990 What's shakin': More questions for Dr. Sexl Some Q&A about T&A. p. 8 othe ole Provoc gets surprised ... p.8 oEver expandingOut & About ... p.9+ ~teal towels at The C/ydesdale ... p. 9 oHowl at Dog Boy... o Music reviews start... o Parents p. 1 O p. 11 p. 12 interview... 7. March 1990 MSU's alternative and truly ·independent voice "Velcome to the uR-1 ALL BRR edition, phaSe 11. As we stated last week, this is just one more of our unceasing efforts to satisfy you, our glorious reader. Really~ only the Provoc doesn't rever you beautiful people! But back to the present. We finish our look at 20+ EL bars this week, from Beggar's Banquet to Zeke's. With the utmost subjectivity, one of ()ur cor respondents who frequents a gig has reviewed it based on several criteria. So check it out, and for a complete set of issues, stop by our Guns on Street offices (14a univeriSt ~ nEPOR TER-INTELLl GEN[ER P)aza). Enjoy ... CJ · Cover: none Entertainment: none Theme: classy dlnnerjoint Best Night: none · Age Requirement: none Greek Quotient: doesn't apply Location:.Abbott Road, down the street from Rick's Chow: full menu Best Specials: none Crowd: classy Dress: classy, jeans don't cut it Friendly Factor: low Diversions: pinching the waiters or - waitresses, but little else The Straight Poop: This is a classy joint with a great menu. The decor is impeccable and comfort aple, and the bar is low key. This is a wonderful place to bring a woman you want to impress and if you want to depress your wallet. There's steak, liver pate, wine, cheese, and a variety of other snaizy dishes. This is not, how ever, a place to guzzle beer, pull out your shirttails and tip tables and chairs. As you should know by now, the fight song isn't sung here (and especially not at top voice). But, hey, does every joint in town have to be a joint? Cover: none Entertainment: no bands or dancing Theme: MSU's sports bar Best Night: Thursday, Friday and Saturday are not bad, might just seem better ·~use it's not so crowded Age Requirement: 19 Greek Quotient: 8 Location: 131 Albert, one block east of Abbott Chow: full menu, known for Big Ten sandwiches and nachos Best Specials: extremely rare; ·best to go already buzzed Crowd: conservative crowd with decent ratio of M to F on Thurs days. Good place this side of library to scope. Not a serious drinking crowd Dress: Preppie in early stage of night, more casual when other bar patrons roll in Friendly Factor: easy to meet people if you know a few of the regulars. Lots of people from your classes will show up here Diversions: lots of pool tables, video games, tvs and basketball 1 The Straight Poop: Dooley's doesn't carry much middle ground among MSU students. People who wish Ralph Lauren was never born might want to avoid this bar if .. 1 • lwl. 1111111:11111 JL Cover: none Entertainment: tvs,juke box Theme: neighborhood burger bar Beat Night:weekends Age Requirement: 21 Greek Quotient: 9 Location: on grand river, by greyhound and across from the AZD house Chow: full menu Best Specials: bucket o' beer Crowd: fairly mellow, but with a tendency to sing along with the juke.box Dress: preppie to MSU sweatshirts and jeans Friendly Factor: medium to high (if you have the cajones to approach folks) Diversions: good juke box, tvs The Straight Poop:Crunchy's is like a Greek Peanut Barrel;they have good burg,trs and fries that feel good going down with a cold draft. Pitcher prices are reasonable and the booths are a good place to hide if you don't like sitting next to a table of Staters enthusiastically belting out the MSU fight song. "Fight, fight, fightteam fight, etc." Not too bad a tune, until everyone has sung it and• American Pie" for the fourth time. But Crunchy's is a nice change from the run-around E.L. bar scene and a good place to get the night out of the blocks. Grab a burger and a beer. The Giggles Grapevine says lunches are pretty good here, and in addition to lots of sorority girls, you can run into MSU administrators and DiB here every once in a blue moon. :· ~e~ :. !he _Se~ond. Front P~ge, tor a cQ~ple'.~- ~~P.~r_t _c~r~ 0'1J:L. e~t~bl~_sh_fl'.le,l'.:lts ·····~---· .. -~~ _)., ~~. ....... ";Jt':.·.!...~ rv.~.-::.. v.tR• ·-..,.;./' ~-1.0 • • ( " ~,, ... ,'J>.:.~t' . . . . . ..t. ··-"-~._,J\i.. __ • • '-"':-' .. ....... .J.A.i~~"i-f.:'1'.· .... ~ " " • · - · , ' .. ,, •• , -,.:,_ ~- ... ~ 0 ,, 2· university Reporter-Intelligencer 7 March 1990 preppies and so-called conformity . bothers them. But in reality, the majority of students at Dooley's are your average Joas. Dooley's is always is an institution you can count on, and definitely the best place to visit after a big MSU win. If you're a pool shark this place is for you, but get ready to bring a lot of quarters since the regulars aren't afraid to take your shirt right off your back. Money is important factor: : don't get caught off guard by the free admission to Dooley's; the place costs an arm and a leg for the serious drinkers. If muchies are to your liking, get ready for the "Nachos on Steroids"; a huge plate of nacho chipswith enough stuff to make the biggest glutton smile. So if you haven't been to Dooley's - which puts you in a group with only a few other people on campus - go with your buddies and drop your attitude at door. Have a good time. ................ . ..... J!J~~·~:):::.::::::.·.·:·:. :. you've never partied Best Night: any, really Age Requirement: 18 Greek Quotient: 2 {mainly curiosity seekers) Location: 2700 E. Michigan Ave., just past Frandor, on the left.towards the Capitol as you pass 127 interchange Chow: peanuts and stuff in vending machine Best Specials: cheap pitcher specials early in the evening Crowd: friendly, wild, rich, poor Dress: mandatory Friendly Factor: if you're tough, you can get some Diversions: Foosball, slide shows, video games, tvs, pool Ths Straight Poop: If your feet don't stick to the floor and you can move around, Mac's is a great place. The beer flows and the lyrics to "American Pie" and "Hotel California" fill the air, but if you want to play something on East Lansing's best juke box you better be ready to wait until 3 am, since the early birds get the tunes. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT go there expecting to see Prince Charles. This is a place only real people go. And sometimes the real people don't · observe the best hygene - but they play the damn bestest foosball you ever saw! This joint draws people from Lansing, East Lansing, Jupiter, Mars, etc, but beer makes everyone equal in God's eyes. Oh, and the people like to meet people of the opposite sex. Yes, this is a place to get some, but what you get don't always look so good the next morning. But hey, they probably feel the same way! If you haven't gone to Mac's, you owe yourself. -Bring lots of friends, be cause the more the merrier here. Oh, and as a bonus, Theio's is right next door, so if you're sick of Top Dog this is your salvation. Oh, one last piece of advice - don't do anything that might piss the bouncers off. They are huge as life, mean to badasses, think five-on-one is a fair fight {one of you, that is), and don't hesitate to stomp the shit out of anyone getting out ofline. So drink up and stay cool and your ass will probably not be waxed. See you there. ::::aa.r::::.:::1::::.::::::::::::::::::::::1:::::::::: .... .......... .. ......... .......... ·.·.·.··· · ···.·. · ·· ······ ···· ...... -.. ...... .:-:-:-:.:.:.:-:.:.:.:.:.:··· Cover: none Entertainment: supreme excellence in juke boxery, slide show all night, big screen tv Theme: if you haven't partied with us, CAST ELLAN rs.~-~-:­ M f[K ET ·-· 9.o R;- 'O S . FOODS . ·.·.·.· .. ):).y:.:mm~.:µn.1v~r~iJY/. :'·R~P.9.J.:t~rHO.f ~llig_~fu '•: •ril~f.tti1ri~ri'tiC11tor: ::: 'il<: · 1 :~ftiji!-.9.?i9.#C:>.< . . . : : .. . <··=· !iii~al~l1~~1:::1: .. :·:::·:.::::: :.:-:-:·.<·:-:-:-:-:-:.:-:-:-: . . . .... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ·.·.·.·.·.· .. ·.·.· . . ·. . . ... . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ·.·.· :.:-: :-".: .·.·.·.·.·.· ... ·.·.·.·.·...-.·.·.·.·.-.-. -:.:-:-:-:-:-:·:-:.:.:.:-:-:- .. .·.·.·.·.·,· .·.·.·.·.·,·.·.·.·.·.· . . .... ...... .·.· .. · .. ·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.· ... ........ . .. .. ..... . . . . . -:·:·:·:<·:·:·:·.·:·.·:-:-: Ltll~~~~~i} ... ••.•• ). ; ~i;~ill!~~~~········· ••·•• 11~11~11~r1~ · · · /~~~~ir.g~~iI;~M~toliii< .. t:::: J'°'~W~lij¢J(/Jt? ... .. :-:-:-:-: . . .... . >> . .. . . . ::::::::::r~~:~l-~t~ti~~!i/!/i!il! .. . . . . . . . . . . .. · the university Reporter-Intelligencer Pa eThree UJfinl!IJal"'o ©jgqJ: casual, fun, go there ©llcJotmCflojf "O: Good burger and beer gig ~D llflfMfl(j}{M}"e: · blue collar, good bar ~@•"st /MJfraifj(!JJ@fl: classy, not a place to get smashed &U0$®"3: good food, good brew, good folks - &~•: good music, dancing, good happy hour ©IM ©floU"r.t: . go there for Margaritavllle ®@@O(i}jf"O: drop· your attitude at the door, bring cash, and check It out ff'~l!Dfl~D: great neighborhood bar for burgers and beer 11•tmrdl3flo~: great happy hour, lotsa greeks ff'oifo @'11JiJO~')f"f3: Jotsa greeks, preppy, good happy hour lllllJ~rle &.u: unpretentious, gross fun /Jf/U@fkrigs tdtmrwUrt:iltm ©iltl@: live music, good beer prices . ©Olftl"e: good food, d~ent drink prices . . llf};)(i} /Jf/U!YUtWll ©Mf/tiJ: good drink prices, decent music, kinda dull ft'Yd~nro4 hov~ a sof~ and 1 re!Spon!Sible SprrUrng Break I i I ~§§Jfl!J@tmrlf3: dancing, good Tuesdays \ · $UDw@rr ®®00i>rr ~0©@JlliJ: ·rock bar, metal crowd, good place to throw back beers and hear live bands $1H1i>OO ff'Oi>Uil@fl: . unique, cfassy p\ace, good music (/))$Cl ©§it!@: .bad food, bad prices, older yuppie crowd . t,vi(fJ Mo1Mt'."l'~.1 { f-fJJAU-Y t fff.J.v t ... ·t.c.k. •. w~nUflJY: good trivia, good jazz, good place to relax on the patio · · , . ~@fk@rlf3: get your three-piece and check it out, otherwise, deep-six this o.ne the Peanut Barrel. •Great Burgers and Sandwiches 7 years as East Lansing's bes neighborhood bar and restaurant A m@ssago to you from MA.DD Ingham County ChaptGr Mothers Against Drunk Driving 1O17 East Kalamazoo, Lansing 487-MADD Spring Break In Sun Or Snow * ~~ SHl~E THAT DULL HAIR With Shades E.Q. Conditioning Hair. Gloss Call For David Zumberg at 337~ l l l4 Patrician Hair Fashion . 309MAC • T !° • • • • • • • 4 • university Reporter-Intelligencer _ Cover: none Entertainment: none Theme: it's a restaurant Best Night: happy hour on friday is cool Age Requirement: none for the restaurant, 21 to drink Greek Quotient: 7 Location: grand river, across from the union (bar is in back, with entrance a:t alley) Chow: full menu Best Specials: · regularly excellent mixE)d drink price$ Crowd: casual preppies Dress: casual Friendly Factor: pretty high in the bar Diversions: pool The Straight Poop: long-island-ice tea-loving folk comes to mind when you think of the Olga's crowd. Happy hour usually packs them in on Friday, and Olga's is a good place to throw down a solid meal and have a few tasty drinks. This is not a place to get screwed up all night. It is, however, a nice change from the usual elbow-to-jaw East_Lansing bar scene. · . ..... .. ..... ·.·.·.·.·.·.·-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:·:-:-.-:····. . Cover: none Entertainment: jukebox, sports on tvs located around the bar Theme~ just your neighborhood bar with great food and good ale Best Night: any night is great for the Peanut Barrel, but Sunday is a good night to grab a bite, a beer, and lend an ear to the WMMQ Blues Cruise Age Requirement: none Greek Quotient: 0-1 ("yuk, too many common people go there, muffy!") Location: on grand river, across from Berkey Hall and next to kinko's Chow: full bar menu Best Specials: the food is the best deal here; but beers are reasonably priced Crowd: you can sit next to your professor, a guy in a softball uniform, and a marine lieutenant from the recruiting office down the.street and enjoy a casual beer. Dress: come as you are - unless you . go by r. lauren Friendly Factor: extremely friendly folks, but you're not goirig to get any, . here · - Diversions: tvs, jukebox, pool table, video games, DARTS! The Straight Poop: This is the place to gp for a great burger, fries, beer and.friends. The atmosphere is very mellow, and the bar's owner and waitresses make you feel comfortable and important. Where else can you go in town to grab a cheap hot meal, play darts, hear great old tunes, and swish down a St. Pauli .Girl Dark with a lime wedge? · Nowhere, man. · Best times to go here include after an · exam, with a date who isn't too · uptight, and to start your evening off on a satisfying first step. · Cover: $1 or more, depending on night & entertainment Entertainment: great live jams on left side Theme: casual, underground- · drinking joint Best Night: Thursday-Saturday, great live bands Age Requirement: 21 Greek Quotient: 4-5 Location: on Abbott Road between Espresso Royale and P.T's - Chow: Munchies from Mancinos, subs & appetizers · Best Specials: 35-cent drafts Wednesday night Crowd: casual, fur:i people who enjoy listening to tunes; a few brave ones show their stuff on the "huge?" dance floor. Dress: anything goes IT'S NOT JUST A BAR .... IT'S AN ADVENTURE! Wednesday Special: $'1 .25 Pitchers Also, Do Not Forget Thursday: Ladie's Night- 50¢ Drinks Sunday-Tuesday-99¢ Pitchers 2700 E. Michigan • 484-6795 7 Marc Friendly F'actor:- high Diversions: pool tables, video games, TV l)Creens, darts and Pop-a Shot basketball. The Straight Poop: Ricks is not the place.to go if you want to "meet" someone. If you want the scope scene, Sensations is around the corner. But if you're in the mood f~r · hot bands; cold beer and a great time, . grab a c:e.uple friends ~nd come down to Ricks! It has something fO!" everyone. For a conversation with friends, good munchies or serious TV-sports action, go to the right. If you want to shoot pool, dance or just kick back and listen t some of the best bands in E.L · (J.D. Lamb, Souvenir, Going Public etc ... ), go to the left and get ready for a great night. As my favorite hangout, I recommend 8icks for a good time. But remember ... the only thin9 you'll bring home from this place 1s a great buzz ... or a bruised knee from tripping up those stairs after too many 35-cent (m)Old Styles. lllll./liJ©~ fM/liJ~Oao/JiJ ltl\lli ·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·. and I er recnpeacc. said their research had ,, . ' ' To learn more about the role ofa FrFe Press and how it protect.~ _vour rights. call the First Amendmenr Center al 1-800-542-1600 Hthepre~ didn't tell us, . whowould? I ·"'II .-- - - - - · - · ·- · -·~ - - ·- ·- - -- '·--·· - ·-. -·-.- ·-. -· Hou-rs=·~-:---"· .___ --· 1 A. public sen Kc R'K'ssage of The Ad Council ind The' Soc1et~ ol Prokssionat Journal1-.1~ ~ Complete hair care and nail services I I J J J L. - -··- 3040 Lake Lansing Rd. East Lansing, Ml 48823 in Carriage Hills . the [@@IB efltair crJo. ·· -.~-. -: ---- _ ___ ************************* · ~7277 -$2.00 Off Any Student Haircut (Reg $10) _ • . ___, .----,-··---: ~,.--. ~ r--- \,___.,.~:'-.. .... -.. -. ... -. -. .. :·~-- V/TTY . l · - _J : :: :ffiiiidftff$.~ ? ? $7 .00 Off Perm, Color, Relaxer {Reg. $41 up) I' L;· . .,... · ;;,;;;;;;,;;;;;;,;;;;;;,;;;;;;,;;;;;;,;;;;;;,;;;;;;,;;;;~~ ........ - - > " Mon. & Fri 9-7 Tue., Wed., Thur. 9-9 . Sat-. 9-5 . ************************* $10.00 Off Acrylic Nails ************************* 7 March 1990 ·:::mfi·e::::.:::::.::.:::::::::::::::::::::: .·.·.;.·.· ... :-.-..... ·.·.·.·· . .... .... . _._._::!!!!-i!!ii!•ra:::::::::::•• .. :::::mate::::::· ·· __ -:.:-:-:.:.:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-: . ...... . . .. . . .. . . . . .. :-:-:.:-:-:.:.:-:-:-:-:-·.· · Cover: none Entertainment: none Theme: casual, place to sit and drink and talk Best Night: Thursday Age Requirement: 1 8 Greek Quotient: 4-5 Location: on corner of Albert and MAC Chow: full menu Best Specials: pitchers of mixed drinks for just over $5 Crowd: casual, usually upperclassmen tired of the bar scene Dress: casual Friendly Factor: a good place to meet friends, but not a hook-up joint Diversions: pool tables, video games, TV screens, basketball The Straight Poop: The· Riv is not the most exciting place on the face of the earth. In fact, it's downright Yes, stagnation is the thing at the Riv, but somehow I always find myself · Fri.& Sat., Mar. 9&10: Souvenir Tue., Mar. 13: Dan Earl ~ heading there on a lhursday night or dull weekend. I guess the great mixed drink pitcher deal on Thursday draws me there, or maybe it's the fact that I always run into friends there. Or maybe it's the. fact that Top Dog is just out back, or maybe it's the f~ct that Pinball Pete's is just below the joint? Then again, it could be that there's no cover and Rick's has gone to the dogs. Whatever the reason, I always end up at The Riv complaining about how bored I am and drinking another · wish I could figure out what spell this ritcher. place casts over me ... tl~A For Reservations Call The HOT TIJB .HOT LINE 332-6318 (Located corner of Grove & Linden, near Dooley's) r-----------, I $2.00 Off I I Your Next Hot Tub,Rental 1 I I (with Coupon) I I Exp. April 1, 1990 ----------- L Limit One Discount Per Visit .J · Greh .Hing 3 !n.1oor & 4 Ou1d-ocr ?rfvofo Tubt: • Gift Certifh::ole£ ~. Pmiy Rates Aval!ob l~:; • Tanning Booths 8: lonnir.g Acce!$ro1o!':t WITH ... 101 E. Grand River Ave. Home of The Shark Bowl! Think Coffee ?Z6 ABBOTI nor Beapr'1 Opn until l\tlda" university Reporter-Intelligencer· 5 .. H!lli!ll!!~il_-:.:: ·. . :?1~11:~:~::::::1111/:::: ::::1a.10.0.0.:::::::::::::::_ . . . . . . . . . . . ::::::::::::::::::::::::>: . Cover: varies, depending on the band Entertainment: live music Theme: metal Best Night: any night a band is playing Age Requirement: 18 Greek Quotient: minus 10 Location: E. Michigan Ave., near Brody Chow:limited menu · Best Specials: drink specials nightly Crowd: metalheads, but cool Dress: jeans and t-shirts - guys; scanty - gals Friendly Factor: medium, but don't dress preppy unless you've got a death wish·. Diversions: tvs, bands, chicks, pool, danCing The Straight Poop: This place is straight out <;>f the seventies, complete with carpeting on the ceilings and walls. Shooter's Pub has some good specials, and bands from all over the country come here to grind their axes. From Steppenwolk to Bachman Turner Overdrive to Diving for Pearls and other up-and-coming bands. This is definitely not your typical EL . bar crowd, as folks from all over mid Michigan head for a loud time and lots of drink. The folks in Jackson lan guish as they sit green with envy ov~r the success of the Sleasy D. And don't forget the crowd. Without a doubt heavy, metal-wise that is, but there's nuthin like a bunch of met alheads to hang out and get ripped with. Just don't don the Polo. Cover: $3, more if bands are playing Entertainment: MSU's main dancery Theme: flashy disco scene Best Night: Thursday night, Tuesday with great specials Age Requirement: 19 Greek Quotient: 3-5 Location: 131 Albert, below Dooley's Chow: full menu Best Specials: Tuesday night 25¢ beers Crowd: younger folks Dress: GO Friendly Factor: extremely high, just walk in the door and hit the floor Diversions: a few video games, tvs, large screen tvs The Straight Poop: Known as a "Meet Market,· where you go if you don't want to wake up alone. This perception isn't changed after you visit the bathroom to see the interesting . graffitti on the walls. ·The best part of Sensation's is the dance floor, which can accommodate hundreds of dancers at once. For the serious dancer, Sensation's is the only place near campus where you can go and consistently get down. The 25¢ drink special~on Tuesday are key - go with a group of friends and you're guaranteed a great time. Going by yourself in search of a warm body often results in a case of "Frustra tions.· Since it's the only major dance club in the area, the DJs continue to play Top 40-12-inch dance selections. Improvements would include diversify _ing to play House and Rap and more progressive genres that would attract a larger part of MSU's student body and transform Sensation's into a true MSU dance club. All in all, however, Senation's can guarantee you a good time if you really want to get down and dirty. · - ftlJ Nl1llJJ61 332-6006 • 213 Ann Street, East Lansing, MI ··----------------------· : . : One Free Litre : . of Pop . : · .1 I ·-----------------------· W / This Coupon • Exp. 3/28/90 . .. \ \, - ~- . • 'll'aearlay free cover, 50e drafts Werlraearlay Ladies Night Free Cover for ladies 35( cocktails for everyone til 11 'll'i.ararlay Beat the Oock Night Bar Cocktails and Drafts 25(: 9-10 . 50(: 10-11 75(: 11-12 JFriiaya ••rlSa~riajo · 75t cocktails: 8-10:30 Sararlaya -Catt Liquor Night 45(: 9-11 . The Silver Dollar Saloon and Shooter's Pub is located between Frandor and MSU's campus Infor11Jation recording: 351-2450 7 March 1990 university Reporter-Intelligencer· 7 Cover: none Entertainment: giant screen tv Theme: upper class, businessman's .. joint Best Night: none Age Requirement: 21 Greek Quotient: 2 Location: University Place Holiday Inn Chow: appetizers Best Specials: buffalo wings Crowd: business folk, older dudes with cash Dress,: three-piece Friendly Factor: neglible Diversions: tv The Straight Poop: Do you like to pay a high price for drinks? Th.en Zeke's is your place. They feature no drink specials, but the entertainment, that's what draws them in! Nope, no eritertainment. But wait, there are food speicals during happy hour. Specials like 12 buffalo wings for $3.25, some special. The best thing about this bar is the giant screen tv, so you can see every bead of sweat on Steve Smith's head. The tv allows Zeke's to be a very lame fascimile of a sports bar. The crowd at this place consists of no students, just out of town business people who are away from their spouses for the night. This is definitely not a people meeting place - unless you are old enough to run for president, or take cash for services rendered. There is one positive thing, though. If you don't mind paying for it, their beer · selection is extensive. In fact, if you don't mind paying for it the clientele isn't so bad either. But back to the beer. Zeke's features over a dozen domestics, as well as brews from the West Indies, the Far East, Holland, and Ireland. This is a decent place to come and talk, because It's so quiet you can hear every word spoken. lfil n~J ' unn I~ CID IJ (ID l · .._, . Man11y Dot-To-Dot! Can ·yo.u connect all the dots in Manny's face to reveal anpther image of him? Go ahead, try 'ti I . Meet the Tiffer 1-- .. *MORON CROSSWF.RD PUUZLE* down l . c f 2. ooked ood that qets cooked akro 1. m SS ore than one quv named after s omething that gets cooke_d hin t: i t ' s backward 2. nickname . of no. 1 akross hint: i t ' s not backward . If you've ever wondered who's responsible for this mess, now's your chance to yell at her. uR-1 editor Tiff Big Dog .will take your ravings from 10 am to 10:04 am, 1 pm to 1 :03 pm, and from 6:02 pm to 6:08 pm. She will find someone who can answer your questions about the paper, since she doesni really know what the hell is going on here. Reach her at: 1-800-YEA-SURE, or locally at 2YO-MAMA. uR-1 editors will also be available by phone all week, but they can only receive one call a day and no visitors, except for Thursday, and then only if they've behaved the rest of the week. THIS WEEK's CLO: Dinty Moore Beef ·····~~~r~~···~~~s·!p~·········· s~~en~ s: et pa00~s :pt :sAaM s ue .............. ~~ ............... . Well, Mammie, er, ah, Ronnie, your inability to remember what transpired during your tenure in the Oval Office has earned you Geek o' the Week dishonors - remember what that means? Regardless, It Is certain your eight years at the helm of the USA Titanic could've earned you this dubious honor, but we weren't hare to keep tabs on you then. But your videotaped testimony, aye, there's the rub - to be making and forgetting history all at · once! A bon accompli, Ronni! Maybe your place In history ·Isn't all locked up (and· maybe you should be). Maybe It .isn't in the stars. Oh, by the way, we liked you with the brillo 'do better. Glddyup ••• or la it ahuddup? . . -1 Dr.Andrew ·. Barclay I llllli iil,i ; i ii 1'i,1i!!il i i~iiililii!!iiiil Inquiring 11'.linds probe dr. sex Dear Dr. Sex: I had been dating a woman for the past six months. I thought we were pretty good friends, at least until I called one evening and her roommate told me she had gone back to dating her old boyfriend. First of all, I was crushed and then I got angry. Now that the anger is gone, I really miss her, I dream of her, my heart races jf I see someone who looks like her on the street, in short, my life is miser able. I thought I was tougher than that. I thought women were the romantic sex. Worst of all, the thought of her in bed with her old boyfriend is driving me nuts. How can I control these unwanted thoughts and feel- ' lngs? Help! _:_ Rick the Reject Dear Rej: Let this be a lesson to all the guys who think se·x is an easy way to get to know someone., There is ample evidence in the psychological litera ture that men are more romantic than women even though women have been though to be the "weaker" sex for at least the past millenium .. Weaker than what? Women handle relationships much better than men. They generally outlive us too, and I can tell you that nature would never stick weak people with having babies because evolutionarily, it is too risky. So watch it men! What happens is that we -become attachd to the woman we are with, especially if we see them as sex objects. By attached, I mean we are easily conditioned to attaching positive feelings of the relationship, the arousal, the joy~ the excitement to the person acting as our object. In a sense, we become mentally addicted to that person and, when they are no longer bonded to us, we go through a withdrawal as profound as when we quit using an addictive drug "cold turkey." Your experience on the street shows conditioning at work. Here, an object with a vague resemblance to the conditioned stimulus sets off the response associated with the missing love-object. It will take a while before the response settl~ down and begins to show signs of extinguishing. One day, many years from now, I predict you wilrbe in a crowd behind a woman who is wearing the same perfume as your former lover and BANG! You will go through the whole emotional trip all over again. This Isn't love, though, it is attachment plain and simple, no different than what Pavlov did with his doggie subjects. What makes you human and interesting is how you have taken your rage which was aimed at this peson ' and directed it at yourself. That is why the anger seemed to go away. It didn't, it got turned into a sexual fantasy of what she is doing with her boyfriend. You are torturing yourself with .these thoughts because you can't get at'her. Thoughts or feelings can't be controlled any more than you can control the weather. To begin the healing process you are going to have to express your anger and frustration. Rip up your pictures of her and burn them as you chant: "Burn bitch, burn. 9 When no one else is around, use your pillow as an object on which to project violent feelings. Punch it while saying her name, pound it, wrap your hands around it and strangle it. Scream and yell how you hate her, how you would like to kill her. Ain't love grand? . After you have squeezed out all these feelings like the white junk in a giant zit, go out and h,ave a good time. Concentrate on the here and now. Focus on your work, having fun with your friends, · or whatever is going on right at the moment but keep in mind how good you feel to be free of all that shit. As your self-esteem returns to normal (because you have takeri a powerful blow}, you will be able to increase the length of the moment you are focusing on, first to five minutes, then ten, then an hour, and ultimately, a day or a week. Keep in mind what a complex and interesting person you are and the feelings will pass like a grey winter week in Michigan. The sun will come · out again, the sky will be blue, and the birds will sing. Then you can do it all over again but this next time, avoid addiction altogether by not using another person as your object, share the relationship equally. Dear Doc: I could make it with any woman on this campus, i'n fact, I have made it, but I am still lonely. - Peter Potter Dear Pot: Are you bragging or complaining? Dear Doctor Barclay: My boyfriend has a name for his penis. He calls it Randolph and refers to himself in the third person. Isn't this weird?? - Trish Dear Trish: A lot of men have names for their primary sex organs because they say their D.ick has a mind of his own. I know what they mean. Our uncon scious desires, particularly sexual desires, can dominate conscious forms of control leading to behavior we may not understand or even be able to control. I refer to this as a case of testosterone poisoning because it is the male hormore which sensitises the head of the penis or clitoris. When you meet a guy at the bar, don't just ask for an introduction, look down at his lap and say 'Who's your friend?" As a class exercise in the Psy chology of Human Sexuality, we . would have the men introduce their "friends.· Only one woman in the eight yeras I did this had named her she called her vagina sex organ - and when I asked was that "Fonda" - her whole name, she said "Nope. She is Fonda Peters." f J!Y~.J:.t~~~ .... ~n 't bl!!l~~!.Jl'J!.. tyke At least that's what my older brother, Syd, says. Speaking of oily crap (like mom's sausage), isn't it lovely how Exxon has struck again I This time it was New Jersey. Ahem ... · It's not like there isn't enough toxic crap and pollut ants (the Nets and Bon Homely notwithstanding) to allow us all to walk on the water in the Garden State without Exxon's help, but the day after they were indicted on multiple counts of negligence for the Alaska fiasco, the losers dumped 25,000 gallons of crude into the already gunk-filled waters of N.J. I'm starting to think that there was some design flaw in the Exxon vessels - did they find room to put a bar in each one??? like where the Provocateur David Scott was a hero to most - wait a minute, we've used that one ... But what do you snot jugglers know anyway? Yes, it's I, the ole Provoc, ruler of the three-foot high universe and a bad ass in my own right. And just because you will be getting away from me for Spring Break, don't forget that I'll be back to dish out more of my peculiar brand of scorn next term. By the way, anyone need an extra stud to accom pany them to Ft. Lauderdale ... Nothing like a nice greasy pork sandwich in a dirty ash try, right? Well, just wait until you get home and realize the folks aren't such a great stable of chefs after all. But my mom isl Yessit,and nowthat I've saved mybairlessposterior, Don't you hate it when whiney old men get in trouble? Don't you hate it when bosses overreact? Don't you hate the way people grouse about the smallest things for five minutes every week? Well then, why are you reading this, you who-chokes on-the-hair balls-of-others? What's with this "all-bar crap" anyway? Last bars I saw were in front of my playpen. Did puke in there oncest or twicest, though, so I can relate ... Speaking of relating and relatives and all things being such, I like the way Fill ~My Wallets, If You Would, Mate• Collins ripped off Pink Floyd on his latest "effort.• Some effbrt, too, er, but, it's incredible how "Wish it Would Rain" sounds like "Wish You Were Here.• And while we're talking about Pink Floyd, (blind) Pigs on the Wing come to mind .. Apparently ELPD has a new campaign out: u Just Say Yes" to more police, and the (not-so high) rollers were all over t~e news last week ranting and raving about how crime statistics are up this year in beautiful metropolitan EL and how they don't have enough officers to control the rising incidence of crime. What wasn't mentioned in the pitch for higher taxes .(and· hence higher student rents) to pay for these new · officers was that the statistics are subject to some very irrportant influences. The most likely reason that these crime rates are up is not because there are more folks puking and peeing their way down Albert Street, but beqausetheir officers are not taking as may doughnut breaks. - last week. Hell, I just got nailed for riding my bike in the street · But, as one officer was quoted: "Statistics, as you know, are subject to fluctuations, and you probably should · not put too much Weight in these; they may be higher due to our greater enforcement efforts.• Tell that to your commander. Let's hope the city council isn't like the board of trustees, and they let people have some say before they make a decision. And nowthat I've had my say, hit the beaches. And that laugh'you hear when you're shaking the sand out of your undies just might be the ole Provoc ... 7 March 1990 university Reporter-Intelligencer· 9 - . .A East Lansing s·iar 7 March: The Generals and The Front 1'4: Inside Out and The Blunt Objects BoarsHead' Theater 8-31 . March: Painting Churches The Green Ooo·r Wed-S aturday: Toys Sunday: Uptown Band Monday: Blue Avenue Delegate·s Tuesday: Capitol City Blues Band Kresge Art Museum now - 31 March: Andy Warhol: Fifteen Min utes of Fame I 2: Mass Confusion 13: Turning Minnows into Whales 14: Water for the Pool Rlverwallc Theatre I 0 March : Be a Star Sliver Dollar Saloon 7- / 0. March: Fire Department ·wharton Center . 7 March: MSU Glee Club- Great Hall MSU Jazz Band II 8: MSU Concert Band 9: The Don Cossacks Singers and f)ancers of the U.S .S.R. . . · I I: MSU School o.f Music Honors Concert I 3: The Detroit Symphony Orchestra Salute to Michigan Concert l.andshartc 9- IO March: Souvenir 13: Dan Earl t.anslng Art Gallery now - / 8 March: Beth Van Liere · t.tghtfantastlc G(Jlle-ry now - 23 March: Dean Dab/ow Rlr:tc•s 7 March: Taj 8: Freeman and the Chasers 9 - 10: I-Tai I I: Dan Earl The Clydesdale . The Arie 7 March: the Best of our Ope'n Stages 8: Spaelimenninir 9: The R..F.D. Boys I 0: Mick Maloney, Jimmy Kean, and Eugene · O'Donnell I I: The Chenille Sisters Childeren's shows evening: Heather Bishop 13: Laura Nyro Club Heidelberg 7 March: Guilt Parade with Forced Anger I 0: Laughing Hyenas with Scrawl Michigan Theatre I 0 March: Laurie Anderson: Strange Angels Nectarine 7 March: Genie and the Dreams . Ballroom Power Center I 2-1 6 March: American Contemporary Dance Festival including the Booger Pick and Roll competition '(at undisclosed loca tions throughout the undergraduate library), there's lots more to do in ,4,4. _,/ by JONT t'f. 8/MRSHf 11) SRVS IT!S TI£ I'1111Klff' I SfCOllD TI~ THIS lJl'GLER I. TODRY THE KID THOW;lif I.IC UIS · HAS fAINTED. '1~ ~ : • :. : • j. •. I , : • .! • 1, ~ ' '. ~ . ~ '·_ . : . i • "- OUT. and ABOUT ·················••@@@@@@ l.atln I 6 March: The Jesus and Mary Chain · . TRQIT . DE .Quarter . . · . Pullum's Plar:e 9 March : Uni_versal Spectrum I 6 : Devon I rte Baker's Keyboard t.ounge 9 - f O March: Rick Mprgif'za Quartet . t 6- / 7: Straight Aheead with Marion Hayden · Clutch Cargo's . (St. Andy's) 9 ~arch: Before or After with Synsynoi, Braille Radio I 0: Drama Rama with Picasso Tr:igger _I 6: Tangent Image . DIA nOw-March I I: Pierre DuBoyte tnaster prints Fox Theater 8- 1 I March: Jerry Lewis I.Ill's 9-10 March: frank Allison and the Odd Sox . The River Rock Cafe 8 March: The Larry McCray Band · 15: Souvenir The Majestic 9 March: De Dannan I 0: Peter Case ·: I 5: The Bone Daddys with the Wayouts Moby Dick's 9 March: Juanita McCray and her Motor City Beat IO: Rhythm Kings · Paychec .k's 8 March: Leather Gypsies with special guests .. . .. I 0: The Trash Brats with B.W.S. and Cranford Nix The Ritz 8 March: Joe Walsh 9: Seduce with Murder City I 0: Ace Frehtey . I I: The Smithereens . Taboo IS March: DJ Jazzy Jeff and the fresh Prince with Technotronic .J~D Club The 8 March: The Orange Roughies with the The Idiots I 5: Missionary Stew with W atk the· Dogma I GUiS5 HAVING A MEART TAANSPLANTIS A PRliTTV 816 OS:AL, ISPECIALLV WMEN TMEV U~E 4 /JOG MRART, 8UT' Gaa ... 1 WAS F&8LING GA&AT IN NO TIMI! ... .. ::::::::::::::::::::: . / : { / \ \ (::.:: .. :.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.:~._:.>.·:.::.::.:~.:·::.::·:.·:.::.::.::.::. ::::::::::::::::::::::::;::.: ... . :r:v 1111 lll~it , ~Iii.I~ 1111 ___,____.,.. 7 March 1990 , university Reporter-Intelligencer .11 Reviews Compilation disc a must-have . . . . Dope, Guns, and Fuck ~ ing in the Streets (vol.1-3) · Simply stated, this is one of the best compilations of American bands since SST's The Blasting Concept, volume 2, which included Husker Du, The Meat Puppets, The Minutemen, Black Flag, Scratch Acid, Painted Willie, and Gone In fact, Dope, Guns ... is verlj reminicent of "The Blasting Concept," at least in the his torical sense. When SST released their f;iampler (in 1986), they were at the top of the independent label logjam, way ahead of the pack. Now in 1990, labels like SST and Enigma come close to being considered majors, while SUB-POP and Amphetamine Reptile are slowly taking over the indie ranks. This compilation features performers from both SUB-POP and A.A labels, including a few of the hottest bands around - independent or major label. SUB-POP bands, Mudhoney, Tad, and The Lonely Moans, com prise an important part of this vital disc. Right now, they are the sound of underground America. The slimy dirge of their music added to the brutality (sometimes almost too graphically); the. realistic lyrics make an irresistable combo. This Seattle sound is slowly infiltrating all facets of cutting edge music. With the success of Sound,garden, Green River (R.1.P.), Mother Love Bone, Nirvana, and even Ann Arbor's Big Chief, oodles and oodles of new bands have adopted the same musical and societal stance. Whether this sin cere, almost reverent form of flattery will be good or bad for the m.usic-biz is yet to be seen, but it bodes well. TAR, Helios Creed, The Cows, and (Flint's) God Bullies are the only bands of stature (not quite fame, just yet) form Amphetamine Reptile that appear here, on their (A.R.'s.) own compilation. T AR's showing on the tune "Antlers" is impressive but only adds to the mounting rumors of a label switch for them -to. Touch and Go (who boast Laughing Hyenas, Killdozer, B-H Surfers, and numerous Big Black offspring) or the aforementioned SUB-POP. Helios Creed (formerly one-half of the band Chrome) just turns your ears - not to mention your mind - his warpeder-than-thou guitar advqri- · tures: But, the God Bullies, all the rage in some small circles of anti-pop enthusiasts, are nothing more than an early seventies Iggy poser, gyratting and screaming to a band that sounds like The Damned covering Cramps songs, or maybe it's the other way around, I'm not sure. But, really, to give them credit, there is a certain vulgar novelity to their act, which even live held my attention for a good five, six minutes (or however long their soundcheck was), inside-outwith All dime store analyzing aside, Dope, Guns ... is an important disk for the nineties. All the bands here dominate the. underground scene and deserve a listen. Even t.he lesser known bands (check-out the U-Men, Halo of Flies, and King Snake Roost), add a little more detail the picture of an America that is obsessed with Dope, Guns and Fucking ifJ the Streets. -JEFF FIKE uR-1 .. or is it We Am-You? Hell with it and keep reading Eat Cheap All U Can Eat Coneys $1.99.Tuesdays noon-9 i i'u;-0n: ;d "G'c;": s;:d ~;F; 1 Free 1 1 : Chili Cheese Fries : ____ ...._ -_____ _ I I Sunday 3-9p.m. .J with couoon. Dine-in only. L WE DELIVER 332-2381 i,O~o't-i . \1 . .,~i; · ··,««"4.#i · ·· ·~%"$'} "~ ... ,, .. ~ . . . . . . Don't Be A Top 40 Geek. Shop At Too Hot Records! ~ t. 0 ; ~- .Wednesday Only: l 0% Student Discount •••••••••••••••••••• Your Twelve-Inch Specialists In Acid House, Imports, and Alternative Music. Coming Soon: Depeche Mode Lower Level Campus Town Mall Entertainment , 1• e!!!~!!lS disciplin~ Ea~t Lansing uR-I music correspondent · The Parents are a new wart on the nose of the East Lansing music scene. feel more like a woman. JS: So, you're a woman trapped in a man's body? whats now The Parents? Fred: Mutate? What does that mean? Chris: I'm a man who wants Adam: They all bought me a to be a woman who wants to be a beer. Loud, crude, obnoxious, and man. quite charming, too, the band is a conglomeration of personnel from other area groups, but they aren't a clone of the standard basement fare to be found throughout EL. Despite technical difficulties, Chris, Tommy, Fred, Dave and Adam played loudly and quite coherently last Saturday night, crammed into a basement with what seemed to be unfortuantely, the entirety of East Lansing High. Well, it wasn't all youngsters that came out to see the Parents along with Just Say No and The Need . . Despite the frigid evening, the place was packed with a crowd that seemed to enjoy the debut performance of a band that will be sure to make their presence known in the months to come. JS: What makes you better · than all the bands currently saturating the East Lansing area? Tommy & Chris: We've got balls and no one else does. Fred: We're the only band. JS: So what's with the ni.Jn's habit? Tommy: He's had a nun habit for a long time. Chris: I went to a Catholic elementary school , and we had · nuns for teachers. In fourth grade, ·I stayed after school one day to clean the erasers ... Tommy: Lefs just say she cleaned his eraser. Chris: Yeah, lefs just say that. As a souvenir, she gave me this habit. You know, they have like 20 different ones. JS: So what you're saying is, that you and the sister were involved? Chris: For one glorious afternoon, yes. It's a souvenir of my awakening, into the world of manhood, which is basically what this band is about You can see why ifs appropriate for me to wear a nun's habit-on stage. JS: Sure, anyway ... Chris: Plus, it makes me \ JS: Would you say that you had a "band philosophy?" Fred: Other than · manhood? (laughs) JS: What's your angle, youc . gimmick? Tommy: There is no gimmick, just a thousand little gimmicks. We just want to put on a good show. Chris: Tommy had quit Jusy Say No, and he and Fred wanted to form a band. And Adam and I weren't basically doing anything. Tommy: And I work with Dave. I was drunk one night, and asked him to play bass. Dave: And I say, "oh yes, Tommy." Tommy: We all knew each oth~r. and just got together. Chris: We just want to have Chris: And then we got fun, and play in front of a lot of people. This band· is going nowhere, has no future. Tony, last week. · JS: Whars your gimll)ick with Tony? Adam: And we like itthat Band: IT'S NOT A way. GIMMICK!! JS: Tell me what you've all been involved in, musically. JS: Sorry. Chris: Tony is there to make. Chris: (laughs) Jesus, thars sure everything runs smoothly. a lot JS: So, is he your one-man Adam: I was in Not, The security force? Deans, and Pinwheel. Chris: Back in high school, I was in a band and then Tom and I were in Killer Orifice, a rap band. JS: A rap band? Chris: Yeah, then-I was in Ten-Minute Hate, which was a performance art type thing. Chris: NO! Tony's 'the fixer. He's Mr. Fixit. Adam: He fixes things. JS: Tell me about this misogynist thing I've heard about. Chris: Oh, thafs an unfortunate misnomer thafs been placed upon us. Tommy: I was in every Tommy: We love women. band Chris was in, plus Disinfect, We love all women - short, tall, fat, small, retarded, dead, dying, Acid Sex Death Kick, and Just lying in the gutter. We love 'em all. Say No. Dave: Thafs got to be a JS: What about you, Fred. Adam: I was In Wally Pleasant, too... JS: You were not! · Adam: Yeah, for about six weeks. Fred: I was in Strictly Taboo, and then Head Cleaner~ Then I was in Lemmings for about two weeks, with John Howard, who quit afterwards to join a pussy dance band. JS: Oh, yeah: . Fred: Thafs a quote. A pussy dance band with Jim Stone, a big fool. Chris: Yeah, Jim Stone, the biggest pussy in the state of Michigan, next to Barry Henssler. - this. (singer for Big Chief) JS: Let's stick tci'the questions: What prompted you all to get together and mutate into quote. Chris: It is, but we're not going to tell you who ifs from. These two (Fred and Tommy) have written all the lyrics. So I really don't have much to do with it. Adam: Very tongue in cheek. · Chris: Thafs unfortunate, because I've gotten all the ha.sSle. JS: Well, you're. the one who has imparted all this woman-hating stuff! (band laughs) Chris: All we're doing is either commenting on things we see, or we're talking ... We're not justifying or saying we believe in JS: So, what does "rape a girl, steal a car," mean? What is that a comment on? Chris: Thafs a comment on a mentality we grew up with, living in small towns like me and Tommy did. Fred: Small, racist towns. Chris: You seriously do see an attitude where, "Yeah, rape a girl, steal a car," to be crude ... Tommy: All in a nighfs work. JS: What song is that in? Chris: "Sweet Little Girl~" JS: Anyway, who do you like? What do you· draw from? Tommy: AC/DC. (many ~eah's!) Chris: Adam and the. Ants. Ada-m: You can hear a lot of that, can't you? Chris: If we had the time, we would look and sound just like Adam and the Ants. I personally want to be at the forefront of the new, New Romantic movement.. Tommy: We draw from anyone who has any balls. Chris: It's too wide. We could go on for days . . Tommy: We do a . thaf s an atl Runaways cover - girl band. Chris: And, I sing a song from a woman's point of view! Just like Cheri Currie did. JS: All .right. So, are any of you personally involved? Or is that just a ploy to create interest in the band? Chris: We're all kind of involved. Tommy: We're all friends. Ch_ris: We're very Close.· Fred: But we're not gay. Tommy: We share women. JS: So, if you had to make a statement about what being in this band is going to do, what would it be? (band laughs, and looks at me mockingly) Chris: Absolutely nothing. Dave: A little beer in our Tommy: If people want to bellies. · ·think about something, thafs fine, too. .And so concluded 111Y . interview with the Parents. They may go far, or only a short way. However, they'll probably have a good time going, whatever the distance. Have you read the Provoc today? ... or written a question to_ dr. s~x? ... th~n get with the program, sam!