Pula: Botswana Journal of African Studies, Vol 14 No 2 (2000) Children living in violent families: implications for social work in Botswana Tapa/ago Maundenl University of Botswana, Social Work Based on a recognition that men 's abuse of women has an impact on children, there is much that social work can do to address the problem of children living with domestic violence. Using findings of a study on children's experiences of parental separation and divorce in Botswana. this paper focuses on children 's experiences of violence in the family as well as on perceptions of how the violence affected them. The paper concludes with a discussion of the implications for social work. Introduction Domestic violence-defined for the purpose of this article as men's use of physical force on children and women in intimate relationships I-is a relatively common problem in Botswana, and most women stay in violent relationships for a long time (Molokomme,1990; Holm,1995). However, little work has been done on children's exposure to domestic violence in this country. The paucity of literature on children and family violence is striking, taking into account findings of previous studies that show that violence against women is common-and that in 1991,43.6% of the Botswana population was between the ages of 0 and 14 (cf. Lesetedi and Ngcongco, 1995). Domestic violence is so widespread that many children will have lived with it. In this article, I use the findings of a study, that I conducted on children's experiences of parental separation and divorce in some parts of Botswana, to highlight the role that social work can play in the lives of children who live in violent homes. First, I describe the study, and then I discuss the use of physical punishment on women and children and its associated culture. This is followed by findings in relation to children's experiences of violence in the family. Lastly, I highlight implications for social work. Although a wide range of professionals in Botswana can playa role in addressing the problem of children living in violent families, this paper focuses on the role of social workers, because social work has not previously played a significant role in addressing the problem. My exploratory study of children's experiences of parental separation and divorce began with the assumption that children are active agents in their lives, and that, like adults, they are capable of making sense of their experiences (see also Prout & James 1990). I conducted in- depth individual interviews with a total of 60 people, including 25 custodial mothers, 25 children (one of each of the mothers), and a second child from ten of the 25 families. The sample was drawn from high court and customary court records of separation and divorce. I avoided the option of gaining access to families through professionals such as social workers, psychiatrists, church miillsters, family welfare educators, and district commissioners. Such an approach would have provided me with a clinical sample, which would have been biased towards families with difficulties. The sample in this study was therefore a non-clinical one, and as such it is more representative of the children of divorcing parents in Botswana. Children who participated in the study were between the ages of ten and 21. Mothers rather than fathers were interviewed because most women in Botswana gain custody of their children following divorce, especially where young children are involved or where former husbands were violent (UNICEF & Government of Botswana, 1989; Maundeni, forthcoming). The parents had all separated within four years prior to the period of the study. Most mothers were residents of Gaborone. The rest came from Mochudi, Lobatse, Kopong, Kanye, and Ramotswa. My interview schedule covered a wide range of themes, including children's experiences of violence in the home, economic changes following separation or divorce, changes in 165 relationships with family and social network members, the role of social network members, as well as changes in neighbourhoods and schools. All but two of the interviews were audio-taped with respondents' permission. Brief notes were taken during the interviews and later expanded. Interviews were transcribed soon after they were conducted, with ongoing development of categories of analysis. I interviewed the children and mothers separately, which yielded insight into their different, sometimes complementary, and occasionally conflicting perspectives. This paper focuses on the experiences of the first children of the 25 families interviewed, rather than on their siblings,the second children often of the families. Use of physicall corporal punishment and associated culture The majority of children who participated in the study witnessed physical violence directed towards their mothers. A few children were victims of violence themselves. Because violence was a prominent experience for most children, it is important first to consider wider attitudes towards it in Botswana. According to Setswana custom, moderate beating of wives is acceptable (Tabengwa & Fergus, 1998). The husband is regarded as the head of the family and the wife is seen as belonging to him and controlled by him. The husband can therefore chastise his wife as he can his child. This was evidenced in the responses of customary courts to seven of the women in this study, who had sought help from them over their husbands' violent behaviour. Customary court workers told them to go back to their marital homes, and to make sure that they did not did nothing more to provoke their husbands. It should however be noted that not all courts that administer customary la~ permit the use of physical punishmenton women. Courts that administer the generallaw-Le. laws received in Botswana during the period when the country was under British protection (Alexander, et aI, 1992: 28)-may disapprove of wife-beating. Molokomme (1990:34) quotes a court of appeal judge who presided over a case of wife beating: ...thelawdoesnot andwillnot recognisewhat is allegedto be an acceptedcustom in Botswana,thata husbandmayphysicallyassaulthis wife... . The use of corporal punishment within Setswana custom is not only acceptable on women, it IS ac.cepta~leon children as well. According to Mannathoko, 1995, corporal punishment- phys~ca~vI~lence as some people call it-is considered a natural part of discipline and upbnngmg ~ Botswana. Such punishment is widely used in both the private (family) ~phere ~d the pubhc (government schools and customary courts) sphere to ensure compliance WIththe WIshesand expectations of elders. Based on her experience as a teacher for several years in Botswana schools, Mannath~ko notes that although the Botswana education act of 1967 specifies conditions under whIch corporal punishment may be used in government schools schools often do not adhere to the specifiedregulations. ' Manna~o~o asserts that more male teachers than female ones use physical violence in schools. SlIml~ly, most children in this study reported that their fathers had beaten them more o~ than ~eJr mothers had. This implies that it is generally more acceptable for men to use phYSIcalpunIshmenton children because it is seen as part of their male role. Because the use of physical punishment is acceptable in Botswana, it is rare for children to r=rt the ~a~ to ~e police or social welfare organisations when they have been beaten by the.ir ~ nts,,,t ISm .thlScontext that we need to understand the children's experiences ofviolence m e f~dy. ~hddren's experiences of family violence is greatly affected by the (changin~) l m whIch they grow up Alth gh cu ture " . Botswana, in thIS ... ou corporal punIShment ISacceptable m era, It may not Stillbe acceptable ten or so years from now. 166 Children's experiences of violence Nineteen out of 25 children (76%) reported that they witnessed violence towards mothers in the home prior to their parents' separation. The mothers corroborated their children's reports. The high proportion of children in this study who witnessed violence between parents shows the prevalence of domestic violence in many families. This is not surprising, given that parental divorce is usually preceded by conflicts and misunderstandings which commonly lead to violence. The majority of children in the study described, in detail, the assaults that their mothers were unaware that they had witnessed. Children reported both physical abuse and verbal or psychological abuse of their mothers: they had witnessed their mothers being beaten, shouted at or talked to in an angry manner, humiliated and undermined. The physical violence seen by children being exacted on their mothers by their fathers ranged from being slapped, punched or kicked, through being hit with belts, fists, knives, axes or any other convenient object, their hair being pulled, to attempts to set the house on fire with mother and children inside. In all cases, the fathers were the perpetrators of violence, though some mothers sometimes hit back in self- defence. (Although children also witnessed their mothers being verbally and psychologically abused, this article focuses on physical violence.) Seven out of 19 children who witnessed family violence vividly recalled incidents when the physical violence imposed on their mothers was severe and life-threatening. Kamogelo,2 an 18- year-old boy, described one occasion when his father inflicted extreme violence on his mother. He used a knife. His intention was to kill my mother. I was with my friends in the neighbourhood, and ail of a sudden, I saw my mother running out of the house covered with blood. I could not believe my eyes. My mother was hospitalised in the intensive care unit for two weeks. During that time, I prayed a lot. I had never prayed before in my life. I prayed time and again to God to help my mother to recover. Before the extreme violence he [my father] inflicted on my mother, he used to beat her, but I never thought he could be so much violent to her. Indeed God answered my prayers. After she spent two weeks in the intensive care unit, she was moved to the general ward, and I knew that she was eventually going to recover. Although it was mentioned earlier that some moderate beating of women is acceptable in Setswana culture, most children perceived the violence inflicted on their mothers as unjustified. Children reported that such episodes were frequent and severe, but that they did not know or understand their causes. Only two out of 19 children who witnessed violence against their mothers saw their father's violence as justified, because their fathers wanted their mothers to stop extramarital affairs. Mothers.and children agreed that the violence witnessed by children was emotionally disturbing for them. Children were able to provide detailed and vivid accounts of this: how the violence affected them both in the short and long term. They associated family violence with deep feelings of sadness, depression, hostility, fear, and low self-esteem. Some older boys and girls felt they had 'lost' their childhood as a result of witnessing or being victims of violence for so many years. From their accounts, it is evident that mothers were not fully aware of such long-term consequences of violence on their children. The following words of mothers about their children illustrate this point clearly. Mother A: I think he was affected when he saw his father beating me. But we have never talked about it, so I really don't know exactly how he was affected .... You know children forget quickly, they were affected by the violence dunng the time when It took place. Now it has stopped, they are okay. I mean they no longer think about it and they are not affected anymore ... 167 He used to worry a lot about my safety and whether I will live for many years, now he is okay. That is the only thing I can say about how the violence affected him. Mother B: I don't know how the violence affected her emotions and behaviour, but I think it has affected her somehow. She is the one who can explain better .... Not only did children witness violence between parents, but some five of the 19 were victims of physical abuse themselves. One of the five children said he used to incur injuries when trying to stop his father from beating his mother. In other words, he was caught up in the violence that was directed towards his mother. The other four children reported violence by their fathers directly against them. Kitso, a girl aged 18, had also experienced sexual abuse. Kitso and her mother sadly revealed that the sexual abuse had ended in pregnancy. According to Kitso, the sexual abuse continued for about three years. She did not reveal the abuse to her mother or friends because her father threatened to kill her if she did so. The sexual abuse caused a lot of stress for her, particularly because her father used threats and physical violence to isolate her from contact with hl:r teenage friends- contending that it was her peers who influenced her to do bad things. Parental violence was a major source of stress, which complicated children's adjustment because it affected them indirectly as well as directly. Firstly, some mothers pointed out that conflict and violence distressed them and adversely affected their parenting skills. Secondly, living in a violent home adversely affected some children's relationships with friends. Children were worried that violence would start when their friends visited them in the home, so they did not want friends to visit and sought to hide their experiences from them. Thirdly, some mothers and children reported that children's schoolwork suffered as a result of domestic violence. Fourthly, violence sometimes led to injuries that caused women to be admitted to hospital for a period of time. Children stayed without mothers during that time, and thus lacked the social support that they would have received from their mothers under normal circumstances. Most children in the sample stayed in a violent home for between three and ten years before their parents' legal separation. Six women and their children stayed for more than eleven years. The longest period in a violent relationship was 31 years, by one woman in the study. Some of the reasons that influenced mothers to stay in violent relationships were: previous socialisation and cultural factors accepting violence as normal, lack of alternative places of safety, enforcement of customary laws that make divorce more difficult for women than for men, lack of supportive responses for the victims of violence from both formal and informal social networks, and fear of future social stigma as well as the economic hardships of separation and divorce. Implications of the findings for social work The sample size o~ this .stu