Discussing current events, engaging with the historical context of repertoire, or identifying systemic oppression are all possible conversations that music students or teachers could find difficult. I aimed to investigate such conversations that could take place in a secondary choral classroom. In an increasingly polarized sociopolitical environment, I anticipated the possibility that students or teachers may experience discomfort because of the topic of a conversation or disagreement during it. Thus, in this study I asked: How do students and a teacher experience difficult conversations in a high school chorus classroom? Throughout this narrative inquiry (Clandinin, 2013; Connelly & Clandinin, 2006), I listened to and lived alongside Nick Metta and the Broadport High School Chamber Choir members (all pseudonyms). I attended most Chamber Choir rehearsals for three months and sang with students. Nick facilitated two significant class discussions: first, interrogating implicit bias in a tweet about the Super Bowl halftime show, and second, a debate on the impending end of the mask mandate at their school. I interviewed Nick 11 times, which included formal interviews and several after-class debriefs. After I conducted initial interviews with 12 Chamber Choir members, I reevaluated the focus of the inquiry. The study shifted from an investigation of difficult conversations to an exploration of the importance of community. Students reported that the community they experienced in class determined their comfort level in discussions more than the topic of a conversation. I conducted further interviews with two featured students, Jimin and Spring, who shared their experiences both related to discussions and how they participated in the choral and school community. In this document, I invited the reader to join me on the inquiry journey as I navigated my assumptions and reorientation based on emergent themes. I time-bounded only the first two chapters to capture how I entered the inquiry; the shift in focus that occurred during the inquiry is a finding unto itself. Initially, anti-racism served as the theoretical framework for the design, and I situated my understanding of navigating difficult conversations on Boler's (1999) pedagogy of discomfort. Emergent themes included cultivating an environment for discussions, experiencing belonging and fitting in at school, and the reciprocal relationship between music making and conversation. The importance of community was the salient finding of this inquiry. Parker's (2016) community concept in choral classrooms thus framed the discussion chapter. Based on the emergent themes, I critiqued where I started this inquiry-challenging both the anti-racist framing and a pedagogy of discomfort (Boler, 1999) as a pedagogical approach. Culturally relevant pedagogy (Ladson-Billings, 2021) was ultimately more suitable for Nick's teaching philosophy and the students' experiences than anti-racist education. Additionally, I determined that utilizing a pedagogy of discomfort in the inquiry's setting would be a misuse of the approach. The findings of this inquiry lead to implications for the field. K-12 teachers can explore how community building impacts their ensembles and can work to integrate critical conversations across the curriculum. Music teacher educators could utilize a pedagogy of discomfort to disrupt whiteness in preservice music education programs. I propose many possible future inquiries, including integrating adolescent voices in music education scholarship.
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