Let freedom ring! BEHIND BARS releases you from E L ... p. 8 7 February 1990 Vol. I No.14 ~~~ What 'I Shakin': Ask and he shall re ceive (m~il)! Q & A with Dr. Sex... p.5 MSU's alternative and truly independent . voice eop ... . • Out and About ... •Dog Boy ... • Entertainment. .. • the Provoc ... p.3 p.6 p.6 p. 7-8 p.8 Sally' Perles stands ·· by her man by TRESA BALDAS uR-1 Managing Editor Sally Perlas has one certain phi osophy she lives by. "My basic philosophy is to judge a arson for what they really are rather han with what you think they might · 0 1" she says. "Get to know a person efore you really decide whether this erson is a stereotypical this or a tereotypical that.• And with reference to her husband eorge, who has been the center of ontroversy and highly criticized since eing appointed athletic director and _ ead football coach Jan. 24, Sally ishes others would do the same. During the past two weeks, Coach erles has been called everything rom money-hungry, to disloyal, to ower-mad. "He is being judged by people who on't know him; Sally said. "lnspite of hat some people say, he does love his university. He is very concerned bout it ... and that's basically it: Shortly before George was ap ointed athletic diredor,·he was pproached by the New York Jets, . hich reports show offered him a $6 illion, five-year coaching contract. Rumor had it that Coach Perlas . turned around and issued the Univer sity an ultimatum: "Either appoint me athletic director, or I'm leaving MSU to coach the Jets.• "He never, never said that; Sally said. "It's totally untrue.• Jan. 24, in a 5-3 vote, the MSU Board of Truste'ps appointed Geo_rge athletic director in addtion to his duties as head football coach, but with no pay increase. The Perlas couple was staying home. "That tells you something ... he's not money hungry," Sally said. "If he was money hungry, he would not have stayed at Michigan State. There's no doubt about that. Believe me, my llusband's intent is not for us." Sally also uses the Green Bay Packer incident to prove her husband is not in the athletic business for the money. In 1988, after the Spartan Rose Bowl victory, George refused a $1.8 million contract with the Packers. She said _the big-bucks offer couldn't compensate the lifestyle she and George had grown accustomed to at MSU. And that, she says, still holds now. 'We've traveled around so much ... and we realize that we're Michigan . people, and that we love Michigan.· she said. 'We're not materialistic people. . 'We're pretty much st'ay-at-home people. We spend a lot of time at home in front of the TV with our TV trays, eating dinner and watching old movies or something." The appointment of George to athletic director, however, has brewed much controversy on the MSU cam pus. Students, faculty and staff who question the Board's procedure in · appointing George to the position, are accusing board members of ignoring the university's equal opportunity policy. Students have protested, but the board has no plans to reconsider . its vote. · "I'm liberal ... I understand people expressing their opossition," said Sally, adding George also under stands the public has a right to voice its opinion and question things. However, she does not understand how people can question George's loyalty to MSU. . "He loves this university, l(ke (tf'le students) love this university; that's maybe why they're demonstrating; she said. "But it's also why he wants to feel he can be Ab and do some things that he'd like tto get done at this university . , ' -John Perlas, Sally and George's 26- year-old son, says his dad had been thinking about the position of athletic director for a number of years: "He wants to leave a legacy behind, he said. "I don't see a problem with that. "People don't understand that he wants to influence other sports as well. I don't think you could find a better candidate no matter how far you look." John SGtid people at MSU don't completely understand his father's loyalty to the school because there are some things they are unaware of. "What people don't know about is there have been other NFL teams· aside from the Packers and Jets that have appro~ched his father for coaching opportunities. But that's something ''you just don't go tell people," he said. He declined to name the other professional teams but said at least three had approached George, who kept it to himself, during the past two years. "He either knows everybody in the NFL or they know him; John said. See PERLES, p. 2 I uR-1 photos/ TIM LEPHEW "He is not money hungry. If ~e were mo~ey hungry, he would not be at Michigan State. Believe me, his intent is not for us ... " ' 2 • university Reporter-Intelligencer From PERLES, p. 1 7 February, 1990 sai~: As for the turmoil on campus, John · "Everybody has a right to state their opinion ... But I believe in my heart he loves Michigan State ... I know he's looking forward to following (current Athletic Director) Doug Weaver's · footsteps. Sally said what got George the position was his experience and organizational skills, not his power. · forever; Sally said. "And he still loves athletics enough to want to be In volved and to feel that he can do something with the experience that he's had. "I think he feels that he has a lot to offer." "My husband Is not powerful; she said. "Give me a break. Any power people may feel he gets is from the media. ' "It is not his power that got him AD. He is probably one of the most highly organized people you'll ever meet in your life when it comes to his job. "Believe me, he's never bitten off anything he couldn't chew. If he goes for something, it's because he knows he can handle it." And for the long term? "I don't think he wants to coach :::::·i?/8i~!9:f91:iii Ai: :·i: ~!Rk< : : · · ::: :::::t-n..,::s::::::s::t-:z .. a:: ::::.::::::: O.i O:illi / :: :::::: ::: ' .. ;::::: :::::.z:::::1: 5-: :1 :::: ::::::: > ::: : : :: ::: )) )))14.~*~f IP:lll §~'J~J~:~ IR :,.;:;: :::;: d{ a,i/J ll A1e40? Let Us Help You Out-Come To: Gary's Campus Hair Salon $9.00 Uni-sex hair styling '.4&~f:;td~~' . 351 -6511 549 E, Grand River (next to Confection Connection) M-F 8am-7pm Sat 9am-2pm orzata, raspberry, mio:', grenadine, tamarinr,. Cnstellnn l's 332-6667 557 E. r Ma r k e t $5 Off Any Service I -(of value of $10 or more) (With this ad) Offer Good Through I .· Febr~?.r.Y.~.~~ 1990 J I I Buy One Product and Get A Second - Product For Half Price Redken and Paul Mitchell (not appl. with other specials) ********* . Call Today For Other Specials ********* Next To The Power House Gym 337-2023 e e ' the university Reporter-Intelligencer 7 February, 1990 Let's do the Time Warp again! O\ti you 5AY--- even more to those who turned out and really made the rallies and presentations to the board a classy, powerful statement.· But we hope people don't figure they've done enough. There will be more issues where students need the leader ship of our fellows in ASMSU and . COGS to organize protests. ·we hope those student leaders are ready to take up·the gauntlet. They certainly haven't been for the past four years, when tuition has risen, departments have been razed, and classes ballocined. But that was then, this is now. With their new leadership, we hope student organizations will continue to help get the proles out on the pavement and hollering. The Perles Incident was just one of many that should have incited students to protest. There will be more. The question is, are we ready to throw down when we have to, and will student government lend their valuable leadership and resources. We think so. And it is good. GO STATE! Dennis Hopper wasn't there. Neither was Keifer Sutherland. Nor were there any cameras filming a nosialgic look back at the turbulent heyday of student activ ism. Nope, it wa.s the slumbering giant of a student ·body casting off the bonds of apathy and crying out that the Board of Crustees is running amuck with our beloved · institution. Let there be protest, some cajoled. Let there be reconsideration, others shouted. Let there be a recall, still more bellowed. We looked around and our te\\ow Spartans were up in arms and angry. And it was good. Finally, the Admin Building saw a throng of students who had had enough and were ready to kick and scream about the.way things are run here. No student input. No thoughtful consideration. No principles. The students finally awoke and said a "No" of their own. NO MORE. - _ Finally. Yes, it was good to see MSU saying: "We know what tim~ it is. We know the score. We've had enough and won't take it no more." Hats off to the organizers and , S PAf!\/ f"IJ,J P1x Wf: GOT 'E"~ ! 'Ti.IE HU613NZD C..1-4~ . e c.0torJtL- COLO') ~K-S :rJ'!~1Df;. • ~fb\N Fol2... tt. DA\f • Mt> so ~uo-1 ~0££ ! ~LI.. fOO?. F~E. ! SHOCKING CRUELTY! SM A LL ( t I 0 \) & H . \-o lf@~@OOw @j[J'i)@[J'Ow~ ' · the uR-1 would like to take this aworttmity to welcome Jellybeans to MSU. It is a totally uncalled for, disgusting, ~atty. rude, nasty, irnmatlJ'e, hCV'mfU, and a real stinker. We love it. F111ally, we get a humor mag at MSU. Afterall, there's enough to ridicule here, and the Provoc can't go It alone. We especially liked their inaugural editorial. Nice goin', chums! . · ·· ·.· ··· : · ·.· · ;:·_: : .. _:--:·.:_--t _he .l.lnlve.r$it}t_Rep~t1e:r~1-ntell_igencer ··:. :••:: · · . : : ·· .. : : :: •:: •::::• · · .· ·.·.·.·.·.· .. ·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.· .. ·.·.·.·.·. .·.·.·. .·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·. >>><~<::::::::::::::.:.:.:. . . . . . . . ::: / • : t:<> _ .·. . · · · · · · .. · · · · ·.·.·.: . ·: )nart~sfru1 ~di.Or::·>?:/. . _· _· .· _· _· _· .•.••_:•_···•••••:•··•-·•••••:•••••:•_:•:••:-·•:·••!f~~~:•nii1_a_ ~ u > :: ::: .: ::: ·_·_._·_ .. ·_........... . . ............. :. !:~i~~ii*iJ~·~ditdf: .... ··· M~tk ma¢R . a·~blication ·of FUTILE EFFORTS ll'JC.,._ east lansmg/ mi: : · -: . : : · :_._._ .. :::_:_:::_:_::::_:_·.::·:.•:: ... :_ .. ::::::::•_:_::•.:_ ..•... •.: .• :·····:·:·:•:: ... •_···:•_: __ .:·._:_:_.::_:_J:!_:_»:g··_;_•:'.·r_._.a:_:.a.:_e:::·::R::~:.:.:_h.~·.:.: ... •_ :_i e·_c_· ::· :l •_ . • _.•. a:• ...•.• _·B·.·.rt . ........... : ... " U:\ .·.·.·. .·.·.· .... ·.· ... ......... .. ·.·.· .. · .. ·.·.· .. ·. . .·. . . .. ··· ····· · ·· · · : . : . ·:. · . . · · · }: ) : : :: ..•. •. :: :_·e ·_·· i· ···. >v·s. :_;_'._• _· :: J:'._:_._• · . .· . "'-J.: •• ·.·.·.·.· . ·.· ... . . . ·.·.·.· .·.·.-.:.:_:_: _. . · · · ·.·.:_:·. . . . . :-:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.: .:.: ... ·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.· . . . . :::::::::::::::. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . :::::::::::::::::::::::::::}:::: . . . . . . .·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·. :-:-:-:-:)\/::::·.;. . . ::::::::::::::::: . . . . . . . . . . :·:·:·:·: ·~· :::::::::::::::::::::: .. ·.·.·.·. :·· :·:·· :·:···:·:·:·:·:·:·:-:·:·:·:·:-: .: ::: . . . . ... . . . : : : : : : : : : : . . . .·.·.·.·.·.·.·.· . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. •••••11;~;~7~1 ················ ·················h~~~~~~;················ .•...••••••• . . ·.·.·. ·.·.·.· .·.· ... ·.·.· . ·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·. ·. . . . . . . . . . . 19.•~l·~~~········································ci~··t!~i;::;:~·············· . . . .. ... . · .. .. . .. ·.· .· .·. ·.-.·.-.·.·.· .·.· .·.·.·.· ..... ·. . ....... ·.·.·. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ... . . < :: ::::;:: ~: :: :::::;::: : :::::: :: :::::::::::::::-:< · · . .... · -:-:-··· -:.:-:-:-:.;-:-:.:-:-:·:-... 4 • university Reporter-Intelligencer You don't say! We apologize Andre rides again Your newspaper company could likely take away the special privel eges given to The State News (a private company "independent• of MSU) by filing a state or federal court suit against MSU. MSU is violating the equal protection clause of the state and United States constitutions. MSU administrators and Trustees are giving •goodies" (office space, fee collection serv ices, etc.).to The State News and denying t~em to you. If you have not asked for equal "goodies," then ask. MSU will almost certainly deny you the exad equal treatment given to The State News. In fact, the MSU administra tors will not even answer you. By refusing to give equal treatment or refusing to answer your request for equality, MSU has made your case ripe for court adion. Hopefully, you will remain inde pendent by not accepting any "goodies" from MSU. You would be. better off if "goodies " are taken away -from The State News. You should find a local attorney to.handle the court case after MSU · denies or fails to ~swer your request for equality. Many attor neys just starti.ng out would take the case to promote their narne instead of charging you fees. Don't let MSU continue to dis criminate against you. MSU is acting illegally. Sincerely, A Citizen for an Independent Press hmmm ••• -ed. Dear Ms. Fordham: Are you racist? While reading our review of Michael Moore's Roger and Me~ I came to the conclusion that you are. Three-quarters of a the way ~hrough your piece, you make a point of noting that a family evided from its Flint home is black. Were those people evicted because they are black? Were the parents unable to earn money because they are black? Did their children spend Christmas away from home because they are black? Nowhere else in the story did you mention any charader's color race. "The film is full of real people," you write. But you assume that "real people" are white and that every one else will assume the names have white skin. Michael Moore "bludgeons the audience with a reality that you can only laugh at because it is ~II too real," you write. And be aware: your article bludgeor;is the audience with a reality that is a1r100 real. The reality is racism. But your audience, Ms. Fordham, is not laughing. Liz Krebs P.S. To the UR-I: If your paper truly has a policy of 'We discriminate against no one; then you need to have copy edited with that in mind. It's a stereotype easily missed, but one at the . foundation of racism. yes, WB screwed the pooch here. unfortunately, given today's socklty the color of a person's skin can·and often does affect his plight. We deplore this. the uR-1 regrets this error on the part of our editors. -ed. This Is the story of a social problem. Three young men are lying in' a hospital bed sick. The cause of . their sickness can be cured in a matter of minutes by purchasing some medicine. The only problem that Inhibits them from being _ cured is the lack of money to buy the medicine. The three men are all related to each other, and they have m'any friends and relatives - that pay visits regularly. · One day, in the hospital, about 25 friends and relatives were shouting and expressing their anger toward the government for not helping the three young men. A person in the cro\W, named Faheem, came forward and told the people he had a plan to save the three young men from death. James asked Faheem if he was going to petition the government or have a march and sit-in. Faheem sald ·•no" because he had a better plan. . . James said there could be no other way to save the three young. men without the government's help. James added that he did not care to listen to anymore of Faheem's foolish talk. Faheem stopped James from leaving the .hospital room and got in James' face and asked him whether or not he wanted to wait on the government or save the three before they die. James reluctantly told Faheem to explain his plans. Faheem told the 25 friends and relatives in the hospital room that individually, our money can't save our three buddies. But collectively, we can raise up enough funds to save their lives without begging the government for suport. Finally, .the friends and relatives gathered up their monies and the three brothers were saved. I believe what I described above Is one of the enormous problems Bla~k people face in America. We 7 February, 1990 have many problems that rieed solutions. And if we apply the concept of my example, we could solve the dilemma We don't have time to wait for someone to save us because we are .dying. Don't get me wrong on this one, although it's still the government's duty and responsibility to protect, defend and take cafe of its citizens. But if they do not do it, we will have to. If you can take the concept of ·my example and connect It to the morbid situation Black folks face, then I think we can cure the sick ness. Peace, love and freedom. Andre Austin, Vice President of As One . . . . . . . ......... ... .. . . . . . ... . , ••11111.&1••········· . ..... .. . . . . . . -.... ·.·.·.·. . . .. .. . . . . . . . :::::::: . . .·. ·.· .·.·.·.·.· .·.·.·. ·.· ... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . : : : : ::: :::::: :-:.;::·: .·.·.· ... . . :::. 1111111 i ' ~--­I l l··· lllil!l i : . : . <:. :: :o:I:::-:: ::11: ·:·:·:·:::-::::_I, :I::-:-:: . . . . . . . :-. .... . ... . ... .. ::::::::::~::::::·: ..... ·.·.·.·.·.· .· .·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.· .... .. . . . . . . . . .·.·.·.·.:-:->~<<<<<: .... ::::::m9~@:::¥9H:f::.9~0~::111 -:· . . . . <··· ·lQ..n'.lU\Y?C/?·< :U: .. ... . .. . .. . .<<· . •. : :; . .. • : i . . .. . . .. :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :-:.:.:·>>>>>>>> . . . Geek of the Week It was bound to happen sooner or later; with either A-cubed or something else, but spending university cash to bring · a big-time racist to MSU captured you Geek o' the Week dishonors, Scottie. Maybe you should get someone to beam you up, what with the heat coming your way. We have nothing against the Nation ·of Islam or their right to be heard, but when you lay out a cool five grand for one organization to bring a speaker to campus we hav,, only one thing to say (other than phooey) .•• Where can we get in on that mean green? Oh yeah, nice accent, dude. 7 February, 1990 university Reporter-Intelligencer • 5 I Dr.Andrew Barclay ~; !!!! I l!;1!! ! ; !!!ti! Keep those questions, er, arriving burn. By engaging in a full range of foreplay I think you will find that the memories disappear and in later years, you will remember the outra geous ,fun you had with your girlfriend In college because she was a· lot more fun than your uncle was. Q. Dear Dr. Sex, · My brother's girlfriend claims '!I morning erections are caused by having to go to the bathroom. My brother claims it's because of being aroused. I think they are both full of shit. I am neither aroused nor always have to go to the bathroom when I have a woody. Please enlighten us on the cause of this A.M. disruption. Waiting for relief in E.L. Q. Dear Dr. Barclay, You're probably going fo think this is weird, but here goes. When I was 14, my uncle, who is six years older than I, came to live with us and he and I shared a room. A while after he · moved in, he seduced me to let him have anal sex with me and we contin ued to do that two or three times a week for the next year and a half until he moved out~ - Since then, I have never done anything like that. I am now 21 and living with a girl and we plan to get married. Our sex life is great and completely normal. Once in a while, though, I find myself remembering my uncle doing that to me, · sometimes even when I'm making love· to my girlfriend. It feels like a physical ache or something. Can you think of any reason for this? And is there anything I can do to get rid of the feeling and maybe stop thinking about it? . It's no big deal but for obvious reasons there's nobody else I can ask. Thanks. A. I know my answer flies in the face of the,present-day, psychologi cally-hip notion D«lllrll©fi 8 Feb: Born Naked Th@ @IT@@l7ll IQ> ©@IT 7-10 Feb.: Toys 11: Upto\vn Band 12: Blue Aver:iue Delegates 12: Capital City Band ~IT81Xl@aldi 'ii' lll!@alfi@!T today-25 Feb.: The Voice of the Prairie Wlhl·.• : : •~• :. > · · · · · :1: l~~~I >>>>><>~:::::::::::::: :: :::-:.: ...... · · ., · · · · · · 111111111, :.1!r111.:.••11 ! / :,::.:: · Have no more dread, this is good stuff . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . : < < < <-: <-::::::::::::;:::::::::::::::;: > > > ..... . . . ' ···:·.:·.::.· .•.: •. : .. :: .. ::.··· ·:·'·:·······:.··'·:····: .. :·: .. :·:. ···:.·:·:. ···:.·:·:.·:: .• : ·:·:·:·:.:·:·:.:.:.:.:·:··.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.· .· .·.·.· .· :::·:::::;:::·:;:::·:::.:;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::·:·: Fool's Game ~ Group: MORDRED ~ Label: Noise International \ Fool's Game is one of the most impressive progressive speed metal releases to date. The band's name is MORDRED, and don't forget It. Though they are intensively original, the influences of many bands, including Testament, can be heard. Chuck Billy of Testament guests on backing vocals, and some of the bass lines are reminiscent of Testament's. One thing most thrash bands don't usually Implement though, Is a base of speed-metal and funk in combination .. This is where Mordred strays away and above the pack. While their combination of guitars, bass, and drums is intricate to say the 'least, it is much more appealing to the ear than most of the heavy metal out there. On the funkier side comes the remake of Rick James' classic "Superfreak·, complete with DJ Pause's scratching. The vocals of S. Holderby also set Mordred apart from a lot of other independent-label bands, as they are both intelligible and intelligent, not to mention catchy. The combination of these vocals; pounding drums, and "crunching• (for lack of a better word) licks are hard to forget. This combina tion, together with a polished produc tion, reminds this ear of Riot, and their '88 album Thunderstee/. ' Suffice it to say that Mordred will be ttie talk of metal circles for some time. Songs like "The Artist,• "State of Mind,· "Superfreak,._"Sever and Splice; "Everyday's a Holiday; and "Shatter- will propel them to the top of the underground metal world, and maybe further. :.-::.·::.·:::::::::::::::::::::::::·:· >.<;>>>"'· ::":::::::·:·::····::::•:::•.·.::::.::::.::::.::::.::::.:: . .................. . . .... . . ... ...... ........ .. .. .. : ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ : ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~: ~: ~: ~:::::::::: ........................ . ·.·.·.·.·.·.-.-.·.·.·.·.·.··· :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::>:::::::::::::>: ................... ...... :-.. :. :. : . >: <. > >:. >;. :~ ;.;.:.: ..... . - JEFF RKE ANO MATT MONROE :-:.: : : : : : : : : : : : : : ~: ~: .. :::::::::::::: ~: ~: ~: ~: ~: ~: ~::::::::::; <:::::: : : : : : : <: ~: ~: ~: ~: ~: ~: ~: ~: ~: ~: ~: ~: ~ ...... <<"·>>:<·:-:-·.;.;.;.:-:"·>:<<·>:<<<·:- ·.-.· . . . . ~ Students Against Driving Drunk and The Residence Halls Association Present A WEDNESDAYS 9 PM- CLOSE 18 and over with college l.D . . $1 NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINKS & 75¢ POP . Energize Your Wednesday Nights · With Dancing and Fun! This Week: The Gear-Detroit Anne Be Davis The Residence Halls .»tP1~ :--······················ .. ·· ·: FREE : . . . i NACHOS ~ : Wa&fl ·-~=:. :n: ~r:r . ':"~'_,,~ ~. : .............................. : b:pru : .:J: 19 • • and Don't Forget About Our Tuesday Special: All U Can Eat Coneys $1.99! Menu Hot Dog Coney Dog, chili·, onions.and mustard $1.25 Kraut Dog, saurkraut and mustard $1.25 Corn Dog, deep fried crispy $1.00 $1.25 Fresh Cut French Fries $1. 75 Chili Fries $1 .75 Cheese Fries $2.25 Chili & Cheese Fries $1-.40 1/4 lb. Hamburger 1/4 lb. Cheeseburger $1.60 Chili Cheeseburger ~1.90 $1.50 Onion Rings, extra wide $1. 75 Chicken Sandwich Fish Sandwich $1. 75 Taco, meat, cheese, lettuce, and tomato $ . 75 l i I I I - Stallion Burger Special Stallion burger w/ fries (half lb. ground beef w/ bacon, swiss, chedd:lr, onion, lettuce, and tomato). Draft and Shot 'O' Schnapps Thurs. and Sat. ('til 10 p.m.) Only $2~99! 101 E. Grand River Ave. Home of the SharkbowU -.1000 "fl SIC TO SUTT A..,Y TIME Of DAY' I I j I Veggie Taco, beans.cheese, lettuce, tomato, and onion$ .75 $2.50 Nachos Nachos Deluxe, cheese.beans, meat, sour cream, and jalopeno peppers Burrito, beans and cheese Burrito Grande, beef, beans, $3.50 $1 .00 cheese, onion, tomato, and sour cream $1.50 Ouesadilla, cheese, onion, and · hot sauce in a warn tortilla $1.00 ········~········· WE DELIVER! Call 332-2381 I E·ritertainment . lfil Another trip into the unknown · . Yes, back from another fo~y Into the bar noman's land of Lan- sing, your host TIM PERRTT staggeringly gives the second Installment of BEHIND BARS, a regular uR-1 feature designed to broaden your horizons as well as your options. The flyers on the table titilated us with bear wrestling coming in the next few weeks. And as the X-rated version of "Me So Horny· made the dance floor crowd up, some 30-year-old-plus woman came up to our table and told us to loosen up and st?rt dancing. for the 5 minutes while the specials lasted. The place thought it was so hip, I felt like it wanted to be in Ann Arbor. Ah, but the silver lining. The bloody mary's. Finally, a bartender who understands that alcohol is not the main ingredient. Complete with a pickle. And just two and a half bucks. And the DJ wasn't half bad. Too bad there was only about two people on the small dance floor. long, slender glasses. . . , Biff! Bop!! Zapp!!! No, not another bad Batman episode. This is the famous Tango's Supperclub and Speakeasy that the football players ~njoying going to ... ... and kicking the shit out of each other at. My curiosity was piqued. I expected a Mac's Bar, but more slightly respectable. What I didn't expect was the Bill Knapps crowd, out on a Saturday night. And the decor ... Art deco. More straight lines than in geome try class. Imagine, a place where yuppies go to brag about their leather · driving gloves and how the three · bucks to get in was cheap compared to the bars in New York they jetted to the previous weekend. OK, they did have draughts for a buck, but they served them in trendy, BEHIND BARS ... with your host TIM PERFITT There was only so much synthetic atmosphere I could stand, so off we went to Bootl.eggera. ' Ahh..... Yeah, the band ,LZ Paige, was playing pop (Madonna covers), but I didn't feel like I couldn't put my elbows on the table. Bootleggers is basically a big room, with a large. stage at the front. While Tango's had a small dance floor with a few graduated greeks, Bootleggers had a huge rug-cutting facility.· · Oh yes, and three bucks to get in. But the flashing light specials made it worth it. Almost like a K-mart at Christmas; every 45 minutes or so they would announce drink specials - kamikazies -and large, colored flashing lights on he ceiling strobEid fireballs, Yes, it was time to go home. Tango's Supperclub and Speak easy, 111 W. Washtenaw Ave., is locatfld in downtown Lansing, adjacent to the Knapp's Office Center and minutes from the Cspitol. Bootlegger's, 591 o s. Pennsyl vania Ave., is .located deep into Lairsing on Pennsylvania Ave. GJJt off 96 and drive ti/ you see High land Appliance. Then keep your eyes peeled for a joint on the right. Bring your pick-up truck or camaro. New mug shot, same cheap shots That's the seventh one so far I've - had to dispose of. Talk about a hectic week! Hey, remember that loss to U-M last week or so? Yeah, two points separated MSU and U-M. No. 1 : the women at MSU don't have beards and smell pretty good. No. 2: you can tell which are the women at MSU. We've picked on George "Love This School, Brudder ... Nice employ ment Opportunities!" Perles all year. Now it's Jud's turn ... For starters (no, not Steve Smith. More like Larry Polee), What's with the do? Do you put mousse in it or Elmer's? And how do you comb t~at? With a butter knife?! Ugh. a man made her perform oral sex on him five times against her will bit off his goods when he made a bid for a fifth go 'round. Lucky for him, he had a good crack head going and was able to take his thangs to a hospital, wrapped in a towel (no, not the hospital, dummy! : His i!ems were wrapped). The doc said he may as well hang them from the rearview mirror, 'cause there was nothing he could do to reattach the McNuggets. In jury selection, one of the jurors "had to leave on accounta she thought she'd get sick on hearing testimony (not on the testimony, dummy. Proba bly on ·her neighbor). · The woman with the incisors.is 27. l'm5. Sounds. like ... · .... could it be .. . MOM! A couple weeks ago I noticed a If MSU is not such a collection of - . _animals and party monsters, then why little story on the wire that I should · share with you: · - Seems a woman who alleged that did they fence us in? The black fences along Grand River on North Campus sure is attractive, but I wish they'd saved the bread for a scholarship when I get ready to apply.: Speaking of applications, isn't it interesting how people a few weeks ago were all to willing to apply DiB with unfavorable adjectives and now he's a hero? Sure, I have my fun with him and he's a swell guy - and now a hard · guy that I kinda dig in a mano-a-mano - way - but he still looks like Grampa Munster to me. And he's old enough to be my spunky mama's fatt:ier ... ... could it be ... GrampaDiB? let's not get carried away, folks. He ain't that cool. Ready to sow the seeds -of getting your nose punched in? Send your Provoc offerings to the uR-1 at our Gunson Street offices, cl o: I Can Birch, Too. We 'II see that the good 'uns get in print. · ' Hello, Meester Bond. Your mission: To seek out scorn and disdain wherever it may lie. To seek out rudeness and premature curmudgeonness in the irrepressible young. To come back either with the Provoc alive or not at all. Goodbye, Meester Bond._.. So much for those no-account they keep sending after me!