IPING LANSING & EAST LANSING SINCE 1972 I+5.IJ AJjrOD J9A9DJ/S.J f J.T. during story time, rather than tales of capitalist, imper¬ To the Joint Tissue: ialist lackey-bear "Winnie-the- ISP5 °L It's really cool to find a paper that represents the people and all that stuff like JT. Pooh." • Liberate the newt from the aquarium. You're always publishing things • Cut out the birds and bees and that other Deople won't. So I've written this poem and it's pollen crap in our pre-junior-young adult "What Mommy and Daddy Do" really right on, cool, and the whole thing: period, and go natural. The administration couldn't howard r. hughes relate to our demands (didn't dig where are youse them at all) and got we can't find you, howard pretty up¬ you ain't nowhard tight—threatened to cut out recess, dismantle the jungle-gym, a real they say you're here and you end up there bummer—so we had to take it to the streets. Total victory was nobody's sure of nothing anymore within reach (we had our teacher, is::::::::: are you a man or just a myth? Mr. McGregor, trapped under the lets have the truth science table and were jabbing him i don't believe in the media with pencils and stuffing Dear Punks, crayolas anymore up his nose) but they made us break I just want you sickies to know howard for nap time and we lost our mo¬ that you aren't fooling anybody howard mentum. with your scummy, filthy propaganda howard Anyhow, the asst. principal is you bunch of sniveling little COMMIE getting out of the hospital next CREEPS. week and we're We know all about how you Peace, expecting some more perverted pinkos operate, taking Cliff Irving heavy action, so hows about a little orders direct from Red China, on solidarity from our older brothers the dole from those sisters at J.T.? Send over a few Rusky sympathi¬ zers and bleeding-heart liberals more organizers (you can keep that which that marshmellow J. Edgar bearded dude, though, Chick, Chug, Hoover should have run out of this whatever his name is) or better yet, great country years ago. just send materiel. Anything you But anyway, just let me tell got will do—gasoline bombs, ice¬ Dear J.T. you something: you jerks won't ever picks, fusies, straight razors, be able to spread your cancer to tire irons, etc.—we ain't choosy. After reading your special good AMERICAN kids because they're So down with all establishment school strike issue, we been too smart for you. prisons, free all political and 4 They're too doin' some organizing on our own busy doing clean, wholesome AMER¬ educational prisoners and resist. out here and the action's ICAN things like playing baseball getting RESIST! KILL THE PIGSI or riding their bicycles or heavy. You'll be happy to know that despite the hard-core atti¬ watching television or working tude of the Okemos Roosevelt Love and peace, on their paper routes to get hooked kindergarten administration, we on your drugs or practice kids aren't taking any more b.s. Lenny your perversions. Last week we took five hostages, So there, you P.S. I really can't write yet so impotent little built a barricade with folding slimy redniks. Ha, ha, HA. chairs around the piano, and my cousin Rosie did this for me. It's ok; she's a Sister. burned our demands into the coat- R. Perrin room door with Freddie's old man's lighter, which were: • Having some say in what we get DOPE INFO: with our Hi-C; no more graham cracker oppression. CALL PHIL PITTENGER -aiH-a.iuuiM,, jeaq->fe>pei }si[ei :anssij. }uiop at# oj. WV^JL -jadiui J3L|5PJ c}si[P^ideo sate} uein 'sun} Auojs 6ui-mp 'IT J "t a. 3. JT reveals faculty list! The Joint Tissue has DONE IT and how many of our brothers and editions until every last AGAIN, as only the JT would dare sisters really care about MONEY cowering to do. academic lackey is EXPOSED. or other such capitalistic de¬ We should also point out that Remember when we ran a full lusions? list of area narcs, the Straight News has had access figuring that No, the truly important thing to copies of this list since honesty may not reform the estab¬ October is to hit the faculty where they of last year, YET HAS REFUSED lishment but at least it helps TO you PUBLISH IT. protect yourself from it? live, and that is just what the We must ask WHY? and Joint Tissue has done in the fol¬ in the absence of other Well, exposes begin at home, answers can only assume that and while we may not be the first lowing list, which includes home their failure is yet another example of how paper to publish a list involving addresses, office'locations, and the faculty members, our list is the phone numbers (Both home AND puppet SN is TOTALLY CONTROLLED most relevant one. for all agents of fat-cat office) by Wharton, the board of trustees, After all, Wharton. Due co space and the Rockefeller Foundation. the State Urinal merely printed limitations, we a bunch of names and can't print the entire list in salaries, this edition, but rest assured we (Final note: in the following MyYMMMMMMMMMM ?????¥???▼▼?? will continue the list in list, * designates sexist married future people.) OLD LEFT NOTES A new offensive!! A4BASSE StL"A SR DEPARTMENTAL SECRETARY 105 N JlVlSlDN GRAND RAPfDS 25*5 44TM ST S E GRANO RAPIDS CUM* E DOC AT t 3* 455-0516 454- •ARBtTT tolLLlAM S lift ENGINEERING BUG 355- ASSISTAST TO TM€ Ot AN COLLEGc OF ENGR trial on the trumped up 162* LJRAINE LANSING •ABBOTT bERNARD 4*4-3011 The Students for a Demo¬ 33d STuOCNT SERVICES RlOG 353- charge of lewd and inde¬ A»EA CI« 6 CAMPyS OEAN OF SIJUENTS cratic Society's 8th Annual 26*7 LASA4.lt BLVO LANSING 372-2655 cent behavior. »ABBf»TT JUNE IW NATURAL SCIENCE BlOG 353- International Revolutionary clerr typist usoa ent res oiv We were about to get 332 * CIRCLE OR wlLLlAMSTON 655-3496 War Council convened late ►ABBOTT MAXaELl T 201 *000 SCIENCE BLOG 353- down to specifics, when GRAOUATE RESEARCH A $SI STANT *F000 SCI HMN NUTR last Friday night at Mac's 6051 MINTERSET LANSING 882-1930 Norris and Ellen wandered ►AftbUTT 0 i AtfRENCE Burger Chef in Williamston off to score a lid and ASSOC PROFESSOR EMERITUS 5C8 Charles st east lanSing ROMANCE LANGUAGES 332-3272 to finalize plans for the A980TT JNETA J and watch the oil slicks RETIRED AONS I SCNOli nationwide spring offensive. 730 EOCEMONT BLVO APT 3 LANSING 445-0023 on Lake Lansing. That • ABBOT T ROBtRT B 1405 S HARRISON RO ROOM 204 372-1 Every SDS chapter in the left only Reggie, Big CHIEF COMMUNITY PROGRAMS 4508 XARLdOROuGH Ro OREMOS USOA FARM HJM AON 351-9289 state of Michigan was rep¬ •ABEOuR ALLAN J 44.7 AOMI Nl STR A T I UN SLUG 353-1 Alice and I, but even ASSISTANT OtRECTOR INSTRUC OVlP PROG resented, and both of them three dedicated revolu¬ 1667 f*ELROSE AVE EAST LANSING 351-5295 •ABEL OAISY M 110 ADMINISTRATION BLOG 355-! agreed that the moment had tionaries are better than SENIOR TELLER CASHIER 01V COMPTROLLERS Off 5954 801S HE OR HASlETT 339-2648 come to seize the time and ABEL LYLE take the revolution back to any number of hangars-on CO EXT ACT RETIREO COOP ERTENSlO* *165 EVEE RO CIRRHSTCN and pansy liberals. • ABEL E S NORMAN 207 STUOENT the streets where it belongs. PROFESSOR SERVICES BLOG 355-( But then our Committee PROFESSOR 4 ASST OIRECTOR PSYCHOLOGY The initial battle plan 953 ROSEMOOO EAST LANSING COUNSELING CTR approved by the two dele¬ on Streetfighting Tactics ASELL MARCELLE MME 337-0853 dissolved, because she had ASST APT PROFESSOR EMERITUS FOREIGN LANGUAGES gations called for massive to go M LES LUCUlES GRASSE A « FRANCE babysit, and Reggie • ABOLlNS MAS IS 303 PHVSICS ASTRONOMY BLOG 353-5 ASSOCIATE disruptions of business as kept whining about how it 220 LOREE OR PROFESSOR EAST LANSING PHYSICS 392-1331 • ABnUEL SEOUO usual, shutting down MSU, was his turn to * 0 ASSOClATt PROFESSOR 104 n RED/IE LAB NATURAL SCIENCE 355-4 forcing the U.S. to surren¬ formulate 421 HUICREST EAST LANSING 351-0425 doctrine and if I didn't ABRAHAMS ETTA C 290 ERNST BESSEY HALL 355-6 der the Bahamas and Puerto INSTRUCTOR AMER THGT & LANG let him he was 223 S FOSTER LANSING Rico to Cuba, and the re¬ going back •ABRAMCZV* RATHlEEN 3606 E MT HOPE RO EAST LANSING 484-8625 372-1 to the commune to BIOLOGICAL LAB TECHNICIAN USOA POULTRY LAB lease of every political watch 1020 PROSPECT APT 307 LANSING 489-1821 "Star Trek". Which • ABR AM SON PAUL R 327 S REDZIE HALL prisoner in the western just ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR POLITICAL SCIENCE 353-3 goes to show you how ir¬ *30 TRAFALGER LN tAST LANSING 351-0429 hemisphere. rational and childish •ABRUZZO "ICHAEL A GRAOUATE ASSISTANT 220 NATURAL SCIENCE BLOG 355-4 ZOOLOGY a Unfortunately, an ir¬ lot of the 426 ACRERMAN HARRY ABBOTT l RO EAST lit, LANSING LINTON HALL 337-0577 resolvable doctrinal split paper-mache, FEllOM INSTRUC MEDIA CTR 353-8 arose when the delegates bullshit, pseudo-radicals •ACRLIN t L FOOD t ANJR SERVICE T LANOON MANAGER CAFETERIA LANDON HALL .355-4 around here can tried to decide who was get (and ACTON 3009 WOOORUFF ELAINE E APT 9 LANSING 128 CHEMISTRY BLOG 487-3597 going to get the window besides, it was MY turn EXECUTIVE 4396 CKEMOS SECRETARY RO OREMOS BIOPHYSICS 353-0 to formulate doctrine). • ADAMS CAROLYN M 134 CHEMISTRY BLOG 349-3377 seats at Mac's, resulting 353-0 in a walkout by the entire Like, I don't know how SENIOR ACCOUNTING CLERK CHEMISTRY 2381 romley ro mlllIam$ton Kalamazoo Community College long the people can go on Charles m 2nd floor central services blog 655-2572 OFFSET PRESS OPERATOR I UNlv PRINT SERV 2 delegation. Further, two expecting us to be their R R clauoe BOX e 66 IAINGS8URG 390 administration bldg 651-5550 members of the ELans dele¬ voice if they don't give assistant 1313 E purchasing agent purchasing GREENLAmN AVE LANSING 482-3562 gation, Rudy Pomery and us a hand and make a AOAMS OONALO R assistant 2 36B NATURAL SCIENCE BLOG professor anatomy Naomi Glutz, left in a show COMMITMENT. One of these AOAMS ADMINISTRATIVE SECRETARY RRES10EN of solidarity with their days we just might hang it 1620 JAMES RIOGEMOOD OR L MMSB EAST LANSING TV 332-1020 Kalamazoo brothers and sis¬ all up, and then where SPORTS EDITOR RAOIO BRDCASTlNG SPORTS EDITOR *«S» TV ters, reducing our numbers would they be.... 2195 OONOVAN PLACE OREMOS -3004 JOICE L 208 ANTHONY HAll to five. But anyhow, the final SENIOR CLERR ANIMAL HUSBANDRY SENIOR CLERR POULTRY SCIENCE The new committee of the word for the nationwide 556 N HAGAOORN RO EAST LANSING 351-3032 LUCIlE G 101 AGRICULTURE whole decided on a revised spring offensive is a SECRETARY HALL AGR EXPT STATION 1750 HAMILTON RO OREMOS nationwide battle plan, cal¬ rally on May 1 between 2 M MAYNE 304 AGRICULTURE HALL 349-2395 PROFESSOR ling for the disruption of and 2:30 p.m. at Beaumont 4411 GREENMOOO OR OREMOS CROP & SOIL SCI 349-2027 rush-hour traffic on Grand Tower in protest. So start MARIAN CLERR EMMONS HALL BROOY COMPLEX River Ave., the shutdown of organizing and leafleting; 616 PAULINE tallDMOOD OR EAST L*NSING 291 ERNST BESSEY HALL 332-6073 INSTRUCTOR the Horticulture Bldg., 928 LANTERN HILL OR EAST LANSING AMER THGT I LANG 337-1003 ruth sending volunteers to Cuba k BIBL lOGRAPHER L IBRARIES R R to help with the sugar har¬ SARAh 1 BOX 117A A vest, and the release of RET IRED DORM L FOOD SER brother Morton Delp, still ALL POWER TO US a political prisoner in (THE PEOPLE) the Ferris Jail, awaiting (To be continued) Wally H. The Sgt. Pepper papers: Add a line from the Dylan song "Lay Lady, Well, after a week and a half of steady, agonizing research for the J.T., I've finally Lay": "...he's standing in front of you." come up with the Grand Scheme that will show Then look at who's standing in front of Adams. those pooh-poohing liberals once and for all See what I'm saying? It all comes clear just who's really running this imperialistic, now, right? Little did we know that Chaing butchering University. Kai-Shek would be so instrumental in picking I've had about enough of so-called Friends Wharton as MSU's new president, or that of the Revolution laughing in our faces when Chaing's brother-in-law, Dick Van Dyke, who we tell them the shocking TRUE FACTS about had dinner at the White House on May 13, 1968, Wharton being an Italian, Warren Huff being had already started Cliff's presidential Margaret Chase Smith in drag, and Pat Car- wheels in motion. rigan being her half-brother. But I'm get¬ For those of you who question this line of ting ahead of myself. reasoning, let me remind you who was on stage I first started developing the true organ¬ with George Harrison at the Madison Square izational chart for this murdering University Garden Bangladesh concert: none other than in the fall of 1969, when it was going around Bob Dylan. So the circle ccmes full round that Paul McCartney1d been offed. Of course and its pincers begin to be felt by our that was true. struggling brothers and sisters in Vietnam, Proof? Damned betcha I have proof. Re¬ by Bobby Seale, by Jerry Lee Lewis, and by member John and Yoko's "Two Virgins" album, Sirhan Sirhan. the one where they pose nude on the jacket? Back to the prophetic album cover. Notice who's waiting in the wings? Over on the far Well, if you look closely at that picture you'll see Paul's left testicle lying under right? Henry Ford II and Creighton Abrams, the bed, where it rolled to safety just as that's who. Yoko was about to nail it to the wall. Which explains, if I need spell it out for But, as I was saying, one day I was look¬ you, how John Cantlon came to be Provost, how Jack Breslin got busted from Secretary to ing at the Sgt. Pepper album cover, trying to Executive Vice President, and how Bob Green interpret the grave of Paul which appears on came to discover the secret of Wharton's it, when it all of a sudden struck me that Walter Adams was among the group of people tragic first marriage to Dorothy Arata. standing behind the Beatles there. Green, it's been common knowledge for years Of course this was just about the time is Tommy the Traveler, and it's likewise no Adams busted 132 of our black brothers and secret that he and Arata, acting on a tip sisters in the Wilson cafeteria, and I got from insider C.C. Killingsworth, were the narcs responsible for the spring, 1966, dope to thinking, "What are the Beatles trying to tell us here? Could it be that the Fab Four bust. is displaying, on that album cover, the true Now let's fit another piece into the puz¬ zle. Does anyone really still imagine it's power structure of Michigan State University?' I got out my magnifying glass and started nothing but coincidence that Harold Buckner, ASMSU Chairman for two years running, hails going over the record jacket more closely to see what I could tell about the other tyrants from Jackson? who rule MSU. What I saw there was shocking, Yes, the very same Jackson our old friend brothers and sisters, even though I have Robert Green "visited" only four days before Wharton's inauguration. That gala cost the always considered myself pretty unflappable when it comes to military-industrial-educa¬ students and workers of Michigan a cool tional complexes. $45,000, by the way. And then, only four months later, Buckner took the reigns of Standing right next to Adams was J. Edgar Hoover! Now some people might think, "So power at ASMSU and proceeded to solidify its what?" So J. Edgar Hoover put up the money role as the Administration's muscleman. for South Coincidence? It's pretty hard to overlook Complex, that's so what. cold facts like those, or like Buckner's Anybody who's ever heard the Badfinger (an Apple group) song "Come and Get It" "poker losses" to several highly-placed State (written by McCartney—or somebody using his News editors. It seems obvious, in light of name), and who can put two and two together, the Sgt. Pepper revelations, that Buckner has can figure that one out easily enough. been acting as the payoff man for Wharton, Cantlon, Perrin, and others in high adminis¬ trative positions at this University. It's also well known that Buckner had a sex-change operation two summers ago. From what to what is still a matter for conjecture. And speaking of Perrin, let's take a look at some of the evidence about the man who's become Wharton's Rasputin: everybody knows he worked for the Detroit Free Press in the 1950s which shows his phoney liberal colors. But it's a little-known fact that Perrin was the reporter assigned by the Free Press to cover the Nixon campaign for Vice President in 1956, a year in which the Free Press en¬ dorsed the Nixon-Eisenhower ticket, and that Nixon has been forever grateful to Perrin for this, and that Nixon himself personally called Wharton the night of January 14, 1970, to demand that Wharton hire Perrin to serve as the direct link between Nixon and MSU, the latter of which is extremely important in Nixon's game plan to send all our black brothers and sisters back to Alabama to get back at George Wallace for calling him "kinky-haired." Skeptics, you go on being skeptical, but : « SI S £§ 2 ask yourself this question: where"was Perrin when Nixon was eating breakfast with publish¬ ing boss John S. Knight—he owns the Free Press and 244 other rags around the country— last fall? Well? Was Perrin in Michigan that day? Don't know, do you? Well, I'll leave it to you to confirm all that, but the rest of us already know about running dog lackeys like Perrin. Now look right between Ringo and Paul. Whose is that right profile? Don't know, do you? Well, it's Van CIiburn, who you'll remember defected from Russia in the Fifties. He was on campus last year tickling the ivories. Well, what could that possibly have to do with anything, you're probably asking your¬ self. I'll tell you: Van C. was scheduled to have dinner at Cow's House before his concert but he "arrived late." that secret, he'll keep reaping. So far Actually, the briefing he'd been having with John Mitchell had run a little long be¬ Hughes/Winder has given him Nevada, Okemos, the Cleveland Indians, the Mormon Tabernacle cause the Attorney General'd had a lot of instructions for Wharton, including the Choir, Da Nang and the Beatles to insure his silence. trumped-up busts of our dope-smoking brothers See how this all ties together? It's a and sisters in and around the Commuter Lots dirty business, this university racket. If it (a move to discourage snooping around the bus weren't for the brothers and sisters of the kiosks out there, which are actually secret entrances to subterranean vaults containing Revolution, I think I'd give it up. For instance, take Chuck Will; now he gave jam-packed files on all our Democrat brothers me the poop about Winder. All it cost me was and sisters). dinner at Win Schuler's for him and his sheep, Anyway, after the "concert" (Van CIiburn and my word I'd never tell anybody where I got was actually miming the whole thing using a the story. That's the gratifying kind of ded¬ player piano) the young Cossack did repair ication to the Revolution that I go for. to Cow's House, where he was immediately What puzzled me the most about the album secreted away in the nether reaches of the cover was trying to figure out where it'd been president's mansion. taken, and when. It finally came to me that NOTE: One gets there by pinching the dorsal I'd seen the place before. And then I remem¬ fin on the Dali self-portrait and diving under bered. When I was a freshman. It all came the sleeping bag in the northwest guest room. back to me: the guy in the front row exposing Later the straight press accounts had it himself, the French horn covering the sprinkler that Ms. (pronounced miz) Wharton had served the fake palm, the weeds growing, and all the the "pianist" warmed-over lasagna—which has people. the ring of truth about it, since she is the daughter of Frank Sinatra and Nina Van Pal- I rushed to my yearbook and there it was, landt, an obscure Danish folk singer—and, all right. The same picture. It had been that Dr. (pronounced durrr) Wharton had made taken at the Academic Council on the occasion small talk with him. of the formal ceding of Nigeria to MSU, which This last is true in a way: if one can coincided with the University being assigned think of a discussion about the placement of its own "sister" Air Force base in Turkey, a Minuteman missle in the "smokestack" of the which coincided with the birth of John Hannah's Power Plant as small talk. ninth son (now known as Ronald Regan), which Some readers will already have noticed that coincided with University Attorney Leland the hand over Paul McCartney's head on the Carr's first flattop, which coincided with a album cover is John Cantlon's; he seems to be report from our man in Saigon Wesley Fishel of going down for the third time. And he hadn't a new record body count for that date, which even been named Provost at that time. coincided with Jack Breslin finally passing The presence of Scoop Jackson in the back HPR 105 row, only two spots away from Florence King, is significant in terms of the "celebrated Mr. K" and in terms of Duffy Daugherty owning Jacobson's, every Yankee store in Michigan, the Lackawanna Railroad, and Charles Chamber- Wilbur Brookover's stern visage peering at you portends the rift between Arny Werner and Adams, due to the former's refusal to be bul¬ lied into giving the latter's book a positive review in the former's column, which is no great surprise in light of the fact that Bar¬ ney White, editorial editor of the State News (Werner's editor) commanded the 101st Airborne Division in Vietnam in 1965-66. OK, now check the third guy from the left end of the second row. Give up? That's Clarence Winder, dean of the College of Social Science. Doesn't look a bit like Winder, does it? The reason for that is Winder is actually Howard Hughes. As long as Clair White keeps qjqaa am uqjjdm A// Crossi Am plannina an extended visit Tired of illicit sex, to gambling, Canada. Must sell what the vulgarity and sin. Visit the University has not already taken. free DeoDles' church, A. Ballard Draft card is free. Call pastor. (If you're not, visit Randy 555-0001. 1515 Moose Lake Cabins, A. Ballard, owner.) State Mews city editor wants Free Anqela Davis. uninhibited female to helo raise Free Bobby Seale. Free Soviet Jews. Cain. Call 355-8252. Free the U.S. Free the world. Free the Universe. Ads pay for this paper so the next tine you're caught with term paoer, a bogus tell the 'U' that Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh U II bet you;re wondering why you saw the term paper ad in • the Joint Tissue. Chuckle.96' thC ~ °Ut of here') Are you tired of Anyone interested in forming a up you are? hearing now messed small orgy, call me. Call me and for a Brinq very modest fee, your own Mazola oil. One time I'll tell you how wonderful deal. Call Larrowe at 555-6003. you are Call Perrin at 553-0012. Am sellinq my library. Cheap, Lost. Rare sequined and hardly used book (I onlu colored jeweled pastie. Need it Mickey and Pluto). Ronald Reagan's desperately for Wanted—persons interested in Oeative Society. 555-8164. "V act. Reward. Call D. Arata. starting the revolution in Science. Down with exploiters Poultry of chickens! Call 555-8415. Mickey wrist watches—almost as groovey as Mickey Mouse wrist watches. By the dozen: $1.38. Contact G. Thomas, 533-0969. Needed. One six foot coed to help with fetish. Ankle pinching. Be o Grasshopper! HELEN HERNIA'S Call 553-8164 after 9 a.m. HEALTH Left Off FOOD HINTS Term Papers Tired of the same old drag? The The Green Dread Bakery in Lansino system making you book and fake your has just opened up with 650 way through papers when you'd rather be out smokin' different wavs of making dough— dope or getting into from students. The a good interpersonal proDrietor, relationship? Then fight back with Left Rudolf Bunkerschidz, told me that Off. the secret to truly organic bread- Smash the repressive military-uni¬ making is to "kneaa it with un¬ versity complex complex and route the running dogs of washed thumbs and then let it sit educational on the windowsill for three lackeydom with our vast spring sel¬ weeks.' ection of new and used term papers. A good source of pure We offer the widest protein is selection east in the hide of Alsatian mountain of Eaton Rapids, at a cost even qoats. If your store doesn't students can afford: only $9.99 a stock them, .-just send me $5 and page for used term papers($10.99 in Canada) and $19.99 a page for I'll tell you v/here to go to find papers written to order. all the Alsatian mountain goats And don't you can eat. forget, kids, you can make BIG BUCKS ANOTHER SATISFIED writing for Left Off. That old term paper laying around your dorm room is Soecial organic dirt is now available CUSTOMER worth up to 10C a page, and we from the Dirt Shoppe in Lansing. Oliver "Stretch" pay up to a phenominal 50( a This dirt is certified "not pro¬ Kowalski, if you are page Boyne City sophomore and willing to write ori¬ duced with any fertilizers or former star forward with ginal stuff to order. Imagine dangerous insecticides and other the Okemos Owls, says: the money you can make...biggest chemicals. Only $3 a nound. Great "Left Off Termpapers is profits this side of dealing for the all-out orqanic farmer. a good thing...thanx to dope...you may even be able to * * * them I managed to pay your way through school get a Tree limbs make delicious 1.8 overall and retain writing for Left Offii: appetizers. my Cook under a low flame for eligibility. Thank heaven Remember, you're always in for thirty a good deal at Left Off, and we're seconds, then sautee as desired. for Left Off:!" always happy to deal ya. A 30-foot oak will serve 20 people. paijissoo arren e were Dear Joint Tissue folks: Lo! Next a pair of ragged levis flew over the top of the stall. Wowl I I must share with all of you (for nearly freaked—but the worst was yet is not sharing the one true precept to come, for as I was trying to decide of the man or woman of the people?) whether to zip up and make a break for the most mind-blowing, ego-rending, the door, a shaggy glob of hair also heart-throbbing rush I've had since flew over the door. I snorted a double pinch of Dr. Rum- Great Gawd, I said, they're skin- ney's Mentholyptus snuff. A really ing the master alive! And taking far out trip, no kidding. You see, myself in hand I lept forward and it happend this way.... ripped the door wide open (as opposed I was truckin1 my way home from to off). a meeting of the Radical Rutabaga I couldn't have been more sur¬ Society ( we must end vegetable op¬ I pression) when I had an urge for a prised if Spiro had a been in there talkin' to Abbie Hoffman—and that's smoke—tobacco even. Beins as how no stuff. In fact, there was no I am a man of the people (right on) and beins as how my food stamps stuff, but standing there, big as don't life and twice as nasty (and that's cover Kools, and beins as how I was mighty nasty.), glasses askew, pipe passing Kellogg Center when I got my urge, I decided to sorta fall in and in hand, was WARREN HUFF—Super scout the ashtrays and see if I could Trustee. find any real action. Like a gram of coke and kitty Well, to make a long story short, litter it hit me: FLASH... Chuck I didn't have much luck on the first Will is Warren Huff with a fake floor though I did get hung up on a beard! finger smear on the candy counter Well, the rush was so heavy (I for a while (all the outasight greens haven't had anything that heavy since and yellows and reds and whirTs and we poked a hole in Mary Sharp's ice¬ fingerprints--wow) but my trip was box and snorted the freon) that I busted by a cab driver who shouldered musta blacked out. When I came to me out of the way to score some cough I was alone save for the gentle drip- drops. drip of the water in the urinal. Suddenly I looked up and—there Now I know I haven't any proof. he was. Mr. Radical, Heavy Rush Chuck But I know it happened—after all, I Will himself] Wow! can see things that aren't even there Well, I knew good things were in so you know I must be heavy at seein' store because I'd heard of the mir¬ things what are. acles he'd performed (water into ouzo, Anyway, it makes sense. The great raising Wilbur Brookover from the one, giving of himself, yea, sacri¬ dead, and so on) so I followed him ficing his very beard for the people just to see if some of them good vibes so we can have an UNDERCOVER RADICAL would rub off on me. the on benighted board of trustees! Well, the first thing you know, Well, JT people, I have to end here Chuck turned into the Men's Room (the 'cause every time I think of it I just name of which displays yet another get off so hard that I have to change symbol of our male chauvinist society). my clothes—Wow. Can you dig it??!! I hesitated a moment, unsure, but (And to think I'm the only man—but taking heart I rushed in (course, I'd it could just as easily have been a been rushing all day anyway, heh heh, woman, you chauvinists—to ever have —if you get my meaning, if you catch the privilege of witnessing the Great my drift). Conversion.) At first I didn't see anyone, but Well, folks, I just had to spread then I noticed scrambling sounds com¬ the Good News to you, but I gotta ing out of the nearer stall. Keeping close now, cause I got other preach¬ my cool, I sauntered up to the nearest ing to do. urinal and tried to look natural while keepin' my eye on the suspicios stall. Peace, love, groove, heavy, etc. Well, all of a sudden this work shirt flops over the top of the stall door. Now, I thought, that was mighty B.H. strange (though no stranger than what I've taught my cat to do with a roach clip) but I resolved to keep watch. DRINK •neoflVVHV TREE FROG 3D OF (TOE.WlfcWWU .. Uiotteeie^NO'meie-' BEER mWTORftli' TOUKtRFGGP: J # ********** Govt controlls Congress!! Did you know that Congress newsnaoer that isn't con¬ What about the Con¬ is controlled by the govern¬ trolled by anyone ran into ■ ment? his gressmen? Did you know Congressman in the Dost that Nixon invited the office. Of course the leaders of the U.S. That's right—the voice of Conaressman shook hands with him. senate to go to China? the peode and all that bull Then our reoort- He wouldn't let them is actually Dart of the sane er noticed a Dicture on go if they weren't on his consDiracy that got us into the wall, "Do you know war and is who that is, Chuck?" side, right? And you know supressing blacks Nixon says he's always and Chicanos in the countrv. (Of course, the media don't "Sure," said the Con¬ meeting with Congress¬ men. What for? Don't say anything about it, but aressman, "that's Mix- think the ones JT is fearless.) on.' running for office are One day a fearless re¬ Howl Vie mean, how any better porter from fearless would a —they're all Congress¬ our Congressman know men too, or once were. a thing like that unless he Joint Tissue will was a part of Nixon's keep you fully informed consDiracy? He doesn't about this Dlot read JT (We know—we so you won't wake up one searched his waste bas¬ day and be surprised to ket) so he could have only find Bob Griffin learned the truth in Wash¬ pointing a gun in your face and ington. And you know say¬ what's in Wash.? The ing, "Surprise! we're Pentagon! And who are taking over!!" they in cahoots with? Nixon! So the Congress¬ man is a tool of the mil¬ itary-industrial plex. com¬ From now on we RECYCLE JIM BROWN cross the street when¬ ever we see him. Famous Radicals School • YOU TOO CAN HAVE Do you often feel the NON-NEGOTIABLE DEMANDS! • a Molotov cocktail and trash the urge to pick up city library? Do you sometimes think that you could write manifestos as Marx or Engles? good as Do you have the urge to get up on a soapbox and heart's content? demigogue to your If your answer was "yes" to any of the above guestions, then it is possible that you too are one of the many people who possess hidden "radical talent"!!! Yes, good anarchists are made, not born. The distinguished members of our Guiding Faculty have banded together to give all people the selves were lucky training they them¬ enough to receive- but without the tear gas, messy complications of blood and prison sentences! Yes, with the Famous Radicals School special eighty-seven point plan for Revolutionary Thinking, you can in the privacy of your own home become rabid leftest. a famous, Rush the coupon below to us today to receive ABSOLUTELY FREE your own copy of Phase One of the Famous Radicals School curriculum entitled "The Match and How to Use It." Yes, I want to be a famous radical like the members of the Guiding Faculty. RUSH me ABSOLUTELY FREE my copy of "The Match and How to Use It" and the contract for the OUR GUIDING FACULTY 32-week, 87-point plan, $999.99 course. Standing, left to right: B. Devlin, F. Castro, J. Rubin, H. Brown, A. Hoffman. Seated, left to right: E. Cleaver, M. Tse-tung, D. Berrigan address