í'/VÍ;»V^K: << C z a r E m m o n s i n T h r o e s o f A n o t h e r B r a i n s t o r m ! EXTRA w v rip n THE ECZEMA D on 't liv e on (h is ! fo u l c a m p u s w ith - I out g e t tin g w ise to •i’f lo w -lifo s that rule y o u — It e a U K czem a. M a y b e y o a d ll d a n h o ir ti fa t j i it t r i d I y o u r e a lly a r e ! ‘A l l t h e T r u t h T h a t ’ s U n f i t t o P r i n t ” IT C H O N K — S ( R A T I li T W O M A Y 13,1ÍKI1 s r H S f ’U l l ’T t Ó N I 'l t f C K — D O N 'T HF \ T tfillT W \!) PROFSRHTNMET CLASSIFICATION 4 REGISTRATION Another Crazy Scheme fo r D riv in g Sp artans N ut* is Born Last Nii»ht H M fíd n H M r r n m Á lp h i Í h i Bust- up Qf Bird-Girly Combine ai Awful Flea Trick: Find Bird Owe* $21. BIG PHI TAU AIMS j q p U I * H O O K S ||^ PEROXIDE BLOND I/7y PauUon Slated i»»r Nice Ride S p a r la n S in g e rs H a ve H a rd l i m e D 'srn h 'n e With Makes (hing* Hard for Male Quartette. C horu s G ir li CAM PUS Y E S -M E N T H R O W N IN U P R O A R in Fiendish T ra v a il ; C laim >1 W ill End Standing in at Time Nears for Nomination Faculty Feud;. Break Out >n Stormy Brawl At ter the Boy; A tu m b le f.ir t * * ; S tu d e n t P a lir n '- p Fn ds, to Wolverine Editorship. to Solve Gigantic Prnbfem; Bolshevik Day Crv Sends Cold (lulls. a A n o th e r o f it ic a tio n th o s e a id I n -y " PRATT TO DO SCREWING ’! • ‘•sell more i»" yi Hopes of Coop Ward Heeler Dim - poor u n d ciyia iiD .i m ed by Na»ty Fratermlv; Fear utnf. a n t ip u n c e n i« ut ¡nionn, who hold.** t Suffragette Vile. (e the old tloesier 1i.oitinvr a n d ads i* i on- like thi* IJnis»*r-ii / he h a s start led ■sf w ith more o f t he h* me« f o r d riv in y <•" ‘'n u ts " than POLICE STAGE her old Jfeezer in a il o f h igher learninj. HELL HOLE RAID BROADS WEAXEN *' to;urt twice a term : 0 • C row n • ” .- i f o r t h o n e o f R r i.r u » F Dancing School is Tori P o p u la r; Vice Squad P a ys It FOR WINDY HUTCH and each ' dm t* ... r. Visit. Oily Seducer Loses Virgin Purity ’ bun before sr.r t* • n ’ t o t o u c h i n g .w 1 a* ( o-ed Associates ■ ' • < at . I r v iiiR t<. c;«r j '4- '. l a v , w it h it . -o h ig h lig h ts o f »h r. l a « n- i t v e »i th a t * iu tle r ti> * ■ if r e g is te r a n d .4 . i . vL T; •'•u rs i n a d v a n c e ot th e . * • w o rk h e r e , a n d a ill b * • t h e (.a . n n - 'u ' *i. >; . • 'h e B oard v.: A g r n i! fift e e n y e a r ', it» h* ’ • I &. ;■,. m u d I H ik e E m m o n . i * i -**t _Hart*- t»< over th e sch em t ■¿tnt try - Now th e s tu d e n t »o r .' .• Hit- P h i D e l i a m-- i.-a- A cub í :b e O iá o s ta n d in lin e a n v m o t T in : ,.'•»■v ’. o n -.ivC t e m p t e d t o h« A a t I 'v e S e e n w o r k in g lo r ' i.«>n g * h t • - ra c k .* «■«! T e a r» A Lm j I v a t u to s ee J . h ti.i ¡', . and * • s o u n d ly t e - (i a. rm m w i, w ftth a ft U lilg e t it c o lle g e s tu d e n t-’ .1 • , ? ■ , > editor for r io t know* d r v r.o e m e 1 lit íO í nr. i i n !>biC. p i t r h e d i t i l o ® v tn a p e r fe c t ly c le a r h *t o l p r m v ; o ia J e * c e u d e d -i* rn*w »»i ta ü ü t % *h !hs» ' mditioiiwi k w tru e u o n *- i, j m ^ort o f^ r n a n u a l la b o r . b a r*mg vptrü of 'b e H s r v r d Math ;*• » h i n g U n a» 1 I t w a a l e a r n e d la s t n i g h t a t . r o i f .... . A c t o r » « H j.u 1 1 m» b e u n a b le T b t 'i i b o ok oi H e flin • !*• C r o w n 'v i n e * - Kmmom h k m better P r o m in e n t iio liu c m n * c o m p t «■< o ® «n b m o f th e In d e p e n d e n t R t p r t -n- /k •>, ?h#; A'Dtui Phi house, it was m u t t e if t b le »r.d e ie i t •■awi if !bi Jan« ; n a * imS M u. ... doping out new 'i, t tu * ».i»d fie u s in g '.b e »1k> ha.*' I si!>ed .nut c a r««- sch em es o f c la a W lk a s U o a w u v t s P o r u m , w a s p la n n in g o n p rc w r it in g a p r o t e s t a t i o n t o E m m c i b a.-k hori ,a xn o h is la t e s t f l a m e - c í; in ¡» !i* it e d t f vmur T a Add r t f u '. j » I »o n ,a * t f a l l t o t h e e l l e c - t h a t a » » a n a n T h a i e D e r le a n * 1 : ,r* * rti g r i p p e d * h e era icn ** fo u n d le a n in g g r a c e f u lly arc , k > f/urr* f o r ru s o w n a i a r t i u m l P a r t at t h e e n s u i n g o u n ^ w r a a U u o n irM t h a t h e c e a s e m a k i n g a s e n o u w a ., in t h e sacred p r e c m e t s o f o l d P t u phone h»* ¡a a l w a y s g r a c e f u l , r e p o r t e r 's li t t l e f in g e r * . * . h t h a t it e e e m : > -¿ne o f t h e 'o n c u t m n ».^ t t a * » a s sUX/TwS 1 0 t h e l b t e m * reporter b f ^ te tt e r li k e c l a a a l ITc a n o n sysu m s th t being I »h e n o o k in g in t h e m i r r o r bu^ D e lt It ¡t w e r e n 't f o r t h e f a r t that f u i g r a a p t h a t * » u n * h i m t o t h e p in e - ( , m v ‘ d t l « f m w s* - s a t is f a c t o r y t o : h e be tenogs I n L u a u e Conrad's o E h c e . ■ * * » i c r any m o r e o f h i s s c r e w y ox ‘r . V r a k e s p r a c t i c e » He »o r* hu b rfa-st. w a s a b i t t o o f l a t , b e m i g h t pon ^ c h a m p io r is h ip . stud m u rm u red where 1My. » now what goes on insMa T iig d a ’ a n d n u g n s n o w a s q u e e n , a i - J j^ ^ w n io t t o n s ^ s tu d e n t in te llig e n c e 7 '^ j d t h is d e n o l »*a.'-iiy b e ‘ .«k e n f o r a C h i O T h a tc h e r h e p r e t t y * cfficw before he's I m i to m lilt P r o te s ta tio n read s: “ W h it good n o op ers lo n g in C h a n s r.ucky e x p r e s a io n ot o n e w h o hm* a n a l l - d a y s u c k e r i n b is m o u t h a il w a r a t f i r s t a b it c o n d e s c e n d in g , t o it h c a m lr can A n d o n c e , m y d e a r fe ll'» - * y o u b e lie v e it . o n c e t h e W i t « fjk jn : t o * h e e n t i r e s e c lu s io n o f t l i e r e a l to get wise bimaelf . lia rn iM ft fb r dot ir 1)01 h a v e t o s t a n d i n l i n e . m q u r. 1(Xit^ t e p . a » t h e w h o le t h i n « w h e n t h e o f f e r t o p r i n t h i s p ic t u r e in J o u r n a l p r a is e d m y ' p o o r e f f o r t * ;■.! t u e r e n a n a Ie *s fa v o r e d m a le s . tht fracas was over they a ll shook -• a i.d t h e r e w a * d r o o l o n h i * c h in , w d t c ln u K f-h e u n n a t is f le d iix ik i n t h e »fjp (t a p e r w a s p r o f f e r e d , he becam e t• a /• ? 1 h a v e 1m* 0 vww w U t tuhui rr ti yy i& mu i lie e ss aa du a« yj ••j could s t a n d i t n o lo n g e r . ’O g o i n g even ! b » ? 10 m a r th * ° r e t * The re p o rter le a n e d fo r w a r d a v id ly ia n e > e ve*, h a s « cu rsed h im a* a m a d » and t r w d to kid each 0 0 1 « OHO q u ite a ffa b le , a lm o s t d e m o c r a t ic lwo weeks to get r e g i s t e r e d ?*’ over to the bed. I matched s v m e t r v o l hi.-. A w ! p r o f ile . He ■C o n U i m e d >m p a ip i 2» w a s t e f u l f o o l. ' O c n t t m x d on pop» I ) ' c r b o t tle - a n d to s s e d :a n A h . ye a , s a y d e a r f e l l o w , " h e m i d » not expected that the p r o t e s t a - .«-.teaming hot-water . d o r m d « 1 O u e e u t ir u l b e i g e d r e s o - , ^ will do pMffh good, however. i it through the ope 'ií& é á Á l¡ TR E ECZEMA ager who also mokes a stab at get tin-; out this year's Wolverine, Bin Pratt is THE Perhaps its Glasses rumored to be in the throes of a n o t h e r c f those slimy tricks for which he i- beroming famous. W lih him and “ Rcse-petals" Carruthers, the only t w o ECZEMA N O D / bigahota that the Phi Taus have had since Porter, at last leaving this s c h o o l to fare forth in a wise world that isn't' ro lenient about dirty tricks, it was M .S C . [ T h is I s finally decided that a smart move would be to run into the Wolverine f i e l d m possible nominees an unknown caker . A Tnrthfwl, but undoubtedly da marine Mr#a aye view o f Mia law, lower, and lowest member» o f this dear old Alma Mammy. cuffed from H o w Y o u $ from the old Phi Tau palace. Ut»tP Johnnie Jennings, and groom him f o r Urn wiore Innocoea observations made by the revolted initiate« af the. Job with the understanding tin he wouldn't have to do any work tip P I DELTA EPSILON L o o k tO |U s ! year but just lend his name to u furtherance c f this clever little mo against co-eds in politics. N A TIO N A L JO U RNALISTIC FR A T E R N IT Y "D oc" Austin mopped his brow before that flock of stupidity that took up Pratt also loaded his staff with 7 the space in the classroom, because even he realized that a dean, even a couple of veteran State News assist«i pseudo-dean, of liberal arts should be able to differentiate between Frencn editors, both independents and Without I f we don't mention yonr name, o r i f we do mention It, mgteter yonr and Spanish sufficiently well to tell them apart. But being of that type of political backing. Then, Pratt thougi complaint by calling 7930 and oak for Norm. individual lie decided to take a chance. "Boy.'' he said, in his most offwnal the stage was sst for the eotisutnnti whine, "erase that Spanish off the board." Not one guffaw escaped the eds u h . — I d o n ' t k n o w . e r . I m e a n . I s u p ­ o f another year of Phi Tau particic - not even one titter arose from the ranks of tluAco-eds. for they well knew p o s e y o u m i g h t s a y « a p p e a l i n g f o r h e l p » turn in activities. Entered in an aah can behind the post-office this morning as pretty lew matter. that lie was smart enough to have secured to himself the power of recom­ mending them to teachers positions. Such a person must have some lu n g to insure a t least outward respect. THE OFFAL TRUTH w h a t w o u ld y o u s a w . H e r m ? | He is quoted as saying t h a t H o o e y H o o e y H a l l a d a y : " A f t e r c a r e ­ wouldn't run his old pal and <; f u l c o n s i d e r a t i o n o f t h e q u e s t io n , a n d assistant. Izzy Paulson, against a i.. w i t h a v i e w t o r e a c h i n g a n e q u i t a b l e although poor Iszy seems to h a v e go t T h e C h i O m e g a ' s a r c a l w a y s t h e f ir s t u n d e r s t a n d in g a n d s e t tle m e n t o f t h e ten the idea that she was to be in p « ' o n e 's o n t h e f l o o r a t t e a d a n c e s . T h a n k s c o n t r o v e r s y , in m y o p i n i o n , o f c o u r s e : running. Campus politicians w . B ut a feww Ul-supprcssed leers sufficed to inform that d i m w i t t h a t l i e THE ONES TO SHOOT AT had blundered, he had fumbled again: vaguely there filtered into tliat tiny t o t h e e f f o r t s o l C a r r o t h e r s a n d B le s s ­ y o u u n d e r s t a n d I m u s t 'n t b e q u o t e d . T amazed and worshipful at Pratt\ > in g . w o u ld s a y . y e s a n d n o . ” «deration and gallantry for tin ^ : consciousness the idea of his colossal stupidity unmasked, and grinning Shaw *to h im s e lf»: " W e l l . I g u e s s peroxide blonde, and deny s to u t ly C h ie f f'oul-M Ind Jack grotesquely and self-consciously before the corpus studcntis. The good doctor A g u y c a lle d u p T h e lm a C o le a t th e th a t ab ou t e xp re ss e s it." insinuation that it was done becau again mopped his vacuous brow, and in his own Inflnitcsmally s m a l l , immut­ C h i e f S t o o l P i g e o n C a r r u t h e r s ' p o k ­ Izzy has so strong a co-ed backing u N o t Q u ite So F oa l f ìo o . able way blundered not so blithely on. Feeling in need of a stimulant, he o ld C h i O b a rn th e o th e r d a y and t o l d h e r h e r e p r e s e n t e d t h e L a n .s m g in g h e a d i n d o o r » : " H e y . p r e x . t h e t h e dear old Phi Taus w o u ld n t h, T im . simply slew the class with n story ol a little s j i e e c h h o had been begged to H e r m i a n s a r e s t a r t i n g a n o t h e r B o l s h e ­ a look-in if she were up for e le c t io n Hud Enough C iv ic P la y e r s g u ild a n d th a t h e h ad make, and (blush, blush» how the audience clapped, and clapiied. and c l a p p e d . v ik d a y . T h e y s p r e a d t h e w o r d a r o u n d Red h e a rd h e r w o r k o n T h c ta A lp h a P h i W ith the co-ed population o f H a u lin ' R ig h t in T h ere **a g e s w a s s u p erb . S h e s w a l l o w e d it t h e c a m p u s la s t w e e k a n d I j u s t f o u n d campus already bitterly against p- o u t ab o u t it." H e'U D o T o o M itch H e a.s k e ti h e r t o t e l l h i m a b o u t it., a n d W ith te r r ifie d y e lls , and fr a n tie for his beauty contest farces, it ■ The learned doctor is reverenced by h is Iriends a n d r e l a t i v e s a n d the o ld T h e lm a d r o o le d at t h e m o u th g e t ­ s a id I y high-ups at old S p a r t a - B ig g e s t t'h iaeler Snove imiiosed on element in the school because h e got hi P h D i n a g r i c u l t u r e t in g th e d e t a ils o u t to h im . P o o r o ld g la n c e s a t a ll lo o p - h o le s o f e s c a p e th e s e another move against female sutli ,. T h e lm a . litt le d id s h e k n o w it w a s b o y s at G a l l d i v i d e d i n t o t h r e e p a r t s , thereby making him particularly deflicient both as h e a d 6 f e d u c a t i o n and would result In a good old fasha- i Asnintant A d T easer . A rt feinting-dents of that dumping ground—the liberal arts deiwvrtment The n o t h i n g b u t a n a s t y t r ic k , a n d s h e h a s s o m e d i k e H a s s e lm a n » t a k i n g r e f u g e nrcktie party with Pratt going o u t b e e n r u n n in g a l t e r th e m a il m a n e v e r u n d e r C o n r a d 's d e s k 'J i m m i e a l w a y s A L it tle F orty -n in er P h il tin-god Is also worshipped lor his prolific vocalization of h is admiration for the squeeze play. s u ite « A ls o s e v e r a l m a le m e n ». (M y p ic k s a d a m e 's desk to g e t u n d e r », himself. Just a gushing filly oi the v a l l e y . o th e r s h id in g b e h in d t h e p r e s i d e n t 's 'N o th e r (to ld -H ig g er V ie G od' T h a t 's te r r ib le * . s h i r t s i li k a _ B e tw e y >; and s o m e lik e [COLLEGE H a l l a d a y o n t h e w in d o w - s ill, t h a t b e ­ H o lly B ie r s . A e th e o n ta il- lig h t, got { Walpole, the arrogant Jew. n e x t s t u m b le s s h a m c - f a e u d l y b e f o r e the guillo­ e n g a g e d o v e r th e te le p h o n e a f t e r a tw o in g t h e n e a r e s t t h e y c o u ld c o m e t o a tine of a long-suppressed student v e n g e a n c e , a n d h ia miserly physog i s piti­ h o u r c o n v e r s a tio n w it h A b b ott h n 11. f e n c e . HOW M A N Y P IN E E K S H A V E W E E O T V P ? fully nauseating, and he mouths l o n g - f o r g o t t e n i n c a n t a t i o n s i n v a i n hope o f succor, for he is now on the s p o t where he himself m e r c i l e s s l y inquisiHoned the hapless cd. Mid co-ed. Long may his entrails w a v «' W h a t h e p r o m i s e d h e r w e d o n ’t k n o w , but w h a te v e r it. w as. he c o u l d n 't c o m « ' u p t o e x p e c t a t i o n s , mo e v id e n t ly BIG PHI TAU TO CANDY BLONDE ¡KITCHEN s h e h a d t o r u n o u t w i t h A lo t o f o t h e r In the past it Iihh befflt the custom f o r i ’ i D elta E p silon in iti­ «id d n q .v lik e W a rd D uncan, som e­ GTP t i m e s a s m a n y a s l o u r i n o n e n ig h t . ates, w h o ed it tliiH lilth y sheet u n der th reu t o f ex clu sion fro m Th® next neck to sever is a l m o s t t o o d e s p i c a b l e , a l m o s t t« » o m i n u t e . » « » * A h ) < h e r a i l e d h i m u p t h e o t h e r n iK it'. Jan Elisabeth and Peggy .I«*»«- . « inconsequential, l o o inhuman in I t ’s u n l i i t e l l i g e n r c . b la s p h e m o u s in i t s . s m u g ­ (C o n tin u e d fro m p a g e 1» j i w h e n t h e fir e a la r m tu rn e d o u t A li- its du aty precin cts, In blasphem e, and rctch ou t a ll the sm u t anil ness, puerile in i t s inept expression t o b «' considered a s - r s s t t o t h i s m i l l Thu in a w a y t h a t w o n t d r i v e t h e p r i n t e r ! » ! o o tt h a ll a n d w e n t n d m g w it h h im n asty d igs I hut they a re ca p a b le o f a ft e r th ree y ea rs on th is puru fatuous nonentity, I Ills zestiess g o o s e - e g g Is none o t h e r t h a n o u r dearly tx-UiYi'd Foggy. (Fulkers«m to you!» L o n g m a y l i e w a l l o w - in ) «is p y r e «.! i n t e l l e c t u a l in h er P . J .’ » . u n io n n u t s o v e r n i g h t t in F o r t h ree years : h y . m o d e s t , r e t i r t f i g l i t t l e la s s ie w i t h g o l d e n c u r ls h a s b e e n t h e p l a y - ' F a n c y C a n d ie s ! sloth! Dr W a rd G illn e r to ld a c la s s th a t | M a n d s ir h r x . a n d F o n n ta ln S e r v ic e J cam pus, and then a tte m p t to sm ooth it a ll o v e r w ith a stick y t id h R o f s u c c e e d i n g b t g - h o t s w h o h a v e ( h e t r a s n n h r h a d s u c h a b ig 1n m lly .sic|)|M-«l i n t o t h e W o l v e r i n e « 'd i t o r s h i p w a s b e c a u s e h e u s e d t o liv e n ea d p o lu gy and h y p o c ritic a l m ou thin gs. W e do n oth in g o f the sort. QUO famous pniilomimisl now lingers superilously *b o u t th e gory scen e, f o r CTiC g r a f t t h a t 's in it . a n d w i t h le s s T i c h o u s e a n d t h e y k e p * h im .a w a k e and withal he gently mouths a btt pi Shakespeare, ti ■ in g very c a r e fu l n o t th a n no k n o w le d g e of w hat i t 's a ll 1 ---------------- J a* n i g h t A n d s o 't o q u o te IX w jia t W e fr a n k ly a d m it this E czem a is to pay o f f o ld scores, as have to soil his dizzy tongue with some pi good old Willie s r e » ra ck s H r gam boLs a ix 'U t . e l s e w . i* t h e r e t o d o ? roqucttishly about the greensward m suggestive oschl li i o n s lik e a j a c k a s s E ach t i'im has b rou gh t n ea rer th e been a ll the oth ers. v braying into the wind. T he latter reminding me that i a m r a n t i n g a b o u t o u r I I » : » ! a l l t h e b ig s h o t s a t th e S A F. w o n d e r f u l d a y w h e n s h e w o u ld b e n o m ­ ! CANOE P A IN T ! most revered W. «work* W . (and win» Johnson, chief si", •h m a n t o t h e F m d t . ih in a t e d f o r t h e e d i t o r s h i p , t h e a i m o f : T h is is in tended in g e t u n der y o u r skins, and d o n 't think w e department. T h e illustration being that lie said to <> ie c r i t i c i z i n g l o w b r o w h o u s e « t h a t Is. b o t h o f t h e m * , t h e b o y s h er life And now w it h th a t n o m in a ­ thusly: 'Shush never criticize the administration'" f i n n * w h e n h a - d e it y w h o m a d e t h e o l d f r a t e r n i t y w h a t it is tio n s c a r c e ly a m o n t h m th e v a n ta li, P IN E GUM don't hope it wi l l . I f you a ren 't m entioned you a re n 't w o rth it. so abominably abounded amour u s Unit we should t l e v e i i ' a n d . s ile n tly to d a y , lo v e t h e ir d e a r b r o th e r s s o m u ch a n e w w «*r d h e r a y s * it ap p ea rs th a t, t lia t t h e y h a v e n 't liv e d in th e h o u s e W e ’ve taken y o u r d ir t f o r th ree yea rs, now tuke ours. Squirm , suffer administrative imbecilities? lo r i v e r a y e a r I t is s a i d t h e y d o n 't t h e . d e a r l i t t l e k i d d i e is a b o u t t o s t t f f a l < th e c r o w n i n g d is a p f w u n t m e n t u f h e i | GRASS STAINS M .i'r t o d o t h e i r o w n r o o k i n g , c i t h e r dang ye, squ irm . A s student .journalists w e 'v e taken a lo t o f lu c k -. d o g * ' career And th e y h a v e b een w h a t w i t h p s y c h o l o g y p r o f s d t o iY p in g m any. | j PAR TY W R INK LES j A lb e r t II «h u rra h * N e ls o n , n o to r io u s ru m p u s qu ae* v o t i a n d h a v i n g t o r e s o r t t o ile r n u u n . s - n asty cracks fro m you, the student body and fa c u lty . Y o u 'v e t o a l l J o u r n a l i s t i c liQ | ie f4 ils, a n d i n f u l l i t d e c r i t i c , n e x t ! T l i . i t 'In - D e l p h i e s . d u e t o th «* v e t e r a n had y o u r ow n swuet w a y fo r too lo n g now. Y o u 'v e liegun to t h e k e e n e d g e o l th e b lo o d y b u t s till o p t im is t ic b la d e * H e a m p ly exu i Ito­ li »«• p lo t tin g s <»! t h o s e tw o o ld w in d o w - M o t C r is t » l i d C l u n k l i r g a l l g . 1o a t ms d ie d b e a u ty con test m an- SOILED turnin' H o t a r i a i i ! H u t a r i a n ! 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I n f a c t t h e y f o r b a d e h e r t o see ^ i spent as much as s e v e n ty - fiv e . . . th f . In s ,d p o f t h e T i c h o u s e th a n m e •a n y m o re . A r p m y c a r.. t h e c a u s o D ear Fanny: L nts o n h e r . I don’t think. I co u ld b r ■ w i.u ..!, * S selv ” ' I'* » B ro w n e d D ot o f a ll1 t h i s t r o u b le ? w it h her since she is a h e ll a ,, , S i! 1,1 m i‘ 111 M ,m ' ’ T h e m Bud •B u ff» Sn I a m th e m o s t s o u g h t a h . M g ir l 0 ; Happy Btennis player. Is she worth a l l th e A l p h a P h i p la y s , w i l l th a t h e l p '1 th is c a m p u s . T i n ? w a y th< m e n ru i s h e cost me? I r m a C a s w e ll. D o ri f B u ff • - h e r m e is s n m c t h i n g t o r n ' ile a n d Little Robert Spindlcr. Y o i ir s is in d r ■cd a s t r a n g e .stifte. 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D ear Fannv t«i m a k e a s p e e c h a n d s o m e h n w m> ' v i n g t h a t t h e p r e v i o u s l y .s e le c te d r e s u lt o f h o n o r i n g s u m o f a m o u s p e r ­ o i l c o n c e s s io n s w e r e l e t t o t h e M c P h e r ­ • * • V e a r c d e n u ll i.k irt h a d g o t i e n e ft u g h t in m v g a r t e t o r th e n ew c o -e d d o rm . S y lv a n son c o n n e c te d w it h s ta t e g o v e r n m e n t o r son O il r o m iw u iy of H o w e ll, and th e Fanny: u n d v e g a n 'd at an d e x p o s e d m ost o f m v b a re le j. N o w la c k e d t h e c o l o r a n d a d v e r t i s i n g h is t o r y •t h e r e h a v e b e e n s o m a n y o f i m i g o in g w it h a litt le A lp h a Phi z e e tint v e 'r e a/ m y leg.*: i r e n 't r e a l l v h\q. b u t t h e v 'r e 11.at a l l r o a d - s i d e h o t d o g s t a n d s i h e i h . d o n 't c h a k n o w » . 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HY/RUS Inu.-i i roun < • re ; I h e n u s e l i e u s p c h a I h t lu id !\ o l I.urah G o p r a d ' . h r en us • t h e k tod lo r d i n i y m a d e o n e o f h im •t h o n k G l d i, L A N S IN C A N P j B ^ E A S T L A N S IN C V V V CAN'T IS AME P t l S A T I S f l l P MARUE HORNE SHOWS OPERA CHORUS HOW CampusPress ( Incorporated) C le a n e r s ’ N a p th a j PRINTERS TO STUDENTS W A S H O ’B R I E N ’ S MICHIGAN STATE COLLEGE D I X I E S E R V I C E C o rn e r M ic h ig a n a n d H a r r is o n THEOLDCOCKAND PART OF HS BROOD INSPECTS KAPPA KAPPAS Necking Is O. K. Birr NOT W H ILE DR IVING S tock in gs You May Have a Flat Tire Stockings Bring Her in-W e’ll S to c k in g s Fix Her Up S to ck in g s FULL LIN E OF N E W TUBES Brake Service l.ubrUalkm YVilbrd Hatlerie* Phtleo Raaim «.eneral Itepairinn WiHya-Knight Motor Cars <&z m p A What d i d t h A t s q u a w man, DeCaiup. the d e l i c a t e art of chime playing, do at the foresters' c a m p last s u m - is that a nasty craok at our own m er? Ho. ho—ask the foresters. advertised music department? ia a Holland maat market and when not Working he serves up bologna at Hurd’s Fashion Shoppe. College Garage T u b « « f ir e s t o n e T ir w Oil«* o f life's UtUe ironies. Jake D a u -; W hat kind o f bert. that flowing haired artist wentj lived to obtain MICHIGAN A T H A EIU 80N r i M w i a i u to Iowa's ft neat ag school to studyi o f the britches, j P i n e t u m S c e n e o f W i l d O r g S p a w THE H O T ! ECZEMA We don’t tell all wo know, hut it’s a good thing for moat of you dumb bunnies (hat we don’t ‘All the Truth That’s Unfit to Print ITCH ONE—SCRATCH TWO M A Y 13,19.11 SUBSCRIPTION PRICE— DON’T BE A TIGH TW AD SIME M ffM M FACULTY GAM BOL ON GREEN F O G IE S B e a u ty C o n te s t N o t I n V a in -Pr a t t Issali le Reel Campus Beauties Justified by Winning of Chi Omeba. T I i p tr u e lo v e a n ti u n e r a s in g g a lla n t r y i STATESENATORS OVERRIDE DEAN; . n . Polilin Readmit J a n e Oner . _ ___ _ _ AID MORAI VIPER D*m" ,o Fwi K,mni iB C ro o n e r G oes; A d m ir e r s W eep Our Own Rudy Ditches Native New Territory. l/A D O Ilril | \ (| D w ln t N N U I u t ) GOOD AS HOSERS H A T C A NhmMmII 0 « tia | ¡1 L a K iv im A ffa ir; Conrad Comes Oat for Smok- n f n c o l l e g i a l i » b i g - s h o t f o r h is l i t t l e C u rren t rep ort s w e e t h e a r t h a a a t la s t n e o n r e w a r d e d Bounced From Cmopoi for cam pus m a rsm Son» of Old Pukio University Wham Hell Out of Skaters in B iiiifual, ia g ; Jokasoa Goes Back to Nature and Nearly BUI P r a t i, m a g n ific e n t ly m a n ic u r e ! h is m i m i i a i d r C o l d Dtt: p á p le - s p ü t a r fo r . th e W o lv e r tiM , has Moral Tar pilule. lit r e u g lto u L H u s v illa g e . Biweekly, Bifocal, and Bicycle Chaseball Tourney; Assaalto Bosebeem; Rest Censored. a n a lly w c u r e d t h e a f f e c t i o n » o f , h is le a v e «m ¿t s fa t i • w id e t f h e rr ed th* th in w o Gibbs Swipes Diamond for Catty Cookerly. The woody fllonns o f Pinetum last night were the Htompififl o w n d e a r H e le n C h a d w ic k , a f t e r th e w h o le r n tn p u i h a d re a r.h e d . th e - c o n ­ VIRGINIA PULLS FAST ONE b lo w F ry \ t h e si lu s o f t e te r in in e d n o t c lu s io n t h a t h is v o t a r y o f f e r i n g o n t h e Pukio, Japafi, May ??—-(DlsHociittcd j)pp»s Rfirbud W ire S e r ­ jrround fo r another o f those d e lig h tfu l little tret»fogethers (you a lt a r o f c a m p u s b e a u tv d o n i h a d b een Nice Bed-time Yaro for Poor Un­ • ed * o f a d m it d e m a n d e d hi.' vice. special to the I v /« ntn I — In one <»f the blmwjjest, moat flrue- know— le t's flet tojfether and cut his th roat) that the local Back In s d e p a r t u n «ome chase-hnll flnmc« ever concocted fo r the edification o f the Slappers Club» sometimes known as the Faculty Folks, are noted Last fa ll P ra tt descen ded t o th e fortunate! Who Have Suffered lo w e s t le v e l t h a t ’ n W o l v e r i n e e d i t o r i. D im » t o ¿ h r illite ra te pitr-washer.s'of Eaxt l.ansing and part« weal, Michigan fo r as fa r as you can smell a barrel o f manure. It had been has e v e r re a c h ed (a n d th a t s p r e t ty Same Fate With No Comeback. it Skate l o s t a very scrowey, positively p u trid example o f how the firs t voted to dish out the s w ill and onions at Lyons Select Cafe lo w * a n d p u lle d a M o n s t r o u s B e a u t y «• v e lili i ed s n ig game should not he played t.o the brainstorm ing Moser t'n iv e r- e r o r t t o s u ic id e o r •.o rn e»lu n g fo r C h ristia n Y'ounfl Women, but when flood old Lizzie Conrad, C o n t e s t in t h e B t n t e t h e a t r e f o r • t h e Politic« attain rn •od its head »m e tic a l. H ow ever, com m on * .- it ? tt hiele« today bv a score which if would be much liett©r s o l e p u r p o s e o f s h o w in g a b o w l e g g e d campus m oral p illa r, learned that sm okinfl the filthy weed was b lo n d e h o w m u c h h e lo v e d h e r Not t»n this virginal òhi ( ’ H f f i p l l K t h i s .«•«•ms t o lie t h a t t h is lo s s I* » not i m e n t io n . forbidden in them shady premises, she threw a monkey wrench s a t i s f i e d w i t h a g e n e r a l in s u lt t o (t i e term, anti when th** monster had IT s e t b y I h e fa c t I h a t P i t ' s < T in • s ta r o f th e II er outfit was a brawny : on-of-a-Nippon ||f! p u t a n e n d f o r e v e r t o t h e into the c a re fu lly laid plana o f° c a m p u s b y n a m i n g h e r t h e m o s t ,a d o r ­ again been pacifici i mother inno- c u d b e t w e e n h is b a n d and Hi »natnofJ W i « h a 1«a tidncanna— a b le C o -e d h e r e , h e a tte m p te d to i n ­ the clu b ’s social secretary, Rose ctuit co-ed, wronflc' hy a misim- O'Neil Mason. Said o u r Liz, “'The idea o f DAILEY HERO TO v e ig le a lo t o f r e a l l y ijo n ri l o o k i n g b ro a d s in t o t h e lin e - u p . H u t th e y w e r e to o s m a r t f o r h i m a n d h e - h a d t o b e c o n t e n t w i t h a p e a s e ! o f p r e t t y .s c re w y dei’Htandin# iaculi m ittod to college against the die-/ ro-ad r e a l. T H E G R E A T . K e n n e t h 'n r ’ h i e k n o w n o n t h e c a m p i n s t lm e P l a y e r a a n d in d a r k nl he union a s p u t r id BOOZE QUASHES flnosim ilk, who single-handed m d alone and all bv him self contributed w v e n ty -fm ir runs, th a t old h y p o c rit saying I can't smoke in her cheap dump. W hy i f I were to te ll what I know SOME POOR DUBS lo o k in g ja n e s E ve n a t th a t h e m u st h a v e h a d t o b r ib e t h e j u d g e s a h e ll o f a l o t t o g e t a w a y W ith m u r d e r t h e w a y tatos o f column decency. T h a t is t h e s t o r y i enne an d W h en In te r v ie w e d la s t j s a id , " w e l l , d a m n i t , I k n o w I rn g o « « • n u t s h e ll o f C a n I h e l p it ?t I h o v e t o u\ «• w a v » nl T h ere PARADE PLANS a duMar's w orth »»f Pinch H it, 't hoi© in one, a pair o f step-ins, m il a b u tti© o f .diflhtly-used ahout Gracie L y o n s -w e ll, you'd h e d id . t, fe n d e r m a id who « m ost r u d e ly , th e d e m a n d s o f th e s e b a gs ? The three year s tn iflflfo o f a < o llltc | i b y t h e ; a lim it , " t c o u r s e , t o a n y m a n 's e 'n d u r never believe me. (A t that point there It This a Fairy Story ? - « r Why Do B u t H e le n w a s p ic k e d t h e l>est l o o k ­ b o u n c e d f r o m t h i s he? iLstcrinc to t h e afternoon'» testivitie r. were indignant tdhiapers. “Why. of in g d a m s e l a t S ta te , h o d a c h a n c e to p o w e r s t h a t b e for w ra l m o ra l tu r- a n c e N a t u r a l l y , I h a v e a n H d v a n U i? Studenti and Officer! Implicated W lte n q u e » I by D e fe c t iv e P red the KMi at Old Girard M in t a lk w i t h O o v . C a l. F r e d W. G r e e n , p itta le a n d to ld n e v e r ih o w h e r f a c e t h i r e , b u t I ' m n o t b r a g g i n g a b o u t * course we would Dear Priestess," from twenty little AW 8ers. headed by M ade­ ¿ o ' a r a d i o s h e d i d n 't n e e d ., a n d a n ic e o n th e gre e n s w a rd o f » I S p a r t a a g a in . I t g r i e v e s m e t o k n o w t h a t m a n y < in Big Heipie-Cavalry T ick s th e .te p - im he » it?d t o h a v i n g f llc h « » d t Chum Cuthbertson's line Du Iso herself. It was touching to Bod Dailey- r in g . F o r a l l t h i s s h e h a s f i n a l l y g i v e n It a ll h a p p e n e d u o r s o a g o . a n d - m v e o m iK itu o n .s w i l l m is s m e . l a d m ig i* Combination. locker. h e r s e l f t o P r a t t , a n d r e c e i v e d in r e t u r n whan shi* I c l t . L h a p l i i y b o y « u f '!>«• h ey b ro k e tlu tr ow n h e a d s , d td n see the faith these little ones had in T h e i >rn b y p r r iv a c «r m t *f »b e T h a t t o u c h in g lo n g in g w it h w h ic h o ld a n o t h e r r i n g t h a t t h e y s a y . lo o k s Just c a m p u s h e a v e d a s ig h «» f r e g r e t a n d :H a y ? " old L it). T he hard heart of the old la u g h te r f I lo w s : l i k " t h e o n e s h e g o t a s a p r iz e M aybe la id fre s h p la n s fo r n d u c lin g s o m e harridan seemed touched also. (Page " p r e p ' ' s c h o o l p a ls w a i t t h e r e t u r n o f a i t i : t h a d t w o r i n g s f o r p r iz e s a n d m o r e in n < .c e n i f r e s h m a n i n t o t h e h o le • m in u s t o F fH RB ST IN N IN G - T akeda m acked lo n g -g o n e buddy is m ost te n d e r ly I'.lKiW w h v t h e -ic n i f i pa r a d i FUpleyt. "O h . of course you know I h e ld o n e o u t o n h e r . W e l l , n e v e r m in d (h a t. w a s s o s u d d e n !\ l e f t v a c a n t b y ft. i.'i s a id t h a t J a c k M o r c h a r d t g e t s ^ P r,l t h e fl f ir s t on? fo r a ro w of tin o u t- t y p i l i e d in t h e f o l l o w i n g p a t h e t i c a p ­ *. s u d d e n ly :t (» o n e d at. t h e c o n - h o u s «^ wouldn't.” she gushed, "but anyway I s h e g o t ••rn b o t h a n y w a y , fa c u lty in te r v e n tio n . T h e y litt le e x ­ ! a l l h is e x p e n s e s p a id a n d t e n .• m a k e r * u* b a l l w e n t d o w n fo r p e a l b r o a d c a s t in t h e " S t e e l a n d O a r - . h w«?ek w h i l e h e g o e s t o c o l l e g e , v e t t h e m i a litt le b e fo r e n o o n th a t don’t think it’s quite refined for a i p e c t e d '*• s e e h e r h o r < lik e f a c e a g a in . Hi** c o u n t , i .«k e rta w a s |>en a lL*cd tir o n e t ,” a k id n e w s p a p e r e d it e d b y th e lo w - life c h ille d in to a iot> w a i t i n g d a te . O f c o u r r e p r e s i d e n t O hnty, t r ie d church woman like Gracie to run such y o u n g s t e r s i n d e a r o l d G i r a r d P r e p a r a ­ B u t t h a t is w h e r e d e a r V i r g i n i a < « • .trrk es f o r f a i l t n « t o k e e p It w h ead • o p u ll t h e w o o l o v e r t h e s t u d e n t * e y e s a Joint—even if she does have to sup­ t o r y S c h o o l a n d f o u n d f r a m e d o n t h e i T h e o n ly r e a s o n B o n n i e J e a n C a r l p s e u d o n y m » s lip p e d o n «- o v e r o n c o m * |ta b le n t t h e K a p p a K a p p a h o u s e To d o w n , a n d lie s lith e r e d in an o ily g o t f lu n k ' d i n 'E c o n o m i c s w a s t h a t s h e g e t m o r e n ic k e l s (H e h . l l e l l I . And b y s t a t in « th a t th e d r ill fie ld h a d b e e n port a ful. grown son and his wife.'’ pUR Iu g h ft lr i»| ie r * a n d - fa n ilty a lik e f a s h i o n i« » w o r d f i r s t , w h e r e A b l e E 3 io - w a il o f a n li t t l e k n o w n , fr e s h m a n o n t h o u g h t jf is e t a w e r e HI t i e d o n k e y s . w h a t Is w o r s e , t h e s m o o t h w a y h e s lid n e w IV • c e d e d a n d a p a r a d e w n t ild la* . The efforts of this bunch of big- th in c a m p u s . W i t h r e s p e c t f u l r e g a r d s S u d d e n ly d e c id in g to le t u m t o H ie w lt z g r in n e d a t h im a ir c c t ic n iit e ly a n d J i i n p e l f I n t o t h a t s in e c u r e . They m y h a r m f u l . i f t e r ( h e h e a v y r a in s . T ills brains to reach the scene of the b r a w l t o t h e a f o r e m e n t i o n e d s h e e t w e r e p r i n t s c e n e nt h e r y o u t h fu l itw . J i n n y a p - in v it e d h im ««it to d in n e r at th e i h a t h e w a s n e v e r lu r e d , b u t s t m u lv e x c u s e f a i l e d t o s a t i s f y s «n n e o f ( h e There a r e o n ly t h r e e H a w l e y s a t t h e O ly m p ic H o u s e. "\ V c n e e d m e n . ' F lio - were touching, and showed what num b­ t h i s c h o i c e b i t t e n d e r e d o n e J a m e s jje a r e d lik e a s t o r m c lo u d o n t h e h o r i ­ m o r e c iir to u fl > (u d e n t s w h o a t o n c e w a lk e d in t h e r e a f t e r s o m e o t h e r s h e ik W lt z w a s h e a r d t o w ;;;* ;p e r "ff y i « » skulls they were when they tried to ' B u d ' D a i l e y b y h i s d a r l i n g l i t t l e K . D . h o u s e , b in t h e n g i v e t h e m t im e . z o n a n d s w e e tly p e titio n e d e n tra n c e. ' h a d l e f t . |Hit o n a n ic e w h i t e r o o t a n d s ta r te d a n m v e s tiK a tio n o t th e m a t t e r p le d g e up, w e ll n u tke y o u b o a e b w tl put their theories in practice. Prof f r i e n d s a t o l d G i r a r d . « I ’d cite f o r o l d Hurrah f o r o ld L u d l n g t o t i ! T h e r e ’s a P r e t e n d in g t h a t s h e w a s * h r o w in g h e r ­ H ie re a l re a s o n w h y th e i« tr a d e w a s j w i t h a d is h o f c h e r r ie s , t r i p p e d i n t o c a p t a i n <>r s o m e t h i n g y « iu r r u m r Y e a r , Wobbly W obbly Johnston, campus press G i r a r d » . t a n k town t o r v o " s e lf o n t h e sympathieH o f t h e a d m i n ­ tM jsi|ton«’d . t h e su rvey T c v e ilfd , was • g iv e A d a m s a th r ill. T h e y h a ve ch er- u n d g iv e y o u f ift y jie r c e n t o f t lie g a te ' agent fo r the Liberal Arts lecture C a t D a i l e y , class p r e s i d e n t , from is t r a t i o n , s h e c a m « ; b a c k a n d s a id n o t h ­ i r ie s 'c a n n e d ) e v e r y w e e k a t H ie K a p p a t h a t D rin B r e m e r f o u n d C a p t a i n K i l l i a n i n « o f th * d e e p laid p l a n t h a t w a s l» e - T ak ed a b ecam e vo e x c ite d t h a t he series, and noted and cussed for his a w a y o u t i n t h e woods o f M i c h i g a n Are you trouble I w it h f a l l e n w o m e n ? , h ou se. J u s t a d e f e n s e m e c h a n is m •C o n t t n u o d on page ?> i n « f o s t e r e d t o p.atn h e r r e a d m i t t a n c e tu rrM 'd a n d s p r i n t e d f o r I t o m e plate, half-hour Introductions on each of i C o n tin u e d o u p a g e 2 ) C a l l H o l l y Biers. H e w i l l r a is e 'e m . A c e r t a i n h i g h lip f e m a l e , w h o p r o ­ s l i d i n g in o n h i s n o t id s s t o m a c h » for said lectures, was in the thera; of the » h e i n i t i a l m a r k e r ut Uef, and turns to the rear seat. wrist to work him up to protec. mg her rc.rlati?in m n ia in Uic the bedpan, «m o t hove t done to inanded. "W h at tfa 'e ii, boys, what *he;in ^ dim Rtreet, plied fender deep "W ak e up, Baby-faee, It’s morning, the . outer pylon, and . .—was ^ érenlos down O i . n i « (h at k'mnnr T h a V h rr chttUtir. suffer such brutal humiliation? I here tovM K»n o f M ollyw oog. a rr f ,11.' The foul W i n re m e out. “™ l WOUIKi tlM door, with Inwtherou». s o * we/re • lone » » » » from he*“ . W r '■ ■ J O raduate Instructor John Barrymore M U tw in ii inU *r*l*«* w iU i th* i a h » Uauirhi not turned out any groat actors since the power, that be iMrneff that unlei» dlrly m om T l » n r i > dewrtad. to all m ’-ta le t the, car out of the drift. ¿ 3 5 i a u l taE y*m h>tt spent tw o minutes trying to Thot. h o il H* fcnowa. o r «•»■ Wtllle Montgomery, but I hone triad Sweet Vlr.lnia w e n readmitted to !o o d | inU.nl, „ y i pgrpoee.. riow l, aeeoaurw V aiue movereenU in the rear. The a i r ? fttflft innatant lassie. MAggie th at m o «4*r.) . . . One of the fcest beloved old men on and I've been (air w hb man and beast, riandlnc. there waaM be H n M o * In - that fade wtth l lankeu Mir. A !trl . dark heed ap- r T * «■ *». W m M » P a g ) Miles, kk a canoe to the the college faculty Ihle noon Io r » though poaaiMe fairer with beasts, be­ Ouential Stale SeaaMre ' J * ? “ J S li'e v e r-ln e re a iU i« thldtnree from the «»jr. prere. hair In M o w ,, direrray “ p festivities, but sbs had had Death’s mysterious door. Be hod Just cause I see lem o f them. But Imagine, •..a t of -Piucreeitnatlan .. MM the IlM nM M i h li iM^reen, did ereble .. ___ we____ * , ?. .Let ue look ,__. ! "OTotta . youre .mean—d . . __rilJTT rift»’» * > ue re— ^-RCflÉÉbM I MÉls M riih naughty g lp d o s of the wen the handwork o f a ltfetieeo oI my dear (allow, to have a tailor’s le«lalature. and PUttlnf a monkey r aM,r Let us p r . down far Penes ’ o Hen— look at the enow, baby ctet kkhed h im M p w the eameet. though slightly screwy, effort dummy like Thatcher going out In the wrench in the kms deanted null ta k . ,ne blankets o l the tonneau, and see c o n s c io «.” ■ then tried to pot his destroyed hr the (oily o ( a w in wide world praclnhalog hhneeK ao the •surteen other facultynincompoop. i uinn— , and Anally finest product o f my thirty y e a « of provision for M. 8. 0. srfaat we shaU see. Bomet bln « la stir- Thao, my dour children, you can bet n n lt cornine lo Ufe. nurtured by the Another head appears, amen dramatic troM ng. Ah. It le too reach. there was a haatjr alapfdnc o f faeae |relamiere suisre of pasalon that forre Btse look! out, andstorta u> shi ffh s t tiare It it » accompanMd He Is Egbert Sylvester King, heed ol V m that uths ymmg jane. the college dramotlce deportment, end It Is more than mortal man con Mar. behind the wnlki o f tba faculty deano’ ; an intagrel part o f a teeeparareental, a yawn. _ It la almost m a n than o groom Coach Offices. rt-TiUT yeu bave no \rtm a f the! crass-country champions notare A; fbu r o c lock. : [he white-haired coach o f many s bor- con bear. I h o « dreoomd of mmoday Stinko tt all am aaff. SreneSody awfully] renin o f music b a n the tred dance Another « w i t ; mg Theut Alpha Phi ploy. Wot J P , unearthing b now ffoirymom. a now hour before he had n o d the t g n t t b |Skinner, end log thirty year» I h o « bed hlch up dewreaded w tn the hell let hire ! keeps ruanux through bia wrtnd -lust cat out of thtomeaaT H a n , In Bcoemo « ( h o * O o n M d ' to labor with oddto-palod m reM nilto in fcr a resse She that, and the O reat. a a l e o * . . u ss j whsre I so . . "W o mtcht set out-a n d mwh. . . ..... Proteetceem e t Maral», ssetn» whleh -svelyn." Ire whlapere. -ffeelyn . And so Ihmr set out ahd pnshed, A a ff(S j% Thotohar, one o ( M e — Ska Thatcher and Dorothy Troth, end Browaen. woe a ctu a l» ptonsungto dle- way the wind tre» Messina dM a hasty The fetid warmth (rare her body when they riree b e d jo u t o f the . pin , Mo u c o l M l o M h la Bollywood. still I h a » not faltered. -And now tt la all taint. Th at old ” mp to the rehw X h . d the fanes ! onrpow en hto Jsded m o m a and be -h u t why r e on with the . ’ Continued ret p r e I ) islahs down U to a bUeeful eowre agren. tatto» ‘ ,4 « ' Looking lo r off Um world nke an old ■ * * * w u jw ia e (pout to (Continued on page 1 1 HEM) « b i t t e A ita i l*Ma to Vote « ¡fl IS T O SOME DUES PANADE PLA N S i Continued trout pogo 1 ) (Continued from pot® II wants to "apoloflse foe the way l ve lying behind tho Onvalry stables boon m glectm t my cloaaoret», mu m d t a atote a t iia te tM ta i that he had hopes to to take care o f thlnm i to be taken to hto home to be revived on or about May 10th. And with Meek toffee and tomato Juice. An furthermore, to back up Wa moae. a reeuto a t th h unfortunate drcum- Cat wants to know if Ha out jw in j : stance, the w v a lry unit was compict- . M .8 C . down to Phllly the sweetest*tol to i ly dtoorgantaed; the pan da had to fe- thr world." to whom he s practically called OB. A Y t M M K but o n d i o b l i T ie re e ttn t btrffs eye view o l MW t a h cneseed All In all. Cat seem sto A committee o f faculty members at Ww1 mnil to Hcrmian house, Eost Lan­ ! Hesperians In hto division In return lor eonyentlan a t Detroit hi t body taa sing. ; being made an honorary member trail u utth ( M i l l . When authori- Dallev aunroached the Enema editor this society and receiving a weekly s u p T H E O N E S T O S H O O T A T Uee In ehaisa o f eo-ed affaire on the ’ . .1? h i eves and bemed that I ply of stlmulaUng beverages It lap wjmmm a ■■■ m iim -------------.. ..---- cam poo bare me aware of thotr Inten­ tions. It w m doomed necerenry that T h is I s i (h i? tmtUMmtoMwprinted Before 3 S - ! worked out that the captain's llqm, ^ » M a i l e d t o w e r - i supply wan baaed on tha number In o il due fairness to the reputation of ” h- t iS u f o r the Insipid yarn , good tums he had done for the Hespit ............ . O dd. the collate that they should be de­ I The^wDorter »u g h t ouT hl. "Sweet-1 It so happened that during the w e . i N w t Q b Hc 8 o F om I BSA B s s s th . . ............. ............. T i n . cently attired. Vltw lnc the matter from the college H o w Y o u y and nnally found her of the lU-fated parade Killian had b e . C . h ln 'i d l ^ s and stationary tvrreeUanj unustmll, g W I J « n ot the Individual, standpoint, mien Nsssnotses m m h I b * wdqgww M f f k t In T h t r t ___________S a d tureen, president o f the Pon-Hellenlc I M h^ r ' 'm i . 0 toouu. *wootlsies”,to the troop, rargeant '1 posts and other ... R fH Do 1 W ................ ................... ........ M H rk council, after eaUImt a special session o f the Incongruous stray. Indicated L o o k to U s ! . a»i_ska. -f V ^ ' an— é ü—r Roebuck Rnshurk «and ¿ d iI promptly H rewarded mMN M ss P*‘ pef *•* sareemrc C k M rr ______ __ ___ ___ B a ff e « that such steps would bo neoesaory be­ fore they could benllowod to leave tb * Ms brow before thatA o «* o f stupidity that • * * " J o a DSUey readily admitted that hc| jf f i K j t e » A g É É B l A d Teener . ........ .... ...... ..... ___ A n t campus. Those affected by the rutotolthe space In the ctoreraem. became even he reabre« that • * * " ■ S S L j j was on » o f tha "bto gmm “ V.? ¡¡re “ ' S *rwrnàttwM^nM t b » parade was postpone a fter H M « Informed that thosewere! pseudo-dean, o f Hboral arts should he «M * to dlltorenttote botween reporter rrated right off to |resulted end tno p a r e « was pretpon. A re •re LdM t lo arere F oarat/rew ^re »w r n l swtar —• ___________P h i l the only coiMHIawa under which they a» d ffpaatoh eufflelently well to tell them apart. Hut beUtt Of that type.of Hcquaint student psbtloiatu with In » I _ --------- ---------------- would be allowed to visit the M e elly indtvtdual He derided to take a chanca. ‘Way." h * ■ • « . M hto moet official p n M n n . The fact that he » a s a 'N a d b a r O o M - D t n r e r ....... ............... V I© ‘ ‘ whUw. "erase thst Seantoh o ff ths board- Not one guffaw «reaped the eds... JUBlot. ,n the liberal «rts çouree m l t ■ ' ■ , eW nUhff the Injuetlee o f the Iniune- not even one titter arare from the ranas o f tho co-eds, for they well knew ( unfounded local Mff-*hcAa that they "hat he was emert enough to have seeored to hhaaell the power o f recoin-. re e M ln m the blow It was seen as Da* t e iuec, CM» Daev, Jerry H a ta - mendhre ffm n to teachers positions Such a person must have somettlng to. hto most Im pireU reKhievem enr COLLEGE HOW M A N Y YIN G B H R M A Y S W B G O T U P T nor. Steve RaoamM. and J e m Breen iinsure were entono tíw first arrivais comino to th e lo ir maidens ft.. rescue as saon i^ w * a t taaak outward i m m e l a t .M O » outworn r a s p e s t ..................... Hin class how fftd mm wi*n ™ j g S u » r * i Job. <«• takes ««tu to brat B n a fe w * ill ■uimrnwrt t o m sufficed to inform that dimwit t h a t h e I about a thing lib* t h a t r l t m i t o CANDY In tho pant it has been th e custom fo r P I D elta Kpdtlon initi­ ates. who edit thla filth y sheet under th raa t o f exdtnatea from m the feels were revealed. The news had bkuiiHrril he had fumbled again; vaguely there Altered Into that tiny I learned that he » r e *|\lr* reuned to «prend Hhe Are. I t was i onn liiiunere (tic Idea o f hto enfocad stupidity unmaehad, and grinning froah manager to tha frmh seruh basr- only a matte r o f minutes before the grotasurely and »ril-consciorely before the eorpus etudentto. The good d w to r, ball nine. above named boyo forgot that domes M ain m u r r " •>*» n e m a Mow. and In hto own maniteatoaUy email, tm im lt-1girto «tou t. T t e l l l ^ i t o j a a u n w » KITCHEN Jan rdreksth and h t » Jonc, In thle Institution, - Ato. and the I h5 b way btandffrpd not to b B t o b on. Vbeitnc to ncod o f a stimulant, he into tho fold. now on the spot where he himself mercilessly InqutsHloncd ] dmtrable group o f young womanhood the hepiess ed. mid eo-ed. Long may his entrails wave! spread leg art the result of setto« too G R A S S S T A IN S We’ve taken you r d irt fo r three years, now take ours. Squirm , with many oompHmenfee from the na> many horses behind the barn? J llanal chapter. This distinction also The next ur< k to sever is almost too despicable, almost too minute, lo o ] d a n g ye, squirm . A s student jo u rn alists we've taken a lot o f carried with It a pecuniary remunera­ inconsequential, too inhuman in It's unJntelltgencc, blasphemous In its smug-: buy Paulson wears orchid pants and | P A R T Y W R IN K L E S tion to the extent of 19040.« which Die ness, puerile in It* mupt expression to be considered as g r ill to this mill. This i nasty crack s from you, the student body and fa cu lty. Y o u ’ve now haughty Chis say they are going fatuous nonenth.v this xestlew* goose-egg is mine other than our dearly beloved blue brassieres (pardon. Just one). How helped go to do we know? Well, S O IL E D t o to use tn the devetopment of a privet« Foggy (FuIkefHHi to ycsi' • Long nmy he wallow in his pyre of intellectual j the co-ed prom. had you r own sweet w ay fo r too long now. Ys oo uu ’vv ee uhufftin u K iin ! pmetuB1 on m tir back lot. sloth I H A N D K E R C H IE F S think we had no comeback. A h , but you fo rg o t Ecaam a. M ay O ur fonuMia paiiUMiuniiHt now Ungers superflously about the gory scene, K O M M E N N O T SO and withal he gently mouths a bit of Shakespeare, being very earrful not ( it get under your skin and slin g. G R E A S E S P O T S GOOD A S HOSERS to soil his disxy umgu«- with some of g»Mid old WtlUc's rare cracks He gambols j In the fu tu re remember, even the lowest worm w ill tu rn : we, coquetUshly about I lie greensward tn suggestive (^cillaLtons like a Jackass ( (Continued from page I braying into the wind Tlie latter reminding me that 1 am ranting about our j Nin.Mww.Nf. mo.-ii revered W (work* W «and wtm Johnson, chief shush man to the O^iglish A S va n M i ky a m • E »' I a s some o f the lowest worm s, have done turned. j thmblng its none at Ute ‘i deiatrunetit The IIlustration being that Jie said to one criticizing lowbrow j D kan Bo it i.a V iwk M * y ! hero. said Gooscmilk M ay you r heads get sm aller a fte r reading this sheet. thusly: "Shush. im»'« t criticize the administration!'* Since when has d e ity trs a tB M B t "Gaddy—my tnaehlr niblick. I'm m *o simminably «bounded among us that we should forever sit and silciilly 1 want to find A beautiful creation y o u r e it io m b r r t o « p e a k t o u s c o m m o n lr e o p lc o n t h e s t r e e t , n o t ! l i * u ; oboky llJ 'fo ^ J 'h a iid M | ,wmn» hiw. suffer administrative imbecilities? That t may offer to a friend Our SHtiln i», Hyifone- canoe paddle, and a quarter's worth la liappy celebration ju n t n t e le c t io n tiim *. a n d m a y y o u r e m e m b e r t h a t t h e r e w i l t b e of turnips In rapid succession. G oimc- Albert H 'h u rra h ' Nelson, notorious campus quack, self-sty led wet-nurse A few weeks hence (if all goes well) milk selected a pickle fork and strode to all Journalistic- hopefuls, mid in fallible critic, next toys dtNivsicfuliy with O f that friend's graduation. B t Bj i m m .” j a n o t h e r E c ie r a a n e x t f a l l . tn the platter, tots eyes deep blsck. wite. tlie keen edge of the bloody but *Ull optimistic blade He simply exudes Ro- blue, yellow, green coals. Like a fencer turiau! Rotarianl RoiarUin! And It smells, as usual, to lugh heaven. The M y D c a s E n n u i s — : % ■ ! pungent odor rmonaie us he brugs to his rlasses ui tlie tainous newspaperman Hove’s a gift he sparred with the onion, and then, For women or men— with a quick, brisk, sudden, unexpected lie was to hi* dag-day» not too greatly cxnggcraU’d. however, since he did |Hit In a month or so on some .small backwoods rag. H r length of his tenure It ha* appeal for everyone— twist, flipped It neatly into the corner pocked for a perfect bull's eye. He tougod lastly to flrst. to second, and to : third, but on -the way home lie blew is explained by the fact that the editor was on a month's vacation At the time A lifetime Parker Fen For friendships chain you thus may forge a link. Twitchell’s POLITICS i out two tires and a connecting rofl ami was continued in the next issue. Oriflkn was wtkl as a Tclinagkik kangaroo, and beaned U r next victim ] A big argument ensued between Matsui Year's B est Seilers A n d T h e ir Anthers "Trial* ot a Rarlm Announcer * STATE SENATOKS SA V E M O R AL V IP E R j it'-jnMnurd I mm pagr 1) / Yours. Herat la Vink. O r th e O n ly W a y O u t o f a D ir ty M e e s t and Wakabagaslii and Kennainacaroni Daughter" Dorothy Tofny. and leti tin- acting dean acting by him-1 ss to who should remove the body. I f th e M in a ll o u t w f y o u r fo H r ll. "M arried Life W ith n I’ants Presaer", self While Kannamscaroni was nibusier- Tln»y had to have wane excuse fori ■ing tn his own inimitable style. Wud- -J m r Hewitt A fter working m mmu« «■ fto d M . l t e re td « a r rere- ¡ - y i» u n lr e r p y at n p f f i " P ac t. ! » n d I I ' THIS IS vm m w w iS ^ B U L L D e w Fanny: I. I atorüri’ a » » « ! . , , n . „ could 10 mal" her mine, tv .n nrllnt; D e a l A l: h o u m v to n ™ ,n ï f rn,Ü , ■ » riwhin* r.ptm n for tor home ever* M y a d v ic e n ^ t o ^ « L ? ^ 5 . y3 î L <,,l l ï '" i 1 K th* ' I havr «m it u è t" Play with both ,.r »t r a lln a m » n t o * J S * * 1 ro d a n d • ' « o f t r n rv a llr-rt h e r . " ‘T " l h ** 1er «while » y o u pavi r r t t L a j W S Ä " - w ,,,r h ln * « * “ a* « (««e t n a ie d . so * r™ S "*»» in tto w o ld to », w to n l ■ * 1 t'ouw «at somr much ,o that sto never sav s srrvthlm yu" r “)rl *»n'l Inolrtto, theyll now material. but country birrs arc' more. I w e n t down t o tor tome It of you and lay off bothering oven slower than the Trlmolraa. nest summer and f o r some strange ■ : i n n *,B’n r v r r y t h l n s «111 Ir lioitv-u>l«v they ^ r e toil . ^ T i ? 9 ° " kn'” '’'- " ,rtn t «° » Ho* with tor old Fanny. about tto J ‘ now » w e , m a n . In fan they lortorte to r to see f h ? a ® n c hOT,w‘ th* n mc ony " W ' Arr my oar*; the cause D e a r F a n n y : the tic* themselves I ve Browned Dot Sof allthis trouble? Troth till she let me in some Theta Bud (Buffi amlth i f te r g ir l on o f , Alpha Phi play*, will that help? lie m e n ru n »■to | fIrm rtnfs a r*-aw t a r e u t h e r le v s v ir g in a l b e a u ty o f cou rse j a m a • W hat d o you pat out of her? Did i nnd now vomlng down to the level of I f It. i s n 't t o o p n t n f i i l M aybe -lie ': K a p p * K a p p a , a n d th a t e x p la in s p a rt •u ever try U> Mm tier good night? I f ift Trlmolm. You sure have .«lipped Bet, s o r e a t y o u a n d quit y o u . T h e n ' » f it. b e d n u s e a l l K n n p a s a r c s o u g h t she’» probably worth at leant a d i m e \However, i f aortal climbing l* t o h e y o u r t r o u b le s w o u ld l>r o v e r a h r b y »h e m e n th a t r e a lly c o u n t, but week. Beventy-ftve cent* I* a lot of j your career, .you're in the hand* of a Fanny till Î a m >rse tifliieted than a n y mey to spend cat one off them Coop hm*ter. Dot Troth can chisel you in uadi. M y advice In give her up and J“t’ccn^ society if anyone can Madonna stram m ». kc out a K. D.. they'll come for noth- Fanny D ear Fanny: O n e t i m e in S p e e c h d a « ? ;ot u p l> e a r iM a d o i Fanny. Dear Fanny: t o m a k e a .s p e e c h n n d s o m e h o w Bel ■ving that the previously selected: result of honoring some-famous |ier- oil concenslonn were let to the McPher- ; k ir t h a d g o t t e n c a u g h t i n m y g a r t e r » c a n n ee y o u r e a l l y h a v e a - . ¡r im » » ! t i t l e • j * j Vc are de mumber* ov Alva srnrtety. vr t h e tow c o - o f f dorm. Hvlvmi w in i- o n t o r t g f f with ,.(»tr gm cnim fnl ,>r n i l l v m n , 0 r H o w o ll ami the a n d e x p o s e d m o ftt o f r n v b a r e Ic -t V o w m in d o n e th a t n e v e r g a v e Dirn» t o a n u > d « r nr Fanny: ¡und ve part'd seem do 'naste p i p p u l lackoff the c o l o r anff nffvertton, ■hUtoff, l a w to m m m »ny ot „ V , V . . m y l e g « a r e n 't r e a l l y W g . b u t t h e y 'r e id e a . T h e t h i n g l o r y o u t o d o u. to a p p e n Unit »11 rooil-'ilclo lint rtog ««nffH itom. dmi'tcH« know) Btord "inted it, ntontlon to nmkc the m going With a little Alpha P h i' w v dat ve'rc nr nor* a/ dev Is. Dat r a t h e r la r g e a n d it c m » r e d q n t t e n t a k e t h r e e q u a r t s o f s t r y c h n in e , c u t ! h a v e , n, after trying practleally every babe; larnned Indervrademtdy comtl von » lh* s u it ' Board ol Agriculture o t t o r lltlf, i-onnlrtwd were Ttic d',rmlu’rv 0” ° lhf! m‘ml » ‘ kructivo s e n s a tio n R ig h t a fte r »h a t B lm w r y o u r t h r o a t a i t i » a s a f e t y rautnr ty o u j v o t e d the campus. She's terribly dumb! led US blay blshall vit de rcsd of youse h a v e o n e , h a v e n 't, you?) tt )»w you . . ‘" . a ' . ' T 1 *” “ '0I'. ! IU* rt»eit to W in d-B lrw inn 'dlnnirdad inrcuuw .1 ‘ P ° '* along anv ntutc hiRh«m.v. a lender In the Intelllgenxla likej vellow*. Ve gan'd ged eny dadr» elder q u i t m e u n d I h a v e a d l c k e t w •<( a t im e b r a ln s r o u t w it h a h a n d k e r c h ie f, a n d * m o n ' ’ 'and name u ..X, * * cototrucff UK a crarlc lit ci-r- Afrmtorn o t t.ha board w rrr jllhit.in' . but she enn neck like hell, sh e cua de rain'd no Jewish« rs «oils on dl? g e tt in g d a fe s s in c e th e m W h a t is th e uphonlti! th u s rlie v e b o th o u n r l f a n d a lo n g « b u t d o n 't f a l l t h r o u g h - lain well-known imHticlvm: K u m -o n ut chooiln« Mich an attractive nami- m a tte r? .iinen all that's bane within me. and! gampoos. Vat vill ve done a boot id? 'a m pun. - Ihtl 'dropped because of the effect o n 'a n d considered it much better than ms my thoughts to thlngn of flesh Alpha Society, K a ty O ro s ven or. I hey legard their choldo asparti- faculty morals» and Virgins Rest M-lim- Sylvan Lodge, which they admitted ml should 1 do? 1 used to go w ith1_ uiarly appropriate to thenature of levied for seemingly no good reason at was terribly "dum b," and a whole lot n Emmons, and she used to feed me! De* r Alphaiten. Memtlten. Shanaitcs. D ear K a ty t h e s t r u c t u r a , and still enables them a l l ) , better than any such htgh-hAt names Y o u r w h o l e t r o u b le l.‘ . th t o k e e p awnv from t h e embarrassing Contract* for barbecue and gas-nnd* like Abbot H a ll, or slch like. i or three times a week. ftnd Skintites: l a r k » t h a t e l e m e n t o f m y n t i r y th a t Junior Tate. j Yours In Indeed a s a d caw Y o u arc tr lg u e n t h e b o y s T h e y ¡ill . a n * t o n I a n » a s w e e t l i t t l e b o y . o t ic o f t h e t i e Junto*: j Indeed outcasts, b u t t h e n I t s y o u r o w n o u t [ f » r t h e m s e l v e s w h a t i g i r l ' s 'a h o m e sort w i t h b e a u t it u l c u r l y h a ir ' One of In «’# most pertinent questions H A U OF FAME i s fa r a s this Jane being dum b l s j , a u , t - W hy d i d n ' t y o u n t a y l i k e y o u lo o k f ik c . a n d w h e n y o » i g e t r ig h t u p a n d a lo v e ly c o m p le x io n . I w o r k In how to distinguish a psychology prof. rm sd, she’s Just the type for you.! * * * * • ■lrMjt f a d ° f r e i n i n g a l l t h i s h e l l ? : c la n s a n d s t io w ._ l.h e m . y o t th e iib r a r v a n d h a v e w o n d e r fu l fu n from a •tudent. Now don't say "B y his r u in v f would take an aw fully dum b one t o j 1 Ket lnto h w i v , , n k y . k i c k i n g ow n i han ees Y u c a n c o m f o r t yen w i t h n il t h w o t h e r g ir ls t h e r e T h ere actions." predate your brand off inteWgenee. i2 “ nL f et,!r ,n thf M‘I,t o1 thf> P®n l* s e l f b y r e a l i z i n g I h a t t h e y w o u ld is o n e t h a t i s m a d ly in l o v e w i t h m e •baMF that's why Ann kicked you j ~ u l matter o f n o d a t e s , is s e r io u s Still a full belly to a man of your! 1 suggest you im p o r t a b u n c h o f h a v e q u i t v o u a r ■w ay a n s o o n a s »1 h a d o n c e ’ s e e n v< i r le g - s o d o n ’ t ir a n d 1 w o u ld lik e t o e n c o u r a g e h e r « b ut t h e f e l l o w s a l l k id m e s o I l i g v e to Eczem» Humbly Nomipalct ibe Russel Daubert claims he is an Inti­ mate friend of Johnyy Weismuller’ ntaMty must mean a lot. W h y d o n 'tiyftur.9wn try going with both o f them— j •oro,rlty and ran 11 Bptft w o m e n a n d s ta r t a ** * Fanny. r e p u ls e h e r . « h e r e a lly Is q u ite f o r ­ Followinf (real far Ever- just because he once lent him a pair of water wings w a rd . not q u ite m a id e n ly , d o n tcb a e done that before, haven't you? i ; ouLd „bf‘ 1an ■ wful trlr|t to ^lf,y o n - Fanny P a n h e lie m r T h e y a r e h a v in g e n o u g h Fan know W h a t s h o u ld I d o t o s h o w tie r latlini Homr: i t * trouble k e e p i n g t h e Bpartan W o m e n 's ic d U a b le t o « t u m o re hum ar rn n n r* ■e (t o » «tater that’» >n Alpha P M .i^ V nl-h 1 « t o i t o « t o » d » lt o wKh »H t t o f f r l « 1* " . » ff'St» m a k in g th e m P le a s e lo o k Ibv off “ n ld™ 'vhv lik e th e m a h o o t c h t h a n a n îsy o t h e r l i e t a K a p p « f i o n t h is c a m p u s ,. b u t ' h i s f a i l r f e t i f o r a l i t t l e L a n s i n g{ d a m e , a n d h a v e h a d t o r e fo r m . N o •w v W e i f commend tlw* following « (lent.* ¡oui members of the faculty: H«y Gang! This ad and M e will r a W I » you lo in v t r o u b le Is » b l * rtOMO-t like very w « U .. B u t n o n « i d o n l y o u jo ln t h e Hr«..t .n Woman s e v e r y t i m e I ta kk e l i e r i n t o s o m e c h e a p M a jr l M o r n in g ' « h e lias c o n s i s t e n t l y ( knock ike bolts srawwd fo r o whale i t g o e s o u t t o y o u , d* th an « a r m « « o n ff time * lth ltw ,p" ' tlw J o in t, » t h a t 's th e i n ly p la c e f f e c i a t d te I n ow h o w h a rd It I e p t ail foreigners out of Bigma Kappa. hour. re d -t a M d . good to look gt. .tot >>l«cl.,toep? e 's o m e f a t b lo n d e w i t h e o W : s e n s it iv e s o u l w it h o u t î xp erb î W e hove lively cwsMom on owr I l O a t o l l n company. W hat ta runny r u s h e s u p t o »n e a n d m a k e s m u t t e r s >f :>cx u n d w o o i n g t Paul Y ou n ger: Because lie Icn|tril to UbM . matter? W lia t can I do to get my ' ' ‘ f u s a o v e r m e . a n d w a n i s t o Jiswa w h a t t o tic Arc y o u xur* ix iiit t c iii fa m e n ila- recent cam* dates? Dear Fanny: I don t corne down and er i p i i t c I h o g i r l p a ig n in g . ar Howard: Howard Come. I were you I'd Join the Alpha Phi’s .church W hen I was n nophomor! 1 p i c k e d |up a bowlegged Swede at Freshman week mixer and P e o p le - h er 1 am s h e is anv m o te . I've told my gal tlrnt p e n c e a n d tha» ank Oort I'm pure» ;»nd y o u r c h a s t i t y ? in g to d o t ib e * me Wha* ■rnd .i gift «eri ir one he has n o d e of I f s o . w h y d o » 1 you you ; 1 J im H a s k in s : m t n is t r a t t o n <»f For his gutless The «la te News. ad- Picture of a n y little front» after read­ ing o n e of Rex Steele's blood i h i n d y W a sh b u r n Fanny. i rapidly Inst my heart to her. since I then I have done every little thing I to d o . ta n cp No oni t l y , lik e iK io k s ¡ o r in - w o iild e v e r m. p lc io n W illia m P r a t t : IT1* beauty c o n te s t« In te r v ie w s on trnditiotis in 'Hie State Sm oke Shop Al O ’Donnell 1 F a i u y. a r e t h e source o f his fame. News. î .. I I.iiz Hnrtcnsc Conrad. Denn of women. an Loptk and Beckwith, two np and PROF. ADVANCES a il u t lU s e h e r r e x o t ir c r ? ' • tee suppose. O r I f like mont d o g i I e r a tree they should work on the :M" instead off the News. ECONOMIC PLAN w h u -h modern indu» I UK bRSiti w ill Oil« i î v e r c o n c e i »•d by. m a n u n d tiu w l . it r u n n in g îr o u n d a fte r You will ever eat AT g a r d e n , h a s d ia c o v e iT d a u r c - f l r e s o iu fo ld IT.* a d v They y add to vo. u w a s (» r o u g h *n e n t e r p r l j i t i g : o lig h t Ih lfc «u / r n m g b y E c »tn a W a id O litn c r F u r t h e nil m e . •> rfer ••»»- tio ti to th e p r e s e n t d ep t * d o n th a t ha n u c k . a n d (m il h e lia s d ir i i e d - o u t .-O lili 1., * ,1 ? 1 ( d i f i r n t i o t l (î M u d e iit s it» tin - n a n u * o t e d u c a - la rra t’ s Shoe ith c U n ite d S ta te s in it s g r ip it WA t o i l e t tis s u » d u r i n g m o n t e ru e ih n t V» e r e *»»d d r a n s >f M i c h i g a n 8 » . (* C o le g e an n ou n ced la * c In c o m m e n t lu g o n y c s t e r d a ;. t h e p r e s e n îi c o n ­ p r e v io u s ly Joke« and k w t, but ‘ (èl íe^ « 'o u id *h cad h e (O ile g < * m o o tli, und« W ltll g e t la - a n C o n r a d t o i r r i n i t t h e Hamburg Shop O p e r a e lio r u s g ir b . t o a p i i c a r in repeal of the Vol.-tcad Act ».> *h plans w o u ld be it l i m i t a ■ Lto-i n ig h t o n e o f ttu » -* • t*r m u is t o i i« ‘ m a d e fa c u lt y .m e e t in g • d e m a n d %>> a n d i s t h e E c s e m a 's p o ii» . FOR S m to«» ECZEMA (Irrid.*ii .rnim-fiiateiv iii that Mm* paper rn lll.t w i. u h l h a v e t o b e g i n ¡m n jc d ia u - th e -.1 t h e n u d e • t r u t h , a r» p l a n t e d b e h i n d a s c r e e n in ■ c l u b r o o m s i»n tlw* t h i r d ' 4u k y , I th e and. Jo 1 »hine Ifnybarker: The outsUiiid- 3 1 !» E A S T G R A N D R IV E R A V E . e x p iin .s to n t o MU * i» è v o lu t i, e o f o r d e r s Iit ie ec. in d e n t o f t h e year: she tin t o t i ix iild in g T h e Iw m - ; î w o u ld c a l l f o r m o r e i u m iw r ja c k '- iNMtoveriHl how :o prevent gut rumb­ d o f n g s o f Uw* m e e t i n g s m • rein re- F o r R e a l E a ts try th e ii i o* n o r t h w o o d s . it o n c e ili«* P i- c o r d e d Ir o m »h e r c iw r t e r ■ illy writ- ling on (later., at parties, etc. c r « î *‘d -. o p p i y o f i/ u ip w o o d d e m a n d t e n s o r t-h a n d . Jean Blessing: For her lack *»f "it." »v o u lu .^*¡1 f o r a n e x p a n s i o n o f t r s r w - o ld m a n K m m o n s . fa tr m Conic) Hamilton broke a date tor the Green & White Cafe U p otairn O v e r «I m Foatofffice p o r u tio t a n d re p rod u ct men mi f a c i l i * ich. .u n i i h e w h o k s a l t U ia r k c tin g o f th e fln l« h e d ¡id . « b o « m p k jy flnu n y m o r t om en. ?nen l i o n s p la n s , c a lle d n d r a e f a l * t o o rd - - ar«* g a t h e r e d h e r e f o r ;*n i m i x i r t a n t a n d au -u; • mus j i n l i ­ • evening Military Ball with her under the pre­ Gentle- text ol three broken fingers. Percy Hidney Mayne: Tha only he- Not only m a i i d t h e ; riifx*t" i n d i a t i ? r c - ( • » l i o n Oh h e ll, f ie r e - . ne d r q ie man English instructor on Die rampu*- calve a «*• ;.tt : i m u i > a but o t h e r tt id u s - Y r s r e :;u y * g o t t c r • rjvsh ' (»ugh a n d !H is lH*st ia os In*irv as » bqar nig. / tries would ai a iv «) t»e b e n e f i t t e d A » a r e - d i the ra w ird m e m b e r s ■ idea of .«*ult of in« .ui’f v t h e p ro fr.v N o r d is - b u y i n g t h e s e s i l v e r n lc k ( «1 pia* eri ! ion«!.»'. Carrot lier For his .trict covered that o f th »- w a s h r o o m * • ;- (t to « > m l o r 100 r n u r k e r b < i h If we ipervwlon of the all-college election. DOLL UP were rather h • a c e * , e l o d t n c . i g h » ’. c a n p la c e o n e o f 1in * * - « iodors in Prr.f. Dun ford Because lie has af- wouid have ' •î - t a f le d i j e f o r e » ?if- n a c h r o o m o f tjic .s e b u ild :: fraded mtudent« i> much MmuHcment. l»«trons couM • maximum Met»e- > *m pu% . t h a t 'l l m e a n » » p i . They «(«light in i tmngifii: hts name to H».% of the innova*.• -. tertaJly aid electr I would ms » .o o o b e r r i e s a p ie c e n o w o p e n f o r . 'u « g e s t io n s . J o e C a s w e ll, n o t e d f o r A lr lg ti Dung fork. I ooriMirations, thu . Lie Browning Famous for tiw: num­ Have You Tried Our gif back to work. p o litic a l b o « » c o n tro l o f V ber of tunes he voted in the last elee- a d d r e s t » t h e " s h e e p in w o lv i - clothing If the plan were Ui uxstfuily F o r T h at H eavy D a te carried out. commer> . .fnith,-. and cartoom«' its. joke- I ie at a a s f o l l o w « . " I ’ l j f i x * iie c o h t ivid mo its! f o o l p r o o f , n o t e v e n r. c o u r* •old deny Joseph F o l e y B e c a u s e he is t h e b ig -!. g e a t grafter on the c a m p u s premium. !t would tak irrmis,!nation and Wit to p< i of .•■kill. ?the t> pe it« legsiity Jolui-sLoo, the bo; who n. it. Brown- i ms? famouA o his campu, - lUercd in C l a u d e Btreb: For h i « afiprrciation Balcony? Tonight You’ll p Complete Beauty Shop Good Barbers of cofiy to interest the of readers. There would at c la s s e s to be !hat topruna of his. Hoys. I’ve j o f t h e beautiful (beautiful women». Prof. Walpola: He »saa only a bit oi I I anunal [iKtumi. cupcgially monkeys, for the chi Wren. l»ousaMiaM hints for the wife, styles for the steinigraphen». ^ lne r* n tns*rlhv on the side «»iated ?.pittori i That will . et the a t - 1 myth lie silver we î white tract»" in Um old home town. . but lie m odi good in tha north. Know Why $ breesy siorifs for tha yauiM? n « i and temkm if anything will. " Harris C o sts»: The only studmt in Dirks, the big not at tin (>id hob. i vchoot who can flank three suhjerts a I M L S . C . B a r b e r S h o p rather paaatwnate partures for ne old men. The Bm die syslmn touM -»..«» i* f % "I'll engineer ’.he u 'lying o f ; ¡rrm without being asked to loovo. *he »pit catchers I ’tt bH ¡at tney be cmptoyod in prodwetiag ii.ssoe nave strong bottoms ' Dr. Austin: Bocnusa ha lor the xloes of ’ cuslownrs wfib have been deprived of their vision Amain, another one of th * yesjRing tnoke. ctmm, man for a dewnuhip "AM «? got to cards, in foot, ha la 1 C A irr I This new product wouM also be of ..uy is that it this deal got- «»ear big: of virgin ehastity. benefit to the taspaywta in that the oountrr could levy a luxury tax on tip; 1 can assuré you of future «a*** in U s w _ (Jink? _one-horse high udtooc, nrough Mahal Peterson and B w l I%rrhi: jla*» ■ product »uah as is paid hy the playing rjM q p ' m m ” ' " " " " cause they brought ait the card company» thus redm ttg the bur- xfyt itm t ttho 0VI., a*, o H h i * * * * * *> "2 ,m* lh t io n off the e M n m T he * * * * * * im u r. let* out thw wnacradut' "Well, to *. ' caBad a'trntion to the fasd tha t eaeh m heartie«. I can give you a dirty : man employed to tlda.or asaaeiatid m -. m pmnch u, . padre Young: Ha carrlm weight ] company u()y ^ chooses to onfar ? * * * s i m y e s pnmntiai » - ’ wiHigg liUde myth J a k e R o t t e n P ic t u r e s flumar of the d M iic t Haber, the guy what hire and fires W ord Kelly: Preaum ha la |yuarenf e the financial sum iHy o f the thma. whisper», Liaum yousr Umonrr«, campus Beau Brummei. lnduatry j»u handk- t h e help that (iearia the A C h i c a g o novelty firm has already1cusptdon. a n d X gu sru M w no -trikes or Maurice Punch»: T ha only m ilk fad | j agreed to furakdi nwsdaal U sw a roUres * waikouu. ’ man on the campus. T ry U » A n d See which vrtJi gredtly add to the comfort i of those who will indulge in the new i n’t h a v e economic depresslori.s i f he was Wyngarden. the heor.u w h a t wouid- j-fiwrn of dtven h a. ! running the country, thunders, " t i l give i W ith m en bock to work, business you business cycle* until we gat the Boys. « « are the salivation o f the* Ihgre no eHglhilNy a n d i g -yim lie kdMdd to clear up. ' . country—«wny » !(&&■ JAN E H E W IT T : Because she without a peer am ong the camp*, *, Pats: because she had everyone- lleving her to be a sweet yomu- whose motto was " U p s that tot liquor never sh a ll touch mine r the great pilgrimage to O e o r g v t c D O R O TH Y TR O TH : B e c a u s e she's when her true self was revealed got m o r e b r a s s a n d is t h e b i g g e s t s o c ia l yes. she kept pace with the f a s t « l i m b e r o n t h e c a m p u s , a n d s t i l l s h e and was it bridge she played ,n r a n ’t r a t e a n y t h i n g b u t o n e b l i n d d a t e r.x.tbal! star's hotel room that n ig h t a t e r m ; b e c a u s e s h e h a s c h is e le d a ll h e r fr ie n d s in t o T h e t a A lp h a P h i. a n d le t t ^ o s e t h a t d o n 't B r o w n h e r rtay out in th e c o ld ; b e c a u s e s h e p ic k s a l l t h e c a s ta f o r c o lle g e p la y s fr o m h e r s e le c t g r o u p o f B r o w n e r s , a n d is thereby re­ s p o n s ib le f o r t h e d i s g u s t i n g d e c l i n e of d r a m a o n th is c a m p u s , b e c a u s e s h e Min't u n d e r s t a n d w h y i t i i t h a t si n c e r ie u i P a t i l l e l e f t , » l i e c a n 't w e m t o worm h u m * !! in t o d e c e n t s o c ie ty . P «x > r o l d p au h e, w h a t a b u rd ed h e h as! ^ M A R IA N H AW LE Y: Because d m m OBv w o -e o t o w a «© ! w trvshautn , w Mm was THK treSS m an "find** o f the campus, a n d net] ROOER O R O VE: Because he is OFF PTNNRO : B e m u s e l i e b e a r s a c c e p t s dates «an d is damn g la d •»» M A n O A R F T P A T T E R S O N : Because proud to call Rudy Valee his fraternity m o r e t a k e TtUes s u c h as N o i s y . " “ H a l f * w i t h Hermians. including the a m i she has degenerated from the ftfctftcle brother; because he managed in make P in t A s yrta n Banana P e d le r ,' grra i Ha.m»v because she w a s are] of social achievement, the queen o i tw o hundred on the Varsity party I t “ C h i c k e n ‘ Ilian a n y o t h e r a t h l e t e ; be- o f last year's beauty quants « s o r . , x J the 29 J-Hop. to obvlon* obscurity; be- the egpense of the other member*; b e ­ r a i l » ' 1 h e b r o w n s t h e c o a c h e s t h r o u g h a l t h o u g h poammlng the physiog o f ] •‘greybeard" co-ed.-- fellow mates. t h i n k s h e 's J u s t th e fu n n m t t h i n g men on this rnnipn»- allowing his a s ­ o v e r ;• y e a r a n d s t i l l r e t a in J T h is p i n . a g a r s t h r o u g h her wily c h a r m s