‘-Ir ' ‘ .- " “III": "I” 'I' "W I ‘ . _| IIi'lIa' :II‘ II II .QI. .. .. . " {:II. _.. I I I. .~.I.’ . {I} . I T'II'I. I’I‘. 'I'IIII' “11;“ .. II _ QfiIWKI‘J' (II; 'I- ":ng '1' L I ” ' {.1‘...2?:;I?, '1. ' " III E; 9?: 'Il“| . {I “girl I. .. , .‘ *III'o - _, .. .. IIWIMI III- I» IIII’l‘I IIII I IIIIIII; IIII IIII‘ V'I'll .. I;: __;-IILII1: ' WI III“ T'IIIIIII III-IIIII'II‘I- II III II 'I' III ”III “III "VIII“? 1.3!: 'I ma.“ In IIIIII'M I 9:; ..IbeHII up .lu . I II "' III II .: "III - III” III. “PI III‘II' “IIIII'IJ'I ,. . 'o" 269)“ I “ALI; $qu ‘I ;g I“ garb“) .Lh..'.'-;'s5'l ’n I I II ‘5‘ I Mm? '3' I “A“? I“'.. III“ .fijfi 1’29 (IfiII‘IrI‘W‘ IIIIIITI II I IIIIIIIIIITIIII ' II . .I II II .. , WI: .IIIHII I " II- II I I" I III I. ' I I "; PI .. "I IV I; I .L I. ' . 'II‘ " -' II'II I'M-II ' .I ' Iv “I“? . I I1" ,IIIIIIIVI LIIII L‘IISIJIILI: III' IIII'III‘I‘II M “III ', I}; ks hII I‘IIlJII' .I' IF . IQI'IIIIIII II:- I. 1.... : PI.Il¢I°I.IIIIII1II#/III (I 7-— '"IIIH'I *’ I: I". II'I‘I'I'I' I“'T"‘1Fnumom mo mpom 3mz op ~H cmowum>nmga we coppspwumcfi Peach seem mcw>oz mmommmm mzumum gcmmngm u w z < 2 u AlllllllllllllllllllIII'IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIlllllllllllllllll “w acmcemmp umpmama_umga Lo umpm:m_m mgzuam :o_yum$mwpmm .umgmmmwca mzu go» a mcwgou mpn_mmoa 11w was» mucm>m meowumu__qu cowumuamc< a =_a¢ mxmzpo uoz uwm_umnm coppos—m>m mvmmcuczm :o_awm:mgp copymgmqmgm mcmmmwgh aw a .7 \7 Av w 2 H z m < m 4 «Logo :c—m .H mgzmmm 58 59 Demographics .593 - Table I gives the demographic information on the study sample. Though there are nuns in the order in the age group of 35 and 36, they did not appear in the random convenience sample of twenty nuns. 0f the 20 interviewed, two were 37, three were 39, one was 40, four were 41, one was 42, two were 43, two were 44, one was 45, one was 46, two were 47, and one was 50. Age of Entry - With regard to the age of entry, one sister joined at l6, one at l7, 15 joined at age l8, one at 2l, and two at age 22. Age of Final Vows - With regard to the age of final vows, it was noticed that everyone in the sample hesitated when asked the date of final vows, as if it were an effort to remember. This was followed up in later interviews and it was said that most significant to them was the date they took their first vows, when they made their first comitment to God and had the honor of being accepted by the community, and received the ring of the IHM's. It was this original comitment they returned to, time and again, when faced with the resolution of difficult situations and problems. One sister's response sums it up best: . and so there were a lot of personal changes which meant kind of a turning point for me. When I was in the novitiate-~that year of intense prayer, intense searching out for the direction of my own life-—at that time, I realized that this was, indeed, where I belonged, and it wasn't only an intellectual knowing of it. I knew from the inside out--from my heart out--I knew I would 60 Table 1. Demographics. AGE AGE OF OF FINAL NO. AGE ENTRY VONS ENCATION J08 LIVING ARRANGEMENTS 1 40 18 25 Nasters+ Treasurer, NH Province Hith 6 other sisters 2 45 19 24 Nasters+ Coordinator, Area with 2 other sisters Agency on Aging 3 50 18 21 Nasters+ Hospital Ministry Nith 2 other sisters 4 47 18 26 Nasters+ School Principal Hith 1 other sister 5 43 18 25 Masters+ Jail Chaplain Alone 6 41 22 31 J.D. Attorney, Poverty Law, Nith 2 other sisters Social Justice 7 37 16 26 8.A.+ B.S.N. Ministry to Naitian Hith 2 other sisters refugees, Florida 8 42 22 27 Nasters+ Director, School With 5 other sisters Public Relations 9 41 18 27 Ph.D., Professor of Theology with 5 other sisters Theology Marygrove College 10 46 18 26 Nesters+ Bookkeeper Nith 3 other sisters INN, other orders 11 44 18 26 Nasters+ Freelance hospital with 1 other sister ministry 12 41 18 25 Ph.D., Private Practice Hith 3 other sisters Psychology 13 39 18 30 N.S.N.+ Social Horker with 2 other sisters Inner city agency 14 37 18 27 Nasters+ Hospital Chaplain Alone 15 47 21 26 Nasters+ School Principal Nith 3 other sisters 16 39 18 26 Nasters+ Free-lance ministry Nith 1 other sister 17 39 18 26 Nasters+ Pastoral work with 3 other sisters 18 41 18 23 Nasters+ Pastoral work Hith 1 other sister 19 44 18 26 Nasters+ Provincial Hith 1 other sister 20 43 17 25 Nasters+ President of With 2 other sisters Congregation 61 never be happier than I would be here . . . I've never doubted that decision, and when I made vows after that,_that was simply making them public“ (Sister T). Educational Level - The educational levels in Table I show highly educated women--16 Masters, 2 Ph.D.‘s, one J.D., and one with 2 B.A.'s. In addition to these degrees, all had a primary education in Theology and many educational credits from workshops. Ministry/Jobs - The demographics also show a variety of ministries. The ministries are more individualized, and require an individual or smaller numbers of peOple than those required for the running and staffing of the schools, through the IHM's still run some schools. Living Arrangements - The demographics show a variety of different living arrangements.’ "Home" no longer represents the Mother House; only two of the sample lived alone and, of the two, one said she lived alone and loved it, but the other said that she was only living alone for practical reasons--because her place of ministry was located too far for her to get congenial people to live with. Others, living in groups of more than two sisters said this was the lifestyle of choice and preference for them. One traveled from Detroit to Warren to work every day, in order to maintain her living situation. ". . . We pray together, sing together. This is important to me.“ Living in twos is not looked on favorably by the people in the sample, as they felt it festered unhealthy dependencies. Dne sister lives with sisters of another order, reflecting the tendency for women 62 religious from different orders to grow closer. Triggers: Specific Events that Triggered Learning Using the method of constant comparisons of grounded theory, it was found that three main themes evolved: 1) Identity, 2) Ministry, and 3) Life Crises. Table II shows the main themes and subthemes that appeared inthe major area of triggers, along with the number of sisters who responded in each category. The first two, Identity and Ministry, had direct relationship to the effects of the mandates of Vatican II. The third area, Life Crises, is age-appropriate to the life cycle develOpment of adults, as 14 of the trigger events centered around death of parents and mentors, sickness, and the vulnerability of one's own body, or that of dear ones. Twenty sisters said they had to think about things they had not thought about in a long time. 1) Identity 0f major importance to all women interviewed was the change that took place in terms of identity. To become more relevant with the times, the order decided that they would experiment with a modified habit (robe). Fifty women were invited to take part in this experiment by the leadership. They called for all typesof women-- tall, thin, short, chubby--to send their names in. The result of this experiment was a collarless blue suit, worn with the veil that showed the hair. The suit revealed legs and a feminine silhouette. One sister remembers: I thought we would look like airline stewardesses, and we did" (Sister A). Change to the new look was optional but, even today, diversity in dress and appearance 63 Table II. Triggers: Specific Events That Triggered Learning Main Themes Area N 1. Identity A. Appearance 20 1. Clothes 16 2. Role Hodels B 3. Diversity 12 B. Male Relationships 16 1. Long-term male relationships 5 2. Clashes with male hierarchy 5 C. Title or name 6 D. Reaction of the Laity 19 II. Job/Ministry A. First missions 16 B. Experimentation with new professional roles 16 1. Inner city experience . 6 2. Sit-ins for peace (jail sentences) 3 C. Overseas experience 6 III. Life Crisis A. With death 14 B. Sickness, own or others 10 C. Other experiences 1. Viet Nam war Being fired 2. 3. Dealing with mentally ill superiors 4. Self-awareness “NM-“CD 64 causes some friction. . . . and I questioned the middle-class (America) look . . . the earrings, the make-up. . . we are witnessing to the world poverty, chastity and obedience (Sister G)." Another sister states: ". . . I think we learned something from other professional women because we are all more or less, in professions, still. I think we learned, also, that how we dress, let us say, expresses who we are, and so we do give a message. Like, I notice the variety in our own group. Some sisters dress as if tomorrow were doomsday, and others dress as if they're not sure who they are. The still have a big question mark about themselves" (Sister T). But the struggle to come even to this-point was tremendous. " . . I remember my personal days. I could relive them as if they were yesterday. Getting my robes! The habit was very important to me. Acceptance of your comunity was the big thing." For this sister, the robe symbolized acceptance, belonging, and her identity as a religious and an IHM nun. ". . . Too much of the old was too sacred to me. I don't remember bucking the change . .. . I had to think a great deal about changing. You knew if you did it, you would pay the price . . . you would be crucified for changing " (Sister D). This was because some sisters felt that change from the habit was a betrayal of the values of the Church and the order. Some sisters never changed, but all in my sample wore civilian (regular) clothes. One sister, talking about these changes, expressed her anger in these words: . . . I think in the beginning I was naievely surprised that everybody did not like the way we were doing things. I liked the whole 65 package. I bought it . . . I was surprised with the quickness with which they wanted to change. They had been resenting so much, and I had never realized it" (Sister J). Another sister said, “We did a lot of dumb things. We changed habits at the time of mini—skirts. From being in all in habits to being less than professionally dressed. He wore a lot of K-Mart'sl There were a lot of cut-down habits" (Sister A). And then they changed back to their own names, giving up the religious names, often exotic males names, chosen with care and love, for significance and symbolism. One sister, who is a professional, and whose work requires her to move in many different circles, is still working through her identity. She states, “I now no longer tell everybody I meet that I am a sister. I don't choose to deal with peOple who have two agendas. . . . Some people, as soon as they know .that you a religious, want to tell you all about themselves. It also works the other way. When I was applying for a scholarship, I knew the woman would remember who I was, and she did. . . . There was this woman at work who simply didn't relate to me for a long time, and I didn't know why. Then, when we went out to dinner, another woman, unknown to us, who was dressed in a modified habit, came up and my colleague greeted her effusively. Then it struck me--she doesn't like me because I don't look like whom I'm supposed to be. . . . My mother wanted to buy me a cross, so peole would know I was a nun . . . you can't hid behind the cross" (Sister F). 66 So the sisters reviewed their values and adjusted, each according to what she believed. There are still nuns who are in habit, but these are older nuns. ‘ Social learning is a value experience. If learning is to occur, in the first place, its value needs to be recognized and needs to take precedence or be accomplished at the expense of other values. Value-strain or dissonance arises when personal or social changes are viewed as desirable but, to fulfill this intent, other values must be relinquished. The learning experience may express the instrumental value. Learning is the enactment of instrumental values when it is the means used to achieve certain outcomes that correspond with the person's preferences and priorities. Learning is, in many ways, a uniquely personal experience. Although certain generalizations about the process of learning can be made, within these generalizations it is necessary to take account of the symbolic characteristics of the learning and the specific style in which one)tends to represent his reality (Howard Goldstein, 1981, p. 238 . In addition to their own struggle in community to cope with these changes was the effect that the change of habit had on the lay people. For centuries, the habit, the unchanging look of the nuns and priests presented security. Now the lay people were confused, hurt and angry, and they did not hesitate to let them know. A sister states, “. . . A lot of of people were mad about the liturgy. Then the nuns changed their habits. The parishioners were very angry with everything that we tried to do. Some were very rigid, and folks were caught in the midst of it, and none of us had enough experience to figure out how to resolve it. . . . And it was a time when people threw things at me, called me names, and it was knowing (learning) what it was to be a symbol of something, because people were angry with me who didn't even know my name . . . I was the Church, and the Church had hurt them" (Sister P). 67 Another sister stated, "I think that the firm grounding in education that I received in Monroe, in theology, made me very certain that, while I might not be able to articulate completely everything I needed to be able to from that situation, what I had been taught was, in fact, the way the Church was going and, in fact, the way the Church should go--so that I was not shaken by these years when the impact of Vatican Council II was first becoming clear to lay people, and they were reacting to this." She goes on to say, "The fact that sisters were not only not wearing their habits or not the same habits that they always had, were doing new ministries, were not all in schools any more, or the fact that they would be involved in politics, or were at night meetings-«this was difficult for them (parishioners) to adjust to. The fact that simply a sister was outspoken as she was, you know--that was a terrible shock to them. We said what we thought about things. We were not quite so overawed by either our role or the way we were supposed to relate to them through our role . . . I think there was confidence. Ne weren't trained to do that--I mean, heaven knows we were in struggle in the community at that time, too, because we were not sure of our direction, but we had been grounded so finely in our Biblical theology, our sense of the Church, because our whole formation had been anticipating and rejoicing in what was happening in the Vatican Council, and during the Papacy of John XXIII. Ne were, I think, a generation of religious women who had a great sense of confi- dence in the direction in which the Church was going" (Sister 3). 68 These two views show the importance of the personality in the way situations were interpreted and negotiated. This generation of women who come from a generation of high school students who, having dated, had achieved a certain level of psychosocial maturity and experience before they came to the order. "So we were not like naive babes in the woods of a previous era. We had certain, maybe an even more sophisticated level of sex education that had been characteristic of classes before us. We were more explicit in our understanding than, say, my mother's generation" (Sister 5). Sixteen of the twenty women interview cited emotional encounters with men as significant events. They worked through their sexual spiritual identity through these relationships that were close, intimate, but celibate. All felt these relationships enriched their lives, and gave an extra dimension to their ministry and to their understanding of people. All relationships described were with priests, making it easier for them to reassess their values, to reconfinm their commitment and vows. For five of the sisters, these have continued-as long-term relationships that are an integral part of their lives and have generally achieved the status of warm friendship. One sister put it like this: “Nobody can live the celibate life without friendship." ". . . . I do not know how much good I would be if I couldn't love“ (Sister A). These were not hidden relationships. All sisters that I interviewed felt that they had not lost their femininity when they joined the order, just sublimated the sexual part of it. One said, "You always retain what you want to retain“ (Sister 69 8). Another sister's reflection: ". . . Hell, I think, again, that religious community does provide you with a lot of models. A lot of role models. And I was fortunate in the kind of education I got, that I came into contact with women who were very deeply religious people, but also were very much women--very proud of their femininity and very feminine--if maybe not always at a time when we were emphasizing physical attractiveness and dealing with it quite the way we do not. But they were very much women, to the core, and had very sensitive hearts, and they were very articulate about the experience of being a woman. They were very articulate about being a loving, human person, about being a compassionate person, about learning how to become a friend, and so I think one way in which I was helped, I learned to deal with it, was that I was lucky to have a lot of women around me who helped me by the way they were women, and religious women, to learn how to deal with being a woman" (Sister S). ". . . I think one of the luckiest things that ever happened to me was I was fortunate enough to have many good, kind, close women friends of my own age, and they were the kind of women who were such good friends that they verbalized about the struggle that someone goes through in ordinary adult roles. Learning how to relate as an inde- pendent person, who is capable of intimacy--and then capable of intimacy that is appropriate to the style of life we have chosen. I was fortunate enough to know women who were willing to go through as a community and together in relationships, the struggles that it took to become that kind of person” (Sister 0). However, to come to this point of maturity was a growth 70 experience for both the individuals and the community. In the mid- sixties, a sister describing the experience of another sister with whom she was living, who fell in love with a priest, “. . . . But there was nothing wrong with it, and I couldn't believe that it was wrong, and I couldn't understand how people turned on them because they loved each other. . . . The parish and the nuns turned on the priest, who had been a very good friend. Like maybe, the night before had been there for dinner, in a good relationship and, all of a sudden, he loved somebody, and now he is an enemy. I couldn't under- stand how loving somebody was a problem. Nhat was so bad about that? So I had to do a lot of searching, and I was very integral to their sorting out, because they really didn't want to leave. . . .but they had to leave because of pressure" (Sister P). The struggles of the community to learn to grow in shared experience is reflected in the words of the same nun, who, some years later, fell in love, herself. “ . . We talked a lot about marriage, and should we marry, and what was the price if we married? He is a priest. He has a similar struggle, and we both--we're still in a relationship. It's no Secret to people, and that was critical for me. It was very critical for me that I presented him and my love for him to the IHM's before I my final vows, and I spoke to Margaret Brennan (the president of the congregation), and I spoke to the provincials. They met him. we talked, and I said to them, 'You need to know this-~that I love this man, and I will continue to love this man, and I want to make vows to the community, and I don't know what you're going do with this. . . . 71 I feel they handled it really well. The provincial said, 'I'll get somebody from out of town to talk to the two of you, and whatever that person says about how they evaluate the relationship, I'll accept.‘ I thought, 'Oh, my God! This is the real test,‘ but she selected a young man to talk to us, and he was from out of town. Ne spent the whole day with him--and he said, 'I don't see what's really wrong--I can't see anything bad about this relationship,‘ and we agreed to be a relationship (counseling) with that man on a regular basis, and that lasted for two or three years, and when he wasn't helpful, any more, we didn't need it any more, and we kind of outgrew it" (Sister P). This sister felt that leadership did not let her down, and that they did not ask her to choose and, even when posed with a very difficult issue, that they really didn't want to get involved with, they helped her work it out. There were many such situations, because the new lifestyle led to much greater proximity with males, particularly priests. The Catholic Church, by history, is male-oriented, male- dominated, to this day. Many sisters in this period of change have run into chauvinistic practices that have forced them to withdraw from parochial work. One sister describes the experience of having her contract not renewed because a priest wanted to take the job that she had held. One provincial mentioned having seven cases on this issue presented to her in one day. The sisters do most of the work, which makes the Catholic Church a visible and important element in everyday lives of laymen. Therefore, if sisters were to go out of existence, or be reduced to insignificate levels, one must wonder how viable the Church could continue to be (Calabro, 1976, p. 71). 72 One sister relates this experience: . I can remember when one of our sisters, not living in our Gesu House (residence for sisters teaching at Gesu School), but in another house in our community, was involved in the march at Selma, being stOpped on the street corner by a Jesuit priest and lectured, scolded publicly--what in the world were IHM sisters doing participating in that kind of public demonstration? . . . To some people, the fact that it was a priest doing it would have been very threatening--that would have meant that the person who was a Church person, you know, God's spokesman, was questioning what you were doing, and maybe you'd better be leery about that. . . . But I think we were already beginning to experience the first stirrings of a certain amount of feminism or independence, but we were learning the hard way. It was the sense that we were doing our very best to be very true to our calling, and that we were going to do that, no matter who criticized us" (Sister S). 2) Ministrleobs Another main theme that evolved was ministry. The Appropriate Renewal of Religious Life declared: The manner of living, praying and working should be suitably adapted to the physical and psychological conditions of today's religious and, also, to the extent required by the nature of each community to the needs of the Apostolate, the requirements of a given culture, the social and economic circumstances anywhere but especially, to mission countries (Abbot and Gallagher, 1966, p. 81 . All 20 of the nuns cited work experiences relating to ministry as significant events. "In the seventies, we moved into a variety of ministries, including political ones and, in the decades of the 73 eighties, beginning with an assembly we had in 1980, we came to recognize that we have certain goals in ministry and we express them in different functions for different jobs, and some of our goals and most important values are contained there, so, in a sense, we put what we're doing as less important than why we're doing it--I think that's been an important learning process, as a congregation. Changes came about in terms of reviewing and re-evaluating, and then going out and doing“ (Sister 3). In 1983, Inmaculata High School, a familiar landmark in Detroit, closed, but missions to South America, Honduras, Africa, to the global poor, thrived, and sisters involved themselves in nuclear peace sit-ins, and went to jail, and pioneered different work settings. "Nhat we did was to go out and train people in critical thinking, so that they would become leaders within-their neighborhood community. Ne did this out of a gospel persepctive" (Sister T.) ". . . I think we used the skills that we had as teachers and employed them in a number of other ministries. This changed the con- gregation, because we could no longer say a good IHM equals a good teacher, so it made us plumb the depths of what it is that makes us a congregation. It is not only our function in ministry, but it is much more--our whole value system . . . reviewing and re-evaluating. It wasn't always done neatly or in an orderly fashion. He learned as probably most people do, along the way, and in the school of hard knocks“ (Sister R). Significant events clustered around first missions, missions to the inner city, and missions abroad. One sister recalls, "I went from 74 Benton Harbor, God's backyard, to inner city Detroit. I opened a day care center there. The experience developed my faith level, giving me the courage to do a lot of things. It simplified my life, drew me inward, downward, and made me reach out in ways I never thought possible . . . I worked ten hours a day, six days a week, twelve months a year. I said, 'If I'm going to get it, I'm going to get it, but this work must be done.‘ For six years, I was never afraid of break-ins, but then it happened, and when we saw they had taken food (in addition to other things), we said OK, they were in need, and put in our insurance claims, and kept right on. There was no room for naivete. I was doing it out of my ignorance and their need. They were the most loving children. They were Open and shared their lives with me. I had a terrible time dealing with state and social services, but I learned . . . I learned to deal with chauvinism and bureaucracy, with manipulative survival skills--do what you have to do, but do it quietly. If it needs to be done, do it, and set up a system that gets it done" (Sister C) Another sister spoke of her experience in the inner city of trying to be flexible in terms of ministry. "I left teaching to go into parish work. On the first day of school, I kept expecting the phone to ring, for them to call me and say they couldn't manage without me. The didn't call, and I cried, because they could do it without me. Now I had to create a new job. I did this for six years. Then the people came to me to ask me to take over the princi- palship. I said, 'No way,‘ and I fought God hard on this one, but I 75 took it. I've been very comfortable there, since. These are my people--the black community. I live right there, by choice" (Sister 0). I Six sisters spoke of their work in other countries as signifiant events. “Three of us were sent by Margaret Brennan to Europe for doctorates in theology. We were three women in a class of 72 men, from all over the world. My dissertation was on moral theology-- the area of real people--social ethics, moral ethics, business ethics-- all strongholds of the priests. Eventually, they came to appreciate our experiential learning. Ne went to the program after work in the field. We were pioneers, but we were all teachers before, and went there poised and confident in our ministerial proficiency, because of the excellent training during our formation. We won them over with confidence and competence. Going abroad to study there was part of the 'impossible dream' of Margaret Brennan . . .“ (Sister I). Speaking of the experience of going to Chile as a new missionary, "I was learning Spanish, but going to a new country, to a new culture, was like becoming a child again. The experience of social justice can make or break you . . . you never quite fit again. I had to redefine my cdtizenship. I learned that life is painful. You let it crush you, or you hold on to hope. They really teach you to hope. I am so changed in my values. . . dogs ran around there in packs, they were so hungry. I was attacked there, once, by dogs. One of the sisters, a Maryknoller, was killed. I was amazed at my own 76 inner courage to go out alone. I learned self-awareness and the utilization of new skills, but I learned through pain“ (Sister I). "I was 26 when I went to Brazil. Everything was different and I think, when I got there, I felt that I had to accept everything, because I had been told that everything would be changed and, gradually, I discovered that some of my personal needs for friendship, my own privacy in my life, my own personal need for beauty, for music-- I didn't have to let go of all those. I might rediscover them in new forms. I am a great lover, now, of Brazilian music, but I think that was part of my learning“ (Sister T). "One sister, returning from Japan, had outgrown her tolerance for her previous living situation and is now making new arrangements" (Sister G). 3) Life Crises Another main theme that emerged was life crises. One sister cited an experience with a relative in the Viet Nam war, 14 sisters cited experiences with death as significant events. Two cited personal illness, and eight cited coping with illness and aging in relatives as significant events. This appears to be in keeping with the adult developmental cycle. "The illusion of mortality is challenged from two directions--the illness or death of a parent in a complex set of signals about mortality as part of the life cycle" (Gould, 1973, p. 227). One sister talked of having a rare blood disease that is life- threatening. The disease is presently in remission and was diagnosed 77 in her thirties. " . . . I had to find a way to be myself with this albatross. I had to have friends help me to do this“ (Sister K). Faced with death, she had to make decisions of how she wanted to live. She participated in an experimental program in Bethesda, Maryland, and had to face, head on, the depersonalized world of medicine and withdrew from it. She had to make decisions about not taking the drastic medication offered and explained to concerned family and friends that she had to control the caliber of her life. Because she cannot be boxed-in by a nine to five job because of her health, she freelances and has used her many talents creatively for this. She works with the Home Health Care Agency, on an oncology unit, working with the terminally ill, and as a consultant for a pastoral ministry, working on a one-to-one basis with peOple living with loss. She lives a full and satisfying life. Another sister (Sister I) talks about being called home from an absorbing mission in South America because her father was not expected to live. Her father didn't die until four years later. She talked of having to work through many emotional feelings and frustrations, but she grew closer to her mother, as never before, admiring her untiring devotion to her dad. She also grew to admire her father's ability to cape with pain and suffering of a long-term illness with great dignity. The experience touched her deeply, reaffirming and strengthening her. She felt that this experience made her more sensi- tive and compassionate in her ministry. Another sister (Sister J) talked about her having to take over all the planning for her aged parents, because she was the only single 78 one in the family. Another sister talks of her own illness, of having to work through her terrible feelings of guilt that she was a burden to the community (Sister C). Other sisters talked of the pain they experienced as they watched sisters who were dear to them, mentors, suffer through terminal cancer and exacerbation of multiple sclerosis (Sisters M and R). They became aware of the feelings of abandonement and loneliness and had to go through pain before recognizing that life goes on. Two sisters (Sister L and R) talked of the devastating experience of being fired from their jobs, through no fault of their own, and learning to understand and forgive weakness in the personality of others who had drastically affected their lives. Two sisters (P and R) talked about having to cape with superiors who were mentally ill, but were still left in positions of authority. "So, eventually, the provincial said something like this, 'How come you're not participating in any congregation things?‘ I said to her, 'So and so is causing me a lot of trouble,‘ and I broke down and cried and sobbed. She said, 'I know it. She should have gotten help a long time ago, but we haven't known how to, and . . . ' I was livid. I was livid" (Sister P). These were learning experiences for the individuals, but also for the community, for just as society learned about mental illness and mental illness came out of the closet, so it was with this order. How sisters who need it can go into therapy and, where necessary, it will be funded by the order. Eight sisters mentioned being in therapy. 79 one sister (Sister G), in her quest for finding herself, speaks of her dream for a group to work and live in the same area. She thought she'd found a group who believed in the same dream, but, one by one, they moved away. . I was left alone (with the vision) wondering what had happened. They didn't have the same commitment. I came out of the experience a sadder, wiser person. I learned not to take one single step when you meet with resistance. You cannot force people. I learned. I am a person who beats something to the ground, or on other people. I learned very painfully you can't do that. I've never made that mistake again. It makes for a lot of waiting, but I haen't lost the vision.” Another sister gave this articulate and touching significant event. “There were, in my own life, lots of personal moments of change that had a profound effect upon me. They are somewhat related to religious life, but my--well, I mentioned Viet Nam, because my own brother, David, was a conscientious objector to the war in Viet Nam and, because he was a Catholic, was unable to have his moral convictions recognized, and so he became a draft dodger. In late 1968, he went to Canada. He had just graduated from Catholic college and was sent a draft notice, and had already done other things in advance, anticipating this, to be able to find some sort of alternative service so military conscription, something like the Medi- corps, something like that--the Peace Corps, or something and, bacause, as I say, he was a Catholic and Catholics were not recognized «they were not exempt--he finally went to Canada. I took him 80 physically, drove him to Canada. I did that fully expecting to be arrested for aiding and abetting a draft dodger and, while our community was in the throes of this kind of thing, I did this on my own. I didn't ask anybody. I just went and did it. I don't know what I think about that now, being a leader, doing that, but then there was no other course of action. So when I got David to Toronto, and he took all of the small amount of physical possessions he owned in a duffle bag and got out of the car and walked away, that was one of the most profound turning points in my own personal life because, here I was, the one in the family who was, in a sense, the profes- sional religious person, acting out of values and convictions and standing for God and God's word--but it was my brother David who had, in a sense, more to lose, and he was doing a very good job of putting his life on the line for his moral convictions, and that was both a very affirming moment for me and a very-~it was a moment of profound change for me--because all of the things that I had been reading and thinking and saying about how we are all called to follow God's way--there isn't any higher or lower estate than than--other than that which we choose for ourselves in terms of our sincerity and our dedication in the way we live it out. I got a very profound personal lesson and I think that that was. It really redirected my life, in a sense. I became, frmm that time on, growingly more concerned with social issues and growingly more concerned to be involved in the kind of education that prompted social awareness and enhanced more growth. And so, my own involvement in the specific field of religious education 81 that I had become interested in intensifying and, I think, maybe my own sense of what religious life was all about, had turned a corner. It became much more in the direction of the area I talked to you about before--more profoundly aware of global realities, more profoundly concerned with social transformation and, maybe, above all, on a personal level, far more concerned about the interior core of religious values and how that really got lived out in life, than the external forms that religion takes--the external forms of my own religious congregation-~external forms that divide us denominationally. It just put things in a different perspective" (Sister S). Preparation for Change: Anxiety and Upheaval The main themes that emerged were: 1) Education and critical thinking; 2) Leadership; 3) Return to original commitment and 4) Prayer. Table III on the following page shows the main themes and subthemes that emerged in the major area, preparation for change, along with the number of sisters who responded in each category. 1) Education All 20 sisters talked about the experiences, in formation, as preparation for the significant events they saw as profoundly affecting their lives. Time and again, they have reiterated it was the original commitment and the excellent theological training that prepared them for the changes and learning experiences they encountered. Some sisters describe instances where they were unhappy with their inmediate superiors, or had months that were difficult. 82 Table III. Preparation for Change: Anxiety and Upheaval Main Themes Area N I. Education - 20 A. Critical Thinking 10 II. Leadership 20 (Appeared in other major areas also) III. Return to Original Commitment 14 IV. Prayer 20 (Appeared in other major areas also) Some have talked about the large classes--7O to 90--that precluded the advantages of the one-to-one. One sister spoke of the "authoritarian kind of heavy-handedness that was characteristic of one at one point" (Sister H), but these sisters were the beneficiaries of the Sister -Formation movement of the fifties. One of their own, Sister Mary Emil Penet, was a leader in the movement which paved the way for the excellent education that these sisters received. This education that emphasized the growth, development and preparation of the whole sister, embodied the concepts and philosophies of the humanistic educators. Sometimes the sisters felt that they were not prepared for meeting the real world, but other sisters said they were prepared as much as they could be for meeting contingencies, but reiterated that nobody could be for Viet Nam or the Civil Rights movement, or really, the specific incidents that related to the laity's reaction to Vatican II. One sister (Sister 8) said, "It used to be said of us that 83 joining the IHM order was like going to a finishing school. Ne were taught how to behave with grace, femininity, courtesy and apprOpriate- ness.“ Another sister, in terms of atmosphere, regulation: "There was little choice-making, however, at the same time, because we were a congregation of educators, we were given the best scholars the congregation could offer, and we were given the time to study, and we were taught, if nothing else, critical thinking . . . and because we were taught critical thinking, even though it wasn't always applied in our lives, we had those skills developed and I think it was, in part, these skills which enabled us and, particularly, those a bit older 4than us, to be able to sustain the changes. Our leadership was always challenging us to read more, to read better, to discuss." 2) Leadership "Our leadership has always been in a process of education, and they shared the fact that they, also are learning . . . I would say that the congregation was most concerned that we would be good religious, but they were very concerned that, professonally, we would be very well-trained so that the students would get only the best. . . so, it was always working--kind of the interlocking of the personal, social development, even while we were here, going through the formation at prayer, we were always in study, as well. And it was always--even in the novitiate, which was a somewhat cloistered year-- we would have monthly a program in which we had to develop global concerns. Ne were kept conscious of world concerns . . . unfolding of 84 the concern for the poor, with Vatican II, is the new approach to missions--that we do not supply, dole out, services, but that we train the people to assume direction of their own lives“ (Sister T). 3) Return to Original Commitment “The purpose of all our works is somehow related to making the world a better place. It helped us to focus on the fact that we are here for the service of the poor . . . I think we were prepared unbelievably well, or amazingly well. It's hard to see how anyone could have anticipated, for example, the changes coming in the Church, and might have seen that there would be a growth, a more integrated society in America, but nobody was prepared for what happened in the Civil Rights movement in the sixties. I mean, how could you be? Certainly, nobody was prepared for what was going to happen us in the moral watershed that was the Viet Nam war. But circumstances had prepared us with a kind of seminal understanding that was going to stand us in good stead for that time" (Sister E). 4) Prayer All sisters talked about prayer as one of the main and strongest strategies they used for preparation and coping. One sister, talking about her constant return to prayer for preparation said: "I remember Margaret Brennan [the then Mistress of Novices] saying, 'Sisters, pray. If you don't, you have nothing to offer the Church'" (Sister R). 85 Transition: Pain and Coping The main themes that emerged were: 1) Acceptance of the reality of change; 2) Loss of friends; 3) Learning through shared framework; and 4) Mutual growth of individual and community. Table IV shows the main themes and subthemes that emerged in the major areas of transition, along with the number of sisters who responded in each category. Table IV. Transition: Pain and COping Main Themes Area N 1. Acceptance of the Reality of Change A. Individual adaptive mechanisms* 16 l. Norkaholic l 2. Substance abuse (controlled) 1 3. Fasting, week-end retreats 3 4. Daily Mass 1 5. Therapy 8 6. Year of Renewal 8 7. Involvement with family 6 8. Closer friendship with other sisters 10 II. Loss of Friends 12 III. Learning Through Shared Framework* A. Discernment 20 8. Learning by Listening 6 C. Norkshops organized by leadership 18 IV. Mutual Growth of Individual and Community 18 (appeared in other areas also) * appeared in several major areas throughout the study. Figures were documented as they appeared throughout the study, not only in this section. 86 1) Acceptance of the Reality of Change The sisters moved into the mid-sixties and seventies. Some handled the changes better than others, but there was no escaping it. Every sister in the study relates a signficant event back to this period. "It was mind-boggling . .. . lots of things were let loose" (Sister E). "A lot of people didn't know how to handle the changes" (Sister H). Some were overwhelmed. Sisters left in droves, sometimes as many as 25 to 30 at a time. Some felt pushed out of religious life as a consequence of changes taking place. Others were attracted by options and alternatives unavailable to them as long as they remained. All the nuns in the study did not seriously question their commitment. Some never caught up with change, because they did not participate in it. . I was good at math, so they sent me each summer for six years to another state to get my math degree. But summertime was when everyone came home (Monroe Mother House) and that was the time that all the decisions for change were made, and I was never part of it. I don't always see in myself the results of what all these changes are. I don't always understand why we did the things we did. Some of them were not good. 'I'm letting these things go--what am I putting in their place? I miss the music, the Gregorian chants'" (Sister J). This sister said, "I need Mass every day. Daily Mass is very important to me. It is one way I have of keeping continuity" (Sister J). Another sister, who lives in Detroit: "I return one weekend every month to the Hermitage and pray and fast" (Sister E). Another sister: "I'm more comfortable, now. I like 87 spiritual leaders. I go to all the workshops" (Sister H). 2) Loss of Friends "I admired the older nuns. Lots of the older nuns left. My friends were leaving because they could not accept the changes. It was getting too wordly. It was not just the habit. The prayer forms changed“ (Sister H). “. . . You do what you have to do, then you get used to it. You go along" (Sister 8). I learned I had a proclivity for alcohol and had to stop this tendency. " . I was hurt. My friends were gone. For a while I didn't care about peOple--then I became a workaholic. I got involved in everything. I still am one, today . .. . I became a peacemaker--a bridge between the powers that be and the other sisters" (Sister H). Another perspective was how wonderful and exciting this period was. For instance, a sister says, "I was professed in 1966. The Council was over, and rapid, radical changes started right away. . . It was wonderful because, for me, what it did--I used the word radical in the sense of route--I knew, intuitionally, it was going to take us, individually and as a congregation, and as a Church, back into our pristine values, and it was going to be a falling away of the clutter that accumulates in anything that's let stand for a long time--be it a closet, library, or an institution of people” (Sister T). I'I think, to go back a little bit in our history, we had such a strong, centralized and very authoritarian structure in the congregation, that one of the effects of Vatican II when it liberated 88 us, in a sense, or gave us new horizons, was that I think we had each to come to grips with, given the new face of religious life, could we personally choose it again? Nhen I came to religious life in the late fifties, in 1958, what I committed myself to, then, may not, in its core religious meaning, but certainly in externals, have completely changed. But the people with whom I made my commitment--half of them are gone so that in a sense, the community, a sociological group that I pledged myself to, doesn't really exist any more. It's a new group, now--part of that group--but it's different. Nhen I came, it was a large community, and there were many people. So I think through these last fifteen years, individually people have been, first of all, discovering what was this new thing called religious life in our community, what was it going to look like after Vatican II, and then deciding, for themselves, whether they thought it was worth it to hang in with that and whether they thought they, themselves, personally wanted to do that“ (Sister N). 3) Learning Through Shared Framework Eighteen of the twenty interviewed said that they went to all the workshops and teaching experiences offered by the community. This shared framework was very important to the sisters I interviewed. "One of the best workshops I went to was on solidarity. It enabled me to cope with diversity that was bothering me. Each member of the workshop was asked to share an oppression that she had gone through. Hearing about how difficult things had been for some members establishing their ministries, I learned to appreciate, to trust 89 more. God is bigger than my mind. There can be diversity. But you have to be exposed . . . then something happens inside“ (Sister H). ". . I will go anywhere we get to share. I would be willing to bet that those who come together have less trouble, now, than others (those who remain isolated) . . . I like directive retreats. I learn from them. I get directions" (Sister G). To cope with people with anxieties, and who need a time of contemplation and prayer, to reintegrate and regroup, the sisters established a House of Prayer and the Hermitage. Sisters who need it can take “a year of renewal" to think through things. Eight sisters interviewed had taken a year of renewal. Each sister has a spiritual director with whom she can talk things over. Nhen a sister needs it, funds are provided for psychotherapy. All sisters mentioned the following strategies for problem-solving: "Ne discern together. The sisters bring problems to a group. It's sorting things through together, in a group. It is trying to sort through the motives and the spirit of what is going on--testing. Kind of testing motives. It is a process that has to happen with a group of people." Another very important learning strategy mentioned by six. was learning by listening. This had been utilized for centuries. Over and over, sisters reiterated that the process is more important than the product, i.e., ". . . the manner by which you come to a decision is most important“ (Sister P). 4) Mutual Growth of Individual and Community One of the most important strategies used repeatedly was to 90 bring the problem to the leadership and then back to the group. As one sister stated, "The leadership did not always know what to do about it, did not always want to touch the problem, but they did. They did not shy away from what had to be faced. They trusted and respected us“ (Sister P). Thus, there was mutual growth of individual and community. Synthesis, Adaptation and Satisfaction The main themes that evolved were: 1) Experimentation with lifestyles and organizational structures; 2) Re-examination of values; 3) Bonding, networking and corporate identity. Table V shows the main themes and subthemes that appeared in the major area of synthesis along with the number of sisters who responded in each category. This section's themes were not as clear cut and there is some overlapping. Table V. Synthesis: Adaptation & Satisfaction Main Themes Area N I. Experimentation with Lifestyles 20 A. Organizational structures 12 II. Re-examination of Values 20 (Appeared in other major areas also) III. Bonding, Networking and Corporate Identity l4 l) Experimentation with Lifestyles and Organizational Structures Sisters learned to cope with diverse ministry, diverse dressing styles and, along the way, they had to accommmodate to different 91 living arrangements and evolve a lifestyle that was practical and suitable for what they had to do. "Ne used to have very predictable patterns of community life. Ne live basically in groups of all IHM sisters. He lived in our groups, not by our own choice. He were sent to live in them. Nhen I first went on mission, I lived with 30 women, then I lived with a group of about six or seven, of changing individuals, but the group remained that number. By the seventies, I was living in a group of about 10 women, and it was no longer IHMs. These were women from other congregations living with us for convenience. In the mid- seventies, I lived with four IHMs, all in different ministries. At the present time, I live with one other IHM, in a rented town house, in an apartment complex" (Sister 0). ". . . In our province, there are 220 women. Ne have 110 houses. Our largest has 20 sisters living in it, and we have about 49 women living alone. Some of our women live with lay women who are involved in this type of ministry" (Sister S). ". . . Nhat I see happening in some places where sisters are living alone in apartments, is that the apartment they are living in has a number of other sisters also living in apartments which are adjacent or in the same complex, and they are coming together on a regular basis, for meals and for prayers, etc." (Sister M). "I think one of the underlying reasons women wanted the different styles and patterns of living is for more physical Space and for more quiet for study, and for reading, and, I think, frankly, for 92 prayer. . . . But there is another sense in which, you know, the space that gives you personal psychological space to be yourself, to provide you with some privacy, might be a more realistic assessment of what human beings needs are. . . . Most of our women are freely choosing their pattern of life or choosing from selections available. A lot of it has to do with ministry, but that's not it, exclusively. Some of it is also their personal needs, their personal desires. There's a lot more clear sense about, 'If I'm going to be a good woman religious, then I have to be a good and healthy human being. I have to find a psycholgically whole, life-giving climate, as well as having to find one that simply physically enables me to be close to my ministry" (Sister S). "I think the other element of it that maybe hasn't been so pronounced in the past years, but is becoming increasingly more so, is precisely that sense of wanting to have some community ties. Living in some form of community. Now, I don't see us as ever being able to go back to the kind of life that we had before that we called com- munity--by virtue of physical togetherness. I think now there is a growing awareness of the desire to live in community from the point of view of the fact that its an enriching psychological religious ministerial lifestyle" (Sister 8). Another sister said, "One of the things that I realized as we were having the celebration is that, as much as there were negatives involved in our formation, and all that--we can laugh about some of them, now--there is, nevertheless, a great deal of affection involded, 93 a great deal of concern for each other-~a great deal of dedication and good will and sincerity and, sometimes,.I miss that we don't have enough Opportunities to spend some time together, now, to get to know each other, so that we could really be friends. The other structure (the old one) specifically kept us away from being friends and I think that, you know, we came together in community. He always suspected tha we were all there because we were really such wonderful women-~and now we have the opportunity to discover that, and not to be only sisters but to be friends to each other" (Sister 8). 2) Re-examination of Values There was constant reexamination of values in the lives of these sisters and there appeared to be particular emphasis in this area. One sister relates her experience: "I think right now we are on the verge of rediscovering one of the values we had before that maybe we didn't recognize becaue we didn't like all the trappings, which was our corporate sense that there are a lot of movement within the conununity to rediscover. For example, this whole program that perhaps others have talked to you about, now--our whole corporate renewal is designed to give us, again, a sense of what it means to be ministering and to be in community precisely as a corporate entity, so that what we do, individually, is enriched and enhanced and strength- ened and extended by the power of our being a group“ (Sister 0). 'fi . and one of the concerns is that the gains that we made about our indivdual ability to make life-directing choices will not be sacrificed as, in a sense, the pendulum swings back a little bit more 94 toward the middle" (Sister 1). "Another specific thing that impacted that in the post-Vatican Church was that, before that, the notion of the religious vocation was --the emphasis there was that this was a very special, in fact, a higher calling--and one of the things that came out of Vatican II was that the whole emphasis on the universal call of holiness which tended to make some people who were getting their identity, perhaps, or their sense of their position in all of this from a sense of being more than lay people-~that pulled the pins out from under some people--for some people that was really problematic. It also tended to make sisters look around and say to themselves, 'Nell, what is it about my life that is worth going on doing that makes me any different than I could do if I were a lay woman?‘ The second thing that happened, right in with that, was we had very, very great devotedness to our own indi- vidual religious institute, you know, the IHMs were the best of all, and then there were the Dominicans and everybody else-~there was a certain being not only set apart from other religious communities but, in a subtle way, being set against them. So, for example, in our history, there was a long-standing rivalry between the Adrian Dominicans and the IHMs, fueled by the mistakes of the bishops, and all that sort of stuff, but it was there. There was not exactly-- there certainly was no such thing, fifteen years ago, you know, of friendships between other groups of sisters. You just did not associate with other religious communities. That's all broken down. And I think, while it was very, on the whole, extremely positive, it 95 also tends to relativise that sense of identification with your corporate group. He used to put so much stres on what it meant to be an IHM, and then we discovered that it meant pretty much the same thing to be a Dominican and a Franciscan. The decor of our life was alike and, so, just like we were discovering that we weren't all that different from lay people, we were also discovering we weren't all that different from other religious comunities, so I think those things, in their own, subtle way, impacted on maybe our pride and our corporateness“ (Sister D). 3) Bonding, Networking, Corporate Identity A sister stated, "There is a move towards the renewal of the corporate sense. I think my own experience that people in leadership in the community, who are looking at the whole picture, have noticed this and, at least in this particular administration, had a concern to take steps to revitalize this. I get this sense, just from specific things that have happened to me in the province, that there maybe isn't an explicit or articulated sense of it among the newer sisters, but there is very much an implicit kind of--on the feeling level-- either sense of loss for what used to be, or a desire to revitalize together. Let me give you what is a very small but concrete example. Ne recently had our northwest province assembly and, for the first time, we came together for three days, and we did it at the new con- ference center in Monroe (the Mother House). So we were all together, back in Monroe, at the province, and the women in our province were extremely happy about the location that we chose and enthusiastic 96‘ about being in Monroe, and you heard them--they were saying to me all the time, 'It's good to be back home, again, it's good to touch our roots, it's great'--all those kinds of things were said to me that, while they might not have said, 'Oh, let's go home and become a cor- porate group, again,’ there was an--I don't know—-whether it's not nostalgia--but it was something at the feeling level. There is the need to rebond" (Sister 8). In their search for relevant government in relationship to bonding, the sisters have been searching for structures that will accommodate their dwindling numbers but, also, to emphasize an under- lying participation by the sisters at a grass roots level «from an authoritarian, hierarchical structure, it is getting more and more democratic in nature. . . another part of it, right now, because of where we are in relation to our future structures, is we are moving into a system where the individual sisters are grouped into represen- tational groupings, somewhere between ten and twenty groups--so I do a lot of community building through trying to work with the people in these representational groups, as they discover what the process of group roles are for them" (Sister E). "Because a lot of our processes are going into some of either the pastoral or the decision-making activities that used to be centered in the relationship between the provincial and the person in the conmunity are now coming to be more centered in the group that she relates to. For example, before someone would come to me (provincial) to talk about a possible change or development in her ministry, she 97 would hopefully have already talked about that with the women in her local community and with the women in her wider representational grouping, to get their input and decision so that, by the time she comes to talk with me, it isn't so much that she's come to ask me-- she's come to tell me about the steps she's taken to find out, take advice, hear from others, how they view this. Because we have so many women, now living either alone or in twos or threes, in these communi- ties, mostly because of the nature of their ministries, they very fre- quently use their representational group, or cluster group, as a kind of extended local community. . . . We've been very concerned and involved in developing the new models that we hope will emerge. Partly, this is based on representational groups. I am concerned that we kind of experiment with and focus on what does it take to build those kind of human relationships and those kind of processes. Ne are much involved with pioneering work in, I would say, the emergence of new structures" (Sister T). One of the provincials said: "Now one of the things about my role is that--the way we are presently structured in community--the provincial leadership people have the role within the province, but then the provincials have a congregational role, as well, because of directions in decision-making, policy-making decisions for the congregation were set by the governing board, which is the combination of the central administration personnel and the provincials. So when we meet, at least twice a year, at that level, we are bringing experi- ence with what the siters are concerned about, thinking about, how 98 they would be liable to react, plus your own insights into decision- making about the congregation in a wider scope, so now the provincial has a kind of dual role. Most of your daily work is in the province, but there is a lot of congregational work, too, and in relation to the governing board and all the subcommittees thereof, or the other con- cerns that come to the governing board. I would say that most of the provincials would be doing quite a bit of congregational work. It is sometimes frustrating because, in a sense, you're between--you're always one of the--it's really one of the purposes of the provincial level of government-~that you're a link between the corporate whole and the individual persons, so you're always the go-between in many ways, and you'd better have your finger on the pulse of what it is" (Sister 5). In addition to the representation groups that were described as an extended community, the sisters that were interviewed said they had support groups that consisted sometimes of a group of IHMs that they were compatible with or with groups of people related to their work, but were not IHMs. Six in the group said they still had very firm support and interaction with their families. Another aspect noted is that sisters mentioned their hobbies. One sister came to the interview from her golf game. Another sister told me that she was very interested in tennis, and another one in bicycling. Many sisters go on vacations on their own. 99 Evaluation: Implications for the Future The main themes that emerged are: l) Adaptation to dwindling numbers; 2) Facing ambiguities; 3) Hope and optimism for the future, and 4) Sister of the future. Table VI shows the main themes and sub-themes that appeared in the major area of evaluation along with the number of sisters who responded in each category. Table VI. Evaluation: Implication for the Future Main Themes Area N I. Adaptation to Dwindling Numbers 18 II. Facing Ambiguities 20 III. Hope and Optimism for the Future 18 IV. Sister of the Future ' 20 l) Adaptation to Dwindlinngumbers In the fall of 1983, the constitutions of the order that were sent to Rome were not approved, and sisters had to take stock, once more, of where they were at. The sisters have faced the fact of their dwindling numbers. They were able to do a study in terms of projecting the "manpower" that they had relevant to the dwindling membership and retirement of older sisters. The ministries reflect, rather than schools which require a large number of people, ministries that are more individualistic. One sister told me, "If you had talked to us about six years ago, you might have had a different feeling than what 100 you have now. Ne are optimistic and hOpeful" (Sister A). 2)_ Facing Ambiguities All of the sisters--each and every one of the twenty sisters-- talked about coming to terms with ambiguity as being their greatest learning experience. One sister said, "He are now considered the young ones, but I have gray hair. Ne have a concern for the older sisters. Each earning sister supports two or three that have retired, but I have learned to deal with ambiguity about the future with faith and prayer, and trust in ourselves and our leadership. I am very grateful for being where I am. I am at peace" (Sister A). Another sister said, ". . . if you put all your emphasis in surviving, you are not living creatively. The reality is education and prayer . . . we are dogged women. He have survived so much. Ne keep on going. In our formation years, we prayed continually for the gift of perse- verance" (Sister R). Another response: "I'm not sure what will come, but I want to be a part of what will come. The challenges are to make all the ambiguities creative . .. . we come back to the center of things: 'Be not afraid if the Lord is leading you--be not afraid-- trust in the Lord.’ Ne don't have to know where he's leading us at this point. Ne have to prepare by discernment and trust in God. Ne have to move ahead--educate people first, rise, and then move ahead. But we have to be involved, we have to be supportive, and we have to rely on bonding. It's not a Solo journey. Look what we've survived. Changes don't come that hard, anymore . . . I'm open to the community 101 dissolving but, for the present, I want to live it and life to the fullest. I've learned never to say never" (Sister E). A sense of pessimism did not exist with these sisters. They indicated that they had faced facts and were at peace--that they valued one another, they valued their community, and they knew that this is where they belonged and this is where they would be. They seemed to feel that they wanted to be a part of new evolvements and, perhaps, if this is an emergent role passage, then this could be described as the closure, a recognition that their role as a member of a canonical order, might end, but it would only begin again, in another form, with their values intact. 3) Hope and Optimism for the Future Throughout the study, every sister mentioned the impact of leadership upon her and, in this section also appeared to be emphasis on this phenomenon and because of this, faith and optimism for the future. The sisters talked about the strong women (in the order) by whom they were influenced. The sisters frequently mentioned names like Mary Emil Penet, Mother Theresa, Margaret Brennan, Mary Kinney, Mary McDevitt. They are proud of this leadership and expressed their faith and trust that it would continue, and would take them through whatever changes lie ahead of them. Sisters articulated that lecturers were brought in and workshops made available, so it seemed like leadership was always there, providing them with what they needed. "In a sense, I really hope the tradition is being passed on. I think 102 that what it is is that we have such a long-standing record now, one of the expectations of leadership being not only good management--and we certainly have had good management--but even more important than that-~the ability to be visionary--to see and anticipate twhat the future holds for the congregation and, in a sense, kind of play the role of being sure that that's brought to the attention of the congre- gation, being sure that the congregation is kep in touch with the wider world, with the wider Church, with concerns that seem to be emerging and developing, and moving the congregation in that direction. I think the leadership emerges from the group, itself, and the congre- gation, as a whole, in various ways, is involved in calling forth that leadership. Nhen it gets down to the decision of actually, for example, choosing the president of the congregation, choosing the chief officers of the congregation, it's a representative process, it's democratic through a smaller body. Ne don't have, for example, open election of the president of the congregation, although the can- didates for that office certainly emerge by a congregational line process" (Sister F). The sisters believe in themselves and their leadership and believe that the leadership will always provide them with that they need to carry on. Three sisters mentioned this anecdote: Nhen the sisters made their commitment to follow through with the ideals of Sister Formation movement, the bishop told the Mother, 'You know, you are making a big mistake educating your sisters, because once they are educated, you will lose control,I and the Mother answered, 'Ne will risk that. I'm 103 not afraid.‘ And perhaps it's this willingness to risk in a respon- sible way in order to move forward that is characteristic of the leadership and training offered by and to these sisters. The sisters called it critical thinking. One sister said, "It seems like the leadership was always sophisticated enough to know what was going on. They always had their fingers on the pulse of the community--the women and their needs" (Sister N). One sister said, "You see the super- natural, God's hand at work. He were always given the leadership that we needed. In the fifties, Mother Annamarie Grix made sure that we got the best education and the kind of education we needed. Then there was Margaret Brennan. Ne used to sing 'The Impossible Dream' to her. She took advantage of all the liberal changes that Vatican II Council afforded and ran with them" (Sister D). One sister, commenting on Margaret Brennan: "She went too fast for me, but the changes were needed, and I was happy with them." Another sister, "I was very glad that Mary Kinney followed Margaret Brennan. She came through the ranks. She was one of us. She gave us administrative procedures that were very important" (Sister 0). Speaking of Carol Ouigley, their present president, "She has given us a year of corporate renewal. It is exactly what we need, this trend towards global concerns. It has given the community the Opportunity to grow and become closer in a common identity of women religious" (Sister 0). 4) Sister of the Future Sisters were asked, "Nho is a sister of the eighties?" "Nhat 104 have been her learning experiences that lead her into the eighties and nineties?" Seven sisters said that she was a person who had to be very strong, that she was a person who had to understand ambiguity and live with it. She was a sister who had to be sure of her mission, but one sister summed it all up in this way: "I think probably sisters in the eighties and, more important for now, sisters in the nineties, aregoing to have to be women of deep personal conviction and deep awareness of the rightness of their calling for themselves. They have to be very secure in their sense of being called by God, personally, to do a particuar style of 1ife--not that that means their calling is any higher than anybody else's but meaning that it has a particularity and a specificity about it, and the rightness of it comes out of their personal experience of God, which they have tested in community, so when their challenges come to them from events-that happen in the world or events that transpire in their personal lives or things that happen in the congregation, or things that happen in the Church, their ability to go on living what they consider to be the fundamentals of their life--they can go on doing that because what they're doing comes from their own inner conviction and commitment. It isn't dependent upon structures that are external to them, or statuses that are supportive to their position, or their recognition by the Church. They can really stand up against changing times and changing events with a firm sense of direction and a sense of happiness with their choice because the basic way they're judding that is that inner stand. . And they're women who are very, very aware that they don't live 105 in a vacuum, so they know they need friends, they need to be in community, and various kinds of relationships. They are women who are convinced that life is about growing, it's not static--and so it goes on--it's dynamic, it develops. They're prepared to cope with that development. I think they're very positive about that development. I think they have to be fundamentally women who believe that, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary, the world is created good by God and is, in fact, getting better, and that it's our job to do everything we can, humanly and humanely, to accelerate the transfor- mation. I don't think that they can be women who are pessimistic about the future. I think they have to be very creative of the future and see themselves as being meaningfully involved in that. I think we might very well have to be courageous women, because I think some of the challenges ahead of us, just as they have been in the past, are going to turn out to be maybe even more dramatic than we thought. Ne reluctantly do not know all the future will hold. I think that the women religious in the future are going to be a little different, ministerially, than they were in the past. In the past, we ministered in a much more visibly corporate way. Now we're going to have to minister corporately, but it will be the root convictions that we share about ministry that will account for our corporateness, not our being together in bodies in a specific place in the same ministry. I think the sister of the future will be in ministry much more of a catalyst, specifically recognized as a catalyst, fOr helping the ministries of lay women and men in the Church to emerge, activate, be 106 prepared for, than even is true now. I think we've been going in that direction. I think it's going to be much more so. So, for example, rather than having a dozen sisters in the school, we may have a sister in the school, and she will be a very influential person, maybe by the position she holds but, maybe, more by the kind of person she is, in being the cause of the growth of that kind of community. . . . The visible supports have been breaking down, already, in our past, but it's quite possible that in the future or, at least, for a time, religious communities will have to even risk what status they have now in the Church to be able to do the things that need to be done for the Church, whether it knows it or not. It's risky. Ne have been preparing for it for 20 years, whether we know it or not, through a great deal of personal struggle and coming to grips with the community on a personal basis that now enables us to put that experience together collectively. It's one of the great things about-~that's one of the pluses in leadership--that you have the opportunity to meet and know other women religious from other congregations, and you see the parallel experience that they have, and the unifying experiences that women religious are having, in general, so that this whole challenge, for example, from the Vatican in terms of studying religious life in the United States, women religious responded to that together because we recognized, having growingly recognized the unity of our experience" (Sister S). In the context. of the future, one sister spoke of the importance of networking. She said, "I think that networking is a 107 learning experience, not only in the sense that by the mere exchange of experience and information we are better able to cope with our own, but I think it has accelerated our learning and growth in another sense. Ne have learned that we need to be organized. Ne need not only to network to share, to talk, we need to network to act together in wider circles, in order to be more effecive--in order to be heard --in order to really witness to what has, in fact, been the experience of religious women, not just the experience of a small group of women frmn Monroe, but everywhere--the micro to the macro--to the rest of the world, as well. I think one of the lessons that people can learn from religious life--at least it ought to be--I hope it's what our life is beginning to make clear, for example, in terms of the whole feminist movement, in terms of the whole change regarding sexual roles, sexual identity--that it's another way to me of saying that we ought to be putting a lot of affirmation in the value of the person, irrespective of sexualityor roles assigned to people by gender, or even by virtue of sexual performance, but the human person is God's greatest creation, and we ought to realize that we need to do every- thing to maximize the value of the human person, not let accidentals of race or creed or national origin or economic status or gender be obstacles to full human growth in society. I think that is one of the things that we have to offer the rest of the society. I think some of the lessons are--like, in some ways, maybe characteristic of the feminine humanity, that have been accentuated by women religious 108 congregations more than anything else, are those graces of human compassion, service, the capacity of human beings to love" (Sister M). Summar In evaluating and summarizing the data presented above, the work of Lee Cronbach and Howard Goldstein reviwed in Chapter II were found useful for giving perspective to the findings. Cronbach (1963) developed a format of five human needs that are directly related to learning. He asserts that these needs must be present and satisfied if effective learning is to take place. These needs are: l) the need for competence and self respect that embodies the need to know one's strengths and weaknesses and to set realistic goals; 2) the need for independence which encompasses the desire for autonomous thought and action and the striving for creative expression; 3) approval by peers; 4) approval by authority and 5) the desire for affection. Material documented from the intensive interviews suggest that these needs were frequent and were satisfied and that effective learning took place with these sisters. The material documented from the intensive interviews also suggests that the sisters learned through strategic, tactical and adaptive learning described by Howard Goldstein (1981). 1) Strategic Learning. The sisters were involved iwth deliberate activity and problem solving ventures enacted to achieve pre-conceived objectives. They were involved with acquisition of knowledge and data for decision-making purposes and improvement of 109 technical and motoric skills. They mastered steps and procedures to achieve greater effectiveness, control and responsibility, and developed wisdom to enhance self-esteem and motivation. 2) Tactical Learning. The sisters learned by getting involved in maneuvers required to adjust to unexpected contingencies of living. They called upon their practiced techniques for problem resolution, to arrive at proper decisions and to find alternatives to determine what other information might be needed. 3) Adaptive Learning. The sisters learned through social and experiential learning, through involvement of self through the con- struction of reality, through the implication of learning for their present and future pJace in this world. Goldstein (1980) states: Adaptive Learning serves as a nexus that as an experience that affects the individual's interactions with his environment, as perceptions of the future" (p. 97). This learning, he asserts, is integral to making choices and decisions and to the quality of relationships with others, and to the kind of planning that shapes future conditions. It is employed in the seemingly minor decisions that are part of day-to-day living and also, when more radical determinations need to be made. CHAPTER V SUMMARY AND CONCLUSIONS The present study was conducted to explore and describe eXperiential and intellectual learning patterns of twenty nuns as they embarked on an emergent status passage for which there were no precedents. It explores and describes adult learning in relationship to change and transition. The findings of Chapter IV document this passage in the words of the sisters interviewed. The major areas that were chosen to guide this inquiry are as follows: Demographics Triggers: Specific events that triggered the need to learn. Preparation for Change: Anxiety and Upheaval Transition: Pain and Coping 7 Synthesis: Adaptation and Satisfaction Evaluation: Implication for the Future Chapter V presents a summary of findings and the conclusions that were drawn from findings in data obtained from intensive interviews with twenty fully professed nuns in the age group of 35 to 50, from a midwest order, the Sisters, Servants of the Inmaculate Heart of Mary. The summary of the findings are presented in the six major areas that were chosen to guide the study. Conclusions from findings follow. Recommendations for future research and concluding remarks complete the chapter. 110 111 Using the methodology of grounded theory, main themes were extrapolated under five of the major areas chosen to direct the study. In the area of demographics, information was gathered under predetermined headings. Summar Demographics A brief description of each of the participants is included in the Appendix. The women who were interviewed were punctual and appropriately dressed. None of them wore make-up, but appeared attractive. They asked questions about the research, and volunteered information in an Open manner. They seemed eager to talk and share their feelings, and came across as strong and optimistic. Age - Most of the women were clustered in the age group of 41 to 47. 1 Age of Entry. Fifteen of the twenty women entered the order at the age of 18, suggesting for this generation of women entry after high school was most popular. Education - Data showed these women to be highly educated. Final Vows - Nere not viewed as important as first vows. Ministry, Jobs - All women interviewed had jobs. Living Arrangements - Data suggest the sisters preference to live in small groups that give them space but still allowed for a valued life style. 112 Triggers: Specific Events that Triggered”Learning The main themes that evolved were 1) Identity, 2) Ministry, and 3) Life Crises. Identity. This area had direct relationship to the mandates of Vatican II for renewal and relevancy. Through documentation of quotations of the 'sisters, the change in individual and corporate identity was revealed. Twenty of the sisters mentioned change in appearance. Of these, sixteen spoke of dress, that is change in habits. Many of the older sisters in the order had retained the wearing of robes/habits. Some wear modified habits, but all in the study wore civilian (regular) clothes. All dress appropriately, but there was a considerable degree of difference in terms of style. No sister in the study wore make-up, but the remarks documented showed considerable diversity and considerable reaction to this diversity. Identity was shaped and changed as rules regarding interaction with others relaxed. Renewed relationships with families led to additional family supports and responsibilities. Six sisters Spoke of this. Data showed sisters taking time off to attend to health needs of family and reliance on family support through their own personal crises. Increased pastoral work led to increased contact with families in the parish and friendships that gave depth and dimension to their work. Ten sisters spoke of this. As time and work restrictions lifted, and the authoritarian nature of leadership became more flexible, and the sisters became more individualistb: in their lifestyles and had more privacy, there was 113 closer proximity to males. Sixteen sisters documented close, warm ties with males that enriched their lives. Five mentioned long term relationships. However, all relationships, however close, maintained celibacy. - Ten sisters spoke of deeper ties of friendship with other sisters. Friendships with other sisters, particularly intense friendships during the years of total institution were discouraged. Data documented showed development of friendships rather than just sisterhood among the nuns, and relationships outside the order developed because of work and recreation ties. The heterosexual relationships are viewed as normal and healthy by the twenty women interviewed. As values were reviewed and thought through, sisters were able to work through their attitudes towards the male hierarchy in the Catholic Church, to become more sure as to where their true commitment lay and to whom. Six sisters documented clashes with the male hierarchy. Ten sisters mentioned reaction of laity as shaping their identity and six spoke of having to work through what was the right name and mode of address for them. Work/Ministry. Twenty sisters mentioned work and ministry as triggers. Triggers in these areas of ministry and jobs were directly related to the mandates of Vatican II. The nuns, in reviewing their callings in ministry, did much pioneering work and retrained for new jobs. They were willing to take risks and many are in missions 114 abroad, in unstable countries, and by thoughtful experimentation, they found what was suitable to them in terms of the mandates of Vatican II and their own personalities. Sixteen triggers in this area were related to first missions, sixteen to experimentation with new profes- sional roles, and six related to missions overseas. As identities shaped and changed and developed, it became increasingly clear that the role of the women religious today is a very challenging one. One cannot hide behind the habit or order--one has to be a thinking, contributing member of the order and society. Life Crises. The specific triggers documented are in keeping with those anticipated in the adult development life cycle. Adults in this age group grappled with illness (10) and death (14). Eight spoke of other experiences. These included the war in Viet Ham (1), being fired (2), dealing with mentally ill superiors-(2), experiences of self awareness (3). Ebaugh (1977), San Giovanni (1978) and Glaser and Strauss (1971, p. 31) speak of "arrested passages" in which persons do not move with peers though the typical sequence of roles associated with their age and sex. Arrested passages are examined in terms of their implications with the person's ability to negotiate role changes. This phenomenon was not noted in the sisters interviewed, suggesting that the exposure to the media, interaction with couples and families, the opportunity to travel, and engage in reacreational activities and, most of all, their holistic education and sex education in schools prior to their entering the order, shaped more sophisticated women. In the women interviewed, there appeared to be 115 awareness rather than naivete. Preparation for Change: Anxiety and UpheaveT The main themes that emerged are: 1) Education with emphasis on critical thinking, 2) Leadership, 3) Return to original commitment, and 4) Prayer. Education. This generation of nuns was beneficiary to the holistic approach to the education of the nun prior to her being sent out on mission. These ideals were formulated and implemented by the Sister Formation Movement. All twenty of the sisters spoke of education as being highly significant. Ten spoke specifically of critical thinking. One sister felt that, though the education received was a good one, she was unprepared for the real world. Her view re-emphasized the part that individual personality plays when life situations are negotiated. All twenty sisters interviewed spoke of the excellent preparation they received. Nhen sisters needed new skills, they returned to the school room. Nhen challenged, data shows they were able to transfer skills in education readily to other areas. Education plays a major part in keeping the sisters aware of what is happening in the wider world through workshops, and programs such as the current year of study and awareness of corporate renewal. Older sisters from the mother house also attend and participate actively. Ten sisters who mentioned "critical thinking" thought of this as a specific learning strategy. During the years of formation for this group, when leadership was authoritarian and total institution 116 meant total conformity, critical thinking was not utilized but, later, it was most meaningful for problem-solving. Leadership. Leadership was another main theme that emerged. All twenty sisters spoke of leadership. Data showed the significant part that leadership plays in this type of aggregate status passage. In all the major areas of inquiry, sisters mentioned the effect of leadership. Leadership was expected to provide good management and to be visionary. In this order, the criteria were met, though not without mistakes. Data documented shows the leadership in this order to be forward-thinking and, when required, was flexible. They were willing to risk. It changed from authoritarian to democratic gracefully and, in doing so, placed a heavy responsibility on its members to participate and contribute and the sisters met this challenge. Return to Original Commitment. Another theme that emerged was the return to original comitment in times of trauma. Fourteen sisters spoke of this. Return to Prayer. All sisters spoke of prayer: as a problem-solving strategy consistently used. Contemplation is used to return to balance. Transition: Pain and Coping. The main themes that emerged were: 1) Acceptance of the reality of change; 2) Loss of friends 3) Learning through shared framework; 4) Mutual growth of community, individuals and leadership through respect and trust of individuals and trust in leadership. 117 Acceptance of the Reality of Change. Nineteen sisters spoke of having to accept change because of the_mandates of Vatican II was inevitable. This correlates with Gail Sheehy's second phase of fruitful passage-~separation and incubation. She states that change always involves loss and, therefore, of necessity, some degree of anxiety and depression. She also says that even those who view changes with excitement admitted to a sense of loss. Sixteen sisters spoke of individual adaptive mechanisms. One became a workaholic. One recognized her proclivity for alcohol and arrested this tendency. One goes to mass daily. Eight entered therapy, eight took a year of renewal, six became more closely involved with family, ten grew closer to other sisters. Loss of Friendship. Twelve sisters mentioned the pain of seeing friends leave. The pain for some appears to be very real, even today. Learninnghrough Shared Framework. Eighteen sisters spoke of this. Sisters coped by using old and tested methods of problem-solving. These included discernment, learning by listening, through contemplation, guided retreats, and by taking time off for renewal and through constant prayer. Mutual Growth of Community. The leadership and individuals grew together by leadersnip showing respect and trust for the individuals as they encountered new problems engendered by change, and the individuals bringing their problems and experiences to leadersnip and community, the leadership and community that did not let them down 118 or ostracize them by forcing them to choose. Synthesis: Adaptation and Satisfaction The main themes that evolved were: 1) Experimentation with lifestyles and organizational structures, 2) Re-examination 40f values, and 3) Re-emphasis on bonding, networking and corporate identity as women religious. Experimentation with Lifestyles and Organizational Structures. As sisters went into varied ministries, living arrangements changed to accommodate their new needs on a practical and psychological basis. Twenty of the sisters interviewed spoke of experimentation with lifestyles and twelve spoke of experimentation with organizational structures as contributing to synthesis. Varied ministries along with dwindling numbers and new values throughout the Catholic Church, caused the order to experiment with varied living arrangements and new organizational structures for the order. The emphasis was on pragmatism and health of the whole individual and on getting the participation of all individuals in the order. Re-examination of Values. All twenty of the sisters spoke of this throughout the different phases of change. The pendulum that swung so definitely towards individualism in the late sixties and seventies appears to be returning to the middle, again. Re-examination of values took place in all major areas of their lives, 119 but appeared to be particularly evident in this area of synthesis. Re-emphasis on Bonding, Networking and Corporate Identity. Fourteen sisters spoke of this. Nith the realization that they were no different in calling than lay people came the realization that there were no major differences between them and sisters of other orders, thus leading to a greater trend to a corporate identity as "women religious". Evaluation: Implications for the Future The main themes that appear in this section were: 1) Adaptation to dwindling numbers , 2) Facing ambiguities, 3) HOpe and optimism for the future, 4) Sisters of the future. , Adaptation to Dwindling_Numbers. Sisters have had to face the fact of dwindling numbers and the fact that in the previous year the constitutions of their order that were sent to ROme were not approved. Facing Ambiguities. Twenty of the sisters spoke of this. Sisters have been faced with the fact that the order, as they have known it, may not exist and have had to evaluate, individually and together, that the order might dissolve. The sisters have faced this challenge, as they have done others, with courage and grace. If there are other changes, they want to be part of it. If they are forced to dissolve, canonically, they will dissolve and reform again. They have been forced to reaffirm where and with whom their true loyalties lie. Hope and Optimism for the Future. Eighteen sisters spoke of this specifically. However, all sisters in the study came across as 120 realistic, but hopeful. Through their strategy of shared frameworks, they have faced what they have had to, and have emerged with an optimistic faith. Goldstein (1982, p. 442) states, Social learning and problem solving deal with literal and symbolic dimensions of human cognition. One of these symbols is hope and expectancy of possible outcomes. . . . What is needed is a quality of hopeful realistic anticipation of future experience. Sister of the Future. The sisters have given thought to the sister of the future. They see her as having to be very strong, very flexible, and totally committed to being where the discerned need is. They rely heavily on their past strength and on a leadership that always guided them in the right direction and trust that leadership will now guide them into the future that, though ambiguous, is exciting. The emphasis is on global ministries. Conclusions The women in the group were sophisticated, highly educated women showing no signs of "arrested develOpment" phenomena found in earlier studies done on nuns and ex-nuns. This suggests that the nun of the eighties is a normal, well rounded person, equipped to deal with the many challenges ahead of her. Data show that while there is much mystique surrounding the nuns, they follow the pattern of normal adult development. All who had male relationships in the study claimed to be celibate in spite of closeness. It is possible that this situation may not be able to be maintained as they strive for a healthy, relevant lifestyle, and will 121 have to be addressed in the future. One of the most significant conclusions of this study is that it suggests that nuns all over the United States using the principles of bonding and networking, are developing a corporate identity as “women religious“ rather than as IHMs, Dominicans and smaller groups. In doing so, these bright, articulate women have defined and underlined their commitment to God and His work. They appear to be forming a formidable force of dedicated, thinking women who are unafraid to act on what they believe; an ever increasingly powerful force that would need to be reckoned with if ever a return to conservatism and blind allegiance is advocated again. With a Pope who is as conservative as the present one, this might have some very serious implications for the future of the Catholic Church. The study suggests the importance of education throughout the history of this order. Data show that education made the difference in the calibre of survival of this order--that they were aware of this and used the principles of formal and non-formal education continuously and together in structuring their varied activities through every phase of change. The study suggests that an aggregate emergent passage demands good leadership that is visionary, dedicated and flexible. It suggests the importance of defining and working towards a common goal in a group situation, and that a strong identity can handle diversity in a group situation. An atmosphere of mutual trust and respect is necessary if growth is to take place. 122 Once the trigger or specific event started the learning took place in many areas of the individuals? lives simultaneously. This suggests that learning is processual and that when the teachable moment described by Havighurst eventually arrives, learning is rapid and in anany areas. However, the data show ‘that 'whatever the circumstance or situation, the success of the outcome is dependent on the individual, personality, and how he or she uses learning, survival and manipulative skills to negotiate a situation. The study documents some specific learning strategies --critical thinking, learning by listening, discernment, return to original commitment-~unique to religious orders can be easily transferred as learning skills for groups undergoing a similar experience of change or transition. Recommendations for Future Research The present research has brought to light some learning patterns in a small sample of nuns in a midwestern order. The methodology used in the research can be applied to wider samples, and it would be interesting to see whether conclusions reached in this study of a small number of people will be congruent when larger samples are used. would a similar study of a group of priests yield the same conclusions? The data in this study is quite considerable and many learning strategies have been documented. It would be most useful to see if the strategies that were so successful for them could be transferred to other groups, making similar transitions from one status to another, or if other groups use similar strategies. Concluding Remarks One way of understanding transitions is to view them as consequences of processes that reflect changes in how a society is organized or functions. Diverse group of social thinkers have suggested, we are now on the threshhold of a radical change in consciousness, which, more than technological and scientific advance, will serve to dramatically alter modern society. The data documented in the study seems to complement this thinking and suggests the critical importance of adult educators to be aware of this as they serve adult learners. The research offered the Opportunity to study a unique set of Adult Learners. Their story documents the emergent status passage of a group of strong, bright, dedicated, self- sufficient, caring women. They made the journey from a sister in total institution of the pre-Vatican II era to the autonomous, self-directed sister of the eighties, and they did it with grace and intelligence. The development of critical awareness, that customs that have been institutionalized in the past, need not continue to be, is what Friere in l970 called “conscientization.” These women have achieved this, and in doing so, recall Maslow's (l954) description of the quest for self-actualization. "An inner restlessness of what an individual is fitted for what we must do to be true to our individualized 124 nature. It refers to a desire for fulfillment--a tendency to become actualized in what we are potentially--to become everything we're capable of becoming." Their's is a role model rich in learning strategies that are worth consideration. The study has offered the opportunity to observe an interaction between a group of unique adult learners and a situation that had no precedents. Their experience, rich in learning strategies will, hopefully, provide insight and direction for society and individuals undergoing a similar experience. APPENDIX A INTERVIEW GUIDE Part I Part II Part III Appendix A INTERVIEW GUIDE Number: Date: Demographics 1. Present age. 2. Age when you entered the order. 3. Age when you took your final vows. 4. Present job/occupation. 5. Educational level. 6. Living arrangements. Triggers: Specific events that triggered the need to learn. 1. Can you name/identify three or four significant events that have had profound influence on your life since you have been in the order? When did these events occur? What precipitated these events? Preparation for Change: Anxiety and Upheaval 1. Did you sense these events prior to their happening? Were you able to prepare for them? If so, how? Did these events also affect others in the order in similar ways as they affected you? What happened after the event? What changes came about in your life? (continued...) 125 PART IV PART V PART VI 1. INTERVIEW GUIDE (continued) Transition: Pain and Coping In what major areas of your life did learning take place in order to cope with the significant events described in Part II? What learning did you undertake in these major areas? a. by yourself b. in groups Were these initiated by yourself, by the order, or by someone else? Synthesis: Adaptation and Satisfaction 10 2. What major changes have these learning experiences brought about in your life? Are you presently involved in any learning projects? Evaluation: Implications for the Future (general dimensions, nonstandardized questions, e.g., Who or what is a sister of the eighties? What has she learned that will take her into the future?) 126 APPENDIX B INTERVIEW WITH SISTER P. APPENDIX B INTERVIEW WITH SISTER P. Z: The first thing I want to do is U) N L\'l ask you a few very prosaic ques- tions, but this will form the basis for a psychosocial profile, so to say. May I ask you your present age? Forty. And the age when you entered the order. Let's see-~it must have been 18. And when you took your final vows? How old I was, you mean? Yes. I might have been 29 or 30. And what you do at the present time-«your job or occupation? You know-— Well, I'm free-lancing in pastoral ministry OK. So, free-lancing would mean you go where you're needed? Yes. And that people will ask for your services? 128 Demographics (I: Yes. And some of it are things that I create and offer .to people, and some of it people ask me to do. Oh, that's fascinating. Because I understood that you did some workshops on--I know it was on femininity and spiritual femininity... Yes, that's right, or how the women's movement affects people's faith, because there's not many people talking about that. That's right. And in the meantime, the women's movement is happening and there's no theological input that helps people put those two things together. That's what I wanted to teach, so I started offering things along those topics. Would you give me examples of the workshOps you've done? Work Ex erimentation New Pro eSSion 130 That's fascinating to me, because that's what my study is all about. :Well, my hope is, my sensi is, that there are all kinds of women who feel like I do--a whole lot of things I'd like to give, but there's no particular form to give them in--nobody invites people to share their experience, talk about them, and how their own- personal questions shape their life. That's right. And I .felt that happened to me, and nobody asked me about it, but I want to teach it, partly because I knew it was important to other people, and I needed it. Am I lucky I found you: Because that's what I beleive. I think that--there are so many things, values, roles, identities that are learned. Yes, that's right. New Professional Experience Discerning New Needs 131‘ And it helps so much when somebody who's been through it is willing to share and teach. And I think that a lot of the experiences that people have, they don't trust them because they happen privately. That's right. And if they begin to say it, then other people hear their own stories‘ and hopefully they are empowered by that. That's the whole ... That's what the series is about. That's what the study is all about. I want to document your learning experiences and teaching experiences, because I think that _ it's awfully important for women to learn and to read and to ... And they're not asked, so they don't--the women, themselves, don't trust it, so the series is Discerning New Needs Experimenting with New Profession 132 a chance to do that. You see, I coordinate it and I do one of the talks, but other people do the talks. There are actually about 45 women who share their stories, so that each time you hear it, it's a completely different thing, so we're trying to engender leadership in women, in terms of the women's movement and the faith, so that women who have struggled with trying to integrate have a chance to tell their own struggles to other women. I think that's fascinating. So, that's my love--and I just do other things to earn a living. Oh, that's great. I'll come back to this, OK? I need to know your educational level. I have a Masters's in religious studies. And then you've had all these other trainings on other levels, Experimenting with New Profession Demographics U) 133 the workshops and all the other experiences that have all led to qualifications. OK. Then I'll come to my key question. Can you name, identify three or four significant events that have had profound influence on your life since you've been in the order? And we'll just take it at your own pace and time, there are certain things that I want to cover with regard to your answers. OK. I think in terms of shaping the ministry and my sense of myself, for sure, had to do with six years of experience in Windsor, when I was an associate pastor for a Protestant church. How did that come about? Well, I had been teacning school in Michigan, and I was teaching in an elementary school, and both of the schools that I Key Question: Triggers Trigger-Specific Event, Ministry Related 134 taught in at the beginning of my teaching ministry closed after two years--the first one in a very bitter, bitter experience, and the second one in a very good pastoral experience. It was very healing the way that school was closed. And when that school: was closed, then I was involved in adult education in the same parish. After the first school closed--it was such an awful experience-- In what way? It was how it was dealt with. I had only been teaching two years, so I didn't have much experience, and I was in shock about what--what living in a religious community was like in a local house-~because there was a lot of hostility, bickering, all kinds of things that were surprises to me and, in the parish that I was working in, Trigger-Specific Event, Ministry Related 135 the first year, the assistant pastor and a classmate, a friend of mine, who was a year older than I, and taught in the same school, fell in love--about maybe October’ or November' of my first year teaching school, and I was part of the threesome. Oh, I see. Was she a nun? Yes. And we were extremely good friends, and I was in the middle of this thing, and I was also trying to learn how to teach, and coping with all the rest of it--and then it was like, all of sudden I thought, 'Oh, my gosh!‘ They fell in love, here:' But it was OK. I wasn't upset by it. It was a beautiful thing. Sure ... But it caused a lot of problems in the house. I can imagine ... And I didn' t have enough Experiential Learning Relationships Dealing with Ambiguity 136 experience or insight to know how to deal with it. So the first year was a lot of personal. turmoil. The second year, the leadership in the parish changed, and the new pastor who came in was dreadful. He was a very poor administrator and he was bigoted. He was very bigoted. And it was a racially mixed environment, and he handled it extremely poorly. It was also the sixties--the end of the sixties. They were picketing, protesting, all that was going on, too... He would like to have kept control of it, wasn't able to, and it exploded on every single front-—the Hispanic people were angry because the priest who left was an Hispanic priest--was a priest for the Hispanic people. The principal fired a black teacher, Backdrop - 1960's Racial Unrest - .1960'5 U) 137 and the black teacher went to the NAACP and had a court trial in the parish. Oh, my ... You did have a lot ... Gosh, yes ... Then they renovated the church, so a lot of people were mad about the changes of the Liturgy, then the nuns changed their habits, then the Diocese annOunced that they were going to close the school. Now what precipitated all that? Was it the unrest of the sixties --the civil‘rights movement ... I think here it was much bigger than that. I mean, the Vatican II certainly had a lot to do with the upset in the parish-- the trauma in the parish, and the changing theologies--and the theology that I had been educated in, because basically, my theology was Vatican II theology Directly Related- . Vatican II Mandates Changes Related to Vatican II Preparation in Formation Individual Perception 138 --nobody told me--or I did not click--that that's not where the parishioners were, so that when I got into the parish, the pari- shioners were angry at everything we were trying to do ... They were of the old school, their expectations ... And so was the pastor, the associate wasn't, some of us on the faculty weren't, some were very rigid, and folks were caught in the middle of this, and none of us had enough experience to figure out how to resolve it. By the end of the second year in that parish, every single person who was in leadership in that parish left, because it was so--—it had gotten so destructive, that nobody who was there could. have healed it. The pastor left, the entire faculty left, all of the sisters, the school was closed. Transition Pain, Coping 139 Everybody who was in leadership left. That was really traumatic ... It was bitter, yes. And it was the first time ... Well, and I was just learning to do--and it was the time when peOple threw things at me, called me names, and it was knowing what it was to be a symbol of something, because peOple were angry at me who didn't even know my name. What did you become a symbol of? Well, I was the Church, and the Church hurt them-- How? —-By changing, and the ultimate-- hurt for those folks was closing the school without their participating ix: the decision. They did not have a chance to participate in the decision. They felt like their children's future was jeOpardized, and it Reaction of the Laity to Changes Mandated by Vatican II Transition--Pain, Coping Importance of Individual Partici- pation in Change S: 140 was out of control, and the sisters didn't stop it. And the leadership was cruel--the lead- ership said--and I was not in leadership—-except that I was a nun and people presumed that I had some leadership-—and I was young, and I was inexperienced, and there were petitions to get rid of the pastor, petitions for this, and petitions for that. My friends were on all sides of the issue. I didn't know what I thought—— So it affected you on a very personal level. on, yes—~also professionally. Because there were so many things? How did you COpe? First of all, let me ask you, so that I can, in my head-- Did your friend leave? Did she get married, or ... Yes--and they're still real good Reaction of Laity Experiential Learning Relationships U) 141- friends of mine. They have two children who are eighth grade and sixth grade--and we've been friends all through this. And I think that I had to sort out a lot of things around their rela- tionship and around their friend- ship, because it was against all the rules-- That's right. --But there was nothing wrong with it, and I could not see what was wrong with it, and I couldn't believe that it was wrong, and “I couldn't understand how people turned on them because they loved each other. This was both in the convent as well as the-- In the parish. And the nuns turned on the priest, as well, the associate ;priest who had been a very good friend—-Like, maybe the night before had been there for dinner, in a good rela- Relationships Values Re-evaluation 142 tionship and, all ofrsudden, he loves somebody, and now he was the enemy. I couldn't under- stand how loving somebody' was a problem. What was so bad about that? So I had to do a lot of searching, and I was very integral. to ‘their sorting it out, because they really didn't want to leave, but they were forced to leave by a whole lot of circumstances. Both still have a sense of ministry and call, but the form didn't fit them, and then the pressures were so bad ... Were you--was this a time when you had to make some decisions? No, that was not when I had to decide. It was not an issue for me at 'that ,point, about staying or leaving. It was their issue, and I was privileged to their struggle. And I loved both of Re-evaluating Experiential Learning 143 them, deeply. But I wasn't--it wasn't my struggle. That's right. I see what you're saying But it must have gone a long way towards--the experi- ence, itself--towards shaping your identity as a nun, as a teacher. Oh, yeah. And I think all the stages that our friendship has been through, since then--be- cause there was a period when we had nothing in common with each other except old hurts-wand then there was a period when I said to them, 'I don't want to see you any more, if that's all we have together--unless we have a new friendship-- Yes. It just was dead. And then. we had to build a new friendship. And then the struggles in their marriage. So it's a genuine Friendship, Relationships S: 144 friendship. It's been through a lot of stages... Well, you helped them grow. And they helped me grow... And I think I was a ,place where they could talk about their confusion, because I didn't-- You weren't judgmental. I wasn't judgmental. I didn't feel judgmental about it. I felt like there had to be some— thing wrong that to love somebody would cause that much anger. What was wrong with the system. How do you feel about it, now? How did it affect you? Your faith and your feelings about staying? Well, I think becaue when I eventually became very close to a man and had to struggle with all that, myself, and to say, 'Wait, there's something wrong with a system that says loving Working through of Values Trigger: Specific Event Male Relationship Questioning Values of Order 145 somebody is a bad thing, so how does that make sense with 'the gospel?‘ And the gospel was, for' me, the issue. The reli— gious congregation was never the issue, for me, and I think, for me, the conflict between the religious community system and the gospel, was right from the very day I entered, because my sense was that religious com- munity was so structured that I didn't experience it as Chris— tian--I experienced my family as much more Christian and loving than religious community, by my family was saying I was the holy one, and my whole experience, internally, was rules, not the kind of spontaneous service and love that I had known at home. So it was almost as soon as I entered I thought, 'There's something wrong with this. Values Family and Outside Support 146 There's something wrong that we call all this Christian loving, and I saw it better before I got here.‘ How did you learn to handle that? That's a tough thing for ... You're a warm, loving, giving person. 'I can see, when you saw this thing with your friend, "you were very ,young. You must have been just 19, 20, or-- . I had been away’ to college. I had loved some people there, but I_ felt like we didn't share any values. They were nice fellas, but sharing ... But when you did meet someone that you did get close to--I mean that's when it's really-— That's when it was the worst. I think that for me, it was my family. It was my family, mainly my two sisters. I'm the Values Family and Outside Support 147 sixth of seven children. And my sisters were married before 'I started school, so they're more like my mother, although my mother's living and my mother and I are close, my sisters were more communicative about what was going on in them. And they were the ones, consistently, who asked, 'Are you. happy? Are ,you doing what you want to do? If you don't want to stay, don't stay. If you want to come home and you're worried about mom and dad, we'll help.’ And they shared their struggles in their marriage and a lot of their struggles with their children-- they both have large families-- and they were real honest with me all along, and they were real concerned that my experience in religious community was emo- tionally healthy--and it's almost Family and Outside Support 148 like they took on that job. That's right ... More than I recognized. More than I realized, till they helped me through a couple big crises. They were the ones who regularly cared that what happened to me was healthy. So I know for sure that it was the family—- Who really gave you the Options of saying it's OK, whatever you do-- Yes. Or to say, 'Mary, that's crazy. I don't know why you're doing that. It's crazy,' and I would say, 'Wait--that is crazy,' but it was hard to say it without their help, when you were taught that this is how its supposed to be. And I knew I wasn't happy doing it, but to call it wrong or crazy was real hard to do, without some other perspective Individual Adaptive Mechanisms Closer ties with Family 149 saying, 'Have you thought about,‘ or 'In a completely other 'con- text, Mary, you would never buy that. Why are you buying it now?‘ Had you--did you make the decision, then, because you're still here, not to go along with it because of your feelings of happiess in the community, or-- Not to go along with--? With marrying this man? Oh, yeah. No. That was a real-~that was a real conscious decision. We talked a lot about marriage and snould we marry and what was the price if we married? He is a priest. He had a similar struggle. And we both--we're still in a relation- ship, and it's no secret to people, and that was real critical for me. It was very critical for me that I pre- Relationship with Priest Shared Experience with Community U) 150 sented .him and my love for him to the IHM's before I made' my final vowes, and I spoke to Margaret Brennan, the president, and I spoke to the provincials. They met him. We talked, and I said to them, 'You need to know this-«that I love this man, and will continue to love this man, and I want to make vows of the commun- ity, and I don't know what you're going to do with this. How did they handle it? Well. I feel that they handled it really well. I can see ... Yes. And I feel that they were really honest with helping cope with it, even when they didn't want to touch it--and Margaret Brennan was more open to it, but by the time I spoke with her, we had been through a lot of stages together, and I had-«this is at Involvement of Leadership Need for Approval Leadership Involvement of Leadership even when they did not want to be 151 the second place that I was at--and the woman who was the principal of the school, who was an IHM (she wasn't head of the house, but she was the principal of the school)--that was a new experience for her. She was very insecure, was very fright- ened. She was a poor administra- otr. She was an art teacher, who had been made administrator of the school, and it was destruc- tive--it was destructive to the school and it was destructive to her. And this man was the pas- tor, and he was in the position of helping to support her, and help to see whether she could make it or not--help her be a principal. But my friendship with him began to cause a lot of trouble. And she is mentally ill. That took a long time for me to say. It took a long time Trigger: Dealing with Mental Health Problems 152 to come to that, because I was really confused, and I didn't know how to sort out what was going on, and to call her mentally ill was--that was too extreme for me. It was a long, long time before I told the sisters anything, because of all the loyalty, and ... but in the meantime, I think I was--I felt really isolated, I felt respon- sible for all the trouble, and I didn't know what to do, and I couldn't pretend I didn't feel like I felt ... ° Yes : So, eventually, the provincial said something like, 'How come you're not participating in any congregation things,‘ or some- thing. I said to her, 'So and so is causing me a lot of trouble,‘ and I broke down and cried and sobbed, and everything, and U} 0) 153 said, 'I know it. She should have gotten help a long time ago, but we haven't known how to ...” I was livid. I was livid. : Why didn't they send her to ... And why did they let it go on so long? So many people hurt. And why didn't somebody help the rest of us? I was just furious. And I told her. I told her I thought it was wrong, I thought it was destructive, I thought it was evilto let them happen, and for them to watch it, and not... How did. they respond to that, looking at leadership? I think that the woman--I think she was pretty good. She was scared to death. It was new to her and she did not know what to do. I felt like she was honest and, as far as I was concerned, that's what I needed. I didn't 154 need her to solve it, but if she was gonna lie to me, and that, for me, was good enough. Lie to you, you mean, in terms of this lady's dell,or--and her own feelings-- like finally she said to me, 'I don't know what to do either. I don't know how to cope with this. All of that, as far as I was con- cerned, was enough. She didn't have to fix it up. She just had to tell the truth. That's right. So, I see it now--now that I have some distance and perspec- tive, I think she did pretty good. Given who she was, given her own inadequacies, and... So that was resolved in that way by your experience, in terms of honesty and the strategy of con- frontation or talking about it. Yes. U) 155 What about when you took your close relationship to them. (How did they help you work it out, or... I felt like they were very good. The same woman--the same provin- cials where I started. I said to her, "I don't know what to say to you except that I'm in love with so and so, and we're in a work relationship together, and I'm afraid it's going to cause problems in the parish, and I don't want that to happen. I don't know how to prevent it from happening, but I don't beleve its right to give it up. It can't be right. And I said, 'I'm willing to talk to some- body about it, and he is willing to talk to somebody about it, although it's my--between he and I it was real clear. And I said to him,'I need to do this, and I 156 need to drag you to--I did. And he said, I'If it's that important to you, I'll do it.‘ So he went. He went with you to the IHM's? Yes. Isn't that wonderful? Yes, he was... He just sounds like a-- He is. So I went to her and I said, 'We need to talk to somebody, and I need to do this, but I don't knowhow to do it,’ and I said, 'Who should we talk to?‘ and she was really good. She said,. 'Oh, my god. Oh, my god. I don't want to touch it.’ I said,'Well, then what will we do?‘ And she said, 'OK, I'll get somebody for you to talk to...‘ From the IHM... No. Because the person I ,was close to was fairly well known. 50 she said, 'I'll get somebody Learning Experi- ences for Leader- ship Learning Experi- ences for Individual Leadership Mutual Growth Patterns 157 from out of town to talk to the two of you, and whatever that person says, about how they evaluate your relationship, I'll accept.‘ I thought, 'Oh, my god. This is a real test.‘ But she did. She called another man, from northern Ontario, and we didn't know what kind of person she was gonna call in. Like, she is gonna select a person, and who she selects could make it or kill it. We had an image of the kind of person she was going to select... Yes... But she selected a young man. I was surprised. He was maybe a little bit older than I was at the time, and we spent an entire day with him. I spent the whole morning with him, alone. The other man spent the whole afternoon with him, alone, and 158 then we talked to him together and he spoke to the provincial" about it, and then all together, and I thought that was really-- And he said, 'I don't see what's really wrong. I can't see any- thing bad abut this relation- ship,‘ and we agreed to be in a relationship with that man on a regular basis for-~I don't know what we agreed to, but it probably lasted two or three years. And then he wasn't helpful any more, and we didn't need it any more, and we kind of outgrew it. And, now, you are still friends with him? Yes. So--and I don't mean to offend you in any way-'You worked it through, in terms of recognizing that you could love somebody and love them very much, but not ne- New Values for Religion U) N O. S: 159 ~cessarily enter into a sexual interaction because of the vows. Am I right? Yes. That's a wonderful learning experience because it means that --you know, one of the questions that has really--I shouldn't say intrigued--but one that I really wanted to know about-~is how do women who are young and vital, etc.—-because they are going to be attracted to men, and men to them--is how they work it through, and... Well, we struggled a lot, but we talked and talked, and I think he had a similar experience, in terms of having been to seminary young. He didn't have much experience, either, about rela- tionships. He had been close .to a woman before, but it was much more stilted. Keeping Vows of Celibacy 160 This was where you were at the point where you needed to make decision. . Oh, yeah, and it was very deli- berate on both of our parts that there were no secrets. So, he met my family. He is part of my family, and I am part of his family. I mean, it evolved into that, but it was very deliberate and its very--how do I want to say it?--we're both committed to the fact that it's no secret. Everybody who knows either one of us... The affection and love is there, but--but you're able to handle it within your vows of celibacy, or whatever...(laughing) Its been about fifteen years, so... (laughing) I mean, that's--that's the way --it was--I'ni looking at it, again, from a growth point of Long Term Relation- ship with Male 161 view, and your being the person you are, you know, you are hon- est and you've worked it through, but the interesting thing is that the leadership didn't let you down. They didn't. And I felt like they dealt with us very honestly. And they dealt with it, which is what is important and the fact is that the community, the. con- gregation who saw it is not con- demning in terms of an acceptace that there can be love, and that it can develop into a sublime kind of love. Now, I didn't experience that, necessarily, among other people that I lived with, so there were a lot of struggles there. But the leadership ... Was there a lot of jealousy, or... Yeah, and I think, confusion, Evaluation of Leadership Diversity- New Values Did Not Come Easy Ambiguity 162 and it wasn't a secret. So then they didn't know what to do with it. How did it affect other people? Were they able to talk to you about their own love? And I'm sure it was not uncommon then. Yes, that's right. It was not uncommon. I- don't have a sense though, that very many peOple-- because there were a lot of peo- ple involved in those kind of relationsnips--they resolved it hundreds of different ways. I'm not-- Can you give me some examples of how, when a person has been in-- you know, that's why, in the beginning of my introduction, I said IIreally want to know how women like this, who are edu- cated and vital, as compared, say, to a nun pre-Vatican II, who was not exposed to the media, Identity: Learning Through Confusion and Diversity Identity: Signifi- cant Event Shared by Others 163 who was--whose femininity, per- haps, was more suppressed, and who didn't have the proximity. You see, proximity brings about so many feelings-- --kinds of relationships... So, could you just give me--I mean, I'm only asking in terms of your own experience because I'm sure, your being so open about this, and the fact that it was known, must have had many repercussions, and many of them extremely positive, as well as negative... Oh, yes. I know how much it has altered and shaped my ministry and his ministry. There's just ...it's just phenomenal. How has it altered and shaped your ministry? Oh, I think because I have this experience, lots of people talk to me about what's going on in Changes that Resulted from Trigger Work - Major Area of Change U: 164 their relationships. So you've been like a confidante to-- Yes, in terms of marriages and things like that. And my sense is that because we have strug- gled so much to resolve things, we have a much better kind of friendship and relationship than a lot of peOple who got married. Absolutely... And I kept... When I listen to them, I think, 'You two don't talk to each other--you don't fight things through, you run away from things,‘ and we had to figure it out because the price was too high for us to walk out of ministry. That was the crunch of it. I don't have any doubt that in another circum- stance that we would be married, if the price wasn't ministry. Z: So ministry' is the integral and Close intimate male relationship within bonds of vows. Original Commitment 165 most important thing to you and to him. Yes, and we had to solve that about children, because, ulti- mately, then, the only reason we would be married would be to have children, so did we want to have Children, and what would having children mean, and was that essential to our relation- ship, or not--that was... You had to really talk and get your own values straightened around and his, and then put it in a broader context so, in that way, it has, because peOple were able to come to you-GI mean, the congregation members, the com- munity, to talk about their own difficulties, or whatever... Yes... What are creative ways that you've learned through your ministry-~and I'm talking about Re-evaluation 166 the ministry of helping people resolve these very intimate ~and difficult issues. I don't know if we're creative --I think some of the essential things were that it wasn't a secret, and that when we talked, we talked... Do other women, then in the com- munity, who have had to face being in love, or being close to somebody, have they been able to resolve it and still stay in the community? Yes. I know several, some of whom the relationship hasn't endured, but it's OK. I mean, it hasn't lasted as long as ours has, but they both grew, or they came to that peacefully together, but they didn't run away from each other. So, basically, then, ix: terms of the growth and develOpment and New values identity. New ways of coping. 167 the identity of a sister of the 80's, is really to--not_ to run away, but to look at it and face it, and the community then, per- haps, is not as judgmental as they might have been. in a dif- ferent time and place. Oh, yes. And my experience was that they were not judgmental-- they were not the most helpful peOple, to help me sort it through. I would say that they were, but they--they didn't put us in a corner and say,'Choose.' And I wasn't sure what I would choose... So with patience, because per- haps you were the first one to bring this problem out into the open... Well, maybe, in terms of saying --'What do you think about me making vows when this is the situation, and the situation is Leadership Leadership Group Learning Experience Mutual Growth of Indi- vidual and Leadership 168 not going to change.‘ And I said to them, 'I don't know what I'll do if you aSK me to choose. But I don't have any--there's nothing in my heart that says I should leave the congregation.’ That's right. And I love this man, and... So you must have been a tremen- dous influence on a whole lot of people-- Oh, I think so. I'm not--I think it has had a lot of impact on people, but I'm not sure what that is coming and going from me. I'm not sure that they share a lot of that with me. I see what you're saying--their own individual problem to sort out in the context of their own experience... If I can go back a little, it would seem to me that that first year, when you had those two experiences,‘ you 169 know, this horrendous experience of having to cope with, again, the racism and all the civil rights unrest of the sixties-- that was a horrendous kind of experience. What did you learn from it 'that shaped your deci- sions in your life, afterwards? I think the memory-—the strongesr memory I have of that period and, in fact, the memory that this other couple shares a lot--is my anger. I was so angry, that I felt I was lied to about what I was going to do. I felt like the information that I had had didn't deal-with the real prob- lems at all. That's right. And that is really awfully significant in terms of--of how a nun developed after that. Yes. I felt that the real issues that I had to cope with Personality Preparation - Education 170 the day I walked into that parish were worlds away from what we talked about in formation--although formation was good and solid and healthy, it was not--it wasn't psycho- logically sick--I can't say that--and the theological back- ground was fantastic. I don't think I knew what they were telling me... At the time... ...till I got out, working... What did you do. to sort of augment your learning experi— ence there, in terms of pre- paring yourself for the real world, so to say? Once I got out in the-- Yes, once that place closed down. Well, I did have some schooling, but I'm not sure...School helped the most, later on, after I had worked a lot more, then school Preparation - Preparation Formation 171 was real helpful, that's when language... I see... I went'back to school to get my Masters after I had been working ...So I wouldn't say it was school. I guess I would say it was friends-- Was it outside the community, or... Kind of both, I think. I don't have a lot of real close IHM friends, but the ones that I do are very significant, and there are people that I can tell the truth to, and I feel like they-- and those peOple have been with me through it. There's not a whole lot of them left in the community. Is that right? Like, my best friends who struggled with it both have left the community....Although they're Coping through Individual Adaptive Mechanism. Friendship Within Order U) 172 not angry--they didn't leave out of any kind of anger, they left out of personal things--so we still have something of ministry in common. So ministry is what keeps you in the community? Yeah, I would say ”so. I would say so. It's not friendships. No. It's the dediation? Yeah, and it's--it's the group of peOple that cause you to think of bigger things. I think my experience with the community pretty regularly has been to be involved for a while, to take some leadership, to be pretty involved in what was going on, and then to withdraw, to get real involved someplace else, or in something else, and in the period of the withdrawal, where I would wonder whether I still belonged-- Bonding 173 Yes-- And then, testing it out again, and finding out that the congre- gation had changed, too. So, in all that back and forth, so far I have never felt that we were really out of sync. I had come to grow-- 'Cause they've grown a lot, too, haven't they?‘ Oh, yeah. They were saying similar things. Or I heard my own conscience 1J1 the group. So then it was like--oh, well--then, OK. That's right. You see, I would say that's been a real regular thing for me. Even though I wouldn't say that a lot of people have haeard--a lot of people in the community haven't necessarily heard my journey. By the time I--I feel like I came back--nobody knew Shared Framework Similar Experiences of Sisters 174 any difference but me--I felt my conscience was in the group, so I wasn't in conflict with them. That's very comforting, isn't it? Because it tells you that they're dynamic, they're moving along-- they're not stagnating. Yeah. I feel like that. Is that what drew you to this order? Mmm. My mom and dad each had a sister who was an IHM. Oh, oh, I see... ...and I had about seven cousins who were IHM's. Oh, I see. So it was really familial. I am the only one left. Is that right? I'm the only one left. But it was-- Yeah, I see... But I had some experiences with other communities that did not Bonding--Shared Framework U) 175 impress me at all. I mean, it was real clear-~I don't belong with them--I knew that, for sure. Can I go back to one of the things that you've mentioned when I said this, and you gave me a lot-~some awfully good preparation experiences for the one that was in Windsor that you said was a very profound one. Could you tell me about the Windsor experience in terms of the experiential and growth experience? So, by the time I got to Windsor, the second parish, where I met this other man, I left there to take a year of renewal. And that was the place to decide whether I was going to make vows or not, and it was the place to decide if I was going to stay in the community, or not; and it was a place and a Recapitulation Trigger: Specific Event - Ministry L7 6 time when he and I separated from each other a lot, physically. We had been together--and now we were physically very separated, but the friendship developed and grew a lot, but it wasn't real clear to me what it was gonna do, or where it was gonna go-—it wasn't clear at all, when I went to Windsor, and the man who was the pastor of the ‘church--what had happened--I mean, it was sort of a happenstance thing that. I ended up 'there. Because the schools had closed, and be- cause now I was doing adult education, I was unprepared for that, and I didn't want to be a relgious administrator. I was not a principal, and I didn't want to be a principal. I wanted to be a pastoral person, but there was no place for some- body like that. No jobs. There 177 was nothing I could do with it, so I went looking for a place to go to school to get equipped for that, and I took some classes at U of D's clinic, but I went to the man-«the director, there, and I said to him, 'I don't want to be a clinical psychologist, but I want to be able to do clinical sorting out. I need some skills for what I want to do, but I don't want to be a therapist.‘ Yes. What courses could I take, just for that, and could I take some guest classes to do this?' And he put me in some senior seminars with-~like we did taping of interviews, and things like this, and it was marvelous, but it wasn't exactly what I wanted to do--it was close to what I wanted to do, but it wasn't Preparation - Education Transition - Education an Important Tool for Coping 178 exactly. And then I found a program that's called Clinical Pastoral Education, where you work as a minister in a situa- tion--you're immersed in a situation, and it's critiqued. You work with a team, and you write reports on what you're doing. It's like doing field work in social work... That's right... Student teaching, but it was the ministry...And I took three months of it at a psychiatric hospital in Massachusetts, at a state psychiatric hOSpital, and that was real good. And. I took some at a geriatric setting-~I took eight weeks at a geriatric setting, and three months at a psychiatric setting, and then I thought, well, if I took some in a jail and some in a general hospital, then I could say to a Coping through Education 'Z: 179 parish, 'I have this background—- let me do patoral work, and don't put me in the other slot, let me do this-~and I'm pre- pared.’ And I was looking for a place to take this training in jail, and the one name that kept coming up was this fella in Windsor. He had been doing this kind of ministry traning in jails for twelve years, and he had just come to a parish in Windsor, so I made an appointment to talk to him about taking the training in a jail, and we hit it off immediately. I mean, in the inter--when I think of it now, and we've talked about it since, I met him at 10 o'clock in the morning, and I left at 5 o'clock at night, and it was like --it was like we were soul friends, immediately. I know the feeling... S: 180 It was marvelous! And then he said, 'Oh, you don't want. to take it in a jail, anyway. You want to take it in a parish, so let's do it here. Let's do it as this parish. You have a chance to take the training--I can give you the training, but you know more about parish than I do. So, it was like, my gosh... And he was the Protestant minister... He was a Protestant minister, but he had always worked ecumen- ically. And we were immediately friends. So I met him in the Spring, and in the Fall. I went to that church. And he said, 'You have to come for nine months,‘ and I lived at a con- vent with Canadian sisters. I was part of that parish team and staff for nine months, with six Corporate Identity of Women Religious 181a other peOple, of all different denominations. I see... For me, it was just marvelous. And the congregation here--or your advisor, or whoever--this was fine with them. Yes. As far as they were con- cerned, it was school. So I had a student grant, and it was aca- demic preparation. It was a neat experience. It was just. marvelous. And for me, it was just mind-blowing, because I didn't really know how Catholic I was. I didn't know how narrow my world was. And he had such a sense of Catholicism that he could translate what we were experiencing into things that I didn't recognize-- Yes... Like, he--I did not ever see... So he broadened your outlook. Leadership Support and Trust ReaffirmEOriginal Faith and Commitment Identity 182 He was like a mentor. .He was definitely a mentor. And he was also--he was married, and had three children, so it was real important for me to be that close to a married minister, and that marriage, and what that was like. So he was also. a very big help to both of us... To your growth... And to both of us about what to do with ministry and deep friend- ship that's related to ministry. His marriage and his family was available to us, and it was just «it was very, very significant, and he and I just got to be very deep friends. I can imagine. That was a kind of conflict, though. I mean, here were these two men in my life...(laughs) who knew about each other, and were very different from each Mentor Identity Identity: Work, Personal Relationships 183 other... Yeah...(laughing) And they both really loved me, and they loved me in real dif- ferent ways. Yeah... And neither one of them--I wasn't like either one of them. Yes. And I couldn't minister like either one of them. Both of them are much more charismatic and they're much more-~make a much more powerful presence... You're charismatic, yourself... They make a very powerful pre- sence, and I felt like I was more low key, but just a4 whole lot of things were different. But that experience--and then, I was there as a student for a year, and then I was there a second year, as a teacher, andI had students of my own-- Experiential Learning 184 Who were training for-- Who were training for ministry, and I was the supervisor of the project, under him, because I said, 'Would you teach me how to be a supervisor?‘ So that was really getting away from all these, you know, Catho- lics and Presbyterians, etc. He sounds like a very enlightened person. Oh, wonderful. And his wife-- his wife was just as signifi- cant--and he had three sons--the whole dynamic of that family-- but more than than, though, it was the community. There were about four hundred families, and it was the United Church of Can- ada, which is Methodists, Presby- terians and Congregationalists—- those three denominations, uni- ted, in Canada, and formed this church. So the people who at- 185 tended this church were people who were already beyond denomi— national boundaries to ' start with, and there were a lot of searching people in the com- munity. It was a suburban church —-we had a lot of university peo- ple, professional people, strug- glers-- and a lot of people in mixed marriages, and-~I was there --I came back a secOnd year and had students of my own, and then the parish asked me to stay, and I thought, 'I can't stay, how can I stay?’ And they said, 'Can you be a Catholic sister and join the United Church of Canada?‘ I said, 'No. I can't do that.‘ They're two different faiths. Either you're Catholic or you're United--you're not both. Yeah. So then they said, 'Could you stay a Catholic sister and stay.’ Re-Evaluation Networking 186 I'd never thought of it. It never occurred to me. And the committee--Bob, the guy that I worked with--was real committed to ongoing reflection about what was happening, so there was a committee of parishioners--it changed that--there was a group whose job it was to critique the ministry, and we met with them about five times a year. And it was a place for us to talk about our problems with the ministry, and for them to say what they were hearing from the people. That was their job. That group is that group that asked me to stay. And then they said, 'Let's explore it, even if it never hap- pens, because the question is so significant,‘ so then it was like 'What's ministry? What's church? What's ecumenism? Why would we call a Catholic? Why Identity/Values 187 an American? Why a woman?‘ Mmmmm... And they put that out for debate for eight months. It was an eight month discernment. It was the most--I would say the most profound religious experience of my life was that part of it, and it was also the loneliest I ever was in my whole life. Is that right? Because nobody understood. No- body got it. The peOple who were in the community--it was just dawning on them. Some of them really wanted me to be there, but they were afraid that it wasn't going to happen, so they didn't talk to me. There was a lot of hostility about Catholi- cism that didn't come out until --My gosh! We're going to hire her! Then it was all the ways the Catholic Church had ever Learning Strategy Trigger: Specific Event - Ministry S: 188 hurt anybody. Yes... They came to tell me. One at a time. It was overwhelming. Wasn't that some--- The hurt--the hurts that the Catholic Church had inflicted on all these people. And then there was a whole bunch of peo- ple who did not want this to happen. There was: probably a quarter of the church who had left the church on the head of this. That was real hard--to think that I was the symbol of their decision... People were wonderful, too. I think you're just such a special person, anyway. Well, I don't know about that, but it was marvelous--it was mar- velous. It was the crucifixion for me, though. .It was--- It was really going through a lot 189: to really-- And it was so lonely-~that‘ was the thing. Because anybody over here didn't know wh--they just said, 'Oh, why are you bothering those people so much? Why don't you leave?‘ (Laughing) (Laughing) Why don't you just leave them alone?‘ But here was an experience, of which you were a part. Yeah. It was just marvelous. Because I don't think they were ever the same. No. And we went--we went through hell and high water together over that, and for me it was real sig- nificant that the Roman Catholic Bishop said yes to it and affirm it--otherwise it was just cute... If I got a job in a Protestant church. Did he? Pioneering Shared Experience Input From Community New Values Individual and in Catholic Hier- archy Profound Changes in the Catholic Church 190 Well, eventually. There was a lot of struggle--that was a‘ lot of debating. We wrote position papers, we wrote theological statements about it. He-- But the Roman Catholic Bishop agreed, eventually? He eventually agreed to it, the United Church officials even- tually agreed to it. Bob and I had to sort out all kinds of things in 935 friendship, and his wife's, because he and I were very close. I would say that he and I are the closest in terms of the same kind of mini- stry viewpoint. The man that I love--we have real different styles. But Bob's and my style were the same. That ws a prob- lem for me and this wife. His wife and I talked a long time be- cause I said, 'You know, we're really close-~but how do you Relationship/Identity U) 191 feel about that? Like, ‘what if you don't want me here, after the parish says yes and you say no!‘ What did she say? She was real good. She was real good, and she said, 'God, thanks for lettin' me talk about it.‘ She said, 'I'm not worried about my marriage, so what's goin' on with you?‘ I said, 'I love your husband, and we can really work together.‘ But you're not a marriage breaker. Yeah. And I was scared of that. I was scared. And Bob and I had talked about it. Because we knew how close we were to each other. So, even- tually, after a long, long struggle, with the BishOp, and all that. And finally they said OK. But everybody in law said New Values through Confrontation and Change 03 192 OK. When that happened we did lose about a quarter of- the church. We did also gain people, because they said, 'This is what we believe the church is about.‘ And how long were you there? So then. I ‘was there about four more years. I was there six years altogether. How wonderful. It was marvelous. It was abso- lutely marvelous. And because of it, I was invited to lots of other things, to talk about... So one learning experience led to several other learning experiences. A lot of them--and lots of pla- ces where people asked me to talk about--like, Roman Catholic religious life. So I had to figure out how to talk about it to people who had no connection. 193 ...idea of what it's all about... ...and in) background, and in some there was a lot of hostility and because of it, I was involved with Salvation Army people, like I did services in the Baptist Church, and the Salvation Army Church, and all kinds of United Churches, and Anglicans... But it strengthened your own faith in recognizing that one, you were Catholic, because you went through that--you said earlier, you know, realizing, 'Well, I can't join it, but I can be hired by it, as a Catholic sister, and so, that defined what you position is. It absolutely stripped my faith. Because I had to say, 'What's essential Catholicism, and what's cultural? And what can I say—- it doesn't. matter. And *what do I have to say--this really Corporate Identity of ReligioustLearning Experiences Return to Original Commitment 194 matters. And there were so many things that I could give' up. And I was surprised. I was surprised at how much of my faith was cultural and how much of Catholicism was cultural and was not essential. I don't know that. I would ever have come to that if it wasn't for this experience. And it was like I wanted to be there so badly, and wanted to be with those people so badly, and Bob was really good, saying, 'How free are you? How really free are you in this? And if they say no, and if the Bishop says no, is that of God? Or would you-~are you to the point of saying I'll give it up so that I can be here?‘ I don't know--that's--that's a real tough... Seems like as far as big deci- sions were, you went from the Re-evaluating (J) 195 frying pan into the fire in two--you know, your work life and your love life, you know. Oh, my. What a lot of interesting living you've done. This is, what to me what has happened. The identity was really changed. Oh, radically changed... And the fact is that it evolved, wouldn't you say, like--which year did this happen? It happened through the 70's. I was there six years, and I left-- I left in eighty, so I went in 1973. So,’ given everything, do you think that kind of experience would have been possible, say, in 1960? No. No way. It wouldn't have, no. So that's part of the growth and Identity Timing of Events (I) U: 196‘ identity of a nun of the 80's? Oh, yeah. And in ' that process--like the decision-—all the questions that were on my mind to try to sort that thing out, because it was 1ike--at first, I just called the Bishop and I called Margaret Brennan, who was the President, and I said, 'They're talking about me being co-pastor of this church. You might hear rumors about that, or something. It's true-~but I don't know if it's going to happen, and it's a long ways away.‘ And they just said, 'Keep me informed.‘ You see, this is what I've been feeling--so they didn't tell you--'Look, come home right away. This is too--this is too volatile.' No--and they just said-~and then as it progressed, I told them Re-evaluating Changing Values of the Order Mutual Growth of Community and Order 197 how it was progressing, but then the vote came faster than expected, and then it was like 'This is going to happen,‘ and then Margaret Brennan said, 'Well, gosh, we'd better talk,‘ and then I spent several hours with her, sorting it all through, and at the end of it, she was extremely supportive. She sounds like a wonderful lady. She is--she is. And the thing that she did in that process, and Bob and I talked about it afterward. She said, 'How much of this is because you love Bob? And is that what's under- neath it all?‘ And I said, 'No. I love Bob, but that isn't why this is happening.‘ But you weren't 'in love' with Bob. No, I wasn't in .love with Bob. He was a mentor to me. He was a mentor and-- We have a saying in India-~‘soul mate/' That's the kind of thing- L9 on CS! 0 o 198 And he would say that. He said, 'I never suspected I would pass on all this to a wOman!‘ (Laughing) (Laughing) My gosh, he said that? So, really, what you're telling me is that, you know, one experience in terms of your love relationship and coming to terms in terms of--and it's really a tremendously profound experience to say, 'I can stay in the community and love somebody'... Yes... ...and that there is nothing bad about it. Yes. That's a beautiful experience, because that frees one in so many ways, to really minister. Because love is what it's... Freed of other people... ...what it's all labout. And it seems like you've developed your identity very strongly at .that 199 point, and then going here, it seems like ,your last remarks were, 'Well, II never thought I'd be saying this, especially to a woman,’ then I'm sure he said, 'A Catholic woman...‘ A Catholic woman! ...and then a sister! (Laughing) An American! An American! 80 your growth experiences really covered identity, it covered 'your work, you know, your identity as a woman, your sexual identity, it covered the wrok very strongly, and many, many relevant things. I know that your workshops are very popular, because many people told me, mentioned your name, in terms of...What is--If I were to ask you, who or what is a nun of the 80's, and where she comes from, and what have been her learning experiences that are Re-capitulation Sister of the 1980's 200 going to shape and control where she's going? I understand .the individualism, but I think what you said earlier is so signifi- cant-~that here you are, a very forward-thinking persn, open to ideas and things, and it was so signficiant when you said, 'I .had this feeling but, but the time I turned around, the con— gregation had kept pace. That, to me, ws so significant in terms of your individual per- sonality. Yes, and II feel like--and that's the test for me, I think. If what happens in my faith journey is with all the people that I love and minister with, I am really changed by all that, and if that puts me in conflict with the IHM identity, there are... There are problems... There are a lot of problems, and 201‘ I think I would choose--I would not choose the IHM identity, but that has never been my experi- ence... And that is really, really sig- nificant in terms of the IHM's, and... And why I feel like I am part of it--like it is not in conflict with what happens to me and the most profound things that have happened to me have not been IHM investigated... But you got the support from them... Yes... If not the most helpful cohorts, so to say, they certainly didn't hold you back... Yes, and that's what I would say... And would you say this would be typical if it was another sister --I mean if someone else had Individual Personally CG 202 been through the same exper--or, you know, similar in the sense of being very not controversial, but knew, experimental-type things--that they would still be open and giving... I feel like they were very discerning, like they weren't just open to anything--they were critical-- And that discernment, could you tell me-—it seems like a phrase that is used a lot in community... Discernment--I don't know how to describe it, exactly, except that it's trying to sort through the motives and the spirit of what is going on--testing--kind of testing motives, and that process-~it's a process that has to happen with a group of people, so that it's tested. You. don't just say, 'This is what I want Learning Strategies Problem Solving Critical Thinking Discernment Learning Strategy 203 to do, no matter what...‘ So you bring it to ~the provincial or you go straight to the president, or, you know-~or whatever the hierarchy--- Well, less and less of that, now. I have a little group of people that I meet with. The cluster group? Well, my cluster group doesn't matter that much, to me, but I am in a little support group, at present, and right now, that would be a much more testing place for me—-not the provincial or the--- But these are friends, some of whom are IHM's... This group is IHM's... I see, so that is what's meant by the grass roots. People talk...you know, I'm not saying that you're typical-~you're not. You are individualistic in the Individual Adaptive Mechanism Bonding/Support 204 best sense, it's not like you're out there saying, 'Look at me.‘ It's like you're out there saying, 'Here is life, and I want to go to the new experi- ences with honesty, in terms of what integrity and faith means to *me,‘ and that's the way you come across. Thank you. Certainly, everything you've said bears that out, and but what I am saying is--because part of what I would need to do as I'm pulling out the cate- gories, etc.--is to look at the individual in a role... And I have to keep coming back to what kind of atmosphere--allows a person this kind of growth, so would I be right, and I'm not trying to put words in your mouth, in saying that this is the current atmosphere U) 205 there--it's one of growth, rather than stagnation. Oh, I would say that--but I think that, from my point of view, I feel like I was trusted. I wasn't--I don't feel like I was always understood, but I was trusted. That was more impor- tant to me, 'cause I had people who understood me... You needed the trust-~and you got it. I felt like I got it. And would you say that's a real intrinsic, integral characteris- tic of the IHM leadership? You see--that's confusing to me when you say that, because I don't know-—I know' other peOple have not felt as trusted as I have, but I'm also not sure how they presented themselves, either. I can see that. It's been an Trust in Individuals Personal Negotiation of Situation 206 individual experience and, of course, what I am trying to do is “draw from my other people, too, a consensus. Can I get back to that other question about the run: of the 80's. What have been her major learning experiences that are going to take her into the future? What will shape her future? I don't know what order I would put them in--I would say that for me, it would be the commit- ment to the ministry, and that the commitment to ministry changes you and it changes what's called out of you. OK. So if you're willing to see where ministry takes you, then you'll stay free... Ah... That's been my experience. That's right. Original Commitment Sister of the Future S: 207 I have no intention of doing groups on feminism. That's right. Absolutely. But because of all the things that have happened to me and because of what I hear-~and then that changed me. That's right. So it's Istill ministry-~it's not congregation and community in the old sense. It's still this devotion to God and doing His work. Yes, I would say that. And I would say that what I need frOm the congregation of the future are other people who are committed to ministry and if they are, that's the support I need, and II want friends or peers or colleagues who want to see the ministry happen. I don't need to meet with them a lot--I don't need to talk over problems with them--I've got Implications for the Future 208 friends to do that with, but I need a group of people who are committed to ministry that I can count on and I can say I'm related to them, somehow. That's right. And. that's really where it's going, isn't it? Yes. And for me, the other things have to be—-that's the t0p priority--and how you live--where your money is--anything else is so--However it helps that. If it helps that, fine, if it doesn't help it, it doesn't belong. It's been wonderful. I'm just so grateful for the things you've shared, because this is to me what it's all about. Bonding: for Future Necessary APPENDIX C DESCRIPTION OF THE SISTERS APPENDIX C DESCRIPTIONS OF THE SISTERS INTERVIEWED (Identified by letters A through T) A description of each of the sisters interviewed is given. Because of confidentiality, the descriptions are brief, so as not to embarrass the sample in the study. Letters have been given to each of the sisters and have been utilized in Chapter IV for identification of remarks. Sister A. SiSter B. Attractive, quiet, self-possessed, punctual. Moved from a comfortable job and living situation in another city to Detroit because she was needed. Total committed to vocation as woman religious. Very honest about conflicts regarding change in habit and her concerns about dwindling numbers of sisters in the order, only recently worked through feelings of amgibuity about the future of women religious. Pretty, very tastefully dressed woman. Originally from the east. Joined this order because of its reputation for having forward-looking leadership. Very aware of the problems of the new women religious, but feels very strongly that, whatever happens, she wants to be there when it happens. Open, honest, totally committed to order. Excited rather than threatened by future. Very aware of femininity and spiritual identity. 209 210 Sister C. A sister in poor health, about to take a leave of absence to take care of her sick father. Has a radiant quality about her. Has experienced some tough times, but is very content. Her faith is her strength. Did pioneering work in areas hitherto unexplored by the order, was successful. She is looking forward to entering a totally new situation when she returns from leave. Exudes optimism, strength and hope. Sister D. Has attained high position in education work situation. Willing to share, but has introverted personality. Says she uses ethnic origins to eXplain reserved personality. Very likeable, honest. Does what she has to do, does it well. Most important thing to her is the original commitment. All other things fall into perspective because of this. Sister E. Works in a very responsible area of new ministry that involves dealing with people of other faiths. Spoke easily of the massive changes she encountered, deals with life in a very forthright, pragmatic, honest manner. Very aware that it is possible that the order might dissolve, but feels that if this should happen it, she could handle it, but until such time, is determined to use, enjoy everything that the order offers. Keeps in close touch with Sister F: Sister G: Sister H: 211 everything and goes home to the Mother house every month for fasting and prayer. She spends the whole week-end there. She projects realism and strength. Highly educated professional. Still working on getting comfortable with identity. Deeply involved with emotional relationship that she is working through. Comes across as extremely vulnerable, honest, very warm and giving. Tall, slender and attractive. One of the youngest interviewed and looks much younger than her stated age. Bouncy, energetic, projects enormous enthusiasm. Joined order at a younger than usual age, but has never seriously questioned her commitment, in spite of some difficult encounters with unjust superiors. Loves everything that the woman religious stands for. Is a thinking person. Bilingual, she is looking forward to a very special mission with foreigners in the United States. Is very lovable, totally honest, and comes across as a warm, giving person. Very bright. Graduated valedictorian of her class, in high school. A scientist, now works in a school setting, but not in teaching. Has used inventiveness and creativity in all job situations. More traditional and conventional than others in the study. Some changes hurt her deeply, and she was willing to Sister I: Sister J: Sister K: 212 share these experiences, particularly loss of friends. Commitment to being a woman religious and to the order is unquestioned. Has faced all possibilities of the future of the order. Projects great strength, but, also, a sadness. An appealing personality. She is painfully honest. A Highly educated professional who received higher education in Europe. Served in top educational positions. Has just been invited to assume position in male seminary. Very honest, very warm, had been through many emotionally wrenching situations recently, but appears to have a strong, warm, giving personality, that has helped her. Spoke more from the heart, rather than with distancing intellectuali- zation. Very likeable. Very shy sister. Has a very special areas of expertise that was developed by the order. All she wanted was to be a sister the way it was when she joined the order. Change came difficult t0' her, and still is. Her commitment to God and the order is total. Unassuming by personality, yet she has contributed much to the order. Painfully honest, aware of the difficult facets of her personality and has attempted to deal with this. She is very appealing in her vulnerability and dedication. Tall, soft-spoken women, who has faced life-threatening Sister L: Sister M: Sister N: Sister 0: 213 illness and who has, through creativity and intelligence, made a satisfying life for herself. Very honest about her feelings. Had no illusions. Projects strength, rather than depression. Came in a few minutes late because of her weekly golf game! Highly educated professional. Tiny, enthusiastic, very honest, seems to have a great love of life and is totally committed to being a woman religious but, within that context, wishes to explore all facets of life available to her. Has no illusions about the order, but is aware of its many strengths. Projects a joie de vivre that appears genuine. Pleasant, introverted, but happy to be in study. Shared experiences in open, honest manner. Totally committed to being a woman religious. Has demanding inner city job. Very involved with all activities that the order offers. Has given much thought to her future as a woman religious. One of the younger sisters, and still in the process of defining identity and finding herself. Exceedingly articulate, she was, at times, tangential. Appeared interested in all aspects of the study. Holds high position in educational system. Has never questioned commitment. Thoroughly enjoys being a woman religious. Was never among the Sister P: Sister 0: Sister R: Sister S: 214 first to make changes. Nevertheless, adjusted to what had to be done. Very open, gregarious, honest, has a wonderful sense of humor. Very attractive, very articulate woman. Spoke freely. Has questioned everything and has been the instrument of many growth experiences for the order. With her permission, the interview done with her is included in the Appendix. Tall, slender, charming woman, very honest, very idealistic. Her learning experiences have involved much personal pain. She shared freely. Experiences in another country have been a freeing experience for her, and she is in the process of branching out and finding herself. Attractive, attractively dressed woman, like others, open and honest. Misses much of the old life and organizes present existence to incorporate as much of the flavor of the old lifestyle as possible. Totally devoted to commitment and to the order. Tiny, vital, very articulate, very intelligent woman, of great sensitivity and energy. Has very important position in leadership. Has made contribution to governmenntal structures. Extremely well-read, gave thoughtful, apprOpriate answers that were enrichening to the study. Sister T: 215 Very tall, stately woman, of enormous charm and intelligence. Has attained high position in leadership. Forward-thinking woman of tremendous integrity, her answers were well thought through. Appears very aware of past, present and future of the order, and of the role of women religious in the future. Projects strength, integrity, pragmatism and Optimism. APPENDIX D LETTER TO SISTERS Appendix D LETTER TO SISTERS Dear Sister: I am a doctoral student at Michigan State University, College of Education, and I am a psychiatric social work supervisor at Sinai Hospital of Detroit. By history, the Sisters, Servants of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, have taken leadership roles in many significant areas of growth in religious life. I feel that a great deal of learning took place in several major areas during the past two decades, and I would like to explore adult learning on an experiential and intellectual level in relationship to a dynamic, articulate group of women and, therefore, have chased the IHM as the pOpulation for my study. Your name was picked from a computerized list of sisters meeting my criteria for age and fully-professed status. I would need approxi- mately two hours of your time. I will be calling you in a few days to explain, in detail, about the questionnaire that I would like you to answer, and to clarify any questions you might have, at that time. I do hope that you will participate in what I feel will be an exciting project for both of us. Sincerely yours, Zohra Gideon 666 Purdy - Apt. 30 Birmingham, MI 48009 217 APPENDIX E LETTER FROM PRESIDENT OF CONGREGATION APPENDIX E LETTER FROM PRESIDENT OF CONGREGATION SISTERS. SERVANTS or me IMMACULATE HEART OF MARY 010 WEST a.» mm m “CHIN “I“ an. OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT July , 1984 Dear Sister, I am writing to you today to ask you to consider an invitation I received and accepted. Ms. Zohra Gideon is writing her doctoral dissertation on adult learning, fea- turing our congregation in a special way. (letter included) She has asked to interview some IHM's who are finally professed between the ages of 35 and 50 years old. If you would be willing and available for such an endeavor both Zohra and I would appreciate your collaboration. She will phone you within a few days for your response. My gratitude and love, .ércz, Carol Quigley, IHM 219 APPENDIX F LETTER OF THANKS APPENDIX F LETTER OF THANKS Dear Sister [name], Thank you so much for participating in my study. The information that you gave me was valuable, and I deeply appreciate your willingness to share some of your experiences with me. My material should be ready by November of l984. I will be delighted to share the highlights of my findings with you. I can be reached at 644-9l02. Sincerely yours, Zohra Gideon Zohra Gideon 666 Purdy, Apt. 30 Birmingham, MI 48009 221 APPENDIX G WORK SHEETS Identification #: Date: APPENDIX G WORK SHEET DEMOGRAPHICS: IMPRESSIONS: 223 TRIGGERS : 224 PREPARATION: D PREPARATION: D TRANS IT ION : 226 SYNTHESIS: 227 EVALUAT ION : 228 EVALUAT I ON : 228 BIBLIOGRAPHY Abbott, M. & Gallagher, J. (Eds.). (1966). 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