Music education researchers have fully established that many women band directors experience toxicity as a part of their work. The purpose of this study was to understand the experiences of women former high school band directors who chose to move out of high school teaching and into collegiate music education. Research questions were: (1) What factors or elements of women band director experiences influenced women’s decisions to move from high school band directing to collegiate music education? (2) What were the women band directors’ experiences of psychological constructs such as, but not limited to impostor phenomenon (IP), vulnerability, perfectionism, and self-efficacy/self-esteem? (3) How do women former band directors make meaning of their experiences? Participants (N=9) were women who left high school band directing and moved into higher education as either music education Ph.D. students or university music education faculty members. All participants had at least five years teaching experience as a high school band director. Using phenomenology as a theoretical framework and methodology, I explored the lived experiences of participants by analyzing their responses from three, semi-structured interviews. Findings indicated that challenges related to the old boys’ club, the need to police gender, being stereotyped into other roles based on gender, and time commitments as a barrier to work-life balance were influential in women band directors’ desires to leave high school band directing. Women were also motivated to leave based on their desire to seek new challenges and their love of working with student teachers. Based on women’s experiences of psychological constructs, findings indicated that IP, perfectionism, vulnerability, and self-efficacy/self-esteem immensely influenced the experiences of women high school band directors in their K-12 work, but also in some of their graduate school and collegiate work experiences. IP helped explain some women’s insecurities regarding their band directing abilities and in combination with perfectionism provided insight into some participants’ needs for validation in their work. Some participants found the perceptions of others to be a hindrance to their ability to be vulnerable, creating further needs to take on a different persona. Self-efficacy/self-esteem influenced the work of women band directors based on their feelings of needing to trust themselves more, how their self-worth influenced their work, and frustrations about the title of “doctor” not being honored outside of the academic community. Participants also discussed meaning-making through various kinds of reflection, reflection over time, and working through stages of grief and acceptance. Critical reflective processes allowed participants to use their meanings made in their collegiate work educating preservice and new teachers. Findings further indicated that patriarchal power was a harmful negative influence on participants’ band directing experiences, in some cases prompting their career moves into higher education. Suggestions for future practice included further work to understand psychological constructs and the impact of oppressive systems so that teacher educators can decide on the most crucial information to include in their teacher preparation. I also provided suggestions to aid music teacher educators in helping preservice teachers learn to identify and work against the negative manifestations caused by psychological constructs such as those discussed in this study.
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