment type thing, and there's no doorman, but there's still a man who I know, who I can't figure out who he is walking into the building and, ah, I'm just standing there, you know, trying to figure out what's happen- ing. S_How are you doing? S I'm, I'm reliev, I'm re, I'm relieved, but not I'm worried about who that guy was and I keep on thinking well maybe that, you know, this chick was his wife or something, ah- .S Now I'd like you to get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. S 0k. ‘S_What, what are you seeing? .§ (sigh) (delay) Well, I'm not,- I'm not, you know like I was before, I'm different now, like I fit in there ‘S Can you describe that in greater detail? §_ (delay) S_I'm not as uncomfortable this time. .S What are you seeing? ‘S_Ah, we're drinking, ah, something, I don't know what it is. It's, ah, wine or something. (rubbing face and eyes) 'S_How are you doing? ‘S_I'm thinking about what a good body she has. And (sighs) - huh, well I guess it's that- S What was that? S I just said I thought there was something else, you know— there isn't. ‘S Whats happening? ‘S_We're laugh- you know, laughing and dancing; and that type of thing. (silence) S How are you doing? S_I'm, ah, - I guess- from outward I would appear relaxed l4 and - you know cool, but inward I'm thinking about — about going to bed with her. - ‘S_What are you seeing? S The same room, ah, you know, ah, ah, living room type thing. (sighs) ‘S_What's happening? 'S_She went to get something to eta, or, yeah some snacks, that sort of thing. Condition III S_What are you seeing? S_Nothing yet. I, - (delay) I see a crowd of people. [S_Can you describe that in greater detail? S Just, ah, you know, a large, looks like an extremely large crowd. (sigh) .S'Whatls happening? S Ah, it's, it's, I think it's a concert, or something like the spring concert they had here. (sigh, silence) S How are you doing? S Ah, - I'm just sitting there, I'm not really listening to the music, ahm, I'm looking at the people. S_Uh huh. .S I, ah, I we, we came here with some peOple who I, ah, I didn't know (shifting weight in chair)-—(?)-- (sigh) WE brought a lot of food, though, we had a barbecue the night before and we brought a lot of chicken and we're eating a lot of chicken. And drinking wine. I feel relaxed because I've been studying a lot and I'm not even thinking about studying, I'm just having, you know, a good time. (Silence) .S What's happening? _S (delay) Just sitting down, watching peOple. I feel like a little kid in a supermarket. S Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Well, I was sitting on the ground and it seemed like we were like on the edge of the crowd and the peOple in back of me were standing up and the stage was higher than I was and every- thing seemed larger than me, cause I was sitting down. (delay) But it didn't bother me you know - it did - I didn't feel like, you know, anybody was dominating me or anything, except there were other peOple who were 15 sitting down also, so - (silence) {S_What are you seeing? 'S_The same crowd as - still sitting there having a good time. ‘S Having a good time in what way. .S Well, you know, just being, just to be able to relax for awhile, after studying - all week'and - just like, you know, I didn't give a damn what happens, I mean, you know, that type of thing. It was a nice day and- like a day good to be alive, I guess. (silence) ‘S_What's happen- ing? .S (laughs) I'm just sitting there, really content (laughs) I guess I don't want to leave it. (tapping finger) Now I got up and walked around, a little bit. .S How are you doing? S I'm ok, I guess. (silence) (tapping his finger) 4S What's happening? ‘S_I'm walking around the crowd, you know, on the outskirts of the crowd looking into the crowd, I know a lot of people there. - Still toward the back, ah, people cooking food hamburgers and hot dogs, — some concession stands back there. Now we're leaving. Ah, me and this friend (sighs) - (delay) You know walking away from the crowd and the music sounded better back there than it did up where ‘we were sitting. (sighs) .S_What's happening? .§ (silence) We're in a car and it's a convertible and the wind is hitting my head and I've got a headache. (silence) Now it's, ah, we're driving in the car and it's, ah - it's you know, it's night time and - you know, dark out and there's no street lights or anything. Condition IV S_Now I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. ‘S_Ok. ‘S What do you see? 'S I'm in, you know, not in, nothing special apartment you know, (tapping his fingers) just sitting there (rubbing neck). “S_I notice you're rubbing your neck. .S (nods) .S_What's happening? ‘S_(laughs) I don't know, ah- (silence) We're talking about something. There's nothing significant, just garbage l6 talk. Small talk. .S How are you doing? .S (tapping finger) I guess ok, I don't know, you know, - _S What's happening? _S Still sitting there, I, I'm getting kinda bored, and I just want to leave. — And I've got other things to do I guess. (delay) I can't imagine why I'm in there, you know. (delay) (tapping finger) She seems like a nice person, you know,- she's friendly,- a social worker kinda friendly, you know, like she's doing you a favor. _S Can you describe that in greater detail? S_(sighs) Ah- It like taking a you know like seeing an old movie with a poor paper boy out in the middle of the night yelling, Extra, and it's snowing out and it's Christmas Eve and some little old lady takes him in, gives him cookies and mild and (laughs) something like that. (delay) (tapping finger) _S What's happening? S_(delay) (shakes head) She got some, she made some sandwiches and I don't know just something to eat. ‘S How are you doing? .S I guess I'm still bored. But the sandwiches were good (laughs) Free food. (delay) I'm having a hard time, like you know, to keep on thinking on the picture- it's not develOping; it's like stagnant. 'S What was that. ‘S_To get, ah, you know, theppicture is getting stagnant, like having trouble holding it, you know, in my mind's eye. It's not you know interesting, to talk about, so I guess I'm, it's like fading all the time. S Can you visualize the apartment scene with the woman again? S Yeah. S 0k, what are you seeing? S (delay) I'm getting uncomfortable, you know, I just want to leave, cause it's, she's not discussing anything that, of any worth and- I just don't see any reason, reasons for being there, I want to leave. - S What are you seeing? S_(delay) She's smoking a cigarette. In, ah, sort of, ab, phony elegant way, you know, like she, ah, is trying to be, ah (sighs) something she's not I think it's really 17 funny. S_Funny in what way? S That she, you know, she is - (delay) she's attempting to be, ah, like Zsa Zsa Gabor type and you know, when she's not, she's not ugly, but she's not, She's not you know, like Zsa Zsa Gabor, and it just looks rather strange. .S How are you doing? S Just sitting there (laugh) - looking around, like you know, like when is this going to be over, type thing, looking at the ceiling and the floor and, ah, fiddling around with things on he cocktail table, trying to think of a good excuse to get out of there, without being impolite (sighs) (Silence). S_What's happening? S Nothing (hum) she's babbling on about something and I was just sitting there and not you know, listening to what she was saying - (tapping fingers) S_I notice you're tapping your boot with your fingers. S (silence) S What's happening? S_I guess I'm sitting there, you know, tapping my boot, — fidgeting around. (silence) I'm trying to think of an excuse, but I can't think of anything you know, to get out of there gracefully. .S Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? .§ (Smiles) S What's happening? .S I don't know (laughs) it would be hard, she's, ah, you know, she's not the type to dance with, you know (laughs) .E Can you describe that in greater detail. S_Well if you were to dance wit with her it would seem like you'd be, you know, you would be dancing with your mother type thing. You know, you do it to be, you know, for your father or whoever doesn't want to dance with your mother. (laughs) S_What's happening? .S_It must really look funny. S_What was that? S.It must really look funny, you know, it really looks, you know, in my head, it really looks funny. Because she's not any, anywhere near as tall as I am, and (laughs) (delay) now I really want to get out of there 18 I thought of an excuse now, I have a date and I've got to get ready for her we (?)- She keeps on insisting that I stay and I keep on saying no, no, I've got to leave and I finally get up and leave. Then I feel bad because I think I've hurt her feelings. But I just, I just walk out, walk down the street. S What are you seeing? S_Walking down the, you know, down the street, to my,!my house. Nothing , nothing special. - (silence) S What's happening? ‘S Nothing at all, you know, it kinda faded out. Like there's a space for a commercial (laughs) (silence) S_How are you doing? S_(shrugs) (delay) I'm not I guess. S What was that? S_I'm not, I'm not doing anything. (silence) S What's happening? S I'm thinking about, gosh I think I hurt her feelings. - (delay) But I'm not, I'm not letting it bother me and,- she seemed like a lonely person, you know, something like that. S_What are you seeing? S Nothing, like I'm thinking, you know like I'm sitting someplace and or I'm talking to somebody else and thinking about, thinking back, — S_Ah, please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. S_What happened? S_(laughing) It looks so stupid I can't, looks like it should be a comedy scene. S_What are you seeing? S Oh, I feel really uncom- fortable, like, (shifts body) -.S Uncomfortable inthat way? S_Like it, its getting to the point where she's starting to annoy me. (delay) ‘S Can you describe that in greater detail? S_I don't know, it's just (laughs) like being in high school and having some girl following you around all the time, who you don't like, you know, like you hide and and, hide in places and - she calls up your house and always being hassled. S How are you doing? S_(Shakes head) (delay) Guess, you know, really getting annoyed, at- S What was that? S_Getting annoyed, you know, she's acting kinda stupid (laughs) and she, you know, she's not a little kid. (?)- I just really 19 want to leave, really bad. S_What's happening? S I'm gone again. (laughs) I'm outside again. But now I don't really, you know, I - I don't really care how she feels, if she was hurt or anything because she was starting to annoy me and that, that was it. .S How are you doing? _S (moves legs) ah, I feel like, ah, - like I was in a stuffy smoke filled room and I walked out into the fresh air, that type of feeling. Or a feeling like you just got over the worst exam that you ever had, and you think you did ok. S_What are you seeing? S_I keep (?) back to that apartment (laugh) (shifts body) (delay) It's getting to be an ugly apartment, it wasn't at first, you know, like it's just getting to be. - S Ugly in what way? .S Just - oh, let's see (sighs) - well, it's looking at, well when you're a little kid, like looking at, ah, circus people and then seeing them again after about 15 years later and seeing how really underneath the grease paint, they're really dirty and ugly, you know, kind of thing. And you know, the elephants are cool but you still have to clean up all their crap, it ah, - That's about the closest I. . . . S_Uh huh. S Feeling- S What's happening? _S She's really annoying me. And if I could think of, and can't leave for some reason- like she has something - of mine, that I want back- and until I get it I won't leave, but she doesn't have anything you know- (silence) _S How are you doing? S_(delay) I'm some argu- you know, I'm really getting angry now and I, I'm letting it show in my, you know, expression, movement and, you know, Speech.- ‘S_What are you seeing? S (silence) It's, ah, (sigh) the door, you know, I'm seeing a whole wall but the door is like the most important thing- (sighs) .S Ok, you can open your eyes now. - sighs. Condition I S_I feel shaky. S_Shaky? S_Uh huh. .S Shaky in what way? _S Oh, somehow like nervous and my body feels kinda tense, not very relaxed. S_I notice you seem to be smiling. S Oh, I don't think so, heh. _S Oh, I see, what are you seeing? S Ah, kinda the lady once in awhile, the lady (laugh). .§ The lady? S Yeah. Then I kinda feel guilty. 'S Guilty in what way? .§ Ahm, that I, oh, like I almost made love to her, but then, I don't know, I'm dating this girl now and that made me feel like I've messed around behind her back. That gave me, you know, mixed emotions. And I think that's what made me tense too, kinda. I like this other girl a lot and then I got involved with this other lady. So, I don't know, I don't like that. (Pause) S_What;s happening. .§ Oh, I still feel tense like, ah, like after I left her apartment. Kinda confused and wished it hadn't happened (laugh). S_What're you seeing? S_Ah, I don't know, I just kinda saw myself leaving the apartment, running out hurriedly. But after that I kinda don't really see a woman very well but it's kinda in my mind. (dealy) _S How are you doing? .S Uh- (sigh) not too good. .S Can you describe that in greater detail? -S It gives me the same bad feeling I had when I was leaving the lady. It kinda makes my head throb in a way, not really throbbing but- things kinda speed up in my head and you know it's kinda rhythm that's going really fast blinks. 'S_Ah, what was that? .S Things are really going like when you said that, they go fast, like in my head. It's not real calm in my head, it's hard to describe. S_What's happening? S_I'm trying to forget the whole thing. I'm very tense. .S Trying to forget in what way? S Just the whole incident. It really bothers me when I think about it. Makes me feel uncomfortable, trying to just forget it. S What are you seeing? S Oh, I don't know, when you asked me now I kinda see the 20 21 Lady again but I'm trying to just relax and see nothing. .g Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them for me? §_Ah, yes but, I'm trying to forget so, right now it's pretty blank. You know what I mean? .E Trying to forget in what way?' §_Well when- ever I see her in my mind, then it makes me feel uncomfortable and guilty again so I'm just trying to push her out of my mind. And to see, you know, something blank and hope I forget. I still see her but I'm trying to forget. §_Are you describing what is in your mind's eye? .g Yeah. 2 Well, can you describe that in greater detail? §_Ahm, the girl? §_Well, whatever"is in your mind's eye. Just describe what's in your mind's eye. 'g It's me leaving the apartment, in a rush. And then I see her back in the apartment and she's just sitting there looking at me as I am leaving. That's all I see really. She looks sad; she's still just sitting there on the couch, just kind looking- she looks sad but I don't think she is. (Long pause) I see myself just, ahm, nowhere specific but just always moving and I can tell I'm upset because of this. §_You can tell in what way? § Ahm, I look nervous and all I can see, like my head and it's just trying to dip below my vision. It's as though I see my head but I'm turning to go away and it's just that I'm kinda shaking. I can't figure out what happened, why. (silence) Right now it feels like my arms are stretched out below me (langh). .2 Are what? §_My arms feel like they're way down in front, it's beginning to feel like my arms are on the floor. In fact it seems like my arms are behind my back now, so far below me. I don't know why but they don't feel like they're in front of me where they were before (laugh) they feel so far below (laugh). (delay) ‘§_What's happening? §_My arms feel like they're being pulled behind me. Like 22 I'm standing up now and I, like my arms are very long and they're being pulled behind. (silence) .g What are you seeing? §_Just my, now I'm just seeing my body; it feels, my arms very low, someone's trying to, seems like, pull it behind me. Right now I'm sitting down but it just standing up, there in my mind. .E What's happening? You're raising your left hand. _§ Um, I know I'm sitting down but, I'm trying to reassure myself, just seems like, it just makes me seem like I'm sitting down again. §_Raising your hand? §_Yes, it kinda feels in front of me instead of, when I keep em flat out, I don't know it seems like someone is pushing them behind me. (pause) §_How are you doing? (§_(delay) Ah,- I see the girl. ‘g Can you describe that in greater detail? _fi She's got a sad look on her face. I think she's, looks kinda like a sly sad look. _2 What was that? §_A sly sad look, like some, I don't know, I think she's playing games, kinda. I, I don't feel so sorry for her anymore. It's like she knows she can hurt me. And I'm just leaving for good now. I just slam the door and I'm gone. (delay) I've left the apartment. (silence) (sighs) §_What's happening? §_I'm just trying to.forget her. Cause it still has things very upset. §_Upset in what way? §_Wondering why I did this, because I have a girl friend and I'm just walking around there(?) trying to figure out why. Just outside, upset and mad at myself for trying to take advantage of a situation. (silence) (sigh) .§_What's happening? _§ Just thinking about, my body again feels funny (voice quivers), it— ah, §_Funny in what way? § Feels like I'm just, my legs are really sticking out far in front of me,znd I'm more relaxed now. And my hands are okay. I'm still just walking around but I'm beginning to calm down. Just occasionally I 23 see her face but it doesn't bother me nearly as much. (delay) It's getting late. §_What was that? _§ It's getting late. And I'm, looks like I'm going back to the, I think, to the dorm. Yeah, I'm tired of walking around and I'm just going to head back for the dorm. (delay) §_How are you doing? § Ah, well I was seeing the girl I'm dating now, I'm seeing her face. When you said that I kinda saw the lady's face. I'd rather see my girl's face. §_What was that? §_I'd rather see the girl, the girl's face that I'm dating now. §_You're lifting your left hand again. §_Yeah, I felt tense again (voice qnavers). Time to relax with it(?). (Sighing) §_What's happening? .§ Ah, just relaxing, trying to, forget that- lady. 'I almost did, but then you had to go say that again. I wish you wouldn't say that. (delay) §_What are you seeing? §_Ahm, the lady's face. Something evil about her face. §_Can you~ §_The looa on her face, I can tell she knows she has me, very confused and upset, and she's, I think she's enjoying that. I'm not telling it on purpose (?) but it just doesn't look like a sincere, sad look to me. (Pause) Didn't you say she was happily married? (delay) §_Uhhuh, yep. (silence) §_What's happening? §_Just trying to push the incident into the back of my head. But I'm still seeing her. 'E Can you describe that in greater detail? .g The same old picture, she's just sitting there on the couch, she's ahm, she's resting her chin on her hands, like that for both of them. §_Uhhuh. §_Pretending to look sad. (silence) Q What's happening? §_I'm just trying to get, to get rid of that picuture, you know, (laughs) trying to. I think I'm at the dorm, but I still see that same, I see myself at the dorm, but I see myself seeing her in the same old spot. I'm still upset and, trying to forget. (Big sigh) §_What 24 happened, you're raising your left arm? § I'm, I'm upset and it makes me feel better, ahm, relieves some of the tension when I lift up my arm, it relaxes it. §_What are you seeing? .g I see myself, at the dorm just sitting in the chair, I'm very stretched out. Looks like I'm falling to sleep, my eyes are shut. Yeah, I think I'm asleep, I'm pretty sure. §_How are you doing? §_(delay) I see the girl again. I also see myself asleep and it didn't wake me up when you said that. Just kinda alternating between seeing myself asleep in the chair and occasionally I see her face, but not too often, in her same old pose. I look like I'm asleep still. (delay) I see my roommates now. I think they're going to wake me up. Ahm, no they decide to let me sleep, they went back to their rooms. Now I'm just sleeping_in our old(?) or own(?) living room. And they're doing their homework. And my girl is just sitting there. So everything is pretty peaceful right now. My mind seems to alternate, first I see myself sleeping and then I see my roommates doing their homework, and I see the girl. But it doesn't upset me now it just, just kinda get those three shots, I keep getting those, in that order. (long silence) It looks like I'm dreaming about ah, my girl I'm dating now I know I'm going to have to tell her about it. (delay) Yeah, so I decide to tell her everything that went on, just cause, I'd rather tell her about it than hide it from her. I think that would make me feel better. (silence) Yes, when I wake up I think I'll go over and tell her. But I'm still asleep, I see. (delay) (sighs) (sighs) §_You sighed. § Yeah, I'm trying to relax because I know I'll be nervous when I have to tell, tell the girl I'm dating. It'll be hard to tell her, but I think she'll underr 25 stand. (Groans) ‘§_What was that? §.I just groaned. .§_What's happening? §_I'm still sleeping yet but I think I'm just avoiding or staying asleep because I don't want to, well I know I'm going to tell her about what happened, but its not going to be very pleasant at all. (delay) I'm still asleep but I can kinda- thinking about what's going to happen when I tell her. Ah, humm, I think she'll be kinda surprised at first but since I didn't make love to her, er, I didn't get too involved and I ran out she will understand and just be a little(?) (or real) mad-at me but I don't want to hurt her. (silence) I'd like to forget this whole mess. Condition II §_Now I would like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. §_why (sighs) (delay). I don't want to (sigh). (delay) 0k, I have one. I'm just I'm sitting in a chair about ten feet away from her, and we're talking about the whole, its the same lady I had the, well, mix-up with, and we're just talking about it. I'm not yelling but I'm telling her I think she's kinda cruel for playing games with me. But she is denying it. I'm getting my coat and I'm leaving the apartment. Yeah, I've left the apartment after just a short talk to her of what I thought. (sigh) E You're sighing. g Yes, (laughs) I forget this whole thing. E What's happening? g§_I'm just leaving, I'm walking down the hall of the apart- ment. I'm just trying to clear this whole thing out of my mind, but it's not working too well. §_What're ya seeing? g§ Ah, I'm just walk- ing home again. Walking fast back to the dorm. I think I'll go eat dinner (pause). .g How are you doing? .§ For a second there I saw the 26 girl's face but now I see myself eating dinner, with my roommates. I don't know it keeps, ya know, alternating between the seeing of the lady and me eating dinner with my roommates in the cafeteria. They're trying to find out what's wrong, I don't think I'll tell them. Looks like I'm eating pretty slow. I keep seeing that girl, the lady I mean. .g Could you describe that in greater detail? §_Yeah, I'm just kinda sitting at the table, I have a fork in my right hand just like, holding up. ‘g I noticed you rubbed your face with your left hand. §_Yes, I kinda had an itch above my left eye. That's all (laugh) I'm not eating my but I'm still, I can tell I'm contemplating the situation. .E I see you scratching your nose. §_Yeah, I don't know why, I've got an itch on my nose too. ‘g How are you doing? _§ Oh (sighs) I, I'm still eating, it takes me a long time to eat, usually. And especially after that big mess-up. g That big mess-up? §_Well, you know, with the lady. I'm leaving dinner now, just going back to my room. I don't know, I still, you know, I still occasionally see her and it's in that same old pose, she's just sitting there, trying to look sad and innocent, but she's not. §_What's happening? no My arm felt tense I'm just trying to relax it. §_What's happening? [m Trying to forget this whole mess (sighs). §_What're you seeing? [m Ah, nothing really, it's just kinda black. Oh, now I see me again, just standing up in the hallway. Outside my room. §_I notice you lifted Your left arm again. g§ Yeah, it's tense again. .§_You're smiling. .§ Ah. .E How are you doing? § She's still there, it's the same old pose, she never changes really. Which is kinda odd since she's covered a lot of time and she's still just sitting on the, I guess she'll probably move eventually but, it's just not too realistic; 27 she's still just sitting on the couch. But that's what I see when you say that. _E I notice a couple of times you put your finger on your eye and kinda rubbed around. §_Yeah, well both times my eye itched and my nose itched, those two times and the other times when I move it, I don't know, like it's getting to feel stiffzuuitense. Just trying to keep moving it around to. . . . ‘E Is that the way it's feeling now? §_Uhhuh, it kinda makes me forget also. .2 Forget also? §_Yes .E In what way? §_Oh, when I start feeling about how my arm is feeling better then I don't think about um, I don't see anything when I'm doing this, really. Except those other times they were legitimate like itches and I was just doing it to, you know, like I had to relieve the itch. 3 What's happening? .§ (sighs) Oh, I'm just doing homework. (silencc) I'm just sitting at my desk. Doing math homework, but I think my mind is still wandering back to - to what happened earlier in the day. The left arm is really stiff (sigh). §_Is that why you're moving it? §_Yeah (laugh). It hurts in my muscles (laugh). §_What are you seeing? .g Ah, well if I don't think about my arm, I see myself at the desk doing my homework. But at this time my arm is really stiff (laugh). §_Now what's happening? §_Oh nothing particular, just at the desk and, relaxing my arm. g How are you doing? § Ah, well she got up this time (laughs). ‘g I notice you scratched your face. §_Yeah, cause I'm kinda watching her, she got up from the couch and, can't tell where she's going. She's in the apartment walking but, she acts as if she's going to bed or, to the kitchen to have something to eat. I don't blame her for it, she sat on that couch for a long time. (delay, sigh) .§_What happened? ‘§_I'm trying to forget this (laugh). It's getting too involved. Tired of thinking about it. Is this kinda 28 like, just like having a dream— I hOpe. .§_In what way? _§ When I wake up will I forget everything? ‘§_What are you seeing? .§ Ahm, I'm not really seeing anything, I'm just kinda hOping that this is just like a dream and when I come out of it, everything will be all done with. Just kinda disappear when I wake up. (delay) §_Well, can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and just describe them. §_Okay. I don't really want to but I'll try. (silence) §_What's happening? .§ I'm just kinda messing around with my eyes, I mean I'm just seein funny colors. I do that sometimes. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Yes, it's just like, depending on how I squeeze my eyes, I can like, see ah, like pinks and greens, kinda psychedelic colors. Like ah green with black trim, no blue trim excuse me. I can see that, it looks really pretty and just a, just a bunch of, mostly greens and blues right now. And occasionally ahm, I see myself, but, then I usually go back to the colors cause that makes me forget~ that incident. (delay) It's just my way of avoiding the incident right now, I guess. (silence) §_Would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman? §_At what time? §_What was that? S_At what time? '§_Whatever comes to your mind's eye. §_Oh, well right now I just see it as when, I see the big living room and no one is in it at all. Just the furn- nice furniture and I'm kinda looking in, I'm at the doorway looking in. I'm at the doorway looking in. But, it looks like no one is home. She might just be in bed or something but there's no one in the living room. I didn't really want to go back to the apartment though, so I think I'll leave it. I, ah, have no right to be over there. I don't even want to be at that apartment but you keep putting me there. And I always just 29 (laugh) leave right away. Cause I'm trying to forget it and I don't even like to see it. Then you tell me I'm there so I'm there for a second then I always end up (laugh) leaving. And now I'm just walking back again. .E Back? .§ To the dorm. I'm getting to know the walk pretty well since this is the third time I started to walk back. E How are you doing. §_Um, she's just sleeping in bed. And I see I'm going to bed too, at the dorm. And I'm just, I just got into bed. And, I can't tell whether I've gone to sleep yet or not cause I just got in. She's asleep. .§_What was that? .g She's asleep. And it looks like I'm asleep too. ‘§_What's happening, I notice you pulled your left leg up in front. §_Yeah it's just getting tired and stiff. And I, it looks like I'm waking up, there's light coming in the window and I turned off the alarm clock. I just am going to the bathroom, going to the bathroom to wash my face. And, it's time to start the day, I'm going to math class, not right away, I have a few minutes before I have to go. I'm just doing some math problems I should have done. She's still sleeping, she doesn't have to get up, or maybe she does if she has a couple of kids, maybe she has to make them breakfast. Though I've never seen any kids, at least the times I've been there. I'm in math class, just watching our teacher do some problems on the board. E Can you get a mental pieture of yourself dancing with the woman? §_Uhhuh. We're just doing a waltz, well, I'm not a very good dancer. I'm just holding my hand out like that and we're just dancing around the room. I don't especially like her records. There different music taste than- I just think I've had, the only reason I'm dancing I've 30 had a few drinks and I'm just doin for the heck of it. We're still dancing but I don't like her records at all, really. She's older and has different tastes in music than I do. (sigh) I§_What's happening? -§ Huh, still but I'm getting tired. .g What are you seeing? lg Oh, I see her dancing with me, she has a white dress on, kinda a fancy one. And I just in (laugh) blue jeans or something grubby. Now we're just dancing all over the room. .g I notice your left hand went to your forehead. § Oh, that's right, ahm, I think I'm just resting my head, I guess. §_How are you doing? ‘§_Oh, we're sitting out a dance now (laugh). Because I'm tired and I don't like her music. I don't know we're just talking. (I think she just poured me another drink, a second martini. It makes me think she's trying to get me drunk which makes me think she's a very insecure person if she's trying to- , she wants to dance again but I said no, (silence) (sighs) .E Now what's happen- ing? ‘S 0h, she is still trying to talk me into dancing but I don't want to. I'm also trying to forget her. Can't we leave the (laugh) apartment? Oh. .§_What're you seeing? S_Ahm, I think I'm drunk now, she's (sighs) she's pretty close to me now. And, I see myself kissing her. But also I just, after I kissed her, I get up, kinda jump up and I ask for my coat. And she's kinda pleading with me to stay and, she's like giving me a hard luck story and everything like, her husband treats her bad. But ahm, I'm angry at myself and I'm demanding my coat and I say I'll go get it myself if, if you're not going to get it to me, give it to me. ‘§_Please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. §_0h, mmm, again? ‘§_What's happening. ‘§_Well first we're waltzing. And then I guess we're real close together just dancing. You kinda threw me off, now I'm back in a different sequence. I was already to leave 31 the apartment. And, we're just dancing real slow around the room, slower than the waltz and she's closer, but I'm attracted to her a bit but I'm not going to let her do anything. _g I notice you had your hand up around your left eye there; was there any reason for that? §_Ahm, not that I can think of. .§_What's happening? .§ Um, she's was just kinda playing with my arm. .g Playing with your arm? §_Yeah. Running her hand up and down my arm. I think I told her to knock it off. .E Now what's happening? ‘§ Ahm, she's getting kinda angry because I'm not really accepting her advances. The way I see it, this was before the waltzes and the things I told you about before. Because she just said ok then let's just dance again. We're dancing a waltz. We're just waltzing around the room. §_How are you doing? §_(delay) ah .§_What was that? ‘g I'm just trying to picture myself, I guess we're still dancing. Holding her tight, but that's just the way I dance. I'm just, I'm just. . . . §_You what? §_I'm just trying to relax. l§_What's happening? §_Ah, we're waltzing but I'm getting tired from waltzing (laugh). .g Was there any reason that you doubled your legs up? §_Yeah, I think I'm dancing too much (laugh) (coughs) And then they're just, I think they probably just felt kinda tight and tired. Cause now we're just sitting down again, I already told you this part. Condition III §_Now I'd like you just to kind of relax and look at the tack, I'm going to count to ten, you'll find your eyes will be closed before I get to ten. l-2~3-4-5- going into the hypnotic trance now etc-- 6-7-becoming more and more relaxed etc. -8-9-very deeply 10. Very deeply relaxed etc.-- 32 g Now the events that I recounted to you earlier, really did not happen, at all. The experience was not true, the feelings were not your own, what I told you was a made-up story. Furthermore, all other suggestions that I gave you I hereby cancel. I'm now going to awaken you by counting backwards from ten to one. When I reach one your eyes will be open and you will be wide awake. 1, oh I'm sorry, correction, starting with ten backwards to one. 10-9-8-7—6-5-4-3-2-1.. Eyes Open and awake. How do you feel? ‘g Relieved (laughs). _g Relieved? § Yeah (laugh) l§_Just want you to be comfortable now in the chair. Just get in a comfortable position again. Well we're coming along right on schedule a little bit ahead maybe. I think now what I'd like you to do is to .5 Close your eyes again and once more I want you to tell me every- thing that comes into your mind's eyes, everything that you see and feel, describing all images pictures as well as sensaticns, feelings and emotions. §_I feel relieved now (laughs) ‘§_You feel relieved now. ‘§_Yeah. §_What's happening? §_We11 my mind's kinda happy now. ‘g Happy in what way? ‘§ Well, the bit about the lady really was just a dream-like, it didn't even happen. '§_What are you seeing? § Huh, I just saw her face again. But it doesn't bother me now, it just seems like kind of a joke to me. (delay) I can just be happy now. I'm a little tired. I was just thinking how uncomfortable I was during that time. ‘§_Can you explain that in greater detail? §_Oh, I can just kind of tell, like when I came out of the trance, my body felt sort of , you know, like, tir- tired (laugh). I wasn't tired when I came. I felt tight 33 and now I feel a lot better. I was just thinking boy one time I was telling you about how my hands were and my body felt so weird then. §_Weird? §_Yeah, just like I was describing to you, that's actually how it felt you know. It felt like I was really super tall and some- one was pulling my hands behind me and now it just feels good and like, you know, I just feel like I'm just sitting on this chair relaxing. §_What are you seeing? §_Oh, I was just kinda picturing how weird my body was before. But now I'm not really seeing anything. Just kinda blank. ‘E I noticed you put your hands to your eyes. §_Yeah, some of the time it itches, still does, I don't know why. §_What's happen— ing? ‘§ Oh, I'm still just kinda reflecting on how good it seems that that thing's over. It just feels good to relax. Do you want me to think about anything in particular or just- .E Just report whatever comes into your mind's eye. §.I have that itch again. I§_Your eyes are itching? .§ Yeah. .g How are you doing. .§ Oh, well when you said that I saw her face again but I have completely different feeling now, though, I mean like I said it just seems unreal to me. It is just like that's just a character I saw in a movie or something. (delay) g What's happening? §_My eyes really itch now. I don't know why, I don't think it's because I'm nervous or anything because I feel pretty good now. It's just in the corners of my eyes, still are itching. ‘§_What are you seeing? §_Uh, I don't know it's just kinda like that thing off the movies, ha, kinda like I'm seeing the end of a movie, sorta listing the characters (laugh) and people who - it's kind of funny, seems like I saw my roommates go by and everything. And now the movie is over. (silence) And now I'm just kinda daydreaming. .g Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Well they are just random thoughts going through 34 my head but I just thought of my psych class and seeing my psychedelic colors that I described before, when I get those my mind's pretty blank, huh, I was just daydreaming. Now I'm just kinda listening to the clock, it sounds like a clock. Oh, it's part of the machine. _§ How are you doing? .§ Oh, I still, I don't know, I get that scene, I see the girl every time you say that. Did you tell me to do that when I was hypno- tized before? .E'Oh, ah— not specifically. S_Yeah, that is what usually happens but only now I don't feel bad about it, I mean like before it was kinda traumatic for me. 'E Eh, what was that? .S Before it was kinda traumatic for me, it wasn't traumatic for me anymore. It made me feel kinda nervous, but now I just see her, it's just a picture. .§ Can you describe that in greater detail? .S It looks like now, it just looks like a snapshot of her like ah, senior picture or something. And she just kinda has a blank expression on her face. She has blonde hair, she has long blonde hair to her shoulders. (silence) Now I was just thinking about how I've had a lot of itches. §_How what? S_How I've had a lot of itches today, like my head itching my - I don't remem— ber before having a lot of itches when you hypnotized me. Maybe now it's because I'm nervous or something but I don't think I'm nervous now but I still have some itches. That sounds kinda weird. .E Seeing anything? S Ah, no (laugh). Condition IVi .E Now I would like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and the woman in her apartment. §_0kay, (laugh) this, this time I don't know I just thought of it as ahm, this maybe a woman of, she is a friend of my parents or something and I'm just talking to her. She 35 is just, I don't know, she gave me some- actually now I see ahm, myself and, trying to change it (laugh) .E Well just describe what's in your mind's eye. S_Well it's just that it's Karen's girlfriend, I see myself in her apartment, we're eating dinner, she always makes me dinner. ‘E She what? .S She is making me dinner. And she's really nice; we just goof around. We have coffee after dinner. (sighs) And she just kissed me goodbye and I left (laughs). §_What's happening? S_Just leaving the apartment (laughs). I always have to ride my bike wherever I go. It's not too far away. It was at Twyckingham and I'm just riding back. (silence) I'm at the bicycle rack putting away my bike (heh) and I'm going up to the room and listening to records. (silence) ‘§_What's happening? .S Oh, just seeing a car, it looks like an old chevy driving. Don't askzme why (laugh) it came into my mind, I have no idea. (laugh) It looks like an old 56 chevy. I don't know a single person that has one of those (laugh) I don't know why it came into my mind. Huh, trying to figure out why it came into my mind, but I have no idea. I§_How are you doing? ‘§_I just saw that lady again. ‘§_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Ah, let's see, first I thought it was just going to be another picture but, she's just sitting (laugh) there on the couch (laugh). E You laughed. S_Yeah, it's just that same old picture I got of her you know. What I thought sad, but, not really. (heh). E What's happening? .§ I just saw the car driving (laugh) 56 chevy. There doesn't seem to be a driver. §_Would you, ah, could you visualize the apartment scene with the woman? §_What, the one that I was supposed to have before? ‘§_Uhuh. §_0r just anyone? 1§ Whatever comes into your mind's eye. §_Oh, well first 36 one that came to my mind's eye was, ah, just the one I told you a few minutes ago. The one where I was eating dinner at that girl's house. .E The what? .S That girl Karen, the one I eat dinner, the friend of my sister, who sometimes invites me over. But on the second thought then I thought of, you know the, the story. §_What are you seeing? -§ (sighs) 0h, ah, I'm just sitting in the chair talking to her (laugh). This time we seem to, it doesn't seem like the same story, I mean it just seems like we're talking and enjoying ourselves. Where it was not really like that in the, in the movie. Because it just seems like we are laughing and joking about it cause now I think that was all a hoax and just a joke so. We're just trying to have a cup of tea and she is having coffee and just kinda laughing about it. I'm getting bored there and I don't know, it's getting late and I'm leaving. But this time it's more like, you know, I'm not angry or anything, it's just that it's late and I'm kinda tired and when I say goodbye to her and so she, you know, it's a friendly goodbye. (sighs) 'g What's happening? S_Ahm, just leaving, feel tired. (heh) .g Tired in what way? S_My body (heh) (laugh) My arm is stiff. (silence) Now I'm just thinking about the dream I had the other night. It was a really cool dream (laugh) g Are you describing what is in your mind's eye? S_Ahm, uhhuh, I'm seeing the movie again, well, that's what my dream was about the other night. It was a Humphrey Bogart movie. Perhaps I'm just seeing because, it was some, it was some party and Humphrey Bogart was there with some, some chic, and I was just there with some ther chic and I was just, I like Humphrey Bogart so I was just watching and waving to him. §_What are you seeing? .S I don't know he keeps saying, 'Let's get out of here, baby,‘ to the chic he's with, the Humphrey Bogart, Humphrey Bogart is, 37 and he's just kinda dragging her away (laugh). And that's when I woke up rather, I thought it was a good movie, in color. .§_How are you doing? .§ Ah, I was just thinking about myself at that party, the one Humphrey Bogart was at. I kinda forgot who I was with (laugh), I guess I was with a girl. §_Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? §_Ahm, when you say that it makes me think of the, of the Humphrey Bogart party and I'm just, ahm, dancing with the girl I'm dating now. And we're just having a good time. And the other girl is just at the apartment (laugh) the lady. 1§_What was that? .g I said the lady is back at the apartment. And I'm happy cause (laugh) I'm with the girl I like and the lady is just at the apartment. And now I (laughs) hah' I see you trying to figure out all this garbage I'm saying (laugh) Just thinking how hard that must be to analyze all this stuff. I see you at your desk listening to all this and trying to figure out what the hell I'm talking about (laugh). ‘g What's happening? q§ I'm still laughing because you look confused trying to figure everything out. It seems like that would really be hard. l§_How are you doing? .§ Oh, well this time, there was only, when you said it this time, there was a quick on, a quick shot of a girl like it was a picture and then I was back with my other girl. The girl I'm dating now. You know for a second it was the lady, the picture I described before, you know, like the senior picture, but this time it was just like a flash and then course then when I start talking about it I start thinking about it more but it was a flash thought and then I just thought of myself with my other girl. I§_What's happening? ‘§ Uhm, it's alternating between the girl I'm dating now and 38 I still see that senior picture and it's just kinda flashing back and forth. .§.I notice you scratched your neck. S_Yeah I had a itch (laugh). My arm is stiff again. '§_Your left arm? ‘§_Yeah. .g Is that why you're flexing it? S_Yeah (laugh) ‘g What are you seeing? S_Oh, mm, I'm thinking how you probably are trying to figure out why I'm moving my left arm so much, you know, whether, any reason behind it, or maybe it is just stiff and tired. That's what I think it is, so maybe you know I'm doing it cause, any time you say something it makes me.see that girl maybe I do it but I don't think I am, huh, I think it's cause I have itches today. §_You think it's cause what? §_It's just because I have itches. And I was wondering if you were thinking it's because, you know, maybe I'm, when you say, 'How do you feel,‘ maybe I go to itch something, you kno- what I mean? .g What are you seeing? § Oh, right now it's kinda blank. §_Please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. § (coughs) Well it goes back to that same old scene again, you know, we're waltzing, scene was speeded up this time though. I mean it's not as much detail as when I saw it before, this time I see a quick dance, sitting down, giving me a drink (laugh), I kiss her and I leave oh, I get angry and I then I leave. E Angry? S_Yeah. §_Can you describe that in greater detail? _§ It's just because I thought, you know, well, I realized it was bad, what I was doing. .E Bad in what way? ‘§_Well I had a girl- friend. Not really a girlfriend but the girl I'm dating now. Then I after, you know, we dance first, and sat down and she gave me a few drinks. And I responded to her advances and I'm a little angry so I left. (silence) (stretching) .§_What's happening? S_Just stretching 39 my arm again, it's stiff. (sigh) §_What are you seeing? ‘§_Ah, me and that lady. .E What was that? '§_Me and that lady. (Just collect- ing my stuff?) Now I'm just leaving. .2 How are you doing? §_Oh that just made me think of, (laughs) when I kissed her and then I got mad and I left. ‘§_What's happening? S_I don't know, that's just kinda preceding through my mind. Then I kiss her then I get upset and I leave. §_What are you seeing? S_Um, nothing. My mind is just wandering again, you know, daydreaming. Like that car just popped up in my mind. §_Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Yeah it was the same old 56 chevy. Kinda c0pper color (laugh). I must have seen that car. somewhere (laugh). It kinda intrigues me, why I think of that. (silence) Now I just thought of, now I remember a kid down at the end of the street use to have one, it wasn't the same color as I described, but it was an old chevy. Maybe that's what I was thinking of. .§_What are you seeing? .§ Oh, ah, his old car. Just an old blue chevy and that made me think of my motorcycle. Cause I kept it at his house. (silence) E What's happening? §.I was thinking if you're going to say, 'How're ya doing?‘ I was just seeing what my response was when I said it to myself. And kind of the same basic deal, I just saw the lady standing up, in a white dress. §_Okay you can Open your eyes. Condition I §_I feel very sad, like I ah, have done something wrong. §_Wrong in what way? _S_Ahm, hard, hard to explain just feel very, very sad like, like I shouldn't have done something and, ah, I feel, you know, de— pressed about it. Like I, you know, I'd rather forget about it. §_What are you seeing? S_Ahm, an older woman. .E I notice you scratch- ing your head, and neck. S_Oh, its kinda unpleasant to think about. .E Unpleasant? Could you describe that in greater detail? .§ Ah, like I didn't want to get involved in it, I ah, was fighting it all the way and I just like, couldn't control it, it just, you know, the situation it just overcame me and I just couldn't prevent it. .E How are you doing? S_(breathing heavily) I didn't want to. .g What's happening? §_I didn't want to do it. I didn't, that's why, that's why I had to leave I don't want to, I don't ever want to see her again. The tempta- tion was too much (sighs), I don't want to be responsible for breaking up, breaking up a family or anything. §_What's happening? S_Do I have to see her? §_What are you seeing? Can you just ah, _S She- she's gonna come here, isn't she? Later? .2 Possibility. S_Do I have to really, do I have to see her? I'd rather not, you know if it's possible I'd rather not. §_What are you seeing in your mind's eye? §_(Sighs) I just would be awful embarrassed to have to face her again. Ashamed and, and just it Would be an unpleasant experience, I'd rather not. .g Uhhuh. Can you just relax and wait for things to come into your mind's eye, and then describe them for me? (delay) What's happening? S_There's a bunch of thoughts going through my, and I, I can just picture ruining her, and I don't want to. I feel that she'll be, the looks she'll give me, it'll be like, just kinda be 40 41 laughing. I'll, I'll feel very, very embarassed by it all and I won't be able to look her in the eye. I'll just feel a great urge to rush, rush from the room and get out of there. It wasn't, wasn't my fault that I - became involved. I just (sigh) wanta help people when, when they have problems and (sigh) I don't like to snub peOple or look away from them or anything. .E What're you seeing? S_(sighs) The, the whole scene, that took place that night. How I felt, when I first saw her and what, how bad a position I felt that I was in, once I was in her apartment. How hard it was to, to get out of there (sigh) com- fortably without hurting her feelings or anything. (Sighs) And I could see no other way out. (breathing heavy) §_What are you seeing? .S I see myself rushing from the room and being very upset by it after- wards and (pause) trying to figure out what I'd, what I'd been through and had I done the right thing and I felt (sighs) walking back to my room (sighs) wondering whether I should tell my girlfriend of this or not and how I could explain it to her and what was going to happen as a result of this, hoping I would never see her again, never see that lady again. (sighs) Is she really going to come here? §_Why do you ask? .S (sighs) Cause I don't, I don't wanta be here when she does, if it is at all possible I'd rather, I'd rather be gone by then. §_What are you seeing? _S Oh in her apartment telling her, I'd call her and then leaving the room. §_What's happening? S_The same thing keeps happening. I just keep seeing myself telling her that and, ah, how'sticky of a situation it was. How I really didn't want to be there and confronted with that. E Didn't want to be there in what way? E1 I don't like those, have to fight my drives and that, urges ahm, and Cunntrol them in such a way and be confronted with such a situation where 42 I, my, ah, where this thingk this driving force telling me to do it, and, and my conscience telling me not to, and ah, having to be confronted with the situation of (sigh) an older woman and her being more experi- enced and the feeling I would have and then realizing that she possibly had a family and ah what would happen if (pause) her husband came home and all the different, well things that could go wrong. Then then especially the way I would feel after it was all over with. How guilty I would feel because of doing something I really shouldn't have done. .g How are you doing? § (sighs) I didn't want to do it. (delay) I don't want to see her again--ever. (breathing heavy) It was all her doing, I didn't have any part in it, she wanted, she was forcing it. (sighs) All I was trying to do, was help her. She was really trying to take advantage of me. (sighs) I'll never let that happen again. (delay) §_What're you seeing? S_Seeing me trying to help her in the beginning. And how hysterical she was and how convincing she was, I was just tIYing to help. E Can you describe that in greater detail? .S I don't wants, I don't wanta think about it anymore, I (sigh - delay) just the whole thing, I'd just rather forget about it. §_What's happening? S Trying to get it out of my mind (sighs) I'm having a, a struggle trying to forget about it, it just keeps pOpping back (silence). §_What's happening? S_(sighs) I keep, just seeing her. .E Well can you describe that in greater detail? S_I just, just seeing her in the beginning when it seemed so, such an innocent thing, and then I see later how she seemed to do a complete turnabout she seemed to be trying to take advantage of me (sigh) I felt like I was trapped. And (sighing) so sad because it makes me feel like you really can't trust people. _g Can't trust them in what way? S_In the beginning I, I just trusted her to 43 be telling me the truth and I didn't have any idea that she would want anything more from it, I was just trying to be nice about it and help her and later She, she tried to take advantage of me and she puts me in, ah, bad situation where I feel so ill at ease and tried to get me to do something that's terribly wrong. §_Terribly wrong in what way? S_(sighs) She, she had a family, I could tell she, I just (sigh) don't, didn't want to do it. §_How are you doing? _S Terrible about,-— §_Terrible in what way? _S About what could have happened (sighs) so many things that, I was just lucky to be out of there and so (sigh) sad. (Sighing ) I really feel sorry for that lady she must have had an unhappy marriage or something. When I get married I don't want, I wouldn't want my wife to feel that way, I don't want, I want it to be something beautiful where she would, will, won't want anything like that and will just be so pleased with marriage and everything I don't see how she, that lady could have felt that way, having a family and everything. (sighs) §_What are you seeing? §_I'm seeing her. 'E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_I see her sitting on a couch in her apartment with me--and trying to entice me into something that into- into going into her bedroom and- being very subtle abCUE it» dropping hints here and there and, you know suggestifig thinS that in a very very subtle way, she just doesn't come right out and say it but you know beyond a shadow of a doubt what her intentions are, what she wants. And keeps offering me more and more to drink and just moving closer to me and talking sexier and looking at me in, in a way that I can't describe it, it's just it (sighs) it just felt so, so uncomfortable, thoughts are racing through my head about it (sighs) not doing it, and what could happen and really a bad situation. §_What are you seeing? _S (sighs) 44 Just seeing her but I'm trying to put her out of my mind, I don't want, I don't want to talk about it and— it's too unpleasant to discuss (sighs). (silence) §_What's happening? S (sighs) I, I can see myself telling my girlfriend about it and explaining it to her, and telling her how, how I felt and how much I wanted to get out of there. I see her being very und- understanding about it and, and realizing what I was confronted with, how tough a decision I had to make and how hard it was on me and I see her holding me and telling me not to worry about it, everything is ok. §_How are you doing? .S I feel very, very sad that the whole thing had to happen. (sigh) I feel, I feel pleased and very close to my girlfriend because she seemed so under- standing about it. Comforted me so (sigh) I felt a lot better after telling her, I wouldn't have felt comfortable if I would've kept it from her. I had to tell her. I feel so relieved. §_What are you seeing? §_I see me with my girlfriend just sitting there talking and - §_And what? S And— that's all I see. §_What happened? §_(sigh) I just, I feel more relief new I don't, I'm not worried about it anymore. It's over, it's in the past. I just don't wanta think about it anymore. I just don't wanta have to face that lady. If I do I'll avoid her. I'll ignore her. I don't (sighs) don't wanta be confronted with her again. E.What are you seeing? S_I'm not seeing, I'm not seeing any- thing. (silence) §_What's happening? _§ I don't wanta, I don't wanta see her. I wanta be out of here when she comes. Like I know she's (sigh) gonna give me that ah cold stare. It that just, I don't wanta, I don't wanta I don't wanta see her. §_What are you seeing? .S (Sigh) Seeing- seeing her over, over in that room over there (room adjoining lab) me wanting to leave and her coming at the doorway, stand- 45 ing in the doorway and (sigh) making it hard for me to pass. I don't wanta look at her face and she's just, I can tell she's just staring right at me. I feel very, very uncomfortable (sigh). §_Uncomfortable in what way? S_I just (sigh) don't want to be there it's just bringing, bringing back memories and (sigh) I'm thinking about what couldn'vei happened and trying to avoid looking at her body because, cause it'll --it'll arouse me and make me think of what oould've happened. ELWhat are you seeing? S_I see myself walking walking away from her after being confronted by her and - walking fast and just hoping to get out to get out of here and hOping I'll never ever have to see her. (sighs) §_How are you doing? S_(delay) (silence) §_What's happening? § I'm walking, walking back to my room and thinking about how I felt when I had to face her again. §_Can you describe that in greater detail? §.I guess - just wishing that I didn't have to and feeling glad that, glad that I'm out of there and away from her. Maybe, maybe I won't have to see her again. (sigh) (silence). Condition II E Now I would like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. What's happening? S_(sigh) I see, see her and trying to seduce me. And me not knowing how to how to get out of the situation (sighs) trying to trying to fig to figure out a com- fortable way out. Some way where where it doesn't sound like I'm just making something up. I, I'm having a hard time thinking of something, I don't, don't know what to do I'm just sitting there. I don't know how to react to the whole situation. (silence) §_What are you seeing? S_I'm seeing both of us getting up and dancing, she's rubbing her fingers 46 through my hair. And blowing in my ear. I becoming, ah, aroused but I'm trying to trying to fight what I know is going to happen, er, what she's trying to get me to do. And I just feel uncomfortable I don't know how to react to the whole situation. She keeps dropping subtle hints, trying to get me into the bedroom. I try to ignore them and act like I don't understand what she means and just kind of pass them off. Finally I, I decide that I've gotta, gotta get out of there now, not let it go any further. So I make up a phony excuse and say that I'll call her and I hurriedly leave the room and I feel so upset by the whole (sigh) thing. _g Upset in what way? S_(Sigh) I just didn't know what to do in such a situation and I just realize what it could have to, what could've happened. How bad it would have been if it had. §_Bad in what way? S_(sigh) Well I could've been responsible for breaking up the family or her husband could've come in and he'd become violent with me. And (sigh) I would've felt 80 bad about her kidS, they would've had to go through and so hard on them (sigh) and I wouldn't be able to live with the fact that I had done it and I don't know how I would've explained it to my girlfriend. (sigh) Everything just would've seems to have gone wrong. (silence) E What are you seeing? _§ (sigh) I see her husband coming home and finding me there and becoming very mad. I'm scared I don't know what he's going to do to me (sigh). I just want to get out of there and he grabs ahold of me, pushes me against the wall. He's yelling at me, and he's calling me a young punk. Grabbing me by the collar, his fist is doubled up and his wife is becoming hysterical trying to explain to him that she was more to blame and to let me go. Finally, finally she convinces him and he grabs ahold Of me, Opens the door and pushes me out (sigh). §_How are 47 you dOing? _S (silence, rolling head, pained expression). ‘g What's happening? §_(sigh) I didn't want to do it. If she wouldn't have been there he would've killed me. (silence) §_What are you seeing? S_I see him grabbing ahold of me and how big and strong he is and how, how afraid I was. (Silence) E What's happening? §.I see myself running from her apartment. Running and running and running, I can't run anymore. I'm getting so afraid. (silence) ‘§_What are you seeing? S_I'm back at the dorm and I'm trying to catch my breath and compose myself so that nobody that I know will be able to tell that anything is wrong. I don't, I don't want to tell any Of them, I just want to forget about it. (silence) ‘g What's happening? .§ I don't I don't want to think about it anymore. I wanta, I wanta do something else. To keep my mind off of it. ‘§_How are you doing? S_It's so hard to, to forget about it. (sigh) So hard to cover up, how, how I felt. .§_Cover up in what way? .§ So that from outward appearances nobody would be able to tell what had happened and like something was wrong. They don't have to know. §_What are you seeing? S_I was walking down the hall of the dorm,- just trying to hide the fact that I've been through something like that and trying to not let anybody find out about it. Trying to put it in the back of my mind, forget about it. (silence) E What's happening? S (delay) Nothing. g Ah, would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman? § (sigh)(silence) .§_What's happening? ‘S Same thing as what happened before. (sigh) I wanta forget about em I don't wanta talk about it. I hope I never see her again. I§_How are you doing? .S I (sigh) I wanta leave soon. So I, I don't have to face her here. Can we, can we 48 cut it short or something, I don't wanta- I don't wanta have to face her at the door. (sigh) It'd be too unpleasant. I just wanta, wanta get out of here (sighs). Gotta. E What are you seeing? S Seeing her at the door again. _g Can you describe that in greater detail? S_She's staring at me (sigh). It makes me cringe, I just feel very very uncomfortable. _E Uncomfortable in what way? ‘S Like, like it was my fault that I had done something wong where it was really her fault but she, she is making me feel like, like I was the one and that I'm respon- sible for everything and I wasn't. §_What's happening. S_Nothing. (Silence) §_What are you seeing? S_My roommates are asking me what, I'm un- acting that way. Why, asking me if something is wrong or something. I say no no it's just that I don't feel too good. §_You don't feel too good in what way? .S I just, it's just an excuse, just to cover up why I'm acting so strangely. Just that it's hard to, hard to cover up what I've just been through. Then they, they ask me where I was, and I kinda paused and didn't-—couldn't think of a good excuse of how to cover it up. I kinda stuttered and stammered and finally I blurted out I was just went for a walk around the campus. Visiting friends, they kinda gave me a suspicious look but then they seemed to accept it. §_How are you doing? S_(sigh) I feel terrible. B You feel terrible in what way? S_I didn't, didn't want to do. I just (sigh) feel bad about (pause) about the whole thing. .E I notice you put your hand on your chest. S_(Sighs) (delay) Just, I just com- forting myself. §_Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? §_(sigh) I don't want to think about it. I want to forget it, I don't wanta (delay) (silence) g What's happening? _§ (sighs) I feel very 49 uncomfortable, I don't (sigh) to discuss it anymore. (sighs) (silence) DO we have to talk about it anymore? §_What are you seeing? S_(sighs) I just don't want to talk about it. (silence) Can I leave soon? §_How are you doing? S_(sighs) I don't want to talk about it, I just want to leave. (silence) What time is it? §_Um, twenty-five after four. What are you seeing? §(Sighs) I don't wanta, I don't wanta stay- very late. Cause, when is she going to be here? 'E I don't know. What are you seeing? S_I don't want to face her. How did you find her? E What's happening? .5 I see her at the door. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_She (sighs) she's staring at me, like she's trying to stare a hole through me, she's not smiling, er §_What was that? S_She's not smiling, she's looking at me like it was all my fault (sighs). She really makes me feel bad and, I just, I can't look at her, I have to look away. (sighs) I feel very uncomw fortable. §_Can you describe that in greater detail? _S It's like, like I don't, I don't want to be there because, because of the way she is looking at me and I don't know what to say and nobody is saying any- thing and I feel like, like everybody's waiting for me to react and to make a move and watching my every move and (sighs). E Please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. (silence) ‘S (Sighing) (silence) ‘§_What's happening? S_I becoming very aroused. E Aroused in what way? .S Oh, sexually aroused, she just (sighs) she's really got an attractive body. She knew what she was doing and she trying to get me into that bedroom. (silence) §_How are you doing? §_I want to leave. I gotta go. .§_What're you seeing? S_(Sighs) Her trying to, trying to seduce me. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_She's kinda, she's running her fingers through my hair and blowing in my ear, she's suggesting things. She knows what she's doing. I've gotta fight her, I've gotta get out of there. (silence) §_What's happening? S_I made it out of there (sighs) I don't believe it but I did. I just so glad that I did. I realize how close I came to doing the wrong thing or making the wrong decision. I just feel relieved that I did. §_How are you doing? S_I feel better. .E What are you seeing? S_I just am walking back and I just- feel very very relieved that I got out of there when I did and I'm making a vow that I'll, that I'll never see her again. And that I'll tell my girlfriend about it and then everything will be ok. I don't have anything to worry about. Condition III E What's happening? S_Funny I can't quite really visualize, I'm not really thinking that much about -?- I'm just aware of things that are going on in the room. Your writing on the thing and clicking and ah, remembering what the room looked like before I shut my eyes. (laugh) E_What happened? _S It's just (laugh) I ah, you know not really visualizing anything just can't get into anything I'm not thinking that much about any particular thing. Now I'm thinking about what I might do tonight, just different ideas. §_What are you seeing? S_Ahm, a party and ahm visiting, visiting with friends and sitting in the room studying. I, ah, wondering if any of my roommates will be waiting there when I go back for dinner. Wondering what they want to do tonight. (Silence) I§_What're you seeing? .§_Ahm, myself and, ah, how I looked before when I was in the trance and— I keep, keep, ah, seeing this lady, but like, she is standing by the door and like it doesn't make that much sense. .§_Well can you describe that in greater detail? _S Well like, she looks very, very attractive and, she's staring at me and I don't, I 51 don't really know quite why she would. And ah, it kinda bothers me, you know that she would be staring cause you know when peOple stare at you, you know, it kinda makes you feel unusual in a sense. But like it doesn't bother me, you know, that much. You know, I can't figure out why she's doing it. But it all passes and I leave and walk by her and through the door. And now afterwards I'm just wondering why you know, she was staring and I'm kinda laughing at myself why some people do stare at peOple like that, maybe she wasn't realizing she was doing it and if she was, you know, did know why she was doing it, I wonder why? “g What are you seeing? ‘S I'm just ahm, waiting for the bus to go back to my room. It's cold and windy out, raining. And I hope the bus gets here soon so I don't have to stand out here so long. §_How are you doing? S Oh, ok, I want that bus to get there, because it's cold. (silence) ‘§_What's happening? § I'm thinking about that machine making some marks on the paper, and ah, I'm kinda surprised that, ah, like that thing attached to my hand hasn't caused me any discomfort because usually things like that, when I think about them, begin to, ah, bother me and start to itch and things like that. I just find it kinda hard to believe that I've sat here for this amount Of time without affecting me, I guess. §_What are you seeing? §_I'm seeing my hand and, ah, the steel things, hooked around them and the wires. The silver machine with all the dials and everything looks kinda so complex. I§_What was that. S The machine looks so complex, You know with all the dials and the switches on it and everything. 12 What's happening? S_Nothing. (silence) Condition IV §_Now I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. §_(laugh) §_What happened? S_(Laugh) A nice thing to think about. _E What are you seeing? _§ Oh, we're sitting there on the couch and talking. It's just, you know, very pleasant. Cause I like talking to woman. And she seems very nice, she offers me food and gives me a drink. The stereo is playing in the background and very low and it's really, ah, pleasant atmosphere. I feel very, very comfortable, she's real easy to talk to. .E How are you doing? .S Fine. (silence) §_What's happening? S_I'm ah, getting up and leaving because it's getting very late and, ah, I say goodbye and thank her for, ah, for having me in and she thanks me for helping her and I, ah, turn, walk to the door and leave. I feel, ah, very good inside that I helped somebody and they in turn were so nice to me. It gives me a warm feeling, a feeling of, of joy (silence) g What are you seeing? .5 I'm seeing that machine again. (silence) ‘2 What's happen- ing? S_I'm, ah, helping her, the lady, ah, walking with her to the bus. Her insisting that I come along so she can repay me. S We're just going up to her apartment. §_And now what? §_We go up to her apartment. And when we get there, she invites me in, and we sit down and talk. She gives me the money and we talk for a little while longer and we leave, I leave. g What's happening? S_I just keep seeing that, that lady. .E Can.you describe that in greater detail? _S I just see, ah, her face and how, ah, how appreciative she was, she, how happy she is that I helped her and how much she ah, really wanted to show her appreciation and to repay me. How grateful she was. (silence) And now I see her face how, I mean how frantic she looked, when she didn't have the money to get on the bus. And how much I wanted to help her. §_How are you doing? .g Fine. (clears throat) §_What are you seeing? §_We're, ah, riding on the bus together and talking, she is such an easy person to talk to. Such a pleasant person to be with. (silence) §_What's happening? §_Nothing. (silence) §_What are you seeing? § Ahm, me coming up to, ah, your office, talking with yor. §_Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? §_What's happening? §_We're just dancing to the music, she's a very good dancer, she compliments me on how I dance. Yet she, ah, seems to knoyrmore about dancing than I do, so she asks me if I'd like to learn some different steps, and I agree and she had fun trying to teach me dif— ferent steps and, ah, it's really, really enjoyable. She, she's laughing at me practically tripping over my own feet and how mixed up I get and I'm la laughing too; it's, it's really funny. (pause) §_What are you seeing? §_We're just enjoying, ah, the whole dancing routine. §_How are you doing? "g Fine . §_What was that? §_Fine . (silence) §_Hhat's happening? §_I'm thinking about going home for Thanksgiving, going to see a parade, that's how it was last year. How my little brother really loved going to see it, how he asked me last time I was home if I was going to take him down there again. How good I felt that, that he enjoyed it so much. That I was taking him to see it. (silence) §_What's happening? §_I'm riding in a car and it's raining and the wind shield wipers are clapping back and forth and I feel safe and dry in the car. I don't really know where I'm going or where I'm coming from. g Ah, please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. What's happening? §_Ah, same, same thing that happened before with her ah 54 trying to really ah goof around, trying to do the polka and things like that. ‘§_How are you doing? .§ Fine. I'm enjoying it. l§_What are you seeing? .§ Nothing. (silence) ‘§_What's happening? § Thinking about, ah, I'd like to try living in an apartment. ‘§_What are you see— ing? ‘§_How much nicer it would be inside compared to how dorms are and .E Nicer in what way? .g Furniture and the size. I can see me trying to struggle, cook the meal. And then I go shOpping buy stuff, cook your own meals. (silence) ‘E How are you doing? §_Fine. .E What's happening? §_I, ah, feel as though my right arm is on the same level as the rest of my body, and I can't, it's hard for me to imagine it being on, on the arm, yet I know it is it's a very unusual feeling. .g Can you describe that in greater detail? §_It feels like my, my body, the lower part of my body is - lighter and, it feels as though ahm, ’ they're on the same level possibly. That I should just be able to move my thumb on my right hand to be able to touch my leg. ‘g What are you seeing? I§_My hand and my leg in the chair. i§_How are you doing? §_F1ng §_What's happening? §_I'm thinking about, in the first time, when I was going to be hypnotized, how, ah, how kinda, ah, nervous I was before and how at ease I began to feel once you started to explain it to us, how relaxed I was, and how much I really wanted to be hypno- tized. .E Wanted in what way? §_Cause I wanted to experience it for myself, to know what it really was like. E What are you seeing. §_I'm seeing the room over there and, ahm, the people in the room. E Ok, you can open your eyes now. Condition I §_Right now you mean? .§.Uh huh. ‘§ Ahm, comfort. I§_What was that? §_Comfort, uncertainty, red circle in front of my eyes. Ahm, I keep thinking about (laugh) girls today. 'g About what? .§_Girls today, you know all day I've been thinking about girls. '§_In what way? S_Oh, I haven't seen one in a while and stuff like that. Ahm, - §_What are you seeing? § This girl with, ah, blonde hair and ah she's an acquaintance of mine. But I've never got to be mofe than friends with her. Cause she's a senior. And, you know, I'm only a sophomore so that didn't work out too well. §_Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? §_Uh huh. Ahm, she's just standing there. Then I see a picture of a stained glass window. And- looks like the inside of a church or something and the girl is there. She never says anything though. - I feel really sorta tense, like I want to go and talk to her but, ahm, you know, I can't cause I haven't got an Opening line or something like that. ‘§_How are you doing? '§_Pretty good. Ahm, do you want me to keep describing? ‘g Yes. §_Well she's looking at me now, (laughs) that's a start. Yeah, she's smiling, that's good. Boy(?) I feel so anxious (?) (laugh) Ahm, yeah, she's really cool but the thing is how to approach her. Hm.- That's one of those things, ahm. lg What was that? §_I was just thinking of ways to, ah, you know, talk to her, make friends with her.- Hm (laugh) E What happened? § Well we're both staring at the plate glass windows, stained glass windows or what- ever and ahm you know admiring it, she's ahm, she's really cute, but she's too old. You know cause she's a senior and I'm a saphomore and that could ruin things. - But I want to give it a try anyways, ah, - she's 55 56 really friendly, -‘§ Friendly in what way. S_I don't know, she's you know, standing really close and ahm, you know, just doesn't treat me like I'm young and immature and things like that. There's music on, might be the organist or something like that (sighs) §_What's happening? §_I don't know, I have nasty thoughts running through my mind, about the girl. E Nasty in what way? ‘§_You know, attraction to her. .g Can you describe that in greater detail? §_You know, attraction to her. §_Can you describe that in greater detail? S'Phy- sical attraction. Now she's noticed it. .§ How are you doing? §_Very well. (laughs) Ahm, - this is a crazy story but we have our arms around each other now, anyways. .g Crazy in what way? .S'I don't know how it all occurred or how I could be thinking about something like this (laugh). Well anyways, ahm, yeah she, she's really nice. Built just right. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_0h her figure, you know she's got a small waist, and ah, a decent amount on tap. Yeah pretty good, perfect, you know, in al respects. She keeps making suggestive movements (laugh) (Clears throat) which could, yeah, lead to something if she doesn't quit it. I wonder if she knows if she is doing it or not. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? ‘§_Well like, you know, when she talks she'll talk really sexy voice or something like that or well move, talk really close, to your ear or something like that. I don't know if it's intentional or not but it - yeah, ahm, - well, we're not in the church anymore (laugh). Huh, outside, and we're just walking through this, like, park or some— thing by a river, with the church in the background and we're getting along really well. But there's always that thought of woop- will it last or not and I don't think it will because she's too old. g What's 57 happening? S_We decided to sit down, on the grass and just watch the world go by. She's ahm (laughs) ah sitting in a strange position. §_Strange in what way? S_Well she's got a short dress on (laughs) and ahm, yeah (laughs) you can guess the rest. .5 Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Well you can see (lhughs) what, ah, you're not supposed to see. - ‘E How are you doing? §_Great, this is a good dream. Well (laugh) we finally got down to it, it was about time. g What was that? .S (clears throat) We finally started kissing and stuff like that. Seems like she's just, ahm (laughs), asking for it. (laughs) Anyways, - luckily nobody's around so we can start taking things off, and, ah - yeah things are going very well, with the two of us (laughs). §_Very well in what way? .§ Ahm, physical attrac- tionwise, we're making the most of (clears throat), ah, reproduction (laughing) systems, is what you could say. §_What are you seeing? § Ahm, us going all the way (laughs)o- ,§_What's happening? ‘§_Huh, oh, I don't know, we're just making love and stuff like that. - Oh, oh, somebody's coming (laughs), we have to leave. We saw somebody walking along the other side of the river toward us. Seems she disappears, I don't know where to. - Huh, she must have gone home or something..- Yeah, that's a, - I'm walking around in the park, and - she's not there (laugh) maybe it got to her or something, you know all that love (?) in the open. .2 Got to her in what way? § Embarrassed her, or something like that. - ahm, that's all I can see, me walking around the park looking for her. - I keep seeing people that I think are her but they aren't. — hum, it's getting dark. — Most peeple have gone home by now. - The thought just keeps nagging at, you know, in the back of my mind about that girl though. Whether ahm (clears throat) she still likes me 58 or not. I feel like I should go over there, but maybe she has another boyfriend or something. Which, yeah, that wouldn't be cool. Ahm, - that's really a problem (laugh) whether to go to see her again or not. E What are you seeing? § (laughs) Me walking around in (laughs) circles, figuring out what to do. §_How are you doing? S_Really good. - Well, I keep getting that old image there, of, ah, her laying in the grass without any clothes, which is a very, very good image (laughs). That could (laughs) really be a bother, when you try to think straight, to figure out whether to go see her or not, and all you see is this body without any clothes on (clears throat) trying to give yourself to thought. - ‘E Disruptive, in what way? S_Just, you know, ahm, trying to decide something and then (laughs) seeing that beautiful body just lying there going to waste. - Hm, - ‘§_What's happening? .S Trying to figure out (laughs) where she lives. - (delay) Well it looks like in a different city or something now, — I'm trying to figure out where she lives, I can't find her. - The city looks like London. It's night time and I keep asking peeple, do you know where so and so lives. They give me the leaded (?) foot cause I have a different accent (clears throat). - (delay) — Well I finally found a motel to stay in, - decide to have a few beers. - But that's about it, it just ends there. (delay) Hm, keep thinking the question of morals, like whether it would be right to, if she was, had a boyfriend or was married or something like that, you know that girl? ‘g Uh huh. ‘§_Ah, whether it would be right to step in or not, supposing I found her. - (delay) Course all's fair in love and war, so I suppose it would be. (sighs) If she was married that'd be different. .§_What was that. §_If she was married, then it wouldn't be fair to her husband, but if she's just got a boyfriend and he wasn't bigger than me, then it (laughs) would be fair. Cause after all we did show mutual attraction and so that means she wasn't getting along very well with whoever she was married to or going steady with. - I§_What are you seeing? S_Ahm, — just a big white light (laughs) in front of my eyes. §_I notice you're biting your lips. § Uh, they're chapped.- (delay) - The thought of girls, this is monotonous, it's probably monotonous to you; it's (clears throat) I just keep thinking of girls today. Do you want me to quit thinking about em? _g Just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them to me. .S All right, ok. - Oh, my old music teacher. I had this, ah, piano teacher, this was over in Europe, back in England and, ahm, she must have been, I was 14 or 15 and she was, ah, I don't know twenty's, between twenty's and thirty's. And now, that's ridiculous, because I always thought, wow, you know, she was the greatest thing to hit the earth, that was (clears throat) like ahm, - the first older person I was ever attracted to. I§_What are you seeing. S_Her (laughs) sitting at the piano. (laughs) I ah, never, ahm, learned much in the lessons cause I was always usually staring at her legs (laughs) or something like that. And she'd keep telling me to concentrate. As while she was saying it, I'd go yeah yeah, you know, and - well you know, there was that first time, after, ah, when was it, it was Christmas or something and - ‘§_Are you describing what'8 in your mind's eye? §_Uh huh. And she was in a really good mood and gave me a Christmas present and maybe a kiss on the cheek or something like that and that was great, that was really good. ‘g What's happening? §_0h, I'm just thinking about some of the dreams I have about her. E'tht are you seeing? .S (laughs) What could never have happened like 6O ah, her and I going out together and going to bed together and things like this (clears throat). §_Are you describing hhat's in your mind's eye? §_Uh huh. Uh huh. r (silence) g What's happening? S_I just started thinking about playing the piano. ‘g What are you seeing? S_The old piano we use to have, a Grand Piano. - And all my family is sorta gathered around it at Christmas time. And I would have to play some Christmas carols, and I'd get scared to death because everybody was staring at me and (laugh) I'd stop half way through it. - 0h, then there was (laughs) oh I remember that, ahm, there was this music recital, my first one and I was doing really good for the first song and the second song I stopped half-way through and I couldn't remember the rest of it. (clears throat) and I just sat there, trying to remember it for about 5 minutes and I couldn't do it so I just (laughs) ran out of the room. That was, that sticks with me. ‘§_What are you seeing? S_Me running out of the room (laughs). With all those peOple going, ah poor kid. - Oh, and then, yeah, last night- there was this girl that, ah, was in the guy's room nextdoor, and she was, was really cool, blonde hair and everything and she was telling fortunes, supposedly with those tarrot cards. And so this one kid told me a question, you know, he was going to ask her, and he, she told, she tried to answer the ques- tion and it came out exactly right, and it just struck me as unbelievable. 2 What are you seeing? S_The way she was sitting on the bed (laughing), §_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Well, she had, ah, she had jeans on unfortunately, but she was sitting on the bed, and - facing the end of it, with her legs on either side of it, so we was just spread apart (laughs), you see what I mean? Yeah, anyways. ~ E How are you doing? .§_Great (laugh). ‘g What is happening? .g She's still sitting 61 (laughs) on the bed like that. (laughs) Ah, seems such a waste. Ah, all these girls do things, that maybe they know about them maybe they don't, I don't know. They just keep, ah, I suppose it's men that, ah, visualize the situation a little bit different than girls do. §_What's happening? S_She's, ah, reading the cards, and smiling up at me occasionally. (Laughs) And I'm sitting there with my eyes glued to it (laughs)- (delay) hum, I ought to have her come read my fortune in my room. (laugh) Then maybe we could make something better out of it. - (delay) §_What are you seeing? S_Her in my room (laughs). _E Can you describe that in greater detail? S Well, we, ah, didn't read too many fortunes (laughs) we got sidetracked. .E Sidetracked in what way? S_Ahm, (laughs) well, she started on the bed, fortunately, ah, (laughs) ended up lying down on the bed together.- That's a lot better than reading fortunes. §_What's happening? §_(laughs) Everything but fortune telling and we seem to have lost our clothes (laughs). - All we do is playing like, ahm, throwing each other around and doing crazy things. Having tickle fights. She is really something, oh boy. .E In what way? S_She's crazy, she's running around the room with no clothes on, screaming and yelling. Like an Indian or something. Um, she col- lapsed on the bed, I'll have to bring her back to life. l§_What's happening? S_I'm (laughs) bringing her back to life in an unusual method. ‘§_Can you describe that in greater detail? I§_Ahm, (laughs) reproductive (?) maybe. Yeah, ~ §_What are you seeing? S_Well, I'm lying on top of her, and, ah - (laughs) well, we're going at it (laughs) to put it bluntly. §_How are you doing? S_Fine (laughs) (delay) (clears throat) My thoughts just keep getting worse and worse. E Worse in what way? S_Well, I can almost, ah, (laughs), ah, feel what's 62 going on. With the girl. §_Feel in what way? _S Like sense it. In you know, like feel an urge to find a girl (laughs) and, ahm, take her to bed (laughs). (laughs) If I don't quit thinking about this (ahm) it's getting ridiculous. §_What are you seeing? S_The same thing (laughs) in greater detail. §_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Ahm, - well we're trying it in a new positiOn. I think it is one of those old fashioned ones where the guy sits down and the girl sits down on top of him, facing him or something like that, it seems to be working pretty well, though. (silence) .E What's happening? l§_Well, we (laughs), ahm, - (laughs) we just reached the peak and we both collapsed exhausted. (laughs) (clears throat) Happy but exhausted. (has an erection) §_Now what's happening? Just kind of recuperating. (laughs) Pretty tiring business. Ah, the girl doesn't get quite so tired as the guy. - (delay) - She fell asleep, I never thought that would happen. §_What are you seeing? §.It just went white again. Condition II E Now I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. § And describe it? §_Whatever comes to 'your mind's eye. § Ah, ok. -(delay)- (Sigh) Yeah. Well this woman is, ah, older than me again, it's happening in every thought I have, and- oh, we're just talking about trivial things. (sighs) ah, there's ah, (laugh) red curtains on the windows of the apartment. And she put some music on. - She's really nice, but (laughs) it's just like all the other gals I've just gotten, older than me, and she keeps doing suggestive things, whether she realizes it or not, I don't know- this must sound ridiculous to you. E This was what? S_This must sound 63 ridiculous. .E Ridiculous in what way? § (Laugh) girls being sug- gestive all the time. §_What are you seeing? S_Her bending over and, ah, going to pick up a record or something like that. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Her dress went higher (laughs) than it should have. - Well, she noticed that I, ah, saw that, but it didn't embarrass her, it almost (laughs) sorta inspired her on to greater things (laughs). ‘g Greater things, in what way? '§_Well, just like, ah, getting to know each other better (laugh). “Q Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Ahm, - - like, physically maybe (laughs). And she, there's a table with a bunch of food and drink on it, matter of fact I am thirsty (laugh), I suppose that's why I thought of it, and, ah, we're just sitting there, talking and eating and drinking and stuff. And she's really, really a nice person. _E Nice, in what way? S_She's friendly and she's attractive, and, ahm, seems lonely. I think she needs some company. (delay) Well we finished the meal, and ah, (clears throat) things are beginning to happen again, such as, ah, physical attraction and stuff like that. §_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Oh, I don't know whether I want it to happen or not because, ahm, I haven't been out with too many girls and she's obviously well up in the way of, ah, sex and stuff like that (laugh) so yeah I just feel uncertain about the whole thing. E_Uncer- tain in what way? § About getting in trouble or my capabilities or meeting her capabilities, if you know what I mean, ah- but she seems to have overlooked that. - (silence) ‘E What are you seeing? .S I'm out in the street. Um, I didn't, I didn't like her after all, well I did but — I didn’t want to get involved because she might have been married or you know I might've (laughs) made a fool out of myself by being sorta ll. 6A juvenile. So I decided to just, I don't know I'm just in the street wandering around looking in store windows. E How are you doing? S_Much better (sighs and exclaims - ahm- like a clearing of the throat, shifts and stretches)- §_What happened? ‘§_They, it's a thought recurred about this person— what, what might've happened, if I had stared there longer, like- you know might've gotten further with her. §_What're you seeing? .S (laugh) What happened when I might've stayed there longer. E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Another (laughs) bedroom scene. With, ahm, ~ me learning a few things this time. I§_Learning a few things? In what way? 1§_Yeah, about the art of love, ahm, physical love. §_What're you seeing? .§_Ah, just different positions how to, you know, have intercourse in, ah, — ah, things like that. §_Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? S_Yeah (laughing) definitely. -(silence) (laughs) I just see one big ahm, nude scene or something like that. §_What are you seeing? S_(laughs) Her and I rolling around on the bed and- um, intertwined bodies and - things. - §_How're you doing? S_Very well. (Clears throat) So is she (laugh). ‘2 What are you seeing? S_(Laughs) Ah, looks like an orgasm (laughs. She um, - (shifts body, clears throat) I'd rather not describe it (laugh). §_You'd rather not in- .S It's, ah, embarrassing. (sigh-laugh). .g Embarrassing in what way? g§ Ahm, I've never discussed it with anyone before (laugh). §_Well, can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them for me? §_You mean different things? .§_Whatever comes into your mind's eye, and describe them. ‘S - (silence) §_What's happening? §_Um, it just looks like, a room, (laugh) with a bed in it. With that (laugh) girl on it, woman on it again. §_We11, can you describe that C)“ Li! in greater detail? §_This time she's just lying there asleep, it's a gigantic four poster bed,- very stately looking sorta room, where an untouchable person would sleep. (silence) §_What're you seeing? S_I'm just seeing like, ah, that pattern and it's rotating around and around and it's (laugh) making me dizzy. (delay) I just had a thought of me, driving, ah, like some fantastic European sports car, Jaguar or something, out to that house, where, ahm, that woman is asleep in that gigantic bed and maybe impress her or something like that, I don't know, it probably wouldn't but it'd be worth a try. §_How are you doing? .S Really, ah, really good. Well (laugh) I think it impressed her. Ahm,- E You're rubbing your nose. S_Yeah, (laugh) the same (lousy?) dirty thoughts again (laugh). §_What are you seeing? .S (laughs) I guess we went out for a drive or something cause we're, we're down by a river (laugh) ahem, again and , ahm (laugh) - we're, ah, (snickers) going at it. - (silence) .E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Ahm, - well, - it's really a pleasurable sensa— tion. And - ah, - we're just kinda basking in the sun. Soaking out each other's body heat and the heat from the sun and- just stre, you know, stretched out. - (shifts) (silence) .g What's happening? .S Ahm- I'd rather not think about that anymore. §_What are you see- ing? S_Well, I don't, I don't want to think about the girls anymore! §_How are you doing? S_Ok, but I (sigh, clears throat), ahm. 1§_What's happening? §.I keep thinking of girls (laughs) without clothes on and it's embarrassing me. §_Now would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman? S_The one I just described? §_Uh huh. S_Ahm, (sighs) - §_Just wait for things to come into your mind's eye, and describe them for me. 66 _§ Ok. Well it's at the top of a flight of stairs. - Has old furniture in it. - And, ah, the window looks out over the city. - There's a chandelier in the middle of the ceiling. Do you want me to think of the whole apartment? §_Well, just let, yeah describe whatever is in your mind's eye. _§ - (delay) hum,- §_What was that? S'A bus (laugh), ahm, that, no that is not in the apartment. Ahm,— §_What are you seeing? S_A bus! Of all things! I don't know why I'm think— ing of a bus. - §_How are you doing? §_I think, pretty good. - (laughs) Well, the bus is full of beautiful girls, ahm, - they're all smiling and waving. - Um, as it happened the bus st0ps at the stop right now- (silence) (laugh) I can see a picture of me sitting, - the bus is very crowded and I'm sitting on a lap of one of the (laugh) girls. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? .S Ah- (laugh) it's, ah, bumpy ride, and, ah- I keep bouncing up and down on her.- But she doesn't seem to mind. - Anyway she makes a good back rest, she's got plenty of support (laugh) — ah, she has the (laugh) hugest breasts I've ever seen. — 1§_What's happening? S_We're just sitting there and the bus is going along. - E How are you doing? S_Ok. - Well the movement (laugh) of the bouncing bus, ahm, you know, me bouncing up and down on top of her lap (laughs) well turned her on or something. (Clears his throat) Ah, I don't know she's just moving around a lot. (silence) (Clears throat) Well (laughs) - yeah, we're doing it- again (laugh)— ah, I, I don't want to describe it. ‘ E You don't want to describe it? S_No, it's embarrassing (laugh--voice low). §_Embarrassing in what way? .S Telling somebody (laugh) else about it. (sighs) E What's happening? .§_I'm trying not to think about anything. §_What are you seeing? S_Nothing (voice wavers). 67 EEHQW I'd like you to get a mental picture again of the very big huge four poster bed, the one for an untouchable person. Describe what comes to your mind's eye. (delay) §_It reminds me of one of these old, ahm, what do they call them in France, Chateaus. Everything is very delicate and ornate, and of course the girl is, ah, asleep, she's beautiful, French girls are beautiful, and, ah — there's a dog sleep- ing at the end of the room, like a guard I gue- I don't know. It's a Saint Barnard. - And the room is pretty big. - The sun's stream- ing in one window. - E What's happening? S_I was just admiring the scene of early morning sun and the (young?) Picture of tranquility and everything (sighs) _Q How are you doing? S_Ok. - E What are you seeing? L Well, I'm imagining she has to get up and get dressed. (Clears throat) - §_What's happening. S_(laugh) She doesn't wear any pajamas (laughs). - §_How are you doing? _S All right. - §_What's happening? S_(Laughs) I ran up to her and grabbed her (laughing), - it's insane. _E Insane in what way? S_Because I never rush up to girls and grab them, I just had a sudden impulse to run up and grab her Give her a big hug and other things. E Other things? _S (laughing) (?) do that again? _E How are you doing? S_Great. §_What's happen- ing? _S Ah, — we're making full use of the, of the bed. .E What are you seeing? S_Well there's two people in (laughs) it, me and her, - then - I think it was quite a shock for, to wake up to that but— .2 Can you describe it in greater detail? S_Ahm— (delay) well we're just making love and things. (laugh) §_Ok, you can open your eyes ROW 0 68 Condition III S_(delay) Well, (laugh) I can see snow. ‘2 Snow? S_Yeah, snow, lots of beautiful snow. And a really good ski slope and it's not crowded. (delay) And a couple of nice looking chicks on it, but I never go after chicks when I ski. - E What are you seeing? S_The posts, you know, the chair lift. Can see a fantastic view from the top. - Can see for about 100 miles, it's perfectly clear. Everything below looks so small it's, you know, miniature houses,- §_What's happening? _§ (delay) Um, - (clears throat) I can sorta see myself standing on, ah, cliff and just wondering like, you know, looking over the panorama and wondering what it would be like just u>kinda float down to it, like jump off, it's suicidal but just to see what it would feel like to just leap into the air- E How are you doing? S_Very well. - §_What are you seeing? S_Ahm, the ah,— inside of a restaurant (laugh) - (delay) E Can you describe that in greater detail? S It's more like a,— a cafeteria or something. Well, it must be at the ski place because it's full of people with ski costs on,- (delay) there's one old man with a white beard and a pipe dangling out of the corner of his mouth (laugh) sitting there with his leg in a cast and his foot on a table.- (laugh) Only he's got things mixed up- the leg with the cast on isn't on the table. That's a crazy thought however (?) - E What's happening? _§ I can see this, we just got a kitten, well two weeks ago, a little black one (?) playing with a big white one we have. — §_What are you seeing? _§ Just them messing around. Wondering if the big white one would ever try and kill this little black one. -(delay) E_What's happening? .S I just thought of computers, comparing them to animals. They have no life but they, they're dumb like animals. No that was a lousy comparison, they 69 don't have instincts and things like that. §_What are you seeing? S_I was just trying to figure out some way to compare (laughs) a cat and a computer. - §_What's happening? (sighs) I'm seeing 3 ca, or a kitten— .E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Um, it's - pure black, it has gigantic claws on it. - And it attacks anything in sight, like people's feet- or leaves, that are blown around by the wind (laugh). ‘§_How are you doing? .§ 0'. I keep getting, ah, like you know, ah, picture of home, like - you know our living room and the yard and stuff like that. - (silence) Yeah, that's all I keep seeing, like I'm on a guided tour of our house, or something like that. — E Well can you describe that in greater detail. S_Ah, it's just about things that have happened there, like parties I've had and, ah- relatives com- ing over- a happy feeling of being there and stuff like that. (silence) §_What's happening? §_Um, I see a picture of my brother. - §_What are you seeing? S_He's messing around with something, in his room, it looks like he's got out a set of weights or something like that. - (delay) - §_What's happening? S Hardly any thoughts are coming into my mind (laugh) I'm so relaxed that everything is just, you know, like ah, warm haze. ‘§_What are you seeing? S_It's just- ahm, (sigh) I don't know, like at home, lazily watching TV or you know, sitting down to dinner with parents. (delay) Nothing with any anxiety or tension, just perfect tranquility and around the house and— the family unity sort of thing. l§_How are you doing? ‘§.Ok. '§_Well can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and then describe them for me? S_Uh huh. (delay) I just thought of my roommate (laugh). .E What are you seeing? S_Ahm, him finding cut, him figuring out what he's going to do for a career like we have these long discussions about what 70 to go into you know, fields of work and stuff- I just thought of him thinking of, ahm,~ a career he was definitely going into, I don't know why. Maybe it's because he never reaches any conclusions before and it's time I (?) decided. ‘§_What are you seeing? S_(Laugh) Him jumping up and down and going I got it I got it. - (silence) I just had a thought of a, a girl I met, ahm, about a week ago. Never taken out a girl with black hair, or you know dark hair, dark brown hair. Um, yeah,— E_What are you seeing? S_Just her (yawns) and I talking. Um,- That's about it. - (silence) Trying to decide what to do, where to go or some- thing like that. Ahm, what to visit or go see. Condition IV §_Now I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. S_All right. - §_What's happening? lm I'm sitting cross legged on the floor. Looking at the floor. And she's saying something and I'm not answering it. - Talking about it really bothers me. §_Bothers you in what way? S_Yeah, I hate it and don't like it, I feel like taking it down and starting over again. And redesign it or something, if it was my place. §_How are you doing? S_Ok. - (silence) Well, I just saw- imagined her (laugh) chuggin' some whiskey for some reason, you know what I mean - chugging? 'E Uh huh. S_Gulping it down and offering it to me, I don't want any. - I wouldn't be surprised if she gets a stomach ache, after all that (voice low). §_What was that? S_I wouldn't be surprised if she got a stomach ache after doing that. - She's trying to be suggestive. _E Suggestive in what way? S_Um, sexy and stuff like that. - But I don't like her (laughs) ‘§_You don't like her, in what way? ‘§_Cause of everything she does and says. - E_What're you seeing? S_Me walking down a 71 flight of stairs, just going away. (silence) In a zoo, I juSt thought of a zoo. §_What are you seeing? S_Ahm, looking at all the different like cages and, and scenes like, you know, they have rocks with polar bears walking around them and stuff like that.- They're feeding them, yeah, they're feeding the polar bears and they snatch up chunks of meat, you know, they just grab them right out of the air, almost and eat them in about two seconds. Tear it apart.-- §_Would you pleasevisualize the apartment scene with the woman? S_Ok. Want me to describe it again? .E Yeah. §_Oh, - ah, - (silence) Hard to visualize it. ‘§_What are you seeing? S_Why I can see, vaguely the apartment,- (laughs) not much of anything, just an apartment, - yeah, §_How are you doing? S_Ok. (silence) ‘E What are you seeing? § I'm trying to imagine that darn apartment (laugh), but I can't imagine it. I can imagine lots of different times but not the right one. §_Well, can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them for me? S_All right. - ‘§;What are you seeing? §_A window with a tree outside it. And leaves on it. (laughs) It just fell over. (silence) I just thought of, ah, - a party - yeah, this friend of mine, always (?) to go, you know, like out to Woodward Avenue, which is in Detroit, and pick up some girls and then we invite friends over and we have a gigantic party all in this one room (laughs) it was really funny. It was a big room. - We always had parties in it. ‘§_What are you seeing? .§ Just everybody's having a good time. '§_Having a good time in what way? ‘§_You know (laughs) laughing and, ahm, things like that. §_Could you describe that in greater detail? S_They're playing spin the bottle, that's what. - And this one girl (laughs) keeps getting the bottle pointed at her. And 72 everybody's cracking up because it seems like fate, you know, just getting her. — .§ What's happening? _S Ahm, they just, everybody turned around, somebody came in the room, and everybody just stapped talking. And looked up, and there's this girl standing there, nobody says a word. .E What's happening? .§ It's kinda like a, ahm, stale- mate (laughs) she's looking down at everybody and everybody is looking down at her. Wondering what to say, because they've never seen her before. - We're spinning the bottle again. - (silence) And it's pointed at the girl that just arrived. She sort of looks up and wonders what to do (laugh) I guess she's never played it before. - §_What's happen- ing? S_(laughs) I just thought of dinner (laughs). .2 What are you seeing? '§_(laughs) Food (laughing) - l§_How are you doing? ‘§.Ok. (GSR) (sighs) §_What's happening? S_Um, just can't, my mind's at a standstill. §_Ok, can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with this woman? §_Which woman? §_In the apartment. §_Oh. §_Whatever comes to your mind. “S - Yeah - §_What are you seeing? S_This, I, I am imagining a different one now. I mean it's a girl in her apartment. Ah, she's really fantastic looking, she's got on a purple mini skirt, she's dancing really close. (silence) '§_What's happening? ‘§_I was just noticing her, like, ah, - she is built really well, she (yawns) having curves in just right places. (silence) .E What are you seeing? .S Ahm, just her and I dancing, trying out some new type of dance or something like that. (silence) §_How are you doing? S_Ok. (silence) I just imagined her, ah, mom wfilking into the room, hum, kinda broke things up a little bit. ‘g Broke things up in what way? I§_Well we could've got to be. you can't really talk that well, when a parent is in the 73 room, you know, say the usual things that kids say. - .§_What's happen- ing? S_We're sitting there listening to music, waiting till she goes away. - She's gone (sigh--laugh). She reminds me of the perfect girl, the one that I've always wanted to meet, you know, she’s interested in just the right things and - likes the same things that you like. And stuff like that. - g What are you seeing? §_We11,- (coughs) a fly crawling up the wall, in great detail, like it's magnified about a thousand times. - (silence)- It just crawled over the picture of the girl that's hanging on the wall. - (delay) 80 I hit it with a fly swat- ter (snicker) - (delay) — .E What's happening? .§ Ahm, - my mind keeps going blank (laugh) §_How are you doing? .S 0k. §_Now, ah, please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. S_You mean like before. §_Whatever comes to your mind's eye. _§ 0k. Something fascinates me, yet repels me, some picture in that- I can picture it but- the thought of it just— I want to picture it, then I figure it's wrong to. §_Wrong in what way? S That it's like an evil thought, to just picture that, ahm- that's crazy, it's, ah, what, - I'll I like picturing it but I feel guilty for imagining it. E What are you seeing? .§ Nothing (laugh)- (delay) — §_What's happening? §_Ahm, - I just, I don't know, thought of a picture of, ah, a ring being on a finger. 0n the fourth finger. §_Can you describe that in greater detail? §_It, looks like, ahm, a man's, a man's type of ring and it's on a woman's finger. I can see the hand really close up. (delay) Yeah, it looks like an old school ring or something like that. The person wearing it must be proud of it because they're holding it out. Like it was on display or something. (silence) .§_What's happening S_Oh,- (laughing) Imagined food again (?) (laughing). I dream about 74 food at night. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Ah, - like, I, ah, the easiest thing for me to imagine is, would be, ah, I don't know either girls or food, or something like, in that line. §_What are you seeing? _S (laughs) A girl lying on a table, with ahm, pretending to be like a, ahm, a leg of lamb or, ah, you know, hunk of roast beef (laughs). _E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_She's got gravy on her. (sighs) And an apple in her mouth. And I everybo- with peOple just looking at her, wondering what's happening? _E How are you doing? .S Ok. —.E And what's happening? S_Everytime she laughs the gravy goes flying off her stomach. E What are you seeing? .S I get a shaft of light coming down from the top of a very high dome, you know, a domed roof that's about 400 feet in the air or something. A thin beam of light just coming down into the floor. (After session over he said this gave him a very warm pleasant feeling through- out his body.) §_What are you seeing? .S Ahm, that, the picture of this, the light, it's like there's a kid standing underneath and he's fascinated, the little kid he's fascinated by this well, golden beam of light coming down, he keeps waving his hands in the beam to see if it does anything. (laugh) - (silence). .§_What are you seeing? S_Just that same thing. .3 I'd like you to visualize now, the, ah, 4 poster bed, for an untouch- able person, with a girl lying down in it. §_Four poster bed with ? (delay) (seemed puzzled) .E What are you seeing? S_I can see it, but I can't see any girl on it. (laughs) Ha, I can see a dog lying on the bed. ‘§_How are you doing? .§ 0k. §_What's happening? S_Ahm, I just walked into that room and I was just looking around. “Q Can you describe that in greater detail? §_- Um, just, ah, ah, like, ah, ah 75 room (laugh) I don't know, - it's got a very high ceiling- (delay) a lot of windows. (delay)- §_What are you seeing? _S I looking at the windows like, they were really antique sort of, like leaded window panes. E What's happening? Condition I §_What's happening? _§ I feel relaxed. It's darkness like it's night. (delay) ‘§_What are you seeing? § Um, looks like a sidewalk, I'm walking down it. It's a nice evening it feels (???) .§_What was that? §_It feels like it's nice, cool outside, spring maybe. (silence) Other than feeling relaxed, can't say I feel any other way right now. §_Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and report them, describe them for me? (delay) What's happening? _S_ I, nothing. §_How are you doing? S_I get the feeling something is forming, but I don't know what it, like shifting colors, not really colors. There is a central something that's lighter but it doesn't form, probably just - (silence) I wonder what it is that I can't get it to focus. §_What's happening? §_- It looks like the girl I went out with last weekend. §_Can you describe what you're seeing in greater detail? §_Well, she's standing there, the upper part of her body and face, like a pic- ture, smiling. (silence) E How are you doing? S_I'm relaxed. (delay) It feels like the upper part of my body is longer. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Ah, it feels like my arms are farther away than they would be normally from head. (delay) - I get a picture of this room like I was standing someplace else and looking in. (silence) ‘g What's happening? § Somebody yelled but I don't know who. It was a face with an open mouth, looked like they're yelling. It didn't look like anybody that I recognized. (delay) - I see a line of the guys at the draft physical. They're standing in line with their papers waiting. The line stretches around the corner. E How are you doing? .S I feel glad that I got it done with yesterday. 76 77 Feel a little sorry for though (?) having to go through it again. How funny they looked and how funny I must have looked (laughs). §_Funny in what way? S_Ah, they looked so sad, just standing there in their underwear and cold and uncomfortable. Just, they looked misery. - I can see someone I knew in high school, was there and drafted now. Hopeless look on his face. Standing there with his paper bag full of belongings or whatever. Thinking how glad I got a deferment, how bad it is when other people have to go when they don't want to. A little tense that it's only a six month defer- ment that I got. §_What was that? _§ It's only a six month defer- ment that I got, and I'll have to go back there in 6 months. §_What are you seeing? _S How it looked in driving in there in the morning, slum part of Detroit. Like I was sitting on the bus going back and being nervous, wondering how it will turn out this time. §_What's happening? .§ I'm feeling more tension, throat's dry. §_What was that? §.My throat's dry. I'm getting upset about something that won't happen for six months. §_What are you seeing? S_I, it's fading away. Trying not to think of it, push it out of my mind until later. §_How are you doing? S_I'm feeling more relaxed now and not thinking about it. (silence) I just got a picture of my cousin who works at the placement bureau. §_Can you describe that in greater detail? S Ah, she's sitting at a desk behind a high counter, and all you can see is head and face and wondering when my roommate will be talking to her again. He's there and, I get the feeling he's there and interviewing his visa every now and then. ‘§_How are you doing? ,§ I £991 tense in my legs. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? .S Like it's tensed up my muscles, I don't know why. E What are you seeing? _§ Um, 78 doesn't seem to be anything. (delay) §_What's happening? .S I get a picture of a lake. Nice, wooded all the way around, it goes out of sight around the (or a) point. Could be our summer cottage before there were many people there. There's nobody on the lake. I don't see any cottages around the edges. It's nice and peaceful, relaxful. (delay) - I think I got there by my motorcycle, it feels like I'm sitting on it. I get a picture of myself sitting on it. _E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Ah, a little red (?) Got both feet down, kinda leaning over the handle bars just looking down. Thinking it's nice to have areas like that and— .§_Nice in what way. .§,T° have some place to get back to where there aren't a lot of people. There is a road of some sort, an old one so I didn't chew up any of the grass around getting there. _5 How are you doing? _§ I feel fine. Got a picture of the inevitable beer can that somebody has thrown down there. And you look closer and see little bits of trash all over. (delay) I picking up some of the pieces of trash and putting it in the pockets of my coat. §_What's happening? S_I walking around and picking the things up and wondering why peOple always litter like that. I'm leaving, going slowly-~a feeling that it's glad to be away from every- thing and I just have to worry about getting over the next hill and - kind of a content feeling. .g Content in what way? S_Ahm, - being out there away from all the noise and confusion of the city, peaceful surroundings, trees (delay), it's a sunny day—-feel good to be outside. (delay) ,§_What‘are_you seeing? .S I, I it seems like I'm in nothing- ness and things are coming toward me and they look round and fluffy and soft balls, something like 2001 except they're things instead of colors. They seem to be streaming all around. Wondering what it is and where 79 they came from and interesting something different. .§_How are you doing? §_Well, - fine. (delay) They whatever they were faded. I'm getting shapes and nothing distinct. Looks like something spinning, I see the center of it, grooved, like a record only not, bigger or some- thing, rougher. Looks like a round tunnel, grooved it's lighter at the other end, seems to be streaming past. §_What was that? §_Seems to be streaming past. (delay) It doesn't seem to have any end, it just keeps coming past; it's light at the other end. _§ Can you describe that in greater detail? .§ Ah, seems to be more like a hallway now. A square shape and I cannot see the end, going down it. Nothing dis- tinct on the walls just a long hallway of some sort, dark at the end now. I don't really want to get to the end, keep on going- .g Don't want to in what way? ‘g Ah, I feel a little apprehension. Something, it doesn't feel right, I don't know why. Maybe it's the darkness and not knowing what's there beyond the darkness. 2 How are you doing? §'I, a little tense about getting to the end of the hallway. I just got there and the light, it became light and I see people I know there. .g Could you describe that in greater detail. § Ah, kinda like a, party, there was a door shut and it opened up and the people I knew there, standing around talking and have glasses in their hands and party type atmosphere. ‘§_How are you doing? §_Ah, I have a surprised feeling. .E Surprised in what way? § Well that they are all in, wherever. I was. (delay) It just faded away and it doesn't seem to be anything. I get a picture of a pine coffin type thing. .g Can you describe- §_Ah, it looks like a pine coffin. it's made out of thin stone, it's (gorgeous ?) stone. .§_What was that? §_Oh, it's, the shape of it is a pine box only the boards or what ever it's built 80 out of look like stone. They aren't boards. (It just bends— there's nothing around it (?) I get a picture how it must have looked when I rolled my sports car, now. It, kinda silhoutted up in the air and darkness around it. Wondering what it really was like and how I wish I could have seen it instead of being in it. §_What are you seeing? .E I get this, up in the air, frontwards down, just kind of hung there. And it's slowly twisting around, coming down. It hit then bounced, lands upside down. I'm getting the feeling that I wish I could remember more. I wish to see what it was like from the outside. Trying to remember what happened on the inside. (delay) It's upside down and one wheel spinning, I get the picture of how it was sitting when I got out. A feeling of hanging upside down with, letting the seat belt go and not dropping. How it felt to be crawling on the roof to get out. Seeing all the peOple that were standing around, incidentally, they just seemed to come out of nowhere. .E How are you doing? .§ I, feel like I'm standing off and watching it and wasn't a part of it. (delay) It seems to be (????) feeling like in a helicopter leaving, like in a movie ending or a something. Condition II §_Now I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. (g (silence) §_What's happening? §_Ahm, I'm looking around and looking at the apartment. There's no distinct shape to the woman, I can't make out any features. .E How are you doing? §_Oh, wondering why I'd be there and (delay) ah, she's older, I don't know how much, you know, just an older person. g What are you seeing? §_Hm, I, looking around the apartment and getting the picture of what it looks like and how it looks like a home more than just a 81 student type apartment. It looks like there should be kids running around. It looks calm. E What was that? S_Things are worn or just out of place, looks like there should be kids there. Her kids, probably married and wondering why I'm there and where her husband is and — _E What's happening? S_Ah, I wondering what would happen if he came walking in and what I'd say, or why I was there and — _g How are you doing? S_A little tense. .E Tense in what way? §_Oh, more worrying about what would happen if he came home. And being there and not knowing why or having a good reason. _Q What are you seeing? _§ Uhm, not much, just getting a feeling, I wish I was someplace else. Trying to think of a good reason to leave - and wishing that she was younger, more my age. §_Wishing in what way? S_Ah, I think it'd be easier to get along, talk to her, have more in common. §_What are you seeing? S_Oh, just standing there not saying much (delay) She seems to be more my parents' age. (delay) §_What's happening? §_Ah, thinking back to last weekend. Left the apart- ment, completely. §_What are you seeing? §_Ah, the party and thinking about the group of us that do things together. Going OUt and having a bon fire. Not caring whether other peOple think it a strange thing to do but having a good time. §_How are you doing? S Pretty good. (delay) I get the picture of where we are and 8 or 9 of us just standing around the fire. Somebody singing a song. §_How are you doing? S_Um, feel good. -§ Feel good in what way? S Ahm, relaxed feeling of being with friends, peOple I know and like, and my throat is dry. E_Hhat was that? S_My throat's dry. §_What are you seeing? S_Same thing. They, ah, people you can count on. ‘E Count on in what way? §_Oh, things can happen, if you get into trouble they're there and they aren't just your fair weather friends (delay) .g what's happening? §_I'm thinking about last night, I was trying to write a letter, I couldn't concentrate. §_Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them for me? §_I get the picture of myself sitting at the desk and it's frustrating that I can't write anything. (delay) A, the small move- ments that it - changing the pencil or scribbling a little. (delay) Then it fades away into nothing. (delay) (silence) §_What's happen- ing? S_Ah, there's nothing there, nothing's forming. §_How are you doing? .S Relaxed. (delay) §_What are you seeing? S_It's the same nothing type of thing. Just like a fog, it swirls and changes a little. Nothing wants to come through that to see. (delay) .g What's happening? S_Um, doesn't seem to be anything. _g how are you doing? _S I, feel dry, my throat. (silence) §_Would you please visualize the apartment scene, with the woman. S_(silence) B What are you seeing? S Same apartment, just standing there and- §_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Um, got a, shelf along one side, it's got a stereo on it. I'm looking at it. _E How are you doing? S_I feel uncomfortable. ‘2 Uncomfortable in what way? S_Oh, nervous, don't like to be there. _E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Um, I feel out of place, like I shouldn't be there. (delay) Start wandering around, pacing. (delay) She seems upset but I, just walking around, won't sit down and- §_Upset in what way? S_Ah, its facial expression. §_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Um, (delay) she looks, a lonely look on her face. Perhaps she can feel I don't like it there or don't want to be there. §_How are you- S She wants me to stay. I feel uncomfortable and trapped. (delay) I just feel tensed up waiting there. g Tensed up in what way. §_Oh, I, like I have to jump into action, do something, leave fast, or it's an 83 uncomfortable feeling of being there. §_What are you seeing? S_I'm standing and looking out the window, with my back to her. Its, I'm being very rude ignoring her. It's, ah, up high, I can see out over things. §_Can you describe that in greater detail? _g Ah, it's night so you can see the pinpoints of light out, it's a larger city. (delay) Thinking how it'd be nice to live in a place, up high looking out at the city, feel very uncomfortable there. §_What's happening? S_Um, of how it would look or what would happen if her husband came in and wondering what people I know would think being there with an older woman like that. E How are you doing? S_Oh, tense, nervous. .E Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with a woman? S_(??) §_What was that? S_I, not easily, it doesn't seem right. _g Not right in what way? S_She's too old. _E Can you describe that in greater detail? _S She looks like someone that should be in my parents' friends. §_Uhat are you seeing? S_Um, if I concentrate real hard I can get a picture of dancing with, a very formal, holding her away.- §_How are you doing? §_I don't like it. §_Don't like it in what way? S_Oh, ah, ah, being forced to be dancing with her. hot enjoying it. Don't like to do things that I don't like if I can avoid them. (delay) Stopping, §_What's happening? S_I feel relief that I'm not dancing with her anymore. Just turning away and leaving. Made up my mind that I should have left far before, walking out, and not quite slamming the door, but — _2 How are you doing? S Feel relief and kinda a fast walk down the hall, getting into the elevator and going doWn. Walking out the front door and cars there, and get in and drive away. Pushing out of my mind, I'm not going to tell anybody. (delay) §_What are you seeing? _S I, back at my apartment. Sitting down, relaxing, got the record player on. Sitting on the couch my feet up and leaning back and my roommate asked what I did, or what happened. Oh, I told him something else. (delay) §_Now please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. .5 (silence) §_What's happening? S_I, I, it doesn't seem I,— (delay) an uncomfortable feeling. I feel tense—upped (??)- _g Can you describe that in better detail? S_Um, nervous twitch,- §_Nervous twitch? g’Uh huh. _2 Can you describe that in greater detail? S Ahm, I don't know, it just, I'm real tensed—up. I just keep pushing her back and she, - I don't want to have anything to do with her, really. ‘E How are you doing? S_Tense, nervous. I get the feeling of being too warm and the apartment being too 9797 small and closed—in. (delay) Just wishing (I'm somewhere) else. §_What was that? _§ Wishing it was someone else. (delay) I feeling uncomfortable that I don't know (????) - §_Uhat are you seeing? S_Ah, still dancing I guess. Waiting for the record to be over so I can sit down. (delay) §_What's happening? S Oh, it's still going. I, it stOpped and stepped back. (delay) Just looking around, avoiding her eyes. (delay) §_What's happening? S_I looking at a picture on the wall. _E Can you describe that in greater detail? §.I, it's got a very nice frame on it, but the picture is not clear, it's dark. §_What are you seeing? _S I, staring at the wall, or picture or whatever. Trying to think of how to leave. §_How are you doing? S I feel warm, a little tense. §_Can you describe that in greater detail? _S_ Ahm, I can feel the tension in and it's tightened up my muscles. (silence) §_Uhat's happening? S_Trying to think of some, something I can say to her so I can leave, but not really hurt her terribly. Hm. - §_What's happening? S I sitting on the couch, on the edge of the couch and not looking up er, _g What was that? S I, she moved closer and I got up and I don't want to be near her. (delay) 85 She keeps coming closer and I keep walking away, and- §_How are you doing? 'g Ah, feel warm still. §_Warm in what way? § Ah, just the heat, it seems to be too warm, my throat is dry. Seems to be’a nervous dryness. (delay) §_What are you seeing? S_Not much. Looking around the apartment. (delay) Get a picture of her husband, suddenly walking in and I'm just standing there and he wants to know why, or who I am, what am I doing there. (delay) It's more like I was there and he hasn't come in but I was just thinking about it. (delay) I just looked at his finger and she has a wedding ring on it, so I know She's married. (delay) §_What's happening? S_I thinking of being away from there. Out someplace where it's cool and I can feel a breeze or a wind. (delay) Now I have a picture of a bridge up north, over a river and stand- ing on it feeling the wind, looking down at the river. §_How are you .v doing? S_Feel relaxed. §_What are you seeing? _§ Oh, I, just the woods and the hills and the river. §_You can open your eyes now. Condition III S_I get the feeling of traveling down the road on a bike. Just cruising along and feeling of power, this is the way I like to travel. (silence) It's a long state road, not much traffic, black top road, it's flat country. (delay) Huh, kinda lean back and feel the wind and the vibration of the bike. (silence) I'm thinking it would be nice just to keep going like that, knowing I have to settle down and get a job. And glad that I gave myself this one summer to travel around and do what I wanted to before I have to start working. I§_What are you seeing? §.I see myself grad- uating, starting work at state parks. §_How are you doing? §_Oh, fine. Still got the bike, I can travel on my days off and do what I want to, 86 working outside, being out in the fresh air. Doing as little office work as I have to. §_Uhat are you seeing? S_Seeing an office that's empty, that has a desk that looks as if it's not used very much. To new to be used. The desk is clean and cleared off and compared to my desk here, I've got notes all over and things piled up. _g What's happen— ing? S_I'm just outside working on something. Got a green work suit on, a uniform. I just feel good to be outside and working. I see a pic- ture of the state map with the state parks on it and wondering which ones I'll be working in, wondering if they'll be Michigan or somewhere else. I get a picture of some of the national parks and standing there and- I get a picture of some big park and it's jammed full of people and wondering how I can help them experience outside, nature, make it worthwhile, their trip so that they won't be crammed into a camp ground slum. §_How are you doing? S_Fine, a little worried about this, all the peOple and wonder- ing if they really appreciate the outside— I can see a, an unOpened area of some of the national parks. The peOple that really want to get there can be there and I can see some peOple, two of them are back-packing off in the distance, hiking through this big meadow. Wondering if that should be destroyed to make room for the other people. Crowded camp ground, if they really want it. When you take the same open meadow and just superimpose all these people on it and then see what it looks like, wonder- ing what the right thing to do. Just feeling that there's always gotta be some big Open space for a lot of peOple are feeling that there wasn't, just knowing there wasn't how terrible it'd be. §_what are you seeing? S_I, it's a big travel trailer in one of these parks. See an older man, it's an old old man sitting there and in my ranger uniform talking to him. And he's telling me how he hiked and camped when he was younger and 87 he can't do it now. That's why he's got the trailer, and how he feels comfortable knowing there's always an open space where if he could, he physically could he'd be out there. And how comforting it is knowing that. _§ Comforting, in what way? S_Oh, more, he wouldn't feel right if it was all closed up, er, there wasn't any open area, it was all filled with trailer parks and parking lots. The scenic beauty type of (???) I get a picture of the Grand Canyon, being filled with water from a dam down the stream, that nobody needs. (delay) Wondering if it's the right thing to be out there working or, trying to be educating people in kinda of a teaching job. Condition IV §_Now I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. (silence) §_What's happening? S_Um, nothing. Just standing there. _E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Um, now she's sitting down at a long distance away. (delay) I'm talking to her wondering what she thinks about outdoors. Wondering if she's really comfortable inside like that - .g How are you doing? .§ I'm- feel puzzled that people are content to live inside and content to live in cities. She doesn't seem to understand why I don't like the city or - where you can get everything you want, close by. §_Vhat's happening? S_Just thinking how much it, more important how a person thinks than how they look. Like talking one (????) §_what was that? _S Like talking to someone of my parents' friends, content with what they're happy and shouldn't both them. But I can tell them what I feel and they can think about it, they shouldn't be forced to be outside or away from civilization if they think they don't want to be. E What are you seeing? _§ Oh, — now she's sitting there and listening and standing and talking (delay) §_How are you doing? .S I feel more relaxed and, it's someone I know, I don't know who it is, but I know it is someone I know. §_What are you seeing? _S (delay) Someone just came in and I think probably her husband. He's talking to me. §_What was that? _§ He's said hello or something. I'm asking him what he thinks of outdoors, state parks and - Now he's sitting next to his wife and I'm sitting down in another chair someplace. Talking, (delay) §_What's happening? S_She just got up and went in the other room. I'm talking to him. And now she's doing something in the kitchen——dishes or, I can't see it but I can hear it. §_How are you doing? _§ Fine. (delay) Kinda discussing, little argument. He doesn't think we should have all that space and you should be able to drive wherever you want to go and - I'm trying to convince him that there should be some areas that you have to walk to, it isn't a worthwhile experience if you can drive right up to it and take a picture and drive away. I just picked up one of the cats. I'm petting it, rubbing it, not really paying much attention to it, sitting there on my leg. (delay) I looked at my watch and get up and said I had to go. I had plans for the evening. And walked out, they said to come back sometime. (delay) I had to go to a class that night I guess, one of my park classes. E How are you doing? S_I, interested feeling. §_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_I, listening to what's going on and, right now I don't feel connected to my body. It's seems to be stretching out, being longer, thinner. §_What's happening? S_Nothing. g What are you seeing? §_Just, ah, a grey nothing. Blank screen type. §_Now I would like you to get a picture of yourself dancing with the woman. S_I can see her dancing with her husband. §_Can you describe that in 89 greater detail? S_Well, they're dancing together, slowly. There's nobody else there. §_How are you doing? S_I'm just interested in what's going on and— g What's happening? _S I get a picture of floating down a stream, canoeing. It's a slow moving, still, stream. It's, nice, peaceful and relaxed. Enjoying being by myself in a way. (delay) §_What's happening? S_Ah, there doesn't seem to be anything, just there. g What are you seeing? § I'm seeing a folded box, a triangle. §_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Um, triangle shaped pyramid, looks like it's a three sided type pyramid. I'm wondering how it's folded and - §_Wondering in what way? S_Oh, thinking how it'd he'd have to make it or what shape it'd have to be, what cut out, what a cut-out would have to look like. And where it would be folded to make it fit. E How are you doing? S_I'm feel warm. 2 Warm in what way? S_Temperature or heat. §_What are you seeing? S_I'm by a fire of some sort and I feel the heat. But they, a bonfire. _§ Ah, could you get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing? What happened? S_I, - I feel nervous. .g Iervous in what way? .§ Kind of a queazy feeling. It, ah, well hot and cold flashes and - ah, no picture seems to form and a big grey nothing, blank. (silence) §_What's happening? §_Oh, juSt a nothingness. .2 How are you doing? .S I, well, I feel warm in the back and cool in the front. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Um, it feels like there was a soft breeze blowing toward me and I had my back to something hot, the breeze wasn't there. §_What are you seeing? §_Um, a bridge of some sort I, §_Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Um, - ah, there's a gap and there's just a very short little bridge between it, (laugh) 100kS like something to step over. And now there's just nothing. §_How are you doing? S_Real 90 fine I guess. §_What was that? S_Real fine, I— feel damp. .§_Damp in what way? -§ Yeah, just a little dampness, not wet, just, ah, ah, it's like being on a real humid day, a sticky type of feeling. .E What are you seeing? S_Just, ah, nothingness. Doesn't seem to want to form any images. More like, ah, looking at the sky on a cloudy day. Might be clouds drifting over, making it a little lighter or darker here and there, but there's still nothing there to see. - (delay) (silence) E What's happening? _g Something there in contrast on the horizon but nothing distinct. §_You can open your eyes now. Condition I E I've got sort of a tingling feeling. E A tingling feeling? E Uh huh. E Can you describe that in greater detail? E Mostly down my legs and in my feet. E You say in your legs? E Uh huh and feet. (delay) I'm a bit warm. E What was that? E I say, I'm kinda warm, like not, you know, not, ah, like inside. E It is an unpleasant (?) one? E Yeah. (silence) E What's happening? I notice you almost Opened your eyes then. E Ah - E What was that? E That's about it. E That's about it? E Uh huh. (delay) E What are you seeing? E (Delay) Um, (pause) E What was that? E Nothing, my mind's kinda a blank. E I didn't hear you. E My mind's kinda of, ah, blank. (silence) E How are you doing? E I (delay) Oh, (delay) E What was that? E I dreamed (?) something about that and I can't remember what it was. E I notice you're rubbing your chin. E (silence) E What are you seeing? E Oh, (delay) (silence) E Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? E My mind is kinda of a blank. E What's happening? E Um,— (silence) E You're kinda shaking your head. I noticed a minute ago you were moving your feet. E (silence) E What's happening? E (delay) It seems I'm supposed to make some kind of a response to that but can't remember what it was, when you told me that. E Well, just wait for things to. come into your mind's eye and describe them for me. (silence) E What are you seeing? E Um, (silence) E What's happening? (silence) E How are you doing? (silence) E Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? E Uh, (silence) it seems my mind is a total blank and that I can't picture any- thing. E Uh huh. Just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them for me. (silence) E What's happening? E All I 91 92 can see is part of the bridge over the river and the dorm. .§.Uh huh. Can you describe that in greater detail? E No, that's as close as they were like I pictured that woman, I seen that woman. (silence) ‘E_What's happening, I see you flexing your feet. Ef--That picture is between the bridge and the bus stop, it's not very far from the bridge. (silence) E What's happening? E (delay) Oh (pause) I see the bus passing by the bus stop. (silence) (sighs) E_What's happening? E_Uh- (delay) (silence) E What are you seeing? [E_I am seeing the bus, the bus stop and - (delay) (silence) .E How are you doing? E (silence) E What's happening? (silence) .E_Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? E (silence) E What's happening? (silence) E_What happened to— oh, it's her bus, it takes off, but that's - (?) watch, I'm watching. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? E Uh, (delay) (shakes head). E_What's happening E_(Shakes head) (silence) .E how are you doing? ((silence)-_ E_What's_1' happening? S Nothing different. lE_Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? E (Silence) 'E_What are you seeing? .§ (delay) 0h, all I can see the bus going, taking off going down the street I then I lose sight of it. E You can't lose sight of it? E_I do I lose sight of it. (silence) [E_wa are you doing? ? (sglénce), ‘E_What's:happening?;. E (silence) IE_What are you seeing? .§ (silence) (jerks and groans) E_What happened? .E (Silence) ‘E_What are you seeing? E_I don't see anything different. .E_I noticed you jumped a minute ago. And you kinda exclaimed. ‘E (silence) ‘E_What's happening? E (silence) (rubs nose) E What's happening? .E (shakes head) (silence) Condition 11 E_Now I would like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself 93 and a woman in her apartment. _§ (silence) E_What's happening? §_(groans) (delay) I see it. E_What was that? §_I can see it. See the apartment. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? _§ Uh uh. (silence) __What are you seeing? §_I—- E_What was that? §_Four walls and -- (shifts body) (sighs) E_Four walls and what? §_Uh, well normal furnishings. E_What's happening? §_(silence) E_What are you seeing? §_(swallows) (silence) E_What's happening? §_(silence) E_What are you seeing? §_(delay) Can't see more than the apartment and four walls and that's about it. E_Well can you describe that in greater detail? §_Uh uh. E_How are you doing? §_(Silence) E_What's happen- ing? §_(silence).§_What are you seeing? .§ (silence) _g How are you doing? (silence) '2 Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? §_(silence) E_What's happening? _§ (silence) (breathing as if asleep) E_What are you seeing? §_(silence) _E Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? §_(nods his head) (silence) .E What's happening? | m (silence) Would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman? What's lm happening? §_I can see the apartment but I can't picture myself or her. (silence) E What's happening? _§ (silence) .2 How are you doing? It!) (silence) E_What are you seeing? .§ (silence) E What's happening? lm (silence) E How are you doing? _§ (silence) E_What are you seeing? (rubs his face) I can still see her apartment but I can't make out any, lm ah, can't find anything, there are definite objects but I can't see any people. (silence) .§_What's happening? _§_(silence) ‘g Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? What happening? .§ (silence) E_I notice you put your hand to your head. §_Trying to think (silence) E_What's happening? § (silence) .E How 94 are you doing? §_(silence) I still can't see myself. I can seem to make out an image but, ah, I think she is a woman but can't tell what she looks like or anything. E_Well, can you describe that in greater detail? §_No. (silence) .§_What's happening? .g (silence) .§_How are you doing? §_(silence) ‘E What's happening? §_(silence) '§_What are you seeing? ‘§.I can't picture anymore. “E_What was that? .§ I can't picture any more. (sighs) E_What's happening? .g (silence) 'E Please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. (silence) E_How are you doing? §_I can't see myself at all I can make out images but I can't make out any definite features, you know. 1§_Well can you describe that in greater detail? ‘§_0h, - (silence). ‘§_How are you doing? § (silence) ‘§_What's happening? §_(silence) ‘§_What are you seeing? §_I see the apartment an image, but that's about it. ‘E But what ‘§_An image, but I can't see any more. 'g What's happening? .§ (shakes his head) 1§_How are you doing? § (silence) .E All right you can open your eyes now. Condition III E What's happening? I§_(silence) ‘§_What are you seeing? .§.I feel a sense of numbness in my hand. 1§ What was that? '§II say I can sense the numbness in my hand I thought I ??? E Your right hand? .§ Yeah. ‘§_What are you seeing? §_Oh, (silence) E_How are you doing? § (silence) E_What's happening? §_I, I see a big building. E_You see what? .g I see a big building. .E.WE11 can you describe that in greater detail? §_I don't know, it's something like the administrations building. I can't I can't see it clearly. It's big and white. ‘§_Big and what? ‘§_White. E_I notice you're rubbing your eye. ‘§_Oh. (silence) ‘g What are you 95 seeing? §_(delay) I only (?) have a blank. E_How are you doing? §_Ok. (silence) Except once in a while I notice the numbness in my hand and then I forget about it for awhile. 2 Notice the numbness in what way? _§ Why I realize it's there, then sometimes I forget about it and it don't feel like it's there and- (stretches arm over head and takes deep breath) E_What's happening? §_(shakes head) E_What's happening? §_(smiling) _g I thought you were almost smiling. §_I thinking about my roommate. I'm mad at him. ‘§_What are you seeing? § Oh, (delay) (silence) E_How are you doing? §_(silence) .E I notice you're holding your head. lm (silence) ‘E Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? §_(sigh, faint groan?) E What are you seeing? §_I'm seeing my roommate's car sitting where it usually sits. E_How are you doing? §_Ok. (silence) Condition IV E_Now I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eyes of yourself and a woman in her apartment. (silence) What are you seeing? _g 0h, (sigh) I see an apartment but I have trouble, ah, imagining, ya, pe0p1e. E_I notice you're rubbing your eye. §_0h, I guess???? E_What was that? §_I said I just up???? (silence) (shifting body) E_What's happening? lm (silence) I've forgotten about this for a while and now it came back to me. (GSR) That's wild. '§_What was that? §_The things on my fingers. E_Came back to you in what way? §_I just remembered they were there. I felt them I suddenly felt them, I--- E_How are you doing? §_Ok. ‘§_Are you describing what is in your mind's eye? .§_(swallows) (silence) g What's happening? -§ (silence, shifts) E_What are you seeing? ‘g (silence) E_What's happening? .§.0h’ mind's just kinda blank today. g What was that? §.My mind's just kinda blank. I haven't got a picture or anything. E_What's 96 happening? §_Nothing. E_Would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman? (silence) What's happening? §_Oh, I can see an apartment, you know, I can, ah, tell it's an apartment, but I can't make out any specific details. I can see an image, I suppose it would be the woman, you know, but I can't make out anything specific about her either. E_How are you doing? §.0k. (silence) 2 What are you seeing? .g (silence) Oh, E_What was that? “g I can still see an apartment but,- E_Well, can you describe that in greater detail? §_Uh uh. g What's happening? .g (silence) E_How are you doing? [an (silence) 0k. .E What's happening? (§_moves legs.) 'E How are you doing? §_(nods head) _§ Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? .§ Uh uh. .§_What happened? ‘g Oh, I make out an image but I can't see myself. '§_Well can you describe that in greater detail? .g I can kind of see the shadow of a face of a person but I can't make out any specific details. ‘§_What's happening? § (silence) E_How are you doing? §_Ok. '§_What are you seeing? .g (silence) (moves body) E_Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? .§ -- E What was that? §_(silence) If I don't think about anything specific I don't see anything at all. I don't try to, ah, (yawns) E_What's happening? § (silence) E_How are you doing? §_Ok. (silence) (moves head) .§_What are you seeing? .g (shakes head) .§_What's happening? §_(silence) E_Please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. (silence) What's happening? §_(silence) E_What are you seeing? § Well, I, think I, I see two figures dancing but I couldn't identify either one of them. E_How are you doing? §_Ok. (silence) .E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_All right, well we're in the apartment- E_What was that? 97 § We're in the apartment and that's about all I can't hear any music I can't hear any noises. E_What are you seeing? § Oh, I see two people dancing. .§,Well can you describe that in greater detail? §_Uh uh. E_How are you doing? §.0k° (silence) EEWhat'S happening? S (silence) I think I lose the image, and then everytime you say something I get that image again but, then, consciously thinking about it I can't see it. E_Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and just describe them to me? §_(silence) ‘§_What are you seeing? §_(silence) E_What's happening? §_I can still see those people dancing. E And what? §_I can still see them dancing that's about all. 'g Dancing in what way? §_What do you mean? E_What was that? §_I don't understand. .g Can you describe that in greater detail? §_No. E_What's happening? _§ (silence) ‘§_How are you' doing? §_Ok. (silence) E_Ok, you can open your eyes now. Condition I §_Starting now? E_Uh huh. S_Uell, I keep trying to visualize what the woman you speak about would look like, and, ah, I feel like my heart's beating strongly, but not necessarily speeded up, and, ah, I feel sorta tense again, as, ah, a lot like just before I came in here, seem excited. _E Can you describe that in greater detail? .§ Oh, well not really tense but well like I can feel my feet moving around again and, ah, my fingers are moving around a lot more and, ah, just sort of, ah, well - thinking about what you were telling me about about that woman, just got my curiosity raised and, ah, '2 Your curiosity, in what way was that? S_Oh, um, well I'm wondering what this woman is going to look like that you said is going to come in here. And ah. And, ah- Um, just wondering what's going to go on, and, ah, E_You're smiling again. Did you- S_Well, 1 was just thinking about the things you were telling me about before. E_What things were those? S_Oh, when you said, well first you told me that story and, ah, it was a very interesting story- E_Interesting in what way? S_Oh, well nothing like that has ever happened to me and, ah- well that seems like one of those things you know, you read about in one of these, ah, ah, oh- oh, some of these magazines just have these little interesting, ah— romantic stories and, ah, and, ah, - gol(?) I forgot what I was talking about (said almost under his breath). Ahm- E_What are you seeing? S_Ahm, - nothing, actually. - I don't know, whenever I talk I don't usually get mental pictures at the same time. .E Can you just relax and wait for things to come into your mind's eye? And then describe them to me. S Oh, I just got a small vision of what this room looks like again. - And I just saw that thumb tack on the end of the pencil again. - E_How are you doing? S Oh, fine.— E_What's happening? S Oh- I can feel my heart 98 99 going strong again. Is that woman really going to come in here? E_what are you seeing? S_Oh, I'm picturing the door like, as though someone were going to come through it. And, ah,-— E_You almost seem to be smiling. §_I'm still thinking about that story you told me. And then how you told me she was going to come in here and that, ah, I would start to become excited. E_Excited in what way? .S Oh, somewhat, ah, sexually aroused and feeling the same way as if I would have been in that story. And, ah, I just keep wondering if that woman was really going to come in here, and, ah- E_WOndering in what way? _§ Oh, well, if she did come in I was, I'm, ah, sorta wondering how I am going to react and— E_What's happening? S I don't know I just, ah, I still feel it's humorous and, ah- E_Humorous in what way? § Oh, because, ah, well like that story you said that, I don't know I don't feel that kind of thing usually happens very often and, ah, I'm sure to most college males it would be a very interesting story. And, ah, -— E_What are you seeing? §_Ummm, well every now and then I — I, I try to picture what this woman would look like. And, ah, about all I see is a woman with her hair done up with silver grey-—well, maybe I'm picturing an older woman than you, ah, explained, but, ahm,— I remember (?) at first I, when you were telling it to me, I thought you were speaking about some little old lady with a shawl and a cane, and, ab, then as you went onI figured it's some lady in her late thirties which still isn't very old. - .3 See if you can just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and then report them or describe them to me. S_For some reason I just got a picture of a blimp (said with surprise). .E Could you describe that in greater detail? S_Ah, oh, it's just the average gray blimp with a bunch of lines going down it. Well, I know what made me picture that, ah, for some reason I just got a thought of 100 a certain musical group called Lead Zepplin and, ah, zepplin in German is blimp and, ah, I don't know what make me think that. E_What are you seeing? g Ahm, - I just saw an apartment, guess I tie that into that the woman. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? -§ Oh, gee, it's a big apartment, ah, it's got a couch right in the middle of the room, not pushed up against the wall or nothing. And beside that is a door which leads to a little kitchen. On each side of the kitchen there's another room. Ah, it seems to be a large apartment. - E_How are you doing? S_I'm doing fine (almost laughing). E You're smiling. S_Well, every time you say that, ah, it reminds me of what you said before, while I was in the trance. g Reminds you in what way? S Well, you mentioned that everytime you said that, that, ah, I would again become more aroused and it would begin to overwhelm me and I would feel the same fGEI- ings that I did when this lady took me up to her apartment. E_What's happening? §_Oh, - I just got another picture of this room again. E What was that? §.I got, just a vision of this room again. .g Can you describe that in greater detail? .g Ohhh, ahm, like the holes in the paneling in the wall and then that thumb tack or whatever it is that up on the wall, directly in front of me. Ah, I always noticed that whenever I've come in and wondered what it was for. The thumbtack is a large thumb— tack. Um- E_What are you seeing? 8 Nothing. - (Rubbing nose) E_What's happening? S_Hothing (laughing aloud) ah,- E_I noticed that you rubbed your nose and then you laughed. §_— Well I rubbed my nose cause it itched, and, ah, I laughed - because, ah, that reminded me of the last time I was here, and you, ah, touched your nose (3 post-hypnotic sign for him to laugh during our first session for developing the trance and determining how good a hypnotic subject he was- suggestion removed at 101 end of that session and it was no longer effective when checked) and I cracked—up about that. - .2 How are you doing? §_— E_I see your finger is to your face and you're almost laughing again. _S Each time you say that I'm going to crack-up, I know I am. E_Crack-up in what way? S_Oh, it's just going to strike‘me humorous, every time you say, How are you doing? — E_What are you seeing? _S - Oh, I just got a humorous picture of a woman walking into the room and you saying to me, How are you doing? I just throw myself on the floor, and, ah, — hah— um, - _g What happened? S_Um, - E_You're rubbing your face again. §_I know that's supposed to mean something, touch your forehead and touch your nose and stuff like that~ §_It is? _§ I read that somewhere. Ah, it shows signs of different tensions and, ah, it, being excited in a different way. E_What are you seeing? S_Ummm, — I just got a picture of all this equipment over on this table. I see some little light going blip blip, everytime that clicks. E_Everytime what? .S Everytime I hear that click. Sounds like a counter of some sort or something like that. Or whatever they're called (laugh). E_Uhat's happening? S_Well each time you, I hear you writing something down it, I just wonder what you're writing down. And, ah,- E_How are you doing? ‘S Doing fine. That's a tough question to answer. E_Touch in what way? _§ It's so general, ah, lots of times you walk up to someone and say, Well how're you doing?, and they'll say, Oh fine. You get the same answer everytime, ah, walk- up to someone and say, What's happening?, you know, what are they suppose to say, you're right there with them. ‘§_What are you seeing? ‘§_Ahm, um, part of the campus, over in front of the Auditorium on Farm Lane. Ahm, facing the~ from the front, between- I seem to get pictures of, ah, whatever just, whatever I just happen to think about. Oh, I don't 102 know why I thought about the auditorium or the campus or anything, but, ah, now it seems as though I can, I could picture just about anything I wanted to. If I thought about it, just sit there and draw a mental picture of something I've seen already or what I would expect to see. .E Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them to me? .S — I again pictured the door and it opened up, but then, nothing happened, no one came in and, ah, and everytime I picture the room I don't picture you in it, ah, I just kind of picture it as though no one i: in it. That would be hard to do- E_You're smiling. .S Oh, it struck me funny, I could picture the room and yet I don't even picture myself in it and that's hard to see if you weren't in here. - (sighs) E_What's happening? _5 Nothing. - Am I again in the trance now. E_No. §_I was just wondering. E_Wondering in what way? .S Um, I don't know, cause usually when I am I just pictured a woman again but she certainly isn't very elderly. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Ahm, - well she's got her hair all done up, and it's either blonde or gray, one of the two. And, ah, she's really got a lot of make-up on, she's got real tight sparkly dress with the sequins and the whole bit and high heels and, ah, — and it doesn't look like she's a very nice elderly lady, I'll say that. - (silence) _2 Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? §_Yeah, I don't seem to be getting actually a picture of anything, ah - um, - I don't seem to be thinking of much of anything. Like I could easily try, you know, try and think of something and, ah, then sit there and try and visualize that. 'E Just relax and wait for things S_But, ah, well (??????) E_What was that? _S Everytime you ask me what I'm seeing, ah, there just doesn't seem to be anything. (silence) It's really strange I” not picturing anything. .E How are you doing? §_(sighs, and laughs) I'm 103 doing fine. E_What's happening? S_Oh, nothing.— I just saw a wine glass, the kind with a long stem and it's about half filled with red wine and it's on a little tray. - (silence) g What are you seeing? S_Um, nothing. - I just keep seeing like, ah, bright spots, just stuff like that, ahm— E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_(laughs) there isn't much to describe I, just as if there is total darkness there and there's just a, oh, bright spot here and there. E_How are you doing? §_- E_Smiling again. S_Yeah. E_What's happening? §_Oh (laughs) nothing. ‘§_What was that? .S Nothing. I keep wondering what I'm supposed to answer to all this, ah - .g Supposed to answer in what way? S_Well, I, ah, I, like say, How are you doing?, and, ah, I don't know, it doesn't seem like I could be doing much, ah. E Feeling, seeing, emotions, sensations, picture, in the context of the situation. Whatever comes to your attention. You're smiling. .S Oh, I'm just going to, ah, I feel like laughing at anything right now. E_You feel like laughing at anything? .§ I feel in a very humorous mood. ‘g What was that? S_I, I'm, feel as though I'm in a very humorous mood. Condition II E_Now I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. §_Ok. E_What are you seeing? I§_Ah, ahm, she's sitting on the couch in the corner, ah, sort of her legs turned toward the middle of the couch, she's just sitting over there, hands on her lap. And I'm sitting about half way down the couch, with one arm up on.the back of the couch and one leg up on the couch facing toward her and we're sitting there talking. And, ahm, she goes up over to the, there's a record player over by the front door, it's against the wall and, ah, — she's changing the record, then she comes back and she sits down, and, 104 ah — Then I get up and I just walk around the apartment, and, looking around. - .E How are you doing? S_Oh, I find myself, ah — well maybe it's natural for me but like I keep well moving my fingers around, playing with my belt 100p or ah (in actuality, not in the imagery). '§_Wha was that? S_I seem to be doing a lot of things with my fingers, like scratching my face or playing with my belt loop over here or, ah, - and I don't really feel tense or anything, ah, I don't really feel excited anymore, I'm not more than usual. And, ah, I feel quite relaxed but I usually do play around with my fingers anyway. l§_What are you seeing? _§ (silence) - I'm back, ah, sitting on the couch with, ah, this woman again. And she gets up and goes to the kitchen and, ah, looks like she's going to prepare a meal, not just a little snack. And I'm just sitting there. I'm just looking at a magazine now, not really very interested in it though- l§_What was that? .S Not really very interested in it, the magazine, I seem to be passing time. — E_I notice you're rubbing your face again. §_Well my nose itched (rubbing it some more). And ah, — ‘§_Uhat's happening? 'S Oh, - nothing except I keep, I feel as though I'm trying, ah, - I think one reason why I'm not really thinking of much and not seeing much is cause I'm trying to and, ab, things just ' kinda rush by and I don't really get a glimpse or a thought of anything an- you sit there and try to. - (silence) _g What's happening? .S Nothing. E_Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? S Yeah, I, ah, most of (be time I'm just not seeing anything like I said, it just dark, darkness from having my eyes closed and, ah, maybe a bright thought, bright spot, probably from the light or something like that. .§_How are you doing? § I'm fine, I didn't crack-up that time, that's (???) Ah, right after you you brought me out of the trance and counting down from ten, ah, - I felt 7:. Na 105 a lot more tense then, ah, I kept wondering if some woman actually was going to walk in here and how I was going to react, an ah. But now that all, that has seemed to pass. I don't feel as though anyone is going to come in and, ab, all that has seemed to wear off (???). Now, I just feel very relaxed right now. - Ahm, one thing, ah, my index finger of my right hand (has electrode on it, as does next to last finger, and the right hand was anethesized) ah, I don't know whether it feels warm or what, but, ah, - .E Can you describe that in greater detail? .S Oh, just what, ah, that one thing is touching on the bottom part of my finger just, ah, somewhat of a slight feeling, ah - um, oh it's hard to describe. My mind doesn't seem to be working very much. I don't know, I feel so relaxed I'm just sitting here and just, ah, not really thinking about anything. .E Just wait for something to come into your mind's eye and then describe it, brought to your attentiOn. §_ W811, I was, I was JUSt wondering what I would do if I was in that situation that you described, while I was in the trance, ah, ‘§_Nhat are you seeing? § Oh, now, the woman and I are just standing there, ah, I guess I picture myself faced with the indecision that I'm trying to figure out what I would do right now, ahm, - [E_What was that? §_Oh, I imagine it did sound kind of confusing. Ah, when I see myself standing here with this woman, ah, I look as though I'm wondering what I should do. In the situation that I'm in and as I sit here now, I'm wondering what I should do if 1 was in that situation - does that make any sense? ‘§_Well, I'm not sure that I quite follow it. _§ (laugh) Ah, well like I was just sitting here wondering what I would do if I was faced with that situation with this woman, wondering if she is married or not and if she is like when her husband is going to be home and ah, how it would look and, ah, and, ah, 106 when I picture myself just standing there with this woman, I, ah, picture myself as though I'm trying to make that same decision, ah, while I'm in that situation. ‘§_Uh huh. _E How are you doing? §_(Smiling) Um, - fine. E_You're smiling. S_(Laughing) oh, I know, I just remem~ bered again. .§_You what? ‘§_I just remembered, ah, earlier every time you said that, I kept cracking up. .E Just remembered in what way? §_Oh, ah, like the last couple of times you said that I, I don't know it just hasn't, I didn't really think about it, cause it isn't, I don't know I felt it's kind of a general question that doesn't really apply to any— thing. Earlier every time you said that I, I just started laughing. One thing that, ah, I keep thinking about is when you were describing that, ah, little situation while I was in the trance, ah, I could picture it all as though that was, I was doing that, until you got to the end, when you said I just made an excuse to get out of there and took off. I don't think I normally would have done that, and, ah, - _E You're smiling again. S_Oh, I don't know why really, just, I don't know, I think I'm just in, ah, a good mood, no matter what goes on. Maybe I should have come in here before finals were over, got out of my final last night and I just instantly in a good mood until January, whatever it is, when classes start up again. .2 What are you seeing? _S Um, well . I keep picturing myself just sitting on the couch with that woman, ahm, - it's hard for me to picture the situation you described, - because ah, — from what I know about myself, I probably would have handled it differently than you described that I did, and so, it's hard to really think about how I would have felt or, ah, what would've happened as you described it. Um,- for instance one of the first things I would have found out is, if she was married, and ah, to probably if She was, then 107 I wouldn't have stayed for any length of time, I would have just left. E_Can you juSt wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them for me. §_- (silence) E Please visualize the apartment scene again with the woman. lg Well, we're again sitting on the couch. On each end of the couch is an end table with a lamp, with a coffee table in front of the couch and, ah, the woman seems much younger than when you were first describing it to me, I had a picture of an elderly lady, probably in her 60's or 70's. This woman is now in about her early 30's or late 20's, ah, - Well, we jus just seem to be sitting there just talking. ‘§_How are you doing? .§ - Fine. E_Fine in what way? S_Oh, I feel very comfortable sitting here? E_Uh huh. §_Ah, I feel physically comfortable I don't feel any tensions in my arms or legs or body or anything, but ahm, I feel some, somewhat mentally uncomfortable because, ah, I'm just, I feel as though I'm trying to picture things and, ah, I seem to be running through everything and not seeing anything, just, ah, like I said before just, seeing, ah, like darkness just from having my closed and, ab, when I just sit here and not try and think of anything just waiting for something to come into my mind, ah, I don't know, nothing seems to come. And that sorta makes me feel uncomfortable. It's like, I don't know - E_What was that? S Nothing. - I just got a picture of a train. I don't know what that has to do with anything either. l§_Could you des- cribe that in greater detail? S_Oh, just, ah, average (laugh) looking train, ah, - ‘§_You laughed. ‘§_Well, I don't know, it's hard to explain a train, as far as I'm concerned trains, they all look alike. Except this was an exp- freight train, and not a passenger train. (silence) Now I just pictured this woman's bedroom, but how I got in 108 there, I saw a big double bed with a, ah, quilted type, ah, bedspread, and, ah, got a little night stand on each side of the bed with a little lamp and there's a picture hanging on the wall behind the bed. And there's no one in there and there's a window to the left of the bed. And, ah, it seems to be seen as though I'm standing, in the doorway. E_How are you doing? S_(Smiling) Not really doing anything (almost on verge of laughing) (silence) .E What's happening? §_Um, nothing. E_What are you seeing? §_— Um, sitting on the couch again with that woman and, ah, she moved closer to me and now she's got her arms around me and I'm just sitting there smiling- I seem to be doing a lot of smiling lately. That woman must not be married, she's single. .E Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? S_Well, whenever anything comes. “E What's happening? .§ Nothing. (Rubbing face, scratching stomach) '§_I notice you're scratching your stomach. S Yeah. .§_What are you seeing? S_I see myself just sitting here in this chair right now. There isn't much more to that. E_Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? ‘S Oh, - yeah, now I see, ah, the scenes, ah, it's hard to picture myself doing it, because- oh, I just don't feel that that situation, I just don't feel that, ah, I would be dancing with this woman in her apartment with some music going or something. ‘E What are you seeing? S_Oh, - oh, we're just standing there and just, ah, just kinda dancing around, not - not really much dancing, just more or less standing there. E How are you doing? §_ Still trying to figure out how to answer that question. (silence) (rubbing face) Now I just pictured a big ear of corn. Ah, pictures just seem to come to me out of nowhere, seem to have to do with nothing at all - like a blimp, and a train, and a ear of corn. I don't 109 I don't know if that means anything, sure doesn't mean anything to me. (silence) Now I just, ah, saw my parents, ah, in their apartment, standing at their patio door. Seem to be looking at me as I'm leaving or something. With, ah, my dog running around, jumping around, as he usually does. (sigh) And, ah, they're just waving to me as I'm leaving. E_Can you describe that in any greater detail? S_In what way? E Ah, in any way. S_Nell like I could go into a detailed description of what the outside of their apartment looks like. E_Whatever comes to your attention. §_Well like I just see like the whole picture of it as it, as ah, I usually see it whenever I'm there. (silence) (rubs nose) .E What's happening? .§ Oh, nothing, every now and then, though, I find myself listening to that little click on that machine. E_Please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. ‘S Oh, E What's happening? S_Oh, we're just — sorta just dancing in the same spot, ah, not really moving much. And, ah, we're still just talking. (Long delay) And now we stOpped dancing and she went back to the kitchen to check the meal that she was fixing. So I'm just standing there again. E How are you doing? §_ Oh, - Now I pictured a big escalator in some department store. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Um, it's going up and there doesn't seem to be one going down. ‘E What was that? S Ah, it's going up and doesn't seem to be one anywhere that's going down. (delay) ‘§_What's happening? §_Oh, - why I just heard those footsteps of someone outside and I, I just pictured the, someone walking down the hall and coming in here. E_What are you seeing? S_Nothing again. E_What's happen- ing? §_ - I don't know, I feel somewhat disturbed I think now, I mean answering all these questions, I seem to be tired of it or something, 110 I don't know. ‘§_Disturbed in what way? S_Um, I guess I'm just, ahm, wondering how much longer I'm just going to sit here, answer these ques- tions, and, like every time you say, How are you doing?, or What's happening?, or that, - Um - I, that kind of bothers me, because it's like, well you're asking a question and I figure I should come up with some kind of answer but I don't know, I just have trouble answering ques- tions like that, like How are you doing? or What's happening? or things like that. ‘§_What are you seeing? .S (silence) .E’Ok, you can Open your eyes. Condition III S_(delay) Oh, I see a big plate of food, with steak, a big pile of mashed potatoes and there's some, ah, peas, I must be hungry thinking about food. (sighs) .2 What's happening? S_Nothing. (silence) ‘§_What are you seeing? S_Nothing. - Um right now I see an old western scene must be in a saloon, there is a dirty old cowboy standing up against the bar. That whole picture started out with a little spitoon, I don't know where that came from. (silence) Now I see a dog, seems to be a hunting dog, blood hound or something (sighs) big drOOpy ears,- ‘§_What's happening? S. - Um, - one thing I've noticed is that, ah, before when you asked me those questions I, well my feet were moving around and my fingers playing around with a - I don't know right now I don't feel very, oh what you'd call it. I seemed to be more tense, I guess, you'd say, then. E_More tense then? §_Yeah. .E How are you doing? S_Well I feel real relaxed now. - Now that question seemed to make sense to me now. ‘E Make sense in what way? S Oh, well, I just popped up with an answer just- You said how are you doing, and then I felt relaxed this 111 time so like a natural answer, whereas before everytime you said that, I don't know, it seemed like such a vague general question there was no answer for it. I think that was why it would always strike me so funny. Well, I picture food again, a couple of eggs with some sausages, and a cup of coffee. - E_What's happening? S_I just noticed that my right hand is really asleep now. Ahm, cause I just thought about my right hand for a second and I remembered that my next to right finger and my index finger both have those things on it. But my little finger felt as though it had something on it too, so I thought I'd try and move it and it really feels numb now. I don't know if that has anything to do with those two things on my fingers or not. All my fingers are very numb now. .§_What are you seeing? §'I just pictured the final I took yesterday (laugh) in physics. Some of the questions were difficult questions. I had to look at them for so long it isn't hard to picture the questions in my mind. Now I see a big hamburger with a big slice of onion on it. I feel I'm going to go home after this.and clean out the refrigerator. (sighs) (silence) I just pictured a little egg timer sitting there clicking away with that clicking sound or whatever it is over on the table. .§_How are you doing? .S Um, fine. (scratch- ing right hand) ‘§_What's happening? §_— (puts finger on nose) E_What are you seeing? §_Nothing. Now I just saw good old Beaumont towar just standing there. Condition IV E_Now I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. § Doing anything in particular? _E Just report what comes to your mind's eye. .g — .E What's happening? 112 § Um, - I'm sitting down at a table, kitchen table, and we're playing cards. 4§_You're laughing. S Yeah, I just think it's kinda funny to be in a woman's apartment sitting around playing cards. (silence) We're still just playing cards, I don't know what game we're playing. .E How are you doing? S_Oh, I find myself playing with my fingers some more. E_In what way? .S Oh, right now I'm just sitting down here fiddling with my belt loop again. E_You mean in your imaging? S_Pardon me. E_In your imaging? §_No, ah, while I'm sitting here. E_What was that? _S_ While I'm just sitting here. (delay) As far as me and that woman goes, we're still stiting there playing cards. (delay) - Um, now I see a snake just slithering around in the grass. I don't know where that came from. (delay) .E How are you doing? § oh, I must feel tired, I just yawned. I guess it's from sitting here and staying relaxed for so long. E_What are you seeing? S_A big chocolate cake, now. I can't get my mind off food, I guess. (silence) .E What's happening? S_Oh, nothing except the things on my right hand, they ah, oh they just feel funny. As if they are asleep, like I had been laying on them for a long time or something, but it's not just the two with things attached to them, it's all four of them. I guess it's from being in one position for so long, or something. _§ Would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman. ‘§_How are you doing? S_Um, I still see us playing cards. Now she's just getting up and going into the kitchen again. (silence) ‘E What's happening? S_I was just thinking I was wondering what that sound was (my adjusting the ohms/cm scale on the GSR) (delay) (sighs) §_I'm still at that kitchen table and she isn't around. I'm just getting up and walking over to the front door and I said goodby and left. E_How 113 are you doing? S_Um, - I'm starting to feel impatient again about just sitting here answering questions. I don't know why that bothers me but. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? _S Um, (sigh) (delay) .E Did you Open your eyes just then? S_No (delay) I§_What are you seeing? §_ (delay) A ten of diamonds, playing card. (delay) Now I see a rhinoceros. E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Laughs. Ah, got a big horn, on the end of his nose, it looks very rough in texture. And it's just walking along like, ah, through a jungle, and there's a lot of trees around. It's not really doing anything. _E How are you doing? .S Just fine. E_Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? lo: (sighs) Oh, - E_What happened? .S Um, nothing yet. ‘§_You were laughing. S_Oh, ah, seems all the pictures I just sit here and get out of nowhere just strange, don't have anything to do with anything. Then you keep getting me back to the woman again. .E What are you seeing? S_Nothing. Well, for a second I pictured someone and I standing there kinda dancing I don't know that didn't last very long. E_What's happening? S_Oh,- (silence) (scratches nose) .§_What are you seeing? §_Um, I see a little egg timer again. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Ah, oh, it's just a little white egg timer, the kind you dial it, turn it around, set it at a certain time and it clicks away. — Yawns. _E How are you doing? S_My eyes, feel almost as if they're tired of being closed. (silence) I just pictured a newspaper, ah, the State News, just all opened up just laying around. ‘E What was that? S_It's just all laying around, not folded up or anything. ‘§_Laying around. S_Yep. E_In what way? S_Ah, just with the pages opened up, looks like it's laying on the floor. 114 And someone is reading it or something. (delay) (yawns) E_Please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. You're smiling. l§_Yeah. (Laughs) E What's happening? S_Ah, we're just standing there this time. Not moving around much. _E What was that? S_We're just standing there and not really dancing much, jsut, sorta just standing there. I thought it humorous that you always keep bringing that up. ‘§_What was that? §_I thought it was humorous that you keep bringing up little situations, me and this woman. .§_Humorous in what way? §_Ah, because if I sit here and think of things on my own, I never seem to hit anything relating to that at all, and that you always bring that up. (silence) [E_What are you seeing? §_ - Um, I think an alarm clock now, bell on tOp and everything. When, ah, remember that noise over there, it sounded like a clock being wound up. (yawns) E_How are you doing? '§_Um, my eyes feel kinda tired. ‘E Tired in what way? ‘§_Oh, tired from being closed, I think. (delay) - E_What's happening? §_(rubbing nose and eyes) Um, nothing. Um, my left eye feels as though it's watering, I guess from when I yawn. .E_What are you seeing? S_Ah, now I see a horse , its from the neck on up. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Um, well he's not doing anything, just, ah, the horse just kinda standing there, just looking around, dark horse. (delay) (yawns) (silence) E_You can Open your eyes now. _S (kind of gives groan). Condition I § (frowning) - E What's happening? S_Well, - I see my lady friend. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Oh, just like, ah, I went there the other night, I went to pick her up, standing in the doorway- big smile, dressed very nice- (silence) 'E What's happening? §_Ah, I'm thinking of the details of that now. (delay) I'm thinking of La Seal (?) beach. Beautiful Palm trees, white sand, clear water, warm water, beautiful skies, mountains in the back, rain forests. My brother throwing me the football. (delay) - _g How are you doing? S_Well, not actually visualizing anything right now, I'm - kinda saying- hey, what are we doing? The next couple 0f weeks, thinking. Thinking of what I was going to do over Thanksgiving. — E_Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and report them to me? §_Yeah. (delay) well- thinking of an accident I saw- last weekend. Car hit a deer. .§_What are you seeing? ‘§_Well, I saw the front of the car all smashed and the deer dead. - And I'm thinking about a poker game now. Boyfriends (?), play cards, stacks of chips all over, — a lot of cigar smoke. People (?) kind of sweaty, worried- and the winner is laughing. E_What's happening? S_Well, my mind is back to my lady friend again. B What are you seeing? §,Uhfi remembering when I took her out to dinner. Looks very beautiful- E_Beautiful in what way? §_Oh--her smile is just so warm, - Seems like she's more affectionate than usual. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Oh, - that look in her eye, her eyes, and, the way she's speaking to me, the manner of her speech, and movements- (delay) ‘§_What's happening? § Oh,— I'm thinking about hunting- up north, deer hunting. — Sitting out in=. llS 116 the woods, quiet, very peaceful. Just looking through the woods, seeing birds, no foreign noises, very peaceful. E_How are you doing? S_(delay) Very relaxed. Quite happy. — (silence) My mind is back to my lady friend again. E What was that? §.My mind is back to the young lady again. How happy she was when I brought her something. A little girl. E_What was that? [S_How happy she was when I brought her something, just like a little girl. All excited and— very happy, made me feel very good to see her like that. - E_What are you seeing? S_Ah, thinking of my brother, (looking around or with Ron or?) driving up to my apartment, driving in. Walking up, - pretty good mood. Trying to talk him into having something to drink with us. 'E You smiled. S_Well, he doesn't drink at all. It's always kinda a joke, ah, trying to talk him into drinking with us. He breaks down and he has one. (sighs) E_What happened? S_(delay) Just thinking (big GSR) - back in the days when I was in the service, overseas. - And there are things I just don't want to remember. E_What was that? _§ Some things I don't want to remember. (silence) A mess. E_A mess? ‘S A mess (voice hoarse). - Just got hit (GSR very active) - I'm all messed up (voice a little breathless) - (sigh) (audible swallow) - (silence) E What's happening? S_Well, everybody is all shot up and - nobody looks too good- (pained expression on face) - (sigh) (quite agitated) E_How are you doing? S_I got hit, but I could move,- no shrapnel. Good friend got killed though, he's had it(?)- (delay) - (silence) oh, I can hear those chOppers coming in now. E_What was that? S_I can hear helicopters coming in now. Gunships. They're gonna pull us out. (breathing heavily) Oh, there's lots of them (indistinctly said). (heavy breathing) (silence) ‘E What are you seeing? -§ Seeing 117 all (the men?) laying all over. Throwing them into bags to haul them away in. (delay) Good men, I hate to lose them. (sigh) (silence) (sigh) E_How are you doing? S_It's all over with now and we're coming back. Back to the States. (delay) - (We're) happy men (delay) - I can see that morning just as plain as can be. The ship pulling into San Diego just clear, - (delay) Two thousand happy faces on that ship. — (silence) B What are you seeing? .§_I see you're smiling. .§_Yeah, i Thought of coming home, getting home- (???) E What was that? S_See how everybody changed. My brothers aren't small anymore - big boys. Mother has gotten a lot Older. E_What's happening? S_Oh, I see my niece that I've never seen before. (GSR) (delay) One brother's wife I never met. — Too much excitement for one day. (delay) Everything at home had change so much. E_Changed in what way? S_Physically, everyone gotten older- at home all -everything's changed, buildings changed, people are gone- a couple of years - everything changes. Didn't seem like two years. Seemed like a long time. (silence) l§_What's happening? _S Ah, way up north, upper peninsula, driving my car, (Ray?) is going with me. Looking at all the beautiful trees and leaves, driving along. Very relaxed, contented. Beautiful day, sunny warm, - both very happy. (delay) We're driVing back, - going over the bridge. - Very happy, no worries. - E How are you doing? .§_Very happy, never been happier. (silence) E_What are you seeing? '§_Ah, looking back at my first (???) _E What was that? ‘§_When I first met my lady friend. It was back a couple of years ago. (sigh) E_What's happening? S_I remember the hard time I have her. .2 Hard time in what way? S_Oh, I think I met her at a party up north, I think I was drinking a little too much, I told her to go to hell-—she looks mad in the face (when I tell her [or-~no color?]?) (laugh) Quite a time (?) 118 (delay) (sighs) .§_What's happening? _§ Ah, my little brother is going into service, going in, I'm trying to talk him out of it. Pe wants, he wants to go into the Marine Corps-~no good for him, I don't want to see him messed up. (sighs) - (He only feels I'm holding him back?) E_What was that? §_(I feel if I could only hold him back?) (???) (delay) (silence) 2 What are you seeing? §_Ah, looking back the last time our whole family was together, ten years ago, twelve years ago-~nice time. (silence) _5 How are you doing? §_Ok (soft or low voice) (silence) E_What's happening? .g Oh, - I came back, I'm back in uniform again. E_You smiled. E_Back in North Carolina, trying to think of all the stuff we used to get away with, when I got back. We had it made, could do anything, could drink-~ncbody'd give you any trouble. Had the life then. Q What are you seeing? §_Oh— I see myself taking off base, about noon, I'm supposed to be at work, nobody stOpped me from taking off. Driving down south towards Florida someplace, nobody telling me what to do. (silence) Condition I E_Now I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. (delay) (silence) E_what's happening? §_Oh, sitting down, talking, - (delay) (silence) she doesn't look too bad. _E Well, can you describe that in greater detail? .g 0h, fairly attractive, not a bad personality, got nice physical features, good conversationalist, nice clothes, well furnished place. E_How are you doing? § Oh, kinda indif- ferent about the whole thing, I could take it or leave it. (I think?) It doesn't make much difference to me, ah—-‘ E_It doesn't make much difference in what way? §_Oh, - have to try all kinds of moves on her(?) and shrug it off and take off— I sit and talk to her, what, what I should do, I don't ll9 know-—if I should be aggressive or - or not. (delay) E_What are you seeing? S_Oh, sitting talking to her, still see myself talking to her. (delay) Very interesting, very interesting talking to her. .g Very inter- esting in what way? S_Very knowledgeable in many things—~a quality I really respect in a woman. E_What was that? _S It's a quality that I much respect, for a woman. You don't find too many of them that are very knowledgeable, at least I haven't. Seems like no matter what I talk about, she knows what's going on. (silence) E_What's happening? S_Oh, she's trying to be very romantic, it doesn't fit her. Not one of her better qualities. - (delay) - (silence) Trying to decide if I should stay there, or drive away back across town. (silence) '2 What's happening? _S Still trying to decide, I'm really kinda tired, I don't feel like driving too far, and I don't know if I feel like putting up with her the rest of the night either. (delay) E_Nhat are you seeing? S_I think I am going to stay there. E_What was that? .g I think I'm going to stay. No sense in passing it up, like that. (pause) E_Nhat's happening? S_Well, looks like she's ready to retire for the night, turned all the lights off, going into her bedroom. E How are you doing? S_Oh, kinda disappointed I see- she's not that much. (delay) I just want to get a good night's sleep now. (silence) E_What are you seeing? S_Oh, us sleeping. Yeah sleeping. E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Oh, - I got my head turned away from her. - Lying on, lying on my stomach. (delay) She's crawling all over me, trying to wake me up. E What was that? S_She is just grabbing trying to wake me up. I fake at sleeping. Hoping that she will go to sleep herself. (delay) I think she's giving up. Yeah, she's tired and going to sleep. E What's happening? S_Both sleeping. Quiet, middle of the night. (delay) I just woke up, just doubting(?) as to whether she's 120 she's married or not. I'm kinda sorry I stayed now, I just hOpe her husband doesn't come in if she is. (delay) Well no sense of worrying about it. If she is, it's too late now. .g Too late in what way? § I'm in bed already and I'm not about to get up now, - if I meet him I hope he's smaller than me. E_How are you doing? §_Going back to sleep. (delay) (during the above, the GSR became elevated) I'm sleeping with one eye Open though. (silence) .E What's happening? (delay) S_I'm just hOping my lady friend doesn't call my place while I'm gone, it'd be rough trying to explain where I was all night. It might disturb her a little bit. g What are you seeing? S_Ah, nothing, ah, E_What's happening? §_Oh, I still see myself sleeping, not very soundly though, not sound at all. I could hear a pin drop. (delay) (shifts body) E_What are you seeing? _§ 0h, getting light out, starting to get light outside. Reach for my watch, to 100k at, see what time it is. E_What was that? §_I'm looking to see what time it was. It's only about 5:30. I think I'll get up and take a fast shower before she gets up. I'm rummaging around, trying to find towels, heading for the bathroom. (delay) Through shaving. Now I'm getting dressed. I think I better wake her up, let her make me some breakfast. (delay) Accidentally kicked the bed a few times tyring to get her up. She finally wakes up. (pause) She just asked me what's the hurry, why I've gotta go, why I have to leave. She's finally getting up. (delay) 2 What are you seeing? §_I'm eating breakfast and she's not too pleased, I really don't care. I check myself over, and make sure I don't leave anything. Saying goodbye to her. Walking out. - (silence) E_What's happening? “S Just walking out. (silence) E_What's happening? S_Just walking down the hall- a little cold out. Trying to remember where I parked my car. I'm driving now. - Very quiet this time of the morning. 121 E_NOW’WOUld you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman? .S 0k. (shifts) - .2 What's happening? .S Oh, we're sitting, talking. She looks nice, real nice, very attractive. E_What was that? S_I said, she's quite attractive- very impressive apartment, very nice. She's well dressed, well taken care of. When she talks, very smart, very intelligent. Q What's happening? S_Just talking to her. (delay) Speaking of everything in general, world situation, various other subjects. - (delay) .§_What are you seeing? S_Oh, — I see her sitting there, on the couch, looks very nice, sharp legs, real nice legs on her. (delay) .E How are you doing? §_All right. Very interested in her. Very intelligent, very easy to talk to. Feel relaxed. Getting a little tired now, been a hard day. Tired. (silence) ‘§_What's happening? .g Oh, ah, - I'm about ready to leave, getting ready to take off. It's getting very late. Really getting tired. .g Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? S_Uh huh. All right. (silence) ‘§_What're you seeing? [S_Oh, dancing very close, very close, she's got her head on my shoulder. She's dancing closer and closer all the time. (shifts body) -§ How are you doing? S_All right. I'm not exactly fighting her. .g Not exactly what? §_Not exactly fighting her off, g Can you describe that in greater detail? S_I'm not pushing her away. As a matter of fact, I may even be holding her a little closer. I didn't quite realize that she was built as well as she is. - (silence) g What're you seeing? S_Oh, still dancing with her (voice very low). (delay) E_Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? S_Uh huh. She's got a real good looking dress on. Very good looking. §_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_I think it's gray, looks grey, charcoal gray, dark gray. Not too short, not too long, just nice, just right. It really looks good on her. E What's happening? S_Ah, - still dancing with her and 122 pecking on her neck. - I enjoy it(?)- (delay) E_What are you seeing? §_The same, still dancing with her. Getting tired though, I'm really getting tired, very drowsy. I'm wishing I wasn't so tired. — (silence) .E How are you doing? ‘§_Tired. I'm real tired. (voice low) Very (???) “E_What was that? S_Very dead on my feet. Now I'm leaning on her. (delay) Oh, the record just stOpped. Trying to get her to sit down, she's - wants to keep dancing. And I tell her no, - (?) (silence) E_What's happening? §_Trying to figure out if I could go or not or stay. It's a long drive home (voice hoarse) - .g What're you seeing? -§ Ah, still sitting there, and I think I, I think I'm gonna stay. .§_You're going to what? §_I want to stay. She looks better every time I look at her. (silence) Getting up. I§_What's happening? _§ Well, she's turning the lights off. Yep, I guess I am staying. Yeah, off we go to her room. WOw, is she built, shhh! E_What was that? .S She is reeeally built. g Built in what way? .§_Physically, she's got a body on her. g Well, can you describe that in greater detail? S_Ah, narrow waist, nice hips, nice thighs, real nice thighs, nice bust, really look nice and nice tan, golden tan, reeeally looks good. (pause) (delay) Ah, making love to her not too much though, uh uh, .§_Well can you describe that in greater detail? §_0h, she's kinda dead, she just lies there, doesn't do anything. I feel quite angry, she's got everything else, she's kinda bad-~well, time to go to sleep I guess. No sense of wasting my time with her. Condition III §_ Brand new car-~brand new Porsche. It's a big one, either a 911 or Targa- §_What was that? S_Targa.- Silver gray, really looks sharp. I'd like to have one. (delay) Picture myself going down the road with it, - yeah. (sighs) (silence) ‘§_What're you Seeing? §_Oh, myself driving along, the 123 cars--in the mountains someplace, - the Adirondacks,- a nice spring day just beautiful out. Colors are coming into the plants, flowers. Pleasant, top down on the car. Driving along, just as happy as can be. (silence) .E How are you doing? S_(delay) Just driving, driving along, real slow. (delay) Old fence alongside of the road. — No traffic, no one around. Animals in the field. - E What's happening? S_Oh, - (The lady or, maybe she) wants to get out and look at this little lamb, (laugh) alongside the road. She's just crazy about little children, animals- I stop. I think I'll take a picture of her while she's doing it. (silence) B What is happening? S_Oh, I'm standing outside, I'm looking at her. Beautiful it is out there. And it makes me feel good to see her happy. (delay) E_What're you seeing? §_Ah. the same thing. - ~It's real pretty, there's a farm way out in the distance, pretty red barn, a nice breeze (blows?) by, warm, very nice. (silence) _E What's happening? I§_Watching a football game. - Watching the Saints and the Lions. Now the game is over with, can't, can't get over about the kick. Unbelievable. Dempsey kicked that ball a country mile. Condition IV E_Now I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. E_What's happening? S_Well, I'm in my lady friend's apartment, sitting on the floor. Watching some movie on the tube, eating a bowl of p0pcorn. - E_You're smiling. S_Ohh- kinda enjoy things like that (silence) - E_What are you seeing? S_Oh I see giving her a rough time, what a bad cook she is for not doing the popcorn right. (delay) (smiling, almost laughing) E_How are you doing? .S Real good, very good. (delay) E_What's happening? S_Oh, that trip I took last summer. Lot of fun (delay) I'd never do it again the way I did it, lot of fun. .g What are you seeing? S_Oh, I just see myself driving through the badlands, yeah, 124 I'm thinking I'm crazy for doing it, I had $50.00 and a credit card. Taking off, driving a long way, looking at scenery (?). Along toward the last I never think I'll make it, nape- have it a try, though. - Made it back home, with a $1.30. - ‘g What's happening? {S_Oh, looking at Lake Superior. ‘§_What was that? I§_Just looking at Lake Superior. Cold water, cold. l§_How are you doing? S Good, real good. Really cold up there, really cold. E_Now would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman? S_Well, I still see myself on the floor there, still eating papcorn, laugh- ing a lot, joking. Having a very good time. .g Good time in what way? §_0h, - finding it very enjoyable to be there. Having a lot of fun, lot of laughs, a good person to talk to, very good. - We're very contented, verrry contented. .§_What's happening? .S Nothing. (silence) ‘§_What are you seeing? S_Oh, ‘thinking of various-~reading the paper, tickets for football game, Ohio, what a laughing price they wanted for them, $120 for tickets. I think someone would be silly to be paying $120 for a football ticket. (delay) Carving out pumpkin for Halloween. (smiling) First time I've ever done it. I'm going to do it again next fall. - Small things like that stick in your mind. B What was that? S_Small things like that stick in your mind. You don't forget them. (delay) (smiling) Didn't know what a mess it could be, carving all those rascals out. We're all dressed up, pumpkin seeds all over. (delay) 'g What's happening? _S_ Still carving away. I'm not going to give up on it. (silence) E_Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? .§_Yeah, (delay) Uh huh. ‘g What're you seeing? §_Oh, dancing (?) at the Rubyat in Ann Arbor. ‘§_At what? .S In Ann Arbor. Crowded, a big crowd in there. (delay) ‘§_What's happening? .S Oh, still dancing. (delay) ‘g How are you 125 doing? l§_Fine, fine. (moves head) E_What's happening? S_Oh, my brother just walked in with his girlfriend. Kinda surprised to see him there. Looks like he's all set for a night on the town. I§_You're smiling. S_Oh, just thinking how funny it is, well, — small world it is to run in to him like that. .E What was that? S_Thinking what a small world it is to just run in to in a place like that. He's kinda surprised to see us there. g What's happening? S 0h, we're talking. The four of us are sitting down, we're talking. (delay) _g How are you doing? S_Very good. (silence) ‘§_What are you doing? ‘S Very good. (silence) _g What are you seeing? S_Ah, just looking at the people across from us. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Oh, - the fellow (?) is big and dis- interested in the lady he's with-flocks like she's a real phony, she's putting on a big scene for him and he's just not buying it at all. I find it rather humorous. (pause) She just keeps laying it on and he's just not interested at all. E_Ah, please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. S_Uh huh (very low, after long delay) ‘§ What are you seeing? .§_Oh, dancing in this hotel, - nice orchestra to dance to, very nice place. E_What was that? ‘S A very nice place. - Everyone is doing just, just very well. (?) Dancing close to her. I feel, I feel a little uneasy about the whole thing, a little upset. .§.A little unusual? _S Oh, I just, I don't like formal affairs. I feel a little uneasy. .§_How are you doing? §_Oh, pretty good, I guess. ‘§_What was that? S_Oh, pretty good. .g What's happening? S_(Anything?) you want to drink in your hotel, in the casino in the hotel in Washington. The food is (???) away the money, they have fan— tastic steaks, - the man is really (????) our table, thousands of dollars thrown away. .2 What are you seeing? S_Oh- a fat woman at one of those 1 if; roulette tables, at a wheel. A compulsive gambler. - A short woman, big, fat, and ugly - all kinds of jewels on and everything. Throwing money away like crazy- chain smoker- ‘§_What's happening? S_Oh, she's still putting those chips out there. She can't buy them fast enough. Never smiles, always angry. - (silence) ‘§_How are you doing? .§_Good very good. - ‘§_What are you seeing? S_Oh, thinking about the fat woman playing for the big stakes and I think about myself playing cards for-~pennies compared to what she's playing for. ‘g You're smiling. ‘§_Well, makes me laugh to think about it. '§_Laugh in what way? § Well, ah, woman she takes hundreds of dollars. throws them out, doesn't think anything about it if She loses, and- if I play and 1088 $10 or $20 I think the world is coming to an end. (silence) ‘§_0k, you can open your eyes now. Condition I _S_ (silence) _I_3_ What's happening? _S_ (silence) 2 What was that? S_Ahm, you want to know what I'm, what I'm seeing? E_Yeah, just report to me, describe any pictures or images that come into your mind's eye or any feelings or sensations or emotions that come to your attention. In other words report and describe everything you see and feel. S_Ok, I see myself in a tunnel. A long tunnel and I can't see an opening (as you?) came near the end of it(?). And it looks like the tunnel is breathing. .5 The tunnel is what? _§ Breathing, the walls, I mean, seem to be closing in and widening again, and it's damp (delay) and (delay) E What's happening? _S (????) _I; What was that? _S (silence) B What are you seeing? S_The tunnel. '§_Can you describe that in greater detail? _S Ok, the rock against the sides is, ah, somewhat shiny, (????) and the floor is a textured floor. And it's comfortable. E_Comfortable in what way? _g It isn't really warm or really cold, it's a comfortable temperature. (delay) (yawns) (delay) E_How are you doing? S_I- E_What was that? .§ Okay. (silence) ‘g What's happening? S_Ah, I'm out of the tunnel. And I'm outside and, ah, the sky looks weird. E_Weird in what way? S_Strange colors, I know it's afternoon but it looks almost like night. Like I see pink, purple, dark purple and black. It's as if the sky had lost control. '§_The sky has lost control? §_Uh huh. ‘§_Can you describe that in greater detail? _§ (delay) It looks like it, it doesn't know what time it is or what it can be doing (laugh). And it isn't (clear?) what season it's supposed to be portraying or what time of the day. It looks as if it went berserk, and it forgot that it was the sky, or how a sky should act. (silence) E_What's happening? I§_Ah, now I'm in the woods. '§_What was that? 127 128' _S I'm in the woods now. And, ah, just kind of tromping along in the woods, everything is dry and brittle. Every so often there is a deep muddy spot. It can catch you off balance. ‘E_What? _S It can catch you off balance. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S Yeah, it looks like it is as dry as the rest of the ground and you go to put your foot down and it sinks into your whole foot. (delay) ‘E Uh huh (delay) E_How are you doing? S_Okay. (silence) E_What are you seeing? Im A mountain. (delay) E Can you describe that in greater detail? lcn I'm climbing up this mountain, and, ah, I think it is Switzerland or maybe Denmark or someplace. . . . And it seems impossible to get to the top. Seems like I can get just so far and for some reason I'm compelled to turn back. .E Compelled in what way? S_By mystic forces at the top of it. By the spirit of the mountain, the elves. l§_What was that? S The elves of the mountain. (delay) E_What's happening? S_Did you say what was happening? E_Uh huh. S_I'm turning and leaving. E_Leaving? S_Uh huh. Yeah, I'm going back.down. E_What are you seeing? § Rocks and trees and boulders and stones and little life, nothing big like (silence) ‘g What are you seeing? S_Snow. And (hills?). E_What was that? §_Hills (slick?) ski slopes. (delay) E_What's happening? S-I up at the tap- of one of the hills and I'm about to ski down. (delay) E_You seem to be smiling. §.Uh huh (delay) E_What's happening? §.Ah: when (I?) first came down, it's a long hill. E_How are you doing? §_Fine (silence) E_Are you describing what is in your mind's eye? §.Uh huh (silence) E What are you seeing? S Ahm, I'm driving a car, a racer, and I'm going really fast. (silence) pg What's happening? S_Oh, I'm driving around curves and up hills and down hills and - (silence) E What are you seeing? S_I'm walking down the street in 12‘) rags and it looks like at the market place and everybody's busy while they are trying to buy and sell. And everybody is just crowding in and running around except for me. I'm just kind of wandering through everybody in my rags. (delay) And I steal some fruit, and eat it. .3 Can you describe that in greater detail? S Oh, just every so often as I walk by a stand I grab a plum, or a grape, or a tangerine, or a orange or something. (delay) ‘§_How are you doing? §_Ok. (silence) (shifts legs) E_What's happening? S_(delay) (smiles) I'm in this house, an empty house and it's big and there's no furniture in it, it looks like it hasn't been completed. Hasn't finished building it. There is a huge mammoth house and it looks very futuristic. It's, ah, poured concrete with glass enclosed and it's got many levels and basements beneath basements. I'm just wandering through it. E_What was that? S I'm just wandering through it. (delay) (touches face with hand) (silence) .§_What are you seeing? .S Ah, a path, a path in a forest and I'm walking through it, and the trees are really tall, they block out most of the sun's light, even though it still fairly, fairly sunny. (I walk by?) and I see this, some sort of a receptacle just ahead and as I get closer and approach it I can see it's a cup it's a chalice, a gold chalice and it looks extremely expensive. It's very ornate, it's trimmed all over, it's trimmed in silver and there are gems all through it. It looks like it was just placed there. It's new and fresh and it's filled with blood. I take it and drink it. It's fresh blood, it's still warm, it's still flowing. E_What was that? S_It's like blood that's still flowing. (delay) (yawns) B How are you doing? §.0k. ‘§_You seemed to have opened your eyes for a moment. §_(silence) ‘§_What's happening? §_It's late, late at night. I'm in a cemetery. We're walking through and around tombstones 130 it's very dark night out if you stand back, stoop low and look in a cer- tain position in certain directions and you really concentrate, you can see some of the spirits, they're trying to leave the grave. E_What was that? §_(delay) ‘E Trying to leave? ‘§_To leave their graves. Some are trapped there and they're trying desparately to break away. Others have freed themselves and they're loose and they're gone, they've left. Others are still trying hard to break the chains. You can see (their chains?) almost illuminating mist above the tombstones and those are the ones that are trying to escape. (Yawns and shifts body and sighs) (delay) 2 What's happening? S_Ah, I'm in a dark room, I think it's a room, I think that (we're here?), I just kind of, I can't see a thing. l§_What was that? S_I can't see a thing so I just try to feel my way along and try to discover where I am but all I can see is walls'and then every so often I run into something, I have no idea where I am, I just can't tell. (silence) (yawns) “E_How are you doing? ‘§_Ok. (silence) .§_What's happening? S_I've just arrived at the land of food. .E Food? S_Uh huh. The very, the best of all kinds of food. All over. (Most?) of it just (growing?) naturally. (????) E_What was that? S_I'm about to eat it. And it's just the very best, the purist food, and it - tastes better than anything you've ever eaten. .E Better in what way? .S Tastier, healthier E_What was that? S_Healthier, it's juicy and colorful and rich. (smiling) ‘§_Can you describe it in greater detail? §_Everything is just made for eating, it's exactly mouth size. And you (get to?) grab it and put it in your mouth. Everything is in the size of a bite, and just bite it. And that's it. (yawns) (sighs) (silence) 131 Condition II .E New I would like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. S_Any woman? E_Uh huh. S_(delay) (silence) E_Can you describe things that come into your mind's eye now? S_All right. S_She has long brown hair, it's almost perfectly straight, she has brown (real deep?) brown eyes and, ah, she's a tall girl. Ah, somewhat big boned and very very pretty. Her face is very soft and gentle and tender. And- oh, everything about her seems to be made up of either circles or semi—circles, or curves, her eyes, her mouth, even her feet, her head, everything is curved. Circles and semi—circles. _E Can you describ- S_And she's smiling, ah, and sitting down and she's laughing. .E How are you doing? _S Laughing too. We're both laughing. (He begins to laugh.) Laughing out loud. E What's happening? S_Just laughing- (laughs) (laughing) I don't know why I just can't stop laughing. (laughs) (sighs) E.What are you seeing? .§ Ah, (silence) ‘§_What's happening? S_I'm asleep. ‘E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Yeah, ah, I'm very comfortable asleep under the sheets and a blanket and it's dark, real dark, and I am dreaming. .g Dreaming in what way? S_I'm asleep and I'm dreaming. Ah, deeply asleep, ah, but I could be wak- ened up easily if I was startled- probably. ‘§_What was that? _S I think I'm very deeply asleep but I think I could easily be awakened if I was startled. (delay) “E_What are you seeing? S_I'm watching myself sleep. As if there was two of me. There's me sleeping and me standing over my shoulder, watching me sleep. (silence) ‘§_What's happening? I§_Ah, there's electricity in the air. A feeling of excitement, everybody is anticipating the beginning of the concert. It's a huge concert hall, it might be the (Fillmore?) or London Paladium or some huge concert hall and, 132 they should have started by now, a little late. Everyone is anticipating the beginning of the concert. (delay) '§_How are you doing?‘ _§ 0b,. H I}m;nervous. E_Nervous in what way? S_Maybe it's about the concert. (sighs) .E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Ahm, I feel unsteady, like I might be- stumble and fall. (sighs, shifts body) E What's happening? .S (sighs) the concert's over (rubbing eye). (delay) It was a huge success. (GSR calms down.) ‘§_What are you seeing? .S (sighs) (delay) I'm laying on the grass. E_What was that? S_I'm lying in the grass. It's warm out. And there's a soft breeze, and it's not far from the lake. I'm just resting. .E How are you doing? .S (stretches arms) (yawns) ok. I'm still nervous (GSR active) .2 Can you describe that in greater detail? S_I listened to the conert and got nervous. (delay) .§ Nervous in what way? S_Unstable, faltering. (Yawns) (delay) (silence) E_What's happening? S I'm standing outside in the cold. And I'm freezing at first. E_Uhat was that? S_I'm freezing, I'm really cold and I hate the cold. And I want to be inside very badly but they won't let me in. I'm just out there shivering, and I think I'll probably die if I don't get inside. But then suddenly I ' realized that cold isn't a bad thing that instead of protecting myself from it and always shunning away from it and being fearful of it. I now want to instead of negatively trying to avoid it, I want to actively hug it or feel it so I just take my coat off so that I can see, really feel cold and it feels good and it's a new feeling, I never felt it before, I've always tried to bundle up against it and not feel it. But now I'm really feeling it and it's a good feeling and I want to experience the cold, it's a good experience. E_Good in what way? §_Ah, it's good because it's / new, I've never felt it before, it's always been there and I've (tried?) . 133 taste it before, but now I am and I like it. .§_How are you doing? §_Cold. (delay) E What are you seeing? S_Late at night and I'm walk- ing along a street and I'm rather apprehensive. l§_Apprehensive in what way? S_Ah, I don't want to be suspected. Ah, it's very cold. E_What was that? _S I don't want to be suspected, it's cold and I'm walking, and I see another person. I don't know (delay) I think that neither of us want to make the first move. It, we're not really sure (???) the other wants to be trusted. So we each walk several blocks following each other, trying to act nonchalant. And then, finally we get far enough away from the city, and I offer him some gum and that's a sign, he knows it's okay. He takes the gum and we chew it and then we go to eat. Have something warm because it's cold out, because we're in Russia. .2 What was that? S_We're in, we were in Russia, and you're not allowed to chew gum there. (delay) E_What's happening? S_Ah, - E_What was that? .§ Ah, wa— (we're?) swimming in water. Moving water, it's a moving lake. It must be approaching a falls. We're swimming through it (yawns). .E How are you doing? S_(yawns) Ok, I'm all wet. (delay) E Would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman? S_The same one earlier? E_Uh huh. S_With brown eyes. E_Uh huh. S_Ok. (delay) ‘§_What are you seeing? S_She's sitting at the end of the couch, smiling. (delay) ‘§_You're smiling. S_Uh huh. ‘§_How are you doing? S_Ok. (delay) .§_What's happening? S_Nothing much. She's just sitting there smiling (???) ‘§_What was that? '§_I say she's sitting there smiling (yawning) (delay) (sighs) Q What's happening? .§ (delay) She says,"Do you want to eat?" I said,"Gee, am I hungry." So we go in the kitchen, and she makes sandwiches. She makes the best sandwiches I ever had. I'm just fascinated and intrigued just, just to watch her. To sit 134 there and watch her make them, um, I can't take my eyes off (delay) her fingers, the way they move around the bread and all the stuff she puts on it. Made it taste (delay) superb, very fine and it's really good. E How are you doing? S_Great. (big smile) E_What's happening? S (silence) (yawns) .E I notice you're rubbing your eye. (GSR activates) [m (silence) uh huh (laughs) L§_What's happening? S_(sighs) We're eating the sandwiches, and we're drinking (delay) tequilla. (delay) E_How are you doing? (GSR still active and increasing) _§ (sighs, yawns) 0k. .2 What's happening? _S (laughs) We're drinking this tequilla very fast. E What was that? § We'rg drinking the tequilla. We pour it in glasses, about, I'd say (nine inch?) glass, no not-~that's too much, about (delay) a good gulp, a mouthful, and then (clears throat) we drink our hand, I mean dip it in salt and we (chug?) it and right away we go get the salt and we get a lemon ready and bite into that until it kinda kills the sting of the tequilla, and we do this several times and then e we get up and discover we're really high. ‘§_What was that? .§_We're really high, we're floating, we're inebriated, intoxicated. (delay) E Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? ‘S I was just going to say we're dancing. E_You're dancing? _S I (thought?) of it almost before you did. We got up and we start to dance. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Uh huh (deep smile) (delay) We're just kind of floating all over the room. (laughs) E What's happen- ing? §(GSR elevating) Still dancing. (laughs) E_How are you doing? §_(scratches-eye) Fine (laughing). .E I notice you're laughing. § Yeah, the tequilla is really hitting us. .g What was that? §_The tequilla is really hitting us. We've both decided we're going to become juice freaks (silence) ‘§_What are you seeing? ‘S (laughs) She almost tripped, but I 135 caught her. I pick her up and we're just kind of swirling all over (laugh) the room. (silence) What's happening? S We're starting to crash. ‘§_What was that? ‘S We're starting to crash. So, we go lay down on the bed. The room seems like it's spinning. So we (just crash?) E_Crash in what way? '§_We, practically passing out. “E_What was that? S_Practically passing out. .§_How are you doing? .S Fine. .E_What was that? [S_Fine. (silence) ‘E What are you seeing? ‘§_An egg. ‘E What was that? §_An egg. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Yeah it's in a pan, it's frying, it's becoming a fried egg. It's flipped over and it's almost done. (sighs) .E_What's happening? l§_I'm sitting on a bench waiting for somebody. I'm getting impatient waiting. ‘E What was that? .S I'm getting impatient waiting for him, so I beginning to get up and wander around, in search for him. There's all sorts of little rooms and closets and hallways and doors, I'm looking all over. (Yawning) and I can't find him. (sighs) So I got back to the bench and sit there. And then he finally comes and I say, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" (very loud and angrily-—an outburst) (delay) and he says, I was at lunch. Everyone's at lunch. I say, oh, well that follow just took my jacket and I need his address or his phone number so I can get in touch with him and retrieve it. ‘§_How are you doing? § Fine. (delay) (sighs) ‘§_What's happen- ing? (pause) You seem to be opening your eyes. S_(rubbing eyes) (delay E_Youlre rubbing your eyes and opening your eyes. §_Yeah, I think there's something in it. (delay) .§_I notice you're looking around. .g (laugh- ing) What is all this? (Eyes open) (laughing) l§_What's that? S_(delay) Am.I hypnotized or not. I can't tell. .2 No. .§ It seems like I am. .E It feels like you are in what way? I§_Ahm, well I don't feel like the regular everyday walking around kind of (stage?). E Well 136 why don't you close your eyes and we'll be through in about 5 minutes with this phase. S_Ok. E_Now I'd like you to get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. S_(silence) (smiling) E_What's happening? .S Dancing. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_(delay) We're dancing very close, and the music fills the room and surrounds us, (we're really?) tripping on its wave length. And- it automatically moves you. E What was that? [CO The music automatically moves you. .E In what way? S_With it. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_It's kind 3, almost mystic Dionesian (atmosphere?) The kind where it won't, we're not aware of any- thing else except each other and the music. ‘§_What was that? S_And the music. E_How are you doing? S_Fine. (smiling) 'E What's happen- ing? S_I'm sitting here in this chair, with electrodes attached to my two fingers. (scratches nose) E_What are you seeing? S_Ahm, ah (???) E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Uh huh. All the walls look like they could be a ceiling. E_A ceiling in what way? S_Well they are of the same material that the ceiling is, most rooms have different material for the ceiling than for the wall. Like maybe the wall is panellir panelling or plaster and the ceiling is may also be plaster or it might be, an acoustic material. But this room has, like each plane could be a ceiling, depending ontthe position you look at it, it's all that acoustic material, white with holes in it, I imagine it is flame-proof, except the floor. E How are you doing? §_Ok. _E I notice you're scratching your neck. §_Uh huh. What was your first clue? (His GSR activates.) E_What are you doing? §_Now? .§.Uh huh. S Just sitting here. E_How are you doing? S_Okay. (silence) E_What's happening? S_I'm walking to the desert, and it's so dry, my lips are parched, and you can't 137 even scratch for any moisture. There's nothing. A cold dryness. E How are you doing? S_Fine. ‘E Are your lips dry? S_Uh huh. Very dry. E_How long have they been that way? S_Ever since I've been in the desert. E Uh huh. Ok, you can open your eyes now. Condition III S (silence) E_What's happening? S_(delay, sighs, clears throat) I see a row of bricks. E_A road? S_A row of bricks being piled up and, ah, people, workmen (???) bricks and mortar, and bricks and mortar, and more bricks and more mortar, they're building up a wall, for no obvious reason at all. They are just building a wall. Seems stupid. E_What was that? .S Seems stupid to do something like that for no reason. Build a wall. E_How are you doing? S_Fine. (silence) E_What are you seeing? _S Ah, I'm on a roller coaster, and it's going UP and down very swiftly. When it goes up and (delay) down it feels like (pause) you left your stomach at the tOp, and it's moving sooo swiftly, up and down. Like a whip it jerks your body. (silence) E_What's happening? S (silence) I'm in a boat, ah. pretty big boat. (stretches and yawns) It's night time and starting to rain— um, but I don't care (completely different tone of voice, like a growl) ‘E_What was that? S_I don't care. It doesn't matter that it rains, it's a big boat, I'll just go to sleep. E_Vhat was that? S_I'll just go to sleep. E_What are you seeing? S_Ah, pe0p1e who are fearful on the boat and the (people are all?) upset, and panicky. E_And what? S Panicky. Hysterical, and lots of them are running around, just causing more confusion. They're not doing a bit of good, and (he's?) running around confused and frightened, because of the storm. (silence) E_How are you doing? S_(Opened eyes, startled.) I (laugh) startled me, scared me. .E Scared you in what way? S_I don't know. I bet that 138 needle moved when you said, "What's happening.“ Is that what you said, "What's happening?" .E No. I said, ”How are you doing?” S_Did the needle move a lot? E_Uh huh. .S It didn't move? I felt like I jumped two feet off the chair. .E What was that? S_I was spying on the boat. (scratches eye, stretches, yawns) E_What's happening? S_Ahm, I'm walking (out?) on the wharf, to several boats came in from the harbor. hey're (delivery?) boats but there isn't anyone on them and they're, they're Japanese junks and they're loaded with materials one, one boat is just loaded with silks, one is loaded with food, and all different things It's sorta like a floating market place. All these Japanese are selling their goods and also people live on these junks. Some junks are a place to live, and I'm stepping aboard one of them, one of the junks. It is just anchored and floating by the dock, it has tea and oranges (delay) and they have beautiful silk robes (???). (silence) E What's happening? S_Someone just looked in the window“ and startled me. Someone with a big hushy beard and a woolen cap on. I was sitting in this room all by myself, and they came to this little window in the door and stuck their big face in it and startled me. _E Startled you in what way? S_I just wasn't expecting to see anybody's face, and I saw it so quickly just jumped. (delay) _E How are you doing? S_Fine. (moves legs) H E_What happened? _S (silence) Condition IV E Now I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. _§ The same woman or (???) E_Whatever comes to your mind's eye. .S (silence) .E What's happening? S_I just walked in the door, she grabbed my arm and as she started to grab my coat and she 139 throws it on the floor (laughs), and she says, ”Oh," and she picks it up and hangs it up and she shows me her aprrtment, every room and (???) E_What was that? .S She shows me the closets and everything and I've never been there I guess. She's proud of her apartment. (silence) (shifts) E_How are you doing? _S Okay (silence) (shifts position) .E What are you seeing? .§ Ah, Christmas tree. ‘E Great big what? S'A Christmas tree. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_It's got snow on it, lights, decorations, and it is very green. It doesn't look like it's brittle yet, it's still fresh and clean and healthy. (silence) E_What's happening? § Ahm, it's late at night, and (we're) out walking through the campus. A nice night for a walk. It looks like they all got the same idea all at once, they're all walking around campus. (silence) E What are you seeing? .S (silence- shifts position- sighs) A jail. E.What was that? S_A jail, and bars and they're locked. E_What was that? S_The bars are locked. E_Would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman? ‘S The one I was just at? E_Uh huh. ‘S (silence) E What's happening? _S (silence) (deep breath, shifts position). E How are you doing? S_Okay. (silence) ‘E_What are you seeing? .S (Shifts body position) Ahm, (the time???) .E What was that? .§.A baton, a'band director's baton, and it's lying on the stool on the bench waiting for him to come and pick it up and begin using it. E_Using it in what way? S_Ahm, not really for its intended purpose but mocking its intended purpose. E_Mocking it in what way? § Ahm, more animated, sarcastic (type?) mocking gestures (used hand to illustrate). (silence) '§_What's happening? §_(Shrugs shoulders) (silence) .E What are you seeing? _S (groans) (silence) -§ How are you doing? S_(pause) Ah, okay. (shifts position) 140 E_What's happening? S_I'm sleepy. (silence) _E Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? S_Uh huh. E_What are you seeing? S_Me (or we're?) dancing fast. _E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Well, we're dancing apart and we're not touching. _E How are you doing? S_(stretches) Okay. E_What's happening? S_(sighs) Nothing. _E What are you seeing? S_The sun. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Well, I'm just staring right at it, it's bright, and I keep seeing rings around it, coming at me. The rays are hot. E_How are you doing? S_Fine (silence) E_What's happening? S_(delay) I (started?) to see the sun and I'm staring at it. E_Staring in what way? S_My are eyes are just fixed on it. (silence) .2 What's happening? '§_(sighs, shifts) (scratching eye, stretching) I'm looking at the sun, trying to see if it will move. See if I can detect it moving. (silence) E_Now I'd like you to get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. U) __ (laugh) I think we're exhausted from all that dancing. _E What was that? S_I think we're exhausted from all that dancing. E_Exhausted in what way? S_We're, she's been dancing too (laugh) long. We're just tired, well we're not really, (particularly?) worn out, tired out but we are tired of dancing. No longer dancing. E_What's happening? S_We're talking. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Uh huh, we're talking and laughing, and having a good warm feeling between us. E_Warm in what way? §.We feel close and (pause), ah, tight. .2 And what? § Tight. E_Tight in what way? S_That just means (cool?) or (close?). (silence) '§_What are you seeing? ‘§_The sun. (silence) 'E How are you doing? §_(shifted, GSR activating somewhat) Okay (delay) E 0k in what What was It'd way? .S (pause) Oh, in the same way you ask the question. 141 that? S_In the same way that you asked the question. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_It's just like when someone says that to you, that isn't really the question, it's just a greeting. (silence) E_What's happening? _S Nothing (silence) .§_How are you doing? _S Fine (silence) _E What are you seeing? § The sun. _E Can you describe that in greater detail? _S It's just bright, and, ah, powerful. E_Powerful in what way? §.It hurts my eyes. (shifts positions) (silence) E_What's happening? lm (silence) E You can Open your eyes now. Condition I ‘E What are you seeing? §.Um looks like a red haze right now. Um, silver grey hair, that, ah, looks like it was just, ah, done at the beauty parlor. Nothing real elaborate and, ah, the best way to say it is nice. E_What was that? .S It's not real elaborate but it's not real plain. It's ah, perfect for the person's face. (pause) Ahm, she's, ah, got a real nice tan, and, ah, her skin isn't really soft but it's not real wrinkled, I mean she's got like a few lines around her eyes, but that's about it. She's got real red lipstick on, but I don't like that because I'm the kind that don't like real red lipstick. (pause) um, her neck is not real slender, but it's not heavy and it doesn't have any lines in it, it's nice and smooth. And it's not real long but longer than average. She's got blue-gray eyes. (delay) (rubbing his eyes) Ah, for an old lady she's got pretty nice legs. but, ah, like she's got a skirt that is just above her knees, it's not like what a teenager would wear, it fits her age and station. Um (delay) as far as her build she's, ah, kinda slender but not real thin, she tends more toward medium though because she is extra, she is a little more tall than average so that makes her look a little slender. ‘§_I notice you rubbed your eye. ‘s Yeah, it was itching (laugh). Um, she's got real nice posture, (and for someone that tall?) she walks very grace- fully. And she acts like, ah, lady in that she's not false, like these, ah, huh, yeah, I mean she doesn't put on a big act. Ahm, I'd call her the opposite 0f the typical Vasaar girl, I mean she's not a big show piece but she's, ah, ah, she likes other people and she's concerned about them. (pause) Ahm- ah, her voice is, ah, lower than average, ah, not, ah, not the average woman, a little bit lower than the average woman's voice, it's kinda hard to describe, ahm, ah, it's not loud it's real quiet. It's got 142 143 a nice warm tone. (pause) Oh, yeah, she's embarrassed, can you- S_Cause she doesn't have any money. ‘§_What was that? §_She doesn't have ny any money. (delay) ‘§_Can you describe that in greater detail? §_0h, ahm, she was looking in her purse and like the bus stop is right in front of her. And, ah, she«doesn't, can't find any money. And she's kinda like, agitated and embarrassed cause like she's over there and doesn't have any money. (sniffs) .§_What happened? S_Ahm, she asked if she could borrow a quarter to pay for the bus. And, I didn't have a quarter cause we were looking and I didn't have any change at all. And, ah, there wasn't any- thing in my coat pockets, and the only thing that I had was a ten dollar bill in my, ah, it was in with my keys. (pause) And, ah, she's nice and all that but you don't feel like giving her ten dollars. E You don't feel like that, in what way? S_Well like ten dollars is an awful lot of money, you just don't give it away to somebody. (pause) Well, ah, the bus comes and I just decided that I'll pay, pay for it, and, and not go, I'll just pay for her bus and let her get on. And, ah, (sniffs) the bus comes and she gets on and I pay for it, and she asks me to come with her. So I pay for myself too, and, ah, (pause) we, ah, it's not a very long bus ride, about 20 minutes. And, ah, when we get off, she invites me up to, ah, to her apartment and, ah, I go and, ah— (raises arm) .g What happened? {S_Ah, really nice apartment. It's, ah, it's not overly decorated, but it's decorated enough to be nice. It's not real frilly feminine, it's just, you know, ahm, clean and, ah, utilitarian and decorative. It, ah, I don't know, it gives me the impression of a person who has got an active mind and that don't know, it gives me the impression of a person who has got an active mind and that don't likezto be bothered with a lot of messy little details. Ahm, they're more concerned with the - .‘N ‘- 144 more important things, let other people worry about details. Ahm, oh yeah, she's got a record— she's got a stereo. And ah, (pause), she ah, she suggest that I look at her record collection when she goes into her bedroom to get the money to pay me back. And, ah, her record collec- tion isn't, ah, well it's not like mine, but it's not bad. I mean it tends to be, ah, more classical, it, ah, (pause) ahm, no Broadway stuff it's just strictly classical and some, ahm, a few like, it was an experiment- hard rock. Like, ah, some of the better, ahm, Hard Rock, ah, like, ah, Chicago, and; ahm, she's got the Opera Who, Tell Me by the Who, like it doesn't seem to make much sense, until you think what kind of origins and, ah, song similarity that the music has. Ahm, she, ah, comes back in the living room, and, ah, she took her coat off and, ah, she's got, ah, knit dress on that's, ah, um, kind of, ah, (pause) it's ahm , red? Yeah, like it's not bright red, it's kinda like a real subdued red, ahm, and, ah, it, ah, fits her real well. _E Can you describe that in greater detail? S Ahm, well like it's a knit dress and it clings, and, ah, just wasn't too bad. (pause) ‘E How are you doing? §_Ahm, I'm digging the action. Feel like, ah, that's Mrs. Robinson though, it seems like it just doesn't seem, it doesn't really happen, there's something wrong here. E_Wrong in what way? S_Well, it just seems too convenient, and, ahm, I'm kinda suspicious of what's going on, not exactly, I like the idea but at the same time, I'm wondering if it's such a smart idea. Yeah, it would be fun but it might not be real smart. Ah, she, ah, goes over to the bar and, ah, makes something to drink and, ah, she asks me what I thought of her record collection and I mention that I, that I saw the Hard Rock albums and, ah, ahm, tell that, ah, tell what I think how they compare to the classical and how I can see where she might, well I think she might 145 enjoy the both of them, ahm, ahm, it's, ah, kinda a delay tactic so that I can think. Ah, she hands me a drink and, ah, puts on, ah, puts on, ah one of the Hard Rock albums, what does she put on- Chicago. And then, ah, [I kinda think it's funny cause I ask her, ah, if she is used to drink and listen to this kind of music, it's not what most people do when they listen to Hard Rock. And, ah, she laughs and she says, well she thinks she's a little bit old for anything else, and, ah, I got the impression she was fishing for a compliment so I, ah, ah, tell her she doesn't look that old really and looking pretty good and I wouldn't be ashamed to be seen with her in public and she should try, she shouldn't, ah, knock herself and, ah, (furroughs his brows) E_What's happening? §_Ahm, we have, ah, we're sitting there on the sofa and she makes, ah, she makes another drink. And, ah, E_I notice you're itching your eyebrow. §_Yeah (sniffs). E_What's happening? §_Well, I, she makes another drink and, ah, pretty soon I'm getting the feeling that I'm being trapped into something and, like you kind of wonder who's doing the pursuing and - it kinda flashes across my mind that I don't want to wind up being caught in the Taft Hotel, that's, ah, that was the hotel that, ah, in the Graduate that, ah, Mrs. Robeinson and Benjamin went to every night and, ah, it's funny, like, all I can think of is, ah, it seems to be comparing to the, ah, movie and, ah, I'm getting leerier and leerier of the whole thing. And oh, she comes back with the other drink, and, ah, I drink it down pretty fast and, ah, cause I'm a little bit nervous, and then, ah, she kinda sits back and, ah, kinda watches. And, ah, about five minutes later she askes if I want to dance. And, so I think well why not? It'd be kinda fun. And, ah- we dance, and, ah- E_How are you doing? _§ I'm getting a little drunk. And, thinking well, it can't be that bad, and, ah, she 146 decided that the Chicago music is too fast and she comes up with something else. And, it was, ah, it was, ah, rock music but it was lots slower. It was either another, it was, ah, - folk music. It was, ah, Sweetwater and on one part of (???) they got a slow song, and, ah we dance to that for like both sides of the album and, ah, we're, ah, just, ah, not really talking about anything in particular we're just, ah, dancing around and whispering into each other's ear, and, ah, she's, ah, just about perfect type for me. Cause I don't have to bend over and she doesn't have to dance up on her tiptoes or nothing. We can both be comfortable and kind of hold on to each other and I was surprised because she doesn't have a girdle on and she is not flabby like I would expect and- ahm, I can't tell for sure but I don't think she's got a bra on. And, ah. .§_How are you doing? ‘§ I'm feeling real good. .§_Real good in what way? ‘§_Ah, definitely, ah, digging the idea of dancing with her like this. Ah, thinkin about bigger and better things and, ah, thinking how glad it is that she's got a big sofa and, ahm, (pause) (furroughs brows, sighs) .§_What's happening? §_(sigh) We're dancing and puts the, ah, oh, yeah, the record stopped and so we go running off and sit on the sofa and, oh, I sit down on the sofa and she goes to put a different record on and then she comes over and sits by me and I starttovmake out a little. And, ah- .E Can you describe that in greater detail? .g Oh, ah, (pause) oh, yeah, you know, like kissing and, ah, chewing on each other's ear and, ah, feeling her breasts and, ah, ah, she's, ah- doesn't fool around like most, you know, she doesn't bother to say, oh, no, no (?) protect myself (?) and that kind of crap. She, ah, she knows what she's doing and she's enjoy- ing herself and - ah, the dress has got a zipper on (whispers). E_I notice you're frowning. § I'm, she got a zipper, ah, the zipper is on 147 the side of the dress, and, ah, I'm unzipping her dress and ah I'm unzipping her dress and, ah - the top - the top has got a zipper too, it ah, doesn't have any sleeve and so when I unzip the sides and, ah, I'm playing with her breasts and, ah, she unzips the tOp and so the whole side of her dress falls off. And, ah, I was right--she didn't have a bra on. And, ah, she really didn't need one cause like, ah, her breasts didn't sag and ahm, she's got, ah, not real big but they're, ah, just nice and, ah firm (sniffs) and, ah - I'm kissing her and playing with her breasts and we're kind of like falling back on the sofa. And ah- I'm thinking well even if she is old, well now that's too bad she evidently wants to get laid and so I might as well enjoy myself and satisfy her to and, ah, all of a sudden the phone rang and she jumps up, zips up the side of her dress and runs in the, runs to the phone and, ah, ah, like I sit up real, you know, wow, it was really a cold drink, like somebody threw a bucket of cold water on you. Couldn't quite firuge out what's going on and then it dawns on me that, ah, what's going on and she's talking on the phone and talking to, ah, she says something, ah, some- thing honey, and, okay you'll be home and in an hour or an hour and a half, no it was half of an hour on an hour. And, ah, it suddenly dawns on me that, you know who or what she is and that she is married and she probably has got kids and, so I get up and grab my coat and, ah, and, ah, kinda like I'm embarrassed to leave cause if, I'm wondering what she's gonna think now am I gonna, like is she gonna think I'm funny that I'm doing this er, and laugh at me or will she understand. And, ah, I really don't say anything, I just kinda mumble goodgye and, ah, run out the door and, ah, ah go home. And, ah, I'm not even going to tell my room- mates about it cause it just doesn't seem like one of those things that, 148 ah, it seems really, ah, just better to forget about it. Condition II E_TWhat's happening? _§ (laughs) We're just standing there. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Ahm, like it doesn't, all of a sudden we're just, like there's this apartment and dingo, instantly two people who never met each other before are just standing there. And both kinda dumbfounded. Seems like we both came in Opposite doors and walk around the apartment and just happened to meet in the living room. And we're looking at each other trying to figure out what's going on. And, ah, it suddenly dawns on us, you know, and we start to laugh because it's funny. Um (scratching head). E_How are you doing? _§ I'm trying to figure out, ah, how I got in this, why I got in this apartment because she said it was hers. And I was supposed to go see a friend in apartment, ah, 51, and I thought this was it, and he said just to walk in and make myself at home and he'd be home in a little while. And, ah, seh says this is apartment 50, 51 is next door, and, ah, I explain why I was, we both think it's funny so, she says as long as you've got a half hour might as well stay here. And, ah, cause she's pretty nice, not bad looking so I say why not and so I do and, ah, we, ah, She has a tape deck, so we turn the tape deck on and, ah, (whispers something) she, ahm, pulls out- (laughs) she gets something (pause) (shifts weight) E What was that? §_She gets something I can't remember, she gets, ahm, (pause) - some kind of game, and, ah, (pause), and, ah, we start to play the game and, ah, she asks me if, ah, I want, ah, either a coke or something to drink er , ah, something. And, ah, yeah we have, ah, she brings in two cokes and we have some coke, and, ah, it's, ah, oh, it 149 was interesting together and we start to talk and like I am looking at her apartment while I'm talking to her and I notice that, that, ah, she has got some, ah, some pipes over on her bookcase and one of them is a, ah, real fancy houka, and, ah, I ask her when she went over there cause I've got a friend that lives there and I, ah, ah, ask her what she did and, ah, she said that, ah, her father works for, ah, the, ah, U.S. Embassy and was just transferred to Morocco and, ah, she went over there at the break of the term for the term break, and, ah, ah, stayed in Morocco and ah, running through Africa and Egypt in, ah, ah, well anyway all the top coast of Africa from Morocco across to Egypt and, ab, she went up to Spain to, and, ah, just before she left she, ah, she bought this pipe and a couple of other things, ah, that were in the bedroom and, ah, so I asked her if she used the pipe for anything and she kinda looked at me and— I thought she bought that in Morocco and didn't know it was useful and, ah, she, ah, says yeah she's used it before, ah, she, ah, brings the pipe over and emptieq the, empties out the, ahm, water that was in it and, ah, gets some wine out of the icebox and fills it up with wine and, ab, goes ah, in the kitchen someplace and, ah, comes back and fills up the pipe, and, ah, smokes the, ah, the pipe and turns on the music. Puts a dif- ferent tape on, cause the tape that was on was real long music, and we put some really Hard Rock kinda tape on the record, ah, and ah— she drags out some (?) for the mouthpiece, and, ah, well we're, we've still got out our coke. And, ah, we drink that and we're just nibbling away and we're both sitting on the sofa and all of a sudden we get the giggles and, ah, we start to laugh and we can't stop laughing, and, ah, like the tears are just running down our faces it's so funny. Everytime we stop and we look at each other and start again, cause it's so funny, and, ah. .g Funny in 150 what way? §_Oh, it's, it's kind of hard to describe, because, we just can't stOp, ah, like we'll look at each other and we'll look at the other person looking at- we'll catch each other looking at each.other - if that makes any sense, and it's funny, so we start to laugh and as soon as we look at, we both look back at the same time we start to laugh again and before we're done we just can't stOp laughing. And, ah, we're sitting on the sofa and, ah, we're practically crying because we're laughing so hard and, ah, ahm, I just, ah- g How are you doing? § Ah, I'm really having a good time, it's an awful lot of fun, I'm really enjoying myself and, ah, I like the girl, because, she's like a really nice person. And, ah, she looks up at me and we stOp laughing and I bend over and kissed her, and she, ah, she didn't bother about, she didn't pull back er, we just enjoyed it and, ah, so we ah kissed again and this time it lasted for a real long time and, ah, kind of laid back on the sofa and, ah, just very slowly and leisurely, in no big rush, started to make love. And, ah, it felt ahm, real good, ahm, like you didn't, there wasn't any pressure. It was just like something that we both wanted to do and we could really enjoy ourselves and enjoy each other. Without, ah, you know there wasn't any hassle, nothing to, real restful and satisfying. And, ah, we, ah, we're laying there when we was all, when we were all done and, ah, we're listening to the kid I was going to meet comes in, we hear him come up the stairs and unlock (?) open the door of his apartment and walk in and ah look around it. You could hear him call my name to see if I was there yet and, ah, so we looked at each other and, ah, kinda giggled and decided that maybe I'd better go over there cause I was supposed to be there a while ago and, ah, ah, so, ah, I get dressed and, ah, ahm, I kissed hergpodbye and leave. (silence) ‘§_What are you seeing? A§_I'm 151 not seeing anything. I feeling, ah, my lips were dry and they stuck together and the way my jaw felt it was pulling my face into a long, felt like I was elongating my face. It felt, ah (laughs) really strange. (pause) ‘§_What's happening? .§ I'm, ah, feeling my pulse and, ah, it's matching the, ah, ticker in the machine, and that's kinda of amazing cause, ah, supposedly if you have a, ah, person who's relaxed and, ah, and a thing that's got a steady rhythm at, you know, not too big a speed, your pulse will match the rhythm of the machine. It's kind, just kinda thinking how cool it is that, you know, without my knowing it, all of a sudden my body has been doing that for I don't even know how long - . _E How are you doing? §_Oh, feeling very comfortable, and, ah, relaxed, can barely feel my body, it doesn't seem like, you know, it's there but like it's not an important part that I'm paying a lot of attention to. E_Would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman? §_Ahm, - ok, what about it? ‘E Just, ah, wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them for me. §_She's, ah, got long dark hair, and, ah, really large brown eyes and her face is, ah, kind of, ah, oval shaped and she's got a small fine nose that's sorta turned up a little bit not much, just a little bit. And, - she's ahm, - not real tall about 5'5" I guess, she is about 5-5 and, ah, she's, ah, ah, medium build, I guess, she's built nice but nothing really spectacular. She's just nice looking, ahm, she's got nice legs, her breasts aren't super big, but, ah, doesn't seem that important. The apartment is kinda, oh, it's not a real big apartment but it, it's nice, it's like, ah, a living room and, a hall with a kitchen on it and a bedroom, and it's all carpeted to look, ah, ah, real fuzzy carpeting in there. It's kinda fun to walk in, ah, with your bare feet. It feels good to walk in, ahm, (reaches up 152 to face) E_What's happening? §_She's, ah, I'm sitting down and she's standing there looking at me, and she's got a bottle of coke in each hand, her head's kinda turned to one side and, ah, she's got this really cool grin on her face, it's just and it's just, it's kinda hard to, it makes you feel real good, like, ah, you really want to spend more time with, ah, with her. And, ah, she, ahm, comes over and sits down and hands me the coke and, ah, she starts to talk and, ah, ahm, I'm looking at her apartment, her apartment has got like all kinds of cool junk in it. It's ah, like a great big tapestry on one wall and, ahm, some really nice drawings on another one, and all kinds of a, she has a big .candle in the corner and there's some, ah, - E_I notice you're scratching your neck. §_Yeah, my shirt's itching, it's, ah, wool, and it itches. E What's happening? §_Ah, nothing much really, we're just ah, oh, just talking looking at all the junk in her apartment and asking her about it, where she got it and- _E How are you doing? -§ Oh, I'm a little nervous cause I want to make a nice impression but I feel like it's not really that important because, um, it doesn't I don't think it makes all that much difference to her. I mean like just have to be, you just want to be yourself and that would probably make her about the happiest and you just want to make her, let her have a good time, enjoy herself and that's all that really seems important. .g Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? '§ Ah, if I'd dance with her, ah, it'd be a real fast modern dance and, ab, that's about it. I don't know, dancing doesn't seem to be that important. Ahm, it's fun but, but, ah, um, if you were going to dance you wouldn't dance, just the two of us, we'd dance with a whole bunch of other pe0p1e. Like at a big party or over to the Gables. E_What's happening? §_Um, 153 we're, ah, not much really, we're just, ah, talking, laughing and having a good time, just enjoying each other's company, not particularly worried about what's going on around us. Just, ah, she saying something about making some brownies. And, ah, so we go in the kitchen and I sit at the table and watch her make brownies, and, ah, we're just talking all the time about nothing particular, ah, she is an art student and, ah, we're talking about different instructors that we had and, ah, how to go about "motivation process." And, ah, oh, drawing something and the, ah, quote mostly just shop talking art, and every once in a while I'll throw in a comment about the brownies. (delay) ahm, (delay) she's all done making them and they're in the oven. baking. And then she sits down at the table and, ah, has a cigarette and we're talking about, ah, ahm, .§ I noticed you frowning and biting your lips. S_Talking about politics I think. And, ah, we both agree, but we're both telling each other what a hard time we have understanding the way other peOple think. And, ah, we're getting really seriously involved in this politics thing and there's like nothing really to talk about because we both know how each other feels, but we're just talking about it anyway and, ab, ahm E You're laughing. .§ It's it, it's, it, ahm, gives you a weird feeling kinda like, you know, the other eprson agrees with ya, but you feel so strongly about it, you've just got to say more, and, ah, the more you say the more they'll agree with you and you don't get anyplace, it's like you're looking for, it's almost like you were looking for a point of argument, but you can't find one. And as soon as you find some that could be and, ah, the other person stresses it, rather than make the other person feel bad you kinda, well, yeah, I kinda think so- agree that way and, ah, really don't, well like you're looking for a point of argument but you don't want to have one. So 154 I guess it's kinda of a futile discussion. E_Will you please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing? §_Um, we're at, ah, at a party and, ah, I don't know we're dancing to, ah, Sly(?) and the Family Stone, and, ah, it's a real long thing, about a 20 minute band, and, ah, it's, ah, real face and, ah, (sigh) hum, she, ah, she's a real good dancer, she, ah, moves really gracefully, she doesn't jerk around like a lot of kids do, she kinda floats from one motion to the next, she kinda of a, you know, one continual motion, she doesn't have sharp, jerky motions, she just, kind of floats, looks real graceful. And, ah, her hair flies around a lot when she dances, it really looks cool. .E How are you doing? S_Ahm, we're dancing away and we're, ah, looking at each other or we're kinda like, ah, cause we're dancing apart and, ah, we can look at each other and, ah, we're getting this really big grin on your face and we kind of like, ah, just like, like, ah, some point of contact like a metal contact where you, ah, just catch each other, and you look at each other and you feel good because you look at each other both having a good time. - And, ah, other than that, oh the dancing's over, we've gotta collapse and carry ourselves and each other to, ah (?) and we sit out the next two and we sit there and make small talk and watch the other dancers and laughing at them and we just enjoy ourselves and each other's company. And, ah, get a little wine and but that's about it. Because, ah- (delay) Um - we, ah, we don't go home until about two o'clock. But, ah, I, ah, take her home and we go in and, ah, ahm, we get something, I think we get something to eat, we make something to eat in the kitchen, and, ah, we go back in the living room and sit down and eat it and, ab, both a little bit drunk and so we watch TV for about an hour. And, ah. E_What's happening? §_Oh, we're just sitting there, both in 155 the same corner of the sofa and like, ah, ahm, got our arms around each other and, ah, she's leaning on my shoulder while we're sitting there watching TV, and laughing cause it's a really funny movie. E_How are you doing? .S Oh, ah, I'm enjoying myself while she's, ah, she's, ah, real nice company and, ah, we're getting a little bit, ah, we're starting to make out a little bit. In between, ah, first there was just during commercials, but now we're getting to the point where, ah, we're not even bothering to watch the TV commercials, we're just, ah, ah, making out anywhy(?) we're leaning up in the (?) E_Nhat was that? S_We're leaning up in the corner of the sofa, like the corner of the sofa has got, high arms, and it's like leaning(?) in the corner and, ah, she's, ah, she's, ah-, ah nibbling on my ear, and, ah, I'm tickling the back of her neck and ah, starting to kiss her more and I start to undo her blouse and, ah, ah, have a super hard time with her, with her bra because, ah, she's got a really weird kind of hook—up in the back and, ah, we laugh about it and ah, I take the bra off and, ah, ah, and, ah, her, her, her, ah, she's got like a pants suit on and I take the bell bottoms off and, ah, we're just laying there and, ah, all of a sudden she bounces up runs into the bedroom and, ah, hops under the covers and after she gets in there she yells that the last one in is a rotten egg. And, ah, I'm laying on the sofa cause I can't quite klunk, you know, what the heck is going on, I get up and I start to laugh and I'm standing in the doorway and she's, ah, peeking out from underneath the covers and tells me to hurry up. I'm taking my clothes and, ah, I go over and get in bed and, ah, I kiss her and we, ah, start to make love and we're not in read much of a hurry, we just take our, just enjoying ourselves and, ah, we really (yawn) just having a good time, feeling good, and, ah, we fall asleep like that and, ah, .2 Can you ex- 156 like what? Can you describe that in- _§ Oh, like, ah, we're holding on to each other and we fall asleep that way, and, ah, ahm- that's the way we wake up the next morning. And we get up and take showers and make breakfast (yawns) eat breakfast and then go to class. E_How are you doing? S_Um, I'm enjoying myself it was a, it was a nice party and it was a nice night and it was a lot of fun. And, ah, planning on doing it again. - (silence) E_What are you seeing? S_Um, - the, ah, the, ah, same girl and, ah, in her apartment, she's just standing there and I'm just sitting there looking at her, nothing is happening, we're just like time stopped. .E How are you doing? §_Oh, I just enjoy looking at her. E Ok, you can open your eyes now. Condition III S_All I can see right now is my eyes, cause I put my contacts in this morning, I hadn't like worn them for two weeks and I've had them in for about six hours which is about two hours too long, and my eyes are kinda sore. And other than that, I feel relaxed. I feel that I just woke UP from a long nap, and, ah (yawns) ah, (pause) other than that I'm not thinking of much of anything, eating dinner tonight, that's about it. E_What's happening? § Um, not much my stomach just growled. (pause) E_Are you, ah, describing what is in your mind's eye? §_Oh, ah, actually it was like I wasn't doing anything like I was listening to you write with the pencil and that was all I was thinking of, I was thinking of a pencil writing on paper, ah, only it was, ah receipts, tables - tablets and it was pull out a receipt and they come in rolls. That was the kind of thing I was thinking of, (?) like that. (Yawns) Thinking of my dog and I wonder if he went to the john on the carpet. (ScratChing his eye) 157 E What's happening? .S Um, thinking about dinner tomorrow night, have to go over to ah, a friend's sorority house for dinner. Then going to a meeting for student government afterwards. Ah- _g What are you seeing? .S Trying to imagine what the rest of the girls in the house are going to look like. They haven't got a very big house so I'm kinda wondering. More or less curiosity. I wondering if I'm going to get a job that I applied for at Oldsmobile. E_Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and, ah, describe them? §_Uh, I don't know, my mind, ah, like, ah, my mind thinks of something for a couple of seconds and then is off on another subject immediately, it doesn't like hanging around. Right now all I can think of is the horrendous line when I want to apply for a job at Oldsmobile, and they had this most ridiculous line, we had to stand in. For the time I talked to the guy which was about 5 minutes I think I stood in line for about an hour and 15 minutes. It was ridiculous. And ah, (sighs) I'll probably get the job, but boy, I just, if there is one thing I really hate, you know, is to stand in line. It just completely wears you right out. E_Nhat are you seeing? S_Lines and lines (laugh) of pe0ple (laughs). (shifts body) ‘§_What's happening? S_Ah, I was just looking at the rest of them. They're, ah, it's really funny but most of them don't seem too intelligent, looks like most of them aren't aware of what they're doing, like they're got in line, you know, and turned off their brains or something like- yeah, I can't imagine how they can, all I can think of is, like these people, I see a lot of old pe0ple there and middle aged people and I think, wow, here they're applying for a job and what kind of life they must be leading that, ah, how screwed up must they be, ah, to have to work for Oldsmobile, now. I mean, like, you know, the only reason I want to work there is because it's just going to be until 158 next fall— I want to get some money, as much as I can and that's the best way I could think of doing it. But for someone like with a family and kids, ah, to like, go and apply at Oldsmobile at like, 40 years old that's ridiculous. And that guy, I can't understand how they can think, how they can live with themselves. E_What are you seeing? _§ Um, ah, there, there's an old lady, well not real old, ah, about 40, I guess stand- ing in line. She just looks completely lost and forlorn, wow, and there's an old, ah, well he's about, ah, 45 I guess, and he's, ah, very funny because he's got a sport coat and a tie on, he's about the only one that does because everybody else came in their grubbies. And, ah, like I got the impression he didn't know what to expect and like he figured that he'd get some kind of special treatment or something cause he was going to dress up so that they'd know he was good person because he dressed good. (laughs) It's very funny because like for all the bother he went to get dressed and nobody is going to look at it or even care. It's kinda like, a ah, oh, it's like an assembly line with people as the product, it '3 really kinda pathetic in a way. (dealing?) with different kinds of pe0p1e. E_How are you doing? E_Um, I'm getting awful tired leaning up against the wall. Watching everybody else is kinda fun, the only stimu- lation around. There's nothing else to do but observe other people. There's two kids in front of me who think they're really cool and they are so funny it's kinda pathetic. They're about, ah, um, maybe their junior year in high school. They're really something else and, ah, it's just funnier than hell to watch them. Because they're, they're being cool and they're so uncool it's pathetic. (laugh) They're trying so hard to be something that they're not, that they're not, you know, as far as I can tell the only way to be cool is to be yourself and they're trying real 159 hard to be something that they're not so that they can be cool and they, they just, they're losing. I feel well, they're really not that old I suppose you really can't (?) give 'em a couple more years to realize what's going on, um. I'm not super worried about whether I'm going to get a job or not, yeah anybody that's dumb enough with a college education to work on the line at Oldsmobile is going to get hired. The only thing that might be bad is like if I only want to work until next fall they might not like that. E_What are you seeing? S_The assembly line, running by, I'm just standing there watching it. Just piece after piece after piece all the same and all I can think of is all the sweet little boredom and I'm going to go clear out of my tree by the end of next September, if I get that job, unless I get something that I'm not figuring on. I wouldn't mind getting something that would be a little bit more stimulating. Otherwise I'll go completely nuts, like in two weeks. (sigh) (pause) Oh, yeah, I tried to drive home and I got lost, thinking of the drive home, boy was that a ridiculous farce. .E Are you describing what yo. are seeing in your mind's eye? §_All I can see is this, it's, it's, ah, ah, it's ah, um, South Logan I'm driving down South Logan, and, ah, like all iizis is real drab pavement, all you can (?) Like you know hamburger stands and all kinds of crap all on both sides of the road and it really really looks shitty. And, ah, it's, it's, just, ah, all this crap and you, and I can't help but think the Great American, ah, symbol or something like that, you know, like nothing but hot dog stands on both sides as far as the mind can see and traffic going bumper to bumper both ways. And, ah, it's ridiculous. 160 Condition IV E_Now I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. S_Ok, ah, well we're at a friend of mine's and, ah, she's, ah, we're sitting there and, ah, her roommate is making pudding and she's sitting at the kitchen table eating scrambled eggs and I walk in and put my dog down and, ah, sit down and, ah, grab a cigarette and, ah, she keeps telling me that I'm supposed to quit smoking and, ah, I give her a lot of shit about it and say yeah yeah yeah and, ah, so are you and smoke a cigarette anyway. And, ah, ah, we turn around and are watching the dogs play. Cause they're about the same size and the same age they're not a year old and you know they're chewing on each other's tails is what they're doing. And, ah, we're laughing about it and, ah, I tell her roommate to hurry up and get the pudding done because I want some. And, ah, we just sit and bs for about a half an hour. And, ah, ahm, it's almost 8 c'clock and she's got to get a project done for the next day and so she, ah, says she's got to go over to the, ah, (yawns) to the, ab, Art building to, ah, get her, get her project done. So I say, see you tomorrow and, ah, go home. (delay) I get pissed off at the dog along the way because she wants to go the other way, the opposite direction that I want to walk. E_What's happening? (he is rubbing his nose) .S (yawns) I got, got mad enough so that I just grabbed the dog and picked him up and carried him in, and walked into the door, I thought it was Open and it wasn't, it was locked. So I drag my key out and open the front door, and ran up the steps and, ah, put him on the third step from the tOp so that he'll learn how to crawl up steps. And, ah, I went and Opened the apartment door and, ah wait for him to come in and close the door and took my coat off and, ah, got something to eat. And went and 161 got a cigarette from my roommate and (yawning) sat down watching TV. E_How are you doing? _S Um, (pause) I'm enjoying watching TV, it's a little bit different, ah, oh, yeah, we were watching Ed Sullivan and, ah, this, ah- _E Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? ‘S Uh huh, some hillbilly singer came on and he started to laugh about it so I got up and went and got something to eat. Um, started to play with the dog and ah (yawns) didn't bother to go back in. (yawning) At least I wait until Ed Sullivan is over and, ab, oh, my sister and my roommate came over and ah, sat down and talked to me for a while, they brought some stuff from home from Thanksgiving and, ah, ahm, (sighs) It's about 9 I guess and, ah, 9:15 and, ab (yawns) we, ah (yawning) ah excuse me. We, ahm, I want I got some stuff organized that I want to get done today I wrote down that I needed to get done and telephone numbers of places I had to call. Tried to get it organized so that I could get it over with and get it done with quick and ah, started reading some more, ah, I'm almost all done with the stuff I have to read (for this term?) and I read about 5 pages and fell asleep. E_Now would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman? S_Um, huh, - E_What's happening? S_Ah, our manager's wife, and, ah, we're bringing the rent over and, ah, she is really ugly, ah, she's one of those kind, ah, when she starts talking she won't shut up, and, ah, we're, ah, giving her the rent and she wrote out a receipt and, ah, ah, she was giving us some static about the other dog, we've got two dogs. And, ah, we said that we're going to have one sent home at Christmas time and she has only got two weeks to put up with it. And, ah, everybody else has got a dog, in fact, she's got two dogs so she can't say anything. And, ah, she's ranting and raving about how her poor little babies how 162 they're sick and all,hhow she spent a small fortune taking them to the vet and, ah, all I'm trying to do is to think of some fast way to get out of there gracefully so we won't get her all upset for no good reason and, ah, (?) all these cute little predicaments that she is, ab, really (?) ah- (delay) E_How are you doing? S_Um, I'm a little bit upset because I, she gave us some static about the extra dog, kinda burns me up, she's an old busybody, really pissed at her. She hasn't really got that much of a business and, ah, we're not allowed any dogs, we shouldn't be allowed any dogs, if you're going to have pets-—what difference does one or two make because we've got a double sized apartment anyway. ‘§_What are you seeing? S Just pushed her in the river (laugh). .E Can you describe that in greater detail? ‘S Yeah, ah, she was yakking away and I just walked up to her and like the back of the apartment was about, ah, it was about, ah, there is a bank oh, about ten feet wide from the apartment wall to the Red Cedar River, it's about 4 feet up from the surface of the river and she has her dog staked out in back. And, ah, (yawns) she's standing there and I walked up and grabbed her around the neck and shoved her in, watched her scream and rant and rave and, you know swung around as she goes floating down the river. E_What's happening? S_Just hear everybody else in the apartment building, yeah, yeah, cheering me on and applauding the act, I don't think anybody in the whole place likes her. (delay) - (pause) Oh, wow, what I'm thinking about now is, ah we gotta get some groceries tonight and I don't particularly feel like putting up with all the extra aggravation of going shOpping. Se could either go out to Meijer's or the K—Mart or across the street to the A & P. It just seems like there is miles and miles of aisles you've got to push that damn cart through. ‘E What are you seeing? §_It's like, it's like, 163 ah, like you're lost in, feel like you're a rat trapped in that, in one of those mazes, ah, where everything, all the walls of the maze are grocery shelves. And they take you down and calmly plunk you down at one end and you've got to shove the cart through all those little corridors to get to the other end so you can get all your food and check it out and spend a small . fortune and half the time you buy junk you don't really need anyway. Um. E_Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? §_Um, I don't know, eh, ah, the only time I really dance is like at a party, in crowds and, ah, I don't really, it would probably be, ah, a pretty fast dance, most of the time, if I really like the girl, or someone I really enjoy being with, ah. I might, ah, slow dance with her, or if it is someone I just met for the first time and I'm trying to feel her (?) slow dancing with her. Because of it's the best way in the world that I can think to feel somebody up. E_What's happening? § Um, she's not really much to feel up- laughs. E_Not much in what way? 'g Ah, we're dancing pretty close together and, ahm, - well, for one thing she is a lot shorter than I am and I ahm, really don't like, ah, ahm, bending over the dance with somebody, cause you've got to squat down and, ah, if I'm uncomfortable you can't really enjoy yourself when, you know, you're contorted out of position. And, ah, she's a nice enough girl but, ah, I got the impression I should have picked up her roommate and not her. E What are you seeing? S_Um, oh afterwards, we went home and, ah, talk— ing to my roommate and he said, ah, "Boy, you were dancing pretty close to her." I said, "Yeah, but it didn't do me any good because she was so damn small I couldn't feel her, couldn't feel any tits or nothing." And so I finally went off to (?) and got a beer and went to bed. (silence) 164 E_What are you seeing? S_Ahm, it'skinda hard to describe it's no real image but it's, ah, it's like, ah, like I'm watching some form of light show on my eyelids. It's like all these geometric shapes, it's like ahm, um, you know, those little tumbler things you turn and the pebbles give you patterns, it's like only it's two sided and I've got opp— you know complimentary picture on each side and I've got one in each eye. E_Please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. S_Um, she, ah, - ahm, we're, ah, it's real late at night and we are coming back from a concert and we stopped off at a friend's place and, ah, (yawns) we're, ah, dancing and, ah, it's, ah, real fast dance and, ah, after about 3 dances we're both pooped. And so we go out in the hall and some friends are out there and we sit out there and talk to them for awhile. We all go back in and start to dance again, and, ah, this girl is lot taller and so, ah, she's ah easier to dance with and, ahm, we're, oh yeah, you know those love bead things that everybody was wearing well, we've got, ah, we've each got one on and so, ah, we hook um together and dance with, ah, with, ah, love beads hooked together like that and, ah, everybody thinks that is real cool. .E How are you doing? §_Ah, having a good time, but, ah, it's a lot of fun it's something you know we're doing for the pure hell of doing it and, ah, it's we're getting a little bit drunk and, ah. .E_Can you describe that in greater detail? ‘S Oh, like, ah, you don't feel so self—conscious like normally neither one of us would have done something like that, you know, it's the kind of thing that everybody sits around and looks at you and says that's really cool and most of the time we wouldn't do that because people would look at us. But we're just drunk enough that w5 don't give too much of a damn what 165 other peOpIe think right at the moment. We might think about it the next morning but right then we really don't care too much. (laugh) E_What's happening? S_Um, nothing really, ah, we're, ah, we're went back outside got in the hall and, ah, passed a bottle around for a little while (yawns) and, ah, we're six of us and - .E Are you describing what you're seeing in your mind's eyes? S_Uh huh, there are, there's me and my date, and a friend and his date and two kids we picked up we don't know yet for sure where, there's a guy from on one side of us and there's a girl on the other side of us, and we just assume that they came from the party and we're passing around a combination of, ah, it's red Ripple and half red Ripple and half something else, it really sounds horrible but it didn't taste too bad. And, ah, we're doing that and smoking cigarettes and just talking for about, like 45 minutes. And, ah, our friends are on the opposite side of the room, it's about 3 o'clock and we might as well go home, and, ah, so we got our coats and say goodbye to the host and wish him a happy birthday and, ah, drag her down the hall. Not really but it's the best way to describe it and , ah, went and got my car and, ah, ahm, took her back to her dorm and, ah, ah, we walked up to the, she lived on the 3rd floor, so we walked to the 3rd floor and, ah, ah, I kissed a little bit and I said goodnight and then went home and went to bed. With a slight headache. E_Ok, you can Open your eyes now. Condition I §_(Clears throat) Ah, - huh, ah, I don't know, I kinda got that sausage feeling again. [E_What sausage feeling again? ‘g That, what I told you before about that sausage feeling, you know, a feeling of fatness, you knows l§_Can you describe that- g Especially in my arms, my arms and, ah, forearms and my (I don't know?) I guess my tongue and my mouth area (this sensation happened when I had asked him to dream under hypnosis during our first, non-experimental, session wherein it was determined V how susceptible to hypnosis he was and whether he met the criteria to be accepted as an experimental subject. Besides a feeling of lsrgeness he also described it as a feeling of thickness, of being blown up-- enlarged, increased dimensions of rooms especially doorways, becoming "fat.") And I have a feeling I'm facing the Administration Building, for some reason. .g Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Hhst, facing the Administration Building or the fatness? ‘E The fatness. S I don't know, it just seems like, I can't make out any distinct shape, um, it seems like, ah, I don't know, like a big balloon that you might have in a parade, you know, that has, everything is just, like the Tiger's leg might be, big and fat and they blow it up and it just kind of you 1 know, ah, sponges out almost. Its big and it's round. I'm starting to think about Freud again. §1Think about Freud in what way? ‘§'I don't know all the implications. I don't know, I don't know that much about it but- ‘§_tht are you seeing? '§_Um, nothing real (distinct?), you know. I keep on seeing that lady in Student Services Building, she was looking at a map. I helped her then. 1§_tht was that? ‘§_There was a lady a couple of weeks ago, ah, that was looking for Baker Hall and, ab, 166 167 she was near the Student Services Building near the entrance, (for?) campus and I directed her, how to get there. (delay) ‘§_What's happening? ‘§_Ah, it's a little to explain how to get there, besides,yyou know, I'm new on the campus anyway, I just told her the way I thought she could get there. She thanked me, you know, I went one way and I don't know where she went. I don't know if she was driving or what. That was my good deed for the day. .E What was that? '§ That was kind of my good deed for the day. §_You know, I, you know you get, you know after. after you do something good, you know, you get just kind of a generally good feeling, and you know I felt like I did my good thing, you know. That's the way I always feel. Just finding out, you know when a little kid, you see a little kid and he's troubled or something, you know find out what's troubling him and maybe helping him. (pause) How are you doing? .S Fine. (delay) (laugh or snickering) That sausage feeling is starting to go away. .E What are you seeing? .S Um, nothing in particular. (silence) Kinda like I'll think about one thing and then skip to another. Never really get into any one of those little thoughts. .2 Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and then describe to me? §.Ok. There's, ah, Vince's record rack. ‘§_What was that? S Ah, the kid across the hall has a round record rack. He has a bunch of records in it. ‘§_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Um, it's got, ah, wood grain formica top and it's about 3 feet in diameter and about a foot off the ground or so, got a bunch of records in it, (delay) from last night's party. l§_What are you seeing? ‘§_Sat around and smoked all evening (laughs). .E How are you doing? ‘§_What, last night or now? ‘§_Now. ‘§_I don't know, ok I guess. My feet are, ah, I guess my feet are, ah, I guess my feet are a little bit cold. That': 168 probably because they're ripped. .E What was that? _g It's probably because this shoe is ripped, my left shoe is ripped. (delay) (sigh) ‘§_What's happening? .§ Um, I'm still walking toward (Mason, so I ignore? point of information?????) dorm. I coming back from my, I think it's my advertising class. I'm walking in front of the Student Services Building (GSR has been activated ever since I asked, "How are you doing?") ‘g What are you seeing? S You fixing the tape recorder (laughs). I kind of like to visualize everything that's-~my eyes are closed now but I think I could point to anything in the room and you know, Open my eyes and find out that it's accurate. You know, like I am pointing at where you're sitting and the micrOphone or, cause I saw that before and my left and right shoe and you know, just stuff like that. (sighs) E_What's happening? ‘§_Um, right now I'm just kinda looking around the room (laughs) with my eyes closed. That dream, or that, that story, I don't know why I'm not focusinsa on that- ‘E What was that? S_I'm not focusing on that dream. .§_Not focusing on it in what way? ‘§_Ahm, not thinking about it. I don't know, I suppose I could think about it if you wanted me to. Like I know where she got on the bus, and I can visualize, you know, where the bus stopped and, and how we got on. But I don't know where, I don't know how we got to her apartment. You know I can't visualize any certain apartment. It just, you know, never, happened before (laugh). ‘§_What was that? §_It never happened before, so I don't know if I can, you know, place myself in that situation. lg That never happened in what way? ‘§_Well, I mean, you know, I never, ah, tried to hussle an older lady, ah. I may have helped them, you know, that might have something but, ah, ah, I never (laughs) I never did get invited to you know, anybody's apartment, you know, for that, in that 169 context. .§_What are you seeing? ‘§_Mrs. Lyman (laughs) 'E You're laughing. §_Yeah, ah, she's, ah, she was my tutor, for a statistics course at JC. I was really having problems with it. Like she was older, she was probably my mom's age, you know, well she was probably in her late 40's. She is the mother of one of my fraternity brothers. Typical Jewish mother. She's working on her master's degree, here at State, but you know she commutes in the summer and takes courses extension courses. I used to go over there all of the time and like Thanksgiving I went over there and or Thanksgiving night, ah, ostensibly to see Jeff, but, ah, you know, it was probably more to see her, cause I don't know, she's more interesting (laughs) than my mother. l§_Interesting in what way? ‘§_Oh, I don't know, she's, she's more willing to rap and she's, like my mon is kind of an information seeking type mother and she, every- thing's, sorta like the (???) output and input, you know, like, ah, I don't know it's just kinda boring at home and with, ah, like with my ma, she's you know, "How was school today and glad to hear it," ah. how she feels, ah, "What are you going to do tonight," you know stuff like that, but I go over to Lyman's and you know we'll talk about Kent State and, ah, school and her family and my sister, cause she knows my sister, she's getting married, an, ah, I don't know she's just generally more interesting over there. I've often thought about a Mrs. Robinson type of, ah, things happening. ‘§_In what way? ‘§_Oh, I don't know there, like one time she had a, ah, surgery done on her mouth and, ah, she was, like really, down, she's was, ah, taking pills and she was, you know, generally miserable and, ah, I went over there and, ah, again you know to see Jeff cause you know, their house is sorta like the hang out for the fraternity, they got a nice house in East Grand Rapids, a rich 170 suburb and, ah, swimming pool and everything and I went over to see her and she was upstairs in bed and she was, you know, fully dressed and everything, and everything was, you know, very much above board, but I just felt, oh, I had, I almost had to suppress a smile at the thought of being in an older woman's boudoir or whatever. ‘g What are you seeing? S_Well she's sitting there in bed and she had a box of kleenex and a bunch of pills and, ah, we were watching the TV or she was watching her TV, up there, and, ah, Mr. Lyman never seemed to mind or I never got any bad signals from Simon, Simon Lyman her husband. .§_How are you doing? S_Ahm, fine, I guess. You know I'm (laughs) I'll go on talking as long as you want me to. .2 Wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them to me. ‘S (sighs) All right. I don't know, we spent long long nights at the dining table, at her place, working at my statistics. I'd go over there at 7, 7:30aat night and sometimes I wouldn't get out of there before, oh, 12 or 1 o'clock in the morning. ‘E What are you seeing? ‘§_0h, a lot of kids used to stop over a lot of time (???) would come (???) certain kids that we know, you know, would come in and just kind of a general gathering place and we were trying to do our work, you know, in, ah, the dining room. She really helped me quite a bit, I guess, she's going into counseling, she knows a lot about the psychological statistics and stuff like that. E What's happening? §_0h, she won't let me go sometimes, ah, you know like I'll be you know, we'll be working on the project, or the assign- ment, the problems and, ah, you know, then I'll say okay, I think I've got it or if you're tired and I got there maybe about 7:30 and would want to leave, oh, about 10 o'clock you know, maybe go out, go to Big Boys or another hangout, you know, where other kids are, or watch TV, she'll 171 ' say no, no, come on, you have to stick to your assignment, she's almost getting like my mother sometimes. So I stapped going over there for awhile. ‘§_What are you seeing? §_(sighs) Oh, I don't know, swimming pool, I just got generally looking around at the Lyman's house. Look— ing aroun~ our house. E_What's happening? § Um, I just got a ticket (laughs) One night we went over there with, ah, my mom and my sister, ah, well my sister knows Mrs. Lyman cause she's a counselor at the school, my sister's a phys ed teacher and, ab, a phys ed teacher and a counselor at a school are usually quite a bit closer to each other because of their nature, you know, you know both of assignments and, ah, their jobs. My sister was going to get married last winter, last September 27th and we went over there, oh, about, ah, a few weeks before the wedding and then we were going to see their apartment and, ah, they were talking there for a while and, ah, I couldn't use the car for some reason, I forget- ‘g What are you seeing? .§.°h’ I just got pulled over (laughs) It's the first time I've had the car on my own, for you know, quite a while and I actualy run, well I didn't run a red light, I just didn't come to a complete stop and at a blinking red light. There was a cop right there. Later on I found out it was the cop that shot a green beret by mistake, at a road block and it got cancelled, my insurance got cancelled, all hell broke loose in the house for a while. ‘g What are you seeing? § Um, insurance forms I had to fill in, fill out and everything, I don't know my dad said I might be able to get back on the policy. Cause like now, according to our Tripple A insurance policy, I can't drive any car that's in my dad's name, but I can drive like my sister's car, and I had to drive uninsured this summer for a while. I drove, I drove real safe all the time. ‘§_How are you doing? .§ (sighs) 172 Fine I guess, just keep talking I guess. ‘§_Just relax and wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them for me. .§ (sighs) Tape will probably (laugh), ah, if this tape ever got in the wrong hands, ah, I'll probably go back tonight and probably start smoking cause it's going to be the last time for a long time with exams coming up. Probably go down to Don's room. ‘§_What are you seeing? ‘§ Ah, sitting around in John's room like, most Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. Like I'll roll one and he'll roll one and his other roommate will roll one and just get generally fucked over (laughs), and messed up (????). ‘§_Fucked over in what way? ‘§_Stoned (?), you know, just keep on going. You know, like instead of drinking, like it used to be back when I was a freshman in college, you know. It was a big thing, Friday and Saturday nights, you know, and Wednesday night top when we had a fraternity meeting. Afterwards we'd go out and get drunk and some— times I'd really get polluted, and, ah, really get sick (laughs) so I just think, you know, smoking's got it all over, you know, booze. E_What are you seeing? '§ Oh, drinking beer and wine, now I'm drinking beer, up in, ah, in my room. We've left John's room and, ah, like I will just have an occasional beer instead of p0p, you know, I don't go for the hard stuff except for you know, a well mixed, mixed drink sometimes, like a whiskey sour. [g What's happening? ‘§ (Me too?) E_What was that? l§_Ah, we used to mix, mix the drinks, ah, mixer in our house, my sister is always taking whiskey sours, I mean not always but you know, that's her general drink. .g What are you seeing? §'Oh, Blaine is there, her fiancee, and, ah, my sister and, ah, my dad is pro- bably out reading the newspaper or sleeping or watching TV, not really 173 doing any df both, or any of either, he never really, ah, just judging him from his overall actions, he never really reads the paper. I don't know, he probably feels like me, he never watches TV~ ‘§_Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? S_Yeah. He's sitting in his, his big easy chair, his feet up on the ottaman, watching TV and, well, Blaine and I will be discussing something. ‘g I notice you rubbed your eye. § Yeah, oh, I think it's caked from sweat, you know, it seemed to, ah, cake up a little bit, you know. I don't know what they call it but, ah, my eyes were watering and it dried and kind of caked. '§_What are you seeing? §_(sighs) Ah, I, ah, Kent State, I don't know I got fixation on Kent State, my (dad?), ah, we were watching Huntley Brinkley (sighs), ah, day after Kent State and, ah- ‘§_Are you describing what is in your mind's eye? § Yeah, we're, now I'm sitting in my dad's chair, which is I mean it's not necessarily his chair, it just seems that way, you know, it's it's always been dad's chair, other people sit in it, but we were watching the news, ah, one of the girls that was killed at Kent State, her father was on and wow, I've never seen a guy really break up that much but it was his daughter, you know, beautiful daughter, you know, peaceful and everything and she got killed, she was gunned down. E_What are you seeing? S_And after that I don't know, I almost started to cry then, it was probably the last time I ever came the closest to crying, seeing that father and how fucked-up the whole country was and— §_What are you seeing? S_Just seeing it come out in his, come out on the TV screen. The way he was so messed up and then after all that my mom or my dad got up, it was either my mon or my dad and said, "Does any body want to watch the weather?!°'.and'fi‘fiartcad to change the-channel. And I thought no shit, I don't believe this family, something like that 174 happens and they want to watch the weather report. So now my dad officially has the theme song, Simon and Garfunkel's "The Only Living Boy in New York City," cause one of the lines is, "I get all the news I need on the weather report." I thought wow, that's my dad. E_What are you seeing? S_Ah, (sighs). .§_How are you doing? .S Okay, feels great to talk like this cause (laugh) I don't know it just, it's not too often that you can sit down and, you know, just talk, you know, talk about all sorts of things that are on your mind, and not bore the person. I don't know, maybe I'm boring you, but— ‘g Well, can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them for me? .g (sighs) Um, I'm still in that general area of Student Services Building. ‘§_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Yeah, I'm facing, I think it's the Family Science Learning Center or something, across the street from the Student Services, that's over to my right and there's some words on the, further to the right of that, the play ground is chained in and over to my left is, ah, I don't know there is a metal fence like and yeah, I think there's a metal fence there. And one entrance is over to the far left at about, ah, oh, ten o'clock to me and then the main entrance at about, oh, probably about 11 o'clock, you know, just over a little to the left, toward the top, toward the center more. A couple of kids are going in there, ah, there's cars parked out front. Then the bulletin board, the map that the lady was looking at was, ah, in back of me. l§_What's happening? ‘§_Ah (sighs) I don't know, I just waiting for that damn intersection to clear. Probably one of the most dangerous intersections on the campus, trying to jay walk, I suppose I really shouldn't do it to begin with (delay). I remember the march, I went down, ah, October Blst, myself and my friends went down to Detroit 175 to, ah, march in, ah, protest march, sponsored by, ah, active student mobilization committee, SMC, and it's the first one for both of us. It's like Dick Kuntz, Dick Kuntz and I are, we hung around in high school er, college together, we were fraternity brothers and every weekend it seemed like, you know, there was Kuntz and I and somebody else, you know, Dick Peters, another kid, doing something. Then we ended up going, first time we went on a protest rally, Kennedy Square march down Woodward Street. E_What are you seeing? S_Ah, it's kind of a lousy street, you know, it's, ah, starts out near Wayne State, the Librarians for peace joined us, and we kept on walking and, ah, down Woodward through kind of a run down business section like, then into, ah, then into this downtown Kennedy Square, and listened to, ah, couple of speakers there. There's dumb little kid sitting along, well, he's not little, he's probably about, oh, high school age. .§_Dumb in what way? § Ah, he's, I, I don't like the, I'm not particularly a smash the establishment type of person and anyway, ah, these two people at the podium and, ah, this little, well this kid, I keep on calling him a little kid, sitting there talking big I — like you know. He's, ah, wearing a blue jeans and a blue jean & jacket and while the pe0ple are singing he, ah, screamed out, or not screamed out, eyelled out, once in a while,"it's time to stop singing and time to start swinging." I thought, what a dumb kid, like you know he's really going to accom- plish a lot, a bunch of little high school kids getting clubbed by the cops you know. .g What are you seeing? §_(sighs) ah, - nothing really I suppose I could stay in Kennedy Square for a while. .g How are you doing? l§_Oh, I'm just generally relaxed and, you know, willing to go on (laughs) talk for ever. I think maybe .I could. I remember I always 176 used to be kidded about that when I was little, my mom said I wanted to be a priest so that I could give long sermons. I don't know, there are times now that I just, ah, I get to feeling I'm talking too much and when I talk I get myself in trouble, you know, just by saying things that weren't well thought out. ‘g Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them to me? .§ (sighs) Um, oh (???) g What happened? ‘§_Hah, you'd better burn up the tape on this episode but, ah, ah, this one girl I hadn't seen in a long time ahm, it had been in, I hadn't seen her in like what, 6 or 7 years. So finally we went, so finally I went and saw her and, ah, and we were just having a coke and another time I went back and we ended up going to Dominoes and then went back to her, ah, dorm, and, ah, which is Landing (?). We went out and ah- ‘g Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? S_Well, I, ah, started, I had a picture of what we were doing but then I thought I had better explain- ‘§_Can you describe 532g in greater detail? S_Yeah, it was a sun porch right across the hall and right across the street from the President's house, President Wharton, and ah, we were really getting into it there about, I don't know, 12 or 1 o'clock at night. Ah. if she hadn't been 0 T R I would have been, would have gotten, ah, (laughs) would have gotten my first Michigan State fuck. (It would have been fun??) Ahm, the general fooling around you know, went on, I don't know I think that she's a little bit, ah, I don't know, I think she's a little bit, ah, common. .§_A little bit what? S_Ahm, she's just a little bit too, ah, I don't know, experienced I guess, she's been engaged twice before, she wants to, ah, just to have, you know, a little fun, you know, and so do I but, ah, ah, I can't do anything cause she was on the, you know, do anything 177 cause she was on the, you know, do anything good cause she was on the rag, so, she ended up doing it to me. ‘E Doing it in what way? .§_Hah, (sighs) ah, you know, she was almost the, she was the aggressor, you know, unzipping and the whole bit. [E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_(pause) Ah, (laugh) I don't know, it's, a, it's a little embarrassing, you know. .E How are you doing? S_(???embarrassing, embarrassing???) I don't know, good I guess. Condition II E_Now I'd like you te get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. ‘§ That older woman? ‘5. 0k. ‘§_Uh huh. (delay) E_What's.happening? §_(sighs) I don't know. I'm just a little (delay) 'g What was that? ‘S Just a little bit uncomfortable, you know, being there with her. .g Uncomfortable in what way? .§.I don't know, I just, ah, first of all she's not my type (laugh). Cause she is older, ah, she just seems a little bit, ah, more mature and more responsible, I'm just kind of, ah, you know, college kid, you know, (laughs) and don't know what I'm doing or- ‘§_What are you seeing? S Oh, her apartment and some of the furnishings, it's not, you know, real elaborate exclusive- or, ahm, furnishings but it's just kind of a general, I don't know, East Lansing type of apartment. It's not a complex, ah, she's got a green couch and, oh, a chair and an end table. (Laughing) Vince's record rack is there. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? .g (delay) The record rack? 'E Whatever is in your mind's eye. S_I don't know, then there's another room, I'm kinda like describing it from standing against the doorway, you know, and looking around. And, ah, let's see. I don't know there seems to be another room over off to the right, or just 178 a continuation of, it's a long room. Then there's a dining room and, ah, she's fixing the drinks in there. And or else she's getting something out of her purse, but anyway she's in there, you know, not in this room. E_Howare you doing? §_(sighs) I don't know I feel really relaxed. (delay) (silence) ‘E What's happening? .S I don't know, just generally enjoying being this relaxed, it's been a long time. (delay) Kind of like to, ah, there are times when my roommate, you know, he'll be talking and, ah, I'll be trying to go to sleep and I'll just be, ah, all the lights are out in the room, this was back when we still had our beds bunked you know, his bunk was above mine, and I'd just close my eyes and talk to him, that's what it feels like now. ‘§_What are you seeing? .§ Isighs) Fortrans back, ah, Dave Mason, my roommate, I just kind of nicknamed him Fortran, computer science major, ah, he's, ah, he's studying as usual and I'm, I'm, my advertising book is on the floor, I've stopped reading that and I never finish reading it, I stopped reading, and, ah, ah, I ah, just going to sleep. Starting to relax, closed my eyes. (silence) E_What's happening? S_We're sitting in lecture with Dr. Gullahorn. She's lec- turing us, psychology, I don't know what the lecture is about yet. (delay) (sighs) She's got two kids, I think. Ah, she seems like, ah, I don't know she, ah, I don't know, not necessarily physically attractive but, ah, ahhh, just sort of, you know, fun- like I never miss one of her lectures, you know, she's really interesting. [g What are you seeing? ‘§ Oh, I don't know, she's down there talking to us, (???) ‘§_What was that? §_She's just down- yeah, she's, ah, the lecture hall across the hall, lll, she's ah, I always set about 2/3 the way up, right in the middle so I could hear it out of both speakers and get a good view of the screen and every- thing. It, it was an, in, interesting class. E_How are you doing? 179 §_(sighs) Fine, ah, — ‘g What was that? S_Things can come and go. ‘§_Come and go in what way? .§_I don't know, ideas, you know, pictures. E_Can you describe tha£_in more detail? S_I don't know, like I'll be, like I can be lying here, and I don't know, concentrate on the, the blackness or the lightness, whatever it is, or else I'll be ah, you know, other pictures will be crossing through my mind. {E_Can you describe those in greater detail? S_Um, I, hah, I keep on referring back to that, that location. Near Student Services Building. That's probably because I pass it so many times. And, ah, - .§_What are you seeing? .S Um, just the same old scene I guess, if I want to stay there. Getting, now it's getting almost boring. You know, looking around, seems like I've been, I don't know, I've been there before, you know, I've already taken it all in, you know, and it's not that interesting the second time around You know, I just know that it's there. I guess I could be walking back to the dorm. .§_What was that? .S I could be walking back to the dorm. Q Can you, ah, just - wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them for me. .§ (silence) ‘§_What's happening? _§,I don't know, just my whole mind is just blank, huh. You know like it is waiting for something to be pushed into it, you know, to give it something to do. E_How are you doing? .§ Fine, I feel great. My hand is a little bit sweaty. My left hand. Probably because it's been on the plastic. (???) _Ig What was that? §_MY hand, my left hand is a little bit sweaty and I imagine my right hand would be too if I could lift it up. (silence) E What are you seeing? S_Nothing in particular, I'm just kinda rolling off my left hand. (sighs) (laughs) I'd really be scared if that girl came in. ‘§_What was that? ‘S I, I don't know what I'd do if that, that girl came in, that woman came in. Right.now, I (??) just kinda, as soon 180 as you said something about that woman coming in, boy (laughs) I don't know what I'd do if she came in. ‘g You don't know what you'd do in what way? §_I don't know (laughs), how I, you know, react. I don't know I might seem- I, I might, inside I might feel a little bit embarrassed er, er, ah, - I don't know anxious to, to do the right thing, you know. But on the outside, I'd jsut, you know, I don't think I'm, I would show anything, on the outside. I mean, you know, any outward manifes, manifestations of the anxiety or whatever. ‘§_What are you seeing? .S I'm just trying to picture, what would happen (laugh) if she would come in, everything is just kinda like stOp action rightmnow. .E How are you doing? .S (sighs) Fine. (sighs) I guess, real fine. (silence) ‘§_What's happening? ‘§_(half laugh) Starting to visualize a cartoon caption, and What's happening, is one cartoon I saw. (laughs) In one office like there's ah, there's an office and then through the window you can see across the street into another office building, and they're both psychiatrists' offices (laugh) and one, one guy is, in the first office he is lying down and he's saying something and then, his psychiatrist isn't paying any attention to him, he's looking out the, into, ah, the office across the street, and they're doing something over there, I forget, it was in Playboy. '§_What are you seeing? ‘g Try- ing to visualize, it's kind of a challenge to visualize what, trying to remember what they're, what's going on over there. E_How are you doing? S_Fine, I wish I could remember though, what it was. (silence) The guy in the first office is, ah, he's kinda like got like a clenched fist, you know, he says, well, in the cartoon he says, the right hand which I'm not going to (laughs) move, the right hand is, ah, clenched and he seems like he's fiercely saying something, but the psychiatrist isn't paying 181 any attention to him, he's looking at the other office. I can remember it was in the October issue, 1959, of Playbo , that helps (laughs) if you ever want to look it up. .§_Now’would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman? §_Uh huh. '§_What's happening? S_Um, ah, ah, I went over and sat down finally, after standing at‘the doorway taking in the whole scene. She's in the other, room, right across from the front door. She's got some potato chips or some ah, snack, ah, pretzels adn nuts and things, wheat chex in it (laugh). She's bringing those out and ah, some drinks setting them down and I don't know if she's sitting down next to me or the green couch to the left of me. It doesn't, it doesn't seem though that like either one of us have any intentions but I e? have this feeling that, you know, that uncomfortable feeling that, you know, being in the presence of an older woman, in the context that you put it. ‘§_Uncomfortable in what way? §.I don't know, ah, ah, well like if she is married you know, you know, like you said, undoubtedly she's got you know, with 5 kids, super undoubtedly she's got a lot of experience, but, ah, (laughs) I, like my mom. .§_What was that? .§ Like my mom, my mom's got 5 kids. She£s had a hysterectomy so “ and being good Catholic parents I don't know if they, you know, still continue on with what they were doing as normally or according to the Church, they're not supposed to, but, I kind of wonder sometimes (laughs) if my dad doesn't get a little bit horny (laughs). E_How are you doing? §_(delay) Fine. Except we, we're just sitting there. Seems to be kind of a dangling con- versation. [E_Dangling in what way? S_I don't know, you know, like you know, small talk, and then you just kind of get at a loss for words, you know. Kind of like a bummer of a date. You know, you just, ah, ah, sittin: 182 in the car or sitting in the restaurant or getting something to eat and ah, I'm just at a loss for words, sometimes (laughs). Kinda unusual for me, but, you know, like you want to say the right thing and, ah, you're kind of like, very anxious to please, you know, to say the right thing, so that you won't get on a boring tapic or something, you know, like (Ellen??) ‘§_What was that? ‘§_A girl I used, I went out with a couple times, she was a friend of the family's and like, I don't know, I'm just kinda both of us hate to talk about, you know, each other's family, it's kind of a trite thing, you know, like we both know that, you know, our families are friends, but you know we don't want to talk about that and there's a lack of other things to talk about. ‘§_What are you seeing? ‘§_Um, (laughs) her mother's nuts too, I mean her mother is crazy. We used to go over there, we'd sit, like I'd be full of booze, we'd sit and, ah, we'd just listen to this (???) by good old Marge, she'd just talk and laugh and everything, she, kinda a fun place to be. (pause) (sighs) ‘E What's happening? ‘§_(delay) Um, .E Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? §_Oh, I don't know, I've never, I've never danced alone in an apartment with a, sh, you know, with alone with anybody, for that matter, I don't know if I could actually visualize that. ‘§_How are you doing? ‘§_Fine, my stomach is quitch, twitching right here though. A little bit. I don't know if it's because I just ate or what. I§_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_(laughs) (sighs) NO: I JUSC: you know, ah, it stOpped now. It was twitching like when they took my appendix out, they took my, I had my appendix out when I was a senior in high school, and when the doctor removed the stitches, a couple of days afterwards, my stomach just kinda twitched unendingly for about 2 minutes and there was wide 183 fluctuation here, just up and down, up and down, like I had no control over it, I couldn't stOp it, it, you know, just quivering away, you know, really big quivers. That's what it felt like, just then. (sigh) It feels good to breathe out. §Feels good in what way? _S_ I don't know, it likes, you know, you fill your chest all the way up and you completely empty yourself or everything. (silence) _§_What are you seeing? § (pause) Um, nothing really. Ah, every once, you know, it just seems like, not focusing on anything but just, ah, the big white Administration Building, you know, right over there, (big deal?) (delay) I kinda worried (laughs) about some of these pictures I'm seeing, you know, what you and your mind as a clinical psychologist, you know, if you attach all sorts of Freudian goody things to it you know, if the administration is the power (face?) and I don't know, all such other things E_What are you seeing? E_What are you seeing? §_(delay) Nothing, really, nothing. Concrete. E_What- how are you doing? §_(sighs) Pine. (delay) The thing, I feel so great, it doesn't seem like I'm, you know, I (??) am I hypnotized now or do I just normally feel this great? ‘E Ah, great in what way? .S Oh, I just feel great, you know, like super relaxed and I don't know, I kind of enjoy talking. As evidenced by me. ‘§_What are you seeing? S_Ah, I, I can see, well, I don't actually see anything, I just remembered, you know, like I'll get a flash right then of a, incident and you know it will just stay a little bit longer than anything else. Like right now I'm looking at a Church on Burton Street, where I used to work when, ah, I was the night janitor for a bar, and, ah, er bar and restaurant, and, ah, one night I ripped off a, I stole, ah, a fifth of gin or something, and I was carrying it home, and I was coming home about 2 or 3 o'clock in the mroning, on a Mon, 184 yeah, a Monday, morning, it was a Sunday night, Monday morning, and, ah, we're just walked along, walking home, I'm walking with my little brother, he's two years younger than me and, ah, and you know, I figured I would just bring it home and everyone would be in bed and I'd bring it upstairs and hide it someplace because we were going to go to, a bunch of friends were going to go to the beach, and just out of nowhere my folks pull up, you know, along the street, ah, we're walking on the sidewalk and they had just gotten back from the beach and wanted to give us a ride, and here I, here is Steve, a junior in high school. He's going into his senior year, he's got a fifth of liquor that he ripped off of a bar, whew, and like I didn't know what to do so I ran up, ran up to this church, you know, because it was, I'd take it around, and, ah, and wow, was I, I just felt like man like I'd just got caught doing the worst thing in the world and there were.my folks and I didn't know what to do with this thing, you know, they see that I have it, I think that they see that I have it, so I ran around, ah, ran up the bank, ah, and hid it behind some bushes and I came back without the package that I was carrying, stupid thing to do and my dad noticed it so, I don't know he got up and said what did you go in the bushes for, and I, and I, well I had no excuse prepared or anything so my dad went up and investigated why I went up there, he found the fifth of liquor and made me bring it back, he knew the owner of the bar too, of the restaurant. [E_What are you seeing? S_Then they wanted me to go to a shrink, they thought, you know, besides other little, little naughty things like typical adolescent things, ah, I mean after I ripped that up, after the bar, you know, they thought that was super terfible, so, it started, ah, they thought I should go see, ah - ‘§_What are you seeing? ‘S (sighs) Ah, I see, I remember 185 the scene where I was upstairs in my bedroom and, ah, then my mom came in and told me that they had decided that I didn't have to go, or I wouldn't have to go to one anyway. .§_I notice you were rubbing your eyes. .§ (sighs) I don't know, I think it's that, they felt uncomfortable for a change. ‘§_What are you seeing? ‘§_(delay) I think I've run out of things to see. Q What was that? S_I think I've run out of things to see. g Now please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. .§ Uh huh. I'm not actually dancing with her, I'm just kinda watching myself dancing with her. If that's what you mean. .g Can you describe that in greater detail? ‘S Is that what, is that what you want me to do is, you know, kinda like visualize my dancing with her or actually dancing with her, I mean, like a third party, you know, like I'm a, do you want me to observe it in the sense that I'm a third party watching myself dance with her or do you want me to get involved, where it's like she's right there in my arms. ‘E Uh huh, § Like that? ‘§_Yes. ‘S It's a little bit unbelievable. (laugh) ‘g Unbelievable in what way? ‘§_Ah, just the fact that I'm, you know, here dancing with that woman. I, I just can't (delay) well, it's not that I can't, it's hard to visualize you know, with that woman. E_Whar are you seeing? S_(sighs) (delay) Not much. 4§_How are you doing? ‘§ I'm a little bit uncomfortable with her. lglUncom- fortable in what way? l§_Well like I said, you know, she's if she's old enough to have five kids, you know, ah, it just seems like she's (laughs) pretty well shop worn. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Ahm, (sighs) she's pretty old, you know, for anyone, you know, with 5 kids, and it just seems so unlikely that I would be there, dancing with her. Like I'm not that good of a dancer and, I just don't know the 186 dances that she knows. You know, it's like we're going to different drummers and, ah- ‘§_What's happening? .S I'm wondering (laughing) what the hell I'm doing here. (laughs) Hah. Why I'm not you know, - you know, it just started - It seems rao unbelievable because all I did was you know give her fare, you know, give her bus fare, cause she lost her purse. You know then, how all of a sudden I in her apartment. I don't see her bedroom though. She's got a couch over on the left, and a something over on the right end, maybe a fireplace at the right wall, and a dining room, and maybe a kitchen, I don't see any bedroom. She hasn't made any, it doesn't seem like she's made any you know, notice- able advances, and neither have I. I don't know, I'm a little bit uncom- fortable and I don't think I could, I would know how to handle the situa— tion if I was put into it. .g How are you doing? .S I don't know I feel like I, I just get up and, you know, get ready to leave, you know, thanks a lot lady, but you know, thanks for the drink and the, ah, you know the snack, you know, but all it was, was bus fare, you know, I didn't expect this much. It's uncomfortable enough for me to want to get out of there. .§_What are you seeing? ‘§_(laughs) The guys will never believe it. ‘§_What was that? [S_The guys will never believe it back in the dorm. I'm running like I'm, boy, I don't know where I am, but I know I'm walking back to the dorm. I thought I don't know if I should tell the guys or not, and it's kind of unbelievable, I don't know if they'd believe me. Besides I think I would be a little bit embarrassed to tell them. I§_Embarrassed in what way? S_Ah, I mean you know. I just, I just don't know what they would say, you know, about the fact that, here is Reynolds going into an older woman's appartment, you know, you know, it's just the bus fare, you know. Just because he gave some broad, you 187 know, bus fare, you know, she invites him up to the apartment, her apartment. A little bit unbelievable, ah, I can see all the ribbing I would take. ‘§_What are you seeing? §_Some of the nuts on the first floor, and all the questions they'd be asking me, I don't know it's just kind of embarrassing you know, you just don't do it that often, as a matter of fact, I've never done it so, I don't know maybe I wouldn't be embarrassed. I; How are you doing? _S_ Fine, it's just a little bit embarrassing. (laughs) .§_Can you describe that in greater detail? .g (sighs) I don't know I just, ah, I'm back at the apartment it just seems like she was just, ah, going out of her way, almost suspiciously, going out of her way to, you know, to thank.me. I don't know if she wants more or, you know, it was leading to something or I hate to, you know, think she was lead, you know, I'd hate to do something, you know, with the thought that she had something more in mind, like I'd hate to make a pass at her and find out she is just a nice little old lady that's given me something to eat and drink. Still if we're going to be dancing, I don't know. [E_How are you doing? §_Fine (laughs) when are you going to get tired of asking that question? .§_Ok, you can open your eyes. Condition III .S (delay) .§ What's happening? _S (sighs) Oh boy, ahm, '§_What was that? § (laughs) Just, ah, here we go again, you know. Ah, ah, seems like ah seems like ah I'm near the Student Services Building again, but I'm about a block away and a block way the other side of it, you know, toward the, ah, Berkey, yeah, toward Berkey, I don't know what I'm doing there, (sighs) and ah .g How are you doing? S_Ah, I, I'm right now I'm doing fine, but, I, I don't know, that phrase (laughs) "How are you doing" now all of a sudden, it has a meaning to it. .E'A meaning in what way? .S It seems like a long time ago you told me that, that would mean something, and that, I would respond in a certain way, when you asked me how I was doing. Not, not just a little while ago when you talked about it, but, ah, before, you know when you first started hypnotizing me, seemed like, I don't know, maybe, ten minutes into, you know, the trance or the session. Seems like you said that, when you asked me how I was doing, and I would react in some way, but again I forget. ‘§_What's happening? .S Trying to visualize the situation, what you told me that, ah, "How, How are you doing," you know, the question, would have, would have a certain bearing, I forget what it is. Then I remember about that, that ah, about the apartment and every- thing and thealady, and Vince's record rack. ‘§_What are you seeing? §_(sigh) Just the same old, the same old location. .g Can you describe that in greater detail? § Whew, I'd just be repe- peating what I said before. With the green couch and I'm sitting down at the chair, there's an end table and another chair, I'm there, it was Vince's record rack sit- ting right there in the middle, almost as if it were a table but onlyait's a record rack, a big one. Circular thing, and then, ah, then she's in her dining room, you know, getting something out of her purse or getting something to drink, or something to eat, I think she was getting a drink, getting a drink or something to eat, and then on the right end of her apartment I just can't visualize anything down there except a fireplace. I think it's a white fireplace, kind of a dingy, oh almost ivory colored, white ivory colored fireplace at the other end, and, ah, (delay) (sighs) that's about it, that's about it at her place. .§_How are you doing? S_(sighs) That question bothers me. I don't know, it seems like 1 should 189 remember something about it. .§_I notice you are rubbing your eyes. S_Yeah, okay, I'm rubbing my eyes again (laughs) I guess it's, you know, I don't know, I think that's, I mean, that's a habit I have normally. (sighs) .E What's happening? .§ (delay) Nothing. (silence) Boy it seems like I was talking for an awful - long to time. .§_What are you seeing? § Trying to play back everything. The Administration Building being over there and watching the news, ah, Blaine, mixing 'r= the whiskey sours and I'm just starting to replay everything. It's like an instant replay. (delay) ‘§_What are you doing now, I mean? .E. What was that? ‘§ What are you doing now? l§_Doing in what way? l§_Ah, you seemed a little bit quiet, I didn't hear you writing or adjusting or anything. (sighs) “E How are you doing? §_I'm doing fine but that question is starting to bother me. .§ Bother you in what way? .§ I don't know, it just seems like, "How are you doing," you know it's got something it has another meaning attached to it. Whenever you ask it, you know I don't know, it just seems funny but I know you didn't tell me that it would seem funny. I don't think you told me that. I don't know, in the last session you were supposed to touch your nose and that would be funny, and it seems like‘you've attached that same thing of funnyness to, ah, that term, "How are you doing." I§_How are you doing? S_(laugh— ing) That too. (laughs) It seems, I don't know, it seems like I should be doing something, but you know, I'm just not producing. I feel like a cow that's been, you know, completely expended, you know. ‘§_You feel what? S'I feel like a cow that's, you know, been completely mile milked out, and you know, sorry farmer Jack (laughs) but that's all there is. (sighs) (silence) ‘§_What's happening? S_(laughing, laughing) Oh, I was, I don't know, like just waiting for you to say that, either 190 that, or how are you feeling. (silence) §.I notice you're scratching your belly. §_I just got my hand there, I don't know I can feel the warmth off my hand. I'll put it back to show you that it doesn't really matter (laughing). ‘E What are you seeing? S_(delay) I don't know right now, I'm searching almost out of duty, out of a sense of duty, you know, I can tell you what I'm seeing right now but I don't know if it's worth anything. Well, do you want me to tell you what I'm seeing? E_Uh huh. §_All right, I'm seeing Briscoe dorm, which is a dormitory on Indiana University. Where I've been going during the summer, for, ah, ah, conferences, I went two years as a delegate and then they asked me back for two years as, ah, kind of like a counselor or advisor to the conference, it's a junior achievement, once a year when I was in high school, and, ah, the last two years when I was in college. We go in the summer, you know, for about the last part of August. I was just looking at the dorms over from, let's see from where, well from across the street, the two huge dorms similar to, ah, oh, maybe like Wilson or Wonders, only a little bit bigger than that. They're really (?) tall- Condition IV E_Well now I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eye (S sighs) of yourself and a woman in her apartment. You're nodding your head. S_Yes (laughs), here we go again, Doc. Ah, '§_What was that? S_Here we go again, Doc, you know. Ok, I'm back there. ‘§_What's happening? .§ (delay, sighs) A dangling conversationaagain. You know like we're sitting there, I'm sitting in one chair and she's sitting in another chair, you know, to the right of me, ti to the left of me, and, our drinks I don't know, seems like they're cokes or- something, just a glass of coke with ice and that snack, a basket of snacks you know right there. 191 We're both, it seems like we're both at a complete loss for words although she's, if she's waiting for something I know I'm not waiting for anything. I'm just a little bit anxious, I just want, you know, want something to happen, but, ah, nothing's happening. I don't know, maybe I should just take off? It's kind of a drag anyway, we're sitting around (laughs) not saying anything. (sighs) ‘g How are you doing? §_Fine. (smiles) (silence) ‘g Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? §_(delay) I don't know, I just can't it doesn't seem I can form anything I can talk about, you know. .g That you can talk about? S_Yeah, like I'll see something, like I'll see maybe, ah, I'll see Hubbard, you know Hubbard Hall, you know, two huge wings, but I just won't, still don't see any- thing verbal with it, it's Hubbard you know. I don't know what I'm doing, thinking about Hubbard, I know a kid that lives in Hubbard but that's about it. .E Well _ can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and then describe them to me? S_May be here all day. (laughs) (sighs) I have this feeling like, you want me to talk about you know, certain things, and I don't know, ah, if things I'm talking about are because I actually, I mean the thoughts come into my mind, or because I you know, kind of formed them because I've you know, kind of that you want to please your experimenter type feeling, you know, like I could, right now I think I could start to think of all sorts of thoughts. Ah, oh, first the things you know would be of interest to you, you know, Freudian and stuff like that, but, ah, I don't know. Maybe I know too much psychology (laughs) I don't know. .E Can you just ggig for things to come into your mind's eye and then describe them to me? ‘S (silence) §_ Wbuld you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman? 8 Ok. ‘§_What's happening? S_I don't know, maybe (delay) I was losing 192 any, I'm just losing about all attraction there is to her, you know, where- as before I was a little bit, you know, I could see where she was, you know, where she was attractive but now it's just getting to be (laugh) really a g drag, just sitting in that apartment doing nothing and visual- izing it. With her sitting there and (delay) we're not talking or else we're not talking about anything (pause) I don't know, anything worth talking- you know remembering. The right side of the room is a little bit mysterious though because I just can't visualize what's down there. Except that fireplace. (silence) .§_What's happening? .§_(sighs) Oh- nothing really, concrete. '§_What was that? S_Nothing really on concrete, you know, ah, ah (she's starting to centralize ??) on me and I thought that, you know, she's, the possibility that I might see her again, you know, I was, I was just thinking about that. .§_See her again? S_Yeah, like, you know how I, how I would, like react. You know, if I saw her, I don't- I don't know 0 how I'd react. (laugh) It just seems like- seems like just lying here and if she were to walk in now I'd, I don't know what I'd do. I, I think I'd, yeah, I talked about that before. E_About what? S_I don't know, just maybe, I don't know what I'd do, I, I talked about it before, you know, what if she ever walked in here. You know not, I don't know quite how I'd feel or react to it, you know, actually, ahm, I don't think I could visualize what her face would look like. I don't think she'd be a Dr. Gullahorn type, I think she'd be a little bit, no offense to Dr. Gullahorn or anything, she'd be a little bit more attractive than that. (delay) .g How are you doing? .§ Fine. (delay) Hum, I don't know,bback in that, back in her apartment, oh, I just keep on describing the apartment over and over again, but I don't know, there might be (delay) It seems like there should be another room 193 room, ah, like there's one big main hall or main room we're sitting on the left side of the room, the right side I don't know about and you go straight and there's a dining room there's a window, ah, on the wall on the other side, and a kitchen over there and there might, it seems like there should be a room there, you know, I mean (delay) ah, next, next to the dining room, but I don't know just as if when there's a doorway opening up it seems to disappear. (delay) g Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? S_(sigh) (delay) I'm really not that good of a dancer, I really can't picture, dancing, if I did I'd probably make a fool of myself. That's why I hardly ever dance. (delay) ‘§_What's happening? §_Um (sighs) nothing really. ‘§_What are you seeing? '§ (delay) Um, I don't know it's a little bit hard to visualize. (laugh) For some reason Spartan Stadium and her apartment are.getting connected, in what way I don't know. (delay) (GSR) ‘§_Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? ‘g No, not right now (laugh) no. ‘E What are you seeing? § (sighs) (delay) Nothing really, yes, I am scratching my eyes. ‘g What's happening? ‘§_Ah, (GSR) Nothing (laugh). .g How are you doing? .g (sigh) Fine. (silence) Get a little bit dry from talking though. ‘§_Dry? S_Yeah. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_No, it's just the fact that your mouth gets dry when you're talking. It starts to, cake up around the kind of like the hinges on your lips. (silence) (sighs) E Now please get a picture of yourself and th ewoman dancing. §_ (laughs) I, what do you want me to do with it, I mean, she's not, she's not doing anything. l§_Can you describe that in greater detail? I§_Um,- I don't know, now, I think a whole new light is starting to, yeah, (laugh) a whole new light is starting to shed on this thing. Like if I was, 194 now if I went over there and, ah, boy, you're going to think I'm a drug fiend, but, ah, like if we went over there and cakes, like if we that coke and snack and you know maybe did some smoking you know, then every- thing would be really a lot different, you know, like, ah, you know, I wouldn't hesitate to, ah, ah, you know, to start dancing cause I love and you know, you know, move to the music. You know if she'd put on a good record and, you know, I could really get, I could really, I, I could get involved in just about anything stoned, but, ah, ah (delay) I don't know~ ‘§_What are you seeing? _§ (sighs) Ah, I just, I'm kinda like, ah, kinda associating it with Mr. Lyman cause like she's a counselor for a junior high school and, ah, and she wanted me to, ah, ahm, I'm not visual- izing - anything now, but for, for the record, ah, she wanted me to bring some grass home so that she could try it and get stoned you know so she'd be able to understand better, ah, you know the problems that she has to deal with, you know, with big junior high school kids smoking. So, I don't know that's one thing I, I'd really, would really dread doing is, ah, wow. Getting a 48 year old lady stoned, whew. Hah, it kind of boggles the mind. .g Boggles it in what way? S_I don't know, it just kinda like, like with ah, you know (???) if she ever, ah, like some peOple you know get, their juices really start flowing when they're stoned, I mean they can be ready to go out and rape a whole girl's dorm but, ah, (laughs) I don't know what I'd do if Mrs. Lyman ever got that way. .g What are you seeing? ‘§_Um, five neatly rolled "J's." '§_What was that? ‘§_Five neatly rolled "J's," joints, sitting on Mrs. Lyman's, ah, ah, breakfast or TV room table (laughs) and myself and, I don't know, it seems like there are other peOple there but they really shouldn't, and you know she's, you know it's her first time up. It's her first time smoking, and you know I'm 195 the one that's supposed to get her stoned, I'm not supposed to, but you know, I'm almost doing it as a favor. And I think that would frighten me even more if we had, ah, not frighten but, ah, you know, ah, get me going all the more, is, ah, whew, I don't know what I'd, how I'd react if I was stoned, I know I'd like to, you know, get involved more, I mean dance, you know and that sort of stuff, dance and talk and cause you can talk about, about anything for as long as you want on just about anything you know, ah - E_What are you seeing? S_I don't know. All these thoughts are going through my mind while I'm sitting at the table at Lyman's house. (laughs) It's really strange (laughs) '§_Strange? §_Strange getting, the thought of, ah, you know, (???) college junior to, you know, getting, ah, the mother of one of your friends stoned, you know, it's sort of fashionable, you know with, ah, you know in the real rich suburbs, you know, out in East Grand Rapids, for some parents to have ah, you know, like pot parties. It just seems a little bit funny getting Mrs. Lyman stoned. '§_How are you doing? ‘§_(sighs) Fine. E Ok, you can open your eyes. Condition I S_Well, I was walking down the street in Romeo, it was by this lady's house, kinda a corner it was real dark. It's got these trees on the side of the street and bushes, and, ab, this lady came down, ah, had like a white trench coat on and, ah, she resembled this, ah, lady I saw in Mexico and, ah, so you know, she was pretty upset and everything, and so then, ah, ah, she invited me over to her house and I went over there and it was this apartment and it had a white rug and I think the walls were like pale yellow or something. And, ah, so she said look at the records, you know, so I looked in there and I saw some I liked so then, ah, put on (Cosy Joes National??) that 3 my favorite group. ‘§_What was that? §_Cossy's ( --------- ?????) group, you know, and so then she came out and, ah- you know she looked like she was attracted to me. And, ah, she gave me these looks. And so, ah, I didn't know whether to do anything or not, you know, because, I don't know, sometimes you know, I don't know whether, you know, chicks want to do anything or not, so I, you know, I didn't know whether to do anything or not. So I then, ah, (delay) I don't know she kept giving me these looks. .2 Can you describe that in more detail? § Ahm, just, like, (sigh) it's sorta hard to explain (laugh) like she looked out of her, ah, as though understanding and passionate. So I, well, this one girl I used to mess around with in Romeo used to give me these looks all the time. And, ah, she only did it when she wanted me to go with her somewhere, you know, cause was, she was really you know, like she wasn't nymph or anything but, ah, you know, she liked sexaalot. So, ahm, she reminded me of her and I don't know I just, I didn't know whether I would do anything or not, you know, like the thought, you know, I wondering one way or the other whether to do anything. But, ahm, I thought, like I 196 197 feel myself I was thinking about it, I feel myself like not doing anything at all. (delay) That's about it. .§_What are you seeing? .§ Right now? _E_ Uh huh. S I see myself thinking about it (laughs). _I; How are you doing? .§_Oh, like there, there is a desire to do it and everything but, ahm, feel like I have to hold myself back. _E_ Hold yourself back in what way? _S_ Not making any advances. She might think, you know, he's just a little kid or something. “E_What are you seeing? .§_I see her, just sort of vaguely now. And I see myself thinking about it. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? .S I don't know, I feel sorta awkward, and, ah, I can't act like myself. I'm not relaxed at all. .5 Not relaxed in what way? _S_ Ahm, I'm not sure how, ah, she feels. I mean, I don't know whether to do anything or not. I'm, you know, I feel like, well I'd better get out of here or something. I don't belong here. g Don't belong there in what way? _S_ Well, I don't know the lady or anything and, ah, except for, you know, just that and, ah, I'd rather be somewhere else, rather be with a different chick. 2 I noticed you moving your right fingers quite a bit. Is there something happening in that hand? _S No. B Uh huh. What are you seeing? §_See myself, ah, walking down the hallway. I see myself going back with this chick I'm going with. Messing around with her. .Q Can you describe that in greater detail? '§ My girlfriend? ‘§_What you're seeing. § I'm walking into her house, into her kitchen. She's ask-, you know, she's asking where I've been, I just said out just messing around. She said ok. 1; What's happening? _S_ We're standing in the kitchen. (delay) I; What are you seeing? _S_ She's answering the telephone. She did. Her, her, ah, two little sisters come in, to the kitchen. So I'm messing around with them and the dog. (delay) So she gets done talking on the phone, I ask her if she wants to go somewheres so she says ok. So we get in my car, 198 we take off to Rochester. (delay) She asks me if she can drive, but I don't want her to since she doesn't have a license. But I let her anyway. So she drives part of the way until we get right, ah, near the city limits. Then we switch and I drive up and so we get some ice cream at 31 flavors and she asks me if we can go to Waterford and see her girlfriend. I don't want to do that cause I don't like to go there. _g How are you doing? S_I don't know. I'd rather go back and mess around with her, I don't want to go to Waterford and see her girlfriend--too far. Cause I haven't seen her in a long time and I'd rather be with her alone. .§_What are you seeing? ‘S Her (laugh) E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Who, Kim? '§_Uh huh. _§ I don't know, she's just goofing around, kid- ding me all the time. Just goofing around. g Are you describing what is in your mind's eye? § Yeah, cause we always goof around in the car. She, you know, she'll hit me and then I'll say something to her. E_What are you seeing? S_She's sitting there and I, I'll tell her something, I'm just kidding around like I'll be serious and I'll say, "Well, Kim, I miss you all the time and everything, when I'm in schoolf‘ So then she'll laugh, I, you know, I feel this way but I do it, when I say it to her in a joking manner, so then, ah, she hits me. And I say, really I'm serious, and, ah, she says sure. 50 then, we started towards Waterford then we turned onto Adams and we're coming back. So she asked me if she could drive again. So I says, "Well, not unless you kiss me." So then she says, ok, so then she kisses me while I was driving, and so I let her drive. E_How are you doing? § Well, I'd rather, I don't know, you know like, I'd rather be somewhere else than driving down the road. And feel sorta, I don't know, I feel nervous when she's driving cause I don't want to get pulled over and, she'd get in trouble and I'd get a ticket too. (delay) So we get back in Romeo, 199 we go to parrish house. That's a house, it's just, ah, you know, for, ahm, young people and we hang around there for a little bit but I don't want to stay there too long. I get bored in there. So I, I said let's go. She says ok. So we go up to Nancy's and I see her for a little while. .§_What was that? §_We go up to this other girl's house. That goes to Eastern. And so, ah, we see her, talk to her, but she's with these other chicks, so we split from there, there's nothing to do, so we just drive around a little bit. Looking for people or something. (delay) E__What's happening? '§_Just driving around. .E How are you doing? ‘§_I don't know. I think about going parking, this place we used to go all the time. But I haven't seen her in so long that I don't know how she feels or anything, and, ah, so I ask her if she wants to and she says ok. So we pull back to this, we pull back to Nancy's house, that's where we always used to go cause, she just lives on the outside of town and her father has a factory back there and this old road that's in this place back there, so we always went back there. We go back there (delay) and we just start goofing around like we usually do. You know, like I'll say something, then we goof around so we start wrestling and, ahm, so this is in the front, we start wrestling and everything. So I say, well, let's go in the back so she says ok so we argue who's going back there first. So it ends up she does; so we get back there and start making it. '§_Making it in what way? .§_Oh, you know, first I just start kissing her and everything, we start goofing around and she'll try to bite me and everything. Then and so then, ah, I don't know pretty soon we just start making and I start to take some of her clothes off and that. 'g Can you describe that in greater detail? ‘§_Well (delay) she's got this t-shirt on, purple or, so then I started, ahm, just pulled it off you know, and, ah, took her bra off and just laid there on the, on 200 the back seat. “E_How are you doing? S_I don't know, I want to ball her, but I'm not going to. (delay) ‘§_What's happening? _§ Just doing the same stuff, making out and shit. E_What are you seeing? §_Oh, we just switched positions, we're laying side by side, sorta like that. I§_What was that? S Just laying, ah, like I was on top of her, but then, ah, I like to lay side by side a little bit, so we switched to that. All the time she keeps biting me to keep, you krow, just playing around and every- thing. (delay) Then she tells me she's got to get going. So I say ok, so I take her home. ‘§_How are you doing? .§ Ah, I wanted to stay there and everything cause I hadn't seen her in a long time, and, ah, I don't, it doesn't bother me too much. Except you know, I'd rather stay there, of course, but if she's got to get home, I don't want to bet her in any trouble or anything, so I, I take her home. (sigh-laugh) 'g What's happen- ing? § I'm just leaving her house and driving home. Just thinking about her. [E_What are you seeing? .S I don't know, just her, wish I could still be with her instead of having to go home. Oh, just come around and I pull in the drive way. And I go up to my room. .§>I notice you're scratching your lip. S_Pardon? .E I notice you're scratching your 11p. §_I don't know why (laugh). And, (sigh?) .§.H°W are you doing? S_(sigh) I don't know. I feel like calling her and but I know if I do she'll get in trouble. So I just sit around, found an old Playboy or something, read that. Then I go to bed. (delay) (clears throat) .§_What's happening? S_Laying there in bed. (delay) That's all. ‘E Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them for me? l§_Pardon? l§_Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them ' for me? .§ Yeah. I see myself, ah, laying in the bed. (eighs) ‘(delay) E_What's happening? §_I just see, ah, a radio, I just think about the 201 station I'm listening to. (delay) So then I turn it on, and it, it's an underground station in Detroit: WABX. And, they're playing some music, it's a bunch of songs that, ah, say something about America, one by Simon and Garfunkel. (sighs) (delay) (clears throat) [E_What are you seeing? _§ I saw a picture, ah, of a scene from Easy Rider, when they play the songs. You know, the injustice and everything in America. I feel like doing some- thing about it. ‘E How are you doing? §_(sigh) I don't know, I feel, feel a lot of hatred in me. E_Hatred in what way? § Toward this country. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Yeah, I feel, I think about the draft. Ah, I think about Police you know, clubbing people and every— thing and I think about Easy Rider a lot, about those guys getting shot by the Red Necks in the South. How people won't let, ah, other people be free in this country, cause they're different. '§_What are you seeing? S_See the SDS, but I don't want to have anything to do with them. (delay) I see a country side, right now. Like I'm on a road. (delay) And I see myself marching down Woodward Ave. in an anti-war rally, seeing the people on the side of the streets who were yelling. I think of the Government and how they just use war as business, they don't care about anybody else. (delay) I see myself at the dinner table telling my parents that if I get drafted I'll go to Canada. I won't fight in the war. My mother gets upset. She thinks I owe the country something. My father just tells me it's my decision. My sister agrees with me. (delay) ‘§_What are you seeing? .§ See myself in winsor. Just walking down the street. ‘E What's happening? S_Just walking around, it really seems strange. .E Strange in what way? .S It's different, it's different than the United States, and I wish I didn't have to leave. But I did. So I go walk around and I find this music shop. So I go in there and look at some albums, and they got this large poster of 202 (Cosgills? National Young?) and I want to get it and I can't afford to spend the money on it. E_What are you seeing? _S See myself looking at this poster. ‘§_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Yeah, it's, ah, it's a picture of the Desa Vu album, it's the same scene. I see myself looking at these films. He's the guy in the Group I really admire. I feel lonely over there. E_Lonely in what way? S_I don't know anybody. It's real rainy and everything. Dark. E_How are you doing? S_I really miss Kim, I wouldn't want her to be over there for me to back with her. There's no way she can get over here, and I can't get back. I just see her, see her in her house. ‘E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Yeah, she's sitting in, ah, this chair, right below the telephone. Sitting with her hand on her chin, looking down. (delay) Now I'm back in Canada, I gotta figure out some way to get you know some bread. (delay) ‘§_What's happening? §_Standing on the street. And I was hOping somebody would come around and offer me some grass. E_How are 0 you doing? _S I figure, smoke some grass and it would take my mind off what's happening, you know, and I'll feel real good. I'm thinking about Kim but, then if I see this, if I smoke some, you know, I'll be happy and everything. I won't feel sad. (clears throat) l§_What are you seeing? -§ See myself smoking a joint (laugh) E_What's happening? S_Getting high. _E Can you describe that in greater detail? ‘S I don't know, I just feel like laughing. I go walking down the street. I say high to these kids and they say high so then we start talking. And I tell them what's happened and everything so you know they say well, shy don't you come with us, so, I go with them and, ah, they take me to this house where they live, you know, just a bunch of kids live in this house, they're really nice to me and everything, you know, like, they act like they care about what happens. And so I go in with them, so 203 we're just sitting around the room, talking. Smoke some more grass. E: How are you doing? S_I don't know, I look at this one chick and she reminds me of Kim. Then I think about her again. It reminds of the time when, last summer, I broke up with her before I want to Mexico and, ah, when I got down to Acapulco I was in this sidewalk restaurant and I saw this girl that looked just like her and everything and really made (it with her?) and everything so that, ah, ah. I got back to Mexico City, she'd written me two letters and saying you know, how she was sorry the thing (went??) like that. So then I got to Dallas and called her, she wasn't home. So the next night this other girl came and picked me up at the airport. I didn't want to be with her, cause I wanted to be with Kim but she'wasn't around because we had broken up and this other girl came to pick me up at the airport so she took me back to Romeo and I went to her house but I wanted to find Kim and so I told her I was really tired and had to go home. So I went around looking for her but I couldn't find her. Condition II E_Now I would like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. §_(silence) E_What's happening? S_We're sitting on the ocuch. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_I'm sitting on the, ah, left and she's sitting on the right of me and I've got a drink in my hand, and we're just talking. ‘§_How are you doing? §.I don't know, she's really nice looking and everything and the only thing that matters in yourself is that .you would like to ball this chick and everything but I just put it out of my mind. (delay) ‘§_What are you see- ing? §_She gets up and turns on the stereo. She just came back and sat down and we're just sitting there listening to the music. I really don't 204 know what to say to her because, you know, she's older and I don't know what she wants to talk about. (delay) ‘§_What's happening? §_She told me she, started talking about things we'd done, so then we both found out that, like I found out she'd been to Mexico and everything so then we just talked about that. And places we'd gone. And right now I'm not thinking about her at all (laugh). Thinking about, when I think about Mexico, I think about this other chick when the first time I was down there. Ah, that I was in love with. .§_What are you seeing? .S I see her in her hotel room. She's sick. She's laying onthe bed. So I go into see her. (delay) E_Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Yeah, she's laying there on this bed and she's got a tray by her to eat, you know, the food they brought up for her to eat. And so I came into see her and her roommate is in there, so I just stand by the side of the bed and talk to her. She's eating. Then the maid comes in, and the maid asks if we were brother and sister because we look so much alike. And we laughed and I said no. (delay) I§_How are you doing? .§_I don't know, I'm e really in love with her and everything and, ah, like I always tell this girlfriend to tell her I love you but, you know, I do it in a joking manner and she always comes back and says bullshit to me. And, ah, I do this all the time and she always kids, kids me, so I always kid her back, she's Jewish. I always kid her all the time about that. ELWhat are you seeing? § See her lying on the bed. She's got these covers on, over, over her and she doesn't look too good, ah, like she really does, because she's been sick. (???????) E_What was that? §_She tells me the food is gross. E_I notice you're smiling. fig (laugh) Yeah, I was thinking. (laughs) E_What was that? S_I was just thinking of her. 'E Thinking of her in what way? 'S Just being with her. Now we're in Mexico City. It's the last night we're going 205 to be together. She fell, ah, we're going to go out, we don't exactly where, to dinner. See what we can find so, first we go to eat and then we go to this like a nigh club they had this really good band. So we're dancing and everything. It's really really fun, then we get, ah, some drinks and we try to sneak out without paying the guy catches me, so we laugh about that then we walk down the street and looking for a cab. When this cab picks us up and scared the shit out of us because they drive very crazy down there, and takes us back to the hotel and so then, ah, it's really really late and she's leaving really early in the morning and I'm staying, I'm going to stay with some relatives and so, her room was right next to mine and so we stand in the hallway, I kiss her good night and I just turn around and she says, ahm, ”Don't I get another one," and so I say, I'm, just kidding around and so I say, "Aren't you taking unfair advantage of me?" And so then I kissed her again, so then, ahm, she goes into her room and then, ahm, she hate her pajamas out so I put mine on and then I went back to her room and so we sat there talking. Her roommate was in the bed and we sitting on the chair talking in the doorway, it was really dark, I could barely see her. And, then we decide to go down to this other room was having a party. We go down there in our pajamas to freak everybody out and so, ah, we go down there and we had a whip cream fight all over the house, so then we come back and we get in her bed with her roommate, and, ah, so then we talking about something I don't know what and she asks me why don't I kiss her roommate and I didn't like her roommate too much so I didn't really want to but I thought " it would be funny so I went over to kiss her roommate and her roommate woke up and screamed so then we started laughing and so then I started kissing Janet and - after a while I just go back to my room. She comes in in the morning and says 206 goodbye to me. E_Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? S_When I was with her in her room I saw myself lying on top of her and everything but nothing really happened. And, ah, in the morning I woke up and she came into the room and so we kissed in there and I was really sad to see her go because I really missed her and I really loved her then and so then she had to leave, so I just tried to go back to sleep because it was really early and, ah, I wanted to take a shower and everything before I went to my relatives but, ah, I couldn't go back to sleep. E_What are you seeing? S_See this guy coming into the room. He's like a butler or something and ah, he thinks the room is unoccupied. I'm having a hard time understanding him and explaining that I'm you I'm still there that other people left, so he says 0k cause he was going to put some people in that room. Then I figure I better get up so I get up and shower and I call my relatives and tell them I'm comin— over so then, ah, I go downstairs I took the cab and I go over there. .g How are you doing? S_I'm laying on this, I'm at my relatives and trying to take a nap but, they have this calendar, this Mexican girl on the calendar looks a lot like Janet and I really miss her a lot. You know, I really want to be with her. I know there's no way I can so I write her a letter. I wish I was in Dallas with her. We were gonna, ahm, we went, they have a lottery in Mexico and so we put our numbers in a lottery and if we won there was a trip to Acapulco and if either one of us won it was for two and we were gonna, ah, go together back down there for a weekend. E_What are you seeing? _§ I see us in Acapulco. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Yeah, we're in my hotel room and there's really not much going on except we're very sur— prised to be there. 1§_Surprised in what way? .§_That we won, the lottery. It really makes us feel good cause I really wanted to be with her and so 207 we're down there together and we're in, ah, a Marriott Hotel there. It's a really really nice hotel right on the beach where we used to go all the time. We're staying in there so we go down and it's nighttime and we go down to the beach and run around in the waves. Sure was fun. .E Are you describing what is in your mind's eye? S_Yes. And, it's just night and we're just playing around on the beach, there's nobody else down there. You can, there's people by the hotel but we're just running along the beach there, and the waves are really getting big. .E How are you doing? §_I'm thinking about, ah, when we go back to the hotel room, that night E_What are you seeing? _§ (sighs) I see us in the hotel room and there's two single beds in there and it's really really nice room. And so we just decided to go down and, ah, get something to drink so we go down and they have this thing in the hotel. It's, ahm, it's outside (??) pool and, ah you know, it's got tables and it's like a hand there and they serve drinks and everything. It's really really nice. So we just sit down there.then we go up and we decide to go swimming in the pool. Then we go swimming ther and (delay) we get done there so then we dry off and we come back up to the room and we just start talking and so (delay) I don't know we're just standing there looking at each other. E_How are you doing? S_Well (laugh) I really want to go to bed with her but I don't know what's happen- ing. I'm just standing there looking at her. Like I don't see myself in bed with her or anything. ‘E Can you describe the scene in greater detail? S_Well, she's just standing there in a bathing suit and I am also and she's really really got a good tan (laugh). She always tans very good. I just see how beautiful she is. .E Beautiful in what way? S_Her face and her body, her hair. And that's all I see, I see us there. 208 E_Would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman. ‘S Uh huh. (delay) ‘§_What's happening? _§ (sighs) Still just sitting there, ah, on the couch and I look outside and see, because this couch has got this big patio like window that goes out to a balcony and I look out and it's “ really snowing hard. So then I tell her I have to be going. And so I ask her goodbye. E_What was that? S_I - say goodbye. And I leave, I go out in the snow. ‘§_What are you seeing? S_Just see myself, really snowing hard but I really like it. So I just take my time walking home. It's not really cold, it's snowing really really hard. I just see myself walking. Going down the, ah, street, there's a big hill on it and I'm just walking down the hill. It's about a mile from my house. I§_How're you doing? § (sniffs) I don't know I'm just thinking about that woman. E_What was that? .S I was just thinking about the woman. It was sorta strange. 'E Strange in what way? § Just being there with her, you know, the circumstances like that. And (delay) down by the, ah, about 3 blocks from my house. So I stop at this friend of mine's house, he's got, he lives right by me. I stop there (delay). Then we go up in his room and he's there with another friend of mine and we sitting in his room watching television. Just goofing around. There's a dog in there. So I blow smoke at the dog. (delay) E What's happening? §_We're smoking more grass. E_You're smiling. .S (snorts) I don't know, (just breathing down a full smoke???) of grass. _E Can you describe that in greater detail? _§ (clears throat) Ah, I'm on this chair and Dick is next to this, ah, ah, chest like, and we're just sitting there and passing the pipe and then he heard his mother coming so we quick stash the stuff and she comes in, and says a few words, nothing about smoking or anything, and then she leaves and so we just pull it out again and smoke some more. Then Dick and I decided to go 209 down and, ah, gets some chips and some dip or something and we're really zonked. .E Zonked in what way? S_Really stoned. So we're laughing and, ah, just go driving around and talking. We had a hard time remembering what we're talking bout cause we'll start a sentence and then we can't remember what we're supposed to talk about what we were saying. And we were laughing so we get the dip and go back to Tom's and sit around eating it, watching the three mus- not the 3 musketeers but, .you know three guys with swords (laughs). I maybe it was 3 musketeers- watching them on television. And- uthow'are you doing? .§_Thinking about going out and finding Kim. I asked Dick if I can borrow his car, so he says yeah. It's really cold out and slippery so I go looking for Kim, she's with Julie and a bunch of pe0ple so I say come on let's go to Tom's so 'she comes with me. We take Dick's car around a little bit then ewe go to Tom's. ‘E Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? §_No. E_What awas that? S_No. E_What's happening? ‘§_I just see, I see the apartment room but I don't see anybody in it. Like you know, there's nobody in there at all. I just don't picture myself dancing with her. E_How are you doing? S_(delay) I don't know, I just can't get my mind off being at Tom's. Probably cause I'm with Kim. ‘§_What are you seeing? S_We're just sitting around the house. Laughing. I embarrass Kim, I tell her, well, I want everybody to know that me and Kim are getting married. And she really gets embarrassed. ‘E Embarrassed in what way? ‘§ Oh, when- ever I say something like that, you know like, or if I tell I missed her or I love her or something, she starts laughing. But if I say something to other people she really gets embarrassed. She laughed and said it's not true. Then hits me. (delay) .§_What's happening? ‘§_Right now, it's another day, we're at Tom's.again and Tom and Dick have just gone to court 210 ‘With me and we're back and, ah, Kim comes over. Tom is going to tell her how it went in court. E What are you seeing? S_I just sitting on the, ah, couch and I picked up a magazine and had an article about (Cosgills National???) you know that- ‘§_About what? S_(Cosgills Nationale?) and I'm just reading that and it's real interesting and so then I picked up a newspaper and I'm reading that and then, me and Kim split and go back to my house, and, ah, sitting there watching cartoons, nobody's home, cause that's the only time I can bring her over cause my parents don't like her. .2 Don't like her in what way? §_Oh, (sighs) they think she's really bad, you know, and one time she was in this car and it got stopped and they found grass in there and the other kids got busted but she was only 16 at the time and so you know she didn't get anything and, ah, besides it wasn't her fault, this other girl that was in the car and the other kids didn't have anything to do with it, but this girl got, ah, ah arrested and, ah, except for Kim cause she was only 16. So my parents don't like her for that and they, they think she's a slut, but she's not. E_How are you doing? S I'm sitting there and I kiss her once, but that's all. So I go, I go out in the kitchen and get something to eat. She doesn't want anything so she sits in the other room watching television. (delay) E_What's happening? S_Just in the kitchen, just watching her. I could see her right through the mirror. From the kitchen mirror you could see into the other room. And so this other kid calls me up and asks me what I'm doing. So he comes over, he wants me to go to the mall with him. And he comes over but I tell him I don't want to go when he comes over. So, ah, he kicks my hat (laughs) had this, ah, cowboy hat I got when I was in Dallas, used to wear it around all the time. So he kicks that, and actually he gets me a little pissed, but he was a little pissed too because he came 211 over but then I didn't want to go. And, ah, so then Kim has to leave and so I go outside with her and her sister comes and picks her up. And she splits. E_Please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. .§ (purses lips) (delay) ‘§_What's happening? ‘§ Oh, we're dancing, but I feel uncomfor- table. ‘§_Uncomfortable in what way? .§_Well, I don't want to dance with her and I don't feel like dancing and I'm not dancing very well. I just don't feel like dancing with her at all. .g How are you doing? S_I don't know. I feel sort of, ah, just want to get out of there. E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_I just want to leave the place, cause I don't want to stay there anymore. Ah, I don't feel comfortable, when I'm with her. E_Don't feel comfortable in what way? §_I don't know, I just don't feel like, ahm, we related to each other and there's not much I can talk about to her and I, I really don't find her that much fun. .E How are you doing? § Ahm, I wonder what it would be like to.make it with her, but I really don't have that much desire to. ‘§_What are you seeing? S See myself there on the couch, she's sitting there too. (delay) .E What's happening? S_Just sitting there. Just listening to music. Got a drink in my hand, that's all. (delay) So then I split. .Q Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Yeah, I'm walking. You mean when I left the apartment? .g Uh huh. S_I'm just walking out the door, into the hall- way, and down some stairs and then I come out, I'm outside and I'm just glad I'm.out of there. ‘§_Glad in what way? .§_(shifts body) I don't know. I just, like I say, ahm, I just don't want to be there, I just don't feel comfortable there. .E I noticed you shifted your body and scratched your back and moved your legs. ‘g’I don't know, why, juSt - ‘g Just what? §_Pardon? E_Just what? §_I don't know why I did it. .g How're you 212 doing? §_Actually I'm walking on the street and thinking about, if I could find Kim that night. E_What are you seeing? S_I see like looking in the cars, you know, see if she is in one of them. But I don't see her, so I just keep walking, it's pretty cold. E_What's happening? (S_scratches arm) S_Just walking on the street and watching the cars go by, and just hoping one of them, you know, would have her in it and she'd see me or something and stOp, so I could be with her but, as it is I don't see her so I just keep walking alone. E_How are you doing? §.I don't know I just, I'm picturing myself out parking with her. I, that's what I would like to do, you know, if I found her. If she found me, you know, but I haven't seen her. E_What are you seeing? S_I see myself out parking with her. .E Ok, you can open your eyes now. Condition III ‘S (silence) ‘E What's happening? S_Nothing. .g I noticed you laughed. S Yeah (laugh) I was expecting something to happen, but I don't see any- thing at all. (sighs) I don't know you want to start something off, ask me something or- 2 Can you just relax and wait for something to come into your mind's eye and then describe it for me. §_I see myself pitching a baseball game last year. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Yeah, it was, ahm, at Clawson, and it was a night game and, ahm, I was really really doing good and as a matter of fact it was about the best game I ever pitched in my life, and, ahm, we were losing, they got a run unearned and we were losing and I don't know I had the best control of my life- E_Are you describing what you see in your mind's eye? § Yes, and I remember, ah, pitching like, everytime I throw it it went right where I wanted it to go and then we, ah, lost the game one to nothing, but I was sitting on the bus everybody came up to me and congratulated me, any- 213 way, you know, that I, I didn't feel bad really because, I had done the best I had ever done before. g What are you seeing? § See myself sitting on the bus (laughs) proud of myself. I§_How are you doing? ‘S’I was ok, I was really sweating and everything but, ahm, hot and tired, I do know, I wasn't really tired because I felt like I could go another game, I was, the best I've felt in my life. But, ah, I felt bad because we had to stap, we lost I was - happy with my performance and I was sitting on the bus. E_What's happening? ‘§_0h we just got back to the high school and (shifts body) the team was there and we took a shower and the catcher and I were really really good friends so his girlfriend and this other girl, ah, were there and they wanted he and me to go with them, Kim was there too and she wanted me to go with her but, ahm, I went with this other chick named Debbie and, ah, Kim really got pissed. We just went out that night and messed around and drank a few beers. And then, ah, I came home and I know, coming into the house my father talking to me about, ah, the game and he said I did real well and everything, and so then I went to bed and had a hard time sleeping because I kept reliving the game over again. I§_What are you seeing? § See myself pitching. (snorts) ‘g What's happening? S_I'm still pitching in there. (delay) Now it's the end of the game and we didn't get any runs or anything so actually we lost and I remember walking back to the bus and (delay) E_How are you doing? .§ (sighs) I had- none of the other players helped the manager carry the bats so I helped him carry the bats and it was real heavy. And so I just remember walking into the bus ‘.and, ah, everybody congratulated me on, yeah, know it was a great game and everything. I remember, I was thinking, yeah, a while ago the best I had ever pitched, if I could'maintain that for the rest of the season, which I did at one game and I achieved it then and it 214 was the last game I might ever pitch so I should go out there and pitch for that (laughs). So at first I was bearing down and struck out, I think it was 14 guys or something and we won the game. E_What are you seeing? S_I see myself right at the end of the game and I just struck out the last batter, and so we won the game. I was real happy and proud of myself (laughs). E_Proud in what way? _§ That I had pitched that well. And I was glad because it was the last game of the year and I didn't know like you know I went out for ball up here but you know I didn't know if I would pitch up here and I was glad at least I ended it that way instead of losing or pitching a mediocre game. It was a the last game of the year. E_What's happening? S_I went home thinking that, you know, I wish it wasn't the end cause I really like playing ball. And, now I can see myself getting ready to go to Mexico, cause I left the next day to Mexico. .E What are you seeing? §_See myself getting up in the morning and this girl let me have her car to go to the airport with and this other girl Debbie took me to the airport, I remember driving down there and we got to the airport and I was going to Dallas first, stop there for the day to see my friends, and I said goodbye to her and I got on the plane and there was another person from Romeo on the plane and so I sat there and (sighs) remember being in a hurry to get to Dallas but we had to stop in Kansas City. .E How are you doing? S Ah, I get bored‘because whenever I want to go somewhere, you know, I want to get there, I didn't want to stop in Kansas City. We had to stop there and that was a dump, the airport and so finally I got to Dallas. And they were waiting for me, and that was fun. So we went out and we had a picnic me and, ah, Janet and Susie and Cathie. And it was pretty close to the Airport, I remember the planes coming in really low there, so then we started goofing around and so, ah, they were just kidding around and they 215 started goofing around and so, ah, they were just kidding around and they started chasing me and threw water on and shit, and ah, so it was kinda like we got in a fight and so I took my suitcase out of the car and I got on the road and hitched hiked back to the airport. And they drove around a couple of times and I just ignored them and then they didn't come back for a really long time, like about ten minutes and I wondered if this one girl wasn't, I thought she was kidding around but I wondered if she was really pissed off and so I decided well I'd go to the airport, and change my reservations and fly out then. But then they came back and so then we just goofed around and then we went to Janet's and I saw her mother because her parents are really very nice. '§_What are you seeing? S_I see myself talking to her mother up by the pool, and remember wanting to go, always do the first time, they had this maid, this black maid, she was 'really super nice and so I wanted to go see her, so they took me to this house where she was and, ah, .E I noticed your right hand is moving quite a bit of the time. Is it bothering you? S_No, I thought this thing might be rooming off. I don't know if it is or not. - And, ah, so I went to see the maid and she was really surprised to see me. And so then we left there and we went back to Janet's. I wanted to call Kim so I asked her if I could take the car so I went down to this pay phone and I called Kim but she wasn't home, so then I came back and I don't know I didn't want to stay at Janet's either, ah, I don't know it was really strange, they have, I really thought I'd miss her and everything but I didn't feel the same way towards her that I used to and, ah, so I went to Trudy's house. She was, she was a really good friend of mine. And so, ah, I was going to stay overnight at her house, instead of Janet's and so then I didn't sleep at all that night, we called her, we went out and I called-her when 216 I, we got back but she was in bed and her father answered. It was really late and so, ah, I stayed overnight at Trudy's and the next morning I woke up and I remember (?????) I was about half asleep and her grandmother is from Germany and so I, I woke up, I was half asleep and I heard this German in the house you know like talking, and I didn't know where I was for a little bit and it sort of scared me and the I realized where I was. So then I got up and I went in Trudy's room and I woke her up, so then we goofed around a little bit that day and went over to Kathy's and her and Kathy took me to the airport, and the plane was late leaving and so we goofed around the airport for another hour and so finally it came time I had to go and so I got on the plane and took off for Detroit and so I got to Detroit and I got back and this other girl Debbie was there course as I said before I didn't .want to be with her. I wanted to be with Kim but she was the one that came to the airport to get me. Condition IV §.N°W I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. S_Ok. l§_What are you seeing? .§_Uh, she's pretty young and like in her early twenties and she's a member of, ah, like anti-war group that I'm in and she's, ah, tall and she's thin, got light brown hair and she's wearing bells--jeans--and her hair was long and straight. And so, ah, we go back to her apartment, it's nOt really really a nice one you know, but she can't afford too much and so we go sitting around, ah, her room and so, ah (delay) we eat around there talking about things that happened about, about the war and stuff like that. (E What are you seeing?‘ .g 80 she's got posters and everything, and, ah- ‘g Can you describe that in greater detail? §_The posters? '§_What you're seeing in your mind's eye. § Oh, I'm just looking around the room, it's got like 217 there's no real furniture. You know, like there's a couch but just some mattresses on the floor with just some ash trays around on the floor, bunch of cigarette butts in them and it's just like I said it's not a real nice apartment. But this kid's really nice and- .E Nice in what way? S_She's really friendly. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Well, she seems interested in everything I talk about, we talk a lot about the same things, and we feel the same way about a lot of things. And, ah, you know, like she is not that much older than I am. And, ah, so we, we sit around and talk about things like that, smoking some cigarettes. E_How are you doing? S_I was doing okay, I was really having a good time. Cause I, you know, .felt good being around her. It was really comfortable. _E Are you describing what you're seeing in your mind's eye? S_Yeah, we're just sitting there on the floor, talking. She's got this, ah, kind of shirt on, like it's a t-shirt like, it's got three buttons in the front, and, it's white and she doesn't have any bra on. Which I think is pretty far out. E_Far out in what way? .g Like I like, they look better when they don't wear a bra. E_What are you seeing? S_So I just noticed that and I'm sitting there talking with her and I notice she's very attractive. So we're just sitting there talking. (clears throat) (delay) E_What's happening? § We're just sitting around and talking about, ah, you know, the war and the country. The draft, (delay) So she asks me if I, ah, want to go to these other pe0p1e's place. I say ok so she's got a vw so we get in it and, ah, drive over there and there's this other pad and there's this whole bunch of kids over there. We go over and sit around a bunch of dope over there and everything. Listen to music. E_What are you seeing? 5_ See a bunch of people sitting around on the floor smoking grass. Listening to music talking, it's dark in there. 218 E_Would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman. S_Where I was with her? The other one where her apartment is. E_What was that? S_The apartment of the chick's? E_Uh huh. S_Well I'm sitting in this one room and there's no wallpaper, like the walls are just painted but it's not a real fresh paint like it's sort of dull, it's just posters up there and, ah, I guess there's, like a couple of mattresses on the floor and some pillows, an old couch and a television in one corner, she's got a stereo in there too. And there's a bunch of ash trays on the floor cigarette butts, and- (delay) that's about it, about the apartment. g How are you doing? .§ I feel rreally good. You know, we're sitting .zaround talking. Having a good time. '§_What are you seeing? _S She sitting across from me on this, ah, pillow with her legs crossed and smoking a cigarette. And just talking. (delay) So then, ah, it gets like, ah, she lives down in Detroit and down around Wayne State and so it's about 5 o'clock and I tell her I got to split. I got to start thumbing home. And she offers me a ride but I don't want her to take me out to Romeo and have her drive back all- so I just, ah, leave her apartment and walk down to Woodward and start thumbing. And it's sort of hard thumbing on Woodward, nobody will pick you up, finally three freaks pick me up and that's usually the only pe0ple I get picked up by is freaks and they take me all the way to Birmingham by the Long Lake road. I hitch hike from there to Rochester and I hitch hike from there to Romeo and I come into Romeo and I see a couple of people I know from (Wayne State????) in Detroit and I talk with them for a while. (delay) Then I go home. E_What's happening? S_I go in the house but nobody is home, it's about 6. So, ah, it's still light outside (???) it's in the fall, and I go in the kitchen look for some- thing to eat, I get some celery. And I eat that. I go Upstairs into my 219 room and think about something to do that night. E_How are you doing? S'I feel bored, I don't want to stay there. So I call Kim, and I thumb out to her house. Ah, which isn't too hard. And we just go out in the yard, she's got this, ah, like it's a pony, so we saddle that up and we take it back, she's out, she lives in the country, but she lives outside Romeo, like it, it's country all around it. (????) country. So we get on her pony and, ah, :we ride it back in the fields that's really fun. (delay) E_What are you seeing? S_See us, ah, riding down this path. Back in this field back there. We are just riding along. .E Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? S_Not really, no I don't visualize that at all. ‘E What's happening? .S Seeing in the apartment, there's music, but, ah, we're not dancing, we don't dance. .g How are you doing? _S Pretty good. (delay) E_What's happening? _S She offered me some grass. I said sure. So we smoke some of that and we just sit around listening to music. E_What are you seeing? _S See myself laying down looking at the ceiling. 'E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Ah, I don't know, I got stoned, so then I just laid back and looked at the ceiling. I felt really good and the music really sounded good and, ah, I don't know just laid back and looked at the ceiling sometimes see colors, sometimes if you smoke Hash or something, you hallucinate. E_What was that? S_Oh, if you smoke Hash, I don't know, ah, you can hallucinate, you can see things you know, and, ah, I just lean back looking at the ceiling, it felt really good, and I was just content to lay there. ‘§_What are you seeing? .g (laughs) I see mickey mouse and all these pe0p1e running around on the ceiling. ‘E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Ah, all these Walt Disneys, ah, ah, cartoon figures and they just keep appearing on the ceiling. Fussing around, dark, 220 like you can see the- (delay) that happens to me sometimes. E_What was that? S Like, well like, I don't know (laughs) if I should be telling you this. You know, the stuff like, smoking grass and everything. You know, cause, ah, — E_You don't know in what way? S_Well, you just don't go around telling anybody things like that, you never know what the people are, you know, how they feel. E_What are you doing, how are you doing? S_Just laying there on the floor, my head's on a pillow. ‘E You just sighed. S_Well, I feel just, you know, I feel really, ah, relaxed, relaxed. Just (????) of this, enjoying it all. (delay) E What's happening? S_Just laying there. E_What are you seeing? §_I don't know just a bunch of things. Just flashing back to when I was smoking with this girl, and, thinking about what happened that day. I was going, like in the march down Woodward. Remember looking up and when we got to, ah, Kennedy Square, all around the, ah, big square there were these tall buildings, you know, and the speaker was saying something about, ahm, well like we've got representa- tives from Michigan State, and Michigan (all this???) and this friend of mine, next to me said, "Yeah, we've got the CIA here too,” éna he said, ”Yeah, there they are up in the windows taking films," so they looked and everybody turned around and gave them the bird, and there was a bunch of police around there, standing around, they didn't have to be there. They figured we were a bunch of hippies, there'd be trouble. Which there wasn't. E_How are you doing? S_I'm feeling pretty good, but, ah, so of tired so I sat down on the cement, and ah, just listened to the speaker and talking to some friends of mine from Eastern. They were there too and I met them. So I'm just talking to them. E_Please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. .§ (delay, sigh) E_What's happening? S (laugh) hard to picture that. ‘g Hard in what way? 221 §_I just, it's hard to imagine myself doing that. E_What are you seeing? §_I don't , I'm trying to visualize it but it, it's really hard to do. It's even hard for me to visualize doing that. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Well, ah, I don't know I just don't dance. Unless I get, if I'm drunk or something, then I'll dance, but, ah, I just don't, I don't know I'd rather just sit and listen to music than dance to it. And the girl is the same way, and we're both stoned and we just don't feel like dancing. We don't even, I don't even want to dance. I'd rather just sit there and talk to her than dance, it's no fun. (laugh) E_What's happen— ing? '§_Ah, I was just thinking that, you know, like you asked me to visualize it but you know it's very hard for me to. Cause I just, I can only visualize what I think would happen and, ah, what would happen and I just can't picture that happening at all. .3 Can you describe that in greater detail? E_About not dancing? E_Um. .S It's just that, ahm, well I don't like to dance, unless if I'm drunk then I'll dance, cause, I don't know, but as far as listening to music especially when you're stoned, ah, I'd rather just sit and listen to the music. And, ah, I don't even feel like getting up and dancing with her. And she doesn't either. 2 How are you doing? .S I feel really good. If I tried dancing I would, I wouldn't want to dance it would be against my will. And, ah, I'm feeling really good. E What are you seeing? .g Just, ah, we're sitting there and she's playing Tommy and this, ah, a Rock Opera, and, ah, I'm thinking about, like if the opera was performed, I thinking about Tommy. It's about this kid that's deaf, ah, deaf, dumb, and blind and she's playing that and I'm jst just visualizing him. About the song that's about him. (delay) And there's a song about him, ah, being on the stage and playing, and this girl rushes (shifts his body) up to him, I can see that happening (sighs). 222 E_Can you describe that in greater detail? § Yeah, he's sitting on the stage playing his guitar and this girl that's really crazy about him, runs up on the stage and he knocks her off and she cuts her cheek. Her name is Sally. This is in the song, you know, and this is what I, whenethey sing about him, I picture, it's like at, ah, the stage is like at, ah, the Auditorium one of those, or the Masonic Auditorium in Detroit. And, it's sort of an old place. It's not anything like Cobo Hall or anything. (delay) Last summer, one night, ahm, there was supposed to be a concert at the auditorium and I tried to talk my roommate into, ah, going there before the concert and me and him getting up on the stage and playing, fool are the peOple, I could picture myself doing that, but, ah, really he didn't go along with it at all. But I was, throught ‘about how it would be if we did that, so we'd get up on the stage and, ah, fool the people cause they wouldn't want to say, ”Well, I wonder who that is,” because they'd want to, you know, they wouldn't want to tell the people they were with they didn't know. So we'd get up there and, ah, just tune our guitars and play a few songs, that'd really be fun. That's what I would like to do. E_What are you seeing? S_See myself on the stage, singing. _E Ok, you can Open your eyes now. That's it. S_(laugh) Weird. Condition I S What's happening? S (silence) S What are you seeing? S Ahm, that (?) scene. I just (keep seeing??) that scene (laugh). S You're smiling. S (silence) S Just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and then describe them for me. S What's happening? S This building (???) (silence) S Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? S It's the old building (???) (???) S Now what's happening? S Nothing (laugh) S How are you doing? S I'm fine. (silence) S What are you seeing? S Nothing. (silence) S What's happening? - You seem to be smiling. S Uh huh (silence) S What are you seeing? S Nothing comes to my mind. (silence) S You seem to be smiling. S (silence) S How are you doing? S I'm fine. (silence) S What are you seeing? S Nothing. Just the walk over here keeps coming back to me. S Can you describe that in greater detail? S Well primarily just walking up to the building. The same thing I seen before. (silence) S What’s happening? S Nothing. S You seemed to have frowned there for a while. S Oh, I guess I was just thinking about: the cold (???) (silence) S Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? S Uh huh. S You're shaking your head. S I'm not really thinking of anything. S What are you seeing? S Ahm, I guess it's a woman (silence). E Can you describe that in greater detail? S We're on the bus. (delay) (laugh) It looks like our campus bus. (silence) S What's happening? S Just the same thing. (silence) S How are you doing? S (delay) I'm okay. S New what's happening? S (delay) We're just walking along. The same woman. S You're shaking your head. S I don't understand. S Don't understand in what way? S I, I just don't recognize her. (silence) S What are you seeing? 223 224 S_Same thing. .S Can you describe that in greater detail? S Oh, we're just walking along, I guess it's outside. Looks like it's on this campus. (laugh) I don't know. (silence) S_What was that? S_I just don't know. Who it is. Just a lot of trees, maybe it's a park. “S How are you doing? S I'm fine (silence) ‘S_What's happening? .S Same thing. Just walking along outside. .S_You look puzzled. .S (laugh) I am, I don't recognize the person I'm with. (silence) .S Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? S It's the same thing. I can't make out anymore than that. (silence) S What's happening? S Just the same, I think it is on campus, it looks like the walk over here, but I don't know who the woman is. (silence) S_What are you seeing? S_(sigh-laugh) I guess I'm inside now, inside of a room, looks like a house of some kind. _S I notice you moved your legs, shifted your body. (silence) What's happening? ‘S I'm just, I guess I just in the room. (silence) ‘S_You're frowning. .S (laugh) I just don't recognize (??) ‘S_What was .that? S_I just don't recognize any of it. ‘S_Can you describe it in greater detail? .S_Yeah, it's kind of dark, and it looks just like living room (silence) 'S_You're frowning. S (laugh) I just don't recognize (??) ‘S_What was that? .§.I just don't recognize any of it. S Can you describe it in greater detail? S Yeah, it's kind of dark, and it looks just like a living room I guess with a couch and tables and chairs (silence). I guess it's that woman's house, I was walking with. Cause she's there, it looks like her. (delay) ‘S_What's happening? S (delay) I guess we're in that room. (delay) It's kind of cold, maybe it's cold in here. (He had a turtle neck on; I had shirt sleeves and was not at all cool.) ‘S_Cold in what way? .S Physically cold, just cold. S What are you seeing? S (delay) The scene, the same room. 225 (silence) S_Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? S_(laugh) S_You laugh. S_(delay) (laugh) I guess it's her bedroom. S What's happening? S_I guess I'm in that girl's bedroom. _S Can you describe that in greater detail? S_(laugh) Oh, it just looks like a bedroom scene. I still don't recognize her. S_What's happening? .S (laugh) I guess we're going to go to bed. S What are you seeing? S_Just her. S_Can you describe that in greater detail? S (sigh) I still don't recognize her. Do you want me to describe her? .S Whatever you're see— ing in your mind's eye, describe to me. S_(delay) It's a really small room, it seems (????) I don't recognize her, though, doesn't look familiar. (silence) S_What's happening? S Guess I'm leaving, yeah, I've started walking outside again. S You shaked your head. S_I'm not sure where. Seems like I'm walking in about the same spot I was before, just along sidewalk. S How are you doing? S (delay) I'm kinda in a hurry. I'm running, I guess. (silence) I'm comin upon my dorm (sighs) (at the university now). Condition II S Would you, now I would like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. _S Uh huh. S 0k, what are you seeing? S (laugh) the same thing I saw a moment ago. .S Well, can you describe that in greater detail? S_(laugh) I guess we're in her bedroom again (sigh). S_What happened? S_It's exactly as it was last time. I guess, we're going to bed. (laugh) I still don't know who she is. S_Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them for me? S_Ok. ‘S_What's happening? S_I guess I'm going to make love to her, in bed. (sighs) .S How are you doing? S_(sigh) (delay) I don't know (sighs) I'm getting really afraid. S Afraid in 226 what way? _S (delay) (sigh)I don't know her (laugh). I don't know who she is, I guess. (silence) I'm leaving again. Same as last time. _S Can you describe it in greater detail? S_(sigh) I'm just leaving the room and then I'm outside and I'm just walking around the same sidewalk. S_How are you doing? S_(delay) I'm in a hurry, I'm running (sighs) S_I notice you're sighing. S_(delay) (sighs-laughs) I don't understand it. (laugh) _S Don't understand it in what way? S_It's just odd, it's the same thing I told you last time, I'm running down the same sidewalk. It looks like the sidewalk that leads up to this building. (silence) And I'm really running fast (delay) S What's happening? S I'm just coming upon my dorm again (?????). Now I'm , I'm in my room. S What was that? S_I'm just back in my room now. S_You look puzzled. _S (sigh) I don't understand it. _S In what way? S_What I was doing, I don't know, I was running so hard. I guess I was just running from that woman. I (??) S What was that? S_I was just running from that woman, I remem- ber being in her room and then just running. S_What's happening? S Nothing. I'm just back in my room now. ‘S_You're frowning. .S (laugh) I- S What are you seeing? S Just the same thing. I, I'm just thinking it's my room. Wow. (silence) ‘S_What's happening? S_Nothing. S How are you doing? S (sigh) I just wondered who that woman was, that one I was in her apartment, house. I guess I'm puzzled. ‘S Puzzled in what way? S_I just don't understand who she was or, I don't recognize her at all. (silence) Her apartment just came back to my mind. It's (living room?) ' and it's right next to a bedroom (???) 'S_What was that? S_It's just the same scene I saw before, it's (??) S You winced. |m (laugh) ‘S_What's happening? S_(laugh) It's the same thing as before. lm Can you describe that in greater detail? S_It's the same woman, in the 227 (laugh) same room and I guess it's her bedroom and we're in bed again. .E What's happening? §_ (delay) I, I guess I'm going to make love to her, but she seems, I don't even know her, it just seems so strange. (laugh) _S Strange in what way? S I'm ca, I don't even really see her face, I - (silence) _S Can you describe that in greater detail? S_(delay) Well, we just seem to be in bed and I don't want to make lvoerto her, I guess. S_You don't want to in what way? S_I don't know, I guess it's because I don't, don't know her. I can't even see her hardly, I can't see her face. I just want to leave again. (silence) S_What are you seeing? S_(delay) (sigh) I guess there's little kids in the living room. it's (laugh) the same living room. (sigh) There's two little girls and (delay) I think there's a man there. I don't, I don't recognize him (S_has two sisters, no brothers.) I'm just leaving, going outside. S_How are you doing? S_(laugh) I guess I'm upset, I, I'm running. S_Upset in what way? S_I don't know. I, seem kind of nervous. S_Can you describe that in greater detail? S I'm just running really fast. You know, down the same (laugh) the same sidewalk. (silence) S_What's happening? S_(laugh) I'm making love to that woman. And the door's Opening? It's the telephone. S_You look puzzled. _S I just don't understand where I am. (delay) I'm just leaving. And (laugh) I'm very nervous. S Nervous in what way? S Just about the whole situation, I'm just running, I don't understand it. E Would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman. .§ In the living room? lS_Whatever comes to your mind's eye. S We're, I guess we're just in the living room. S What are you seeing? S_(laugh) I guess I can see her now, a bit more. S_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_She seems to be a mature type woman, she's not, 228 really not that young. And, well, she is attractive. And we're just sitting in her living room. And (laugh) I'm dancing with her. And hold- ing her. S_What was that? S I'm dancing with her. And now we're in the bedroom. We're going to bed. S_You're shaking your head. SI'm leaving (laughing). S_How are you doing? S I'm leaving. Getting ready to leave (silence) S_What are you seeing? S I'm just running, just running from her apartment. (delay) S What's happening? S_(laugh) I, I'm just walking, I'm walking home. (silence) The apartment just doesn't seem to go away. (silence) S_What's happening? S_I just see the same room that's all. S_What are you seeing? _S It's the same living room but no one's in it. There were three people before but no one's in it now. S_Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? S_Uh huh. Uh huh. S_What's happening? S We're dancing, I'm holding her, she's (???) S What was that? _S I can feel her. .S Feel her in what-way? S_Her body. And I guess we're in her bedroom again and we're going to bed. S How are you doing? S_(delay) I, I'm, I don't know I seem to be nervous. S_Can you describe that in greater detail? _S I guess I don't want to go to bed with, with this woman (laugh). _S You laughed when you said that. S_I, I, I just don't have the answer. I don't recognize her. She doesn't have (a familiar??) face. I, I just don't want to be there, I guess._ I seem very uncomfortable. .S Uncom- fortable in what way? S Nervous, I don't want to be there. .S Can you describe that in greater detail? S (delay) I guess I know it's wrong, what I'm doing and I just don't want to be there with her. She- S What's happening? S_I'm leaving. S How are you doing? S_Well, I don't know whether I'm mad or or just nervous or what. I, I, I'm just 270 in a hurry to leave. And I'm running down (laugh) the same sidewalk. I'm in a hurry. S_ How are you doing? S_I'm fine now. S What are you seeing? S I'm just walking along, just walking back. It's the exact same thing, I walked by the apartment. Very fine now. ‘S What's happening? SjNothing. . S_What are you-seeing? -_S (sigh) The same things are coming back. A bus ride, I was on a bus. It looks like I was leaving this building on a bus. The road in the vicinity Of this building. S_Please get a mental picture of yourself and the woman dancing. -§ (delay) I can't picture her very well. I just, I don't, I can't make out what she looks like very well. But we're dancing. .S How are you doing? S (sighs) I'm doing fine. I (laugh) can't figure out who she is. S-It annoys me. .E Annoys you in what way? S (laugh) I'm curious. (laugh) It's the same thing over and zover. As I said before, I guess, we're in her bed now. And I'm going to make love to her. I'm just leaving, I don't want to be there. S_You're frowning. §_ (sigh) (silence) S_What's happening? S I'm just leaving. S How are you doing? S (deep sigh) Just the same as before (laugh) I'm, I, I seem to be either nervous or, or angry, I can't tell which. I think it'S, I'm just running. I don't know, maybe I'm angry. S_Angry in what way? S (laugh) Cause I left, I don't know. S What are you seeing? S I'm walking home, along the same sidewalk, exact same scene as before. I guess I (laugh) I guess the sidewalk leads ‘from this building to my dorm (laughs) S_What's happening? S The same thing, I'm just walk- ing. And I'm just very (???) to my room. .S How are you doing? S_I'm fine. S_Ok, you can Open your eyes now. 230 Condition III §_I feel kind of I don't know I guess the chair is - (??) I just saw a clock. I guess I wondered what time it was (laugh) Um.- (silence) E_What's happening? §_(delay) .E I was just thinking about the test I took today, I guess. That room came to mind. I was thinking about it. lm What are you seeing? §_I'm just seeing that room and I and I remember sitting in it. Aside from that, nothing. E_Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and then describe them for me? _§ (silence) I guess, I saw the (laugh) Administration Building. E_You're laughing. §_Yeah. (laugh) E_How are you doing? .g I'm fine. I still a bit un- comfortable. §_Uncomfortable in what way? §_Ah, I got a headache I guess. 2 What are you seeing? _§ (sigh) Outside this building, the walk. (silence) I was just walking up through this building, it's the walk over here again. E_You laughed. §_(silence) Now I, I just recall the time last summer when I came up through campus I guess that was the first area I was around this building, it seems likinda like that now. And that's (???) E_What was that? §.I was thinking that was why I or keep visualizing this area around this building. Because, oh, I just recall coming up here this summer and this was probably one of the first things I saw when I walked around. E_What are you seeing? §_I'm just thinking about the campus I guess, yeah. (???) I see Brody complex and Harrison Road. Now, moving toward Wonders, from Harrison. (delay) I, the freeway just came to my mind, I guess, cause it's down that way. -§ Can you describe that in greater detail? §_(delay) I was just thinking maybe it's the freeway, it just came to my mind (laugh) I don't know why. E_What are you seeing? §_Oh, I was just thinking of Wonders again, the building. Walking. .2 How are you doing? 231 §_I'm okay (laughs) (laughs) Taking a tour of the campus here. (laugh) Just moving down the road further and further, I guess to Shaw Street or Road or whatever. (delay) E_What's happening? §_Nothing. (silence) I, I just looking up at the sky and it seems to be really cloudy, kind of a cloudy day. (??) the windshield wiper. (silence) It's really cold outside (silence) E_What's happening? _§ I was just thinking, I guess, I was back thinking about my room, going back home. Condition IV .E Now I would like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of‘a woman in her apartment. §_Uh huh. ‘ E_What are you seeing? _§ (laugh) I guess, I don't know, I picture myself and a woman in her apartment. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? §_(laugh) I guess it was a scene like a normal room scene. I don't really see (??) ‘2 What was that? §_I don't know who she is though. E_Do you see a face on her? §_Yeah, I can only picture a woman and myself in her ~apartment. E_What's happening? §_I just wondered why. nghy ah- I don't under- stand. I guess I didn't hear you. §_I just wondered why you asked me, why you told me to picture that. E_What are you seeing? §_I just see a normal room. Nothing in particular. E_How are you doing? § I'm ok. _g What's happening? _§ Nothing. .g You shrugged then. §_Uh huh. Nothing is happening. (silence) '§_What was that? §_I guess I'm just leaving that apartment, that room, whatever. (silence) E_What are you seeing? §_I'm just walking down a lot of stairs, it seems. I guess from her apartment (laugh) .E How are you doing? §_I'm ok. (delay) I'm (???).§_What was that? §_I say it was (fine?) E What's happening? §_I'm just walking along and thinking of (laughs) 232 the same sidewalk that's outside this building. (silence) E_Will you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman? §_Just Sitting in the apartment with the woman. E_Describe whatever comes to your mind's eye. E Any woman or (sighs) no- E What are you seeing? §_Just sitting in an apartment with a woman (laughs) _E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_We‘re just sitting there. _E How are you doing? § I'm fine, (laugh) ok. E_What's happening? .g I guess we're just talking or whatever. I can't make her out very well, I don't know her, can't describe her very well. I guess we're leaving. Going outside. Br, I guess I'm going, yeah, I'm just going myself. E_What's happening? §_I'm leaving the apartment. E_How are you doing? §_I'm fine. E_What are you seeing? §_(laugh) Nothing, I was just thinking of that apartment, I guess. _g In what way? §-I don't know, I just recalled it for a moment. It just seems like when I come out of there, and start walking downstairs, I (7?) in this bU11d' ing. In fact, it's like the apartment was in this building (laugh) (delay) E_What's happening? §_Nothing. E_I noticed you moan or gasp lo: I don't think so. E Whataare you seeing? §_Nothing, for sure? I {7! Can you describe anything that comes into your mind's eye? §_(Ga9ps) It's the same thing over and over. This building, the Administration Building. I guess the walks, just the same things. .g How are you doing? §_I'm fine. Oh, I didn't really see myself walking there, it was more like I was just looking round. (silence) I just can't keep that it out of my mind, the general area around here. E_Can't get it out of your mind in what way? .g That's what I visualize, it keeps coming into my mind. E_Can you get a mental picture of yourself, dancing with the woman? 233 §.Uh huh, ok. (silence) _E Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? §.I just have a picture of my dancing with some woman. _g Can you describe that in greater detail? §_(laugh) I don't know it's kind of fuzzy, there's not much detail to it, you know. ‘2 How are you doing? _§ I'm ok. Nothing more than that comes to mind than dancing with that woman. E_What are you seeing? §_I don't know, it's just a big room (delay) And we're dancing (laugh) (silence) (sigh) E_What's happening? _§ I, I just see that woman. In a way she kinda reminds me of my girlfriend, I, I mean, I still don't recognize her at all really. _E In what way? §_Well, her hair is blonde. And I guess that's (???) (laughs) E_How are you doing? §_I'm fine. (silence) E_What are you seeing? .§_Ah, I was just thinking of this room here (laugh)_§ Can you describe that in greater detail? § Well, I was just thinking of that dot up there on the wall. _E In what way? §_I just thinking of that and (sigh) this is a strange room kind of. E_Strangc in what way? §_Well, with the machinery and the bed, it's a strange room. E_How are you doing? § I'm fine. ‘E What's happening? .§ Nothing. ‘2 Please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. _g What's happening? §_(laugh) Just the same picture, me and the lady dancing (laugh) .g Can you describe that in greater detail? _§ (laugh) No, not much, uh. Just dancing with a woman. E_How are you doing? _§ I'm fine. (silence) §_Nothing is going to come to my mind. E_What's happening? §_I'm just dancing with that woman (???) .E What was that? _§_I'm just dancing with that woman (silence) E_What are you seeing? §_(sigh) I guess the woman, oh, I don't recognize her or anything (laugh) the one you suggested I dance with. (silence) E_What's happening? §_Nothing (laugh) (silence) .E How are you doing? §_I'm ok (laugh) 234 E_What are you seeing? §_I don't know. E_What was that? §_I just thinking of your tape recorder. _E In what way? .g I don't know, I guess I was wondering if it was still going or not. .2 OR, YOU can open your eyes . Condition I §_Well I see, ah, ah, lady. She's about 28 or so (rubbing his nose) Very good looking. E_I notice you were rubbing your nose. .§ (delay) She's dancing. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Well, ah, she's dancing with me. And, ah, well I'm getting kind of excited. E_Excited in what way? §_Sexually excited. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? _§ Well, she's dancing real close and, ah, I don't know, it's just the way she's talking and everything she's doing. E_You're smiling. _g (silence) .g What's happening? .g Well, I'm just getting excited. E What are you seeing? _§ Well, the woman and, ah, well not much else. (silence) But she's older than I am. (delay) I think she's married, I think the place we're in doesn't look like an entirely female apartment. (delay) Kind of worried. About well she's seems to be well you know, sort of reSpectable, I don't even know what. E_What was that? .g (delay) .5 I notice you put your hand to your face. §_(silence) g What's happening? .g She's left now. -§ How are you doing? §_I don't know. I feel pretty strongly. Ah, I don't know. She's married and, ah, I don't feel like I should be in that place. E_You don't feel like you should be in that place in what way? §_If she's, ah married woman and, ah, I don't know it just doesn't seem right, I don't know. .E How are you doing? § (silence) I'm still aroused quite but E Aroused in what way? §_Oh, sexually aroused, I don't know, and I don't feel like I should be there. E What are you seeing? §_Well, she's back now and, ah I'm talking and ah I'm leaving. (I, ah,) I don't know, what, I'm just (sigh) (silence) E_What are you seeing? §_Well, I've left, ah, I'm just kinda thinking back on it. _g Can you just wait for things to come into your 235 236 mind's eye and describe them for me? S_Well, I see the woman and her apartment. (delay) It's a large apartment (delay) I don't know, she just sorta sticks there. .E Sticks there in what way? § Well, that's about the only image that comes to my mind. -§ Can you describe that in greater detail? _S Well, she, as I said before she's 28 or so ah she's well built, very good looking. (silence) I see something is wrong. Something is bothering her, but I'm in a different place now. _E What are you seeing? § Oh, it's ah, outdoors and she's, ah, coming towards me. And she's upset about something. And then I I stop her. And I ask her what the problem is. She's cryiqg and she tells me that she lost her purse and she doesn't have any money and she lost her purse and everything that's in it and, ah, and she can't get home. Cause she hasn't got any money for a bus. I don't have any change. All I've got is a large bill. I want to help her though cause she's really upset about this. So I go to the bus and, ah, pay her fare. But she asks me to come with her. (silence) '§_What's happening? S_(delay) I've left, ah, I'm back where I left the apart- ment, ah, and, ah, I told her I'd call er her. E_What was that? S_I told her I would call her before I left. E_What are you seeing? S Ah, I'm leaving the building. (delay) And, ah, I'm on the street and I'm thinking about what happened. E_What are you seeing? S_(delay) (deep breath)‘ I still see the woman, just kind of. '§_What's happening? S_Ah, nothing. She's just, ah E_How are you doing? §_I'm, ah, E_What was that? §_Well, ah, I don't know I feel pretty strongly about the whole thing. .E Strongly in what way? S_I don't know. Just, ah, (silence) ‘§_What are you seeing? S_Now I'm in a phone booth. I'm talking on the phone to, ah, to the same woman. 237 I think it's a lot later, because, before I felt like I had to get out of the place and the feeling seems to have gone. E_What are you seeing? S_Oh, I talked to her on the phone and then I left the phone booth and then I, I don't know, I just keep thinking of, ah of that woman. And, ah, not much else. (silence) E_What's happening? .g (delay) Well there's, ah, a man and some some children. _E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Well, he's, ah, I don't know middle aged~~30 something, I don't know--and there's three people I guess there's boys and girls but I don't know how many, they're all pretty young. And, ah, he seems to be well he's well dressed he's not ah he's not a laborer or anything. Ah, he seems to be a businessman of some kind. He's that lady's husband. And I, I'm not seeing him in the same place, some place different. It's a large building, I think it's where he works (???) He's sitting at the desk working, I'm not there, I'm just seeing this. (laugh) He's sitting unexpectingly at his desk. E_What was that? S_Unsuspectingly at his desk. ‘§_You're smiling. S_Yeah. E_What's happening? .§ (Silence) 2 Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? S_I'm ah, I'm in the apartment with that, with the woman, and, ah, (silence) and it's, ah, daytime. And it's later day than when I described it before. Later, like you know, days later. Its It's a regular old middle class place, she's got the alcohol and the, ah- .E What was that? §_Well, she mixed me a drink. And, ah, that is strange because I don't drink, that, ah- E_Strange in what way? S_Well, it's just that generally I don't drink and, ah, I don't know, ah, E_How are you doing? S_I'm getting, ah, aroused. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Well, she's being rather amorous to, ah 238 .E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Well, in her words and actions she's just acting as though she's aroused as well and, ah, well she's, is very beautiful. And we're sitting on the couch and there's music going and we're talking and I'm drinking this drink. Which for some reason is in a glass like the ones they have in the cafeteria. E_You're smiling. S_I just thought that was kind of strange. _E Strange in what way? S_Well, they don't usually serve a drink in an apartment like that with a cafeteria glass. _E How are you doing? S_(delay) Well, I'm getting more excited, all the? time, that this goes on. And, ah, E_What are you seeing? S_Well, it's the same place and, ah we'e we're on the couch. Making love. And the door opens and it's, ah, it's the man that I described before. E_What are you seeing? S_Well, he's just, I've gotten up from the couch. I'm just standing there in the room and, ah, well he's just standing there looking at her. She's quite upset, and, ah, she's crying and I leave. He isn't, ah, he isn't going to look at me. E_What's happening? S_Well I wondered what was going to happen to her if, ah, what kind of trouble she was going to get with her-husband because of me. E_What are you seeing? _S (silence) Just parts of the whole situation. Just sort of a big picture. E_Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? S_Yeah, just a line of images. .E What are you seeing? S_Well, no, there's no big, there's no one image, it's just sort of the whole situation. E_Wall, can you describe that in greater detail? S_Well, there's, ah, .there's a bus and before that there's, ah, there is like sort of a street scene and, ah, we're both standing there, she without her purse and it's all kind of connected and then after the bus has kind of departed and on the side 239 there's the office with the, ah, husband and there is another scene in the apartment and there's all kinds of, I don't know I sort of see a whole picture. E_Hownare you doing? S_Well ah I don't know, I was kind of I don't know, it was like a wave of emotions every- thing about that whole occurrence just kind of came back, like I, ah, I was excited again and I was thinking about-—I was worried about being in the place where, because she was a married woman and the whole thing. It was like it was all, everything that I felt just came back all at once. E_What are you seeing? §.My own girlfriend. _g Can you describe that in greater detail? S Well, I'm at her place, I'm telling her about the whole situation, you know, the whole current, what happened and everything, and ah, E_Whatfs happening? S_(delay) Well she's just sitting there thinking about it and so am I and, ah, I don't know. I don't know how to, I don't know what's going to, what's going to happen or if I'm ever going to find out anything about it or, E_What are you seeing? §_Well, I'm here right where I am you know, right in the testing room And, ah, and that same woman comes in to the testing room and you know her and you get up and say hello and get up and introduce me and, ah, I don't know how to react and she doesn't show anything, doesn't react at all, just acts as though it's somebody else that you're introducing me to. And I feel as though all the things that had happened, all the, ah, well the excitement, me being worried about the stuff and everything started -.coming back again. And, ah, you left for a minute and I just ask her you know, what happened and, ah, she just didn't say anything and you came back cause you were gone for a half second or so and, ah, she leaves and then well I leave. And I guess everything is back to normal. E_Normal in what way? S_Well, 240 I just go out and go about my classes. lm 0k, would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman. [7) All right. E_What's happening? §_(silence) Well, we just came in and we got there just after got on the bus and she helps, asks me to look at her collection of records while she goes and gets some change so she can pay me back for the =money that I gave her for the bus. And, ah, so I do and she leaves and, ah I look at her records nand then she comes back and she has the money and gives it to me and I'm about to leave but she doesn't want me to leave and, ah, well she's being very nice to me and she asks me if I'd like to have something to eat and she gets me something, mixes me a drink and, ah I'm just sitting there eating. she made me a sandwich that I'm eating and, ah, I have a drink. While she's throwing something on the, ah, stereo. E_How are you doing? § Well, ah, she doesn't want me to leave and, she seems to be quite I don't know- The whole thins is getting me, ah, excited and, ah Well she asked me to come and dance with her and I do and we're dancing and, ah, quite close and, ah, well she's very well built and we and I'm thinking that I'd like to, ah I'm thinking that I'd like to make love with her and we're sitting on the couch and I'm getting more excited all the time. And she seems to be more excited. And I'm wondering if I'm going to be able to make it, I'm doubting myself because, well, she's married and all she seems to know what she's doing and ah I'm I don't know if I'm going to be able to satisfy her because she's acting like she's really getting excited about the whole thing and she leaves for a minute. Says she will be right back. I'm sitting there by myself you know, thinking :-about the whole thing and _E How are you doing? 241 §_Well, I'm I'm excited but I'm youfknow, doubting myself and, ah I'm wondering if if I maybe I'd better go. If she comes back and I tell her that I've got .to leave but that I'll call her sometime and she doesn't seem to want me to go but she doesn't argue with me and then I just say goodbye and walk out the door. E_What's happening?' §_That was kind of it, it was just like, ah, felt like when I closed the door, it was like, you know, case is closed. _g Closed in what way? §_Well I don't know, ahm, it is just, I think it was just temporary I just felt like that at the moment, because, because I think that I would call back later, like I said I would, within a couple of days. E What are you seeing? §_(delay) a bus. It's, ahm, daytime and I'm by myself on the bus, there are other people on the bus but I'm not with anyone, I'm sitting in the back, just looking out the window and thinking. E_Please get a picture of yourself and wa woman dancing. §_Uell the lights in the apartment are dim and she's got music on the stereo and it's slow and, ah, I like the music and it's just kind of relaxing and ah, relaxing in some ways but not in others, relaxing in that I'm not worrying about things but still it's kind of exciting in, ah, in a sexual way. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? .g What the music we're listening to? .2 What was that? §_What the music is doing to me? E Exciting in a sexual sort of way. §_The musiC, well, the whole situation is, ah, particularly her. E_What are you seeing? §_Well, I'm dancing with her, we're dancing very close we're leaning right up .against each other. I kind of, you know, without seeing anything I get an idea through my mind about what she's like. Just, ah, ‘E How are you doing? §_Well, I'm getting quite, ah, excited and 242 ah, even though, you know, we're dancing and I'm looking over her shoulder practically I am still trying to see her and ‘E What's happening? _§ (silence) I'm on the bus again. I don't know, I'm just getting different images, ah, they don't follow each other, they just go from one to another and nothing has changed, nothing has happened. Like, ah, well, there's the image on the bus that time when I was going back to her apartment with her the first time when I paid her bus fare. But, ah _§ Ok, you can Open your eyes now. Condition III §_Nothing. ‘E What was that? _§ I don't, ah, there's no images or nothing. (silence) gE How are you doing? §_All right, I guess. E_You're smiling. §_Well, I was just wondering why you asked me how I was. How am I supposed to be? .2 Just relax and wait for things to come into your mind's eyes and then rpreport them to me. l§_A laurel (?) in my mind's eye. E_What was that? §_Laurel was in my mind's eye, that's my girlfriend. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Laurel? E_Uh huh. §_Well, Laurel is my age, she has black hair and blue eyes and she's got a fantastic body. And is very good looking. E_What are you seeing? § I'm waiting for a plane and her sister is on it, whom I've never met. E_What's happening? §_Well, I'm taking an exam--1083 Wells Hall. l§_You're smiling. '§_Yeah. .g What's happen- ing? § I'm taking the exam and I'm flunking. Math exam. Math. Seems to be somebody in the back of my mind. (delay) Like I'm thinking mostly about, ah, I don't know, there's some female in the back of my mind, it isn't real. E Can you describe that in ;-greater detail? §_Um, not really (sigh). .g How are -you doing? § All right. 243 (silence) E_Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? §_Well, I'm just thinking about, ah, this university in general. Cause I took a busride, borrowed a bus pass and rode around for a couple of hours the other day, and, ah, well I was impressed about going here and I got impressed again and I was just thinking about I feel like I'm being analyzed. E Analyzed in what way? _§ Like I'm going to a psychiatrist or something, sitting on a couch, just asked to, ah, talk about things that come into my mind. _E How are you doing? §.Ok, how are you? E_You're smiling, what's happening? §_Not too much (he almost broke up but retained control.) Ah— E_What was that? _§ Nothing. E_Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them for me? § (delay) I was just thinking about everyday things that happen to me, nothing, ah, unusual. _E What are you seeing? §.JuSt ah, ah, a lot of thingserthe dorm,-classcs, Laurel, just everything i: general. I . don't fix on anything right now. Condition IV _E Now I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. §_(silence) 2 What are you seeing? §_Well, I'm in, ah, an apartment with this girl and, ah well she's my age and well, we're listening to music and talkinO. And I'm sitting in an inflatable chair. .2 How are you doing? §_All right. _E Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? §_Well, just talking about, ah apartment brought to my mind my cousin's mind and now I'm not just in an apartment with a woman but two couples, you know, remembering something that happened. Watching television and talking. E_What are you seeing? § Just the same situation, when you say, you know like being in a woman's apartment with her, doesn't really have any significance, not having been 244 in such a situation. .2 Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and report them to me? §_Well, the apartment isn't very big. It's a quite well furnished. Stuff in it is quite modern. There's, ah, a real good stereo, quite a few records. And I'm just sitting in this green inflatable plastic chair. Listening to, ah, music that she's got on. Well, listening to the music, I'm just becoming absorbed in it, and the music is over and, ah, well we sit and talk, for a while, and ah I drink a coke. _E You're smiling. ‘g Well, I don't really know what to, ah, I drink a coke, we go into the bedroom, we jump into bed (almost broke up again, but controlled himself and did not break down laughing). .g Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Jumping into bed? E_Uh huh. .§ Ah _5 What's happening? §_Well, I take off my clothes and I jump into bed. Pull back the covers, insert myself and, ah cover up and she does the same thing. E_How are you doing? §_Not bad. Then we make violent passionate love, until we, ah, the sky falls in. _E Violent passionate love, in what way? §_The usual way. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? You're laughing. §_Yes, I'm wondering what this is all about. Oh, well, E What are you seeing? §_I'm wondering if it's possible to make a green inflatable bed. _E Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and report them to me? _§ I see a green inflatable bed, it's not very comfortable either. Well, the room it's in is awful large for the fact there's a bed, the bed isn't small or anything, it's just there's nothing else in it. (silence) I'm riding around in a bus. E How are you doing? _§ All right. I have no destination. I just just riding around, but I'm with some pe0p1e. I'm just riding around looking out the window. E Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? §_With 245 what woman? E_Can you just wait for something to come into your mind's eye and describe tit for me? §_Dancing with a woman? _g What was that? _§ Just thinking, dancing with a woman, ahm. _E What are you seeing? §_Myself, I'm ah in well dancing with the woman, that gives me the image of a different apartment than what I described before. A larger one with alcohol and stereo with different kind of music and there are no green inflatable chairs instead there's, ah, a large plush couch (?) and, ah when you say dancing, that makes it more, ah, well the woman is older. And, ah, for some reaSOn when you say dancing it brings the image of a slow dance, classical type, just dancing instead of, ah, modern dance. It brings the image of an older woman and, ah, well, she's all right but she's older and I'm not too interested. So I go back to the other apartment with the green inflatable chair. E_What are you seeing? §‘A beach ball. E Made me think of it because of the green inflatable chair which is kind of like a beach ball with a hole in it. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? E_The beach ball? Yes, it has, ah, panels with different colors, you know, shaped like sections of an orange going up the sides, with all different colors. When you spin it it just becomes a white blur. But it's hard to spin because you can't hold it and that brings the image of a beach, of a particular beach with a cliff behind it and, ah, a very steep old road, waters washed out and eroded most of it away. And, ah, a lake which is quite shallow out quite aways. And an air mattress. I'm laying on the air mattress and there's music coming from someplace and I'm out along ways out on the lake and, ah, there are two females out there coming towards me and one on each side of the air mattress and one of them is the girl I was in the apartment with the green inflatable chair with and the other 246 apartment with alcohol with. And they both grabbed the air mattress and threw me over. (silence) E Please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. §_Well, I get the same thing she is, ah, well she is older and, ah, I guess the same apartment. E_How are you doing? _§ All right. I'd rather not be there. I can think of better places to be. E_Rather not in what way? .§ Well, I am just kinda bored with the whole situation. ‘§_What are " you seeing? §_I'm sitting on the couch and there's music Jgoing and I don't know,where she is, she left for a minute. I don't know why I'm there. Ah, (silence) She comes back and I say well thanks a lot for the drink and I leave. I don't particularly like the apartment, nor the whole situation or set-up and, ab. E You don't like it in what way? §_Oh, I don't know, I just sort of bored with it, I suppose, seems like I've been there quite a while and, ah, she asked me to dance and I danced. I don't know why, I guess I was just being nice. (silence) I don't particularly want to be there if her husband came home. E_What "~are you seeing? §_Well, her husband came home. He's kind of shocked just standing there in disbelief. .g How are you doing? §_All right, ah (silence) I leave the apartment, she'll probably get bawled out good. He may even divorce her. E What are you seeing? §-I imagine this whole thing seems to be in New York City. 80 I ride the elevator door and walk out onto the street, and wait for a bus and get onto the bus and sit in the back and I look out of the window and I watch the buildings go by- E_Ok, you can Open your eyes. Condition I .§ I feel very relaxed. And a big dark atmosphere, space. .E What was that? §_It's like I'm in a large dark, floating around in space. _E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_It's sorta it's sorta being suspended in air sort I feel like I'm waving very slowly back and forth. E_What was that? §_I feel like I'm just slowly, very very slowly weaving (or waving) back and forth. _E Waving in what way? §_Like, like my stomach is waving and my legs in rhythm. And my with my eyes I see dark spots with light edges around them, going every which way. E_How are you doing? _§ (silence, stiffens body, moves feet) E_What's happening? '§_Oh, that woman, beautiful. Just beautiful. g Can you describe what you're seeing? §_A beautiful woman very stirs every every bit of me. E_What was that? E_She stirs every bit of me. §.In what way? §_Sexually. .g Can you describe that in greater detail? §_She she makes me feel like she wants me to take her to bed. But, but I can't. ‘§_What was that? §_But I can't. E What are you seeing? §_A, a barrier that stands in front of me. Ah (fear?) l§_Your seeing fear? §_Feeling fear. I can feel it so much that I can almost see it. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_ (silence) It turns, .really turns me on. .E Turns you on in what way? ‘g By the way she talks and sexually. But I know I just can't. E_What are you seeing? § I'm seeing her tempting me in every way possible. Trying to arouse me. ‘§_Well, can you describe that in greater detail? §_She is sitting down next to me, her arms are around me tries to kiss me, I'm scared. Real scared. She's older probably married, kisses me (ah) I have to leave. 247 248 E_How are you doing? S (silence) E What's happening? .S She's still trying to get me still trying to arouse me more. “E I notice you are working your left hand on the arm of the chair, you seem to be massaging the chair. S_(silence) (I can't?) E_What was that? _S She wants she wants to make love with me, but I can't. She'd laugh. E_You can't in what way? S_In I would feel inferior, she's so much more experienced I've never she'd laugh at me I couldn't take it. I have to leave. “E_What are you seeing? S_She, she's getting up going into the other room. (????) I'm putting on my coat. Told, told her I have a wrestling match in an hour, and I have to be there, so I left. (breathing heavy) E_What's happening? _§ I just, I just left, and I'm I'm going to forget about it for the rest of my life. That I ever ever stepped foot in there. (delay) ELWhat are you seeing? S_I'm going back going back home, walking just trying to trying to get away from civilization. Trying to be (?) ‘§_What was that? S_Just walking back by myself trying to get away fromseeing other pe0p1e. Just trying to think things over. Trying to, to put that whee where I can never think of it again. E_What are you seeing? S_Walking along the river (only ?) (delay) E_What's happening? S_I'm just getting home. I go to my room. Very quietly, just sit there and, sit there and think. Start reading a book. Beginning to feel much much easier as I read. E_Feel much easier in what way? .g That, I forgetting totally forgetting everything that was going on, in having to concentrate on the book. Slowly pushing farther ..and farther back in my mind. (delay) E_What's happening? S_Still still reading. E_How are you doing? .S - _E I notice you jerked. E_What's happening? l§_I'm back in (breathing heavy) in that same room again. (sighS) (Kissing?) 249 E_What was that? S_Starting to kiss her. She won't I want to leave but she doesn't want me to. She's very beautiful. .§_Beautiful in what way? S_Attractive. “E_Attractive in what way? _§ Her, she, her face, her, her body. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? “S_Beautiful beautiful hair, (was?) very sexually attractive. (silence) E_What's happening? .§ She, she wants to pay me for bus. I don't want, I won't take it. She still wants to mpay me. I tell her I don't want it, it was all right, it was worth it just meeting you. She offers me a cup of coffee. I take it. She sits down, right next to me. E_What was that? S_She sits down right next to me and puts her hand on my leg. (left hand and feet fidgeting) She asks me if I think she is beautiful. I tell her, ahm, yeah attractive. .§.I notice that your left hand and your feet are fidgeting. .§_(silence) scared. I§_What was that? S_I'm scared. E_Scared in what way? '§_I can feel everything that, exactly what she wants me to do, and I just know that I, with any other girl that, I might be able to do it with (I guess I know that?) but I can't with her. ‘§_Can you describe that in greater detail? '§_I know she she wants me to go to bed with her. But I can't because she is too much older and probably married. I ‘ and I couldn't I more exp- she's more experienced and I'd look like a little kid and I couldn't E_What are you seeing? § I'm seeing her just trying more and more to for me to, to get me to make love' with her. (but she gets?) She sees I'm scared and she gets up. g What's happening? .§ She got up, she's going tinto the other room. (Here is my chance?) ‘§_What was that? ‘g I have to leave. I have to. Putting on my coat. I have a wrestling match in an hour, and I have to leave. ‘§_What are you seeing? .g She doesn't want me to, but I left, walking down the steps. 250 Still kind of scared, except feeling much easier. .E Easier in what way? S_That, that she's not, she's not with me trying to getting cause I'm not with her and I feel, I feel a lot easier cause I don't have to, I don't have to worry about her trying to get me to go to bed with her (right now?) and I, I don't have anymmore pressure. _E_What are you seeing? .S (delay) 0h, walking back, I want to be alone. ‘§_How are you doing? _S (Breathing heavily) E_I noticed that you stiffened and are breathing heavily. S_(fair?) E_What was that? S_I'm there again. There in her living room. E_What's happening? S_We're just coming back from the bus. Sit down. I sit down. She offers me cup of coffee so I take it. She is very beautifr She is getting friendlier. .E Friendlier in what way? S_Voice, her voice sounds more tempting and her more sexy and she wants me to stay longer and sits down next to me. E_How are you doing? _§ (stiffens) .E What ahppened? S_Trying to put E_What was that? S_She's rousing me very very much. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_She put a hand on my my leg it feel, feels so good. E_Feels good in what way? S_My whole body gets, my whole body just tingles. But I'm scared. E_Scared in what way? S_I I know she what she wants, I know exactly, feel exactly how she wants me to do with her. .E What are you seeing? S_She is rubbing a hand on my legs. (breathing heavy) she I tell her she's very beaUtiful. _ But I can't. .§_What was that? S_But I can't. E_What are you seeing? S_She's starting to kiss met. I know what she wants. I can't do it. B How are you doing? _S (delay) (silence) .E What's happening? _S I so scared because everything is in my way. l§_What was that? S_Scared because everything was in my way. _§ In your way in what way? S StOpping me from, from going to bed with her. 251 Probably married. More experienced. (delay) E_What are you seeing? S_The scene, I'm seeing her start to get up. It makes me feel a lot better. She went into the other room. E_How are you doing? _S (silence) E_What's happening? S_I feel like I have to leave. I get up, put on my coat. Tell I have a wrestling match in an hour, I have to be there. So I go out the door. She's sad. .E Sad in what way? .S Cause I'm leaving. E_What are you seeing? S_Walking down the steps. Going down the, back home. Trying to forget where I was. (silence) E_What's happening? _§ I'm walking along the on the river bank, real slow. Just trying to think, wanting to be alone. Condition II lm Now, I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a) woman in her apartment. (silence) E_What are you seeing? kn Sitting there on the sofa and next to her and we're talking. She offers me a drink. So I take it. We each have a drink. She's got long blonde hair. (delay) Beautiful face, beautiful figure. I kiss her. _B How are you doing? -§ (sighs, stiffens, fidgets, deep breathing) (silence) E_What's happening? _S I'm back, I'm back with her. _§ Back with her? 'S In the apartment. (silence) .2 What are you seeing? _S I'm seeing her sitting, sitting there. Her voice sounding very sexy and, ah .E How are you doing? .g (stiffens, deep breath) (silence) E_What are you seeing? S_She comes over and sits next to me. Puts her hand on me on my leg. Feels real good. My whole body is feels very relaxed very good. She smells pretty, looks pretty. We kiss— It just seems like the more the more we do the more I, the more scared I get cause I can see see exactly what she is gonna she wants me to do. (I feeling, I know she does?) 252 E_What was that? ‘§_I know she does. She rubs her hand on my thigh and I [g How are you doing? _§ (silence, stiffens) I§_What are you seeing? S_Seeing her get up. And she goes into the other room. Now I gotta leave, can't take it. I told her I have a wrestling match in an hour and I had to be there, she's kinda sad. I walk out the door. (silence) '§_What's happening? S_I'm walking along. Going back home. Come to the river bank and walking along that, very slowly. Thinking, trying to, ah, push that in the back of my mind as much as I can. .E Push it back in what way? §.So that I never, so I won't think about it again. ‘g What are you seeing? S_The river is flowing. Just looking around, wanting to be alone. Now I'm (get?) home go to my room very quietly, sit down. (Think?) Open up a book. About(?) conser- vation. Start reading it. And I feel a lot easier as I go along. g What was that? S And as I'm reading it, it makes me feel a lot easier. _E Now would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman? S_(silence) ELWhat's happening? .S We're just coming in from the bus and she wants me to sit down, so I sit down. (delay) She offers me a drink. .§_How are you doing? .§ Drinking. .E What are you seeing? S_Looking, looking at her, very attractive. Her voice sounds very very sexy. She sits down. 1§_What? §_She sits down, next to me. I look at her a.and ‘E What was that? S_I look at her and after after a few minutes I told her she's she's really beautiful. She's fondling, putting her hand on my thigh. ‘§_What are you seeing? S_She rubbing her hand across my thigh, feels makes my whole body feel feels trembly and but I can tell exactly what she's going to do to With any other girl I would, but I can't with her. E What's happening? ‘§_She just wants she wants I get she wants (me?) 253 It's against me. I can't do it. We kiss. I know that, it keeps going through my mind that she is older than I am and probably married. ‘g What are you seeing? .g Still sitting on the couch. E_Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? S_Yeah. g Will you describe that? §_She shows me her records, at first. Then we're, then she asks me to dance. Do I want to dance? I said, "Sure, I like to dance." So we get up and she puts on my favorite album so we dance and dance and the more we dance the more friendly we get. E_Friendly in what way? S_Friendly in that she's starting to get more sexier and just ‘E Sexier in what- S_We're attractive to each other and her voice sounds very sexy and we're dancing .E What's happening? S_We're dancing. Finally we sit down. .§_What do you see? S_She puts her arms back on my thigh. (silence, sigh) E_What's happening? S_I'm getting very aroused. ‘§_Aroused in what way? S_Sexually. I feel like like I want to want to go to bed with her but I can't. I know that she wants me to. E_What are you seeing? §_I see her er I'm scared. I'm sitting there with her she kisses me. Like I can't I can't take her to bed. E_How are you doing? §_(stiffens, takes breath, shifts) (silence) .§_What are you seeing? _§ Seeing, seeing her starting to get up. She walks into the other room. This is the chance I've been heping for. I got up, put on my coat, told her that I had a wrestling match in an hour and I had to be there. She's kinda sad because I'm leaving, she doesn't want me to. I wanted her to keep the money before but she wouldn't take it. I felt kinda bad about that but so I left went down the steps, started for home. Walked along the river. E Ah, would you please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing? 254 S_(silence) _E What are you seeing? S_She is putting on my favorite album and she we're dancing. The more we dance- E_How are you doing? § (silence) Getting friendlier as we go along. E_Friendlier in what way? S_More attracted towards each other. _§ Can you describe that in greater detail? jg Like she really turns me on. Her beauty and— §_What are you seeing? S_We're dancing a slow dance. Just being able to put my arms around her and and dance with her holding her close to me. Really turns me on. I'm (or finally sit down on) I'm going to sit down on the couch (??) B What was that? _S She puts her hand on my thigh. Q What's happening? S_Feels like my whole body is tingling. B What are you seeing? S_After a few minutes I tell her she's very beautiful. She starts just rubbing her hand along my thigh. E_What's happening? S_I feel so much like just so much like going over there but I know that she wants me she's leading me on she really wants to but I can't. E_What's happening? _S I'm still sitting there, looking at her scared. E Ok, you can open your eyes now. Condition III ‘S (delay) I feel very relaxed. (silence) E_What are you seeing? S_Oh, black, a lot of black darkness with just little, little lightness. Several light like the sky at night. Like kinda dim stars coming from some of the light shining in my eyelids. When I blink my eye or twitch my eyes I see black spots with little light areas around it that pop in and out when every which way when I I twitch my eyes. .E How are you doing? _§ Fine feel relaxed. g What are you seeing? S Still seeing that black darkness and dim starry white background. (silence) E_What's happening? §_Oh, just more or less relaxing 255 (laugh) (silence) E_What are you seeing? S_Oh, still seeing that dark black (laugh) with the starry background. Kind a shadowy little figures coming from the light shining through my eyelids. (silence) E_What's happening? §_0h just relaxing E_What are you seeing? S_Nothing but black background. When I twitch my eyes I can still see those little black spots with the light rims . around them. They're pOpping around. (sigh) E_What's happening? S_Oh still just relaxing. ‘§_What are you seeing? S_Oh, pretty good. E_What are you seeing? .S Oh, still seeing the black background and the little starry figures against the black sky at night, coming from the light. Condition IV E_Now I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. S_(silence) 3 What's happening? ‘S Oh this woman is is my girlfriend and I'm just talking, telling each other how the day went. And we're having a little mixed er mixed drink and we will probably go out later that night to a party or something. ‘§_What are you seeing? S I'm just seeing me and her, sitting there together and I've got my arm around her and we're just talking. (delay) E How are you doing? 'S Oh, pretty good. (silence) E_What's happening? S_Well, I'm still sitting there with my girlfriend. .g Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Well, she's I have my arm around her with, with my one hand and holding on to her other hand. We're just sitting on the couch finishing our drink. (silence) E_What's happening? 'S Well we, we juSt sitting there and waiting for awhile, until we PFObably go out. So I turn on the television and watch the shows. 256 E_How are you doing? S_Oh, doing pretty good. E_What are you seeing? .S Oh, just sitting on the couch watching television. lm Now I'd like you to please visualize the apartment scene with the woman. § Well, I (???) E_What was that? ‘§_You want my girlfriend? E 0k. Just relax and wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them for me. _5 Oh, (laugh) the only thing I can picture is sitting there watching television. E_How are you doing? S_All right (silence) E_What are you seeing? _§ Oh, just still seeing her and I sitting there and I have my arms around watching television. Kiss her once in a while. E_What's happening? S_Oh, just talking and watching television, messing around. E_Messing around in what way? _§ Oh, just rubbing, rubbing her back with my hand and like that. E_How are you doing? 8 Huh, doing all right. E_What are you seeing? .5 Oh, just seeing my girl- friend (laugh) and I just sitting there on the couch. (silence) We turn off the television and put the stereo on. E_What's happening? S_Oh, we're just listening to the stereo and sorta just going along with the music. E_Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman. -§ (delay) Oh (yeah?) What do you my girlfriend? E_Whatever, just wait until something comes into your mind's eye and then describe it for me. S_Ok, my girlfriend and I are got the stereo on and we're dancing on the carpet. We're (just like we do all the time?) _g How are you doing? _S Oh, we're doing pretty good. E_Pretty good in what way?' S_Oh, we're just having a good time dancing with my girl. (silence) _g What are you seeing? S_Oh, we're still dancing. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Well, yeah, just the regular I don't know the name of the dance, you know, weaving back and forth (delay). E_What's 257 happening? S_Oh, we're still dancing with the rhythm (blues?) smiling looking at each other. And just grooving along with the music. (silence) (coughs) E_What are you seeing? .S Oh, I'm sitting down. (cough) Taking a break and sitting on the couch, sorta kissing and- _§ How are you doing? S_Oh, pretty good relaxed and .E What's happening? S_Oh, still just sitting there with my arm around her and talking with her and— §_Can you get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing? _§ (Oh?) E_What are you seeing? S_Oh, we're dancing. _§ Can you describe that in greater detail? S_Oh, we're just, ah, we have the stereo on we're jut just, ah, you know, weaving back and dorth rhythm like, you know, like you usually dance, you know, faster kind of and we're looking at each other (silence) Just kind of grooving along with the music. _E Grooving in what way? .5 Oh, you know, letting your, when you're with it, the music, letting your (head?) imbibe all of it, imbibe the way they're playing the music and just sort of really concentrating on it, and so, you know, your body kind of reacts to it and kinda get the heat while you're dancing. (silence) E_How are you doing? S_Oh, pretty good, relaxing. E_What are you seeing? S_Oh, still just seeing my girlfriend and eye, we're sitting down on the couch. (silence) E_What's happening? S_Um, we're just kissing. (silence) .B Ok, you can open your eyes now. Condition I S_Oh- Nothing right now—-— (E_What was that? S_Ah, nothing, nothing. Do you want to know everything I'm thinking about? “E_Well, just see if you can relax and wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them for me-—any pictures, images, feelings, sensations, or emotions, that's what I want you to do. §_It's an apartment. .E’Ok. _§ It's, it's got a lot more rooms than my room does here at State. Well and, and-— .E I didn't hear you. S_There is a very nice lady there. Very attractive too many others wouldn't think so. She's older. And- we began to make love. (delay) She's taller than I am. And she seems to be smart like a teacher would be to me. But, ah, something is happening, ah, I, I got embarrassed and ran out. There's a hallway, the (light?) was yellow. (Or like I was yellow?) ,§_"°W are you doing? _§ I feel stupid. E_Stupid in whqt way? §_Like I really made a fall out of myself. (delay) .E Can you describe that in greater detail? ‘§_Yeah. Something embarrassing happened. I guess, yeah, seh, she had to answer a phone and I got turned off all of a sudden, and I excused myself and now I realize it was a stupid thing to do. And so I'm walking and I'm thinking about, you know, how really immature I am. g Immature in what way? _§ I couldn't handle the situation. ‘§_What are you seeing? ‘§_Ah, I keep thinking back about how we were dancing. It was very, very pleasant. I felt very secure, for a while there. E_Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? ‘S I just keep seeing her and me (?) together. _E What was that? .S I just keep seeing her and myself. ‘E Can you describe that in greater detail? §_Well, we were dancing. I wasn't very good at it. But things kinda got out of hand I guess. I got more and more aroused. I guess she felt the same way. ‘§_How are you doing? S_Ahm, insecure. 258 259 Eflnsecure in what way? S_I didn't handle it right. I just didn't handle it right. (silence) ‘§_What are you seeing? _§ A couch. We were sitting on the couch. We were kissing. She was almost stronger than I (laugh) was. Then that phone. That's it. Seems like a big loss, I messed it up. (delay) E How are you doing? §_Just walking. I want to for- get it. E_What was that? §.I want to forget it, it's a loss. I said I'd talk to her again but no, it would be embarrassing. .E Embarrassing in what way? S_Well, she'd know what happened and I'd know and, and besides she might ask again. E_What are you seeing? S I'm seeing my meeting her again. But I don't want to think about that. Embarrasses me. There's the couch again. It was pleasant. It was dangerous-- who knows, maybe she was somebody's (laugh) wife. E'I noticed you were laughing. S_Yeah, it's dangerous, exciting. _§ Exciting in what way? §_I could've gotten caught, the telephone rang, who knows what could've happened. Yeah, she was very very E_What's happening? _§ I could enjoy it again. I could. E_What are you seeing? S_I'm, we're talking again, on the phone but no, I really don't think I should, it could get carried away. (delay) No cancel, no, no, I'm not going to. No. Just going to forget her. She's going to think I was, I, I'm too immature. Especially after I ran out like that. 2 What are you seeing? S_My running out. E_Smiling. §_Yeah, E What was that? ‘§_Yeah. g What's happening? S We're on the couch. She had her arms around me, and I'm smiling. Am I convincing her? I don't know. E_Convincing her in what way? S_That I'm man enough. But now she definitely isn't convinced. E_What are you seeing? _8 My running away. No, I wouldn't dare call her, no-~I see the couch, ah, clumsy, I was clumsy. No, I, I want to forget. .E How are you doing? 260 §_I, I don't, I don't care about her anymore, I have (?) PeOple my own age, you know, not Q What are you seeing? S_A girl in my lecture class. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_She had .short hair. She probably weighs a little bit more than I do. I'm worried about that. But she's happy, she shows it, she's happy. She always wears slacks. Just looks nice, she has freckles. She's one person who's really been friendly. I see the lecture hall. Dr. McCardy gruffly lecturing (laugh). He smiles every once in a while to show that he's really a nice guy. The lecture is over. And, she walks out ahead of me, but I don't speak to her. The apartment, comparison, what did I have in common with the lady? I§_What are you seeing? ‘§_What I have in common with her is just physical. .g Are you describing what is in your mind's eye? S_We're ma- I have my arms around her and we're kissing. I begin to open my mouth and she is getting ready to e respond. And that phone rang. A§_What was -that, the phone rang? _§ The phone rang. I stand up faster than she does. .g How are you doing? _g Scared. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? § Scared, the phone rang. I was very engrossed and then well she just kind of moved away from me and that scared me. I keep thinking about how I ran away (laugh). It was really stupid. I hope I didn't slam the door. I said to her, I'll, ah, call you tomorrow. She gave me her number (laughs) I don't even know the lady's name. It, it, it keeps going between the girl in the lecture and, and this lady. The lady (huh!) .§_Can you des- cribe that in greater detail? _S I see the girl standing in front of me, at the door of the lecture hall in her brown slacks and brown sweater. She looks very very pretty, attractive almost. And I compare her with the lady of that night .; But the . lady of that night was almost more 261 attractive. ‘§_More attractive in what way? S_Physically. Just her figure was, I don't know, what attracted me I don't know. Just the way she moved I think. The girl (laugh) in the lecture hall, was awkward. Funny I don't know either of their names, but I'll be able to talk to the girl again. I keep, I see the lady again. The lady had long hair. And now I see the girl, the girl has short hair. The lady's face doesn't look as old as she probably is. She had, well kept face, I remember the face. Her complexion was smooth, compared to the girl in the lecture hall. I see us on the couch. The way that we were before. (?????) it would have gone further. E_Further in what way? S_If the phone hadn't rang. I, I, I'm very clumsy (laughs). Very clumsy (laugh) she knows what's on my mind, definitely. I kind of know what's on her mind too. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_The way her hands are on my back. She's perspiring I think (laughs). Uh, the girl in the ' lecture hall. She's in my room (laughs). Um, it would be better, with the, with the new girl. I can see her, without any clothes on, she is younger, fresher, firmer. E_How are you doing? §_ I'm happy, things look good. This lady wants me, maybe the girl wants me. I keep I keep seeing the two of them, just flashing back and forth. I keep going back to the lady. What the lady would be like. I don't know. I think that she might be too much. She mo must know a lot. And it's the girl in my room, we're talking, kidding and joking. Sitting on my bed, we are happy. We talk. We talk about, friendly things and then I kiss her, it would be a lot like kissing Lorrie. Maybe a little different. And, um, there's Terry across the hall. I just seeing Terry across the hall. Terry wants something. Felt pen, I give Terry my felt pen. Introduce him to, (laughs) I don't know her name. I walk back, say hi. She kisses me. It becomes more, and longer and we lay back. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? S_We're laying back hold- ing her very tight. It's warm, next to the radiator. Ofir mouths are open, we're Frenching. E_How are you doing? S_I, I, I, I am thinking about Lorrie, what Lorrie never used to like to French. This girl was very good. I'm wondering how .far I can go, thinking, calculating, then it flashed back to the lady in the apartment. (???) I don't care about that anymore. Just me and the girl, now all our clothes are off. Very soft, like fun (?) E What was that? S_Like Lorrie. She's just like Lorrie. Very soft and moist. She's smiling more than Lorrie ever smiled (laugh). Short hair (???) She doesn't have a climax. I think she's pretty inexperienced. I fumble, but that's ok. ‘§_Fumble in what way? .S Having intercourse. I fumble. ‘2 Can you describe that in greater detail? .S I, I, I can't go in, in the beginning. But it, it turns out ok. I go in. But she seems somewhat excited by it. Definitely not turned off. Climax very very exciting, very exciting. I look her in the eye (laugh) and say I love you. We're talking. Talking about the guys she's known. I told her I don't want to talk about Lorrie. _g How are you doing? _S I, I'm sad. Lorrie what I've done she could be doing. I feel so responsible. 'E Responsible in what way? S_I started her. I was with her, i was her first. It's, it's painful, very very painful. So I concentrate on just telling her about chemistry (???) E_What are you seeing? S_Just making a joke. We're laying there just talking and the (rooms?) empty except for us. I feel secure, very secure. Kissing. She's a little heavier than I am. Little roll of fat around the middle, just a little. She's leaving. I'm not worried. She'll be back. I walk her to Butterfield. 263 We stop near the door, I kiss her. We walk across to Butterfield. I leave her at the front door, it's the side door. I go back and I think about it, in my room, I think. Go over every detail. Could I have been better? I remember the (laugh) lady. Condition II E_Now I'd like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. §_Yeah. E_Describe what you're seeing in your mind's eye. §_She has long brown hair, a ladyher age shouldn't have hair that long, maybe she should, yeah, she's not that old. We're laying on the couch. Just seems like I'm speculating, now this didn't happen. I really ran out, I was a failure. But, ok, we're laying there and finally we, don't have any clothes on, and we're making love. She's better than I am. She sees my clumsiness, helps me. Then, excitement. And then, after that it's abrupt. Usually I broke off with Lorrie but she breaks off with me. ‘E Can you describe that in greater detail? .S She says hold on a minute, walks over and gets a cigarette (laughs) comes back. Lays down again. I feel helpless (laugh) she kisses me, she wants to make me feel at home, like I can, still feel it, something is wrong. I§_Wrong in what way? ‘§_Wrong, it's, ah, some- thing, I could get caught. that's it. I could get caught. E_Can you describe that? S_Someone bigger than me, it could hurt. I could see a knock on the door, yeah (laugh). I could see someone coming in. (delay) I, I can't visualize its true layout, yeah, I suppose. I run. My clothes are on (???) and I just run. Away past him, just run out. That would make me feel worse, sadder, sadder (laugh) than if I hadn't done anything at all. Like what really happened. I think about the girl. E_What are you seeing? S Standing at the lecture hall. This 264 is before she comes to my room. I like to think of her with her clothes on, standing talking, friendly, that's more exciting, the possibilities. (delay) Just walking along with me up the path, up to Wells. We're talking about chemistry, she keeps talking about chemistry. (delay) She has to go, she goes someplace in Wells, language labs, I guess. And I'm happy, even though, she's left, I'm happy. I was never this happy with Lorrie. Always worrying (??) happy? That lady's apartment, running away. This is much better. I put it in the back of my mind, don't want to think about it. The lecture hall, talking with the girl. Short hair (????) EXpressing myself, big words. It's in the after- noon, it's darker. We're walking together. (delay) Just walking around the campus, why do we just keep on walking? Nothing comes of it. She's got to go to the library. Nelson my roommate. I talking with Nelson. my roommate. I tell him about the girl. That I might have her up in the room someday, very tactfully, I mention about, if he wants to bhe could kind of disappear for a while. Tomorrow. I'm excited about it. Nelson's good, he's good about it. We talk about his problems. E_What are you seeing? S_Laying on the bed, counseling Nelson, I always say, Counseling Nelson. We don't look at each other, scared to admit each other's hang-ups to our face, to his face. He talke about this girl he met, I'm visualizing the girl. (delay) Long hair, (he . says?) in slacks. Blonde, always a blonde for Nelson, Nelson blondes. I'm telling him, get some different clothes. Clothes make the man, quote. Clothers make the man. He never wants to listen to me, I keep giving him advice,he never pays any attention to it. E__How are you doing? S_I feel secure. E_Secure in what way? .S That I know what I'm talking about. I'm telling him something, and for awhile, just for a little while, I'm 265 his expert, I'm an expert. Not for very long, though. I'm very insecure. I don't know if the girl will, like me or not. She says she will come up to the room. And we'll work on chemistry, I'm thinking about that. On the bed working iwith chemistry. Conversation goes away from chemistry. It's about us. I say, you're the only girl I've known with short hair. She smiles, tells me why she cut it. Cut it, you had long hair before? Yep. You'd look good in long hair. It'd be different. Looking tat each other. It's mutual it's not a grab. The lady grabbed; she didn't grab. Then the whole sequence all over again. Kissing. Very hard, very hard. E_What was that? S_Kissing very hard. Our mouths very very much pressure. I think she's- .§_What was that? _§ I think she's been waiting for this. Not really waiting but I think she knew. And we're in bed. Making love. You know it just occurred to me, what if I should see her, the lady again. E_How are you doing? S_Oh, I'm worried again. If I should see her. _g What are you seeing? S_Ah, I can see an office. I go in to get my score card marked and she's there. I pretend that I don't know her but she comes up to take care of me. She thinks she's going to take my card and she says hi. I say, I beg your pardon. She says hi. I hand her the card and just walk away and walk. Will I have to come back there again and pick up the card? No, no. I'm walking away from the building. It's, the building, I don't, I, 1, I've never been there before, that's strange. It, someplace, I'm walking down Grand River. I thinking, are there any connections between her and me? Could she get hold of me, if she wanted to? No. She only knows me by sight. She has the card. Oh, oh. E_What's happening? S_I'm just walking back. Walking worrying. Worrying. E_Worrying in what way? S_She'll call me, I know she'll call me, what will I say? She knows when 266 my next experiment will be. She can find out, she can come in. What can happen? Nothing can happen. Nothing. She'll probably say, ”Oh I, I know him from the office. He'll never know." I'm a little bit (????) now, I'm walking. E_Would you, ah, please visualize the apartment scene with the woman. S_We're on the couch, black couch--naugehyde. (delay) We kiss. And the phone, embarrassing. Hum. 2 What was that? S_Dumb. My walking (laugh) walking away so fast. Dumb. The walk. Walking down the steps of a very fine apartment. There is a chandelier hanging down in front of the staircase, I walk away. Rapidly, go back to my room. Nelson asks where I've been, I said, the library. I make up something, microbiology. Science. The apartment. Long hair. Push it out of my way (?) I kiss her. E How are you doing? S_Good, good, very good. We fall back. We kiss. (delay) We know what we want. Clothes pushed down, very far down. She's more experienced, she knows more. E_What was that? S_She is more experienced, she knows more. '2 Can you describe that in greater detail? .S She helps me to complete the act. I fumbled, she puts it in. (???) works in me very quickly. She is disappointed. E_How are you doing? S_Helpless, I feel helpless. .E Helpless in what way? .S She is so masterful. She gets up, she is smoking a cigarette. How one could be casual small- She's not quite so romantic anymore. D What was that? S_She's not quite so romantic anymore. (delay) Study lounge. Studying. (Rather?) study. E_What was that? .S I'd rather study. I don't want to think about it. Try to forget that. I'm thinking about it, just that alone makes me feel how stupid I was running away. Clowning around with the guys in the dorm. Bob (Katz?) making a joke. (laugh) I don't remember what the 267 joke is. .E Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? S_I'm just shuffling my feet. I'm very bad. E_What was that? S_I'm very bad at it. She is moving very gracefully. We're closer than I think we really should be, really close. Trying to give me a message. E_What was that? S_She is trying to give me a message. I wonder why her, but I keep smiling and dancing. Why was she crying. (delay) Maybe someone was mean to her. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? 'S She had been crying. On the street, Ann Street. Excuse me, could I be of assistance? No, no, no that's all right. Has some- one been bothering you? No, no, no, no. You shouldn't be walking out this late. Please, let me call you a cab. No, no, I'll just take a bus. There's a bus stop up ahead. Here let me take you (????). Did I know then what I was getting into? Maybe, I did, excitement. On the board on the bus she was more composed. E How are you doing? S_Talking, talk— ing. I trying to get get get her mind off whatever it was. She's talking. I'm trying to get her to laughing. She smiles a little bit. She points out her stop ahead, I press the bell for her. We get off. She says, please, let let, no, no, no I, I can't go to this lady's apartment (laugh). She talks about a microscope for sale. E_What was that? §_She talks about a microsc0pe for sale. It's worth it. So I go. I expect to find people. She turns on the light, after she unlocks the door. And there's nobody there but her and me. .2 How are you doing? S_Well, I'm not worried yet, not worried at all. She'll show me the microscope. I'll see if I can afford it. She hasn't mentioned a price yet. She asked me if I'd like to look at her tapes, I look at the tapes. She's gone for a few minutes, ah, I'm alone still looking at the tapes. 268 Very fine. Has she had something to drink? I don't know.- I don't want to think about it. No, I ran, I could have done good. I'm in my room talking with Nelson. E_Would you please get a mental picture of yourself and the woman dancing? §_Dancing, I'm very bad at it. Clumsy. I don't step on her foot once not once, though. .E What was that? .S I don't step on her foot once, not once. But I just shuffle my feet, move my body a little. She comes closer and closer we're dancing. Slow music. I picked out the Tijuana Brass—-slow. I thought it would be fast. It ends and we sit down, talking, and we kiss. E_What was that? S_We kiss. And I don't, I don't remember (???) I was stupid. .E Stupid in what way? S_I should have stayed, the phone didn't hurt me. E What's happening? S_Walking away, down the stairs with the chandelier. Walking away. Wrapping my scarf around, walking, past the stadium. _E How are you doing? _§ Sad (laughs) embarrassed, depressed. Just bad scene, forget it. I back in the room with Nelson, talking. I pick up my stuff and go to the study lounge. Work. Copy notes. E_What was that? §_C0py notes. Forget abouther, try to concentrate on my notes. Chemistry. I am understanding it. That's good. Haven't understood it in a while. I'm (????) and that guy and the girl come in that are always in the lounge. They sit down and they study, they talk about something, I don't know what it is, they are very quiet. It brought it back to me about what I had done that night, stupid, forget it. E_What's happening? I noticed you were squinting your eyes. _S Trying to forget it, stupid, I don't like- E_What are you seeing? .§ Remem- bering my walking away. Dumb. _E How are you doing? §_Sad, turned off, just scared, want to run. Why? No need to run. Copy your notes, try to concentrate . 269 Condition III §_I, ah, I think about the machine, it looks very very complicated and interesting, I'd like to run the machine. Ah, wow, my lab tomorrow trying to imagine what my lab would be like. Ahm, I never had a wet lab before. E_Wet lab? S_A wet lab in chemistry. Umm, and, oh, ah, I keep thinking about the room, the room is like my home here at State. Ah, with Nelson, with Herman the, my, my pet white rat. And, oh, the room is dirty, gotta clean up the room. Ah, that's about it, I feel pretty happy, really, I don't know why. I don't know how long I've been here. E_What are you seeing? .S Cafeteria, I'm hungry. Umm, and the room, I see the room, I have to cram the room wastebasket full. I wonder, what, you know, what has been going on. But I'll find out eventually, um, I keep thinking about this machine here. Ah, I think about medical tech- nology, working up in a lab. That would be very interesting. Umm, that's about all I can think of, Dr. McCardy's lecture today. E_Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and, and describe them for me? S_(silence) E_How are you doing? §_What do you mean, How am I doing? You mean what am I thinking about? E_Just report. §_0h, uh, oh, um, I think about this girl and she's in our room, and we might do homework tomorrow night. Her name is Chris and (sighs) oh, she's doing homework, is all. Ah, I see Cary coming over and he wants the felt pen, and I give him the felt pen and introduce him to Chris. .E What's happening? S_Nothing, ah, I was trying, trying to think about Chris, she's very, very nice person. Hum, ah, I can see my stereo. The furni- ture rearranged the way it's been rearranged. Ahm, and tonight I won't be studying with this girl, I'll be studying in the study ball. And I see Chris (sigh) Should I talk when you're, ah, moving the dial, do you want me to repeat it er- .E That's all right. §_ Gk. Well, I can 270 Chris on the bed. Hum, funny why did I think about the bed. We could be sitting at the desk, ah and a couple of very tough chemistry prob- lems. Having to do with equivalent weight, I don't understand it. She's explaining it to me. (delay) E_How are you doing? §_I feel contented. I feel like I could do a lot. Take on a lot in the world. Chris is a challenge to make you see Chris outside of the lecture hall, that's where I spoke to her today (sighs) (delay) Dr. McCardy's lecture. E_What's happening? .§ I keep glancing at Chris.. .E I notice you keep scratching your eye. S_Um, it's nothing (sighs) My thoughts keep returning here (laughs) I can't really focus them on anything in particular. .E Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and then cescribe them? S_Chris on the bed. We're doing homework. '§_Would you describe that in greater detail? S_Oh, -well, just sitting there talking and I think maybe she'll like me as we sit there and talk. (delay) We might get a chance to show each other how much we like each other, I might hold her hand or something, maybe even kiss her. (delay) But mostly I'll just try to keep her happy and laugh at jokes. .E What are you see- ing? S_Her laughing, I cracked a joke today and she laughed, I'm pictur- ing that. (delay) I'm thinking about the stereo in my room. Huh. (delay) That's about all I think about, the lecture today, and Chris, and tomorrow I'll suggest would she like to do homework with me. I keep seeing her face, very different face, very young freckled, not thin. More rounded than what I've been used to. Condition IV E Now I'd like you to get a picture in Your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. (delay) S_Just talking to a lady in her apart- ment. Um friendly lady, someone I'd meet her in the university. 271 We're talking about business. She has something to sell to me, I've seen her ad in I suppose the State News, for a microscope a student microscope. Um, that's about it. .§_How are you doing? _§ I'm talking about it. Trying to be very polite. Uh, that's it, I don't buy the microscope. ‘§_What are you seeing? S_Oh, well, saying no thank you, I'm sorry but no, I'll be back, ah, I make up something about it, I'll, I'll, I'm pricing them and we'll see, you know, but I don't think I'll ever come back, it's too expensive, it's not good enough, it's not what I need. The microsc0pe is lying there on the table, it's binocu, or not it's monocular and I want binocular, that's it. She's a nice lady, she's, ah, oh, she says she works here in the university, but I don't know if she is a student or not. E_Nice in what way? S_Just a nice lady. _E Can you describe that in greater detail? 'S Well, in her very early thirties or late twenties. And, oh, I don't know, she's got dark hair, it's kinda long. Not really long, not, you know, not like some pe0p1e's hair, girls with really long hair. Just, oh, down to her shoulders, and, ab, uh, that's it. I, I called before that and made an appointment to see it. That's about it. Oh, she's not really great. _§ How are you doing? §_Oh, just made my excuse to leave and left, I've got work to do. E_What's happening? S_Oh, walking back down Grand River, to home. And Mark asks, "Where have you been?" And I say looking at a microscope. I'm just kinda making this up off the tap of my head, it's not anything that, ah, you know, .E Can you, ah, are you describing what's in your mind's eye? § Yeah, I can see this definitely. It doesn't flow, I have to prod it, use my creative imagination. l§_Can you just relax and wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them? ‘S'A girl. Chris. I§_What was that? §_A girl, Chris. I keep thinking about her short hair. Some~ 272 how it has meaning for me. I can see me and Chris holding hands, a smile from Chris. (delay) E_What's happening? S_Oh, nothing, just thinking about Chris. Chri— 2 Would you-pardon me. S_Nothing, Chris isn't very tall. G09 ahead. E_Would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman. S_Ah, just standing there and talking about this microscope, and I try to discourage her that, you know, she wants me to buy it very much, trying to give me a sales pitch. That's all. A very nice apartment. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? _S The apartment? Well, it's, well, posh, I suppose, people who can afford (???) microscope would have a very plush apartment. Stereo, tape, fireplace, beside the stereo tape, low coffee table, it's decorated in a modern, more like a den would be decorated. Easy chair, kinda ultra modern. And there is a large statue of a head, an ultra modern design, with the features kind of blended in together. It's all carpeting, there is the microscope sitting on the coffee table. .2 How are you doing? S_I trying to tell no, thank you, I don't want the microscope. She asks me to stay and have a cup of coffee and talk about it. No, no thank you, I have a class. She should be very nice lady. That's just the feeling that I get thinking about the (laugh) (other?) lady. E_What's happening? S_Nothing (delay) I thinking about the floor meeting tonight and the study lounge, that's all. E_What was that? g Thinking about the floor meeting tonight and the study lounge that's all. E_What are you seeing? S_All the guys sitting around and talking, joking. Planning the dinner between, the exchange dinner with, ah, Butterfield, that's all. (delay) Chris keeps popping into my mind. ‘E Could you describe that in greater detail? S_I'm sitting on the bed. Each time I think of her, the two of us are more romantically 273 inclined. I can see me kissing her. But that‘s all. It just kinda keeps coming back, maybe it's cause I just saw Chris. '§_What are you seeing? S_I see Chris, and we're sitting on the bed, talking, she doesn't talk too much. E_Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? S_Yeah, haven't danced in‘a while, ah, I danced New Year's Eve_with Lorrie. Um, should the woman be anyone particular or just- .E Just wait for something to come into your mind's eye and describe that. S_(silence) E_What's happening? § We're dancing. Someone with a very smiling face. With a knowing air. We're fairly happy but a little, not really at ease with each other. _E Not at ease in what way? S_I don't know, we're just not at ease. I, I can't explain it. She's pretty young, still a college student. ‘E How are you doing? _S Oh, wondering, what it will turn out like, what she will think of me. I think she must be like an upper classman./ Like I think about a girl I, yeah, yeah, I, I, I, I know, it's Sheryl Harris. She lives in Butter- field, she's, ah, like a housemother. E_What are you seeing? S_Nothing, Sheryl laughing. And my dancing, at the Exchange Dance, next week I guess. I'm imagining (delay) E_What's happening? -§_Nothing. My stereo. I don't know why I keep thinking about my stereo, a new stereo. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? ‘S It's in a very prominent plac place in my room and I'm looking at it. I guess there is my record collec— tion next to it. And that's it. No one else is in the room, I don't think. That's all. And I'm not playing it while Chris is there, or sheryl. (delay) I'm thinking about my room. My bed, I'm thinking about my bed, I don't know why. '§_What are you seeing? fl§ My bed and it's all fixed, nicely made. I see my bed and I see the stereo. That's all. 274 E Please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. S'Uh huh. She's a little bit bigger than me and could be a little awkward, and there's a lot of people at the dinner, but we're kinda off to one side and no one really notices us. She's a very good dancer. E_What was that? .S She is a very good dancer. She teaches me a couple of steps. I pick them up awkwardly. .§_Awkwardly in what way? .§_Well, I just don't do them right at first, she has to show me a couple of times. We're looking at my feet very very carefully. I have trouble moving them the way I want to, (???) she is dancing. ‘§_How are you doing? .§ 0k, laughing. She is very pretty. I can see what many of the guys think- ing, what many of the guys see in her. She's got long blonde hair, and oh, kind of a roundish face, a little bit heavier than I am. That's all. And she moves very gracefully. Very mature(ly?) _E What's happening? S_I just keep seeing my room. ‘E Can you describe that in greater detail? S_My part of the room, with my bed, and the stereo. I guess something is playing on the stereo. It's kinda peaceful, it's not really loud or anything. And that's all. E_How are you doing? S_Con- tent (delay) Sheryl's hair is longer than I'd imagined it to be. (???) down past her shoulders. And she can teach me how to dance and when I get done I really be not bad at it. Of course compared to her, you know, or most of the other guys (they brought in???) not muchs but better than I was before. E_What are you seeing? S_Oh, my dancing with her, getting used to it. We're dancing more. (delay) I see Sheryl and she seems older almost, older than I thought she was. 'E Older in what way? S More mature. ‘E How are you doing? S_I'm very interested, very much interested. .E 0k, you can Open your eyes now. Condition I | m (silence) E_What's happening? .§ (silence) 'E_What are you seeing? I m (silence) E_Are you describing everything that is in your mind's eye? Ice (silence) I, I, I don't see anything. (sigh) ‘E How are you doing? S_Fine. .E Can you just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them for me? S_(delay) What kind of things? E_Whatever comes into your mind's eye, just wait for things to come into your mind's eye and describe them rfor me. S_What things do you mean? _E What are you seeing? S_(silence) _E What's happening? _S Nothing. Nothing (silence) .E How are you doing? S_Fine (silence) I, I don't see anything yet. I- E_What was that? S_I don't see anything. (silence) E_What's happening? S_Nothing (silence) There's nothing I- (silence) _E How are you doing? S Why do you keep asking me? I'm doing fine. (silence) .§_What's happening? ‘S Nothing. (silence)’ E_What are you seeing? E_(silence) E What's happening? S_What's happening to what? '§_What are you seeing? S (silence) ‘§_Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? .§ (delay) (???) E_What was that? §_(silence) E_Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? §_(delay) I, I still don't see anything. (silence) E_What's happening? S_(silence) ‘§_How are you doing? S_(silence) E_What are you see— ing? S_(delay) I see, I see cars passing by. It's dark out. (silence) E_What are you seeing? _§ (delay) It's (sigh) It's dark. I'm waiting, my legs, my legs are tired. E_Your legs are tired in what way? S Oh, from standing on my feet, from walking. I want, wanted to get back to rest. (silence) ‘§_What's happening? .S (delay) Just (sigh) I'm waiting for the bus. A lady just came. She's, she's waiting for the bus. She doesn't have -any money, she, she won't be able to get 275 276 on the bus to get home. (delay) She asked me if I'll, could lend her some money. All I have is a ten dollar bill. (delay) (licks lips) She suggests that I that I come with her and she'll give me the change. She thinks that I need the money, that she'll give me the change right away. E_I notice you were licking your lips. .S (silence) E_What's happening? S_We're still waiting for the bus, still hasn't come yet. The bus just came now, and we're getting on. Er, the bus started up now and we're going to the woman's apartment or home. (delay) She, she thinks that the next stop is where we get off. So I just follow her and she shows me the way. (sighs) (silence) E_What are you seeing? §_ I just looking around the house. She went to get her purse. To get me the money. (silence) E_What's happening? .S )h, we're just talking and she doesn't seem to want me to leave yet. Oh, I'm doing, I'm enjoying this. E_Enjoying it in what way? S_Oh, she's an attractive lady. Just being with her, is friendly. (silence) .E What are you seeing? S (delay) Seems funny. Kind of reminds me of ah the graduate. She's a type like Mrs. Robinson. She's trying to se, seduce me. Seems funny. qg Funny in what way? S_Well, it looks, it seems so much like in the movie. You would never think that that would happen to yourself or myself. E_What are you seeing? _S (delay) (silence) E_What's happening? .§ (delay) (silence) Ah, I think, she, she wants, she wants to make love, but she she definitely, trying, she doesn't want me to go, no one else is here. E_Trying in what way? S_Oh, just the way she, ah, she's telling me that I don't have to leave yet. And that I'm so good looking, she (sigh) her eyes look like she, she wants me to make love to her. E_Can you describe that in greater detail? §_1(delay) (silence) She's she's E_What was that? S_She's she said that she 277 is lonely and that she's always alone and that's why she doesn't want me to leave yet, there's no hurry for me to go. E_What are you seeing? S (delay) Um ah, we're sitting on the couch (sigh) she there's some music playing, phonograph. (silence) She keeps nudging a little bit closer every couple minutes. E How are you doing? .S I like it. E You're laughing. S_(silence) E What are you seeing? § (silence) I'm just going along with her. She keeps moving closer. I, I had my arm up on top of the couch (sigh) and she just moved in closer. I have my arm around her. I, I'm thinking about ah what I'm going to do. I'm, I think I'm getting (sigh) (silence) E_What was that? S_(delay) I, I feel I feel all excited, and (sigh) with, with her, making these advances. _E Excited in what way? §_(delay ) She wants, she wants me to make love to her and she's getting me aroused. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? _S (silence) She has her arms around me (delay) she wants me to kiss her. So I kiss her, the phone just rang (sigh) How are you doing? .§ It scared me kind of. (delay) She went to answer the phone. I don't know whether I should be here. Maybe I had better go. She hasn't said whether she's married or not, I don't know. Maybe her husband will come. I just better get out of here fast. Shouldn't play around with older pe0ple or married women, she's quite a bit older than I am. (sighs) E_What are you seeing? _S I got up off the couch, went and got my coat. I just, she asked me where I'm going. I just think of the first excuse that comes to my mind. I tell her I have to get back, that I have some work to do, that I better get back and do it, that it's getting late. She says she tells me that oh, don't worry. I just say, "No, I better go." So I just leave through the front door, she was still on the phone. I feel kinda relieved to get 278 out. .E Relieved in what way? .S (sighs) Oh, if, if some, if her husband or if she was married and her husband came home and found us together, he, he would be mad. So I just, I don't want to take any chances so that's why I left, I feel relieved. E_What are you seeing? _S (delay) (sigh) (silence) Oh, I'm walking back down the street. Condition II E_Would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman? S Ah, it's, it's a, ah, ah pretty nice apartment. Evidently, ah, she has a good job, or if she's married husband, and the it's well kept, in a nice neighborhood and it's clean and she and, ah, kinda dark though with just the lamp on (sigh) All, all I can see I just see the living room. You can just see into the kitchen. '§_How are you doing? S_Oh, I, I feel a little uneasy. E_Uneasy in what way? S Well, she, she's an older lday and she's good looking and, ah, we're there alone and, ah she, she said that she wants me to stay for a little bit. It just makes me a little uneasy because well I never met her before and she's a stranger to me and I don't know if I should stay or not, even though she wants me to. E_Can you get a mental picture of yourself dancing with the woman? S Oh, we're dancing, she has slow music on and she's dancing, ahm, she's dancing close, we're dancing close together and she has her shoes off, she was wearing high geels and they were bothering her feet. E_How are you doing? S_I'm relaxed more relaxed. We're just talking about trivial things. And remarks about the apartment and I just feel a little more at ease. E_What's happening? S_(delay) We're sitting, we're done dancing now. And she tells me to sit down. We sit on the couch in the living room. And she sits down next to me. And she keeps moving a little 279 closer. And then after after awhile she, she is right up next to me. (silence) E_What are you seeing? .S (sigh or laugh) Well, I have my arm around her and she's telling me that she wished, she heped that I would stay longer, keep her company, because it, that it gets lonely at night. I tell that I that I can't stay too long and she says stay for 'a little bit. And I tell her ok. ‘E How are you doing? _S (silence) I kind of suspect that she wants me to make love to her and now I think I was right because she, she kept moving closer to me and she has she has her arm behind, behind my nec and so I put my arm around her. (sigh) So I kiss her. (silence) I, I start (sigh) I start thinking that, that ahm, maybe I shouldn't be doing this. But I just, I just put the thoughts in the back of my mind (sigh) then the phone rings, it startles me, that's when I pull away. She goes to answer the phone. She goes in to the kitchen to answer the phnne and while she's talking I start thinking that I shouldn't stay that I should get out of there. .E Ok, you can Open your eyes now. Condition III IV: (silence) E What's happening? _S (silence) '§_What are you seeing? _§ (silence) Nothing. E_Are you reporting what's in your mind's eye? S_(silence) There's a small room and there's a table and, ah there's a bed some chairs and on the table there is different, I can't, I can't make out everything. There's some boxes, ah bottles, oh, then there's there's some machinery, electrical. E_What's happening? _S (silence) Nothing is happening. I, I'm just waiting for someone. .§_Waiting in what way? [S_Well I was I was told that, ah, to come here and there was someone to see me and that they would be with me in a little while and so I sat down on the chair and just “mm 1‘" 3"“.m—n'f 280 looking over the room. I never been here before. _E Are you describ— ing what's in your mind's eye? S_Uh huh. E_How are you doing? E_(delay) I'm, I'm a little curious. I don't know what, what is going to happen. E_Happen in what way? S_What, what I don't know what the man wants me to do, ah, what he is going to do. He told me to meet him, I made an appointment to meet him in here. And he said he would be back and said he would be with me and told me to sit down and that it wouldn't be too long. Condition IV E_Now I would like you to get a picture in your mind's eye of yourself and a woman in her apartment. §_(silence) E_What are you seeing? lm (silence) I don't see anything. .2 How are you doing? _§ (silence) lm What's happening? S_(silence) E Are you describing what's in your mind's eye? S_I don't have any pictures to describe. _E What's happen- ing? S_(silence) E Would you please visualize the apartment scene with the woman? S_(silence) E_What's happening? S_I'm at the apartment with this woman that I just met. She told- she invited me in to stay for a little bit and we talked for a little bit, and she turned on some, ah, music. (notice all in past tense) And, and after a little bit she suggested that we dance and we danced a little bit and we and she went over and we sat down on the couch when it was over and we just talked about, oh, trivial things, nothing important and I noticed that she, that she was moving, well she was sitting next to me on the couch and she would get up to get something off the table and she'd sit back down a little bit closer and she was telling how at night that it gets lonely and that she wished she had someone around and she asked me if I would stay for a 281 little bit cause I told her that I shouldn't that I should be getting back home. Then I told her that I could stay for a little bit that I didn't have to rush off, and so I, and so I told her ok for a couple of minutes and then she put her, she put her arms, I felt her arm behind my neck the back of my neck and so I put my arm around her and she, she looked at me and I just kissed her. And I had my arm around her and then, ah, I jumped because the the telephone rang and at first it i scared me. I thought it was the door or something and I though that, oh, it was her husband cause she was an older lady, she wasn't too old. So then I was startled and then I realized it was the phone and she got up and answered it and I was thinking, oh, what if she was married and her husband did walk in and that he'd be pretty mad so I, I got up, picked up my coat, told her that. She saw me getting up and she said, "Oh, you're not going." I told her that, made up some excuse that I had to get back, had work to do, that it was getting kind of late. She kept saying, ”Oh, you don't have to.” And I said I had better go and I left. I, after I shut the door I felt, well relieved, cause Iif anyone had, had caught us in the apartment, especially the husband and so I just felt, I felt relieved that I got out of there before anything like that took place. E_What are you seeing? [S_(silence) I I see the the (dark?) E How are you doing? § (silence) Well, I, I feel relieved to get out but then I feel that maybe that, ah, that I should have stayed but then I come. I think again that, the, that there could be some consequences if I stayed. She was an older woman, chances are she was married so I figured that all in all that it was best for me to leave. E_Please get a picture of yourself and the woman dancing. S_(silence) We're dancing very close as if I had known her for years instead of the 282 matter of an hour or so and she has her head on my shoulder while we're dancing, it's a slow dance. E_How are you doing? S_I'm enjoying it. I'm, she's an attractive lady. .E Can you describe that in greater detail? .S She's, ah, well she's not fat, not skinny, and she's, ah, she, she's Older but she doesn't look like she's, she looks like she's around 30 maybe she's older but I figure she's a little Older but she's chances are she is older but she looks young for her age. And ah, she's slender and she's, she's got long hair and, well, I like long hair and that makes her more attractive for me and she's, she's, ah, dressed rather rather good, ah E_What's happening? S_I'm, we're dancing. Oht and close and I'm () (silence) She has, ah, she's holding me ti thinking that maybe I should go, but if I mention anything she tells me to just stay for a little bit longer. Other than that we aren't talking too much just dancing to the music. .E Ok, you can Open your eyes. APPENDIX B APPENDIX B p// (Just, they looked misery. - I can see someone I knew in high school, was there and drafted now. /5& Hopeless look on his face. Standing there with his paper ¢93 /77£9;_47 A/JOP . . bag full of belongings or whatever. Thinking how glad game...) I got a deferrment, how bad it is when other people have JoKWfi to go when they don't want tOLJ7' A little tense that it's only a six-month deferrment that I got, and I'll have to go back there in six months. E_What are you seeing? [§:How it looked in driving in there in the morning, slum Qtfli part of Detroit. Like I was sitting on the bus going 470/ flx AU ‘7’,” ”)5?" ’4’ back and being nervous, wondering how i will turn out this time. 2 E_What's happening? S_I'm feeling more Jfl/WM) tension, throat's dry. E_What was that? S’My throat's / WWW 34 (We) dry. I'm getting upset about something that won't 346 347 happen for six months. Q What are you seeing? a g I, it's fading away. Trying not to think of it, push it out of my mind until later. i E How are you doing? S I'm feeling more relaxed now and not thinking about it. (silence) S 4 you seeing? (S_Oh, getting light out, starting to get light outside. Reach for my watch, to look at, see what #513 time it is. E What was that? S_I'm looking to see what WED time it was. It's only about 5:30. I think I'll get up D = A917 " ~93 P33 and take a fast shower before she gets upLJCZE'm rummaging W50 around, trying to find towels, heading for the bathroom. 0 :: /[.5'3j :53 (delay) Through shaving. Now I'm getting dressed. I think I better wake her up, let her make me some break- [/50 fast/.7 (delay) Eccidentally kicked the bed a few times Mia trying to get her up. She finally wakes up. (pause) )Déy DI/Zé‘3 fSJJ 3/06 She just asked me what's the hurry, why I've gotta go, why I have to leave. She's finally getting up. (delay£:] 348 p.60 ”50 ”53 E What are you seeing? [§:I'm eating breakfast and she's not too pleased. I really don't care. I check myself D = /L:4-3,53J =/aé over, and make sure I don't leave anything. Saying good- bye to her. Walking out. (silence) Q What's happening? ps1; [§:Just walking down the hall. A little cold out. Trying [/50 .0 3 / [J3J :53 K523 Mm to remember where I parked my cafl I'm driving now. Very D : /[.5‘.3_] :5‘3 ' quiet this time of the morning. :L7' g 7 ”.923 eye. S Ah, ok. - (delay) - (sigh) Yeah.Z:Well this woman is ah, older than me again, it's happening in every flat? thought I have, and - oh we're just talking about trivial things. (sighs) Ah, there's ah, (laugh) red curtains on the windows of the apartment. And she put some music on. - She's really nice, but (laughs) it's just like all the other gals I've just gotten, older than me, and she keeps doing suggestive things, whether she realizes it or not, I don't know - this must sound ridiculous to you. g This was what? S This must sound ridiculous. E Ridiculous 349 in what way? S (laugh) girls being suggestive all the time. S What are you seeing? S Her bending over and ah, going to pick up a record or something like that. S_Can 5,4,4/ you describe that in greater detail? S Her dress went higher (laughs) than it should have. — Well, she noticed that I ah, saw that, but it didn't embarrass her, it almost (laughs) sorta inspired her on to greater things (laughs). S Greater things? In what way? S Well, just like ah, getting to know each other better (laugh). S Can you describe that in greater detail? S Ahm, - like, physically maybe (laughs). And she, there's a table with a bunch of food and drink on it, matter of fact I am thirsty (laugh), I suppose that's why I thought of it, and ah we're just sitting there, talking and eating and drinking and stuff. And she's really, really a nice person. S Nice, in what way? S She's friendly and she's attractive, and ahm, 350 seems lonely. I think she needs some company. (delay) Well, we finished the meal, and ah, (clears throat) things are beginning to happen again, such as, ah, physical attraction and stuff like that. S_Can you describe that in greater detail? 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