Where do you hear about local music first? Here of course... p. 9-12 9 May 1990 Vol. I No. 24 MSU's alternative ·and truly inde endent voice What's shakin' : Our columnists set you write Elrick, McWilliams roll. p. 6 o Find out what's Op: ... o Readers become writers ... o Dr. Sex and the Provoc rock ... o out & About gets you hip ... o No room at The Clydesdale ... o Entertainment begins ... p.4 p.5 p. 7 p.8 p.8 p.9 Students protest North visit . Appearance surprise to most Great Issues Director Patrick Bryant protests Oliver North's visit to campus, while Todd Shafer of MSU Republicans cheers North, who appeared as a paid speaker for GOP Senate hopeful Clark Durant 8b0tt photo, standing). · uR-1 photos/MATTHEW GOEBEL (I.) and FREDDY SPADAFORA (above) BY MRIAM S..rrH uR-1 SENOR. CORRESPONDENT Oliver North's appearance on campus last week was the equivalent of a common street criminal receiving adulation for peddling drugs - at least that's what Ezra Hyland thinks. Hyland, adviser to the African American. student group As One, said North's involvement in the Iran-Contra scandal is proof he is no hero. "I don't see any difference be he said. Hyland said he finds it ironic that so much controversy surrounded Minister Louis Farrakhan before fiis February speech on campus. But when North came to town as a paid speaker for GOP politician Clark Durant, he noted, little opposition was shown, despite that the former marine was convided of lying before Con gress about the Reagan Administration's secret arms trade for hostages with Iran. BY SAN>t BARGAS ANO TIM LEPHEW UR-I ISSUES CORRESPONDENTS Despite the controversy surround ing Oliver North's recent visit to MSU, most MSU students said they didn't know he was coming. Auditorium May 5. While opinions about North varied . from person to person, less than one thira of those surveyed opposed his visit to MSU. Most believed that despite their personal opinions of the infamous lieutenant colonel, he had a right to speak on campus. According to an informal, man-on the-street uR-1 survey of 52 students throughout campus, more than half did not know North was coming to MSU to speak. The uR-1 conducted the survey two days before North's scheduled appearance at the MSU Dave Shunkweiler, a marketing sophomore, believes it is important for student.s to hear North's version of the role he played in the Iran-Contra scandal, which revolved around the Reagan Administration's secret arms see SURVEY, p. 2 . . " · p. 3 _ tween him and some rapist on cam pus, or some common street pusher,· 2 01/ie: co~?ifge.~ ~o.ntinu.es inside !)n .The Second Fr • • : .a&a:t:aHvirs•fY< ... · · · :_. ::t~~P:9a~r+16t@111g'-n¢~t:•:::• :l :~ ##~!~W.~9#.P:!iqRl"w¢. c •••.::•••••:••P:.l!.Tf.QRffFtPi:U~~~ •••>:-•:•• •:••M~•§9~•~t~~•E:q~: ~q@.pg;:M!::• ::::::::::::::48823:::::::::·:::·: •••••••:•::•••••••:•:s17~35t~••: God Bless you, -Ollie North, you S.O.B. uR-1 photos/MATTHEW GOEBEL An egotistical maverick obss essed with subterfuge and lies. A flagrant violator of the Bo land Amendment, who shipped arms to a dirty war. A flat out liar, who arrogantly misled the U.S. Congress and American people. A man who said he would take the fall for his president and superiors, all the while implicating them and making them the scape goats for his twisted missions. A convicted f el~n. who is giv~n a suspended sentence and al lowed to tour the country to speak to thousands about his crimes and misguided patriotism - for which in Michigan, GOP Republi he receives about $25,000 a pop. A man who sells his political endorsement to the highest bid ders - can Senate nomination hopeful Clark Durant, who- is himself a twisted right-wing zealot. This is a hero?! America can do better ... like those guys that bludgeon the baby seals or something. No, Ollie is no hero and any~ · one who tells you so better quit eating their Wonder Bread and wearing their rose colored contact lenses. He is a plain, cheap, carpet bagging opportunist. If he is a felon who can avoid prison, why not the misled individuals on Wall Street who are facing long terms behind bars? After all, they were only prac ticing what is as dear to American hearts as apple pie, hot dogs and brain-dead Presidents: CAPITALISM! God save America _:._ somebody better! 9 Ma 1990 university Reporter-Intelligencer • 5 appreciate this education? I think for only a couple of seconds. But black pe0ple have stood this for 400 plus years. Here is another example, but this one is true: When I was taught about slavery in school, I felt sad and Inferior. When my white classmate busted out laughing while my black teacher taught us about black history, I felt hurt. I said to myself, • what the hell is he laughing for?" I felt lower than low when my white teacher stated the fact that our own people sold us into slavery. I would of felt · better if my teachers would have told me the real and complete story on slavery. In 1690, Virginia passed a law forbidding negroes from buying white people. This was 51 years after the Black man had arrived in chains. The same law was repeated in 1748. Free blacks bought white people in such numbers in Louisiana that the state passed a similar law in 1818. The point is that white and blacks were slaves in America. The second point is to tell the truth about any history you are teaching. I find many people and teachers saying that slavery wasn't all that bad, and that it actually did black people a favor by civilizing them away from their savagery. Slavery was and is wrong. I say this ~use many of us are still psychologically in bondage. Think about it. - Andre Austin Austin, who writes frequently to the uR-1, has several letters in our files. They will appear over the next several weeks of this term, as space allows. WE PRINT EVERYT 'NG WE RECEIVE Wake up, people! Dear uR-1: I live in East Holden Hall: It is starting to drive me INSANE. You see, I am surrounded by many materialistic, judgemental women. I am a 20-year-old woman who wants all you people out there to realize that . trying to fill the gaps with material possessions and irrelevant gossip will not get you anywhere. Don't conform to meager, traditional behavior. Be yourself. Sincerely, Krista Lanckton, History Major Andre checks in I believe the main problem of the public schools' failure to motivate young blacks to learn is because they fail to teach them the knowledge of self. And even when they do teach b\ac\I. h\s\ory, 01\en the complete story isn't told. black kids have to feel that they are a part of education in order for them to appreciate leaning. Let me give you an example of what I mean: Say I went to China to be a teacher to the chinese people, and all the books I gave them had only pictures of African people, and all I talked about as African civilizatin. How long would they stand and Ollie, Ollie, Ollie. Where's Kukla and Fran -your intellectual equivalents. Oops, sorry, they have more scruples than you. And they're puppets! . Sorry, again, we almost forgot you were, too. All these reasons result in what we've been leading up to and why the above title is under your picture and above this eloquent diatribe -you've procured (leg'!llY) Geek o' the Week dishonors. What a hero. So you lied and now you're getting paid for it. Fooled the judges and the Congress. Ripped us all off and broke . . . - . .. ~ . . .. . . . . . ..... our laws and got away with it. And yet, millions love you. Hey, who're th~ real geeks anyhow ... · ·university Reporter-Intelligencer 9 May 1990 It takes more than one day to make a real saint, Biff M.L. Elrick Hugging a retarded person doesn't make you nice. Well, sorry to shatter the illusion Grecians, but for some reason only one short week of the long year finds you with a sudden, phony, nauseating desire to try and be a truly good .soul. A soul who cares for others. A soul willing to strut that extra mile across campus in a clown suit. Although it is funn y to see dozens of Greek clowns pile out of a little firetruck Spree to made the kiddies laugh, it just doesn't instantly elevate you to sainthood for being nice one day out of the year. It ain't so, Joe, er, Biff. Afterall, can one week make up for a whole year of being a cretin? Let's face it, a pair of size 18EEE Bass Weeguns and a Gucci clown suit don't quite wipe away 51 weeks and five days of Ralph Lauren, plaid corduroy golf caps and socks with little horseys. on them. So, you're helping make a kid happy. Granted, that's honorable, and we could all do a little more to make the world a little nicer, but for any other week of the year would you take time out for any one but yourself or your high priced "brothers" or "sisters?" Honestly, would you let. Rain man wear your letters? "Most certainly, you pernicious snit," Kip replies as he cuts out the picture of himself in the full-color, Greek-paid for, Greek-made tabloid of himself and his "family" doing good for the little people. OK, so just what would be come of Dustin Hoffman's Ray mond Babbit if, for example, he was a legacy and you just had to let him in your house? Within three days he'd be .at the Cincinnati K-Mart with Charley Babbit, admonishing Charley for looking at something that was "Definitely · not Polo, definitely not." He'd probably note the occas sion in the "Gauche Things Done To Me and Other Social Faux Pas I've Endured" notebook he would . start carrying around. You know, the one with garish plaid cover and letters embla zoned across it reminding him what characters to scratch in the · top of every desk he'll ever sit in at Michigan State. Then, he'll start shouting: "Four minutes 'til Happy Hour at P.T.'s, four minutes. Definitely can't miss Happy Hour at P.T.'s. Definitely not." Yeech. Just what is it with you androids? Do you think you can glom some humanity off another being? And if you're really so pure of heart and mind, why the hell do you publish a tabloid rife your slobbering pictures? To prove that you're all nice fellahs? Or are you just trying in your overstated way to say: "Love me, I do good for those lower than myself!" Ever consider doing a good deed for the sake of doing a good · deed? What a ghastly concept! OK, we'll take a quantum step back from reality and concede that Biff, Skip, Mutty, and That-Chick With-The-Scabs-On-Her-Knees are nice people and are doing something nice this week for the intrinsic value of the act. Nevermind that the cameras are clicking, the dumb oxes funnelating; AGDs Sliming In (appropriately); the Greeks Gam ing (probably at Monopoly); or the KKGs (sounds like KKK) Piction ary challenging ("See, Binkster, that's a drawing of a peasant; peas + my Great Aunt Rebecca, who was really related to roy alty."). The question then becomes: "Great, Mimsy and Chad, what have you done lately to make the world a better place?" Aren't those gallons of Polo (worn at once) a defoliant similar to Agent Orange? Doesn't that hairspray deplete the ozone - and aren't you, in fact, a member of that atmos pheric region? Loud silence. But it is not fair to criticize without offering solutions. Rather than advocate the obvious and popular choice - Greek eradication - how about maintaining, on a daily basis, the massive effort and organization apparently reserved for Greek Week? Instead of throwing up in the streets of East Lansing, try recy cling. · Instead of rousing neighbors with booming versions of "Louie, Louie," sing for disadvantaged · · children. Instead of stealing each other's underwear, donate some clothes to the homeless. Why wait for one special day to help kids who need all the love and care they can get? Help them not just to show us how wonderful you are, but be~ cause it's the right thing to do. Remember, people are an end - not a means to one. --- Elrick designs the uR-1. His house is fottifisd. police, FBI, CIA, and armed forces exist to back up Big Brother.) We're not supposed to be their slaves. They are supposed to listen to us! And why do we have to protect our Consti tutional rights, when the function of the govern ment is to protect them for us? I certainly don't want to deny anyone their rights. Do you? . It's actually a simple process. The engine is power-hungry politicians, and the fuel is special interest groups. . Let's symbolize all our rights as a pile of marbles. And we all have the same number of liom McWilliams them, since that is what Amercia is all about. But some group realies that they have some kind of disadvantage because of the circum stances, (or they feel strongly about some moral issue) and they band together and appeal to the Government. The lawmakers usually respond, because they are commited to getting votes to keep their jobs and power. However, they can only make laws, and laws can only limit freedom, certainly not enchance it. That is the nature of government and laws. - But in America, we all get equal rights, so the Our Government, created to protect rights, now removes them as a matter of normal procedure. Houses, cars, food, clothes, en ergy, work, school, and play, as well as just about anyting you can think of, has some sort of law or tax regulation or restriction of some sort. How did the Government get all this control over our lives? (And it is control. The Government takes one marble from everyone. That special interst group calms down, since they got what they wanted. Now some other special interst group has some disadvantage, so antoher law is passed, and yet another marble is lost. Anyone who has read 1984, or Animal Farm can easily envision the logical extensin of this process. We all lose. The first step in stopping this process is to stop thinking of yourself as a memeber of a group, and start standing up for what you are. As human beings, we are all entiteld to certain rights. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happi~ ness are the catch-phrases, but it boils down to living with no source of external power, force, or control influencing our decisions. Govern ment was built to safe-guard these rights. Now it violates them. 9 990 university Reporter-Intelligencer • 7 Dr.Andrew Barclay Penis of the mind I always encourage readers to write questions to me because that way, I answer the questions and you are not subject just to the ramblings of a mad mind: TOWIT, MORE AND MORE WOMEN ARE PLAIN FED UP WITH MEN (Headline in the State Urinal) The accompaning article de scribes the outcome of a study . commissioned by Philip Morris, USA, (You've Come A Long Way, Baby) for Virginia Slims. Would you believe that 54% of their sample agreed with: "most men look at a woman and immediately think how it would be to go to bed with her?" I don't believe it, myself. Only 54% ??? What the hell were the other 46% thinking about? I had to call Philip Morris USA just to satisfy my curiosity. It turned out 42% responded: "they immediately think of oral sex; and the other 4% didn't know men thought at all. In this case, we really DO have a HEAD LINE, if you get my drift. Well, that call really started the old mental jui~ flowing, I had to read more of the article, of course, and it's drift was that women are increasingly dissatisfied with men's sexism, and that a much higher percentage of women are dis5atisfied with men's behavior compared with twenty years ago when 41 % had agreed with the above. I maintain that's because only 41 % were having sex with their husbands and the rest weren'.t getting any at all, so of course, they didn't know. In actual numbers of responses, I calculate, 1,560 women were pissed that the old man failed to help out with household chores. I can't blame · them. · Dusting is the lowest form of behavior known to man, but after I dust, guys, I do a load of towels so I have to use hot water in the washer and vibrate my rocks off on the "spin" cycle. Give it a shot...it's great getting it off on a hot washer. For safety rea5ons, I won't even mention what is possible to do with a vacuum cleaner. While they had the same questions I did, they also responded to something , I hadn't noticed. The people who gave the survey said the real.differ ence from twenty years agao was that "today's independent woman exp0cts more from men: Women reported progress on the job front, equity in · salary structure, and greater accep tance as political leaders which · represent a fairly high standard of achievement in formerly male-domi nated world. It shows how the goals set by NOW some years agQ have worked through the political process and, in these important areas, men and women have worked hard to achieve equality. We also see women's increased awareness of irritating aspects of maleness or is it masculinity? · Strange how when I was young, It was exactly at this point in the · my father used to pound on the bathroom door, asking what was going on in there and now, Stephanie bangs on the laundry room door. History is repeating itself. Staph keeps asking why we're the only house on our block to have a lock on the laundry room door. Hey, I say a guy needs to be alone when he is "communing· with his laundry. The laundry room is a rich trove of , sex toys when you know where to look. I used to have a lot of trouble getting it up for a second go-round after one of those fabulous male orgasms women are so jealous of. It was ruining my career as the highest paid sexual slave in Lansing because my crazy customers wanted more, more, more while I was well on my way to resembling a plate of spaghetti with marinara clam sauce. Yes, men, the laundry room solved all my problems: Spray starch! Who would have though it. Spray starch, a touch up with a cool iron, and I was all ready to go at it again. Women may love K Y jelly for those intimate encounters but in a man's world, it's spray starch. Most of the guys I showed the column were somewhat bemused. previous evolution of male·female relations that S. Freud chewed on his cigar and wondered, 'What is it that women want?" What the hell, they have half the money and all the pussy, they have jobs, and the ability to bear children, great bodies ... what the HELL do women want??? If you have ever taken Intro Psych, you know what his answer was: Penis Envy, they want Big Dicks. Actually, no one was sure if it was women wh.o had it or the Great Sigmund who, it appears, wasn't very well-hung himself. But he was Jewish and we know it doesn't HELP men to cut 3/8 of an inch off the end of the one-eyed worm. Penis Envy is not a concept with which I'm particularly comfortable. Now, Vagina Envy ... there's an idea ... too bad it isn't mine. Do you think Philip Morris USA chose the name Virginia (Virgin) Slims to pro- . moate the idea of not haing sex and smoking as a substitute for sex to help · women stay slim? See, (Vagina) Slims implies that smoking lets women use those little teeny, ti my tampons instead of the Super-Duper Tampax which as an inserting tube the size of a paper towel roller. A cigarette company ad campaign related to the recent spate of Ano rexia? The relationship is definitely there. 60% of the women said juggling jobs and families •put them under a lot of stress: A (female) VP at.PM USA said she attributed their frustration to trying to be super women.· There it is in an nutshell, if you get my drift, the super-hero as a role-model. What nobody bothered to tell these women (and I will) is that Superman never got itron with Lois. Well,. except in the movie, but t.hat involved what we call the "willing suspension of disbelief: · Male superheros never have sex, maybe because they are so jock dum b that they wear their underwear on the outside of their costumes. Or, in Superman's case, Lois simply couldn't deal with the •Man of Steel.· Bullets were known to bounce off it, if you follow me, Lois was freaked out that the Superstud couldn't get it down. Talk about cutting through the crap. Women have already achieved "penis of the min d; as I call it. By moving into the formerly male-domi nated business world, women demon~ strata they are capable of acting more like men than men are. The monster increases of cardiovascular disease among women is the best indicator of how women have developed well hung minds. Many men have found out that in the world of business, being · fucked-over by a woman hurts just as much as when it is done by a man. I love playing "Mina's bigger than yours" with my female c:Ollegues, of course we're discussing our vitae but it is all the same thing. SERIOUS POLITICAL ·STATEMENT: I would be remiss if I did not remark on People's Park and the events of twenty years ago, which lead to the first People's Park being established. The blood shed· by four student martyrs in the cause of freedom makes .the site of People's See DOCSEX, p. 9 Mother's Day, Schmothers Day; jus~ kind of flowers what do you get a petry dish?! After a second thought, however, I muse, It sure doesn't make for a better paper, but it "don't you scab nibblers have anything better to . sure does make our job a whole lot easier! do than read this Iambic tempertameter ..... Well, I guess not, if you're still here. And that convinces me you're just like Thomas Donaldson, 46, of Sunnyvale, CA, who wants his brain frozen. the At first consideration, one might think Tom Don wants to emulate your catatonic state, but further · ponderance reveals that he does want to be re animated later. (unlike you Cedar Pillage dwellers) when doctors can cure his brain tumor. Sounds like there ain't too much brain left to As I look out upon you tHmlng masses of save ... And while we're on the subject of mismange ment, MSU, count John "1-Vant-To-Bite-Your Tuition· DiBiaggio who now says he'll meet with George "We're-All-Brudders-ln-This-Brudder Perles. Too bad these big babies can't make up their mind on anything unless the media gets a hold of their statements and holds their feet to the fire on them. Hell' I'm only five and I'm more mature than either of them. Jeepres, getting straight talke from George or John is like pulling teeth! persp/rers and admirers, I SH before me leagun and leagun of fetering sores just waiting to be swabbed by a petrol-soaked piece of sandpaper. And that Is good. . Speaking of no brains l~ft. it's good to see that Hey, that's funny, wasn't one of those guys The State News has chosen to-for the second straight year-choose an editor-in-chimp who has not had any real professional experience. once a dentist... · See MALCONTENT, p. 9. .. OUT and ABOUT 14 Home Wreckers 15: No Right No Wrong 16:Bourgeoisie ' • • ' • I ' • • ' • I I ' • • ' • • ' • • ' • A DETROIT A..E L ~ AST ANSING 11: Water 4 the Pool 12:MightyJoeYoung · .-_.-...:..,,. 1211n...,_ 11<>1A11i11i)U ... iruu...... 11 -12 May: Woody Allen's Manhattan, $2, 7 pm, S. Kedzie 13 See 6 14: Bad Oscar 15: Goober & the Peas . 16: The Chisel Bros. Gir~Hl l(l)oo11 9-13 May: Uptown Band 14: Blue Avenue Delegates 15: Capitol City Band 16-20: Uptown Band il{JcmlJllli)) CmiiM lidllll'ID@llD . 11 May: Going Public IJ{(l'IHfll• £irll C.OOQll' now-13 May: Images of an Idyllic Past: The photo graphs of Edward S. Curtis now-13: Masters of Fine Arts Exhibition lLm:icil~mllt 11 -12 May: Wild Woody's 15: Jerry Sprague & the Juveniles ll.~~llilllfl4111il\l~UO@ ~!lllww now-May: photographs by Stephen Strom ~lllim "if'lillDl~~ 9&12 May: La Traviata Munn Field 12 May: R.H.A. Spring Concert: The Hannibals TheWayouts Third Estate Euro-K The Silos Royal Crescent Mob !NltYJ@!m ~!YJllDllll!Dwlllll"e (li>iln@ 11 May: King David 12 : Messenjah with Black Folk Arts Dance Troupe ~~Db 11 May: Robin Trower 13:Savatage IHD•HIJ' ~lh Ce~ 10 May: Souvenir hlli!P IXDllcMllll 11 May: Delta Rockers 12: Chicago Pete ea. .&!Ml~1!i'Je 11 May: Lock-up with Reigndance & Mother Superior 12: Gangster Fun · 18: Ernie Isley •DD'(e 11 -12 May: Roy Rogers & the Delta Rhythm Kings $-®CO~ ~ p May: Goober & the Peas THE CLYDESDALE by JONT aJ4SP.\tE · 191 'r "IUJ"tai.. 1lf'5 IS HIS ~fR, ~ I 'PV watt receiver good condition ... $ 7 5 TECHNICS casse.tte recorder,/ player. ;.dbx noise reduction ... $70 · TECHNICS compact disc player ... fresh tune-up ... w/remote ... $110 BOSE 201 direcUreflecting speak ers ... still under warranty ... $130 $325 TAKES ALL! Assorted rock & roll compact discs: .. $10/disc Assorted rock & roll cassettes ... $3 per tape K2 5500 skis w/ SALOMON 747 bindings ... TOP NOTCH ... $275 (2) 14K gold chains, both 18", (l)herringbone, (1) rope ... $125 for both HONDO electric guitar ... with case ... $100 No Reasonable Offer Refused! Call Steve at. 351-4626 leave message university Reporter-Intelligencer • the Auditorium instead. of the East Lansing bars - where the Fun Patrol is on a constant lookout. Or as salyer said, 'Who knows, maybe in a couple years we'll be on Arista• ~U,.'k/.ui. ~/,w;.-~ ul.: 351 -1/.885;"'899 353-0081 .. ·.·.·.·.·.· .. . . . . -:•···· .. . . . _._ ,_·.·.·.·.·.· .·.·.·.·.-.. ::::····· ·· ::::::::::::::::: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : j: ~: ~: ~: j; j; ~: ~ ~: ·· ....... ·:.-. ·.:·E···· .·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.:.:-·-:·>.·>.·.· . ·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.· . . ;::::::::::::::::::-:::·:-:-:-.:::: .. . . ... ... . . ·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.· .·.·.·.·.·-:-:-·-:-:-:-:-: ·:-:-:-: -:- : :-:- :-: -:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-::>:::::;::::-·.· .· . . . ·11·.·-.· ... 1 .:······ >~~~~1li'~~lrat~~~1~;~~~~~ . : ::: ::: : :: ::::::: ::::::::: . . . . . . .. .:: -:-· :-:-:-: :;·-:··-· ·-:-: :-:-:-:-:-:-:.:-:-:-:-:·· :-·· -:-. <:::::::: <<<<<<<<<~>::.:<.~~:.:~.~:.:~.:: .. :: .. :: .. :: .. :: .. :: .. :~ .. ::.:.:~ .. :: .. : : .. :-... :~ .. : ~.•.·.•.: : .. :~.:~ ... :::.~.:>: . ·.·.·.·.·.·.:·:·:·:·:·:·:·:·:·:·:·:· :·:·: ·:-:.:-: ·:·:· .... ·.·.·.· . . . ·.·.·.· ·. ·. ·. ·.·. ;.·.· .· . . . . ·.·.·.:- . . -:::-:-:-:-··· .. ::::: :::-:::::.:-: :-:·:·:· .·.:-:-:-:-:-:-·.:.:·. :- .·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·-:-:-:-:-:-:.:-:-.· From MALCONTENT, p. 7 DiB did root canals the most but he only gave gas to me, Flat out nitrous That sucker was simple and plain, but I passed out the same ... So it's Mothe(s Day week, what do you want me to do? My mother was hard, cold, and sterile. Yep, the only thing going for her was that she could deal with the heat . Which only makes sense - she was pyrex! Ever wonder what football players do in the off season? (Here comes the brilliant symetry in this column): They have their brains frozen, only to be reanimated in time for spring practice ... Just kidding oxes, I mean, er, fellahs, YOU'RE BIG AND BEAUTI FUL AND I WNT TO BE JUST LIKE YOU WHEN I GROW UP AND THEN · GROW UP LOTS MORE ON STER· OIDS! 'Till next week, like my pal Casey Chase 'em Jr. (the crack dealer) says: "Keep you're feet in the stars and your dreams in the ground." Yovr Campus Connecr1on Flowers. Plants. Candy and Gd1s 2 15 ANN STREET 15171 332 · 0871 .· .. ·.· ··.· ·.·.·. From DOCSEX, p. 7 Ji~ffi~-. .J.::::::::::::::::.::::::::k:: x 'Frs ma e nn~ !EbR:••••••,-1:'1 lpOSSI e fltJ; ~{em;' ..;;J park a holy place. Many of us lived there because we were sick of being pushed around by a repressive governement, being sent to fight a war because none of us wanted to make money for rich white men. Twenty years later, it is obvious that the assholes are, back in force. Governemnt is in your car, it is in your bedroom, and from the same shitheads who brought you VietNam, we have Grenada, we have Panama, we have the Stealth Bomber. All in a world where EAST GERMANY declares pot legal. What does it mean when fucking EAST GERMANS have more freedom than Americans? It means that we need to take to the streets in force. Shut it down until government ,promises to be respon sive to the will of the people. Give us the freedom we need to make Amer ica great again. I'm off to camp out in People's Park. POWER TO THE PEOPLE! BRING THE TROOPS HOME! MAKE THE DRINKING AGE 18!! CEDARFEST FOREVER!!! •••••••••••••••••••• :.• .: :·.: ·.·:::·. :-:·.·.·.· .· :::-:-:·::·:-::·:·:·:-:::·.::·>:·>:·.:·:-:: >>>>>>> •• :. : :: · 1 ltf ff iiilll.•••~ ~ qAW~~%Jllf ·1~! ~ fiffgefS. :t/f) cl)egs~ p : T: ·~~··~·:·~··:~:··~:·~:::~::•~::~:·:~:·~··~·:~::~··~: :~·:~ :~· ~··· .. 1 \ , .... 'Il'•e•i•y free cover, 50t drafts Weri•e•i•y Ladies Night Free Cover for ladies 35t cocktails for everyone ti.I 11 'Il'il•ni•y Beat the Clock Night Bar Cocktails and Drafts 25t: 9-10 50t: 10-11 75t: 11-12 JFriiayo ••iSahlri•1• 75t cocktails: 8-10:30 S••rillllfS Call Liquor Night 45¢: 9-11 The Silver Dollar Saloon and Shooter's Pub is located between Frandor and MSU's campus Information recording: 351 -2450 9 Ma 1990 university Reporter-Intelligencer • Reviews T Guardian comes up short this film. I thought, "Great, finally someone is making a horror film that isn't a sequel and doesn't feature an invincible hockey masked killer stalking scantily clad coeds with miscellaneous garden equipment." -.,. The Guardian ~William Fried kin, dir. The Guardian marks the not so . triumphant return of director, William Friedkin to the genre of horror. Friedkin, who is primarily known for directing gritty cop films like The FrenCh Connection and To Live and Die in LA did direct the horror classic The Exorcist, Unfortunately, he couldn't recreate the same elements that made The Exorcist a hit. The Guardian is a half-baked · attempt at creating an adult splat ter film. The plot centers around a yuppie couple (played blandly by former Bond bimbo Carrie Lowell and newcomer Dwiar Brown) who hire a nanny to watch over their newborn son. They expect Mary Poppins but they get the most psychotic druid nanny this side of Stonehenge. Of course things start out perfect, not only does she take care of the baby, but she cooks, cleans, and does windows too. But then the nanny (played by Jenny Seagrove who displays great acting range by running around half-naked and haH-en shrouded by tree bark) starts getting a little too attached to the baby. Naturally, the parents think she's doing a great job until they realize that she plans to sacrifice the little tyke to a tree god. When I saw the previews for Oddly enough, The Guardian featured more gore and more nudity than the average teenage stalk'n'slash epic. It also featured a script that was just as silly as any Friday the Thirteenth flick, they just cast adults instead of teenagers io make you think you're seeing something more sophisticated. Friedkin tries, unsuccessfully , to evoke f ellings of suspense and terror with needless point of view shots. But when all else fails, he just throws in buckets of blood. If Friedkin wanted to make atrium phant return to the horror genre, he should have picked a less sapf)y script. - FARAN THOMASON Order ~ faoyfle IPldalnd lmtwth at Del's Manufactory c,~~-e.,l>e­ caleteria al lhe · inl~matlonal center - HOUM Moncloy-1)MsdGy 7.30omto 7.QOpm Fddoy 7 ,30om-4,00pm Good ReHOHblJ Priced Food . With Thet Little E.tre Cere New Wednesdays Reggae Night All Rum Drinks $1.75 Feature This Week: Ross Bongi Dub Band 101 E. Grand River Home of The Sharkbowl! ,J/f:wi, ll kteU? Let Us Help You Out-Come To GARY'S CAMPUS HAIR SALON $9.00 Uni-sex Hair Styling "II e'4i. 41.we 'lfei P'liced Bek, II 351 -6511 • 549 E. Grand Rive (next to Confection Connection) M-F 8am-7 m •Sat 9am-2 m . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ·.·.·.·.·-:-·-:.;-:-:-::: -:.;-:-:-:-:··-·.· ... ll,!111(1 EAICHEAP Dirty Dog Deal $1.99 Coney Basket Includes One Coney Dog, Fries and Cole Slaw. Everyday 'till 11 pm r--------, I 50¢ BURGERS I I I Big taste in a I I small bun. I I with' coupon I I 'till 11 p.m. thru 5-30-90 6 I. WE DELIVER 332-2381 , ________ , ~0~o4 the Peanut Barre1·· • Great Burgers and SandWiches 17 Years as East Lansing's Best Neighborhood Bar and Restaurant \ Entertainment . : -: . •• :-: . ••• • jlif#@k~jl1ell1~@1~~~~;~ . . .. . ........... . .... ··, MSU-bound Illustrator says skip the PTL Club label BY 811..L KEITH uR-1 MUSIC CORRESPON>E'.NT · 'We had someone call us a rock'n'roll version of the PTL Club - That's part of what we all have to bear; said Kirk Allen, drummer for Illustrator. that's like a knife in the back. The Washington band will perform at Michigan State Thursday, May 10 in the Union Ballroom. as part of their tour in support of their second album, Somewhere in the World. Illustrator is a pop-rock band that should appeal to many people. There is one thing that sets them they perform apart from most rock bands though - in a genre known as contemporary Christian music. The idea of seeing a Chri~tian band may turn some people off, but it shouldn't. Unlike many Christian bands, Illustrator deals with issues that face people today. · 'We deal with child abuse and sexual abuse; said Allen. 'We are doing our best to become more and more straight-forward when we talk about it · (these issues): ' Illustrator's performance will focus on substance abuse. Drugs and substance abuse are issues that the band has dealt with on a regular basis. Jim Benison, President of Gateway Productions, said that Illustrator's commitment against drugs was one of the reasons they booked them. 'We sent for information about them and it was evident that they are really committed to fighting substance abuse,· said Benison. · 'When you go to chemicals to release your inhibitions you're still bound by chains; said Allen. "More often than not substance abuse is a symptom of a spiritual problem.· Even their manager.Ken Gaub, is involved with the issue of substance abuse. He was recently appointed to a Presidential Task Force with the War Against Drugs. Nonetheless, the performance is sure to enter tain many people. Illustrator has toured all over the world, including a three week tour of Israel by invitation from the Israeli government. Allen said he looks forward to opportunities to play at universities and that he has enjoyed .the op portunities to interact with students. "I see people who are really socially conscious, which is really neat to see; said Allen. "However, true change has to come from the heart of every man and if it doesn't change in the heart of every man, this world won't change:· Holy Cow, they're back! BY ANGIE CAROZZO uR-1 ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR . · The Holy Cows made their return worth the wait when they came back to East Lansing with more power and a tighter set than any local band has ever had. Gigging at B'Zar May 2, they started their set with a cover of the Who-song, 'Won't Get Fooled Again; after which two members of the audience ran up to the stage and kneeled before them ·in homage. Rightfully so, as Scott Salyer did a great Pete Townshend, solos and all. But the Holy Cows' intensity didn't even begin to dwindle after that. They went on to play several original tunes that shook the place down. The management at B'Zar didn't seem quite ready for what would follow from these well-travelled guys from Chelsea, though. One of the members of the audience, who was slam dancing -which is not allowed at B'Zar under any circumstances (even if the circumstances are being alone on the dance floor) - was escorted out to the tune of having the shit beat out of him by bouncers and managers alike. He put up a hell of a fight, though. The Holy Cows dedicated their next song to "the meatheads· who threw the poor kid out. "Get Along• was probably the best song of the set. It had an incredible introduction played by John Popov- ich then it broke into the meat of the song, which so~nded like it had a definite influence by that group of·bands that can't quite b0categorized but include R.E.M., the Replacements, the Smithereens, Dinosaur Jr., etc. The vocals. were great with Mike Feeney on lead vocals and John Popovich adding a contrasting .flavor on the·back-ups. Their set went on until John Popovich broke a string and even then it went on with Mike Popovich on drums, Feeney on bass and vocals, and Salyer on lead guitar. They played a cover of Dwight Yokum's "Smoke Along the Tracks: and yes, it is a hillbilly song in the purest sense. That didn't stop these guys though, Salyer was playin' it like there was no tomorrow and he wanted to play that hillbilly jive just one more time before the end. Mike Popovich was sittin' there behind his . drums just havin' a good ole time, and Feeney - well, Feeney was singin' it like he was born to. The Holy Cows closed their set with "Fuck. School· by the Replacements, which, by the way, is a definite hardcore tune, meant to be slam-danced to. But management could be assured that wasn't going to happen, they had already scared everyone out of having any real fun. You probably wonder "If this band is so good, why haven't they come back to East Lansing in two See ELSIE, p. 9